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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Ooh: I've just started poking around the Nordstrom sale, but it's really good — I'll round up a few items I'm seeing.
For the featured sweater, though – I always love AllSaints for a slightly tough but cheeky vibe, and this wool and alpaca sweater fits that to a tee. (It's the kind of thing where, if it were Zadig + Voltaire, there would be a huge metallic star on the back of the sweater, or a metallic skull with star eyes or something.) Just the stars are enough, thanks!
The sweater is $279 and is one of their several knits with both wool and alpaca. (After our roundup of the best 100% cotton sweaters I've started compiling lists of other all-natural sweaters… what else would you like to see a roundup of? Right now I've noticed that Buck Mason also has sweaters in a wool/alpaca blend…))
Sale items of note in the Nordstrom Fall Sale:
- In beauty — where you can earn 5X the points! — there are tons of markdowns on NARS, Dior, and Clé de Peau — including 15% off on the NARS Orgasm blush everyone mentioned in our post on the makeup we've worn for years (highly recommend if you haven't tried it yet, it's supposed to be flattering on everyone!)
- In home, surprisingly large discounts on Le Creuset
- In shoes, lots of markdowns on Marc Fisher LTD, waterproof shoes from Blondo, and almost 1000 sneakers on sale including Tory Burch, P448, and Converse
- In clothes, lots of great deals on Zella
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sooo . . .
Reposting from the morning thread as requested:
I know we have readers in (or formerly in) management consulting here. I am curious . . . How did John Oliver’s recent segment on McKinsey hit in the industry? With you?
Anonononon
I don’t work for McKinsey but went to HBS so very much in that word.
I don’t think of any of this is news? It’s all be really well reported previously. I don’t see it changing hearts and minds of folks within the industry.
Anonymous
Not news to those tuned in;! But sometimes this hit harder when it is in pop culture and SM and the random person on the street/teenagers (per the earlier response+-)/otherwise uninformed family who are now commenting or asking”&:*
You know what I mean!!!!
Anonymous
Are you one of those random teenagers?
They were being investigated months age, so this is old news even to people who aren’t ‘tuned in’…
s
Wow, that’s such an incredibly gross and snobby attitude. No, the average Joe out there probably doesn’t know McKinsey yet alone all the things highlighted in the show. I have worked with a few of their folks in a publishing role before and honestly wasn’t aware of anything other than the role in the opioid crisis (and only because the topic is one I bump into occasionally in relation to healthcare). I have a master’s degree, follow national and global news, move in circles with other educated individuals, etc. and am old enough that my kid is no longer a teenager. But go ahead, explain why this shouldn’t be covered…?
Anon
I also didn’t know about any of this. I’m in my 40s and have a law degree and many undergrad friends went to MBB.
Anon
Can someone save me the google and post the TL/DR?
Clara
I watched it after the morning post. I didnt work at McKinsey but at another firm. Its completely accurate, and that fake “we are saving the world attitude” while either doing nothing or doing harm is so accurate. I have some family friends who are MBB partners and they / my parents keep asking me if I want to work there – I want to send them all this clip. Yes they do the good covid response stuff mentioned, but also, all this! They respond that they don’t work on problematic clients like this, they’re in a different sector, all big business has some unsavory parts – but c’mon, how do you justify making Rikers this much worse and charging so much for it?
Natalie
Remove the spaces but I think y’all will like this thread in /r/mba:
https:// http://www.reddit.com /r/MBA/comments /17hnolu/ mckinsey_consultant_here_ive_already_lost_some/
Anon
Haha
Anonymous
LOL
Anonymous
LMAO can you imagine literally destroying lives and thinking you’re the victim because your friends finally realize you’re a monster?
Anon
My former employer brought in McKinsey when the company was losing money. Their solution was to recommend firing the bean counters who were booking the numbers showing the company was losing money. Good times.
Anonymous
They put me through seven interviews and a take home test (non consulting position) and with the eighth told me I was meeting with the last interviewer— only to then tell me a few weeks later the position wasn’t going to be filled and they wouldn’t be interviewing anyone else and they would be in touch in the next quarter if things changed (right before their big rounds of cuts). Never heard from them again. Was about 6 months wasted. Most of the interviewers were from fancy schools and had little connection to the role or any sense of my background (non fancy school but years of policy experience that aligned well). I didn’t talk to a single person who commented on the take home project. I watched with my husband the other night and thought the bad press couldn’t happen to a more deserving company.
Anonymous
Anyone have a non-floral delivery company in Denver? Friend is in the hospital, hospital gift shop line is always busy (I get it) and I’d like to deliver something there. She is not allowed to have real flowers.
Anon
Sounds like a job for Postmates
Anon
What are you looking to have delivered? I’m in Denver, might be able to offer a suggestion. Also, which hospital?
Anonymous
Thank you! I’m not sure what – she just got transferred to ICU and I can’t find the list of what’s allowed. Maybe a stuffed animal or puzzle instead of flowers and balloons? Open to suggestions! The hospital is Saint a Joseph in downtown.
Anonymous
has anyone successfully stopped yourself from grinding your teeth at night? I feel like when I wear my mouth guard I’m doing it even more obviously.
Josie P
I mean, that’s what the night guard is for – I grind against it instead of my teeth against each other. THat said, I think I do it less now than I used to – my night guard is like 15 years old now and hasn’t looked more worn down for a while.
Anon
I do grind my teeth but have trained myself to be aware of it so I can wake up enough to stop. No real tips or tricks, but if you are the type who can stop yourself from sleeping in a given position, it’s the same idea.
Anon
My dentist said to let her know if the mouthguard increases grinding (this is a real thing that can happen but apparently it can be a problem).
Anon
After struggling with this for 30 years – I’m not exaggerating, I got my first night guard at 16 and I am 46 now – and hearing my dentist gently tell me that I might have to get FOUR teeth in my upper right jaw crowned if I couldn’t do something more effective about the grinding, three weeks ago I got Botox in my jaw, both sides, and I am here to tell you – it works. It took a few days for me to feel a difference but I have stopped waking up in the morning with the right side of my face aching and painful. I can bite down on things without it hurting. I had chewed through or broken every kind of night guard there is; I had tried biofeedback and acupuncture and TENS devices before bed; I tried hypnosis. I had a sleep study (no apnea) and went to an ENT (nothing he could do) and got a head CT (nothing seen on the CT of note) trying to figure out how to stop this. Two dentists, a TMJ specialist, and my PCP had talked to me about Botox (my PCP practically begged me to go get it, the last time I was in his office talking to him about TMJ migraines), but I was put off about the cost and the idea you have to repeat it every three months. Now, having seen the results, I will gladly pay what it costs as frequently as I need to, because this is the only thing that has worked.
If you decide to try this, go to a dentist who understands TMJ – not a medspa where they are used to injecting foreheads. The nurse practitioner who did my injections was supervised by a dentist and they did a bitemap (where they put the sensor thing in your mouth and have you bite down on it different ways) and took X-rays to look at the grind wear. I got a LOT of Botox – 25 units in one side and 30 in the other – and they were very clear that I have to come back in 10 weeks to get the next round of injections (my masseters are so strong and so used to grinding, it’s going to take a year to get them to atrophy enough). My only regret so far is that I waited so long to do it. I can still chew fine, I just don’t chew my own teeth at night. So super-successful, IMO.
Anon
This is actually what my dentist recommends, but I have an “absolutely not” level contraindication unfortunately. Thanks for sharing that it worked for you; it sounded like she sees this kind of outcome a lot (where it’s very effective even when other interventions were not). Just got my crowns and am hoping they’ll last!
anon
Has anyone switched to using a Rocketbook or other digital notebook? I’m a Moleskine devotee but wondering if it’s time to switch to a hybrid model so I can more easily find old notes. (The real question is whether I’d take the extra needed step of uploading everything to the cloud, I suppose.)
Sara
Tried it, didn’t work for me… Great in theory, I just never built into the uploading time to my day
Anon88
Same. If you have time to upload the rocket book you have time to just take photos of every page of notes you handwrite.
Lately I’ve been marking up PDFs via GoodNotes on my ipad with a knockoff apple pencil and loving it. I used to have the paperlike screen cover but ditched it because it makes the screen look worse. I did get used to writing on glass fairly quickly.
Explorette
I tried Rocketbook initially and you are spot on, the extra time to upload meant I didn’t use it. Then I spilt a cup of water and it erased pages of notes. So now I use my Ipad Notes app. I have a cover for my ipad that makes it feel more like writing on paper (I think it’s called paperlike).
Anon
Nope, I don’t want my scribbled thoughts discoverable.
anon
Fair point!
Anon
Or hacked.
Anon
My scribbled notes were recently discoverable!
AustinAngie
i used to use Rocket books, but got tired of it because the pens dry out of the ink really quickly. Now I’m using Kindle Scribe, particularly the fountain pen version, and I am loving it!
Anon
A couple months ago an Indian-American ‘rette posted on here that her Korean-American husband was obsessively immersing their kids in Korean culture, taking family trips to Korea 6x/year, etc to sort of compete with her Indian heritage. It sounded exhausting. Most of us recommended couples therapy and talking to a divorce attorney. If you are out there, can you provide an update? I think about you often.
Anon
I thought about her recently too (my kid just made a good friend who’s half-Korean, half-Indian, and it jogged my memory of that post). Would love an update – I hope things have improved for her, whatever that looks like.
Anon
I’m in a cross-cultural marriage (if that’s the right term?), and I also think about this poster often and wish her well.
Horse Crazy
David Rose called, he wants his sweater back.
Lydia
this is EXTREMELY David Rose; great call ha!
Anon
And that’s why I want it so much. I promise to wear it with the cuffs halfway down my palms if the sweater fairy will just buy it for me.
Scalp Halp
My 7yo has been having an itchy scalp for the last week or two.
I checked thoroughly for lice (no notification from school either) more than once and didn’t find any. I tried coconut oil and tea tree oil spray to temporarily reduce the itching, but it seems to come back every time. It seems unusual for kids to develop itchy scalp, and I’m at a bit of a loss.
Any suggestions – more regular hair washing? She does it herself without supervision and I wonder if she isn’t doing a thorough job? More oil? She swims once a week so it could be a reaction to the chlorine?
For what it’s worth, I have dry flaky scalp myself and have had it for years, but it’s manageable – my main issue is flakes rather than itchiness.
Anna
The swimming is interesting. I swim all the time and have never had hair issues but you do have to be a bit careful. Does she wash her hair right after swimming, and does she do a thorough job of getting the chlorine out? Does she use conditioner then too?
Anon
Did you try switching her shampoo to something like Vanicream in case she has a mild allergy to a shampoo ingredient?
Did her doc do any labs? I’ve had itchy scalp from vitamin deficiencies before.
(Have you seen a doc about the flaky scalp? That can be things that are treatable too.)
Anne-on
Have you watched her shower to make sure she’s using enough (and not too much) shampoo, getting it properly lathered, and then rinsing it out thoroughly? You can also buy a ‘scalp scrubber’ for pretty cheap on amazon to help her get a good lather and then check for a few days to make sure she’s rinsing properly.
My then 7 year old was coming downstairs with greasy hair after showering for a few days and we figured out he was using a full palmful of shampoo for his short thick hair and definitely not rinsing it all out!
Anonymous
My daughter has dealt with an itchy scalp too. Once it was lice, so I would check again in a couple weeks. Sometimes it can be hard to see them until they are a little bigger (ugh). The other time, using dandruff shampoo and a tea tree oil conditioner helped.
AIMS
+1 – when our school had a lice outbreak it took a shocking amount of time for school to notify us.
Anon
If you see oily/soapy-looking flakes start emerging, she probably has seborrheic dermatitis, and needs medicated shampoo. My son has this and it started as itchy scalp, and that lasted a few weeks before the scales/flakes appeared. Interestingly, he is also a swimmer and a lifeguard, so I don’t know if the dermatitis is a reaction to pool chemicals? In any case – I took him to the doctor who said to try a couple of different OTC medicated shampoos because different people respond differently to them. We tried Head and Shoulders, which didn’t work, and then went to Nizoral, and that has worked really well. Coal tar shampoo is also an option; I used that when I was a kid and had eczema behind my ears and behind my knees.
One of my friends, who is Latina, oils her hair and scalp with either coconut or olive oil and leaves it on overnight under a cap, and washes it out in the morning, about every two weeks. She says her mom and grandmother always did this for their hair and did it for her when she was a little girl. She does not have particularly curly hair, but it is thick and coarse. Her hair is gorgeous – like, shampoo-commercial beautiful, shiny and down to her bra strap with almost no damage/split ends – and she never has problems with her scalp being either too oily or too dry. So it might be worth a try? I’m sure there’s plenty of info out there online about methods for this.
Anonymous
It could be seborrheic dermatitis. Try a dandruff shampoo containing zinc and/or talk to her pediatrician – you can get prescription drops to put on the scalp if that is in fact the issue. She could also be allergic to something in her shampoo or something else or have a different kind of skin condition.
Anon
How long is her hair staying wet? My scalp gets seriously itchy if it’s wet for too long. Unfortunately I can never let my thick hair air dry. I need to use a blow dryer for at least 5 minutes so that it’s damp instead of wet. My dermatologist prescribed an anti fungal shampoo for when I’m bad about blow drying and get itchy.
Anon
+1 to blow drying! This happens to me and blow drying my hair fixes it.
Anon
I am allergic to sulfates, but I didn’t realise for years and years that you could be. So I’d use dandruff shampoo –that had sulfates. I tried everything and finally figured it out at about age 30. What a difference! No more snow-fall on my shoulders, no more itchiness.
Anonymous
Is it possibly a rubber allergy? I discovered through patch testing that I have an allergy to thiuram mix (not latex but is often in things with latex). I was getting crazy itching at the start of Covid. Turns out it was the straps on the brand of mask. Swim caps give me similar itching. Isn’t instant for me but a few days later.
Samantha
Paying it forward – a big THANK YOU to those who recommended Kiss Press-On nails.
I had a big event and wanted red nails so I picked up Impress Press-On nails from Ulta for the first time and they were great! Took just a few minutes to press them on, it’s been over 2 weeks and the first one of them just popped off in the shower. The rest have stayed on flawlessly through everything. Looks like gel nails and doesn’t damage your nails as much. I am surprised mani places aren’t going out of business!
On a similar note, I also used clip-on hair extensions from amazon and wanted to share the review here. These go on under your normal hair and look very seamless (exactly matched my hair color but added both length and volume). No-fuss to put on and take off, and last like iron through a big event with lots of dancing etc. and even my closest friends couldn’t tell that I had them on.
Maybe this is not news to anybody, but sharing in case there was anyone else who is on the fence about trying these – they both blew me away.
Anon88
Do you have a link to the extensions?
Samantha
Here you go –
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09D6WD1RJ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Ellen
I am so glad you went to Ulta — they are phenomenal. Dad says that I am to vain but at my age (over 40), I need all the extras I can get to keep my youthful appearance, and that goes from head to toes. I love their press on nails b/c I do a lot of keystroking at my home iMAC, so don’t want to have my nails in the way — but when I go to court, I look much more polished and together with color coordinated nails that look great, particularly when I hand exhibits up for the Judge to look at. I think he is obsessed with me b/c the manageing partner is always telling him that I will become the next manageing partner when he retires.
I went with Myrna to the gathering her bank was having down near South Ferry (at the bottom of Manhattan), and let me say it was very swanky. The men there are kind of young (probably in their early 30’s) and were ogleing me and thinking I was a Cougar who would do anything with them. I did enjoy all the bantering but not when one of them got grabby with my tuchus! I think that doofus thought I would just melt at the thought of having this 35 year old Manageing Director on top of me at his ped-a-terre. But believe me, that thought is hardly a turn on for me, as there’s little I haven’t seen or done with men like him. At this point, I just want to get married, but not to a guy with a teenage son who is old enough to be thinking he will be able to have s-x with me either. FOOEY on that!
Anon
This is the weirdest post and I am here for it.
Anon
Oh shoot the E11en reply vanished!
Anon
Yay! I have a set of these that I am going to put on for a trip to Vegas next week!
Anonymous
Hindsight questions… looking back can you identify forks in the road, both good and bad? Would you do things differently if you could go back? (ie getting a degree or not getting a degree, taking a job or not, getting married or not, having kids or not…)
Anon
Not going to law school.
Not moving for my husband’s job.
More premarital counseling with someone who was more progressive.
Leaving my dysfunctional family of origin sooner.
Lina
Definitely deciding to go to grad school and the “risky” job I took right after – very happy about both of those.
Anonymous
I have one. I chose a grad school based on trying to stay close to a boyfriend. I tried to engage him in the discussion and he didn’t tell me any choice was a deal breaker, but I knew the one school I most wanted to attend was too far away. I chose to stay closer, but not the closest, and he broke up with me, without explanation, just before orientation anyway. He eventually, after refusing to even talk to me for weeks, admitted he was upset I did not even apply to the lower tier school closest to him and probably any choice I made would have ended things. I should have chosen the other school and I deeply resent his lack of candor at a critical juncture in my life. And I regret that my reaction, mostly due to being suddenly ghosted after flirting with engagement, was to disintegrate rather than doing what I needed to transfer the next year.
(Also, since this was law school, I probably should have just skipped it but he didn’t have the sense to tell me that either.)
Anon
I got into the best graduate program in my field, but went to a different one instead for various reasons which was not nearly as good a fit for me. My life would look very different if I’d gone, maybe so different that I can’t really regret it, but it was the wrong choice for my career and I didn’t really get what I wanted to out of graduate school.
I wish I had sought out better doctors earlier in life since it might have opened some doors for me not to be dealing with as many unresolved health issues for as long as I did.
Anne-on
I am so with you on the doctor stuff. Even when I finally got good health insurance as an adult it took me SO long to realize that all the ‘normal’ stuff I was dealing with was not, in fact, normal. I am so thankful to finally have good specialists and to be getting to a healthier place in my 40s than I was in my 20s!
OOO
I wish I didn’t go to law school. There’s a sliding doors version of my life out there where I didn’t go to law school, married someone else, had a different career, lived somewhere else, traveled more…
Anonymous
Identifying the forks is easy, lol.
To answer the question, though, no, I would not do anything differently. Every single choice, both good and bad, led me to where -and who- I am today. I would be a different person if I had made different choices.
Lina
Exactly! I did post above about grad school being great but maybe my undergrad major was wrong. But I also I had a pretty great time in undergrad and have lifelong friends from then. Every decision can only be made based on what you know at the time. It’s no guarantee that a different fork would have gone exactly your way either.
Anonymous
Your last two sentences say it all.
It’s so easy to look back 10, 15, 20 years when the consequences of the choices have already played out and say ‘oh, man…that was such a bad/good choice’.
And if we could go back knowing what we know now, would we really trade everything for a 50% chance that the other choice would have been better?
Anne-on
Oh good question! I think my biggest personal fork in the road was breaking up with a serious boyfriend in my early 20s. We’d dated for 2 years at that point and he and his friends (all in a band, of course) were pretty obnoxious about my ‘selling out’ in a corporate sales role. They were of course totally fine with my buying rounds/food when we went out though. I remember leaving work to go on a fancy ‘dinner and a play’ date to celebrate something big at work. My boss had gotten us a table at Mistral in Boston (very hard to get back then) and teased me that she wanted to be the first one to see the ring the next day. The immediate and visceral feeling of absolute dread when she said that finally made me realize I needed to break up with him. The breakup was gutting but ultimately 100% the right decision.
Anon
Nope, I’m super happy with how things turned out and any hiccups got me on this path.
anon
I didn’t go to pharmacy school and am glad for that decision. It wasn’t something I was interested in but I had tons of family pressure to go into that field for the high salary and easy day to day work (ikr)
I didn’t buy a house in my 20s and I should have. I didn’t grow up with money and my parents aren’t financially savvy so I had a tough time wrapping my head around spending so much on a mortgage. 30s me would like to knock some sense into 20s me that that mortgage is a fraction of what I’d be paying 10 years later.
Anon
Changing my major to math – great
Getting married to my first husband, who was my college boyfriend – bad
Getting divorced – good
Getting married to current husband – good
Career wise
Trying different career paths for a while – good
Coming back to this one – also good
Not moving cross country for that one job – really good in hindsight
anonshmanon
Mistakes were made, but mostly lessons learned. Many lucky choices led me to the life I have now, including a completely random meet cute with my now-husband, and choosing jobs and ways to live that prioritize our happiness, occasionally against the advice or expectations of family.
The biggest regret I have is that I bullied another girl in school that one year. Other kids laughed about my jokes, which made me feel liked. No idea how it impacted her…
Anon
I hear you. When I think back on regrets, I almighty always go back to times when I was not as kind as I could have been. Oh, and the 10 years I smoked cigarettes. Really wish I could take that back.
Anon
My main regret is leaving a large east coast city for a smaller Midwest one. Yes, the cost of living is way lower, and I have a house I could never afford back east, but I miss the stimulation and pace of life.
My main good decision turning point was saying yes to a “second first date” with my partner of 12 years. We had a truly terrible “first first date” and didn’t talk for a year. We then randomly ran into each other and he asked me out again. I was going to say no, because the first time was not good, but I said yes anyway – we had the absolute best time and have been happily together ever since.
Anon
I have a friend who has a similar regret. She left the Bay Area for a lower cost of living small city on the east coast and now feels like she can’t get back. She’s made friends there but a decade later, all of her best friends are still in the Bay Area.
Seventh Sister
I could have stayed in a glamour industry and gotten the sort of job I’d wanted for most of my teens and 20s. But I picked something more stable where people are treated better and the work is way more intellectually interesting. I don’t regret it, exactly, but my life would have been pretty different and not necessarily in a bad way.
AIMS
So many forks. I am happy with almost all because if I did things differently I wouldn’t be who I am today. But I do wish I knew to help my dad go get a chest X-ray that could have saved his life. His was a preventable death. I was 20 so I don’t actually hold myself responsible but it is for sure a situation where my dad could have been around to meet his grandkids and isn’t.
Anon
I can think of a couple of times when small changes could have altered my decisions and drastically changed my life.
After grad school I interviewed in a wide variety of cities across the US for my first job (which is fairly normal in my field). Wound up at my current city kind of unexpectedly and loved it. I’ve been here 10 years, settled down and plan on it being my forever town.
I met my husband online in my 30s. When we met I was in the very early planning phase of becoming a single mom by choice. I do sometimes think about the alternate universe where I didn’t meet him, moved back to my hometown and enacted that plan (because I’m curious about how my parenting choices would be different if they were entirely mine, this was a great fork).
I have 2 young kids now and it’s wild to me that I could have had completely different kids with the tiniest of circumstances changing. Like, literally seconds probably made the difference!
Lots to Learn
Curious: what city did you end up in?
Anonymous
Overall I’m happy with how my life turned out but if I could change anything, I would have broken up with my ex after 6 months not 6 years and left practicing law after 2 years, not 4 years.
Anonymous
I wish I had done IVF.
Anonymous
has anyone seen great corduroys this season? i’m seeing lots of velvet but i feel like that isn’t as versatile.
Anonymous
Faherrty if you are straight-sized
Anon
I always wonder how people can wear velvet and not be immediately covered in lint.
Anne-on
They must be related to the people who can wear all white without immediately spilling something on themselves, keep their hair in a perfectly polished chignon all day without it coming undone, and always have their no-makeup makeup impeccably done. I had an ex boss like that and unsurprisingly the secret was lots of money and staff.
Anon
I’m this person and yeah, that’s on point.
AIMS
I think this must depend on the velvet? Mine has never been an issue.
Anonymous
Great or green? I bought some corduroy pants at J Crew Factory I like, and they do come in green:
https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/pants/corduroy/tall-corduroy-full-length-essential-straight-pant
Cb
I got some cool slouchy ones from Uniqlo and they had green ones at muji. I was in Paris this week and all the women were wearing wide legged cropped corduroys (with white adidas or vieja) sneakers.
Pep
What were they wearing on top?
Anon
Talbots has jeggings and straight ones, usually in really good colors. I also recently bought skinny cords from Old Navy that fit (I’m a tall). Boden has some vintage-y ones that are wider leg that look super-cute, but not my style/they’d make me look both tall and wide. But they’re adorable on the models.
Anon
I like the straight leg ones from Talbots. I need to order a new pair this year for my new size (yay)
Anonymous
Madewell
Anon
Can we talk about softening language in the workplace? I know many think softening language makes women look weak, but in my organization (pretty progressive and pretty evenly divided gender wise) it’s used by both men and women and I think a indicator of inclusiveness. Do you think woman leaders should avoid softening language? Or are the norms changing such that this is outdated advice?
Anon
I’ve always softened my language and ignored the silly advice to the contrary. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar regard of your gender.
Anon
I agree. Though this week, I found my balsamic vinegar infested with ants. Apparently when you live in SoCal, even vinegar catches insects (my honey is always in a ziplock bag to keep it ant-free and most other condiments are in the fridge).
Cat
I use it strategically. Sometimes being blunt works in your favor and sometimes couching things more softly or giving the other person room to save face are by far the better move.
Coach Laura
The “Your Money” podcast by Jean Chatzky had a recent interview with Alison Fragale on “The Hidden Power of Weak Language.” They talk about gender norms and speech. Apparently women’s weak language like “I think” or “Perhaps we should XYZ” has a place. Women who use weak language are better liked but less powerful: The upshot is that you can choose your language based on audience and situation, so in some cases powerful language is important and more useful. But it’s best to know the impact of weak language. I thought it was very interesting.
Anon
I am from Pittsburgh. Not soft.
Anonymous
I think it depends on the type. softening so you’re not demanding immediate action is one side. softening so you sound like you’re not certain of your recommendations is another. Being a bit soft with reminders and requests can be good (to a point), but if you’re constantly qualifying you opinions with things like i think, maybe, perhaps, etc, then it can be harmful.
Anon
Reporting back on the Talbot’s velvet tuxedo suit, it’s amazing. I ordered the black with the flare pants, fits like it was tailored for me, barely wrinkled out of the box, much more current yet classic 5an I typically find their stuff. Planning to wear it for holiday events with dressy heels (Carrie’s Manolo wedding heels in black) and a lace top underneath.
Anon
Here’s the blazer https://www.talbots.com/velvet-tuxedo-blazer/P234079403.html
And the pants https://www.talbots.com/velvet-tuxedo-blazer/P234079403.html
Anon
I am so jealous you have events to wear this to. Rick on with your bad self!
Anon
*Rock but ok Siri
Anon
This made my day!!
Anon
I’m the OP who recommended it – yay! So glad to hear you love it!
Anon
Thanks for posting! I’m more excited about it than anything I’ve bought in ages!
Anonymous
What are your boundaries with your cleaning ladies?
Would you think, for example, to tell them that they shouldn’t go into your linen closet and throw things away, or not to touch things hanging on a hook on the wall (nearby but not touching anything she’s cleaning)?
Anonymous
Never had a cleaning lady, but yes, I would be very upfront about things like that.
Anon
Pardon? No, it wouldn’t occur to me to tell her she couldn’t throw things away from my linen closet (what even? is that a cover-up for theft?). I don’t know what you mean by touching things hanging nearby – the only thing that comes to mind would be my bathrobe on the back of the bathroom door…I guess she can touch it if she wants? But weird.
Whatever’s going on here, this isn’t normal or good. Fire this housekeeper and hire someone else.
Anon
I don’t know that I would call it boundaries and your phrasing is a bit weird. In my experience cleaning ladies / housekeepers clean what they’re paid to clean and no more.
Cat
Ours threw out a silicone wine stopper (reusable) that was left on the counter and probably looked like trash to her eyes. We just asked her not to assume anything was trash in the future – we hire her for deep cleaning and never leave random garbage around the house – and have never had a problem since.
What was she throwing out from the linen closet??
Explorette
Are these things actually happening, or are you thinking you need to up front tell your housekeeper not to do these things? If these things are happening, then you should just find a new cleaner because that is not normal. If you think you need to set these ground rules initially, then no. Why would a cleaner throw out your linens?
Anon
I have never had to set any? None of my house cleaners have gone into any closet of
mine or moved the stuff hanging on the back of my bathroom door or chairs or whatever I have left out (that is not in their way).
Anonymous
I mentioned this a while ago (years?) in this site and was told by multiple posters that this was not a normal boundary, but… my boundary is that our cleaning team does NOT change our sheets or “fix up” the bed (if, for example, a sheet doesn’t get tucked in perfectly around the sides or pillows are askew, I don’t want anyone touching that). I am just very particular about this, and the cleaning people we had prior kept remaking our bed, which weirds me out. It’s aa me thing – I don’t want annyone else touching my bed. I asked the previous cleaners twice to not touch the bed at all, they said they would follow that instruction, then they Went and remade the whole bed. So I fired them. Our current cleaning lady said, “okay, changing sheets is part of our cleaning fee, so you’re just paying for a service you won’t use. But it’s your house.” And all is good.
Anon
Highly recommend this in-depth, thoughtful article in the Atlantic this weekend: “The Decolonization Narrative Is Dangerous and False. It does not accurately describe either the foundation of Israel or the tragedy of the Palestinians.” https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/10/decolonization-narrative-dangerous-and-false/675799/
Anon
Do you have a gift link?
Anon
No, sorry, but I’ve found that if you put it into reader mode and then refresh the page, you can see the full text.
Anon
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/10/decolonization-narrative-dangerous-and-false/675799/?gift=KGzTCeNVnb0u8MqSXda3T9bMFMzenewDGqA8s9Xowpg&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share
This should be a gift link.
Anon
Newsflash:
– not all Jews are white
– not all Jews are rich
– not all Jews are powerful
– most (all?) Jews have been discriminated against or harassed for being Jewish
Anon
Do you really feel you need to say this here? How are you being stereotyped or discriminated against for being Jewish here, on Corporette?
Anon
I’m not that poster, but there have been quite a few comments here in the last few weeks that were either vaguely or overtly antisemitic. This place is not immune from antisemtisim and it’s naive to think it is.
Anon
+1 – the level of antisemitism here lately has been astounding.
Anon
It’s here and hard to avoid anywhere. This site is better than a lot of places, but just in the communities I usually spend time, I’ve seen all these tropes in the past few weeks from people I know are sincere and not just trolling
https://www.tumblr.com/the-incorrigible-chaia/732271896407z36320/how-to-be-anti-zionist-without-being-antisemitic
Anonymous
I kind reminder that semitic means jews,arabs and a lot of other people.
What I have seen here is a total unanimity in condemning Hamas atack and a division in support for and against the actions of the Israeli government.
Being against Netanyahu is not being anti-Jewish that it is what you are implying.
Anon
Hebrew, Arabic and various other languages are Semitic languages, but the term “anti-semitism” is different and is used only to refer to prejudice against Jews. It’s not a “kind reminder” and you don’t know what you’re talking about. Please stop. Anti-Arab hate is terrible, but you don’t need to try to deny the existence anti-Semitism to make your point.
Anon
This comment was clearly in response to the article, which you clearly did not read
Anon
Phenomenal article. Required reading.
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
Too bad the people who need to read it most never will…
Anonymous
After a really miserable experience last spring I think I’ve become a flats for fancy occasions gal. Can someone talk me into or out of Manolo hangisi flats in black satin? I’m in my early 40s and I feel like I’d wear them with this gown I have for a black tie wedding in a few weeks and with a and a red tux I have my eye on for a party and for every other fancy occasion for a few years. I feel silly blowing four figures on shoes but my tolerance for cheap shoes is just slipping away. Thoughts and recommendations are welcome. Thanks!
Anon
No experience but they’re beautiful. I might personally consider just buying the black patent leather Ferragamo Varinas for a little less dough and more options for wearing them. But you do you!
Seventh Sister
I’ve only ever bought Manolos at resale, but I feel like the vamp is generally a touch too narrow on my not-very-wide feet. When I was pregnant I had a pair of Manolo flats (not hangisi but similar) and I really liked them as work shoes, but I sized up a half-size and they didn’t fit after I had the baby.
I think Ferragamos are more comfortable as a rule, but Stuart Weitzman are the most comfortable of the “very very expensive” shoes I’ve had so far.
Related: ‘m quite proud of myself that I remembered the word vamp, it’s almost like buying $100 pointe shoes for someone else is finally proving useful.
AIMS
I think Stuart Weitzman runs too narrow.
Anonymous
RueLaLa had them for three figures. I almost sprang for a pair for a wedding.
A None
Any recs for casual shoes I can just slip on for dog walking around the neighborhood that aren’t frumpy/hideous. Zips are ok but otherwise need to be easy on and off. Thanks!
Senior Attorney
I love boat shoes for thing like this.
AIMS
I just lean into the frump and get something like the LL Bean Wicked Good Slippers. I used to get similar sparkly or plaid ones from JCrew but it doesn’t look like they have anything quirky right now. You could do black if you really want to be low key but I just don’t care and get a loud version. So cozy. And truly a slip on.
Anon
I just got sketchers slip on sneakers for exactly this purpose. Comfy so far
Skechers
I love my slip-on Skechers for things like walking to the mailbox, etc.
Anonymous
I clomp around in an old pair of Dansko clogs. The
Anonymous
On Cloud sneakers, in a style with the stretchy laces
Anon
APL has a slip on version that I love and is very stylish.
Runcible Spoon
Ariat Cruiser, which is a boat shoe/slip-on sneaker.
Anon
There are sneakers from Fit Flop that look like they lace up but actually they slip on. They’re in the Vitamin series.
Anon
IDK what your taste is, but I’ve had a pair of these for years (did NOT pay close to full price) and they fit the bill nicely. I think of them as Vans for old people.
D'oh!
Here’s the link… https://www.vionicshoes.com/kimmie-sneaker.html
Lands’ End catalog
I just flipped through the Lands’ End fall catalog. They are killing it – cords, soft sweaters, flannels. Prices are good. I’m well-stocked but wanted to flag for others.
Flats Only
The cords discussion above made me think of this too. The styling was surprising contemporary. Lands End is decent quality, and the fits are almost comically forgiving – consider sizing down. I really liked the brown wide-wale cords – they reminded me of Donald Sutherland’s professor character in Animal House and would fun to wear ironically.
tofu
Favorite tasty, easy baked tofu squares recipe?
Just want to crisp it up a bit to throw on … whatever.
Asian flavors preferred.
anon
My favorite easy way is to cut into squares and season heavily with salt, garlic powder, five spice, spray with oil. Then sprinkle corn starch all over it (the more, the crispier). Spray again with oil and then air fry until golden brown and crispy. Usually about 15-20 minutes.
Anonymous
I need a show to start binging. Prefer something with romances I only have Netflix. I got sick of Virgin river after4 seasons. I loved Doom. I fast forward through shows like Love is Blind- don’t mind it, but it gets a little slow with repetitive drama. Ideas?
Anon
How do you feel about subtitles? There are usually some good Korean or Chinese romance dramas on Netflix.
Anon
Low stakes question – anyone have a favorite compact hairbrush that is under $20? Ideally something where the bristles are covered so that I can toss in my purse without the bristles snagging things.