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Updated: Oct 21, 2021 212 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread |

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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Yes, yes, I'm sure everyone is going to comment that they love their neutrals and have only worn beige since 2017, but: I really like this fun rainbow cardigan from FARM Rio. (Nordstrom has the pictured knee-length version for $395; Neiman Marcus has it in ankle length for the same price.) It feels fun and bright and quirky but also warm and practical in that “big slouchy cardigan” kind of way.

I'd wear it with black — perhaps the Spanx faux leather leggings, in fact — and some heavily lug-soled boots like these Blondo ones or these Marc Fisher LTD ones.

I thought I'd go on a little hunt for similarly bright, colorful cardigans — you can see more options below. (Some from Anthro, some from Amazon, some from UO, etc…) Oh, and there are a few more bright, happy cardigans from FARM Rio at Nordstrom as well. Oooh, and this long sweater dress in a rainbow stripe.

Happy weekend!

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Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Does anyone have a massage chair they love? How did you pick it out? (Any from Costco that are great?) Not sure what the difference is between a $2k chair and a $6K chair…

  2. Anon

    It’s time to get a new iPhone after 4+ years.

    Questions:
    Any reason to buy from Apple or my cell phone provider? I can do either.
    Also, if I’ve backed up my phone (I think), is it seamless to go from one iPhone to a newer model?

    I remember making a trip to the apple store before and then a trip to the cell phone provider, but I understand that during covid, they are now able to do a lot remotely. Or many that was just when the stores were closed?

    This will be my first time replacing an iPhone. Was a long-time bberry user prior, so my prior switch from bberry to iPhone.

    • Cat

      You might get incentives from your cell provider for buying the phone through them.

      Setup was seamless. The most annoying part was re-logging in to all the apps – they all download to the new phone, but not with your “remember me” login info stored.

    • Anon

      Definitely back up before you go buy a new one. I would check cell provider, I bet it’s going to be cheaper and/or you could finance through your bill.

    • Anon

      You don’t need to go in person to either Apple or your phone provider regardless of the pandemic or not. Order the new phone, put in your sim card, everything will transfer over as long as you’ve fully backed up everything.

    • anon

      I’m lazy and do no research, so I can’t speak to your first question. I lease a new one when my carrier tells me I am eligible and I want to.

      Second question: yes, for the most part. My annoyance with a new phone is that all of my apps require a sign-in with an actual password the first time on my new phone. Passwords I never remember bc I have FaceID set for anything it will allow me to and I have it remember everything else. It’s a PITA but everything else is seamless.

      • Anon

        I think if you back up using itunes (which is otherwise annoying) there’s an option to allow your passwords to transfer. I didn’t do this but my husband did.

    • Anon

      I never buy a phone from my service provider because they jack them up with a bunch of bloatware.

        • Anonymous

          Verizon puts all their annoying apps on their phones. I’m an android, not apple, person, but I always buy the directly from the manufacturer or Best Buy because of that (and also because I want an unlocked version as I like to switch out SIMs when I travel internationally and it used to be a lot harder to unlock phones on Verizon . This is not really an issue any more with Verizon because of some FTC settlement requiring them to unlock phones after a certain period of time, but may still be a thing with other carriers)

          • Anon

            I am a longtime Verizon customer and iPhone user. I upgrade every 2 years or so or whenever I’m eligible. I’ve never ever received a phone with Verizon apps on it.

    • anonymous

      We’ve always gone to Best Buy to get new cell phones. They transfer everything over to the new one and make sure it is configured properly.

      • Anon

        Can you get iPhones there? I swear I’ve not been in many stores since 2019 except for the grocery store.

    • Anonymous

      My employer has always just handed over a box with the new iPhone and left it to employees to figure out how to back it up and transfer data. It is really not difficult, and for the last one I got (2020 SE) Apple seemed to have streamlined the setup process and automated it more.

      For personal phones, I used to think it was fun to go to the Apple store. Lately the store has gone the way of air travel–is insanely crowded and loud and crawling with security personnel and it is no longer a luxurious experience. Now I just buy an unlocked phone from Apple on line, set it up myself, and make the change with my plan provider on line.

    • anon

      Paying for your phone upfront enables you to choose one of the cheaper carriers such as Ting, where a $25 bill is realistic.
      If you are not looking to change providers, then it makes sense to buy through them.

      • Anon

        +1

        I use Mint as my carrier and it’s super cheap and I have comparable service to friends who use more expensive providers. I always buy my phone from apple, and either pay up front or they offer 0% financing for two years. My phone is unlocked so I can switch to any carrier I want at any time.

      • anon

        +1

        I buy my phones directly from apple because I use Boost. I’m on a family plan with my parents and brother – we all have unlimited data and the total bill is only $100. I sing Boost’s praises constantly – it’s such a great deal (and I”ve never had any issues with them).

        It works well for my family too because my parents use the cheapest androids they can find, while my brother and I use iPhones but tend to buy them used or hold on to them until they die. I end up replacing every 2-3 years (I’m hard on my things) and buy a new phone but an older model (I had the SE for a while, now I have the new SE), and my brother tends to buy re-furbed phones.

    • Anon

      My employer allows me to expense my cell phone bill, inclusive of monthly phone charges, but does not allow me to expense a phone purchase from a different source (e.g., Apple). Worth considering if something like that applies to you.

    • Serena

      I’m about to do this too! I’ve bought the phone and just waiting for it to arrive. I have switched before and it’s very seamless. For all the comments below saying make sure you back up, what actually are you talking about, specifically? Maybe you store more on your phones than me but I don’t really think I have much to back up. Just photos really, but they are already in iCloud and I can see them when I log in to the cloud on my PC, so… backed up by definition? What else is there?

      In case this is useful, I decided to go with the cheaper iPhone SE from 2020, rather than one of the more up to date models. The SE range is basically the cheap range, but when I thought about it all I really want are the cheap features. Basically texting, web browsing, some uncomplicated apps, and a camera. And I like that the SE is small, the newer iPhones are so massive. I was very tempted by the mini versions of the newer models but after a really good think about what I actually use my phone for, I concluded that none of the extra features you get with a newer model would actually make any difference to my life.

      • Anon

        I have lists in Notes, like possible gifts, and things I regularly buy at particular stores, my unsubmitted mileage reimbursements It would not be a big deal if I list most of it, but better when it transfers smoothly.

    • Anan

      My husband and I just replaces our phones and two things stood out:
      – i replaced my iPhone through Beat Buy, and my carrier (at&t) no longer allows you to buy the phone outright, but you have to pay it on installment via your phone plan. There are no added fees or anything, but it was annoying for me because this was not how I had budgeted for the new purchase. Also- they had fewer colour selections in store, if that is a concern of yours.
      -my husband ordered his new phone (an android) online through At&t and someone came to our house and set it up for him in our backyard.
      – also if you use Whatsapp- remember to back that up manually because it’s default is to only back up every week or so.

      • Anonymous

        I bought a new phone this summer and have AT & T and I bought mine outright. I bought from the Apple store and maybe that was the difference? I

  3. Anon

    I love me some Farm Rio, but to me, it’s all about the dresses and blouses vs things like this. I love the colors though, but I’m too short to pull off so much sweater.

  4. Anonymous

    Any long term single women here – maybe age 40+ – who have chosen to buy a house in the suburbs if you live in a place where city living is also an option? If so, do you feel like you got all sorts of advice and pushback from others? I’m currently starting to look for a house (townhouse actually) in the Northern Va. area. ANY person I say this to responds along the lines of – what do YOU need a house for; suburbs – why would you do that, stay in the city/city part of Arlington/Alexandria you don’t have kids to send to school; you’re going to be so lonely in the suburbs etc. Reality is – people buy houses all the time that they don’t NEED. Like a family of 3 doesn’t really NEED a McMansion but that’s acceptable because they’re a family.

    For me personally – after 10 years in NYC + 5 in Arlington I am REALLY tired of apartment living. I WANT to furnish a house with custom furniture pieces and worry about paint colors and landscaping. As for lonely – I fully expect neighbors will have no need for me because I don’t have kids that can play with their kids, but IDK I grew up in a place where people don’t talk to neighbors anyway (NJ) and it’s not like the high rise building I’m in now is so friendly either; sure there’s a lot of singles here – they’re all 25-30 and no one talks to anyone. I guess it’s a Va/southern thing to hang out with your neighbors drinking on the porch while the kids play but IDK I guess I think that’s odd anyway – like getting too friendly with people right next door only to figure out you don’t like each other and then awkwardly living next door. I guess the option would be a house in the city but IDK I’m not wanting to deal with the parking, crime etc. drama that always exists in every city.

    If you’ve gotten this type of criticism – or decided to NOT move to the suburbs as a single woman – would love to hear from you. FYI – not talking about NYC because I know there the Long Island/NJ/CT suburbs are such a long commute that it makes sense to not do it if you don’t have to send anyone to school; I’m more asking about metro areas where there are both suburban and city options within reasonable commuting distance.

    • Anon

      I was living in a highrise in Arlington with rotten neighbors and bought the first detached SF house I could afford. Most of my neighbors were retired empty nesters, DINKs, etc. Only 1-2 people on the street ever had kids living at home at any given time (North Arlington, think Cherrydale, walkable to metro but not fun in rain). Get what YOU want.

    • Anon

      You do you. My only thought is that house maintenance in the suburbs could be a lot to manage for one person with a busy job unless you can afford to outsource help.

    • Anon

      Hmm my situation is not the same as yours because I bought my ex husband out of the house we lived in together, and then I was a single woman living in a family home, not exactly in the suburbs, but no longer in the city proper (Berkeley, so not SF, but not the complete burbs either.)

      If I may just be direct, you seem to care too much about what other people think. My ex and I left The City because I was tired of urban life and I wanted slightly sunnier weather. I also wanted to garden (literally) and decorate and not share walls with my neighbors. I wanted a parking space and I wanted to be able to buy a week’s worth of groceries in one trip in my car. Things we couldn’t do when we lived in a flat in SF.

      I kept doing all of these things as a single woman. They made me happy. If you think these things will make you happy then do it. Who cares what anyone else think?

      And don’t write off your future neighbors so quickly. They may be lovely.

      • Anon

        +1 to “you seem to care too much about what other people think.” OP, if you can afford the house and this is what you want to do with your life, you don’t need to justify or even explain that to anyone. Buy the house! Live your life. Be happy. You may end up knowing your neighbors or you may not, but this is your life and you get to live it the way you want to. Other people’s judgement of something like what kind of house you buy and where you live should not enter into your calculus in anyway.

        FWIW I grew up down the street (in a small city, not a suburb) from an awesome single lady who had bought the house when she was single and lived there by herself the whole time we lived in the neighborhood. I used to go visit her and she would make me lemonade from scratch (first time I’d ever seen anyone do that – my mom used Country Time mix), and she taught me how to play Hearts. I’ll always remember her fondly.

    • Anon

      The OPINIONS you get about where to live are just insane. I’m about your age, relatively newly married, and people are just horrified that we rent. Singles belong in apartments and couples/families belong in houses, dontchyaknow?

      To the extent there is any validity to people running their mouths about your life, I would think a townhouse would negate the criticism: it’s likely to be singles, DINKs, and families with one kid.

      • Anon

        Who are these people who have these crazy set opinions about who should live where, and feel entitled to share those thoughts with people who didn’t ask for an opinion? Ridiculous. I can completely understand why anyone, of any life stage, at any age, would not want to live in an apartment. I lived in apartments for awhile and hated it. I would never see a single person in a house and wonder why they wanted to live in a house vs. an apartment, I would just think “good for you.”

        • Anon

          I’m the Anon at 2:48. It doesn’t stop (or start) with apartments or houses; it’s everything.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t give a F about what others think about what YOU should get/need/want/deserve/spend your money on. Buy the house you want. Worst case, you can always sell. I am single, 37, expat, currently renting a house in suburbs of capital in Europe. Couldn’t care less about neighbors and vice versa. I appreciate the quiet, fresh air, no traffic, ability to go for a walk in nearby parks or in nearby streets, which have more trees than houses. Life is too short, times depressing – you deserve to live where & how you want.

    • Anonymous

      I am perma-single and bought my small, SF home in Atlanta in my mid-40s. I live very much intown/inside the perimeter but Atlanta is a city of neighborhoods with trees and yards, etc., and mine is one of those. I wanted a yard (I have dogs) and to have decision-making control over my space and to not have to worry about whether my lease would be renewed or what the mental health repercussions of something breaking/being destroyed might be. My experience with others’ opinions is the exact opposite of what you described, though. My family and friends were confused as to why I hadn’t bought a house long before I did and my parents, in particular, were disappointed I chose something modest. (That is truly all I wanted and all I could afford but they think I have/should have a whole lot of money.) I don’t love maintaining the place, but that is mostly because my finances took a dip since I purchased and getting labor to help is difficult these days. I absolutely made the right choice for me. Part of that, though, has been that I found a great neighborhood with like-minded people and a real mix of people with only a smattering of kids, which is perfect for me and has meant a whole new life. It worries me a bit that you are thinking you don’t care about your neighbors (big picture, not necessarily next door). I think you should reconsider whether there is a great neighborhood (intown or suburb) where you could find a nice house and a nice social life and feel somewhat invested. But if you want a house, buy a house!

    • Anonymous

      You do you, it’s weird you care so much about the opinions of others. I would caution you to look at the commute and local amenities though, my choice to live centrally is entirely because of convenience. I literally never have to transit or drive.

    • Anon

      Same age and single. About 8 years ago when I moved to the area I bought a house in the suburbs, a master-planned community. I hate it. Everything I liked to do was in the city. About 4 years ago I sold and bought a house in the city, and am so much happier. My neighbors are essentially the same, mainly families, some retirees, and singles. I knew none of my neighbors when I lived in the suburbs, but now know most of them. My city house is more expensive, and the crime is slightly higher but worth it to me.

    • anon

      So I am LT single and bought a house in the suburbs after selling my house in the city (5 miles away from where I am now) and got zero flack from anyone. However, I used to live in NoVA (grew up there plus adult time) and it’s a whole different world from where I live now so this discrepancy does not surprise me.

      At this point in my life, I don’t really share anything personal with people who aren’t real friends (aka people who would not say this garbage and trust me to make decisions which are best for me re where I live). If I did encounter this BS, I would be my normal snarky self and respond along the lines of, “well isn’t it great that you aren’t making my decisions for me and I get to do it what!” You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone. Eff them

    • Allie

      So I think this has to do with what is the of the moment location — when suburbs were huge in the 80s/90s any parent who deigned to raise their kids in a big city got a huge amount of push back and questioning. Now cities are big and single people who prefer the suburbs are getting the same. It’s silly. Enjoy your new home when you get it!

    • No Problem

      I literally just did exactly this, moved from an Arlington apartment to suburban home all on my own with no kids. For me, location made a lot of sense due to having friends that live in the suburbs and my job being located in the suburbs. It made LESS sense for me to remain in Arlington paying Arlington prices when nothing was keeping me there. During my house search, I would tell people that I was looking for all the things I couldn’t get in an apartment: outside space of my own, direct access to my car without it being down an elevator to an underground garage, and a separate room for my office since I’m now WFH. I was also tired of apartment kitchens and relying on a landlord for repairs (joke’s on me: that part of buying kinda sucks). I could not afford to buy what I was looking for in Arlington. My mortgage is now less than my rent was, and I had kind of a steal on my rent.

      I’ve had literally zero people question it and everyone agree that moving was the right choice. Are you hanging out with what I call “city elitists” (people who live in DC, urban Arlington, or Alexandria, and just can’t IMAGINE living in the SUBURBS)? Because you’ll never convince those people.

      • Anon

        Former ARL apartment dweller — I will never share walls again if I can help it. Neighbors had throwing-things fights during the week, but only overnight and then loud s*x; rinse; repeat every other night. I had a job to get up for. They did not care and were some sort of grad students with diplomatic tags on at least one car. I’m sure the bags under my eyes spoke volumes, but I would have sold a kidney to buy a SFH but I wasn’t going to even pause on a townhouse (even an end unit) once I found a tiny post-war 2BR house. Sold and have never looked back.

      • Anon

        I live in a different city’s suburbs, but I do know those snobby people who think things don’t exist in the suburbs. There’s actually more of the things I like (nice restaurants, exercise studios, hiking trails) close to me now then when I lived in the city. Sure, I had the entire city at my disposal – if I wanted to spend 40 minutes on mass transit. I can still drive to those things in 40 minutes if I really wanted to, I’d just have to park. Gasp.

    • Anon 2.0

      Not as a single woman, but DBF and I bought at house in the burbs at 27 and 29 respectively. A 3 br/2bathroom full on cookie cutter McBurb house. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. City living, townhome living, condo living, etc just were not for us.

    • Anonnn

      Just go buy your house. I owned a townhouse in Fairfax County for almost 10 years as a single woman with no issues. I currently own a SFH in metro Atlanta suburbs. I’m single and just shy of 50. I’ve never had anyone question my decision on where to live. Who are these people around you?

    • Anon So Cal

      Single woman in her 50’s who bought her house at 32 in the suburbs of a city (and the real suburbs; not the “15 minutes to downtown” area that a lot of single people in their 30s were buying in at the time). It was a great decision for me.

      (1) My house will be paid for before I am 60 and I already have $700K in equity. I will still have maintenance and taxes when I retire but no house payment or rent. And that is critical because I live in a HCOL city.

      (2) I have a yard which means I can have a dog (and not a little dog) I could have bought a condo downtown but would not have a yard and would be sharing walls.

      (3) Yes I spend a lot on Uber (in normal times) so that I can meet friends for drinks but I also have local friends (neighbors former neighbors, people from church, people from the local gym, people from the same charitable organization) who are 5-10 minutes away. I am actually less lonely in the suburbs because the “community” is smaller and there are plenty of organizations to join. While a lot centers around kids, not everything does. I am not a big “joinder” but a neighbor roped me into a charity that supports our local children’s hospital and I met a lot of people that way and turned out to really enjoy it.

      Not a lot of people thought I was crazy (or at least had the nerve to tell me so). And I would have ignored them if they had. I think the important thing is to look at YOUR life – what you like to do, where you like to go, your personal commute and hobbies and habits and make the decision on what is best for YOU.

    • Anon

      I am about your age, single, and childless and bought a townhouse in the NoVA suburbs. I got similar criticism, but have zero regrets. It does take a bit more effort to see friends that live in the city, but it’s worth it to have more space.

    • Senior Attorney

      I lived in an apartment downtown for a while after I left my husband and had expected to really like it and buy a condo in the city. Turns out I didn’t like it at all and couldn’t wait to get back into a single family home. Bought a house about 5 miles further out and never looked back. I was in my mid 50s at the time. (This is in a smallish city that is a close in suburb of Los Angeles.)

    • Jeffiner

      I live in a MCOL city, and work in an industry that I think pays pretty well for the area. Almost everyone at my company buys a SF house in their late-20s/early-30s, regardless of relationship status (although most are still single at that age). I did, because like you I wanted to furnish a house and paint walls and do landscaping. No one gave me any untoward comments, and I’ve never heard any comments about all of my coworkers who also buy houses.

    • Anonymous

      Move! I’m in a smaller metro but long term single on purpose and heard the same thing … I love my house and life.

      • Anon

        I bought a major fixer upper of 3000 Square feet. At 25. No one understood, but I did. Then for years people were jealous.

        Rock on. Go get yourself a beautiful keychain and whatever house you like and can afford.

  5. Anonymous

    For the eBike mom this morning, I wanted to post this cool video of an awesome girls biking group in Bellingham, WA (not sure if you’re anywhere in the PNW, but there are similar groups popping up all over the country). It sounds like one of your goals is helping your kids have more fun. Maybe a group like this could assist? No e-bikes in use in the video, but I know they’re increasingly popular for kids who are riding steeper terrain like you can find in Bellingham.

    What I would’ve given to have had access to a group like that when I was a girl…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0jf2KgLXxY

  6. Anon

    Regarding the eBike discussion this morning, should I get one for my kid?

    JOKING

    My actual question is about potentially getting one for me. I’m overweight and out of shape, especially after COVID. Even pre lockdown, I didn’t cycle much because I live on a hill (Bay Area.) I find getting places on my bike relatively easy but can’t get back home without walking my bike, which kind of defeats the purpose. Is this where an eBike would help? Just getting me up the hill?

    • Anon

      Walking your bike is exercise and doesn’t defeat the point.

      Signed,
      Northern NJ, pushing a bike up a hill is totally exercise. My stroller-pushing friends will gladly co-sign for me on this.

      • Anon

        OP here, that hill put me in the best shape of my life when my kids were stroller age. I totally agree.

    • Anon

      Ok, so I am NOT in fabulous shape at all and just went on a vacation where we did a bike tour through wine country, which was very hilly. Not going to lie, I got really nervous and immediately regretted it when I got on the bike. But, because they were e-bikes, it ended up being amazing, and I rode 16 miles through hills and the pedal assist was very helpful in getting up some pretty steep hills. I would never have been able to finish that route on a normal bike, and was so pleased that the e-bike made it possible. I was so excited I told my husband that I kinda want an e-bike now (unfortunately where we live is not very safe for cyclists and pedestrians). So yes, I think it would be perfect for getting you back up the hill to your house.

      • Anon

        Thank you for posting this. Post-Covid, I want to do a bike tour with my husband through Ireland or Italy, but flat-out know I cannot hack it on the hills and be a pleasant person to be on vacation with. I will be grumpy about my own inability to get up the hills with the same ease as other people and I will also be wiped out from the effort. Now I know, I should just get the e-bike when we sign up with the tour company. It will make the trip more pleasant for everyone.

        • Anon

          Yes, honestly, it was way more fun than I thought and I even suggested we do it again on other trips. And, by the way there were some pretty fit people on our tour as well, and even they turned on the assist and cruised at some points. Super fun! Please do it then share the info here!

        • Cat

          I’ve done a few e-bike tours in Europe though not an entire trip based on them. This is the ideal situation for an e-bike – you’re cruising through a tour through the hillside, on roads or trails with limited traffic, and someone else has to deal with storing and charging the bike after you’re done :)

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, that’s an excellent way to use an eBike, getting a little assist up hills. I’m sure you’ll love it!

      I cycle on a regular bike, and I get passed by eBike cyclists when I’m going back home uphill every day, and they seem very pleased.

      One thing to consider with an eBike, is how comfortable you’ll be leaving it out in public. Are eBike thefts a big thing where you live, what sort of locks and insurance can you get. Is the battery easy to detatch and carry, can you handle the weight of the bike if you need to haul it up or down a few stairs?

    • Anonymous

      Walking your bike is part of biking. ALL riders, including the pros, walk at least sometimes. I think you need a mindset change first, but yes, an ebike can definitely help!! You still have to pedal and do the work, but it’s a light assist.

      • Anon

        OP here – Ok so on my hill, I’m the one walking my cruiser bike up the hill while the actual cyclists in spandex are zipping by me in low gear (or high gear? I always forget which is which, but the one for hills). I guess I find that a little embarrassing, and when I’m walking my bike with a basketful of groceries and wearing shoes that are better for biking than walking, I always think I should just have left the bike at home.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, you just have to ride your own ride and not think about other people. Also, I would so much rather push a bike with a loaded basket full of groceries than carry it on my back or in my arms. Trust me, other people do not care what you are doing on your bike as long as you’re not flagrantly violating basic rules of the road.

          • Anonymous

            100% this. Some people bike for exercise. Some people bike for fun. Some bike for transportation. All 3 of those buckets have people at all fitness levels. You do you.

        • anon

          Have you considered a road bike? When I did things like biking on big Bay Area hills, I found it a million times easier to bike on a light road bike (nothing terribly fancy–it was entry level of a good brand) than a heavy commuter bike. Even if you have to walk it sometimes, it’s so much easier to build up to biking up a hill on a light bike built for such things.

        • Trixie

          Do you really have a cruiser bike (one speed, or three) in SF? No wonder you walk up hills. Everyone walks up hills, but a bike with gears makes it so much easier. Get the electric bike, and enjoy it! And sell the cruiser, and buy a flat handle barred hybrid with gears and ride that too.

    • Anon

      My husband did this. He is a bigger guy and not in shape but loves biking and wanted to be able to go longer distances. He picked a Tern GSD because it has a particularly strong frame and is well suited for bigger folks.

    • txblue

      I’m overweight and this summer I was on a family vacation and my free-climber brother and OrangeTheory 5x a week mother decided we should do a 35 mile bike ride through the mountains of Colorado. There is no way I could have gone along except that the place had e-bikes and I had a great time.

      When I first rented it, I thought I would just be coasting along but I quickly realized that my pedaling was a key part of the whole thing.

  7. Anon

    I think there are some sewists around here and I have a question that maybe somebody will have some advice on.

    I have a dress I’d like to add a slit to for walkability purposes more than sex appeal purposes, although the latter is a nice benefit. The dress has seams on both sides and the back in the middle. Is there a location that is better or easier or are they going to be roughly the same?

    • Anonymous

      A side seam is not a common location for a slit. It’s usually in the center of the back or on a front seam that is about halfway between the side seam and the center front.

    • Anonymous

      Are the seems and seem allowances the same at the back or sides? If there’s a difference I’d choose the most generous seem allowance to have fabric for a nice finish.

      Visually I think a back slit is often more appealing, and keeps the original silhouette best,. A back slit looks best with a vent if it’s a very formal pencil skirt, thought and it’s not likely that you’ll have that much fabric. It might be easier to do a discreet one at each side if you don’t have a lot of fabric available.

    • Go for it

      I’d opt for rear back and have the tailor reinforce the top of the slit. Measuring your stride will let you know if the skirt will then be more walkable.

    • Anon

      I think rear slit. I’ve seen side seam slits but they tend to be very theatrical thigh high slits. Just for adding a little walking room to skirts, a back seam slit all the way.

  8. Anonymous

    Fun Q for today: what’s your favorite Halloween candy that’s a bit unusual? I’m always excited to see Charleston Chew or AirHeads.

    • Anon

      Mary Janes and Bit O Honey.

      This is the only time of year I see Mr Goodbar and Baby Ruth, so while those aren’t exactly unusual, they’re a treat

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I forgot all about AirHeads! That makes me think sporting events when I was a kid, which always seemed to sell airheads at the concession stand. Now I want to go find some.

    • Anon

      Sugar Daddies, which takes me back to the time we had a bowl of Halloween candy out on the conference room table at work, and this much older male coworker of mine said “you know, I once lost a filling sucking on my Sugar Daddy” and the whole room went awkwardly silent.

      • anne-on

        Oh my god that is hilarious, and makes me crave sugar babies which I have not had since I was probably 8 or 9 and LOVED.
        For throwback 90s candy, I found and still enjoyed a whatchamacallit bar. I (and my mom and son) are also the weirdos who like black licorice/jelly beans/good and plentys.

    • Anon

      I love Tootsie Rolls. Unusual because apparently no one else likes them, not because they are uncommon.

      • Mon

        Chick’o Sticks. They’re like Butterfingers without the chocolate and very delicious. Maybe there’s some coconut in there? So good.

    • Anon

      I go nuts for fruit-flavored Tootsie Rolls. Those are very popular at Halloween parades and it pains m that I’m too old to be elbowing children out of the way to grab them.

      • anon

        those are so good! They’re my brother’s all-time favorite candy.

        I’m not much of a chocolate person anymore, so I prefer gummy candy.

      • Anon

        For me, it’s the vanilla tootsie rolls. These remind me on B-O-N-O-M-O turkish taffy.

        • Anon

          They’re kind of like White Rabbits that you get with Chinese takeout, at least around here.

      • Senior Attorney

        Jinx!

        And of course you eat the flavored ones in the same bite as the chocolate ones…

    • MagicUnicorn

      Those little boxes of Nerds that only seem to come out in October, and Smarties.

      • Anonymous

        Pro tip, the chewy Nerds and the Nerds bites you can buy at the drugstore are really good.

    • Anon 2.0

      I LOVE those hard strawberry candies that come in a wrapper that looks like a strawberry. I don’t even think they have a name but I love them.

      • Anon

        Those are amazing, but there are two kinds. One is dry, and the other has a gel center. I prefer the gel.

      • Anonymous

        My late husband used to eat those – and I could often find him by following the trail of the candy wrappers that had fallen out of his pockets. Thank you for the happy memory!

    • Anonymous

      My friend brought mini Charleston Chews to a party recently and it was MY FAVORITE THING EVER!

  9. Anonymous

    Help me shop: I have a wedding to go to in a few months in a warm climate. Guest attire is “formal.” I don’t think I can do heels at this point in my life. I’m a size 14/16… thank you in advance!

  10. Anon

    I know that many many more people celebrate Christmas, but Hannukah is almost a month earlier than Christmas this year and Halloween hasn’t even happened yet. Target- please put away your Christmas stuff

    • Anonymous

      This year retailers seem to be trying to take advantage of supply chain panic to push holiday merchandise early at full price. Nordstrom, which has always made a big deal of refusing to put up holiday decorations until after Thanksgiving, has a big holiday section on their website already. I would be surprised if there isn’t Hanukkah stuff in with the Christmas stuff.

      • Anon

        I’m part of the problem. I just ordered target Christmas PJs for my young adult kids thinking I needed to shop early to be able to get matching ones in the same size (yes they still want to do this, I ran it by them) – no supply chain shortages that I know of last year, but I missed the matching-pjs-in-all-sizes window last year.

        Actually I needed three sizes this year because my daughter’s boyfriend wants in on the matching PJs game. They all think it’s hilarious.

        • pugsnbourbon

          +1. Last time I worked in retail (~10 yrs ago) a portion of the Christmas stuff was set at the start of September.

    • Jeffiner

      I wasn’t surprised to see Christmas stuff on the shelves, although it does annoy me to see it so soon. I was surprised that eggnog is already in grocery stores, though.

      • Anon

        I walked by (not into) Macy’s yesterday and it was all big red balls hanging from the ceiling.

        • Bean74

          I was in a Macy’s last week that was just setting out Christmas decorations and thought, wow, that’s kind of late for them!

          FWIW, I’m not a fan of holiday creep.

    • Anonymous

      I love getting Christmas stuff early! I love the baubles and wreaths and Christmas pudding.

      Would also love to see Hannukah stuff, but in my country that’s not a thing. There are less than a thousand members of the Jewish congregations overall, in the whole country, so there is sadly not much representation commercially, but I’d love to see that!

    • Anonymous

      I celebrate Christmas and I agree with you. My four year old noticed that Home Depot has already switched Halloween decor for Christmas decor “isn’t that weird mom?” Yep kiddo, it is.

  11. Anonymous

    If you’ve gone on a solo getaway for yourself, where have you gone that you’ve felt safe? Looking for nice hotel/pool/restaurant in a city near shopping I think.

      • Anon

        I just thought of a good place for both pool and shopping where you will be perfectly safe – downtown Palm Springs

    • Anon

      I’m going to a destination spa next year but it sounds like that’s not quite what you want. I’ve traveled solo for work quite a bit and prefer the US, UK and Scandinavian cities I’ve visited to Paris for travel as a solo woman. I had a bad experience getting harassed by a man at a restaurant in Paris and the wait staff did nothing about it. There are creeps everywhere to be sure, but French men’s reputation for being forward with American women is somewhat deserved in my opinion. Plus I doubt a restaurant in the US would have just ignored the situation the way the staff in the Paris restaurant did.

      • Mon

        I’ve traveled quite a bit in Paris and had one bad experience and several unpleasant ones. I love Paris but it’s a different and easier place with a dude.

        • Anon

          Agreed, I’ve made seven total trips there. I love the city and French food. I just wouldn’t put it at the top of my list for a first solo trip for a woman.

    • Anon

      I went to Annapolis, Nashville, Lisbon, Buenos Aires, Iguazu, and the Dominican Republic alone. I didn’t go anywhere that has both good shopping and a pool but I would consider Miami and Vegas. Although they are considered party towns, there are a lot of nicer quieter spots.

    • Best Coast

      Maui. Hiked, dined, beached, shopped alone for a week and never once felt unsafe or out of place.

    • Anon

      Palm Springs, Ace Hotel. My favorite vacation destination; I’ve gone there solo multiple times.

    • Monte

      Cartagena, Miami, LA, Vegas, Tulum, Lisbon, Sevilla, Rome, Austin, London, Amsterdam have all worked for me as a solo woman looking for good hotels near shopping and great restaurants. I am not a pool person so that wasn’t as critical to me, but my Tulum, Cartagena, Vegas, Austin and Miami spots were all good that way.

  12. anon

    I have gained a bit of weight in covid and it’s really impacting my self esteem. This is the first time I (late 20s) have had weight/image related self esteem issues and I just feel like such a schlub. Prior to the pandemic, I was pretty fit and many of my activities were active. I think my issues are partially dealing with the fact that I’m now overweight and partially that I’m not this fit, active person I once was.

    Work/life are both calming down after a crazy 19 months, so I’m hopeful that I’ll lose weight and get back in shape but I do get discouraged with how slow that process is and how long I have to go. I’m also having trouble breaking my bad habits of frequent takeout and relaxing by watching TV – pre-pandmic I cooked frequently and worked out approx 5x times a week.

    • Anon

      It’s hard. I actually lost a lot of weight the first year of the pandemic from being more active and cooking more. But I guess I have burned out since then, and now I’ve been having health issues that keep me from sleeping, so now I’m at the highest weight I’ve ever been and just don’t feel like myself. I think if I went and got a makeover I would be okay on the self esteem front, but in terms of energy/feeling okay, I just want to be back to normal.

    • Anonymous

      I’m overweight (not trying to lose weight), but very active. A lot of my self-esteem issues went away when I started practicing body neutrality. I struggled for most of my life (more than 25 years) with weight issues, but body neutrality is the one thing that helps me focus on my fitness and activities I love without getting bogged down in the number on the scale. Even if you do want to lose weight, I think that changing the mindset can be really helpful. Then you can enjoy the activity and your fitness gains even if the number on the scale doesn’t change right away. It helps with self-confidence and focus (and motivation).

      • anon

        I guess I’m not so concerned with the number on the scale but how I look (or how I think I look – and I currently think I look terrible) and how active/strong/fast I am.

        Will have to look into body neutrality!

    • Anon

      This has been a very stressful interval, one way or the other. Give yourself some grace and set small goals. Can you do a 30 minute walk before work and a 30 minute walk at lunch? Boom, that’s an hour of exercise. It’s not essential that you do this 2x every day, but aim for at least 10x, with anything else as a bonus. It’s different than what you did before, but if you do this for 2 months, you will be ready to step it up a bit. Start a 30 day planking challenge, which won’t take more than a few minutes a day. Think of some healthy, delicious foods that you love and make these a habit, so healthy eating doesn’t feel like deprivation. You are still you, and you deserve to make it a priority to take steps that make you feel more like yourself.

    • Anon

      I mean this to be encouraging: weight often comes off in fits and spurts, especially if you spent over a year putting it on. A lot of things have changed, from your gut bacteria to how your body processes and stores energy. It takes a long time to get all of that back to where it was before.

      Change your habits slowly to get back to where you were before. Focus on the end result: fitness and health. The number on the scale can be maddening. If you feel safe doing so, plan a trip with a fitness component, such as hiking up a mountain or running a marathon.

    • JD

      I gained some weight having a kid and a bit more from the pandemic (snacks at home!). I feel in the same place where it’s just so hard to think of exercising. Since that’s a longer term lifestyle change, I recently bought some clothing that I really like for my current size. Still a struggle, but I feel more myself having a few pieces I love.

    • Anon

      It does take a long time! I remind myself, though, that time is passing either way. If I start now, then I am six months further along than if I wait to start in six months (even if it’s slower for those first six months).

    • Anonymous

      Don’t beat yourself up. If you can, find a way to buy a few pieces that you like that fit you now. Doesn’t need to be expensive but when my clothes fit I feel better. Then give yourself grace and allow yourself to do small steps. You didn’t gain the weight in a month – so it’ll take more than a month for weight to change and sizes and shapes to change. You are worthy of love and joy regardless of your size.

  13. Anonymous

    One more from me (I’m also the formal wedding guest) – talk to me about bunion surgery. My feet look fug but aren’t painful. Should I hold out as long as I can or get the surgery while I’m still young enough to want to wear cute shoes? 48 now.

    • Anon

      If you think you will ultimately need the surgery I’d get it when you think it will be easiest for you to recover

      • No Problem

        Agree with this. I will need bunion surgery some day and will not be waiting until my 60s like my mom did.

        And pain isn’t the only reason to do it: you need your big toe in the right place to provide balance. I bet it’s not easy to stand on one foot, is it? Having your toe in the right place will also make lots of activities so much easier, again due to balance and also due to having a more natural gait.

    • Anon

      Your doctor will never want you to wear cute shoes that you cannot wear now. I know from personal experience.

      • Anonymous

        Yep. One sister, three foot surgeries. She still can’t wear cute shoes.

    • Horse Crazy

      I’d wait until you have pain. I just did both of mine last year – it’s a really sh*tty recovery (although 100% worth it), so I wouldn’t put myself through that if I wasn’t already in pain.

    • Mon

      I had bunion surgery quite young, like 11, and still have some pain. I just turned 50. But maybe it’s better now.

    • AZCPA

      Don’t do it for “cuteness!” As others have mentioned, you are unlikely to actually be able to wear the cute shoes. Plus, insurance won’t cover it without pain, so you’d be paying for it on your own. And, there tends to be an expiration date for the correction, so put it off as long as you can (this was advice from 2 podiatrists). I had one foot done at 25, and can see it deteriorating at bit at 40, so suspect that do be true; I’ll likely need it done again in my 50s.

      Recovery was horribly painful, so I couldn’t imagine going through the procedure unless my day to day pain was significant.

  14. Anon

    I wish I knew this . . . how do I get my Google password? I’m logged in permanently on one computer (so don’t need to enter my PW), but I’m getting a new computer and new phone (moving my non-work stuff off of work gadgets (I know, I know)) and need to figure out how to long on from another device. Much clicking has not helped :(

    • Anonymous

      Just reset the password and then write it down somewhere. Signed someone whose mother is the proud owner of 5 FB accounts because she refuses to save passwords or do a reset.

      • Anon

        What? Go to the passwords in your browser and look up what it is! No need to reset but make sure you have 2 factor authentication in!

    • Ses

      Ok, there might be a way – assuming your password is saved in Chrome. Test this by opening an “incognito” browser and going to gmail and clicking into the login fields. Does it auto populate your info? That means it’s saved somewhere. If so, go to saved passwords in your browser, search Google, and unhide the password.

    • Anon

      If you let me know what browser you are using, I can walk you through step-by-step how to find your password. If it is safe to your computer, you can almost certainly access it without needing to reset.

  15. Anon

    Ok I have to be on topic for once and comment on the sweater. Looks cozy but as a knitter if just reminds me of knitting your first sweater and having it come out way, way too big.

    • Anon

      Yep, it’s what you make to pad around the house and use up a stash of yarn. Fun, but definitely not $395 of fun.

  16. Audreycat

    That’s got to be the ugliest sweater I’ve ever seen. It’s quirky in the worst way.

    • anon

      It reminds me of those garish knit (crocheted?) blankets from the 70s and early 80s.

    • Anon

      I just clicked on the farm rio link. Brace yourself if you think the striped one is ugly.

      • Audreycat

        Oh my. So this is where the crazy cat ladies buy them from (also- I love cats, no judgement on the cats, just the sweaters).

  17. Your favorite fast dinner

    What is your favorite fast dinner? I’m in a food rut.

    I’m talking about something that you can get on the table in 30-45 minutes. We can’t eat onions so no salsa + chicken in a crockpot, please.

    • Anon

      Breakfast for dinner. Toast. Scrambled or fried eggs. Sausage or bacon. Hash browns from frozen. Precut fruit salad from the grocery store.

      Or literally frozen burritos. Nuked, then smothered in canned or jarred enchilada sauce or Taco Bell mild sauce, topped with shredded cheese and nuked again just to warm up the sauce and melt the cheese a bit. This is a poor man’s wet burrito.

    • Anonymous

      Vegetarian burritos with black beans, shredded cheese, salsa (you can omit), avocado, and pickled jalapenos. SO fast and easy and healthy. You can also added roasted red peppers or things like that if you want.

    • Anonymous

      Stir-fry with vermicelli or rice noodles. Just add boiling water from the kettle to a bowl with the noodles while you stir-fry whatever, rinse the noodles in cold water, add to stir fry. Done. Takes whatever time you spend cutting things and stir-frying the protein. Maybe 10 minutes from stir-fry start.

      Fish bake. Pre-heat oven. While oven is heating add vegetables like asparagus, carrots, peppers, brokkoli, green beans or tomatoes to a sheet pan, toss in olive oil and seasoning. Add pieces of fish on top, bake for 15 minutes.

      Pasta carbonara. Boil pasta. While pasta is cooking, saute garlic (ditch the onion) and bacon or parma ham, grate parmesan and whip an egg. When pasta is done, drain and add to pan to coat with bacon fat, put in bowl and add egg and parmesan, stir. Whole thing is 10 minutes from the time your water boils.

      Pasta with pesto. Boil pasta. Drain, add pesto and parmesan.

      Cheat’s risotto. Boil kettle to have hot water for stock. Saute mushrooms, add sage and pepper. Add short-grain rice, and saute to coat grains. Add stock cube, and 1 cm of boiling water, stir well, add the rest of the water (cheat’s risotto!) and stir occasionally while rice boils (15 minutes). Dress with butter and parmesan and parsley.

    • anon

      My usual answer is burgers on a countertop grill.

      But a recent discovery was that the grocery store sells 4 slices of country ham in pack for $5. Take one slice per person, put on tinfoil, heat in the oven for 10 minutes at 360. Steam or saute vegetables while it cooks, serve with dinner rolls (cooked at the same time) or mac ‘n cheese.

    • Anon

      My favorite “salad for a meal” right now is romaine + oil tinned tuna + chopped red (or yellow or orange) sweet peppers + lemon juice + olive oil + wine vinegar + kalamata olives. It’s very filling, so it might be enough served with bread and maybe some quick tomato soup (=can, jar or carton of crushed/strained tomatoes + salt + basil + heavy cream).

    • Anonymous

      Eggs with toast; add a waffle if I’m wanting something more/sweet (like an Eggo not making my own batter).
      Amy’s Indian meal;
      Spaghetti with sautéed spinach (frozen) and jarred tomato sauce;
      Sautee some vegetable like a zucchini or eggplant (fresh) and toss that with pasta with cheese on top or a spoonful of olive oil stirred in to make it moist.
      Rice with lentlis (daal)

      Obviously all of these are vegetarian but I don’t consider any meat dish to be fast – given my paranoia with raw meat, washing hands and pans etc. a million times. Spaghetti with spinach and tomato sauce is 100% the favorite right now.

    • Anonymous

      Salmon, asparagus, and red potatoes all cooked in the oven on a sheet pan, quesadillas with guacamole, eggs and toast, tortillini and pesto, spaghetti with jarred sauce (we like Rao’s) and sauteed mushrooms and sausage with a bagged salad.

    • Anon

      I microwave a bowl of carton egg whites with cut-up raw veggies mixed in, like a lazy frittata. Everyone gets their own cereal bowl, so no fights over veggie preferences. Takes less than five min each to cook, and my microwave can fit three of that size bowls at a time. Fridge to table in under ten minutes.

    • Monte

      Egg fried rice with all of your leftover veggies

      Some sort of stewed lentils with tomatoes, provided you have canned lentils around. (It might seem like a sin considering how quickly lentils can cook, but sometimes you don’t have the time.)

      Cacio e pepe

      The Kitchn’s recipe for moist chicken breasts with a simple salad and farro on the side

      NYT’s Sheet Pan Feta with Broccoli (you can leave out the onions)

    • Anonymous

      Soba noodles, bottled peanut sauce, pan-grilled tofu, scissored up herbs. This is a good way to use up random herbs.

    • Seafinch

      I did a tenderloin in the Instant Pot this week for carnitas. Just chop and lay out fixings. Dinner a Love Story chili is fast. Many of my suppers are that fast: grilled meat, plus a steamed veg or two, plus a starch like rice in the IP/mashed potatoes in the IP/ garlic bread, plus a salad.

  18. New iPhone

    I just bought a new iPhone, and Apple is offering incentives from each of the mobile carriers. Because you can get some trade-in value for your old phone and also get the carrier incentives, it was actually the best deal to buy directly from Apple. Since new phones have E-Sim cards, there is generally no need to go to the mobile carrier’s store.

  19. Liz

    Speaking of phones- I’m an android user and travel often. I would love to find a cell phone with dual sim cards. This appears to be rare within the US. Anybody seen one with positive reviews? Thanks.

    • Anon

      I have one. Bought the Galaxy S10 online from Walmart in December and it’s unlocked and has dual sim. I moved to Asia and use it a lot so it does work.

  20. Need resume advice

    I’m an attorney whose been in current position for 5 years and it is my 8th lawyer job in my 20 years. The last time I was job hunting, I listed each job with a description of the work, shorter description for older jobs and longer description for more relevant or recent jobs. I think the job descriptions helped show my progression and explain the relatively frequent moves even though the early positions are totally irrelevant to my current goals. In order to describe current position, I have to cut some old content to make room.

    Should I: (a) omit the first few jobs which could look like I didn’t work the first few years after law school; (b) list all positions but without description for the early ones; or (c) lump first 4 jobs that are irrelevant to current career goals and cover with a couple sentences that doesn’t go into details of employer, location, title, etc.?

    • Anonymous

      Maybe just don’t list your law school class year? Or “additional work history available on request”?

    • Anon

      How long is your resume? Can you fit all 8 on 2 pages? I would do a 2 page resume before cutting content

      • Anon

        Huh. I would never do a two page resume in this situation. When you’ve been practicing for 20 years no one care about the details of your first job out of law school.

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