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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
A friend was just raving to me about how comfortable the Franco Sarto Flexa line of shoes are — and Nordstrom has a bunch of nice styles right now, including this go-everywhere block-heeled sandal. I like the wide straps, the slightly rounded heel, and the major cushioning!
(They describe their cushioning as “InFORMA comfort technology: Ergonomic insoles, contoured padding at key pressure points, and exceptional support.” Sounds great!)
The sandal is available in five colors, sizes 5-11, for $140, at Nordstrom — you can also find the line at Nordstrom Rack, Anthropologie, Zappos, FrancoSarto.com, Dillards, and Macy's.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anonymous
What do you think is the best thing to wear to dinner at someone’s house? I often worry I overdo it with makeup and a dress when everyone else is sitting there in blue jeans…
Senior Attorney
I’m usually the most dressed up person at those occasions, but I like a flowy skirt and simple top, or a casual summer dress (flat/casual shoes can dress down either of these looks, I find).
anon
I think you should wear what you like and express your personal style! If you’re more of a dress person, or just wanna wear one, do it. We live in a very casual society but that doesn’t mean you have to stop wearing what feels good to you.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
I don’t think there IS such a thing as the “best thing” to wear to dinner at someone’s house. It’s entirely dependent on your own style, your social circle, and how much you care about fitting in with what other people are wearing.
In my social circles in the summer, people would be casual and would dress for very hot weather — shorts, pants or very casual dresses. Nobody would be in jeans because they’re too hot in the summer. In cooler weather, it would likely be entirely jeans for everyone. Or athleisure. We’re not dressy folk, and these aren’t invitations to a sit-down dinner party in a more formal house.
Anonymous
People around me have also mastered what I’d call “expensive casual.” Very casual yet pulled-together outfits, with individual items that are likely to be pricey. Even jeans and t-shirts will look great, and will be worn with great little flipflops and just the right jewelry. Hair will look great but not fussy, skin is glowing, and everyone has a pedicure. I have not mastered this look.
Anonymous
This is not my friend circle 😂.
Anon
Not my friend circle either, for which I am eternally grateful.
Anonymous
What’s the downside of having well dressed and groomed friends?
Anon
Yes, this is my friend group too. I have no idea how they do it. I somehow missed the lesson on looking polished and pulled together.
Anon
Is this “aspirational rich suburban mom style”? Sort of Golden Goose sneakers and Mother jeans or rufflepuff dress worn with elaborately crocheted sweater vest over top? That is what people wear in my city (to the grocery store even) this spring.
Anonymous
As I get older I find jeans more and more uncomfortable and so I am more comfortable in a dress. I try and dress it down with sandals and pick a dress in a cut and fabric that is more casual but I don’t mind being the only person in a dress.
Anonymous
I can’t seem to get it right. Either I’m in athleisure and everyone else has at least an intentional outfit or I’ve got an intentional outfit (say, cotton utility pants/top/big earrings) and our hosts are in their gardening clothes. At this point I’m aiming for some kind of intentionality and leaving it there.
Anon8
SAME. I’ve always felt like I’ve missed a memo with dress codes. I honestly think of one friend who always seems to nail the vibe and think “what would sarah wear,” which works surprisingly well.
Anonymous
I have a friend who still calls to ask what I’m wearing when we go out. It’s juvenile but so fun-we send each other selfies while we get ready. We’re 40 btw.
Anon
That does sound fun.
anon
I do this with my bestie and we do it a bit on our girlfriend text group too!
anon
I usually show up in something with sequins, but I like dressing up and don’t care if I am the fanciest dressed. For non-sequin options, +1 to SA’s suggestions.
AIMS
I Just like to look like I made an effort but still keep it kind of low key unless I know it’s a more formal occasion. I think a dress is great and often wear one (and will be wearing one for a dinner tonight) but I generally keep the rest of my look relaxed – flat sandals, relaxed hairstyle, low key makeup, jewelry that works for evening without being fussy (currently that means alternative between gold hoops and a different pair of long, dangly gold earrings). Also my dresses tend to be kind of relaxed too – something long and flowy vs. tight and stiff.
Clementine
I have really migrated to team black jumpsuit for so many of these events. What I’ll often do if I’m not sure (especially if we’re out) is bring two pair of shoes and an extra pair of earrings. I’ll text a friend ‘Birkenstocks or heels – what do you think.’
People are looking really relaxed? Let me throw on my Birkenstocks and keep my small hoop earrings in. People are looking fancy? Great! I have a pair of stacked heeled open toed sandals in my car and nicer earrings.
Anon
Not to reignite this argument but for smaller dinner parties I choose shoes with the assumption that the host might ask me to take them off. I pick an outfit that’s still interesting and flattering while barefoot.
Senior Attorney
Yes and I make sure I have a decent pedi.
Senior Attorney
Side note: We went to dinner at the home of old friends of my husband over the weekend and, because I had not been to the nail salon for a while and my toes were in sad shape, I asked him whether there was any chance they would ask us to remove our shoes. He assured me there was no such chance. Then when we arrived I noticed the hosts were all barefood/in stocking feet, although mercifully they didn’t ask us to remove our shoes. I was still mortified because if my toes had looked decent I would definitely have offered to take off my shoes.
Anon
I run a shoes off household, and as a host I always tell guests ahead of time (especially anyone new, people who know me already know) so that no one is caught off guard and can choose their shoes/socks accordingly so they’ll be comfortable.
Anonymous
I have a small selection of fun and pretty mesh or thin nylon ankle or crew height socks that I wear as fancy shoe equivalent in my shoes-off country. The can be used intentionally as part of an outfit.
Love Japanese brand Tabio for this.
https://tabiouk.com/products/011130002?_pos=4&_sid=897563c0f&_ss=r
Anon
Those are cute. I keep a pair of pilates socks in my bag to wear if I need to take off my shoes, but they are standard grey, so not outfit enhancing or noticable.
Anon
I always wear makeup because I always wear makeup, but I don’t wear like Tik Tok makeup. I like a my skin but better foundation, light blush, lightly defined eyes and brows, and I’d do a lip for dinner but know it would be gone soon enough from eating and drinking.
In terms of clothing I’d first find out if it was a shoe free house, in which case I’d bring my own slippers because my feet are too problematic to go barefoot. I’d dress for the season but I’d say my look would be put together but not super dressy unless the event was around a holiday & themed.
It’s different if it’s an outdoor thing like a BBQ (honestly, preferred), in which case this time of year I’m wearing casual light layers ala coastal grandmother.
Anon
Ps no athleisure or jeans for me because it’s too easy to get wrong.
Anon
I wear a sari often! It’s awesome and everyone is usually appreciative.
Anonymous
“The best thing” to wear really depends on where, when, and why you’re going. I’m one who wears jeans, and will sometimes dress them up with a nicer top, etc. My circle is very casual, though, I’m typically ‘overdressed’ in jeans and a nicer top…
Anon
I’d like to buy a new tankini for summer and I prefer a sporty vibe. My #1 criteria is sewn-in cups (no removable cups – I hate those things for never staying put and never drying quickly, but I do want some lining to prevent show-through for cold-water swimming). Any recommendations? I’m a D cup.
Jules
Lands End always has great tankinis, and they make D and DD tops.
Anonymous
They also have a bigger cup size which I was very excited to learn. Buying swimsuits is much easier now. Might not be the prettiest, but I’m not falling out or squashed into a sausage
anon
Finding one with the sewn-in cups is harrrd. I would recommend Athleta, though. The Maldives top in particular, although it also has underwire. Don’t know if that’s a dealbreaker or not.
AIMS
I always remove the cups and find that with a lined suits it’s not really problem. Lately, I’ve been wearing some version on an Anne Cole suit and find no issues with those.
Can’t tell if this one would work for you, but I would try it: https://annecole.com/collections/twist-front/products/anne-cole-twist-front-underwire-tankini-swim-top-3?variant=32241056350297
Seventh Sister
Talbots has some – their swimsuits are surprisingly nice but also cute (not super frumpy).
Anonymous
I buy bra sized underwire swimsuits, which solves the cup issue. My current fave is from Panache – check at Herroom or Bare Necessities for options.
Anon
+ a million to this. Those cutlet things meant to hide the nips never work and 90% of the time look lumpy.
Anonymous
Check Title 9 maybe?
Anonymous
Gottex has a line with larger cups.
Nudibranch
I just got a really nice one from the Calia brand.
Anonymous
A question based on this morning’s covid thread – like someone else there we see elderly parents often and have been very covid cautious because of them. But it recently occurred to me – if they don’t have anything acute going on healthwise, shouldn’t they be open to getting it now? Not like a chicken pox party, but just living their lives without caution? I feel like if they get sick there’s no way they’ll avoid it in hospital, and their first infection maybe shouldn’t be at the same time as another health event. Thoughts?
Senior Attorney
I don’t know what you mean by “elderly,” but a lot of my 60- and 70-something friends have been getting it lately (even those who avoided it all this time), and the fully-vaccinated ones seem to have been having a really easy time of it. So my thoughts are that “without caution” is a pretty bold statement, but “living their lives while taking on reasonable risk” seems, well, reasonable.
anon
+1. We are not taking precautions around our parents at this point, nor do they want us to. They’re all fully vaccinated. One of them (the least healthy of the bunch) did get Covid recently and although she felt like garbage, she did not end up in the hospital.
Anon
Ugh, I feel like I’m hearing about more cases recently. Our last vacation (this time last year) was during the big surge and we ended up with Covid. Was hoping to avoid this year…
Senior Attorney
We are leaving for vacation on Sunday and have test kits and Paxlovid in our luggage just in case!
Anon
How were you able to get Paxlovid predicatively? My parents are a bit older than you and very cautious, one of the things that’s holding them back from doing some international travel is the worry that they won’t be able to access Paxlovid while traveling. I suggested they ask their doctor for a prescription in advance, but the doctor apparently refused and said it can only be prescribed with a positive Covid test.
Anon
How did you get Paxlovid ahead of time? Your primary care doctor prescribed it for you?
Senior Attorney
Yes I was at a regular checkup and said I wad going abroad soon and he offered to prescribe it.
Anon
Also in California and cannot find a doctor who will write an advance provision prescription for Paxlovid. Which is weird because there is a huge supply of it, already paid for by the federal government, going unused.
Anon
I also couldn’t get Paxlovid in advance. I’m not elderly but I’m immunocompromised and my doctor strongly recommends I take it if I test positive for Covid, but wouldn’t give it to me in advance for travel.
Anon
My elderly relatives (two of whom are cancer patients!) have been back to “normal” for about a year now. For them, that means resuming going to the gym, in-person shopping, public transportation, indoor dining (whether at a restaurant or someone’s house). They prefer outdoor gatherings when possible and mask if the store or train is very crowded, but don’t mask otherwise.
They’re still hoping to not get it and taking basic precautions, but also recognize that they’re older and only have so many years left and don’t want to spend those years isolated.
Anon
“They’re still hoping to not get it and taking basic precautions, but also recognize that they’re older and only have so many years left and don’t want to spend those years isolated.”
Same with my parents in their early 70s; my mom is a breast cancer survivor. They have avoided getting it, are 5x vaccinated (got the second bivalent booster) and hope not to get it, but they got really lonely (and bored) over the last three years, and missed going to concerts, markets and events and have resumed those again, as well as in-person indoor gatherings with their (mostly elderly) friends. My mom strongly feels that since at any point, her cancer could return and that would more or less be it for her, she doesn’t want to waste any more time isolating herself from people.
Anon8
We’re at a completely different place treatment-wise than we were in 2020, which for me means I’m not nearly as worried about my elderly, vaccinated relatives. I don’t necessarily think anyone should be actively trying to get covid, but I treat visiting my 90 year old grandma the same as I would in 2019. (E.g. if I’m actively sick I’ll stay home, but otherwise I’m not doing anything special before going to see her).
anon
Agreed. I don’t want to be insensitive, but high risk does not look the same as it did a couple of years ago. And I say this as someone who lost a loved one to Covid.
Anon
I’m the person who made the comment about protecting my elderly parents. My parents are 71 and 73, so not really that old, and they’re vaccinated and boosted several times, so I don’t think they would die or be hospitalized if they got it, although long Covid and other health complications are still a possibility and my dad especially has a bunch of underlying health conditions. But mainly I’d feel guilty if I gave it to them, because they’ve never had it and live very cautiously with almost no risk other than interactions with my family. I also just don’t really think it’s that big a deal to wear a mask to the store, so it seems like a situation where I might as well wear one even if the benefit is small. I expect my parents to get Covid at some point, and to be mostly fine, but I’d also really kick myself if they got it because I didn’t wear a mask to the grocery store, you know?
Anonymous
OP here, and totally agree re grocery store, the few plane flights we take, and even sitting at my middle schooler’s band concert or something else where I’m not talking. But at some point I’d like to eat indoors again and maybe go to a Pilates reformer class or go back to the gym, but for the gym the thought of doing so masked is a total turnoff. But that feels so selfish to say – but we also just feel like total outliers in our red state.
Anon
Most people, even elderly people, are doing things like eating indoors.
Anonymous
well yeah but most elderly people are also voting for Trump so they don’t exactly have self-preservation at the top of their mindset.
Anon
+1 my organ transplant recipient uncle and my cancer patient aunt (both in their 70s, so not elderly but senior citizens) both go to the gym (albeit masked) and both eat indoors at restaurants and friends’ houses (without masks).
Anon
2:22 poster here. Yeah, we’re not sacrificing quite that much for my parents. We don’t eat indoors much, but that’s mainly because we live somewhere where it’s pleasant to eat outdoors nearly year round. We have eaten indoors when traveling when it wasn’t convenient to eat outside — my days of eating sad takeout meals in hotel rooms are behind me. For travel, it’s easy to avoid my parents for a bit after we get home and test before seeing them, so I don’t view that as much risk to my parents. I do mostly wear a mask at the gym, but I mainly walk and do yoga, so a mask doesn’t bother me much. We do go swimming indoors without masks sometimes. Our kids are maskless at school and activities, which is objectively the main source of risk for all of us, but it’s also something I feel strongly about because they are young and healthy and I could see how being the only kids wearing masks was starting to impact them socially. My parents are ok with that, but would prefer my husband and I wear masks indoors, so we do. I guess I look at it mainly as cost vs. benefit. The risk of going maskless to the grocery store may be small, but the benefit (for me) is nonexistent, so why not wear one. Whereas my kids being maskless at school has more risk but also a lot more benefit. I think you just have to weigh these things and decide what your family values.
Anonymous
Our family engages in a similar cost-benefit calculus. My daughter no longer masks at school because she is graded on class discussions and people were constantly talking over her when she was wearing a mask. So here the cost of masking is relatively high. At the grocery store or the theatre or on the subway, the cost of masking is very low and the potential benefit is huge. Sadly, the anti-maskers have succeeded in taking away all the nuance. Even my friends who were masking up until mid-2022 are now like “yeah, we’re never masking again no matter the circumstances.”
Anon
At this point, I think the risks are very different for people who can expect a vaccine response vs the immunocompromised who cannot mount an effective response. Some of the elderly will fall into different categories there. Paxlovid is a great tool for many, but it’s not a failsafe because of the 5-day thing. I know countless people who didn’t test positive until day five or six of symptoms.
Anon
I heard they are working on a Evusheld 2.0 which will really help people who aren’t responding successfully to vaccines. It’s been rough for a while for people who relied on Evusheld and aren’t on IG therapies.
Anon
I agree. Most people out there aren’t aware of the risks facing this population or the specific considerations they have.
Anon
I relied on Evusheld and I am so glad to hear about 2.0 on the way!!
Anon
No! I think that’s a terrible idea.
Anon
It is true that the mortality rate for hospital acquired infections is much, much higher than the mortality rate for community acquired infections. But the virus is still mutating so rapidly that past infection doesn’t really help that much. Staying up to date on vaccines is a much better plan since they were actually designed to confer immunity.
As for “not having anything acute going on healthwise,” I think non-acute conditions can matter too. Something that gets missed a lot is that many people are less at risk from COVID itself than from COVID flaring up a pre-existing condition to the point that it’s life threatening or refractory to treatment. People can fight off COVID successfully but then succumb to complications from a condition they already had but that was previously well controlled.
Anon
Yes to this. My friends with RA have had an awful time with it and their recoveries have been long and drawn out. I have a different pre existing condition which unfortunately eliminates most of the current anti vitals for me and am trying to avoid it as much as possible due to fear of what recovering would look like.
Anonymous
I just wanted to complain about the audacity of expecting staff to make cookies for executives :(
daylight
It is so bizarre. Unless I’m a baker, I cannot imagine assigning anyone to MAKE cookies in a work situation. If staff wants to bring them, cool. but but it’s so weird to ask staff to make them. If they want cookies and it’s the staff job to procure the food, then ask them to buy cookies.
Anon
I once had a mandatory 2 day staff retreat (Friday and Saturday, over Halloween weekend). I worked in government, so there was no budget for any food of any sort. We had to BYO lunch and then teams were assigned to bring in snacks or breakfast items on rotation. It was awful.
Anon
I can’t remember the last time I made cookies. Probably five years ago, and they were keto and gluten free and while I enjoyed them, probably not of general interest!
daylight
Same. My husband makes cookies a couple times a year. I buy cookies in three packs from the local bakery when I want cookies.
In regards to potlucks in general, I felt somewhat liberated a few years ago when I realized that people ate chips when I brought chips to a potluck. I’m in a community organization that meets once a month and about 6 times a year does potlucks. I used to stress about MAKING something because I can cook pretty well, but the meetings are on a weekday and I just never got it together to have something made. So I just started bringing chips. People always eat them, they’re a nice compliment to all the other wonderful things that everyone else (who are retired or have less demanding jobs) brings, and I don’t have to worry about it.
Anon
When i was an entry level employee, I made work friends with P, who was a great baker. She brought stuff in to share all the time as she was single and didn’t want to eat a whole batch. We all looked forward to next time, and it was always a surprise.
Then our idiot senior senior manager was planning a day long on-site offsite meeting (as stupid as it sounds, on-campus on a different floor away from our desks all day) and sent out an email that we should all bring a lunch “and P can bring an extra large batch of her famous blondies!”
I sat right next to P. She was as shocked as I was, as he’d never broached it with her.
Not only did not bring any baked goods to that meeting, she never brought them to work again.
Anecdata
I also am single, love baking and experimenting with new recipes, and have no need to eat an entire cake myself… but I never ever bring them in to my 90% male workplace; after the day there was a plate of cookies left out by the microwave and I heard one of my least favorite Tradwick’s going through the office “ah, sweet! Dave, did your wife make us cookies? Josh, did your wife make us cookies? Andy, did your wife make us cookies? Hey Anecdata, did /you/ make us cookies?”
To this day they have no idea I bake. Homemade cookies go to neighbors and friends; if I need to bring in something for a team celebration, it shall be exclusively from the Safeway bakery
Anonymous
Before we went WFH, I used to bring in homemade cookies every holiday season. My husband baked them. He was famous throughout my department even though few of my co-workers had ever met him, and when the holidays approached I would get asked if he was baking this year.
Anon
I’ve shared this before but I worked at a very old boys club law firm with an annual event where the (almost entire female, majority Black and Latina) staff had to cook and serve a meal to the (entirely white, mostly male) lawyers. It was VERY weird to me and was definitely representative of larger racism and misogyny issues within the firm. Weird race and gender dynamics aside, it was also strange to me to have staff giving a meal to the lawyers who supervised them. When I worked in larger firms in more cosmopolitan areas, it was always the other way around with lawyers providing meals for staff (though of course the lawyers just paid money for the staff meals, they didn’t cook themselves).
Anon
Maybe? But also….. if it isn’t a big deal to avoid it, some may chose to continue to be cautious. Again, it is pretty easy to be pretty active…. go out regularly to plays/movies/shopping and just wear a mask. Go out to dinner, and just eat outside. Get together for family / inside gatherings, and sometimes take off masks among smaller groups that you know/trust. I even know a group of seniors that all do a COVID test before they have their weekly party/lunch. Sure, lots of seniors are just living their lives now. But most are a little more careful about handwashing, avoiding people who are coughing, staying home if they feel off etc…
There is a very large elderly group with chronic respiratory disease (asthma/COPD/ex-smokers) and who are immunocompromised. My Dad fell into that group and his immunologist told him he must avoid COVID forever. And remember, of course there are a huge number of folks that don’t see their doctors regularly, and don’t follow what their doctors recommend even if they do! Everyone can decide for themselves. Also, 70 years old can be different from 90 year olds. And some 70 year olds, look like there are 90, and may be more vulnerable…… So it is hard to generalize.
Yes, it is unfortunately true that COVID spreads in the hospital and we don’t talk about that at all. It spreads because of spread from sloppy hospital workers/visiting family members, as they need to be responsible about masking well/hand washing/not bringing it into the hospital. But hospitals are very sloppy places, unfortunately. Hospital spread infections is one of the greatest problems of hospitals. But if they get it while in the hospital, at least they can get treatment quickly….
Anonymous
Interestingly, my spouse has had multiple long hospital stays recently, and when he was exposed by visitors, they did not want to know or test him to see if he had it. They seem to have their heads in the sand.
Anon
If “they” means the doctors, then that is a horror show that they don’t test him and mask up if he is exposed. Malpractice on all of them.
Sometimes they don’t tell you when they are testing…..
Anonymous
Oh no, we asked multiple times. At least the nursing staff. It took 24 hours to get the first test and he was directly exposed by two of us. It was horrifying.
Anonymous
Forgot to add – we could see all of his health records online in real time too.
JD
I’m very pregnant with a child in daycare. We basically have to take the risk with daycare, but I mask in public settings (maybe as a mental health placebo for myself). I really don’t want to go into labor with Covid, even though I’m not worried about having really bad complications since I’m vaccinated. Still, I have the occasional vaccinated friend who is just getting COVID this year and is taking a month or more to recover. We’re living our lives, but lots of people have special situations. I actually think we should adopt the norms of China/Japan where it’s been common to mask if you suspect you have any respiratory sickness. Do unto others and all that.
Anon
Re fully-vaccinated — I got 2 shots and a booster and then got COVID last fall. It hasn’t dawned on me to keep getting boosters though. I’m over 50 but no other risk factors and COVID was no worse than having the shot (just a scheduling nightmare). If you have gotten a booster in 2023, what are people getting? I was Moderna all the way through (and IIRC, each short had worse side effects than the prior one — exhaustion and chills and pretty bad aches). IDK if it would make sense to get one now (school is almost out for my kids) or in August when the kids go back to school.
Anonymous
i’d say wait until fall, that’s when there’s always a surge, plus you’ll get whatever latest formulation (for whatever’s out there) that there is.
Anon
I’ve timed my 2 booster shots in 2022 to occur before international travel, and it gave me some peace of mind to be maximally protected while I had increase exposure in planes and trains. In my everyday life I don’t have contact with tons of people so I feel the risk is limited. Now that the states of emergency are expired, does that affect booster coverage by health insurance?
Anon
Yes.
Anon for this
Since basically late 2021, I feel like I have been more likely to get COVID FROM my parents (83 and 79) than give it to them. Once they had the full course of vaccine they were pretty much back to normal – indoor eating, bowling, seeing friends. Of course they eat at like 4pm so the restaurants aren’t very crowded! And they live in a place with very high vaccine uptake and good health care access.
They both got COVID in early 2022, most likely on a trip to the Caribbean (tested positive the day after they got back). For them, they basically stayed home for a week and watched a lot of tv. They said it wasn’t too bad.
Now, my mother was just in the hospital with pneumonia (cause unknown – not COVID and I suspect the poor air quality days where they live). I am going to visit soon and am trying to be a little careful because I wouldn’t want to get her sick again. But otherwise I don’t really worry, I do less indoors activities than they do.
Anon
I’m immunocompromised and currently have COVID and no, I didn’t prefer to “just get it” to get it over with.
First of all, I could definitely get it again, as can everyone. That doesn’t make any sense. There’s no one and done here.
Second, it’s miserable for me. I haven’t been deathly ill as in trouble breathing and I’m not worried about hospitalization at this point – thank god for vaccinations and Paxlovid – but I’ve lost a week of my life and work to extreme fatigue and brain fog, and this is why I preferred not to get it!
Third, you can’t make this decision for the less healthy or elderly people in your lives. It is very much a personal risk/reward equation that everyone has to decide for themselves.
After this, I will still be cautious and masking. And it’s none of your business.
Anon
No one is coming at you. There’s no need to be this defensive/abrasive
Anon
Her question:
“shouldn’t they be open to getting it now?”
This is my answer. You don’t decide this for other people.
Anon
+1.
Anon
+1
Hamish
The more everyone else takes over public spaces while flaunting any pretense of precautions against transmission, the more people who need to be protected are shut out of public spaces. So although no one is “coming at” elders individually, people are making choices that directly affect elders’ options.
Also, JAMA just published a study about long COVID that many researchers and physicians are calling seminal. That research shows that 16% of fully vaccinated patients who had Omicron still develop long COVID.
Anon
It’s very individual but my elderly parents were very upset about the restrictions cutting into their last years when it was 2020. They’re cancer survivors and have no interest in restricting their life at all. They dine indoors, travel, see people, etc. They’ve had Covid and has no complications, like many many many people. So while others may make a different risk calculus, this is a very valid response too.
Anon
I don’t know about being open to getting it. I have an 83 y.o. relative who has been hospitalized with Covid for 8 days, and she is very, very sick. She is up to date with every possible vaccine and booster, FWIW.
Anon
I’m sorry to hear this and wish her the best.
Anon
I’m sorry to hear that, I hope your relative recovers completely and quickly.
I know many, many people struggling with Long Covid and wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Anonymous
I think I had these sandals in 1995.
Anonymous
when someone comments something like this i’m always curious – what are you buying in current stores if you’ve already seen every trend from at least 1995?
Anonymous
Not the poster, but I’ve seen trends since then. I stock up on platform shoes/boots as they’re much more comfy vs heels. Also high waisted trousers with a classic cut.
Anon
I think we have some people who legit don’t buy clothes and are wearing whatever they have left over from the 1990s, 2000s, and 2010s. I think I work with some of them, frankly – I saw a colorblock dress worn with patterned black tights and pointy-toe kitten heels the other day at work.
Also, something that looks like it’s from the mid 1990s is on-trend right now – that’s kind of the point, at this moment in fashion.
Anonymous
As someone who keeps, and wears, clothes for years. I had a good laugh at this.
Is it really that shocking that there are people who keep clothes they love and continue to wear them?
Anonymous
i don’t think anyone is shocked that those people exist (i’m one of them also!) but i am surprised that someone who isn’t into shopping or buying new things is hanging out on a fashion blog.
Anonymous
*1, it’s very juvenile to chase trends.
Anonymous
12:12pm, where did you get the idea that anyone here isn’t into shopping or buying new things…?
Anon
I keep clothes that I love and I continue to wear them for years, but once a piece or an outfit starts looking terribly dated, I stop wearing it because I don’t want to look A. old B. frumpy or C. out of touch. Or all three. Some of us do care about those things because it helps us in our career and with our own self-esteem. I wouldn’t feel very confident running around in an outfit I liked from 1998, but hey – do you. I’m sure it’s working out for you splendidly in your life and career, etc. P.S. – for those in the cheap seats in the back who still aren’t getting it, there’s a different between “looking current” and “being trendy.” I don’t care about trends but I also don’t want to walk around looking like a Newport News catalog (remember those?) circa 1997. I know we have some “seasoned” ladies here who love to grump about everything not-of-their-era, but there’s a difference between being more experienced and wiser, and walking around looking like the last time you cared about your clothes was the year the Seinfeld series finale aired.
And Anon at 2:03 – Anon at 12:12 wasn’t saying “no one here buys clothes,” and I think you know that. The “let me be intentionally obtuse” thing isn’t as cute as some of y’all seem to think it is. Either that, or some people need better reading comprehension.
Anonymous
That makes no sense. Someone who isn’t buying this style because it is outdated is certainly not wearing the version she bought 30 years ago.
NYNY
Not the person you’re responding to, but as an old, I can share. I am honestly loving the Y2K fashion revival lately. I’m buying new versions of things I wore and liked – Square toe shoes? I am in! – but also trying to be mindful of what suits me now. I will not be returning to jeans with 3-inch zippers, for example. They worked on me then, they don’t anymore.
Anonymous
Not OP. I am an old that has seen every trend from the early 90s though.
I’m honestly not buying all that much that is in current stores because most of what’s available doen’t suit my current style.
Anonymous
is anyone following the story of the kid on the cruise ship who jumped overboard on a dare into shark-infested waters and hasn’t been seen since? it’s just so so sad to think of all the stupid things teens and people do in general.
i’ll always remember hearing a story of someone in their early 20s who put one of those small firecrackers on their head and lit it because they were goofing around. (their head did not survive.)
daylight
yikes!! yep people do dumb things and it sucks when there are such lasting and/or public consequences.
A couple years ago in my small town a well known 40-something year old man was drunk and held onto a firecracker too long, and lost 3 fingers and his arm was pretty damaged. It happened one of the nights of our little town festival, so the news was alllllll over town the next day. I actually felt pretty bad for him because it was such a dumb thing to do and now literally everyone knew his dumb thing. He owned a mechanic shop too, and had to shut that down and get a different job because he just didn’t have the dexterity anymore. He did land on his feet though and has a decent job now, and rents the mechanic shop, so at least his consequences didn’t end his life….just made it really crappy for a few years.
Anon
It’s mostly men who do these stupid things. Most rattlesnake bikes on the head and neck are in young men in their early 20s because they pick the snakes up or otherwise get in their faces.
Anon
Why did you feel the need to make this comment?
Anon
I’m not the person you’re responding to, but as an actuary I can tell you it’s statistically true that young men take risks that are life threatening, and die in greater numbers than women of the same age group.
Anon
Which everyone knows as well…so idk what this weird-ass response is about.
Anon
My parents would not let me ride in cars driven by boys in high school for this reason, lol.
Anon
Anon @6:37 I think you are the one with the problem here.
Anon
This is so random! Love it!
Anon
My little brother was overall a good kid. He freely admits that it is amazing he is still alive (!), and has told me some stories of things he did in high school/college etc… that make my toes curl.
The young male brain is just not very good at self control/long term planning, and if you add in stress/fatigue/alcohol or cars, it is amazing what can come out the other end….
I am actually glad that the current high school generation is often not learning how to drive. Keep all of those young men off the road, the most dangerous place we are every day.
Anonymous
What are your favorite freezer appetizers to buy? We’ve had good luck with some and not with others. Trader Joe’s almost all good, of course…
Anon
Spanikopita type things. Mini quiche. I’d down a tray of either of those right now.
Anon
+1
I like these from Trader’s too. I also like their mini-Samosas (triangle shaped).
Jules
I was at a dinner party last year where someone brought little bite-size tarts of puff pastry or phyllo with brie topped with a dollop of raspberry jam and they were amazing. (I was, and am, trying to avoid dairy but I think I ate half the tray myself.) Pretty sure they were frozen but I don’t know where from.
Anon
The TJ’s Fried olives are pretty good.
Anon
What little (or big!) thing are you doing this weekend to treat yourself?
For me, I’m planning on a bit of pool time and starting a new book.
Anon
Pool time with a book sounds divine! I have a preschooler so I’m at the pool a lot but rarely with the opportunity to relax. I may need to WFP (work from pool) some day next week.
Looking forward to Sunday brunch with my husband, kid and parents at our favorite local place.
Anonymous
I WFP sometimes and it is delightful.
Anon
I’m starting an oil painting class Sunday!
Anon
Winding yarn and swatching for an upcoming 4 day KAL.
Anon
Planting flowering perennials in my garden.
People are so nice…. I have been given so many cuttings/split plants from neighbors, swap meets, and even on Freecycle.
Anonymous
Classical concert in an old church
Anonymous
Today I deep cleaned both my linen closet and bathroom, and did a wardrobe audit.
They were all overdue and it feels like a treat to have them done.
Anon
Has anyone here developed healthy exercise habits in their 40s, after a lifetime of not being able to stick with anything longer than a few weeks? I could really use some motivation or a pep talk.
Anon
I have been on and off with exercise throughout the years but what’s worked for me is finding something I really enjoy and continuing to set obtainable goals. I started going to yoga classes 2-4 times a week to the point where everyone knows me and it has become more of a community for me. I’ll also set goals around my flexibility or mastering difficult poses. I also started seriously running during covid because it was the only thing I could do since all gyms and studios were closed. I’m now training for my second half marathon.
Anan
When I turned 40 I realized that some physical activity would be good for me. I basically had no exercise habits and pretty much was coasting on good genes. I had taken post natal exercise classes off and on but they never lasted past return to work. My issue is that I’m cheap and didn’t want to spend the money on a gym or equipment or classes. So I started by going for short runs while my kids were in their Sunday language classes. I’m now 45 and still go on very short runs (like 1-1.5 miles) three or four times a week. I made it stick by keeping the run short (30 mins max) and mostly doing them on my lunch break; then I don’t have to worry about child care. Re-framing lunch break as my “wellness break” has helped me commit to spending the time. I know different people are motivated by different things, but knowing that I really only have a small window of time to exercise every day makes me more likely to do it.
Also be forgiving of yourself and any small amount is good! Some days I can only manage 15 minutes, but I figure that’s better than nothing.
Anonymous
Getting a big, energetic dog that needs to be walked 5 miles a day has been helpful for me.
Anonymous
I have. I was a three-season athlete in high school but decided not to participate in college, mostly because I was going to need to work and study. I took up drinking and dating, which was not great. After college I got in great shape swimming and running (my childhood sports) on my own, but basically stopped exercising after being gawked at by classmates whenever at the gym first semester of law school. I should have figured that out, but I didn’t. I then had a brief fling with boot camps in my early 30s but that faded.
Four years ago, when I was pushing 46, serendipitously, a functional fitness gym opened up within walking distance of my home and I dived in and have been consistently going since. I love being strong at this age and that is what keeps me going back. The proximity is key for me, and I know it, but I think I am attached enough to that feeling of strength that I will keep it up, maybe at home or on my own at the office gym, even if the local gym were to close. It’s also been helpful to have support from the man in my life. My last two boyfriends have been very encouraging and both have liked talking regularly about our (separate) workouts. I have found that helps with my personal accountability without them actually holding me accountable.
Trish
The key for me was joining a gym less than a mile from my house
Jane T
Jogging was much easier for me to get in to be fair, especially considering that there are a local running community here that are doing “social runs” pretty much every day(I join once or twice a week, found ’em out when was picking up my topo athletic shoes from https://rununited.com/topo-athletic/ and their store manager told me they are organizing those. Also if you looking for really good running shoes – those are absolutely fantastic, especially if you’ve got wider feet like myself :D )
Tea/Coffee
I (early40’s) became addicted to running in covid. I had run a bit before that, but i never enjoyed it and it never stuck. But running was the only place family wouldn’t insist on coming with me (“Going to the mailbox? Hang on, I’ll get my shoes!”) and i started exploring dirt trails near our house. Enough that i ran a marathon in 2021!
Turns out i still don’t really like running on the road, but i can do it now when i need to bc of time or weather. Running through the quiet woods with just the sounds of the birds is absolutely a happy place and very meditative for me. I think the trick was finding something that i actually looked forward to, and i miss it on days when i don’t run. Also very easy logistically… i just need shoes and during the week i don’t drive to any place to run, just start from my house.
Anon
I started walking and doing yoga when I was in my early 50s. I then joined a gym for the yoga classes and access to the treadmills, and that lead to me lifing weights. I’ve kept it up for 10 years at this point. I lost about 85 lbs during the first 2 years and I’ve increased my strength level. I feel better about going into “old age” in a better position than I was. I’m extremely externally motivated and getting a FitBit really helped me, looking at my step count every day kept me going, and then it just became habit.
Prior to that, I had done exercise in fits and starts, but never stuck with anything long term.
anon_needs_a_break
I did so in my late 30s, and Pilates reformer classes (preCOVID) were my gateway.
Now I do that and a ton of free youtube workout videos of all kinds, which then led me to weights/dumbells which is life-changing. I can’t believe I missed out on literal decades of exercise – that’s how important it is to me now.
Anonymous
I’m 46, and have been consistent about exercise since my late 20s, so I’m a bit different, but I will say that my goals and fitness interests have changed significantly as I got older. I’m much more interested in strength training and LISS like walking, and kind of ignore most of the aerobics/running/elliptical cardio I did in my younger years. I’m also in the midst of trying out different exercises that would help me with posture/core, as almost all of my old lady aches and pains are related to poor posture. I’m also newly into yoga for the great stretches.
Anon
I started finally exercising consistently during the pandemic, in my early 40s. I’ve always exercised for bursts and then stopped for long stretches. I find that doing exercise classes is the only way I’ll stick with an exercise routine. I need someone telling me what to do so that I can be motivated. I started doing Pilates classes and we bought a Peloton for my husband which I now have used more than him. Having the Peloton right in my house so I can squeeze in exercise with no wasted travel time has been key. Also having the option to do a short class has been hugely helpful. So, even if I’m feeling unmotivated, I will get dressed in my workout clothes in the morning, and then I may tell myself I can squeeze in a 10-20 minute workout. Once I start, I find my motivation and then might tack on additional classes like an arm weights or core. I’ve also just decided that I must move/exercise at least 4 times per week and I don’t give myself an out. It finally has stuck and become habit over time. Now, I really feel much worse mentally and physically on the days I don’t work out.
Anon
If this video doesn’t motivate you, nothing will: https://www.pinkbike.com/news/must-watch-73-year-old-north-shore-betty-proves-youre-never-too-old-to-send.html
This woman (while previously athletic) only picked up mountain biking at 45. The way she rips at 73, now 74, is unbelievable.
Anon
I started riding lessons in my late 30s, and realized I would need to get stronger and filter to become a better rider. So its helped to give me a more focused goal than just ‘being fit’ if that makes sense.
anon
I’m in my 40s and have dabbled over the years but never been as consistent as I have been for the last four years or so with OrangeTheory! I love the coaches at my studio and we have a regular group that comes at 5 am that feels like a little family. I really look forward to it even though it often kicks my butt.
A.
Never EVER saw myself as an athlete — no natural skill/talent, but I did have the grit to train for and run a marathon in my 20’s. I’d work out but never consistently or in a way that felt like I was accomplishing anything. A little over a year ago I let a friend talk me into going to Burn Boot Camp — similar to OTF in the coaching/family aspect. I am now OBSESSED with this place — I go 4-6 days/week and love it so so much. I’m proof that it’s never too late!
Smokey
I started running in my 50s and now, at 66, run 2.5 file 3-4 days per week. On other days I do a long walk and stretching and strength exercises. Someone told me once that, at 50, your health should become your number one priority. Staying healthy as I age is really important to me. I want to remain active as long as I can so that I can keep up with my grandchildren. You’ve got to keep moving!
Birthday for brother
Wanted to send something consumable to an older brother that had a very rough year. It’s his birthday, and I suspect no one local does anything for him. Just something that says – hang in there. Thinking of you.
I’ve done interesting chocolate at Xmas, but in his area with hot summer weather, things don’t ship well. He is the Silicon valley crunchy coder type – likes hiking/outdoors, lives simply, eats pretty healthy.
Anything come to mind?
tx
Anon
Hot sauce sampler? A friend got that for her husband and it was a huge hit.
Anon
My mom was very happy with a box from Frog Valley Farms a couple years ago for her birthday. This time of year I would love to get a box of Georgia peaches, but I don’t have any specific recs for companies that do that. And if you want to go more indulgent, Zingerman’s is a classic for a reason.
Anonymous
Jeni’s ice cream sampler – this has been a hit for us and has been adequately packed to survive delivery to hot places.
Anon
I’d do one meal delivery for a local, healthy place with a gift card to purchase more. It looks like there are tons of companies like this in that area e.g. Jessie & Laurent, LoCal Foodz, etc.
Anon
Zingerman’s has subscription options so you could send a bakery box for 3 months for example. I sent one once and it was a big hit!
Anonymous
Good coffee sampler
Anonymous
ISO: Statement midi skirt! Size 6 or 8, look best in fall and spring colors