ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 435 Comments

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Breann Blazer

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing a black blazer with green piping, single-button closure.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I spend a not-insignificant amount of time each week scrolling through women’s workwear, and I think it’s fair to say that I’m hard to impress. Despite that, this Alice + Olivia blazer made me say “oooooooh” as soon as I clicked it open.

The cut of the blazer is beautiful and the neon green binding is just plain fun. I would probably advise wearing a shirt underneath it, unless your workplace has seriously relaxed its dress code in the last few years.

The blazer is $550 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 0–12.

A more affordable option — accented with red rather than green — is from Court & Rowe; it's $169 at Nordstrom.

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

435 Comments

  1. Hmmm interesting pick.

    Travel question- I’d like to spend a month in Iceland next summer without spending a fortune. Any ideas on how to do that? I don’t need fancy – if just line to explore the beautiful country at a leisurely pace. I rented the smallest possible rental car and it was $$$. I don’t think I could swap homes w someone as I live in Florida (ugh it’s a long summer). I was there this summer and it was incredible. Thanks for any help/ideas!

    1. I know there are Scout camps in Switzerland that need volunteers in the summer and provide housing. Maybe Iceland has the same thing? This is sort of my active retiree goal — to bum around volunteering in places I never got to be a tourist in.

    2. I’d pop your home up on a site like Home Exchange. You never know, some people might fancy a warm weather exchange? Friends have done it loads, with direct exchanges + using the points to “buy” nights in someone else’s house.

    3. following, since I have a similar question! I’ve also thought about joining a tour. Wouldn’t be as leisurely but maybe a bit cheaper overall since they can handle hotel and transport in bulk?

    4. Iceland is expensive, no way around that. Even if you find affordable housing, a rental car and food are going to be significant expenses.

    5. Have you looked into a small camper/rv? Unfortunately, summer is going to be the most expensive time of year. It’s their high season. You may also want to check out the Iceland travels sub-r*ddit. Loads of locals on there and they may be able to assist. Have so much fun!! I was there last winter and it was amazing. I love it there.

    6. I rented a lovely but rustic cabin that was owned by a local womens’ club in southern Iceland a few years back (near Hvolsvollur). It was on AirBnb. Lodging was much cheaper outside of Reykjavik, and particularly if you were willing to be way out (I was 6 miles from a town).

      1. Omg that’s my dream! The south coast is the most beautiful. Would you share more details?

        1. So the one I rented is on AirBnb still – listed as “bungalow near Hvolsvollur.” It’s $176/night for some random dates next July that I plugged in. I loved it – it’s in a little stand of trees and there are horses roaming thick pastures, and a little waterfall on the property, and views of a glacier.

    7. We did a weekend in Iceland and loved it so then went back for 2.5 weeks and drove right round. We got a small 4 wheel drive so we’d be comfortable driving off road to all the sites we wanted to see and it was the most expensive part of the trip. Otherwise we did a mix of hotels and cottage/flats through booking.com and tried to balance a few budget options with the odd nicer places to get a washing machine etc. i found stocking up at supermarkets for lunch and breakfast wasn’t bad price wise, otherwise we took advantage of happy hours and just had burgers/pizzas in bars. I think booking as far out as possible helps when you have a better mix of accommodation. We also found a lot of small hotels with private rooms but shared bathrooms and it worked fine, just think ahead to taking a good toilet bag etc.

    8. Would try to find something that’s a holiday let, not an airbnb in reykjavik.
      It’s a massive problem on Iceland that young people have no places to establish themselves, buy or rent, because of too much housing being used for tourists.

    9. We booked through tripmasters years ago. I thought it was a really good deal price wise and we bundled hotel and flight. I think you can add rental car too.

  2. What type of volunteer work do you do? Do you enjoy it?

    I spent two days volunteering this week, and it got me thinking about how I engage going forward. I thought I’d gravitate towards something that used my professional skills, but honestly, 2 days moving boxes, setting up stalls, and helping people at the zero-waste/charity festival felt way more gratifying than something more desk based. Turns out, I’m really good at helping people find frying pans, the best game for their kid, and the warmest jackets.

    I’m not party-affiliated and professionally, I really shouldn’t be, but I’d like to volunteer at the polling stations (in the UK so we vote all the time…) and continue working at the local swap shop. My work life is logistically complicated so I can’t do a regular shift but I can take a day of leave to volunteer with enough notice.

    1. I love manual labor. It helps me unplug from work. Ditto helping actual people vs virtual people.

      1. Right? I felt like I had done something where I could see tangible progress – I filled a lorry with donations, I unpacked three tables worth of toys, etc.

      2. Yes to all of this. Give me the so-called grunt work. I love it because it’s real and tangible.

      3. Haha that’s so funny. I spent the last two Saturdays doing manual labor at a local nonprofit, and at the end I was all, “good grief now I remember why I pay people to do this stuff at my own house!” Different strokes…

    2. I volunteer at a cat shelter once a week for a couple of hours in the evening. The main adoption floor is cage free, but there are several rooms with cats in cages who are sick, had surgery or small kittens not big enough to be on the floor. I work in these rooms cleaning each of the changes, giving meds, etc. I enjoy it and but a lot of it is solitary work. I want to volunteer to do something that will help people or my community but I haven’t figured out yet what to do.

      1. Aww, cat socks, you make me miss that work! I volunteered at my local cat shelter for many years, stopped doing it when work got crazy a little while ago, but I want to get back to it. The nice thing about our set up was that some days I was solitary caring for the isolated kitties, but other days it was very collegial while I worked with the bigger group of volunteers in the main shelter area. I loved a) the cats b) chatting with fellow cat lovers and c) as others have said, the manual labor/physical outcome element of the work (even though the cats immediately destroy all your hard work, and that’s OK).

        1. Haha, your last sentence is so true! I will clean a cage and literally turn around and they have turned everything upside down. How do they get poop on the ceiling of the cage? After working a desk job and doing corporate speak all day, I also appreciate the manual tasks involved.

    3. Pre-Covid, I volunteered in our elementary schools and at a children’s hospital. I don’t think I would enjoy doing something closely related to my day job, but I’m also not a manual labor or grunt work person. I like kids and having the opportunity to interact with kids and make things better for them.

    4. I walk dogs for the humane society every Saturday asnd Sunday morning — the highlight of my week.

    5. I work with orgs that support women with unplanned pregnancies (because I was one), mostly helping make calls/fill out paperwork for various types of benefits. I also run the Christmas toy drive at my church and do other one-off special programs like that, were there’s a bunch of time involved but over a concentrated period.

      1. I also help an org for women facing unplanned pregnancies, and I was also unplanned. A lot of what I do is fundraising and legal work behind the scenes, but I love knowing that we are there to provide tangible help and emotional support to people who have been short on both their entire lives.

        1. I’m the anon at 9:49, and the emotional piece is huge. I was the pregnant mom, not the unplanned baby, but when I was pregnant, the few people who treated this as a happy thing rather than a source of shame/me ruining my life basically saved me. I remember the first time someone congratulated me – I actually cried, because no one had (and I was months along). I needed someone not to treat my pregnancy as a problem, because it was so clear that’s how my parents and friends viewed it.

      2. If it’s a crisis pregnancy center, I hope you make your faith affiliation clear so women don’t think they’re accessing a center that provides comprehensive medical information and abortion referrals if they so choose.

          1. That’s what the bulk pf CPCs do so it is a fair question.
            CPCs are awful, coercive institutions that harm women, full stop. If the poster’s is one of the very few that doesn’t operate that way, good for her, but color me skeptical.

          2. That’s quite a lie. CPCs are very clear on what they provide – support and assistance. Take a look through PP financials (not the bogus 3% number) to find out how abortion stacks up against everything else in terms of revenue and resources. They do something like 50 abortions for every adoption referral.

          3. Anon 11:14, people go to adoption agencies when they want to pursue that path, not PP. So whatever point you think you are making really doesn’t land. (not to mention, adoption is wildly harmful for most parties involved and I beg you to do more research on why and how).

        2. Such a shame that a woman is sharing her personal story and how it inspired her to help others, and you are so bitter that you had to make your useless post. There’s a miser in every crowd! (and a lot on this board generally)

          1. And yet…here you are…posting nasty comments of your own. Does what you said really contribute to the conversation at all?
            My grandmother had a saying about when you wrestle with pigs, remember you also get dirty, etc. etc. that’s coming to mind right now.

    6. I serve food at one soup kitchen and help wash dishes at another.
      Pre-COVID I used to volunteer with a nursing home affiliated with my religion helping disabled patients who were wheelchair users or bed-bound get to a weekly religious service.

    7. Saturday afternoons at a charity bookshop, mostly on the till. I don’t do every Saturday – some months just once and some months two or three times depending on what’s going on. I love it

      1. When I retire next year I want to join the Assistance League and work in their thrift shop. I think it will be super fun!

    8. I have just started volunteering for a senior center that helps low-income, mostly Hispanic seniors and am finding it rewarding to meet the people and learn their stories.

    9. I only volunteer places that allow me to take my 12 and 14 year old children with me. When they were younger, this really limited things. But we found our local homeless shelter and the kids and I serve meals, clean, plan birthday parties for the children residents, pack bags with toothbrushes, soap, etc, read to the kids. We also volunteer at our state’s largest food bank. That has much less interaction with the people who are served by the food bank other than loading boxes in cars sometimes. We usually take bulk items (giant pallets of loose pasta for example) and weigh it and then seal it into smaller bags so that they can go into a donation box that someone will eventually pick up. I tried volunteering at the local animal shelter, but my kids wanted to bring home every cat and dog and got really sad when we had to leave them behind. So for now we just donate money and supplies to them.

    10. I used to volunteer as an abortion clinic escort for women going in to get all kinds of healthcare. Now that abortion is illegal in my state, the clinic has closed, and I’m at a bit of a loss for what I want to do!

      I do a lot of pro bono legal stuff (mostly helping nonprofits), but I really enjoy doing something that’s not law related when possible.

      1. Your state probably has a practical support fund for abortion (helping get a patient across state lines to another clinic)!

        1. +1 I set up a monthly donation to a state abortion fund in lieu of volunteering (hopefully when I have more time)

      2. How about at a crisis pregnancy center? You can help women who need help. I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this suggestion.

        1. If you’re talking about the religious organizations that spread lies about pregnancy, birth, and a woman’s options on all these fronts— no that’s not a good fit for me.

          I’m sure there are some pregnancy centers that are not exploitative or fraudulent, but they’re not located in my area.

        2. CPCs aren’t medical facilities, don’t have doctors, and don’t refer for abortions. why anyone would want to volunteer for one after helping women access abortions, ob gyn care, and birth control is beyond me.

          I used to get my annual gyn exam and BC at a PP that didn’t offer abortions. I had to walk through the throng of protestors who were mad that I needed a cervical cancer screening and BC to *prevent* an unplanned pregnancy. Clearly its not about abortion and all about controlling women. Signed, a pro choice Christian

        3. Where did you people come from, all of a sudden? I feel like this board has gotten suddenly infiltrated by a bunch of religious right-wingers who have decided they are going to be super-confrontative with everyone about politics and trumpet their religious beliefs that no one asked about. Did we end up on a list of “women’s communities to co-opt” that got published on Fox News, or something? The political discussions last week were a real surprise to me, and today we have this.

          2. They were always here, they just feel emboldened to share their gross views publicly in this post-Roe world.
            My solidly blue neighborhood was at least 25% Republican yard signs this year when it was closer to 0-5% before. If you look at the actual voting statistics, people’s views haven’t changed much, the breakdown of D and R votes was the same as it’s always been (about 70-30). But it’s much less taboo to be openly Republican now.

        4. Ugh stop. There are so many ways to help pregnant women who’ve chosen to keep their baby and need resources, but working at a crisis pregnancy center that spreads misinformation ain’t one of them.

    11. Twice a year, I volunteer at the used book sale supporting our local library, mostly putting books on tables and then straightening them out as people shop. I also volunteer for fundraisers for the kid’s school, which serves students with special needs and isn’t fully funded by tuition. Our family is just getting to the point where one parent can go out without leaving the other parent totally overwhelmed and exhausted, and I’d like to find a couple of regular volunteer opportunities.

    12. When I lived in DC I volunteered every Thursday morning at a soup kitchen. It was great – I worked 6-8 I think and then went to work. I’ve since relocated and can’t find a similar option. Any regular, recurring shifts seem to be during the work day, on weekends or after work (either starting before I’m done work and/or lasting for several hours), none of which are practical for my current schedule.

    13. Pre-covid I volunteered at a local hospital as an ICU desk attendant. On paper I was the gatekeeper who worked with the nursing staff to let families visit their loved ones and to keep the waiting room tidy. In reality, I held hands and comforted with food/drink or by calling the chaplain for spiritual guidance. It was so, so satisfying to be able to be there for people when they were having the worst day of their lives. Now, post-covid I have changed jobs gotten a new degree and work in medicine at the same hospital!

      I play an orchestral instrument and am finally getting myself back into the mindset of seeking out volunteer opportunities with any of the non/quasi-professional symphonies in town. This is something I also did pre-covid.

    14. My favorite volunteer gig this year, by far, was reading and scoring about 35 scholarship applications for our local community college foundation. Then the scholarship committee, of which I am a member, sat around one evening after all the scores were tallied up and matched the students to the scholarships. We gave away about $300,000 all together. It was so inspiring to read the students’ stories and be able to help them reach their goals!

    15. I volunteer doing manual labor with a local urban environmental group (like weeding invasive species, planting native plants, picking up trash, etc). I love it. I tried for years to volunteer in direct social service type roles like soup kitchens and I just kept pushing it off. I think my job has so much social navigation that I just was spent on that front. Now if I have to talk to a fellow volunteer it’s about whatever we are doing – and it’s fine and fun! Plus I love seeing the immediate progress and knowing that I’m contributing to something that’s going to beautify and clean our planet for others. And I love nature and bring outside, and it reminds me I don’t have to drive to go hiking elsewhere to get that nature even in a big city.

    16. I volunteer for my profession. Right now I’m working on mentorship for the women’s affinity group within my profession, which is less than 30% women.

    17. I’m happier / happiest doing simple, practical volunteer stuff. One of my favorite jobs was working the copy room at the middle school. Girl Scout troop-leading is a huge administrative pain but the actual events and trips with the girls and parents are fun.

      While I’d rather be doing something without meetings, I’m currently sitting on a couple of school committees (PTA and site council). My kids’ public schools have a lot of good things happening, but some very solvable problems don’t seem to get attention from the district administrators until you have constant pressure from stakeholders (e.g., getting and keeping a crossing guard for a busy intersection).

    18. Yeah, I love tabling at fairs to get petition signatures for this reason. I’m outside; it’s social; the impact is tangible, and I’m not the boss.

  3. I am starting to hate online doctor checking the same way I hate self-checkouts. I would be OK it I were just confirming my intent to honor my appointment but then to get asked each time to re-enter all data that I have already entered is just too much. IDK who designs this all but pls consider the goals of this and how often end users give up midway through.

    1. What happens if we give up midway through? Do they still hold our appt? Can we show up and not bother filling out their forms there as well? (Because I am pretty sure this is what my older relatives do)

    2. Totally agree. My kid’s pediatrician has one that’s long and complicated, with several pages that look like the end but aren’t, resulting in me having to do it all again at the office because apparently I didn’t hit “continue” enough times. Frustrating.

    3. It just needs to be: are you coming? And maybe confirm no known COVID in the house now?

      1. At my doctor, that is what it is. “Text Y/N are you coming?” Text Y/N Covid symptoms?” That’s it.

      2. This is what my dentist does. They confirm a week out and then have you fill out some COVID screening questions day-of, and that’s it. I kinda love it.

    4. I prefer on-line check-in on my own device to going through the same check-in process in the office on their germy device. I do wish they’d stop asking you to click through every screen of information and just have a button to click if anything has changed. I also really hate the ones where you have to upload photos of your insurance cards, then they ask for your insurance card to scan when you go inside anyway.

    5. I’m the total opposite—I’ll take online in advance (so long as it doesn’t repeat) any day. I hate feeling rushed in the office and often can’t remember things in the moment because of it. And when staff interrupt?! I far prefer going in and being able to immediately have a visit. I also want to minimize how long I’m spending in busy waiting rooms with the tripledemic going on. I also have horrible handwriting and don’t want to create room for a medics error if something isn’t clear. Pro technology all the way on this one.

      1. I don’t work for the doctor and doing unpaid repeated data entry makes me stabby. See also: summer camp signups.

      2. It sounds like you go somewhere that doesn’t have you ALSO do the handwritten forms! Or takes your history orally and then mistypes it all themselves into the medical record so it can be wrong forever.

    6. I hate that I spend all the time “registering” online before every appointment for my disabled elderly father, and it takes me a really long time each time because I have to correct/confirm every one of his medications and medical problems. And there are literally DOZENS of serious errors/omissions that I have to correct. Medicines that he stopped years ago, that the computer says he is still taking. No documentation of his opioids, so if he gets admitted there is always a hellish time trying to get his pain under control. New medicines I reported at the last visit, but the doctors/nurses never entered/confirmed etc…

      The problem is that I correct things…. then when I get to the doctor’s appointment, no one every goes into the system and confirms/corrects the errors on the clinic/hospital’s end. So the errors are still there when I register for the next appointment. I try begging the nurses to correct them, and they either (lie) say they will and don’t or say that the doctor has to do it. The doctors never do it, and honestly are so busy and short with my father I am struggling to even get them to listen to his lungs. Show up in a wheelchair, and doctors seem to forget how to examine patients…. But that’s another rabbit hole.

      I know Computerized Medical Records are a good thing, in theory. But the propagation of errors, the lack of time for medical providers to even read them, the “cut and paste” approach to documenting visits (which just propagates more errors), no one taking accountability for fixing them…. has led to more and more medical complications. Every time my father has been admitted to the hospital, I have to stay with him because the number of errors that occur are just staggering. Most of the general public doesn’t know this, but because I used to work in health care, I do…..

      Always bring with you to every doctor’s appointment a list of all of your current medications/vitamins/ supplements, and ideally know how long you have been on each one and why.
      Always bring with you to every doctor’s appointment a list of all of your medical problems.
      Always bring these lists to every surgery/hospitalization.
      Help your parents write these lists, if they don’t have them already.

    7. Just chiming in as a provider to validate all these complaints. It absolutely feels like we work for the EHR, and not the other way around. These companies are right up there with insurers in who is to blame for health care being such a mess at this point. EHRs cause huge problems/delays/errors on our side as well, and generally our employers are stuck in long-term contracts for them. Migrating data from one EHR to another, or from paper to EHR, is very onerous. EHR companies are usually pretty unconcerned with our complaints, because they know we can’t easily take our business elsewhere.

      This is a major factor in my decision to open my own practice.

  4. My niece asked for a “girl power” bathroom, and I hope to deliver this holiday season! She is 7. She picked out the mermaid shower curtain (Target Pillowfort line). Bathroom is white walls and tub, mostly silver finishes, gray/green vanity. I’m buying towels and would like to purchase some cute wall art that is age appropriate and empowering. I have looked at Michael’s, Target, and Walmart and can’t find any wall prints that will work. Etsy is overwhelming me a bit – Any suggestions for stores or sellers that mail hard copies, or a girl power favorite?

    3. Adorable.
      IDK how on the nose you’re taking the “girl power” bit but tiny human print co dot com has a very cute art print with mermaids on it that says girl power!

    4. Fun ask. Would these work:

      https://www.target.com/p/americanflat-8-x-10-girl-power-x-by-jenaya-jackson-8×10-wrapped-canvas-wall-art/-/A-80454269

      https://www.target.com/p/8-34-x-10-34-studio-1514-brooklyn-girl-power-art-print-cream-deny-designs/-/A-83751447

      https://www.target.com/p/18-34-x-24-34-sylvie-girl-power-framed-canvas-wall-art-by-rocket-jack-gold-kate-and-laurel/-/A-80143606

      https://www.target.com/p/12-34-x-12-34-phrist-girl-power-framed-wall-art-deny-designs/-/A-80220796

      https://www.target.com/p/18-34-x-24-34-sylvie-girls-are-brave-framed-canvas-wall-art-by-ettavee-gold-kate-and-laurel/-/A-80143441

    5. Big discount stores — TJMAxx Home Goods or At Home always have lots of kids’ room art things for under $40.

    6. My sister gifted my daughter a framed picture of the Fearless Girl (statue of girl on Wall Street staring down the bull) and I’m obsessed. DD won’t understand what it is for years to come, but it’s awesome. It’s not brightly colored, if you’re going for a fun pop of color in the bathroom I get it – but maybe a gift for another day!

    8. Check out greymount press – small local business run by a woman. I’ve purchased great prints as gifts – my friend has one of an octopus in her bathroom.

      1. The mythology of mermaids and sirens have long held feminist significance, ranging from power over sexuality, to general agency, and more. lots of good readings on this if you google around.

    10. The Rebel Girls book has beautiful pictures and stories. If she doesn’t have it, suggest getting her a copy and see if the artist sells prints.

  5. Thanks to the person who recommended the Lombardy in NYC – we stayed there this weekend in a 2 BR suite with our 3 kids and it was PERFECT, gorgeous and huge space, nice bathrooms, and I turned it from heat to AC so I wasn’t too hot!

  6. I live outside of Raleigh. When do you stop watering the lawn? My neighbors all have established lawns and automatic in-ground watering systems. I have a patchy lawn and put out seed and am watering with a hose and sprinkler (is this doomed to failure?). When do I stop watering? The hose will freeze over night at some point. Is that when? I grew up renting outside NYC so have no idea at all. I just don’t want a yard of mud next spring.

    2. I live a little north of you. People with sprinklers stop watering and winterize their sprinkler systems around this date to prevent the pipes from freezing. People without sprinklers have already put away their hoses. Realistically, without in-ground sprinklers it will be impossible to have a nice lawn. Ask me how I know. Even with a sprinkler system, if the developer scraped off the topsoil you will need to put down a thick layer of topsoil and then some compost before you seed again. You will need to aerate and overseed each fall.

    3. I’m in the Midwest and have never watered my lawn even though many of our neighbors do. It seems so wasteful to me.

      1. I live in the Southwest, and lawns are now prohibited by law. Everyone xeriscapes with native vegetation, which is still green (although paler green than grass) but does not require additional watering. The idea of watering a lawn sounds crazy to me.

      2. I am happy to not have a grass lawn at present, but in our area (PNW) it does not rain between June and September so not watering is not an option if you want a lawn to survive. I get that other parts of the country have wetter summers.

        1. Another PNW-er here. Luckily our city / neighborhood standard seems to be brown grass in the summer. Though definitely see green lawns in the ritzier suburbs.

    4. I never started watering my lawn and am surprised to hear that people use in-ground watering systems in our climate.

      1. West-facing areas get so dry that our ground cracks even though it isn’t a dry climate. And that is wet enough to generate a lot of red clay soil mud. Worst of both worlds?

        1. Maybe newer neighborhoods are still kind of settling in? I’ve never lived in a nicer, newer neighborhood, but I’ve never had neighbors who watered their lawns, and I haven’t seen people end up with dry, patchy grass. Sometimes I think landscaping services encourage planting inappropriate or high maintenance grasses to create a market for lawncare! But maybe the lawns are just well established after many years.

          1. Ha — neighborhood is all older bungalows. Shad trees make it hard to grow any ground cover and it is yucky without one. In NYC you’d just pave over it but I am trying, maybe in vain.

          2. Sounds lovely, honestly! My yard is sunny, but I’m jealous of my neighbors whose shaded lawns appear to have some kind of fescue. I think it’s romantic and appears to require very little mowing, but I’m not sure what its maintenance needs are (surely not water in the shade?).

            I am also a fan of moss, but I think that’s harder to maintain than grass.

          3. If you just want ground cover and don’t need to walk on it, green and gold (Chrysogonum virginianum) is a native I see recommended a lot in gardening groups for a shade ground cover. I just planted a bunch this fall in one of my shady spots and so far so good. Deep Roots Natives in Durham usually has it.

    5. In Raleigh and quite frankly I never water except for maybe a few times in July and August if it’s been really dry and for two weeks after re-seeding. It partly depends on if you have warm season grass or cool season grass (if you know. My lawn appears to be a mix but I really have no clue). And also how much you care. My lawn attitude it pretty much survival of the fittest these days.

    6. I’m not sure you’ll see this so late in the day but I have vast experience in Raleigh and Atlanta with these problems. Stop now. There are opportunities to reseed and sometimes newly seed or patch in the fall, but my guess is there’s stuff you didn’t do that will make this a ton of effort for maybe 5% reward.

      So here’s what you want to do:

      Go find your nearby reputable garden/landscape/lawn shop, the long established independent kind. Ask them what you need to do now to start dealing with it in the spring. You might need to pH test your soil to see if you need to add lime (and how much) and they’ll tell you how to do it (it’s easy). You can buy that and a push bucket spreader and do that yourself pretty easily.

      Then you’ll tell the folks there about your lawn and shade and goals for what to do and they’ll recommend the right time to start doing things in the spring and the right grass seed to use (and the right starter fertilizer. You can do all that yourself. I am personally a huge fan of KY31, a turf type fescue hybrid. I made the mistake one year of really establishing tall fescue. Looks amazing and you’ll spend your life mowing it. You’ll probably need to aerate your lawn. Call someone for that. I will definitely chalk up self aerating with a rented unit as “I’ll need back surgery next time” sort of projects. Then you’ll reseed and you will DILIGENTLY follow the watering instructions. Picking up some sprinklers, hose splitters, and maybe a timer will make that easier unless you have a small lawn and only need to stand in 1-2 places because you’ll be doing it a ton.

      But. It’ll work. Then you’ll feel like you can really conquer yard stuff. Once you’re better established it’s a lot easier to keep it decent.

    7. When did you put down seed and what kind? If you are putting down cool-season seed, late-August or early-September would be the time I’d get the seed down in the transition zone. The grass needs to be fairly well established before the first freeze.

      I didn’t water my lawn at all this year, but when I do water, I usually stop when the fall “rainy season” hits and the soil temperatures start dropping. Normally this is sometime in September or October for my area.

      My lawn was nothing but weeds since it was built, so a couple of years ago I killed the whole thing and restarted from scratch. I watched several YouTube channels and did a lot of reading on thelawnforum.com to figure out the steps and the timing before I got started. It was a lot of work, but now I have it on minimal maintenance mode until it will need to be overseeded three or four years from now.

  7. Yes, I made it 2.5 years into the pandemic without a real home office chair. However, the chair I’ve been abusing as an office chair is now breaking and I’m resigned to spending lots of money on a good chair for 2.5 days WFH a week. (I’m willing to go all the way to Herman Miller pricing if needed.) Please share your favorites, the chairs that didn’t work, and any other tips. Thanks!

      1. +1 to Aeron. I love that the come in sizes, for those of us that are not standard sizes. It was such a revelation to have a chair that actually fits me.

      3. I bought a used Aeron chair from a local office furniture vendor. They had given it a good once over and it has held up great over the 4 years I’ve owned it. I’m not a big person and I found that the small size fit me better than some other chairs that only came in one size. It’s very comfortable!

    2. If you have short legs, check seat depth. When I worked in the office we had Herman Miller Aeron chairs, and I had to have a small size special ordered so the edge of the seat didn’t cut off my circulation.

    5. I love my Steelcase Leap v 2. The price certainly gave me pause, but I’ve concluded the comfort of the chair is well worth the price. Lots of adjustments possible. For me, it’s noticeably better than the Steelcase Think provided by my company at my office.

      1. This. All the adjustments make the Steelcase Leap2 a perfect fit for me, and I am not the standard size man for whom most office chairs are designed.

      2. This was recommended to me here! I didn’t love the look of it and got the Steelcase Gesture instead which has even more adjustable arm rests. It is worthy every penny and my neck and shoulder pain have not returned after extensive physical therapy. If you are a small person, the Aeron will always be too big.

    6. I have purchased multiple (3, I think) Aerons off of Craigslist for a fraction of the new price. Apparently it is pretty routine for offices to purchase them in bulk and then liquidate as they close.

    7. Steelcase Think chair. 1000% worth the price. Look for used ones on eBay or local used office furniture store to save some money if you’d like.

    8. FYI we got DH an Aeron at a used office furniture store back in 2018. Even in before times companies would try to resell old furniture and a significant discount. It’s especially worth a look now as more offices dissolve in favor of work-from-home.

    9. My spouse and I each got a version of the Fully desk chair (I think this was a wirecutter rec). I find it very comfortable and adjustable, though note I am fairly tall and I know petites sometimes need different levels thank I do. I have a dusty blue & black version, which I find cuter than all black. Only had it about 6 months, so no real report on durability yet.

    11. I bought a light grey/white textile IKEA JÄRVFJÄLLET office chair [with armrests and headrest] and am extremely happy with it. It has perfect seat depth & cushioning, so I don’t mind sitting 8+hrs day in calls [and that is something to say as I have 3 discs half-dead].

    12. I am short and the Aerons never worked for me (even in the “small” size). The Herman Miller Sayle chair has been a godsend. It’s the best for us shorties if you happen to be in that category. The sales person when I bought it didn’t have one on the floor for me to try, but was like “just come into the back office; all the women use these”. I’m 5’1 for reference.

      1. Same– the Aeron in my office is just a little too big, but I got a Sayl at home and it’s perfect. I’m 5’4″.

  8. Does anyone else start their work day by performing a complicated bed time routine to settle their cat down for morning nap?

    1. LOL yes! We recently moved to a house with a basement, and now every morning my cat wants me to accompany her on a patrol around the basement before coming back up to my office to nap.

      1. Aww, I love this image. Washer/dryer? Check. Shelving units? Check. Workshop and holiday decor? Check and check. All right, my work is done and I may retire.

    2. I have to start my WFH day by walking the dog at least 3 miles to wear her out so she lounges around all day instead of barking for me to let her in and out and in and out and in and out…

    3. Haha, sometimes! My cats usually settle down after I give them breakfast. But sometimes they get the zoomies so I get out some toys to expend some energy. After that they usually sleep all day. If the sun is out, they are all gathered in one spot.

    4. Yes, I can relate! He wants to settle down to sleep in my bed *with me*, and will walk around howling until I get into the bed so he can do his bath/fall asleep routine. So I spend about 30 minutes every morning with my coffee and laptop in the bed till he’s snoozing. Honestly, I love it.

    5. OMG I love these. Mine, luckily, go right to snooze-town after breakfast. The rest of the day, however, they like to climb all over me and “yell” at me. So… there’s that.

    6. Yep! There’s also a 3pm session for attention and catnip or people in the street would think they could hear a cat being murdered but he’s really just yowling for love.

    8. It’s not too complicated, but we do have a routine. We have to start with morning snuggles, then fill her breakfast bowl and open all the blinds together and inspect the neighborhood, all while doing some morning affirmations (she is the most beautiful, she is so smart, she is the best baby, etc.), then a few more snuggles then she naps until about 1pm.

      1. LOL, this feels familiar. I often tell my tabby cat that he’s “the most handsome cat in the land” and “devilishly cute.”

  9. I used Rover for the first time this weekend. I have two cats and used it to find a sitter to do drop-in visits to give them wet food and scoop the litter box. It was $20/visit and worked out to be $66 after Rover fees. I used to pay a vet tech $20/visit in my last city so this was all business as usual for me. However, the app is now asking me if I want to tip the sitter. Is it the norm to tip a pet sitter? AITA if I don’t? I hadn’t budgeted for it.

    1. My pet sitter also charges $20/visit and I leave her cash. I don’t usually tip. However she is pet sitting next week during Thanksgiving, so I’m leaving extra money b/c it is the holidays.

    2. I do not tip on Rover. The pet sitter sets their own price so I do not think it is necessary. If they want more money they can raise the fee.

    3. So much cat content this morning, I love it. I do tip my cat sitter if she’s done something extra for me (took in the mail, took out the trash, etc) and/or when she’s taking care of my kitty at short notice or odd hours.

    4. We have a dog sitter that we found through Rover but now book directly with her. I don’t tip because I think of her as more of a business owner than an employee. Her fee was relatively high when we found her and keeps going up (now $50/day) so I figure she’s setting a rate that she thinks is appropriate.

    5. Tipping is nice and even though you are paying $20 a visit, the person visiting is not getting the full $20. That being said, I feel like these companies try to pay their workers such a low rate and have you make up the difference so they don’t quit. I wish these companies would just pay their workers a decent amount rather than relying on the customer to subsidize it.

      1. Rover sitters aren’t really “workers.” They set their own rates. Rover does take a cut of it, but “I wish these companies would just pay their workers a decent amount” doesn’t really make sense because they can charge what they want to charge.

        1. Ohh I didn’t realize that! If they set their own rates then why would you need to tip them?

        2. If the worker is getting $20 and OP is paying $66 in total, it seems like Rover is taking more than “a cut”

  10. i asked the other week, but didn’t get many responses – does anyone have a ceiling fan recommendation? in some rooms the fan provides the only source of light so we need ones with good light. (and yes i know many people think they are ugly, but it’s hot where we live)

    1. Not a specific brand recommendation, but we got one from a specialty lighting store when we got our new house build. You could also check out places like Lowes or Home Depot. Look for one with multiple speeds and a remote. You can control the brightness of the light with the type of bulbs you buy.

    2. We went to a local fan store to put fans throughout our house. in rooms where it is the main light, we did fans with up lights and down lights. My favorite one is the Monte Carlo Airlift in our dining room but I don’t think the make at anymore. we did a minka aire tie dye in the office. I love our fans — each is interesting and fits with the room…

    3. I have the Hunter Dempsey and like it. There are a few versions – one has a version with removable lightbulbs so you can add a higher brightness bulb.

    4. If you go to a fan store, they will put together fans for you–these blades with this light and this body.
      Any lighting store will also have fans, and I would do those over HD or Lowe’s. I have installed many HD fans, and although they are far better than they used to be, the fancy(-ish) brands are easier to install. I don’t like remotes with mine, as that is destined to be lost, and it is getting harder to find fans without remotes.

        1. No. It is more expensive than the ones stacked up at HD (and I have a few of those), but they are also much nicer. The assembled-for-you fans are no more expensive than fans from a lighting store. I have never spent $1k/fan. $250 might be the most I have ever paid.

    5. Along the same track of Hunter fans and not wanting remotes. I’ve bought the Hunter Hepburn fan before. It’s a good fan for main source situation as it helps project light up towards the ceiling. And it’s dimmable, via Bluetooth. If you go with a Hunter fan, they have a wall mounted remote that allows for dimming and adjusting speed. I like that much better than a remote hanging out on the while that could be carried away.

    6. Casablanca. Mine have been in place for more than 25 years, lots of use, still work perfectly with one repair (same repair for both fans) one time.

  11. the discussion the other day about Le Crueset makes me want to treat myself to one. If I were to purchase 1 – which one should I get? (please be precise with size, item name, maybe a link?)

    1. It depends on your cooking habits and needs, but I get the most use out of my 6 quart round dutch oven. Can’t give you an exact link since mine is very, very old. Looking at the website, it seems they offer a 5 and 1/2 or 7 and 1/4 size; I would probably choose the 5 and 1/2 if I were getting a new one. And there are so many good colors!

      1. +1,000 for Staub over Le Creuset. If you do buy Le Creuset, pay attention to what material for the cover handle, as some are only oven safe up to a certain temp. I have a 5.75 quart oval Staub and I love it but it is slightly small for when I am making brisket or other holiday meals.

        1. Wrapping the knob in tin foil gives you a higher upper limit on temps. I’ve done that up to 550F and been fine.
          That said, my most frequently used kitchen item is a 6qt enameled cast iron dutch oven purchased from Target over 20 years ago. You don’t need to spend Le Creuset or Staub prices on this item.

      4. I have both, I think they are both good, but I slightly prefer my Le Creuset. The plastic looking handle doesn’t get as hot as that steel Staub handle, and yes I have burned my hand on the Staub handle before. I also prefer the light interior of the Le Creuset so I can see my food better.

        1. +1
          Signed, I have one Staub and three LC Dutch ovens (and 2 vintage LC wood handled pots). I far prefer the LC’s interiors (lighter color and smoother feeling).

          FWIW, the LC Dutch oven I bought last year came with stainless knob on the lid. This seems to be the new standard at all the stores I looked at. Our other LC’s are 5–40 years old.

    4. I think the round 5 1/2 quart size is the most useful – if they get any bigger they get really heavy. The oval i think is good only if you do a lot of roasts/long items you have to fit. I bought mine at a Le Crueset outlet store – they sell seconds that are just as good for significantly less. This is the size I recommend: https://www.lecreuset.com/round-dutch-oven/LS2501.html

    5. It really depends on what you want to cook in it.

      I have an honestly-bigger-than-I-need collection and the piece that gets the most use is the 10 1/4 inch signature skillet, which I use almost every day. After that, I use my 4 1/2 quart Dutch oven for baking bread as well as braising for two. I have the larger round and oval Dutch ovens and use them both regularly if not frequently. If I were only going to have one, I’d say oval. Also I know people who swear by the brasier and if I had it to do over again I might do that instead of the skillet.

      1. We have a skillet that’s enameled on the outside but plain cast iron for the cooking surface, and I have a love hate relationship with it. It’s heavy! But I also have a 15″ Lodge cast iron which is far heavier, so it’s not like I have consistent logic.

    6. If you happen to be in the DMV, there’s an outlet in National Harbor. Link to follow.

    7. Round dutch oven (cast iron enamel inside), I like the 5 litre one (5.5 quart?) for everyday cooking.

    8. I have the 3.5 quart braiser and would recommend getting the 5 quart if you are cooking for more than two or three people.

    9. Pot size will depend on your cooking habits and what other pots/pans you have already. We have 3 LC Dutch ovens: 2-1/2 qt braiser, and a 4-1/2 qt and a 5-1/2 qt Dutch ovens.

      We use the 4-1/2 qt and 5-1/2 qt ones the most for our family of 4.

      5-1/2 qt for soups and stews. And 4-1/2 qt for risotto and other “drier” foods. Yes, 5-1/2 qt would work too but it’s harder to store in the fridge (we often start Monday’s dinner on Sunday and finish after work on Monday).

      The 2-1/2 qt braiser was used lot more pre-kids. But I still reach for it for overnight steel cut oats and other smaller servings. Or use it to store leftovers from a larger LC for easy reheating the next day hah.
      We do have an All-Clad sauté pan (long handle+loop handle, tall sides, lid) that gets used a lot for the types of uses that other commenters may love their braiser for.

  12. Can someone talk to me about the differences between a cast iron skillet, a Dutch oven and a braiser? I definitely want something that can go from stovetop to the oven but I’m not sure which “model” I’d prefer. No specific recipes in mind yet, other than a chicken pot pie.

    Hoping to ask for it for Christmas and thus would prefer something in the $50 range.

    2. I have a 12-inch cast iron skillet and a Dutch oven. I use the Dutch oven often for soups, stews, chili, etc. It goes from stove to oven. It is a Food Network brand item I bought from Kohls several years go and it was right around $50. It’s served me well over the years and I use it quite often, year-round.

    3. I will defer to others on skillet v dutch oven but I’d look at Lodge for the brand. It’s in your price range, made in america, and a quality brand.

      1. +1 to Lodge for either skillet or Dutch oven; ours have lasted beautifully.

        The cooking is pretty much the same. I think a braiser is sort of like a hybrid between the other two (don’t own a braiser though; happy to be corrected on this point). My main gripe with the cast iron skillet is that I don’t have a lid for it and so often recipes call for “a large ovenproof skillet” and then want you to cover it. You can buy lids, though.

    4. The difference are basically the same as with regular pots and pans. For slow cooking, you’ll generally want a dutch oven. I have way too many cast iron pans and a dutch oven but I love them.

    5. Think of a braiser as a sort of specialty dutch oven.
      Of all my pots and pans, the 6qt and 4 qt dutch ovens see the most use. The cast iron chicken fryer probably sees the least (too big to be small, too small to be big and heavy AF). The skillets are somewhere in between.

    6. I use my Le Crueset braiser like I would use a cast iron skillet. The difference are the sides are a little higher than a traditional skillet and they usually have two small handles instead of one long one. If you want stovetop to oven, i’d go with a braiser just because I assume you’ll be cooking something with some liquid and I think it’s easier to transfer a braiser without it splashing out because of the slightly higher sides. Dutch oven if you want to do soups or stews, though.

    7. As far as I know, there aren’t exact rules on what different companies call their products, but here are some general guidelines.

      – A skillet is a pan with a flat base, medium-length handle, and slanted sides that are higher than those of a frying pan. Skillets can come in a variety of materials, but at least in the US, cast iron is probably the most popular. Skillets are typically used on a stovetop, with higher heat, so the cooking surface is not typically enameled. Most skillets don’t come with lids.

      – A braiser has a wide base and low, curved sides, usually two short handles, and a tight-fitting lid. Braisers are typically enameled cast iron.

      – A Dutch oven is a pot with tall, straight or slightly slanted sides, a narrower base, and a tight-fitting lid. Dutch ovens can be either cast iron or enameled cast iron.

      In the $50 range, I’d start with a Lodge, seasoned, 12-inch cast-iron skillet.

    9. A Dutch oven is for braising and long cooking, like a stew, chili, or pot roast. You can also make cakes and bread in them.

      A skillet used to be called a frying pan. It’s for dishes that you cook faster and are ok with losing a lot of cooking liquid to evaporation. I sear steaks in a cast iron pan, make bacon, any kind of hash, etc. They can go from stovetop to oven if they’re cast iron, but I don’t often do that because one minute after the cast iron skillet comes out of the oven, I will forget and grab that screaming hot long handle with my bare hand.

      That’s why I love my braiser. I use it for everything. If I’m braising something like that’s not too tall I prefer it to the Dutch oven. I use the bottom as a roasting pan for roast chicken. I often make a sauce in the braiser while my pasta is cooking in a different pot, then I add the dripping pasta right into the braiser with the sauce and finish it together. The braiser is pretty and it also becomes the serving dish.

      I think if you’re starting a collection the standard advice is to start with a Dutch oven and a 12” skillet, and I did, but once I added the braiser to the collection, it was a game changer.

  13. Anyone who is allergic to cats have experience with hypoallergenic varieties? Yes, I know that there’s no such thing as a hypoallergenic cat, but my daughter desperately wants a cat and my husband is allergic. Trying to find a way! (And, no, we don’t want a dog instead.)

    1. I’m allergic to cats and have never met a “hypoallergenic” cat I wasn’t allergic to. I wouldn’t adopt an animal your husband is allergic to. It’s just going to end with you surrendering the animal to a shelter which will be heartbreaking for your daughter and unfair to the animal.

    2. Hypoallergenic cats don’t exist. If he’s really allergic you’ll have to tell her no, and she can get one as an adult. Can’t risk bringing a cat in and then having to rehome it when you knew there were allergies.

    3. Maybe a Sphynx cat? However I am very against breeding so I suggest looking for a rescue org. How allergic is your husband? Is it enough to be handled with daily allergy meds? You would need to get a short haired cat and be diligent about keeping the cat brushed and cleaning up cat hair.

      Or just tell your daughter it’s not possible to get a cat right now. Maybe she can volunteer at a shelter.

      1. I don’t think this comment makes sense. Cat hair isn’t what most people are allergic to anyway though (it’s usually the dander, which if anything is more exposed by a lack of hair). Norwegian Forest Cats are sometimes marketed as hypoallergenic and they’re certainly not short on hair.

        I am not inherently opposed to breeding in principle. Where exactly are the future’s cats supposed to come from? Especially if we want them to be healthy and happily adapted to living indoors? I do want to preserve good health and natural diversity for the future. If humans are bringing cats indoors and preventing them from reproducing on their own, shouldn’t we take some responsibility?

        But sometimes I wonder if there is a single ethical cat breeder in existence? They’ll do health testing, but then they’ll still forbid outcrossing for health reasons, and the cat fancy is basically a joke that rewards breeding for poor health and extreme inbreeding in general. It feels very different to me from dogs where there are real dog breeders preserving working breeds for the future and ignoring the ribbons.

        Cat allergies are serious and can become deadly. Near me, there are allergy programs that offer allergy shots for desensitization. Even if Norwegian Forest Cats are less allergenic than some other cats, I would take the medical approach if I were serious about this.

      2. Unfortunately sphynx cats can be worse sometimes! Some allergies are triggered by a protein in the cat’s saliva and skin oils, and sphynx cats can be really oily.
        Signed, I’m allergic but love cats and think sphynxes are adorable gremlins

        1. I may have mixed up dander and skin oils in my comment above, but I also thought sphynx cats could be worse unless the allergy is genuinely to hair specifically. I think often people focus on hair because it’s visible and (typically) gets everywhere, when the real allergen may be something we can’t see.

    4. Oh man, I sympathize with your daughter, but I don’t think this is going to work. Unless your DH is willing to do daily allergy meds and possibly start immunotherapy for the long term. And that’s not a quick fix; allergy shots literally take years to be fully effective. That is a very big ask.

      1. Yeah, this. As the person with cat allergies who wanted to keep her cats (my allergies developed after we had already had cats for years), it was worth it to take daily meds and do allergy shots, but that’s a lot of commitment.

    5. I have two Siberians. Most of my family is allergic, and they are ok in our house if they don’t pet the cats. I developed a cat allergy after our previous normal cat had lived with us for about 10 years – by the end of her life I was on three daily meds to manage it (she was roughly 18 when my allergies got really bad and 22 when she passed, so I thought it would only be for a short time. I was wrong.). With the two Siberians, I take benadryl as needed which typically translates to every night in the spring and fall, but if we fall behind on dusting/vacuuming/changing the bed clothes I’m in trouble. I work from home and girl kitty is snoozing on my desk as I type this -she spends all day with me and as long as I don’t pet her and then rub my eyes I’m fine. However, I’m the moving force behind cats in my house – the rest of my family loves them, but they’d be ok if I said no b/c of allergies. There’s no way I’d do this if your husband isn’t the one pushing for it.

      1. We have 2 Siberians too! I’m allergic to cats but have done ok with them. We were able to visit some Siberians as a test before we got them. I buried my face in the fur and took several deep breaths. No issues. The only problem I’ve had is getting cat hair in my eyes (inadvertently rubbing eyes), which sets off sneezing and eye reaction. They’re lovely cats with great personalities. Highly recommend.

    6. As a a fellow cat allergy sufferer, don’t do this. I was raised in a house with cats and never knew what it felt like to be comfortable and healthy in my own home until I went away to college. I can’t imagine knowingly doing that to a family member.

      1. This. Your husband can develop serious asthma by having allergy trigger daily in his home. I adopted a stray kitten, wasn’t allergic before, but developed severe allergy after a year. I had to move out, the cat has been staying with my parents ever since and every time I visit, I get allergy attacks [despite Flonase & Allegra 2x/day]. This is a great learning opportunity for your daughter – being considerate to others despite our own wants & needs. She can get a cat later in life. Your husband deserves a healthy home.

      2. This. My exH was willfully oblivious to how cats affected me every hour of every day that I was around them. I loved the kitties from afar but grew to low key despise my husband for putting what he wanted above my basic comfort.

      3. +1. I developed a cat allergy years after adopting my 2 cats. I didn’t even realize what is was for several years (I had other medical issues at the same time). Now, I have a 14-year-old cat who my husband and I are very attached to, allergies, and asthma. That cat is not going anywhere, but we’re not adopting any more animals (I’m also allergic to dogs), and I’m looking forward to being comfortable and healthy in my own home again. I love opportunities to stay basically anywhere else–I sleep so much better!

      4. +1. I have enough of a reaction going to someone’s house where they have a cat. I have to request the cat be put in another room for the duration of my visit. It’s still miserable. I think it’s awful to bring a cat into a home to live where someone is allergic. I’m sorry for anon at 10:19 am.

    7. You can basically do DIY exposure therapy with any cat and antihistamines. Everyone in my family is allergic to cats and we each have several cats. We don’t have reactions to our own cats anymore but sometimes will get stuffy if we’re exposed to new cats.

      1. I’ve seen this work for people.

        But I’ve also seen people’s allergies get worse and escalate to life threatening. I’m not a doctor and don’t know what makes the difference.

      2. +1

        My formerly allergic to cats friend developed an “immunity” to her cat. Her husband’s mom developed dementia and wasn’t able to care for her cat anymore so they had to take her cat in. My friend had allergies for a few months but they subsided! They even have a second cat now.

    8. My kids also desperately wanted a cat and I am allergic. It is probably not a good idea to get a cat. But I did anyway. We have had ours for 5 years now and I feel like I have mostly gotten used to him. Some things that help me–we don’t let him outside, so he can’t pick up all kinds of pollen, etc that make my allergies even worse, he is not allowed on my bed, which means he is mostly not allowed in my room. I vacuum all the time, including the furniture, with a dyson animal vacuum, I put this foam stuff on him that is supposed to help with dander. I have always taken allergy medicine daily for seasonal allergies, so I continue to do that. We also run a couple of air purifiers throughout the house. I can’t snuggle him like the kids do, but this has kept things manageable for me.

      1. Oh, yeah, keeping the cats out of your bedroom is key if you / your partner are allergic!

    10. In my experience, it depends very much on the specific cat (maybe the dander itself?), and also on how bad the allergies are. I’ve heard that exposure can reduce symptoms, and there’s also a course of shots your husband could take, if he’s really invested in the process. Best of luck!

    11. No advice for breeds, I’ve always had mixed breed/strays. I was technically allergic to cats, but I love them and I have almost always had a cat. My allergies to cats were only nasal (no rashes, no asthma, I’d definitely draw the line there) and I did about five years of allergy injections (not just for cats, I was allergic to many, many things) and my cat allergy is pretty nonexistent now, only noticed it when I was around a lot of cats all at once (animal shelter). My other allergies are also really well controlled now. I live in a small apartment with my indoor cat and have no issues.

    12. I’m pretty badly allergic to cats (itchy nose and eyes, sneezing, sometimes hives) and I agree with the others that this is probably a bad idea.
      It sucks – I was the kid who wanted a dog so, so badly growing up and was always told no. Would she be open to volunteering at an animal shelter when she’s old enough? I know it’s not the same.

    13. I’ve had years of allergy shots, including for cat dander. I’m able to be around cats now (though I don’t live with any), but that was not possible until finishing the entire immunotherapy process. Unfortunately I think it’s a no.

      If your husband is interested in allergy shots, it will be a years-long process. I started getting allergy in middle school and continued through undergrad, so about 10 years of shots. It’s been about 15 years since my last shot, and I’m sure that they’ve improved technology in that time, so maybe it would be a bit shorter now, but definitely still years.

      I think allergy shots are worth it. If your husband is interested in them, I would encourage him to pursue it—especially if your daughter really loves cats. But it’s a “this will help when she’s an adult and has cats in her household and we go to visit her” thing, not a “we can get a cat next year!” thing.

    14. The only way this might come close to working is if you husband is the kind of animal lover who grew up with cats and is so enthusiastic about having one that he’s willing to deal with constant discomfort in his own home. Since you don’t currently have a cat, I would guess that’s not the case. Please do not do this to your husband – it is a good lesson for your daughter to learn that sometimes the things we want are harmful to others and we need to be respectful of that. (Many adults with pets never learn this lesson, if some of the posts on Ask A Manager about pets in the office are any indication.) I know its not the same, but maybe you and her could volunteer at an animal shelter together. But if your husband is saying yes to a cat just because he wants your daughter to be happy, he is going to be miserable.

    15. No. I’m allergic to cats and it would be a deal-breaker in any relationship. I can’t even get into a car where a cat has been. Thankfully, no one in my extended family likes them :-)

    16. Would your husband be up for allergy shots? (allergy shots basically saved my life and my lung function) They’re massively time consuming (plan on 1hr visit weekly for a year), but also could make him not allergic any more.

    17. Don’t do it. It’s such an issue in my sister’s marriage you would not believe it. My BIL will not visit a house that has cats, and will not allow people who own cats to come to his home. It’s a mixture of a real allergy and a controlling nature, I will give you that, but there is no way their marriage would survive her overriding him and getting a cat.

      1. Some people really are as allergic as your BIL. When I was a kid, my piano teacher’s husband needed a warning before I came over to play so that he could pre-medicate. And he still had visible allergies.

  14. Another tipping question this morning. I took a cab home from DCA yesterday for the first time. I have always used Uber but I wanted to compare experiences. I live very close (like 2 miles away). When we got to my building, the driver said my fare was $10.80, but that it was $10 if I had cash. (In reality, my fare was $7.80, but they add a $3 charge for airport pickups.) I paused, because I had a $10 bill but nothing to tip with. I told him “I have a credit card or a $10 bill.” He said the cash is preferable. So I gave it to him, but I felt really weird about not tipping. Was this super rude? I’ll make sure I have singles next time.

    1. No you weren’t super rude. It’s sketchy for him to ask you to pay with cash, and I would have declined.

      1. I’d much rather give someone sketch cash than my credit card. And fwiw, that’s totally normal for a cab, cards charge fees and cash doesn’t. It’s not actually sketchy.

        1. Cab is different than Uber/Lyft though. I’ve never used anything other than a credit card in Lyft.

      2. I don’t think it’s sketchy. Lots of places prefer cash and even charge you a bc transaction fee if you don’t.

    2. I think it’s ok since he said it’s ok, but I probably would have put it on a CC and left a huge tip to compensate for the CC charges.

      Cabbies have had SUCH a hard time of it with the arrival of Uber and Lyft and then the pandemic. They own their own car, have to pay for the paint job (a couple grand), have to pay for licensing and insurance that U/L drivers don’t… I take cabs a lot for work, and I always talk to the drivers, and they’re always an immigrant who moved to America to build a better life for their children, and they’ll always beam and tell you about their daughter who’s studying to be a doctor or what have you. DC cabbies have a soft spot in my heart.

        1. I’m the anon at 10:22. I’ve seen this complaint (cabbies expecting you to have cash and/or they won’t accept CCs) on here, but I’ve never encountered it in the wild. DC cabbies have been required by DC regs to accept CCs since 2013. If you think someone’s messing with you, tell him to take a CC or lose his fare and get his driver number. (I have seen situations where they don’t have signal for Square, but that could happen to anybody.)

    3. He said cash preferable so you’re fine. Also another plug for the DC cabs! They are often HALF the price of ubers I’ve found recently.

    4. Not super rude. Not ideal, but totally understandable given the circumstances. I’ve started carrying cash for cabs from the airport (mostly BWI and DCA for me) because I’ve found them to be cheaper, more available, and better service than ride-shares in the last year or so.

  15. What’s the deal with Aviator Nation? All the fancy moms at the playground are wearing it, and I can’t figure out what makes it worth $200 for a hoodie. Is it actually nicer in some way than, say, Vuori?

    1. I bought an Aviator Nation hoodie at the beginning of the pandemic and proceeded to wear it nearly every day for a year, haha. That said, honestly, it’s just a hoodie! I like that they’re made in the US and I like the look, but really there’s nothing particularly unique about it. Probably because I neeever spend that much on clothes (esp not athleisure), I cherish it and continue to wear it all the time.

    2. I have never heard of this brand and had to go look it up. Why do the models not wear pants with their hoodies???

      2. Cuz they’re from ~California~
        I had to look them up too, they claim to be made in the US which explains most of the price. I like the “ninja” hoodie.

      4. Because they threw the hoodie on over their swimsuit after a morning surf session, of course. Never mind that the ocean in CA is cold so you have to wear a wetsuit if you are actually surfing.

    3. Never heard of them and just looked them up. I am all for spending more for clothes made in the US, but these… I don’t think so.

      Though Anon8, you should totally rock yours! I do like the stripes, but $200 for a “locals only” hoodie?

    4. Here it’s super trendy with teens rather than their moms. I would assume that it means that they also have older kids but who knows.

  16. Help me figure out why below-the-chin hairstyles make my face look longer and flatter and above-the-chin makes my face look more balanced. I want to have long hair but I know the long styles I’ve had in the past didn’t do my face any favors. If I could figure pinpoint why this is, I’m hoping I can counteract with a different cut.

    1. Layers can sometimes help this problem. I had a similar issue.

      When I had long hair for years (thick, stick straight, fine hair), my hairdressers did point out how it drew my face down/lengthened it. And all my hairdressers always wanted to cut my hair short short short. So by the end I had a pixie, and honestly hated it because it was flat and looked like I had no hair and I felt like my face had “no where to hide….”…… and I had to wash it every morning and blow dry and use lots of product and fuss with it all day for it to look half way decent.

      So over Covid isolation, my hair grew and now it’s long and it has a bunch of layers from the pixie and it looks so much better, curving around my face (shorter layers in front) in a way that made my face look less long. Very flattering. I just can’t figure out why my hairdresser never mentioned this before, as an option.

    2. Do you have a heat shaped face? That is a face shape that does really well with short pixie cuts, but where cut under the chin can elongate the pointy bit at the chin. No problem having long hair with a heart shape, easy to google.

      But yeah, it’s your face shape that will decide how you can look balanced, so you need to describe your face proportions to get better advice.

      1. I think my face is oval shaped, definitely not a heart or rectangle. None of the basic/general guidance has helped me pinpoint the precise issue, and no hairstylist had been able to do so either so it must be something subtle but definitely perceptible to me. Layers make sense but I’ve had some layers in the past that didn’t seem to make that much difference. I feel I need a really specific plan, like add fullness [here] and layers must end [here]. How do I go about figuring this out?

        1. Interesting! How is the rest of your face? Do you have smaller or bigger or wider mouth, eyes and nose? Do you have prominent or discrete cheek bones? How is your nose? Neck? Texture of hair? Have you tried this with bangs, mid or side part?

          If you have tried a non-bang version and have visible cheek bones – could you possibly be a diamond shape? This looks almost oval, only a little angular version where the forehead narrows a little bit, as does the jaw, and your widest point is at the ears.

          This is a shape that looks great when the cheek bones are highlighted, but not so great with a cut that “drags” the hair down, either with “curtains” with or without graduation from a centre part, or with very soft layers. If you have a diamond shape, you are better off with harder layers (sort of like stairs) more than feathered ones around the jaw. Collarbone or thyroid height are both good for a bob/lob, or a face framing layer.

  17. Looking for gift ideas for MIL. She recently learned she has stage four cancer (spread to bones) and is in a lot of pain and pretty immobile. She has a significant surgery coming up. She lives out of state and family relationships and communications are pretty complicated and at times strained. We are visiting after Thanksgiving with our two kids to celebrate holidays before her surgery and would like to bring a nice gift.

    1. iPad if she doesn’t already have one. Otherwise, subscription service to Paramount or Peacock – both of which have a really good bank of not-recent movies plus old series that she can just put on in the background (Peacock has a bunch of the Hallmark movies if that’s her jam). In more tangible, something the kids made could also be good. I’d also look at if there are discrete things that need to be done – winterize the house, meal delivery, cleaning, etc. Apple watch could also be good with the fall protection + emergency calls – think of it as a trendy lifealert.

      1. I started buying gummies from CBD MD with just CBD. Now I see they are selling a lot of products with THC. If you sign up for emails, they have lots of sales.

      2. Be thoughtful, though, and consider talking to a doctor about what’s indicated for her condition. From what I was told (we didn’t end up going that route, since my pain was minimal except from certain meds), different strains help cancer patients differently.

    3. +1 on the Apple Watch if she’s alone. It presents as a cool gadget, but also serves as a fall detector and easy way to call 911/others for help.

    4. Does she have one of the digital picture frames that you can add pictures to from afar using an App? Fill it with favorite pictures of your kids, and then over the next months, continue to add new pictures to the frame… just anything…. the kids that day/week. It will be the highlight of her day… each time she sees a new picture. Please don’t forget to keep adding them. My father used to sit and just stare at the picture frame for hours.

      Does she have a lazy boy type recliner, that is the kind that can lift you up, to help you stand? They are a literal godsend for folks with progressive disease, with pain and/or weakness. My Mom even slept in hers for her last days. It will also be wonderful after her surgery, when the pain is worse.

      And for a real gift for your husband…. when you are there, at some point just sit with her and talk. Ask her some questions about her early life, how she met her husband, high and low points, her wishes for her son and grandkids, favorite memories about your husband when he was a child …. and record her on your phone saying all these things.

      My one great regret in life is that I didn’t record my parents’ voices. My mother’s I don’t have anywhere! And my father’s, I have a couple sentences and a couple brief videos on my iPad. How I wish I had some of their stories, told in their voices. I would listen to them all the time. Your husband will be so grateful.

      1. The no-effort photo frame is a good idea. Starting something up on Peacock was too hard during chemo.

    6. Origins Feel Good Hug, which is available from multiple retailers. Not expensive, but an item my mom uses almost all day long and has been using for as long as she has been in treatment for cancer. She has two and they get heated in the microwave multiple times each day because she has trouble staying warm. They also help her sleep better because she is warm and they feel kinda like a weighted blanket when placed on top of her body, but they aren’t heavy. They last forever.

    7. Gently, she may not make it that long. If your family, or just your SO, can make it there sooner, that’s possibly the biggest gift you can give her. Beyond that, I would say to gauge what she needs when you get there and get it then.

      I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My DH and I went through the same situation with my mother in 2020 and my FIL this year, so I know how painful it is.

      1. This was my thought too. My MIL lived four weeks from her diagnosis with stage 4 stomach cancer. It was a blessing she went so quickly because of the pain she was in, but more time to see her and say goodbye would have been welcome. OP, if you or your SO can go now, think about going now. We thought we had a little bit of time, and that time ran out very unexpectedly.

    8. My mother really liked eyebrow makeup, but that may be just a her thing. No matter how sick she was she’d obsess over the eyebrows.

      Otherwise I think the most important gift you can give is facetiming with the kids. Maybe a photo picture frame that you can update a lot like Nixplay.

  18. Medical billing is the absolute worst.

    DH had outpatient surgery earlier this year. We paid up front and later received a sizeable refund. He had follow up appointments to check the wound site over a period of months. Apparently, each time he visited, the hospital opened up a NEW account number (all for the same legal entity, so it’s not like this is a different payment to a different group). We received a debt collection notice related to one of those follow up visits, even though we diligently paid every invoice we received and even received a sizeable refund. Not once did the hospital try to call us, and we never received the invoice in question. If they used a more sensical billing system with just one account number per practice per patient and had competent billing practices, our refund would have been reduced by the amount in question (or, you know, we would have actually received an invoice). Now our spectacular credit will be impacted because of their ridiculous practices.

    1. I would be on the phone with the medical system’s patient advocate to get the problems corrected and the collections removed from his credit report.

    2. I think medical debt doesn’t impact your credit? Or at least not as much as other kinds of debt. I intentionally let most medical bills go to collections, and I have excellent credit. Even if it does impact it, the impact will be brief and your credit score will return to normal.

        2. Oh, thank you for this!

          I’ve been getting collection notices for, I kid you not, a bill for $3.14 which I paid but apparently didn’t get credited to the right account. I paid it again but was worried about my credit report.

    3. When it went to collections, my husband ended up paying the bill of someone else with the same name after many hours of phone calls trying to fix the problem. It wasn’t worth the hit to his credit. I feel like it’s a HIPAA violation that I know the other guy’s medical issues, but hospitals just don’t care.

      1. That’s wild! Surely their birthdates were different?
        I hope that other guy pays it forward.

    4. This happened to me and it turned out that the “debt collector” was a sub rosa division of the hospital. They were balance billing on an amount that I had never had notice of, and they refused to send me a bill so that I could get the details. The only thing they would tell me was the date of service. After going the rounds with them for months, I called my insurance company (BCBS). They got the hospital on the line, ripped into them about how they were not allowed to do this under the terms of their contractual agreement with BCBS, threatened to have their BCBS status reviewed, and I never heard another word about it. Which is a long way of saying call your insurance company and see if they can help.

    5. Call your insurance company. Often follow-up visits to check wound sites are included in a physician’s professional fee for the surgery. It’s possible you shouldn’t have even been billed in the first place.

      If the insurance says you owe the money, call the hospital’s billing department. It’s possible that one of your payments was applied to a different charge, or there’s some accounting error with the refund.

    6. So this is an actual risk for the hospital, because it means your husband’s medical record is not complete. There should be contact information for medical records or health information management at the hospital. Call that and explain the situation, and state that his records need to be merged. They will have to investigate to confirm that all the records are for the same person, but then they will close out the duplicates and combine all the information into a single account.

      You should also call the customer service on the bill, briefly explain the situation, and ask to escalate the issue. Tell the supervisor that the accounts should be pulled back from collections while the records are merged. Surgeries have something called a global period, which can range in duration from 10-90 days. If the services you were billed for fell within that global period, they are not separately billable if they were solely for the purpose of following up on the surgery. Ask to be contacted directly when the records are merged to be told if there is a remaining balance. Also ask if the hospital reports collections to credit agencies. Some do and some don’t. If this one does, ask that they correct the report.

      1. Great advice. To me, it sounds like the hospital was opening separate accounts to avoid the global billing period and try to separately bill for each follow-up visit. So, billing fraud. Maybe there’s an innocent explanation, but I wouldn’t be afraid to aggressively question all the bills with both insurance and the hospital.

    6. Nooo :(. Hope it gets better. Work during pregnancy is rough, even above the basic rough.

  20. Weird situation. The owner of the hair salon I go to texted me a few weeks ago to say that my stylist needed to reschedule her appointments because her mother died. I rescheduled to this past Friday, and went and did the appointment. I wasn’t sure whether to say something, so I didn’t until toward the very end when she mentioned she would be alone for Thanksgiving (I said “I’m sorry to hear about your mother, my condolences”). She started crying and had to leave and have someone else finish my appointment. It was totally fine, I really understand, I lost my mom when I was in my 20s and probably would have been upset to talk to clients about it just a few weeks after. But what I’m asking here is — was it rude of me to mention it at all?

    1. Definitely not rude of you. Understandable for you to say something and for her to get upset. She’s probably just upset and embarrassed. I never know if I should say anything in these circumstances.

    4. No, not at all.

      Honestly, it would have been rude not to mention it, especially if you knew her well from many appointments.

      And I feel for her…. my father just died and we were very close, and I’m still a basket case and start crying in public whenever anyone brings it up. What can you do…. be human…..

      Just be gracious next time you see her, and make sure you ask her how she is doing.

    5. It’s not rude for you to mention it. When my dad died, I appreciated when someone would acknowledge it. Even if it was just a simple statement. Of course it would make me emotional sometimes, but I was never mad at anyone for saying it because I knew they were coming from a place of kindness.

    6. If you’re comfortable sharing, are you in Portland, and does your stylist’s name start with S? If so, I have an appointment with her this Wednesday and had been mulling over whether to mention anything. This tells me maybe I should wait until I’m paying at the end. I feel terrible knowing that she is suffering so much.

  21. All the recent threads about Le Creuset make me want to get one, or something similar. However, I worry about the weight of the pan. is there a brand of enameled cast iron that is lighter?

    1. Sadly, no, that’s the nature of cast iron. I mitigate the weight by leaving mine on the stovetop – it’s pretty enough to sit out as part of the kitchen decor. Then it only needs to travel to the sink or dishwasher and back.

      1. I leave mine on the stovetop, too. I have pull-outs in my cabinetry and I think the extra weight of the cast iron made it stop gliding well.

    4. Honestly, unless you are truly elderly or disabled, if a cast iron pan is too heavy, I would suggest you start lofting weights.

      2. I lift weights and avoid using our cast iron pans because their weight makes them more of a pain to wash. I can lift them but it is harder than the stainless steel, and I like things that are easy.

      3. Depends on what you are cooking. Massive roast size one, plus roast, plus veg, plus stock is coming in at a good 20+lbs that I have to get out of the stove without any slips (as it is a snug fit).

          1. Right. And if it were cold and not an awkward position, no issues, but the risk of scalding changes the equation.

  22. I suspect we’ll have to eat this charge, but thought I’d pose the question to the group: husband tried to make us massage appointments for when we were out of town (last weekend). Chase kept declining the transaction and marking it as fraud. Somehow it went through and husband (sigh) missed the emails from the place telling us to check in now and so forth. We did not go. We’re just SOL, right?

    3. If you were a no call/no show to a massage appointment, the facility has every right to charge you. Most are very upfront about this when booking.

    4. I realize Chase made it a pain, but your husband sounds like the one at fault here.

  23. Are turtlenecks under work dresses an actual thing or something that is just happening with influencers? I like the look, but I haven’t seen it in the wild and can’t decide if it’s actually office appropriate.

    1. I think it’s sort of a classic, East Coast look. I remember seeing it in the 90s and I feel like it pops back up every few years.

    2. I think it’s definitely office appropriate. My financial planner and some other women in her office do this, but that’s the only place I’ve seen it in the wild. I like the look, but I forget to try it since I don’t see it often.

      In other words, go for it!

    3. I like it, I liked it before it was an influencer thing, I will keep doing it, and I encourage you to do it if you like it! It keeps me warm wearing a dress in the fall/winter and looks nice. I like a fairly fitted turtleneck for this purpose.

    4. Very office appropriate and a good way to ensure you’re wearing sleeveless sheath dresses in the winter! I think it’s especially cute with loafers/weejuns but understand if you wore those all through school you might be less excited about the prep school cosplay ;)

    5. I love this look. I used to wear it regularly when I was a senior associate at a law firm with an incredibly formal/conservative dress code and it was totally acceptable (and they would have said something if not). I am in a more casual job but still use turtle necks to layer under less formal dresses.

    6. I think it’s a cute look and wouldn’t bat an eye if I saw it in my office, which leans pretty conservative.

    8. I have never seen it in real life. It pops up every few years in magazines (when those were a thing) or on influencers (now).

      1. You have seriously never seen a turtleneck under a sleeveless dress in real life? Where did you grow up?? It’s just a classic preppy look, it’s not really trendy or not-trendy, it just is.

        1. Grew up in CA, now work in law on the east coast. Never ever saw a dress used as a jumper. I don’t even know how it would work. If the armholes of the dress aren’t too big then a turtleneck would get all bunched up in them.

          1. I’m a Californian (Bay Area) and I’ve seen it. I used to wear a long sleeved blouse under my sleeveless dresses in the winter, like a jumper (US usage, not British usage of the word jumper.)

            The key is to tuck the top into your tights/hose/spanx to keep the bottom from bunching.

    9. I do it. It can look a little juvenile, but I think it’s very easy to avoid that with thoughtful styling.

      1. So avoid corduroy dressers with A B C embroidered on the pocket, is what you’re saying. (Literally what I wore in kindergarten!)

    10. I do this in real life! I wear a thin black turtleneck (or other times a white or cream collared silk blouse) under a sturdy wool sheath, usually grey or tweed. I typically pair with black tights and either black boots or burgundy loafers. I’m young, preppy, and in Northeast fwiw. I do try to be mindful that this is not exactly a power look, so purposefully pick the subdued colors described and try to style hair, etc in an intentional way so to not read too juvenile.

    11. I think it’s a nice, preppy look, but I think it can skew young or intern-in-first-job, so it depends if that would be a problem. I loved and used the look during and after uni last time it was round.

      Exception from the young part: skinny, no bust, luxe materials, half-turtleneck, in which it just reads rich. A bit like an all white wool suit.

  24. Any favorite treats (light hearted books? silly movies? new favorite coffee treats?) you’d recommend for a pick me up? I’ve got a mammogram tomorrow and I know they’re super useful but I find them really uncomfortable/verging on painful so I want to give myself something to look forward to afterwards. I’m envisioning coming home, popping an advil, putting on my comfiest pjs and vegging out as my ‘you did the thing!’ reward.

    3. Good luck to you. I am sorry it is so rough for you.

      I appreciate you mentioning how uncomfortable mammograms can be, since no one ever talks about this. Mammograms hurt me so bad that I always leave in tears. I am really small and it feels like someone is tearing my b00bs off. And literally, they almost did…. I have had bleeding with tearing of my underlying muscle before so that makes it even more traumatic, worrying it is going to happen again, and every new tech rolling their eyes and clearly not believing me when I tell them my history. I have yet to meet an empathic mammogram tech. Just…. why?

      I plan my favorite take out, and something mindless and entertaining on TV. And I let myself cry.

      2. Holy crap! That is a terrible tech.

        I wish everyone could have as good an experience as I do – not terribly uncomfortable and very kind, gentle, efficient techs who make the experience as good as they can.

        I’m really sorry you have such a bad time with your mammograms.

    4. Come home and turn on the Hallmark channel?

      I have the sense of humor of a 12-year old and I was telling my husband we need to add the Harold & Kumar Christmas movie to our holiday movie lineup. National Lampoons Christmas and Elf are fun.

    5. Watching that new Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie with a cup of your favorite hot beverage sounds like a good afternoon to me. Or snuggling up with a blanket, a hot drink and a book.

      A nap is my favorite little treat to myself and I honestly feel like I always need one after medical appointments that I’m dreading.

    6. I always schedule mine for first thing in the morning and treat myself to a fancy coffee afterward. I don’t know if a fancy coffee is enough for you all things considered.

    7. For a pick-me-up or to take my mind off of something, I have started indulging in watching comedy specials. That has gotten me through a few really rough months lately.

    1. I read a few articles but don’t “get it”…I don’t really understand ETFs or crypto. Can you explain it to me like I’m 5?

      1. I asked my husband to explain it to me like I was 5 and he said it looks like it is a Ponzi scheme/shell game (with ties to the SEC/democratic party – and I say that as a Democrat so I take no joy in that). It’s all crashing down now. I’m sure there will be deep dives on how/what happened later but we’re still at the slow moving implosion phase it seems.

          1. SBF (founder of FTX) was a major donor to the Democratic Party, so he definitely had ties.

          3. Sam Bankman-Fried is a HUGE democratic donor, so uh, yea in this case it does. And before you tell me I’m wrong I’m pretty sure Fortune and the FT aren’t biased sources.

          4. It doesn’t, and it doesn’t have ties to the SEC either. The SEC regulates some crypto activity and Bankman-Fried (the FTX guy)’s schtick was that he was the pro-regulation crypto guy.

            OP, cryptocurrencies were originally designed to function as money that wasn’t backed by any government/central authority. Generally, the supply of crypto is limited by the algorithm that generates it (the algorithms have their own rules about how the supply is limited and how tokens are generated) and transactions are tracked and verified using a distributed technology that means that anyone who is participating in the network can see the transactions.

            They’ve never really taken off as money (some people use them to buy stuff, but there’s not really a benefit of using crypto over a credit card unless you’re buying something that isn’t legal), but they have become popular as speculative investments. Like investment in anything that doesn’t have inherent value, there’s a lot of risk involved in doing that. A lot of cryptocurrencies and exchanges have collapsed for various reasons (some due to the nature of crypto and others due to just bad behavior) and when they do, standard investor/depositor protections don’t apply.

        2. all I would ask is that when you discuss the implosion of twitter anywhere, you remark on Elon’s ties to the GOP in equal measure.

      2. ETFs are a fund that you can buy that includes ownership of lots of stocks in one share. These are lots of normal and safe ETFs—it’s a way of getting diversification in a portfolio without buying lots of individual stocks.

        Crypto is a product for gambling (or, speculation, if you want to be charitable). There’s no real underlying value.

        1. Crypto is for gambling, grift, and straight-up crime. It amazes me how the cryptobros go on and on about the sanctity of the blockchain and then cry all my apes gone. Dude, you speculated on a black box, you deserve what you get.

      3. It’s like marbles or Pogs or baseball cards or pick your favorite thing you used to trade as a kid. A crypto coin is basically like that. It’s something people have imputed value to and are trading either for more coins, other coins, or actual government-backed money. (There’s a whole tech thing behind it called blockchain that is the way they make/verify the coins…think of it kind of like how baseball card companies authenticate their products for traders.) And much like Pogs or baseball cards, the value is whatever the people trading it decide it’s worth, unlike our actual currencies which have things like government guarantees and sometimes actual assets behind it. That’s my WAY oversimplified version of crypto.

      4. You may be thinking of NFTs as opposed to ETFs. They’re similar to crypto except they are more like art/baseball cards. There is a limited supply and they are another speculative investment. I don’t understand them really.

    2. yes. definitely watching all the crypto and twitter implosions with morbid fascination. thankfully i only invested a hundred bucks into crypto a few years ago just for laughs so it doesn’t matter too much to me personally.

      1. Yeah, I’m amused at all the people who eschewed regulation now trying to use our regulatory system to get their money back.

        1. If they succeed in getting their non regulated money back from regulators/the government I am going to be pissed off.

  26. We’ve just learned that my MIL is in significant credit card debt. My husband has power of attorney now and is trying to clean it up as she needs to be in assisted living. Has anyone used a loan consolidation company they’d recommend? Or negotiated debt directly with a credit card company (this is a mix of banks and store cards)? Any tips or tricks? Especially how do you even reach someone at a credit card company to discuss?

    2. How much credit card debt?
      What assets does she have?
      Is bankruptcy an option, especially if she’s going into assisted living?

      I assume you can just call the customer service line at the credit card company, and I have heard it is easier to get the balance reduced if you pay in full (ie pay $2,000 for a $5,000 balance right then and there), but there are tax implications.

      I am not clear on what your goal of reducing the interest rate is. Unless MIL has money coming in later that is not immediately going to assisted living, how is this debt getting paid off?

      1. She’s still married and has a condo to sell. The value is likely very low but any profits from the sale would likely need to go to creditors first and then any leftover will fund assisted living for both of them. The goal is to reduce the debt owed to fund assisted living as long as possible. So looking for strategies to reduce the debt. This is nothing we’ve personally dealt with. Done a lot of googling but thought this community might have some hands on expertise.

        1. You need to talk to an estate planning attorney with elder care law experience. This is an issue for a professional to iron out.

    3. Is she a good candidate for bankruptcy? If so, it may be worth it to get it wiped out. I doubt her income is so high that she would get put on a Ch 13 repayment plan.

      2. When managing a relative in a similar situation, I did not have her file for bankruptcy. Honestly, we just ignored the credit card companies. I won’t say that I was happy about this ethically / morally, but I was also not about to take on this person’s debt while I was now tasked with supporting them. She lost her house but did not have to pay the credit card debt. It was still a complete cluster and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    4. Ugh, BTDT and it still gives me hives thinking about having to handle a similar situation. You can negotiate debt directly with a credit card company. Trust me, they’ll take your call. But you also might want to consider just ignoring them and seeing who comes after you. Some banks will pretty quickly decide it’s not worth their time (can’t squeeze blood from the turnip) and stop pursuing. The people who come after you the quickest are a homeowners association – if that describes her living situation, keep paying them even if you default on mortgage.

    5. That sounds like a thing to talk to a lawyer about- the complications of assisted living/limited competence sound like a bad fit for a debt consolidation. Whoever did her power of attorney would be a good person to start with.

    6. The goal needs to be to make her assets last while – and this is REALLY important – preserving her eligibility for Medicaid. It’s not a DIY thing for most people, even if you’re savvy with your own personal finance. Consult with an attorney, accountant or both who specialize in elder law and finance and make sure you mention Medicaid at the outset. There are lots of ways to mess this up and it can be painful and convoluted even if you do everything right.

  27. Anyone else going through a phase where nothing you do is enough for your in-laws? My husband has a very big job and works a lot of hours, gets very little sleep, and has basically no free time. It has taken a big toll on his mental health and he is working on an exit plan but that takes time and won’t happen until the new year so that he can get his bonus. His parents know his stress level and know that he is struggling to make time for his basic needs, much less for the layers beyond that — time for himself, our marriage, our toddler, and friends and family beyond that — but instead of coming at it from a place of understanding like “We miss you! You seem to be going through a lot, how is that going?” Instead they’ve taken the alternate tact of guilting him, which is having the reverse effect they want. The guilt stresses my husband out further — and me! — and then makes it even harder for us to be/do enough. Frankly, I think his dad is so focused on things being perfect family moments that he is failing to meet his kids where they are at in life and accept that there ARE lots of wonderful family moments. They complained about wanting to be a part of our son’s life but they very much are! They live 5 hours away but see us every 4-6 weeks, pictures and updates pretty much weekly, and now an expectation of morning weekend video calls. That’s fine with me as I stay in my pjs and let my husband do that but I know it feels like it’s eating into his time to… shower, have breakfast, get work done (bc he works all weekend too), and just try to slow down and enjoy our family time together. I think they compare it to my husband’s sister whose kids spend hours daily on the FB portal with their grandparents… but she is juggling being a stay-at-home mom with three kids under age 4 and a husband that is not home Monday-Friday. Another example would be when two of the three kids (as in my husband and his siblings) may be at my in-laws for the holidays but instead of enjoying the family time together my in-laws are disappointed it’s not ALL three kids and their spouses… and now the grandkids. (And no, the house does not accommodate us all and yet it’s also disappointing when we have stayed at a hotel.) Of course each of us has family on the other side in different states, so holidays are always a juggle. On top of that, we do something every year with all three kids and spouses around the holiday if it’s not ON the holiday – like a second Thanksgiving with everyone on Saturday. We also have a group text that is pretty active and where we share photos and updates but now my in-laws want a family email chain going and my husband is so underwater and stressed out at this new expectation. My in-laws both grew up in the same small town they currently live in (and their siblings also married local people) so when they had young kids, they didn’t have to think about family in different states for holidays. Also their kids (my husband’s siblings) all live in our city – five hours away – and I think some of this is frustration with that fact. We don’t push them to move here because it’s their choice and they have so many friends and family there but I know my husband’s sister does because she wants the childcare. Generally speaking I handle my family and my husband handles his family but my husband is having a hard time dealing with this and their guilting is making him even more stressed. I honestly think we spend a good amount of family time together and are in pretty regular communication and it’s disappointing when we travel to their house for the holidays (thus don’t see my family) and my in-laws are upset that one of the kids didn’t make it because they are with their in-laws on the other side that year. I will stay out of it but man it feels like they are piling on at a time they know my husband (and frankly his siblings too!) are all going through a lot and I wish they would just accept that we are all doing our best!

    1. I don’t have any advice but just want to send you my sympathies. I do not remember my grandparents being catered to the way I see my peers (mid/late 30s) dancing attendance on their own parents. Maybe my experience is the exception. I don’t have kids but if I did the holidays would be celebrated at our home and grandparents would be doing the traveling, unless serious health problems made them unable to do so. So I guess that’s all a long way of saying it sounds to me like you’re already going above and beyond even if your H DIdNT have that high stress job, and to me their expectations seem unreasonable. ALL of their adult children and their grandchildren live in the same city but everyone is expected to travel to see the grandparents ?! That’s ridiculous.

    2. All you can do is control your own reactions. If I’m your husband, I’m taking the Lorelei Gillmore approach of bemusement at their agita. And getting on with my life with the knowledge that I’m contributing plenty to the family. If his parents want more, that’s on them. I wouldn’t cater to it or coddle them.

    3. Paragraph breaks are your friend.

      Learn to set boundaries. I’m going to tell you right now that your wall of text is some of the reason you struggle with it. When setting boundaries, be short and matter of fact: “Due to David’s work schedule, we are moving the video check ins to every other week.” Mute their text notifications if their nonsense stresses him out. All that stuff about his SAHM sister and three kids under four and parents living far away and whatever else because I stopped reading halfway through? Does. Not. Matter.

      Don’t make people “accept” something. The goal is to make them understand that it IS, full stop. Anything else is putting their emotions in charge of your boundaries.

      2. + 1. I couldn’t read it all, and you’re giving WAY too much power to what all these people think. This is kind of like when you have a new baby and your mother thinks you should bottle feed and your MIL thinks you should nurse or whatever – the answer isn’t in convincing either of them of the rightness of what you decide – the answer is in letting them know that you have decided to do (X) and it’s not up for discussion. Same thing here.

    4. Oh jeez. They sound like a LOT. I give you (and your DH – he should really be the one pushing back on this HARD) permission to say “oh sorry, that doesn’t work for us” and try not to feel guilty bc honestly you have NO REASON TO.

    5. Sounds like you need to limit communication with them for your mental health. They want to start an email chain? Let them go ahead. Doesn’t mean you need to reply to it. Do a monthly video call instead. Just because they expect stuff, doesn’t mean you have to give in. It’s on you to set boundaries for your family and sanity.

    6. boundaries!!! If you re-read what you wrote here, it’s so obvious you and your husband are running yourselves ragged trying to please his parents and it’ll never be enough. never! You’re people too and YOUR needs are *just* as important as the in-laws. Like, why is your in-laws desire to video chat more important than your husband’s need to shower? Or why is their need to see you on the holidays more important than your need to have a pleasant holiday? You and your husband need to not feel bad about making decisions based on your own needs and understanding you can’t control the in-laws reactions. Besides, sounds like they’ll be upset if you do what they want and upset if you don’t do what they want, so why not do what you want and not feel bad if it’s going to garner the same reaction either way?
      Good luck!

      1. +1. Also, go on vacation or staycation this Christmas. “Dear family, DH has been running himself to the ground. Because of that, OPTION 1 we will be taking a family trip to [blank] to unplug for the holidays or OPTION 2 we will not be travelling for the holidays.” It’s tough the first year. But, trust me, a decade on the other side it is so much better.

      2. OP here –
        I completely agree on the boundaries, but how would you handle that from my shoes? I don’t think it would go over so well for it to come from me and my husband agrees that we do a lot already and that it’s not fair to guilt him but he still feels the guilt.

        1. You tell your husband to buck up and set the boundaries with his parents. Full stop. They’re impacting your marriage, your already limited family time, your well being. He needs to stop it. I have a job that sounds like your husband’s and trust me when I say I can make the time to put a stop to things that are making my day to day miserable. He can, too. If he doesn’t, he’s just deflecting.

        2. My dysfunctional family of origin excelled at pushing the guilt button and having me jump at their command. I disconnected that button 3 months into my marriage when I saw just how much my stress, anxiety, and terror were harming my marriage. My husband took on a lot to give me the mental space to handle them. But it was so clearly a them problem that I did not see why my husband should twist himself into knots trying to accommodate it.

        3. It works for a lot of couples to have each spouse handle their own family. There are good reasons for this approach. But it sounds like you spend a lot of time with your in-laws, and they’re the family you’ve married into. IF (and only if) your husband wants you to, you can be the point person to run scheduling stuff through. My SIL’s husband did that for her when she was a resident–he just said, “Hey, if you want to let us know about a family event or coordinate the holidays or whatever, go through me. She’s too busy to answer.” Then he communicated their boundaries. To be honest, it had the downside of letting her parents blame him for those boundaries, but I don’t get the impression he cares much, and it did take a lot off her plate, emotionally and just in terms of the time it takes up.

    8. You need to let go of them liking the situation. Figure out what you are able to do and sticks with that. For us it means DH FaceTimes them during breakfast on Sunday morning and the kids chat about what they are having/their week at school. We frame it as ‘an important Sunday tradition’ so it makes it seem like big deal to use when it’s just 15-30 mins of chaos. Focus on the kids. I go to yoga at my gym while this happens. I take over when I get back and DH catches up on work or sleep.

      Then DH calls his parents on his drive to work on Tuesdays. Listens to their various medical and social dramas. Arriving at work provides natural end point.

      I send pics to family chat weekly.

      Vacations/holidays are a whole other negotiation.

    9. Huh there was a really insightful comment that disappeared. Basically your post style here illuminates the issue- you don’t need their permission to set boundaries and you will never get it! You don’t need to justify and explain and in fact shouldn’t.

    10. “I honestly think we spend a good amount of family time together and are in pretty regular communication and it’s disappointing when we travel to their house for the holidays (thus don’t see my family) and my in-laws are upset that one of the kids didn’t make it because they are with their in-laws on the other side that year.”

      Grown adults need to understand that their children are married to actual people who also have families, and those people want to see their families. I would not give one iota’s worth of time to worrying that your in-laws are upset because some of their children are with the other side of the family at a given holiday. In fact, I would treat it as though I were puzzled by the concept of being upset by it … “oh, well, it makes sense that Bob [their son] and Betty Lou are missing being here this year, as they are Betty Lou’s parents in Vermont this year. Betty Lou’s parents were always so nice. Hope they’re all having fun and pick me up some maple syrup!”

      And why can’t you vocalize that next year, you want to do Christmas with your side? Can’t you flip Thanksgiving and Christmas, or work out some alternative? So what if you wind up having a second turkey dinner on the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, or celebrating Christmas on December 28?

      2. If your husband is close enough with his siblings to coordinate, it might work to coordinate holidays with his side of the family. DH has 3 siblings, and all 4 of them are married. It’s really important to DH’s parents to have all the “kids” and grandkids together sometimes. DH and one sibling are local and stay in town every year. Two siblings spend the holidays with DH’s family every other year but coordinate so that the whole family is together once every 2 years.

        We also end up celebrating holidays at “off” times. This year, for Thanksgiving, we’re going to DH’s dad’s house on Thursday and his mom’s house on Friday. For Christmas, we’ll have Christmas Eve with DH’s mom, Christmas morning at our house and then with his dad, a meal with his mom’s extended family at some point (or this may be my family’s boundary this year), and then my parents will visit for a week starting on the 27th.

        But all of this is practical advice for dealing with reasonable people. It sounds like you don’t have that, so you have to start doing what you want and telling them how it will be.

    11. Tell your husband, “we are doing enough. There is nothing to feel guilty about.” Maybe offer to take every other weekend morning video call as a gesture of kindness to him as your partner.

      1. Also? You need to disengage from your in-laws’ emotions about whether or not their other children are with them on Thanksgiving or whatever. That is not your burden to carry.

    12. Learn to set boundaries.

      No, we can’t have an email chain, we have a WhatsApp group.

      No, we can’t talk every week, we are busy this week.

  28. Dog owners, does your vet usually include a stool sample in their annual visit. Ours never has but is trying to add it on now and I’m wondering if this is really routine or if they are just trying to find a way to bill more.

    1. We did last year, but I think it was because he was going to be boarded. His annual is this week, I’ll report back if it would help!

      1. Literally just got the call saying please remember to bring it in, so I guess there’s your answer!

    5. I have cats and blood, stool, urine samples are part of their annual care. How else are you supposed to screen for diseases?

    6. Yes. This is to test for parasites and has always been a part of every exam in the 17 years I have had dogs. I do think we’ve been unable to /found it difficult to collect on some occasions and now they ask me to bring it with me.

    8. Yup, always. Plus our doggie daycare requires a current test on file that is negative for parasites, etc.

  29. Looking for comfortable ankle boots that are well-made enough that they can be resoled and conditioned year after year. What are your favorite brands for this?

  30. I would like to have a little tree trimming festive party, but my anxiety is getting the better of me. Here’s the deal:

    One group I’m involved with meets semi-regularly so I feel like if I invite one person from that group, I have to invite all of them. But that’s 11 people right there, and I am only close with (I define “close” as I see them regularly outside of the group meetings) half of them. Do I just invite the whole group, even though I would prefer to only invite half and I am pretty sure the ones I’m not close with wouldn’t come anyway? But if I DON’T invite them all, the ones I don’t invite may hear about it at a future gathering and it might seem weird or rude…

    Then I have 3-4 other friends I only socialize with 1-on-1 that are not a part of any group, so they won’t know anyone else there. And then I have one other friend group that is small and sweet, but kind of insular and not great about mingling.

    I would like to just… invite who I went and see what happens. But my stress about what people will think gets in the way every time. How do you handle these kinds of social conundrums?

    This is why I never end up hosting anything!

    1. I always invite everyone and then whoever comes comes! I met some of my closest adult friends from others doing this and bringing me along to things and it’s worked out swimmingly.

      I think unless it’s a small get together it’s a little rude to not extend the invite to all of group #1. I have a few people like this – I call them “party friends” because we pretty much only see each other at parties. We always invite each other to our parties and often see each other at mutual friends’ parties and that’s a perfect level of friendship for some people! As you said, the ones you’re not as close with probably won’t come anyways.

      1. Yup, invite everyone! It avoids the issues you reference, and having different groups of friends meet is, for me, part of what makes hosting parties fun. Some people will inevitably be busy /get sick/ bail, so invite more people than you actually want to attend.

    2. Invite them all! Especially during the holidays, many will not be able to or will chose not to attend so you are unlikely to end up with your entire guest list in attendance.

      Being a bit of an introvert and not particularly adept at finding new friends on my own as an adult, I am here to tell you that the new friends I do make are pretty much always as a result of being invited to something where I don’t know most or all of the other guests. From a hostess standpoint I’ve watched new friendships take off when I’ve invited disparate groups or individuals to a function. The latest involved my second cousin and the friend of a friend making symphony plans at a lunch I hosted. It made me feel so good to see that because it can be hard to make new friends as an adult!

      So it’s possible that your friends won’t mind that they don’t know the others and in fact you may be doing them a favor.

    3. Another frequent hostess here, and I can tell you that people mingle! Just invite everybody :)

    4. If you have room to accommodate everybody, then invite them all. Everybody will mingle and it will be great.

      If you don’t have room, then invite who you want and let the chips fall where they may. I decided a long time ago that everybody doesn’t have to be invited to everything. I invite certain people to certain things, and when I’m not invited to everything everybody else does, I don’t take it personally because I do the same.

    1. The Aerie Sunnie is surprisingly good and last I checked they carry at least at 30D

      1. +1

        Bravissimo is Empress of big bust land. 100+ models in 30DD.

        Would recommend Marks & Spencer for additional selection, I filtered their US site lingerie page for 30DD and got 60+ models in that size. (160+ on their UK page).

        Panache, Cleo and Curvy Kate are brands with wider underwires and more shallow cups. Freya and some Bravissimo models are more forward and close together with narrower wires. For 30DD I’d recommend Gossard as a great brand for forward lift is that is something you want.

    6. in person or online? bravissimo, herroom or nordstrom all have a bunch, but if you have a shop that specializes in bra fitting near you go there to try them on for real. in nyc, la petite coquette or bratenders.

    7. Ask for recommendations at a bra that fits on red dit.

      When I figured out my correct size (I went from a very uncomfortable 40D to a 38G) I looked for brand recommendations from the ladies there, then ordered and returned a lot from Amazon. I’m a prime member so it was all free and fast. I also buy from Nordstrom now that I know my size and style, but I really did have to figure out which styles worked for me – not too tall wires, and usually lace topped cups.

  32. This suit gives a “tour guide at the museum” vibe. Or like something a page at NBC would wear. LOL

    2. Or maybe some sort of weird eighties music video, somebody who’s both an air stewardess (Air Pastel) and synth musician. Heh.

Comments are closed.