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Updated: Apr 14, 2023 165 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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floral maxi dress with hot pink flowers all over it

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

You may be asking yourself: floral? puffy? tiered? maxi?! Has Kat been abducted by aliens? Is it April 1 again?

I cannot for the life of me tell you why, but: I really like this dress. It's totally not my usual style, but it just seems so springy and fresh and happy. I think it would make a great dress for a wedding guest, or just for date nights and summer brunches.

The dress is $340 at Nordstrom, Shopbop, and other retailers. Rent the Runway also carries the brand (but not the dress).

(Want $30 off your first Rent the Runway order? Here's our referral code.)

Happy weekend!

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon8

    Reposting in the right thread: Anyone have any good internet rabbit holes they’d like to share this Friday afternoon? Bonus points for anything somewhat creepy.

  2. laptop malware

    Looking for tech help! I just got a phone call from my bank for the second time in a month that they detected malware on my device when I signed in so they’re issued me a temporary password. I’m grateful for the security, but am stressed out about how to fix this. When it happened a few weeks ago, I followed the rep’s advice to run a full virus scan of my laptop, which I did and it showed one “threat detected” which I followed the directions to remove. Now it’s happened again and I can’t figure out where I would’ve gotten this malware and I’m worried about what other accounts/info are vulnerable. My immediate priority is to get the malware removed from my laptop ASAP, but how? I don’t have any IT support for my personal laptop like I do for my work device and I didn’t buy it from Best Buy so Geek Squad is out. I’m wary of just googling a laptop repair shop and leaving my laptop with them for a few days after reading some sketchy reviews online. Is there an online anti-virus software that I can use for this? How do you all protect your devices from malware/viruses? I’m willing to pay a reasonable amount if it come with customer support I can call to make sure I’ve done it properly. Sorry if this is rambling…. I’m stressed about what level of financial info has been compromised.

    • Anon8

      Are you sure this is your bank calling? Sounds like potentially a scam to me…

      • laptop malware

        I did consider that but I trust it was my bank because for these 3 reasons:
        1) I got text messages about fraud at the same time
        2) the new passwords issued worked
        3) the first time, I did find malware on my laptop when I did a full system scan

        But I also recognize that I’m not great with technology in general, so that’s why I thought to ask here.

        • Anonymous

          From another computer, go to the bank’s website and either call or email a contact listed there. Do NOT respond to any incoming messages via email or text. You first need to confirm whether the communication is legit. They should be able to provide you with next steps.

          • Anon

            Type in the banks web address like w e l l s f a r g o .com and don’t trust any saved links or cookies. Type everything in the browser yourself.

        • Cat

          1 – disregard, if they have your phone number they’ll assume texts also work
          2 – I would be more worried that they reset your bank pw independently and then pretended it was a reset
          3 – contact your bank using the # on the back of your debit card and ask if it was them
          4 – change your password again and freeze your credit

    • Anonymous

      My rule is that if someone calls claiming to be from my bank or credit card company, I hang up and call the number on the back of my card to make sure the call is legit. The bank will have a record of the issue in its system and route you to the right person to resolve the issue, or they’ll check your account and tell you it wasn’t them who called.

    • Anon

      I would first call the bank and make sure they were the ones calling you. Not a number the caller gave you, but the customer service line or an actual branch. At first blush, this sounds like a scam because it seems very unusual for a bank to call like this.

      • Anon

        Agree. I got a very convincing call about credit card fraud and they texted me a link they wanted me to click on and I refused. Then the pitch became very high pressure (if you don’t authorize us to stop these charges via the link, you will be responsible for these charges and any future charges). I called my bank and they confirmed they had never contacted me.

    • Anon

      “I got a call from my bank” immediately sounds like a scam. Change your password right now then find the customer service line on your bank’s web-s-i-t-e. Go to the actual s-i-t-e to find the phone number, don’t just use the number that Google shows in the search results. Going forward if you get a call “from your bank” or credit card company always hang up and call the customer service line.

      • Anonymous

        Would recommend changing the password on another computer. If you clicked on any links they gave or started using a website via a password they provided to you, they may be able to remotely view what you are doing on your desktop.

      • Anon

        + a million to all of this. If they sent you a password and a link, that I’d dripping with red flags.

    • laptop malware

      Thanks all. I did follow the advice and called myself and they confirmed it was reps of my bank that reached out to me both times. I’m on hold with the fraud dept now and the number they gave me matches the number I see on my bank’s website (that I accessed from a device other than my personal laptop). They verified that they did detect malware when I logged on twice in the past month and reset my password, so now I’m back to square 1 of what to do about it.

      • Anon

        This still sounds scammy to me even with the extra information. How did your bank identify malware on your personal laptop? Are you only calling numbers publicly listed on your bank’s website? Definitely agree with another poster’s advice to freeze your credit

      • Anonymous

        There are independent IT vendors or teams at stores like Best Buy that can help with scans and system clean ups for your laptop. Try searching for services in your area and get quotes. In the meantime, use your phone to log in to your bank via their app. I disagree with the prior poster that’s questioning why the bank would be able to tell if your device has malware— they have plenty of tools that can detect activity of known malware. It’s admirable that they reached out to you proactively— though you should always in the future follow the advice to politely end the call and call the publicly posted number to confirm.

      • Anonymous

        If you google how to remove malware, you’ll see an article from PC Magazine that gives good advice as well as as a step by step from Microsoft. A computer repair place might also be able to help or if it’s Apple, then the store rep may be able to recommend some folks. (For what it’s worth, my mom downloaded a program and the repair guy from my husband’s company removed it from her laptop as a favor [we offered to pay], so I don’t think it’s a time-consuming repair.)

    • Anon

      I agree this sounds like fraud, but for Malware protection I rely on McAfee, which I subscribe to, and I run the scans when suggested.

  3. Bunny

    I start a new job on Monday next week! I will be an associate director in a PE fund and I am excited for it. I feel energetic and positive vibes.

    Looking for Tips to have in mind going into a new job in 2023. anything really- fashion to etiquette, how to make friends, how long did it take you to settle in?, to cute notebook recommendations.

    • Anonymous

      Congrats! Take advantage of the opportunity to introduce yourself to as many people as possible.

      • OP Bunny

        Thanks for this.

        I’ll say introducing myself over and over is what I am least looking forward to but know I have to. Having been at my old place 5 years, I had gotten comfortable with knowing people and being known. Sigh!

    • Anon

      It can take as long as a year to feel fully settled in to a new company. Congratulations! and be okay with not feeling settled for a while.

    • Anon

      My PE associate/director colleagues are into the golf shirts and patagonia vests look (today worn together, given our weird between seasons weather). Cute notebooks are absolutely not a thing on my team unless you are the receptionist.

      • OP Bunny

        Wait, I thought the vests were just a guys thing!!!! Never thought to wear them.

        I guess cute is not the term meant notebooks that elevate your first day…

        • Anon

          A nondescript junior legal pad would be fine. Maybe a moleskine-type notebook if that’s your thing, but most people in my firm just use their iPad or phone for notes.

          And yes, the ladies in PE absolutely wear vests, too.

    • anon

      I am terrible with names when I meet people for the first time. I try to learn everyone’s name as quickly as possible when I write things down. When I meet someone, I try to repeat their name immediately to help me remember it and ask them at least one question. I keep a tiny notebook at my desk (or do on your phone) where I quickly write down their name, and something identifying about them (their appearance/where they work). And then when I meet people again, I be sure to use their name and quickly remind them my name, to take the pressure off THEM if they forgot my name. Sadly, most people don’t remember me after our first meetings, so this has helped people remember me as well.

  4. Chl

    Does anyone have any experience with kidney donation? My friend needs one and I’m trying to learn more about the mindset and experience of someone who has donated.

    • Anon

      I have two friends who have done this and know a woman who received a donor kidney. You have to match on blood type (IIRC as a baseline measure) and you have to match on some other items and get a lot of screening. If you are not a match, you can join a donor chain. All 3 are doing well, including a woman who was not doing well on dialysis (cadaver kidney for her I think). My friends donated to strangers. They are doing well 3 and 4 years post-donation. They could not be more opposite on any possible spectrum. I am not doing it b/c of my job and having young kids, but if my kids were grown and I was still healthy, I’d consider being a living donor even to a stranger in a donor chain. There is such a critical need. Dialysis s*cks.

      The WSJ has done a lot of good articles on this and if you can get hold of them, they discuss it in depth.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t personally, but my cousin did (to a perfect stranger!) and I think ultimately had a good experience. It’s a big surgery, in that there is permanent scarring, time off work, and some recovery to contend with, but it doesn’t ultimately change anything about your life (you still have the same function with one kidney). I think people always point to weird, speculative reasons not to do it (what if your kid needs one later? what if you lose function of the remaining kidney?) and I think that’s just silly. People can come up with any number of reasons not to do anything in life, but those aren’t meaningful risks IMO.

    • Anonymous

      My dad donated to my mom. It’s a lot of time and effort and for him a rough recovery but such a gift.

    • Anon

      I have a parent on dialysis that’s had several friends look into this. One thing I’ve found interesting, we’ve seen two healthy potential donors get turned away from donation because there is a history of diabetes in their family. Diabetes can be tough on kidneys so it was found there was too much risk for them to donate. So on a positive, it sounds like they are very thorough to evaluate overall impact donation could have on the donor.
      That being said, they currently do have a match with a donor where everything did test fine. So certainly not everyone is turned down. But just thought knowing that family history also factors in might be helpful to know.

    • Anonym

      I donated my kidney to my cousin. I did it ten years ago when I had grade school children and my husband was (understandably) a little nervous about having me go through with the operation. But we felt it was worth the small risk. Doctors vet you pretty thoroughly which means you have to undergo lots of tests, but I was grateful to get a full workup and to know I was super healthy. The procedure itself was not too bad, just a couple of overnights in the hospital and about ten days of recovery (like after a C-section). I think I was back to full activities (including running after a few weeks. My residual kidney took over immediately and I have no bad side effects (although I’m not super crazy about the scar). The upside is my cousin is doing amazing ten years later, she is now a parent and I have given her a quality of life and extended life she would not have otherwise had. I see her frequently and it is a gift for both of us.

  5. Anon

    Please help me decode this dress code: Smart Casual. This is a pre-wedding dinner party, NYC, summer, finance types. Was thinking a fun dress and nice sandals but scrolling through nordstroms site I have no ideas.

    • Anon

      Yes nice dress and sandals, or nice pants/skirt and blouse are all good.
      They don’t want you to wear athleisure or shorts. Jeans are a maybe if other items in the outfit are upgraded (silk top, nice topper or jewelry).

  6. Anonymous

    If you’re the type to wear a blazer with jeans, how are you doing it? I feel like I’m stuck with Tina Fey as inspo with a graphic tee and Chucks.

    • Anonymous

      I wear a dressy T, not anything that looks like it could sport a beer ad, and loafers.

    • Anonymous

      I like blazer, slightly fancy tank top, dark jeans, and my favorite pair of shoes that are halfway between a sneaker and an oxford.

    • Anon

      Same, but with loafers b/c it is 2023 (for work; Chucks would be fine otherwise). Jeans look different than when Tina Fey did this.

      • Anon

        +1

        It depends on the setting. If more casual, then graphic T or plain T is fine. If for work casual, I wear less graphic T. If for going out, I might wear a more interesting/cute top, so I can take off the blazer inside and look cute too. And shoes – I lean towards cute shoes – flats or heels or sandals or loafers or ankle boots depending on the vibe I’m going for.

    • Anonymous

      Often wearing wide-legged jeans with a tee (graphic or plain) with a cropped jacket. I’ve actually been wearing a cropped button down as a jacket a bit. Alternately, I’ll wear a straight legged jean with a tee and a slouchy (often sweater) blazer.

    • Anon

      Blazer with jeans is my work uniform. Jeans are usually straight leg and dark wash. I don’t tuck (I already have no torso; tucking makes me look ridiculous) so the rise is largely irrelevant.

      I do not wear graphic tees to work (or sneakers) so I usually combine with a turtleneck or sweater if it is chilly and an nice (plain; boat or scoop neck) t-shirt or silky shell. For shoes, I wear loafers or some other type of flat. (And mourning the Birdie flats I loved but they had to stop making because Rothy sued them.)

    • Anon

      Longer blazers are in. Short blazers with jeans look dated. I pair the blazer with a bodysuit or fitted top tucked into jeans or a mini skirt. The fitted top balances out the loose blazer. I prefer a shirt that clearly looks like weekend-wear so a bright color, lacy trim, or that trendy straight-across neckline help. Ditch the converse for some loafers, booties, or chunky white sneakers.

      • Anon

        Well, my short self and ultra-short torso are not in, so no long blazers for me. It still all about proportion for your actual body.

        • Anon

          I’m very short and long blazers work if the proportions are right. The sleeves should be more fitted and ideally the blazer nips in bit at the waist. The tight shirt helps and any jeans should be fitted through the thigh and full length- none of that baggy or cropped nonsense. I still wear short blazers with skirts, it’s just the jeans combo that looks dated to my eye.

      • Anon

        Long blazers are really not universal. I’m a 5’5” hourglass and long blazers (hitting below the hip), make me look short and disproportionate. I look about 15 lbs lighter and proportionate with a fitted blazer that ends at or slightly above my hip bone.

      • Anonymous

        Actually, I am seeing a lot of short or even cropped Chanel style jackets with volume on the bottom.

    • Anon

      Turn of the century supermodel at an airport. White tshirt, flared jeans, boots or pointy flats.

    • A

      High quality tee ideally scoop neck
      Dark jeans – but not ripped or whatever
      Depending on season you pick a blazer.
      I’d do a linen blend one for spring

      And I’d wear a necklace OR earrings. Maybe a Frey Wille or bone cuff.

  7. Anonymous

    what should I wear with high waisted casual wide leg linen pants? they are beige. what length shirt is appropriate?

    • anon

      I’d wear a basic tank, or if you want to dress it up, a cool v-neck sweater tank.

    • anon

      Crop length shirts, or something you can tuck in. When the bottom is large and flowy, I like to wear fitted for the top, and vice versa.

      • pugsnbourbon

        +1. I see a lot of all-over flowy, too, but I feel like I’ve got sails flapping in the wind when I try it. YMMV.

          • pugsnbourbon

            Or if you’re not quite ready to embrace the Marin County therapist/art teacher vibe :)

    • Anon

      I also think waist length or tucked is the right length for pants like this, which is why I don’t personally wear them. But if you are happy with your tum, go for it.

  8. Samantha

    I was late to read the thread on exercise and maintaining an active lifestyle, but I loved it!
    Thank you to the many posters who shared your fitness routines. I am amazed at the poster who plays tennis with her mother who must be in her late 50s/early 60s at the very least and whose mother can beat her very active self in many sports.
    I considered myself a reasonably active person compared to those around me – I walk several times a week and gets 30 minutes of active exercise or cardio every other day. But I can barely play my 11yo in tennis and don’t come from an athletic family.
    Reading that thread has been inspirational to me to pick up my pace a bit so I can play tennis with my kid and not lose badly for a few more years, and also enjoy hiking and fitness activities until a ripe old age.

  9. Fallen

    Looking for iPad case recommendations! We are getting kids new iPads and nerd something super sturdy.

  10. summer dresses

    Anyone want to post/list their favorite summer dresses? The casual everyday weekend type dress. Even better if it can transition to a casual evening outing. I am looking for more sleeveless options but not too short.

    I’m pear shaped, high waist, if it matters.

    Honestly, I’d live in effortless sleeveless maxi-dresses and jumpsuits if I could, with a touch of coastal grandmother.

  11. sunscreen

    What is your favorite buy-in-bulk / cheaper sunscreen that you use for arms/legs? I have my nicer stuff for my sensitive face/neck but I looking for something cheaper to slather on the rest of my exposed parts for daily wear. I have sensitive skin.

    Thanks!

        • anon

          Interesting – never heard of this. Any idea why it is so expensive now and hard to get?

      • Anon

        NOOOOO!!!!!

        My mother forced us to use that stuff growing up and I got second degree burns over two-thirds of my body during a one-day beach outing in middle school, even with repeated applications throughout the day. The doctors who treated me explained it doesn’t have enough of any effective ingredients to do good in actual sun. Fine for a basic placebo effect if you spend your day sitting in a building with windows, but not for use outdoors.

        • anon

          I am the anon above who used it for years. I am as pale as they come and burn through car windows and never had a problem with it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • Anon

      I use anything mineral for kids (banana boat?) that I can get at CVS in a large squeeze bottle.

    • Lydia

      Coppertone complete in the blue bottle. I like it better than supergoop play and it’s much cheaper. It absorbs quickly without white residue and there isn’t a strong smell. Highly recommend!

      • anon

        I like this, too. TBH, I think most of the higher priced sunscreens are overrated.

        • Anon

          I agree when it comes to body sunscreens, but I’ve never found a good facial sunscreen for rock bottom prices. But I have sensitive skin.

    • Anon

      I swear by sun shirts instead. I find it so much easier than trying to find a sunscreen I like for body. I love the ones from Patagonia and can wear them comfortably when it’s 100°.

    • Anonymous

      MD Solar Sciences Moisture Defense. It’s pricey but good (and they run frequent sales). Used to use the Neutrogena Ultra Sheer touch, but am trying to stick with mineral sunscreens that don’t have any of the various not-reef safe ingredients, but if that’s not a concern, the Neutrogena one is still the least sunscreen-feeling sunscreen I’ve found.

  12. summer dresses

    Sorry if this is a repost, but looking for your favorite spring/summer everyday dresses.

    The dress post today is too frilly/flowery for me. Although I do like sleeveless dress that I can still wear a bra with. Nothing short. Comfort and ease, but clean/uncomplicated. The shoes/sunglasses/bag/hat will be the interest.

    I’m pear shaped, high waisted if it matters.

    If I could, I’d wear maxi dresses and flowy jumpsuits daily, with a touch of coastal grandmother vibe.

    • Anon

      I’ve had good luck with old navy for casual cotton dresses with pockets. Might be a good place to start. I also like that they’re low cost enough if they get dirty gardening (actual gardening) that I’m not too attached.

  13. Anon

    Predictions, please! What on earth is going to happen with Dianne Feinstein, appointing a temporary replacement for her, will she resign, who will Newsome pick, will that put a heavy thumb on the scale for the eventual election of her replacement? Will I get to see a cage match b/w Katie Porter (who I really do not seem to personally like much, like don’t move onto my block and don’t have an office next to me) and Adam Schiff (who I really despise)? Will Barbara Lee, who seems to have been promised the seat, get picked (even though I think she otherwise loses an election to the other two contenders)? I can’t figure out what is likely b/c it is all so crazy that this is even a situation (OTOH: I can run for senate and I’d like to have a job that I can be a no-show for and not get sacked from that has a pension).

    • Anon

      I think Newsom might pick someone in a safe for Democrats district, so Barbara Lee, who speaks for me, would be my guess. I’d love to see it, actually.

    • Anon

      I have nothing against Barbara Lee or Alex Padilla, but I’m completely against the governor appointing our senators. It’s very anti-democratic. Appoint a caretaker and let the voters decide in 2024. I will be completely outraged if both senators for decades to come are decided without voter input. And while I absolutely agree that there should be more Black women in the senate (and I might very well vote for Barbara Lee, though I worry that just gets us yet another octogenarian senator), I find Newsome’s promise to appoint a Black woman to be pretty insulting, as it reduces people to nothing but a demographic, with nothing else about them mattering. I also don’t know why it’s California’s responsibility, seeing as how Black women are only 2.5% of our population (5% for men + women). If he has to appoint anyone on the basis of race, it would make more sense to have Hispanic (40%) or Asian (15%) representation, which is presumably why he chose Padilla last time. GA, MD, NC, VA, DE, NY, and IL are all Democratic states with significant Black populations. Let’s hold those states to account for electing senators that actually represent them instead of telling CA that they need to appoint someone solely on the basis of race.

      • Anonymous

        I agree that the promise to appoint a Black woman seems pandering. I did not realize how not-Black California is. That statistic is surprising to me. But I am curious what better alternative to an elected Governor appointing a temporary Senator you envision. What do you mean by “appoint a caretaker”? Of her? Or of the seat? The whole concept, I thought, was a caretaker of the seat. I do think anyone appointed should be subject to an election in the next cycle. But it is not a foregone conclusion that the appointee will become the next full-term elected Senator. See, e.g., Lemieux in Florida.

        • Anon

          A caretaker is usually a senior politician with no aspirations to run for election themselves. They “take care” of the senate seat for the remaining year and then the voters get to decide between Lee, Schiff, and Porter (and whoever else) in 2024. In contrast, you get what happened in 2020, when Newsom appointed Alex Padilla, who will presumably be the senator for decades now. He’s fine, but I still would have preferred that voters got to make that decision, not Newsom. In this case, there are already people running for the 2024 election, so it would be even more egregious if he picked Barbara Lee, just to fulfill his pandering promise to pick a Black woman. I would hope that he wouldn’t, but as another commenter points out below about the Politico article, a lot of the obvious choices, like Karen Bass or London Breed, presumably wouldn’t want to give up their current positions, so there are a fairly limited set of options to pick from and it seems like she’s the top contender. Like I said, there’s a decent chance I’d vote for Barbara Lee in 2024 anyway, but I find it infuriating that the largest state in the country shouldn’t get to choose its own senators because our governor would rather pander to people in other states who can’t even bother to elect their own Black women to the senate. He’s never going to be president anyway and I wish he’d get over himself!

      • Anon

        Where are you getting “solely” from? Surely it’s a case of choosing amongst otherwise well qualified contenders?

    • Anonymous

      There is a Politico article on this listing more potential contenders. I am not wild about any of them, since I don’t hail from the progressive minority in the party.

  14. Anon

    Anyone been to the Florida Keys with kids? We like to go somewhere warm over the kids’ holiday break but tickets to the Caribbean are nuts this year, like $1k minimum and more like $1,500+ for direct flights to the islands we’re most interested in visiting. Looks like flights to Miami are pretty decent so we were thinking of flying there and going to the Keys. I know the beaches in the keys aren’t the best, but that’s ok…kids will be more interested in the pool anyway. Any hotel recs?

    • Anonymous

      Miami to the Keys can be a 3+ hour drive, beaches are bad, lots of m3th, not a good place for kids unless you just stay at hotel and then just go to a hotel near you and save money or just stay in Miami.

      • Anonymous

        Whoa that’s a huge generalization! I used to live in Miami and visited the Keys many times. The nearer Keys like Key Largo are no more than 2 hours from MIA even in traffic, and there’s fantastic snorkeling in Pennekamp State Park that’s much better than anything in the MIA-FLL area. Key West is really cute and has a fantastic nature preserve. It’s a little touristy for my tastes with the cruise ships but there are plenty of people who LOVE it. There’s a turtle hospital in Marathon that would be great for kids. You can take a day trip to Dry Tortugas National Park, which is incredible. Older kids can do watersports like parasailing or jetskiing.
        There are addicts everywhere but as a tourist I never saw any hard d*g activity so unless there is some very recent issue I don’t think that’s anything to worry about. The Keys are not my favorite place in the world by a long shot, but they’re nowhere near as awful as you make them sound.

  15. Attention to detail

    How do you improve your attention to detail? I have a lot of work to get through and its as though my brain just fixes typos. I don’t notice them! Is it just as simple as forcing myself to slow down and reread multiple times? Typos are my biggest weakness. Appreciate all advice.

    • Anon

      You can try reading aloud. Feels weird, but helps your brain spot more errors

    • Anonymous

      Two tips…
      Read out loud.
      Set the document aside overnight (if possible) and review again the next day with fresh eyes.

    • Anonymous

      Reading aloud is best. If you can’t do that because the document is too long, try reading backwards sentence by sentence. But, yes, you need to slow down. Also, make a list of your most frequent errors and check for those before sending anything out.

  16. MP

    I was invited to dinner by a firm I’ve interviewed with to meet the paralegal I’d be working with. It’s a more casual restaurant (dinner entrees in $25-$40 range). What should I wear? Full suit?

    • Anon

      I’d say a less structured dress (I’d probably opt for one of the flowy, watercolor-y dresses that I keep seeing everywhere) and top it with a blazer in a color from the print of the dress.

  17. Transitions

    A friend helped me pick out new glasses today and she thinks transitions lenses (the ones that go dark in the sunlight) are frumpy and for the elderly. I do have prescription sunglasses but really only use them for driving. If I am just leaving the office and walking to lunch, I rely on my transition glasses to protect my eyes. Are transition lenses as bad as nude hose or sketchers? I will say that the new frames we picked are pretty fabulous.

    • PolyD

      If protecting your eyes is frumpy, I will never be cool.

      My optometrist always steers me toward gray transition lenses rather than brown. Apparently the brown ones make the lenses seem yellow even in the non-darkened state.

      I swear, this is just like the whole “slips are frumpy” stance. I don’t see how a thing that is designed to be functional and, in the case of the slip you can’t see it, can be frumpy. Similarly, your lenses should only darken in sunlight and then they’ll just look like sunglasses so how is that frumpy??

      • Transitions

        PolyD: It took a while before I gave up my nude hose and slips. And I am just starting to wear sketchers because they are pretty much the only shoes that don’t hurt my fear. I do want to look somewhat hip as I get closer to 60 which is why I ask! I was watching reruns of Madam Secretary and noticed that McCord was wearing transitions.

    • Anon

      Yes, they’re frumpy and for old people. Get two,pairs, sucks glasses and regular glasses in your Rx.

    • Anon

      Yes. I cringe every time I see them on someone < 70. They take some time to turn back to clear when indoors and if there are large windows, they stay tinted. I find them distracting to look at and very unfashionable.

    • Anonymous

      The UV coating on regular glasses lenses will protect your eyes just fine. You don’t need a dark tint—that’s just for comfort.

    • Ivanna Frumpalot

      I have ADHD and a million percent would lose my head if it wasn’t stapled to my neck. I wear the same glasses all day every day in and out and while driving. you know on those days it’s raining in the morning so you bring your umbrella and then it stops raining and you forget to get your umbrella? that would be me if I was switching glasses. I think transitions are great I just get the hippest frames I can. of course I also have an expensive prescription so even zenni sunglasses would be prohibitive for me. frump4eva

    • Cat

      I think they’re frumpy mostly because they never look actually clear inside, giving your glasses a pale gray-brown look.

    • no frump

      I used to carry prescription sunglasses and swap them for the pair I otherwise always wear. Total pain. I resisted transitions because I remembered my mom wearing them: they changed so slowly when back indoors. But today’s transitions are not like that. I buy modern frames with transition progressive lens recommended by the awesome staff at the coolest eyeglass store in town. I always get compliments!

  18. Anon

    I feel silly asking this, but is there hairspray that actually holds your hair in place without making it crunchy and hard? I read product descriptions claiming this but how true is it? I have probably tried hairspray maybe a handful of times in my life, mostly non aerosol. It would leave my hair not just crunchy, but visibly so with strands clumped together. Have I just bought bad stuff? not used it correctly?

    • Anonymous

      Use an aerosol “flexible hold” spray and don’t spray too close to your hair. The super cheap ones are fine.

    • JM

      I use Tigi Hard Head, and you need to hold it way out from your head. I sometimes spray while swinging my hair around, and then kind of put back into place with my fingers. It’s a very fine aerosol and I believe is their strongest one (fine straight hair).

    • Anonymous

      Living Proof hairspray works and still leaves my hair soft. I don’t know how, it’s like magic.

    • Anonymous

      Elnett is the best I have found for this. You can get a travel size at the drugstore to see what you think. I use the unscented.

    • Anon

      To answer your question, your mistake has been non-aerosol. Concur with the recommendations here.

  19. Anon

    Looking for make-up advice. Late 30s, my skin gets oily (especially in the afternoon) in the T-zone and I still get a few acne spots here & there (although I am on tretinoin, so the spots are mild). I have very fair skintone.
    The issue I have been dealing with lately is that my make-up “fades” around noon. I never had this problem before and I haven’t changed my skincare or make-up products (I have moved to a different country though, so I am dealing with some skin changes). I use MAC Studio Fix make-up and added MAC anti-shine primer, which helped a bit but my make-up still fades.
    Would you have recommendations for a “stronger” primer?
    PS: I have tried gentle exfoliation with BHA toner, it did not have any impact on the makeup.

    • Anon

      When you apply your makeup, let all the layers under it really dry first, then instead of applying with a brush, apply dots all around your face and then press the makeup into your skin with your fingers. Set with a light dusting of powder. Mac makes an excellent power- the mineralize skin finish – but Laura Mercier loose powder is also an industry standard. You can use a puff and really press it in just like you did with the foundation but just don’t have a lot on the puff when you do it.

    • anon

      Thank you!
      The new location [Netherlands] is of comparable humidity as the previous country [Hungary], but very windy… maybe it’s the combination [plus different water quality] that unsettles my skin.
      I let all skincare products absorb first, then apply primer, let that sink, then apply liquid foundation. Then powder all with a MAC powder [either blotting or mineralize]. Will try applying with my fingers though.
      In any case, I ordered travel-sized Smashbox Mattifying Primer and MAC fixing spray, will do some testing over the next few days.

  20. Kelsey

    Can anyone recommend any great podcast episodes? I’m looking for some to keep me engaged through 5 hours of driving. I liked the dropout, most this American life episodes, most freakonomics and hidden brain. Haven’t listened to all of them of course but would love some recommendations. Thanks.

    • anon

      I love to pick and choose from the huge library of The Jordan Harbinger Show. He usually has very interesting guests and you can find one on almost any topic you want at this point.

      For something more frivolous, I LOVE Celebrity Memoir Book Club.

    • anon

      Other podcasts from NPR type programs/producers?

      Criminal (a mix of intrigue/history/great storytelling)
      The Moth (storytelling)
      Story Collider (kind of like The Moth, but all related to science in some way)

  21. Anonymous

    Last summer I bought the black cotton Sommerset mini at Anthro – never got a chance to wear it. My mother laughed at me when I tried it on for her (after return window closed). I’m size 16 and petite so now feel like I’ll look like a fluffy clown in the dress. Any tips on wearing it? Does it get less poufy? I hate poshmarking something I paid FP for.

    • Bbanon

      Love the dress. Looks totally stylish & black is such a classic. Your mom sounds rude & off base. Could a friend (perhaps someone your age or younger) give you a 2nd opinion? Try to wear it with confidence, but if you truly don’t feel good in it there’s no shame in letting it go.

    • Anon

      If you like it, wear it and enjoy it. Just don’t wear it around your mom. I had to google it and fashion blogs and LTK have it all over the place, flats, heels, sandles, boots. The dress is cute, so keep other things simple, shoes, jewelry, hats, whatever. It doesn’t look super fluffy/puffy on most people in the pictures I saw, so I don’t think it’s too poufy.

    • anon_needs_a_break

      they are gorgeous, wear it and own it. A bright lip. a slicked back pony.
      I am a size 12 and have it in large and get tons of compliments. Life is short! wear the pretty dress!

    • Anonymous

      I do not understand the universal love for this dress. On some people it looks fantastic, mostly tall mid-sized and larger people. On me (size 2, 5’6”, straight figure) it looks like the dress is wearing me. Size 16 makes it more likely that the dress will work for you, petite height less likely. If you think it looks good on you, ignore your mother and wear the dress. If it really does not suit you, let it go.

    • Anonymous

      The mini dress version just hangs oddly. Get the long one if you love the sleeves.

    • Anon

      Why do mothers think it’s okay to be completely rude to their daughters in a way they’d never be to someone else? Reminds me of my mom who didn’t like my shoes and not only chose to tell me that, but also chose to say that “they look like you have an orthopedic problem.” Ignore your mom and enjoy wearing your cute skirt!

      • Anon

        That’s true in the other direction, too! Many a daughter makes casually cutting remarks about their mother’s attire, body, aging, etc. without a thought. I have always attributed it to a reversion to a child’s ego, with lack of awareness for the feelings of others, but maybe it’s the same thing that you describe with mothers commenting on daughters. We should all realize that our words can hurt, including (perhaps especially) our closest family members.

        • Anon

          Agreed, and parents are well positioned to teach that lesson to their daughters and sons by modeling kindness, not rudeness.

      • Anon

        I gained a lot of weight after I quit smoking only to hear that I “look like a linebacker.”

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