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Updated: Nov 16, 2022 157 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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black suede bootie with a Western vibe

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I can be iffy on boots with a Western vibe for workwear, but I think these pass muster for both work and play. I like the thick block heel and the sleek look (and a lack of other things I might associate with Western boots). Plus, Marc Fisher LTD is generally a big favorite among the readers, most notably with this heel.

These boots are part of the big Nordstrom sale happening right now — they're $119 and come in four colors right now in sizes 5–11. Note that you can get 3x points until Nov. 13!

These Vince Camuto ones are very similar and down to $83, in case you prefer that brand.

Happy weekend!

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    How do you go about passing on things you won’t wear again? I have a collection of Fluevog shoes and boots I will never wear again. They seem too nice to just throw in the goodwill box (our local goodwill is all about turning away donations and would probably trash them) and I don’t want the hassle of selling them on eBay or whatever. I just kind of want to know that someone who really loves Fluevogs is really going to prize them. It’s so specific.

    I used to go to the Fluevog store in the Haight and buy a pair of Fluevogs whenever I got a bonus, so I have years worth. I have RA now and heels are a never-again, sadly.

    (I’m a 9 1/2 to 10 1/2 in normal sizes, bought whatever size worked for me in Fluevogs, which is all over the place – another difficulty in potentially selling them – if you’re interested and in the Bay Area, post a burner)

    • Anon

      Fb marketplace? Cr@iglist? I mean, you can’t guarantee that the person who takes them won’t sell them – that’s the nature of passing things along. It’s like people who want to sell their old house to someone who wants to make it their family home, but the buyer ends up tearing it down.

    • Vicky Austin

      I think here is the best place for you to post if you’re not interested in selling them on Poshmark or something.

    • Anonymous

      If you can’t find someone specific that wants them, try a smaller thrift store. I recently donated a lot of nice items to a small thrift store in my area that was THRILLED to receive it. Everything is priced $1 and the profits even go back to local food pantries, everyone working there is a volunteer. It felt more impactful than Goodwill.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes, I give to my local Assistance League thrift shop and they love my stuff.

    • Anonymous

      I’m trying to wrap my head around something being “too nice” to donate to goodwill. I don’t think that way. Someone would probably be thrilled to find your shoes at goodwill.

      • Anon

        I think the issue is that Goodwills are known for just tossing stuff without inspecting it carefully because so much of what they get is just junk. So I think it’s not that OP is concerned that someone’s going to score an amazing find at Goodwill on the cheap, she’s concerned that Goodwill will toss out something that actually could have been reused.

        • anon

          It’s this. The Goodwills in my area are notorious for chucking nice stuff. I don’t know how anyone finds anything there, tbh.

          • anon

            Same. I have volunteered to sort and it is so subjective – whether the person who is sorting likes what you have donated – and otherwise it gets thrown away. They are soooo picky and a lot of it just comes down to whether the person likes the style, not the quality of the item. They are just overwhelmed with crap. Also, the back room would take YEARS to clean out so your stuff could easily just get put in a corner and ignored forever.

        • Anon

          Yes, I’m OP and it’s this. I don’t want them going into the trash. They are works of art.

    • BB

      Is there a ThredUP store near you that you can drop them off at? I know they have a bad rep on here, but I’ve found them to be super easy to deal with. You’re not going to get “top dollar” for your stuff, but it’s really convenient to be able to give them stuff, know it’s going to someone who wants it, and get a few bucks in the process. All I have to do is drop them off at their store. I think you can also ship them, but that honestly might be too much work for me!

    • KL

      I was just looking at the Fluevog online store (because I had never heard of this brand) and they have an online resale store! Link to follow.

      • anon4

        this is where i gift most of my nice donations and almost everything has been snapped up – I really don’t care if someone is going to score a good deal at goodwill, but also want to make sure it’s not getting thrown in the landfill.

    • OP

      I see you got a great specific answer already but in general I’m able to donate some things I have an emotional tie to, by finding small resale shops that benefit causes I support. I was starting into keeping too much until I found a resale that supported rescue animals; in my new town there’s one supporting DV survivors.Both are well run and felt like “giving it forward” instead of tossing it out!

      • Anon

        I’m happy to give it away. Just don’t want it going into the trash.

        My son held a garage sale and sold a few of mine. The woman who bought them was super enthusiastic and I was so happy, but then a friend spotted all of my shoes on eBay the next day. I was kinda :/

    • Ellen

      I always give my stuff away to New York cares. They are always very happy when I come by to give him all my stuff each year because I really like to buy new stuff so why would I keep the old stuff especially if I’m not wearing it?

  2. Old tshirts

    Related to the clothing donation question above: Is there something “better” I could be doing to dispose of old t-shirts that isn’t just putting them in the trash? Most of them are pilling and/or have holes, so not donatable. And I have more than enough rags and also don’t want to keep them around. Is there somewhere else I should drop them off to be recycled or something?

    • Anon

      my local wildlife rehab takes cotton t shirts to use for bedding that little critters can’t catch a claw on.

    • little baker mouse

      In NYC, we can drop textiles off for recycling at our local greenmarket. For a fee, the recycling organization will also do a pick-up from your residence. Maybe your city has a similar program? I’d search for “textile recycling” in your city or region. Here, unwearable items items like old t-shirts are usually shredded to make things like insulation. :)

    • Cookbooks

      If any of them have some sentimental value, you can always have them turned into a quilt/blanket. Otherwise, certain brands, like Madewell, will recycle their old clothing. Or take a look at For Days, which will recycle your old or low-value items.

      But if you find an alternative, please share; I’d love to know!

    • Anonymous

      Lots of places recycle fabrics. This could include your local Goodwill or similar – call them and ask!

  3. Friday

    what are the best low heel black ankle boots brands? ideally real leather or suede and COMFY! thanks

    • pugsnbourbon

      I am hunting for a new pair of black ankle boots now! I have the Jack Rogers Pippa in my cart now – I’ll report back once I get them. You can also check out Blondo, Sorel, Aquitalia (I don’t have any but they are a Hive favorite), Clarks, Naturalizer and Born. Dr. Scholl’s work for my feet but there aren’t many leather options.

    • Tea/Coffee

      Me too! Small, wide feet and my flat casual boots are peeling (plastic leather obv). I left uncomfortable-in-any-way shoes back in 2019 so I feel like my options are really limited!

    • Anon

      I’ve had the best luck with Clarks or Rockport for this! They have some styles that are more current and less frumpy than you might think

    • Chl

      Style may not be exactly what you want but I just bought some cole Haan zero grand wedge lug soled ankle boots and they are incredibly comfortable. Right out of the box.

    • Anon

      Wondering the same. I have a bunion so it can be tricky. I saw someone comment on a prior post about Thursday boots. I love the look, but no idea how comfortable!

      • Another anon

        I just got some Thursday Boots and they’re great! Comfortable for me.

      • Cookbooks

        I second Thursday boots! I’m always a bit wary of buying shoes from a completely online brand, so I shot them an email about sizing. They responded very quickly, and their advice was correct. I bought them 3 years ago. I have put those boots through their paces (no pun intended), and they have held up beautifully.

      • Greensleeves

        I also love my Thursday boots and am planning to buy another pair this year!

    • little baker mouse

      I have Aquatalia and La Canadienne boots. They’re waterproof, which is a bonus in NY when winter weather can be wet (and dreary).

  4. Elle

    I feel guilty even asking the question but thinking about a bonus present for myself this year, Cartier tank or Rolex two tone datejust? Or is there another similar price point watch I should consider?

    • Anon8

      Personally I’d go for the Tank! Timeless and understated, totally my holy grail watch.

    • Watchgirl

      I bought the Rolex first, hated it, lost a bunch of money, and then finally let myself buy the Tank which is perfect in every way. Save yourself the headache and start with Cartier.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Cheaper than either of those, but if I ever bought myself a “real” watch, it was going to be a Longines Classique because that was the smallest face I could find, so if you, like me, have tiny wrists, it’s an option (I ended up deciding i’d just rather wear a smartwatch, so)

      • Anonymous

        +1 JLC Reverso. 10 times cooler than a tank or a Rolex (in this watch nerd’s opinion)

        But if you love the tank or the Rolex then buy what you love and wear it in good health! And congratulations on the bonus!

    • editrix

      I splurged on a Tank Française when I had the opportunity and I love it (and what it means) unreasonably. Be sure to try on several sizes: I thought I wanted a bigger one than the one I went home with.

    • Anonymous

      I guess I’m an outlier here but if I knew I wanted a watch and it was in my budget I would absolutely go for the Rolex over Cartier. Rolex is just an absolute classic. Best bet is to go try some on and see what you like.

    • Anonymous

      Tank. I bought the small one with diamonds with my bonus in 12/2019. I also paid off my grad school loans. Watch was second. I wear it every day and it’s subtle and classic. I wear it dressy and I wear it with my jeans a lululemon hoodies.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Cartier over Rolex any day of the week. I am thinking of getting another Cartier soon! I have the Tank Americaine in gold.

    • Senior Attorney

      I have an Omega Constellation with diamond bezel which I love, and it’s in about the same price range as the watches you mentioned.

  5. anon

    Now that the weather is cold, I’m remembering how much I hate dressing up in the winter! I just want to be warm and comfortable at all times. Even sometimes a sweater is too much sensory input and I just want to bum around in my fleece and jeans for every occasion. Is anyone else like this? What do you end up wearing to casual dinners and get-togethers with friends? I have tried longer open cardis, but I never feel good in them. So much fabric, so much frump (on me, not others).

    • anon

      Yes, I am weird about sensory inputs, although my exact triggers are different and change sometimes.

    • winter

      Lots of cashmere pull over sweaters, over thin layers for warmth, without bulk. Large cashmere scarves tied effortlessly, but cute and snuggly. I pair it with my black skinny or boot cut jeans with black booties and suede biker jackets. That is my uniform until I pull out my heavy snow appropriate winter coats.

      I am cold all the time, but I love winter dressing to get snuggly warm and I love sleeping in cosy pajamas in soft flannel sheets with lots of warm blankets/comforters.

    • No Face

      What do you wear under your sweaters? Maybe you can become a silk long Johns person.

    • Cat

      I buy cuter fleeces. Talbots had a funnel-neck 2 years ago that legit looks like a sweater on camera, and Dudley Stephens structured collars make theirs look more intentional than “I threw on my dog walking fleece.”

    • Cat

      Forgot and used a bad word lol.

      I buy cuter fleeces. Talbots had a funnel-neck 2 years ago that legit looks like a sweater on camera, and Dudley Stephens structured c.ll.rs make theirs look more intentional than “I threw on my dog walking fleece.”

    • Anonymous

      Could type of sweater material make a difference? I’ve gotten this way over the past few years and it so hard for others to understand. The thought of putting on any of my old cashmere sweaters or wraps makes me want to climb the walls. I’m getting by casual get-togethers with sweaters made out of all cotton and some that are an acrylic blend (but no wool mix in). I do best with cardigans, but they have to be the right button set-up or zip (not easy to find). I’m also really weird about texture and sleeves. I’ll usually wear a cotton tee or (if dressier) satin.

      I wish I didn’t feel this way. It’s such a pain. I don’t know what happened–it’s like eczema flares maybe did something psychological to me.

    • Cookbooks

      I have had good luck with tunic length sweaters from the Gap. Paired with leggings and nice boots/shoes, I look (and feel) good, but cozy. I can even get away with wearing my grey one to work on a Friday.

      Cardis can be hit or miss. If you can find a warm tunic that fits your style, go with that!

    • Anon

      Yes. Matching tracksuit top and bottom and lipstick. Sensory input is a bitch and even jeans are too much for me now.

  6. Jo April

    Is anyone making pants that aren’t high-rise? I don’t need, like, ’90s low-rise, but I feel like I can’t breathe in high-rise stuff.

    • Sunshine

      No solutions. But here to say I feel the same way. I hate anything that comes to my belly button. I was raised on lower rise and that’s what I still like.

      • Anonymous

        I find Madewell’s “midrise” uncomfortably high but I love my Jcrew vintage straight jeans. They feel like a more true midrise to me.

    • Explorette

      Haha, I was literally just wondering this same thing! I need some new leggings, and cannot find a regular rise option. All the high rise roll down on me because I have a very short torso.

    • Anon

      I found some lower mid-rise pants and jeans at Express. Express in general has lower rises and longer inseams, so even Express’ mid-rise may be lower than many other brands.

    • Anon

      Levis 715 Vintage Boot Cut are perfect mid-rise on my super short waisted pear and most washes don’t have too much elastic so they stay up and don’t bag. I’ve been living in these during the skinny jeans era and happy to keep it going through the high rise era.
      I love these tights from Stylish Fox (link below but search for Vita Bassa Low Rise). They also come in sparkly for the holidays!
      For work pants, I found the Chico’s Brigitte fit has the perfect mid-rise. They might not be the trendiest as they are slim and cropped but they’re not skinny. They are perfectly boring to wear multiple days a week.
      Being recently pregnant, I’m finding Old Navy’s low panel maternity jeans really comfortable and remember living in these postpartum last time too a number of years ago. Obviously you can’t tuck anything in but it’s very tempting to just keep these as regular jeans. They wash well and look better than some of the more expensive jeans. There is no compression though and they are thinner than the fancier brands.
      I actually look good in high waisted pants but they get so uncomfortable when sitting down. I feel like they give me a stomachache.

    • Formerly Lilly

      For jeans, Rag & Bone has many mid and low rise options. Their version of low rise is not super low.

  7. I don't like showers

    What life transition events do you consider mandatory? (Setting aside Covid and assuming we are talking about “I don’t want to go – not “my mother wants me to go to the wedding of an abusive relative” or “they want me to take a week off because they are getting married in Tahiti”.)

    I received an invitation to my SIL’s baby shower and a call from my MIL with the gentle message that it would be nice if I came. I generally dislike baby showers (I do not have children, do not want to have children, and have very little interest in babies in general – not to mention they invariably lead to intrusive questions about when my husband and I are “going to get on that.”). And my fondness for bridal showers and weddings (I got married at the county building) is not much greater. I usually decline invitations and send a gift.

    I went to the wedding when SIL married BIL (my husband’s brother) but did not go to any of the other wedding events – which has apparently led to discussion in the family about how I don’t like her (I don’t dislike her; we just don’t have much in common – and awkwardly I really did like is first wife but the divorce had nothing to do with current SIL). So I am going to spend a Saturday when I would prefer to do something else driving 5 hours round trip to attend a baby shower .

    It is fine. It is one day and I can go to smooth ruffled feathers but I was curious about what life events you consider mandatory? At what level of family/friends do you feel like you need to attend?

    • Sunshine

      Please re-post this on Monday. I think you’ll see a wide variety of responses.
      My list of events that I feel are important enough is very short. Like you, I had a courthouse wedding and don’t have kids. I don’t enjoy weddings or showers of any kind and try to avoid them if at all possible. My husband is the same.

      The only event I will show up for for anyone is a funeral; a death can be a really hard life transition and I am there to support people through it.
      Otherwise, we do immediate family dinners and holidays with my parents, and I happily go to those because we also are friends with my parents. I went to a close friend’s wedding because she invited about 10 people. But I don’t go to 200 person weddings of friends. instead, I usually invite them out for a fancy dinner to celebrate a few months later, which people enjoy because we actually get to talk to each other (which we wouldn’t at the wedding).

      That was a lot of words to say that funerals are the only event on my list. Absent special circumstances, I skip everything else and instead do something one on one with the person to celebrate so they know I’m happy for them.

      • Anon

        “ I skip everything else and instead do something one on one with the person to celebrate so they know I’m happy for them.”

        I like your policy and plan to adopt it!

      • Anon

        +1M to this post. Funerals are the only events I consider mandatory. I have gone to a few good friends’ weddings and baby showers but the vast majority I have declined. I myself had a courthouse wedding and no baby shower for my kids. I’m just generally not a fan of these types of events and will find some other way to celebrate with a friend if I can.

        • Senior Attorney

          That said, if you want to improve your relationship with your SIL, you are definitely doing the right thing here.

    • Cat

      I mean, it depends on what kind of relationship you and your husband want with his brother & wife. If it’s cordial but fairly distant (like you can get along at holidays but day-to-day not much contact), then declining Life Events like showers is consistent with that. If you want a closer relationship, Showing Up is kind of part of the deal.

      • helloanon

        Agreed. Are you otherwise interested in building a relationship with your SIL? If so, declining the invite after also declining to attend wedding-related events is not the way to to demonstrate that. If you’re fine not having a relationship with with her, don’t go.

        Fwiw, I would consider this type of event mandatory. But I would also want to go, as I want to build and sustain strong relationships within my family.

        Also, don’t go if you cannot feign interest in the event and attendees, which in my opinion, has nothing to do with whether you actually want or like kids.

    • Anon

      Your relationships are largely a reflection of the investments you make in them. It’s ok to decline because you just don’t feel like it, but don’t expect people to care much about you or your feelings either.

    • I Don't Have Kids Either

      Can you propose alternate plans with SIL instead? Not the same situation, but a friend of mine (close, but we haven’t connected in several months due to incompatible schedules) just invited me to her toddler’s birthday party. I don’t have kids (a sore subject; I really want kids and it’s not been working out) and I don’t go to the birthday parties of my friends’ children because it’s difficult and unpleasant. I’m planning to decline and suggest an alternative get-together idea. I’d like to meet up with her and her family; I just can’t tolerate a big party with a lot of intrusive questions.

    • Anon

      IMO parents and siblings are the only “mandatory” levels. (Since it’s husband’s brother’s baby, too, I lump SIL into a sibling here.) Also only important life events – a yearly birthday doesn’t qualify in my book. And I’m talking about families with good, nontoxic relationships and absent huge barriers (like, having to fly across the country for a shower would downgrade it to “not mandatory”.)

      We try to make it to niece and nephew events if invited, too, but occasionally we’ve had a genuine conflict (or another huge barrier that prevents attending).

      I am a big believer in the philosophy I learned here that “an invitation is not a summons” and I genuinely don’t judge others or myself for skipping things. But, there is a non-quantifiable element of “preserving the feelings of people you love and care about” that has to weigh in to each situation that makes it hard to draw a firm line on “mandatory.”

      • Anon

        I agree with this re siblings and parents. I couldn’t imagine not going to a baby shower of one of my siblings. If you’re cool with not having a relationship with then or your new nephew/niece, then don’t go but otherwise, it’s one weekend.

      • Anon

        I disagree. I wasn’t invited to any of my sister’s baby showers and my husband wasn’t invited to her husband’s bucks night.

    • amberwitch

      Looking back at the past 10 years, I guess my rule of thumb would be:
      Best if not missed, if in the same city;
      1) Birthday parties for (non-adult) nieces and grand children
      2) big (20, 30, 40, 50) birthdays for siblings (some what flexible on that one)
      3) Copper wedding anniversaries (12,5 years marriage) of close family
      4) baptisms of nieces and grand children

      Will travel some (up to 5 hours by car);
      1) Big birthday parties ( that means, 10 years) for nieces and grand children
      2) Big birthdays for parental generation (60, 70)
      3) silver wedding anniversaries (50 years marriage) of close family
      4) marriage of close family
      5) confirmations or nonfirmations of nieces and grand children

      But then, in Denmark we don’t really do any of that peripheral stuff that Americans do in connection with big life events.

      • Anon

        These all seem like celebrations in themselves, rather than gift-giving events like a baby shower.

        That makes me think, is the SIL just cross about not getting gifts?

        • I Don’t Like Showers

          I wouldn’t say that! I sent a (nice) gift to her bridal shower so I can’t imagine she thinks I would not send a present. And she is not someone I would characterize as mercenary.

          And to be clear, I am going to go and I’m going to be pleasant. My MIL is a lovely woman and she clearly wants me to be there. And although I am not terribly close to my sister-in-law, my husband is close to his brother. I just felt a little like I missed a social cue in thinking that I did not need to go to the shower and bachelorette so was curious about where other people who do not enjoy these types of events draw the line.

    • ALT

      I consider anything that honors my siblings, parents, or friends who are basically siblings mandatory. My sister’s baby shower? Absolutely. My brother’s grad school graduation? Yep. My parents’ 50th anniversary? I’ll be there. My best friend since elementary school’s wedding? I’m there.

      For your event, I would go. Maybe make it a weekend getaway so you’re not spending a full day driving and attending a baby shower and can instead do other things in addition to the shower so you have other things to look forward to?

    • winter

      I mean…. if she lived in town, I would absolutely say you need to go for family harmony. But driving 5 hours for a baby shower….. for a relative you aren’t close with….

      This is one I might discuss with my husband. If it is important to him (and his brother) that I go, and he is going too, then I would go. Otherwise… no. And send a gift.

    • Anon

      I consider life events including weddings and showers for our siblings and their spouses essentially mandatory and life events for our cousins and their spouses strongly encouraged (eg go if it doesn’t conflict with pre-existing plans and doesn’t require a ton of time off work).

      You know there aren’t children at a baby shower, right? I’m not sure what you not liking children has to do with anything. The shower is to celebrate your SIL. Unless you hate her it’s really not that hard to show up and celebrate her for a couple hours.

    • Anon

      Events I find mandatory in my [introvert] life: sister’s wedding, mother/father/sister birthday [unless there is a good reason why I cannot come, e.g. relocating to different country, closed borders due to COVID].
      FWIW I would not feel obligated to attend a baby shower [esp. of husband’s brother’s wife], but baby showers are not typically held in my country, so it may be cultural differences speaking. But if it is a pregnant SIL who already thinks you don’t like her, I would make that trip, book a night at a nice hotel, have a massage or some nice treatment after, drive the next day. You will appreciate having a buddy when aging parents will require more hands-on help.

      • Flats Only

        I love this solution. The shower seems like a good chance to show up and put an end to family gossip about not liking SIL, but the 5 hours of driving gave me pause. Turn it into a tiny getaway/luxury self care time seems like a good option. I would also NOT tell anyone I wasn’t driving right back to keep them from extending dinner invitations, etc. “so I wouldn’t be lonely”.

      • Anon

        None of your business. You sound a bit insensitive. Baby showers has be traumatic and triggering for many people. Not OP, but I will politely refuse all invitations to them but love seeing mothers one on one.

        • Anon

          Traumatic and triggering for people who want a child and are having fertility issues or who’ve gone through miscarriage and/or stillbirth, absolutely. But that’s not OP’s situation. I’m childless by choice and I don’t want kids myself but I think it’s very weird to not want to attend baby showers because you don’t like children. For one thing, it’s about celebrating the mom, not about the fetus or infant who isn’t even aware of the event. But even if were about the kid (like an older child’s birthday party), if you hate all events associated with children that is pretty misanthropic. Most people who don’t want kids themselves are still happy to attend these events for the kids in their life (nieces and nephews, good friend’s kids, etc.)

          • Anon

            You don’t get to tell people what should and should not trigger then. Maybe the questions from relatives will be upsetting whether she wants kids or not.

          • Anon

            For some reason people think that babies and children are a category of people it’s okay to be prejudiced against. I guess they don’t think of them as people at all?

          • Anonymous

            This is dramatic, @3:56. It’s crystal clear from OPs post that she doesn’t want to go because she doesn’t enjoy baby showers and finds them corny. I happen to agree with her, but the fact that you’re reading ‘trauma’ into the situation is totally bizarre.

    • TrixieRuby

      For me and my husband and family, something like this is a Must Show Up. Being a member of family means celebrating life milestones, like having a baby. No babies will be there, but there will be lots of cute gifts and talk about babies. This woman is your husbands sister, not a distant cousin, so being there is important. Try to enjoy the day!

      • Anon

        Showing up is sending food when there’s a newborn, messages of support and being around when actually needed, not attending gift grabs when you are asked intrusive questions by people who aren’t your friends.

        • Anon

          I disagree. Attending a shower is part of showing up. I would be incredibly hurt if my SIL were close enough to attend my baby shower without needing to stay overnight in a hotel and didn’t bother to show up. And fwiw I don’t think of my husband and me as close to our siblings. We typically see them once or twice a year at holidays and don’t really talk in between that. But not attending a major life event when you’re geographically close and don’t have a good reason not to attend is hurtful.

        • Anon

          Have an answer ready for the intrusive questions. “We are not having babies.” “If you are so baby crazy, have one yourself.” “Why are you making Emma’s baby shower all about my childlessness? I want to celebrate Emma and her little squish, not explain my private decisions to you.” “You DO understand that it’s a rude question, right?”

          Or my fav, “Not to put too fine a point on it, but you aren’t in charge of our deeply personal life choices.” Then walk away.

          • Anon

            +1. You shouldn’t penalize your SIL for other’s intrusive questions. But feel free to be blunt or even rude to people asking you rude questions.

        • Anonymous

          You understand that this is how *you* see baby showers, but not how the person sending the invitation does? They will perceive your lack of attendance as a lack of support because, to *them*, baby showers are meaningful.

    • Anon

      I don’t like baby showers either and won’t waste my precious time on them. Send a gift and make up an excuse like a friend’s wedding or sickness.

    • Anon

      You can’t skip out on all of this. “Choose your battles” is a saying for a reason. When you begrudgingly go to the wedding AND skip the bridal shower AND skip the baby shower, you’re just being self absorbed.

      It isn’t that any one set of events are Mandatory; it’s that you make an effort to show up for people. If your lack of showing up is already causing hurt feelings, then five hours out of your Saturday is not exactly optional.

    • Anonymous

      if this were 90 minutes away or less, I would say it is a must-attend but only because it is your SIL. At 2.5 hours away, I think you get a choice when we are talking about just a party. If I invest that kind of time, I want to spend the night, either with the family or on my own. if I could swing that, I would go. Driving 5 hours in one day is just not something I do.

      • Anon

        So I would decline this invite if the shower is in the afternoon because it’s now getting dark early, and I have bad night vision and don’t drive on the highway at night. If the shower started at 2, for example, I wouldn’t be able to attend and leave on time to get back home safely; I’d have to stay the night – which is an additional expense and inconvenience for me. I realize this isn’t the OP’s issue, but for me, the idea of “mandatory event” gets negated if I feel like I would have to compromise personal safety to attend, or incur over-and-above expenses. The fact that SIL is 2.5 hours away changes things for me; I would feel differently if OP was just having to drive across town or something (and in that case would recommend that she go).

    • Anon

      Wow. I believe a big part of life is showing up. I don’t care that I haven’t had kids and don’t plan to, married at the courthouse, etc. if we’re friends and/or I care about our relationship,I’m showing up to showers, weddings, parties, etc. it’s all important. And no, some separate side event doesn’t count. People want you there for their things.

      • Anon

        +110%

        I’m really shocked by some of the answers here – I do my very best to attend the major life events of my immediate and extended family and my large circle of friends. Weddings, bridal/baby showers, bachelorettes, christenings, birthday parties, big anniversary parties, random holiday parties, and the like. I don’t make myself a martyr but I genuinely enjoy my family and friends and want to show up for them. I also likewise want them to show up for me and so I try to pay it forward and attend their events.

    • Anon

      You should go. It’s family harmony stuff, and a small sacrifice at that. I also think you can say you’re not planning to have children with something like “I’m just looking forward to being an Auntie to this little one!”

    • Anon

      I can’t imagine missing my SIL’s baby shower if she lived 2 hours away unless she scheduled it an a way that was extremely inconvenient for me (e.g., 2 pm on a Wednesday when I was supposed to be at work). If you can’t take a Saturday afternoon out of your life to attend this event, your SIL will understandably think you really don’t like her. Especially given the context you’ve shared about liking BIL’s first wife more than SIL, I think showing up for her is really important. It’s not that big an imposition on you and it sounds like it will go a long way towards smooth relations (including MIL, who understandably wants you there).

      For context, I don’t consider myself close to my SIL or my in-laws generally and I flew from Chicago to NYC for my SIL’s baby shower. It wasn’t so much about The Shower itself, which was brief and not that fun (I’m not a baby shower person either, I hate the silly games), but more that it was the only chance to gather with my SIL, MIL and my SIL’s aunts and cousins and celebrate together while SIL was pregnant. Once the baby comes, all the focus is (not unreasonably) on the kid, so it’s really nice to have a special time to celebrate the mom to be. I feel even more strongly about this post-Covid since Covid stole so many of these life celebrations from us.

  8. Anon

    Anyone have any recommendations for trousers/pants similar to the BR Logan pants? I’ve been wearing mine for years on the daily and need to replace some soon. Looks like they only have navy and black on the website now. Are the current versions thin like some just a year or so ago? I like the cut and length of these pants, but am open to others. Thanks in advance!!

    • Anonymous

      Try looking on Poshmark! Logan’s are my ride or die pants too. I was able to find my favorite pairs in one size bigger (siiiigh covid 15) and new favorites (wool, fully lined) on Posh. It seems a lot of people have been cleaning out their closets.

  10. Cookbooks

    Ladies, you have pointed me in the right direction in the past. What are your go-to, easy, cold weather recipes (or websites that have them)? As far as protein, I eat mostly chicken, fish, and tofu.

    • winter

      Stews, soups and chilis. Lots of ways to modify, based on what you have in the fridge. Easy to save / freeze for leftovers. Good crusty bread and butter on the side, and an additional vegetable or salad.

      West African peanut soup with chicken/kale/sweet potatoes is one of my favorites. It was a NYT recipe when I made it initially and there are tons of variations on the internet. I make it even easier by picking up a rotisserie chicken and tear it up for the chicken component.

      So Costco’s rotisserie chicken is also a staple, which I pick up every time I go to Costco. One night I reheat the whole chicken, if needed. Then leftovers one night in Quesdillas or a stew or something. Then the remainders (if any) for curried chicken salad. All very easy (although the curried chicken salad takes me the most time to make just from all the chopping).

      • Anon

        I love Serious Eats’ take on peanut/kale/sweet potato soup. Kenji’s recipe is vegan, but I’ve made it with chicken plenty of times, too.

      • DeepSouth

        Put your chicken in your kitchen aid mixer for 5 minutes — it shreds beautifully and you don’t have to chop.

    • Anon

      Pumpkin, chickpea and kale curry in coconut cream, with star anise. Blissfully easy and delicious.

  11. Fullyfunctional

    Travel to India questions! I’m going to visit a work team in Jan/Feb, and they have recommended I spend 2 weeks there to sightsee. I was just planning on a week, and my visit will be centered in Hyderabad, but…do I need 2 weeks? I understand the Taj Mahal and other important sites are pretty far from Hyde, so I’m unsure about whether I should tackle that this time. I’m traveling alone but my team there will help me find hotels, etc. as needed.

    I’d love any general tips, recommendations and must-dos for traveling to India!

    • Anon

      You can spend a week doing Taj, Delhi, Jaipur. Jan and feb would be great weather wise.
      You could also maybe do a tiger safari…lots of places not far from Hyderabad.

      • Flats Only

        This. Plan to do the “Golden Triangle” (Delhi, Agra, Jaipur) in one week. Look for a tour company to handle it – you will want them to do the hotel bookings, transfers, provide guides and drivers, etc. Your colleagues could suggest one, or concierge at your Hyderabad hotel should have recommendations. For tigers, it’s harder to see them at that time of year, as foliage is heavy on trees/shrubs and they are good at hiding. OTOH you will also see a bunch of other wildlife and get out of the city, so safaris will be fun anyway even with no tiger.

  12. Anonymous

    I’ve worked out with a (wonderful) trainer for the last six months. She’s helped me go from multiple years of sedentary life, to eating for good energy, to working out once a week, and lately working out twice a week. I train at her home. We schedule two weeks in advance and I pay her even if I cancel (I totally understand her policy). November-December is my busy season, I travel a lot for work. I want to continue building momentum but I have already had to cancel workouts this month due to travel delays.

    I am debating whether to ask her if she’ll charge me a flat rate per week, and then if I can’t go in person, she’s my accountability person to make sure I get a workout done that night. I currently pay her $1/minute for my 1:1 sessions; a typical week is 60-75 minutes of time with her. I’d be willing to pay her $75/week and then even if I’m on the road, she texts me a workout or I tell her within 24 hours when I’m done. I don’t want to facetime her during my workouts, I’m just looking for accountability.

    Does this sound crazy? Would it be disrespectful to ask her to do this? I can’t think of any friends or family who support my journey enough to “buddy system” this with me. I found this trainer through a physical therapist who told me I didn’t really need medical intervention, I just needed to build better habits – so I don’t have anyone else who knows her to tell me if this is OK. I’ve never worked with a trainer before her so I’m not sure what’s normal. I’d be OK if she tells me no, but if the ask is too weird, I won’t ask!

    • Anon

      This is very normal and there are multiple coaching platforms that support it depending on the sport/discipline. I’m most familiar with Training Peaks, but it’s one of many. Your trainer may have an online coaching platform she already uses. How exactly you and she structure your plan in terms of frequency of workouts, amount and type of feedback, etc, is up to y’all, but it’s totally normal and common.

    • Anonymous

      My situation is just a little bit different, because my trainer is affiliated with my gym and everyone at my gym just has an assigned trainer who creates workouts weekly, but this is exactly what I do if I am traveling — I tell my trainer I’d like her to create one in-gym workout and two travel workouts (or whatever fits the travel schedule) and then report back on how each workout went.

  13. Anon

    What kind of sales does Uniqlo have? Can’t decide whether to order stuff that’s full price before my size runs out or if I should wait.

    • Anonymous

      Last years down coats and merino is normally at a discount at the start of the next cold season. Sometimes there’s the odd item. No systematic “20 percent off everything” events.

      If it’s a current cold weather item you want, I’d get it now. You won’t find it on sale until next summer.

    • Anon

      I’ve found they run out of sizes fast and don’t remake items for a year. It’s so cheap anyway that unless you really can risk sizing I wouldn’t wait for a sale on an item – it’s usually just on less popular things.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, and/but – I’m nervous about Manchin and Sienna diluting the agenda and blocking votes. Do you think Dems can get Georgia? I’ve heard predictions of complacency on both sides (why vote if D already has 50) but I just would hate to see the last two years repeated.

      Not to drag you down! I’m with you!!! And interested in thoughts

      • Anon

        I think we can win Georgia, however with the House in R hands or (at best) a razor thin Dem majority, no meaningful legislation is going to be passed. An R House is a much bigger obstacle to any progressive bill than Manchin or Sinema would be.

        But having 50 votes in the senate is very important for judges. Not just Supreme Court, but the whole judiciary. If Rs had 51 Senate votes that could have potentially be really catastrophic if Biden was completely blocked from appointing judges.

      • Anonymous

        I think there is a lot more enthusiasm for Warnock voters than for Walker voters. That makes sense because Walker is a lying psychopath who lacks the mental competence and intelligence for the job and whose anti-abortion credentials are more than questionable. Warnock is not terribly threatening to moderate Republicans. I think this cuts in favor of Dems.

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