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Weekend Open Thread
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zee
Fabulous! Been waiting for this. I have a wonderful professional mentor who is a woman with seniority at my firm. She is generally quite fashionable, likes nice leather stuff from what I can tell, and has been an * invaluable* mentor for me this year. What do you suggest I buy as a holiday/thank you present? I was thinking of a wallet to match her bag or something, but I find myself lost. How much should I spend? Is a wallet too personal? The pen/desk accessory thing doesn’t seem very friendly. Please help!
shelly
I’ve had to get my (male) boss thank you gifts for various things over the years and I tend to err on the side of food related gifts. I find that something from Dean and Deluca is a pretty safe bet. It’s a little bit of luxury, it’s not too personal, and if they don’t like it, they can just not eat it without my ever knowing- if that makes sense. It also helps that he is really into food though.
I don’t think that a wallet is too personal though.
Bridget
Or a really nice business card case? There’s less variety so less chance you could “miss” her personal style.
CC
I found out when I bought my boyfriend a wallet that they can be very personal for some people (color, style, size, feel, change purse? check holder?) I think a business card case like Bridget suggested would be a great idea
AIMS
I would also advise against a wallet.
It’s something people don’t switch regularly, so if she has one she likes, she’s probably not going to use yours right away & then if you see her going to get coffee with the other wallet, you’ll feel bad, etc.
Also, it’s just such a matter of preference — I, for ex., like a zipper change compartment only on the outside, need to have a clear id window, etc. — someone else might feel otherwise.
I think a businesscard holder or even a nice frame or paperweight can be a better option. If you’re going to go for a food basket, I would have it delivered b/c otherwise you’re walking through the whole office carrying a giant basket with a big bow.
MsZ
I would, as well – I am super picky about my wallet structure and size (it must have a strap that can go over the arm, i.e. not a wristlet strap, so that I can wear just the wallet when running out for coffee etc). I wouldn’t do a frame because then she will feel compelled to use it in her office and that might put her in a strange spot. I would go for a food basket or spa gift card in the $100 range.
jcb
do you know anything about her life outside of the office? Hobbies, restaurants, interests? If not, I like the nice food basket idea. Dean & Deluca, Zingerman’s, Harry & David fruit.
jcb
Oh, and as to how much to spend. That’s more difficult – I wouldn’t go overboard, bc you don’t want her to feel weird about it. I’d say $50-75 is a reasonable amount for this kind of holiday present.
j
i miss Zingerman’s
LMP
zingermans does great mail order gifts — and if you want something that’s not on the website they can probably do that, too. greatest place ever — and i’ve never even been to the brick and mortar place! http://www.zingermans.com
Res Ipsa
I’m going to keep wearing boot cut jeans because they are the style that looks best on my body.
If dressing like it’s 2003 is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
Curvy Girl
Amen sister!
Anonymous
Same!! Plus they look great over my boots/heels!
MM
Yes! I find the volume down below helps balance out my “volume up top”, so to speak. I feel like a cartoon when I wear slim-cut jeans.
jcb
Same here. Skinny jeans make me look like an ice cream cone.
JessC
I wasn’t aware that bootcuts were passe. I think they’re a very classic style and flattering on most body types.
AIMS
I think it really depends on the cut of the boot cut. Some are rather exaggerated — those are not in vogue at the moment.
But neither is dressing in a way that doesn’t flatter your body & there are many other options for jeans that do. It’s not like skinny jeans are mandatory.
Janie
Agreed!
Mella
Hee. I’m having trouble finding a pair of weekend casual bootcut PANTS. Everything seems tapered, straight-leg, or skinny (and let’s not even talk about rise.) At lunch today I randomly dropped into a Dress Barn and when the associate asked how she could help I said, “Do you actually carry any bootcut pants anymore? or do you just have tapered and skinny?” She replied “Oh, we have lots of bootcut,” and proceeded to show me the six (!) different places in the store where they had bootcut JEANS. Oh well.
AIMS
Not sure if this counts, but JCrew has nice boot cut cords. I am a big fan of cords for the weekend, esp. on chilly days.
Lemon
I buy boot-cut pants at Old Navy. LOVE them and have them in about 5 or 6 different colors.
E
Boden has a variety of bootcut pants, including moleskin, wool, etc. (city cut, or something is a lovely, subtle bootcut).
Anonymous
I recently got some at the Gap and the Limited.
stc
My husband insists that bootcut is not flattering and I go back and forth. Hugging the hips then flaring out doesn’t seem that flattering to me (just emphasizes the hips) but I think the modified bootcuts (not as flared) are flattering. What are people’s sense on this? I want to find straight legged jeans that are flattering, but its hard!
meg
I agree – I like straight-legged more. it’s hard to find true straight-leg, but Kut from the Kloth (sold at Nordstrom) seem to fit the bill for me. Even though these say boot-cut, I’m pretty sure they are the straight-legged ones I have in my closet. As a plus – they take care of my c-section pooch wonderfully and don’t look like mom jeans! Love.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3029445?origin=category&resultback=1452
surrounded by lawyers
Finding honest to goodness straight leg pants is almost impossible, especially for work pants! But I refuse to wear any kind of flare or boot cut. I am petite with short legs, and though I am a size 0-2, I find that flairs make me look even shorter, and wide. Because my legs are so short, there’s no real distance between thigh and flare (on the calf area) on me, so my legs look like hourglasses. Pass!
AIMS
I think there are boot cut and then there are flared. Traditional boot cut don’t flare out noticeably much at all. The whole point was to have the leg be a bit wider to leave room for motorcycle type boots. That’s not a lot of flare. The truly flared jeans are indeed very late 90’s/early 2000s.
In 2003, 2004, on, I recall a much more modified boot cut — sort of the classic version being around & popular.
I think a traditional boot cut is relatively classic; the flared leg does seem a bit dated. A true straight leg is amazing to find, but I agree very difficult. Madewell makes one, as does Seven, and a few others. I think Gap even has a straight style but they made my butt look flat (not sure why — I usually have the opposite problem) so I opted against them.
Mella
>The whole point was to have the leg be a bit wider to leave room for motorcycle type boots.
Yes, thank you. If I’m dressing like it’s 2003 it’s because I LOVE the long vertical line that comes from wearing well-fitting bootcut pants over, well, heeled boots. The skinny-jean-tucked-into-knee-high-boots look feels like my legs are being visually chopped in half. The skinny-jean-tucked-into-slouchy-ankle-boots look, well, I used up my eligibility for that in the ’80s. Looks great on other people, makes me feel like an elf.
rm
The best fashion advice I ever read was to wear what looks good on your body, and not what looks good on the mannequin. I agree that while skinnies tucked into tall or ankle boots look great on a model, the look simply does not work too well on everyone’s bodies. So to hell with the trends – wear what flatters your body.
M
The Goodwill by me has an awesome denim section–more options in my size than any other store I know of.
Bonnie
I’ve tried these pants on and they are horrible. They’re “slimming” because they squish your stomach. However, instead of being slimming, they just push the squishiness up and create a weird muffin top.
Louise
Yes, you can’t fight the laws of physics. What goes up, must come down. And what gets squished in, must come out somewhere.
The very best shaping undergarments only seem to defy physics by making the squishy bits come out in the form of a vague, but relentless, sense of pressure. You now how you breathe a huge sigh of relief when the Spanx finally come off at the end of the day? That’s crankiness being released back into it’s natural form.
JessC
“what gets squished in, must come out somewhere”
“You now how you breathe a huge sigh of relief when the Spanx finally come off at the end of the day? That’s crankiness being released back into it’s natural form.”
HAHAHA. So hilarious and so true.
Bonnie
You had me crying laughing with that one. Maybe all the cranky people I work with just need to ease up on the Spanx.
shelly
I have both bootcut and skinny jeans. I like bootcut better with heels, to be honest, and with flats it depends on the particular shoe and particular jean. Of course, wearing skinny jeans tucked into boots is 100% more comfortable than tight rolling your bootcuts to fit inside your boots.
As for where I get jeans, I almost never buy “new” denim- I like to go to consignment stores and get used designer jeans. That way they’re nice and broken in, and significantly more affordable. It helps it you are willing to have them hemmed- they’re usually too long for me when I get them this way.
CBC
Quick Threadjack:
Just wanted to say thank you to the person who recommended Rent the Runway in an earlier thread this week. I decided to try it out for a party I have tonight. Just got my dress–on time–and it looks fantastic!
CC
Awesome! I didn’t suggest it but I signed up for it to at the suggestion and I’m really excited about trying it this year! Care to show the dress Id love to see!
CBC
It’s this one. It’s slightly longer on me than it is on the model (I’m 5’4″) but it looks great. Love the sleeves and the asymmetric neckline.
CBC
Whoops! Forgot the link.
http://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/catherinemalandrino_dresses/sultrybodyslimmingshift
Louise
Pretty, and sultry! Knock ’em dead, CBC!
Anon2
It was me! Glad it worked out and I hope you have a fabulous time at your event!
Preggo Angie
OK… I have kept this to myself for awhile but I would love to get advice from this group of kick-butt professional women. I’m having a daughter and my husband picked out a name which I was opposed to at first, but it has grown on me and I now think it’s just lovely. The problem is, it’s also a well-known pharmaceutical. Do you think this will be a problem in 20+ years when she herself is a kick-butt professional woman? Your thoughts would be appreciated – I’m ready for them! The name is “Allegra.”
Mimi
I think it’s fine. There’s already an author named Allegra Goodman (I liked one of her early books, Kaaterskill Falls, but not the later stuff, although her most recent has gotten good reviews). My first association with Allegra is not Rx, although I also have never taken it/don’t know what it’s for. (I would guess allergies….)
Midori
I know an Allegra, and she’s a kick-butt professional woman with a (IMHO) beautiful name. I love it!
Wasn’t the trust baby lady character in _Hitch_ named Allegra?
KBB
That’s what I always think about too! Her name was Allegra Cole. I seriously love that movie.
attorney
I also think of Hitch. I think it’s a very pretty name.
AIMS
I think of allergies.
Sorry — just have to be honest.
But, any name you pick will have people who like it and dislike it, so take anything people say about this with a grain of salt.
K
There is a two-year old down the street from me with the same name…
With the way Rx drugs come and go, I wouldn’t worry about it. In 20 years, no one will remember Allegra the medication.
anonish
In 20 years, there will be a cheaper, generic version, with a different name. :)
ABC
There already is :-) I hope fexofenadine doesn’t ever take off!
sas
LOL. It would suck if there was kid around named Tylenol or Benadryl whose parents thought the same thing.
Allegra is actually a name though. However, to be safe why not just spell it a little different, say with only one L, or 2 G’s?
Geri
Please don’t change the spelling. Allegra is an Italian word, and if you respell it, it will just look like your daughter’s parents were either bad spellers or trying to make her unique but instead making her look like her parents are bad spellers.
i'm nobody
if she takes up ballet, she will be a bit too precious (Allegra Kent).
MsZ
Lovely name! I think by the time she and her peers are aware of pharmaceutical brands, Allegra the antihistamine will be long gone. Wasn’t Bridget Jones’ coworker named Allegra?
kellyn
Allegra is beautiful.
For no rational reason, my first instinct/guess was Viagra. So off base.
AIMS
Mine as well!
Lois
I know an allegra and unfortunately is a comic-con, attention seeking type weirdo. good luck
LMP
Sorry, it just doesn’t scream “kick-but professional” to me (well, maybe some profession but not one I’d want my kid to pursue). It sounds like a made-up “name” (and made up by the big-pharma to boot). Yes, I’m sure there are some successful Allegras out there, but it strikes me as trendy and dated.
Ru
My friend named her second daughter “Ariva” (not sure about the spelling), which is also the name of some medication. No big deal.
Anon Today
Uh Oh. Just my two cents on this, since I am not yet a parent, but I would advise you against asking opinions on baby names! If you and your husband love it, that is ALL that matters. Don’t worry about anyone else.
MM
Have to agree. I do like your choice, but do you really want to hear people nay-say something you plan to name your child?
Janie
My first thought is the medication. I met someone named Allegra once, and that was my first thought. In 20 years I think it will be fine. But for the first few at least, be prepared for some funny looks. If you love it though, go for it. One of my top name picks is Valentin for a boy – most people think it’s too effeminate but I don’t care!
anonynym
I know a teenage boy named Valentín, kind of a tough guy (or at least he thinks so.) We live in the San Francisco Bay Area, so I don’t think he has too many issues with people getting it wrong. In a less ethnically-diverse area, though, I wonder if people he meets would pronounce it ValenTINE or assume it’s Valentine spelled wrong. (His pronounciation is ValenTENE.)
Full disclosure: I’m biased after decades of “Is it AnonyNIM or AnonyNIME?”
houda
I had to google the medicine; but I love the name, it sounds like Allegria which instantly brings happiness to heart (at least in Europe).
You should definitely keep the name.
Unrelated note, I was thinking, I got used to preggo angie, once baby Allegra is born, you will be just angie?… (sorry just thinking out loud)
Celia
I think it is a BEAUTIFUL name! There was a book I absolutely loved in high school, and one of the main characters was a feisty, brilliant violinist – so when I hear Allegra, I think spunk + classical music, which is one killer combo. :) Congrats to you and your husband, and good luck with the final months of your pregnancy!
Anon
The Mozart Season! I loved that book, too.
Allegra’s a beautiful name, Angie.
E
I loved that book! I grew up in Portland, where it took place, and felt so much kinship to the character. It’s immediately what I thought of when the thread started, so it has a very positive vibe for me.
When we chose my son’s name, we settled on a name, then a week before he was due found out it was the second or third most popular boy’s name in the state that year. I went through conniptions, wondering if we should change it, thinking of other names, etc. Finally, I decided my son would be who he was, and if we loved the name, we should go for it. Strangely enough, I haven’t met another kid his age with the name yet!
Grump
Yes, I pretty much thought some classical-music related thing too!! I’m not sure I’d call my daughter that but it’s a nice name and my gut thought after you mentioned the name was Mozart, not a drug :p
anon
Had a classmate at Harvard with that name. Haven’t kept up with her, but she was a very intelligent, kick-butt woman who I’m sure is doing well and I always loved her name (the pharmaceutical was around at that point, though obviously not when she was named). I don’t think it sounds “made up” like a commenter said above.
Just Another Anonymous
If she hates it, just call her “Allie.”
;o)
Carrie
And here I thought they had taken Allegra off the market. I used to take that stuff.
I ditto the thought that you shouldn’t ask others what they think about baby names. At least 50% of people will not like what you picked and at least half of those will tell you so. Then you will doubt yourself.
If you like it, give her that name.
Preggo Angie
Thanks everyone! I haven’t told anyone about the name but I just had to get some feedback, even (relatively) anonymously via Corporette message boards. My husband is a musician, so “Allegra” has meaning for him in that way.
And I guess when I have her I can go back to being just “Angie,” or perhaps “Mama Angie.” Am open to suggestions! :)
Anonymous
I was going to say that most cultured people–musicians, people with romance language backgrounds, etc.–will NOT think of medication. They will think it’s a happy, beautiful name. Go for it!
SF Bay Associate
Go for it. I take Allegra. It’s great. Everyone’s name has something to make fun of, so at least the logical stupid reason to make fun of Allegra’s name is what… it helps people stop sneezing?? My name has a very unfortunate reference in a popular NSFW song when I was a child. I survived. Name your baby what you like. The patent on Allegra will run out in 18 years anyway, and the name may fade from use in time.
Kaye
I’d be a lot more worried about middle school than her life as a professional woman :)
I think it’s a nice name. As long as you keep the correct spelling :)
fresh jd
Is it just me or do you find it terribly rude and pointless when a coworker tells you that “you look tired today”. Umm, k thanks? What am I supposed to do, take a nap at my desk to look rejuved? Why do people say this at all? It’s a horrible conversation starter! It pretty much means “you look like a sh!t today”. Please opine, because this has happened to me at different workplaces and to many other ppl I know, and I don’t understand the point of saying this.
Ugh. Ok rant over. Will try to get my “beauty rest” this wknd so my zombie face won’t offend my coworkers’ sensibilities.
Preggo Angie
I know, I hate that. Someone once told that to me the one day I didn’t have any makeup on. I don’t think I’ve ever shown up to work with at least tinted moisterizer and mascara on since.
fresh jd
Yep lol, I am not wearing makeup and went to bed late last night. Still no excuse. The woman in question is a tomboy who never wears makeup. I should tell her she looks tired everyday then.
My problem really is how people lack self-awareness. It’s an obviously stupid comment that does not properly convey concern, if only someone just stopped to think for half a second before bsing with coworkers. If you don’t like someone’s sweater that day, are you going to opine on that to them? If you don’t like how my face looks today, keep that to yourself too. Ugh, this is really a pet peeve of mine.
So annoying
This has happened to me a few times and it’s super annoying. The woman who did it was trying to seem concerned but it just made me feel self conscious.
surrounded by lawyers
Yep, rude. I think people who say it are trying to be concerned/sympathetic, but they don’t realize how it comes across. The first time someone said it to me, I made a note to self never to do it to anyone else!
Still not quite as bad as erroneously congratulating you for being pregnant though! (This has never happened to me, but my mom definitely did it to a store clerk once when we were out shopping–and then when the woman gracefully said she was not expecting, my mom followed up with “oh, that shirt just makes you look so much bigger!” as if that was even remotely mitigating.)
b23
Someone at work asked if I was pregnant – I was furious. Here’s the way it happened: I ran into him in the parking garage at about 9 p.m. He asked how I was doing, and I said I was tired. FROM THAT COMMENT ALONE, he asked if I was pregnant! I was wearing a very trim suit with a big wide belt and had not gained any weight. I thought it was so stupid and sexist. I mean, seriously. A woman who is tired (ignoring the fact that she is leaving work late) must be pregnant, really?
b23
And, to make matters worse, when I said no, he said, “Are you really pregnant, and you’re just not telling people yet?” First of all, NOSY! Second, in what has already become an embarrassing situation, DROP IT at the first sign that you might be wrong! Ugh.
Samantha
Whoa! Yeah I don’t understand the jump from ‘tired’ to ‘pregnant’ either. And, this person doesn’t give up!
Bridget
I get this comment whenever I show up to work without makeup or with less makeup than usual. I guess my natural pallor is not so attractive. :) But, honestly, it doesn’t bother me. There are too many things to worry about, that this does not make my list.
v
I tend to think people who say this (while being clueless and thoughtless) are usually talking about demeanor and expression more than actual appearance. Though maybe I’m underestimating people’s capacity for rudeness.
Elle 2
This is how I interpret it too.
Midori
The only time I appreciated the comment “you look really tired today” was when it was from my doctor, and it turned out that I was actually in labor and hadn’t noticed.
E
Glad to hear someone else didn’t know they were in labor. Three days before I was due, I did a 7 hour operation (I’m a surgeon) and felt absolutely miserable afterwards. Went home, my husband told me I looked awful and that I probably shouldn’t be operating anymore (which I disagreed with verbally but admitted was probably right in my head). Long and the short of it, 4 hours later we arrived at triage and I was in transition, dilated to 9cm!
I wish I hadn’t been so stubborn; I could have had an epidural earlier ;)
Midori
Ha! Yep, I was in court that morning, and the bailiff even told me, “looks like it could be any moment!” and I was like, no, not for a week at least… But man, I felt rough trudging up the parking garage stairs to my car. It’s probably a good thing I had a doctor’s appointment that day, since I really didn’t feel anything until 6 cm!
govvie girl
Yep…consider the source (good or bad) and thank whomever you thank that you have more social skills than that person. Or say back “and you look like you need some decaf,” since it’s probably that Office Space “Case of the Mondays” person :)
Miriam
It is so ironic because some people brag about how little sleep they got and how they were up all night doing work and being productive! Perhaps you can try to turn it into a good thing if you were up late doing work, but of course it’s annoying to have someone remind you that you look tired. Idk, just trying to put a positive spin on it :)
Thin hair
I would love some advice from fellow Corporettes with fine/thin hair. I’ve been tested numerous times and don’t have any thyroid/PCOS or other medical issues. However, over the last five years, my hair has thinned considerably.
My current regimen:
Biotin, fish oil and Vitamin D supplements
Try to air dry my hair as much as possible
Recently started used Wen hair products (sulfate free) (not thrilled with the results but I’m willing to try it out for a few months and see)
Does anyone have other recommendations? Does eating certain foods help? I can’t use Rogaine because I am trying to get pregnant. It’s been distressing and I would love any advice. Thanks so much.
AIMS
I have always heard salmon is good for hair & nails.
My ex-boyfriend became a raw vegan a few years ago, and his formerly thinning hair looks amazin (as does the rest of him, damnedit) — but that might be too extreme of a solution (and would certainly eliminate the salmon & fish oil). He does eat a lot of walnuts.
anon
I have to share my story. I have PCOS- self diagnosed. My RE initially refused to say that I have PCOS since I did not have the classic numbers for PCOS. However she ran some extra tests and one of the numbers came out to maybe PCOS. This was later confirmed with looking at my ovaries. The point of the story is, sometimes even blood tests do not tell the entire story. PCOS has no uniform symtpoms or numbers for everyone.
One reason that women loose hair in PCOS is high dihydro testosterone – not just regular testosterone. Get that checked if you want.
Also, weight lifting helps dispell this extra DHT to a good extent as do other prescription products.
Valerie @ City|Life|Eats
Thank you for sharing this – I have been thinking of getting retested for PCOS (I was last tested 10 years ago) since there is much more research/information on it now than there was then, and this was a good reminder that it is not just about the numbers.
As for the hair loss (ie for Fine Hair who originally posted this query) – would echo the recommendation of fish oil/vit D. I stopped losing hair when I switched to a completely gluten-free diet, but based on your post it seems like all medical reasons have been ruled out.
Celia
I have used Rogaine on my thinning eyebrows for the last two months, and do think it works, so I would definitely advise trying it later.
In the meantime, I would also highly recommend Folligen. The company makes two products that I used when I was under a lot of stress and starting noticing some thinning: Hair & scalp nutrient lotion, and Emu oil. You put on the nutrient lotion first, and then the oil to help it penetrate. The drawback: the lotion is dark blue/green, so best to use if you have dark hair. It also has a pretty strong smell and is a little greasy. It’s effective enough that I still use it sometimes – but only before going to bed, and I have to wash my hair the next morning. But it is quite effective. They also make a spray that also has a bluish tint (not a problem if you have dark hair) that is less greasy and thick, so can be worn without washing your hair the next morning.
Finally, when I had this problem my hairdresser recommended Nioxin shampoo and conditioner. I didn’t think they did much, but several of her clients apparently swear by it.
D
My hair thins/sheds more when I am stressed for sustained periods — like a few months.
Also, once I went on a tuna-eating binge and I swear my hair started thinning. I never got my mercury levels checked, but the thinning stopped when I cut down my consumption. Maybe get a mercury screening test?
You have my sympathy- it’s not a fun situation.
l
i lost a lot of hair when i had a sort-of eating disorder thing in college. 4 years later, it started growing back when i started eating a LOT of fat. i switched to a primal diet (low carb, high fat) and the growth directly corresponds to the amount of time since i started eating primal.
i know there are different reasons for hair loss, and my hair loss was caused by over-stressing my body (too little food, too much exercise) and by my hair color (red hair is more likely to fall out when your body is stressed- from weight loss or life), but seriously, try eating a lot of fat. like… a LOT. bacon, nuts (not peanuts! that’s a legume!), avocados, etc. as long as you avoid all grains and other legumes and carbs (like potatoes), you won’t gain weight.
try mark’s daily apple for more information.
Makeup Junkie
Primal Blueprint is too extreme for me, but eating a high-protein diet has done amazing things for my hair and nails.
A couple of suggestions:
*Try a protein pack on your hair every couple of months (you can buy them at Sally’s)
*Broccoli seed oil as a conditioner. Since you’re using SLS-free shampoos, stay away from anything with silicone since it won’t wash out and might weigh your hair down
*Get a boar bristle brush, you don’t need to go full-on with a Mason Pearson; Sonia Kashuk sells one at Target
*Keep your hair trimmed regularly so the shaft doesn’t split up and damage your hair
good luck!
Thin hair
Thank you all for the helpful comments. I am going to try eating more fat in my diet (avocado, almonds) and see where that takes me. On the plus side, I have noticed that I have a lot less hair on my brush now that I have started using a sulfate free shampoo — however, my hair also looks less full, but at least I’m losing less hair.
Peg
Wow, the advertising has really gotten out of control on this site. Seriously, it is very off-putting.
Preggo Angie
Do you mean the amount of ads or the content? I admit, I’m pretty good about ignoring ads as long as they don’t (literally) crawl all over the screen over the REAL content.
Sarah J.
are you getting the flashing man underpants ads at the top too?
fresh jd
yes i got the flashing man underpants ads and it was a close call! I am on a trading floor setup here, pls address stat!
anon
I don’t understand this comment either…I haven’t noticed a change.
Kat
what flashing man underpants ad? i haven’t seen that one but i’ll see if my ad network can block that one from the site…
Mella
This is useless advice for almost anyone at work (who doesn’t have an in with the IT department) but my laptop runs Mozilla Firefox + the add-on AdBlockPlus. (And Flashblock to block animations.) Result: no banner ads, no flashing, no underpants.
I know most of us don’t control our work machines but I thought I’d throw it out there.
Louise
Ditto on Firefox plus AdBlockPlus. I *never* see ads and love it.
Elle 2
I must be incredibly unobservant – I never notice ANY of the ads! I am an advertisers worst fear.
j
Me and you, Elle 2. I have Adblock Plus and see no ads :)
Bridget
I very embarrassingly forgot to get our group’s paralegal a gift last year because it just didn’t occur to me. I’m not going to make the same mistake this year, but … what’s an appropriate amount to spend (cash or gift)? We have one paralegal assisting about 25 attorneys, she works crazy-long hours and is super-awesome. Work I assign to her personally probably accounts for right around 1/25 of her time (i.e., I definitely use her, but do not personally monopolize her).
Janie
Maybe get together with a few others to get her something nicer ($50-75), but if you are going to go it alone I don’t think you need to do anything more than $20, in which case a Starbucks gift card or something like that would be nice.
houda
How about you all pitch in and get something big (be it cash or gift)?
At my work we simply gather contributions then it has more effect than small scattered gifts.
anon - chi
Can you discreetly ask around your group? You don’t have to say “how much should I spend,” but maybe ask what a couple of people around your seniority level got for her last year. If you only account for 1/25 of her work, I would say you definitely don’t need to go over $50, and something even smaller might be appropriate. It sort of depends on your particular office.
anon
I’m a senior paralegal and consider myself awesome (haha!). I’ve worked at three biglaw firms (East Coast and Silicon Valley) and it’s relatively uncommon for me to get anything nicer than a $20 bottle of wine unless I’m leaving the firm. It’s the thought of the “Thank you, I appreciate your work” moreso than the dollar amount. YMMV, but I’ve never felt less for someone not giving me a gift, and am please when someone is kind enough to have thought of me, but do not expect it.
Clients or vendors on the other hand–they are more apt to “purchase” my affections :)
Jen L
My school has a mentorship program with alumni. I signed up for it and was matched with a man who is a partner at a mid-size firm in my dream field. I’m in a slightly different position than most other students in the mentorship program. I am finishing my final semester of my LLM and I’ve already passed the bar. I’m not going to use my mentor to try and get a job with his firm because we have been instructed not to, but I am actively looking for a job.
I am meeting with my mentor for the first time on Tuesday. He is taking me to lunch. I’d love to hear suggestions on what to ask him. I’m planning to ask him about his career path (beyond what is available on the firm’s website), how he got involved in the field he is in, and what publications he thinks I should read related to the field. I thought I saw someone suggest earlier this week or maybe last weekend to ask if he knew other people in the field that I should seek out, so I’ll probably ask that as well. Does anyone have suggestions for what else I should ask?
Lyssa
Sounds good so far! I would also ask about what kind of experiences/classes/training/books/etc. he thinks would be helpful to someone in your field and something along the lines of “what does he wish he would have known when he was in your position.”
Also, even though you aren’t using him for a job search, I would at least try to mention somewhere that you are looking. That way, if he happens to hear of anything, he’s likely to tell you.
Good luck on the job search!
Jen L
Thank you! Those questions are great, especially the one about what he wishes he would have known when he was in my position. I definitely will mention that I’m job hunting as well. I really appreciate your advice.
MJ
When I was in business school, I was instructed by a wise alum to end EVERY networking meeting with, “Thank you so much. I’ve learned so much from you. Can you think of two or three colleagues who might be willing to speak with me as well?” If the conversation has gone well, this is an amazing, totally-natural sounding way to extend your web of networking meetings.
Also, and this is another thing I learned myself from networking–ask for what you want. This guy wants to mentor and help you–it is COMPLETELY appropriate to say that you are looking for X (but also open to Y (a bit broader) and would be so appreciative if he could keep you/your search in mind as he speaks with contacts. He knows you’re looking for a job. Nearly everyone in school is looking! He can only help if you’re specific in asking for the help you want. You don’t need to ask HIM for a job. But you can definitely say you are looking without being inappropriate.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask which areas of your field are poised for growth/well positioned to be hiring people right now. Given the legal job mkt, you may need to be flexible, a bit beyond your dream, to land something, so try to find out the inside dirt from a senior person’s perspective.
Good luck! Remember that he’s there to help you, so use him!
Jen L
Thank you MJ!
L
stc- try the J Crew matchstick cut for a straight leg. I’ve had great luck with it.
stc
Thanks-I’ll check them out! My thighs are a bit large these days, though, but I’m willing to suck it up and size up…
AEK
I took a chance and ordered a pair of these that were on final clearance. I went one size up (I think, anyway—sizing is so variable) for the same reason. It did the trick for the thighs and the waist isn’t too gappy from going up.
Anon
How do you answer the question: where do you see yourself in 5 years, when asked by your current boss?
I was kind of at a loss on this one because in my mind I was thinking, not here. Everything I can think of sounds fake and insincere or too generic… “doing more interesting and challenging work”. “In your job” sounds kind of presumptuous.
attorney
I said something along the lines of wanting to be an expert or, at least a go-to person in my field, working on additional certifications, establishing an independent client base–that type of thing. I’m a new lawyer though, so I don’t know how applicable that would be to you/your profession.
Anonymous
Assuming he’s not the head of the company, I think “in your job” is fine. Presumably he’s hoping to get promoted in the next 5 years too.
Yasmin
Be careful of saying “in your job” if there isn’t any room for advancement on her end! I made the mistake of suggesting that a colleagues position would interest me a few years down the line – assuming that she would take it as me wanting to work with her – and she instead took it as me wanting to take her job … it made for 3 very uncomfortable years, and what’s worse (?), I did eventually end up in her job.
attorney
Salary question:
I have an annual review coming up and want to negotiate my raise. I’m at a mid-sized, non-lockstep firm that, despite the economic environment, is doing well. My billables from this year are waaay over my goal, and it’s been that way since March. I anticipate I’ll keep it up. I’ve heard the 1/3 rule before–your salary should be 1/3 of the income you bring into firm (then 1/3 for overhead and 1/3 for profit). It sounds a little simplistic, so does anyone have any suggestions/guidelines for determining an appropriate salary?
kellyn
Oh, I’d like an answer to this as well, regarding the 1/3 concept. I’m headed into salary negotiations with my future employer, and I’d like to be prepared with a realistic range if the offer falls short.
Anon for this one
Ditto but I will be below my goal hours after markdowns, above them before markdowns…sigh.
associate
Your firm cuts your hours billed if they get discounted by the partner? That sucks.
MJ
Call a trusted headhunter and ask.
And when you’re in your meeting, don’t give a range. That’s a classic negotiations mistake. You’re hoping for the middle anyway–say that. If you give a range, the other person anchors on the bottom end of the range and you won’t get to the middle you’re envisioning.
kellyn
Great advice! I think I just wanted a range for myself, then I’d give something in the top half of that. I’m trying to get myself a great salary that I deserve/can earn, but not scare off the employer. I have a very close relationship to this employer (worked for sr partner in law school), but he left his old bigger firm to start this smaller venture. I’d be the only associate. So, while I’m really excited about it, I know I’ll be doing the work of two or three people, and I just want to make sure that I get compensated fairly for that.
MM
Has everyone been playing around with Boutiques.com yet? They didn’t do a great job at first targeting my style, but after I made some corrections … it’s bizarrely accurate. I particularly like the “find similar styles” function.
Bonnie
I just did. It’s pretty awesome.
l
OBSESSED.
funny- was halfway browsing for clogs while watching tv the other night. saved two pair in favorites, but only remembered one michael kors pair. went browsing in the store today, found a pair i loved, got home, and saw that that exact same pair was one i had saved on boutiques.com.
Sarah J.
This question is a re-post because I got in on the tail end last week–
I’m looking for a book for a family member who is in a rough job situation. She is actively looking for a new job, and taking some classes in the spring that will help her be able to broaden her job search. She works in a very small office (no HR to complain to), and is demeaned and bullied by her supervisor frequently. I know there are books out there to help people cope with these situations, and I recall hearing about one that teaches you to become less emotionally involved.
I know that the long term goal is for her to leave her work, and I will be supportive to her in any way I can. However she must stay in this job for a while longer, and I’m looking for something to help her cope in the short-term.
Any recommendations?
Ru
Eid mubarak to those observing out there! I’m going to try to have a vegetarian weekend to detox from all the foodery this week….
MM
Eid mubarak to you, too!
houda
Mabrouk l’Eid ! don’t overdo the barbecue
MM
Barbecue?! If barbecue is an Eid staple, I must know and implement that immediately! Yum!
Anon
Mubarak to all. Barbecue is kind of an Eid staple for Eid-ul-Adha–emphasis on the meat!
houda
Oh yes! We cannot not eat barbecue, especially if you spend Eid at your parents’ house as is very common in my country.
Anonymous
I don’t suppose anyone has some advice along the lines of “dealing with depression in the workplace”… I’m about out of ideas, I’m working with a therapist but I’m still miserable all the time and it’s affecting my work… Basically I hate my life, and I’m always too tired to do any work and no longer interested in my job or career… I know I need to make some changes before things get any worse, I think after a certain point it (the job) will be non-recoverable, but I don’t think it’s quite there yet, although I don’t really know.. I guess I should start looking for another job but I just started this one a few months ago. I just wish there were a part-time option or something.. Maybe I just need a vacation. But I feel guilty taking vacation because my hours are so low already. I feel like I’ve tried everything, but if anyone has any advice or maybe just some words of sympathy, that would be awesome… thanks so much.
anon in chicago
so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. i’m not sure what kind of culture your workplace has, but i know there are workplaces that offer medical leave options for employees (that includes dealing w/ mental health issues).
also, have you considered talking to your therapist about medication? it’s up to you and him/her to decide if it’s right for you, but from what i understand from going to therapy, many therapists view medication as a useful tool, especially for getting out of a rut and into a place where you’re more able to confront whatever’s going on.
K
You are not the only one and I know the feeling of wishing you could just take a break for a few days. Definitely talk to your therapist about your meds. Take a mental health day (tell people you’re sick if you have to, it’s that time of year) to update your resume and think about what jobs might be a better fit for you. I recently took an afternoon off to do this and I am feeling MUCH better although I too worry that I’m going to blow this job if I don’t find something to which I’m better suited soon! Good luck!
Anon
You know, I have been there. It is not the solution for everyone, but in my case, after spending a year or so beating myself up for not being able to get my act together, I switched to a different career and was instantly happier. Sometimes, it’s you, not the job — but sometimes, really, it’s the job.
rg
I would also recommend reconsidering your therapist. Not every therapist is for everyone…and you’re probably spending a lot of money and time on him/her. If s/he isn’t helping you feel better, then maybe you need someone else. A good rule I’ve heard is that the best therapist isn’t the one who makes you feel the best leaving their office, it’s the one who challenged you the most (and possibly left you a little uncomfortable). Long term depression typically has it’s roots in long term unresolved issues. Its good to have someone help you face them…which isn’t always pleasant.
Also, if you recently changed jobs and that didn’t help, it’s probably not your job that’s causing you pain.
Personally, having used them, I’d be wary of meds that can just mask the symptoms of depression without addressing the underlying cause. I don’t believe that some people are just predisposed to depression and so need to be on a constant regimen of meds. I think they can be helpful for stabilizing mood to get you to a place where you can tackle your issues, but I’d walk away if someone tried to tell me it’s the only solution. You deserve to be, and *can be*, contented in your life.
In the meantime, I second the “mental health day” advice. You sound like you need many hugs…and remember that sometimes little joys are welcome respites also (that’s when I go buy myself flowers).
Anon for now
I’m in a similar situation. I’m happy if I can get through one day without crying.
anon for this
No time for a full reply right now, but I was where you are last year. A biglaw associate working long hours. Terribly depressed. Crying all the time. Destroying my relationship. Thinking about getting into car accidents not being such a bad thing because at least then I wouldn’t have to go to work.
What turned me around: 1) drugs. I resisted them for SUCH a long time. This was really stupid of me. I was deeply chemically imbalanced and I needed a chemical to rebalance me. I reacted well to a low dose of Welbutrin. I was on it about 13 months, went off it this past February. I did NOT like Celexa – fuzzy and hazy all the time. Awful. You may have to try several kinds to find one you like.
2) a Therapist you trust. I never really “bought’ my first therapist. She looked like a crazy cat lady to me. Unfair, but oh well. She DID stabilize me enough to be able to find another therapist though, so good for her.
3) Exercise. For real. Daily. 30 mins heavy carbio. I was not consistent about this but the natural endorphins can make a huge difference.
I am so much better now. There is a light at the end of your dark tunnel, but you have to get help to see it. ***hugs***
Anonymous
It will get better . It can be a downward spiral when you aren’t accomplishing anything because that alone makes you get down on yourself. Is there a time of day when you feel more productive? Or are there things you do to procrastinate that you can control for a time? (not surf the web?) — try to carve out a chunk of time when you can be really productive, even if it’s an hour, each day. Give yourself a concrete task. Reward yourself with something when it’s over. If you get something done, it may alleviate some of the daily stress.
Another Anon
I have been there. Dealing with depression is very hard when you’re working all the time. Try to go easy on yourself and just do the minimum at work. Schedule fun things to do on the weekend – whatever *you* think is fun; don’t worry about anyone else’s needs right now.
I don’t recommend sending out resumes right now for 2 reasons. First, you said you just started this job, so it will look bad to leave so soon and it probably isn’t primarily the job that’s upsetting you. Second, if you are depressed, you won’t be able to be your best, most enthusiastic self in interviews, so your chances of getting a new job will be better if you wait until you’re feeling a bit better.
I found cognitive behavioral therapy helpful. Most therapists I talked to weren’t into it, but I used books like “Feeling Good” by David Burns and did the exercises on my own. I also found fun forms of exercise (yoga and dance) to improve my mood, when I was able to get myself to do them.
Wellbutrin was also helpful, although I think if you try medication it’s important not to just assume that you’re fixed once you feel better. There are things – possibly past trauma haunting you, perhaps just bad habits of self-critical and perfectionistic self-talk – that are causing you to feel so down, and you want to address those issues rather than just have a quick fix. Drugs don’t necessarily work forever, even if you wanted to stay on them forever.
anon for this
Wow – you sound like me when I am not on my meds! I have a love/hate relationship with my anti-depressants, but I have to admit that for me – with a serious family history of depression and suicide – they work. I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist rather than just a therapist, because – IMHO – no amount of looking at my past issues, no matter how important that also is, can treat the chemical imbalance that some of us have.
s in Chicago
Just a quick note to say how much I LOVE Zappos for jean shopping. I did it for the first time a couple of weeks ago. After ordering a bunch and sending a bunch back (FREE shipping both ways), I got to the point where I could identify how well I would like a jean based on rise, leg opening, percentage of cotton, etc. I’m not much for online shopping, but I truly could do a better job than eyeballing in the stores with the amount of info they post. And not having to sort through a ton of piles or racks to find “my size” was fantastic. Now have three new pairs that I adore. My account was credited back for the returns super fast, too. Definitely will shop this way in the future.
Janie
I’m eating a candy cane and insanely excited about it. I want to decorate my house so bad but refuse to do so before Thanksgiving day. Anyone else excited for “the holidays”?
Celia
YES YES YES!!!!! I love candy canes soooo much! I just adore the holiday season – and that includes the endless holiday music. It’s cheesy and I love it. :)
skippy pea
Hopefully this does not get lost in the thread.
I am looking at makeup with staying power but natural. Especially formulated without paraben and other bad stuff. Any brand does a good job? I am interested in eye shadows. My lids are kinda oily.
I have seen, but not tried Jane iredale stuff. Any reviews?
Anonymous
I’m not sure about the parabens, but I love M.A.C. products. It’s pretty much the only thing that matches my skin color. Plus they have great eyeshadows, and my favorite–eyeliner is every color under the sun (like purples and greens and such).
houda
I love M.A.C. too; they have a great palette to choose from
Sarah J.
I am obsessed with bare minerals and very shocked at how long lasting it is. I got a starter kit that came with this stuff called “prime time” which is a primer. Everything is all natural, very safe, paraben free, etc. The makeup stays on for a long time even without the primer, but when I used the primer, I can tell that the makeup is still on after 8 hours.
houda
Does it stay after gym?
It is not that I put on make up to go to gym, but sometimes I go straight from work and whatever makeup is left on my face ends up looking .. um.. clownish after an intense workout..
Sarah J.
I actually dont know– I’m working full time and going to school full time, and the thing that had to give was working out…. I have sworn to myself that I’ll go to the gym over Christmas break, so I can test it out and let you know.
Makeup Junkie
Lucy Minerals has AMAZING staying power. It didn’t melt off of me even after spin class with a broken air conditioner.
UnSub
Can I just suggest that you take some kind of wipe and get the makeup off your face before your workout? Your skin will love you for it. Try the Oil Olay wipes, but any brand would be better than working out with foundation, concealer, blush, etc. on your skin.
skippy pea
Sadly none of these are anywhere near natural. Even bare escentuals.
Bonnie
I’ll second bare minerals and it is paraben free. If you’re trying to avoid parabens watch out for makeup with SPF. If you see avebenzone or oxybenzone on the ingredients list, the makeup has parabens. I found out the hardway that I’m allergic. Bare minerals has SPF but it’s a physical rather then chemical blocker.
Miriam
Have you tried Physician’s Formula? They have an organic line. I’m not too familiar with natural products, but maybe you will like that brand. Also, I suggest going to the Sephora website and checking out their natural products.
AEK
Have you tried Tarte? Sephora carries it, and it is more natural than most. I can’t vouch for the foundation, which I haven’t tried, but I’ve used eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara from that line and have no complaints.
Digby
Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion. It’s amazing. Eye makeup used to slide right off my lids, but with this stuff, well, I put my eye makeup on about 14 hours ago, and it still looks great. I sometimes don’t remove eye makeup before working out, and even after that – eye makeup looks good. Can’t adequately express my love for this product. Given how wonderful it is, I’m sure there’s nothing natural about it, but for me – to not have eye shadow and liner underneath my eyes – it’s worth it.
Makeup Junkie
If you’re looking for natural-ish makeup, try Lucy Minerals http://www.lucyminerals.com/ or Silk Naturals http://host.silknaturals.com/
skippy pea
Thanks for the recs everyone!
kz
Speaking of jeans, I found a pair I love last week–they’re the skinny flare from New York & Company. They almost look like trouser jeans. I didn’t see the exact pair on their website, but if you’re looking for jeans, try their stores–they had several different cuts that could have worked for me.
Cee
I only buy Paige brand jeans. They are pricey but they last so long and look amazing. I will only wear bootcut- no straightleg for me! I have the flatttest ass on the planet so next time I will try buying some with flap back pockets…..
M
Nordstrom Rack often carries them for about half the price. I LOVE the Paige Hidden Hills style. It’s supposed to be high waist but really is normal rise. Just high enough not to show too much when you bend over.
L from Oz
Apart from an elderly pair of Levis, all my jeans are Gardeau. Highly recommended for the short and slightly round out there – and not obscenely expensive.
associate
Hello ladies, just following up on my other post in the daily thread about flying while 28.5 weeks pregnant. I was hoping to avoid doing it, but it looks like the client still wants me to go. They just found out that I’m pregnant and would be fine if I had a physical problem and couldn’t go, but would still prefer that I go. How said is it that I won’t just refuse to go or say that I don’t feel comfortable without some legitimate medical reason? I don’t want to seem wimpy, or let my partner or the client down…but if anything bad happens, I’ll never forgive myself.
Thanks for all the input. I’m hoping there won’t be any issues, and there shouldn’t be, but I’ll still be nervous until I get back home. It’s only for 1 night, a quick turnaround. I’ll bring my rollaway and have to ask someone to help me put it in the bin (which I normally don’t like to do – would rather be self-sufficient).
Also, my husband thinks I should ask (demand) to go business class. I’m not sure how common it is at all for people on business travel to fly business class, but I’m going to ask my partner about it. We have a good relationship, but he’s a man and didn’t think that I might not be comfortable flying cross country at my stage of pregnancy. If the client won’t pay for it, maybe it can be covered w/our development account.
associate
by “said” I meant “sad,” obviously.
Anonymous
Do you have any complications in your pregnancy? If not, there is no risk to flying at 28.5 weeks–or until you are full term, for that matter. I am pregnant and I fly frequently. Have you talked to a doctor about this?
That said, it sounds like you feel very, very strongly about this and very uncomfortable. I wonder whether your not wanting to go on this trip, and not feeling like you can say no, is really about the pregnancy, or about something else. I especially wonder this because you seem willing to go business class. Think about what’s really going on for you.
If you feel strongly about flying business class, I recommend you pay for it yourself or use miles. I am not trying to be harsh–I see you are concerned–but the last thing you want is to seem like a prima donna. Pregnancy is hard enough, and you need to save up your capital for when you have a kid or when you are exhausted and can’t stay that extra long night. If you tell your boss you don’t want to fly and then demand to go in business class, he will think “this is about her comfort, not her safety. Business class is no safer than coach.” I just don’t think this is the accommodation I would ask for when you may be needing to ask for a lot more accommodations in the near future.
associate
No complications, but I have a doctor’s appointment early next week and will ask about it. It’s probably completely fine – just more of a “what if” to me, you just never know what can or will happen.
It’s just about the pregnancy – nothing else. Normally, I would have no issues with traveling. True that business class would not be any safer, but seemed like a reasonable accomodation when asking someone to fly cross country in their 3rd trimester? Just to have more room to move around and not be stuck in a regular sized seat (being bigger, more physically uncomfortable and needing to move around more and all). I won’t demand to fly business class, but ask if it is reasonable/possible. Thanks for the input, it’s something to think about.
Anonymous
I guess my hesitation is that actually purchasing a business class ticket is not cheap. For example, to fly from NY to LAX costs $500 round trip or so in coach, but it costs $2500 or so in business class, more if it is on short notice. I would feel awkward asking my partner to shell that out for me. That’s like them giving me an extra week of fully paid maternity leave–and I would much rather have the leave. So I think of it in terms of what capital I have and what I want to use it on.
That said, flying is not comfortable when PG, and I use my miles to upgrade when I can. The truth is that it still sucks, but at least in business class they will pamper you if you are showing. One more thing to think of is that you may be able to get the airline people to upgrade you at the gate for free. Sometimes a female gate attendant can be especially sympathetic . . .
Anon for this
I’m really sorry, but you’d sound like a prima donna. I’m getting a negative vibe just reading the post. Your husband sounds well-meaning, but If an associate informed me she’d only travel in Business Class, I’d have a hard time not laughing — unless you’ve earned the “right” to travel in that manner by your previous work or status in the firm. And EVERYONE in the firm would know about it and likely resent you.
Plenty of very tall, very overweight people fly across the country without insisting on special favors. And unfortunately you ARE putting your partner out if you don’t go. Make the decision that’s right for you, but please remember that it’s not all about you.
I truly wish you the best.
Anonymous
Also true about everyone knowing. As a pregnant associate, I already have gotten disparaging comments from male co-workers about getting to take maternity leave, which in their mind is some sort of vacation. I hate to break it to you, but there are some real douchebags out there who think that maternity leave and any flexibility in scheduling for parents is a special perq that is unfairly given out to parents. They don’t understand that these benefits are the necessary cost of advancing parents in the workplace. Do you really want those people talking smack about how you get to fly business class because you complained about being uncomfortable? What about the fat associates? Do they get to flu business class too?
Don’t already start making all kinds of demands. Call as little attention to your pregnancy as possible. Do everything you can to be a normal worker like everyone else. Believe me, there is already plenty of reason for people to resent you, unf0rtunately. Don’t make it worse.
D
Agree. Am having a hard time with this post. But then again, I was one of those lawyers who just pretended I wasn’t pregnant and worked my tail off through both pregnancies and hit the ground running right after returning from maternity leave. And yes, I had serious nausea and a host of other problems – mine were by no means “easy” pregnancies.
With my first, I dragged my pregnant self all over the state during and after pregnancy, sometimes pumping breastmilk as I was driving the car. It wasn’t easy, but I did it.
At 40 weeks pregnant with my second, I worked right up until delivery again,. In fact I filed a massive brief at 11:15PM and went into labor 3 hours later. 3 months later I was back at work and in a massive trial a month later. I pumped breastmilk in the bathroom on breaks during trial.
The idea of traveling at 28.5 weeks doesn’t even phase me a bit. The idea of traveling with a 3-week old across country (which I did because my husband was best man in a wedding and the choice was either to accompany him and have help with the baby or stay at home by myself). Now that was hard. Traveling with two by myself across country was also hard. Traveling pregnant? Not hard. People bend over backwards to accommodate you when you’re pregnant. Much less so after baby arrives, when you really need the extra help!
Nancy
I would go, and ask to have your own extra seat if there is one available. If there is, then you can get it. When I was summering in LA, I got to travel business class out there, but when I went back to see a friend, I traveled coach, and had to sit next to a fat guy who was belching and farting constantly. I asked the flight attendant if I could get another seat, and she took a look at the guy and didn’t even ask why. She put me in the exit row with only 1 other person and the flight was fine the rest of the way. I don’t suppose you can go there being pregnant and all, but if the guy next to you belches and farts, maybe you can get another seat like me.
DC
I agree with this. There is nothing about a normal 28.5 week pregnancy that should cause concern.
DH and I went to Ireland on vacation, tourist class, when I was 28 weeks pregnant. I talked to my doctor about it, who had no concerns – so I had none either.
I really wouldn’t treat this as anything more than business as usual in your shoes.
RR
I had twins, and I wasn’t restricted from travel until 28+ weeks. Actually, I was allowed to travel at Thanksgiving when I was around 28 weeks, but not at Christmas when I was around 32. I worked until 35 weeks (when I stopped due to the commute and real concern that I may go into labor any day) and came back after 8 weeks. I get your concern. I really do. But there is nothing inherently dangerous about flying while pregnant. Even with twins, the concern was putting myself in a situation or area of the country without quick access to a high level NICU–not flying or car travel.
ID.
To be honest its not really a reasonable accommodation, and I say that while completely understanding why you would be hesitant to fly. But an associate with a broken leg on crutches would be more comfortable in business class, an associate with the flu would be more comfortable in business class, an overweight associate would be more comfortable in business class, an associate with IBS would be more comfortable…. etc. But your fears about the baby have nothing to do with business class, that would be solely a comfort request, and thats not really reasonable. Wishing you the best though.
L
Ditto. Not meaning to disparage your feelings at all,but pregnancy can make all of us a little nuts. Sounds like your feelings about not traveling may be amplified by your pregnancy hormones – esp since it is only for one night and you haven’t said that your pregnancy has been otherwise complicated. I would suck it up and go, and NOT ask for business class (or upgrade out of your own pocket). Ditto to the above, you may need your partner to be more understanding of you when baby is actually here (eg if you have a short mat leave and need to ask for more time off if the baby is colicky/difficult/has a health issue, or if delivery was difficult) and I would not spend your goodwill capital on this.
Ann
I think it would be far easier to get a note from your doctor saying you can’t travel (very few OBs would have a problem giving you this if you truly feel this nervous) than to put a bunch of conditions on an overnight trip.
You probably don’t fully understand this yet, but you are going to be facing a lot of entrenched discriminatory attitudes about moms in the workplace the minute you return from maternity leave, and in fact are probably facing some now, whether you know it or not. Everything you do that gives the impression you can’t combine your job and motherhood – even at the pregnancy stage – is going to work against you. I speak from experience. I had never felt discriminated against in my career until I had a baby. I am nervous for you if you are going to do something at this early stage that may give your managers the idea you’re already overwhelmed with motherhood.
I also will say, I believe in the power of intuition. If you have a really bad feeling about taking the trip (more so than just nervousness), listen to your gut and don’t go. The flip side of that, and I’m sure you know this, is that in many countries around the world women walk miles, work in fields and factories, care for five or six other children, and otherwise live their normal lives up to the minute they give birth. I understand being nervous to a point, but short of entering into an old-fashioned “confinement period” in your home for these last few weeks, you just cannot avoid risks to you and your baby. The consolation should be that every day, around the world, millions of women have healthy babies and do just fine.
Best of luck to you.
EM
I be concerned about those high-rez security cameras that show an image of your body. Is it safe on the fetus?
Sorry if I missed it, but how far away is the client? Can you take a train?
Lawgirl
Sounds like you just don’t wan to go . My husband is super protective and would goad me to demand business class too ;-) . If business class will make you feel better about going, discreetly ask the secretary re: the “policy” on business class. (Some clients will pay for their lawyers to travel business class, others won’t. My company won’t). That said: Nothing wrong with being a super-cautious 1st time mom. Just understand that businesses are pretty, well, business-like, and won’t have a problem dinging you (passively aggressively or to your face) because you don’t want to travel in the 3rd trimester.
Anonymous
You can refuse those and get a pat-down.
Nancy
The fetus will NOT be affected, but if you are concerned, you can always get patted down by a TSA employee, who must be FEMALE.
Anonymous4
How can you be sure? I’ve not read anything definitive on this point, and my local airport will not *let* pregnant women go through them.
Nancy
That is what I heard. They designed these things KNOWING there would be pregnant peeple on the planes, so I hope they knew what they were doing. But then again, it is the government, and they are not the smartest bunch.
E
This is probably correct. But personally, I would not take the chance. I would not trust the TSA employees, most of whom probably have only high school educations or less, to (1) know whether it is a backscatter x-ray machine or a millimeter wave machine (I would be more concerned about the former than the latter); and (2) to operate the machine in its intended manner with all of the settings set properly. And neither of the types of machines have been in use for long enough to really know what the health consequences are. I just don’t think that the benefit to you (getting through security faster) is worth the potential risk to you and the baby. Just get to the airport with some extra time to spare and opt out.
anon - chi
I think if you are this uncomfortable about flying (which you have every right to be!) you ought to ask your doctor for a note saying you absolutely may not fly. Your partner may still be pissy that you can’t go, but it’s very different for an associate to say “my doctor won’t let me” versus “I’d prefer not to do it.”
another anon
I think that’s awful to suggest. It’s that kind of attitude that starts to hurt everyone who truly does have a medical reason not to do something. That also puts your doctor in a bad situation of basically lying for you. I wouldn’t do that to someone else–I’d rather risk people at work thinking I’m being a silly worrier, not stepping up, etc. than to resort to being scummy.
anon - chi
My understanding – and feel free to correct me if I am mistaken – that there IS a medical risk to flying in your third trimester, which is that the mother (a) is more prone to blood clots and (b) may go into premature labor, which could result in getting stuck in a NICU far from home. I thought that most doctors will not forbid a woman who is 28-29 weeks along from flying, but that there is a small risk associated with it. If these things are true, then IMHO it is not “being scummy” to ask your doctor for a note forbidding you from flying if you feel that the risk, however small, is just not worth taking for the sake of your job.
another anon
If she has a legit reason not to fly, then she would be advised against it. Seeking a note as a “pass” IS scummy.
And that’s what you’re doing if you’re asking a doctor for a note saying you “absolutely may not fly” because you are “uncomfortable” about flying.
I’m not saying she should fly if she doesn’t want to and shouldn’t inquire about safety. She should be honest about it though if it isn’t unreasonable and not put her doctor in the position of lying for her.
Anonymous
This does not follow logically. You say doctors will not forbid people from flying, then you say it’s not dishonest to ask your doctor for a note forbidding you from flying. Lawyers are members of the bar and can’t go around requesting falsified medical documents. And doctors have their own sets of oaths to take. Lying is not an acceptable option, and anyway, people at the office are not stupid. Unless she has a medical reason not to fly, she will be known as the diva who got a phony doctor’s note if she asks her doctor to forbid her from flying.
If she doesn’t feel comfortable with the risk of going into labor on the plane, then she should be honest and tell people, not ask her doctor to lie.
By the way, premature labor is the only appreciable known risk, and it’s the same as the risk of going into premature labor on the subway or when you are walking down the street. The only difference is that you would have to deliver the baby on the plane. But a first labor very rarely lasts less than six hours–average is much, much longer–so she probably would be able to get to a hospital in time.
anon - chi
Uh, how is it asking for a “falsified medical document” to ask your doctor for a note telling you not to fly? What part of that would constitute the doctor (or the lawyer) lying? The doctor isn’t saying she has a condition she doesn’t have – she actually IS pregnant. Also, FYI, some airlines will not permit women in their third trimester to board unless they have a doctor’s note okaying it precisely because there is an accepted medical risk.
I just don’t accept that allowing a pregnant woman to determine the level of risk she is willing to take, both for herself and her baby, is “scummy.” And while it’s good and fine for you to say that you would just tell the partner you are uncomfortable flying, not everyone (and especially not every lawyer) has that luxury.
Anonymous
Re: asking her doctor for a note telling her not to fly –
It is a questionable thing to do because her doctor isn’t telling her “You know, because of XYZ, I don’t think you should fly at this stage of your pregnancy. If you need a note stating this, let me know.” Instead, without her doctor having told her that there is a reason for her not to fly, she would be asking her doctor to please write her a note stating that she shouldn’t fly. Nothing in what she has told us gives us a medical reason why she shouldn’t fly – she is simply 28.5 weeks pregnant and nervous. Which is valid, but not something either requiring or motivating a physician’s note. Especially since she’d be asking for the note AFTER she spoke with the client and they said please come anyway, which would lend itself to looking like she scampered straight off to the doctor’s office afterwards to ask for a get-out-of-meeting-free note. It stinks, because she clearly doesn’t want to go. But asking for a doctor’s note won’t reflect well on her at all given the circumstances.
CC
It would not be scummy to get a note that says there is a risk associated with flying. If she is not forbidden to fly, how can you say its not a lie to request a note that says she is forbidden to fly?
“I just don’t accept that allowing a pregnant woman to determine the level of risk she is willing to take, both for herself and her baby, is “scummy.”
Of course she can is supposed to determine the risk she is willing to take, she just can’t get a doctor to lie to do that. I honestly don’t understand how you don’t see how asking a doctor for a note that says she is “forbidden” from flying, when she is not forbidden from flying, is ok and not lying. You can’t ask a doctor for a note that forbids you from working while your sick, even if medically it would be better for you not to work. If it’s not forbidden, it’s not forbidden, and the doctor shouldn’t be asked to lie and say its forbidden. I’m honestly a little shocked you don’t see it as a problem.
Anonymous
Anon-chi, I hope to God you are not a lawyer. And I hope you understand the difference between saying something is forbidden, when it clearly is not, and saying there is a small, small risk–smaller than driving on the highway in your car. The doctor could of course do the latter. The former is a lie.
Also, the OP is ONE WEEK into her third trimester. She has over three months to go before she is due. Although some airlines used to ask people not to fly in the last two months, that practice is for the most part gone, and most airlines let you fly until you are at term.
anon - chi
And I hope to God that you, Anonymous at 5:59, never need anyone to be the least bit understanding of your own medical concerns, however trivial other people perceive them to be. I really love how this board has gone from people asking for advice to people jumping all over other commenters for giving a suggestion.
I just don’t see this as a big deal, and I don’t understand how you can equate asking for a note to lying to a court. As Ann pointed out earlier in the thread, an OB is unlikely to have a problem with writing this type of note for someone who is really nervous about the risk of flying in her third trimester. If the OP’s doctor does have a problem with it, of course she will say so and that will be that. But the fact is that there is a risk, however small, and I’m not going to judge a pregnant woman for deciding she doesn’t want to take that risk. She raised the issue of not wanting to fly – I’m merely suggesting one way to get out of it if it’s that important to her.
CC
anon-chi, since I am one of the ones who responded I just wanted to clarify that in no way do I think this woman should fly if she feels uncomfortable, and I am very understanding of her medical concerns. I can’t even imagine how nervous I would be if I was pregnant I’d probably try to build a bubble around myself. But you suggested getting a note that says she is forbidden to fly, when she is not forbidden to fly. That’s asking for a false medical document. If she wants a note that says there is a risk flying pregnant, and use that as the basis to tell the partner that she won’t fly, there is nothing wrong with that. But you suggested she get a note that says she is forbidden to fly, when she is not forbidden to fly. The fact that you don’t see that as a lie is why people are reacting so strongly. If you have a sprained ankle and need to be in wheelchair for 2 weeks, it would be dishonest to ask your doctor for a note that says you broke your ankle and will need a wheelchair for 4 weeks. Everyone here is being very understanding of her medical concerns, but having a medical concern doesn’t mean you get to lie. No one is saying she doesn’t have the right to be concerned, but that doesn’t give you the right to request a doctor’s note that is a lie.
L
For the average pregnancy, there is no risk to flying. The only risk is that you go in to labor while on the plane and the normal services are not available to you. Doctors only tell you to stop flying (usually around 35 weeks) because the likelihood of your going into labor increases.
ballerina girl
CC: you’re not really making sense here, sorry. She could ask her doctor for a note saying that he/she RECOMMENDS that she not fly. That’s different from forbidding it (and I’m sorry, but since when do doctor’s actually “forbid” you from doing anything?).
I honestly can’t believe how insane this thread got since I started reading it Friday. If you feel uncomfortable flying, say so. If you feel like you need a note from your doctor (which I think is ridiculous since youre a professional and should be able to make these calls on your own) then ask for one. The doctor won’t give you one if he/she doesn’t feel comfortable doing so.
This is a serious problem–women feel like they have to sacrifice their health or take extra chances they aren’t comfortable with so that they can live up to some “man” standard. Men don’t grow babies inside of them and until they do, they can go to hell with whatever judgments they might have about how pregnant women behave.
CC
ballerina girl that’s what I was saying. She can of course get a note that says there’s a small risk and the doctor recommends not flying, anon chi was saying ask for a note that said she is forbidden to fly (when there actually is no reason for her not to fly.) I was responding to just the suggestion that you ask the doctor to lie for you.
associate
I appreciate everyone’s thoughtful advice.
After looking at the price difference w/business class, I decided it’s not something I will ask about – the difference is just huge. To clarify, I was never going to demand to fly business or only agree to go if I could fly business – I was just going to ask if it was reasonable or possible. I assure you I’m not a prima donna – I’m a workhorse and have not asked for a single thing or acted any differently since being pregnant, I’m well-regarded at my firm and have a very good relationship with this partner. I do understand the resentment over potential preferential treatment (like maternity leave, even). Part of me feels that everyone should be treated absolutely equally in the workplace, but, well…it’s not like that for many reasons.
Re: upgrades, I have never successfully asked for or received an upgrade, any suggestions?
In the original thread, there were the fearmongerers and the non-fearmongerers (both appreciated) – I’m a worrywart myself, so that’s the reason for my hesitation (i.e., if I went into labor now and was home, there’s a good chance the baby would survive, but if I were on a plane, it would not, and as small as that risk might be, it’s still a risk with very important consequences to me). But I’m too afraid of making waves, so if the doctor says it’s fine, I (and my little bebe ) will just suck it up and go. It’s a 6 hr flight in a middle seat (all that’s left) + 2 hr drive one way (for a 2 hour meeting, but that’s another story…). I do plan to ask for a pat down if they have xray machines.
By the way, I do think being overweight and being pregnant are very different things, but I’ll leave it at that!
JessC
When you get to your seat, ask the person on the aisle seat if they’d mind switching with you. Personally, I’d prefer to just take the middle seat than have to get up half a dozen times when you a pregnant lady needs to walk around or bee-line for the bathroom. If the person is totally unwilling to move (jerk) as a flight attendant if they can find someone with an aisle seat who wouldn’t mind switching with you.
CSF
This is a great suggestion, I can’t imagine someone not being willing to switch with you.
You could also ask the airline attendants when you check in if they can switch you to a more comfortable seat, many times they are willing to make last minute adjustments if necessary.
Midori
Yeah, this.
ID.
Just to clarify, of course pregnant and overweight are different, but you wanted business class because of the comfort and more room since you are larger, so in that sense there isn’t any difference if a person is the same size as you are now but overweight.
Anonymous
Ask if the person with the aisle seat would be willing to switch with you. I always, always take the aisle seat when I book my tickets, but would switch in a heartbeat to give up my aisle comfort to a pregnant woman, elderly man/woman, wounded veteran, etc. And I HAAAAATE the middle seat – but you know what? Sometimes someone else’s comfort matters more :)
cbackson
These days, it’s not very easy to get an upgrade just by asking for it – first, elite-level frquent flyers are typically entitled to upgrades if a business-class seat is available, and second, airlines now sell the upgrades, so they are much less likely to give one to you. That said, an option might be for you to pay for the upgrade at the airport if one is available – that will be a couple of hundred dollars, but *much* cheaper than buying a business class ticket.
Another Sarah
Check into buying an upgrade at the airport, to make sure it’s just a couple hundred dollars. The last few times I’ve tried to upgrade myself, they’ve wanted me to pay the upgrade fee AND the difference in price between my ticket and the b-class ticket that day. Grrr, airlines…
Anonymous
Upgrades:
It’s true that they are hard to get for free at the gate, but you *can* get special treatment sometimes if you show your belly, put your hand on your lower back, and SMILE!
You also can use miles to upgrade. If you do not have enough miles, you can buy miles or ask someone with miles to transfer them to you. On United, you need about 30,000 miles for a round trip domestic flight, and then a small co-pay. You can try to cobble together the miles from friends, etc., or see how much it costs to purchase the miles.
Finally, you can pay for an upgrade at the gate. Depending on the agent, they may charge you the ticket change fee on top of the upgrade fee, but again, show your belly and SMILE!
a lawyer
Agreed. I had to travel across country a few weeks after major surgery to be with my sister who was having radiation and chemo. I asked at the gate for a seat close to the front to allow me more time to make my close connection and explained I had recently had surgery. They had me board last and put me in first class, on an airline I rarely fly and had no frequent flier points. Smile and feel free to use the pregnancy to try to get an upgrade. I would think that they will give it to you free if seats are available.
Coach Laura
Associate, I think all of our comments are – to some extent – baseless. You said you have an OB appointment next week. Ask your doc about the general risk of flying at 28.5 weeks and his/her analysis of your specific risk (which none of us know) and his/her recommendation.
The risk to flying is more than just being in a hospital far away. I didn’t take the time to do the research but my sister is 25-year Level III NICU nurse and what she’s said is that pre-term labors can be very short. Someone mentioned that you would have time to get to the hospital…that’s not guaranteed. Sure, some risks are one-in-a-million but your bebe is irreplaceable, a one-in-a-trillion and you may not want to take the risks.
I understand about face-time and the value of a face-to-face meeting but flying six hours and driving tw0 there and back seems a bit much for a junior associate. But you must valued to have them want you there!
Good luck either way!
anon
Exactly. I said this last time, but even in a healthy pregnancy, there is always the chance of preterm labor. The real worry is being stuck halfway across the country from your partner/family, while your premature baby is in a NICU and can’t leave.
I can’t believe the attitude of some women on here, of “I did it so you should too.” Let’s try to be more supportive. Just because you were comfortable taking that risk, doesn’t mean someone else should have to.
Anonymous
I think we ARE being supportive.
I don’t think anyone on here is saying that, if OP isn’t comfortable taking the risk (however small), she should still go. If she doesn’t want to go, she has every right to take that stand. I just don’t think she can hide behind a falsified “My doctor won’t let me fly” position when it simply isn’t true. There is nothing wrong with being 28.5 weeks pregnant and being concerned about a cross country flight and too nervous to go for it. Nothing. There is a whole lot wrong with telling your doctor you want a note saying you can’t fly, or with suggesting that being pregnant entitles you to a business class seat.
Nancy
You should ask to find out who is sitting next to you, and make sure they are NOT fat.
Accountress
“You should ask to find out who is sitting next to you, and make sure they are NOT fat.”
Based on what, their name?
Not That Kat
I flew up to 35 weeks and had no problems, but I realize it depends on your situation and your feelings about the trip. I do second asking at check-in and/or the gate about a seat change. There are usually more seats available than show up when you book the ticket. I usually had good luck requesting a bulkhead seat, which gives you some extra leg room (for moving around and avoiding blood clots) and ensures that you won’t have someone else’s seat back on top of your belly if they recline. This is one place I never hesitated to play the pregnancy card.
AN
By the way, I recall that my boss once allowed a 30week preg woman to fly biz class (3 hr flight) – that was her travel condition. But it wasn’t the US and not Biglaw either!!
JCC
I just had a baby and flew multiple times while pregnant (last flight I was in the early 30 weeks, just like you), and I really think it’s ridiculous to expect an upgrade just because you’re pregnant.
Liz
Actually, I’m still with you on the boot cut jeans. They really do look flattering on just about anyone.
S
I get jeans second hand. They wear out so fast and change size that it isn’t worth it to me to pay much for them. I get nice designer ones for $20 or under usually.
Nancy
I would not wear jeans that another woman wore. She could stretch them out in all the wrong places. I have my own saddle bags to cope with. I don’t need someone elses!
S
I have Fresh Minerals eye shadow from the drug store that stays on.
S
Ladies! Based off of a recent post about the need to decorate one’s office in a timely enough fashion in a new job, I put up a series of Nikki McClure prints today and got a bunch of compliments. They are made in Pacific Northwest but sold online. Office appropriate (most not all) but some color, peaceful, and thoughtfulness with touch of elegance. Happy with them!
cardiganista
Looking for input from more experienced corporettes…
Would this embellished button front shirt from J. Crew be appropriate with a suit for the office?
http://www.jcrew.com/womens_feature/NewArrivals/shirts/PRDOVR~33933/33933.jsp
It looks like it might be a great fun item to incorporate a little tiny bit of sparkle…but maybe not.
(On a sidenote – now that I have a biglaw summer job…it is so hard to stop myself from spending money I haven’t made yet! I’m using the…”but I’ll wear it to work” excuse…but that only flies so far.)
Celia
Definitely depends on your office. If it looks nice buttoned all the way up under a suit jacket, I say go for it – then bring out the sparkle at happy hour! The office I summered at was a BigLaw office, but dress code was business casual. Even there, though, the only day I would have tried would have been a Friday, which was more casual than the rest of the week. My concern isn’t so much that it has a little bit of sparkle – it’s that I think the rocks are (while really pretty) a little bit too “young” – it looks more playful and college-y than business-chic to me. But that’s just my two cents – it’s a really cute find!
anon - chi
This shirt would be fine at my office.
I totally sympathize on finding that it’s hard to stop spending money you haven’t made once you’ve scored your biglaw gig. I would decide up front how much money you think is reasonable to spend on your work wardrobe (especially given how short the summer really is) and then don’t go over that amount. It’s easy to blow through those paychecks but you’ll really thank yourself later if you can sock most of it away to cut down on borrowing in your next year of law school.
cardiganista
Thanks for the thoughts on the shirt to both – I like the idea, but ya, not quite sure it could fly all day at the office. As far as I know, it seems like the office dress code is business formal (?) – suits most of the time.
And thanks for the advice – I really will have to budget this summer, because I’ll also be facing reduced bursary funding at my school when I return, since my summer income will be way higher than it normally is.
Anon3L
I’m a 3L trying to pick classes for my last semester. I want to work in corporate restructuring. I’m already doing a directed study, so I have to pick a 3 hour class. My options are corporate tax, banking, corporate finance, or a “business strategy” class (first time it’s being taught, professor is my directed study professor but a bit out there, no telling what that class will end up like. And the final is the very last day of finals.) Also taking accounting for lawyers and a fluff seminar type class. I can take this class pass/fail, so difficulty isn’t important but I want something interesting. Suggestions?
Anon for this one
Take corporate tax, or finance if you want to do restructuring work. Don’t discount the strategy class, though. I often tell newer lawyers that being technically competent is only part of the job, so the tax will aid in competency, as will the finance, but the strategy may give you insight into the business objectives, which may ultimately make you more valuable if ‘get it’ – you be a problem solver versus a scribe…..
Notinlaw
Not a lawyer. Corporate restructurings are part of my job. Take the tax (there are often tax implications to decisions) or finance class (so that you understand basic finance terms). I think that you’ll find them useful to better understand the business people.
Coach Laura
Unless your undergrad degree is in finance or tax, I’d suggest one of those.
Nancy
I would go with the tax course. My BF is a tax attorney, and he is very satisfied with his job. He also is a CPA, so I do not expect him to do anything that is unsteady. If you can get a job at a CPA firm, you will be very well off. That is why I am thinking of marrying him, if he asks me.
stc
Troll!!!!
Anon for this
Golddigger. That’s a sign the economy is turning around. Rejoice!
Ru
LOL!
Anonymous
And the best thing to do is not feed them.
Ellen
Hi, I was wondering if anyone knows if Bloomingsdale’s will accept a 20% coupon from Macys? I have coupon from my sister and she said it will work, but I don’t think so. Does anyone know if this is true? I want to buy a pair of jeans there and the 20% would be good? I don’t want to be embarased at the cash registir.
Louise
You could call Bloomies anonymously and ask them. No embarrassment necessary!
Lana Lang
Dear fellow Corporettes – I could do with some perspective.
I am about to qualify as a lawyer in London and I’m applying for a job in my firm. I really want to work in department A, but The Fear has caught up with me, so I am also applying for department B. Following a conversation with the Head of A yesterday, I am massively freaking out as there is only one job and apparently a lot of people want it. He has said that everyone is so good that it will all come down to the interview and who aces it.
I’m not terrible at interviews by any means, but interviewing internally is a whole different kettle of fish than interviewing somewhere where nobody knows you. I am worried that trying to sell myself could easily come across as arrogance, and this could cost me the job. In fact it was highlighted that generally people don’t get the job because they are either not confident enough or are too confident!
Any tips on how to get through this would be much appreciated!
Nancy
I would be very direct and tell them that you want to work in Department A. The Brits generally appreciate a person with conviction, as opposed to being unassertive. I remember my cousin took a semester at Leeds, and she was virtually revered for not being diminutive. She wound up marrying a Brit, and he moved here. He clearly does not wear the pants in that family.
BC gal
Having a mini-emergency and seeking your learned input…
I have a trial starting Monday in British Columbia Supreme Court but no longer fit my morning pants (haven’t worn them since before my pregnancy — eek!). Is it appropriate to wear regular black slacks with my robes, or am I going to have to beg a pair of grey ones off a barrister friend?
Please help!
Nancy
I am NOT familiar with that court, but you should ALWAYS wear something that everyone else does. In this case, I would borrow a pair of grey slacks.
You do NOT want to stand out in court based on your wardrobe. If you want to make an impression, do it with your oral arguments, not with your clothing. The last thing you need is to be frumpy. Everyone will be looking at your pants and not hearing what you say.
KR
This is what I love about wearing robes in court in Canada – it’s pretty hard to stand out because of your clothes (in trial at least) since all you notice are the big robes! It’s pretty great! (Of course they are terribly hot so it’s not all good…)
v
Seriously, I wish we wore those in the United States. It would short circuit so much stress!
Callie
I can’t speak for BC, but that is totally acceptable and even the norm for Ontario. I see the grey ones about, but I would say that most lawyers wear black pants/skirt under their robes.
KR
I practice in BC. It is absolutely acceptable to wear regular black pants. Many many counsel (myself included) don’t even own the custom made pants, but instead just buy the robes, vest, shirts and tabs and wear plain black pants & skirts. TOTALLY ok.
BC gal
Thanks, guys! Very reassuring.
michelle
Can someone recommend a nice pair of black leather boots with a comfortable 2-3 inch heel which are classy, elegant, sexy, and likely to last for a long time? I am also a big fan of boots with interesting little details which help to set them apart.
Nancy
I think Lord & Taylor might have Enzo Antoni on clearance for $290. They are in dark brown however. If you can get a coupon, that will make it 20% less, and if you don’t, some of the cashiers will be nice and swipe theirs for you.
CC
Nancy, your an enigma to me. Trolling in some comments, giving actual advice in others.
Cat
ha, CC, I was just thinking the same thing (although that sounds like a lot for Enzo, so this may be another troll anyway!)
michelle
I forgot to mention that the boots should be knee high and work appropriate for a business casual environment. I am looking in the $100 to $300 price range. Thanks!
Elysian
I wonder if there are a pair of knee high boots anywhere that are appropriate for a business environment…
cbackson
Goodness, they’re super-common in my (biglaw) office.
michelle
Well sure, why not? Lots of the powerful female lawyers I know wear them. I think it really depends on what area you live in and the type of office environment you work in.
By the way, I am leaning toward this lovely pair of Franco Sarto Trophy boots. Thanks to all for the recommendations.
ballerina girl
Depends on the office…as always. I think you only wear them if enough people are wearing them at your office. There are one or two rogue women in my office wearing knee high boots and there’s definitely whispering about it.
cardiganista
I don’t own these boots personally but do own many Sofft brand shoes and they are very comfortable and stable, as well as being well-made of nice leather IMO.
These are on sale at the moment: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3143702?origin=keywordsearch&resultback=2800
But they have many other styles in the 200$ ish range.
zee
http://www.naturalizer.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?p=EC0224311&pg=3007541 have these – 12+ hours of wear and no foot pain – highly recommended.
Bonnie
Sitting in business class is not going to decrease the risk of preterm labor.
Seasonal Shopper
Once again, I am looking for thinish layering turtlenecks, not boxy cut, and long so tummy doesn’t show and for tucking? Does anyone know who is selling these now? I didn’t see any at Kohl’s, the ones at Target are short and boxy, and the ones at Gap are getting bad reviews.
Not That Kat
I just (last week) bought some thin Merona turtlenecks at Target for layering, and didn’t find them short or boxy. They fit closely and were actually long enough that I found myself wishing they were a little shorter. Mine come down well over my hips. Maybe they have more than one style? I do have one from the Gap, from last year, and find the seams itchy so I wouldn’t recommend them based on my limited experience. Sorry, no other suggestions so I guess I’m not very helpful!
Seasonal Shopper
Thank you. This was very helpful. I will check online for more styles.
m
I second looking for others at Target. I just got a REALLY great tissue weight one that is super soft, isn’t at all boxy, and is fairly long. I’m planning to get other colors now.
G
I have some from H&M that are great basics- nice and long, lots of color choices, and made of a slightly stretchy matte jersey. I bought mine several years ago in Helsinki, but I think they are available at all their stores each year.
i'm nobody
have you tried Petit Bateau?
M
jcrew has some great ones. they’re often on sale too.
Coach Laura
Does anyone know if the white tissue t-neck at JCrew is see-through?
E
I just got a black one, and based on how thin the black one is, I would be very surprised if the white one is not see through. They are quite see through. I haven’t worn mine yet, but even for the black I am thinking I will either need to wear something over it or wear a cami under.
Coach Laura
Thank you. Very helpful.
kng
the jcrew ones are currently on sale. they were 19.99 in the 5th ave/flat iron store and then an extra 30% off on saturday. I got them for 14 bucks a pop, they also have another great t-neck right now: the woolly ribbed turtleneck i bought it in black and olive, its very slim fit and perfect for layering after the sale discounts it cost 28 dollars.
i'm nobody
it is very much see-through.
L
I just got some tissue turtlenecks from jcrew – not boxy and longish (I am 5.8 and they fit well, long enough for me).
divaliscious11
If you are near a large city, Zara has some great ones…
SS
I just ordered and recieved the modal version from Land’s End (the style is marked as “modern fit”) and while I wish I’d gone a size down (since I only intend to wear it under sweaters), I’m quite pleased with it for $15.
Anon
Seconding. I don’t have the turtlenecks, but I have several of the v-necks of the same cut, and they fit very nicely – not boxy at all.
ST
Do any of you fabulous Corporettes have any advice for Holiday decorations at the office? I would love to hear some guidelines on the topic.
lawyerette
For your personal office, or the whole office? Definitely depends on your office and your field of work, but in biglaw I’d say for your personal office I would do nothing, or something very very small and very non-religious. One cool way to do it is displaying holiday cards you get from your clients.
Res Ipsa
Agreed that it should be small and unobtrusive. I’d recommend a poinsettia–you can get them in lots of different colors and sizes.
Another Anon
Google “Giant Microbes.” The Christmas decoration set is a hoot. Seriously considering that for the office.
Another Anon
Another good sign, Ladies: Recruiters are calling again! They’re aggressive, those people…
divaliscious11
Agreed.