This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
I was trying to decide if I liked the print on these shorts when I saw the really high ratings, and realized they come in a bunch of colors, all with high ratings. Well well. I especially like the wide, scrunchy waistband, which reviewers note “holds in everything;” people also report liking the built-in undies.
The shorts are available in a bunch of colors and prints at Nordstrom, Zappos, Shopbop, Free People, Dillards, Saks and more in sizes XS-XL for $21-$50; they reportedly run a bit small. The pictured pair are $50.
Hunting for something similar? Other reader favorites for workout shorts include styles from Nike, Under Armour, and CALIA.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Notinstafamous
Question for the lawyers / consultants / others who bill by the hour. What’s a reasonable “hours I have billed” to “hours I have spent in the office” ratio, and what do you do to get it more efficient? I find it so frustrating when I look at my day to realize I’ve been in the office for 12 hours but have only billed 8 plus an hour of NB work. When I was more junior and could do 5 hours of doc review or whatever on one file it was so much easier to be efficient, but now I feel like I waste time and I don’t know where.
Anon Lawyer
I generally find it is about 75-80% when I do not have big blocks (document review, deposition summaries, court or deposition attendance). Some of that is that as you get more senior, you start losing time to instructing or coordinating with others (and my clients mostly will not pay for that) and switching from one task/client/case to another.
One thing that you CAN capture is time spent thinking. It might only take .2 to write an email – but the time spent identifying the issue and deciding what to say to whom should also be captured.
Anon
I left private practice as a fifth year so still fairly junior, but I would say average was probably a 10 hour day to bill 8 hours. Doc review days were higher, I’d capture almost all my time except food and bathroom breaks.
Peloton
I’m outside counsel, and if you are spending 8 hours doing doc review for me, I don’t really mind if you don’t pause your timer to pee. (Like, obviously if you’re spending 30 minutes in the bathroom, that’s different, but 5 minutes to pee like a human? You can include that .1 IMO. And as a former firm lawyer—I will say that the men always did include it without thinking about it.)
Anon
Same, in-house and I do not begrudge bathroom breaks
Peloton
Sorry, I meant I’m *overseeing* outside counsel — I am also in-house!
Cat
usually took me about 10 hours to have 8 billable on a day where I’d flip between a few different matters. The hardest part is not getting sucked into a too-long “break” when you turn to the next task.
Cornellian
I’d say as you get more senior 75% is pretty good. It’s definitely easier as a junior to get giant blocks (and also have fewer entries to write).
startup lawyer
80% billable to time spent
Anonymous
I was the opposite of many people – I struggled to hit 70% as a junior because I rarely had projects that were more than 3-5 hours. I would get things done and wait for feedback or more work during lulls, or hit the budget and need to get authorization for more time or revisions. I did no doc review, though. As a first year partner, my rate plummeted to 58%. I quickly reevaluated my nonbillable firm commitments, including committees (wanting a female partner on every committee means we are ‘invited’ to do multiples) and now I’m at a comfortable 85%.
Peloton
The “we need a woman on this so we’re going to ask you to do something that isn’t actually good for you” approach to diversity was one of my least favorite things about firm life.
Anon
This is the million dollar question for every private practice attorney and also exactly why I went in house
Anon2
I think a reasonable ratio is 10 hours at office for 8 hours billed. If you’re doing any better than that, it’s probably because you’re on an emergency or just have calls stacked all day and don’t get a chance to breathe. On those days, I often end up with a headache. I do love quiet days when I can bill 8 hours in 8.5 or 9 hours because the office is empty and I have one big project to focus on, but those are rare. And I agree the ratio gets worse as you get more senior and there are many other tasks and people needing your attention. I think ways to get more efficient are simply the usual focus tricks. I often close my email for an hour at a time if I think I can get away with it that day, use the Stay Focused tool to avoid distractions, and try to avoid having too many days in a row with out of office lunches / coffees / etc that always take more time than you budget for. And of course on WFH days losing the commute and avoiding in person distractions is great, but I also find that after WFH for too many days, I have to go into the office to get my focus back.
Wish I had more of a silver bullet…
Ellen
Sorry I am late to the party, but I have been busy with planing our firm outing with the manageing partner and his wife, Margie.
The answer should be 3 to 1. For every hour in the office you should be able to bill out 3 hours. That includes time working at home, so if you are at your desk for 40 hours a week, you should be billing out 120 hours. This covers portal to portal and value billing, so you really do not have to be “in the office”, you can be out doing and thinking of work and that counts 3x. When I am working from home, that all counts 3x, so the actual billing can be much higher. Realistically, once I turn on my computer until I turn it off at night, I am billing even while watching the Today show b/c I am constantly thinking of ideas to save money for the firm, or bill more. Last year, I had about 7500 hours without spending more than mabye 15hours all year in the office. That is why I am the firm’s top biller! YAY!!!
Anon
What’s the take on a-line or slight fit and flare with a blazer/jardigan for BigLaw? I look terrible in sheaths but much prefer dresses to pants or skirts
Celia
I’m in BigLaw and wear this all the time, and so do several of my colleagues.
Anon
Absolutely fine, what are you concerned about?
Anon
I think reading this site has made me paranoid about anything with any flair at the bottom being too casual lol
Anon
I can see that! I also have no idea where those people work, I think it’s a vocal minority in very conservative offices.
Anon
The morning post inspired me to check the Theory Outlet site. How does sizing run? I’d always heard Theory runs small but their online calculator indicates same sizing as Ann Taylor. Also, have any under 5’4″ readers had luck with Theory Outlet clothes?
Anon
I replied this morning — full wardrobe of theory outlet. I’m 5’4″ — all full length pants need to be hemmed, but ankle length pants have been perfect on me. I find that it does run a bit smaller than AT, BR, JCrew, but maybe a half size (I wear a 0 on top and 2 on the bottom at Theory, and 0/0 at those other 3).
Anonymous
Has anyone had a deep cleaning/scaling and root planing at the dentist? A new dentist recommended it but I had never had it recommended before.
Anon
I got deep cleaning done a few months ago! My gums were a mess. It was like $200 for the whole mouth after insurance for me and the process itself didn’t hurt at all. Just some soreness for a day afterwards once the novacaine wore off.
I’d recommend doing it if the dentist said it’s a good idea. Peridontis (not sure how this is spelled) and gum disease are irreversible, and can lead to tooth decay long term. There can be pockets of gunk you wouldn’t be able to access with floss and toothbrushing, so it’s a good way to make sure you’re getting a reset.
I don’t know what a root planing is though. It sounds a bit scary but I am scared of the dentist in general.
Senior Attorney
Note: gum disease is reversible if treated, and deep cleaning is part of the treatment.
Anon
How are periodontitis and gum disease irreversible? I used to have these and don’t anymore.
Anon
Get a second opinion! A dentist told my husband he needed this and he was prepared to do it but I encouraged him to see a different dentist and they said it wasn’t necessary at all and just did a normal cleaning for him. It’s not only expensive, it’s very invasive and can damage healthy teeth, so doing it when it’s not necessary is really not a good idea.
Anon
Oh and fwiw my husband had gone several years without a trip to the dentist. But the second opinion dentist still said he only needed a regular cleaning.
Anonymous
Depends on when the last time you had your teeth cleaned… If it was last year and you don’t have teeth or gum issues in general, get a second opinion.
I’ve had it done before because I had gum disease and the scaling was the beginning of my treatment plan. It hurts less than getting a cavity filled.
Sunshine
DH had to do root planing. He hadn’t been to the dentist in more than 15 years. If you’re wondering what happened after 15 years, he met me. Anyway, he has gum issues too and see a periodontist twice a year in addition to going to the dentist twice each year. They did half of his mouth in one afternoon and the other half a couple of weeks later. As I recall, each session took about 3 hours. They numb it all up, but he was sore for a couple of days after and needed to use special mouthwash for about two weeks after each side. I don’t remember what the out-of-pocket cost was. I do recommend talking to a periodontist about it rather than a general dentist.
KS IT Chick
This was basically the story with my DH once he saw a dentist for the first time after we moved early in the pandemic. I found a good dentist that I liked, and he trailed in after me later. He is in the final stage of a four-stage deep scaling after not having had a cleaning for about 2 1/2 years. He inherited awful teeth from his father, and not getting them cleaned for that long was the initiation point for a number of problems that will be multiple years to fix. The dental insurance pays half on the cleaning, and the HSA is picking up the other half.
It is worth getting a second opinion if you’re unsure of it. In DH’s case, the second opinion suggested a whole lot of other treatments that our principal dentist shook her head over. She suggested that he start with the deep scaling, and then they would see what if anything else was required.
Senior Attorney
I am a Tartar Depositor (also a grudge-holder, but that’s another story) and I do deep cleaning three times a year at the periodontist’s office. It’s pretty awful but if you have tartar deposits it makes a big difference. Make sure they numb you up, but good, before they start.
Betsy
The fact that it’s a new dentist gives me pause. There are a lot of great dentists out there but there are also a lot of salesy jerks who are just looking to pad the bill. You don’t know what you’ve got until you’ve gotten to know your dentist, and the consequences to your teeth can be painful and expensive when you’re working with someone who doesn’t have your best interest at the forefront! I would get a second opinion for sure, and try to get a really strong recommendation for the next dentist. If you have a friend who has challenging teeth, they can be a great recommendation source.
Anonymous
Agree with this. I am suspicious if I go to a new dentist and they tell me I need lots of things no one has suggested before. Maybe if you haven’t seen a dentist in years, but if you’ve been going regularly? Definitely get another opinion.
Ellen
Having clean and perfect teeth are very valuable to my law firm’s success in court, so the manageing partner told me to get 3 prophalaxises each year, but since my insurance plan only pays for 2, the manageing partner told me he has his dentist code the 3rd as a scaleing/root planeing to get reimbursed 100%, b/c he did not want me to have to pay the full $250 for my 3rd deep cleaneing out of my pocket. I asked Dad and he said OK to ask Dr. Smith, but that if the insurance did not pay it back to me, Dad would ask the manageing partner to pay me $250 from the firm’s general fund, or get the firm to get me a supplemental dental plan or a bright smile treatment for my teeth, which he said is really the firm’s responsibility.
5-Star Thread?
Can we have a 5-star Friday thread? What books, movies, or other purchases are 5-stars?
My 5-star read is one I’m rereading: The Worst Guy, by Kate Canterbury.
Anon
My Cuyana tote is a total 5 star purchase.
Also, NARS radiant tinted moisturizer.
Anon
I feel like a broken record talking about my Cuyana tote here, but it is one of the best purchases I’ve ever made. I’ve carried mine daily for 4 years and it still looks great.
Anon
Got one earlier this year and I LOVE it!
Coach Laura
I purchased my first Cuyana. Love it. I got the smaller of the two – 13″ – but it is still pretty big. And I love the cappuccino color – not saddle/brown and not too light for winter. They now have a mini backpack, which is very cute though probably too small for my needs. (All day chemo/doctor appointments requiring iPad, Kindle, phone, AirPods, eyeglasses, snacks, meds. wallet.)
Daffodil
+1. I’ve had my Cuyana tote for five years (although not used much during the pandemic), still going strong.
Anon
Revlon aloe lipstick!
Also the new “Ghost Lover” book by Lisa Taddeo. I also loved her book’s Animal and Three Women.
Levi’s ankle ribcage jeans.
Dry brush on Amazon I just bought.
Curious
My baby daughter thinks my dry brush is the best thing ever. It has a handle! And bristles! It bangs!
Senior Attorney
5 star recipe: https://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/poached-tuna-kumquats-and-jalapeno
5-star TV show, for all you Trekkies out there: Star Trek To Boldly Go
Also if you’re in L.A., the current play at the Mark Taper Forum, “King James,” is just terrific. Five stars.
Anonymous
Really? We haven’t tried that one. We’re Trekkies and have been so disappointed in Picard and Discovery… it’s like they forgot that the new lands and peoples is a major aspect of the show and instead just shoot everything in a few locations because it’s cheaper.
Anonymous
What channel is To Boldly Go on? Trying to Google and it looks like nothing new since 2017. Do you mean the Strange New Worlds one?
Senior Attorney
Yes, I do in fact mean Strange New Worlds. For some reason I have it wrong in my head and can’t get it un-wrong! Anyway it’s on Paramount Plus and it is much better than Picard and the earlier seasons of Discovery (it’s actually a spinoff of the last season of Discovery, which I liked quite a bit). It brings back the TOR energy and I am here for it!
Senior Attorney
TOR = TOS (the original series)
Gah this is me today: https://twitter.com/livinjavidaloca/status/1535818070534418432/photo/1
Anon
Physicians Formula Butter Dream Team Palette https://a.co/d/3MVGLIW
This has been a five star purchase – for $15 I have a complete summer wardrobe of makeup, basically. I use the lighter shade of bronzer and one of the two blush colors on the cheeks, I use the darker bronzer and the highlighter as eyeshadow colors, and the powder to finish everything. I’m really impressed with how good the texture of the powder products are – I’m usually a department store makeup buyer, but I saw an influencer review this and I got sucked in, and I’m glad I did.
Anon
My Ember mug. I was honestly quite annoyed when I opened it — I have too much stuff as it is, and definitely enough mugs, and then someone spent money on a mug with a battery?!?! But my husband convinced me to try it before I passed judgement and I’m so glad it did. It is wonderful and it keeps my coffee at the perfect temperature. I’ve found that I do a better job of nursing my coffee instead of practically gulping it down between kid stuff in the morning, and I avoid microwave reheating that makes my coffee bitter.
ALT
I’ve read two of Monica Hesse’s books in the past week and I couldn’t put either of them down. I just finished They Went Left last night and couldn’t stop thinking about it this morning while I was in the shower. I also read The War Outside and it wasn’t as great but I also couldn’t put it down. I immediately put her other books on hold at the library!
Anonymous
I loved The War Outside! I thought the middle was a bit slow, but the ending more than made up for it.
I also thought the historical/research notes were fascinating.
Wendy L
Yes! They are so good!
Jules
Eyelash lift and tint. I don’t usually wear make-up other than lipstick; I like mascara but it’s a hassle, I hate when it gets clumpy, etc. Maybe from someone here, I heard about the concept – basically, a perm and dye job for eyelashes – and (after the first 24 hours or so, when I thought I looked like Betty Boop) I love it. I look like I’ve used nice mascara and an eyelash curler every day, I look more awake and it was nice to have when I attended a couple of conferences where I was masked the whole time so the focus was on my eyes.
I am usually low-maintenance (e.g., I have had one manicure in my life) but I think I will keep this up. I had it done six weeks ago and it’s finally about grown out and ready to be re-done.
Anon
I feel this way about my micro bladed brows. I have basically no eyebrows (sparse and blond, even though I’m a natural brunette) and it has made such a difference. I went to someone who has an entire portfolio online of very natural looking brows, and she spent a lot of time making sure I was comfortable with the look before she started. It’s so nice to wake up in the morning with eyebrows!
Anon
Book: Love and Ruin by Paula McLain. I feel like everyone read and loved The Paris Wife about Hemingway’s first wife Hadley Richardson but this book (about his third wife Martha Gellhorn) seems to have gone under the radar and I think it’s as good if not better!
TV Show: Minx on HBO
Movie: Top Gun (my first movie theater movie since 2019 and it did not disappoint!)
Anon
The Kuat Sherpa 2.0 bike rack I bought per advice received here a couple of weeks ago. It’s easy to use, nice and secure, and putting it together was actually fun because the directions are very clear and the cardboard box is engineered to be an assembly platform. Thanks to all who chimed in on that thread!
Anon
My silicone body scrubber from am*zon. Replaces the loofa, which apparently harbors bacteria, and feels really nice to wash with.
Anonymous
The show Starstruck on HBO. The best romcom I’ve seen or read in years. So incredibly charming. Episodes are short so each season is basically a movie.
anon
Movies: 14 Peaks – left me in a cheerful mood, motivated, and introspective
Purchases: Massimo Dutti Linen shirts – the best shirts for hot & humid summer and I love the bold colors
Life: Quitting my job which has been draining me for the past 2 years and was leading nowhere; now enjoying a few months off just relaxing, meeting friends & family, working out every day, and traveling internationally.
anon
Without going into all the details, I’m curious how others would handle it. I am part of a 4-person friend group. To hang out with this group, I have to be endlessly flexible with my schedule. There is always something: a kid’s diving practice runs long. A hubby isn’t available all of the sudden. Etcetera, etcetera. Even with a date and place is agreed upon well in advance, the plan doesn’t actually materialize about 50% of the time. Case in point, tonight we were all supposed to go to a winery. Plans were supposedly finalized last night. Two of the four have texted this afternoon saying it’s not going to work after all. In the meantime, my DH and I made lots of workarounds in our own schedules so that I could do this even though he has a work event to attend. This is not the first or second time this has happened.
I am getting really frustrated and resentful. I also have a busy life, and when I commit to something, I am all in. It takes a lot for me to cancel plans I’ve already made. And I realize this is how I’m wired, and I also realize that not everybody is that way, but: I am super tired of plans only being a suggestion. I’m tired of my friends talking a big game about how they want to plan monthly get-togethers and when push comes to shove, there’s always a Reason why they can’t.
In all honesty, I’m at the point where I want to pull back because it’s hurting my feelings! Or just hang out one-on-one, probably at the last minute. But these also are good people who show up when it counts. We have fun together and have been mutually supportive. They just are sh!t at making plans. So, I don’t know how to play this. I have tried to use my words but perhaps I haven’t been direct enough.
A) Is this a stage of life thing? As it turns out, older kids are NOT easier to schedule around.
B) Are my friends flakes?
C) Am I too sensitive and my expectations are out of whack?
D) All of the above.
Anon
I would message them and say that you had to work around your husband’s work plans, this wasn’t easy, and it hurts when plans are continually cancelled last minute. Say you enjoy hanging out with them and value their friendship. Then ask if plans are more of a “if it all happens to work out” thing with them rather than commitment, because you are getting frustrated throwing a monkey wrench into the works only to have things never happen.
Cornellian
I tend to have your approach, and never cancel unless something truly went horrifically wrong. Some things you might consider:
-counterintuitive, but try hosting. Say that you’re going to try out a new cocktail recipe and order pizza (or whatever) on Saturday, would love if anyone can come. Ask the usual suspects, but maybe also a new neighbor or work friend. Then you’re not dependent on your friends, aren’t finding childcare etc for yourself, and can scale your pizza order up or down as wanted.
-Make last-minute plans. Text something like I’m off work in an hour, my colleague and I are going to check out the new margarita place that opened on 7th. Anyone want to join?
-Make plans that you’re happy doing on your own. A sunset walk along the river, a museum tour, etc.
I’d probably stop wasting time on the sort of winery/restaurant events when folks keep no showing. I’d also try to broaden my circle a bit. Not to get rid of these people, but maybe to find folks that share your approach and not feel so dependent on flaky folks.
Senior Attorney
I agree with all this. Your friends have shown you that they are indeed flakes so you just need to figure out how to deal with it so you don’t keep getting disappointed. (And let me hasten to add that I would also be disappointed in the situation you described!)
No Face
I agreed with this advice. Their flakiness is not something you can change, but these are great ideas.
Anon
C
Your friends are not being busy AT you. They’re just busy, whether it’s kid stuff or not. Unless you have other reasons to think they don’t like you or value you, it’s not that. They’re just busy and also wired differently than you are about this stuff.
Anon
But it sounds like OP is busy as well. Just because a person is busy doesn’t mean they have to persistently agree to plans and then flake out on them.
Being busy might mean a person has less time. Sometimes stuff comes up for everyone, and that’s one thing. But making lots of plans and then withdrawing at the last minute is different. OP needs to adjust her expectations for these particular people, but I just hate the idea some people have that being busy make it okay to do something that hurts their friends’ feelings.
Anon
+1. This is not a matter of being busy, if that was the case they shouldn’t be agreeing to the plans. if being wired differently means they are wired to be rude and disrespectful of other’s time, then sure.
Senior Attorney
Heh found the friends…
Anon
Right?
OP, I am in a three-friend group like this and a couple of weekends ago – when we had plans fall through yet again because at the last minute one friend texted that her husband was “tired” and she wasn’t sure he’d feed the dogs at the right time if she didn’t stay home (yes, this was really the excuse) – I texted both of them and said, I love you both but I’m done making plans and going to lengths and rearranging my schedule just to have everything fall apart at the last minute. I also said that it was completely okay if we decided to let the friendship go into more of a “Facebook friends” situation rather than continuing to try to meet up, if people weren’t that into it any more. Have not heard back from either of them; might not hear from them again and I’m fine with that. As we’ve talked about here with dating, if people want to, they will. I’m over the idea that grown adults “just can’t” follow through with plans made with friends because their lives are just sooooo busy and overwhelming. It’s not true, because I have other friends who do follow through with plans with minimal fuss. Those friends are not any less busy; they’re just better at commitments and prioritization. So I’ll put my energy into those friendships and let the flaky friends go on their merry way.
Anon
Good for you for both doing that and for having this positive of an attitude about it. Honestly that’s something it sounds like that woman needed to be told about her impact on people. Like she should at least have the decency to be vague about what came up, don’t tell someone something that’s going to make them feel like the lowest of the low priority.
Anon
I had an insane schedule for several years. If I made plans, I showed up. Now, plans might be weeks or even a month in the future, but I was there. One of my friends had an even more crazy schedule, and would sometimes schedule things three months out, but if she made plans, she showed up.
I had other “friends” who consistently flaked, and it turns out, they just didn’t value my friendship.
Anonymous
Love this thread. Have started reframing some of my friendships along the lines of “celebrate the good experiences you had and move on” rather than “have negative feelings about ‘friends’ you never see in person and rarely hear from.”
Anonymous
Yeeeess
Anonymous
B) Your friends are flakes. You are a planner and they aren’t, and/or you value time together more than they do. I will say that monthly gatherings are kind of a lot if you are trying to schedule them on a one-off basis around multiple families. A regular day and time might be more successful, like girls’ night on the first Friday of the month.
Older kids are difficult to schedule around, but once plans are in place they don’t usually need to change the way they do with little kids who nap, tantrum, etc. My friends and I all have older kids. While it can be challenging to synchronize our schedules, when we finally find a time that works we all prioritize it and no one tends to back out at the last minute except in case of illness.
Anon
+1 to the monthly being too much part. If I had a dollar for every time someone in a friend or social group has thrown out a suggestion of making an outing a monthly thing and that never happening…
On paper monthly doesn’t sound like a lot but I think in actuality especially for parents that is an unreasonable expectation, in my experience. Between work sports travel and all the things I only go out with girlfriends a couple of times a month at best and I have a few different groups of friends I am trying to rotate seeing, as do most people I know, so the math just doesn’t work.
Anon
I’m the same way as you and get hurt when people cancel last minute. It’s frustrating! I think you have to know what people can and can’t do, and go from there. At this age, it’d probably be hard for them to rewire.
I’d say set the following internal boundaries for yourself:
1) Don’t rearrange your life for plans with these people. Assume they may cancel last minute and plan accordingly. Don’t find sitters, don’t reschedule other plans, don’t make any sacrifices for what may be tentative plans.
2) Consider doing last-minute plans – see if people are free the night or a couple of hours beforehand. It may work better.
3) Communicate (gently) that it hurts your feelings and see if folks can accommodate and be more reliable. don’t hold your breath on this though.
4) Drop the ball/lean out. Leave it up to other people to pick up the slack for planning and rest easy – show up once plans are already established.
Friends are hard! But if these are people who show up when it matters, working around flakiness just may be the price of admission for maintaining the relationships.
Anonymous
Your friends are prioritizing things differently from you and I can understand that it is hurtful and annoying. In your shoes, I would go to the winery with the one friend and make lower-hassle plans with these people in the future given how likely it seems things will fall apart.
Anon
If you know they are flakey, why did you go to such lengths to make this plan work? Why not schedule simple dinners at a local casual restaurant or grab drinks and light food? I think you need to change your expectations of this friend group. It doesn’t matter the cause, whether it be kids, work, or they just don’t care. It is what it is. They are flakey. If you want to maintain a friendship with them, adjust your expectations and don’t put yourself out again.
Anon
In my group of five, we have one flake, three parents, and single kid free me. I rarely rearrange my own plans and I also am fine saying sorry that doesn’t work but go in without me. I accept that my one friend will almost always flake, and that the two with young kids may have a last minute change, and that all of this is what it is. If we get three out of the five? That’s great and those three have fun and we reconvene another time.
I know it’s frustrating, but I strongly recommend not tying yourself in knots truing to accommodate everyone else at the expense of your own life and then ending up in a spot where you are upset and frustrated.
Anon
First, some validation of your feelings. This kind of thing has hurt my feelings in the past as well. Even if people are wired differently in this regard, it does start to feel personal because it is happening with personal plans! I view a hang-out with friends as a high priority and treat it as such, so then it starts to feel like I’m not a priority (i.e., not a valuable way to spend time) when a person cancels constantly like this.
Second, a suggestion. I dealt with this through radical acceptance. Especially if you’ve already talked to them about the situation, I would say you might unfortunately have to view this as the price of admission. I’m in a book club where some members live by plans, some are in the middle, and some cancel last minute more often than not. I don’t make plans with the flakey people to hang out one on one. In other words, it helps to also include people who are similar to your style in planning get togethers so that you know the plan will go forward no matter what, then if some are late, that’s fine, if some don’t show up, their loss. I have another friend who is always always late. Very late. She’s a great friend, and so whenever I meet up with her, I just give myself a little pep talk in advance that I know she’ll be late and I bring a book with me. Unless the relationship is otherwise exceptional, I just don’t make plans one-on-one with people who will probably flake at the last minute because it is annoying and can be hurtful.
Anon
I think it’s B. I have elementary age kids with pretty busy schedules, so it’s hard to schedule stuff. But once scheduled, I don’t flake on friends unless there’s a true emergency (e.g., parent in the hospital).
NYCer
I find that coordinating schedules with four friends to be very difficult at this stage of my life (I have kids, most of my friends have kids and/or busy jobs). I tend to think that the best approach is to set a date, take nothing personally if some of the friends can’t come, and meet up with the friends who are available. So tonight for instance, I would go to the winery with the friend who can still go (or if the winery was one of the other’s ideas, meet this friend at a restaurant, etc) and hold no ill will to the two that canceled.
[That being said, I agree that it is annoying that they confirmed yesterday that the plans were still a go, and then cancelled today.]
Peloton
Honestly, just never change your plans for them in the future. If you’re free some night they’re making plans for, great, assume there is a 50/50 shot that you now have plans. Otherwise, the response can become:
“Ooh, that sounds fun! If I’m free that night and the plans end up working out, I’d love to join!”
anon
Op here, and I like this response. May try that next time.
Anon
How I handle things like this
– find the one friend in the group who’s the most reliable and plan w her. If she’s in, try to include the others but know at least if they all flake out there’s at least one person who will be there so your night isn’t shot
– don’t cancel the whole thing unless everyone backs out (a derivative of the above)
– make easier plans – there’s usually some pattern to the flakiness, figure it out and plan accordingly
– along those lines, ask what’s easiest. I’m not as confrontational as some here so I’d probably just say something like “Jane, I noticed you weren’t able to make dinner the last few times we scheduled, would it be easier for you to go if we did brunch instead? Or “how about we meet up in your neighborhood so you don’t have to rush?” etc
– plan more 1:1s, I’ve found that’s easier for a lot of people because it’s only two sets of considerations not 4 or 5
– accept people as they are and if they add to your life and make you happy to see them, figure out how to make it work. Life is long and good friends are worth the effort
Anonymous
You’ve gotten great advice here and I’d gently suggest a quarterly effort, even if they are planning monthly – if you want to see them more often, you have great advice to try to work around A-C.
Anon
Maybe I am used to long rufflepuff dresses, but is that how people’s calves actually look? They seem . . . sharp.
Anon
My coworker who is a cyclist has calves like this. I’m envious. I think they look great.
Not to say there’s no photoshopping in this pic because there almost certainly is, but calves with sharp muscle definition are not abnormal.
Anon
That’s what my calves look like and I thought I was pretty normal . . .
Anon
+1
NYCer
+2.
Anon
+3
Okay, my calves look like this, just wider, when I am in racing shape. I figured out pretty early on that it is normal but not common.
Anonymous
Ugh. If we aren’t supposed to talk about weight here, why are we throwing shade at this model?
Anon
I think the model is fine, but this pick looks a bit photoshopped.
Anon
I took it to be a little wonkiness in how they cut her out from the background, rather than a touchup specific to her legs, but yes – a lot of running or cycling combined with being very trim can give this sort of definition. Everyone’s different. My calves and shoulders get cut like this if I’m racing, but I’ve never in my life had the first hint of an ab.
Explorette
Given that these are workout shorts, I’d expect the model to have muscle definition. I’m not sure what you mean by “sharp” but I think they look normal.
Celia
I kind of see what you mean. She has amazing legs, and I think it is the angle of the shot / the contrast on the white background that made me look twice. Plus she just has really slim ankles and long legs, which I think makes the defined calf muscle more prominent.
OP
yes these are 100% normal human calves on a human woman
Anonymous
Some people have high calves, and this model does. With high calves, the ancles are often slimmer, and with some muscles in the calves, this is a normal look.
Anonymous
Anyone had an endocervical biopsy / endocervical curettage? How painful is it compared to other GYN procedures? I did make it through a colpo on three ibuprofen but was very uncomfortable and was quietly crying through it. Have heard that the endocervical is worse.
Anon
I did, and I asked for help with the pain in advance. My OB prescribed me two Valium. I took one before the procedure and it helped a lot. I ended up not needing the second.
Anonymous
Also had a couple cervical biopsies taken during the colpo if that helps for context.
NYCer
I had a LEEP many, many years ago. Is that what you are talking about? I think I maybe took some Advil before hand, but I did not find it to be a big deal. Definitely did not cry.
Anonymous
It’s not LEEP. They scrape high up in your cervix with a special tool. Have heard it’s painful but at least it’s quick.
NYCer
Ah got it. Good luck!! Hopefully it won’t be as bad as you’ve heard.
Anon
I had one. It was uncomfortable maybe less than a minute when the doctor did what she did, but it wasn’t that bad, and after the speculum was out it was fine. I didn’t take pain meds beforehand, and if I took anything afterward it was just ibuprofen. I returned to work afterward and it wasn’t a big deal.
Maybe I was lucky? I wish you an experience like mine.
Trish
Looking for new ideas for men’s wedding bands for my 60 year old polo shirt, docker shorts wearing WFH husband! We have accepted that his old ring is lost (two-tone, hammered) and we are shopping this weekend. He wears a gold chain all the time.
Senior Attorney
My best suggestion is just go out looking in person and get him the one he likes best.
Senior Attorney
Also: Costco, strangely, is good for this kind of thing. This one is nice: https://www.costco.com/7mm-comfort-fit-wedding-ring-18kt-two-tone-gold.product.100416621.html
Anonymous
If you’re ok with something more casual for regular wear, my husband wears a silicone ring daily and has a nicer ring for datenights and fancy events. They actually came as a set.
Anon
Do you know about the mokume-gane technique? It’s layers of metal forged together, and the ring is basically a cross-section so you can see all the layers and colors of metal, which tend to be irregular and really interesting looking, sometimes like wood grain.My husband’s main band is Mokume and he gets compliments on it all the time.
(I say main band, because he lost it, bought a plain band to replace it, then found it, so now he has two, which he alternates wearing)
Trish
Oh that sounds interesting. We fully accept that we will find the ring after we get a new one! lol.
AnonATL
My husband has one too from George sawyer and it is absolutely gorgeous. It’s subtle but it has like 5 different metal types and is a lovely piece. It wasn’t cheap but he loves it.
I'm going bald...
Has anyone tried PRP injections (protein rich plasma) for hair loss? What was your diagnosis, and at one point along your hair loss path did you try it?
I am in perimenopause and started having some dramatic shedding about a year ago, which they thought was hormonal and related to my heavy irregular bleeding. That eventually slowed some with iron/spironolactone, but it didn’t stop – and then my front hairline started regressing. Despite minoxidil (about 4 months in and now on prescription strength with finasteride too + oral finasteride) the hairline regression with thinning marches forward. I am scared to keep continuing only with these typical treatments because the loss is steady and now very noticeable.
Am I crazy to consider trying PRP now? It is so so expensive and sounds like if you are lucky enough to get it to work, you have to continue it forever (not likely practical….). They are now thinking I have some scarring/no follicles where I have lost frontal hair so far and nothing can replace that now but transplants. So I am desperate to try to stop further loss before it is too late. I don’t have the greatest confidence in my derm (have seen two folks at the same practice) but haven’t been able to find any hair loss experts in my area. I had a biopsy that was inconclusive, but didn’t show clear inflammation/other causes with some suggestion of AGA (androgenic alopecia). My PCP/gyn are totally dismissive.
I have a bald brother/maternal grandfather but my Mom had beautiful hair all her life. However, my one maternal elderly aunt recently is going through health problems and I saw that she is now nearly bald. She must have been doing some sort of treatments and stopped them now that she is elderly/more medical problems. I don’t recall her losing her hair at my age, but her hair was always thin. She can’t talk to me about this sort of stuff now, unfortunately.
I’ve never been a great beauty, and consider myself a strong, independent woman. My lifelong cystic acne has been rough enough, but this has hit me hard.
Anon
I haven’t been through this specifically, but I have been through quite a few cosmetic procedures. If you KNOW a hair transplant would fix it, why not go straight to that? In my experience, the “non surgical” option often proves to be more costly in the end – both with respect to time and money. Maybe there’s another reason you want to avoid that, but I would seriously consider it if you want to throw $$$ at the issue.
I'm going bald...
It is a interesting idea, and I see your point. My stage in hair loss is too early for a transplant, as I am continuing to loose hair. Part of me is hoping to use the PRP as a bridge, to see if (given more time…) some of the other medicines might work to slow the loss.
I honestly don’t understand my current hair loss trajectory yet, and my docs haven’t been helpful in this regard.
Anon
Check into what happens with hair transplants down the road. If the transplanted area begins to lose hair, my understanding is that the transplant does, also.
I'm going bald...
Yes, I would continue to lose hair. I would need multiple transplants. Not affordable..
Anon
Lifelong cystic acne makes me think you’re right not to have much confidence in your docs. Have you seen a really good endocrinologist? Or could you see anyone who has the reputation of being really good? (I know there are some really lackluster dermatologists and gynecologists out there; I’ve seen some too.)
I'm going bald...
Yes, I haven’t had the best luck choosing doctors for myself – I’ve had better luck finding them for other people, strangely enough. It has never been recommended to see an endocrinologist for hair loss … only a derm. There really isn’t any good resource for finding someone “really good”. The best rec was someone out of state, but I am unable to travel.
Anon
I would put my funds toward a truly good wigmaker before trying PRP.
I'm going bald...
This is an interesting idea. I appreciate it.
Woof
I hear the stress and despair in your post–I don’t have any suggestions, but you sound very stressed and upset. I would find the very best doctors in the cities you can travel to, NYC, Boston, where ever, research doctors, and go see them. also, would a wig or hairpiece be helpful right now? Youtube has lots of advice and specialists, and there are forums on line where you might find help. I’m so sorry you are going through this. xoxox
I'm going bald...
Thank you for your very kind post. I haven’t spent any time on Youtube, but I occasionally look at the Reddit forum.
I am working from home, so I am able to hide my problem for now.
I go back and forth debating giving up and just letting everything fall out and save all the time/stress/energy/money. And then other moments I think oh my goodness I need to find something that will help before it is too late….
I cannot travel, unfortunately. And I wish it was easier to find good doctors…
Woof
If you truly might just give up, consider buzzing our head, aks Jada Pinkett Smith, and wear great earrings, collect hats, and just relax. I think buzzing your head might be a modern and cool option, better than having lost 50% of your hair. Maybe alopecia forums could be helpful here.
I'm going bald...
Thanks for your thoughts. It is definitely an option. My brother did this when he started to lose his hair. If only I looked like Jada…. ;)
Anon
Oof. This is so hard. I’m sorry your gyn and PCP are being dismissive, which just adds insult to injury. Hair is so explicitly tied to beauty in our society that of course it’s hitting you hard. It IS really hard. I have AGA and have been lucky that minoxodil has worked so far. Just saying that so you know I’ve been thinking about these issues a lot.
I think there was a different poster a few months ago who said that she was going to try PRP injections. I’d be curious if she did and how it’s working. You could always try it once or twice and see if it works at all, or if it gives you the kind of results you’d want to maintain for a long time. You can always make a further decision at that time. I personally would try PRP at least once before hair transplant if that is your next step.
If you are at a place where you’re feeling very self conscious about the thinning hair, would it make you feel more confident sometimes to wear a topper? It’s a really personal decision and no judgment either way. But it could make you at least feel less self conscious in public while you’re working through other options.
I'm going bald...
I really appreciate you sharing your experiences and thoughts. Thanks. How wonderful minox is working for you. How long did it take for you to see results? From my reading I need to give it at least 6 months, but I think I should have seen something by now, if it had the power to slow my receding hairline. Instead literally every time I wash my hair I notice more lost follicles along my hairline. Yes, they are so sparse in patches I have practically named each one… :)
Thanks for suggesting the topper. I am not familiar with hair pieces at all and like to hear there are different options. Would definitely consider this. My hair color is kind of crazy with lots of grey now.
Interestingly, when my Mom was hip and young in the 70’s (when I was a tot), she used to wear wigs for fun. If you can believe it, they were an easy/popular thing to do for fashion. She had great hair and still used them. I wish she was still alive to help me now…
helloanon
I’ve been dealing with medical hair loss/thinning for a little over a decade now. It started in my early 20s, yay. I don’t expect a surgical option to work for me, so after years of trying every kind of extension known to man, I have switched to hair toppers. They clip onto the top of your head, so you get volume at the crown, which I was really missing. I am a total convert – love them, will never go back. Alternative hair is having a bit of a moment, and toppers and wigs can look amazingly realistic. There are lots of accounts on insta if yo poke around. Just throwing that out there as an option. Good luck!
I'm going bald...
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I’m curious if there is a place around me to try these “alternative hair” things out. It is hard for me to imagine what would work considering the distribution of my hair loss so I probably just need to get in there and try it.
Good luck to you. I’m sorry you have had to deal with this for so long. I appreciate your wise advice.
anon
I’m sorry you are going through this.
I’ve had clumps fall out before and no dr could give advice. i did a few things: cut down hard on sugar. found a naturopath on google searches with good reviews. when I went, he took one look at me and said how long have you had thyroid issues? i nearly soobed with relief not and frustration as my mom and brother also have but no endo qould addrss despite 100 pounds weight gain, hair loss and feeling like a sloth.
I hope you find what you need and discard shoddy drs. there are a shocking amount of them! no one ever really fires them, so. …
I'm going bald...
Oh, I’m so sorry you suffered through this. i hope things are now improving for you.
I have always chosen women doctors hoping they would be more sensitive and responsive to my concerns. But I have unfortunately found the same sort of dismissiveness / problems. I have had some good docs, but unfortunately many have left/retired.
Sauce
I’m on month 3 of using a red light therapy helmet (theradome). It was about $500; so, it’s not cheap. I think the pamphlet that came with it said that it takes something like 9 months to see results. For me, it’s very early on in my treatment but I think I see some results along the front with more patchy spaces looking like they’re starting to fill in. It’s hard to say whether I’d recommend it but if I had to pick between recommending it or not at this stage, I’d say go for it.
I'm going bald...
Thank you for sharing this. May I ask if you know the type of hair loss you have, and if you have any hairline regression?
That isn’t cheap, but it is less than 1 shot of PRP, which you have to do a minimum of 3 times and then every 3-6 months if needed, so I am definitely considering all options.
Sauce
I don’t have a diagnosis but I’m looking into whether my TSH levels could be the culprit. It’s an all over shedding, including hairline regression. I suspected a shampoo at first but the shedding continued after I stopped using it. Next, I suspected hormones because I’m older and in menopause. HRT didn’t help. So my search for answers continues. Hope you find a treatment that works for you and that you report back.
I'm going bald...
Wow – yours sounds more like mine. It might be worth considering a biopsy, although it didn’t help me. I am thinking about going to a different doctor and getting a second biopsy since my first was nondiagnostic. The biopsies are very small and not disfiguring.
In your shoes, I might try minoxidil. It is helping my all over shedding, but isn’t stopping the hairline loss, which is the most noticeable. But it is a lifelong commitment, which sucks. Maybe the helmet is easier?
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Anon
Random question. I am not from NJ. I went there recently with my BF, who is. I knew that you could not pump your own gas. I did not know that apparently liquor licenses are virtually nonexistent, so it’s like visiting a dry county where you can get soda or water with dinner and BYO bottle of wine maybe. I grew up in the bible belt, but everywhere and their brother could sell beer/wine (like a mom and pop convenience store, drug stores, grocery stores) and there are maybe only a handful of dry counties but not in places I’ve ever been (I’ve just heard stories). You could get liquor drinks in most restaurants. I figured NJ would be more fast and loose than I’m used to and was almost shocked. BF moved away for college, so was never old enough to drink there when he lived there, so has no idea.
Anonymous
You saw a very narrow view. Tons of restaurants have licenses. And us locals love BYOB. It’s way cheaper!
Anon
This is strange to me. I’ve only been to NJ a couple times but I had drinks at a restaurant one of those times.
Anon
What is the question?
Cat
What is the point here- did you go to OCNJ and were unprepared?
Senior Attorney
That’s weird. I have been to NJ on multiple occasions and haven’t even noticed the liquor issue.
Anon
Probably depends a lot on where in the Bible Belt you grow up. Lynchburg, TN is in a dry county; that’s where the Jack Daniels distillery is. Bourbon County KY is dry.
Anonymous
I’m from NJ. A restaurant needs a liquor license to serve any alcohol. No distinction between beer, wine, and hard liquor. They are somewhat expensive to get. Not every restaurant serves alcohol. Some as you noted are BYOB. Mostly small, hole-in-the-wall, or tiny places are BYOB. However, there’s are many many restaurants where you can get a drink. Many. I find your post strange.
Anon
I live in NJ. Nearly all restaurants I visit serve alcohol (have a license). I think your experience is not representative at all. Don’t all states require license to serve alcohol (hence there will always be some BYOB restaurants)?
Anon
I believe all states require licenses, but I don’t think Byod is common everywhere.
My guess is that it was the type of restaurants OP was going to. I live in DC where pretty much any sit down restaurant is going to serve alcohol because that is the market. But when I’m visiting my family in the Midwest, less places serve alcohol because there are more family restaurants. Instead of a wine list, they have high chairs.
Anon
This seems like a lot of weird stereotyping, both about the Midwest and about whether or not restaurants serve alcohol. I live in a small city in the Midwest and most restaurants in my town have both wine/cocktail lists and high chairs; they’re not mutually exclusive at all. Chicago is no different than DC in terms of having many fine dining restaurants that aren’t good for kids. Whether or not fine dining exists has much more to do with the size of the city than geography.
anon
Agreed. I find that “midwest” is often a synonym for “Hicksville.” People need to look on a map and check out the existence of a few (ahem) large cities therein. For a start.
Anon
There may be some dry towns in NJ but overall, most restaurants have a liquor license. They are very expensive and can be difficult to get though. I also love a BYOB! However, during the pandemic a lot of restaurants by me started selling alcohol and having a corkage fee because they needed the cash flow I assume.
highlander
Liquor licenses here in New Jersey are restricted based on population. A town can issue one retail license for every 3,000 residents. Demand is high, transfers are costly, and in more populous areas the waiting list is long.
London (formerly NY) CPA
I havent noticed this much in NJ, but its quite popular in Pennsylvania (where I went to college) to have BYO restaurants due to the challenge / cost of getting a liquor license.
Curious
You probably won’t see this, but I’m with you! Welcome to “actually there were a lot of Puritans in New England and the vicinity”! I was shocked as a Midwesterner coming to college out East that there were specific liquor stores and they couldn’t open on Sundays. A friend used to drive from Jersey to PA or vice versa, I forget, to get wine at Trader Joe’s because they couldn’t sell it in the other state. Google “Blue Laws.”
Seventh Sister
I grew up in MD and blue laws were the kind of thing you always had to work around. When I was visiting colleges in New England in the 1990s, I remember that the town where one college was located was a famously dry town (can’t have a ritzy women’s college and liquor in the same ZIP code) and the grocery store clerk was scandalized that my dad asked for directions to the town liquor store. Couldn’t buy liquor on Sundays, couldn’t buy liquor after 6pm in some states, dry towns, not even any beer in the grocery store. Just a pain in the rear that didn’t seem to serve any purpose.
When I moved to California, I was absolutely thrilled that you could buy all of it in the grocery store pretty much any time.
Anon
If it’s the town I think it is, it was dry for a very different reason: it contains three colleges (a women’s college, a business school, and a computer school) and is a very wealthy bedroom community for the city. They also do not allow establishments to be open at night. Very simply, people need to sleep and it had jack-all to do with the college being for women.
Seventh Sister
You sound like fun! Have a SUPER day!
Anonymous
the statewide love affair with jug handles (turn right to turn left) is much weirder to me
anon
NJ resident here.
lots of weird stuff in state and yes not every place has a license but it’s not all dry.
we pump our fists, not our gas!
u turns and highway merges are the worst. you gotta love NJ. or not!
pasty, flat hair NJ gal.
Anonymous
I love the full-serve gas and fondly remember the lower gas taxes, although I think they are a thing of the past. (I live in NY now but went to grad school in NJ). The jug handle situation just is kind of counter-intuitive, but much less terrifying than, say, MA’s fixation on roundabouts.
Anon
Rotaries. They are rotaries in Massachusetts and are amazing.
Natick and Framingham have jug handles on Route 9, IIRC. They are easy once you know there are there.
Curious
I will accept that they are rotaries, but they are amazing in the way that driving on the Mass Pike is amazing. I close my eyes half the time when my husband drives in Massachusetts.
Anonymous
Anyone on this board restore furniture? I inherited a 1920s/1930s veneer set (not solid wood) from a deceased family member. I have never restored anything before but I have some spare weekends and willing to read articles/watch YouTube….if anyone has advice or a good starting point, let me know!
Anonymous
I like TikTok for that because it better suits my attention span while I’m in the research phase… I’ve saved stuff from @shaynaalnwick, @breezingthroughblog, @pretty_distressed, @graceful_designs_diy
fusion/chalk paint is the easiest; staining it another color is harder.
Anon
I guess this explains why everybody does chalk paint.
Anon
I think painting old wooden furniture is such a shame!! The paint never comes all the way off if you decide to go back to wood at some point.
Anon
Yes, there is some furniture that is nothing special that people may as well paint if they want. But a lot of people don’t understand the quality of the pieces they’re dealing with and how expensive the wood would be new. It’s going to be such a dated look soon too.
Anonymous
Agree. And don’t even get me started on the current trend I’m seeing of bleaching beautiful old wood furniture (not then staining it something else. Just… bleaching it).
Anon
I’m upset over all the vintage hand knotted rugs that are being chemical treated to look antique (it doesn’t look antique), or overdyed, in an attempt to make them look more like disposable poly rugs, I guess?
Anon
@ 4:17 I didn’t even know that was a thing. And now I’m upset with you!
Anon
I’ve done several veneer pieces! First off, does it even need any work? If there aren’t any water rings, stains, places where the finish is rubbed away, etc, then I wouldn’t do much of anything beyond cleaning with Murphy’s Oil Soap.
If the veneer is intact but the finish is trashed, you can hit it with stripper, scrape the finish, sand (veneer is thin, but it’s not THAT thin – it can take a pretty good sanding) and then refinish. I like a natural look, so I don’t do any staining. The more elbow grease you put into getting every last bit of old finish off, and then a good sanding, the better the outcome will be. Preparing the piece is the vast majority of the work involved. Wear a mask when sanding. I’m not particularly sensitive to chemicals, but if you are, be sure to glove up when working with them. When you’re dealing with acetone, mineral spirits, etc, make sure you’re in a well ventilated area and away from flame. Be careful about disposing of used rags properly so you don’t burn your house down. That would suck.
If there are pieces of missing veneer, or it’s come loose in places that are visible, that’s where you’re getting into some tedious restoration work and is beyond my abilities at this point and will be a much more substantial time investment.
Anon
+1 to all this. Get a little orbital sander, they aren’t expensive (NOT a belt sander!) and some fine grit sandpaper. Don’t be in a hurry, take your time, and do not leave it outside if there’s even the slightest chance of rain – ask me how I know.
4:04 Anon
When she says take your time – really… take your time. And then take some more time. When I work on a piece, I do as much as I can – till I think I’m done, then go do something else for a while or leave it overnight. When I come back, it’s clear that I’m not done, so I work at it some more – until I think I’m done. Flip the piece on its side, upside down – change your approach as well. Get at it from every angle you can come up with. Repeat as many times as needed. It’s never, ever as straightforward as the very helpful but condensed Youtube videos make it out to be, but this is one time where patience and persistence really are rewarded.
Op
This is so helpful! Thank you! I will try the oil soap first. These pieces have been moved 6 times in 7 years and some of the moves haven’t been kind to the legs/bottom lips of the dresser. (No legs like MCM pieces, but the little dresser feet) There are a few places where a veneer layer has started to chip? Peel? Not sure what word to use. It isn’t super noticeable and I maybe just stain the under layer, but The coloring of the tall dresser is pretty uneven. I wouldn’t be shocked if someone stained the pieces 40-50 years ago and that’s what is wearing off.
Any other tips or ideas, please keep them coming!
Anon
Chipping around the bottom edges is unlikely to be noticed in real life, especially if you end up stripping it. People just don’t look that closely unless examining it for sale, but for everyday enjoyment, you’ll quickly forget they’re there and no guests in your home will ever notice. The pieces I do are for my own use, not for resale, and I leave the small chips as a reminder that it had a life before me.
The uneven coloring is most likely from the sun – at one point or another one side got sun from a window that the other didn’t. Easiest solution to that, is to clean it and then put it in the sun for a few hours a couple of times. Nature will take care of the rest (of course, check the weather first). If that doesn’t take care of it to your liking, stripping almost certainly will.
anon
tinted wood oil for the feet
Anonymous
Before you bring out any sanders, try Howard products first. They work wonders on dull finishes, scratches, and even water rings. Start with a few applications of Feed & Wax as an easy first step. And then graduate to Restore-A-Finish applied with super fine steel wool (#00 or #000?) and you can reapply Feed & Wax afterwards. If these do not do enough, then you reach for the sander.
Anon
+10000000 Howard projects are magic.
Anon
Regular poster going anon for this. My son was recently diagnosed with autism. He’s going into 5th grade, very smart, lots of friends but increasingly rigid/anxious socially. We 100% agree with the diagnosis (ASD-1, what used to be Asperger’s). My question is around telling (or not telling) family. Old fashioned boomer grandparents/aunts/uncles who think they’re woke but say horrific things about mental illness/neurodiversiry/don’t agree with therapy/etc. I would like to tell them over a phone call and let them know if I hear ANY demeaning comments we will go no contact (which we’ve done before for other horrific things they’ve said to my family). Husband disagrees and says to just not tell them but I don’t want to teach my kid he has to hide who he is around family in order to be ‘worthy’ (I had LOTS of therapy around this because they are absolutely obsessed with status and their kids being a reflection of them). Wwyd?
Senior Attorney
What does he think? I feel like at 10 or so, he’s old enough to have a say in this.
Anon
He’s ok with us telling trusted adults (teachers, doctor, etc.) so he’s ok with it in theory. We have kept him shielded from the worst of their behavior and he’s very very literal so he truly wouldn’t understand why someone who is supposed to love and support him would use this against him/treat him badly over it. This is something we plan to work through in social skills therapy (many kids with autism are overly trusting/don’t get sarcasm or subterfuge from ‘friends’ and are taken advantage of).
But this is why I’m leaning towards setting a hard line because I can see it breaking his heart as he just truly would not understand why someone who ‘loves’ him would be unkind to him.
Anon
He might not know? I have a few friends with ASD kids diagnosed around that age and they didn’t share the diagnosis with the kid immediately. I remember this was also a plotline on Parenthood although I think the kid may have been a bit younger.
Anon
I would let your kid decide when to tell them and back him to the hilt if your family gets rude.
anon
Your kid doesn’t have to hide who he is, but I also wouldn’t share a damn thing with the relatives. They don’t need to know. Your son can be who he is without feedback from the peanut gallery.
Anon
Yeah, I don’t view not telling nosy, potentially unsupportive relatives something to be “hiding who you are.” I didn’t tell some people in my extended family I was pregnant until after the baby was born and that wasn’t shameful or anything like that. I just didn’t like these people and didn’t feel like I wanted them knowing private info about my body.
Anonymous
Don’t tell them, and teach your kid that this is private health information not to be shared. He can make an informed decision about whether and how much to share when he is an adult. Source: I know what happens if you tell the grandparents and it is all kinds of not good.
Anon
We are in a similar boat (late diagnosis) but without the horrible family. I’m with you on the woke people making an exception to be horribly prejudiced against those with any hint of neurodiversity and for that reason, have not advertised that kiddo has it. Kiddo knows and tells selective people. I think as a girls it is more obvious that she lacks the social skills of her peers. But she is also very sweet, loving, gentle, hard-working, funny, and smart. When some people see the label, they stop seeing any of her attributes and just see her as damaged goods to walk away from and talk bad about. She understands that some people are very prejudiced and that she should think twice before freely sharing things like that.
FellowParent
This is actually a great life lesson for your child. You sound like a great parent.
anonshmanon
I agree with other posters, that you (OP) can reframe this a bit. Your son should feel free to be who he is but that doesn’t automatically mean your relatives are entitled to know everything about his life. Like, if he achieves something they would approve of, he isn’t obliged to share that with them, either.
Woof
I have a son on the spectrum, diagnosed with Asperger’s many years ago, and therefore have some experience with this. Does your son have behaviors or needs that you will expect or want family to accommodate? Does his rigidity extend to, for example, needing to eat meals at a specific time, or anything/something that affects family gatherings? If so, you may need to tell them in order to ask them to be accommodating. Otherwise, I would not tell them all at once. There is no need to make an announcement as one might do for an illness. Instead, start with talking to his teachers (with him if you wish) and other pertinent people. And, as you proceed with him and family, you can can introduce aspects of who he is, and not give the diagnosis until you feel more safe. There is really no need to pull everyone together on the phone and tell them. One last bit of advice: Go to AANE.org, and read, and join, and join some support groups. The Aspergers/Autism Network is a terrific support and resource for people on the spectrum as well as for their families.
Anon
Honestly, “son needs to eat at 5” is a complete explanation, as is “son finds fireworks too loud” or “we’ll be able to stop by for two hours” (and then leave). I think if more parents did this for kids of all neurotypes, kids would do better! But he had all the same needs before he was ever diagnosed.
Anon
+1 million. You don’t know anyone info about the diagnosis, just what your kid needs in a particular situation which is not necessarily specific to autism. And plenty neurotypical kids have some level of rigidity or sensory stuff.
Anon
*you don’t owe anyone info
ASD Lady
Do not tell your family! I’m a late diagnosed woman (28!) and I have a hyper competitive anti-disability boomer family, so I relate. I beat them at their own game, I got the most prestigious education, have the most important and well paying job, bought the nicest house etc. But what my naive ASD self didn’t realize was that it was never about accomplishment, it was about othering the weirdo (aka me). So once I did everything I was supposed to do they just found something else to pick on me for. If my family knew I am ASD I would legitimately have to go no contact with them since they would use it as ammo. Let your kiddo make that decision when he’s older and better able to understand.
anon
You guys. It finally happened. After a long exhausting day, I came home to find my roomba had gotten hold of my dog’s poop. (I have a very old dog who often has accidents in the house. I should have known better.) It was smeared EVERYWHERE. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Mostly cry probably.
Take this as a warning to maybe only run your roomba when you’re home if you have old pets.
Anon
Oh no!!! I’m so sorry!
Yesterday the garbage disposal in my kitchen sink decided to pop right out of the sink, as I was using it, so water went everywhere. It made a mess and I had to very deliberately decide to find it funny instead of infuriating. Not sure I could pull that off for dog poop, though!
Anon
I love my Roombas but they are always supervised! I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Anon
Oh nooooo! I hope you, your Roomba and your pup recover.
Peloton
The only upside is that you will be telling this story for YEARS to come. Yuck!!! I’m so sorry!
Sloan Sabbith
I just got a new Roomba that says it is smart enough to avoid that, if you’re interested. It’s the J7. It was not destroyed in the fire for which I am irrationally delighted.
Anon
I never had pets growing up, and I want a cat. The only thing holding me back is that I don’t know where I would put the litter box. There is no space in my bathroom, and I don’t have any kind of mud room or utility room. Is it weird/unsanitary/ill-advised to put a litter box in a bedroom? Will the room that has the litter box be smellier than other rooms?
Anon
Yes, it will likely be smellier. If you stay on top of it, it may not be as much of an issue. I would definitely put it somewhere that you can close a door. We have ours in the basement
Anonymous
The cat will wake you up in the middle of the night scratching in the litter box, and will track litter all over your carpet. If you truly have no space in the bathroom, the kitchen is less awful than the bedroom.
Anon
We have ours in corner of our living room (apartment life). It’s a covered one with hole in the front for cat to enter/exit (looks like a wooden box). We have one cat, scoop it daily and change entire litter biweekly. It’s somewhat near my desk (WFH) and I can rarely ever smell it.
Anonymous
It’ll be fine. Scoop daily. OR make the best decision ever if you can find any way to afford it, and that is buy an automatic litter box. The litter bot has absolutely changed my life. I wish, sincerely wish, I purchased it when I adopted my cat.
anonymous
You can get a litter box enclosure that looks like a piece of furniture. My five cats usually sleep through the night and don’t use the box overnight. Put a rug or litter box mat underneath the area and vacuum regularly. Also, use a covered trash can or Litter Genie for the waste. You could also look into a top entry type box, but some cats are particular about the type of box.
Anon
I know you said no room in the bathroom, but I would look very closely before you give up on it — I’ve always managed to find a way to squeeze it in there, in even the tiniest bathrooms. In my last apartment it was squeezed in between the pedestal sink and the toilet (it fit with about an inch to spare). Once I had it in the hallway just outside the bathroom. Having a covered box helps.
I use flushable litter (world’s best) and just scoop and flush 1-2 times a day, then sweep with a little handheld brush.
Anon
I wouldn’t put it in your bedroom because the noise will wake you up.
Anon
There’s the question of the smell of a box that needs scooping and the question of the smell of the litter itself. I cannot stand the smell of clay litter, but I don’t mind pine litter. So YMMV on what you’re willing to live with when it comes to the litter itself! I don’t think I would want a dust-producing litter in my bedroom though, or at least not without also running an air filter.
Re. odor: Any good litter will neutralize the scent of #1 completely, but #2 will often need to be scooped to control odor. I find odor also depends quite a lot on what I feed my cat!
In apartments, I always put the box in the bathroom or the hallway near the bathroom if possible.
As a general cat thing, some adult cats prefer to be only cats, but kittens are usually happiest in pairs. And if a cat ever has an accident (many never do!), the vet is probably going to recommend a second box. So it’s good to think about options and whether a box could be hidden in cabinetry or a closet if needed. (Though some cats and even multi-cat households get by with one box.)
Anon
Long shot, but – anyone have experience with how red flag laws actually work? In California, specifically.
Dear friend has been spiraling downward for a few years – at this point, he’s actively delusional / psychotic about 80% of the time when I talk to him. He’s become increasingly paranoid, and recently started making threatening / violent statements about people he thinks have wronged him. Refuses to see a doctor, steadfastly against medication so there’s little in the way of documentation except a handful of ER visits for acute episodes. He’s in no state to have access to a weapon.
Without a criminal history or much in the way of supportive medical records (which I doubt he’d provide himself or give me access to), I’m SOL right? No way to flag him as a danger or add him to a ‘no gun list’ if such a thing exists?
Coach Laura
Not a lawyer and have no idea how those laws could/should work. And not in California. But yikes – I would call the local police station and tell them he is making direct, violent statements against specific people/groups. If it is against a public official, you could call the FBI. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened and I hadn’t done what I could. You could also call Adult Protective Services, though I don’t know if it’s called that in Cali. Tell them. You don’t need copies of his med records or anything. If you were somewhere where you could surreptitiously record him legally, if it were me I’d do that. But it’s illegal in Cali.
You personally could call a California Crisis hotline or textline. They might be better able to advise. 1-800-273-TALK or for text the word HOME to 741741.
Maybe others will have better ideas than I.
CC-anon
Yep, in California, these are more common than you think. Our Sheriff’s office regularly files these, called “gun violence restraining orders,” and an attorney in our office handles these in court. Take a look at this page:
https://www.courts.ca.gov/33679.htm
Google the city and county law enforcement agencies where your friend lives to see if they have GVRO info listed and/or a contact person.
SFAttorney
Yes, this. You may be able to petition for a gun violence restraining order or to have law enforcement do so. There is lots of information on the California Courts website linked above.
Peloton
Fwiw, I had a friend spiral like this but never make any specific threats against anyone or anything. I kept screenshots and emails in a folder, and sent contemporaneous emails documenting what this person was saying to a trusted lawyer friend. Ultimately, the friend’s scope of grievances started to expand to include folks like me, and I stopped engaging with him as a result. Had anything become specific or actionable (or if he’d talked about acquiring a weapon), I would have had a folder to give to the cops. Strongly recommend you do the same folder-building while you navigate this, in addition to whatever red flag law options you’re able to pursue.
I’m sorry—it’s hard.
Anon
You need to talk to a specialist, even if it costs you money. Everyone thinks they are just the little psychology experts and they aren’t. Talk to a licensed professional because your concerns should actually be about his well-being in a far more holistic sense than barring him from purchasing a weapon and literally making a court case out of it.
Anonymous
Is a specialist going to diagnose this friend who is unwilling to see a doctor, or offer advice on how to help the friend, without actually examining the friend? I can’t imagine a doctor being willing to do that.
Bonnie Kate
Yeah I don’t imagine the specialist will be much help directly to the friend without examining, but they may be a good resource for the OP on what options are available to the OP.
Anon
Where do single ladies find other single ladies to be friends with? All but one of my friends is coupled and it’s kinda a drag. I’m early/mid thirties and while sure I’d like a relationship with the right person, I’m also happy single, don’t want kids so biological clock isn’t ticking. It can be hard to relate to friends who are all coupled because their lives are just different from mine. I’d love to find some happily single ladies to be friends with but I literally don’t know where to find them. I don’t expect anyone to have an actual answer to this question, just putting this frustration of mine out into the internet void. Thanks for listening, internet strangers!
Anonymous
Bumble BFF has worked for a friend of mine and now I hang out with her app matches, too. Like the dating apps, there are lots of fails, but she has had two stick.
You could take a class (fitness, art, whatever) at a time when moms are usually not available and try to make connections there.
I belong to a gym in my neighborhood and have met a bunch of neighbors this way. My gym has social events. Maybe there is a business like that in your area even if not a gym.
Frequent the same bars/restaurants/coffee shops (I even have a friend who sold me stuff at our farmers market and now we live on the same street and hang out) and get comfortable with talking to strangers (taboo for your generation. I know, but it works for me and I have lots of friends as a result).
Anon
Thanks for these suggestions! I hadn’t thought about Bumble BFF, that’s a great idea.
Anon
If you’re in the NYC area I’d be friends!
Lizzianna
I don’t know if they have them nationwide, but I’m in California, and I found some similar shorts for $10 at Costco last weekend. Super comfy, and the elastic waistband will help me get through my maternity leave this summer, since my sizing is all over the place right now.
TiredAnon
Looking for recs for pajamas – classic style with button down top, and cropped or petite length (I am 5’4″). Looking for cotton not jersey or other very lightweight style (satin?) to help keep cool. Not clingy. Would love a beautiful soft inviting set! And, bonus points for a gorgeous summer weight robe to go along with (could match or just coordinate). I have terrible sleep issues and haven’t bought new pjs in so long. Thinking some new sleepwear would help or at least make me feel less sh&tty all the time. Thanks!
Anon
printfresh dot com
Minnie Beebe
I’m not sure if they have a button-up top, but I have some washable silk PJs from Third Love which are great. Much better than cotton, IMO (but also pricier, go figure!)
Anonymous
Garnet Hill has gorgeous (and pricey) pj’s and robes! And bedding. I basically want to live in one of their catalogs.
Anonymous
Not sure anyone will see this so late in the weekend, but worth a shot – for those of you with a romantic partner who cheated in the past, how much did you ask or want to hear about the affair(s)? Is there anything you regret knowing? My boyfriend of 3 years is divorced. He had an affair during his marriage. He also had substance abuse issues. He went to therapy, no longer drinks or uses drugs, and has never given me a single reason to doubt or mistrust him during our relationship (we met 2 years post divorce). I have never asked questions about the affair, and their marriage wasn’t long (dated 2 years, married 18 months prior to him filing for divorce). We’re early 40s so not chalking it up to college age stupidity here. I don’t want to make a huge mountain out of something that hasn’t been an issue, but I do think I want to know when the affair happened, whether it was multiple people or just one, how long it went on, and whether the other partner(s) are still in his life. That said, some of my friends have gone through therapy post affair and they have confided in me they wish they didn’t know certain things about the affair. Any advice?
Anon
I’ve never had this experience, but I would want to know literally everything. I feel like you’re relatively early on in the relationship, and if there is anything Shocking itwill be easy to integrate into your perception of him now then it would be 10 years down the road.
Anon
3 years into a relationship is “early”??
Anonymous
Yes? People’s marriage or relationship can be 50 years or more.
Anon
I mean, yes, relative to a lifespan 3 years is short, but 3 years isn’t ‘early’ into dating in terms of how committed most couples are at this point. Many couples are engaged by 3 years in. I was already married 3 years after meeting my husband. At 3 years in, you’re not really figuring out whether or not you want to be with someone, you already know. This comment would make sense to me if they’re 3 months into dating, but not 3 years.
I agree with other posters that I would have wanted details about this situation waaaaay before 3 years.
Anon
Three years after meeting my husband, we were married with a baby.
Anon
I’d be more interested in knowing all about the work he’s done on himself – therapy, sobrienty, etc, to ensure this sort of thing doesn’t happen again, rather than too many gory details of the actual affair.
Anon
+1 I don’t want any actual affair details, just like I don’t want details about my partner’s prior sex life with his ex-wife or other girlfriends. I would be WAYYYYYY more concerned, acutely so, about the work and reflection he has done since the affair.
Anonymous
I am curious why you want to know this now, after 3 years, but didn’t ask before. I think I would have wanted to know if the affair partner(s) is still in his life long before now. If not, I’m not sure I’d care much about the details of the affair itself but I would ask what it is he thinks led him to pursue an affair during his marriage and what has changed. I don’t care a lot about delving into people’s past and resolved relationships personally. But as someone who is currently in a friendship with a married man that could easily turn into an affair but for my own resolve, I can tell you that at least in my case, the tension is part of the appeal and I would want to know if my partner had that in his life and, in particular, why they are not together now. Is the person not available or did the relationship fizzle or did they decide to never see each other again but if they bumped into each other all bets are off. I think I could be a threat to any relationship my friend is in because we are magnetic to each other but I could never be a primary partner to him so it will never resolve that way.
OP
We’re starting to talk about marriage. I have always trusted him and never really thought to ask any of these questions before…I just wasn’t curious, I guess? Then a good friend of mine recently went through a huge, messy breakup, and in large part because her now-ex swore he’d never cheat again and did. So I’ve been hearing a lot of “cheaters always re offend” and thought, should I be more curious about this? Should I ask something? Will I regret not asking? Am I supposed to know this stuff?
Anon
One useful exercise is what would you do with the information? Like if he cheated once versus multiple times, what would that change? Or if the person is still in his life, would you be okay with it? That can help you figure out whether you really want to know.
Anon
It’s been three years. Put your morbid curiosity to bed. The only question you can ask – since this wasn’t your monkeys nor your circus – is if any of the affair partners are still in his life.
Anon
My DH of 20 years was divorced in his mid 20s (before we met), had an affair while the divorce was not yet final, drank too much as his way to cope with sh*t, then grew to realize he didn’t want the life that behavior was leading him to. He never went to formal therapy but did loads of work on himself. We met, he told me generally about his past but not in great detail. He volunteered to answer honestly any questions I had and I just wasn’t that curious about more than broad who, when & why info. It comes up in conversation once in a very great while, always in pretty matter of fact ways, and it has been a non-issue ever since.
The ex is not in the picture. The affair partner was on the periphery for a short time as a fringe member of our greater friend group. The handful of times I met her it was really awkward but all on her side. She invited herself to our engagement party, was with a date and tried to literally throw herself all over my then-fiance. To his credit he acted like she was a weird little toddler who had just pooped her pants, basically peeled her off his side and handed her over to her date, then went right back on ignoring her. She was ostracized from the friend group soon after because that was par for the course for her. I admit I kind of forgot about both her and the ex until I read your question.
Anonymous
You didn’t really “forget” about her because you’ve mentioned this story before here. But this is why it makes sense for the OP to know whether the affair partner is around and what the resolution of their relationship is. OP apparently has no idea if that person is lurking around. And maybe she is and it is a non-issue, but it would be quite a shock for an incident like yours to occur at OP’s engagement party and for OP to learn only then who that woman is.
Anon
Actually I have never posted this story, not her nor anywhere before, but thanks for jumping to the conclusion!
I even read the OP’s post, thought “huh, that’s a really niche situation. Is there likely to be anyone reading who has relevant experience? Oh wait, that would be me, d’oh!”
Anonymous
Huh. I wasn’t criticizing you. I actually find the story to be well described which is why it is memorable. But maybe someone else had an extremely similar situation or I am time traveling.
Anon
You’re not crazy. I remember this story too, it’s definitely been posted before.
Anon
Weird. Maybe someone else shared a similar experience? Or it’s a Mandela effect situation? I’m the anon who wrote this one and definitely have not shared it previously.
Emma
I’ve never been in this situation, but I would want to know 1) what led him to cheat? 2) what has changed since then? 3) How does he feel about it? (To gage the level of regret). 4) The nature of the affair – was it multiple partners, were they emotionally entangled, did he see a future or just mess around.
I’ve been cheated on and it was a really gutturally devastating experience. You can’t police to make sure it never happens, but I will say that there are men in my extended social circle where I’ve thought, “Huh. They seem like they’d be more inclined to be less-than-faithful.” And it usually turns out to be true. Some people are more wired for monogamy and loyalty than others. Others can do it but it’s a bit of a sacrifice. Others are less hard-wired and are more inclined to slip up. Before committing to blending finances or getting more entangled, I’d want to have a clear sense of what category your BF falls into and gage the risk level of something happening in the future. If it really seems like a one-off thing he’s made amends for, then you have peace of mind. If it seems like something he might stumble into in the future when life gets overwhelming, then you have that information. Learning about the ugly parts of people is as much a part of intimacy as loving the good.
Anon
My SO had an “affair” (using the term loosely because his then wife had said she was okay with an open marriage) and I know way too much about the details. The affair partner is still part of our larger social circle, and I wish I didn’t know it was her. If I were you I’d satisfy myself with being comfortable in your relationship and leave it at that. I don’t know that you have anything to gain by knowing more details.
Anonymous
How would you feel if you didn’t know but found out after a few years? That is the part I would have an issue with, I think.
Emma
I’ve never been in this situation, but I would want to know 1) what led him to cheat? 2) what has changed since then? 3) How does he feel about it? (To gage the level of regret). 4) The nature of the affair – was it multiple partners, were they emotionally entangled, did he see a future or just mess around.
I’ve been cheated on and it was a really gutturally devastating experience. You can’t police to make sure it never happens, but I will say that there are men in my extended social circle where I’ve thought, “Huh. They seem like they’d be more inclined to be less-than-faithful.” And it usually turns out to be true. Some people are more wired for monogamy and loyalty than others. Others can do it but it’s a bit of a sacrifice. Others are less hard-wired and are more inclined to slip up. Before committing to blending finances or getting more entangled, I’d want to have a clear sense of what category your BF falls into and gage the risk level of something happening in the future. If it really seems like a one-off thing he’s made amends for, then you have peace of mind. If it seems like something he might stumble into in the future when life gets overwhelming, then you have that information. Learning about the ugly parts of people is as much a part of intimacy as loving the good.
Cat
Did K-t change the title of the post – I swear it just said Weekend Thread this morning!
Do people have today off for Juneteenth? Based on a sample size of 5, it’s regular business hours for my friends’ employers.
Anon
I’m working too! Now without this s*te as a distraction :(
Anonymous
I’m working too! Now without this s*te as a distraction :(
Anon
Yep. I need a distraction.
Anon
It was definitely just Weekend Thread this morning and was changed! My office is open today, though we just got an email to “celebrate” the holiday – kinda weird considering the office is open.
Anon
She did change it today.
I’m working too. It’s not a holiday in my state.
Anonymous
We’re working. On the federal holiday list, we don’t get Washington’s Birthday, Columbus Day, Juneteenth, or Veteran’s Day.
Anon
Same here, which I find super annoying as we are a large federal government contractor.
Anonymous
In fairness we do get Christmas Eve and the day after Thanksgiving off, but that still means we’re down 2 holidays compared to the feds.
Anon2
Definitely working! Our office did a half day on Friday instead. I was at a state court this morning, and judges and staff alike were there so I don’t think it’s a holiday for them either.
Anon
I don’t have off, but we don’t take MLK/Presidents day/fka Columbus day off either
Bonnie Kate
Same.
Anon
I’m working today as well. State government.
Anon
I work for a state university. It’s a public holiday in my state, but the university doesn’t give us the day off. We have MLK Day off, but not President’s Day or Columbus Day.
Senior Attorney
We changed Columbus Day to Native American Day, and even changed the date from early October to late September (which is awesome because it looks likemy birthday will be a three-day weekend going forward).
Anon
I’m off today and it is wonderful. I rarely get to take a holiday other than NYD, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas, and the weather is good and I am reveling in every minute.
Senior Attorney
State government and we are working today. But traffic was much lighter than usual this morning so somebody must have the day off!
Anon
I’m off, most people I know are too
Anon
In what field?
Anon
Finance, but in the Bay Area
Anonymous
It is a state holiday in GA and our state and federal courts are closed. But my white male partners didn’t get the memo and did not give a holiday. I am not working today, though, much as I did not when an old employer did not give MLK Day off even in 2009.
pugsnbourbon
Higher ed and we got Friday off instead of today.
anon
We got Friday off instead of today. Friday was the state holiday, so our law firm closed the day the state courts were closed.
Anonymous
Off today (I got this day off starting in 2020). I work in big law. Husband is off (works for large bank). Most people we know are off as well since it’s now a federal holiday.
Amy
Ah yes, a day off in BigLaw – i.e., you get to bill more tomorrow to make up for it!
Anonymous
My pet peeve. My firm: “We’re designating 2 weeks of leave as protected leave. You really get to take it!” Me, in my head: “So you’re lowering the billable hour requirement correspondingly? No? Ok, also known as it doesn’t matter.”
Anonymous
I’m off. I work for an arts nonprofit in NYC (so verrrry liberal culturally), and we started getting it as a holiday last year. I think we get most Federal holidays except Veteran’s Day. Schools and city offices are closed here too. (Last day of school is still a week away here!)
Anon
My office closes at 3pm today. Mid-size law firm with offices in four states.
Anonymous
That seems useless. Did it not occur to anyone to do that on Friday instead?