ByKat Hours Updated
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Weekend Open Thread

white shawl cardigan with honeycomb pattern

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

If you're still in the mood for “coastal grandmother” looks, this shawl cardigan looks perfect — and it's part of the fairly big Barefoot Dreams sale that Nodrstrom is having right now, with lots of pieces marked 20% off.

Nordstrom is ALSO offering 3X points to all cardholders through May 7 — so it's a great time to pull the trigger on anything you may be pondering or stock up on some basics.

(A non-exhaustive list of reader favorites: these workout duds, this underwire bra, this comfy bra, these comfy panties, this packable raincoat, these comfy pants, these lightweight pants, these shaping pants, this dress, these comfortable pumps under $100, or these classic flats.)

The sweater was $178, but is now marked to $142.

Sales of note for 12.5

148 Comments

  1. This sweater is not coastal grandmother. It’s just grandmother. Diane Keaton would never.

    3. Well to my eye it is totally Emily Gilmore from her living on The Cape years, which is quintessential Coastal grandmother. In fact, I think she wore the extra long version of this…

      1. Coastal grandmother is about linen and other natural fibers. This is the opposite of that.

          3. Yeah, this thread is overboard.

            It is only one of the most popular brands/cardigans posted on this website for year

          4. Popular does not mean high quality. It’s usually the opposite. I would not buy a thick polyester cardigan even if it felt soft.

          5. I bought one of these barefoot dreams sweaters after all the hype about it here, but I definitely have a wearing a bathrobe vibe with it. It’s warm and comfy for around the house but I cannot wear it in public.

      2. +1

        but I never thought it had to do with natural fibers, just luxurious-feeling ones

    5. I do not like to dress frumpily b/c there will be plenty of time for all that and I do not wear 4″ heels any more except when the manageing partner wants me to meet potentially new cleints. I enjoy looking as cute as I can at my age, but I am aware that I do not turn as many heads as I used to, and the possibility of children is near zero for me so I focus on my work expertise and have joined WC panels at the bar association to teach the next generation. Not the life I had planned for, but the one I am in for the next 25 years or so. FOOEY!

  2. Has anyone else felt that their nervous system could not handle being a lawyer anymore? I feel that after years of lawyering, my nerves are shot. It is analogous to PTSD: after years of constant worrying, over-planning, vigilance, attention to detail, bugging, following up, checking on things, hurrying up and waiting, I am now in a constant state of anxiety, hyper-vigilance, and hyper-arousal, where I am always waiting and expecting a crisis, another problem I have to solve, another fire drill.
    I have always, even from childhood, had a rather nervous constitution, so in retrospect, being a lawyer was not a good career choice. I was always naturally a worrier and naturally anxious, and I do have some real PTSD tendencies from a lot of medical trauma I had as an infant and toddler. Being a lawyer exacerbates the anxious parts of my temperament, which I am finally fully acknowledging and realizing. I do have plans to find another career, but until I can do that, what can I do to calm myself?

    1. Therapy. And meds. My husband and teen are wired like this and it is so devastating and largely always going to be a battle for them. Husband refuses meds. Teen was spiraling and a good psychiatrist and psychologist and finally meds addressing mood are what helped. In 6 months, teen’s life has brightness and calm, finally. And, selfishly, as teen’s life has improved, our family’s life has gotten better and so much less tense. It’s never just one person affected by struggles like this.

      1. +1

        I’m sorry you have waited this long for treatment. It can be devastating to your life, health, and to that of your family.

        I know because I have the same temperament, and am in another field that is terrible for this phenotype – medicine. I am an incredible doctor because of my anxiety, but it also means that you can never rest. Once lives are truly at stake, you realize that you can’t ever rest…..

        You either have to treat your problem, or leave your job. I recommend treating your problem, and still possibly leaving your job!

    2. A career change might help, but I’d caution to dig deeper or you’ll just repeat the same behaviors in another role. (You could use the exact same words to describe the work of some of the more senior people I know who are publishing, healthcare operations, conference planning, etc. It’s nice to think it’s just a law thing, but I think you’ll find very quickly that it probably is not.

      Talk with your doctor. Anti-anxiety medicine coupled with the counseling work mentioned above can help you get over the current hump.

      1. This. Other jobs have been stressful for me (including being a cashier), with more predatory co-workers and loose HR and much less money. You can quit being a cashier and find another job, but it is hard to quit law entirely and go back. There are other jobs and roles and one may suit you much better. Look and network before you leap. And if you have good insurance, start using it to get the help you need.

    3. I really intentionally set work-life boundaries when I was having a difficult time a few years ago. No checking email after work. No working at night or on the weekends. I turned off email notifications on my phone from 5 PM-7 AM. When I was on vacation, I deleted email and Teams completely. This worked for me in a job without any immediate-response expectations and no litigation, although it was much more difficult in a later job when I had both (although when I decided to “quiet quit” that job prior to actually quitting, I did the same thing and the world did not collapse). I also leaned in really hard on hobbies that got me out of my head. For me, it was jigsaw puzzles and fiction audiobooks. Puzzles are the only thing I have ever found to do where I can lose track of time and find to be meditative, almost. I also took long, long walks. Like, 3-5 miles after work most nights in the summer, listening to an audiobook. I just really tried to do everything I could to reduce my anxiety.

      Meds also help. I’ve been on a low dose of Ativan for years and while I don’t love it, I need it. I’m also on Wellbutrin and Lamotrigine. It works for me.

      2. I stopped Outlook notifications on vacation one year and just never turned them back on. Did wonders for my mental health.

    4. I’m not a lawyer but relate to this on a deep, deep level. I often feel like I am not cut out for what I do because of my anxiety and vigilence. It’s also what makes me good at what I do, so it’s a real catch-22 situation. In your shoes, I would: a) definitely explore therapy and different coping skills; b) spend time doing activities that calm down your nervous system. Maybe that’s hard exercise (helps me a LOT). Or spending time in nature. Or a daily meditation. Anything that brings down your stress response, burns off that nervous energy, and/or lets your body just be. I’m sorry you’re experience this; it is really, really hard.

    5. I think being a good, Biglaw (or some other small law, tho some of those seem more sustainable) lawyer is fundamentally incompatible with good mental health because of the exact reasons you mention. Start leaning out as fully as you can— not neglecting your matters but not going above and beyond to get more/be more available than you have to be— and doing some big introspection about 1) your financial reality and needs and 2) potential ideas for your next career. Designing Your Life can be helpful for this.

      1. It is annoying to me how little Biglaw attorneys know about what it is like to practice in a smaller firm.

    6. I have a friend who just went through something like this. FYI, he was misdiagnosed as having anxiety/depression and put on antidepressants. It turned out to be bipolar 2. The right diagnosed helped him find the right treatment. Just something to keep in mind as you talk to your doctor.

      1. Yeah, lamotrigine really helped after I was diagnosed with bipolar 2. I mean, I am also anxious and depressed but I needed the lamotrigine.

        1. It is a really good mood stabilizer, and tolerated really well.

          Unfortunately, many people only discover they are Bipolar 2 once they are treated for depression/anxiety, which can sometimes precipitate a hypomanic period. It’s not a misdiagnosis per se, since as with nearly all mental health disorders, we don’t have a definite “test” to diagnose bipolar. Diagnoses are based on the signs/symptoms that are observed over time.

    7. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this, and you’re not alone. Years ago, I was on a trial team that pretty much had every possible litigation stressor (difficult opposing clients, and client; an extremely demanding and difficult lead partner; lots of surprise developments and emergencies; long hours, you name it). I was able to get through that period, but I somehow felt even worse when I tried to transition to a more standard schedule after the trial ended. I had always been a pretty conscientious person with a healthy dose of impostor syndrome, and while my self-editing skills helped me during that particular case, they were kicked into such an overdrive that I was having problems sending emails without reading them over and over again for potential pitfalls. I really relate to what you’ve written about how miserable it can feel to be in a state of constant hyperarousal.

      In my case, therapy really helped me reset myself and find techniques to control my stress responses. Even just having to carve out an hour each week to reflect with another person about how I felt and what I could do to keep myself healthy was such a big help. I wouldn’t jump to this until you’ve spent some time first healing, but I did also end up leaving my job and trial litigation. Therapy led me to realize that I just did not care about much of my work, and that the discrepancy between that underlying feeling and my physical stress reactions (which made me feel as if every litigation task was an emergency) was making me incredibly depressed.

      I am much happier now in a new position. If it comes to that for you, please remember that there are many different ways to be a lawyer, including career paths that might involve fewer of your triggers.

    8. This is part of why I am no longer a practicing attorney. I’m in the financial/regulatory compliance space. I made the switch when I was about 31 and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. My current role is a lot of work but very low stress, usually don’t work more than 45 hours a week and I absolutely love my colleagues. If you can switch careers, even to one that is still related to law, it might drastically improve your quality of life. Having a ton of money in the bank is not worth your mental health IMO.

    10. A stress reduction class for lawyers was really helpful for me; it gave me practical tools to use to keep my stress levels down.

    11. A stress reduction class for lawyers was really helpful for me; it gave me practical tools to use to keep my stress levels down.

    12. I have three gifted children with autism, dyslexia and all 3 have ADD combined type. They all struggle with anxiety. Tried medication and I didn’t like the way it left them spaced out.

      The doctors and therapists have all said anxiety and high function are correlated and it’s very common to struggle also with perfection. Eating disorders are also very common with this group with girls. I’ve never considered myself to be high functioning/IQ but the father of my children is clearly high IQ.

      I would explore that this is an issue. Once you understand why you have the problem it’s easier to find solutions. Exercise is important but the type of exercise makes a difference too. My children’s anxiety is managed by jumping on a trampoline, swinging and running as well as having a very predictable routine with changes communicated 3-5 days in advance. A career change for you isn’t the worst thing but it could also be that you’re in need of a two week vacation on a beach somewhere to bring down the anxiety level to a more manageable level.

    13. Lexapro, hard cardio exercise (for me it’s either Peloton or running), getting rid of sugar, and mindfulness/mediation/yoga. As a lawyer who also struggles with anxiety, those are my sharpest tools for managing it.

    14. I am aghast at the suggestions that a person should take medication to deal with job-related stress. Maybe it’s the job that is the problem, not OP.

      1. a) the job is not going away overnight, so if meds help in the meantime, why is that bad.
        b) even if she has anxiety that needs meds on wider basis than just the job, it still doesn’t mean OP is the ‘problem’
        There is nothing wrong with taking anxiety medication when suffering from anxiety. Same as if job stress is causing frequent headaches its reasonable to take painkillers as needed until you are able to deal with the root cause.

  3. Sorry. Cross post from the mom’s site. I meant to post here since it’s more relevant.

    Is anyone using chatgpt regularly? I use it daily at work to draft emails, brainstorm, and research (I know its limitations and fact-check it). The possibilities seem endless.

    It’s certainly exciting to feel like we’re on the brink of the next big advancement but definitely also scary.

    Just curious if others on the board are using it regularly.

    1. I use it to make lists of books on a topic that I want to read, curate lists of museums or tourist activities in a certain area, check my code in my intro to computer science class, etc. it’s fun, but it does get things wrong. I had to remind it about PEMDAS the other day when it calculated an operation in the wrong order.

    3. I think there was an extensive discussion on whether people use ChatGPT earlier this week.

    4. I’m not (and I have experience in the AI space) just because I don’t find it useful in my role in project management/ have seen relatively few use cases where it really adds value and many where people are spending more time getting it to automate things than they’re worth. Could you go into more detail where you’ve found gains?

      1. I do project management! I don’t use it daily like the OP, but have used it a couple of times to give me a script for a more complicated email that I am procrastinating because I need to craft it carefully. I usually edit a lot from what it gives me, but I find it easier sometimes to edit a draft than stare at the blank page, you know? So it’s a bit like looking for a template on google, but on steroids.
        Today I had to send out a job rejection. Of course we can’t hire everyone, but I take no enjoyment in sending rejections to people. The google search would simply be ‘job rejection letter template’, but on ChatGPT I said “can you give me a script to politely tell a job applicant that we are not moving forward after his screening interview?”, and I used about half of that language it gave me. I also followed up with “can you give me a sentence about this rejection being due to other candidates that were a better fit, and not about this candidates general qualification?”.
        None of this is earth shattering, but it’s useful and gives me a chance to get familiar with a new tool.

    5. I commented yesterday. I’ve been researching a question in a niche area of finance/insurance (I’m not an attorney) and it’s hard to hone in on the exact question/issue via regular search engines. Chat GPT honed in on it within two questions. I was pretty impressed.

      But then I followed up asking where it had found that information, so I could verify it myself and use it in my work product, and the answer was basically no. It could only give me the same vague answers like look at this publication and that one (not even specific issues of the publication) which puts me back where I started. Very frustrating, because this has the potential to really improve search. But not if I can’t verify the information.

    6. My favorite tip is to ask it what parameters it needs. For instance, if I want it to help me find a career, I’d ask it “what parameters would you need to recommend a career?” and it gives me a list of questions. I answer the questions and it gives me a very good answer. So cool that you can have an ongoing conversation with it, it doesn’t “forget” what you were talking about earlier like less advanced chat bots always did.

    7. I’ve just started using it. Have used to to make schedules (I want to start at 9, end at 3 and do XYZ), meal plans, workout routines, and figure out what to cook based off of what is in my fridge. I pretty much use it as a “smarter” Google. I always use common sense, my own discretion, and if needed additional non AI research, but it’s a good starting point.

    8. I am! Here’s how:

      Currently job searching, so I use it to customize resumes and cover letters. How: I ask it “what should I spotlight in my cover letter for this job posting?” and then paste in the job listing followed by my resume. Things like that.

      Thank-you notes — see above. I’ll paste in the notes I took during interviews and ask it to customize a thank you note based on those and the job description.

      Speeches: My boss is a public figure and sometimes when I’m stuck, I ask it to write me a speech in the style of [insert name] to get some inspiration.

  4. What are the skincare products you use every day?

    I use Paula’s BHA toner, Obagi Vitamin C, Clinique yellow moisturizer, and I’m sampling different sunscreens. I almost never wear makeup but I’ve been removing it with Neutrogena’s Micellar Milk.

    1. I’ve got sensitive skin while also having hormonal acne and rosacea, basically my skin is a fussy diva who will revolt at a moment’s notice (for example – I just noticed I have a zit developing on my undereye area because the top of my mask must have rubbed it this AM at a doctor’s visit).
      Assuming my skin is in a good mood – AM is a low-PH cleanser (CosRx Good morning gel cleanser), moisturizer (vanicream light) and a spf 50 sunblock (using up my Missha sungel). Evening is oil cleanse plus gel cleanser, treatment (currently the major fade serum from Pillowtalk derm plus OTC differin) and then moisturizer (vanicream plus the CosRx snail 92 cream if I’m really dry). If I’m breaking out/flaring I’ll use the de la cruz sulfur ointment and pimple patches.

    2. I don’t use anything every day. On most days I use a mild cleanser to remove makeup – CeraVe or Sibu. Occasionally I use the blue tansy and pink cloud Herbivore products. I just got some kind of anti-redness cream from Dr. Jart based on reference here, but haven’t used it yet. Sometimes I use a sulfur mask or wash on my upper body.

    3. I always wonder about influencers who are always posting new products. Maybe I am boring, but I found a routine that works for me and am zero percent inclined to spend money on new products that may or may not work? Anyway… in the morning, I usually just lightly rinse my face off, although if I exercise I will use DE Pekee bar to do more of a wash to get sweat off. Then light coating of Farmacy honey moisturizer, then Supergoop Unseen sunscreen.
      At night, I use DE Slaai makeup remover (rarely wear makeup, but to remove the sunscreen), and, if I’m feeling energetic (rare), will use the Pekee bar as a double cleanse. Then a light layer of the Farmacy moisturizer, a thin layer of RX retinol, and another layer of moisturizer if I’m feeling dry.

    4. I don’t think I use a single skincare product every day (I’m 37). If I wear makeup, I take it off with Cetaphil facial cleanser. Does that count? Other than that, the only skincare product I use consistently is Elta MD physical tinted sunscreen. In the winter I use Neutrogena gel moisturizer, but I found out that makes me break out if I use it every night.

    5. I vary a few of them but here are my current mainstays – I have rosacea and sensitive skin that tends to be dry:

      AM cleanse with a basic gentle liquid cleanser like La Roche Posay Toleraine hydrating gentle cleanser, the cleanser from curology, or occasionally the Murad AHA/BHA cleanser.

      As an essence/light layer of hydration, I use either Mega Mushroom relief from Origins Dr. Andrew Weill, or Beauty Pie Triple Hyaluronic Acide mist.

      Apply rosacea formula from Curology (azelaic acid, metronidazole, ivermectin). This doesn’t play super well under makeup, so if I’m organized, I actually apply this right when I get up on unwashed skin, then wash my skin after 30 or more minutes and go about my skincare routine without it.

      Sometimes I use a vitamin C serum, and my current favorite is Revolution x Sali Hughes Must-C, which does sit well under makeup. I use Beauty Pie Triple Hyaluronic Acid eye cream just under my eyes, no lids.

      At this point if I’m super dry I apply a separate moisturizer (I really like Bobbi Brown intense moisture cream, but I only have samples.) Usually my favorite SPF is enough if I apply it in an appropriate amount. This step is non-negotiable. My current favorite here is Rohto Skin Aqua UV in the gold bottle, recommended by fiddy shades of snail.

      Then makeup. With face makeup, I have to be really careful to let each of these layers dry down a bit or my Nars radiant tinted moisturizer, Bobbi Brown seurm foundation won’t sit well.

      PM – wash with either Plantastic or Super Healthy Skin balm cleanser from Beauty Pie. I use a Beauty Pie washcloth (what they call a “flannel” in the UK) to get this off, and I don’t double cleanse.

      Then I apply Estee Lauder Advanced Night repair, a tiny amount, let that sit for just a second, then I go in with my Curology evening formula, which is Tretinoin, Azelaic Acid, and Niacinimide. After that has absorbed I use one of the following as a night cream: Vanicream moisturizer, Beauty Pie Happy Face, or Beauty Pie Super Healthy Skin moisturizing lotion in the tube. Beauty Pie Uber Youth eye cream under eyes.

      Optional swaps or add-ins – Mac Hyper Real skincanvas balm – the cream, not the serum – sits beautifully under foundation. I should reach for it more often. This is reminding me to do that.

      I am addicted to lip balm and I love both the curology balm and the bobbi brown balm for evenings. I often use the Laneige lip mask over these.

      You didn’t ask, but I also make a big production of putting foot lotion on before bed. I just ran out of L’Occitane hand cream that I was using up, and now am using a Plantastic lotion from BP. I used to use urea products but they irritate the skin on top of my foot and I find if I keep up with the regular lotion, I don’t need it.

      1. Ooohh, curology has a rosacea formula now? That might be worth checking out. My current derm kind of shrugs off my questions since I’m good at calming a flare on my own but sulfur paste is messy and smelly and isn’t easy to take on trips.

        1. My dermatologist said she could have a compounding pharmacist make a rosacea cream for me, but it would be out of pocket. I showed her what curology could provide for $40/month and she said to buy it.

          I was going to switch from my tretinoin formula at night to the rosacea formula, but she told me to find out if curology could send me both, and they can. You just have to message them to switch it over before you order. They’ve been very cool about it. And I love my dermatologist, who I’ve been seeing for decades, and who found a stage zero (thankfully!) melanoma on my husband.

          1. Also since you mentioned a flare, I just wanted to mention that my curology rosacea formula is a maintenance formula, ie flare prevention, and my dermatologist made sure I understood that I would need to use it forever, not as an occasional fix-it.

          2. Thank you, this is super helpful! I think I’m accepting that I need to be more proactive with it. I always thought the rosacea was pimples and treated it with sulfur as needed vs. playing whack a mole.

    6. Daily I use Vanicream Free & Clear cleanser, Mychelle retinal serum, Dr. Jart’s Cicapair Tigergrass color correction, spray on sunblock (never sunscreen for me).

      My skin is pretty sensitive so I don’t exfoliate daily.

      1. how do you differentiate between sunblock and sunscreen? I am never quite clear on how people use these words to mean different things.

        1. I always assumed they were synonyms. I use sunscreen, sunblock, and suntan lotion to all mean the same thing.

          1. Funny, to me sunscreen & sunblock are the same, but suntan lotion is a low SPF, if any, oily formula meant to burn your skin even more than the sun would normally burn your skin. At least that’s how it worked on me. Ah, the 80s.

        2. Sunblock is a physical barrier (titanium, zinc) to light. It’s the kind that makes people look white in photos because it reflects the light of the flash.

          Sunscreen (ingredients like avobenzone, octinoxate, oxybenzone) soaks into the skin and helps prevent burning inside the skin. My skin is sensitive to the combination of sunscreen and sun, so I avoid it.

    7. I don’t really vary the products in my skincare routine, but I do mostly buy what’s on sale.

      So, in the morning I always cleanse, tone, use HA 4-5x a week, and always use eye cream and SPF moisturizer.
      At night, I always cleanse, use liquid exfoliant 2-4x a week, and always use eye cream and night moisturizer.

      Currently using CVS brand cleanser and toner, Trader Joe’s HA, Paula’s Choice exfoliant, Neutrogena night cream, Target SPF moisturizer, and CeraVe eye cream.

    8. My daily face wash is just the basic Aveeno body wash, and I buy the Target version of the basic Cerave moisturizer. I’m very basic lol.
      I’ve started using the ELF cleansing balm and I LOVE it. It removes every speck of sunscreen and makeup and doesn’t break me out. I apply it, wipe off most with a facial pad, and then follow up with the wash mentioned above.

      1. I love cleansing balms in general – they’ve been such a revelation for me. The things I look for are ones that neither sting my eyes nor leave a greasy film in my eyes. After those two factors, they’re interchangeable.

        1. +1 to cleansing balms – I prefer oil based ones in a pump bottle but basically buy whichever is cheapest/on sale at Jolse.
          Pro tip in case you’re also pale and use a lot of sunblock/have kids – it works SO well for getting all the sunblock residue off your body. I always hated scrubbing and scrubbing in the shower and still feeling oily from it, cleansing oil is SO much easier!

    9. I have dry skin, not overly sensitive or acne prone.

      Morning: For the past 5 years- Elta MD UV Facial Sunscreen. Thank you to whoever mentioned the Sephora Sun Safety kit!! I bought one and have been trying/playing with those ever since. So far my favorites have been the Josie Maran, Biossance and Supergoop, but they’re all more per ounce than my Elta so I think I’ll probably be going back once the kit is done.
      Night: Versed cleansing balm (agree with everyone saying balms are a game changer), Timeless Vitamin CE serum, CeraVe or Ponds moisturizer depending on how dry I’m feeling.
      Once or twice a week: the balm, then Dr Dennis Gross alpha beta pads, then Ponds moisturizer.

    10. Mornings: Neutrogena Clear Pore astringent, then Neutrogena Ultra-Sheer Dry-Touch sunscreen, then Clinique Smart Broad Spectrum SPF 15 Custom-Repair Moisturizer – Very Dry, plus L’oreal Eye Defense eye cream (with caffeine). (I take to heart the advice that SPF in a moisturizer is almost worthless, because most people don’t slather on sufficient quantities of moisturizer for that SPF to be effective.)

      Nights: Neutrogena Clear Pore astringent, then Clinique yellow face lotion, then Clinique Smart Custom Repair eye cream.

      (I have a small travel size bottle of Biologique Recherche Lotion (original) (all I could afford), but I’m sort of scared to use it — there are dire warnings not to use it in combination with any retinols, etc.) but it’s supposed to be a miracle.)

  6. Can we have a thread on what happened to different commenters’ stories? Some of these are from really long ago…
    – there was one commenter who found out her husband was gay and divorced — and then he remarried a woman I think?
    – there was one commenter whose husband was kind of stalkery and crazy and even started posting on the site — her handle was something like Pregnant 3L
    – whatever happened to the girl who was convinced the married man was going to leave his wife and 2 kids for her?

    I’m trying to remember others…

    3. I’d really like to know what happened to the poster whose controlling husband said her jeans were too tight to wear to church and she wondered if his behavior was normal – she had other examples of his controlling behavior as well but I’m not remembering them right now. I’ve thought of her so often.

      I appreciate the person who filed bankruptcy and has been putting her life back together posting updates when she has them. Her story feels like one of renewal.

    5. Gee, I don’t know. These are real people. Not a source of entertainment for you.

      2. If people are posting for advice, commenters may become emotionally invested in the outcome. I love to hear about positive outcomes for posters or even them gaining the courage to leave an abusive spouse. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

      3. I didn’t post this, but sometimes I wonder about people and hope they’re ok. It’s not for my entertainment. It’s precisely because they’re real people that I’m concerned.

      4. I actually think about these posters time to and do care about how they are doing. I think many of us are also open to helping and providing resources. I

      5. I don’t view it as entertainment, but more info for someone else going through something similar. And even better if there is a good or positive outcome.

    7. The last one, she figured things out, ditched the dude and got therapy, IIRC. Seemed like she was doing her best to put it behind her and get tools in place to not ever be part of something like that again. Good on her.

    8. I described my current job feeling like I was a wolf with my paw in a trap. And being so defeated, after seven(!) rounds of dream job at top consulting firm told me that they were closing the position and not filling and might be in touch in the next quarter. (Yeah, it’s been a blood bath there so not holding my breath.) So, so, so many other applications and interviews that have gone no where while trying to burn the candle at both ends with current gig.

      And…

      Just got an offer this week from a job where my salary will more than double (!) what I currently make and has a title I never would have gone for had I seen it posted (a former colleague had recommended they reach out to me, so they sought me out). And because colleague has worked with them, I feel 100 percent great about the team I’m about to join.

      We’re still hammering out details but can hopefully formally accept next week. But just wanted to share that maybe sometimes even if you don’t get the path you want, it might actually turn out to be a better thing. And to hang in there. Even if it feels like you might have to bite off your foot to break free.

      1. I am so happy for you! and since I’m very likely older than you, also proud of you. Hive five!

    9. I’ve been reading for 10 years and do NOT remember someone’s stalkery husband coming here and posting. More details?

    10. I’m the first commenter! It took 10 years and a lot of processing (which tells you how long I’ve been reading here…) to get over the divorce itself, as well as the confusion that came later. I’m now remarried with three kids, super happy, and much more professionally successful than I was while married to my first husband.

      First husband was in my new city on business about 3 years after our divorce and asked me to have coffee – I half wondered if he was going to apologize for any of it. He didn’t but he was clearly in pretty severe emotional distress (he was shaking talking to me). I don’t know if he felt guilty or what was going on, but I neither confronted him nor offered any sort of forgiveness (it was a weirdly superficial conversation, tbh). I haven’t spoken to him since and have no idea where he lives or what he’s doing. For a long time I had a strictly policy against googling him, and eventually I didn’t care enough to bother, which is pretty much the best possible outcome.

      It was a miserable experience, but more than a decade later I just don’t really care anymore. I’ve lived so much more life since then, and my relationship with my current husband is so beautiful, and he’s very much a distant memory.

      3. wonderful!
        don’t forget to change all the beneficiaries on any accounts so he doesn’t accidentally get money when you die.

  7. Does anyone have recommendations for where to look for a short-term sublet of a furnished apartment in Washington, DC? My daughter has a 6-week internship there this summer. We’ve looked on Airbnb and in the Georgetown Law off-campus housing site but I have to think there may be other options out there. Thanks for any recommendations!

    1. It will be pricey but the giant high rises at Courthouse Metro com to mind but also friends of your friends with college age kids on Facebook.

    2. I think if you google some variation of “boarding house,” you’ll find some options. It feels like a fairly common thing here since there’s such an in and out student population coming for internships.

    3. I just double checked, and American University has an intern housing program for the summer. Search those terms and you’ll find it.

    4. She should look for a room in share houses. That is the way of the young DC intern!

    5. If they have room this late (big if),
      I suggest Thompson-Markward Hall if your daughter is the rule-following type. I stayed there a few moons ago ;) Old-fashioned dormitory for young ladies – no smoking, no drinking, curfew, etc.

      https://tmhdc.org/

      1. If they don’t have anything, have her check with her employer. They may have an internal listserv for this kind of thing since they probably get interns every summer.

      2. I lived at TMH in the late 1980s! Great location, very affordable then, and met great people.

    6. What all of the colleges rent out their dorm rooms to interns in the summer. I recommend GW, just because it is the most centrally located

  8. Has anyone had “nutritional coaching”? What is it aside from someone looking over your food logs and telling you not to eat what you’ve already eaten?

    2. I have not. I would log my own foods on cronometer or fitbit if I wanted to assess my diet. If I wanted coaching I’d see a real dietician and let my insurance pay for it.

    3. I don’t know if I’ve had “nutritional coaching” but I work with a dietician for weight loss, body composition, and general health.

      First thing is first, don’t waste your time or money with someone who is not an R.D. (registered dietician). Anyone can claim the title of nutritionist, but dieticians are licensed, well-educated professionals. They are often covered by health insurance. I have also had gyms that have RDs on staff you can meet with.

      Secondly, I have worked with three dieticians, and much like a therapist I think it’s good to shop around to find the right fit. Some prescribe meal plans, recipes, or specific eating styles, mine doesn’t. Some are generalists and some specialize in sports nutrition or diabetes management or heart health. Some do food logs, some don’t.

      I have LOVED my experience with a dietician. She knows and works with my trainer, so I’m getting a great “one-two” punch on my health. We talk about my bloodwork / #s, goals, preferences and then she gives me suggestions but no set plan. I find it very useful, I bring up something I’m working on and she’ll provide me with her recommendations.

      Thanks to her I have lost my 20lb COVID gain and have put on serious muscle!

    4. I’ve worked with two different nutrition coaches. The first one was with a company that focused on counting macros. She didn’t look over my food logs, but at my macro counts, how much I was exercising, how much weight I was losing, etc. She was available to answer questions via text; I would ask for advice on navigating social events and restaurants, stress eating, etc. She did an email check-in each week and adjusted my macros as needed.

      My current coach left the company I worked with previously to start his own company. He runs an emotional eating group for women, and is focused on habit and behavior change. There’s a weekly group call, and a half hour individual video call every other week to talk about my goals. There’s also an app to track the habits I’m currently working on.

  9. Has anyone bought a work wardrobe from scratch on a budget recently? My niece and a good friend are both graduating from college and need at least 1 full suit for interviews plus a few days of business casual attire (slacks/skirts/dresses/etc.) for their office internships this summer. I don’t buy much from Ann Taylor these days, is that still a good bet if I were to get them giftcards? Local Macys are hit or miss apparently and both want to be able to try on in person so mall brand stores are best.

    1. Ann Taylor is the best bet – professional but not stuffy, nice details, fun colors with a new mini-season every 6 weeks or so.I can’t decide if Macy’s quality has really gone down or if my standards have gone up, but it feels like Ross these days to me.)

      1. I agree about Macy’s. The stores are always a pit. Ann Taylor, Banana, or JCrew all have good sale cycles for picking up a few basics. I also did a ton of thrift shopping at that stage – they might hit the jackpot there with the number of people shedding office attire.

    3. Yes, and for me “on a budget” meant thrift stores and an alterations place at the mall for a few pieces.
      I think I was about $200 all in for 15 pieces, so that might be an idea on top of the mall brands.

      1. Thank you! I think they’ll do that in the future (all are familiar with poshmark/online resale) but they don’t have a frame of reference for what fits them in these types of clothes/these brands yet. Plus I expect my niece may need to go up a size and then tailor items as business clothing has less stretch/give and she’s quite curvy.

        1. I agree with the Ann Taylor idea, and that is where I went in a similar situation – interview/work suits and basics early in career. Good sales. But these days it is still often hard to find your size in the store. It’s a start at least, and they can still order more sizes online after seeing things in person.

          While Nordstrom is much pricier, it will have more selection and you can get the tailoring done there – don’t you get like $200 in tailoring done for free when you get a credit card there? But since Nordstrom is way too pricey for their age/situation, I actually think Macy’s is not a bad idea at all. Depends upon where they live, and what is convenient.

  10. PSA for plus sized women – i just got some cute tops at target — i feel like it’s so hard to find anything good lately.

    https://www.target.com/p/women–39-s-plus-size-balloon-3-4-sleeve-woven-top—knox-rose–8482–green-floral-1x/-/A-86933038?preselect=86933037 (in green but really like the idea of that orange/white one)

    https://www.target.com/p/women-s-sleeveless-v-neck-t-shirt-ava-viv/-/A-87718324?preselect=87718472#lnk=sametab

    https://www.target.com/p/women-s-puff-sleeve-v-neck-mesh-top-ava-viv/-/A-87432124?preselect=87244814#lnk=sametab

    https://www.target.com/p/women-s-puff-elbow-sleeve-peplum-t-shirt-ava-viv/-/A-87676920?preselect=87679661#lnk=sametab (in green)

  11. My firm held an client event recently and there was a professional photographer walking around taking candids. This was a sit-down dinner at an impressive venue with tuxedoed waitstaff, business formal attire, etc. A couple of the younger female associates are doing the “sorority squat” in group photos with clients. (The associates don’t appear in the photos together, so they had these ideas separately.) So a PSA I never thought I’d need to make: don’t talk to me about having trouble being taken seriously as a young female lawyer when you’re doing the sorority squat in business photos. Can you imagine Janet Yellen, Condoleezza Rice, Hillary Clinton doing the sorority squat in a business photo? Heck no!

    (Also, while I’m being an old grouch, crop tops are not appropriate attire for traditional office environments. Yes, even casual Friday. Stepping off my soapbox to go have an adult beverage…)

    1. Oh man, I know this makes me a grouchy curmudgeon, but that makes me sad. There’s the reason you mention, but also it just looks terrible in photos, even if you are in a sorority.

      2. So was I, but looking back at actual printed photos, you know what it is. 15 girls in a photo and the ones toward the front do a half-squat (so they don’t block the faces of the girls behind them, but 95% of the time they wouldn’t have anyway) and have their hands on their knees.

        1. OMG I do totally know what you’re talking about. Thank god I was one of the tall girls in the back.

    3. Maybe you could help them adjust by posing with them and saying oh, just stand up straight, there’s plenty of room? Do you not remember being in your early 20s and trying to figure it out, and feeling so grateful when someone kindly and discreetly helped out?

    4. It may be the photographer’s doing. At my BigLaw partnership retreat the photographer basically asked the shorter women in front to do this at one point. I didn’t think too much about it – it was a hike and a casual photo and we were a small group that was in really relaxed mode – but I doubt we would have done it on our own!

      1. Yeah, I’m almost 6′ so I’ve never been in the front row of any picture, ever (even when it’s a male-dominated group at least half the people are shorter than me) but I do remember the front row being posed this way in several official law firm photos.

  12. What are thoughts on Sézane quality? Is it worth trying? Fwiw, I’m a busty small person (5’1”, 30DD) looking for tops.

    2. I have always been impressed with the quality, and I put everything in the washing machine

      1. Not OP, but I didn’t need to know this. I’ve been drooling over some Sezane tops for a while now.

    3. Not what you asked, but Extra Petite recently had a roundup of petite-friendly, Sezane pieces.

  13. Anyone with a history of yeast infections/other vaginal infections had success with the progesterone-only minipill? I am thinking of going on it but am concerned about having recurring infections interfering with my quality of life again.

    Thanks!

    2. My sister suffers from recurrent infections – bacterial, fungal, you name it. She had luck with applying a gel internally after her period. It rebalances internal pH, which somehow helps to keep the good bacteria alive. I don’t remember the name (and am EU based), but it had aloe, lactic acid and pre/probitoics. It wasn’t a drug, it was classified here as Medical Device (if that matters). Was hormone free. Whatever it is, it kept her infection-free for 2y, so I would say worth a try.

  14. Does anyone carry two phones and have a case or other product they like for carrying both around?

    1. I carry 3 phones and each of them has its protective glass foil on the front and a basic Apple silicone case. I use vibrant colors so that I can a) find them quickly in a void of a black lining of a big handbag and b) to differentiate them.
      I just put them in one compartment of my work bag, nothing special.

      1. I can totally imagine two phones, in fact I used to have this – one for work, one for personal. I’m trying to imagine the use case for the third?

        1. I have moved to a different country and it was just convenient to be able to keep my previous phone/number for a few more months (esp when my online banking was linked to that number). The third phone will eventually cycle out and I will be a 2-phone person (private & work).

  15. I’m looking for a more compact version of the Revlon One-Step brush dryer for when I’m traveling. Anyone have a product they’d recommend? The Calista Go-Go Mini Round Brush looks very small and light but I’m not sure it’s a good sub for the Revlon.

  16. I feel a little silly gushing about this in real life but I’m bursting so figured I’d post here. My boyfriend and I said I love you for the first time yesterday and I’m full of the warm fuzzies.

    I hope you’re all experiencing some love (romantic or otherwise) this weekend!

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