This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Oooh: Nordstrom has a bunch of new markdowns in their early Black Friday sale that they just started. I wonder if we'll see a ton of early sales due to concerns about the supply chain and so forth? I have like four pairs of lug-sole boots in my cart right now, and I'm also ogling this Barefoot Dreams colorblocked cardigan.
I feel like it's a great way to get on the “beige everything” trend if you're not really a beige person, as well as to stay cozy (and yes, it has pockets!). Colorblocked sweaters are also kind of a trend (whether rainbow or otherwise). I'll try to a roundup of some more specifics from the sale — tons of shoes and coats from first glance, as well as Anniversary Sale-level prices on lots of favorite lingerie.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
A few nice things from the sale…
![link to sweater at Nordstrom collage of pink bodysuit, navy dress, stripey v-neck cashmere sweater, stripey dress](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/nordstrom-black-friday-sales-2021.png)
![link to Nordstrom for Madewell Citywalk boots collage of four lug sole chelsea boots, all black except for #4 (pictured in olive but available in black suede also)](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/nordstrom-black-friday-sales-2021-lug-sole-chelsea-boots-for-work.png)
![to Nordstrom for Edelman coat collage of 5 coats: black, black, red, green, brown](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/nordstrom-black-friday-sales-2021-winter-coats.png)
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Ugh, I’m frustrated that Democrats are trying to eliminate the backdoor Roth IRA option in the latest budget and reconciliation bill efforts. My household makes $210K in a very high COL area and we only just started earning enough to need to contribute to a backdoor Roth at all. There’s a good chance we’ll never have enough for retirement, especially with Social Security being on the rocks like it always is and not being able to afford a home in our area – why can’t Dems make the change only for the very wealthy instead? I don’t think our 401ks are going to be enough and we’re not eligible to contribute to a Roth IRA otherwise (and we don’t qualify for life insurance outside of the limited policies available through work). I would be in favor of limiting backdoor Roth IRAs for the mega-rich, but why hit upper-middle-class people too? Am I missing something here?
Source if anyone’s interested: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/11/04/democrats-put-401k-and-ira-restrictions-back-into-build-back-better.html
Anon
I feel like they are slowly realizing that there aren’t enough billionaires to fund everything on the wishlist. And we don’t have the collectivist ethos like Scandinavia where everyone pays quite a bit in taxes to fund tax-paid things. So next on the list are millionaires (still not enough — those are mostly older people who have assets but who may have fairly low incomes) and vanilla well-paid but not rich people.
Anonymous
I don’t really agree with that, actually – they seem to want to leave the billionaires virtually untouched even though there are more than enough of them to go around. Every time we talk about a wealth tax for very high net worth individuals, it gets super watered down or eliminated.
Anon
Yes, to me it always seems to be about taxing people who work for a living while the truly wealthy get a break.
Anon
Yep, the people who can afford to buy Senators, basically.
Anonymous
Agree – tax the damn billionaires already
Anon
I’m in a similar boat. I only got a decent-paying job this month, so I won’t be eligible for the 401k until next year, and it looks like the option will disappear literally the second I can sign up. So aggravated.
This party seems determined to shoot itself in the foot repeatedly. It’s like that teacher who revels in keeping the whole class in from recess because one kid won’t stop talking out of turn.
Anon
Wait what do you mean about the 401(k) option disappearing? Backdoor IRAs are different than Roth 401k contributions, right? Or does this bill affect both?
AZCPA
The bill only addresses the backdoor Roth loophole. Which has always been a loophole vs an intentional feature of the Roth.
Anonymous
Congrats on being rich. Sorry you want even more tax subsidies.
Anon
Right? I don’t care where you live, $210k is objectively rich. You’re in the top 10% of earners in the US.
Anon
Well the poverty line in San Francisco is actually 117k/year for a family of 4. Not the OP but 210k/yr combined here wouldn’t get you much.
Alli
I wouldn’t call that rich, especially when it’s a combined income.
Anon
Yeah, exactly. I do understand the retirement anxiety and I think it’s especially frustrating that billionaires seem to be able to find loopholes for everything, but at some point you just have to recognize that you’re really fortunate. You can save for retirement without a tax advantaged account, nothing’s stopping you. I’ve always thought the back door Roth was sort of a scam- either there should be income limits or not, no silly work arounds.
Anon
Also, if you’re married and make 210k and max out two 401ks, I’m pretty sure you are actually eligible to contribute to a Roth IRA. It’s based on AGI, not gross income.
Anon
Maybe she meant their AGI was $210k, but even then they will be able to contribute a non-zero amount in 2022 (income limits are going up so the complete phase out begins at $214k now).
Anon
Yeah, I agree with this.
The OP also says they can’t get life insurance other than through an employer sponsored plan, giving me the impression that the real goal is to amass a lot to pass down through inheritance. I’m not knocking the desire to do this, but I’m super ok not making additional tax advantaged ways to do that. (And would submit that our current system needs a major overhaul.)
Also if you are maxing out your 401ks, then you will be better off in retirement than the vast majority of Americans, even without the Roth.
Anon
Yeah I don’t really understand what cost of living has to do with retirement anxiety. I lived in the Bay Area (VHCOL) and now live in the rural Midwest (VLCOL). Nothing is really cheaper here except housing, which is WAY cheaper here (like 10-15 times cheaper). But a house is an asset you own. If you live in the Bay Area and earn exactly what I do, you’re accumulating net worth just as fast as I am (modulo income taxes, I guess, my state’s taxes are lower than California’s). You just have more wealth tied up in your house but I don’t see why that’s a problem because you can sell your house when you need the money. If you have a $2M house and $2.2M in retirement funds you will have just as much money going into the nursing home as someone with a $200k house and $4M in retirement funds.
The reality is that anyone who doesn’t come from nesting yacht money is never really going to be 100% confident they have enough for retirement. But anyone who earns six figures and is saving consistently in a 401k is doing far better than the vast majority of the US population.
Anon
TBH a lot of people finally start making $ when they have kids (so daycare > mortgage) and then fronting the huge downpayment and increased housing costs (no more sharing an apartment with roommates), so there is $ coming in and it goes out just as fast. So you don’t feel rich; you may have less $ than before.
NYCer
I disagree with this argument about COL. My best friend recently moved from NYC to a college town in South Carolina. Her toddler went to daycare in NYC and now goes to the same national chain daycare in SC – her daycare cost in NYC was literally 5+ times more than it is in SC.
Tbh she has been pretty amazed with how much cheaper everything is there (restaurants, extra curricular activities for her older child, property taxes, etc).
Anon
As if everyone can actually afford to buy a 2M house? I actually agree with your point generally, but the reality of VHCOL areas is that most people stay renters for much longer, if not forever, not that they just buy 2M houses and accumulate equity.
Anon
Well properly taxes are correlated to house prices so those are less. But quality daycare is harder to find here and the good places are $2k/month which is what my friends in the Bay Area pay too. You can spend less (though definitely not 5x less) but the care would be terrible. Activities are maybe slightly cheaper but not enough to make much difference to someone with a six figure income. There’s no equivalent of The French Laundry with a $400 tasting menu here is I guess you could argue restaurants are cheaper but we didn’t go to places like that on a regular basis, and our average restaurant tab is about the same ($25-30 entrees). Groceries and our cleaning service cost more here.
NYCer
Anon at 6:22pm, I think the point is that it is possible for some people to move from VHCOL places to LCOL cities and realize a significant difference in day to day costs. My friend’s daycare cost in NYC was $3500 a month and it is $612/month in her new city. That’s a significant savings. Like I said, this is Bright Horizons in both locations, so one would hope that the level of care is equivalent.
Re property taxes, I meant that the rate is lower in her new town vs NYC.
And yes, of course there are way fewer super fancy restaurants, but I was meaning more run of the mill neighborhood places. Prices at chain restaurants might be more similar, but she has noted the difference more in prices at a neighborhood restaurant in NYC vs. a neighborhood restaurant in her new city.
Obviously I still live in the VHCOL city, and this is all second hand info, but I have no reason to think she would lie to me. I full acknowledge that your situation in the Midwest sounds different, but I don’t think it’s accurate to say that is the case across the board.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t consider this remotely rich in a very high COL city. This is roughly my family’s household income in a medium COL city and we are comfortable and own our home. We would not be in this position if we lived in a city like SF, NY or DC, and we don’t even have kids yet (and if you follow the financial “rule” of not spending more than 10% of your income on childcare, only households making $175k+ can afford to have kids where *I* live). Obviously, there are many many people who are less fortunate who can and should get more government support. But $200k does not automatically mean you’re skating through life. There ARE more than enough billionaires *and companies* to tap into first, and moves like this are why the Democrats are struggling so much right now.
Anon
Seriously. Not being able to save to retire on $210k a year? Give me a break.
Anon
My dad spent 12k a month for dementia care until he died, and honestly the facility was not the best. Saving a lot is necessary in the US for eldercare, especially for those of us with chronic disease.
Anon
But allowing rich people to save an extra 6k per year in a Roth IRA doesn’t really solve that problem, does it? Wouldn’t we all be better off if we just funded long term care? You can still save money, this is just a limit on how much is subsidized.
Anon
So your solution is to float pie-in-the-sky ideas that will never happen, and cut off the knees of one of the currently viable options? Nonsensical.
Anonymous
Yep, OP here and we are dealing with chronic disease, multiple complicated elder care scenarios (involving multiple countries), and more. It does make me nervous for retirement. I know that we are so fortunate to have a roof over our heads, enough money to fulfill our needs, and the ability to save for retirement at all, especially considering our challenging backgrounds (food stamps to 200K, anyone?), but I do want to see more options and tax-advantaged savings vehicles for people making less than, say, $500K. I don’t think those people/families are in the same class as mega-billionaires. I really don’t.
Anon
If I’m reading it right, it would only eliminate the backdoor Roth once you hit $10M in retirement assets. Am I reading it incorrectly? If that’s correct, you would be ok.
Anon
You make $210k/year, figure it out. I make 1/4 of that and get by just fine – and pay my taxes. It’s just part of life.
Anonymous
I think your situation shows how this change will negatively impact dual-income couples in HCOL areas—many of whom are also paying their own student loans or saving for their children’s college. I would like to see additional incentives to save for retirement, not less.
AnonMom
You do realize you can contribute as much as you want to a taxable brokerage account, right? A backdoor Roth isn’t the only way to save for retirement.
Anon
This!!! You’re losing a tax break. It’s annoying, I get it. No one likes paying more taxes. But you’re not losing the ability to save as much as you want for retirement.
anon
Unpopular opinion alert: If you can’t live the life you want in a VHCOL location, you can consider moving to a different area where you can have a lower COL. People do this every day. If you want to live where it is expensive, that is a choice, and it is one you do not have to make. There are great paying jobs all over- you are likely a professional with that income and there is not necessarily a big difference in income in different parts of the country for professional salaries. You can simply move to a lower COL, lower tax location.
Anonymous
Where would you go for a fancy night out with your sister in midtown Manhattan? We want to see the tree and check out the windows and then have a fancy ladies’ night.
ElisaR
fig and olive has a midtown location near there…. i love that spot.
anon
L’avenue at Saks is right across the street and has a very upscale vibe.
The Bar at Baccarat Hotel is very pretty inside and has great (very expensive) cocktails.
Mastros has a lively evening crowd, sometimes has live music, but keep in mind it’s a steakhouse.
If you want to get really fancy, you could do Le Bernardin, or if you just want some wine, you could go to Aldo Sohm wine bar which is right across from there (the sommelier at Le Bernardin is the owner I believe).
Sushi Lab – either rooftop or the chemistry room, for the omakase.
Anonymous
Thank you!!
NYNY
They’re both spendy, but Butter or Avra Estiatorio. Butter is Alex Guarnaschelli’s restaurant, and it’s lovely and delicious. Avra Estiatorio is Greek seafood. You could also do Smith & Wollensky for classic steakhouse fare.
NYCer
You’ve gotten some good recs, but here are a few others:
The Grill at the Seagram building
Nougatine (or Jean Georges if you really want fancy)
Marea
Polo Bar
Fleming by Le Bilboquet (technically lower UES, but close to midtown)
Anonymous
Omg marea!! Yes! Classy and upscale but inventive, super fresh sea food – yes
I’d also say consider The Smith or leaving that area entirely unless you need to stay near trains or whatever
Anon
I have a weird problem. I have a lot of 1-on-1 close friends, but very few groups I do anything with. I blame the pandemic and WFH for this, but it was always an issue even before that. Now I have a 100% remote job so I don’t have much human interaction during the week. I’m realizing I really miss doing stuff with groups.
Adding to the problem: I’m in my 40s. Many (not all, but many) people I know are wrapped up in their kids and it affects every aspect of their lives, like where they live, how they spend their weekends, and so on. Without kids, I feel unmoored, like I’m not getting into the cool suburban hangouts or whatever people are doing. Suddenly it’s all about their kids’ friends and birthday parties and family events.
I live in a major city, but even though it’s big, it can feel quite traditional at the end of the day, with many people following a definite prescribed path of move to city in 20s, move to more chill neighborhood in 30s, and move out to the burbs by 40s. I know that’s not everyone, but it’s what I’ve been feeling.
Where are the non-parent 40somethings hanging out? Anyone else slowly emerging from their pandemic cocoon and looking for friends, socializing, and group activities? Any inspiration for how to shake things up and meet people would be so appreciated.
Anonymous
Throw a party
Anon
Noooo, I don’t think that’s a good idea. People ghost and don’t show up.
Anon
If you have crappy friends, I guess.
Anon
I know a lot of late 40s empty-nesters, so parents but the kids are in college and those grownups definitely want to get out and about. Agree that the early 40s people are in a slog — work, kids, work + kids, pandemic and any/all of the above. FWIW, I feel like I am new in my city, but meet-up groups are for people in their 20s. I find that random people talk more at breweries and hate that cold weather may shut casual chattering spots down.
Anonymous
I’m still hanging out with parent friends. My peers have 10-20 year olds and they do make time for cocktails, campfires, and dinners. I also do some outdoorsy stuff since people like to be outside in my circles – we go for walks, hikes, daytrips for skiing.
Anonymous
I would sign up for a masters sport of some kind – like a swim club or running group. One of the best ways to make new friends as an adult is to become a “regular” at something.
Shelle
Following as I start to face this question. CFBC in my late 30s. So far my solution has been to meet people at common interest events or activities in the city, but they’re usually a decade younger than me and at one point this strategy will get weird haha. I was wondering about trying meetups targeted at older CFBC people?
Monte
Yes to becoming a regular somewhere. I am mid 40s, single, and childfree, while my best (local) friends have all recently had kids. To get back into socializing, I have been doing more volunteering post-vaccination, which has slowly led to making new friends at my weekly gig. I am also getting ready to train for a late 2022 marathon, so back to the running group circuit. Those activities plus group music and/or art lessons and watching sports at the same local dive bar and I feel like I have some group activities that will lead to more fun. Not all of these friends are going to become BFFs, but they lead to fun afternoons with people who share my interests.
Anon
I am mid-forties CFBC, and childfree folks in my town are the poets, songwriters, actors, and painters. They are the people at art galleries, plays, concerts, etc. Parents often don’t have the time or money it takes to get noticed in a creative field.
Tonight we are going to see a friend debut her third album with her band. Very excited; her last album got four Grammy noms.
More generally, I socialize with people I met while doing NaNoWriMo meet-ups (fellow writers).
Anon
Why not get all your close friends together and see if some of them hit it off?
PolyD
Maybe get involved in some local theater groups? They can trend young, it then people disappear during their 30s and come back in their 40s and 50s when they have more time.
I did backstage crew and even appeared in a couple of shows back in the day. It was a lot of time but really fun, and helped me make friends when I was new in town.
Do you like working out?
Finding a nice/friendly CrossFit community was awesome, but I love working out (not a super strong or particularly good athlete, though), so YMMV.
Coach Laura
I also suggest broadening your search for non-parents to 40-50-60yo with grown or no children. Once you get past childrearing ages, the age differences should be less important. Limiting oneself to the 40yo population is, well, limiting.
Anon
It’s not important even if you are in child-rearing age. I’ve had friends one or two decades older than me since I was in my early 20’s. Now I have friends in their mid 20s too.
Coach Laura
Right, I don’t think it’s important but OP obviously did. Many people limit their friends to those in the same age bracket or life stage. I think those that have friends of different ages are less common.
Anon
I am finding something uplifting about seeing so many presidents together at Colin Powell’s funeral.
Anon
There were three out of six possible. I’m surprised at Clinton’s absence.
Anon
He was recently in the hospital so I suspect it was health related.
Anon
He’s sick. Hillary went in his place.
Anon
Does anyone have any good tips for removing pills from winter sweaters? I think some of mine need some TLC.
Monday
There are “sweater shavers,” but they’re sort of a stopgap IME. I now only buy vintage sweaters that are 100% wool or cotton, which don’t pill. I also have 2 cashmere sweaters recently made that aren’t pilling, but they were ultra-expensive gifts.
I suspect the ubiquity of pilling is one of those subtle quality expectations that has changed drastically in the last few decades, mostly due to knit blends (which are cheaper to make).
Anon
Thanks, I looked some up and they seem reasonable in price. Maybe the solution is to buy better sweaters in the long run – but I want to try and save some of these in the mean time.
Anon
I’ve just been using my sweater shaver. It’s ok but it’s a lot of work. I find it works better if I hold my hand behind the area being shaved but it still takes lots of runs.
There’s also a manual solution called a Sweater Stone. It’s like a rough textured rectangle almost like a pumice stone that grabs the pills and pulls them off. You use it sort of like a lint remover.
CHL
I like the Laundresses sweater comb.
Anonymous
+ 1, much better than the sweater stone I tried.
Anon
Thank you – I’ll look that up!
Kaye
Sweater comb did not work for me (I tried the Laundress one). Sweater shaver is going strong 15 years later – I love that thing. Yes, it takes a while – maybe 5 minutes per sweater? Maybe a bit more? but definitely worth it. Works better for those large pills than the tiny ones that just make the fabric look old, if you know what I mean.
All my sweaters are 100% wool, and they definitely do pill. Cashmere is way worse than merino, so now I try to only look for not-cashmere sweaters. I don’t understand the current obsession with cashmere.
I’d love to hear which higher-end brands don’t pill. For me, Tory Burch merino cardigans don’t pill, but do develop holes eventually. My Kate Spade merino cardigan is doing well with not much pilling. My Inhabit cashmere sweater did pretty well (but shrank). I’d love to hear more recommendations, especially for cashmere sweaters that hold up.
Blerg
Found out I didn’t get a GC job I had two good rounds of interviews for by seeing the organization post on their Instagram account that they hired someone! I reached out to the recruiters to let them know I saw it and to thank them for their support and help (no burning bridges and they don’t control the org’s Insta). Turns out, the candidate that was hired is local (this was a national search), doesn’t have the experience the org said they were looking for, it doesn’t appear to have been the way the current GC suggested they go, and was a total surprise to the recruiters. So Happy Friday to me! (I am counting this as a bullet dodged because I am bummed but it’s obviously not the end of the world).
Anon
So sorry this is the way you find out, but I would also count this as a dodged bullet. Keep on!
OP
Thanks!
Shots. Shots. Shots.
Wow this is some epic nonsense. Reminder that I am always here for you.
OP
Haha Thank you!!
Anon
I am so sorry! Something similar happened to me recently and it’s such a bummer and a bad feeling. I was in the running for an ACG position, had three rounds of interviews + a writing sample, after weeks of silence they told me they went with another candidate and simultaneously re-posted the job listing on multiple job sites that I frequent. I’m counting it as a bullet dodged as well, but it stung!
OP
Gahhhhhh. I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. :(
Anon
I’ve been in this boat – I found out because LinkedIn recommended the re-posted job as “a top job pick for me.” Guess we were both wrong, LinkedIn!
Anon
I’ve been stuck in mod forever, so reposting:
I am so sorry! Something similar happened to me recently and it’s such a bummer and a bad feeling. I was in the running for an ACG position, had three rounds of interviews + a writing sample, after weeks of silence they told me they went with another candidate and simultaneously re-posted the job listing on multiple job s-tes that I frequent. I’m counting it as a bullet dodged as well, but it stung!
Anon
I feel like the org where I work is imploding. We experience a major shift in the work we do just before the pandemic started, then there was/is the pandemic, and now we are expecting a major leadership change at the end of Q4 — they just announced who is taking over, and there’s a lot of mixed feelings. Almost every day I come in to the office I hear that another person gave notice. I really love the work, and loved the job before all this, and my plan has been to hang out for a while and see what the new leadership brings (maybe it’ll be good?) and what that means for me. But with so many people jumping ship, it’s hard to stay the course. Of course, I’m also burned out from the pandemic, picking up the slack for everyone leaving, etc. Does anyone have anecdata of this kind of thing ending well?
Guv
Solidarity. I am in org leadership and we are facing a kind of natural attrition moment (lots of people started around the same time about 5 years ago and now naturally are leaving, there isn’t a path for growth for them internally) coupled with some good, needed changes in accountability and recognizing poor performance and getting people out, plus covid burnout, so it feels like an exodus and there are Feelings. But overall we treat people really well (incredible benefits, salaries, flexibility, mission-driven) so it’s a challenge overall. I think it is a natural growing pain for us and hopefully in 6 months or so it will be great again, but in the meantime it is a struggle.
Anon
I’ve been with my org for six years through five immediate manager changes and countless leadership changes, mergers, going public, you name it. I’m not here because I love it but because I’ve honestly been able to make these changes into opportunities. The change is stressful but at this point I have a very good understanding of what will be a permanent change that I need to adjust to and what I need to just weather and it will go away soon. In this period, I’ve been promoted with significant pay increase three times which is not bad and not great, but I’m accomplishing this without the drag of job-searching which I do find to be a significant bonus of my strategy. At this point I know most of the leaders just under the C-suite as well as those who might fill those roles. I can self-promote to that group (and have no interest in being part of that group). If there is a real turd there, I have honestly used whisper tactics against their rise or to contribute to their unseating. It’s a very quiet game of politics. I don’t enjoy it but a. I have a goal in mind for title / pay that will make it easiest to job search, and b. I am actually learning a new skill (politics) that’s absolutely invaluable.
I want to add that I previously worked at a company that lost its license for its primary revenue stream and promptly went out of business. I got out before then but I could smell it a mile away. Rampant nepotism, lack of financial controls, misappropriation of funds, shady vendors – it was only a matter of time. This was also accompanied by a leadership carousel and attrition, but there was a core group at the top that clearly was just trying to find yes-men to stick around. So if you’re in a situation where there is an identifiable leader core that surrounds themselves with turds – get out.
anonymous
This sweater reminds me of Neapolitan ice cream.
Anon
I covet this sweater but it doesn’t come in my size! I’m a 1x and the last xl I bought in this brand seemed to run very small in the shoulders/sleeves.
Anon
Christmas list question-
Can anyone speak to the quality of LL Bean cashmere? Especially in recent years, as I know quality can change over time (looking at you, Land’s End.)
I have my eye on the longish open cardigan but I don’t want any more crappy cashmere. I’m potentially asking for it for Christmas.
Tea/Coffee
I have the longish open cardigan, as well as a v-neck pullover, and find them to be good quality although I am not a consumer of high-end cashmere (well, anything really). Minimal pilling, not getting thin, still look very nice several years in and probably have many years left. I do find the fit of LLBean in general is a little bit on the big and boxy side, so while I am normally a solid small, in LLB I waffle between small and xs.
Almost entirely worn for work so not being put through tough challenges exactly. That said, I definitely recommend getting them on sale!
Anon
Candle lovers, are there any $30-$40 range candle brands sold on Amazon that you really like? I see they have higher priced Diptique and Jo Malone candles but my in-laws would balk at those being on my wish list.
I like floral, herbal, and citrus scents. “Vanilla sugar cookie” is my worst nightmare in a candle. I haven’t had great luck with Yankee Candle. Any other brands to suggest?
Anon
Amazon should have Capri Blue, Voluspa, etc.
Pompom
Voluspa and Capri Blue candles are lovely and in that price range. I’ve bought them on the river s i t e before, but you can take them for a sniff at Anthro.
Is it Friday yet?
Nest candles are nice as well.
Cat
+1, the Nest grapefruit one smells heavenly. I’ve seen them at Nordstrom Rack
Anon in TX
I received a gift package of Voluspa candles and their scents were so strong and artificial-smelling that I couldn’t use the candles.
Paddywax
Not sure if these are on Amazon, but hand-poured in Nasvhille. The salted grapefruit is like summer in a cup.
Liz
I gifted my MIL the Jonathan Adler grapefruit candle a couple years ago – looks like it’s $36 on Amazon right now! I loved the scent. Very fresh and invigorating but not detergent-y at all.
Monday
Paddywax! And they’re actually a bit under your price range (for 8 oz).
Notagirl
Paddywax is amazing.
I also like illume (their woodfire candle is the truest to life of any woodsmoke candles I have smelled – and I smell them all, wherever I go).
kag
Rituals
Anon
Sydney Hale Co. They’re soy candles from Virginia, and they have an amazing throw, one candle can scent my whole apartment. They have two wicks, so none of the wax is wasted around the edges. My favorite is Bergamot + Black Tea, but I have the Jasmine + Mint one right now, and they have a summer mint one that’s very refreshing. I don’t know if they’re on Amazon, but they’re great.
Anon
None of my suits fit. It’s close, so they might fit again (in 7-10 pounds). But I’m a fool to not order my pieces (from a mall store) in a larger size now that I’m back in the office and have my first work-travel trip booked. Especially when there is a sale and I can get shipping. Stuff might arrive in time for the trip even.
[Work is casual, but some events require a suit and I have nothing suitable should I need to go to a funeral in winter. I had a surprise summer funeral and a resulting unplanned trip to the mall, which was stocked with crop tops, joggers, and lug-soled shoes.]
Anon
Do it! I just went to order the next size up in my suit pants and they were out of stock, so I would order them before you really really need them.
Anon
Order a few nice pieces! I am hanging onto 5-7 extra postpartum pounds, just enough so that a lot of things don’t quite fit right. There’s the psychological benefit of fitting into my flattering clothes; there’s also the very real benefit of taking the time to shop and find things that I like, ideally on sale, rather than spending a bloody fortune on something I dislike just because it’s the only thing I can find in time.
anon
Yes, do it! Says the person who was caught with ill fitting clothes for a work event this week.
Anonymoira
Need some Hive wisdom on this very, very first world problem. I closed on a house in May. It was a conventional 30 year mortgage. Put 20% down, have excellent credit, and got a good interest rate. Part of the offer included the seller crediting me for a $3k deposit they had recently put down to have quartz countertops installed in the kitchen. Per the purchase agreement, the seller’s contract with the quartz installer was transferred to me so I could go pick out the style I wanted and would then pay the balance upon installation, which we all knew would be post-closing (turned out to be three months after closing before full completion, but that’s for another bottle of wine).
Fast forward two days ago, my loan processor calls + emails requesting proof that the installation was completed. I asked for the rationale, given that the loan wasn’t contingent on countertop installation. I also kindly pointed out that it was not very customer-centric for their company to ask their clients to dig out records six months post-closing to satisfy internal auditors (I was guessing on that last part). She said it was part of the purchase agreement (wrong!) and that the “investor” was requesting it. She did apologize for the hassle and then said taking a picture of the countertops would be acceptable. Huh? I could forward something off of Pinterest. Any insight on what is going on and how to push back with a well-reasoned argument beyond installation completion was never part of the agreement? I hate being a pain and refusing when I could easily forward a pic, but it’s the principle of something so redonkulous.
Anon
I would just send the picture and forget about it.
Anon
+1 I would not waste any more mental energy on this at all.
Anonymous
I know just enough to be dangerous here, but I think this is a statutory compliance issue the investor flagged. Send them the picture or, even better, a receipt and move on.
Cat
So… you did say that “per the purchase agreement” the contract was to be transferred?
Anyway I would send the picture and get it off my mental list.
Cat
reposting bc of tr-ns
So… you did say that “per the purchase agreement” the contract was to be tr-nsferred?
Anyway I would send the picture and get it off my mental list.
Anonymous
Seriously, why are you not just sending a picture? I honestly don’t get the “stand” you’re trying to make. It seems like you’re being weirdly difficult just for the joy of being difficult here.
Anon
+1
anon
I truly don’t understand the problem here. Just send the stupid pic!
Anonymous
In case you’re still reading, it’s possible the lender is tracking this because you committed in the purchase agreement to take on the contract and they want to make sure there aren’t construction liens levied on the property for work that predates the sale. No idea if this is true— but it might be enough justification to get you over the hump to just send the photos.
Anon
I’m going to disagree with the other commenters (some of whom need to examine their need to reply to people as rudely as possible). I would not like this if I were you; I feel like it’s a really weird request. I’ve been a homeowner for 20 years and owned two different houses and have had many friends and family members buy and sell homes, and I have never heard of anything like this – someone asking for proof that work mentioned in the purchase agreement (but that was not listed as a contingent action in the sale) had been completed. I don’t understand why an “investor” would be involved in this unless somehow your mortgage got sold to an investment group instead of a bank, or something? I agree the easiest path forward is to send the photo, but to me that doesn’t solve the puzzle of, why are these people even asking for this in the first place? Are there going to be more requests like this in the future? I don’t like the idea that after a sale is closed, people I don’t know are asking for information that really can’t possibly be relevant to them. If you hadn’t installed the countertops, how does that change anything for the mortgage *servicer* as long as you pay your mortgage on time? There’s something about this that seems scammy to me but I can’t put my finger on it.
Since you were emailed, I would email back in writing that you’ve examined the purchase agreement and completion of the countertops wasn’t mentioned as condition of the sale, and maybe attach the agreement to the email. And then just say you’re not comfortable providing photos of the interior of your home to unknown entities. And then see if they re-contact you. If this is some kind of big enforceable deal I’m sure they won’t let it go and you can decide from there what to do.
Anon
Agreed on all points.
OP
Thanks for all of the thoughtful responses!
Anonymous
So giving a copy of a purchase agreement is less info violation than a picture of counters?
Anon
Mortgages are almost often (almost always) sold on the secondary market. Often within 30 days but sometimes it can take months.
What I hear you saying is that there was an escrow holdback for the new countertops. Or something along those lines. What is likely happening is the investor that is buying the loan is requesting proof of the countertop installation as a part of the final audit. It is very standard and while the request may seem odd and nitpicky but it is not uncommon.
If your original mortgage company is unable to sell the loan they will likely face penalties and potentially deep losses. So I’d do them a solid and just send them the picture.
Anon
A good breakdown of why they’re asking here. https://www.jvmlending.com/blog/stips-loan-salability-facing-huge-losses-and-why-a-competitor-went-to-bat-for-us/
Anon
This is a parenting question but I’m asking here instead of the moms page because I would appreciate a broader range of perspectives. We’re taking my almost 4 year old to a psychologist soon. The first appointment will be over the phone and both my daughter and I will be on the line (I’m skeptical about how much she can communicate over the phone, since she can barely sustain a conversation with her grandparents over the phone, but this is what they requested). My question is twofold – how do I talk to my kid in advance to explain what’s happening and why we’re doing this? And how do I talk to the therapist in front of my kid? If my daughter weren’t on the line I would say something like “She seems to have unusually extreme anxiety and fears for her age, and she also has very intense meltdowns and a strong insistence on adhering to rigid routines, which we feel may be related to the anxiety.” But I fear my kid would hear that as there’s something wrong with her and we’re trying to “fix” her behavior, when really our main motivation in seeking therapy is to make sure she’s not suffering more than she has to be. I feel like I’ve been very conscious about not labeling her (generally, not just with respect to this issue) and I don’t want to undo that. But I know it’s also important to be forthright with the therapist. Thoughts appreciated.
Anonymous
They will talk with you separately before they talk with your child.
Anon
Some child psychologists call themselves “feelings doctors,” which helps the child understand that they are going to a doctor who helps heal their feelings.
I would use much less clinical language and talk to both your daughter and the psychologist. If the therapist asks about bedtime, you can say, “Amelia, tell the doctor about your bedtime routine.” If she doesn’t talk about all of it, you can fill in the blanks. “You want me to read exactly three stories, right?” Any therapist worth their salt will pick up what you are laying down.
Anon
I think you let the provider take the lead. As far as your daughter is concerned, you and she are just talking to some nice lady on the phone who wants to meet you both.
pugsnbourbon
I imagine your daughter will be on the line for only part of the phone call, and then just you and the psychologist – I could be wrong but that makes sense to me.
As someone who has been anxious forever – I’m glad you’re being careful not to make her feel like there’s something wrong with her. When I was a bit older than your daughter my teachers would talk about how anxious I was – but it just made me feel broken and weird.
As for talking to your daughter – keep it simple. “I’ve noticed that you’ve been feeling very worried! Everyone feels this way sometimes, and it can help to talk to a doctor about it. It’s like when you have a sore throat – I take you to the doctor and then you feel better. This doctor will ask you some questions about how you’re feeling, and you can tell them whatever you want. I’ll be on the phone with you and will help you however I can.”
anonymous
Can you get on the phone with the doctor first by yourself to provide some background information and then bring your daughter in?
Anonymous
Ooh I don’t have an answer for you, but one of my kids was like this. We waited for 15 months to get her into a visit, at which point she had already started kindergarten and has been absolutely transformed.
I will be forever greatful to her kindergarten teacher who literally welcomed her worried little soul and has cared for her and helped her become a confident, articulate, self-aware little girl in under 3 months. I’ve had a lot of kids with a lot of teachers but this one is special.
Kid’s Anxiety
I’m the commenter from last week who’s son was diagnosed with anxiety young too. First, I’m glad you found someone! Also, your protection of your daughter’s feelings is to be commended. Like others have said, the doctor will likely have her on the phone for the first part, then let her drop off and talk to you separately.
My guess (purely) is that they are doing the first appointment over the phone as a sort of “interview,” to make sure you/your daughter and the doctor vibe. Honestly, if they are assessing anxiety, this seems very strange as it’s hard to build rapport and many kids would be anxious in this situation, whether they have anxiety or not. I’d ask a lot more questions about their assessment plan and approach to treatment.
As far as talking about your concerns and having your daughter hear them, I think it’s important to remember that she’s 4 and much of what you’re going to say will go over her head. Even if she’s very bright, she’s going to hear grownup talk and likely only understand pieces of it. You can mention the things you said here, “she’s extremely anxious and has preference for a rigid schedule” but you can follow up with (if she’s still listening) “and we want to be the best parents we can be by finding ways to support her when she’s feeling nervous.” When my son was very little, we sometimes talked about his anxiety as his brain playing tricks on him and we would be a team to make his brain stop doing that so he didn’t feel so worried or nervous when people he trusted (mom/dad) told him he didn’t need to be.
Happy to be an offline sounding board if you’d like to talk more. I mean, I have a young teenager now and have no idea what I’m doing, but have at least been through the stage you’re in and can offer up our experiences if it helps.
Horse Crazy
Welp, got rejected from a job I was super excited for today. Would have been a 10 minute commute instead of my current hour, and a $35k raise. Blehhhh.
Anon
Sorry to hear it. Hope you can do something fun this weekend to get your mind off it.
Anon
Sorry to hear that. Hang in there!
anon
I’m Blerg from above and I am sorry to hear this! Hope you can treat yourself to something this weekend.
Anon
I’m sorry to hear that!
Anonymous
For those of you that were good at math when you were young, what if anything, should we do to encourage our daughter to continue liking math?
She’s 9. She’s not like, a child prodigy. We had her parent teacher conference and her teacher told us in not so many words that she’s the only girl in the class doing the more advanced math. Some of her friends are starting to say things like “math is hard.”
Kiddo’s grandma (MIL) was in the first group of women to graduate her college and got a math major in 1968; her dad is an engineer by training (now a business exec) who basically slept through school and scored perfectly in all math standardized tests, so I assume there is a genetic component at play here.
We don’t want to push anything, other than to normalize liking stuff that other kids (usually girls) say is hard or boring. I’m ready to sit down and watch mean girls with her because I think there’s a not zero chance she’ll start faking being bad at math.
Anon
I was a giant nerd as a kid, but I really enjoyed math puzzle books. There was a series from Sideways Stories from the Wayside School that I ordered every month through the book catalogue thing in class and I’d do them in waiting rooms, between classes, etc. I’m sure there are fun math puzzle apps now that I’m totally unfamiliar with. Logic puzzles (those with the big grid thing) scratch the same itch for me too.
Anon
Is there a university near you? Our local university has lots of STEM enrichment, some of it specifically for girls. Summer camps are good. Is there any kind of math club or math competition program at her school? At this age I would learn toward fun enrichment outside of school, rather than toward actual acceleration. The time for that is 7th grade or so.
I actually think the girls acting dumb to impress boys thing is overblown and much more of a “ thing” in movies than in real life. I think a bigger issue is that girls tend to have lower self confidence and teachers tend to expect less from girls. Whether it’s an implicit bias or not, many teachers who will tell a boy who has underperformed “you need to work harder” and will tell a girl who underperformed “you’re probably not cut out for this field.” This was unfortunately my experience at a STEM-focused college, and put me off continuing on in science.
anon
I’m so sorry! That sucks.
Anonymous
I was always best at math all through school, from early on an through high school. Never STEM bound or a prodigy, but I was usually better than everybody in my grade, not a boys or girls thing. I liked being best, and I liked never having home work because I sailed through class, like you describe your husband. From around 12 or 13 years old I had a great teacher who gave me extra work at a higher difficulty during class to keep me from being bored.
It never came up that I should try and dumb down, and I didn’t try to be whatever everybody else did. The other kids who were good at numbers were also girls (those were STEM bound).
I think acknowledging that it’s good to be clever at something, and generally having confidence in her abilities is the best. I had a grandparent who was always super proud of me if I did well at school, and in hindsight I think it was better to get the praise from a grandparent than from parents, less chance of rebelling against doing well, and more like our secret.
Cat
Unless your daughter actually starts saying that kind of stuff or resisting the work, leave it alone, I always enjoyed math for no reason other than just enjoying figuring it out, and was proud of my good grades & the fun stuff I was learning in the advanced program! I would never have even thought to pay attention to anyone else whining that it was hard…
OP
+1 don’t invent a problem. I loved math and never paid attention to what anyone else else was saying about it and as I got to upper math was thrilled that I was good at it when others thought it was hard.
OP
Oops not this post OP
Anonymous
+1. Everyone in my family was good at math and it didn’t occur to me that i should be different or that it was a gendered thing. I was accused of being a nerd for doing well in a lot of subjects; math was just one element of it. (I did go on to art school though, but not because of any math related trauma)
Anon
I’d talk up how *you* enjoy math, the challenges are fun for your brain, etc. I can’t cite this reference, but a teacher-friend told me a few years ago that one of the strongest predictors of a girl’s math performance was the mother’s self-perceived competence at math. You don’t have to make it rah-rah girl-boss stuff (I think some of that backfires, tbh), but if she hears you enjoying it, that could go a long way.
Anonymous
Op here. Thanks for this! I actually was a STEM kid but all about the S and just scraped by in the M. I think you’re right that it’s not about how dad and grandma are good at math, but that I like it too.
Alanna of Trebond
I don’t see why she would pretend to be bad at math because other kids in her school are. I loved being smarter than everyone else in school. Can you encourage that feeling?
Anon
Be careful with that though – my parents were like this and it was a rude awakening when I got to college and was no longer way smarter than everyone else. In fact, I pretty much gave up on trying because I hadn’t learned the value of hard work. I thought if I was smart “enough” things would come easily to me and they did for a very long time and then suddenly they didn’t and it was bad. I would focus more on how much she’s enjoying math and what she’s learning and different ways you can use math as a career (as she gets older, obviously 9 year olds aren’t focused on careers). Definitely act excited and interested in her passion for math but I think telling her she’s a super genius all the time will backfire. (Lots of parenting books say this too, it’s not just my anecdotal experience.)
Anonymous
So. My parents (in the 80s) read that girls hate math. So I did extra math, every summer.
I skipped a grade of math. Was the only 12yo in a 10-th grade trig class.
At the time math/science—> doctor. I hate blood. So I hated it all.
So. Show her the cool careers she can have with math. Sign her up for coding classes. Let her find her tribe. Find a summer camp at a college for math. Show her the different paths beyond a Richard scary book.
Anon
Your Mean Girls comment reminded me of the Freaks and Greeks Mathletes arc.
Anon
Me too! Although as much as I love Freaks and Geeks they don’t really paint mathletes in the most positive light. Full disclosure I was a “mathlete” in middle school and it was a lot of fun.
Coach Laura
My daughter was not gifted but a strong student until about 5th grade, when she started saying “math is too hard” and “I’m not good at math.” She also had plans to be an attorney and they actually picked careers in a “model town” experiment and she was an attorney and then a judge: She said she didn’t need math to get into law school – we talked and I told her that in order to get into law school, she had to have good college grades and that college degrees had math requirements. I told her that she had to do well in all the major subjects (math, science, history and English) until she graduated from HS and then she could choose but until then, she had to keep all her options open.
I was working full time and getting an MBA at night and we would all do homework together. I developed a family motto that As were our family goal. If you didn’t get an A and had a good reason, then that was ok but if you didn’t get an A because you didn’t try/thought math was too hard, that would not be ok.
Fast forward to today. She’s an ICU nurse. Nursing school has med/drug mixing calculations and if you don’t pass pharm (no calculators allowed), you flunk out. She uses math constantly and is really good at the math part of nursing (drug dosage/mixing, IV rates, O2 rates etc). Just recently she completed the pre-reqs and was accepted to a nursing doctoral program to become a certified nurse anesthetist, which is about as hard as it is to get into as medical school. She is quite happy that she didn’t go to law school and is so happy that she had options when she got to college.
I would suggest that you talk in general about careers, potential paths. Talk about your MIL and her engineering career. Talk about your pediatrician, your dentist, your neighbor the airline pilot. Talk about college – that was a big draw for my kids… football games, friends, freedom from parents, being an adult.
Make sure you use math daily in everyday life and discuss it out loud. When you shop, ask her if she would buy a half-gallon of milk for $1 or a gallon for $1.50. When you calculate a tip at a restaurant, ask her to help you. Teach easy fractions like a tip is 20% on $157 so how do you figure out a 20% tip in your head without paper? If a tank of gas has 20 gallons and the car gets 20 miles a gallon, how many times do you have to fill up a tank to go 900 miles? If the family zoo pass is $150 and the per visit cost is $20 per adult, $10 per kid x3, how many times do you have to go to the zoo for it to be cheaper than paying by the day?
Depending on her personality, you may need to ease into all this math talk. If my kid thought I was trying to be tricky, it turned her off.
Tea/Coffee
Totally agree re: math in daily life! We use math all the time without thinking about it – with my kids I try to make myself talk about it out loud. We cook and bake a lot. Sometimes I make my daughter halve or double recipes just to sneak in extra fractions lol.
Also there are different aspects to math… i use geometry in my daily life and my daughter knows this. I have told her that I use “fancy math” like algebra too, but she’s not at a point where that makes sense to her. And I’m not a math teacher or a statistician or anything! So math doesn’t need to be her favorite, but it’s a life skill that needs to be mastered.
anon
Very late comment, but here is my $.02 – I was very good at math in school, was several years advanced, ran out of courses, etc. and never thought twice about this not being a “girl” thing to do. However, I never once considered doing it in uni or as a career because math was formulaic and boring as hell. You learn some rules, get some tools in your tool belt, and then churn through problems. What’s the point? Obviously as an adult I can see the larger picture and see how I could have eventually gotten to more interesting math, but that was not clear when I was making decisions in high school. And that was even with lots of soft things working in my favour – I was a dabbler in coding/electrical tinkering/etc. and still found math dreadfully dull.
In contrast, I had very compelling experiences with writing and doing history research – I participated in National History Day at a very high level and was able to do (what felt like) serious research and serious analysis that was at the very limits of my critical thinking abilities. It didn’t seem formulaic at all.
Which is all to say, if you want someone to be interested in math at a high school/early uni level, you need to paint the bigger picture and tie it to exciting stuff.
Sparks
Be prepared to advocate for her. My daughter loved math and while individual teachers were good, the administrators were not (cancelling math enrichment programs, discouraging the calculus math track as being only for kids with “freaky math genes”). And also she was usually the only girl, or one of just a few, in those classes, which was hard for her socially. A recommendation: coding! When my daughter got to computer science classes in high school and realized she loved it, she was already behind her classmates, who were mostly boys who learned to code along the way from summer programs, minecraft, robotics, etc. She was scrambling to catch up, but now she’s a math & cs major at college. If there are any “learn to code” classes around you, check one out and see if your daughter likes it.
Anon
Hi there,
I was terrible at math in elementary school. I could not memorize the multiplication tables. Fractions and least common denominator got me booted into remedial math in middle school.
In high school I got consistent Bs in math. I got it and sort of liked the organization of algebra and the logic of proofs in geometry, but I found homework tedious and never did it. Things started looking up in Algebra II when we talked about elliptical shapes, and then in Trigonometry when we learned about degrees, radians, and grads.
I went to college intending to become a dentist but the class I loved the most in my first semester was Calculus I. When I found out I only needed one semester of Calc for the pre-dental program, I dropped that major and made Math my major. I wanted to find out what happened in Calc II.
Today I’m at the tail end of a very rewarding career as an actuary.
I never worked math puzzles as a kid. I did like logic puzzles a lot, but I didn’t realize they had anything to do with math. I also liked playing music and knitting (especially making up my own patterns), which again, I didn’t know were math, but turned out to be very mathematical.
If my parents had handed me a math-related toy, I would have hated the idea immediately. But math-adjacent things were right up my alley.
I’d say go for this with a soft touch. Dell Crosswords are sort of for old people, but my parents always had them around, and I loved working the logic puzzles, the cross sums, and what is now called Sudoku.
Anon
I love math and found it to be relatively easy, even up through differential equations. The thing about math is that if you really, really master things on one level, the next level isn’t that bad. Math is very systematic and integrated (sorry for the pun): part of the enjoyment is seeing the ways in which everything connects and how you can solve problems different ways and arrive at the same answer. If you understand the derivation of a theorem/formula and the concepts underlying it, the theorem or formula becomes intuitive. Example: the distance formula in on a coordinate plane is the hypotenuse of a right triangle. Understand the Pythagorean theorem, understand how to measure horizontal and vertical distance (e.g., x2 – x1), and that whole messy equation makes perfect sense.
There’s a huge difference between “math is hard” and “this particular concept in math is hard, but once I master it, I’ll have mastered it forever and it will make other concepts easier.” Focus on the latter.
Anonymous
You guys, my associate learned Friday that she didn’t pass the bar exam. I feel terrible for her, but we’re not going to fire her or anything like that. She’ll just take it again in February. Nonetheless, she’s understandably upset. As her boss, what is the best way for me to support/encourage her?
Anonymous
If you have good bar leave, and will honor it, tell her the firm will fully support her on her second try. Also, this can happen to anyone. One of my housemates did not pass the first time (Harvard Law, Court of Appeals clerkship), but passed the second and has had an amazing career.
Anonymous
Give her time off to study bwfore the test. Tell her that you don’t consider it a big deal but realize it is going to be a pain for her. Ask her if there is anything else she needs/wants from you.
Also, don’t start interviewing her replacement now but realize you might have to at some point. The test is not that hard. Is her work up to snuff?
Kelsey
Yes, the test wasn’t that hard, but even as a HYS law grad, I failed the first time. My Vault top 3 law firm didn’t think it was a big deal – some people just have stuff going on during the month before the exam (I know I did) and lots of very intelligent capable lawyers fail on the first go around (see, e.g., Kathleen Sullivan and Hilary Clinton).
Anon
Give her the time off to study, figure out what went wrong and pass.
nuqotw
Do you have anyone at your firm who failed and is now doing fine? You might connect her with that person.
Hollis
What state are you in? If in California, I cannot recommend the law tutor Tina Post more highly. I worked with her for one-on-one tutoring after I failed the bar exam the first time and I went into the second try with a ton more practice, knowledge, and confidence because of Tina. She is worth every penny.
Anonymous
I just can’t with the squad voting against the infrastructure bill. Don’t they know they are supposed to help their constituents when they can? Between this and her Amazon HQ interference, AOC seems determined to ensure no jobs come to NYC and the infrastructure continues to rot.