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Updated: Jan 11, 2021 182 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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I bought this hat for myself last year in red and still really like it — it's soft but warm, looks cute, and it's hard to beat the price of $15.

A month or so after I bought it, I saw an almost identical one from Free People on sale at Nordstrom and figured, hey, I'll upgrade because I wear this cheap one so much — and while I've kept both, I find myself reaching more for the affordable one this season.

The faux fur pom is detachable but has stayed on pretty well — I only take it off if I wash it (in the delicate cycle in a sweater bag).

There are 13 colors available for $14.99 each, or you can get a two-pack deal for $21.99. Nice.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Warning: petty, gossipy post ahead. Collapse if you’re not into it!

    Anyone else pleased that Ivanka and Jared are rapidly losing any residual social cachet they still had? I couldn’t help snorting at this funny Daily Kos article about how their Upper East Side friends are finally dropping them like hot potatoes. This week has been shocking, sad, and traumatizing and gallows humor is helping me through a little bit.

    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2021/1/7/2006984/-In-wake-of-Capitol-siege-radioactive-Ivanka-and-Jared-are-losing-their-few-remaining-friends

      • Ellen

        My Grandma Trudy says that the Bible says that “the Sins of the Fathers should not be visited upon the children”, meaning that even tho President Trump may be vilified, his family, specifically Ivanka, should not. I’ve always admired Ivanka, b/c she has always been very well meaning, and she also is always well put together. Otherwise how else could she have snagged Jared Kushner, who by the way also had a dad who got into legal troubles.

        Therefore, we should NOT be petty and vilify them as they are only guilty of having a father, or father in law who are dooshes. I am sure that some people on this website have dooshey parents, but we still are accepting of them! So let’s start off 2021 on a positive note and not vilify Ivanka and Jared for having dooshey fathers. If we can do this, we are better people for so doing. YAY!!!

    • No Face

      All of the Trumpers sowed terrible things, and I am glad they are reaping in very public ways. Wished this could have happened without a deadly insurrection and uncontrolled pandemic, but I will savor this silver lining.

    • Anonymous

      Lol I love this: “Oh, they were complicit. The fact that they didn’t stuff Donald Trump in a flour sack with a litter of suckling hyenas the second he started talking about running for president is evidence enough, and everything that’s happened since has tarnished their reputations—such as they were—for all eternity.” PERFECT use of “such as they were.”

    • ArenKay

      Oh I am HERE for this all day. I keep having fantasies about public social shunning of Trumps, because they are all such awful shallow people that in some ways this is the worst punishment for them. (Not to say that I do not want them to suffer all legal and financial consequences they’ve earned; that too!)

      • JGC

        Yes – enjoyed Squeeze Me! Different from what I usually read – heard about the book from this site earlier : ).

  2. Senior Attorney

    Wow, I really like that confetti teal colorway! Too bad I live in So Cal and need a warm hat like I need a hole in the head!

  3. happy anon

    A dear friend just told me that she is pregnant! I am thrilled for her, but I don’t know the first thing about pregnancy. She lives in another state, so I’m asking the hive for how I can support her from afar. She has always been there for me in ups and downs, but I’m struggling to figure out how I can be there for her without physically being there. Her and her husband’s parents both live nearby, so she has a lot of familial support already.

    • anon

      Send a card saying you’re excited for her and would love to be there for her. Ask how she’s feeling, physically and emotionally. Then talk to her like she’s still her own independent grown-up woman who exists outside of being pregnant and still has interests and thoughts that aren’t about the baby. Or listen if she wants to talk about the baby–but I really appreciated friends who talked to me about work, books, TV shows, politics, my favorite restaurants, or whatever we talked about before I had a kid. Some people (and in my experience, especially excited family members) treat a pregnant woman like a baby carrier without her own brain.

      • anonshmanon

        this. My bff once told me that Mother’s day cards often make her feel like she is being reduced to that role, and she appreciates that I still talk about hobbies, public engagement and the things we always talked about.

    • Curious

      In case it’s helpful, here’s where I am:

      My sister asked me a bunch of questions like:
      When are you due?
      How are you feeling?
      When did you find out?
      Have you thought about names?

      And it made me feel like she was really excited, even more than we are (still early, still high miscarriage risk and I had one last fall).

      Now she checks in on and off to see how I’m doing and also just keeps up with sending dog videos and rant texts about whatever. It’s a perfect mix. I really appreciate the checking in because the nausea and exhaustion are rough, so it’s nice to be able to gripe a little.

    • Anon

      I am newly pregnant and have only shared with a few close family members and friends. Asking her questions that let her know you are happy/excited for her, asking how she is feeling, and maybe sending her a little something to let her know you are thinking of her would likely all be well-received. As for me, I am feeling crappy during the first trimester, so something comforting like a soft blanket to curl up with would be a welcome gift, but you know your friend best as to what she would personally enjoy.

      • Curious

        Hi friend, feeling crappy right here with you :) Best wishes for finding something you can stomach consistently more than 1 day in a row.

        • Anon

          Thanks for the commiseration. I have always heard how crappy and rundown you can feel, but having never experienced it myself, it is still kicking my butt. Honestly, never letting my stomach get empty by eating every 2 hours seems to be the best thing. Not sure if you will see this, but if you are super nauseous, a huge game changer for me was buying Vitamin B6 25 mg tablets and taking them 3x per day with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I’m still queasy, but not I’m-about-to-hurl nauseous since I started this.

          • Curious

            Just caught this! B6 helped at first and then stopped, but I was only taking it in the morning. I like the idea of spreading it through the day. Thank you!

      • Ellen

        If you are newly pregnant, I applaud you for being able to conceive during the pandemic. I am so petrified of getting COVID that it would be impossible for me to be able to fathom having a man regularly haveing sex with me for the purpose of conceiveing a baby. Even men who in ordinary times would be viewed as major catches by my family are repulsive to me when I must visualize them on top of me, even tho that is required for proper conception of a baby. I do still hope to have a baby as soon as the COVID is behind us, so I need to find a counselor to assist me in making such a transition to physical relationships with men after I find one suitable for marrage. Wish me luck!

    • ElisaR

      a little thing i do is set the due date in my calendar so you know when it’s coming up and you contact her “one month away, so exciting!” or “last trimester, you got this!” texts always seem appreciated.

      • AnonATL

        this is definitely thoughtful to check in at the end, especially for a first time mom with lots of nerves. Just don’t veer into the “is she/he here yet?” “I bet you are about to pop” territory.
        Like yes I feel like a blimp and I’m ready for it to come out already! You don’t need to remind me…
        Otherwise I had a family member send me bump boxes each trimester. I think they are a little expensive, but it was sweet and had some nice goodies.

    • happy anon

      Thank you for these ideas! I’m thinking fuzzy socks because I know her husband just got her the Barefoot Dreams blanket for her birthday. I’ll also pick up a card today as well to mail to her. I know she loves letters.
      And the reminder to keep talking about non-pregnancy things as well is helpful – she knows I’m intentionally childfree, so I really don’t want to come across like I don’t care about her journey to motherhood. I’ll love her baby to pieces, but I just don’t want one of my own.

    • Seafinch

      I calendarize important milestones and know the day of the week my friends move up a week:
      12-13 weeks/first trimester (lots of screening is wrapped up this week and the first trimester ends)
      18-20 weeks is usually an important anatomy scan, End of second trimester, sex is revealed (if not done in early screening)
      24 weeks: known as V-Day, viability day, was always a big deal for me
      24-26 weeks- third trimester begins, glucose test and lots of baby prep.
      Due Date

  4. Anon

    Anyone have tips about how not to get demoralized while job hunting? I’ve been searching for 18 months with no luck. Granted I’m looking for a unicorn job (in house remote) but I haven’t even made it to the final rounds in any of my interviews. I’m starting to think it’s hopeless and I’ll be stuck in my current awful role forever. :/

    • Shelle

      I had a long job hunt coming out of grad school, about 1-2 years. A couple things helped me get through it. The silly thing that helped me was putting gold star stickers on a chart for every job I applied to. It kept me motivated when I just didn’t have the willpower to apply for yet another job, if you’re starting to struggle with keeping up the momentum. You could give yourself little rewards when you reach X applications or Y interviews. It also helped me to have everything about my search checked out by a trusted colleague, including reading through my resume and doing mock interviews. Maybe a career service could help you with that if you’re unsure if there is an actual issue with your application process (though it might just take time and luck). I remember wondering if I would ever have a full time job again. That thought is so common but I’m sure you recognize this too shall pass. Keep it up and good luck to you!

  5. Anon for this

    Warning: Covid exposure talk for those that don’t want to participate (totally fine, it’s exhausting)
    My husband has potentially been exposed to someone who has tested positive. He was only in contact with this person for maybe a minute. It was ironically a temperature screener. Both individuals were masked. And before anyone hates on him, it was related to the military. They summoned so he really didn’t have a choice in the matter. It was not any national guard duty related to the riots occurring.
    So my question is: is it overkill to be acting as if we have been exposed?
    My current plan is 1) stay home. 2) keep him sequestered in the guest room and hall bath.
    3) keep the baby away from him. 4)get tested early next week
    If we are both negative at that point, do we need to stay home for the remaining 14 days and keep baby home from daycare?
    The interaction doesn’t meet the CDCs definition of a direct contact, but I’m spooked and trying to be cautious, especially with the baby and daycare. I’d hate to get any of those little kids/teachers sick.
    I’m super peeved his leadership put him in this position and exhausted thinking about the next two weeks already.

    • Anonymous

      His contact was masked and less than 15 minutes. It’s possible but unlikely that it was enough to give him Covid. He should get tested around 3-4 days and then around 10 days after exposure. I’d probably have him avoid kissing/cuddling you or the baby until the first negative test.

      FWIW I’m in a Canadian area with no community spread that is crazy cautious about stuff and based on my current understanding of our rules (which are very risk based), his risk is pretty low.

      • Anonymous

        Can you ask his doctor or yours? I think all of the conjecture of those on the Internet is nothing but that and not the right way to make these sorts of important decisions. (Recently someone gave the advice that it was OK for someone in Covid quarantine to get mail in an apartment building with shared elevator, etc, so long as she wore an N95–that advice was totally bad. )

    • Anonymous

      I think that that momentary exposure is nowhere like the 30 minutes that you need to count as official exposure.

      I had 15 minutes of direct exposure (within 6 feet talking but masked) but also 8+ hours together in an open plan office (murkier for shared air) and interactions in the hallway and by printer and bathroom. I went home and quarantined and kept separate from my family until testing negative.

      But this to me is no different than passing a stranger in the grocery store. They might be + but you never know.

    • Anon

      I don’t thin it is an overreaction at all, especially given the cdc now recommends 7 to 10 days of quarantine for potential exposure since the vast majority of infections show up in that time period. Your husband sticking to a bedroom and his own guest room, and wearing a mask when he passes through the rest of the house is a drop in the bucket in time to keep you guys healthy.

      • anonshmanon

        small correction: they still recommend 14 days if possible, but they hope that 7-10 days will be more feasible for people, so that’s an alternative recommendation. They explicitly stated that knowledge about incubation time hasn’t changed, but that they hope to achieve greater compliance with the shorter period, at the price of a slightly higher risk.

      • Ellen

        With all of the people passing by me on the street and in stores, it is likeley that I have been exposed to people that I don’t even know of. Yet, I have never felt sick or had simptom’s for COVID, and I only got tested for Anti-bodies when I had my checkup with my OB-GYN in May and was negative. I do not visit my family so I do not feel any need to get tested, as I could get COVID by waiting on lines just to get tested! Am I wrong? Should I waste time and energy getting tested for no reason? I am not haveing any s-x, but if I wanted to, I would test, and have the man who wanted to have s-x with me get tested before I let him have s-x with me, even if it were not face to face. That is the smart thing to do.

    • Anonymous

      I think him not seeing his own child in his own home for 14 days over this is full blown insanity. This isn’t exposure. It’s not contact. This is like a supermarket cashier or the person who hands you take out except you’d never even know they tested positive.

        • Anonymous

          Calling this “full-blown insanity” is so needlessly cruel. You can make your point in a not-quite-so-unhinged way. We are all doing the best we can to navigate the advice we’re receiving from public health officials and to protect our own families. OP, do NOT feel ashamed for asking this and please ignore the gratuitous cruelty from people like this.

    • Anon

      My husband works at the Pentagon in an essential role. The Pentagon is a cramped warren of rooms with desks on top of desks and the whole building is just one giant petri dish. People who spend an entire 12 hour workday 3 ft away from my husband have had it and he hasn’t gotten it. (And he is tested constantly because of his role, so we’re positive he hasn’t had it.) While yes, the virus is contagious, the 40 seconds necessary for a temp screener to screen you, if you’re both masked, is not cause for all the hoops you’re planning on jumping through.

    • No Face

      Personally, we would stay at home, but I would not sequester him or keep the baby away because the burden would be too great for such a tiny “exposure.”

      • Anon

        I’d say home, but more b/c community spread is such a sh*tshow where I live. I feel like only having glancing contact with people (cashier, takeout) is the way to go. I’m not going to be in the presence of others except for 2 in-office workdays/month going forward. [The office has a door and very high ceilings; also, I only wear exam masks now as the max planck thingie suggests that they are much more protective.]

      • No Face

        Just to add, I would not actually be worried about having COVID with this level of interaction. I just think if you know for a fact that you were around someone with COVID, you should stay at home for 10 days.

        • OP

          Thats why I think it’s different than a rando I pass in the grocery store having it. Once you know you’ve potentially been exposed, you have a moral obligation to keep those around you safe.
          Sure maybe I’m still overreacting by isolating him in the house (and I am reconsidering that and the baby), but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to stay home and get tested.

    • Anonymous

      What kind of masks? I’m very conservative on COVID, but if you were both wearing medical-grade masks, I wouldn’t count this as an exposure. I might feel differently if you were wearing buffs or poorly fitting cloth masks.

    • Anonymous

      I am super COVID-cautious, and with this degree of exposure even I wouldn’t be terribly worried. I’d probably have him stay in the guest room and hall bath for several days just to be safe. However, I probably wouldn’t want him to get tested unless he developed symptoms. I think the odds of his being exposed during the test are greater than the odds that he caught it from the temperature screener. Disclaimer: I am not an expert and this is just my personal risk calculus. YMMV.

      That said, I do think the 15 or 30 minutes within 6 feet definitions of exposure are too narrow. It defies logic and common sense to think that kids who spend 7 hours cooped up in a poorly ventilated classroom, for example, aren’t breathing the same air unless they are within 6 feet of each other.

    • anon

      I think it is probably overreacting to treat this as an exposure/direct contact. Both individuals were masked, and it was for less than one minute. I have to work in person everyday, and I assume I’ve had dozens of less-than-one-minute, mutually masked interactions with Covid positive people. I still have to come to work, and I still send my kid to daycare. Anyone else sending their kids to daycare know they’re doing so with the risk that those kids’ parents have one-minute, mutually masked interactions with people who may have Covid.

      I would (1) keep whatever childcare arrangements you have in place, (2) have him fully participate in taking care of the baby and the family, (3) stay home, other than for work and childcare and outdoor walks and essential trips, because that’s what people should be doing anyways, and (4) monitor for symptoms.

      • Cat

        +1

        I assume that I have had quick, masked interactions with Covid positive people since I do go in public occasionally (grocery store, dr’s office, temp screeners, outdoor waitstaff, etc) and based on the statistics… it seems extremely unlikely any other way.

    • Anonymous

      If he’s military, will he even be allowed to quarantine for this exposure? If he’s Guard, will his employer allow him to WFH?

    • Anonymous

      With the new COVID variant making its way around, I’d definitely play it safe and be responsible. It’s never been easier to catch COVID than it is at this moment.

      • Anon

        I agree with this. OP if you’re inclined to be super cautious, good for you. It’s not like community spread is hardly a problem anymore. The truth is, many people are never able to identify how they caught it.

        I don’t know why so many people are so heavily invested in telling anyone more cautious than they are that they are crazy, but the proof is in the numbers, and the numbers aren’t good at all right now. (And getting worse… you know, exponentially)

    • Dahlia

      I would not count this. Less than 1 minute, both masked. If this was an exposure every single health provider would be constantly in quarantine! I would not change anything except be super vigilant with masking and get tested. If you remain asymptomatic I do not think you need to quarantine.

      As an MD, I wouldn’t even be a candidate for testing at my institution for this- it wouldn’t count as an exposure.

  6. Undervalued and grumpy

    TLDR: If said in a professional tone and backed up with data, is it ever okay to tell your manager that you feel you are underpaid and undervalued?

    I’ve had the same title for 5 years despite an “internal promotion” and increasing job duties. Last year, a person with less relevant experience, less responsibility and less productivity (verifiable with hard data, even controlling for the difference in tenure) was hired with the same title and 25% higher compensation than me. I’ve never been told my performance was lacking – quite the opposite. My boss has told me directly that they fear I will leave and that’s a big reason why the new hire was made. I was also told by them that a title boost may be warranted but they “promised New Hire that she and I would be on the same level so I need to wait.” I have a suspicion that I’m not being granted the title boost because if I had the title that aligned with my duties then I might be attractive to other companies – though I could be paranoid at this point. Title stuff is so superficial but annoyingly does matter in my field.

    Any advice?

    • Anonymous

      Ask for compensation match now. Hiring her at that rate establishes it as the going rate for your position title at your company. After you have that ask for a title boost. Like if you are a biologist and you want the director of biological sciences title but you know you won’t get it then ask for a ‘senior biologist’ or ‘managing biologist’ or whatever title. They can tell her that the compensation is the same which is what they meant by having you both at the same level.

    • Anon

      Have you at least been compensated with increasing job duties? And no, you did not receive an internal promotion, they just gave you more responsibility. It sounds like your boss straight up told you they hired your replacement at more money, and are just waiting for you to leave. They have no intention of promoting you.

      I think you know you need to leave, this is me affirming that yes, you should leave. They have insulted your more than once with excuses and passively aggressively (but clearly) told you that you have no future there. Please listen.

      • Anon

        +3 My sister got VP level responsibilities but not the title or pay “temporarily” because they explained to her very earnestly that they were reevaluating titles and compensation, and she would be taken care of once that was complete. Then they hired a dude with less experience and responsibility than she had with the VP title. She left. They’ve been trying to get her back for years, but she will never go. A ton of knowledge and connections walked out the door with her that they’ve never been able to rebuild.

        • Anon

          PS this is not always a woman thing, but read the stories on here. It’s very often a woman thing. Unless you vote with your feet one way or another, it will never change.

    • Anon

      I have had this difficult conversation before with my boss when I found out a new hire with 5 years less experience than me was coming in out-earning me. It was uncomfortable, but I knew that if this was not addressed, I would start resenting my work, so I took the plunge. I’m sure others here will tell you that it is a bad idea, but it worked for me. I told my boss what I had learned and asked him to explain to me the reason for the discrepancy. I also came out and said that I knew I did good work, that my reviews were always high, and that learning something like made me feel incredibly undervalued. He asked me what would make this right for me (be prepared for that question) and told me he would look into it. Later that week, I received a large pay increase. How this is handled is very dependent on your whether your company/firm values you specifically or long-term employees, your industry, your boss, and the culture of where you work, but in my case, my boss made it right. It sounds like in your case, this conversation could go in your favor if you are aware they fear you leaving. If you are either unwilling to have this conversation or know it will go nowhere, your two options are finding a way to make peace with it or finding a new job. Good luck.

      • Ellen

        I have had different expereinces, some good, some bad. My earliest jobs got me discriminated against b/c I was a woman, but would not let men pinch me or have s-x with me. I stayed on those jobs for the expereince. The timing for my current job was lucky, as I had those other jobs under my belt when the manageing partner met me in his building when I was serveing subpeenies, and the good news is that I have not been asked to do anything sexist @ work, nor have the men imposed their will on me to have s-x or anything even close. So hang in there and you will find a place like I have to be sucessful. YAY!!!

      • Anon

        I recommend asking. I was underpaid and sucked it up and asked for more money (actually I applied for another job that I knew would pay more). I got more money and am really happy I stayed. I got promoted about a year after the increase and was really glad i had taken that first step to get my pay corrected because we give percentage increase for promotions.
        But I was willing to leave. If you’re willing to leave, there is no harm in asking (even better if you have somewhere to go!).

    • Anon

      If the new person is a man, you should absolutely say something. I mean, you should anyway.

    • comp and title

      Ugh, this sucks. I had a similar situation at a previous company, and my boss went to the mat for me for two years before I finally left. I was fighting for a director title and she came back with senior manager. I was fighting for the substantial pay increase that would’ve come with the director title, she came back with half that amount as a raise for the senior manager title. She straight up told me I should start looking after the second round of fighting for the director title because she knew I wouldn’t get the title and money I deserved. I started job hunting and ended up with an offer elsewhere for a nearly 40% raise in comp. After I left, the company hired 3 people to replace me, and the CEO kept talking about how I did things, how I had all the answers, etc., to the point that another exec had to tell them to stop doing that, because it was hurting morale and credibility of the new hires. I’m now making triple what I was making when I started at that company, with full support for my next promotion and sharing my voice as an expert in my field. Find a company that values you, in both title and comp. This company is not it.

  7. Vicky Austin

    Can we do a silly thread? This tweet has been making me crack up laughing for two days straight:
    https://twitter.com/Joanna__Hardy/status/1346362003309408256

    I swear my husband sleepily yelled at me once that all the postal workers needed to be gender neutral, which he categorically denies. My dad is famous for having informed his brother, “shut up, I’m a fiddlemaker.”

    What weird things have you heard people say in their sleep? Or, what has been making you laugh this week, across the board?

    • Anon

      I live alone, so there’s no telling what I’ve yelled, but I once had a dream that my boss prohibited post-it notes. Good Lord, I’m boring!

    • ollie

      I love this so much. I apparently once sleep-yelled at my husband “this farm SUCKS!” Also he’s a professor, and a few months ago I heard him leading a class discussion in his sleep.

    • No Face

      Once, while falling asleep on the couch, I suddenly yelled “MOMMYYYY!!!” My husband and I were very confused.

    • Anonymous

      I always have absolutely insane, twisted, and bizarre dreams, like really freaky stuff with demons and creatures and plane crashes, and one time I heard my husband sleep talk and say “I like how the dog has a kite.” Wish I could have a dream like that…

    • Anon

      My growna-s husband yelled out “Don’t worry… I’m a scientist!!” about a year ago, which is a line from Ghostbusters, a childhood favorite but not-recently-watched film for him. I don’t know the movie that well so when I quoted the line he called out asking WTF it was, he was somewhere between embarrassed and proud.

    • Cat

      I am a very vivid dreamer and can usually remember them pretty well. My least favorite is when I have a work dream that is so very realistic that I wake up confused at whether I actually finished an assignment or not, or whether I invented work in my head.

      My husband tells me I was asking about what would happen with the buffalo the other night….

    • Skipper

      My partner recently shouted “the wizards are here! run from the wizards.”

    • Senior Attorney

      Ha, my husband does stuff like this only it’s when he’s falling asleep. So we’ll be talking in the dark and I think he’s still awake, and then all of a sudden he’ll say something completely out of left field like “the reply isn’t file-stamped.”

      • Anonymous

        My husband sometimes says weird things while falling asleep. If I ask “Are you awake?” he will reply “Yes!”

        • Ellen

          I wish I could tell husband stories; the closest I got was with my ex Alan, who thought only of themself and never did anything to please their girlfreinds like me. PTOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      I hate chaperoning Girl Scout trips and the like where I have to sleep in the same room as other people because I occasionally talk in my sleep or wake up screaming.

    • PNW

      Great thread (and that tweet cracked me up as well).

      My husband once rolled over on the couch and muttered “Teapots. You never can tell”. It’s a family catchphrase now.

    • Anon

      My now ex husband woke up but wasn’t awake and was talking gibberish. I asked “are you awake?” and he said “yes.”

      I said “ok what’s my name?” And he answered “Janet.”

      That’s not my name.

      Did I mention he’s my ex husband?

    • Anonymous

      Oh, I have another one – my best friend’s husband rolled over, looked at her, and (while asleep), said “someone’s coming but not who you want.” I don’t think she could fall asleep after that.

    • Abby

      A few weeks into college, my roommate was up late working on a paper and had all the lights on because I had told her I’m a heavy sleeper. I sat up at 2 am, yelled a bunch of Chinese at her, and laid down and went back to bed. She didn’t tell me for days because she thought I was actually really mad at her.

      • Vicky Austin

        omfg that’s the best possible thing to do in your sleep! your poor roommate though!

        • Abby

          I felt sooo bad. I really liked her too, and we had roomed blind. I have no idea what I said, and she obviously had no idea either because she couldn’t understand me lol

    • Pompom

      I was sharing a hotel room with a friend many years ago, and we fell asleep watching Golden Girls. We both fell asleep.

      But I woke my friend up by sitting bolt upright in my bed and clapping, saying “Dorothy gave such a great speech!” Scared the bajeeus out of my friend, but we laugh and laugh about it to this day (12 years later).

      FWIW, it was a great speech…about not auctioning women off for charity dates. Go Dorothy!

    • Anon

      Last year, I started screaming at the top of my lungs while sleeping. I vaguely remember being in the middle of a nightmare and the screaming woke both my husband and me up. I think my husband is still scarred because he woke up and (understandably) thought something was wrong. I’m not aware of ever talking or yelling in my sleep in the past. So bizarre.

    • Anonymous

      These are from when I had to take my husband for a medical procedure that involved sedation. He had to fast before the procedure…. as they were putting him under, he told the nurse very confidently… “some people count sheep to fall asleep, I count hamburgers. … hamburger, hamburger, hamburger”

      When we were on the way home (awake but still under the effects), he looked at me very concerned, and said “Was it ok, did they make you suffer?” … I said “No, I’m fine, why?”… then he leaned back and shouted, disappointed “Dammit, no one ever listens to me!!”

      He remembers none of it

      • Anon

        My husband told me, in front of the prep nurse and the anesthesiologist, that I had great t1ts just before they took him into surgery.

      • Anon

        My husband came out of anesthesia and said to me and the nurse, “Nurses doing such hard work and they are underpaid and underappreciated. It’s not fair.” He then looked at her very earnestly and said, “You are amazing at your job. I hope you will be getting a raise. Today.” She laughed and thanked him, then also said, “Well, I’m sure the surgeon also took good care of you,” and he replied, “Maayyyyybeeee…but that guy was kind of a d*ck!” On her way out, she whispered to me, “That surgeon really IS kind of d*ck!”

        • LaurenB

          My husband had a health issue that required an MRI of his spine and the doctor had said “you have the spine of a 20 year old.” He is really into diet/exercise so he was proud of this. Shortly thereafter he went for a procedure of shots in his rear end, requiring Versed. When coming out, his hospital called him. I told him he was in no condition to take phone calls but he took the call and when the nurse said “I hear you’ve had pain in your bottom, are you ok?” he replied “don’t worry, the doctor told me I have the a$$ of a 20 yo.” He has NO memory of this.

    • Curious

      I told my husband he was snoring.
      He shouted “I’m not snoring, I’m awake!”
      And immediately fell back to sleep… Snoring.

      • Anon

        That is me around 45 minutes into any movie on TV. And I get really mad and absolutely insist that I’m awake.

    • Anonymous

      My marine veteran husband frequently talks in his sleep and it is always combat related.

      We laugh about it frequently and he knows he does it. My favorite line “I dont care if you are a leprechaun. Stop or I will shoot you.”

    • Anon

      In college I was sleeping at my boyfriends and said “I’m not from California, do I smell like a Californian?”

      Immediately after college same bf now husband and I worked separate shifts. I had to be at work at 6:30 am and he got home at 2:00 am. We were in a one bedroom where you had to go through the bedroom to get to the one bath so he would frequently turn the lights on when he got home and I learned to sleep through it.

      One night he came home and figured since I slept through him turning on lights to go the bathroom, I’d sleep through him reading in bed.

      Except I sat up 10 mins in or so, whacked the book out of his hand and punched him in the face. Then I rolled over and went back to sleep. I have no memory of any of it.

      I was working a job where I frequently had to restrain people and I was later diagnosed with a sleep disorder. I haven’t been violent in my sleep since.

    • Nesprin

      A friend of mine wrote an essay while falling asleep and turned it in before reading it.

      The last line was “vroom vroom i leave it to you”

  8. lounging pear

    Would appreciate more lounging at home clothes and am looking for comfy but reasonably durable joggers and maybe leggings to wear for my extreme pear shape. I have a big rear and the rest is pretty small, and I’m 5′ 7″. I think I’d prefer higher waisted styles and NOT extra control top/super tight styles of leggings. I want comfort.

    Also, I pretty much only have black leggings/joggers and my color palate is more black/navy/grey/jewel tones. What other jogger/legging bottoms do you find most versatile?

    And this is NOT for exercise.

    thanks!

    • BeenThatGuy

      I’m here to save the day for you. The Athleta Salutation Jogger is what you want. I am a similar shape and height and these pants are worth every penny and then some.

      • lounging pear

        Love it. Many thanks.

        True to size/butt measurements for you? Or do you size up?

        • lounging pear

          And what’s your favorite top(s) from Athleta you wear with these joggers?

          Sometimes the longer tops/tunics to cover my big rear just backfire because instead they just land on and cling to my butt. Maybe I just go with shorter tops as long as the joggers actually fit me…..

        • BeenThatGuy

          True to size and there is no need to cover your butt with these. Its not super tight on that area like a legging.

    • nom

      The Fabletics Mila Cold Weather Joggers are **amazing** and work perfectly for my very pear-shaped lower half. I have them black but they also have a dark teal jewel tone (color is “Fjord”). The “cold weather” fabric just means that the inside is brushed so it feels slightly fleece-y, they’re not thicker or warmer than regular leggings/joggers. These are now my fav WFH pants.

      I have a smaller waist compared with my curvy rear & thighs; I typically wear a 14 in dress pants but I always need a belt due to saggy waist issues. Basically, if it fits my bum it will swim around my waist. For example, I struggle with leggings because even the curvy cut ones fall down over time. However, the Mila joggers have a stretchy inner band at the waist that makes them PERFECT for me (and you can snug them up even more if you need to), and they fit more loosely through the hips and thighs.

      I’m 5’9″ and the leg length is maybe a touch short for my preference, but it’s not too bad. If they offered a tall I would get it but the regular length is workable for me.

      • nom

        dang it, it looks like these are currently sold out except for a few sizes — sorry!

        • lounging pear

          Thanks for the rec – I’m never heard of them! Unfortunately, they are sold out in my size.

    • Shananana

      I basically live in the Zella live in leggings (they are aptly named) they are not super tight and high enough rise they stay put. I don’t use them to workout, they are very much just my long sweatshirt warm socks house pants. I also have a few pair of their jogger styles I really like. They are my key thing to shop for during nordstrom sales.

  9. Interior Design

    A friend of mine has the most beautiful wallpaper in her office and I’m copying it for my home office, which I’m renovating now that covid is making wfh a constant (she approved and we’re in different cities!). Look up Schumacher Brighton Pavilion in “multi.” I’ve drooled over it for so long and am so excited to finish my room.

    For those with a good eye for interior design – where do you go to get things to style bookshelves? My office has two full walls of built in shelving. I want to get things to add pops of the bright blue and rusty red color from the paper. I’ve been too afraid to browse at home goods, so trying to do things online. I’ve looked at Caitlin Wilson and Society Social. Are there any other sites I should look at or specific Etsy sellers? Thinking things like picture frames, vases, candles, bookends, and other decorative objects. Any good formulas for laying things out in terms of groupings? My style skews more Katie Ridder than many of the Instagram accounts.

    Also, where do I get grownup desk accessories? I have an ancient mousepad and want to upgrade everything.

    Thank you!

    • Anonymous

      My two cents: bookshelves should be 95% books and the best decorative objects to complement them come from collections built over time. I think it looks SO much better to have an antique bookend you got from your grandma and a bowl you picked up in Morocco on your shelf rather than a bunch of stuff you got on shopping spree at Home Goods. If you really want to go buy new things right now, though, I’d suggest looking out for brass accessories, which I think look great with books.

      • Anon

        I completely agree with this. Also, if your bookshelves show on zoom, books in them will look way better than objets d’art.

      • Senior Attorney

        And also? Didn’t your mama ever teach you that thing about what you should say if you didn’t have anything nice to say?

        OP: I agree with Anonymous at 4:55 PM’s suggestions. I also like to put framed photos on bookshelves. As for office accessories, I feel like that’s the kind of thing you could find at Etsy if you’re willing to do a little digging.

      • Lilau

        Yeah well…enjoy your “live laugh love” sign or whatever. If you honestly have not seen uglier wallpapers you have crummy taste.

        OP – it’s beautiful- I’m excited for your new space! I think the best tip for bookshelf styling is that your objects should be bigger than you’d think. Bigger than a cantaloupe. I’d also do books both horizontally and vertically in short stacks, leaving plenty of empty space for the paper to show. Oh- and if you want to incorporate the red and blue, don’t do them 50/50 but rather like a 70/30 ratio where one color is more dominant.

      • Anon

        OK I’m not the mean girl, but this really does look like powder room wallpaper to me. How do you make this officey? And I mean real office, not hashtag girl boss office.

        • anonshmanon

          no need to dismiss people with girly tastes or, as the poster below, grandmas. Maybe we can be professional and not imply that someone is incompetent at their job because of what wallpaper they choose for their own home…

          • Anonymous

            I have girly tastes but I don’t care for the maximalist aesthetic. This wallpaper is busy enough on its own and filling the room full of useless tchotchkes will add to the cluttered/messy look. But to each their own! And you’re right, it has no bearing on how well she does her job (unless her job is something in the design field in which case I would definitely not hire her!)

        • Anon

          What’s wrong with a “hashtag girl boss” office? What makes those not “real” offices?

      • anon

        I don’t think I’ve ever seen wallpaper IRL but I agree that this is busy and grannyish. Also the birds give me Portlandia vibes lol

      • LaurenB

        That’s a gorgeous elegant classic look. It’s not my personal aesthetic as I prefer my spaces more muted but it’s lovely. Ignore the haters.

    • Anonymous

      Notonthehighstreet is good for some decorative items and office things.

      With a vintage wallpaper I think I would go for glass, brass, wick, plants, ceramic, stone and other natural materials for decor. A vintage birdcage lamp might look fun, if you want to accentuate the whimsy of the wallpaper.

      When choosing decor: Three different items of one popping colour, randomly placed in the bookshelf will be more than enough visual interest.

    • Anonymous

      I love that wallpaper! Some of the images showing how it has been placed in homes is so pretty–the peacock blue variation is just stunning. I’m not normally a wallpaper fan. But I wish we had a nook somewhere that made sense in our home. That just screams fancy reading niche or small dining room wall.

    • Anonymous

      So pretty! I like One King’s Lane and 1st Dibs. On OKL look for designer brands, or you can end up regretting the quality.

    • Beans

      Oh, I adore that wallpaper. It is beautiful and classic.

      Depending on how much you want to spend, I also like to support my favorite interior designers’ stores (Paloma Contreras has a good one, as does Amy Berry). I like small framed art on bookshelves, beautiful vases, blue and white ginger jars (the small ones), but I also like to add some darker items (maybe antique wooden boxes or something tortoiseshell).

    • Rainbow Hair

      This type of question – along with the office art questions – always tickle me because my problem is so the opposite… too much art! Too many pretty things to display!

      Now is a really good time to support artists. By way of example, a woman I know who paints and makes jewelry lives in an arts colony type place… she made her living, basically, at the monthly Art Walk, and since that hasn’t happened for almost a year, she’s having a tough go of it.

      My town has a [TownName] Artisans group on FB. Non-artisans are welcome to join and purchase from locals. It’s cool too because you can pick up in-person (well, usually it’s left on the porch) and you sort of know one of your artist neighbors now!

      Nothing wrong with doing it over distance too. In a following comment I’ll share the handles of some artists I follow and heartily recommend.

      • Rainbow Hair

        Oh I also forgot to say, I think the fact that you love this wallpaper shows you do have a distinctive taste/style. So go with that! I feel like all my decor matches because it’s all “my style.”

        Broad.sides – buy prints from their etsy or claim as soon as they post on insta – I have some less sweary and very beautiful pieces by them in my workspace.

        KayBlegvad – the homewares section of her site.

        Brujascoven – on insta though her stuff might be dark for you, based on the wallpaper.

        oops have to cut short, my kiddo needs my attention (-:

        • Senior Attorney

          I completely agree with the “if I like it, it will probably work with the other things I have and like” concept.

          Also I have a ton of art, too, and my philosophy is that the best place to store “excess” art is on my walls.

    • AnonATL

      Rifle paper co has some lovely accessories in a similar aesthetic as your taste in wallpaper.
      Btw I actually quite like the wallpaper as an accent wall or in the back of a bookshelf. Just a smidgen of it would be dreamy.

    • Anonymous

      What ravishing wallpaper – it reminds me of my grandmother’s Georgian-era house outside of Bristol in the UK. After she died, it took weeks for the family to sort out all the antiques and artwork…so you’re right, it goes with maximalist interiors!

      When grouping items for display, it’s more pleasing to have items in odd-numbered groups. Museum stores often have great items that you can buy online – check out your favorite art or natural history museum. This includes those grown up desk accessories. Azio keyboards has very aesthetic vintage keyboards and mice. The Container Store online also has sets of color-coordinated desk items: check out Anthropologie too.

      I agree with an earlier poster who said it’s our own treasures that make a bookshelf come alive. Mix high and low, and have a little fun. Try favorite toys or action figures, framed photographs, small pieces of art and ceramics, and natural history items – whatever speaks to you that brings in the colors you want!

      • Anon

        The online gift shop for National Museum of Women in the Arts has great decor. I also like some of the home decor items from Catbird.

        And for general inspiration I’d check out the Room Rater Twitter feed – will give you lots of examples so you can figure out what you do and don’t like.

        Small framed pictures or objects (a meaningful poem, a postcard, other paper memory) leaned against the books is also a nice look.

        Enjoy! I’m also sprucing up my home office and it feels great.

  10. Anon

    How would you display a signed CD by a favorite artist? The signature is on the plastic CD cover, so I’m not sure it would fit in a frame (I’ll have to search), but I want to protect it. I think I’d like to hang this item on the wall, but I’m open to putting on a shelf. I was thinking I could put it in some sort of frame along with a photograph of the musician? Any ideas or inspiration?

      • Anonymous

        This. Place a photo of the musician with mat at the top and encase the CD in a shadow box below and frame the whole thing (one frame, two items).

  11. Anonymous

    Our school district finally did the right thing and renamed the schools that were named after Confederate leaders. Now they are auctioning off “surplus” items with the old names on them. I can’t even with this place.

  12. Anonymous

    Friday laugh that I desperately needed – Biden said he doesn’t want Trump at the inauguration and he’s not invited. 100% certain Trump did not see that coming and will be pissed that he is now classed as uninvited! bahaha!

    • Anon

      Seriously, find some like-minded people, buy up all the crap as a group (and a joint donation to the school) and have a big, socially distanced bonfire.

      • Anon

        ack nesting fail, I’m sorry, iI didn’t mean bonfire in this context, I swear!!

  13. Senior Attorney

    PSA for weekend TV watching: If you are old like me, or even if you’re not, highly recommend the Bee Gees documentary on HBO Max. Really gets inside how they made all that great music.

    • AnonATL

      Barry gibb has a new album with lots of country music star collabs for those interested.
      It’s called greenfields and looks like all tracks are on YouTube

  14. Period Underwear

    I’d like to use some FSA money to purchase period underwear. I’d use the underwear as a backstop for pads and maybe a replacement for pantiliners. Anyone have firsthand experience and recommendations?

    • Kiki

      I’m sorry, but what? you want to purchase underwear that you can just get your period in? I guess I would say just buy the cheapest underwear you can find. I’m sorry but that is really kind of gross.

    • Waffles

      In case you’re still reading, I have both Thinx and Knix. The lining on Thinx is much thicker, which means it not only holds more but the underwear seem to stay in place better and are more comfortable overall. They also have thicker and more comfortable waistband.

      I have the thong, bikini, and a granny panty style and they’re all great.

      One thing I would say is that if you’re using them as the only product during your period, they can get pretty smelly. It’s worth thinking of switching them two or three times per day or using them as a tampon or pad backup. I find them really great when you’re not totally sure if your period is coming. Mine are irregular, and it’s nice to wear these for a few days to avoid any surprises.

      • Monte

        I only have the Thinx, but otherwise agree. I would not use as a primary method for the reasons Waffles states, but I like them as a backup. In my case, I use them particularly for travel or for days when I am not in control of my schedule — whether than means I am trapped in a plane on an active runway, on a subway that has stalled underground for longer than expected, or a judge stretches what should be an hour long hearing into three hours. They are more absorbent and comfortable than any sort of liner in that situation and I don’t have to freak out knowing it may be another 30 minutes until I can hit the head.

        • OP

          Thanks to the posters who provided the feedback requested! I will take a closer look at Modi Bodi and Thinx.

  15. La+Di+Dah

    Can anyone help suggest east coast colleges for my third kid in high school? We are in Laguna Beach and he goes to a very competitive high school, has a mix of AP and honors classes and about a 3.7 gpa. He has tagged along with his older brothers so has seen a mix of schools across the US and says he wants to go to school out of state on on the east coast. I went to Cornell after growing up in Irvine, so I’m familiar with “elite” schools which he won’t even apply to – funny b/c I only had a 3.7 gpa back in the 1990s and somehow managed to get in – would NEVER happen now. He wants a medium to big school and plans to study math or history (yes has broad interests…).

    • Anon B

      Wesleyan in CT, Tufts, Boston College, NYU, UChicago (fabulous school even if not on the East Coast…) He really ought lob Cornell and Dartmouth applications too – it’s always worth swinging for the fences with a couple applications. Can he round out his extracurriculars with some meaty volunteering or a cool job like training and working as an EMT this summer?

      • Patty

        Most of those schools require a 4.0 or above. I’ve gone through this process twice recently – Dartmouth and Cornell are completely out of reach. It’s a different ball game than it was even just 10 years ago.

          • Cat

            AP and honors classes are usually weighted higher (I forget now if it was a 25% or 20% boost, meaning an A was a 4.8 or 5) – I was a really good student and mildly annoyed that “regular” classes like band and gym would bring down my GPA because they were ‘only’ a 4.0 for an A.

      • Ellen

        What about my almamater, GWU? I went there for both college and law school, and even tho I did not graduate in the top of my classes, I did get through and then did well in the legal profession, and am admitted to the NY Bar. He could probably get in. Let me know if you want for me to write him a letter of recomendation. That is what the hive is here for! YAY!

    • Anonymous

      Take a look at state schools! Rutgers, University of Maryland, Penn State, or even some of the non-flagship state schools in your target area. The mid-Atlantic states will still have a “back east” feel with all four seasons.

  16. Buy leather, not pleather

    Jumping off of Friday’s discussion on “vegan leather” being pleather (aka petroleum/plastic).

    I recommend reading this 2019 Bloomberg article. It talks about the glut in cowhides (byproduct from beef production) because of decreased demand for leather products and increased market share by “vegan leather.”

    Not gonna lie, this omnivorous city-slicker did not fully realize that hamburger and leather jackets came from the same cows. I guess assumed that there were special leather cows out there being killed and that’s why leather was not good (thanks PETA?). But it sounds like as long as people are are eating beef, there are cowhides and it seems more environmentally responsible to turn those into leather rather than toss and manufacture pleather instead. Thoughts?

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2019-08-09/america-s-obsession-with-beef-is-killing-the-leather-industry

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