Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
This book has been on my TBR list for a few months now, and I finally read it about a week ago — I devoured it mostly in one day. I laughed a little, I cried a little, but the book’s characters had such a hold on my heart. I had gotten it out of audiobook from my library, but bought the e-book because I couldn’t wait!
(I bought it at full price, people! Usually only Ali Hazelwood or new Kresley Cole gets that from me!)
Here’s the description from Amazon:
Dr. Briana Ortiz’s life is seriously flatlining. Her divorce is just about finalized, her brother’s running out of time to find a kidney donor, and that promotion she wants? Oh, that’s probably going to the new man-doctor who’s already registering eighty-friggin’-seven on Briana’s “pain in my ass” scale. But just when all systems are set to hate, Dr. Jacob Maddox completely flips the game . . . by sending Briana a letter.
And it’s a really good letter. Like the kind that proves that Jacob isn’t actually Satan. Worse, he might be this fantastically funny and subversively likeable guy who’s terrible at first impressions. Because suddenly he and Bri are exchanging letters, sharing lunch dates in her “sob closet,” and discussing the merits of freakishly tiny horses. But when Jacob decides to give Briana the best gift imaginable—a kidney for her brother—she wonders just how she can resist this quietly sexy new doctor . . . especially when he calls in a favor she can’t refuse.
(If it matters to you, I’d put the spice level (1-5) here at 1 – very few, brief bedroom scenes, all important to the plot and not overly descriptive.)
The book is available at Amazon, as well as your your local bookseller or library.
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Workwear sales of note for 9.29.23:
- Nordstrom – 28,000 markdowns, and big beauty sale!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off all sale styles
- Athleta – 25% off for members, 20% off core
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off purchase
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off women’s clearance (ends Monday 10/2) – some great basics on wool suits for women
- The Fold – Mid-season sale, up to 40% off!]
- J.Crew – Extra 60% off select sale styles, 30% off fall styles, and 30% off men’s and boys’ suiting
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything
- M.M.LaFleur – Sale on sale, extra 10% off
- Reiss – Mid-season sale, up to 50% off
- Talbots – 25% off your entire purchase
- Theory – Friends + Family sale, 25% off sitewide
- Ulta – Fall Haul Event, up to 40% off (ends 9/30)
- Zappos – 18,500+ markdowns for women!
Anon
A friend and I want to travel for 7-10 days in mid October. I was originally thinking Prague/Vienna/Budapest, but I’m worried it’s not enough time and we will feel rushed. There are no direct flights to any of those from Chicago (so annoying) so that adds to the possibility of delays, etc. Would you pick 1 or 2 of those three cities for 7-10 days, and if so, which?
I prefer to keep a more laid-back pace in terms of fitting multiple places in (I’ll totally keep a busy sightseeing pace when I’m IN the place, but I don’t like rushing around planes/trains/etc when I don’t have much time.
So I’m looking to crowdsource more ideas. Malta? Switzerland? Belgium? Sicily? We have both traveled extensively throughout pretty much the rest of Western Europe so I’m trying to find the places neither of us have been.
Anon
I loved Budapest a lot more than Prague and Vienna. The latter two are not bad by any means, but they didn’t charm me the way Budapest did. I think with 10 days you could see all three cities at a reasonably relaxed pace, with 7 days I would probably do at most two. Travel between those three cities is very easy. I don’t think direct transatlantic flights are that big a deal (I’m also ORD-based) but if you wanted, you could swap out of one of them for Munich, which I know has direct flights from ORD. Krakow, Poland is also really great if you’re looking for more eastern Europe ideas.
Weather in mid-October should be lovely for exploring European cities, but personally I don’t think it’s the right time for a beach destination and I would want to visit Malta or Sicily in warmer weather so I could swim.
Anon
On the other hand, I LOVED Vienna, loved Prague, and was meh on Budapest. I liked walking around Budapest and thought it was a cool city, but I never felt totally safe there. I had heard through the grapevine of a few people I know who had some unsafe situations there and I just couldn’t shake the nerves.
I did all 3 (+ a day trip to Bratislava) in 10 days and nothing felt too rushed to me. We flew in and out of Budapest, took trains from Budapest to Vienna and Vienna to Prague (and Vienna to / from Bratislava) and then flew from Prague back to Budapest. I think traveling between cities via train instead of flying helped feeling not-rushed.
I went in November, which was great but I’m sure October will be even better (not as cold!). They’re beautiful cities, the food was fantastic, I loved the history. Such a fun trip, I can’t recommend it enough!
We flew from EWR and still had layovers, I believe one was in Lisbon and one was in Munich, but it was fine. Though, I +1 the suggestion for Krakow. I haven’t been, but Krakow is very high on my list.
Anon
Interesting. I was there as a teen girl and my travel companion was also a teen girl and we felt very safe! My main issue was that we hated the food 😅
But this was a while ago. Maybe there have been more recent issues. My friend was Polish and had some Hungarian language skills so that may have been a factor.
Anonymous
Put me in for loving Prague. I did 2 1/2 days on the ground there and it definitely was not enough.
Anon
I LOVED Krakow.
Anon
Have you thought about somewhere that’s not in Europe? Argentina is nice that time of year. Maybe Peru?
Anon
I went to Argentinian in December 2019 and loved it! I spent about 8 days including flights from NYC and went to Buenos Aires and Iguazu.
Anon
I love Argentina and am actually returning to Buenos Aires next year for a conference! And while Peru is definitely on my list, my travel buddy lived there in her 20s so she would prefer somewhere new.
Great ideas, though!
Anon
I did that exact trip over ~10 days and it was enough time in my view to enjoy each of the cities. I think 7 days would feel too rushed to see three cities. From what I recall, the train travel was very easy between cities and is a 3-4 hour train ride, so you could leave in the morning and arrive mid day and still have the afternoon / evening to sight see.
anoncat
I’m doing a 9-day trip to Vienna and Budapest in October! Prague is a bit farther away. The other 2 cities also seemed more interesting to us, though that opinion is based off some quick Googling.
Anonymous
I did Prague and Vienna and a week and had plenty to see, so I would think adding another city with your time frame would be too much. I loved Vienna and want to go back someday – enjoy!
Anon
Having been to all 3 cities, I loved Vienna the most. I definitely want to go back!
It's totally doable!
Austrian Air (Star Alliance) flies direct from Vienna to Chicago O’Hare, terminal 5. You might get a code share flight booking with United, since they are in the alliance.
The flight from Vienna is at 10 o’clock in the morning local time, the flight from O’Hare leaves at 16:20 in the afternoon.
Then 4 hours from Vienna to Prague by train, or less than 3 hours from Vienna to Budapest.
I’ve not been in Budapest, but I think 7-10 days is much too long in both Vienna and Prague.
Anon123
!!! How did I not know about direct Vienna flights?? Thank you so much! A game changer.
Anon
To get to Eastern Europe, generally you have to connect. However, traveling in Eastern Europe is LOADS cheaper than many of the go-to, direct European destinations (Paris, Rome, London, etc.) and the food, history and scenery are still delicious, interesting and lovely.
I would pick 2 of 3 and commit to those. You will have enough time in each destination to not feel rushed. Plus, the time change always shoots the first day or two in Europe, so you won’t want to shortchange the first destination.
If you really love art, Vienna is chock-a-block with very over the top palaces, museums, furnishings. Budapest had great food, ballet, baths/spas/massages, wandering, views, charming neighborhoods. Prague is also lovely and you can do some easy side trips from Prague like Czesky Krumlov. When I was last in Budapest, I did take a train, very easily, to Vienna, for the day. It was fast. I also echo the suggestion of Krakow. It was truly spectacular, DIRT cheap, walkable, lovely.
I’m a huge Eastern European travel fan, and I would go back to Budapest and do a bath/swim each day in a heartbeat. So relaxing! Krakow is on my “go-back” list too. Prague was really lovely but really crowded/touristy, and Vienna has a very large city vibe, with a bunch of tourist stuff spreckled in, more like London might be. Lots to do, but also not a small city.
Have a great trip.
Anon
I’m with you on loving Eastern Europe. I studied abroad in Eastern Europe and have always loved going back. I prefer it to travel in Western Europe!
AnoNL
Fair warning: Poland has terrible air pollution come heating season. While I love that country and send everyone there, Oct-Mar is not for everyone. It rains a lot and the air pollution is terrible, especially in the south (Krakow including). It is so strong it can trigger migraine.
I would recommend Poland (Warsaw, Wroclaw, Gdansk, Krakow) in spring wholeheartedly.
AnoNL
I have lived in Prague for 10y and 3y in Budapest, I am from Slovakia, so Vienna was an hour drive for me.
I think Budapest is good for 2-3 days, then you have seen & experienced it all. Vienna and Prague can entertain you for longer.
If I had 7-10 days, I would split my time between Prague and Vienna equally.
Vienna is great for museums, you can do thermal spa, walks to admire the architecture, enjoy a classical concert.
Prague is one of my favorite cities, I love it’s architecture and there are plenty things to do. The drive between the two cities is 3.5hrs and you can take a bus or a train.
Budapest is nice for 2-3 days, but it is too similar (but smaller) to Vienna.
Or – you could do Vienna and a trip to the Alps for hikes, Salzburg is also nice. Train connections work great in Austria.
Or try Prague, Cesky Krumlov, Karlovy Vary, Kutna Hora, and hikes in national parks.
The only watch-out for me would be the October weather which is unpredictable and rain should be expected.
If you want to prioritize good weather, why not try Israel, Malta, Sicily. All of these have plenty to offer for 7-10 days.
Don’t get me wrong – I would still happily go & do Prague&Vienna in October, but I don’t mind light rain a few days.
If you want Prague recos, drop me a mail to marticka.promo@gmail.com. I keep a pdf guide :)
anon
Seeing this poster is Slovakian, I really enjoyed the daytrip we took from Vienna to Bratislava :)
And, I wanted to echo some commenters above who recommend Krakow. I loved the 3 days we spent there.
Anon
Yes! I also did a day trip to Bratislava when I was in Vienna. I loved it!
AnoNL
Interesting! Any specific things/places you enjoyed? Just so I can recommend to friends who will be visiting in a few weeks.
FWIW: I grew up & studied in Bratislava county and the city has improved considerably over the last 10 years. I find it now pleasant for a 1 day trip – especially the castle area and the historic city center and then roaming along the river and stopping in interesting places for food & drinks.
I am more of a nature-person and recommend our national parks and mountains to my friends. But many of them – like you – enjoy Bratislava too.
BTS anon
Jumping onto the Bratislava train. I’ve been a bunch for work and it’s a really lovely city. A great old town, the castle is fun and I felt safe as a solo female wandering the streets.
Anonymous
Malta has zero abortion rights, so would not go there if any of you could possibly be or become pregnant.
anon
They are going for 7-10 days. I would understand not going to Malta for political reasons, but come on, this comment is ridiculous. And this is said as someone who is as liberal as they come.
Anon
I think it’s a valid concern if you’re pregnant or trying to conceive. There are lots of stories about tourists with wanted pregnancies having miscarriages in countries like Malta and not being able to get the medical care they needed. However, it doesn’t sound like OP is pregnant or hoping to become pregnant, and I agree not all women of childbearing age need to avoid that country or others with abortion restrictions. I’m 38 and going to Malta next summer.
Chicago too!
I’ll echo a lot of the other comments that 10 days makes this itinerary seem doable. I’ll note that there actually *is* a non-stop to Vienna from ORD, if that changes the order you would do the cities in! I’m Chicago-based and actually looking at doing Vienna/Bratislava/Budapest next fall because of the non-stop to Vienna. :) I also love Helsinki and would recommend a Helsinki/Tallinn/Riga trip if you were trying to go a bit farther north/east.
Anon
Helsinki would be awfully cold in October, no? I was there in June and it was still quite chilly. That seems like a summer destination to me, even as someone who is used to Midwest winters.
BTS anon
Finnair has an ORD-Helsinki-Vienna flight and it’s easy to add a stopover if you’d like. I went for a long layover and spent 8 or so hours wandering Helsinki on a random Sunday morning in December. Weather was chilly, but all the more reason to bundle up and duck into a cozy coffee shop to warm up if needed.
Anonymous
I’d go to Scotland or the Lake District.
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend a travel agent who primarily works via email? Truly hate the phone. Based in the Midwest if it matters.
OOO
I’ve used Conlin Travel
Anon
We use Conlin for work and they are great. Not sure I have ever spoken to our agent verbally, it is always via email or text.
Formerly Lilly
Tana Vaynshteyn
tana@grandturizmo.com
Used her for several trips and actually ran into her and her husband at a resort in Mexico and had drinks with them. She is a lovely person and a great travel agent. She works via email and FB messenger as well.
Travel
Allegra Lingo at holidayroadadventures.com (not limited to road trips, naturally). She’s in Minnesota.
Boll and Branch
Boll and branch. worth it? I can arguable afford it. I’m so tired of my cra p py target sheets. We really want to upgrade our sleeping area and are nearly done but for the sheets. I found some 20% off code so wouldn’t be paying full price, but if I got three sets we’re looking at nearly $1k (plan to try 1 set first fwiw).
Anon
Expensive is not really something that I optimize for, as much as “sleeps cool”, which means I’m a percale gal.
It depends on what you are looking for in sheets. I like the crispyness of percale, and that doesn’t really change much with thread count–there’s a limit where higher thread count doesn’t equal better quality percale. If you like sateen or super-high thread counts, it may be worth it to pay more because you want softer or smoother sheets, but often the higher the thread count, the thinner the sheets, so they are less durable. Loads of places that are much, much cheaper than Boll & Branch have high thread count sheets. You need to figure out what you’re optimizing for and then go from there. For us to help, we need to understand what “upgrading” means to you.
Cat
+1, if cool and crisp is what you want, The Company Store percale sheets are fabulous for a reasonable price. Have had the same set for 3-4 years now I think and still looks new.
Anon
There are a lot of sheets between Target (I have never understood the hype for Target sheets) and B&B, but $250/set is a pretty standard price point for a set of king sheets. So, while not an endorsement of B&B, $250 is just kind of what sheets cost these days. I have percale sheets from Parachute Home and Red Land Cotton that I love, and I am pretty sure they were in that range.
Anne-on
+1 – for our ‘summer sheets’ we like the LLBean percale ones which are around $220 but you can sometimes snag a 20% discount. I also really like the Macys Charter Club sheets, they’re not the very nicest but I have a hard time passing the $300 mark on sheet sets.
Anom
I like the Target percale printed sheets in the opalhouse/jungalow line. Our pillowcases always get yellowed, so I’m disinclined to spend a lot on sheets.
Towels, OTOH – I love my Frontgate bath towels. So thick and luxurious feeling. Totally worth it.
Anon
I have 400 TC cotton sheets from California Design Den going on 4 years more and love them. A King set is $80 on Amazon right now.
Anon
4 years *now
ANON
LL BEAN PERCALE SHEETS
Anonymous
It really depends on your definition of upgrade and what makes it worth it to you.
For me, sheets are not where I would put investment level dollars, and I buy the perfectly functional $80 sets sold locally. They last about 5 or 6 years before they need to be replaced.
If you, on the other hand, think it is worth it, and want to spend the money, then go for it.
Anonymous
I love mine from the Bloomingdales house brand (Hudson something)—they’re so much thicker and smoother above my previous sets (Costco Charisma and Nordstrom house brand). Got them on sale during a sale.
I tried B&B sheets at friend’s house and they did not feel that much different from my Bloomingdales ones.
Anonymous
I have a set from Serena & Lily, as well as one from Costco. Although the ones from S& L are really nice, I’m obsessed with the ones from Costco. They were the Hotel Signature 800 count and around $100.
Anonymous
Linen sheets for me as I run warm.
Anon
I sleep so hot and linen sheets aren’t nearly as comfortable for me as cotton percale.
AIMS
If they’re good enough for Nancy Meyers…
https://nymag.com/strategist/2023/06/lands-end-supima-cotton-sateen-sheets-review.html
Anon
Does anyone have a sunscreen that they really like? I live in a sunny region, and while I’ve really upped my skincare game over the years, I’m still using the same greasy, strong smelling orange bottle sunscreen that I’ve used since I was a kid. Anyone have any products that they love (and that are genuinely protective)?
Cat
Honestly? No-Ad. Inexpensive, easy to apply (doesn’t feel greasy after it soaks in).
Anon
This is my very frugal mother’s favorite.
Anon
Don’t depend on this brand if you are fair skinned or going somewhere more intense than your usual sun exposure.
Signed, 2nd degree burns over 20% of my body because No-Ad sunscreen is not effective in real situations. Maybe for minimizing exposure while driving or sitting in a sunny office, not for outdoors.
Cat
Oh that is a bummer but I’ve never had a problem in many years of beach vacations! Maybe you got a bad batch?
Anon
No, the ER staff, as well as the derm who treated me later, all said it’s because the active ingredients in this brand’s products are very diluted and the giant bottle is mostly filler. They explained if you don’t generally burn easily it may be enough to keep you from burning for shorter periods of time or in situations where you likely would not burn without sunscreen at all, but that they recommend against it long-term because it doesn’t offer any real protection beyond what basic non-SPF lotion provides and they are a lot of older patients with cumulative sun damage because they relied on this brand for decades. They also said the bottle sizes mean the active ingredients tend to degrade before people use the product up. Apparently I was not the first pasty person they treated for this reason.
Anon
I use a Neutrogena SPF 70 Ultra Sheer. It’s effective and not too white. It’s reasonably greasy, but…it’s sunscreen. They’re all greasy to some degree.
Anon
I use this on my face and love it.
Betsy
I like supergoop unseen sunscreen a lot – it feels really light on your skin.
Anonymous
Look at the Korean ones – they’re so lightweight. I like Missha sun milk right now.
Anon
I love EltaMD, Skinceuticals, Philosophy and Kiehls.
anoncat
I typically use Korean/Japanese sunscreens (e.g. Biore, Missha), but recently discovered the Trader Joe’s sunscreen, which is apparently a dupe for the much more expensive Supergoop sunscreen. It’s cheap and clear (so no white cast), and I like the texture.
anon
consumer reports recommended coppertone babies this year. For my face i use Cerave and wear a hat and sunglasses.
Anon
For body, I like Hawaiian Tropic 30 – it smells like coconuts. If I am going in the ocean, a river or lake, I use Coola, which is more expensive but less toxic. I prefer their spray suncreens–they cover well and I don’t burn. (I’m very, very pale). For really vigorous activities like, say a soccer game, I like Coppertone sport.
For day-to-day, my skin is acne prone, so I don’t wear suncreen, but all the derms I follow on TikTok wear EltaMD when they do candids asking their colleagues or staff what they’re wearing that day.
NYMag has done a few good facial suncreen roundups. Google for those.
AnoNL
I love Purito Centella SPF50, Benton AirFit SPF50 (best for oily, acne-prone skin) and Beauty of Joseon SPF50. I have sensitive, acne-prone skin and using high SPF daily is why my skin looks great for my age (sunscrean is great help to avoid hyperpigmentstion and wrinkles).
I use sunscreen every day (winter including) instead of day cream.
The texture of these is amazing, you don’t even feel it on your face and the SPF works.
Gail the Goldfish
MDSolarSciences. It is very much not cheap, but get on their mailing list–they do 30% off sales a couple of times a year (usually major holidays) and I stock up. And EltaMD for face.
Gail the Goldfish
Oh, and specifically I use the Mineral Moisture Defense one, and it is reef-safe if that matters.
Anon
Body or face? I get my facial sunscreen recommendations from Fiddysnails on IG.
Body, whatever Neutrogena from the drugstore is on sale. Supergoop play if I’m feeling splurgy.
Anonymous
The only sunscreen that actually keeps me from burning is Sun Bum.
Anon
La Roche Posay (Euro version only). Specifically the UVMUNE version that is fairly new and very hard to get in the US (always out of stock from the usual retailers). I have being using LRP for almost 20 years thanks to various skin care boards/forums and always get the latest version released in Europe. It’s cosmetically elegant and very protective. It is definitely not cheap, but if you know anyone going to Europe, you can ask them to pick you up a few bottles for much less money than the websites do. It’s the only sunscreen I use on my young kids as well (SoCal, born and raised and where I live now, so very sunny).
Anon
Any advice on how much time I should plan to take off for an endoscopy and colonoscopy? They are scheduled for a Wednesday afternoon. Should I plan to take off work Tuesday or Thursday? Thanks!
Anonymous
I’d take off Tuesday for the colonoscopy – the prep is usually the worst part.
Anon
You need to find out the prep schedule from your doctor, but when I did mine in the afternoon, the prep didn’t start until the morning of, so you’d only need to take Wednesday off.
anon
Wow, that is unusual. I’m amazed you could get cleaned out well enough from so short a prep.
FYI – make sure you check all the doctor’s recommendations for things to change the week before the colonscopy, like stopping iron/certain medications, and even small dietary changes like avoiding nuts/seeds and or doing other dietary changes if you normally have a very bulky (healthy!) diet an extra day or two before can ensure you are cleaned out really well.
You want the doctor to be able to see as well as possible, and if you aren’t cleaned out well, it decreases the sensitivity of the test. The doctor doesn’t usually tell you what they see if the prep isn’t the best… they will do the test anyway.
Anon
They said my prep was excellent. I had a low fiber diet the day before and stopped eating completely by late afternoon, but didn’t do the prep until 5 am the day of for an early afternoon procedure. It was done in plenty of time and relatively painless compared to what some people have posted here. But different doctors have different protocols, so OP needs to find out what her doctor requires.
Anonymous
Same when I had an afternoon colonoscopy and endoscopy. Stopped eating late night before and prep started in the morning. The actual colonoscopy and endoscopy didn’t take long and felt totally normal after. They tell you not to operate heavy machinery or make major decisions because you’ve been under. But by Wednesday, you’ll be totally good. For what it’s worth, I used the pills to prep vs. drinking the nasty stuff. But your doc will advise. (If you call their office, they’ll give you exact timing of when prep would start if you you want to verify.)
anon
You will definitely need to take Tuesday off for the colonoscopy. I had one on Monday afternoon and the prep started on Sunday. Mine was on Halloween of last year and I was fine afterwards to hand out candy. I did not need to take Tuesday off.
Anonymous Canadian
Contrary to some other posters I would take the day after the scopes off. My prep started the night before so no need for the day before off. I didn’t get a great sleep that night, though. Being tired combined with the after-effects of the anesthetic did NOT make for an enjoyable next day. Never again. I had my first colonoscopy at aged 40 and did go back to work the next day. I was 57 for my most recent one so maybe being older exacerbated the issue. I would still recommend the next day off.
Anonymous
Has anyone been to Tokyo? Does it make sense to combine it with another trip because of the long flight? Any other tips? At very early stages of planning.
Anon
Yes, I loved Tokyo. If you have a week I’d do Tokyo + day trips. If you have 10-14 days you can add a couple other stops. Kyoto would be at the top of my list.
Anon
I just returned from Tokyo! I would explore Tokyo but also day trips (I did Kamakura and Enoshima island). The rest of Japan is very different from Tokyo and worth seeing. Make dinner reservations early – it’s crazy how hard it is to get them. Take some time for vintage shopping – it is incredible.
anon
I agree with the previous reply. If you have a week then I’d do Tokyo + day trip (Kamakura) + overnight (Hakone). You can buy the Hakone Kamakura Pass as a cost effective way to get to and around these regions.
If you have two weeks, you can travel south to the Kansai region (Kyoto, Osaka) and even down to Hiroshima. Buying the Japan Rail Pass was a popular way to travel long distance on the shinkansen. There are recent changes that I’m not too clear on so you should look into whether it would still work for your itinerary.
anon
Ahhhh…. the food.
Try as many different types of restaurants as you can. I loved how you might go to one tiny place that just specialized in one specific type of food. I loved how they had fake models of the food in the window for you to look at as you went by.
I remember one of my favorites was okonomiyakie – a simple “street” food often made in front of you that is like a Japanese omelette of sorts. Tons of varieties. My hosts would make fun of my for liking these cheap “student” foods, but hey, I was a relatively poor student and really enjoyed these inexpensive but delicious options that you don’t usually see/get in the US.
Naomi
I did Seoul and then Tokyo-Kyoto-Hiroshima, definitely thought it was worth tacking Seoul on since I’m all the way over there.
Anon
Since we are on a bit of an aging relatives kick, here is a logistics one. My dad lives in a rural area with lots of bears. He has to pay for trash service but can’t easily manage trash cans on a long hilly driveway so when it isn’t icy, he puts the cans in his car at dawn and drives them up to the road and then puts on bear straps. The bears sometime get into the trash, which is a PITA for him to clean. When it is icy he just waits a week (trash is in the garage). He is managing now but in a decade may not be able to. I am not sure that a service exists for outsourcing this (and it is a rural area so the neighbors close enough for me to know are older or their kids have already moved out for college) but maybe your lived experiences and annecdata can help us think through this a bit.
Anon
How much trash does he have? Is there a dump within driving distance? I know he’s paying for trash service, but if driving is okay, it may actually be easier to just pay to take trash to the dump every few weeks than it is to lug trash cans up and down the driveway.
Anon
In our rural area, it’s $25 per year for a pass to the town dump (“transfer station”) and it’s plenty easy to drive a bag there.
Anon
Does your dad belong to a church? Could he ask a member of the church (or their kids) for help?
anon
In the north, the bears are seasonal because they hibernate. Is he far enough north for that to be true?
Either way, if he has a lawn care and snow removal service come regularly I am sure they would be willing to help him out with this for a small extra fee.
Anon
Trash cans live down at the end of the driveway in a bear-proof cage.
anon
This is one that I would try to outsource to a near neighbor, if he has any younger nice ones. Pay them something, as it is an inconvenience. And yes, it is perfect if someone knows a neighborhood kid who is responsible.
Anon
In Tahoe and much of the Sierra, people have bear boxes. This is where your trash can lives. You take your smaller trash bags to the can periodically (he can manage this if he can still drive). You don’t take a week’s worth at once–you take smaller bits. So, the answer is a welded bear box. Garbage men know what they are about and will know to get the containers out from them.
Alternately, this seems like a perfect thing to pay a neighbor $25/week to do. Your dad will resist this, but it’s money well spent if he is not dealing with icy slippiness. Even if they are older, paying an older neighbor might make him feel less like he’s imposing.
Anon
I’m only familiar with bear boxes from camping but this makes perfect sense. Now I’m just going to hope there are no weird zoning rules that would mean that you can’t build these near the lot line.
Anon
My father lived in a rural area as well and actually had a trash service he paid a small fee to that would drive up the driveway and pick up his trash from the porch. It was shockingly inexpensive. Perhaps see if there’s anyone in his area that has this type of service. He paid by the bag, and it especially worked because he had very little trash. I think the person made money because he had several customers, and the amount they paid him in total was more than it cost to take one pickup load of stuff to the dump.
Explorette
In thinking a decade from now, your dad is not only going to need help with the trash but also other around the house and yard work type of things. You could look for a person who can help out overall, including the trash. Probably a housekeeper, or handyman, or combo.
anon
Good thinking.
Anonymous
Not sure if you’re still reading, but the trash company might do this for an extra fee and a nice tip at the end of the year.
Anonymous
Fun question for today: what are the 3 biggest things you’ve done for your health and happiness in the past few years? (Alternately, what are the 3 big things you need to do?)
Mine are: getting consistent with exercise, drinking less, and getting on depression meds
Need to do: stop drinking entirely, commit to 7-8 hours of sleep, and add in some midday walks.
TO No-Longer-Junior
Love this question!
3 biggest things I’ve done: get a puppy, commit to daily walks (the puppy helped with this), weekly meal planning.
Need to do: get a second puppy (in progress this weekend!), seeing my therapist more regularly, work on good sleep hygiene to better my sleep quality.
AnoNL
Do:
*daily walks and exercising (weights, spinning, yoga) 5x week on top of walks
*stopped drinking alcohol
*changed jobs and moved countries for better quality of life
Need to do:
*address my chronic health issue (degenerative disc disease)
Anon
Increasing resistance training, increasing fiber, learning to meditate. I’m taking a medication for a chronic illness that makes me sick if I drink, so I’ve given up drinking, but not intentionally.
I need to be better hydrated.
Needs to stop
What is the med, if I may ask
Anonymous
Fun! Laser hair removal, sleep schedule, consistent workouts.
Need to do a better job about stretching and jaw exercises for my TMJ.
Anonymous
3 things I did: CPAP for my sleep apnea, orangetheory 3x a week, NAMI family support group
Up next: ADD treatment, allergy shots, drinking less
Anonymous
Isn’t CPAP the best? I feel like a whole new person. I have so much more energy and focus. I wish I had known to get a sleep study ages ago.
anon
A lot of women get missed on diagnosing this early.
Anon
3 things I did: CPAP for my sleep apnea, orangetheory 3x a week, NAMI family support group
Up next: ADD treatment, allergy shots, drinking less
anon
Best things: getting significant exercise and quitting all social media (here doesn’t count)
Formerly Lilly
Done: drink more water, bought a retirement property, and got divorced from cheating, lying, manipulative husband.
To do: get in shape, develop good habits around sleep, get out more.
Anon
Congratulations!!
anon
3 positives:
Yoga
Caught up on preventative care, and finally acknowledged medical issues I have been neglecting.
Basic meal planning
Need to do:
Learn to let it go.
Figure out my long-term financial plan.
Sleep
H13
Things I’ve done: daily exercise, exploring different activity groups to find new community, therapy
Need to do: eye exam, girls trip, less time on screens
Anonnnnn
Have done- finding a migraine treatment that works (6 months migraine-free!!), going to therapy, going to grad school for creative writing
Need to do – exercise more consistently, eat less junk food, address the TMJ jaw problem I’ve had for years
anon
Oh my goodness on the migraines – are you using one of the new meds?
Anon
What’s the migraine treatment that works for you?
Anon
How did you find a treatment?
anonshmanon
done: going to bed on time, getting a job that I enjoy, getting a hobby
to do: exercise more frequently, cut back on sugary snacks, find a volunteering gig
Anon
1) regular exercise 2) meal prep for the week on Sunday 3) take off early one day a week for ‘happy hour’ (sodas and snack) date with my 9yo son
To do: 1) Read more! so much more fulfilling that mindless web surfing 2) More / better sleep 3) Reduce sugar intake
Anon
Best thing I did was lose 15 lbs by getting my diet back on track and getting more focused on my workout routine. I look better, I feel better, it’s great.
Anon
Good things: I get plenty of sleep, read a lot, and see a therapist/take anxiety medication
Rededicating myself to reading has truly increased my happiness so much. I now read for ~ 1 hour every morning and evening and it’s the best.
Need to work on: Making more local friends, getting involved in community service, and addressing my jaw issues before it turns into TMJ!
Anon
Best three: quit drinking, regular sleep schedule, regular exercise routine which includes strength training (OrangeTheory 4 x a week)
Two to do: get my desk situation at home to be ergonomically solid, spend less time on my phone
Anon
1) finding a good specialist for my autoimmune specialist and visiting him regularly
2) losing weight
3) quitting my corporate job
Anonymous
Done: Buying the equipment I need to exercise in the Winter. Meal planning a Mediterranean diet. Restocking hand sanitizer so I don’t get as many colds.
To do: Ramp up aerobic exercise. Do my stretches. Learn to meditate.
Trish
The Calm app is great for this!
Anonymous
Thanks!
Anon
Done- started regular weekly therapy; Botox for my forehead lines that were annoying me; but most importantly, got a FT WFH job during Covid which has literally changed my life. I know people have strong feelings around WFH, but I honestly have no idea how I commuted to an office every day for the first 15 years of my legal career. As a serious introvert who really dislikes the idle office chatter, it’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Anon
Did: taking the full allowed time off with my newborn (16 weeks in WA state, though no job protection past FMLA) and letting myself enjoy the baby and sleep in and not feel like I somehow must maintain the same schedule
To do: find help with our family communication. Older kid is a brat (our fault, of course) and pushes all of our buttons, and we are terrible at overreacting.
Anonymous
Done: 1) Bringing lunches, snacks, water, and coffee from home in reusables instead of buying any of them. I save both time and money!
2) Wearing clothes that fit my personal style (and the body I have) instead of worrying about whether they are ‘current’ or ‘in style’.
3) Prioritizing my health in terms of diet and lifestyle. I make sure I get enough sleep, eat well, and move throughout the day.
Anonymous
*shudders*
I saw a snake slither into my garage this morning
*shudders again*
any great products to repel snakes?
just went outside to spray vinegar and saw that my husband left the garage door open yet again. sigh.
Explorette
Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never lost sight of a snake in their garage.
anon
My father lived in an apartment in an urban area and his upstairs neighbor had a massive boa constrictor as a secret pet. It escaped. When his neighbor was gone on vacation. Into my Dad’s apartment. Found under the kitchen sink. Where it stayed until the neighbor returned.
The city/animal control wouldn’t even return his calls.
Anon
What?! Nope nope nope hard nope.
Anon
Yikes! I would have packed up the cat and went to a hotel while it lingered in the kitchen cupboard.
Anon
I keep ym garage door cracked at the bottom just so Garage Snake can come and go easily. I’ve never had a rodent problem and GS is an absolutely gorgeous black racer. Take care of your Garage Snake. S/he is a friend.
Anonymous
Unless the snake is venomous, or an escaped exotic pet, just leave the door cracked enough for it to get out again.
If it is venomous, or an escaped exotic pet, call animal control and ask who takes care of snakes.
Overall, though, snakes are beneficial.
Anonymous
Solve an argument for me and DH. We have always lived in places where the water bill was a non issue. In NYC the water bill was paid by the landlord in our building, and then when we moved to DC we’ve been lucky for the last 7 years to be in a building which had rudimentary meters and then used some formula based on those meters and the number of baths in your apartment as well as number of occupants to come up with a bill. Well the water company has now switched to super computerized meters and wow our bill is nearly 3x. The building is hearing complaints from all tenants so it isn’t just us and they’re telling us that this is because this is actual billing on usage.
It isn’t like a huge financial problem, but I’m of the view that we need to conserve a bit. DH thinks that’s ridiculous and it’s NBD to leave the kitchen faucet running. DH scrubs like a surgeon. I’m not denying anyone their hand washing but I’m saying like he’ll wash hands and then he needs to put socks on to leave the home so the hands get washed again after touching feet – don’t ask. Except he’ll leave the water running as he goes to the dresser to get socks and put them on because to him – I’ll be back in the bathroom in 3 minutes anyway. Same in the kitchen. Say he’s washing 2 pieces of fruit to cut. Sometimes he’ll wash one, cut it, then go wash the second – so while he’s cutting the first one, faucet continues running. He thinks this adds like 10 cents to the bill but seeing the latest bill IDK. Any ideas how much water gets used if you just let faucets run say 2 minutes here or 5 minutes there?
We don’t have a yard so there’s no easy way to cut back just on lawn watering or car washing. If we cut back it has to be in the home – any ideas?
anon
I’m sorry? He leaves the faucet on and walks away? Beyond what it’s adding to your bill, this is incredibly wasteful behavior. The problem is your husband.
Anon
I live in a drought prone area and I’m ready to personally murder OP’s husband.
Cat
Put a large pot under the running faucet to illustrate how much is going down the drain?
anon
This would drive me crazy! I grew up in drought country and it has been programmed into me to turn off the faucet. I also married a guy that finds the sound of running water super relaxing. So, I have backed off his long showers and he turns the faucet off in between cutting fruits/putting socks on ;)
anon
As a person in a drought-prone state, I’m aghast at leaving the water running when you step away or are brushing teeth. There are PSAs not to do this and I’ve always wondered who the heck does this.
Anonymous
our touchfree kitchen faucet goes off automatically after 2 minutes – we like that.
we just started using the “quick cycle” on the dishwasher and it works almost as good as the 3-hour cycle.
Anon
I’m pretty sure that the quick cycle actually uses more water. The reason that dishwashers now take forever is that it’s more efficient. But you should look this up for your specific model to know for sure.
Anon
+1
Anon
If you have low flow faucets, it’s almost nothing compared to showers and laundry. It’s not great, but not necessarily worth destroying your marriage over. I’d focus on the big things first. Be more efficient about laundry and dishes, take shorter showers, replace shower heads and faucets to use less water.
Anonymous
I’ve lived in very dry areas of the US where conserving water was a big deal because the threat of running out of water is real, and his cavalier waste of pure usable water is making my eyes twitch.
You opened by saying “Solve an argument for me and DH.” Did he actually agree to live by what we, here on this forum, say? Or would it have been more accurate for you to open with “Make me feel better by telling me I’m correct, because I’m frustrated and can’t figure out how to get DH to agree to change”?
If it’s the later, FWIW it’s worth, I think you’re entirely correct, and I’ve never even heard of anyone leaving water running like that. Now I”m going to go try to stop my eyes from twitching.
Anon
Is the water bill high enough to justify a fancy faucet that turns on when you tap it? That could eliminate the mental barrier of continually fiddling with the handle using his dirty hands. But leaving the faucet on while going into another room is just egregious, regardless of the money.
anonshmanon
yeah, how does he think this is normal?? Taking water from natural sources, making it potable, all costs energy. He says it’s NBD? Turning off the f-ing faucet is also NBD.
AIMS
Also unless he is performing actual surgery, he doesn’t need to scrub after putting on socks.
anon
This would drive me crazy!
Honestly, it can be hard to change. This is probably what he grew up doing/his parents did, and it just seems normal. It is changeable, but it takes a lot of effort from you to deprogram and it may cause a lot of marital strife. It’s fun how it’s the small things…. It also sounds like he might have a touch of OCD type behavior/perfectionism/anxious bent… no? Sometimes you have to choose your battles.
Some people respond more to a water waste argument, than the money argument, particularly with the environmental issues of our day. I was never as wasteful as your husband sounds, but wouldn’t be efficient with water when I was washing dishes by hand. A close friend from Eastern Europe, who grew up during war time serbia/bosnia totally shamed me with one look/sentence and it stuck with me ever since!
Anonymous
Leaving water running for three minutes while leaving the room is absolutely absurd.
Anonymous
Is he equally wasteful with other resources? Drinking water is an essential resource, and it’s easy to consider being purposely wasteful with water as being immoral in an environmental and human perspective. I wouldn’t think of it in waste in terms of your money, but in terms of common natural resources, it’s definitely a stupid thing to do.
To find out how much water is being wasted, you can just time how many seconds to fill some sort of measure and do some maths. I think my kitchen faucet will fill a litre bottle in about 7-8 seconds, which would be about two gallons a minute.
Anonymous
This is right. From when we re-designed our kitchen, when we were picking fixtures, I remember the designer saying that US mandates are such that a faucet puts out max 2 gallons per minute. So leaving the tap running for 3 minutes as he walks around getting dressed or whatever is 6 gallons. To do that once, NBD. To do that daily or multiple times a day, IDK how that wouldn’t add up on a bill.
I assume your DH doesn’t care because you all have money and have never lived in drought prone areas. IDK that’s this will be so easy to change. I feel like I may harp on one thing to change – like the water gets turned off when fruits are being chopped or while you’re walking around getting dressed. If you need to wash hands after getting dressed for whatever reasons, fine, turn it back on again – it’ll still save 3 to 5 minutes of water.
Anonymous
You’re clearly right but this isn’t a fight I would pick under these circumstances.
We’re on a well and I will fight with DH during dry months because I’m concerned the well will go dry. It never has so he thinks it never will. No sorry the anxiety you are causing me outweighs your preference of running 10 sprinklers at once, or refilling the pool or hot tub from the well instead of calling the water delivery service. He’s also wasteful when washing dishes* so if I catch him I will help with the dishes to get him away from the sink.
*I grew up with a dishwasher, when he was growing up he was the dishwasher, so he insists his way is right. But he will wash, dry, and put away each item one by one, even flatware, all while the sink is running, instead of washing everything then drying everything then putting everything away. It is so irritating.
Anecdata
Another westerner getting twitchy just thinking about this
Only half joking… any earnest and/or insufferable elementary schoolers with school earth day events coming up you can recruit. We definitely had school assemblies about things like “how to explain to your parents why it’s important to turn the water off while you’re brushing your teeth”
Anon
Yes! I was thinking I learned not to do this on Sesame Street!
In all seriousness, a lot of areas that aren’t drought prone now will be running lower on water and will go into droughts within our lifetime. This is careless and pointless, and it’s absolutely something I’d insist he change.
Anonymous
Yeah, this is less about the bill amd more about the huge waste of water going on here.
As to the behavior, is he this way about other aspects of cleaning? It might be worth considering the root cause of his behavior, because scrubbing like a surgeon before putting on socks and then again afterward because feet is not healthy behavior. .
Anon
How high is your water bill? Is it just for an apartment without a yard or laundry? It seems hard to imagine that it’s actually very high. I agree that your husband’s behavior is wasteful and offensive, but it’s less clear how much it actually costs you.
Anonymous
Running the faucet while not using it needs to stop regardless of the water bill.
Anonymous
Forgive the question as I’m not from a drought prone area and have literally never understood this since I was a child. Why is it considered a waste of a resource to leave water running? I understand why if it’s well water – well would run dry. Or if you’re in a drought prone area because there isn’t much new water coming down in the form of rain. But if it’s city water in places without drought, isn’t it just being recycled and re-sanitized to be used again and again? Is it because of the energy that is used for the sanitization process?
I don’t do any of what OP’s DH does simply because it would never occur to me to leave the water running as I go looking for what pair of socks I want. But in OP’s situation, I’d be more annoyed by the bill, even if it is not a financial problem, than the actual water wastage. What am I missing here? I remember the elementary school programming of don’t leave the water running as you brush teeth and I swore I never even understood it then.
Anon
This is a fair point. It takes energy to process wastewater and treat new water, so it’s wasteful in that sense, but you are correct that in many places that water will ultimately be used by someone else. Wastewater treatment plants generally release treated water back into streams or rivers. That water flows downstream and may be consumed by someone else or sustains natural ecosystems. It’s more of a concern in areas where water is very limited, plus where I live in CA, the wastewater is released to the ocean, so that freshwater is “lost” completely until it goes through the entire water cycle and rains back down. Some of it is used for watering golf courses and things like that, but wastewater treatment mostly isn’t good enough to allow it to be directly reused for drinking (though this is possibly changing, if people are willing to do it).
Anonymous
It’s a silly analogy, but maybe it would help to think of it as a polyester work-out top.
Manufacturing the top uses a lot of resources, things like the fossil fuel to make the initial plastic, making the polyester yarn into fabric, the workers effort, transport, sales.
You buy the top from a shop and take it home, and it’s yours to use as you want.
But then, if you buy it and not use it, all of those resources have been wasted. Resources that could have been used differently in the first place.
Letting the water just go to waste thinking it will eventually most likely be used by somebody else is sort of like sending your unworn polyester top for recycling back into polyester yarn and making into a new garment instead of using it yourself the first time.
While it is possible to reuse and recycle, it takes a lot more effort, and it’s better to use the existing resource to the full the first time. It’s possible to resuse water waste, it’s a big journey before it’s back in your tap – as waste waster it’s been mixed with all other waste in the pipes, and it’s not directly circular, all the effort to make the tap water safe and drinkable has to be redone.
MinnieBeebe
Not that I’d ever condone leaving the water running if you’re not actively using it… but this was an issue at our house in Chicago a few years back when all the water meters were updated from meters which basically never got read to meters which could be read electronically from the street. The first billing cycle was a major shock to many people because the actual readings had been (for years) artificially low and the new meter captured that discrepancy and billed accordingly. (We hadn’t been in the house that long so it was no big thing because we’d had an actual measurement at closing.) I’d recommend that you definitely try to reduce water usage (because it’s the right thing to do) but also that you don’t freak out until your *next* bill.
anon a mouse
Yeah you are right, it’s wasteful and cavalier. Both are irritating.
More to your point, have you scrutinized your usage and the charges on your bill? You can find ballpark usage for your household size online, or I can share that our family of 3 where we all shower 5x a week and run the dishwasher and washing machine every other day uses 3000-4000 gallons a month. It’s also possible that there are surcharges being levied for the new meters. I think it’s also worth investigating whether you are somehow being asked to true-up for previous usage that wasn’t billed correctly?
Anon
Ugh. Your husband is my mother in law and we live in a drought prone area. No solutions but it makes me so angry I have to leave the kitchen.
Anonymous
It’s wasting water. Not just about the money.
Quietly Freaking Out
I am an individual contributor leading a small team that designs new chocolate bar flavors. I am being asked to temporarily detail to another part of the org that specifically designs white chocolate bars. Needless to say, it’s not nearly as successful as our milk and dark chocolate offerings :-) This is supposed to be a short term (6-12 mos) detail where I figure out what has to be done, a better way to do it, and ideally hire the team that will do it “for real” after me. Then return to my original/current role, which I actually really like (and I like my team).
-OMG any resources for me? In my darker moments I feel like I am being asked to be acting captain of the Titanic but only after they’ve already hit the iceberg.
-We are planning for me to still spend a small fraction of my time directly engaged with milk and dark chocolate, especially as I fully intend to transition back. Is this a good idea? How to build effective guardrails so that I don’t wind up doing two FT jobs, but I kinda feel obligated to keep both trains running.
-I feel like this is either a huge opportunity, or a certain death. Any BTDT advice, signs to watch for, ways to not lose my mind?
Mostly I am running in circles trying to wrap up anything that CAN possibly be finished, reassuring my current team, and quietly going nuts because the transition has not been announced yet. I haven’t been this terrified of work in a very long time!
anonshmanon
I’d go back to who assigned you and ask them about expectations, and what they are hoping you will bring to the table. Someone picked you for the job because they saw the skillset.
But mostly now you have me craving white chocolate.
Anon
Turn your white chocolate bars into cookies and creme bars with little oreo pieces. Problem solved!
anon
For the life of me, I can never follow these weird analogies.
Cat
I read this as “I’m being expected to do the impossible and turn around a part of the business that just plain will never be as popular – how do I protect my reputation, my sanity, and my ability to dump it and get back to my normal responsibilities ASAP” and have no advice but share the view on AAM-style weird analogies.
Anon
Me either. I cannot stand them.
Anon
I agree and I find them so ridiculous and cutesy I just skip.
NYNY
Approach it as a consultant, not as a manager. Go in, map team white chocolate’s processes, identify gaps and inefficiencies, and put it all in a final deliverable. Ask for regular check-ins with the powers that be to make sure you understand their white chocolate priorities. And don’t get stuck in the weeds of team white chocolate’s current work drama – you’re there to create long-term solutions, not fix whatever they’re in the middle of now.
Anon
Can the white chocolate team shadow you in the world of god chocolate to learn the process rather than having you jump over to the pale imitation side?
Anon
Ha! That was supposed to be “good” chocolate but I think it stands as-is regardless.
Anonymous
I used to run product. Can you figure out why it isn’t selling? Or evaluate the possibility of sun setting the white chocolate product? Look at ways to improve profitability? Spin it off to a company that has a niche need?
Anonymous
A work thing absolutely imploded. I have been pulling 16+ hour days for two weeks. I was told today that I have another 3-4 weeks to go. I get tonight and Sunday afternoon/night off, but need to pack to be in a different city from Mon-Sat each of the next several weeks until this is over. I can only function so long without adequate sleep, and I really don’t want to get worn down and sick. Any suggestions? I plan to catch up on sleep tonight but am not eating healthy or well so that’s also on my list to try to figure out Sunday.
Anne-on
I’d prioritize rest, nutrition, and let the rest slide. Can you drop off your laundry/drycleaning so that’s off your plate? I’d also schedule a house cleaning when this is done so you don’t have to think about anything more than loading the dishwasher/wiping down counters (and there is zero shame in using disposable plates if that’s what gets you through).
I’d buy zinc, a good multivitamin, and airborne tabs. I’d also buy some hydration multiplier powders so you aren’t getting too dehydrated. For food – this is the time you want to lean into convenience. Get the pre-sliced fruit and veggie trays from the supermarket (or pre-chopped bagged carrots/snow peas/apples/bananas/etc.) to snack on. Order groceries and have them delivered and focus on stuff that has protein/carbs and that you can slap together easily. Nothing wrong with PB&J, tuna or egg salad sandwiches, cheese quesadillas, etc. I eat ‘adult lunchables’ for lunch 75% of the time – baby carrots, babybel cheese, handful of pretzels or crackers, berries or fruit chunks, and sometimes some salami or tuna/egg salad if I have it.
Good luck!
Anon
Work, eat, sleep. Maybe exercise a couple of times per week. This is all you do until the project is over.
Pre-made salads topped with tuna, and those party trays of veggies and fruit are my diet during crunch times. Frozen trader joe’s food for a treat.
Anonymous
Hydrate, eat better, and phone it in where you can. Make the most of your waking hours to minimize inefficiency. Plan work to do at the airport and while waiting to check into the hotel. Tailor your nightly wind down routine to help you get to sleep faster: shower, stretching, meditation, melatonin. Minimize the time from bed to desk in the morning. Pick out your uniform for the next few weeks and wear the same 3-4 outfits. Do your makeup at your desk while going over your to do list for the day. If your work involves sitting around waiting for people, use that time productively – move, stretch, go outside, breathing exercises, call or text a friend – not scrolling on your phone. You got this!
anon
Just sleep as much as you can. On Sunday, prepay any bills/manage any essentials before you start the weekly flights. Try to have it so that when you come home for 1 day between trips, there isn’t a lot to do. Don’t do any cleaning. No non-essentials.
When you are away, I assume your work will pay for laundry service (have the hotel do all your laundry on Fridays), eat all of your meals as room service/take-out on your company’s dime…. and try to have a routine of simple/healthy breakfasts and lunches that you eat every day, and eat anything you want at dinner. Like yogurt/fruit or eggs/veg every breakfast, big salad + protein every lunch…. so you are eating and kind of healthy.
Focus on sleep while you are away, when not working. If you can possibly manage it, use the hotel gym/pool to get some sort of 15 minute exercise each day. It will help you sleep, and help your stress.
Good luck.
You can do anything for a month. You’re almost there.
Anon
We’re starting a decent sized construction project and will be purchasing roughly 50K in materials. Any credit card recommendations with the best cash back?
anon
I would just use one of the many credit cards with 2% cash back. I use the one that goes with my Fidelity accounts.
Or if you are a Costco member and will be getting stuff there, you may get more cash back/discounts by using their credit card at Costco.
If you are a huge traveler/points person, only you can determine if using one of those cards may be more “valuable” to you.
Anon
Chase Sapphire. Happy to send you a referral code!
Anonymous
I’ve gotten over $1000 in cash back at once from Citi Double Cash card.
Anon
Do you buy the materials yourself? Our general contractor bought everything and billed us, and there was a non-trivial fee for paying the GC by credit card (I think 2-3%), so it wiped out the points we would have earned and we just paid via check.
If you buy everything yourself and like to travel, this is a great time to open a Chase Sapphire Reserve.
Anon
OP – thanks, everyone! I will look into those. Our GC is fine with us buying materials ourselves from the big box stores that don’t charge a CC fee. He goes there and prepares the order and we call and pay, and then everything gets delivered here or he picks up. Order is in his name so he’s able to return if needed.
Anon for this
If you’re checking back, we fly AA almost exclusively since it has kind of a chokehold on our home airport, and Reno spend like this got us to Executive Platinum status (the highest one that’s not invite only) asap using the AA branded black card. We’ve been happily enjoying many an upgrade thanks to toilets and decking.
Anon
Ohh, that’s a great tip, thanks! We also fly AA!
Anon
You won’t get exec plat with $50k. Without flying it takes $200k of credit card spend in a single year. $50k will only get you to gold and upgrades at that level are rare, if they exist at all. I’m also an AA frequent flyer and think this would be a terrible use of points unless you fly a *lot*
(Source: am AA platinum pro through a combo of flights and credit card spend.)
Anonymous
A relative is retiring this week after a long public service career—does anyone have any ideas for gifts or fun ways to celebrate her retirement besides dinner/a small party?
anon
Well, you don’t share much about the relative/your relationship/relative’s interests/price point/family only or friends and workplace too….
But the nicest retirement celebrations have been in my circles when the family takes/treats the retiree to a trip/family celebration in a place the person has always wanted to go.
It is what I had planned for my Mom – a big trip overseas to the two places she wanted to visit her whole life. Unfortunately, she passed before retirement.
Don’t wait too long folks. Life is short.
Anon
I’m curious and hope this is a fun glimpse into what others do. What do you and your partner talk about? I mean, on a typical quiet Tuesday after work, what does conversion look like?
We bring up:
What seasoning, sauce, or texture from dinner could be tweaked next time we make that dish.
If either of us encountered any weird neighbors today, just what type of weird they were and then we speculate on how much more weird they must be being closed doors.
Interesting news headlines.
Anon
We used to discuss what if we win 75K in the lottery, 100K (not a material difference but a very different discussion), 200K (revealing wildly different priorities), 5M (so much $ all priorities are met). And other stupid things. Bucket lists.
Anon
The dogs.
What we would do if we didn’t need to work.
Retirement plans.
Anonymous
The kids, usually just happy stuff but recently we have one with some issues that are top of mind
His hobbies (many)
My hobbies (largely gardening this time of year)
Household to do lists
If we are on a date, then actual people talk like the news headlines etc.
Cat
some pure practicalities – planning life maintenance stuff like who’s going to run what errand, upcoming little house projects and whether we need supplies, who’s WFH on days packages are expected, is the forecast looking good to do X this weekend, you know.
some, tbh, gossiping for lack of a better term – sharing funny or weird stuff about coworkers (we know the main ones by name), neighbors, family, etc, and talking about local newsy stuff like seeing a permit go up at a vacant restaurant
some venting – slash – advice requests (we’ve learned to say which one it is to avoid miscommunication!) like “this happened today, how best to handle?” vs. “rawr Big Boss was being a total PITA today”
plans for upcoming trips or getaways, like if we’re debating where to go for Christmas vacation, or going through hotel or airbnb options together once we have flights booked
we still read some physical magazines so we’ll tear out articles we think the other will like and then compare notes
Anon
Police drama we watched the previous night, what’s for dinner the rest of the week, basic home maintenence stuff, interesting things one of us read or heard on a podcast, neighbor drama, news.
Senior Attorney
Politics, what’s in the news, work stuff (like “this happened — what would you have done?”), upcoming plans (right now we are all about my impending retirement), our TV shows (just finished binging Hijack on Apple TV — two thumbs up even though it was kind of dumb), friend gossip, volunteer activities, house projects.
AnoNL
Will be staying 1.5d in Mexico City before I join friends for longer holidays in Mexico. I love architecture, arts, photography, walks, nice food. What should I see/where should I go? Hit me with your recommendations, thanks
Roxie
Frida kahlos house!
anon
Great idea.
ANON
Barragan homes
Liz
I have been a school principal for over ten years, over twenty two years in public education. I have been applying for project and program coordinator positions for over five months, learning and development, almost 500 applications. I had to resign from my school job due to severe burnout, covering unfilled teacher positions due to no subs or applicants, severe student behaviors like furniture being thrown at me and attacked.
I have transfer skills, but the job market is terrible.
I have four degrees past my bachelor, yet I know at this point that I will need to go back to school. I didn’t want to do this, but I feel like I have no other option. I’m stuck at knowing what to go back to school for. Ideas? Thank you for any ideas.
AIMS
I would post on monday to get more eyes on your question.