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This dress looks fabulous for the weekend – I love the shirttail hem, the pockets, and the general minimal, sleek shape. It feels somehow a bit more grown up than the flared tennis dresses that are everywhere this summer — what are your thoughts, readers? (If you do like the tennis dress style, here's a nice iteration from Beyond Yoga that's getting good ratings.)
The pictured dress is $69 at Nordstrom (from active brand Zella), available in sizes XXS-XXL. This dress (in regular and plus sizes) looks mighty similar.
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
MWDC
Speaking of perfect for the weekend, I got an ad in my social media feed for some really well priced items at Jockey, including this weekend dress (linked below), and many things looked surprisingly cute. I’m a big fan of the Jockey Skimmies (recommended here) and wondering if anything else Jockey is worth it. Given the low price, maybe that doesn’t take much?
https://www.jockey.com/catalog/product/jockey-womens-out-and-about-dress?isSale=True?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping&ef_id=CjwKCAjw9NeXBhAMEiwAbaY4liixJJ1pkw73RGBUw6KS6uffBgAhdaZmlIjehLIxg6QFdvMPA9bjDhoCsewQAvD_BwE:G:s&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=NE%20|%20PMAX%20|%20Shopping%20|%20Activewear%20|%20US&gclid=CjwKCAjw9NeXBhAMEiwAbaY4liixJJ1pkw73RGBUw6KS6uffBgAhdaZmlIjehLIxg6QFdvMPA9bjDhoCsewQAvD_BwE
Anonymous
I buy their performance tanks for summer horseback riding. They’re comfortable and have more back/chest coverage than a lot of athletic tanks that are more designed for the gym, and cheap enough I don’t feel bad when they get utterly filthy/slobbered on/ripped/whatever.
Anonymous
Didn’t like my jockey underwire bras.
Anonymous
If you were old enough to do workout videos, what are the current workouts you like?
My old favorites: Jari Love, the Firm, Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred, Kathy Smith Functionally Fit
New: les mills body pump/body attack, Fitbod app, Sydney Cummings YouTube, restorative yoga from downdog
JM
I still use my old Gilad videos! Also Jillian’s kickboxing one. I used to love Denise Austin but find them not as challenging.
JM
Oh also Caribbean Workout and back when ESPN had workouts, there were a bunch all afternoon that I would do.
BeenThatGuy
OMG I forgot about these workouts until right this second.
Anon
Oh my gosh, this question makes me want to find the old Cindy Crawford workout video and do it.
Curious
Yasssss such a nice gentle but effective workout
Anonymous
I loved the 30-Day Shred and the old Gaiam mat Pilates videos. Current favorites are Les Mills GRIT and BodyPump and the SWEAT app.
BeenThatGuy
Billy Blanks Tae Bo and MTV’s The Grind dance videos were my go-to’s.
cat socks
Buns and Abs of Steel! I also used to do the Kathy Smith videos and sometimes Denise Austin. I think I saw Denise’s daughter show upon the Popsugar Fitness channel. These days I do videos on Fitness BLender.
Anon
I LOVED BodyPump classes when I worked right next door to a gym at a prior job and they had a class that started right at 5:30 – it was perfect. How does it work at home? Do you have all the stuff – the step and bar and different weights? Are the videos good?
I also used to love 30 day shred. 21 Day Fix from BeachBody on Demand is very similar; I pay for their app with a million workout videos but end up defaulting to 21DF pretty often.
Shananana
You can buy a set of all the equipment through les mills along with the streaming. I really enjoy it as a way to get weights into my home workouts.
Anon
I love BodyPump on demand! The videos are really good. You can get the weights through Les Mills, or you can buy your own. I like the flat, weighted body bars instead of the weights where you change out the plates, so I got my own through Amazon. They’re just a little easier to stash in a corner.
West Coast transplant
Another vote for Bodypump with Les Mills on Demand. I pay $15/month and own $200 worth of weights. Big savings from my gym membership, which I gave up 6 years ago. Plus the app is not just Pump, I often do guided stretches and now RPM 1-2x/week.
startup lawyer
Peloton app
Peloton
Loved Insanity with Shaun T, currently do OTF and run.
Anonymous
I used to love the Windsor Pilates dvds…wonder if they’re still around somewhere
Anonymous
Has anyone gotten anything for Wool&? I’m thinking of getting one of their merino dresses for a European trip this fall (and for in general) and curious about unbiased reviews.
Anon
I’d like feedback on the Wool& recently available travel pants.
Anon
I have one of their Maggie dresses and I really like it. It is extremely comfortable and breathable and a machine washes nicely.I’ve worn it five or six times since I bought it, and it’s been wearing nicely.
It’s advertised as one of their slimmer cuts dresses, but it’s still pretty relaxed on me.That’s what I wanted, but if you would like a more fitted look, size down.
I’m 5 foot tall, and the dress comes to just below the knee on me, which is a fit that I like but the pockets are sent a bit low for someone of my height.It would probably be perfect and someone who has 53054. Any taller and you probably want the long size
Seafinch
I bought the dress recommended here. I do like it but ordering to Canada made it very expensive and I wouldn’t order again. Only because of the price. It also took over a month to arrive. It’s nothing extraordinary and probably not a workhorse but a solid base piece with a lot of functionality. I ordered the Tall as recommended and definitely need that at 5’8″.
Anon
Help me think of gift ideas for my brother-in-law’s birthday! He’s late 30s, married to my sister, and they have two kids and live in a big suburban house. Already has everything he needs. Loves good food and cooking but has all the cookbooks and specialty ingredients. Also enjoys travel and home projects. I usually do gift cards to restaurants but I wouldn’t mind mixing it up. Other ideas?
anon
Goldbelly
Anon
What about a gift card to a specialty cooking class, either virtually or in your city. Thinking something more intricate than you would normally make at home like handmade pasta or some type of food not common in your town.
Anon
A really nice world atlas, coffee table book style. Atlases are great and underrated, and need updating occasionally.
Anonymous
Tickets to a minor league baseball game for the whole family. I generally can’t stand baseball but still enjoy a minor league game.
Anonymous
A laser tape measure. Air tags to put on the kids at large events or his own stuff the kids steal (my husband has threatened to attach them to his brush and phone charger!). Nice beer containers. A high end cooler.
If you live close, my sister got my husband a 6 pack of good beer, a stick of butter, two tomahawk steaks and a pound or two of sausage for Christmas. One of his fave gifts ever.
Anon
Just fyi, a laser tape measure is built into iPhones. They’re very cool.
Curious
My husband thanks you for this FYI
Ses
Maybe Penzeys gift card? That way if he is stocked up on spices now he can use it later.
Covid headache
Hi all:
Hoping someone has some advice for relief from this horrible headache. I tested positive for Covid a week ago and almost all of my symptoms are either gone completely or significantly resolved. This morning, I woke up with a blinding headache that nothing seems to relieve. Anyone have experience with this and can tell me how long I can expect this to last and if anything at least took the edge off? Desperate for relief here!
anon
Aleve is the only thing that helps my headaches. I take three.
Anonymous
Do note do this. Be careful of anything non-steroid anti-inflammatory (Aleve, aspirin) like this with a sudden severe unusual headache. If heaven forbid you are having a brain hemorrhage it will make things much, much worse. Take Tylenol instead. Though rare, they do happen (I had one at 32 that doctors attributed to a vein leaking that must have been malformed at brith). Covid has had a lot of funky blood clotting issues and can put you at higher risk.
Anon
Not to alarm you, but consider going to urgent care or to the ER. A blinding headache that you cannot get relief from could be any number of fairly serious neurological events. If you’ve tried OTC painkillers, applying ice or heat (whichever feels better), drinking caffeine, laying down in a dark room, or taking a shower or bath, and it’s not substantially better in a couple of hours, please go to the ER.
Ses
I found a long hot shower mostly on my neck and shoulders helped with my flu-related headaches. And then sometimes frozen peas at the base of my skull. (assuming you’re already doing the usual OTC medications)
But if it’s very painful and stabbing, I’d go to the doctor – could be more serious.
Anon
A sudden onset blinding headache can be a sign of a stroke or other serious conditions. If you have any other symptoms, I would consider seeing a doctor. If it’s just a bad headache, but not “the worst ever,” I’d try various painkillers (one at a time, not all at once) and either cold or heat (start with the one that sounds best, but if it doesn’t work, try the other) and staying still in a dark, quiet room. I’ve had a headache that otc meds don’t touch for more than a decade, so it’s definitely possible that it will last forever, but that’s not very likely! Heat always helps more than anything else readily available. Hope you feel better soon.
Anon
You need to consider whether may need a scan; don’t assume it’s just a headache since this could be COVID sequelae that needs emergency treatment. If this is new-to-you, I think they’re going to want to run some tests.
Curious
That said, I’ve had an annoying moderate headache for the past 2-3 days due to COVID- or Paxlovid- caused low blood pressure. So if you are also mildly nauseous, dizzy, or confused, consider taking your blood pressure. If it’s like in the 100/70 range, electrolytes and protein in spades. But honestly, I know this intimately well after half a year in and out of the hospital, and I (and my doctor) are very confident that’s what’s happening. I agree with the advice above that it is likely worth getting checked out.
DeepSouth
How about a liquid IV/ electrolyte supplement? They sometimes help.
Anon
Tylenol helps my migraines, which I think are pretty bad.
I don’t think it’s bad to be cautious but from your description this doesn’t sound like a serious headache to me. A “thunderclap” headache that is sharp and brief is what you want to be worried about. A dull headache, even if very painful, is unlikely to be serious. Unfortunately migraines are a known post-Covid complication so it could be that even if you’ve never suffered from them before.
Anon
In my experience, when a patient gets their first migraine, they’re screened for other possible causes of a new-onset severe headache as part of the diagnostic process. That’s how it’s worked for people I know anyway!
Anonymous
Person who had the brain hemorrhage at 32 here. It wasn’t like a thunderclap. In fact I was going to leave my boyfriend’s and head home after we walked my dog (I had brought the dog to spend the night) but boyfriend convinced me to go to ER instead for medicine (thinking it must be what a migraine is) and we planned to get breakfast after and then I would drive home. I was shocked when the doctor made me get a CT scan and the CT showed bleeding, and then they transferred me by ambulance to another hospital. Only thing really “weird” was how sensitive I was to light. So PSA—get it checked out. Going by what you guess with something headache related that is different for you can be dangerous. And time can really matter. I was lucky the bleeding was due to a vein. If it were an artery, it would have required immediate clamping.Fortunately, I ended up spending a few days in the hospital with a bunch of medicine to control bleeding and prevent seizures and was fine after that (although I have been told I’m at higher risk of stroke if I get Covid).
MeHa
How did it end up?
Anon
I’m able to get a full body ultrasound cancer screening via my husbands employer. While discounted, it is still a fair amount of money. Is this something you smart people have an opinion on? Have you done it and was it worth it? I’m getting mixed messages from online articles whether this is a good or bad idea.
Anonymous
Just do your boobs. Get a colonoscopy. Pay attention to your body.
How would a full body ultrasound even work?
anonmd
I’m a physician, and I wouldn’t recommend this unless you are having specific symptoms or have risk factors for a particular cancer. There are a lot of false positives (known as an ‘incidentaloma’) that cause additional testing, biopsies, anxiety, etc. The abstract and opening paragraph of this article go into more detail as to why these kinds of fishing-expeditions aren’t routinely recommended:
https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2014/1201/p784.html
Anonymous
Totally agree with this as a patient. Had to have a mastectomy for breast cancer and opted to have bilateral (there was dcis in the second breast, but not invasive cancer). I had a complicated diagnosis with multiple scans and biopsies. Each came with waiting and worrying. I knew that the anxiety of future mammograms would be too much.
Have since had biopsies re suspected melanoma, colonoscopy finds and of all things a lump on my tongue. Thankfully each was negative, but involved more waiting and worrying. So — really know how you will react to potential rabbit holes that an initial screening may result in.
Anonymous
As a cancer survivor (breast), with a strong cancer genetic history, no doctor has ever recommended it. To me that says it’s not mainstream science. I’ve had around 10 biopsies over the last many years indicated by mammogram and/or ultrasound, with only 1 being cancer, which to me says the false positive rate has to be off the charts.
anon
I’m skeptical of medical testing pitched directly to consumers (rather than advised by medical authorities or by one’s regular medical team). I’d ask my doctor if I was considering undergoing any extra tests like this.
One concern with tests that aren’t medically indicated is that something concerning that doesn’t need attention will be picked up, putting the patient through lots of additional testing/worry (and the risks that go with additional procedures) for something that was never going to cause an actual problem.
Anon
This sounds scammy to me. I agree with advice to get a breast ultrasound and a colonoscopy (and a skin check and a pap if you’re not up to date on those).
Anon
I totally understand the downsides, but knowing myself, I don’t think I’d be able to resist doing it. Note I don’t think it’s necessarily a good decision unless an actual doctor recommends it (I am definitely not a doctor). But just saying it would be intriguing to me!
Nesprin
Over diagnosis is a thing- there’s a high chance they’ll find something, but the chance that they’ll find something that is dangerous is very very low, and if they find something you’re in for a biopsy, stress, and general unpleasantness. Stick to the recommended screenings + check cochrane reviews if you ever want evidence based medical advice.
Anonymous
There was a women in Orange County Ca a couple of years ago who got a full body scan that showed a spot on her lung. She got a biopsy and it was benign but she died from the biopsy.
Anon
Opposite side here
I know at least 3 people who have found silent cancers this way. One died soon after but had 1.5 months to get his affairs in order.
The other 2 lived and are doing great but wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t caught in their executive physical.
Anonymous
Who are your favorite people to follow for meal-prep ideas? I like stayfitmom and Zach coen but need more.
Marie
Gimmm Some Oven had great recipes, including meal prep. I also have never missed with her soups.
Anonymous
I’m a plus sized apple looking for a bodysuit – am I crazy? Thinking skims or girlfriend collective are my best bet but they’re sold out. Where else should I look? Thx
BeenThatGuy
Also look at Good American. I have one of their bodysuits and it’s very well made.
Anonymous
Yitty
anon
Nordstroms carries skims. Look there.
H&M would be a good place to check too.
Anon
I think Allison did a review on Wardrobe Oxygen for cusp sized bodysuits,and has photos posted. I think Universal Standard was the winner, but I could be misremembering.
Curious
It was! And it’s so cute.
Anon
Not crazy at all! Try 11 Honore. Their house brand usually has some bodysuits and I have a dress from their house brand – excellent quality material.
Sasha
Lizzo’s shapewear line Yitty has good reviews and I would imagine pays extra attention to their plus size range & styles
Cranky
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m the only person actually getting things done or solving problems and it’s driving me up a wall. Vent/ any ideas of how to live my life differently so I can be more chill?
Most recently it’s home management. I know what needs to be done and my partner has no idea. He has kind of poked at some of the “to do” items I have listed out but without actually providing material help. We’re new homeowners and this is stuff like planning lawn care, cleaning siding, updating home insurance.
We’ve discussed dividing up the list but at this point, based on his past attempts to do things like this, we both know there’s almost nothing on the list he can handle without my help. I don’t think it’s weaponized incompetence or anything like that – he’s very well intentioned but is inexperienced with many logistical and maintenance matters.
For example, we need a temporary storage unit, and after a week of knowing it was on my to-do list, his proposed solution was “ask neighbors” – where the obvious solution to me is call 3 places to get quotes, stop by to look at them, choose one and set up the agreement. The only reason I haven’t done it yet is there are 10 things that are more urgent.
Anon
As much as I hate to suggest this, can you sit down with him and explain how to do the things you delegate to him? Similarly to how new employees often need to be taught how to do common workplace tasks, if you really do believe it’s ignorance on his part, then teaching him how to do these things would help him be able to do it in the future.
Anonymous
I think you’re making things too complicated. You don’t need to go to all that length for a storage unit. Choose the most convenient one to your house that looks the least sketchy when you drive by. Call and rent a unit. 10 minutes. The difference in rates will be so negligible as to not make the effort worth it. Seriously.
Winter
When you say he can’t handle it without your help, do you just mean that he would handle it differently from you? For example, asking neighbors seems like a valid first step, to me. I.e., word of mouth is how you find out which ones are sketchier than they look, or on the positive side, which ones are worth driving a little further for.
The trick with having others handle things (whether spouses or coworkers) is that we often need to let them handle it “their way.” And that’s HARD.
Anon
My first step is always asking for a referral from neighbors and friends!
Anon
This. And assess whether you’re making other things harder than they need to be too.
anonymous
Sorry to say, but it sounds like he’s just lazy. If you don’t know how to do something, then google it. He can do these things without your help, but he doesn’t want to.
Ellen
Either he is to lazy or she is to anal, or Both! Either way, it makes for the kind of friction none of us want in our lives. Personally, I am more like she is, especially given my past expereince with men who I thought would make my life easier and more pleasurable; unfortunately, it turned out that having a man like I did in my life was a real “net-negative” (my Dad’s term, coming from economics). As women, many of us are focused as we need to be to get ahead in this world. On the contrary, most men have had it easy, and just prefer to watch as others do for them while they sit back and fart up the couch while drinking beer and watching sports. Even my Dad, who knows everything, will just sit and stare at the TV on a Sunday, knowing that Mom wants to go to Cosco to get food for the week with Grandma Trudy, and neither are going to drive there!
So my advice for the OP is to tell her husband to buckle down and follow through with the tasks she assigns him to do. If he does it, she will reward him. If he doesn’t do it, neither will she, at least in the bedroom. Beleive me, he will catch on fast if he wants it and isn’t getting it. It worked for me for a while, tho my ex was more committed to the bottle then he was to me, and it fell apart. No sour grapes on my part b/c I was sick of cleaning up the vomit and doing the laundry each time there was a foau pas by him before the cleaneing lady came on Monday. Imagine having to clean up before the cleaneing lady comes every week? How ridiculus!
Just be firm and he should come around. You do not want to live your life with an invertibrate simp like that! I did for a while, and all I can say is PTOOEY!
No Face
You all need entirely different tasks that you own. If home maintenance isn’t his skill set, he can take over other things.
My DH grew up in a family that did lots of home maintenance, and I am a city mouse who grew in apartments and condos. I don’t do anything that you mentioned in your post – that would all be my husband. I would be getting food from the grocery store to the table, with literally no input from him.
I also agree with the other poster that you are doing a little too much. Are you an optimizer? Unless the budget is tight, you don’t need to identify the Best Storage Unit. You can get a convenient one.
Anon
So I am kind of your husband (wrt to home stuff bc it’s annoying and I just don’t care) and I am a single homeowner and I’ve managed fine with doing the absolute bare minimum. Like when you say lawn care maintenance schedule, is that more than mowing the lawn once a week? Bc if it’s more than that, your may need to adjust your standards if you want him to do it. I couldn’t care less about my lawn and so a schedule would never be something I would even contemplate. As a new homeowner, he may not know all the house crap stuff innately.
Give him a to do list for the
Anon
Oops didn’t mean to post yet.
My recommendation is scale back expectations a bit and give him a detailed list and then let it go.
Anon
I’ve also never once power washed anything, including my siding. My last house sold in two days for full asking pre pandemic in a never hot market so it wasn’t an S hole either!
blueberries
+1 to consider changing your standards. There’s a lot to be said for letting non-essential stuff go in order to free up time and money.
Also +1 on seeing if there are other areas that your husband can handle (something like groceries, indoor cleaning, taxes, gifts, etc) rather than splitting up home maintenance.
Cranky
Thanks for the feedback or validation. I probably should bite the bullet and approach this like a training exercise. I hate the dynamic of teaching or managing a partner, but the alternative is just being the only person who knows how to do these things for the rest of forever.
And yeah, maybe it’s laziness too. In many areas I’m a lot more motivated. But I’m also crankier and more stressed, so I kind of take his slower pace as the trade-off for his good nature and patience. I feel like it’s rare to find someone who is truly sweet natured and also a real go-getter.
Anon
Can you take the house related tasks and he do other stuff that is more in his wheelhouse (indoor cleaning, shopping, etc.) or can you afford to hire out a bit of it? I like how other posters split responsibilities along with their strengths.
Anon
Hmmm – Do you think he’s actually incompetent, or could it be that you have very specific ideas about how things should be done, and might have even inadvertently discouraged him from taking initiative by conveying the message that his efforts will never meet expectations? Asking the neighbors where they store their stuff is, IMO, not such a terrible way to go about finding a storage unit.
Anonymous
100% this. To put it bluntly: You aren’t the only one who knows how to do things. You just want it done differently.
Cranky
Checking my expectations and division of labor seem like a big theme here. I have been trying to do this, but the feedback here is telling me I probably haven’t scaled back enough.
I do think there’s a limit to the usefulness of the lower-expectations feedback but maybe that’s where the outsource/divide labor advice comes in. Like – mowing 1/3 of the lawn once a month is not a reasonable place to lower expectations to… but in this situation I could take the other advice to outsource or take that on myself. (I would have to do this over Partner’s protestation that lawn care is expensive and we should DIY.)
Curious
I might read Fair Play in your shoes. She talks a lot about this particular dynamic and offers solutions that I found reasonable.
Anon
So I am someone who said think about lowering your standards and who thinks lawn maintenance is dumb but uhhhhh yea even I would not mow only a portion of the lawn once in a while. That’s absurd and if your husband’s chore is mowing the lawn he needs to mow the whole thing once a week or agree to outsource it (which is what I do – teen once a week costs me $35 and it’s the best $35 spent). Full stop!
Curious
Fair Play calls this the minimum standard of care. It doesn’t count as owning the task if you don’t meet a minimum reasonable standard
Trish
Siding is that last thing I would think about as a new homeowner. Some people are super high energy and constantly on the go and it sounds like you are one of them. Your husband is not and never will be!
Winter
Somewhat piggy-backing on the earlier medical question, has anyone ever had an “executive physical”? Particularly the Mayo version? Work will partially reimburse the portion not covered by insurance, but it seems like a lot of time and expense, not to mention uncomfortable poking and prodding. For context, I tend to not bother with the regular physical (even though I know better), so this would be a big step for me. Internet friends and strangers: should I do it?
Anonymous
What is the reasoning behind this kind of exam? Besides making lots of money for the provider.
Anon
Do you have any particular health concerns? Is there a reason you wouldn’t just go make an appointment for a regular physical right now? It seems like something designed to separate you from a lot of your money more than anything else.
Anon
I have a loved one who felt and appeared perfectly healthy who might be alive right now if he had had one, so I think they’re a good idea. It would also make me feel better about not bothering with regular physicals for a while!
anonmd
I’m the physician who commented above, and I’m equally skeptical of the executive physical. We have this false concept that more medical care is better medical care, and there’s zero research to back that up. The exceptions would be if you don’t have access to a regular PCP, have complex medical diagnoses (I’m assuming this isn’t the case since you don’t get care regularly), or have a complicated family history, then you might consider this option. But even then, you’ll need a regular PCP to follow-up on any findings. Statistically you’re better off with a routine physical and the normal screening exams.
Anon
I’m skeptical of the cancer ultrasound, but I can think of two screenings that would save lives if they were routine: screenings for cardiac issues (so that young athletes aren’t unaware that their hearts may give out), and screenings for aneurysms (the kind that people are born with). I’m not aware of any reason not to screen for this stuff besides $.
Anon
There are still reasons not to. Basically, there are A LOT of athletes, so that would be using up a ton of medical resources that other people also need and somebody has to pay for it all. Second, those cardiac issues are so rare that you’d still likely end up with mostly false positives.
Anon
I understand the hypothetical concerns about false positives, but I’m not aware that in practice that’s a serious problem in places where screenings are more common (maybe because of less profiteering, I’m not sure).
Interpreting test results in terms of the accuracy of the test and the probability of the condition is something I would like to expect my doctors to know how to do. It’s true I run into doctors who don’t seem to do this, but that needs to change anyway!
Cancer I feel differently about, since there’s an argument that it’s already overdiagnosed and overtreated even without general screenings. Though even so, I’ve lost people to skin cancers that were misdiagnosed as benign.
Basically, advocating for screenings as a general population wide thing is really different from taking advantage of them personally. “This is what would happen if everybody did” isn’t my concern as an individual. So if I can afford it, personally, then I’d like to know, since I am willing to turn down unneeded care, live with a thyroid nodule, or whatever the evidence suggests. Information is a good thing as long as we’re rational about it.
Anon
I guess the other reason I like the idea of opt-in screenings is that there are things that run strongly in my family that I haven’t ever been screened for. Sometimes I wonder why they even take family history! I already ended up with one family condition that was missed and misdiagnosed for several years, and it’s an experience I never want to repeat. If our healthcare system isn’t using family history as a reason to test us for the things our older relatives were specifically told by their doctors to warn their younger relatives about, then I’m not going to turn down testing that is made available to me.
anon
I’m curious about them although I am in no position to get one. They sound appealing because it seems like the doctors might slow down and actually pay attention. I agree about the regular physical being largely a waste of time. I’m curious about the posters above advising the other OP to seek medical care for a headache. I would expect to be laughed out of the room if I tried that, given that I have shown up with broken bones in my hand and foot before and told that it didn’t look that bad and I should try taking Motrin if it hurt.
I would go for it if you think you may benefit from treatment that isn’t getting offered to you right now.
Curious
What in the heck doctor did that to you!?! Ughhh.
Anon
Yeah in my experience if you go to the ER for a headache and you’re coherent and not vomiting, doctors aren’t going to take it very seriously.
Anon
People I know have always at least gotten a scan if it’s a brand new, severe headache. I guess it’s different everywhere.
Anonymous
I’m going to be the dissenter here. My parents do this annually. They love the concierge-level care and that everything is done in 3 days. One doctor will see something, refer it to a colleague and the test is done and results discussed. It also saved one of my parent’s lives – a blood test was slightly off, they referred it to a colleague and they diagnosed a cancerous tumor that usually is only caught at a much later stage when it’s too late. Instead it was caught in 3 days and handled with surgery a few weeks later with no chemo/radiation needed. I understand the other posters’ points but IMHO although it’s expensive, if you have the funds and work is paying for a part of it, I would at least try it once and see what you think.
Winter
Thanks all. One of the supposed benefits is the listening/taking everything seriously, and that the various doctors are in full communication with each other. (Which is a failure I’ve seen in other health care settings…a family members cardiologist and endocrinologist often seem to be at cross purposes, for example.) But, I’m still skeptical and it sounds like many of you are too. If I do it, I’ll report back!
Anon
That’s helpful if you have a condition you need treatment for, but I don’t see the benefit when you’re just getting a physical.
Anonymous
If, like me, you have a crap PCP who isn’t proactive, I would do the physical. I can’t switch PCP because all of the local docs are swamped and not taking new patients.
Curious
Any idea what this might be? Our lilac bush has threads of white running through the leaves that look like the way mold grows, but it’s in the leaf, not on top of it. Is it a blight or fungus? Any way we can help the plant?
joan wilder
I love the app PictureThis for this purpose; it takes a picture and identifies issues with plants (and also identifies plants which I use for fun when I am out hiking).
Curious
Thank you!
MagicUnicorn
It sounds like a leaf miner. Mine get them and they are just kind of a low-level thing that is always there, but the lilacs are where I usually only see them from a distance so I don’t tend to notice them much.
My lilacs are ancient and seem healthy otherwise. I’ve never treated them.
Curious
Thank you!
Anon
Does anyone know how long it takes for unpaid credit cards and personal loans to go to collections? I am unfortunately filing for Chapter 13 bankruptcy and have been scrapping some savings together before filing. I haven’t paid on my accounts since May. So far, nothing is in collections yet, and I’m going to file soon, but wondering how much longer I can keep saving before I have a hefty Chapter 13 payment every month.
Anon
Do you have legal advice on this? I don’t think you’re going to be able to keep your savings if you go into Chapter 13 so I’m not sure I see the point.
Anon
I do. I can keep my savings, which I have very little of.
Anon
Chapter 7 is where you lose everything. Chapter 13 is basically a repayment plan…it shouldn’t even be called bankruptcy, because you still have to pay everything back. Which is why OP will have big monthly payments coming up.
Anonymous
I’m in a wedding this weekend. I have my bridesmaids dress. Other than the dress, I have not been told: what time to show up, where to go (I know where the ceremony will be but assume photos or prep are elsewhere?), what jewelry to wear, what to do with my hair, whether I’m helping setup or tear down, or any other day-of details. We were supposed to have a rehearsal dinner tonight, but groom’s parents’ flight got delayed so they just canceled the rehearsal dinner. I am confident I’m still in the wedding as I did get a sneak peak at a program with my name on it, but I’m not getting any responses about “where should I be” or “when” ….At this point, I don’t give a rip what I look like, I’m just worried about where and when!! Every other wedding I’ve been in has had a detailed itinerary….Just had to vent as I don’t know any of the other bridesmaids, except the brides’ sister who also seems to be in the dark. Wish me luck1
Jules
Yeah, but how ugly is the dress? JK
But this is seriously weird! I would just do your hair and accessories however seems best to you, since obviously the bride doesn’t care. (I didn’t, when I got married.) But you need to know when and where to go! Can you check with the MOB, or have the bride’s sister do so?
Good luck, and we will all want an update on Monday
Curious
Wow this is bad! Report back!
Curious
Nesting fail, not meant as a reply to Jules.
LaurenB
Thank your lucky stars that you don’t have some bridezilla who is making you do things like set-up and tear-down that should be done by hired help / caterers. Also thank your lucky stars that you don’t have a bridezilla who is demanding that you wear a certain color contact lens (yes, I have heard of that) or that your hair and makeup HAS to be done a certain way – that she can trust that you’ll show up to an event looking appropriately put together without this gaggy “we all have to have the same look!!” Instagram trend. If the bride’s sister is also in the dark, then I think you are safe :-)
Anonymous
That contact lens thing shocked even me, and I am quick to assign the term “bridezilla.” Good lord, no way am I sticking a foreign object in my eyes for someone’s wedding. And let me guess, I suspect no one has ever asked their wedding party to wear brown lenses. Gross. I genuinely hope that person doesn’t breed.
Anon
+1
Anon
Okay but she needs to know when she has to show up!!!
Anon
If you know the ceremony time, I would think arriving 1.5 hours beforehand should be plenty of time for pictures, or even 1 hour before if this is a low key affair which it sounds like it may be.
Anon
! It would be weird enough to ask the photographer to change people’s eye colors in touch up, but it would be VASTLY preferable to asking people to put random colored contacts in their eyes!
Trish
Who is the maid of honor? That is who should be figuring this out and relaying it! Does the bride’s sister not have phone and email contact for her family? Someone should just “make a decision.”
Marie
Hope you finally got answers. My husband was just in a wedding 2 weeks ago and it was like pulling teeth to try to get any particulars from the bride and the groom about when he actually needed to show up and where. Finally, 5 days before, I lost it and told him he needed to find out if there was a rehearsal dinner because at this point, it’s less than a week away and we currently do not have a hotel room booked for the night before. There ended up not being one which resulted in chaos at the ceremony, my husband got put in charge of music on the day of, but it was like it was an annoyance to get basic logistical information about this wedding. I did not understand it. We are all in our mid-30s and should know how to communicate about a major event.
Anon
So curious about how it all turned out, please, report back. Hope you enjoyed the wedding!
Anon
Help! Dishwasher is now regularly leaking water when the rinse cycle is going. This is an appliance guy call? Or a plumber call?
Anonymous
Appliance guy. Plumber may not understand the problem if it is with the dishwasher. Appliance guy more likely to recognize problem regardless of whether it is plumbing or the dishwasher. Also more likely to be able to fix either type of problem.
anon
Appliance guy
anonymous
I would call an appliance guy. We found someone local through NextDoor to fix the fridge when the ice maker wasn’t working.
Anon
Thanks all! Houses should come with a manual for those of us who grew up as renters and you just call the office and they handle from there.
anon
I was just eating dinner and some of the enamel on my bottom front tooth chipped off! I wasn’t biting into anything hard. I’m shocked! I go to the dentist regularly, always have, and have generally healthy teeth. Never had braces. I don’t smoke, drink soda or sugary drinks, only drink alcohol occasionally, don’t grind my teeth at night. Basically, all the reason why this might have happened don’t apply to me. WTF?! Has this happened to anyone else? I don’t know why but I’m seriously creeped out by it. Thankfully its from the back of the tooth so not noticeable at all. But I can feel it with my tongue . . :(
Anonymous
I, too, had this strange experience, without any explanation, not long ago. The good news is that while it was jarring at the time, I had completely forgotten about it until I just read this, my tooth feels completely normal now, and I just went to see my very thorough dentist and no one noticed anything (and I did not mention it because, as I said, I had forgotten all about it).
Anonymous
I’ve had enamel chip off, and childhood filling along with enamel chip off, and neither was a big deal. I had to have a new filling for the second one, but the tiny bit of enamel that I lost from a molar is still missing, two years and two dentist appointments later. I can feel the chip, which is the size of a poppy seed.
My dentist is a highly skilled dentistry professor and her verdict was just that as long as I can handle the annoyance of my tongue knowing there’s a chip, and feeling it, I’m fine, the only reason to fix it would be to avoid that stress of always having the tongue probing. I have very healthy enamel, though, so YMMV.
Celia
This happened to me during Covid when I was 7 months pregnant! Since it was quarantine time and I was pregnant I didn’t go to the dentist and it was no biggie. I just chalked it up to pregnancy affecting the strength of your teeth / leeching all my calcium but I don’t know if that’s actually a thing. I can feel it but it isn’t visible. And this reminds me I should probably fix it….
Anonymous
It is a thing. Many of my friends who have had children have had to have major dental work on multiple teeth (like 7 or 10) shortly after pregnancy.
Anon
It’s an urban legend that pregnancy pulls calcium from your teeth. Dental issues in pregnancy are real, but they have more to do with hormones and constant reflux/vomiting which are very hard on teeth.
Anon
It happens. I went to my dentist to get it filled even though it was a tiny little chip because the feeling was too weird for me.
Anon
It’s called age.
Anon
And genetics.
Anon
I have low alkaline phosphatase, and apparently this makes my teeth terrible. It’s frustrating since it’s not treatable. I do use a remineralizing toothpaste and take magnesium and vitamin D (since my doctors said I needed both for my bones generally).
There are some new studies coming out on surprisingly severe dental issues in some people who’ve had COVID (apparently from vascular issues).
Anon
Any Nuface users here? I have finished the gel primer that came with my device and am looking for recommendations on whether there is a better alternative in terms of results, doesn’t necessarily have to be cheaper.
startup lawyer
I use Cosrx snail serum. Missha Ampoules also works in terms of texture
Celia
Has anyone bought special bags to keep produce fresh longer and noticed a difference? We always end up with some produce that goes bad before we can use it and it would probably help reduce our waste, but I also don’t want to test drive a bunch of ineffective bags that I end up throwing away too!
Anon
I think I got some as a gift once, but never used them. My produce trick is to just cook or freeze everything before it goes bad. Once veggies are cooked, they can last in the fridge for a week or more, and it’s easy to throw a handful of roasted veggies into pretty much anything I’m eating (I do a lot of grain bowls, sandwiches, salads, burritos, etc.). Herbs and arugula get made into pesto and frozen in an ice cube tray so I can add a bit to any meal, and many fruits also freeze well. The only thing I really have issues with is lettuce, so I just buy relatively small amounts and eat it right away.
Anonymous
this is late but veji bags have changed the game for me! lettuce lasts for 2-3 weeks
Greensleeves
We got some of the Rubbermaid produce savers (so containers, not bags) and they seem to help some, especially with leafy stuff. Or maybe it’s mostly because it makes it easier to see everything and eat it when it’s in clear boxes that fit neatly in the fridge!
Anonymous
+1 for these, although they take up a lot of room in the fridge and also in the cabinet when not in use.
2L
For those who have done biglaw: What did you look for in picking your firm? I have a couple of great offers to choose between and aside from just general ~vibes~ I’m not sure how to evaluate/decide. They all seem kind of the same? Of course, all are strong in my preferred practice area
Ellen
I did NOT do big law, and while I thought I missed something, I don’t think any longer that I did. Big law is for people who are better to be pigdgeon holed experts who need multiple support staff, than peeple like me who have the big picture in mind and can do it by myself with a bit of help from the manageing partner and Lynn to upload doucments to the court.
I say if you have offers, sure, go try it, but aim to be your own person and not rely on others. Just like in your personal life — a man is useful, but not for everything, and there is always an alternative like Babeland where we can get it done without all the yucky sloppiness that our partners leave us to clean up afterwards. FOOEY!
Cat
Other locations (if you ever want to tr-sfer), raise and bonus history (some firms are leaders, others followers), associate career paths (for those who leave, is it usually to go in house, or do they lateral), if partnership is a goal of yours, what the homegrown process for that looks like and do they tend to use it or do they usually grow by hiring or poaching at the partner level or acquiring other firms?
Anon
I would go for the place where the people seem the nicest.
I wouldn’t put much weight in other office locations because transfers aren’t automatic. My big law firm denied my transfer when I was a well-regarded mid-level. Even if they hadn’t denied it, firm culture varies a lot by location and if you’re moving cities there’s a very good chance you’re going to want to move firms.
Anonymous
I would search for lawsuits against them. Some have a bad track record of being sued for discrimination.
Anonymous
Here are a few things I would consider in evaluating between offers:
1) What is the partner compensation structure? Is it eat what you kill? Black box? This is the single most important factor and literally everything about culture flows from financial compensation.
2) How are associates evaluated? Do associates get informal evaluations during the year or is it limited to annual reviews? What measures do they have in place to ensure that associates are not unfairly victims of implicit bias?
3) What are they doing about remote work versus return to office? There is a huge difference between firms (and unofficially between offices) on this. I personally think there’s a lot to be said for both models – just find the one that feels right to you.
Source: I am an equity litigation partner in a BigLaw firm.
Anon
I am hunting for interesting jewelry. I keep seeing ads for PD Paola – any first-hand experience with the brand/service?
anon
we just started watching the tv show Instinct.
in the first few episodes, Lizzie and get sister are carrying gorgeous blue leather bags. Lizzie has a light blue with a little gray and side zippers. her sister’s bag is a stunning bright blue.
I’ve checked worn on tv and similar.
it’s a long shot but anyone familiarv with the show or might know what bag it is either are carrying? those side zips to expand the bag! need them in my life…