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Weekend Open Thread

deep pink suede pump with pointed toe and block heel

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

This pump has historically been a reader favorite — and it's great to see so many colorful, rich hues on sale right now. I like this deep pink, but there's also a pretty medium blue, a yellow, and an orangey pink.

Boldly colored shoes aren't for every situation, of course, but they can be great accents — the yellow or pink options of the shoe would look great with a monotone outfit in gray, navy or black. They'd also be great with jeans on the weekend.

The shoes are available at Nordstrom for $96-$175; most of the colorful options are on sale while most of the neutrals are full price.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.5

226 Comments

  1. Help and Ideas Please

    Live in an apartment in SE Florida with a covered balcony. Balcony has bars. (Approx. 12 ft on one side, 8 on the other as it’s a corner unit) Dog can see through the window and the bars and barks at people in the parking lot below. Window film blurred it but he still barks at the movement. He’s older so teaching him not to bark and not to protect his territory isn’t likely, thus the need to block his view. He’s 10 lbs so it doesn’t have to be super tall. Not a huge budget and can’t be permanent.

    Are there quick-growing vines or vine plants I can buy and weave to fill it in? Pots didn’t help as they were able to be seen between. I’ve never had plants before and there’s no direct sun here and I do travel, so I’m not sure if that’s the answer? Landlord is fine with whatever as long as it doesn’t look like junk and can either withstand big winds and rain or be brought inside during storms.

    Ideas?

    1. What about weaving a wide strip of outdoor fabric or something through the balcony bars? Only as high as dog’s eye level. Whip it out for storms.

    2. I have this from Amazon. It attaches and covers the bars.

      Garden Land Expandable Fence Privacy Screen for Balcony Patio Outdoor,Decorative Faux Ivy Fencing Panel,Artificial Hedges

      1. This stuff deteriorates really quickly and honestly looks terrible. My neighbours have it and I’m disappointed they chose this plastic crap. Other suggestions are better

    3. I suspect he’s still going to hear them. Sometimes hearing but not seeing is even worse, bark-wise.

      1. Hearing may be fine as many homes are pretty soundproofed, I know my dog only barks if he sees but doesn’t seem to think much about hearing someone walk by or hearing a car door.

    5. I would get the dog a mirror, so that he can just bark at himself for a while, and then he will stop. Dad learned that overseas when the military dogs always barked. The commanding officer ordered that the dogs get mirrors and within 3 days, Dad says his dog stopped barking.

  2. Yikes I just ordered these shoes in the pink, yellow,and gold reptile. Big fun!

      1. Have modified to “no more shoes that I can’t walk in.” Turns out I can walk in block heels.

    2. SA, are they heavy? Love the idea of a block pump for stability (and the pointed toe is cute), but last pair I purchased was so incredibly heavy I stopped wearing them due to the clomping feeling.

      1. Oof, reading fail. Somehow I read that you already had them and ordered in more colors. *face palm* Clearly it’s Friday afternoon and my brain is fried.

      2. I have these (they’re the only heels left in my wardrobe!) and they aren’t heavy and are as comfy as a pair of heels could possibly get.

    3. SA, speaking of fun shoes, remind me of the brand of funky shoes you like? I was going to treat myself and now I can’t remember what they were.

      1. I don’t know that I have a funky brand… maybe Miz Mooz? Or Seychelles?

  3. Chapter 13 here. Thank you to those who commented the other day. I needed that support, as I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone IRL about my bankruptcy filing. I’m on a few wait lists for a new therapist as my old one was out of network and I cut that luxury from my expenses. I’m heeding the library suggestion and going this weekend to look at some options. I’ve read through financial books and blogs before and nothing really sticks in my brain, so I’m not sure that’s a great medium for me to learn, but it’s been a while and I’m going to try again. I’m also looking into taking a personal finance course with my local community college in January. The cost is low and I think learning those basics that I have never heard verbally will be helpful.

    My trustee meeting is next week and I’m nervous for that as my lawyer already warned me that my assigned trustee and his lawyer can be ornery. I’m just hoping they stick to the proposed monthly payment amount as it’s already high. Again, thanks for the encouragement and assurance that I can check in here periodically.

    1. Celebrating you and gently pushing back on the thought that therapy is a “luxury.” Maybe stick with the one you have at least until you’re off the waitlist for someone more affordable? This is a process, not a punishment. It’s a change, not a moral failing.

      Also, yo0tube “gail vaz-oxlade,” she’s great, she has some tv shows in her past (so it’s edutainment), and if you like her, she has books to read too!

      1. Second the comment about searching for Gail Vax-Oxlade on youtube. Her first show is called “til debt do us part.” Watch each episode. one a day. They’re half hour. When you get to the end of the series, go back and watch them again. Eventually, some of what she says will begin to soak in.( Do not binge watch all 8 series in two days. That will contribute to the feeling of “I did it, and nothing sticks.” )

    2. Agree to YouTube or audio books if you are more likely to retain the spoken versus written word. You should be so proud you have faced this and are working on improving!

  4. I know this has been discussed here before but my searching has failed. Favorite beach bag? Ideally under ~150

      1. +1 for Aloha. I would not get a canvas tote like the LL Bean–sand stains them.

    3. I have a Scout bag (like Ikea bag material). They come in a lot of sizes and patterns and ours has pockets.

  5. Dinner recommendation – I just made the Smitten Kitchen Turkey pesto meatballs with courgette and pasta – totally delicious! Will pop the link in reply.
    What have you all eaten and enjoyed recently?

    2. NYT crisp gnocchi with Brussels sprouts and brown butter. So quick, so easy, so beautiful, so delicious.

      1. Oh yum! Haven’t started on the Brussels sprouts yet for this autumn but it will happen very soon, I love them.

    3. Korean beef bowls. It’s basically ground beef plus some soy sauce and sugar at the end (I will put a recipe link in comments.) Serve it over white rice, sprinkled with scallions, a quick cucumber salad made with rice wine vinegar and sesame seeds, and a little sauce made of Mayo mixed with gochujang (a small bottle keeps forever.).

      Satisfying and quick to make. The rice is done cooking by the time you prep and brown the meat. I make the cucumber salad and sauce and chop the green onions while the beef is simmering, after browning.

    4. Cauliflower piccata from the NYT, served over rice or orzo. I must have cooked it at least 3 times in the last month. Easy enough for weeknight but feels fancy. I recommend cooking cauliflower longer than the recipe says to get it really tender and slightly caramelized.

    5. Been having a lot of success making homemade pizza for our family of three. Kid’s third is just tomato sauce and cheese, but DH and I get more creative with toppings. Recent faves were burrata and zucchini (inspired by Dinner A Love Story) and spinach and artichoke dip. I use storebought dough for now which makes things super simple, but over Christmas break I’m going to do homemade dough.

      1. Sally’s Baking Addiction basic pizza dough is super easy when you get around to doing your own. It makes two crusts and you can freeze the other half if you don’t need it right away.

      1. These recipes both seem great for winter, when nothing is fresh. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Also double commenting to say I finally put on my big girl pants and called to make a doctor’s appointment to talk about my mental health. Burst into tears as soon as I got off the phone which confirmed that it was the right move. Sending that ‘finally taking the first step in the right direction’ energy to anyone else who needs it ❤️‍🩹

    1. Bless your heart, Ribena! Sending you big hugs and good thoughts. Way to do The Thing!

        2. Ha, I’m not even Southern and would never use that phrase to convey sincere emotion.

          Good for you, Ribena :)

        3. Not to worry; I read it as sincere given the context and the rest of the message!

          1. I read it sincerely too! I was just surprised because I’ve never heard anyone use it that way before. Good for you, Ribena.

        4. Southerners use “bless their heart” all the time in a sincere way. The occasional sarcasm usage has been way overblown by people who do not live in the South.

    2. Good for you for doing this! Sending you all good wishes as you start this process.

    4. Hugs. I did the recently too. I was also a mess at the appointment, which is so unlike me. But, I got on some meds and am feeling so much better. I hope you get some relief as well!

    6. Nice work! Pretty sure I’ve cried every time I had to make that type of appointment. Best of luck to you.

  7. Argh. I have an Orla Kiely bag that I think is made out of coated canvas (it’s not leather). I wore some new black pants yesterday and the black transferred to the bag, so the white parts are now grayish. Any idea for how to clean this?

    Fortunately it’s on the back of the bag, so even if I can’t clean it completely, the bag isn’t unusable.

    3. Yeah I’d hold off on Magic Eraser-think that’ll just scratch the coating. I’d try gently wiping with baby wipes as a first step and then maybe leveling up to Lysol wipes very gently or spritzing with vodka/rubbing alcohol and wiping with a white tshirt or other soft cloth.

  8. Anyone here live in a home with wood floors in the kitchen? If so, how do you protect from drips and spills?

    1. The floorboards are varnished, and if I spill something I just wipe it up. I haven’t tested dropping red wine or tomato sauce but I’m pretty sure they’re the original 130 year old floorboards and they haven’t got any red stains…
      I did spill coffee drips on them and it came right off with a wet cloth.

    2. I have wooden floors in my kitchen. I just wipe up spills when they happen. No extra protection than a small mat at the sink.

    3. Same. Just wipe it up — we use bona wood floor spray for food spill but that’s probably extra of us.

    4. We have a Ruggable by the sink but it’s more for cushioning than floor protection.

    6. We had them in our old house. The key was having rugs under the sink and the fridge (which had a water/ice dispenser). Otherwise no problems with it being in the kitchen. But we did have problems in the family room by virtue of having a large dog and kids…

    7. Drips and spills haven’t been a huge problem but wear has. I need to replace my kitchen floor because it has been sanded and refinished for the last time (the nails are showing now) and I wouldn’t do wood again. I’m in an old house and I think I will do linoleum (not vinyl) as it’s period appropriate.

        1. My mom used to make drop-cloths / area “rugs” of cut linoleum or the backside of cut linoleum that she had stenciled.

    8. I have wood floors and love them. Will never go back to tile, which never looked clean to me. The wood floors are soft on my feet, are easy to clean, and always look great.

    9. I generally don’t. It’s not a problem unless you’re letting puddles of liquid sit on the floor.

    11. I was worried about this when we moved in, but honestly it hasn’t been an issue at all. We don’t even have a mat at the sink. Just wipe up spills when they happen.

  9. How do you deal when you’re insecure about something but in your head you know your reasons, but then others around you keep pointing out that thing? For me it’s ambition.

    Long story short – was in DC biglaw for many years, left because I knew I couldn’t be there forever, took up a comfortable government job to allow myself to regroup and make more than enough money while getting weekends, vacations. Wanted to stay 3-4 years and it’s now been 7 years. Along the way life happened. There is a health issue which is ok day to day but has me appreciating flexibility and not being beholden to partner or client demands. And there’s been a pandemic for 2 years causing me to sit out of conferences and networking and not even look to jobs in office full time, as I need to be cautious due to the health issue.

    More than one coworker has said things like – you’re still here, how long are you going to stay?? Guess they think it’s un ambitious of me to sit in the positions they deem ok for them. I never discussed plans with anyone but I guess there were expectations that I’d grab this job as a resume stamp and move on or play the game for management. I’m certainly not going to justify my reasons to them health or otherwise but I’m def left feeling bad of myself. A friend at work – who has been my friend since a decade before this job – was like oh ignore them, they’ve acted like that since before you arrived like background checking you, speculating that you were fired by your firm but so what you got the offer. FWIW management likes me, I get good reviews and people want me staffed on their cases, and I think I’m friends with peers.

    Part of me is like so what – I am running my own race, which these people haven’t run, and it’s super easy for 34 year olds to speculate what life will be like at 40 or 45 but life can surprise you. Part of me is like – wow do I really need to move on here?

    1. When I lived in DC, I had friends go to government jobs in their 30s. 10+ years later, they are all confirmed lifers and I understood that to be the usual way it went. I’m shocked anyone leaves ever, TBH. They can actually take vacations and go dark and now they have significant amounts of that vs when they started and a much better QOL than any private practice job (I had my blackberry with me in the delivery room when I was the one pushing out the baby — this is why my children will not be going to law school).

    2. Put out feelers for other jobs to see if something excites you and has a healthy work culture. It’s good advice anyway for someone who has been in the same job for 7 years.

    3. They’re being unkind for reasons having to do with their own insecurities. Ignore them. Take care of your health, and if that means staying in this job, stay. If it means you’d feel better and have similar flexibilities in another job, then put some feelers out and see if there is another option. At the end of the day don’t let some random 30 year old coworker’s views dictate how you handle things because they don’t know YOU better than YOU.

    4. I ignore the voice in my head that says I should have a bigger job at this exact moment because it is irrational. My life would be worse!

    5. Oh gosh I struggle with this too. No one has actually said anything to me about it, and if they did I would certainly find it hard, but the voices are there in my head. I don’t have a great solution to this other than basically to just remind myself why I’m happy to stay where I am for the foreseeable future, but it really is hard to step away from all that self talk about needing to be constantly progressing etc.

      The big thing for me is just recognising that a job I like, am performing well in, that allows me to have a decent work-life balance (certainly relative to other roles with equivalent seniority and pay), and where there are opportunities to develop without actually changing roles is like the DREAM. Most people I know are, frankly, a lot less happy and satisfied in their jobs than me and the reason I don’t want to move is not so much that I’m not ambitious and don’t want to develop, but because I actually just really like my job.

    6. First of all, these people are speaking out of their butts. General expectations are not mandatory rules, although lots of people treat them as if they are. It’s like when you are allergic to someone’s favorite food and they could not imagine life without that food. It’s all about them and not a reflection of you at all. It also doesn’t leave much room for you to respond because what is there to say other than “More for you then.”

      With these types of conversations I like to do a quick answer or even a non-answer and then change of subject. “This works for me, I am happy with it. So what do you have going on this weekend?” or “More room for you at the top. Hey, have you heard that so and so is moving?”

    7. This happened a lot at my old Fed office (which, admittedly, was known as a revolving door back to biglaw after you’d done a bunch of trials). We did have a small number of lifers but most people moved up into management or had left for biglaw, other govt, or occasionally in house after about 7 years. Like your office – there was a perception that if you were a lifer, you were not sufficiently ambitious or people gossiped that you couldn’t get a better job. My friend is dealing with this now and while he says he is anxious to leave because he’s burned out on the job, I suspect the truth is that it’s because of this perception. I left for personal reasons (had to relocate for DH’s new job) but honestly I probably would have been a lifer if not for that. I loathed the politics and the culture of the job but loved the work and still miss it. All of this is to say – if you are happy and this job meets your needs, ignore the nosy nellies.

  10. Announcing: I have some old silver and one gold charm bracelet, all from various relatives. I thought they weren’t suit-appropriate in prior times, but now IDGAF and have decided to polish the silver ones this weekend and start rotating them. The jewelry people say if I regularly wear the silver ones, they will stay shiny.

    Do any of the rest of you have older things that you are still fond of wearing?

    1. All of my jewelry is real due to skin sensitivities, so I don’t get rid of any of it. Which means a lot of it is old. Some is my grandmother’s. Some my mother’s. I wear it all, trends be damned. And I’d wear the hell out of a charm bracelet if I had one.

      I wore a lot of silver rings in the 90s, many I bought from street fairs or while traveling, and now my young adult daughter is that girl with rings on every finger, wearing all my old rings. Keep everything and keep wearing it all!

      2. I often wear a family heirloom necklace that is from 1910. It’s beautiful in a very subtle way.

  11. Hosting a party at a private members’ only club. Sold tickets to the attendees. Buffet. I am handling tips for the whole group. How much should I give to waitstaff and bartenders?

  12. I just finished reading the WaPo article in the News Round Up and I’m so confused about why this isn’t being talked about more. I knew that Catholic hospitals don’t offer abortion care, but I didn’t realize 1) how prevalent they are (so patients often don’t have another option), 2) it feels like what we’re seeing post-Dobbs in states that have restricted access to abortion is a larger scale version of these hospital policies, and 3) what other implications beyond abortion & contraceptive care? Are there Catholic stances on life support or DNR I should be aware or? What about approaches to cancer treatment or organ transplants? Do Catholic hospital represent a significant portion of hospitals that have residency program – so doctors may not learn all of their field during training if it goes against Catholic beliefs or residents who don’t agree with those beliefs may still have to do their residencies there? How is this legal? I thought if you receive federal funding, you can’t do this?
    Pardon the incoherence, but I’m shocked to learn how big of a problem this is. I really thought it was limited to a few Catholic-run hospital systems in regions with heavy Catholic populations, so presumably the patients want care in line with their beliefs, but that doesn’t seem to be the case at all here?

    1. My MD grandfather told me (when I was a teen, in the 1990s) to never to give birth in a Catholic hospital, as if there is any life-threatening issue they may prioritize the fetus at the expense of the mother’s life. It’s not like on paper they say “Fetus >>> mother” but they will avoid doing anything that could harm the fetus, even if the mother is seriously ill, and sometimes it’s too late by the time it’s clear the mother’s life is in danger. (I do realize that some people would want the fetus to be prioritized over themselves, but DH and I discussed it and agreed my life should be prioritized during the birth of our first and only child. And I would feel even more strongly about that on a second or third child, because the existing children need their mother.)

      Fwiw, I live in a small Midwest city with a not especially large Catholic population and we have two hospital systems. One Catholic and one secular. It’s obvious which one is Catholic (the name has “Saint” in it) and so we avoid that hospital system for all women- and baby-related healthcare. My dermatologist is there because I don’t see any issue with a Catholic dermatologist and there aren’t emergencies in that field anyway, so I could always seek a second opinion. But I know not everyone is lucky enough to have two hospital systems to choose from.

    2. Catholic hospitals usually follow Catholic moral teaching; the problem is that the people implementing the rules often know the simplified version, not the actual doctrine.

      Regarding DNRs, Catholic moral teaching requires that you not be deprived of food and water, but does not require care beyond that, meaning, you can opt out (or have someone else opt out on your behalf) from other measures. Of course, if you want to hang on and get all medical care possible, that is allowed.

      Life saving abortion falls under the law of double effect. Unfortunately, some people get “more Catholic than you” and start thinking that treating an ectopic pregnancy is illicit (because the usual method is to cut off blood flow to the implanted embryo, which is not a licit thing to do), rather than simply say – law of double effect.

      As a Catholic, I really wish these people would think about how their philosophy plays out in the real world. “Well we don’t have licit means of ending an ectopic pregnancy so we will just wait until her tube explodes and then save her life….” Yeah that doesn’t work and it doesn’t make non-Catholics respect your dedication to your faith.

    3. I live in the Bay Area and the Catholic hospital nearest me is named after a tree, so many people don’t know it’s Catholic and/or don’t understand that means religious leaders have ultimate say on the care offered, not doctors and patients.

      What’s really scary is that the hospital has a good reputation as a comfortable place for births for wealthy women with lower risk pregnancies, so lots of women choose it without knowing the implications for their care.

      I avoid Catholic hospitals/clinics for all kinds of care to the extent possible because I don’t want to support any system of medical care in which religious leaders have more say than doctors and patients.

      1. I’m in the LA area and it’s the same thing – the Catholic hospitals are mostly very, very coy about their affiliation. Some have “Saint” in the name, but plenty don’t and there are lots of people out here who wouldn’t pick up on any sort of religious affiliation, much less a distinction between Catholic and non-Catholic hospitals. I switched doctors when mine joined the physician group affiliated with a Catholic hospital, and I’d do it again.

      2. In my area, the hospitals are very coy about it. Even if they have a name that instantly reads to me as Catholic (something like Little Flower Cottage Hospital), it’s hard to tell from the website.

    4. My understanding is that they won’t do vasectomies either. I would assume same goes for other reproductive procedures. I can understand a moral stance against abortion, in theory at least (I am pro choice but I understand the argument), I cannot for the life of me understand how you can be against contraception options if you actually want to reduce the number of abortions that will take place. Like I am against kill shelters for animals and therefore strongly for spay and neuter policies.

      1. I got married when I was older and found that I could easily get pregnant but my old eggs did not let me stay pregnant. Doomed to be on an infinite repeat loop of pregnancy, miscarriage, rinse, repeat?

      2. Well Catholics don’t believe in birth control. So for them it’s about following their religious doctrine, not just reducing the number of abortions.

        1. While there are definitely exceptions, most of the Catholic families I grew up with had about the same number of kids as the Protestant ones. Sure, maybe they all practiced natural family planning and were wildly successful at it. But it sure does seem like some of it was….birth control.

          1. sure, you will find a lot of religiously affiliate people who ‘sin’ in the eyes of their doctrin.

          2. Sure, not everyone follows the exact rules. But the official doctrine is no birth control and Catholic hospitals don’t do vasectomies for that reason.

        2. I think that the US is majority Catholic and has been for some time. And family size just keeps getting smaller, hovering at 3 and change, so I think that there’s a lot of birth control of the non-NFP kind going around.

          2. I feel like 20% has to be too low. Think of how big the US Hispanic population is. Add in a lot of people of European dissent and many immigrants from Africa, the Philippines, and many Caribbean islands and that present seems like it should be north of 40% and the rest of the US being various Protestant denominations, Mormons, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and Jews. But mostly, it’s a Catholic-lite country.

          4. Yeah 50% of the US is Protestant and 20% Catholic. It is definitely not a majority Catholic country, though Catholics are a significant minority.

        3. I don’t think this is true in modern times. I’ve never met a religious family that does not believe in birth control.

      3. The theory (please do not flame, because it uncomfortable to be the shot/flamed messenger):
        1. Artificial contraception is prohibited because it defiles (for lack of a better word) intercourse. It is not a pure giving between spouses; it withholds some of oneself.

        2. Contraception changes culture and the interaction between spouses. To the first: in a world without contraception, yes, people do it outside of wedlock, but it’s not the same. It’s premarital much more than nonmarital (i.e., the people would get married if she gets pregnant/at least have the intention of marrying someday), and the numbers are lower. So you don’t get nearly as many night stands, nor the expectation that intimacy outside of wedlock will happen. Today, waiting for marriage is deeply countercultural and almost shunned. Furthermore, since contraception is not 100% reliable, and think of the average person age about 16 to 25 (IQ about 100, not all that great with planning and decisions and won’t use it “consistently and correctly each and every time”)… it’s a recipe for more unprotected s3x. Which doesn’t do great things for your abortion rate. (Before you flame, look up all the studies on risk mitigation. Think of people in four wheel drive SUVs driving like lunatics in a snowstorm.)

        2a. Contraception also changes how spouses interact. In theory, spouses who use NFP tend to communicate consistently about their desire for more children or to stay where they are; they don’t view intercourse as an “on demand entitlement,” and they understand that they should welcome children into the home. Regarding the on-demand entitlement, I can best explain it by referring you all to an ugly side of evangelical culture. There is a lot of “women have to say yes any time he asks,” or “you can’t let your husband go more than 72 hours without it” or “give him a hand job or a BJ if you are not up for it after childbirth.” The Catholic message is much more “of course there are times when you can’t be intimate, and men are more than capable of surviving for six weeks after their wives push out babies.”

        1. When I went off the Pill (and wow did my body feel better without it), my refusal to go back on b/c guys wanted it w/o having to wear protection was so, so often a total dealbreaker for them. I dodged some bullets, to be sure. I am 1000% not against s*x, but after having my heart broken enough when I was in my teens and 20s, it was nice to stumble upon this as a way to quickly weed out some (but not all) as$h*les. Sort of how I’d drive very carefully w/o seatbelts or airbags.

    5. Yes, it’s really disturbing how many healthcare systems are Catholic (and now with all the mergers, it’s not always clear which ones are— e.g., in the Chicago area there’s a group of hospitals called AMITA Health that are, so it’s not obvious at first glance). I have checked which ones are in my area and made a mental note, although who knows what happens if I’m unconscious and have no say in where I go… and a lot of hospitals might not be Catholic but are Christian.

    6. Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. What I’m still stuck on is how quiet this is? If Catholic hospitals are proud to follow their doctrine, shouldn’t that be front and center in all of their informational materials? Shouldn’t it be made clear to all employees and patients so that those who aren’t Catholic/don’t agree with Catholic doctrine can choose to go elsewhere? Without those things, it feels really nefarious rather than an execution of a religious belief to help others.
      Maybe I sound naive, but my mind has been well and truly blown today.

      1. Hospitals are also a business and I am sure they are more concerned with making money than proudly proclaiming their doctrine. Which would likely result in people choosing other options when possible, and thus less money for the hospital.

        To be fair, I kind of view all religions as money-making and power-grabbing entities above actual purveyors of faith doctrines. But I could be kind of bitter about religion.

      2. I think the only way this would happen would be if it were legally required. Beyond that, I wish there were some sort of affiliation organization that hospitals that *don’t* impose religious restrictions on BC/abortion/end of life decisions could prominently and clearly display, but hospital choices are also controlled by your insurance, so most people don’t have a lot of options in any case.

      1. I sincerely don’t think that this is true. You can’t starve someone to death but you don’t have to resuscitate someone who is basically pre-dead if not actually dead.

  13. I’m looking to get my post-COVID eyebrows shaped in NoVA (Arlington). Any recommendations and any idea what range I should expect to pay? Thanks!

  14. What are your favorite things to buy at Whole Foods? I’m near one semi-regularly now, so I’d love to hear what’s good or special or a deal (if anything is at Whole Paycheck)…

    1. The frozen tortellini by their house brand is amazing and a package lives in my freezer year round for dinner emergencies. I’d say it’s as good or better than the fresh tortellini in my local fancy market.

      A lot of their 365 brand stuff is actually very well priced, fyi. As our their flowers and seasonal plants.

      I know people around here love the smoked mozzarella pasta salad in the prepared foods section.

    2. I like their roasted chickens. Can stretch that into two or three meals easily.

    3. I don’t know if they all do this/if this is still a thing, but the Whole Foods near me used to do 2 for the price of 1 prepared sandwiches at the end of the day (maybe after 5PM?).

    5. The 365 brand feta in brine. I am quite particular about my feta, and this is my favorite. They also carry stone-ground grits, but availability probably varies regionally.

    6. Jenny’s brand – 5 spice tofu (in salad or salad bar areas), regional to Midwest
      Whole Foods Brand frozen vegetable fried rice (add scrambled egg, chicken or shrimp to make.a quick dinner)
      Fresh Herbs
      Follow your heart vegan products
      Owyn protein shakes (I only buy premade when I travel for work), otherwise Orgain in a big jar.
      Cucumber Thai Salad (salad bar)
      Chocolate covered pretzels

    7. Fair trade spices
      100 % buckwheat Soba noodles
      The variety of dried berries – my favorite is mulberries
      The variety of kombucha and yogurt

    8. Truly seasonal produce like dry farmed early girl tomatoes in August/September and satsumas around the winter holidays.

      For the worst f^*+ it all days, the prepared spaghetti and meatballs is my go-to comfort food. (Near the prepared salads and sandwiches)

  15. I finally grew the balls to tell my friends and family about my cancer diagnosis. After a few hollow words of concern, exactly what I expected has happened, they are mad at me since I’m going to be dropping a lot of the emotional labour I normally do, at least for now. This is going to be a long lonely road. Thanks for letting me vent, also reminder to do the thing!

    2. I’m so sorry, both for your diagnosis and for their reaction. We support you here. (Yes, I am speaking for all commenters.)

    4. They suck. Straight up. I found some amazing Facebook communities during my cancer journey – I hope you can find support as well. Your oncologist may have ideas too.

      Put yourself first and don’t feel one smidge of guilt. Reach out to us here and we’ll cheer you on.

    5. I’m so sorry you’re facing this. Having cancer really shows you who is in your corner. When I told people, I got all kinds of weird reactions. A couple of folks started to say reasons why they thought I got it, a couple of friends would opine on how bad or good the outlook would be for me with no information yet or they would relay horror stories of people I don’t know with entirely different types of cancer. I became really protective of who I would tell and when. Only one person at my work knows and it’s been more than a year. Do whatever you need to do to look after your own feelings. Some folks are safer than others. This is one of the few times in life when you can put yourself first without guilt. You are stronger than you think you are and more than your diagnosis. Sending all the hugs and hope for better support your way.

    6. What!? No wonder they need you to do their emotional labor for them; they sound like sociopaths! What a horrible reaction. I’m so sorry!

    8. Hi there – this might be too late and I don’t know where you are, but if you’re in Canada and under 40 there’s a great group called YACC (young adult cancer Canada) that does a lot of group support for other folks with cancer. I know it really helped one of my good friends when she was sick because it was other people who were in a similar age range and space. Might be worthwhile looking to see if there’s something like that you could join ? If you post an area and an age range(and maybe cancer type?) I’ll happily try and find you a couple support groups and that kind of thing so you can find some better friends! Lots of hugs.

      1. I am actually Canadian and under 40 so I will check out YACC thank you so much for the recommendation.

    9. This suck, I’m so sorry you have to cope with this let down at exactly the time you need support.

      You aren’t alone, my parent was cross with me for no longer being the reliable, dutiful daughter to nurse her. I even organised replacement care, meal delivery, cleaning and at-home pedicures and she was totally ungrateful. My sister accused me of faking it to get out of caring for my mother, whilst being completely absent herself. People suck.

      I hope by dropping the emotional labor for them, you have more energy for yourself. You’ll be surprised by support you didn’t expect and I’m sure I’m just one of many sending you good wishes.

      2. Well this is a heartbreaking story, but there’s some weird perverse comfort in knowing I’m not the only person with wretched family.

        1. Amazing people will come from surprising places, though. I have had unexpected, really wonderful support and understanding from former colleagues and neighbours. My neighbours let me stay in their home for six weeks while house was modified for the wheelchair, incredibly kind! (After my sister said no, I couldn’t stay in her empty holiday house because the floors might get damaged).

          My husband and my in-law family (right out to his cousins) have been more supportive than I could have ever expected.

          Yep, wretched families are out there and lots of us have them, you aren’t alone there, so don’t take it to heart too much (hard, I know!) and just surround yourself with the wonderful people instead.

  16. Exciting Friday night over here, stripping wallpaper (taking a break while the steamer reheats). Covered in glue and plotting to take over the Spotify and questioning my husband’s musical tastes (James bond theme songs…)

    Keep reminding myself that by this time next week the room will be plastered and this time next month, the room will be painted (something farrow and ball, colour tbc but in the terra cotta/pink family)

    1. I JUST went through this with my giant finished attic and I feel your pain. Stripping wallpaper is the actual worst but nothing beats the feeling once you’re done! I keep standing in the middle of the room just to admire my work.

    4. I like a cameo pink color. Don’t know what it’s called in Ball and Farro but it’s an incredibly flattering color and makes everything and everyone look pretty.

  17. Mean girl officemate update: she has been put on notice that the shenanigans end here and now. All communication she has with me is expected to include both her boss and mine, I am justified in documenting any verbal conversations she has with me via email follow-ups afterward to the whole group, teamwork is required, attempts at gaslighting will not be tolerated.

    Also, the meeting where this was communicated included all four of us. That guilt I felt yesterday? it is nowhere to be found after watching her react to this news. So juvenile and petty of me, but I actually had to tamp down my glee as she grew more and more livid discovering that everyone sees what she is doing.

      1. Yesterday’s afternoon thread or the holiday weekend open thread, although OP doesn’t really detail the Mean Girl Antics. (OP, if you can share without outing yourself, I bet some of us here would love a low-stakes high-drama Friday afternoon read. I’ll make the popcorn.)

        1. OP here. Trying to keep it bland enough to protect the innocent, but providing a sampling for your enjoyment.

          MG has been foisting her work onto me for quite some time with the excuse that her boss has her overloaded and she won’t meet deadlines without my help. It turns out her boss has not been giving her any work beyond these tasks because he thought she was busy helping me with my own work. So watching them discover that tidbit was entertaining, particularly when her boss realized she was claiming my work as her own this whole time.

          MG also has been claiming to another department that she is the key decision maker for one of our programs. She represented to me and my boss that her boss put her in that position, and to my boss that hers appointed her to that role. It came out today that she claimed that authority for herself, and has not the slightest clue that the program supports far more than her minimal surface knowledge was even aware, much less how it operates or what needs it fulfills. It’s as though she has been telling a power plant operator to vary the electrical output for an entire city’s grid in order to make the traffic lights on her commute blink in a pattern she likes. That other department couldn’t understand why ours would want the changes she was demanding and finally went over her head for an explanation.

          And best of all, during our bring-it-all-to-light talk today, she flat out lied to our bosses and they know it, I know it, and when given the opportunity to come clean she dug in. Ironically, it was about the one concrete example I had brought to them just yesterday documenting the steps she had taken to block my access to files that are necessary source material for a time-sensitive, external deliverable.

          At this point it seems she was living in a fantasy dreamland where she could be as petty as she wanted and thought she was somehow untouchable, but just opened her eyes to see that she’s dug herself so deep she can’t climb out of the hole. It’s rather delicious to watch her implode, if I’m totally honest.

          1. Oh yes, I’d be enjoying this too. Feel free to keep sharing updates. Some people just made their bed, you know?

            My friend recently busted a former employee of hers blatantly stealing state grant funds that their organization received. Tens of thousands of dollars! I’m similarly just baffled at how she thought nobody was going to notice. At least your coworker (presumably) isn’t going to jail….

          2. Oh my! No jail for my MG, hopefully just karma.

            It is weird and fascinating to me that people get so bold in thinking that all the wrong things they are doing will never catch up with them. Especially when the effort it takes to maintain the act is out of proportion with the benefits.

  18. Are there any good real medical or scholarly articles or books about rosacea? Newly-diagnosed and what I am finding is a lot of vanilla advice (avoid triggers, which could be anything) and “this is sort of inflammatory.” I’d really like to have a bit more science and understanding and yet I’m not finding anything. Is there no basic dermatology treatise I could buy on Amazon? It’s almost as if it has not been worthy of a lot of study b/c it’s treated as a vanity concern vs a “health” concern and I just want to understand why my skin is at war with me (I have allergies, but those predate the rosacea by decades, nothing in my life has changed, and I don’t have any other inflammatory-type medical conditions).

    1. If you haven’t already, consider reading recent review articles on PubMed.gov from top dermatology journals, such as Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology, British Journal of Dermatology, and JAMA Dermatology. Include “review” and “pathophysiology” in your search terms, and set the date range to within the past 5 years if you want an overview of the latest research. Any published book will be out of date by the time it hits the shelves, so reading papers from scientific journals is your best bet. You might also find what you’re looking for on the American Academy of Dermatology webs*te.

    2. I would recommend looking at the American Academy of Dermatology Website for a basic intro.

      You could pay for a review article from uptodate – a pretty great reference that docs use to catch up on disorders all the time.

      Also you can usually access for free the emedicine medscape review articles, and they are overall really good.

      There have been tons of studies on Rosacea. But as with many inflammatory/auto-immune/multi-factorial disorders, it is complicated and treatment continues to evolve. This is true for many… most things in medicine, actually.

    3. I will say that the rosacea group on Redd1t hasbeen helpful to me. I would still read the scholarly articles but for product recommendations and support the r/rosacea group is great.

      Wade through the posts where people with a single pimple post to the group asking if they have rosacea!!

    4. Re: figuring out your triggers

      An elimination diet, in my case whole 30, helped me figure out some of my food triggers, which seem to be inflammatory foods like white carbs/maybe gluten, sugar, and dairy. I’m doing ok on the occasional weekend pizza, but pasta dinners are no longer a mainstay for me. Alcohol can also cause flushing for me but it seems to be more wine related than straight booze related. And I recommend W30 for this mainly because there are so many resources online. Before anyone shouts me down about diet culture, I am generally against diet culture but an elimination diet is exactly for this kind of purpose. I did not lose significant weight on W30.

      For environmental triggers, mine are excessive heat or exertion, stress, and for the last year or so, extended N95 masking. Which is too bad because I am a believer in masking.

      Hope this helps. There are lots of people in this community who have rosacea. Someone recommended the de la Cruz sulfur ointment on here and I’ve been using that successfully as an occasional treatment for redness and pustules.

      Good luck!

    5. There seems to be little scientific advice available, and the medical explanation seems to be “we don’t really know” when it comes to rosacea.

      Antibiotics truly will help short-term, but isn’t a viable daily treatment long-term, so finding triggers IS the best way to manage it, it seems.

      Would definitely have a proper, serious celiac test before you do any sort of elimination diet – so don’t ditch gluten before you have the tests. There has been research showing a higher percentage of celiacs amongst rosacea sufferers than normal.

    6. Mine was triggered by mask wearing. I am with you, though, that I don’t think there are great resources about it. I only have it on one side and I cannot figure out why.
      If it helps, sulfur has helped the most. Chlorine makes it worse (but I love swimming). Cinnamon and limes also make it worse (as do daily stress).

  19. Hi all, I’ve just been reading the previous thread about yelling at kids with a lot of interest, thank you to the OP for raising the subject and being honest about your challenges. It made me realise though that I don’t really know where the line is between “not great parenting behaviour that most people still do every so often” and “stuff that will actually harm your kids”. My girls are 7 and 9. With yelling in particular, I don’t see myself as someone who loses it with their kids frequently, but I do sometimes do things I’m not proud of. The last time I remember actually yelling at them was maybe 4-5 months ago when they just took soooooo long to get into the car for an activity and it made us late and I was so frustrated that I was apparently the only person who cared about that even though it wasn’t even my activity…. Anyway I yelled at them then. More recently, like a few weeks ago, I didn’t yell “at” them but a LOT of minor things went wrong one day and then there was kind of a “last straw” thing and I went into my bedroom and rage screamed into a pillow and the girls heard me and were quite scared. That, again, is an infrequent occurrence but not the literal first time it happened. Eg I remember doing it about a year ago too, and they were scared then too. Obviously I don’t think this is a very good approach but also… I guess what I want to know is whether fairly infrequent losses of control like that are that big a deal. I want to know if I’m normal haha.

    Contextually, I know a lot of what is driving these losses of control is stress/anxiety. My life is definitely a lot and I keep it together most of the time but sometimes it’s just too much. This is going to sound very dramatic but my husband was killed in an accident a few years ago and not having another parent to tag in at those points is very challenging, plus also being by myself just means that my baseline of stressful stuff to deal with is higher and my buffer is lower. Still, I want a good life for my kids and I don’t want them to be harmed by my behaviour in this regard even if the wider world would be extremely sympathetic! (I should add that they both seem pretty happy and settled in spite of the significant trauma of their dad’s death so things aren’t THAT bad.)

    My kids also have a problem with me talking to them in a “mean voice” which is absolutely not yelling but tone-wise certainly conveys disapproval haha. I do try to keep my voice loving even when I’m delivering some sort of corrective message but honestly sometimes that feels worse because it comes out as sarcastic. I feel like I’m ok ground with the mean voice thing though, like I am pretty confident that most parents have a sterner voice than their usual sweet tones and there are appropriate contexts to use that in!

    I put in a lot here but really what I want to know is the first paragraph, like where is that line between not being perfect and being actively harmful. Am I doing ok or do I need to do more work here?

    1. Do you book all your children’s healthcare appointments and take them without complaint? Do you ensure your children eat veggies? Do you actually spend time with your kids? If so you’re probably okay.

      1. This is not correct. I do think this particular poster is doing fine and is not abusing her kids.

        I was emotionally abused, even though my parents checked all those boxes. They were definitely not okay, and I wish someone would have been watching for more than “is she fed and taken to the doctor?”

      2. Oh wait, I fail the first question because….teenager. I’m not delighted to blow my whole afternoon for a braces appointment because teen couldn’t *possibly* miss an hour of school, so I had to reschedule it for rush hour.

        1. My mother complaining about the burden of my medical appointments meant that I went without medical care from the ages of 11-18, it has cost me tens of thousands of dollars to undo the damage that 7 years without a doctor, dentist etc does to a person.

    2. I didn’t grow up in a yelling house – yelling was for safety, not anger.

      Probably what scares your kids is seeing mom “out of control” in that way, not the yelling per se. Like, it’s kind of good news that it scares them, because it means it’s not routine behavior from mom. But I would still try not to.

      On the mean voice, you’re fine! Every kid knows the tone of “I’m speaking in a normal voice but this will put the fear of God into you” voice their parent uses when they are not pleased. As I got older, as a teen I could also 100% tell when my mom was being surface neutral but was secretly mulling over something she wanted to talk to me about, but wasn’t ready to tell me yet, and would just tell her “out with it! whatever the lecture is, it’s better than knowing it’s coming!” lol.

    3. You’re doing great. I’m similar with yelling at my kid occasionally. Not proud of it and I do normally apologize afterwards, but it does happen and I don’t think I know any parents who have kids preschool age and up who have never yelled.

    4. I think checking out Dr. Becky at Good Inside (On Instagram and her book) is a good place to start teasing this all out. I know her phrase “an unregulated adult can’t help an unregulated child” was a total game-changer for me.

      1. Was just about to recommend Dr. Becky. She also has been talking about “mom rage” recently — might be worth searching that term with her name and check it out.

      2. I find Dr. Becky very smug and condescending, and some of her ideas are just so dumb in my opinion (like pretending to be bad at something you can do easily so your kids can see you fail…my kids see me fail at lots of real things, I don’t need to pretend I can’t zip up my coat). I have had better luck with parenting books like How to Talk So Little Kids will Listen, Spirited Child and Hunt Gather Parent. I think they all have good ideas about how to improve your child’s behavior but they all have a tone that I find a lot less grating than Dr. Becky. I know this is an unpopular opinion and lots of people adore her, but just my two cents.

        1. +1. I feel like such an outlier, but I cannot stand Dr Becky.

          OP- I think you’re doing fine. (More than fine actually.)

        2. +3, I downloaded a sample of her book and was not impressed. Also followed her on IG and didn’t find her advice all that persuasive. TBH I’m totally sick of all this gentle parenting stuff. I’m not looking to be a 1950s style parent but I also want to teach my children that they must follow certain norms and expectations about their behavior to get along in society. I wish there were some parenting philosophy that could help me with that.

          1. You may like Sinplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. He is a Waldorf style teacher & therapist. He focuses a lot on drawing firm boundaries between adult and children’s roles and responsibilities in a way that really spoke to me. I believe in being “gentle” with children but not in being child-led if that makes sense, and his approach was very much along those lines.

    5. Fellow single parent here (although by choice not tragedy – my condolences on your loss):

      My daughter is now an adult and said the other day that she cannot recall me ever yelling at her and expressed her gratitude. Nonetheless, I know there were times when I snapped at her because I was angry or frustrated. I found in those cases my daughter appreciated an honest “I am really stressed and anxious right now but I should not have taken that out on you and I am sorry” (if there is one thing modern children understand it is anxiety!) My advice would be to tell them the truth – sometimes you get frustrated when they do not do what you ask. Or when you need to scream into a pillow: Sometimes there is just a lot going on and it makes you feel better to go to your room and let it out so it does not stay inside. It is not because of them but even grown ups sometimes feel overwhelmed. This is your chance to model healthy coping mechanisms.

      All of that said, the perfect parent does not exist. We all try. We cannot always succeed. If you are not regularly screaming at your children, then you are doing better than a lot of parents. You love them. They know you love them and you are trying. They (and you) will be fine.

      1. Thank you for all this and your last sentence in particular :) Single parenting isn’t some sort of terrible life sentence that we can never recover from, but it’s also not a walk in the park and I appreciate the empathy.

    6. This all sounds to me like it’s within the stuff that’s not great but not harmful camp. Do you apologize or talk to your daughters after you lose it? And it sounds like that’s a rare occurrence. I grew up in a house where I had to walk on eggshells to try to avoid my father yelling (didn’t work usually), and he would never ever talk to me later and admit he’d lost his temper and apologize for scaring me.

      Honestly the pillow thing sounds to me like a fine way to deal with emotion. Maybe talk to your girls about it— you got overwhelmed and tried to go off by yourself and release some pressure and you didn’t mean for them to hear it. You can also ask them what they thought or why it was scary for them and talk about it. Then follow up by showing your kids that it’s okay for them to also go off alone and release pressure or calm down if they need to. When I’d get yelled at, a big thing was that I felt like I wasn’t being heard or respected and was just being scared straight or whatever.

      To me, it was the frequency, violence, and implication that it was my fault that had the damaging effect.

      The mean voice is appropriate when used in situation where the kids need correction, in my opinion. It doesn’t sound like you use it to bully them!

      1. Big +1 to discussing and apologizing if applicable afterwards. That would have changed a lot of my feelings around being yelled at as a kid, and probably saved me emotional work as an adult.

      2. Thank you for the “frequency, violence, and implication that it was my fault” thing.

        Honestly I don’t think the pillow thing is that great, but keen to retain the screaming haha. I do find the occasional scream of rage quite cathartic – sometimes things just SUCK – but I reckon maybe the car, in the garage, is maybe a more appropriate place.

    8. Thank you so much everyone for your wonderful supportive input, I thought I’d reply here rather than individually. I really appreciated how seriously you all took this, I mean I realize I’m not a terrible or even very bad parent, but – and this is probably some anxiety/grief talking – I feel quite a bit of pressure to be better than “not noticeably awful” because my kids have already been dealt a tough hand re their dad. So I am really grateful to you all for really thinking about the question. And also the general reassurance that although I’m not always perfect, I am probably fine. (am going to save the screen time confessions for a different post… also to the person who raised veggies… if we could expand that category so it includes fruit I’d be on much firmer ground haha)

      A number of you brought up apologizing. I do apologize and discuss the way I acted, at least usually. I sometimes feel like that is a bit of a cop out – like better to just not do the thing surely? Also what steps am I genuinely taking to make sure I handle things differently in the future? – but I guess it’s probably better than not apologizing. Recognizing that scaring my kids is a non-ideal way to address cumulative pressure and being open with them that that’s not something I consider normal or desirable is probably the best option once the actual action has occurred.

      This is something I do want to keep working on and I think approaching it with the mindset of “this is something that will make mine and my kids’ lives easier/better” rather than “I’ve got to do this otherwise I’m ruining my kids” is probably a helpful way to go about it, so I appreciate the comments that steered me in that direction! Lots of useful resource tips too, thank you. I have looked at Dr Becky before and to be honest I kind of am with the commenter who finds her a bit smug! I am sure her ideas are useful but I find it hard to get past the tone! But I will keep looking for resources here, I have actually been doing a parenting course lately which has been GREAT but it hasn’t totally addressed every single issue.

      Also – just wanted to say I really appreciated the insight that the fact that my kids were scared at seeing me out of control was probably at least partly related to it being very rare. It’s true, I am usually pretty together and am a safe harbor for my kids. I also loved the person who just wrote “your kids are going to be fine”. Thank you!! I needed that! A hard thing about being by myself is having no external barometer of that any more.

      Love this board :)

      1. Late but one suggestion to try is telling your kids what you’re going to do up front – like saying I feel really overwhelmed right now so am going to take a break in my room and make a big loud noise to let my feelings out; this isn’t about you, it’s something I need to do to help my brain be healthy.
        And then go and scream. And even if it’s a little unnerving because it’s loud, I bet it won’t be as scary — the scary part for kids is often feeling like the grownup is out of control and can’t handle things, not having the capacity to explain what’s happening means there is still structure for them. I wouldn’t necessarily apologize because what you’re doing is actually a pretty good coping mechanism.

        1. I got this thank you! I actually really appreciate the support re my rage screaming haha. Maybe it can stay! That’s a really great idea about the explanation/warning, thank you.

    9. I think you’re doing great! No parent outside of The Internet is perfect. And I don’t think this is anywhere in the neighborhood of being actively harmful to your kids.

    10. The question on the Adverse Childhood Experience quiz on this matter is “Did whether a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… a) Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or b) Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?” Google the ACES and you will feel better about yourself.

  20. Im stuck and reading articles online is making me question what to do. I have a dry thoat and my lymph glands in neck are swollen. I tested negative for Covid today. I have a regular flu shot scheduled at the pharmacy today. Should I still take it? Wondering because if I do have Covid (I work with the public, masked, but sometimes unmasked when they are distant) Note— I had Covid two months ago and it started with a dry, rather than sore throat similar to the one I have now. Thoughts?

    1. Do you have a fever? Either way, I’d postpone if you think you’re coming down with something. You’re not going to get a great immune response to the vaccine if your immune system is already reacting to something else, whether it’s covid or some other infection. It’s pretty easy to just get the flu shot another time.

      1. Thanks for your reply! I have no fever or any other symptoms except for the swollen glands and dry throat. I suppose I should postpone the flu shot, but I was hoping to cross it off my list. Now, I guess I’ll wait it out and hope it’s not a flu or that I may test again and find I have covid.

        1. I think you should consider how likely you think it is you’re getting sick. I get sore throats pretty regularly- pretty much any time I talk even a little more than normal. If you really have swollen glands, though, that seems like you have an immune response and are actually getting sick. But if that’s somehow normal for you, then it might not be a big deal to just go ahead to do it. As long as you don’t have a fever and aren’t testing positive for covid, you definitely could go ahead and do it, but I figure that if I’m going to bother getting a vaccine, I want to give it the best chance to be effective, not waste my immune effort on some other illness.

          1. I have swollen lymph nodes on and off since having the Covid shot and Covid infection two months ago — and my doctor is monitoring this, so it’s really hard to tell if I’m getting a cold, or it’s some of the forest fire smoke/ that is giving me a sore throat. I decided to go ahead with the shot, and will take advil and have an early night. I was on the fence until the last moment, so thank you for all the suggestions— they really helped!

        2. Yeah swollen lymph nodes are a pretty reliable indicator of infection for me. Even if it’s just a cold, I’d postpone the shot.

    2. Postpone. I think the questionnaire even asks if you have any signs of illness. That’s an early sign of many colds, flu or Covid. Why chance it? It’s not like flu shots are hard to schedule.

      1. It does ask if you have illness, but fwiw pre-Covid I got vaccines with colds quite regularly (daycare kids…I pretty much always had a cold) and both the pharmacist and my doctor said it was fine. So not necessarily a problem to check the “Yes” box to that question.

  21. Can anyone recommend a portable external monitor? When working from home, sometimes I like to move from my big desk setup to my couch with my laptop in the late afternoon. I’m looking for a portable monitor I can use with my laptop.

    1. won’t a portable monitor automatically be pretty small size? In which case, you already have that, in your laptop. Maybe you would be better served by letting the laptop be the monitor, and getting a bluetooth keyboard for sitting on the couch.

    2. If you mean a second portable monitor, I have a Sidetrak that’s worked pretty well.

  22. Paging slip skirt poster from this morning. Aritzia has slip skirts in three different lengths and a wide variety of colours that may work for you. I haven’t bought one myself, though my sister has and gave it good reviews. I enjoy looking at the different colours for sewing inspiration as I find bias cut slip skirts are a fun and fast projects (I’ve made three and counting…)

  23. different kind of slip question.

    any recommendations for a half slip please? under dresses, not by itself.

    1. The Jockey one at Target. Vanity Fair at Kohl’s. JCP and Macy’s usually have a selection online or in stores. Notorious at Nordstrom. They are all serviceable.

        1. I have the target half slip (not sure it’s Jockey though?) and it does not cling. It’s great. Short…like 4 inches above my knee but gets the job done.

  24. I just came across the new to me brand, Amanda & Chelsea. Can anyone comment on quality and sizing? I’m looking at a blazer.

  25. I have the opportunity to have 2 different coaching experiences simultaneously; 1 with a student needing hours to become a professional coach, 1 with a professional offering some pro bono career coaching. I already have a therapist for mental health stuff, so that’s covered (and not what coaching is anyway).

    What sorts of things would you talk with a student coach or a career coach about? I likely have 6 or so sessions with each and I want to make the best use of them so I’d love ideas from other high achieving chicas!

    Thanks!

    1. Think about your career goals and when you want to reach them. Do you want to change direction? Lean in or have an easier life? Set aside time to think about what you really want out of life.
      Take copies of past performance reviews to see if the coaches can help you work on your flaws or areas that you want to improve.
      Watch out for long winded tales of their workplace grievances (I think my coach wasn’t actually that great).

  26. I will be travelling from the US to the UK soon but with a layover in Frankfurt. Can anyone please tell me if I need a Covid test to fly? I have looked at the Germany official info and then various other travel sites as well as Lufthansa and it really isn’t clear! Some say yes, others say no. If anyone has travelled via a German airport recently and transferred elsewhere what did you do? Thank you for any info!

    3. You don’t need. KLM Travledoc is a pretty handy info source for these things (for your future flights).

  27. Reporting back after Paris trip: it was amazing, had a great time. Even weather, had light rain for 1.5 days (which I spent in museums). To whoever recommended Kodawari restaurant – thank you from the bottom of my heart (and stomach), I tried both of their locations and both served one of the best ramens I ever had.
    I did 20km+ walks every day, took amazing pictures, enjoyed lower (people) traffic during work week. Really glad I went.
    Thank agaim for all the tips provided in earlier posts!

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