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Weekend Open Thread

wanted travel bootsSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

This style of boot used to be one of my favorites to wear with jeans on the weekends. In fact, I had *three pairs* of really nice boots like this — two from Cole Haan (black and brown), and one black from Frye — and none of them fit my foot this season. (Do I have the Wonders of Aging to thank for this? Joy.) In any event, I was perusing the Piperlime sale today and this boot caught my eye — it ranks high on comfort, comes in black and brown, and it's on sale for $30? Score. Wanted Travel Boots

352 Comments

  1. Not to be creepy, but I’m wondering about the poster who was going through a divorce – I think her name was cbackson – and hasn’t posted in a while. cbackson, if you’re out there, I hope you’re doing ok!

    1. Sweet of you to be concerned. I noticed that she posted on something unrelated a few days ago, so there’s that. But yes, cbackson, my thoughts are still with you too.

      1. Oh my gosh. Thank you both so much for asking.

        I’m doing as well as I think can be expected. There was a poster here who told me that “you’ll start to feel better sooner than you would expect” and that has been true, although it’s definitely not a linear experience. It’s still up and down week-by-week.

        Everyone at my office has been incredibly supportive and kind (so biglaw is not necessarily a completely heartless place!), and I’ve managed not to take a career hit over this – I was worried about that, because I love my job and I was just so torn up and distracted and emotionally, if not physically, absent. But somehow I’ve managed to come through okay on that front (and am actually getting a raise soon, to my shock!).

        Thanks again for your concern – everyone here has been so helpful (and so much of the advice folks have given has ended up being absolutely spot-on).

        3. So glad to hear this and I’m especially glad you have a good support network. Divorce is such a terrible thing to go through and it would be awful to go through it without friends. I hope things continue to get better!

        4. Hi cbackson, I am happy to hear it’s going reasonably well – actually sounds pretty good, all things considered – a raise is a pretty good event along the way. Like Eponine, I was there for your OP and had been wondering how you were doing. Stay strong and positive and know *we* are here for you.

          Hugs,

          Suze

  2. I need some new running shoes. Suggestions? They are mostly going to be used on streets or maintained paths and in the gym, but might see an occasional dirt path (rocks and tree roots, but nothing major).

    1. If you can, go to a running specialty store and try a lot of shoes on. We all have different feet/arches/alignment, and specialty store staff really know what they are doing. She made me walk and jog around the store while she crouched low and watched my feet move. My running shoes are Brooks, a brand I had never heard of before I went to the store, but they are right for my feet.

      1. I second this. I’m an Asics person and my sister wears Brooks. It’s a matter of what your foot needs. Once you get fitted, etc, you can shop online for shoes of the same model to replace your old ones, but it’s really important to get the right shoes. My physical therapist said that I would have avoided a knee injury I got if I had been wearing the right shoes. Remember to replace them every 300-500 miles.

    2. I think you should go to a running store and get a professional opinion
      I did that a couple of years ago and it made a difference in how much I ran since I was much more comfortable
      Plus, they were the same price as Zappos, so when I needed to replace them I went back to the store

    3. I used to run in the Nike Air Pegasus, which I still think is a nice running shoe if you don’t need any support for over-pronation (rolling in), and it’s fairly reasonably priced (maybe around $85, although could have gone up since I last purchased). Then I worked in the shoe section of a sporting goods store, and I learned a lot more about shoes and tried on tons of stuff that the store carried. I got my first pair of Brooks for free from a sales competition, and now I am hooked (on my second pair of Infinitis, and I have their trail shoe, but have also liked previous models of the Glycerine). I think they are really well-made and good shoes. I usually get mine from Zappos, since I know what I want and it can be hard to find multiple Brooks models in stores.

      Like SF Bay Associate says, go to a running store and get someone to look at your feet so you know how much stability control you need. If you are in a shoe with too much or too little stability, you can hurt yourself. The shoes you get should be comfortable when you run around the store, no break in period.

    4. if you know what shoe you’re interested in – I saw a lot of name brands at Marshalls last time I was there for around $25-$30.

    5. I’ll chime in and agree-Go to a running store. If by some odd chance you happen to be in D.C., I’ve had a lot of luck with City Sports in Chinatown. I got a pair of Nikes from them a while back and recently added a pair of Nike Frees because I was looking to try out the whole barefoot running trend.

      1. Oh, and I should add, I realize City Sports isn’t really a “running store” per se, but I’m not a super hardcore runner, so their selection worked for me. (And I was very pleasantly surprised by how knowledgeable the associate I worked with was.) If you’re going to be running a ton, I’m sure one of the stores that exclusively sells running shoes would have a better selection.

        1. If she does happen to be in DC, she could also try Fleet Feet on Columbia Rd. in Adams Morgan.

    6. I had a pair of Adidas Supernovas that I was sad to see go – they were incredibly comfortable, to the point that I preferred them over all other shoes, though I clearly could not wear them in all situations. :) Ascis also makes fantastic, supportive running shoes.

      Finding a good running shoe store is a good idea, since these sales people are runners themselves, understand how different types of feet function, and know which shoes provide the best support for those feet!

      1. Roadrunner Sports (stores and on-line) has lots of foot diagnostic info on line if you want to read about over- and under- pronation yourself …also they have shoe reviews, as does the running magazine ( “Runners World”)..magazine is fairly hard core but interesting and motivational.

  3. Has anyone tried Lands End Canvas skinny jeans or cords? They have some great sale prices, but I’m not sure what size to order. (http://canvas.landsend.com/ix/canvas/Canvas/Sale/Women/Bottoms/index.html?seq=1~2~3~4~5&catNumbers=2198~2471~2508~2511&visible=1~1~1~1~1&store=le&sort=Recommended&pageSize=12&tab=17).

    FWIW, I’m a size 10 in most J.Crew/Banana Republic type lines, and if I’m ordering from Lands End regular line or similar I usually go down to an 8.

    1. I have had to size down with Canvas. Haven’t tried the jeans/cords, but everything else I tried (tees & dresses) has run large.
      PS: If you have a Sears near you, you can also order both sizes and return one to the store.

    2. If you are near a Sears, I encourage you to go there and try things on, because Lands End has become pretty inconsistent with sizing these past few years. :( I have two identical pairs of their exercise pants marked L; one fits fine, and the other falls off my hips. When I’ve tried stuff on at Sears, I’ve run into issues like can’t-zip-up-the-12 in jeans cut A vs 12-fits-perfectly-except-an-inch-too-small-in-the-waist in jeans cut B vs 14-is-way-too-big in jeans cut B.

      I’m disappointed in Lands End’s decline in general. Their sizing used to run consistently (this was one of their selling points), and their shipping was overall efficient enough so that it was worthwhile (to me) to buy two sizes and send the nonfitting one back, or return it to Sears. But now, eh. Which is a shame because I like the clothes.

    3. It seems that Canvas has been staying with similar sizing to Lands End, so I’d go with your Lands End size. Also – read the comments (if there are any), which might be additional help with fit issues.

      Good luck with them – I haven’t gotten any of the pants to work for me – mostly because I need a 34″ inseam, which doesn’t seem to be an option yet with the Canvas line.

      As for trying them on in Sears – is Sears even carrying any Canvas line items? I have noticed some of the Canvas line items on the Back Rack at a few of the Lands End Inlets, but my impression is that they were trying that in select stores.

      1. I think most Sears stores are taking Canvas returns only and not carrying the line. You can look on the Canvas part of the website though for a list of select stores that do carry it (you search based on zip code — the one carrying it closest to my zip code was like 500 miles away or something).

        I’ve really been liking the quality of the Canvas brand in general, though agree that it does run a bit larger than j.crew, BR, etc.

    4. I have the skinny cords. They’re a bit big, and there’s no size down for me (wish they had petites, frankly), but they are extremely comfortable and soft. Apart from being big in the waist, the fit is pretty great – they look good tucked into boots and with flats.

      Also, not that this is relevant to your question, I bought a pair of the Canvas men’s straight cords for my SO, and they are wonderful in every way. Soft, durable, great fit.

      I realized that all I ever post on here is about Canvas stuff (it’s the only thing I can speak to with any authority, I suppose!). But I’m no brand rep or anything like that. Just a fan.

    5. I also sized down; I’m usually a 4 at JCrew/BR/Gap although those are not snug; the 27/2 Land’s End Canvas skinny (“slim-leg,” not “super-slim”) jeans and cords fit well. I’m also really a fan of the Canvas line, I have the jeans, two pairs of the cords and a pair of the skinny black jeans on the way. Try code “heritage” and pin “2675” for free shipping (I’ve used it multiple times so I think it should work.)

    6. I have a pair of skinny LE canvas jeans from the summer. With tops…I definitely need to size down from my normal J. Crew size even with LE Canvas (i.e. small not medium) but with the jeans I stuck with my normal jeans size for these and it worked. They have a little bit of waist gaping but the legs/hips are the right size. Definitely LE regular is a bit bigger than LE canvas I think.

  4. Eyeliner advice needed. I have been using Smashbox cream eyeliners and, although I really like the colors and have gotten pretty good at applying them with an eyeliner brush in the shape I like, they tend to rub off of my eyelids by the end of the day. I’ve tried adding a primer basecoat, and it doesn’t help. What should I be looking for to get a longer-lasting liner in terms of formulations and brands? I’m a little scared of trying a liquid liner.

      1. +1 on Bobbi. The only thing is that the pot dries out in the air, so it’s good to minimize the time the jar is open. Following a tip from a BB salesperson, I use a flat synthetic eyeliner brush to grab the amount of product I’ll need that day, close the jar, and then use a fine tip eyeliner brush to pull the liner from the flat brush and apply. It sounds complicated, but it’s really easy. I wear it every day, and it never budges or flakes, and it takes about 5 months to go through a whole jar. Love it!

        1. MAC’s version is pretty similar (long wearing, doesn’t budge, great neutrals and colors) and a little cheaper.

          1. I love MAC for all my make up as it matches my skin tone, but I always get an eyeliner from l’Oreal or Maybelline (cheaper) because I know I would change it after 3 months.
            I have an eyeliner from l’oreal that holds up well even for gym.
            You might want to try few of the cheaper versions until you find a good one.

      2. Second this. I use Bobbi brown pencil eyeliners and they are great too. No smudges and last all day.

    2. Laura Mercier’s liquid liner applied with a flat brush works well for me. It stays until I wash it off and can be blended right into the lash line if you want to look less made up but still have definition.

      1. Lately I’ve noticed that if I put a coat of eyeshadow on top of my liner, it stays ALL day. I just get my smudge-brush filled with eyeshadow and use that when I “smudge” my pencil liner. And I’m only using MAC pencils.

        1. I’m clearly still learning how to do the eye shadow thing. I’m supposed to be smudging it? Is there a separate brush for this? Right now, I just use the one brush on the top lash line to create a nice line that widens toward the edge of the eye and then ends with a slight curve. It’s a finished look that I think suits me, but it isn’t blended so to speak. I put it on over my eyeshadow, or without eyeshadow.

          1. You’re not “supposed” to be smudging it but some people like to.

            You can get a free 15-minute makeup application lesson at Sephora, and most beauty counters at department stores will do this too (Sephora is better IMO b/c they will show you products across different brands). If you want to get better at makeup application you should try this.

        2. I will have to try that! I picked up an aubergine pencil eyeliner at the counter not too long ago …

      1. I co-sign the Urban Decay primer – it’s an effective base. It comes in a frustratingly inefficient container, however, but that’s neither here nor there.

        1. Oh, Sephora has the “professional makeup artist” packaging now for Urban Decay Primer Potion (for eyes) and you can buy it in a big tube (like a toothpaste tube) for $23. I used to buy the packaging with the tube and wand for $18 and figure it’s a much better bargain to buy the squeeze tube. I couldn’t find it online but it is exactly like the complexion primer potion I’m linking here(http://sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P241800&categoryId=B70).

    4. I use the Bobbi Brown eyeliner brush (the regular, not the ultra fine) with a dark Bobbi Brown EYESHADOW (like “Mink”). You get the brush wet, run it through the eyeshadow, and apply. This technique will get you through the day (and night) without budging or smearing. You also don’t have to worry about the eyeliner drying out (as you do with the gel eyeliner) because it starts out this way. The only drawback is that once you get the eyeshadow wet, it can’t be used as an eyeshadow (it changes the texture), but this isn’t a problem for me because the dark colors I use as liner I wouldn’t wear as shadow in the first place. I’m sure you can try different brands, but I’ve done this with Bobbi Brown eyeshadows for over a decade.

    5. I’ve had really good results with the urban decay make-up setting spray that they came out w/. I use smashbox’s cream eyeliner, too. I just close my eyes and mist, and it seems to do the trick.

    7. I like the Clinique eyeliners. They are not liquid, but they stay all day, have a “smudgy” end to feather properly, and they carry a few excellent colors for green-eyed girls, including a soft pinky brown and a purply-eggplant!

      1. Second this! These are the only ones I use, and the “violet” color is perfect for making my greenish-grey eyes look greener.

  5. Looking for advice/recommendations! I am short (5′ 1″), fairly thin, and work in an office where even most of the women are 5′ 9″ and taller (and short ones are all wide). To top it off, I’m the youngest person on my floor by five years or more, and being short makes me seem even younger. I’m wondering if there’s any way to give the impression that I’m bigger than I am. I was at a corporate training event where the trainer suggested lifting your ribcage like a ballet dancer to give the impression of being taller, but I had no idea what he meant. Other than wearing tall heels (done), does anyone have any suggestions for looking taller and/or more commanding?

    1. I would recommend developing great posture if you haven’t already. Always sit erect in meetings, and you will give the impression of being taller. Also, rather than wearing really high heels (which will just look like you’re trying too hard), I would dress in a way that makes you look more authoritative – blazers, suits, nice jewelry, etc.

    2. I have heard having good posture described that way. What works for me is grabbing my hair like I was putting it in a ponytail and lifting, while breathing in. Your chest goes out and back goes straight, and the bottom of your ribcage lifts.

      1. Wow that works! I have a very very large chest and find myself slumping over a lot at my desk as a result– this has made me more aware of my posture. I’m always looking for little tricks! Thank you!

        1. Something I picked up in pilates class is to think about moving your shoulder blades down your back to improve posture. I had always heard “shoulders back,” but thinking about pushing the blades down instead helped a lot more.

          2. A way I learned it in childhood music lessons is to hug your arms around yourself. It lifts your back up. Then put your arms/shoulders down without moving your ribcage. Your ribcage will still stay lifted up. This opens your ribs and lungs up.

            I’d also second the advice about dressing more authoritatively rather than fashionably. Focus on dressing the way older women dress, not the way you wish you could.

            Focus also on your tone of voice. There are several women in my office who are actually older than me, but sound MUCH younger. They use “like” all the time, have a high-pitched affect, and go up at the end of their sentences?

            Your goal should be that no one would guess how young you are, because you act so much older.

            (But there’s also no reason to NOT wear professional older-looking heels.)

      2. Pretend you are zipping up tight jeans (this raises your rib cage).

        Next, tuck your shoulder blades into your back pockets (figuratively, of course!)

        Finally, relax slightly. You’re all lined up!

    3. I would agree with OP that tall shoes could work against you. This is not universal of course, but if you have any trouble walking in them (like they make you teeter at all, or walk slower than others around you), it’s only going to draw attention. Also, taller shoes are generally associated with youth, so they don’t look as “serious” and “grown-up.” I would focus on posture and dressing authoritatively (lots of blazers) as suggested, and also assessing your tone of voice. Small voices sometimes come with short heights, and that can make you less commanding.

      In terms of posture, I’ve always thought of doing a deep breath in and focusing to raise my ribcage and then aligning my spine as if it were straight along a ruler — with shoulders back, not leaning forward at all. Pay attention to the position that places you in. Then lift your chin a little and practice holding the posture.

    5. A career counsellor once told me that when Iwant to appear more assertive and confident (like in a job interview) I should try to modify my body language to look bigger. She suggested moving my elbows out slightly rather than tucking them into my ribcage, angling my lower legs out from the 90 degree angle when I sit, and if I’m not wearing a skirt keeping my knees slightly apart. Basically, she said, imitate the postures that are often considered “masculine”. I don’t know if it works, but it makes me feel like I’m more confident, and hopefully that comes through.

      1. In general, I’ve been told that women appear less assertive because we don’t take up enough space. It’s not a size issue, but how you carry yourself. Think about a conference table of men and women. Women cross their legs and hold their arms in by their sides. They keep their belongings close to them. Men spread. They simply take up more space at the table with their arms and belongings. I’ve tried to consciously do this now — I take control of the space around me and make others move to suit. Not sure if it works, but I suppose it gives me a mental edge thinking I’m being more assertive by taking the space… and that’s something.

          1. I think this advice was in Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office. (Or else I read it on here sometime.) Now I think of it all the time, and make a special effort to do this. I think it works, too.

      2. That’s a trick I remember from acting class. When playing a female role, elbows in, knees close, feet together, legs tucked. When playing a male role, all the opposite. It made me more observant of body language around me, and by golly, it’s true! Men tend to “own” the space around them more than women do, on the whole. Most interesting.

        1. Watch Disney’s _Mulan_, the funny bit where she’s trying to pass herself off as a man, for a great illustration of this.

    6. A friend from my gym was surprised the other day to find out I was only 5’2 because she says I “carry” myself taller. (And I’m never wearing heels at the gym.)

      I’d recommend signing up for some posture related workout classes – yoga/pilates/ballet or bar based and asking the instructor to give you some tips for elongating your posture. Pilates has done wonders for the position of my upper body and shoulders, but it took finding the right instructor!

      1. seconded – I always thought I had good posture until I took pilates. The core strengthening and lengthening improved my posture 100%. Alas, I haven’t been in a while and am schlumping around again …

    7. At 5′ 1/2″ (on a good day) I feel your pain.

      Yoga and ballet helped me with the whole “lift your ribcage” thing, and it definintely works. Rather than throwing your shoulders back and sticking your chest out, imagine 2 strings: one going from your spine out the top of our head, another from your diaphragm and up through the middle of your chest. Then, imagine this strings being pulled up. Your chin should lift, neck elongate, and ribcage raise. It should help you develop a confident, but professional posture.

      Also, I sit foward in my chair so that my feet touch the ground. And if my feet can’t touch the ground without my lowering a chair significantly (think tall conference table) I rest my feet on the pedestal of the chair. If my feet dangle, I feel like Edith Ann.

      And invest in wearable, 3″ in heels. Sometimes that extra height gives me the UMPH I need.

    8. If you take all of the advice about the posture, you’ll probably find that while you hold the posture, your voice will be louder. The most support you have from your core and your diaphragm for your lungs makes it easier to project while putting less strain on your vocal chords. You won’t be yelling, but you won’t sound like a little flower either. :-)

    9. Good posture is important. I noticed that after I started hitting the gym (and doing Body pump) I am more conscious of how I carry myself in public.
      Wearable heels can help. If you go for high heels it might be overkill and you would come off as little girl playing dress up (happened to my colleague).
      Also you should pay attention to your hair and make up.
      I realized I always wore a high ponytail (as if going to the gym) and no make up.
      I have recently started wearing a different hairstyle and just a little bit of make up. This, combined with a wardrobe change, helped a lot.

    10. Thanks for all the advice! I’ve been sitting at home practicing some of the posture suggestions – I like the one about moving your shoulder blades down your back. I’ll also have to work on taking up more space – I always try not to “take over” other people’s spaces, so maybe I need to stop being so conscientious!

  6. What are limits of Nordstrom’s legendary return policy? I bought some jeans a couple weeks ago – a new style for me, despite my long-term love affair with Joe’s Jeans Honey fit. Despite half an hour in the dressing room with my best shopping buddy, who swore they looked fabulous, I have decided that the switch was a mistake. I hate the jeans!

    I took them on my winter holiday trip and wore them frequently, but just couldn’t get comfortable in them (the waist is too high). Halfway through the trip, the zipper broke. I was able to repair it, but now every time I wear the jeans, I have to check and make sure the zipper it working correctly (annoying!). Clearly, I have worn and hemmed the jeans – is there any way Nordstrom would take them back?

    1. They will definitely take them back if you have had them for only two weeks and the zipper broke. Even if you don’t have the receipt.

    2. I worked there in college and in training they told us about a cashier who accepted a return of an item with ‘Ann Taylor’ on the label to illustrate their point that we accept ALL returns :) If you ever go to a Nordstrom Last Chance you can see the stuff they accept as returns that has been worn for years!

      1. Where I worked in college, we were trained to emulate Nordstrom’s customer service, and were told a story where an old man returned a set of four tires to a Nordstrom. Obviously he had no receipt, and Nordstrom doesn’t sell tires, but they took them back anyway. :-)

    3. They will definitely take them back based on the broken zipper. No need to mention or ask about anything else – just say I’ve had them a few weeks and the zipper already broke.

      1. Or maybe they’ll fix the zipper properly at their expense? Then there’s no need to hem another pair of pants.

        1. Thanks for the advice, all – esp. MJ’s story about working @ Nordies. I don’t want the zipper repaired b/c I hate the jeans, and am not worried about hemming costs, as Nordstrom hemmed them gratis. Phew -will return the jeans asap, and never stray from my Honey fit again.

          (fwiw, caveat emptor w/r/t these new ‘high-waisted’ styles. Although the waistband was just an inch or so higher than my usual fit, it lands at a very strange place when I sit down, and always made me feel like I was being cut in half. Also made me nervous that I was edging into mom jean territory…)

    4. On that note, I have a pair of boots I got last season. With only limited wear in good weather, the heels are now torn to shreds. Would Nordstroms take them back? I expected them to last more than a season…

        1. When you say heels, do you mean the leather-covered or painted part of the heel, or the bottom of it? A good cobbler can usually fix either of them, but the bottom of heel can be repaired very inexpensively.

      2. Yes, they’ll definitely take them back. They really will take anything back if your complaint is about the quality of the product. If you don’t have the receipt and they can’t find a record of the purchase they might only give you an exchange or the current price of the item instead of the full price (assuming it’s gone down) but if you have a record of what you paid they’ll give you a refund or exchange. Usually when you make a purchase they store it in their computer system under your phone number.

    5. Does anyone else think this is a bit unethical? I get that the zipper broke, which is easily reparable, but you’ve had the jeans customized, which severely limits Nordstrom’s ability to recoup their loss through re-sale.

      You hating them is fine if you are returning them in the same condition you purchased them, or even with the broken zipper, but after customization, I think its wrong to return them.

      1. It’s not unethical if Nordstrom’s policy allows you to do this. They have figured out what they need to stay in business and decided they will accept these types of returns, what would be unethical about you taking advantage of that?

        1. Why would someone else want a pair of jeans with a bad zipper? The jeans were defective.

        2. Because I thinks Nordstrom’s policy is intended to allow for people to make returns in good faith.

          Not attacking the OP, just using her scenario as an example, if she liked the jeans, Nordstrom would replace the zipper, and only be eating the cost of the zipper and the service to do so. But the tone of her entire post really focuses on the fact that she thought she liked the jeans, but has since realized that she doesn’t. There isn’t anything wrong with changing your mind, but I think once you customize a pair of pants, that changes the scenario.

          As someone who uses Nordstrom tailoring when necessary, I guess in the same scenario, I’d sell them on eBay or something to that effect, not return them to the store.
          jmho

      2. No, I don’t think it’s unethical. Nordstrom’s policy clearly allows you to return an item just because you don’t like it anymore, and Nordstrom provides the free tailoring knowing that it’s possible you’ll return the item. And even if Nordstrom didn’t have a policy allowing you to return an item you don’t like anymore, the item was defective – a zipper should not break that quickly. Even a store with a less generous return policy would do a return or exchange on a defective item.

    1. I went up a half a shoe size with pregnancy. I was hoping it was temporary, but alas, it was not. I had to buy all new shoes.

      1. Crap. I have a hard enough time finding 10.5 or 11 sized shoes, nevermind something bigger. I’ll have to shop in the men’s department!

      2. Does this mean I should stop buying “investment” shoes if I plan to have children in the next couple of years?

        1. I’ve been worried about this too- for shoes and pants as well (since I’ve heard about hip spread that doesn’t go back)- and, of course, if my pants don’t work, my suits won’t either (unless I can find the same pants again, but that sounds like a challenge). Post-pregnancy Corporettes, have you found these things to be problems?

          1. I was not a skinny minny before pregnancy, and was pear shaped, but 2 years post partum I’m wearing all the same pants and shoes I wore before I got pregnant. I did need to get my ski boots punched out in the forefoot, but otherwise nothing’s changed. I know the spreading of hips and feet happens to some women, but it didn’t happen to me.

            I also got back to my prepregnancy weight within 8 weeks postpartum, mainly because I didn’t gain a ton of weight during my pregnancy and I was breast feeding.

            Now the belly pooch has taken a lot longer to take care of, but since I started barre classes I’ve noticed some improvement.

            Some women brag about this kind of stuff, and that is not my intention. I just want you to know that the horror stories are not universal.

          2. I’ve had two kids and still have the same shoe size. My feet got slightly bigger during my second pregnancy but then went back to normal. My pants fit too ( my youngest is 5 months). My stomach will never be the same though – 5 finger diastises that is really only correctable with surgery. :-(

          3. Depends on water retention many times. I had none and shoe size stayed same for which I am grateful as I take a 9 and the ladies around me have dainty size6 feet so shopping for shoes was always a pain. But each woman is different. I cannot wear anything over 2.5 inch heels post preg.

        2. My feet got wider, but not bigger. BUT it does mean that my heels from a few years ago no longer fit and aren’t comfortable. I had to get (mostly) all new shoes.

    2. I found out the hard way recently that if you lose enough weight, your feet shrink too! Not sure why that never occurred to me, but it means I had to give away my beloved La Canadiennes – they were just too big and my feet were getting blistered from sliding around in them. :-(

      1. Seconded. It’s so sad! Though now that I know about the pregnancy thing: I might keep some of my most beloved shoes around, maybe they’ll fit after I’m preggo!

      2. Yes, this happened to me. My size 10 feet went up to an 11 (and I actually had 1 pair of 12s) when I was pregnant. I had the baby and came out of the hospital 30 lbs lighter than my prepregnancy weight – I had hyperemesis the first trimester, so I lost 11 lbs instead of gaining anything, and then stayed pretty active through the rest of the pregnancy and only regained 15 lbs. So my size 10s fit again postpartum – until I lost an additional amount of weight in the past year and now I need a 9.5 instead of a 10. The difference isn’t huge but I have some nice shoes I can’t wear any more because they slide off the back of my heel. I would recommend anyone planning on getting pregnant or losing a significant amount of weight in the near future hold off on a lot of shoe-buying :)

        One thing that happened to me during pregnancy that I didn’t expect was that my ribcage expanded – I “carried high” and my son spent most of his time in my upper abdomen – and never did really go back down. I went from needing a 36 band to a 38, and then with fluctuating cup sizes due to pregnancy , breastfeeding and weight loss, I’ve been through about four sizes of bra in the last four years.

    3. Yup, I never thought I would buy size 11 shoes, but here I am. But it shouldn’t be hard for you to find shoes of that size – there should be plenty of them in the sales racks after the size 6-8s are long gone.

    4. I usually keep this on the down-low, but my foot size 9 is larger than my husband’s 8! :) And growing – joy!

    5. I went from a 9 1/2 to an 11 (!!!!!!) when pregnant with my first, and went down to a 10 afterwards.

      1. I’ve lost about 5 pounds (mostly due to stress, buy yay! anyway) and my most of my shoes are about 1/2 size too big now. What is that about?

      1. I grew an inch the year I turned 23, and my mom grew 3 inches the year after she got married (she was 23 or 24). It kind of sucked – I had to buy new clothes and get all my work pants re-hemmed.

        1. Ooh. I wish I could grow taller! Instead I’m 5’3 with size 9 feet – I was a 7.5 until I was 24 and then went up about half a size per year until stopping at a 9. They’re practically clown feet in proportion to the rest of me!

  8. Ladies, Piperlime is having a sale until 1/9 on their sale. Use code SMILE. I got 20% off my boots. No I don’t work there, I just like shopping there.

    1. Thanks. I used the code and snagged a pair of the boots. Coincidentally I was searching for some inexpensive low boots to wear on the weekends.

    2. I bought a pair too! They’ll be great for the part of my job that requires me to be out in the field, and since they’re not real leather, if they get destroyed I won’t be heartbroken.

  9. Does anyone have any experience with a skin care line called Obagi (nu-derm)? It is perscription based because it has a retin A component and you have to get it from a dermatologist, doc, etc. It is supposed to have great results, but apparently you go through a “look worse before you look better” process – possible excessive peeling, redness… Just curious before I start this as to whether it is worth it – it is expensive, which I don’t mind if there are ultimately good results!

    1. I used to spend a lot of time on the forums at essentialdayspa dot com, and they have TONS of product reviews, and I remember that there were numerous topics on Obagi, and a number of people there posted regularly about their ongoing experiences with that line. There is a lot to wade through, but for specific issues and in depth product discussions, I find it more useful than makeupalley.

    2. There are on-line stores that carry the brand. DermStore dot com and SkinStore dot com both carry those lines. I’ll bet if you did a search on Amazon you could find it too. =)

      FWIW, (1) I had a roommate who used it, and I never saw a difference in her skin, but (2) I have an aunt who has had great results combining Obagi products with more invasive procedures (microderm, chem peels, etc).

    3. I used Obagi Clear for some post-pregnancy melasma (in conjunction with some other prescription strength creams), and was pleased with the results. However, I would really recommend that you speak with a Dr or Physician’s Assistant before purchasing the products from Derm Store or some other online place so you can get the products you really need. In my case, I saw the PA in plastic surgeon’s office who (the PA, not the plastic surgeon) was recommended to me by someone, who knows someone. Even though I have a good dermatologist for general skin care, it was actually great to go into a Dr’s office where I knew that the people giving me advice really didn’t care at all that my concerns were vain. :) For some reason, I had a hard time discussing the depths of my concerns re: my brown spots with my regular derm.

      As for the “looks worse before better,” this is true. Sort of. The Obagi Clear did cause some light peeling and redness. By light peeling, I mean lots of small, dry, flakes, in a concentrated area. Nothing that you can peel off, as in a sunburn. Basically, the sides of my chin looked really dry for about a week.

      What kind of results are you trying to achieve with these products? I think they are good for targeted concerns, but IMO, there are not only better but cheaper products out there for daily/regular skin maintenance. I think Make-up Alley has some good reviews on Obagi. You might want to check them out before committing.

    4. I tried posting yesterday and it deleted my message. I used Obagi for about a week, not for acne but just generally to have a better complexion. I was told that I would experience peeling, but the peeling was so severe that I had to stop. I think if you are going to stay home for 2 weeks it’s fine to use it, but if you are interfacing with the world on a daily basis, you will look a bit freaky. And I’m not adept enough at makeup to have figured out how to cover the peeling.

      Instead, I use Retina micro about twice a week, and sometimes put a moisturizer on top. I still peel, but it’s far less than with Obagi. My derm keeps swearing about the benefits of Retina for long-term youthful skin. Hope that helps!

      1. Thanks for all the comments. I do have some post-pregnancy melasma on my forehead and also want to generally improve some of the fine lines that I am just starting to see. I may research this a little more!

  10. Thanks for the tip. I’m vegan so only wear synthetic boots, and I’m giving these a whirl.

  11. Anyone ever planned a Vegas bachelorette party or have Vegas tips in general? I’ve heard stories about people planning/getting great packages and great deals but am not quite sure where to start. We’d (bachelorette party group) will probably be going in June/July FWIW. Any insight is much appreciated!

    1. WEAR COMFY SHOES!!!

      I still flash back to doing a conference in heels. Ouch!

      Also:
      Imperial Palace is good and cheap for breakfast.
      Renting scooters is a hoot and a great way to get around.
      The helicopter tour to the Grand Canyon is pricey but worth it — the tour of the strip, not so much.
      Nothing is *really* sold out, so if you want to see a show ask your hotel’s desk to book it for you.
      I’ve never had a flight leave that airport on time. Be ready!

      Have fun!

    2. My sisters and I are also doing a Vegas trip around the same time (first time for all of us), so I’d also appreciate any advice. In particular, does it make more sense to book now (bird in hand) or wait until a few months before we go, since it seems like the discount packages are usually only valid for a few months? We’re not big gamblers, so we’ll probably be doing shows, shopping, eating, spa and a little partying.

    3. As far as booking, I’d say it’s best to book in March/April if you’re planning on going in June/July. I’ve been to Vegas several times and I think that timeframe generally provides the best deals.

      As far as specific things to do that don’t involve gambling, I cannot recommend the clubs/bars at the Palms enough. I always stay on the strip, so the last time I went was the first time I made it out to the Palms for any of the clubs and I don’t regret. We bought wristbands at the little store (to the left of the entrance to Rain) for $50 I think and they got us front-of-the-line access and entrance to all of the clubs there. Well worth it, IMHO. Ghost Bar was my favorite, but I think the reason my friends and I loved this night so much is that there was something for everyone, so this is especially good if the people in your group like different types of places.

      As far as getting around, there is a bus that goes up and down the strip that I can’t recommend highly enough. It’s something like $8/day, it stops in front of all of the casinos on the trip, and it’s well worth it. It’s a Las Vegas public bus, not one of the sightseeing buses, which I think are overpriced.

      Have fun ladies! I’ll likely be there in July, as well. It’s a great month for me to go. Even though it’s hotter there, it feels nice to beat some of the D.C. humidity for a few days!

    4. I planned a bachelorette party in Reno, so not completely the same but some similar issues I would suspect. We booked 3 rooms with 2 queen beds in each for 12 people. I had everyone chip in their share of the money in cash when we arrived and put the total amount on my credit card. I had emailed everyone who was coming what the grand total was going to be for the hotel and split it evenly among everyone except the bachelorette about a week before the trip. That part worked out nicely because it was all handled up front.

      I informed the hotel that we were there for a bachelorette party as well as the restaurant where we had dinner reservations. I don’t think the hotel did anything special, but was good about getting all 3 of our rooms together at the end of a hall. The restaurant had our table set up and ready to go when we got there and were great.

      Other than that, the bride specifically wanted to go to a strip club (wasn’t my choice but wanted to make the bride happy), so that was the only thing we planned. The bride and I had picked the place ahead of time and I called ahead. They had a great table set up for us. We ended up staying there until 5am because the bride was having such a great time. I had two other options (clubs) ready to go in case she wanted to do something else.

      Generally my advice is to call ahead to the hotel and anywhere else you are planning to go. Be up front about any itinerary you may have as well as what everyone’s expected share of the cost will be. Be flexible with your itinerary and have fun.

      Also, as a former hotel employee, you can sometimes get a better deal or at least have more of your requests fulfilled if you speak to someone personally instead of booking online. Check out deals online ahead of time so you know whether you are getting a good deal over the phone. A good attitude will go a long way as well.

      Have a great time!

    5. Go to http://www.freevegasclubpasses.com/ to get on guest lists if you want to go to clubs. Definitely bring good shoes for day and night depending on what you want to do. I would try to get some lower heels for going out and take advantage of the buses. In terms of dining and going out I would try to plan a schedule where you can eat in the same casino as the club you want to go to that night ie: eat at the Palms the night you go to Ghostbar or Moon. I did so much research and had an awesome time. Planning will definitely make the most of your trip depending on what you want to do.

    6. Like everyone has said, planning will help everything. Also, definitely follow Jen L’s advice of collecting money up front. I’ve heard horror stories of B’ette parties ending in fights and tears because some people didn’t want to/couldn’t afford to/simply refused to pay more than a certain amount.

      I planned my younger brother’s Bachelor party in Vegas — 12 guys and me. One of the best things I did was plan ahead for the dinner: I made a reservation months in advance and, because the party was so large, I got a fixed-price menu. This made it a lot easier to collect money beforehand. I also did this for a B’ette party I planned in Miami. For the Vegas bachelor party, I took the boys to N9NE at the Palms and to this day, we still talk about it — it was that good. (The other best thing I did was to get my own hotel room and put the boys in a few rooms of their own. :) )

      If you’re going the “Gentlemen’s Club” route, I’m told you get free admission to a club called Spearmint Rhino if you call them and have them come pick you up in one of their limos and drive you to their club. For my brother’s party, one of his friends had a connection at a different club, so we went there.

      If you stay at a hotel with a popular nightclub (Palms, Wynn, Encore, etc.) you can buy wristbands to the club ahead of time which will allow you to jump the line if you get there before a certain time. IMHO this is crucial — but then again, I hate waiting in lines. I did this recently with XS at the Encore and it was totally worth it.

      One of my favorite things about Vegas is the luxurious spas that are in most of the nicer hotels. I’ve been to the spa at the Venetian/Palazzo a few times and it’s fab. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to find really good deals on spa treatments — you may just have to expect to pay a pretty penny for those.

      For shows, I’d go with Cirque du Soleil: Mystere (I’ve seen a few Cirque shows and that’s my favorite). Jersey Boys is also really good. I think Garth Brooks is still at the Wynn these days, and either Celine Dion or Cher is there too? Or maybe Caeser’s Palace?

      Collecting money up front will help a lot, and so will having a plan — but don’t be afraid to deviate from your plan! Vegas can be a lot of fun. Even if you don’t love gambling, spend some time in the hotel casino — if you’re gaming, even at the quarter machines, you usually get free drinks. That helps because just about everything else in Vegas is so expensive.

      Oh, I almost forgot: don’t touch anything on the minibar in your hotel. Seriously, don’t even touch it. If you move it around and it’s off the tray for more than 30 seconds, a sensor will go off and you’ll be charged. Proceed with caution.

      Have fun!

    7. Spend time at the pool if you want to get into the clubs for free. Promoters will come up to you and give you their card and number to get you into a specific club that night, no cover and VIP line. My friends and I discovered this after our first trip–as long as there are no males in your group, you should never have to pay a cover or wait in line. Depending on the club/promoter, you can sometimes get your first couple drinks free too. Even if you plan on finding guys to buy you drinks, it’s nice to get the first few taken care of.

      Also, look up a few of the clubs you think you might go to and check their dress codes so you can pack accordingly. Unless you pay for bottle service (or make friends who did) to get a table and couches, you’ll be standing the entire time so make sure your heels are comfortable!

    8. Stay at a hotel in the middle of the strip or close to all the things you want to see/do. If you are going on a weekend, taxi lines are LONG and things are further apart than they look on a map. You can’t really walk that far on the strip – the city is set up so that to go into hotels and stuff you have to go up and down a lot of walkways, so walking takes longer than you would think by looking at a map. Plus, in June/July it is HOT and you won’t want to walk that far. I stayed at one end of the strip, and it would take us forever to get anywhere else. Bring sunblock even if you think you’ll be inside most of the day, and carry water with you. You can sign up for email alerts from a lot of hotels with upcoming deals.

  12. A friend of mine posted on FB a very interesting article that I thought some of the Corporettes out there might find interesting.

    Regrets of a Stay-at-Home Mom: http://www.salon.com/life/pinched/2011/01/05/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out/index.html

    I have no plans for kids in the foreseeable future (not engaged/married yet), but definitely appreciated hearing her perspective. I feel like being professional woman and a mother, there is no easy right-or-wrong answer as to staying home or going back to work.

    1. Terrific article, but be sure to put your computer on mute before you click the link in case you get the same loud ad that I did.

      1. Thanks for sharing this. I know a lot of ladies who “opted out” when times were good and their husbands had good jobs, they had valuable real estate, etc. Almost all of them are pretty regretful now – their financial situations are totally different, and they can’t get a job. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer whether or not to stay home. I do think making a choice to stay home without keeping a thought, in the back of your mind, that you might suddenly and unexpectedly have to support yourself, is pretty naive. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and as time goes on a decent percentage of them end in widowhood. There’s a pretty good chance any mom staying home will have to support herself at some point. Not a good idea to walk away from something that will allow you to pay the bills if the husband runs off or drops dead. I think if someone does want to stay home for a bit, the safest course of action is to make that at-home period as brief as possible, and incorporate activities that will look like professional experience when it’s time to go back.

    2. Great article (and, yes, annoying loud ad). A lot of food for thought for women with or planning to have children. I am in my second trimester with my first child and plan to return to work in Biglaw after a 6-month maternity leave. I worry about missing out on special moments in my kid’s childhood but still think it’s the right choice for me, including for some of the reasons outlined in the article.

      1. Anon2, if you don’t mind my asking, how did you decide on a 6month period? I’m trying to decide how many months to take: minimum about 3.5 (paid+partly paid+vacation time) and max 6 months (including unpaid).

        1. I believe she is just staying the standard 6 month paid maternity leave that Big Law offers – that will make the decision fairly easy for me as well!

          1. I have done A LOT of research on this, and six months paid maternity leave is not at all standard at BigLaw. Most firms have a policy that ranges from 12 to 20 weeks paid leave, with the vast majority falling closer to 16 weeks.

          3. Almost all women that I knew in biglaw took 6 months – it was “standard” to take the 14-18 weeks’ paid leave plus whatever is left unpaid to take you up to 6 months.

          4. Correct. Many people take 6 months, but 6 months PAID is not standard. Most people get 12-18 weeks paid and then take the rest using a combination of accrued vacation and unpaid leave.

      2. It will be a combination of the 18 weeks paid leave the firm offers, plus about six weeks of paid vacation I will have stored up. I am due in mid-June, so if that gets me to about mid-Dec. I might take a couple weeks unpaid to finish out the year, I’ll see. I make over 3x my husband’s salary, so if we felt the baby needed a little more time with one of us before going into daycare or being with a nanny, it’s a lot easier financially if he takes a little unpaid time off, too. I would LOVE to take off more unpaid time and extend it to about 9 months, but with all the expense of a baby that could be a strain and would set us back. I think the 6 mos. paid is generous by U.S. standards and I’m pretty happy with it. My firm also does an “infant transition program” where they will pay for 3 months of a fancy daycare a couple blocks from the office when you do come back so you’re close to the baby and can breastfeed at lunch, etc. The facility closes at 6:30 so I feel this is also the firm’s way of saying it’s OK to leave in the early evening and work from home later at night if necessary. Compared to the maternity leaves I’ve seen in other professions, I’m happy with the benefits.

    3. I’d love to get my college-aged daughter to read this. I’ve always been a professional working mom (executive with a graduate degree), but I never missed a game or a school event. Dinners with the whole family 6-7 nights a week. All the best – yada yada yada. Now she tells me that she wants to be a SAHM and that “all you ever did was work.” I fear that she will be this writer in 20 years. Oh, well. I made my mistakes and she will too.

      1. Almost every woman friend I have is doing the exact opposite of what her mom did in this sense. Working mom = child who decides not to work. SAHM = career woman child.
        Seriously, if you had been a SAHM she would’ve told you how you could have done so much better for yourself and set a better example for her by working out of the home. :)

        1. This. Sometimes you just can’t win no matter what you do. But, Another Anon, look at it this way. When I was your daughter’s age I was never going to get married or have kids; I wanted to be a reporter for the New York Times and the big plan was to hopscotch from one paper to the next in progressively larger cities until I got there. Screw getting married and having kids, how lame and traditional. Well, as it turned out, I got married at 22, had a son at 29,and the closest I ever got to NYC was St. Louis. Things change a lot between 20 and 25.

          Although one thing you might want to point out to your daughter is that being a SAHM requires that there be someone else in the house who goes to work to make the money, and finding a guy willing to be the breadwinner while she stays home might be a tough proposition in this day and age. :)

          1. Yes, exactly. SAHM as career means, essentially, that one plans to find someone to foot all the bills. As a career.

            Very tough proposition in this economy, very very tough proposition for the long haul.

      2. It is her decision and no one can make it for her. I love working at my office and my hubby works at home so he can be there for our son. I firmly believe that it is impossible to two parents to work full-time outside the home and be there for their kids 100 percent. I never wanted my son to be in daycare for ten hours a day, especially given the long term negative effect of structured activity. Children need to have play time and free time to learn to be creative and think independantly. My son gets to come home after school and play outside with his friends – priceless.

        1. Anoymous, I wouldn’t want to impinge on your firmly held belief but my hubby stayed home with our three kids until the last was in elementary school and then a very dedicated set of grandparents took them to school, and watched them on school holidays, vacations etc. So my kids were never in daycare – ever. (However, I don’t judge those who weren’t blessed with candidates for “grandparents of they year.”) No, my daughter thinks only moms can do that and I disagree, more with her narrow-minded approach to life. Not everyone can or should stay home.

        3. I had two full-time working parents, and I think I turned out a-ok! ‘Course I have two (very well-adjusted) kids in daycare 9 hours a day, so perhaps I’m biased.

          1. Me too! I’m a long way from having kids, but plan to continue working when I do. I don’t think it’s necessary (or even optimal?) for parents to be there 100% for their kids, especially past a certain age. I also got to come home and play after school, thanks to our live-in housekeeper (obv. not an option for most).

          2. Another anon: whether it is the mom or the dad, someone has to be around for the kid. Most of us turn out “okay” but the year my son was born there was great article in the Atlantic about college students at Princeton who had been in daycare and structured sports their entire lives. Yep, they were smart enough to get into Princeton, and yet, they never challenged authority and they were at a loss as how to run their own free time.

          3. I know, right? I went to preschool from age 2-5 and I remember liking it a lot. We got to do art projects and my teacher was nice. I still remember her name and what her legs looked like, LOL (I was too short to see the rest of her I guess!).

          4. Anonymous at 11:33am — I think you are talking about the Organization Kid article or something in the Atlantic — the guy has written a book since then, and I think he just didn’t have a good experience at Princeton when he was there in the 60s…. Not that this changes any fears about helicopter parenting, I just think that it is relevant to consider the source.

          6. Also, it’s pretty clear that the article can’t reasonably be applied to kids today (or even young adults today). The great job market and economic climate the country enjoyed at the time are mentioned several times in the article, along with the level of respect that was more common in political discourse at the time.

        4. Must we fight the mommy wars on this blog? I’m all for hearing different experiences, but “I firmly believe that is is impossible to two parents to work full-time outside the home and be there for their kids 100 percent” is rude to all the women who are making this work.

          1. totally agree. plus, why is it a given that parents need to be there for their children 100% of the time? when they can’t take care of themselves of course, but children need to learn to fend for themselves too! in smaller ways as they’re little, and more so as they grow older.

          2. Anne, don’t you really mean, “the women and men who are making this work”? Why aren’t the dads in the equation? Most couples need both incomes but there is a difference between having a JOB and having a professional career that requires late nights and travel, etc. Also, Another Anon is frustrated with her daughter’s narrow-mindedness – well, who raised the daughter?

          3. Agree. the Mommy wars to me at least feels very anti-woman – women vs. women instead of women vs. systems that are not supportive of real choice or equality.

          4. I have to agree that there is no point in criticizing someone else’s decisions in childcare. I never read men bashing each other or questioning one another’s work/life balance decisions. Find what works for your personal situation and use what you have learned to help other women be aware of options. Please don’t claim that someone you don’t even know is making mistakes with her children and career choices. It doesn’t make you right and it doesn’t help anyone.

    4. It’s a good article and it’s important to consider but there’s also a difference between staying home for 3 to 5 years and staying home for what sounds like about 18-20 years. Just pointing that out for those who don’t read the article. But very valid points.

      I wish it were easier. I’m nowhere near there myself but I really hope that I feel like I have some options when the time comes.

      1. I dunno, in this economy I think 3-5 years could be the kiss of death.

        Who doesn’t want options? Men do too.

      1. One of my best single/childless friends is out of work. She never opted out of her career in print journalism – it is a dead career. So, maybe that SAHM would be out of work no matter what she did.

        1. I don’t think there’s a formula.
          A good friend of mine opted out. Was home raising 2 kids for about 5 years, and then hubby got laid off. He couldn’t find work, and she got her old job back (finance). Now, he stays home, and she goes to work.
          I think 3-5 years is not an impossible hurdle, esp. if you make it a point to keep your contacts current, etc.

    6. Interesting article. A lot of the time when couples decide that it doesn’t make financial sense for both spouses to continue working – daycare eats up 60% of the wife’s income and she misses seeing the kids, for example – they don’t take into account the other financial effects of taking time off from work such as increased premiums to add the wife to the husband’s insurance, an end to the wife’s employer-paid life insurance and disability insurance, the fact that the wife won’t be saving for retirement while she’s staying at home, and so on. And if, God forbid, the wife ends up divorced or widowed, what’s she going to do without her husband’s health insurance, his retirement savings, and so on?

  13. I’m thinking of getting a Nook because it is compatible with the DC library and I could download books for free. Any thoughts on the nook or library online ease/selection. Also, does the free 3G let you use the internet or just download books? Thanks!

    1. Love the nook! free 3G is only for browing their library, but it has wireless. And love being able to download free books/share easily. I just wish it worked better with pdf’s and word files. It doesn’t adjust the text size/let you scroll the page, so it’s too small. or it used to be, I haven’t tried in a while. In fact, I think there’s a new version I haven’t updated to yet.

    2. Just got the Nook for Christmas, and I love, love, love it! (Never in a million years would I have dreamt that, in some ways, I enjoy reading on the Nook more than a good, old-fashioned paper page!)

      1) I chose the Nook 3G over the Nook Color because I wanted it as a reading device and found it significantly more comfortable to read on since the 3g isn’t backlit like the Nook Color is. If you want it mostly for reading, I would recommend the 3g. If you want it for internet surfing and reading magazines, the Nook Color might be the way to go (although, then you might just invest in the iPad and download the Nook app).

      2) My local library is also Nook-friendly (note: It is my understanding that most libraries are Nook and Sony compatible, but none are Kindle-friendly due to a different operating system) and has two options. On one system you can check out books easily, but the selection isn’t very good. My library’s other system has a great selection that includes current best sellers and some eBook titles that aren’t even available for purchase, however you have to get on a waiting list and wait your turn to “check out” the book if it is currently in use by another library patron.

      3) Yes, you can access the internet on the Nook WiFi and Nook 3g, and it will do in a pinch, but I don’t spend much time using it. It is my understanding that the 3g access allows for the internet connection, but I haven’t verified this.

    3. I’ve had no problems using my nook to get library books, though depending on what types of books you like to read, selection may be limited (I live in NY and read a lot of sci-fi/fantasy, which tends to not have as large of a selection, but I believe current popular titles may be easier to get).

      I think the 3G just lets you download books, but I’m not positive. I’m usually on wifi. But in general, I love my nook! I recommend the black and white e-ink 3G version over the color unless you want to read magazines. As someone said, if you want to read magazines, an iPad with Nook app might actually be better since a color Nook is essentially an iPad with less features. (Eventually, they will probably come out with a color e-ink version that won’t require being backlit, but I think that technology is still a few years away).

  14. Thanks for the advice this morning about what to wear to the orientation to practice program in Brooklyn. I ended up wearing a suit and happily realized that my tennis shoes fit in my professional tote.

    For what its worth to anyone attending this in the future, about 1/3 of the people were in jeans and casual tops or sweaters, 1/3 were business casual, and the other 1/3 were in suits. Probably 10 people out of the entire room spoke to one of the attorneys presenting. Virtually no interaction with the attorneys. There was a quick security screening when entering the building, but it was no big deal.

  15. Help, frequent travelers!

    My Eddie Bauer for Target roller board that has lasted me close to 15 years is on its last legs. Any recommendations for a replacement? I like that it has a ton of interior space (one big compartment inside means I can cram a ton in and the thin walls/handle construction meant no wasted space.) Any recommendations? Looking to spend under $200 and room/pocket for a laptop would be bonus as I prefer to carry on a cute purse to a boring laptop bag.

    2. Take a look in some of the discount stores like Ross and Marshalls. They have a large variety of roller bags so you can compare them side by side. And the prices are great. I saw Samsonite bags at a local Marshalls for less than $80 with the four swivel wheels.

      I’m in the market for a new carry-on, but will wait until I actually need to fly before picking one up at a discount store. There always seems to be a huge selection, and my storage space is limited, so I’m in no rush to purchase.

    3. I love my Delsey suitcase. It’s from their lightweight Helium line. It’s very durable and prices are reasonable. If you shop around online I’m sure you’ll find a deal.

    4. I highly recommend you spring for Briggs & Riley. Amazing no-questions-asked lifetime warranty and very high quality!

  16. Hi all,

    I need some help finding a replacement for my old laptop bag, which is starting to look kind of worn. My ideal replacement would be black or brown leather, a fairly classic style (no prints or weird textures, and not overly feminine), big enough to hold my laptop, a ziptop bag of toiletries, a file or two, and a small purse (for when I travel, to comply with the 2 carryon bag rule), and have a separate padded compartment for my laptop so that I do not have to get a sleeve as well (but I would be willing to go the sleeve route if necessary). I really like the look of this kate spade bag http://www.katespade.com/product/index.jsp?productId=10768553, but it doesn’t appear to be nearly deep enough for my needs. I feel like this should not be difficult to find, but I am really having a hard time.

    1. Seems like there was a recent discussion about briefcases/ work bags on this site, and a lot of people mentioned Coach as having simple, professional styles.

    2. My suggestion is to look at eBags. They have great service and quality. You can select “women’s laptop bags” and then sort by price, material or buyer ratings. A lot of the Lodis bags look like that Kate Spade bag but for $225-260. http://www.ebags.com/product/lodis/audrey-satchel-brief/18072?productid=64690&rlid=detail&rcode=res11010719785316737268733

      I have the Lodis “Audrey” and I love it – five years later.

      But if that’s too much… how about this? http://www.ebags.com/product/bellino/the-madison-leather-tote/96106?productid=1243210&rlid=detail&rcode=res1101071898034383774751

      The user reviews on eBags are great and they have great photos too.

      1. Oh, man. There was a Lodis “Cayman Agnes” bag in an Hautelook sale a few months ago for $114 and I didn’t get it because I had just bought a Cole Haan bag earlier that week, that ended up going back when I didn’t like it. I have been waiting and waiting to see if I can find another Lodis on sale and no luck so far. Thanks for the good review on yours; I may have to pull the trigger and just buy one at full price.

        1. I’ve had Lodis wallets for years and I love them. I often find them at Nordstrom rack – maybe a good place to check for purses?

          1. I haven’t seen Lodis at my local Rack(s) but my daughter found a great Kate Spade bag – regularly $345 for $150. But I believe all Racks carry different merchandise, as all of Nordy’s stores can be stocked to match their local markets. So maybe you’ll get lucky!

    3. Wish I could help you — we have the same taste and the same problem! Coach’s bags used to be perfect (that is my current one – a 5yo plain black leather shoulder tote, with no logos emblazoned anywhere except a small “Coach” on a silver buckle). Now, they are either C’s all the way or either too slouchy or rugged (very thick handles & prominent stitching & stiff looking) for the office.

      I am thinking about pulling the trigger on this one – http://www.katespade.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3887969&cp=1863844.3744578 – but my work laptop is 9×13 and I’m concerned it wouldn’t fit in the top opening. Dear Kate Spade: give me free return shipping and I’ll try it… (The dimensions of the bag overall are big enough, but I’m thinking the width is the bottom width, not the narrower top). If you have a smaller laptop, maybe that could work.

      2. Oh my gosh, that’s gorgeous.

        Call their customer service and ask if your laptop will fit in. If they say it will and it doesn’t, call them again and tell them you were given bad information by a customer service rep and would like to request a refund of your return shipping costs. They’ll do it.

    4. Sam’s has a really nice Wilson’s leather one for $39.99 right now. In many colors (black, cream, pink, brown)

    5. I was looking for one a few weeks ago and was pretty surprised at what Office Depot had to offer. A fairly limited selection, and not things that are more designer-style (like Coach), but they had several solid, professional, stylish but not too much, bags, with laptop sections, and I think they were all under $100.

      I got a really nice looking red Samsonite. It’s a little bit small, but fits my (small) laptop and a couple of notebooks and accessories, for less than $60.00. They had a few bigger bags that were nice, too, but I really wanted the red.

    6. Try Franklin and Covey. That’s where mine is from. Their products tend to be pretty but designed with function in mind. I especially like that mine has a wristlet purse that fits inside so I can run to the store or something without having to take my whole bag, and it has a key clip so I don’t have to dig for my keys.

      I think it’s really hard to buy a laptop bag online, though, in general.

      1. Oops, I somehow posted before I wrote my last sentence – meant to say that I agree with the rec to look on eBags if you do want to shop online, because I’ve always had good experience with them.

    7. I recommended Jack Georges before, and still recommend this brand. I have the Chelsea tote. I love it. It works very well as a business tote and has a dedicated padded area for a laptop. There are several other styles that would probably suit your needs, as well. I’m not sure any of the totes will hold a full-size pocketbook, but a small purse and small toiletries bag would certainly fit inside. There are also larger laptop bags if you are really looking for something larger.
      I can’t say enough about the quality of my Chelsea bag. I got it as a gift to myself when I got my first “real law job.” I’ve carried it to virtually every client meeting, interview, and court appearance in the four years since, and it is in great condition.
      http://www.jackgeorges.com/catalog/Totes-68-1.html

  17. A slightly older friend whose husband had died suddenly (he was a dentist) disabused me of the notion that I wanted to be a SAHM. (My mother had been a career person.) This friend had been a SAHM and she found her circumstances pretty grim and her ability to pick up the pieces and go to work was minimal. She was being buffered by a lot of money in her family, which I did not have. She gave me a real wake-up call when I was about 26. I am so grateful.

    1. This. My mother in law was/is a SAHM, had a terrible divorce, and has had to exclusively rely on her children for financial support. It makes conversations about money very very awkward, because in addition to necessities, she also likes a lot of really nice things — expensive vacations, jewelry, etc. Also, she feels the need to “ask” for the right to buy something when she comes to visit us, which makes me feel sad. Had she worked, she could do whatever the heck she wanted with her money. Asking money from your children seems to infantilize you and give you less self-respect.

      Seeing what his mom went through, my husband was adamant that I should never be a SAHM (I toyed with that idea in my early 20s, partially because my folks were always working parents). I now completely agree. I think it’s fine if you are independently wealthy, but for those of us who are not, I think it’s a lot tougher to navigate.

      1. My grandma was an SAHM and had to return to the workforce in her early 60s after her divorce, and then relied on her small pension based on 10 years of employment and the financial support of her kids to get by. Obviously times were different when my grandma was my age but that was enough to convince me that I should always have a source of my own income.

        1. My MIL found herself suddenly divorced in her mid-50s after 30 years of marriage. The only job she had ever had was at a movie theater when she was 18 and she did not even have a driver’s license. She also had severe back and knee problems, which greatly limited the jobs she could do, and she had 2 teenagers still living at home when she was forced into a 1 bedroom apartment. Her experience has convinced both my husband and I that an equal marriage is vital. Neither he nor I would ever want to be entirely dependent on someone else…

  18. I’m searching for some winter fashion advice/opinions, though for a winter far less severe than Kat’s post yesterday.

    Because of a back injury, wearing heels everyday is no longer an option for me (who previously owned no flats that didn’t have treads and laces). Over the past couple years I’ve collected several flats that I do really like, but for the most part they are ballet flat type shoes. This is fine in the summer, but even in my mild West Coast climate I get cold in the winter and I want to wear socks, but I feel like they look ridiculous. I’ve generally settled on wearing nude nylon knee-highs, but I feel that they look odd. And because of lack of clean laundry, today I’m sporting flats with black knee-highs under my pants (these: http://www.6pm.com/corso-como-fawn-dark-purple).

    So my questions: Is it weird to wear nylons with flats? If yes, any other ideas? And perhaps some recommendations on flats that are accomodating of socks?

    2. *I* don’t think it’s weird. I wear flats or heels with tights/trouser socks every day in the winter.

    3. I don’t think it’s weird at all. I do that all the time–either nude knee high nylons, or black, brown, or grey trouser socks, depending on the shoes. Never occurred to me that it might be weird, so I will be interested in what others have to say.

    4. I don’t think it’s weird to wear thin socks with flats at all, if you’re cold.

      Personally, I always wear some hosiery – socks, knee-highs (under pants), tights, whatever. Going barefoot in any shoe wears down the shoe quicker and leaves my feet freezing. (Not counting flip-flops or sandals, in summer, and when I’m not working.)

      Have you considered flat boots for the winter? You could wear them under dress pants, like you wear your flats. And they would keep your feet warmer than the flats do.

      1. Any suggestions on good ones? I just haven’t really come across any I like. Also, skinny ankles mean that a lot just don’t really fit me (I often end up feeling like my feet are swimming in boots).

        2. I just bought my first pair of Borns- they are so warm and comfortable, I am kicking myself for not buying them sooner. I wear them all the time, even when they look stupid, because I can’t bear the thought of going back to something cold and/or uncomfortable.

    5. We might be the same person. :) I also had a back injury and had to switch from heels every day to flats. I also live on the West Coast and it has been cold lately! There’s definitely a need for something on our feet.

      I wear knee-highs with flats and pants all the time. Why do you think they look odd? I honestly never even thought of it … but maybe I’m missing something? :)

      What about trouser socks? I think they’re different from knee-highs in that they’re a little thicker and less nylon-looking than knee-highs. I actually used to wear trouser socks but thought they looked funny — not sleek enough under my shoes — so I switched to knee-highs instead.

    6. Thanks all! I feel very validated :)

      I have no idea why I feel like it might look odd, but glad to know I’m not the only one doing it.

    7. I also can’t wear heels due to a back injury. I wear trouser socks with my flats, same as I would wear with pumps. If I’m wearing a skirt, I just wear tights with flats. You might also want to get flat ankle boots that look nice with pants.

      1. Oh, and as for a rec, look at Clarks. They have a few different lines and I like both their flat shoes and their boots.

  20. I’m looking for a pair of flat, tall boots (not over the knee) that are good for walking. A huge bonus if I could wear them to work on a casual day.

    Any recommendations? My calves are slightly big, so any recommendations along those lines would be great too. Thanks!

    1. Bought mine a while back, so can’t give you a specific recommendation. But FWIW, I have muscular calves too and had some luck with Frye boots.

        1. 6pm.com also does this, you can actually narrow search results by calf circumference. I also need a bigger circumference than most people because I have muscular calves and I get all my boots on 6pm now, because they offer the most info about how the boot will actually work on my leg.

    2. I have big calves – from a love of walking? – and had a long search for a pair of professional, walkable boots that fit. Finally settled on a pair of black Kenneth Cole Reaction boots, from Piperlime. They have low wedge heel – not totally flat, but I certainly don’t feel like I’m wearing heels when I wear them. I’ve walked a couple miles cross town in them, no problem. I wear them with wool pencil skirts & turtleneck sweaters, as well as jeans on the weekend.

    4. http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3110330?origin=keywordsearch&resultback=2208

      I got these that allow you to adjust the calf width this fall. They are honestly the best boots I’ve had–super comfortable footbed has support, leather looks to be good quality, and the adjustment feature makes it so I can wear them with pants or skirts and they are never too tight or too loose and sloppy. And now they are even on sale, too. Great. Now I’m going to be thinking about getting them in brown, too. And I’m on a spending freeze. I swear, this site is dangerous sometimes.

    5. I have the Dansko Penelope boot. It has a removable insole (so you can use your own orthotics if you chose), side zipper and adjustable lace. I get lots of compliments on it! I wear them almost every day in my business casual office on the West Coast. They are available on zappos, endless, etc. for about $220.

    6. I picked up a pair of Tsubo Bacos on sale at Endless. They were a bit tight on the calves but stretched out with 1-2 wears. I love them – great purchase.

    7. Corso Como boots. I have muscular legs and foot problems, but they are wonderful on me and I get tons of compliments.

    8. I bought the Madden Girl Zoiiee in gray and loved them so much that I bought them in brown too (Zappos only has them in brown, but other sites have them in gray). They’re more casual, but I’m in law school and do lots of walking around campus and they’re very comfortable. Not real leather, but because of the back zip-up and stretch they fit my, erm, athletic calves very well. Bonus: they were only $60 at Macy’s on sale.

      http://www.zappos.com/madden-girl-zoiiee-tan-paris

    9. The best, most supportive boots for walking (that I’ve found) are El Naturalista. Limited retailers in the U.S., but try Amazon for cheaper prices than El Naturalista’s website.

  21. Duoboots.com is having a half off sale right now. They make boots in a huge variety of calf sizes, so u’ll definitely find some that fit. I bought the Oristano style a year ago and love them. They’re tall equestrian style boots, so they’re comfortable for walking all day but still look polished.

  22. I just found out all but one of my friends make more money than I do.

    I try not to think about this kind of thing, really. But somedays, it’s harder.

    The worst part is that it’s not like I am compensated in other ways. One of my uplines is a complete maniac, and there is a constant level of chaos — a higher-than-average rate of turnover (approx 30% in the last year, a drastic change from previous decades), and various inefficiencies that drive me up the wall.

    I only have 1.5 years of experience.

    Stay or seek greener pastures? There seem to be much greener pastures… everywhere…

    1. are all of your friends in the same field you are? there is no reason not to look for other employment while you’re employed. In fact, you should be doing that even if you DID like your job. You never know what might happen.

    2. There’s no harm in at least looking to see what else is out there. Scour some job boards, network, and ask your friends if they have any leads. Given this market though, I would stay until I secured new employment (unless the current job is starting to wear on your physical or mental health).

    3. You say your friends earn more than you do, but do they like their jobs more than you do? I earn more than all my friends, but I’m working for a boss I don’t like at a company that doesn’t invest in its junior employees. I’m constantly talking with other people about their job experiences and job satisfaction, so I know what I’m looking for in a new job.

    4. If you don’t like what you do, look for other places, but don’t look just because your friends make more money than you. I just found out one of my friend’s bonuses is more than my annual salary, but he’s in a different field and you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to do what he does for the hours he works. Money is lovely, and it certainly helps make you happy, but it’s not everything.

    5. Well, if you dislike your job and you’re underpaid, then yes, seek greener pastures. Just don’t burn any bridges or let anyone at your current job know you’re seeking.

    6. Someone is always going to be earning more money than you. There’s no harm in looking elsewhere, but for my 2 cents be glad you have a job.

  23. Due to a new medication, I’ve started losing my hair. It’s really only obvious along the center part, and I’ve been assured that no one besides me can tell (which does not make me feel better AT ALL). I’ve developed a strip of hair, about half an inch wide, that is incredibly sparse. I can’t really switch my medication, and the soonest I will be able to schedule the medical procedure that will make the medication moot is approximately one-two months. I’m incredibly unhappy because this hair loss is progressing fairly rapidly – I really only noticed it two weeks ago. My hair should grow back once I’ve had the procedure – thank god. However, it’s going to be a little while before it stops falling out, and approximately a year after that before the hair I’ve lost grows back to its current length.

    So, does anyone have any idea how I can slow my hair loss/encourage my hair to grow back faster? I’ve switched to washing my hair 3 times a week, brushing it only when I absolutely have to, not pulling it back, and taking biotin. Does anyone have any other ideas? I’m getting pretty desperate.

    1. I had the same exact problem. My doctor had me start using Rogaine to stunt the loss. He told me to use men’s Rogaine but a different dose b/c it was cheaper than woman’s Rogaine. I can’t remember the exact dose now though. I only used it in the spots that were thinning. I also took lots of Biotin and Folic Acid. I got a hair cut that fell differently and highlighted the thicker parts of my hair. To this day I feel like the front of my hair is significantly thinner than the back but no one except my husband notices the difference. (I have asked very honest friends and hair dressers.) Good luck!

    2. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I too have thin hair and it’s incredibly frustrating because I feel that I have tried everything short of Rogaine, which I don’t want to use because I plan on getting pregnant soon. I have gone for numerous tests and I’m normal, so I can only hypothesize that it’s just genetic (my dad went bald when he was 27).

      I take Biotin, a fish oil supplement, and I’ve recently switched to using Wen hair care products (they are SLS free). The huge upside to using Wen is that I feel a LOT less of my hair has fallen out. The downside to using Wen is because there is no SLS, my hair looks a bit more limp (and thus, more thin, even though I don’t think it is).

      Have you tried Living Proof products? Consider going on to the QVC website and reading some of the reviews. It’s created by a MIT scientist and is supposed to give the illusion of much thicker hair. I’ve heard that some people use Wen shampoo, and then Living Proof mousse, with very good results.

      I have also heard that eating foods high in seaweed is very good for one’s hair. Read the book “You Are What You Eat,” which talks about it. I also think that eating lots of green leafy vegetables will help.

      Best of luck to you.

      1. Thank you all so much – it makes me feel so much better to know that other people have gone through similar things and found ways of coping! I’m definitely going to give the products a whirl – I used Living Proof straightening creme when I had longer hair and it was seriously amazing. I’ve never heard of Wen before, but I am on my way over to amazon to order it.

        Sadly (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), my hair is already the shortest I’ve ever had it – chin length bob. I don’t have the facial features for a pixie cut. Once my hair stops falling out, I’m going to have to try to find a compassionate hairdresser who can help me find a style that minimizes the appearance of the hair loss – maybe switch my part or bangs?

        1. Can you switch to a side part temporarily without a hairstyle overhaul? You say its only obvious along the center part, but if you keep the same center part that might highlight the sparseness.

          1. True- I kept my hair in a center part for YEARS and it gradually got wider and wider. Now I switch from one side to the other every few haircuts, so I don’t have that issue. Or you can try to put half of your hair up so you don’t see the center part.

        2. Hi Jane – if you’re interested in buying Wen, buy it from QVC’s website. I believe they have a 30 day refund if you’re not satisfied with the product, and my understanding is that they have a no hassle return policy. You can also read the tons of reviews about Wen on the QVC website. I know others on this site have recommended Wen as well. Again, I can’t say I like it 100% because I wish my hair looked fuller when I use it, but it makes my hair very soft, clean, and less hair falls out than before. Good luck!

    3. Would you consider cutting your hair very short, close to or at the same time as the procedure? That might make the growing in easier. You might also try putting it half up, or up on the sides, kind of over the thin area.

      I would also take fish oil and vitamin E.

      1. Joan Rivers has a product out that you can “paint” onto your hair. I believe its called “Great Hair Day” (just google it). My mom and aunt who have been through extensive surgery and chemo this year use the product. They never lost all of their hair, but both had their hair thin significantly as well as some bald spots. The paint is temporary– it lasts until you wash it out, but it does not wipe off on clothing, pillows, etc. Obviously it does not replace your hair, but definitely makes it look thicker/covers balding spots. I’ve seen them apply it, and it is easier than one would expect. The hardest part is just selecting which color would match your hair. My mom is a very fair with blonde hair an and uses the blonde (not light blonde) color. My aunt has very dark brown hair and uses the “brunette”.

    4. Any chance you can add 2% minoxidil (Rogaine) to your regimen? I have fine, thinning hair, but use rogaine daily and have found it to be a god-send. It takes 3 months to work (because that’s how long the hair growth cycle is) but it has made a huge difference. FWIW I don’t like the 5% because my scalp is sensitive and the 5% made me itch and flake.

      1. OK, I do not have this problem, but since the hair loss is temporary, could you get a wig or hair piece (same color as your hair) to wear until your own hair grows back?

  24. Regular poster here but don’t want to air my dirty laundry under my usual moniker. My question is about long term care insurance for my folks. Some of the discussion earlier this week got me thinking about it.

    I have a fairly bad relationship with my mother, who is remarried to my stepfather. We’re on speaking terms but we don’t particularly like each other or stay involved in each other’s lives. I’ve been practicing law for 5 years in the public sector, make a middle class salary, live modestly in a big city and don’t have much extra money but I do make my loan payments and contribute with employer match to my 401K. I only have a small amount in savings (no real emergency fund) but my father is financially comfortable and would support me if I ever needed it. I have made my father the sole beneficiary in my will and of my life insurance policy, so if anything happened to me my mother would not receive any money.

    My mother is in her early 60s and has been spectacularly financially irresponsible throughout her entire life. Despite her middle-class salary in a secure professional field, she once filed for bankruptcy and had her home foreclosed on, and she’s always lived beyond her means. She is mentally ill and a semi-recovered alcoholic, but currently untreated. Her husband is in his early 70s and is just a really laid-back guy who does not pay much attention to what my mother does. He’s a classic enabler. He is still working in a physically difficult job despite his age, and only receives very small social security payments because most of his life he didn’t contribute to social security (presumably he was paid in cash). My mom raided her 401K years ago to pay for home renovations or something, and only recently started making contributions again – she has only about 3,000 saved for retirement. Both she and her husband are in poor health, and I doubt my mom will be able to work for much longer. She will receive social security when she retires.

    I can’t afford to support my mom, although 10 years from now I might be able to. But I would never want her to come live with me. My employer offers long-term care insurance that I could take out for my mom and stepfather, but it’s not cheap (especially considering their age and health status) and it would be a financial burden on me and make it harder for me to save any money. There’s really no possibility that I’d be able to convince my mom to take out insurance for herself.

    What would you do in my situation?

    1. Also, I should mention that I tend to approach my relationship with my mother with two principles in mind:

      – Alcoholism and mental illness are diseases, not choices, and although I’m still angry at her about a lot of things I recognize that it is not her fault.

      – Just because she was/is a crappy mother doesn’t mean I have to be a crappy daughter. I try to take the high road.

      1. I would make this decision solely on the basis of whether I think it would benefit me. Regardless of what she’s done, regardless of whether or not you hold her responsible for it: if/when it comes to see her suffer lack of houseing, homecare, or certain comforts, could you live with yourself if you did nothing? If not, and if doing something would be a greater sacrifice than you can make, then some sort of insurance FOR YOU against might not be a bad idea – if you think LTC would really do what you want.

        LTC insures only against one set of risks and pays for a limited range of things. Estimates of the likelihood of needing what it will pay for vary widely and as a demographer, I’m highly skeptical of some of the high ones. There was a series of articles in the NYT about pricing and about what they covered. I found them when I read one about a month ago about industrywide-premium increases. You should be able to find it easy and then click the links to related articles. Re: pricing, basically, all carriers underestimated the # who would renew year after year (they make $ when you hold a policy for 8 – 10 years and then quit) . Like everyone else, they haven’t gotten the returns on their investment of premiums, so their underwater on that end to. Liabilities and potential liabilities can’t be supported by current pricing.

        My conclusion was that the likelihood of needing serious cash and physical resources in old age is high, but LTC isn’t any better solution than anything else out there. I’m going for self-insurance and taking care of myself. Won’t “expect” my children (if any) to turn their lives upside down for me, but would hope to raised one(s) who care and will do what they can.

        1. Thanks. I will look up the NYT articles. Good point that I need to know exactly what the LTC insurance will cover before I buy it.

      2. I really haven’t looked into this, but if she doesn’t have assets to protect, then she could get on Medicaid eventually.

      3. Hi Anon-a-miss,

        I think your mom and mine might be twin daughters of different mothers. It’s rough. I don’t have any specific advice b/c I am feeling my way thru the exact same quandary – the only thing I know for sure is I don’t want to have her living in my house (not for two days now, definitely not for real in her old age, and the old saw about ‘only the good die young’ makes me think she’ll be around a LOONNGG time – and like you, I don’t want to be a bad daughter just b/c she wasn’t a great mom (far short in fact).

        I guess what I am trying to say without writing an epic is that you are not alone and it is quite tough.

        You are fortunate to have what sounds like a good relationship with your dad – lean on that and be grateful for it.

        here’s a *hug* for the stressful times in front of you :).

        1. Thanks so much for the kind words. Sometimes I feel awful that I’m more afraid of my mom living long and needing me to care for her than of her dying. She had a heart attack a year ago and is having some ongoing health problems that may cause her to leave the workforce. Most of my not-terribly-close friends don’t seem to understand at all and it’s difficult for me to talk about with them, and my very close friends (i.e. the ones I’ve known long enough that they know my parents) aren’t nearby. So your hug and empathy really help.

    2. Many experts in elder care don’t recommend having an aging parent move in with you, so don’t let that decision weigh on you too heavily. In many cases, the parent’s quality of life is much better when a non-child is the caretaker, and the child visits often. This arrangement helps maintain a good relationship so that the child can provide positive, upbeat help for much longer. Each party has their own life, but come together when/as needed.

      Two websites that I really like that focus on elder care and end-of-life issues are the NYTimes “New Old Age” blog:
      http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/
      and Judy Bachrach’s Wednesday column in Obit magazine:
      http://www.obit-mag.com/viewmedia.php/prmMediaTypeID/297
      Judy is rather blunt, and tells it like it is.

  25. Ahh! I’m going to a bachelorette party weekend in VEGAS soon and have no idea how to dress! My wardrobe is made up of mostly conservative work clothes( think: Ann Taylor, loft, BR) and I almost always wear flats. I am willing to spend a little time/money to dress up for this party weekend because I think it will be a good way to defrump myself and become a little more high maintenance, a new years resolution I high jacked from some commanders on this blog. My problem is that I don’t even know where to begin to look for vegas-y gear, forever21?? I’m in my late 20’s and think I’m a little too old for that stuff. So, I guess my question is, how does one pull off sexy-but-classy?

    1. Just came back from Vegas with my husband. I was surprised by how dressed up people are at night, and definitely felt underdressed (I wore dark jeans and a cute top, but saw many, many young women wearing really tight black dresses). Some of them looked really hoochie though, and it doesn’t look like that is what you’re going for! If you’re at all on the fence about whether something is “too” dressy, I would bring it anyway. In retrospect, I wish I had brought at least one cute dress. I figured people would be more covered up because it was really cold at night, but I forgot that everyone hangs out indoors anyway, so the weather is irrelevant.

      Forever 21 is a good place to start, particularly because it’s so cheap and actually can have some pretty good quality party wear if you’re patient and look around. Express is another option for cute tops and dresses.

      As for shoes, I would try to find a low heel pair if you normally wear flats, but would agree with the other posters that you definitely need to find some that are comfortable. You’ll be miserable wearing a pair of high heels that are uncomfortable.

      1. Express, Forever 21, BCBG, Bebe, and of course Nordstrom, Lord & Taylor and Bloomingdales. I would definitely recommend bringing dresses. They’re easier to dress up or dress down, depending on how you feel and what you observe people wearing. Plus you can always take off your heels and slip into flats without having to worry about hems.

        Have fun!!!

    2. It might be a bit much, but check out http://www.fredericks.com. They have some decent dresses and club outfits. It’s not the best quality stuff but if you find something on sale and wear it once it’s worth it! I got a very hot dress from that site and wore it out there. It really isn’t that revealing or trashy.

    3. I like the limited and express for going out clothes that aren’t hoochie mama. Some on sale examples:

      http://www.thelimited.com/detail/mesh-panel-sequin-dress/3316640

      http://www.thelimited.com/detail/perfect-party-dress/3145054

      http://www.express.com/colorblock-rouched-chiffon-dress-31253-22.pro?user_att_name=Interest&Mrsavf=*&Mpper=3&Mcat=22&Mpos=22&Mcatg=category_root&Mcatn=Dresses&Mcatp=cat_2&user_att_value=Email&Mpg=SEARCH%2BNAV&Mrsaa=*&Mcatpn=For+Her&Mfsort=Price+%28Ascending%29&Mppg=0

      http://www.express.com/metallic-one-shoulder-banded-dress-26485-22.pro?user_att_name=Interest&Mrsavf=*&Mpper=3&Mcat=22&Mpos=16&Mcatg=category_root&Mcatn=Dresses&Mcatp=cat_2&user_att_value=Email&Mpg=SEARCH%2BNAV&Mrsaa=*&Mcatpn=For+Her&Mfsort=Price+%28Ascending%29&Mppg=0#jsLink

    4. Forever 21, H&M and Express are good places to start. Keep in mind that their shirts tend to be cut low and their hemlines high. To pull off sexy and classy, pick one. You could wear a tighter than work appropriate knee length black pencil skirt with a more flashy and sexy shirt. Alternatively, pair a shorter skirt with a more covered top. Have fun!

    5. We go to Vegas at least once a year and were last there in July. Everyone is right about the dress thing; in the Hard Rock we saw packs of girls wandering around in the shortest, tightest dresses imaginable. I think a lot of people use Vegas as an excuse to go nuts and break out of the mold they are usually in. That can be fun, but you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.

      I am not a big fan of buying “trip” clothes I can’t wear again in my real life, and I am sure that there are opportunities in your real life where you would want to look “high maintenance” and sexy. I would buy maybe one or two great dresses – sexy but still covered up – from a decent store (Nordstrom, or I see a lot of dresses like this on the flash sale sites) and then fill in with cute tops from Forever 21 or another cheap fast-fashion retailer, worn with skirts or jeans. By staying away from the teenager stores for the dresses you’ll end up with things that look nice, are appropriate for something other than a Vegas club, and you can probably wear again.

      Unless, of course, you WANT to go hoochie mama – which some people do, in Vegas – in which case the Frederick’s suggestion is great, and you also might want to look at Victoria’s Secret too. Fredericks is especially good for footwear that is more fantasy-oriented but not that expensive (the Pleaser brand they sell on Endless.com is another place to look for that).

    1. I just bought those in tortoise shell! I absolutely love them- comfy, perfect height and a nice point. A wee bit toe cleavagey, but I don’t mind.

      I prefer pointed toes to rounded ones, something about the aesthetic of round toes doesn’t do it for me, though I definitley don’t mind them on other people. I’m on the lookout for almond toes, but it’s incredibly hard to find shoes in my size in the UK, so I’ve had no luck.

      1. Thank you! I saw the tortoise shell elsewhere – and thought that colorway was beautiful.

        Almond toe pumps have a little more modern edge than rounded toe pumps, though I agree that both look fine, and I imagine that they have more space than a pointed toe. Now I’ll have to keep an eye out for almond toes. Good luck in your search!

    2. I think rounded toe are more popular/in style these days. I don’t see that many pointed toe shoes, but unless they’re super-duper pointy it’s a pretty classic/timeless look. Super-duper pointy looks dated; I remember this being the trend 5-10 years ago. Personally I find that pointed-toe shoes pinch me and they make my feet look bigger, so I don’t wear them.

    3. I tend to think that the rounded-toes look young, so I try to avoid them for professional shoes. I have a couple pairs, and whenever I wear them professionally, I find myself looking down at my feet and thinking “why did I wear the little girl shoes!” throughout the day.

      I love the shape of those shoes- not too pointy, but a nice, classic look. Perfect for a professional.

  27. Before committing to LTC insurance, do you have a financial advisor that you trust? My husband and I met with one last year, and her best advice was to put our dreams first. I had been obsessing about my mother-in-law’s financial situation, but the advisor pointed out that even though her house is currently underwater, she does have an asset that will realize value over time, and my husband has sisters that she would probably prefer to live with. Things aren’t ideal, but her advice freed me to concentrate on building my business.

    LTC insurance is a great idea, and I have a policy for myself, but before you purchase a policy for either your mother or stepfather, make sure you know how it fits into your big picture financially. That way, you won’t resent making monthly payments for peace of mind in one area of your life at the expense of peace of mind in other areas.

    1. Thanks. I don’t have a financial advisor and maybe I should talk to one. The problem is that I don’t really know what my mom’s financial situation is, exactly, and there’s no way she’d agree to talk to a financial advisor. I don’t think she knows what her own financial situation is either. I wouldn’t actually be able to tell her that I had taken out the LTC policy, either, because I’m sure she thinks that LTC insurance is some sort of conspiracy or that I was trying to put her in a home, or something. She’s not well.

      1. Even if you were to know your mom’s financial situation, there’s no way you could keep a handle on it over time. We almost got to the bottom of my mother-in-law’s finances, but it took constant and often uncomfortable questioning. Then we stopped worrying about it, and the next thing you know, she’d taken out a loan for a car that, according to our calculations, blew her monthly budget. I feel sorry for her when she complains about how tired she gets from working 6 days a week at age 70, but I’ve stopped trying to sort things out for her in my head or in discussions with my husband.

        The key is to have a firm grasp of your own financial situation. If you know your own goals and priorities, you will know whether you can afford to allocate any funds to elder care and, if so, how much. A financial advisor is good for helping you see the forest, and for letting you know what your options are.

          1. just something that occurred to me- if you do purchase LTC insurance for your mother + stepfather and they die rather suddenly (no long period of disability, illness, etc.) is it a complete loss for you? Unpleasant thinking about these things, but if you are really weighing the risks/benefits of the purchase, seems you should be asking this. Maybe a stock/mutual fund is just a better investment.

  28. To the poster that got a 14% salary cut, thank you for posting your story because as we all know, misery loves company. I got slammed with a totally unexpected bad review. I have suddenly found myself working for 2 people that no one else in my firm likes to work for. Now I see why. All my previous reviews were stellar but no one seems to care about that. I got an itty bitty sympathy bonus and no raise. It also sounds like I’m on very thin ice and have limited time to get better reviews. I am actively going to seek work from other people that will appreciate my work rather than working solely for the impossible to please. However, I am just so upset and hurt and shocked and scared that I am going to wind up losing my job.

    I am also going to do what I can to improve where I can but unfortuantly my negative review consisted of “improve” and no one can really tell me where I need improvement other than “the quality of your work.” So not helpful.

    1. I have a similar experience. I think that sometimes I get penalized for being a good worker, and because I can work with almost anyone, I was “lucky” enought to be assigned to a senior partner here who can most charitably be described as a douche! But since working for that douche allows me to pay the rent and live, I put up with it between 9am and -7 pm 5 days a week. Once I am out of the door, however, that is it!

    2. I’m in a similar situation – you need to market yourselves to other people in the office, and do it fast.

      Also approach your difficult supervisors and hold their feet to the fire; tell them what you understand the expectations to be before you start working on another project. Make sure this includes timing expectations, work product format, and who the intended audience is for your work product (will it go to the client? Will it be circulated internally? Will it be public information?) After you’ve confirmed verbally, summarize the expecations in an e-mail to them and ask them to respond to the e-mail. This way, you’ve got a sort of contract that you can refer back to later.

    3. Like it or not, much of your review is based on your reputation and people’s perceptions of you rather than your work product. It’s a tough rut to get out of, but I think it is possible, particularly if you’re still a junior associate.
      I’d first take an objective look at your hours, attitude, and work product since you began working. I know you say that your supervisors aren’t giving you feedback on where you can improve, but an honest self-assessment may lead to some areas where you can see your own ability to improve. Have you turned down assignments because the timing (weekends, late nights) was inconvenient? Do you complain about people or assignments to other associates who may be spreading the word? Just examples here, not accusations.
      Next, I’d ask a partner you trust to join you for coffee or lunch off-site and explain that you understand there are some concerns about your work product, you want to improve and to stay, and ask for help in making in the necessary improvement.
      Finally, keep in mind that getting on the right track won’t happen overnight. Set realistic goals and ask for an informal mid-year review to check your progress if your firm doesn’t already offer them.

    4. I would go to the persons who previously gave you stellar reviews and ask them for advice. If others have also had poor reviews from these particular supervisors, other senior partners should realize what is happening and be more understanding.

    5. You and others here may not like this, but I am of the firm belief that poor performance reviews rarely come “out of the blue”. If you look back over the year, you will probably identify several clues that you were given that there may have been some unhappiness with your work product.

      The fact that your superiors have given you no concrete input on what you can do to improve your status makes me think that you have been targeted to be shoved out the door–and it is going to make things challenging for you. As someone upthread suggested, you need to set up meetings with those who have praised your work in the past, but you need to do it quickly before word of your poor review is spread (and believe me, the info does get out) making it difficult for you to get supporters.

      I would also go back to the person(s) who were in charge of your review with the list of your self identified areas of improvement. Discuss with them what you are going to do to improve and also a time frame in which the changes are to be implemented—get them to sign off on it. I would also try to get them to agree to a status/update meeting within the next three months.

      But in the meantime, you really should get your resume polished up and start discretely networking. Good luck.

  29. I need some serious help finding a gym bag that is small and light and keeps my stuff very organized. Preferably with a sort compartment for toiletries. I need to make going as easy as possible!!

    Any input appreciated

    2. I am on the hunt too. There is Nike Varsity bag which is very organized and has storage for everything. But then the bag will depend on how much you carry with you. Things to consider are:
      – do you change clothes for different classes (spinning, then swimming etc)
      – do you shower onsite (a towel and flip flops will take more space)
      – do you include a change of regular clothes or do you wear whatever you got into the gym in.
      – Do you need a separate compartment for wet items (swimming)

      I hope this helps to narrow down your search. I think I will wait some more as my current gym bag still didn’t fall apart.

    3. Have you looked at lululemon? I have a lovely black bowling style bag from there that has pockets for everything, including a neoprene laptop segment. It has a separate shoe compartment, and is roomy enough to fit my work out gear, lunch and laptop if I pack carefully.

      1. Yup have the lululemon bag and love it for gym and other travels, but it doesnt make going to the gym any easier I must say!

  30. Any recommendations for jeans or tights for bigger thighs?

    I’m 5’6″ and I typically have to wear a size 8 (or 30 in jean sizing) in order to fit my thighs. However, that means all my jeans are loose around the hip and waist area by an inch or so and create this unflattering sag. Some brands (J-Crew) are worse than others (Banana Republic straight leg). I tried sizing down but I can’t get them up high enough or I can’t sit down.

    As for tights, it seems like most brands offer S/M and M/L sizes. My M/L or C/D tights get holes around the inner thigh seam area after a wear or two. Would tall or “queen” tights do the trick? Is there a difference?

    1. I have a similar problem–I don’t even think my thighs look big, but I have a very difficult time with skinny jeans and the like. I have found that having a little stretch in the denim helps enormously. My favorite pair right now is DKNY straight leg. I’ve also had luck with AT Loft curvy and J. Jill’s straight leg cuts.

    2. I have had great luck with Citizens of Humanity jeans.
      They are very soft and stretchy so they hug teh thighs without being too snug and the waist is comfortable. They are probbaly the most comfortable pair of jeans I have ever worn. The style I have is Ava, I got it from nordstrom.
      I also have some 627 jeans from lebis which are a modern bootcut with a high waist. The thighs area is very forgiving and the waist is rather narrow and sucks the tummy in. The material is a bit stiff compared to citizens of humanity

    3. It’s sort of a pain in the butt (heh) but – tailor. I seem to need most of my pants tailored because if they fit in the hips and thighs, they’re too big in the waist. I found a fabulous tailor who takes in the waist and I swear, this makes my butt look even better.

      I had some luck with Gap jeans this summer – Real Straight, maybe? They weren’t skinny, but were not flared. Couldn’t believe how nicely they fit. I also had some luck at Eddie Bauer for lined wool pants. The Blakely fit accommodated the thighs and also fit in the waist.

      1. Just a caveat to tailoring – I got a pair of jeans nipped in at the waist thanks to Nordstrom’s wonderful services. Every time I washed the jeans, they bunched up awkwardly around the tailored area to the point where I basically stopped wearing them. Not sure if it had to do with how I washed them or what, but I have tried to stay away from tailoring jeans since then for that reason. I hope others have a better experience because it would be great if it was an option!

    4. I have large inner thighs but narrow hips and I find that Gap’s Always Skinny jeans fit me great. Try them. Normally I can’t find jeans that fit right at all.

    5. I am very similar- 5’5″, size 8 on the bottom and a little smaller on top (hourglass/pear shape). I have had great luck with the mid-rise options at Loft, as well as the house brand at Macy’s. Skinny jeans look awful, but straight-leg ones look surprisingly good, to the degree that I feel more comfortable in them now than boot-cut. You might also want to try Gap- they recently resized their pants, and they fit my shape much better than they used to.

      1. I’ve had luck with vince and kasil. Both are kind of spendy, but one of the few pairs of jeans I have that fit over my thighs but fit relatively well in the waist. There’s still some room between the waist band and my waist, but it’s not as bad as other jeans.

        I’d also second citizens of humanity; however, I’ve found that the denim stretches out quickly and thus requires frequent washing/drying. (Might just be the cut I bought, which has very soft denim.)

    6. Have you tried Cookie Johnson jeans at Nordstrom?
      They are cut fuller in the thigh and seat.

      Tights, try Spanx tights….

      1. I have a pair of Cookie jeans. In the beginning I liked them, but I hardly wear them anymore because they look like “mom” jeans to me — the rise is a bit too high for my liking.

        I am a pear shape and have large thighs too. Quite unexpectedly, I bought a pair of Ann Taylor Modern Bootcut jeans on major sale and love them. I bought them for $30 and I think they are pretty flattering.

        If you want more pricey options, I’ve heard Joe’s Jeans in the Honey fit and Paige Premium Denim are good options for those with bigger thighs.

        1. My favorite jeans are Goldsign..

          I have the Cookie skinny Jean, and the trouser cut and I like them. Lots of compliments as well

    7. I like Paige Premium Denim and some of the Calvin Klein “long and lean” styles. But honestly, I think more important than brand is to play around with the rise. Sometimes those with slightly higher–but non-momish–do less gaping at the waist for me.

      I’d recommend choosing one brand and then exploring different styles within it. If you search on Zappos, they are very descriptive with rise (as well as length, etc.). With the free shipping and returns, I felt comfortable ordering a ton, trying them all on, and then returning almost all but the couple that worked. Now that I know what “works” for me, I can tell almost by rise and length and leg width whether a certain style will be more or less likely to work for me regardless of the brand. It’s definitely made jean shopping an easier process than just guessing while standing in a store.

    8. I have a similar shape, and the best jeans I’ve found in the last several years are 7 for all mankind’s high-waist bootcut. They have plenty of room in the thighs but actually hug my waist too, miracle of miracles.

      You might have already tried this — but the thing that worked for me was just going to Nordstrom and trying on literally every pair of jeans that looked like it might work, and trying multiple sizes of each style. The cut and sizing vary so much brand to brand and style to style. Good luck!

  31. I have the typical ‘exercise more’ New Year’s resolution and I’m trying to get back to jogging home from work. I’m fine with leaving that day’s clothes at work once and a while, but I need to still bring my purse home for after-work activities. I looked into fanny packs and the like, but I would really rather have something like a running backpack so I can take my whole purse home. The problem is that I have back issues and would need something that really hugs my body (maybe with multiple straps? or a front carrier) so that it doesn’t flop up and down and hurt my shoulders.
    Does anyone have any suggestions?

    1. My running partner has a running backpack she bought from REI-I think she often runs home from crew practice with it. I think this is the one-http://www.rei.com/product/795508

      Good luck!

  32. Interesting NYT article:

    Is Law School a Losing Game?
    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/09/business/09law.html

    I realize that many law grads are getting a raw deal in this economy, but I can’t find any sympathy for a kid who took out $250K in loans to go to a 4th-tier law school on the other side of the country from the city where he wants to practice.

    1. Me neither. Honestly, people need to take a realistic look at themselves and what their true capabilities are. Maybe we spend too much time telling kids that they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up.

    2. I really wish they had selected a smarter and more sympathetic subject, but that they also would have gone after his school a bit more. Smart people got screwed by the schools’ employment reporting, no need to sensationalize with someone getting a law degree just for the prestige.

      1. I agree with anonymous- a LOT of schools screw with their employment stats to secure a better ranking including a lot of 1st and 2nd tier schools. Also, as the article points outs, the cost of education in this county has FAR out-paced inflation. While going to a 2nd tier state school in a state where you want to practice won’t cost $250K its can easily cost you $150K if you factor in living expenses and undergrad. Just an undergraduate degree at a state school can cost $40K exclusive of living expenses. At some point your either pricing even the middle class out of a college education (let alone a post-grad degree) or asking them to make a huge gamble that they’ll be able to pay off their loans- either way it’s a bad situation and something I wish received more attention from the media. Sorry for the rant- I just hate that the author of the linked article wasted an opportunity to shed light onto what I think is an important issue by picking such an unsympathetic subject. I know teachers who are struggling to pay off debt they accumulated getting their undergrad and grad degrees as well.

        1. *excuse my typos- I composed my reply on a smart phone with less than stellar auto-fill software

          1. But sadly, JD-Surfer guy is correct — there’s really nothing anyone can do to him.

            This makes me wonder if there’s any wisdom at all is being financially responsible. The money-wasters seem to have more fun and there’s no down side so long as they just don’t care.

            I need to rethink my life choices, maybe buy a McMansion and lease a boat.

          2. @Anonymous – the upside is being able to retire at 60 and pay all your bills, I think.

      2. Yes, it seems periously close to predatory lending to give this fool $250K in loans for a degree that would probably have been worthless even in a great economy.

        The part of the article focusing on the ways that schools manipulate the rankings and the ABA’s negligence were great. More attention needs to be paid to that and the ABA needs to be pressured into making the schools shape up. Law should be a prestigious, self-regulated profession, not a pyramid scheme.

      3. Hell, they alluded to a couple of them in the article. How about the kid who grew up a ward of New York State and made it through Columbia and can’t get a job – I bet his story is pretty compelling.

        1. I actually know the Columbia grad, and yes, his story is quite compelling. Extremely bright and nice guy with some pretty bad luck.

    3. A question for the anti-trust lawyers and the doctors/med students–the article mentions the bar association is reluctant to limit class sizes or the number of new law schools because of fear of violating anti-trust laws. But I have some vague memories from when I was pre-med about medical schools being so hard to get into partially for this reason–they put a fairly low cap on the number of schools and incoming students. So what’s the difference? Is it that the medical schools themselves do this rather than the outside accrediting entity? (which I guess is the AMA?)

      1. I think the primary difference is that med schools are not revenue generators for the larger university — at least, not to the extent that law schools are– so there’s not the same kind of incentive on the part of universities to increase the number of slots. Plus, it’s infinitely easier to open a new law school than a new med school because you don’t need hospital facilities, clinical faculty members, patients, etc. I do recall anti-trust challenges being brought against the residency match program, but I don’t remember the grounds on which the cases were dismissed.

      2. Med schools are revenue eaters rather than revenue generators for universities — even in the first year, though you can have some large lectures, the vast majority of courses have lab space. Not to mention that clinical experience is a cornerstone of medical education, and the education of medical students costs dollars to the hospital (though, of course, it is more complicated than that, as those medical students pay tuition to work in a hospital and do tasks that would otherwise be done by someone who would be paid). It’s not as though medical schools are all getting together and deciding how many medical students there will be in the US each year

    4. I also have little sympathy for people like that. But then, one of my best friends will probably turn into one of those people; she just finished her first semester at a 4th tier school. She assumed that she would be a big fish in a small pond, but now that she’s starting to get her grades back, she’s realizing that that is not, in fact, the case. But when she says things like “this is where I need to be; I’ve never felt so at home and at peace before; My school really wants everyone they admitted to succeed,” I think, “what am I supposed to say to that?” I think she is much happier right now than she’s been in a long time, but I don’t know how much longer it’s going to last. Not that it would make a difference if I said anything anyway…

      1. Another Sarah, What I say to that is: Why is our government backing student loans so your friend can feel good about herself?

        1. It’s not – she has a mondo scholarship such that her parents can help her out.

          It’s Sunday, a day of rest – let’s not start a whole big debate about whether the government should be subsidizing higher ed, k? :-)

      2. If your friend is taking on debt, frankly, she should drop out.

        If she doesn’t have debt (or doesn’t have much debt), then good for her for doing something she enjoys with her life. So long as she realizes she’s likely to land a job paying 35K after graduation and she doesn’t have unreasonable expectations, she’ll probably end up perfectly happy. Plenty of T4 graduates have successful careers in city government, small law firms, etc.

    5. Sadly,
      I don’t this article is going to change anything because law schools are typically full of top students who have generally always been successful so it will be difficult to wrap your head around the idea that you won’t continue to be a success, versus unemployable and in tremendous debt….

      1. And that is where the parents come in! But, then again, most kids are raised in day care.

        1. Well that was an inappropriate, cheap and largely inaccurate shot. What pray tell does daycare, which typically ends at 5, have to do with a successful person’s inability, and/or unwillingness to contemplate no longer being successful, when advance degree decisions are being made?

          And what if the parent never went to college or graduate school? What do they tell their child? Dash their hopes? Say, you might fail, so don’t even try? Unless the parents are legal professionals, it is highly unlikely they have the knowledge base to give this level of guidance.

          Never mind, the inability of the aspiring student to listen. We see that here, when someone will post about getting a JD, and get 30 responses from currently practicing, or looking for work lawyers, and their response drills down to “won’t happen to me!”

          1. Clearly she wasn’t raised in daycare. In my daycare we would’ve beaten the snot out of someone for being so nasty.

        3. Clearly she wasn’t raised in daycare. In my daycare we would’ve beaten the snot out of someone for being so nasty.

          1. I am sorry, Diva, I did not mean that as a attack on you. In this same thread is a “parent” war (not mommy) about people doing just fine in daycare. I see a whole generation of young people who were raised without critical thinking skills who are taking out exhorbatant loans with the belief that they should “follow their dreams” and it will be all okay, until they can only get a job at Starbucks. There is a disconnect and it starts long before the students turn 22 or 23. Sorry if I find the whole state of affairs to be out-of-control.

          3. Anonymous –

            Attributing a lack of critical thinking skills in the 20-somethings of today to daycare is absurd. Do you have children? Are you presently responsible for raising and educating a young mind? Because if you really were, I think you would realize that the development of critical thinking skills does not happen between the ages of 6 weeks to 2 years (the age of most daycare programs. After 2, kids usually go to pre-school, then pre-K). Rather, it occurs in upper elementary and continues into high school (at least in a classical education model, which the majority of public schools no longer offer). Whether these skills are developed is largely based on the curriculum a child is exposed to throughout their learning years. Perhaps you ought to revisit the depth of your critical thinking skills before coming on here and making sweeping generalizations that are not only inflammatory but ill-informed. I think most parents are doing the best they can trying to balance their careers, their needs, and the demands of parenthood. Your comment was mean spirited and narrow minded no matter how you slice it.

          4. If she does have kids, lets hope that she puts them into daycare so that they learn to socialize and respect others!

          5. I didn’t take it as an attack on me, as I am comfortable with my childcare decisions. But besides not being able to see any remotely reasonable connection between attendance in daycare and the ability to make graduate education decisions 18 years later, what parenting issue was raised in this particular thread?

            There is a separate thread discussing the pros/cons of opting out professionally, but if you want to engage in that discussion, then do so, but do so thoughtfully, versus broad sweeping and unsubstantiated generalizations.

          6. Bonnie: I have read a number of articles that discuss the lack of unstructured time that children have from a very young age right through high school. Kids are placed in daycare from infancy, and by high school they are so over-scheduled with extra-curricular activities that there is no time for creativity. One article was in the Atlantic Monthly in 2001 (when my son was two) and it concluded that the students were hard-working but anti-intellectual and NEVER question authority. More recently, MIT announced that it would take a different look at applicants because the students no longer engage in creative activity – i.e., the “garage bands” of yesterday. When children play together, they solve problems. When children are moved from one structured activity to another and always do well (or at least get an award) then they are quite shocked that the manager at Borders does not care about the LSAT score. Why do you think that young people are willingly signing up for a lifetime of debt with no good prospects for a good income?

          7. Anon – I used day care in the broad sense to include the care given to little babies as well as the horrific after school programs that are held in the cafeteria and staffed by high school kids. It also includes the afterschool soccer games. As for the classical high school model that public schools no longer offer, where do the young people going to learn how to solve problems before they chose to take on massive debt?

          8. “Kids are placed in daycare from infancy, and by high school they are so over-scheduled with extra-curricular activities that there is no time for creativity. One article was in the Atlantic Monthly in 2001 (when my son was two) and it concluded that the students were hard-working but anti-intellectual and NEVER question authority.”

            I was a daycare kid, but (un)fortunately I was also abused by the one parent I lived with, so I developed a healthy ability to question authority as a mechanism to survive. Probably not the answer for everyone, but you should be aware that questioning authority also means not dogmatically accepting Atlantic articles.

          9. that children have from a very young age right through high school. Kids are placed in daycare from infancy, and by high school they are so over-scheduled with extra-curricular activities that there is no time for creativity.

            Oh, because stay at home parents never over-schedule their kids or overly invest in their success. I’m sorry, but if this type of logic is your definition of creativity, I think my kids are better off without it.

          10. Wow, this got heated. Just to add my two cents. Anonymous, I’m not sure you have an accurate idea of what daycare is like these days. A lot of it is “unstructured play time, ” particularly for the school-aged kids. Generally, they come in after school and can play in a room inside or outside if it’s warm enough. Or they can choose to sit in a different room and do homework (you’d be surprised, but some kids do actually choose this option!). Even for the little ones, it’s generally pre-school (structured) for half the day and free play time for the other half. The kids in the article you referenced seem to have been in daycare in the 80’s and early 90’s; I’m sure a lot has changed since then!

  33. Can anyone recommend a fairly modern looking rocking chair for a small living space?

    1. Yes!!

      http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ny/best-products/best-of-three-four-modern-rocking-chairs-from-dwr-058240

      This may be outdated, and I couldn’t find the actual rocking chair on DWR’s website, but I got the one in the lower righthand corner when my son was born for nursing. I was obsessed with having a rocking chair for nursing in the night, my husband didn’t want anything huge and ugly (he has a modern design asthetic) and we live in a 600 square foot 1 bedroom house. It is comfortable, has a matching foot stool, and folds up to be stowed away when not in use. Worth looking for — it’s prettier than the picture.

      1. Oh, that would work perfectly in our apartment. I’ll poke around their website a bit. Thanks for the reco.

  34. I know this post may go unseen because it’s Saturday night, but any thoughts on how to spread the word about a name change after divorce? Initially, I was thinking about not changing it right away, because I found it so hard to talk to people about the divorce. But given a bit of time to think, I pretty quickly realized that I did want to go back to my maiden name (in fact, I wish I could go back to it right away – I’m almost desparate to be “me” again).

    When I changed to my married name, I was still in law school, so I didn’t have to figure out how to tell clients and co-workers about my new name. And it was a happy situation, so it felt easier to do. Although I’m better able to talk about the situation than I was a month ago, it’s still hard and I do tear up sometimes.

    Any suggestions about the easiest way to handle this in the professional context? A friend of mine added a note to her signature line that said “As of _____, my name will be XXXXX. My new email will by ________________.” That seemed like a pretty good approach, but some folks easily look right past a subject line.

    Thanks, ladies! Hope everyone’s having a lovely weekend.

    1. Do you have an assistant at work? If so, ask her to notify all your clients and professional contacts with an email like this:

      “As of DATE, Ms. cbackson will be using her legal name, Ms. Smith. Please note that her new email address will be _____, although messages sent to her old address will be forwarded. Her other contact information remains the same.”

      I think that this phrasing – using her legal name – will head off any questions about whether you are getting married (because when people see that a woman is changing her name, unless they knew she was already married, they’re going to assume she’s getting married). It also doesn’t make it evident that you’re going through a divorce – you might just be going back to using the name that’s on your professional license for reasons of simplicity. And having your assistant send out the email means that you won’t get awkward questions – she can field them for you.

      Good luck. Baby steps.

      1. I once got an email that simple read “please note new email address and name” in the signature line.

        Simple, subtle and it worked.

  35. Update:
    After all of the advice I received, including the advice I received here, I finally told my (ex) b/f that we need a ‘break’. I thought about how he will not plan a future with me and when I asked him about moving in together he says ‘why plan for something that we can’t do now’, which shows his lack of concern for his future and our future together. So after 4 years together I finally told him we need some space to think about things, but he pretty much knew it was over and seemed surprised even after I broke up with him in September. Some of the things you all told me here was very helpful, and I want to thank you all for your advice and telling me your experiences. Ultimately, I know I am relatively young, but I just can’t waste any more time on someone who isn’t going to commit. 4 years is long enough.

    1. His loss….

      Spend some time dating yourself. My dad always told me – “If you don’t treat yourself well, how will someone else know how you expect to be treated?”

    2. Good for you! It’s hard now, but you’re on your way to finding the man of your dreams.

    3. Congratulations on being truly courageous, and taking good care of yourself — it can be hard sometimes. Hang in there!

  36. Can someone recommend a camera that takes flattering people pictures? My husband bought me a Panasonic Lumix which is supposed to be great, but I’m not sure if the lighting is the best. What do you recommend? Looking for a camera where the flash isn’t super bright (ie: lighting looks natural).

    1. If you want a flash you can control you want a DSLR plus a flash. But that’s very big, bulky, heavy and well, requires a lot of knowledge to operate well. Right now, your best bet is probably a Canon S95, or another camera with an F2 aperture (Canon S90 also, and a few others). That will allow you to take many pictures with natural lighting (no flash needed) in many more circumstances than most pocket cameras (and even many lenses on DSLRs).

      The S95 also lets you turn down the power of the flash, which lets you use the flash but if there is enough available light, it’ll be much more natural-looking. However, that’s definitely a “fiddle with the controls” type of thing, not automatic.

      What you’re ultimately asking for, is not really possible to do with a built-in flash because of physics (that’s why pro photographers get lenses with low f-stops and big flash attachments). But the S95 is a pretty good compromise IMO. Although warning: to get good pictures you will have to get very familiar with the manual: auto is not going to cut it in many circumstances.

      1. This is a very helpful review – thank you! I was wondering about a camera with adjustable flash myself. Even though I have medium brown skin, I’m surprised how washed out I can look. I have a canon but I have no idea what it is. Regardless, I’ve found that Canon’s digital cameras are far superior to the Sony that I had. I had an Olympus as well, which I really liked (better than the Sony, too) but it eventually slowed down.

    2. Haha. I have the Panasonic Lumix, and I am so not an electronics person. Everyone who sees it tells me it’s a great camera, and I guess it takes great pictures on the automatic setting. But I have never learned how to use all of the buttons and doo-dads and thingamajigs it can do.

  37. Can anyone advise me about 3/4 sleeve suits? Are they too “cute” for a conservative law firm environment?

    1. Not too cute at all. I often wear 3/4 sleeve suits in trial because I have a habit of pushing up my sleeves.

    3. I think a 3/4-sleeve suit might work in warm weather as long as no other features of the suit are too cute (i.e., length, color, other details), but probably not for a court appearance or important meeting.

    4. I have a dark brown cotton pantsuit I wear in the spring/summer, when I’m not going to be in court or any client meetings. My office is pretty conservative.

  38. Thanks, ladies! I have a couple of them and was wondering if they were appropriate.

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