Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
There are a ton of interesting oversized trench coats out right now. This Reiss one (pictured) or this Chloé one (on sale!) are probably among my favorites, but I also like these drapey options from Steve Madden, Avec les Filles, and Sézanne. (The Row has some… interesting trench coats right now, to say the least.)
As spring approaches, what outerwear are you on the hunt for? What will you wear from previous years?
The pictured trench is $625 at Nordstrom and Saks; Reiss has it also in white and hot pink. I’ll put a few more affordable options in the widget below. (Also note: this rain coat is a long-standing reader favorite and comes in regular, plus, tall, and petite sizes.)
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Hunting for a lightweight jacket? Classics include the designer trench ($$$$), as well as this affordable reader favorite rain coat, this sporty moto coat, and this long cardigan for warmer days! Know your office before wearing a jean jacket with your outfit, but if you’re on the hunt, this one is a bestseller every year. Check out some of our latest, trendy favorites for 2023 are below!
Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
Ugh. I thought my friend breakup was done, and though I was sad I was starting to feel some peace about it. But today she unexpectedly sent me a defensive email, and has gone from being super apologetic to saying that I’m the problem.
I haven’t responded, and don’t plan to anytime soon. I don’t have anything constructive to say. I really would have liked to leave it where it was. Very sad to go from being able to relate on almost anything, to not even sharing the same view of reality…
I’m sorry, Monday. If it makes you feel better, “not even sharing the same view of reality” is why I am no longer friends with about a half dozen people. In my more Zen moments, I can run their words through a translator and understand that while the plain, literal, and exclusive meaning of their statements contradicts reality, they are trying to express something else.
Sorry you’re dealing with this.
Personally, I would delete the email and move on…nothing can be gained from replying at all.
Sadly, this is why it is sometimes just better to let friendships (even long term, best friendships) to slowly fade. I have never found a purposeful friend “break-up” to be a good or necessary thing.
IMHO, it depends on what you’re trying to get out of it. If the breakup is something along the lines of “I am not going to be friends with you when you treat me this way,” it’s really about drawing the boundary.
+1 – I’ve only Broken Up with one friend and it was because she would not have gotten the message any other way (and indeed, kept trying to get in touch and bother me multiple times over the next couple years until I’d finally blocked her on every possible medium including LinkedIn).
Thanks, and yes, this is the kind of breakup it was. “I am not ok with this anymore. Are you open to changing?” I guess not.
During a friend breakup the person shared a dozen things she thought were wrong with me. Even though I knew those things objectively weren’t true it still hurt that my friend secretly felt that way. Sadly this behavior means you were right to drop the friendship. If you don’t want to repair the relationship there’s no point in responding.
Thanks to all who have commented. Yes, this is where I’m at right now–that her lashing out is just proving that I made the right call on drawing a line with her.
The email is archived and out of sight. We’ve been close since high school, so I am not writing her off permanently, but this is definitely a rude awakening and I’m stepping back for the foreseeable future.
then maybe it is best to delete….. for your mental health….
I had a very sad friend breakup a few years ago – basically I called her out on something she did to me that was objectively crappy, she agreed and apologized, I accepted her apology, then she thought about it for a bit and broke up with me for calling her out. Essentially, she got caught and ended the friendship over it. It’s so stupid and it took me a long, long time to get better.
Give it time, Monday. If it encourages you at all, I have new friends now who are just way too nice and thoughtful to ever do something like that to me, and looking back, I’m amazed I put up with it from my former friend for as long as I did.
Thank you. Yes, this is the weirdest part of it. She initially agreed with everything I said and that she was out of line, but now seems to have taken it back. I’ve seen this before with others though, as you describe with your friend. I think people just REALLY don’t like accountability sometimes.
I don’t think I’m great at making new friends, but this is motivating me…
At least you can say she validated your decision. Sorry. I know it’s painful.
Narcissists can never be wrong or accept accountability. Ask me how I know…
what’s everyone eating tonight? trying to plan a greek-themed dinner with spanikopita, patsitsio, tiktok feta pasta, and salmon (i’m thinking just lemon and greek seasoning).
Pizza! (If I still feel like making the dough when I get home, which is…not guaranteed!)
Me too. We make it with prepared crust to make it easy. I love this weekend tradition.
Fish fry Friday! I am not Catholic and my husband isn’t practicing but I love the Midwest Catholic fish frys. Growing up in the small town, Baptist south the notion of a church selling fried fish and beer was a new one to me when I moved out here.
I am impressed that people are cooking tonight! I don’t think I’ve ever made dinner on a Friday – if I don’t have dinner plans then I’m eating a bowl of cereal or something nice and easy on my couch.
So that being said … I will be having a bowl of cereal. It’s supposed to be high 30s and raining tonight, so I will not be going out anywhere to meet anyone!
Following with interest because I forgot to turn the crockpot on several hours ago. Ugh.
Pizza movie night, dough is rising now!
Pizza high five!
Pizza of course.
Doesn’t everyone celebrate Pizza Friday :)
I do, but I always order it! Don’t have the energy to cook by Friday
Yes, yes…. of course I order it in too!!
So Glad She Found It
With or without engagement ring?
lol me too – what a great feel good ending!
I have a fresh baguette. I already put the butter out to soften. I am have some cheese also and some olive tapenade. Lent cholesterol fest is happening.
I went to a private dinner offered by a local chef. One of my favorites in the multi-course, fabulous meal was a mx of butter and brie served with warm, crusty bread and paper thin radishes. Yes, I am supportive of cholesterol fest.
I think I might finally have time to make copycat taco bell enchiritos. I miss them a lot from my childhood (they were the fancy things the grown ups would get but I always begged a bite) and several people have published recipes they say are spot-on. I hope so!
OMG I LOVE pastitsio!!! Envious.
feeling a bit under the weather so getting takeout pho
Homemade burgers on the grill, with oven fries, steamed green beans and a Crudité platter. the six year old has already done all of the prep and my husband made the burgers so I am sitting reading and sipping sparkling water. Score!
DC Inhouse Counsel
Date night at Zaytinya! It’s a Jose Andres mediterranean small plates place.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Monday. I also would not respond. As I read your post, you want to put the relationship and corresponding events in your past and you don’t want more conversation about what happened. A response from you invites a response from her and provides some message that there is conversation left to be had.
Thanks, Sunshine. I replied to everyone else above.
Does anyone have a rec for a folding camp chair that is actually comfortable?
I have a Helinox festival chair (the super-low clearance one) that I love for the beach. If I were wanting to splurge on a normal-height camp chair, I would try their high back version.
Helinox is SO worth the money. Obsessed with my Sunset chair. Most comfortable ever.
Yes! It is pricey for a folding chair, but is heavy duty, has a carrying case with straps to carry, and I love the 2 person fit. I’ve had mine for 5+ years and it is still in great condition. They used to have a single person one, but don’t see it on [email protected] Debating getting the 3 person one with our growing fam. Link to follow but if you search “omnicore designs moonphase” on [email protected] it pops up
This is THE BEST chair I’ve ever owned. Sturdy, accommodates all levels of recline, and isn’t too heavy all things considered. I will never settle for anything less ever again. Also, I forgot to take in through most of the fall. And it still looks good as new.
We had to buy one for each member of the family because we were fighting over this chair when we only had one: https://www.dickssportinggoods.com/p/gci-outdoor-comfort-pro-chair-20gciucmfrtprchrxrec/20gciucmfrtprchrxrec
KS IT Chick
My DH & I have these. https://www.cabelas.com/shop/en/gci-outdoor-sunshade-rocker-camp-chair Mine is bright blue, his is gray.
It is expensive and fairly bulky in it’s carrying case (ie. I take it car camping all the time; wouldn’t be great for lugging with a ton of other gear through a festival) but I got one of those Nemo rocking camp chairs and I LOVE it — so much so that I keep it permanently set up as the “reading nook” in my bedroom :)
I find out on Mon or Tues whether my job application at a client will proceed further. Meanwhile, I’m participating in a pitch for a matter that if my firm gets it will mean miserable hours for next several months trying to work across time zones. I would pretty much take any salary the client offered to get out of biglaw hours right now.
Sending good vibes your way!
FYI, don’t take pretty much any salary. Once you are in-house, whatever salary you set when you first made the transition will set the course of your next decade. I took too low of a salary and regret it constantly.
I just wrapped up a very intense project and have my first fully free weekend in months this weekend. However, I’m being added on to another very intense project next week (project is already in progress, I’m jumping on to cover for a maternity leave). Basically I am coming up for air for this weekend and then diving right back into the chaos.
What should I do this weekend? Weather will be crappy: cold and rainy so my initial plans for long bike rides to breweries are out. Part of me wants to order junk food, watch TV, and sleep. Part of me wants to go out all night, blow off steam, and have fun. Part of me wants to deep clean my apartment and get a massage.
FWIW, the next “real break” on my calendar is probably Memorial Day weekend!
Tonight: Go out, blow off steam and have fun
Tomorrow: order junk food, watch TV and sleep
Sunday: deep clean and get a massage
…doesn’t sound too bad to me, honestly!
Do not clean!
Ha, I have just cancelled my plans on Sunday and absolutely plan on cleaning! And I can’t wait!
A phrase for you to try out, Anon: “Good for you! Not for me.”
Not really! Some people really enjoy cleaning and find it relaxing, which is okay and not sad at all.
I do not like cleaning as a routine matter, but every once in a while after a busy period or right before I know there will be a very busy period, I find it immensely rewarding to spend a day organizing and cleaning! It makes me feel like everything is back in order and ready for what comes next, and it’s a great excuse to sail through a podcast or audiobook or to put an old favorite TV series on in the background.
I get it! A clean place is 10/10
A former coworker and friend of mine is expanding his team and has asked me to apply for a yet to be posted position! The position is not explicitly written for me, but I know he’s tailored it a bit to fit my background and expertise. He’s also bounced some ideas for both the position and some of the work his team does off of me (but he’s been doing this for 3 years, since he took this job).
Since the position is not yet posted, we can talk about it without restriction and I can ask whatever questions I want, but once the position is posted and I’m an actual candidate then we can’t do that and my opportunity to ask questions will be limited to interviews, as it is for average candidates who don’t know the hiring manager.
That being said – what should I be asking now while I have full access to pick his brain? He’s 6 years older than me so has always been senior to me (so I don’t think working for him will be too weird) but he and his husband have become good friends of mine. This is nice, because I fully trust him and can literally ask whatever I want without worrying how my questions might come off.
I’ve already asked several questions that are position and company specific but I’m sure there are ones I’m not thinking of and figured I could crowd source some ideas from people who are fully removed from the situation.
What’s the team like? Biggest challenges in the role? How will the role grow or change in the next X number of years? What are your opportunities for advancement? For continued learning (conferences, a grad degree, etc.)? How’s the “grand boss” (his boss)? What is his least favorite thing about his role/his company?
Is it government? Why those weird rules?
Are those rules so weird? Once you are a candidate for a job, you shouldn’t get special treatment over other applicants just because you happen to know the hiring manager. Or did you mean something else.
Candidates can ask whatever they want regardless of whether they know the hiring manager or not. But it may affect their chances. I have had many interviews with hiring managers I know and there were never any stated rules. I can’t tell if you have put these on yourself or someone actually said this.
Not government, but I cannot talk to the hiring manager about the job outside of interviews once the job is posted. This seems normal to me!
These “rules” are not normal or typical in my experience.
Is Iceland Air a budget airline or is it fairly full service for international travel with a premium economy, business class etc? Just noticed there are good fares at convenient times from my east coast city to Glasgow, which is rare as you usually have to fly to Heathrow and go from there with other airlines. However I’ve noticed that all the Ireland and Scotland flights have a 1 hour connection in Reykjavik – is that even doable? How big is that airport and what are the chances that your luggage can be taken from the first flight onto the second before takeoff? Not a seasoned traveler to begin with so I don’t want to be in Europe without luggage.
My mom takes Icelandair through Keflavik (the airport right outside Reykjavik) frequently with a passel of teenage students on her way to Europe for exchanges and has never missed a connection or had any lost luggage. I did a 1-hour connection through Keflavik myself on my way to study abroad and made it no problem; the airport’s small and well-organized.
I can’t answer your question about business classes though; my mom doesn’t do that!
I flew WOW airlines back when it existed (which was a budget Icelandic airline) and had an hour layover in Reykjavik on both legs of my BWI to Dublin flight. It was plenty of time, it was a really small airport and I had time to get food, eat, and use the restroom between flights.
I’ve never checked baggage so I can’t comment on that aspect, but as someone with a carryon it was very doable!
Keflavik airport is very small, you don’t have long distances or different terminals.
If both flights are Iceland air, they know it’s fine – with two different airlines I’d be more wary.
There is first class, but it is not at all “first class” as it exists on a normal international flight- no lie flat, etc. It’s first class on an Alaska Air flight, for example. Wider seats, food service, etc. The Reykjavik airport is totally manageable in an hour- it’s small and it’s almost entirely Icelandair flights. The airport is really nice.
It’s pretty budget (no food in even on international flights in economy class) but it’s fine.
I exclusively fly Icelandair for trips home maybe 2 times year, East Coast – Europe RT. Exclusively because it’s always a more seamless and low-stress experience than LHR, Frankfurt, or god forbid CDG. 1 hr connections are fine, passport control moves super quickly. I’ve also (3 times!) found that if my original flight is delayed arriving, the connecting flight is held a bit so I’ve never missed a connection there. Although, I can think of far worse things than a surprise 24-hrs in Reykjavik. The airport takes maybe 10 minutes to criss-cross and passport control has never taken longer than 20 even when the line is full. So far, no lost luggage, but I only check luggage at christmas/winter holidays, so smaller data set.
I’ve taken Iceland Air a couple of times pre-pandemic, and went for premium economy. They serve no food, which I don’t mind – I prefer bringing my own. They do serve beverages. The short layover in Reykjavik worked every time, even when I had the privilege of getting my hand luggage searched extra thoroughly.
I always meant to try booking the 2 day layover though, and explore a bit in Iceland – don’t know if that is still offered.
It’s still offered. It’s been their signature thing since the 1970s, if not before. My dad’s first trip to Europe was on IcelandAir with a stopover in Iceland.
That’s like their entire reason for existing. You can even do more than 2 days.
They offered a discount if I was willing to stay overnight in Iceland. I didn’t have time, but it’s a good option for those who do.
+1 for it being a great option, civilized airport, an hour being plenty of time, and yay for avoiding more congested airports.
Recently flew Icelandair to Reykjavik and I recommend. We flew their biz/first class which was a step up from a domestic airline’s premium economy — so no lie flat beds, but good food and drink service, bigger seats, etc. Airport is small and an hour layover totally doable. We had a great experience!
I’m 50ish, pretty flat chested (prefer shelf bra to cookies), and a bit soft in the middle (and the middle is the area where suits often fail to flatter). Where is the best store to look at for a new swimsuit? My pre-COVID bottoms now seem so low-rise that I’m not emotionally comfortable wearing them anymore. Last year, I wanted too long and things were too picked over by the time I shopped.
Summersalt. Truly something for everyone, IMO.
If you’re open to separates, Land’s end. Or even not separates, I don’t know because I’ve only bought the separates. The reason I recommend them is that the bottoms are high enough for me and my baby belly/flap.
And they flex across sizes nicely. My size 10s fit size 8 me and size 12 me.
I love the j crew ruched high rise full coverage swim bottoms. And then there a lot of different top styles depending on what you’re looking for.
La Blanca has been good for me.
Too late to comment on this morning thread, but here’s my thoughts on PTAs – If you don’t have kids there, I would not donate money to PTAs. At our public school they have more money than they know what to do with and end up doing stupid stuff like throwing pizza parties and buying every child the same paperback book, which may be read in class.
What you can do: Always vote for the school board issues like levies, and fight bills that are going to take money from schools (or put school governance choices somewhere outside the board of ed). Vote against school vouchers. Check the teachers’ union for recommendations on candidates.
You can also give to specific schools and teachers’ pet projects through Donors Choose. In some districts you can call and ask to pay children’s lunch balances, but my (white bougie) district didn’t know wtf to do with that request. You might also call the teacher in charge of your favorite high school activity and see if you could sponsor a few fees for kids; things like drama club can be as much as $300 per year.
If anyone knows of a more direct way to help teachers, I’d love to hear it. We’re only allowed to give $25 in total value at the holidays.
Sponsoring fees for school events, clubs, or sports is incredibly important.
Support teachers by buying things from their lists for school supplies, sending your kid to school fed/well slept/NOT SICK, and with their own supplies that you will not have a hissy fit over when they go missing. Show up on time to parent teacher conferences and respond promptly to notes and paperwork sent home with your child.
Vote yes on all schools funding on the ballot, and actively support things the teachers union supports.
I think this is really school-specific–donations to PTAs and public school foundations can do a lot of good. My kids go to a Title I school that also has a lot of wealthy families. The PTA fundraises to make things more equitable, so covers things like: day field trip fees and school supplies for everyone, and gives the school secretary a fund to quietly pay for things that do cost money (like overnight field trip fees) if a family needs it.
The school foundation for a neighboring district that serves poorer neighborhoods fundraises almost entirely from families who don’t have children in the district. It really needs contributions to give the kids many things all schools should have, but tax money doesn’t fund.
My school isn’t Title I, but it’s not super bougie, and the PTA and district foundation cover a lot of the extras that we wouldn’t get through state funding – art (a curriculum and supplies), music (instrument loan + lessons for 4th grade and up), transportation and scholarships for field trips, sports in middle school, performing arts for all the grades and grants for teacher requests. Don’t donate to the PTAs in the well-funded schools, obviously, but PTA is a really important supplement to our district and the well-rounded education they can provide.
I also like donorschoose, since you can filter by type of school, % of low-income kids etc.
My friend’s job (arts teacher, city school) was just saved by her PTA.
Our PTA is similar in terms of the kind of things get funded. They also do things like buy required gym clothes and band uniforms, as well as sh*t-ton of field trips, bus rentals for said field trips, and assembly speakers/performers. I give to the PTA, to the booster clubs, and pay plenty in property taxes. All of the schools in our district are Title 1 or pretty close to Title 1, with the spectrum of income being from super-poor to well-off professionals (lawyer and doctor rich not private equity rich).
While I’d love to live in a world where it was just taken out of property taxes, that is not my world here in CA.
Thank you. I was the one who asked upthread about how to support public schools when I don’t have kids. I appreciate the pointers.
I learned that some high schools do the same play over and over every year because they cannot afford the rights to new plays or musicals. I went to a jewelry fundraiser for a wealthy school where all the moms drank wine and bought jewely we didn’t need so the wealthy school could buy a new play or musical that year.
I recommend reading the fine print when using Donors Choose. I was burned once when giving to a project that didn’t end up fully funded because they took the money raised for that and applied it elsewhere. If I would have known that the teacher wasn’t going to see ANY of the donations, I would have covered the small gap to get to the threshold level for him to benefit. I’ve had much better luck shopping directly from Amazon wish lists (you aren’t required to buy directly from Amazon) for teachers and schools.
One of my clothing workhorses died this week. It was a black boatneck 3/4 sleeve fine rib-knit sweater made of a silk/viscose blend. I bought it at Banana sometime in the mid- to late-90s (!) and have worn it year-round since then. A shoulder seam ripped this week, and there is no way to repair it. Has anyone seen anything similar out there? Honestly willing to spend almost anything on a good replacement.
No suggestions but commiseration. I had a black cardigan if the same material from BR, purchased in 1999 on a girls trip to NYC with my mom. I wore it for 15+ years and cried a little when it developed an unrepairable hole.
It was perfect! It looked good with business separates and with jeans. It was substantial enough to wear on its own, but light enough to wear under a jacket. It somehow fit for at least 23 years, even though I am no longer the same shape or size. Pour one out for the magic BR sweaters of yesteryear!
Look for it on Etsy or Poshmark
It’s not quite the same, but I have a few silk/cotton blend “layering tees” from Brass that I really like. They’re a fine rib and a nice fabric. I have a scoopneck and a shell and they look polished. I wore one with a suit to a big board presentation earlier this week.
I have some beautiful silk blend ones from Ann Taylor, but they are also “vintage” like yours! Such a wonderful material, wonderful drape, thick fabric, breathes well.
Wish I could help….
I’m the person who posted yesterday about going to the chiropractor. My appointment was today. I got sucked into it and I did let them do one brief neck adjustment; along with a few back ones. Now that the appointment is over though, I’m terrified and regret it. It’s been an hour and I feel totally fine, but…I should have known that my anxiety would not let me just waltz through this experience. I keep waiting for a stroke to happen. I can’t concentrate on anything. I also can’t find any information about when I might be “in the clear” for a serious reaction. Any knowledge here? They did take X-rays and my neck is extremely messed up. I’m going to take those X-rays to a physical therapist (I guess I’ll refer myself since my previous doctors blew me off).
I should add that I live alone with no family around so that is adding to me being terrified. Like what if I suffer from some sort of paralysis later and can’t call for help. Someone talk me in from the ledge please.
If people routinely had strokes and paralysis from going to see chiropractors, there would be no chiropractors’ offices left/open! I think you’re more likely to have wasted your time and money than to do any actual long term or even short term damage. If you need to put your mind at ease, keep your phone near you for the next 24 hrs in case you need it (you wont). You’re okay.
You’ll almost certainly be fine but this is why people said don’t go to chiropractors.
I think OP realizes that. OP, tell someone in your family to please check on you tomorrow.
Get some help for your anxiety. There is absolutely no reason for you to go into a tailspin, or be sitting around waiting to have a stroke (and let me just say – JFC, really?) other than the stories your brain is telling you that are completely untrue.
If your neck is “seriously messed up” I am not sure why you went to a chiropractor instead of an orthopedist or neck-and-back specialist in the first place. Especially if going to a simple appointment was going to send you into a completely out-of-control anxiety spiral. Get help. I cannot imagine what the rest of your life is like if this one incident has you this spun up.
Wow. Thanks for your analysis. I’m on medication for my diagnosed anxiety and get plenty of help for it. And I did see an orthopedist.
But what did you think anyone could say to you? You knew this was a slight risk. You did it anyway. What will be will be and you’ll most likely be fine.
Hi! I’m not the OP, but I do have health anxiety.
I cannot speak for OP, but for myself, whenever I read that something has a slight risk of a stroke or other type of sudden death, it can really trigger my health anxiety. This is especially true if I’m dealing with other external situations that will weaken my defenses (like work stress or, like OP, chronic pain in a part of my body). When it’s happening, I know it is irrational, but it is very difficult for me to get out of the anxiety spiral because that is unfortunately how my brain and brain chemistry work. I am medicated, am stable most of the time, and have a great therapist and support system. Sometimes it still happens and I still have bad anxiety days! I took OP’s post as reaching out for help and support in a situation where she might be spiraling, when sometimes external support can ease the anxiety symptoms. She clearly knows she is suffering from anxiety, and your responses here aren’t particularly helpful or kind. I hope that you don’t treat your friends or yourself this way when suffering from a chronic illness, which is what anxiety is.
For the OP — I hear you and I’ve been in exactly your situation. Maybe not with a chiropractor specifically, but this is basically me every time I get off an airplane! When is the blood clot going to burst into my lungs or brain and kill me suddenly? I will be alone in my hotel room! You’ve gotten some excellent suggestions for keeping your phone on you, telling a friend you’re worried, and maybe enabling your Apple Watch if you have one of those. I have lots of strategies for dealing with myself in these situations, and I’m not sure if you and your therapist have specifically worked on developing a toolbox of sorts so I’ll tell you some of mine (also highly recommend doing that in times that you’re not in crisis).
If I’m having an active panic attack, I lie down and put ice or a cold pack on my wrists and neck and do some breathing exercises. After the acute phase passes, I’ll sometimes play a mindless game on my phone that will take my head off the anxiety for a bit, or do sudoku or similar. If I’m not in that level of crisis mode, I will first check the facts — It is truly incredibly rare for a stroke to happen at all. Things like that. I also am a HUGE fan of body-scan meditations. I like some of the guided ones on the Calm app, but I’m sure you can find them in other places. The advantage of that for me is that it helps me concentrate on the parts of my body that DO NOT hurt and DO NOT feel affected, so at the end, I realize, “Oh, for 20 minutes I’ve been thinking about my toes and my arms and all the other parts of me, and while I was absorbed in that, I didn’t think about my head possibly hurting. If it was actually having a stroke, my body wouldn’t let me forget that!”
I suggest this next piece with extreme caution — There is a subreddit for Health Anxiety that has been very helpful for me. It has lots of coping strategies and threads for different methods for calming down. Be aware that there is a thread where people are spiraling about specific health issues (it is clearly labeled), and DO NOT STRAY into other parts of Reddit. Sometimes when I’m having health anxiety, I will search that forum for whatever my concern is and it’ll bring up threads where people are asking how to deal with that specific fear. It helps me feel less alone if nothing else.
LAST! Please do tell a friend or someone close about this fear. I get embarrassed when I think I’m obsessing about something stupid, but it has helped me a lot to be able to tell people I love because (1) they will reassure me I’m okay, and (2) they’ll reassure me that I’m loved, and (3) they still continue being my friend when it all passes, so it just helps build the support system.
I know this was very long, but I wanted you to know that I see you. Health anxiety can be tremendously isolating. I know that you’re going to be just fine from this chiropractor experience (just like I’m okay after every flight or long car ride). Please take good care, and I’m rooting for you.
OP here…Health Anxiety, thank you so much for this. This is exactly what I needed right now. It’s so easy for people to write off anxiety and say “get a grip” but you’re right, people diagnosed with anxiety have totally different brain chemistry and it is a chronic condition. It’s treatable, but not curable, and a spiral is a spiral, which is what I was experiencing. We don’t tell a bleeding person they need serious help because their body is reacting to a sharp instrument by bleeding. Thank you so much for these toolbox suggestions.
Ok, if you knew this was going to be your likely reaction OP, why’d you do it?
Strokes DO happen from chriro visits, so seems perfectly rational to be thinking of them while anxious during OP’s episode of regret. This is unnecessarily harsh.
This is such a mean response. First, the JFC aside — are you serious? How unkind. Second, the scolding (“I’m not sure why you made the decision you made…”) is seriously snide. I hope you don’t have any loved ones who deal with anxiety or depression. Even when getting help, anxiety is difficult to contend with.
Fascinating, tell us more about how perfect you are, 4:23. Can’t get enough!
I’m not a medical professional so I don’t know the timeframe for something like a vessel rupture or stroke or nerve problems, but I think maybe anything disastrous would have already happened.
For practical things you can do – do you have an AppleWatch? I know most AppleWatch models have fall sensor, so if you faint or fall and hit your head, it is activated. And you can activate it with a touch of a button. (Maybe android watches have this, not sure. ) So if you have one, check your instructions and make sure you wear it and make sure your emergency contacts are up to date. If no watch, my iPhone has an SOS feature – five presses on the side key. I think I could do that if I fell, maybe I wouldn’t have presence of mind to do it if I had a stroke: But being familiar with it and not needing to look it up helps, like practicing a fire drill before a fire. Keep your fully charged cellphone in a pocket (even while wearing a watch) all weekend – not on the counter or in your purse. Charge it before going to bed.
Let one or two friends know – they can give moral support – and have them check in with you by text tonight and over the weekend. They can send out the Mounties if they don’t hear from you. (Kidding, sort of.) I’m a worrier too and if I take these steps I stop obsessing. I know when my husband sat on my cellphone and somehow activated the SOS function, both my kids and my sister called/texted me within 5 minutes and the 911 dispatch center called me right back within like 30 seconds. Good luck!
No it can often take a few days.
They tell everyone that their neck is messed up. That’s why they’re scammy. It’s actually pretty normal to have some degree of arthritis or other abnormalities on imaging, but that doesn’t mean they’re responsible for your pain (most people without pain have them too). They just use the images to sucker you into more treatment than you need or want. I’m sure there are some good chiropractors out there, but the profession overall seems very unethical.
I’ll add, I’ve been there on the neck pain and also saw lots of different doctors and PTs. Some of the physical therapy did help, and I continue to do exercises and stretches years later, but ultimately what helped the most was just figuring out better ergonomics. No working in awkward positions ever, or I pay the price! That means that I can’t ever work at a coffee shop or my kitchen table or in bed, but it’s worth it to be in less pain. Hope you feel better soon.
I feel like for a chiropractor to do x-rays at all is a pretty big red flag.
+1 I would trust, at all, their analysis of your x-rays.
Realistically tons of people go to chiropractors without issue and are fine. I grew up around a community where it was super common and I never heard anything negative about chiropractors until I was well into my 20s. I would expect by now that your risk of stroke is back to whatever it normally is. I do think a PT is a better bet than a chiro though and hopefully they refer you to another doctor if that’s what’s needed.
As someone who has had a mini-stroke, it might be comforting to you that there is a quick diagnostic: FAST.
Facial paralysis – a quick check is a visual for an even smile on both sides of the lips and no eyelid drooping.
Arms – can you raise both arms to the same level directly in front of you and to the sides in a T shape.
Speech- are you slurring your words, or having difficulty speaking? You can try naming your best friends and family out loud, reciting things you did that day out loud, or simply saying ‘chicken noodle soup’.
Time – anything going wrong with the above? 911, don’t drive yourself to the hospital (accidents, but also because the ambulance knows which hospitals have stroke units).
None of the above concerning? Should be reassuring to you. Symptoms to look for are: extreme headache, one side of the body going numb, confusion, difficulty seeing, difficulty moving, loss of balance.
Just to expand on this slightly as a PSA, extreme vertigo and vomiting (like motion sickness from doing anything other than laying down with your eyes closed) can also be signs of a stroke, although rarer. My husband had one about 5 years ago and these were his main symptoms. He was eventually diagnosed with a rare autoimmune condition that can cause blood clots. And he made a full recovery thankfully.
Go back and see your PCP again, and tell them it is not better. Make sure you really try any of the things the doctors you suggested you try. I mean, they must have told you something, yes? Heat/cold/stretching/exercise/massage/something? Have you tried what they suggested, thoroughly, for at least a month or so? Or did you not get a chance to explain what was going on because the time was eaten up with other things and they ignored it? Sometimes we aren’t great advocates for ourselves – I’m not!
If your PCP doesn’t have any suggestions, ask for a script for PT. Think carefully about whether anything that you are currently doing might be rough on your neck/back. Do you sit at a great workstation, with a great chair/good posture/computer and screen perfectly positioned, all ergonomic? If not, talk with the PT about it and ask if you should get an Occupational therapist assessment to optimize these things. Heck, some workplaces will even help you do it! Then get the script you need from your doctor, or the PT will call them and get an updated script.
BTW – orthopedists are surgeons. They are interested in surgery. If your problem is not one that likely needs surgery, unfortunately they are often uninterested or simply bad at giving suggestions. It is what it is.
Can you find an engrossing movie on Netflix to distract yourself?
Wouldn’t it be nice instead of wasting money buying bad jewelry they just gave cash and could have bought the play rights for more schools.
tax the rich.
Repeat to your self: “my feelings are not facts” over and over and breath. Then find something silly to watch. Ignore them “I told you so” mean girls who can’t resist making others feel bad on this site. Neck pain impacts so many people and I hope you can find a good PT. Might want to try a different ortho as well. Hugs.
Thank you, Trish. I really appreciate it. Interestingly enough, my mentor IRL is named Trish.
Talk to me about the Dyson/Shark airwrap. I already have the Drybar version of the Revlon Double-shot, so I am only interested in the curling function (and does it dry while it curls? That would be cool.) Do you have it? Did it change your life? How close does it get to instantly drying and curling my hair while I do absolutely nothing?
Honestly it’s incredible. I’m sorry I wish I could tell you otherwise. I use it as a hairdryer, then switch attachments to one of the brush ones to finish. You can curl and dry at the same time from mostly dry hair. Honestly I’m not great at it but I’ve never been good with styling tools. It’s really easy to use even for someone like me who never figured out this stuff.
Dyson or Shark?
S in Chicago
I justified the air wrap’s cost during Covid lockdowns since I wasn’t seeing my stylist. I wouldn’t even blink at purchasing again. It has changed my life.
Here’s how I get the best results: I put light volumizing mouse in my hair and blow dry it mostly dry (using the Revlon one-step hair dryer) and then I split my hair into portions and then I use the airwap. I usually heat each section about 15-20 seconds and then blast a cold shot on the section for 15 seconds or so. I let my hair sit then while I put in my contacts and do my make up. Then I finger loosen and hair spray it. I have big bouncy newscaster hair all day then. I literally have never had a “bad” hair day. It takes me less time than if I were to blow dry and curl separately. Sometimes I wrap my hair and put a bonnet on while sleeping and refluff the next day. If a curl needs refreshing, I’ll lightly wet the strand and use the airwrap on it again. The key to getting the curls to stay is the little bit of product, doing the cold blast and not touching the curls too soon.
One note is that my hair is slightly longer than shoulder length, and I purchased the longer rods.
FWIW, those rods are the only attachments I use. I feel like if I’m going for a straight look, I can do better pulling it straight with the Revlon hairdryer and then using a flat iron than trying to use the tool for straightening. The shorter rods that came with it are too short to wrap my hair really well. You want the whole strands exposed to try faster (so hair touching rod, not hair over hair with rod at the center). I’ve seen the round brush tool do a great job at curtain bangs on Instagram videos, but I don’t have front layers so can’t speak to direct experience.
One other thing–I bought my air wrap refurbished on Dyson’s website. I haven’t had any problems. Was a huge money saver and would recommend to anyone if they have it as an option (it comes with a warranty for a year or two I believe).
The Dyson Airwrap is amazing. Worth every penny! My only regret is not having bought one sooner. :)
I am terrible at styling my hair, always have been. I mostly just use the brush attachments to dry my hair, and it always looks good. The curling attachments are very easy to use, though I don’t use them often (I probably will use them more once my hair grows a little longer– shoulder length right now.)
Regarding your “do absolutely nothing” comment– it does requires some action on your part. You’ve got to move the brush through your hair, etc. But it’s easy to do, and fairly quick, IMO. I can dry my hair with the Airwrap brush much quicker than with a standard hair dryer.
I got a dyson airwrap and it’s great once you figure it out. Also have long hair and bought the long hair version. Took me a few times to get the products (how much heat protector, hairspray or no, etc) and technique (how many sections, how damp should the hair be, etc) right. Still figuring out how to make it last longer than a day, as day two looks awful at the moment!
Counterpoint – if you instead get a Keratin treatment or a Brazilian blowout every 4 months or so, you can just wake up and go, no wasting time on doing your hair. I got one on NYE and it’s going strong still.
What are your favorite loungewear pieces and brands? I have an upcoming surgery and want to treat myself to some quality, nice-looking pieces. Pants need to be able to fit over a cast that comes up to my knee, so probably wide leg. I’m a sucker for a nice matching set (ideally one that’s put together enough to run errands or catch a flight) or a nightgown that is more glam than cottagecore. Size 18/XXL. Any recs?
Soma cool nights. They have a wide leg pajama pant separate that is my HG. They sell matching tops. And I am your size, the XXL fits fine if not roomy.
Here are the ones I have – I have tons and have had most of them for years
I like the cami top with light bust support and I wear all of this with a fleece or a cardigan.
Beyond yoga has the softest, most comfy fabric ever. That and J. Crew 100% cotton pajamas are my holy grails for lounging.
I posted about this before but Lands End wide leg crop pajama pants are insanely soft and comfortable and would go on easily over your cast
S in Chicago
If you’re looking for a new robe, I highly recommend the terry ones at Lands End. I don’t normally shop there but it is the best robe I’ve ever owned and super flattering. Warm without being too bulky. Would be perfect for a hospital stay if they make you walk the halls.
A warning that if you’re new with crutches, they’ll likely make you walk the halls.
Can anyone recommend any intro to US government/history books that I can suggest to a friend who is not from the US? Friend asked me for suggestions.
youtube crash course US history! Not a book but engaging and fun.
For something quick and basic, maybe look at study guides for folks who want to naturalize. I’m hoping the US government has something for free online.
For a little more depth, maybe study guides for the AP tests in those subjects.
I feel like none of those will do an adequate job on factors like race, class, and gender, though.
A mix of historical/cultural books:
A People’s History of the United States
Guns, Germs & Steel
Nickle & Dimed
Lies my Teachers Told Me
Deer Hunting with Jesus
Wasn’t there like a Daily Show version of a U.S. history textbook a while back? I remember that, while humorous, it was also accurate and informational.
I finally found the holy grail of leggings and Old Navy seems to have discontinued them, at least in my size (L/12 Tall). They were the mid-rise jersey leggings. Any dupes or other favorite leggings? These are for lounging/working from home, not exercising, and I’m really looking for soft jersey leggings that don’t squeeze you in. I hate the super tight spandex-y kind of legging. Tall sizes are really important; I’m 5’11”.
Not exactly what you asked for but h and m has cotton leggings with a little spandex in their basics line. They vary in size and quality as well as fiber. I have some from last year that have 98% cotton and some from five years ago with less. They are comfy for being at home and for long flights where I wear a skirt or dress over them. Hue is often good too, but styles and sizes vary quite a bit as well.
I know we have some healthcare folks on here and I’m hoping someone can help me out. I recently was threatened by a friends ex to stay away from my friend, not speak to her, etc. Friend is getting a restraining order against ex for domestic violence issues. (I’m firmly on my friends side and will not be staying away). I’m not super concerned about my physical safety because I live in a secured building and work in another secured building, but ex works at a hospital in patient care, and I have had all my healthcare through that system. I don’t go to any of the branches that he works at, but I believe the reason he got my contact info is via my medical records. Does anyone know whether I as the patient have a right to see the electronic logs for who has accessed my healthcare records? ( In case this sounds crazy, the reason I think this is because he called my alternate / private work cell number that even my friend does not have, and I would never have provided him while they were dating.)
I don’t know details around legal rights to examine who has accessed your electronic medical record.
however, you may call the healthcare facility and state that you would like to:
1. place extra protections for employees to access your EHR. they will likely place something that requires employees to “break the glass” in that the employee has to type in why the are accessing your record. it acts as a deterrent . accesses to restricted accounts get reviewed at our facility.
2. you can explain to the hippa compliance officer that you suspect that said person has accessed your account to get your contact information. they may require that you lodge a formal complaint. healthcare facilities take this very seriously. I can’t imagine that they would hesitate to investigate. if you had difficulty with this healthcare facility, you could ask your state hospital/nursing/medical board for guidance.
Yes, hospitals take HIPAA violations of patient privacy very seriously. Additionally, hospitals do keep electronic records of who accessed a certain patient’s medical records. One of my nurses recently said she couldn’t look up my husband’s record after his visit because she had no medical need to do so. Several hospitals have publicly fired staff after the staff released private info on a famous person.
I think you have a good reason to worry. I don’t know exactly how you would do that but I’d start with the Patient Relations department.
I know someone whose records were accessed by a estranged family member who worked at the hospital. I am not sure how they substantiated this, but it did seem as though the hospital was able to investigate it and confirm.
Try your insurance company (they would take a provider’s breach of patient information security seriously) if you can’t find the right hospital contact.
While YOU may not be able to see the login history, per se, the hospital’s administration can easily check this. You can definitely call and ask to speak to a patient advocate (if they have a HIPAA compliance officer, that would be perfect) and relay your concerns. If I were you, I would do it. But I’ll be honest with you…. you may want to get a restraining order yourself in this setting, if he has threatened you already, and your friend will have one soon.
My husband works in hospital IT. They can find out who accessed your records if they care to look into it, but you may need an attorney and a subpoena. In your shoes, I’d be tempted to do it.
Anyone else dealing with the fall out of the SVB collapse today? I just can’t wrap my head around how quickly this collapse happened and how thoroughly it is screwing everything up.
Yeah it’s been wild. My work won’t be directly affected, but on the personal side I’ve been getting ready to look for a role with more career growth opportunities and just a week or so ago starting to see more companies hiring in my tech-adjacent area… guessing that’s just a blip now
But for context, I asked my non-tech housemates if they’d heard of “this SVB thing” Friday afternoon – crickets. Which was a good reminder of how industry specific this all is
I lived in Palo Alto for years and I’d never even heard of Silicon Valley Bank. I have a lot of friends in tech but they mostly work for established companies not startups.
No. Wasn’t even aware of it until I saw your post. Does not affect me at all.
Fortunate! It’s basically causing everyone of their customers, which includes some thing like half of all tech companies and biotech and life, science companies, to grind to a halt to figure out the most basic capabilities for payment, work, credit cards, letters of credit, bank lines. And of course, this kind of catastrophe is uneven. Some businesses will be totally fine, and some businesses may go under. Even if we assume everyone gets their money back from the bank run, which we can’t yet assume.
yes, it is a disaster
This should effect me professionally or personally, however, I am worried about the larger economic effects, layoffs, inability make payroll, etc.
Twin Cities Dermatologist Response
To the poster looking for a dermatologist in the Twin Cities:
I see Dr. Turnbull at Dermatology Consultants, and I really like her. She has a good sense of humor while performing skin cancer checks. My husband sees Dr. Sale for skin cancer checks and cystic acne issues, also at Dermatology Consultants, and I think she also has been quite good.
I am happy with Dr. Saxena at My Dermatologist in Eagan.
Do Aritzia and Missoma ever have store wide sales? I’m eyeing some items and am not sure whether to pay full price or wait.
Not me reading this as Arizona and Missouri…
Aritzia does a winter/Boxing day sale every year. Discounts are usually in the range of 20-40%, but occasionally you will get a 60-50% discount. Sizing can be difficult if you are a common size, but it’s often worth it to stalk for sales
What did you use to carry your [email protected] and accessories to work? My fancy work backpack was selected for minimalism and doesn’t fit everything. I can do tote or backpack but it needs to fit a 13″ laptop, notebook, workout pants, snacks, and all the pumping stuff including 2 8 oz bottles. Ideally separate access for the pump so I don’t have to take everything out. Thanks!
I left my pump at work during the week and just brought home the bottles and flanges daily. They fit in little insulated lunch bag I kept in the fridge at work and then added to my tote bag. The pump itself had its own backpack so I used that when I needed to bring it home.
For my first kid, I took every piece of gear in a shopping bag to the luggage store and tried each bag they had for fitting them all. The baglckpack I bought I still love 10 years later. It was a camera bag brand, I don’t see a dupe. I gave up on lunch and bought every day (I commuted on the train and it was too much to carry.)
For my second, I bought a second pump and left one in the office.
Just a cheap backpack. However I wasn’t transporting anything except pump, parts and bottles. My work laptop etc lived at work.
I always carried a separate bag. With my first it was the bag my pump came with (madela pump in style) and then left a pump in the office, and with my second, I use my Cuyana zippered tote. With second (currently) I carry everything back and forth so I have more flexibility to chose to work at home if I want/life circumstances require. I have a car commute, though.