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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Bonnie
Yay. Weekend thread. We’re looking for a cheap vacation spot: somewhere with a beach and plenty of sun. We’d prefer an all-inclusive but aren’t tied to that. We’ve been to Cancun, Punta Cana, Jamaica and the Bahamas. Any other suggestions? Thanks!
Confessions
I love Cabo and have heard great things about Puerto Rico
kz
I posted this in a response to a vacation question on this morning’s thread. It’s not all inclusive, but it can be cheap:
Depends on what you’re looking for. If you want a beach vacation, I went to Vieques, Puerto Rico about two years ago and highly, highly recommend it. It’s not *that* well know or touristy (though it’s been getting a lot of media coverage lately, so this may have changed since I went), and the beaches are practically deserted. There’s also a wide range of quality/price of accommodations, so it basically works for any budget–you can stay in the $80/night guesthouse, or the several-hundred dollar a night W Resort, and everything in between. There’s also a lot of things you can do–kayaking (including in a Bioluminescent Bay), snorkeling, riding, biking, etc. Or you can just lay on the fabulous, fabulous beaches. I will warn you that in terms of restaurants and activities, it skews toward casual operations. (though there are some nicer restaurants). This isn’t one of the more touristy islands, so it’s much more laid back and casual. Think Key West before Key West was so popular.
Read more: https://corporette.com/2011/05/13/frugal-fridays-tps-report-ruffle-neck-dress/#ixzz1MGEmYV5U
Hey Anonnynonny
Word of warning about Vieques, it’s a former US army test site and many of the locals have become ill from the radiation still lurking in the area. Being a native Puerto Rican,family and friends do enjoy a day trip but don’t advise to purchase food there. Aguadilla, Puerto Rico and Fajardo Puerto Rico are a quiet and beautiful places to look into.
Scully
Costa Rica
KW
Yes, Costa Rica! Beautiful country, lovely people, and easy to get to. I got married there in Dec. 2009, and it was wonderful. We stayed at the Occidental Grand Papagayo…it was nice but needed some updating, so you could find a better all-inclusive resort to stay at. But the country itself is gorgeous. The coastal areas are mountainous but with beautiful beaches. My only regret is that we didn’t get farther in to the interior of the country closer to the volcano because it’s very lush and green and looks amazing. Highly recommend!
A
Punta Islita in Costa Rica is absolutely PARADISE. Seriously outrageous. Expensive but not outrageous, and worth every penny.
Anon
Ohhh, I went there on my honeymoon. So beautiful. But definitely not all inclusive.
ANP
I’d DEFINITELY recommend Costa Rica but not an all-inclusive there. It’s the kind of place best experienced at independent hotels, etc.
Anonymous
Agreed – all-inclusive is not the way to go in Costa Rica as there’s so much to see and do outside of a resort that will leave life long memories that you just can’t get anywhere else. We actually did up a guide to 55 Things to Do In Costa Rica which is available for free from our site.
Cheers, Tee
Tee is the founder and senior editor of Costa Rica Travel Magazine http://www.CostaRicaCLOSEUP.com and Video Magazine http://www.CostaRicaCloseup.TV guides to Costa Rica
anon-j
Question for Seattle Corporettes: I’m trying to coordinate a bachelorette party dinner in Seattle, and am looking for a restaurant that’s not TOO expensive (hoping each of the four bridesmaids can pay ~$50 to cover themselves and a portion of the bride’s dinner), but is classy/fun. Any thoughts? I’m an East Coaster and have no clue, so any and all suggestions most welcome! The bride is not super adventurous, food-wise.
Alternative suggestions for activities we could do together other than dinner on the budget described above would be great, too. Thanks in advance!!
EC MD
My top choice would be Palace Kitchen, though your budget and plan is very doable in Seattle.
Palace Kitchen is one of several restaurants in Tom Douglas’ empire. I like PK because it has a large beautiful bar, the food is yummy, the drinks are great. I’m sure you could get a cozy back table or a table in one of the small rooms and have it feel a little more private. The food is good for either sharing or eating, and while it is very very good it is not crazy — everyone would for sure find something they like.
I also think TD’s restaurants have really good customer service; if you called ahead I’m sure they could help you. We used them to cater our wedding and it was a super pleasant experience (and not to brag, some of my friends still tell me how good the food was).
If I think of others, I’ll let you know!
cbackson
Along this line, TD’s restaurant Lola is fantastic – it’s Mediterranean, and excellent.
If you want something a bit flashier/less mellow, Purple is also quite good (great wine list). Only downside is that the dining room is incredibly loud due to the high ceiling (for the giant wine tower).
Outside of downtown, I always recommend Volterra in Ballard, which has excellent Northern Italian food and a space that feels special-occasion-y. Ballard is not bachelor party central, but there are a wide array of bars in that area for after-dinner drinks (Hazlewood is my favorite).
meara
Depending on how many people you have, the downtown Purple has a private room with a big table for 20, which is fabulous.
Lyssa
Obviously not for everyone, but the most fun bachelorette party I’ve ever been to involved eating at a BBQ joint and then going bowling. Sometimes casual and offbeat can be a blast.
Anon
Man, I am not a fan of bachelorette parties at all in general, but I would have LOVED that one!!
ML
Wild Ginger is great- although may be a bit pricey- can’t remember off the top of my head. But the food is really good.
spacegeek
OOh I’ve been to Wild Ginger! Fabulous swanky “hipster” ambiance, fabulous food!!
Anon
I wish I was doing that this weekend instead of the overpriced restaurant and club after!
anon-j
You ladies are the best! Thanks for the fantastic suggestions, and please keep them coming! :)
M in CA
Not a restaurant suggestion, but something I learned when planning these types of things: wherever you go, call the restaurant ahead of time and ask what kind of fixed price menus they have for events like this. Then collect money from everyone ahead of time. Everyone pays for their own alcohol (and the bride’s drinks, of course). This avoids the post-dinner “I got this/you’re paying for that” awkwardness, which is best avoided at B’ette parties.
Circe
Given the bride’s food preferences, I recommend the following choices, in or near Downtown:
McCormick & Schmick’s – there are a few locations. If you call in advance and tell them what’s going on, they’ll print up a special menu with her name on it and maybe throw in a free dessert (good for pictures, keepsake). Very classic seafood with vegetarian and carnivorous options. Large portions, and down-to-earth service. I recommend the 1st ave location (1st & Spring?).
Also along the lines of Purple, Sip (5th Ave) is a good. People like Pink for parties (in Pacific Place) but it’s a club-ier atmosphere so it depends on the bride’s style.
Go to the Pink Door in Post Alley for Italian food, and if you’re there on the weekend they have aerial performance artists (trapeze, etc) and in good weather the huge deck is beautiful and has a view of Pike Place market and the water. For classic 70’s supper-club-decor-kitschy-Italian-immigrant food that’s fun with a good bartender, go to Vito’s on 9th Ave.
Boka on 1st ave has nouveau-American food and the best truffle fries in town. Juno in the Arctic Club hotel has good American food too.
Note about Tom Douglas restaurants: do your research, some don’t accept reservations, and for some it will be hard to stay within your budget.
cbackson
Ah, how did I forget the Pink Door? It’s wonderful, especially if the weather’s good and you can sit outside.
Circe
I forget about it frequently, then kick myself when I remember. There must be something about it…
Hollis
It’s a chain, but I had a lot of fun at Palomino’s and I like the space. A little more upscale and quieter would be Art or Boka. I do not recommend Purple – I love the food but man, it’s so loud in there you can’t hear your table mates unless you stay focused. If you want to do something other than dinner, maybe tea at the Fairmont? Or mani/pedi’s at Julep?
Lip Fuzz
Ladies, an embarrassing question – I recently realized that the dark, fine hair on my upper lip is much more noticeable than I thought. While it is not very heavy, the lip fuzz (I cannot bring myself to use the m-word) adds a darkness/shadow that is not flattering or feminine. It has got to go, but I am not sure how. I’ve used tweezers before, but my sensitive skin doesn’t seem to like that much because it gets unpleasantly rough and bumpy for several days afterwards. There has to be a better way. I’m willing to consider both temporary and permanent solutions. Please help me!
mocha
Most salons/spas that do waxing offer upper lip waxing! I find that less irritating than tweezing.
Anonymous
I’ve been using Sally Hansen wax on my upper lip for years. It’s cheap at drugstores, and you microwave it to heat it up. You have to just count to three and tear it off like a band-aid, but then you put lotion on immediately after, and it’s not painful. They say waxing thins hair as well, though I can’t really tell. I only have to do it every few months.
Lea
Did you try bleaching it? It really depends on your skin/hair color, sometimes it can look really yellow and fake, but I know on myself it makes the hair totally unnoticeable.
I wouldn’t advice tweezing/waxing : it will overtime make it more visible.
Anonymous Poser
I’ve been waxing for years, and if anything, it’s made the hair *finer*, rather than more visible. YMMV.
I use Sally Hansen’s wax strips that you warm up by placing them between your hands (you’re not touching the wax–it’s between two strips of plastic) and rubbing your hands together.
After I wax, I apply ice (wrapped in a towel) for a while, and then I apply the liquid that comes with the strip. It’s a little time-intensive, since I leave the ice on for about 30 mins., but I have had to do the same thing after a salon waxing of the same area, to reduce redness. I just have sensitive skin.
soulfusion
I don’t think it makes it more noticeable. I used a cream for years but it always seemed to miss significant hairs so I switched to waxing and periodic tweezing. I do not think it has become more noticeable, if anything there is less of it. I will caution that for me, lip waxing hurts more than brows or bikini line.
Anon
Tweeze, wax, or bleach it!
TX Attny
I’ve used Jolen bleach and a hair remover cream. The bleach definitely is less harsh, but err on the side of caution and do it for only a few minutes so it doesn’t irritate your skin. The hair remover cream (a Sally Hansen product) says you can leave it on for 10 minutes and then wipe it off with a cloth. I leave it on no longer than 8-8 1/2 minutes and wipe it off with a damp, warm cloth. The hair remover cream is stinky, and it might make my upper lip red but only for about an hour or so. I’m interested in hearing other comments and suggestions too!
Electrolysis is the way to go
I would strongly urge you to try electrolysis. It’s permanent hair removal and not damaging to your skin. After years and years of threading/tweezing/waxing, the skin around my upper lip got dark and discolored, plus I started getting really coarse hairs. Sorry for the TMI. I’ve been doing electrolysis for the last year and most all of my hair is gone. Highly highly recommend it.
L
I had the same upper lip problem and also did electrolysis about five years ago, and it was worth every penny. The hair is completely gone and there’s no maintenance. Highly recommend.
Lip Fuzz
Interesting. I’d rather spend more now and be done with it forever. How much time/$ should I expect to budget?
L
I’m sorry, I’m totally spacing out at the end of a long week. I did *laser* treatments for my upper lip, not electrolysis. I think I paid like $60 each for like 5 or 6 sessions, but I can’t quite remember. I think the sessions were spaced out like a few weeks or a month apart. Anyway, it was super effective and I highly recommend.
Electrolysis is the way to go
It really depends on how much hair you have there and the texture. If it’s fine hair, you would probably go about every 2-3 weeks for 15 minutes, and you could be done in about 15 sessions. Rates vary, but in DC I paid something like $30 for 15 minutes, $50 for 30 minutes. It’s not cheap, but it’s SO worth it. Make sure you go to someone who is certified – forget the organization that does the certification, but look into that.
I don’t know if you a person of color or not. If you are, I have heard that laser does not work if you have dark skin and dark hair. I was also very wary about laser because I was told that I needed to shave between treatments, and there was no way I was bringing a razor to my face! That’s why I chose electrolysis and I couldn’t be happier. Good luck.
L
I didn’t have to shave my face between treatments. Eww.
Anonymous
Can you post the recommendation of the person in/around DC you went to?
Thanks!
DC electrologist
I went to Soheila at A Gentle Touch in Rockville. I highly recommend her, she’s very experienced, has clean facilities, and is certified. She’s extremely busy too, which is a good sign.
Janie
I use Sally Hansen face bleach, works great. I’ve tried waxing but it made my upper lip red for about a day. I’ve also tried a Sally Hansen product that removes the hairs completely (like Nair but for your face), but I found it to be too harsh.
Valleygirl
Try threading? I’ve got really sensative skin and threading works better for me (for brows, upper lip and chin) than waxing.
DutchFan
Try the Bikini Touch (don’t know if they still sell them, probably at Walgreens). Seriously- it’s a motorized blade that sorta shaves it off without shaving. Because the hair is so fine you won’t have stubble, and no irritation since its not actually touching your skin. I use it all the time! Obviously the hair grows back, but you just have to use it once every week or so and you are good to go! Takes literally 5 seconds to swipe it off.
Niktaw
I am a big fan of threading, but for some reason it hurts like a pitch when they do my upper lip. (I am generally thick-skinned with fairly high pain threshold)
I do it anyway – can’t beat the price and I am happy with the results.
ML
Second the threading suggestion! I’ve been dealing with this since I was eight, and I’ve tried almost everything. Waxing at home is okay, but painful and sort of too much of a hassle for me- you have to get it the exact right temperature- too hot and it burns you, but even a tad too cold and it doesn’t really work. Bleaching is okay, but can be really obvious (a bunch of white hair on your face) and has the potential to bleach the skin underneath as well- not a good look. I’ve tried all kinds of depilitories and finally stopped because i had such inconsistent results- I’d use a product for years and then out of the blue it would give me big, fat, bumpy red mustache. Awful! I finally found threading and it’s amazing. It lasts for several weeks, it grows back thinner, it takes about a second to get done- it’s wonderful. Highly recommend. Good luck!
Lip Fuzz
Though I’m considering electrolysis as a long term solution, I really wanted it to be gone immediately. I found a popular threading place on yelp and took the plunge. I’m very impressed – it was so fast, so easy, relatively painless, and only $20 to do my lip and brows! I already booked my next appointment. Thanks so much for the suggestion, ladies!
Bk foette
for me, I just use a pair of hair cutting scissors and cut it as close to the skin as possible — I used to nair, but had the chemical red mustache. Tweezing irritated as well. Waxed once or twice, but never had as good of results as just a scissor trim.
found a peanut
I think every woman has an m-word and most just deal with it. I use depilatory cream that I buy from the drugstore, like Nair. You put it on, wait 5-10 mins, and then wipe it off. Lasts for about 2 weeks.
Graduette
I have the same problem. I was stupid for starting to wax my upper lip in HS, when my hair too fine and light to even see. Now it’s much darker and more noticeable, but threading works best for me. It is very painful!
Side note: does anyone else have discoloration of skinon their underarms from hair removal? I noticed q slightly greenish tint–/ anyone know what’s causing this and how I can get rid of it?
Another Sarah
The same kind of thing shows up after I get my underarms waxed. I just always thought it was slight bruising from the procedure (I have super sensitive skin). For me, it goes away after a day, though.
TX Attny
Thank you, Corporettes, for your great suggestions about helping me alleviate my very bad habit of picking and biting my cuticles. I took your suggestions and bought a good hand cream and cuticle pen. Time will tell! Thanks for your help!
EC
Good luck! I just realized that I’ve gone six months without a bleeding former cuticle, and it’s such a good feeling not to be self-conscious about that anymore.
*Formerly* Preggo Angie
Alright… so I’m still in between maternity clothes and my regular clothes, and I’m starting to feel frumptastic – between the too-tight items and the too-loose items, I’m not exactly the most fashionable person. So I splurged on some sale items at Nordstoms.com and I’m hoping they help with transition and can eventually be taken in. Weight loss is happening, but slooooowly. Just needed to vent a bit.
KOB
I had to do the same thing — I hit the outlets and bought some “transition” clothes post-baby. My reward for surviving 3 weeks of motherhood was also an transitional pair of Hudson’s. You’ll get there, I promise — but yeah, it can be frustrating at the time.
AgencyCounsel
I am in the same boat and have hit the outlets. I was hoping not to have to buy a summer post-pregnancy wardrobe, but my summer suits are still too small.
EC MD
Remember, it took nine months to change your body in one direction…
Also, I remember that phase. A few inexpensive brighteners in your wardrobe will do wonders! Not exactly the same, but I bought myself a new maternity shirt at like 38 weeks because I was sick to death of everything I had. I think I wore it twice, but it did wonders for my mood.
WorkingGirl
I am in the same boat. How long can it possibly take to lose the weight? I feel like the people who say it melts off with breastfeeding are lucky or lying. I want to wear my old clothes!
DS just had his 1 year B-day
And I am still at the weight I was 2 weeks after he was born.
BOO. HISS.
I have a hormone issue though and the meds that fix it can’t be combined with b-feeding, which I did for 11 months.
Am praying that once I go back on the meds, I lose the weight. I HATE HATE HATE carrying this extra weight around.
Selia
Has anyone tried any of the Spanx “Slimming Apparel” – they have shirts, pants, etc. that look interesting.
Also – had to share a very cool site where you can create/design your own shoes! I haven’t tried it yet, but sure am tempted!
http://www.milkandhoneyshoes.com/
kz
New York Times had an article about that (and other design-your-own-fashion sites) this week:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/12/fashion/on-the-web-design-your-own-clothes.html
Katie
I bought shoes from milk & honey – i thought they were awesome – i did a kinda crazy design and LOVE them!
Selia
Good to know!
Amelia
Going on vacation to Jamaica tomorrow! Any recommendations? We will be in Runaway Bay, but likely to rent a car or scooter to explore and spend a few nights in Montego Bay.
anon
Rick’s Cafe in Negril if you can get there – amazing music right on the cliffs! Lots of people go cliff jumping but I wasn’t eager to wind up in a Jamaican hospital – but it’s fun to watch!
AgencyCounsel
I remember going to Rick’s during spring break 20 years ago. Fantastic views.
Fishie
I went to Rick’s on spring break 15 years ago – great place!
Honey Bear
Jealous of your vacation, Amelia! Have a fabulous time!
L
Any Corporettes attending the ACC’s Corporate Counsel Univeristy in New Orleans next week? If so, it would be nice to meet up and socialize.
Janie
Hubby and I are talking about going to Niagara Falls in early August. We’re hoping for a cheap and fun weekend getaway, a little kitschy is cool, too. We’re coming from NYC. Anyone have any suggestions for where to stay, how to get there, stuff to do, etc etc?
Divaliscious11
The Marriott overlook the falls has amazing views. We stayed there and my kids were amazed when they opened the curtains! (We got in late at night so they had no idea….)
Scully
I love Niagara on the Lake. It’s a small town about 20 minutes from the falls. We stayed at the Orchid Inn (small B&B) and the owner was fantastic. The free breakfasts were really really good. We were up there during the ice wine festival, so we spent most of our time going from winery to winery.
There’s tons of kitsch in Niagara itself- haunted houses, wax museums, etc. We went to the Butterfly Conservatory, which was good for an afternoon.
LinLondon
Go to the Anchor Bar in Buffalo for wings! Oddly enough, the original is still the best.
ADS
The ONLY way to get there from NYC, as far as I’m concerned, is to fly JetBlue from JFK to BUF and rent a car there. We did this last September, and it’s a) SO much faster than any other method of travel, b) cheaper than any other method of travel, and c) SO much more comfortable than any other method of travel. (I assume you’re planning to stay on the Canada side? If you’re not, you really, really should. Make sure you have a passport.)
We stayed at the Marriott Fallsview, and loved it. We splurged on a room with a whirlpool and a fireplace, and it was completely worth it.
I agree that Niagara on the Lake, especially if you like wine, is lovely. We ate dinner at the Peller winery, where I ate food that changed my life. Highly, highly recommended.
Highlights of the trip included the White Water Walk and the butterfly Conservatory. And Maid of the Mist, obviously.
M in CA
The kitschy stuff is on the Canada side — bring your passports. I stayed at a falls-view room on the Canada side when I was there and I loved it (I don’t remember the name but there are several hotels that offer falls views). I don’t recall if there were hotels on the NY side that had views of the falls.
Definitely do Maid of the Mist! There are also a lot of weird Ripley’s Believe It Or Not-type museums and some other weird/cool stuff to see. I was there years ago so I’m sure it has changed some. It was definitely not what I expected. I think if you’ve ever been to Gatlinburg, TN, it’s a lot like that.
CDN Anon
There’s a casino with half-decent shows too!
anotheranon
If you’re looking for kitschy, as someone mentioned, there are haunted houses, giant ferris wheel, fun houses etc. are clustered on Clifton Hill. There are ample wineries nearby in the area if you have a car. Skylon Tower has a revolving restaurant with a nice view of the falls. If you like meat, there’s one of those Brazilian all you can eat meat restaurants (Brasa). If you like theatre, Niagara on the lake (small town nearby) has the Shaw Festival going on during the summer.
P
We stayed at a Sheraton, I believe, right across the falls on the Canadian side. Really gorgeous views, if you get a window facing the falls! There’s more development on the Canadian side–i.e., attractions, restaurants, etc.–but a lot of it is tacky/touristy. I recommend doing the Maid of the Mist tour while you are there.
The American side is a designated National Park, and I found it more beautiful than the Canadian side. I highly recommend walking around the park and hiking on the trail that goes down near the falls. There’s also a lovely restaurant (I forgot what it was called) inside the park area, overlooking the falls.
Bonnie
We’re going there in a few weeks and staying at Greystone Manor B & B. http://www.greystone-manor.ca/ It looks great online. Our room has a private entrance and a balcony overlooking the falls. I can report back.
Scully
Stopped in Banana Republic for the first time in ages and found a lovely silk sheath dress:
http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=39292&vid=1&pid=833073
The colors are nicer in person- I think the grey background is washing out how pretty the dress is. It hit me right at the knee (I’m 5’6″). It was well-constructed and lined enough so you couldn’t see through. I’ll be watching for it to go on sale.
Also, I wish I were going on a bar trip where I could wear this:
http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=50129&vid=1&pid=861904
Janie
Thanks for the review! The dress looks perfect for a wedding I have later this summer. Did you try it on? How was the fit?
NJEsq
This dress was featured in Glamour, the May issue I think, with three ways to wear it, beach wedding/cocktails, etc. They paired it with a cardigan in one, a fancy necklace in another, I’m tempted to get it and I have no weddings to go to. (Thankfully!)
Scully
The fit was pretty standard- my usual BR size (8) fit well. It does not have a lot of stretch due to the silk.
KOB
I just got that! My local BR was having 40% off everything in the store so I got it for like $90ish. I have lots of graduations and weddings coming up this summer so I thought it would be perfect. I can also wear it to work with a cardigan. A warning — it runs pretty big. I had to get a 0P and I’m rarely that size at Banana.
Scully
Ooo, lucky! That’s a great price. I wonder if there’s a big difference between the petite and regular cuts.
KOB
I wonder too — I’m short, and the regular length hit in a really weird place for me. Also, I haven’t gotten a lot of BR clothes lately so I may be off on what’s normal sizing for them.
Divaliscious11
Second Rick’s, but just have a drink and watch the amazing sunset…then head to Sweet Spice for dinner. Rick’s food is over priced – SS is authentic, and inexpensive……
Divaliscious11
This was to Amelia above.
Bklyn
Jewelry question: my husband and I are looking to upgrade my wedding band (currently a plain titanium band with no stones that I wear alone, i.e. with no engagement ring). I like modern, sculptural, contemporary, unique jewelry and am looking for a band with several or lots of little diamonds (plus maybe some other stones), probably set in white gold or platinum. I’m not really into the big rock on a tiny band, but one large stone could be OK if there was otherwise something interesting about it. Something more “wedding band” than “engagement ring” — I’ve been married almost ten years. Something unique and modern, but also something that can stand the test of time as I wear it for many decades. I like unusual things, but don’t want it to look too crafty/boho. Any suggestions as to jewelers or websites? I am in NYC. Many thanks!
Sydney Bristow
Check out the store Catbird in Williamsburg. http://catbirdnyc.com/ They have beautiful yet unique items. Full disclosure, I have two friends who work there, one of which sells her own line there. I still lust after items that I cannot currently afford.
zelda
definitely second the catbird recommendation. the rings there are beautiful! i especially long for the satomi kawakita pieces.
Ashley
I think the tension-set style is really cool, since it makes the diamond look like it’s floating. This usually works better with a slightly larger stone, but I’ve seen it done with less than .5 carat (a .3 maybe?) and then other stones on the side of the ring.
kz
I seem to recall a similar question being asked before and people suggested catbird (above) and also The Clay Pot, another Brooklyn store (http://www.clay-pot.com/home.php)
Bklyn
Thanks, I will definitely check both Catbird and The Clay Pot out. The Clay Pot is actually just a few blocks from me in Park Slope, so that’s a great tip.
Any other suggestions are welcome and very much appreciated, particularly ones for rings with a bit more oomph and/or edginess, if that makes sense.
zelda
barney’s might be a good place to start, to get a sense of whether there’s some designers out there you like/don’t like so you can find more of their pieces: http://www.barneys.com/Rings/RINGS01,default,sc.html?start=0&sz=193
Anne-on
If you don’t mind going to SoHo there are a lot of great little funky stores around prince/west broadway. My band and engagement ring are vintage inspired from Marissa Perry and I love the setting – there is also a vintage jewelery store on prince just south of west broadway that had some gorgeous art deco bands.
Who to listen to
Ladies – I’m a second year associate who had stellar reviews for most of my first year and then an out of left field negative review at the end of the year (that I posted about.) Then a couple associates were let go and I was still here. Then I started getting much more positive feedback again.
Recently, I find myself struggling to find work. I feel like one of the partners doesn’t want to work with me anymore and I don’t know why. I have two mentors, one with more influence than the other. Senior mentor thinks I should approach partner and ask if there is an issue that I need to work on. Other mentor thinks I should just “keep my head down” and keep working and show good work product. He thinks asking what the problem is could be seen as high maintenence and annoying.
Today, a (male) first year assoicate called me and asked if I could sign a pleading for him because he couldn’t get into the office. When I saw it, it was from a case I used to work on with Partner and mid level. I was told I wasn’t working on it anymore because the client wouldn’t pay for associate time. Now there is someone more junior not just on the case but signing the pleadings.
I don’t want to appear whiney but at the same time this really concerns me. I’m thinking of saying something along the lines of “I noticed that x is working on y case. I’m just curious if there is a reason you didn’t want me working on it anymore and if there is something I could improve on going forward.”
I’m also thinking of asking midlevel first if she knows why first year is now on the case instead of me. I think she is really kept in the dark though because one of the associates that was laid off was working on her cases and she never even got a heads up or asked for her opinion.
Would you approach the partner or lay low?
Anon
Are you me???? I have been in a similar position before and my two mentors never agree on anything :)
Honestly in this economy I am torn on what to tell you but I will leave you with this:
I am leaving my firm because I became really disenchanted with both the practice of law and my firm. I’m very happy for my friends who are loving it, but it is not for me. However, I truly believe that some of our senior partners are amazing lawyers and people. One of them asked to go to lunch when he found out I was leaving because he wanted to give me some advice. One of the things he said to me was that he felt like some unfair things had happened to me during my time here. He specifically mentioned an instance in which a partner would not give me work. I had taken the “keep your head down and do stellar work for everyone else” approach. This senior partner suggested that if I ever find myself in that situation again, I should approach the person and ask what I need to do to get work from them again.
Ballerina Girl
It’s possible that the first year has a lower billing rate than you do and that’s the problem? Or that they gave it to him b/c he needs the training and they’re writing his time off? Just a thought.
Not sure that I have a strong opinion either way on talking to the partner. If it’s been going on a while and is very obvious, maybe say something. But if it’s a one-time/rare thing, I would agree that it could be seen as whiny. Maybe phrase it as “I really enjoyed working with you in the past–I hope you’ll consider me for anything new that comes around” rather than address the fact that you haven’t been getting the work.
I definitely wouldn’t mention that you noticed the other person working on the case–staffing is up to senior management when it comes down to it and they can get pissy.
anon42
I would approach the partner in a non-confrontational way; maybe say that you heard that the case was approaching a big hearing or some other milestone and you wanted to see if they need any help or if there are other cases gearing up that you can work on. If you get the brush-off I would go ahead and ask if there was any area where s/he saw room for improvement in your past work and if it’s more convenient set up a time later to discuss so that s/he’s not put on the spot. I don’t think it’s whiny to seek feedback if this has been going on for a while and I think that keeping your head down could also potentially cause the partners to think that you aren’t being proactive enough about getting work/hours. I’d probably ask the midlevel first though if she’s discreet.
Good luck either way! Definitely a sucky situation.
JJ
It’s not whiny to want feedback and to ask how to improve.
I was you when I was a younger associate. I kept fretting about whether to approach one of the partners (a rainmaker in the firm) that I used to work for, and finally my husband told me that he routinely seeks out feedback from his superiors (he’s not an attorney, but he’s a kick-a$$ at what he does in the business world and routinely is promoted above where he should be). And when you think about, guys are a lot more likely to request feedback.
So, I dropped by Partner’s office one day and asked if he had time later that week for a 15 minute chat. I said I wanted to check in on how he thought that my work was progressing and what I could improve on. He was happy to talk. We talked and he did tell me that I had screwed up something (very minor, but a screw up nonetheless) a few months prior and that he had become a little gun-shy on the big projects because of that. If I hadn’t asked for feedback, he never would have told me that…..I thanked the Partner for taking the time to chat, because I know those type of conversations aren’t easy.
(He also told me that he got into law to become a lawyer and not a manager, so therefore he didn’t really care how or if my career progressed (charming, I know). So I also learned where I stood with him and within the firm. And I started looking for jobs at other firms.)
Yeah, I had to swallow my pride in that meeting. And it sucks being told that you screwed something up. But, for the next 9 months after that meeting (then I left for a *much* better firm), the Partner gave me more work and routinely gave me positive feedback. And when I gave notice, he offered me a raise out of his salary to stay.
Hel-lo
Right, JJ. Asking for feedback isn’t whiny, and it depends on how you approach the meeting. But it’s better to know.
Me too!
Ummm, obviously, you are me. I’m also a second year associate, got great feedback my first year, and suddenly, I’m not “progressing” as expected and I should work on being more “proactive” (whatever that means). I spoke to the main partner I work for and he had a frank discussion with me about whether or not I wanted to stay in big law and whether it was the right personality fit (apparently, I’m an “extrovert”). Two weeks after that he said he loves working with me and that he thinks I’m a great lawyer. Meanwhile, two other partners I do sporadic work for gave me a horrible review bc of a clerical screw-up back in January (which I had specifically asked the federal clerk about and was given the wrong information). This explanation fell of deaf ears.
Following my review, I went to talk to the less scary partner and he said he saw the clerical mistake as a huge problem, and that I was expected to think big-picture and understand where my contribution fell in the bigger case strategy and that he simply did not see my doing that. After that conversation, I’ve decided not to go to the more senior/rain making partner for fear of, well, anything he might have to say about my ability to function at this level.
Now I’m at a loss. I have no idea how I went from a great review in December to a luke-warm, maybe this is not for you review in May. I also don’t know whether I can recover from their bad reviews based on that one mistake. I don’t know what I can do different/better/proactively. I’m not sure whether I should start looking for another job or not either. I hoped to stay with my firm for at least 3 years and I’ve only been here for 1.5. I’m not getting the sense that I will be fired (main partner speaks about long term progress and future meetings to talk about such progress, I’m still getting work and costly training) but I’m still afraid of it.
Does anyone have any advise? Are there any big law corporettes who can provide some insight? ANY guidance is appreciated.
Hel-lo
Me too!,
I think it wouldn’t hurt for you to start looking. Sometimes associates get blamed when it’s not really your fault. That’s what sounds like happened to you. Depending on the scale of this problem, it could follow you for a while.
But take advantage of all the “costly training” you can before going. :)
Me too!
Oh I will. I just don’t know whether changing firms would be advisable as a second year, isn’t that too soon?
Sydney Bristow
My plan for this weekend is to try and set up IBR for my federal loans. Does anyone have any advice on how to make this go smoothly? My friends who have done it recently have had a terrible time getting it done.
For what its worth, I did fill out my 2010 taxes even though I had no income. I don’t have a permanent position, but I have 4 paystubs from my long-term temp position. (I haven’t started the process yet, so I am hoping this will be enough).
Another Sarah
I may be thinking of something else, but when I did it, I just enclosed my most recent tax filing along with the application form. Then the feds sent me a letter saying, “Yay your payment is $0 because you are poor.” And that was that. Maybe your friends had a high enough income that the gov. said they didn’t qualify? That’s the only thing I can think of that would make it more difficult than sending in the forms and being done with it…
stc
when i did it they wanted current salary and tax information-i hadn’t been at my job very long but I believe they did it off my husband and I’s current salary, which is too bad because I’d made very little the previous year (that showed on my taxes). law school debt blows.
Sydney Bristow
Thanks for sharing your experiences Sarah and stc. Now I’m a bit confused as to what was so complicated for my friends. The one who had the most trouble didn’t have any income, so it wasn’t a problem of making too much.
I just called the direct loan people and the woman said I qualify and told me what my payment would be. She then directed me to the forms, which require my tax form and paystubs if I make a different amount of money than was shown on my tax form. It was easy. Hopefully it will all be approved easily and quickly!
MelD
Did they try to consolidate and get IBR simultaneously? This is pretty common and can take 4+ months if you have loans from several lenders. If you are just doing IBR, it really shouldn’t take much more a month to approve your application.
S
I did it. It was easy – and they automatically adjust your rate when your salary changes.
Salary Question
Semi-regular poster, anonymous for this:
Inspired by everything I’ve read and heard about Mika Brzezinski’s book ‘Knowing Your Value,’ I have thought quite a bit about how I’ve sold myself short many times and have been so relieved to get an attorney position and then another one that paid a little more that I probably am not paid what I’m really worth because, I suppose somewhere deep down, I haven’t thought I was worth that much. Attorneys are a dime a dozen, I’ve told myself, and I should just be lucky they keep me. I am getting over this defeating self-badgering. I know my firm values my work, but I don’t know if I am properly compensated.
Corporettes, how do I find that out? I’ve been practicing about 6 years, and I live in Texas. I’m sure size of firm, location and type of practice matter (do litigators make more than transactional attorneys?). Do any of you know of resources where I might find out how much others with similar experience and job responsibilities make? For those of us in smaller and medium-sized firms, salaries are not as widely publicized, and I truly don’t know if I should make $50,000 or $200,000. Truly, there is that big of a gap in my knowledge, and I want to have some idea of where I should be or where others are so I don’t whip myself into a self-entitled huff without reason.
Thank you in advance, Ladies. Y’all have given me great advice before!
Sydney Bristow
I think there was quite the discussion in the weekend thread a few weeks ago where many posters gave their region, experience level, firm size, and salary information. You might want to try searching back a few weeks and see if there was information similar to yours.
Salary Question
Thank you, Sydney! I must’ve missed it and I’ll do some searching.
anotheranon
There is also glassdoor.com. There are a lot of companies there with salary info offered by anonymous posters (no clue how accurate it is). Also not sure how much information there is about the law field.
Former Texan
I practiced transactional law in a mid-sized (around 65 attorneys in the office) firm in Houston. Six years out of law school, I made 170k. We were not lockstep. I made slightly more than other transactional attorneys. We all made quite a bit more than the regular litigators – who truly were a dime a dozen in houston. The tax litigators made the most.
This is as of November of last year. I heard that there were better raises this year. had I stayed, maybe I would be at 180k?
Recruiters Know
Call three of the most active law firm recruiters/headhunters in your town and ask them. They know. They need to know to do their job. And they’ll be happy to tell you.
Bonviva
Take a look at the annual salary and billing surveys in Texas Lawyer (the weekly newspaper, not the State Bar’s monthly publication).
Anon
2006 grad at large Texas firm. I’m in litigation and make $180k. The Sig O is a litigator ar a mid-size/smaller firm (60 attys?) and makes $85k.
Salary Question
Thank you, Ladies, for your advice. It’s truly appreciated.
Moroccan hair oil
For those who use argan oil/Moroccan hair oil, would you recommend it for fine, curly hair? My hair has been thinning lately and I’ve heard that argan oil is good for hair growth. Any truth to this? Ideally, I’d like to use the oil in lieu of mousse/gel, but not sure if you can use it for that purpose.
If you have particular hair oil brands to recommend, that would be very helpful too.
Equity's Darling
Ehhhh…I bought it, and I never use it because I find it MUCH too heavy for my hair. Even as an oil treatment that I wash out, I found the residue to be much too heavy. As a leave in, it was just really really heavy, and I felt like I had to wash my hair by the end of the day- and I usually wash my hair every 2-3 days, with no problem.
And I’m biracial, so I guarantee that my hair is not considered ‘fine’. I couldn’t stand how heavy it was, so I didn’t use it long enough to find out whether it helped hair growth.
Makeup Junkie
I use broccoli seed oil on my hair (I know it sounds weird). I either mix in a tiny bit with my shampoo and rinse out, or use a teeny-tiny bit on my hair before I blow-dry. I have fine, frizzy, chemically-treated hair so I only put a drop on my damp palms and then smooth it over my wet hair.
I can’t rave about it enough. Broccoli seed oil is just amazing and a great alternative to silicone sprays/drops that build-up. Those build-up remover shampoos were too harsh for me, so I’m really happy with this discovery.
http://www.botanicoil.com/products/broccoli_oil.htm is where I got mine; I anticipate my 8 oz bottle lasting me the rest of my life, even though I’ve given about half of it away to a friend who also now loves it.
Good luck!
Divaliscious11
Another option is Amla oil…
Bridget
In the bad habits thread earlier this week, a couple people posted about success with hypnosis, particularly to combat nail biting. I was wondering if people could share more thoughts on the use of hynotherapy, its success, the cost, and recommendations. I personally would be interested in nail biting hynotherapy in the DC area (unless hypnosis could convince me that I like to eat vegetables and hate pasta, haha). But I’m really happy to see any general discussion, as I’m sure some other Corporettes might be similarly intrigued by the idea.
Anon
I did hypnosis for nail biting when I was in high school (late ’90’s) and it made a huge improvement. I still bite sometimes when I am crazy stressed (or sometimes when I’m the tired/sad kind of drunk :)), but I tend to keep it to one or two nails, and most of the time my nails look neat and professional. Before the hypnosis, they were in my mouth all the time without me even noticing. I went to a place on Braddock Road near the intersection of Braddock and 123 (by George Mason in Fairfax, VA) but my parents paid so I don’t know cost and it has been so long I don’t even know if she is still there.
I went for a pre-appointment where she explained the process to me and explained that it has to be something you really want to do because your subconscious is alert the entire time and will reject anything it disagrees with. So if you love pasta and hate veggies and the hypnotherapist suggests otherwise, your brain is likely to be like “that’s crap” and then the hypnosis won’t work. But if you’re committed to quitting nail biting and can give her specific reasons it bothers you she can incorporate those so it will work best (i.e. “I really hate that I bite my nails because it looks awful when I go to shake hands with someone I meet” “I hate biting my nails because it’s so germy”, etc. ). Mine taped the entire thing and encouraged me to listen to the middle part of the tape for reinforcement (which I never did because I was an irresponsible teenager).
Anyways, hypnosis 100% cured my dad of smoking and helped a TON with my nail biting so my family would definitely recommend it.
Ladybug
I had hypnosis for pain management when I had a not yet diagnosed condition that regular doctors didn’t know how to treat. It greatly reduced my pain for about 4 months. It wasn’t that I wouldn’t feel pain, I would just interpret it differently. I saw it more of an “oh that is an interesting sensation” rather than “ouch that hurts.” My MD wasn’t thrilled b/c he thought it was important I still “feel” the pain so they knew if my condition was getting worse or if I was having an emergency. The hypnotist assured me that I would still feel truly emergent pain like a broken arm or ruptured appendix.
Bridesmaid
Hi Corporettes, I am a bridesmaid for the first time and my official duty is planning the bachelorette party. Because of the mixed crowd, this will probably be an R-rated and not an X-rated event. It will take place in the evening at someone’s house where drinking will be optional (my guess is some people will drink heavily while at least two — one underage — won’t drink at all). I was hoping you could suggest fun bachelorette games that you’ve played in the past and really liked? Any suggestions would be appreciated!
JJ
I was you one month ago. I had to plan a two-stage event because one of the bridesmaids is 11 years old. What we did was: meet at a nail salon for everyone to get manicures/pedicures. The bride’s mom also came to this. Then everyone came back to my house where I had finger food, iced tea, lemonade, and then wine and booze. I bought one of those “Table Topics” bachelorette party edition games (I bought mine on Amazon). Basically, they’re cards with a question or topic of discussion and we worked our way through the G, PG, and PG-13 rated ones while the youngin’ was there. It was a great way to break the ice and get to know all the other bridesmaids. Then, we older girls went to a dinner/club restaurant and went through the remaining, R-rated cards, and drank and danced. We ended up having a really good time.
Jay
You can rent a karaoke machine online (or maybe someone in your group has one?) and all the songs for something like $50 I think. Lots of fun, and even those who normally hate karaoke will feel more comfortable among friends than in a public area.
mocha
A lingerie basket is fun – ask each guest to bring a gift of lingerie/underwear, which can be either a sincere gift or a gag gift. (Use subterfuge to find out the bride’s sizes.) Arrange all the lingerie into a gift basket for the bride. She has to guess who gave her each item. It’s fun – often the person you least expect gives her a racy outfit, and you can laugh over the gag gifts like padded-butt undies.
S
I did this and it was really fun.
another anon
To pile on with all of the vacation question posts, I will be in Spain for two weeks later this summer. I am also training for a marathon and will need to run when I am there. I have never been to Spain before, but I am a little worried about street harassment while I am running. I remember the street harassment being pretty bad in Italy when I was there with a female friend a little over 10 years ago, and am wondering if Spain will be similar. My husband will be with me on the trip, but he does not run, so I will be running alone. Normally I wear the ubiquitous Nike Tempo shorts, which are on the short side, but which are extremely comfy, plus a running T-shirt or tank top. For anyone who has travelled to Spain, do you think I need to be worried about this? Do I need to get some more modest running clothing? Or am I likely to get harassed regardless of what I am wearing, so I may as well wear what is comfortable? If it matters, we will be in Madrid, Barcelona, and a few smaller towns/rural areas in Northern Spain.
never been to spain but...
…I’ve traveled a bit (1st and 3rd world), and tried to run sometimes. My 2 cents? If you can handle the occasional catcall, you’re probably fine in the big cities with the usual commonsense safety precautions. I can specifically think of one U.S. friend who said she had a great time running along the promenades (?) in Barcelona. I (probably) wouldn’t bother trying in the rural areas. You’ll stick out more, and you’ll be more isolated and far from help if you are hurt/lost/truly threatened.
As for clothes? I think its more about what you feel comfortable in. Personally, I would stick to tees over tanks, but otherwise wear whatever shorts I was used to.
UKYogi
I was in Barcelona last year and loved it. I would suggest running along the beach/marina promenades where there are plenty of people and tourists but it is not overly crowded. It is also a little cooler than the interior of the city. If the city/promonade is too hot, make your way up the mountains to Tibidabo – there is a vintage fun fair which is cute and it is a lot cooler up there. Montjuic would also be good for a run too, if you like gradients.
I also found this article about running in Barcelona http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-239-281–4776-2-2X5-3,00.html
I would say that contrary to the article – if I was in Barcelona in the summer I would not run along the Rambla – it is very busy and a bit of a tourist trap.
Barcelona is gorgeous and you will see more than most by running around the city – there are some prestigeous areas of the city which from what I can remember would make good running territory, the Eixample, for instance http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eixample . You could have a lot of fun devising routes that take in the wide range of amazing buildings and stunning pieces of public art.
In terms of what to wear, the beach areas are very relaxed, but some parts of the city are quite conservative. You would not be out of place wearing anything along the beach promonades, but I would advise more modest apparel e.g. loose high necked t shirt, knee length running shorts – within the other areas.
Hope that helps.
kellyn
Run in ciutadella, too. Beautiful park. Or, up the passieg de gracia or the rambla de catalunya (not las ramblas). Gracia could be a fun place to run, too!
Anonymous
I had less of a problem in Spain than I did in Italy with street harassment, although Paris was the worst!
Ladybug
I did a semester abroad in Granada (Andalucia) Spain. It is considered a more traditional/lower income area where few people speak English. I was cat called a lot and some men would touch my shoulder to get my attention when I walked by. The only time I felt truly threatened was when I was cornered by men on “motos” (scooters.) They eventually drove away.
I recommend staying in populated areas and don’t run during siesta. Most natives are home or in cafe’s so the streets will be deserted except for the miscreants. It is like being out at 2 am here.
I doubt anyone will run after you so you should feel safer than you would walking (as far as men following and yelling to you.) Keep in mind that the men there are used to curvy dark haired women. If you are blonde or red head you will get a lot of attention. I am blonde and men would yell out “rubia guapa” (pretty blonde) as I walked by.
Have fun!
lostintranslation
I would try to run on beaches, parks, or gardens. I’m not in Spain, but in another part of Europe and I just don’t see people running on sidewalks that much. Parks usually have a lot of other runners, so I feel less self conscious. Another plus is that running on the uneven surfaces like cobblestone hurts so much more than standard US road running, at least for me. Also, I’d maybe stay away from the city’s largest or most famous gardensn because that meant uncomfortably weaving in-between huge crowds who were just taking a stroll.
another anon
Wow, thanks for all the great responses everyone. I knew that you well-traveled ladies would be able to help. I will try to find longer shorts as suggested by UKYogi; I should have plenty of tops that will work. I am definitely more worried about the type of thing Ladybug is talking about (men coming up and touching you, which happened to my friend and I several times in Italy), rather than just catcalls, which happens in the US. I have brown hair, but not super dark coloring, although I guess I could do a spray tan before I go to blend in more :)
cbackson
How close will you be to race day? Be aware that you may be fairly wiped out from the travel (just getting there, and then the tourist-ing that you do in country), and don’t beat yourself up too badly if you’re cutting runs short or not performing as you’d like. It also may feel quite hot to you, depending on where you’re from. Especially if this is your first marathon, I’d think hard about what level of training is realistic for you while traveling and if there are types of cross-training, etc. that you might want to work into your program during that week. For example, if it’s way too hot for you (Spain, even northern Spain, in summer is significantly warmer than where I live), you might want to scope out gyms where you could use a treadmill or elliptical.
another anon
The race is in early October, and I’m planning on doing shorter l0ng runs while I am there. The weather should be about the same as it is where I live (extremely hot and humid), so I am not anticipating having an issue with that. We do plan on doing some biking while there, so I may replace a few of the shorter runs with that. Thanks for the advice!
Meg
I just spent three months in Barcelona. I ran in the evenings, usually between 6 and 9PM, in the ciutadella park (which is well-lit) or along the beach, either in the sand or along the paved walkway. Yes, you could run along more touristy areas, but you would look very out-of-place and I always get tired of weaving through the crowds. There are running clubs in Barcelona that hold evening workouts, if you are interested in meeting new people. A lot of evening socializing takes place in Barcelona, whether it be at the playgrounds, at tables outside restaurants, etc., so I never felt threatened even after dark. As it could be chilly, I wore full-length tights with a t-shirt, a half-zip, and gloves, but I was one of the more conservatively dressed runners. In Madrid and Barcelona, I don’t think you need to change your running outfit, but in the more rural regions I would consider covering up a bit more.
Smart reference idea
I overheard some partners talking about an applicant to our firm the other day. The applicant is trying to lateral here. The applicant used his current assistant as a one of his references. She wrote how he always had his time entered on time, gave her plenty of notice for projects, rarely had fire drills, easy to work with, etc. They loved this non-traditional reference because it told them what the person was like to work with rather than just “are they a good writer” or the traditional, yes, so and so worked here from x date to x date.
This could be a good avenue for a laid off associate not sure where to go for a reference. My firm is kind of new-agey so I’m not sure if all firms would appreciate this tactic. For us though, it seemed to be a hit.
anon
I think that’s a great idea! I would have totally loved that as reference. It shows he is a team player and respects everyone on his team whether senior or junior to him and sounds like someone you’d want on your team.
MC
I need dress-code advice for a business trip on Monday. I’m a first-year attorney at a non-profit and I’ll be attending a legal training in Los Angeles that two of my colleagues are giving. I’ll be there to observe, so I won’t be presenting but will be representing my organization. My colleagues are both men and they were no help when I asked about the dress code (one is wearing jacket, no tie; the other, tie, no jacket). The audience will be dressed very informally (colleagues say that they usually wear jeans).
I want to look professional, but no over-dressed, and not too young. I don’t own heels, so I’ll be in flats. Wondering what would be appropriate as far as outfits.
Thanks!!
Annie
Sheath dress with linen/casual blazer or wrap dress. Non-scuffed flats.
mocha
Second the recommendation for a sheath dress (or pencil skirt and top) with a blazer or cardigan.
graduation outfit?
Any suggestions on what to wear as a guest at an MBA graduation? I don’t wear skirts or dresses, and I’ll have be looking after two children, so it basically has to be an outfit with black pants/khakis/dark jeans on the bottom. Weather will be mid sixties. A cardigan? blazer? button down? dressy top? low heels? Thanks for your help!
graduating myself...
…don’t worry about it! graduations are always all over the place. I’m sure there will be everything from casual grandmas and guests from the middle-of-nowhere to GFs in short skirts trying too hard to impress…someone. plus the grads themselves are wearing those ridiculous robes.
flats or very low heels in case you have to walk a lot. if watching small kids, i’d skip the blazer and go for something nice(ish) that can be tossed into the washing machine at the end of the day. (for that reason: black pants.) if said children are really small (i.e. <2 yo), avoid dangly earrings or any jewelry you won't mind them pulling on and/or chewing on while you're holding them.
i assume someone else will provide you with a diaper bag/snacks etc but you can also consider bringing a big purse and some water, wetwipes, pretzels or crackers…
Miriam
Good news! I applied to a few jobs/internships this week in addition to my summer clinic; mostly due to my parents freaking out about the cost of the summer credits. I applied on Tuesday, had the interview Wednesday, and found out I got the (unpaid) internship today! I’m doing it part time in addition to the clinic. There goes my relaxing, low key summer! I start Monday which is definitely sooner than I would like considering my last final was Sunday, but I’m happy to have the opportunity!
AnonInfinity
Yay for the opportunity! I bet you will have more time to relax than you think. Good luck!
AnonInfinity
I just finished my last final of law school, but I’m not really happy about it because I know I messed the essay up badly. I know I won’t fail, but I also know I won’t get the grade I was hoping for. I feel silly for caring so much when I know that a B vs. an A is not going to matter one bit in the long run, but I can’t stop thinking about the stupid mistakes that I know I made.
I’d been looking forward to turning that exam in for so long because I thought I would feel so relieved. Now I just feel upset and sad. :(
Monday
I’m sorry, Infinity. But it sounds like you already know you’re fine. Try to let it go.
I’ll also share an idea that was incredibly helpful, offered to me a few months ago when I felt I had totally blown something. Part of what you’re experiencing is an adrenaline crash! When you have a huge buildup to something like this–e.g. your last exam in law school–there’s a physiological component. No matter what the outcome was, there’s a coming-down period afterward. Give yourself permission to feel a little weird for a while. (Sure enough, after 2-3 days I couldn’t tell what I’d been thinking, feeling so down!) Have a great weekend.
summer in illinois
Infinity, I hear ya. I’ve been reading Corporette all day agonizing over having reached the wrong conclusion on one of my exam essays this week.
I don’t know if this will help, but one thing I found before law school (I’m a non-trad student) is that learning to be comfortable making mistakes “early” in life makes a huge difference later on. Maybe this experience will lead you to feel more comfortable taking risks in the future — learning to live with yourself when you feel like you’ve blown it is a really valuable skill. Hang in there.
Scully
Just chiming in to say I know how bad this feels. I’ve been stuck in that stupid thought loop.
On the plus side, caring so much shows you are conscientious and ambitious. Make a pact never to make the same mistake again- at least this wasn’t on the bar or for a client.
It sounds silly but sometimes I set a timer and allow myself to worry/feel bad for 5 minutes. Then try to have some fun time with friends and go outdoors. The sting will gradually fade.
AnonInfinity
Thanks for the kind words! I feel a bit better today after a few beers and some sleep. The pieces of the essay that I missed were just a tiny fraction (maybe 5%) of the overall test, so I’m trying to keep that in mind.
When I got up this morning, the sun was shining in my window, and it kind of hit me that I am finished! YIPPEE!!!!!!
Now to clean the house before the onslaught of people coming in for graduation….
anonymiss
Congratulations! It’s great to have the chance over the summer to explore different types of work :)
b23
Hey, ladies. I have an etiquette question. I’m clerking right now. When I want to introduce a friend to the judge, how do I do it? Judge’s name first? As in, “Judge X, I’d like to introduce you to my friend Y?”
eba
I’ll out myself as an Emily Post fanatic and say that the lower-ranking person should always be introduced to the higher-ranking person. For example, you’d say “Judge X, I’d like to introduce my friend Y to you.”
Hel-lo
Yes, per Miss Manners, the idea is to present the friend to the judge. Just like your example quote.
(Your instincts are right! :) )
Bathroom manners
RE: Restroom post on Corporette FB. I would just like to take this opportunity to beg women everywhere to stop peeing on toilet seats! It is disgusting, piggish, and rude. Stop it! Really, if you can’t hover and get it all in, then sit down, for the love of God.
Do I know you LOL
A friend of mine posted this on her facebook the other day – are you blonde and living in Cali by any chance?
Anon
Or, take advantage of the roll of toilet paper (provided the stall isn’t out, which is a separate problem) and wipe down the seat if you miss! It’s not that hard.
MelD
Ugh. It is the missing hoverers that perpetuate the problem because they encourage others to hover. Just cover the seat with toilet paper if the protective covers aren’t available- please!
Speaking of germs- we had this new hand sanitizer bottle show up in the bathroom today where someone said “Please use after washing to stop the rest of us from getting sick.” I thought it was especially entertaining after the FDA released a warning last week cracking down on bogus hand sanitizer claims. Why is it that people still don’t get that hand sanitizer is really only a good option when soap and water aren’t available?
mocha
Also, please make sure the automatic flusher actually flushes everything down! Otherwise, you should – gasp – re-flush it yourself!
SuitedUp
Hi ladies!
I’ve just been paired with an adorably shy, sweet, and smart 9 year old for a year-long mentoring relationship through Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Basically, we’ll hang out for 4 hour outings twice a month, doing whatever we want. So I would love advice! Specifically, on:
1) New York City-area activities that would be fun for a 9 year old. I don’t have kids, and my friends’ kids are still toddlers, and it’s been 20 years since I was a pre-teen, so any thoughts on attention span and how to engage would be much appreciated!
2) Any ideas on what “life lessons” I can work into our outings? I’ve got some plans for “junior NGSGTCO” conversations and activities, such as talking about different career options connected to our activities (e.g., when we go to a museum, talking about what a curator does), working on handshakes, and going to various important but possibly intimidating Manhattan locales like the library or a coffee shop, but more would be great! And are there any books on this topic?
3) Finally, what are 9 year olds reading these days? I’d love to work reading aloud into our time together.
Thank you!!!!
UKYogi
This sounds like such a lovely scheme, well done for getting involved.
Here are some ideas from me:
– Museums (especially if they cater for children, which most do) are a great way to spend time together – kids know what they are interested in and make a bee line for it
– ‘grown up’ things like going to a nice coffee shop for a drink and a cake
– Crafting missions – e.g. going to choose beads and then making bracelets / necklaces together, pottery painting, tile painting etc.
– Does the library have a kids section? You could get them a library card and books each visit? (not sure if this is practical)
– Drawing and writing together, quietly in a coffee shop and just chatting
I’ve noticed that around this age, conversation topics start to turn to relationships with other children, falling out with best friend / likes / dislikes / and also as trust grows, she may talk to you about navigating friendships, e.g. ‘I don’t really know what to do when X cries when I don’t play with her, I like her, but I want to play with other people too, not X all the time’.
When you go to the library, your charge will seek out the books she wants to read and if you were a reader yourself, when you see the age section she goes to, you’ll see the books you used to read and will be able to recommend them to her. I’ve just read the what katy did series, pippi longstocking and black beauty.
Have lots of fun!!
UKYogi
Oh and simple card games and board games (including draughts / chess) are good fun too.
kids!
Right now kids are all over the place with books- and they are so much better than they were 12 or so years ago when I was reading that I am beyond jealous :)
For a girl, which I’m guessing is who you were matched with, try the Main Street, Beacon Street ( no more street names I promise), and if she has a time period she likes, or a doll, the American Girl doll books. They have these great “mystery” books for each character now. If she likes a little adventure in books the Ranger’s apprentice series might be a bit on the hard side but is well worth the challenge. Alyss, one of the main characters is a pretty touch cookie and fun to read about. Sisters Grimm is EXCELLENT though a little scary at points.
There are also books like Secret Garden, Anne of Green Gables, and The Little Princess if you want to introduce her to the classics.
For what it’s worth, don’t discount the Harry Potter series. She has probably seen the movies but not read the books, if she is 9
Also, this is worth noting, the plot lines of these books are spectacular! They are some of my favorites, I am 21 with admittedly widespread taste in books, and all of my siblings are much younger- we generally go running to the bookstore when a new one in each series is released.
Books
Check out the winners of the Newberry Award and the Caldecott Award and the American Library Association’s list of most-banned books.
JuliaBee
Can’t help with the NY or 9-year old specific questions but congrats to you. BBBS is a fabulous organization I have been involved with for years!
cbackson
What about riding the Staten Island ferry to SI and watching a SI Yankees game? The games are really cheap, shorter than normal baseball games, and have a kind of home-town-ish feeling (and there are activities and contests for kids). This assumes, of course, that she doesn’t live on SI and find the ferry to be old hat.
MelD
Does your BBBS organization offer tickets to various cultural activities? I know when I was 9 I loved to go to shows, parks, ballets, festivals, and hands-on museums. I also loved crafts. However, since you’ve presumably met recently, I think it might be good to try a variety of activities first to see what her interests are. Try a short sporting event one month and a cultural event the next to see where her interests lie, and then you can rotate a few activities she really seems to like.
Former teacher coming through- Keep in mind that this young lady is not even out of elementary school yet. I think it’s a little bit too early to be talking about careers and handshakes! I’d also stay away from reading aloud, as this is something she may already be doing in her elementary school classes. I’m sure learning how to navigate the big NYC libraries and check out books would be really exciting for a young girl. When I was younger I’d go to a tiny branch with my grandmother and was still thrilled by school field trips to the big main library.
Anon
I did this in college. It was great – hopefully your relationship will continue beyond the year. The biggest thing I learned – just spending time with my little sister was important. She went from failing/being held back to getting Bs in her classes and believe me, we were just mostly hanging out on my college campus, grabbing pizza, and things like that. I wasn’t thinking about life lessons. At least in my experience, the kids selected for the program were those that had very little stability in their lives, so the stability the program brought was very important.
S
When I was 9 in NYC I loved going to a cafe for pastries – it felt both adult and fun for a kid at the same time. The Bronx Zoo is awesome, the museum of natural history is a must and the carousel in central park is fun. Also – Brooklyn Botanic Garden, Aquarium at Coney Island, taking the tram to governor’s island.
Lynnet
You might want to check out “A Framework for Understanding Poverty” if you get a chance. It’s somewhat controversial, and I understand why, but it was also really eyeopening. I grew up solidly middle class and it was interesting reading about what things I take for granted that are completely foreign to lower income children, and vice versa. I’ve recommended it to friends who teach in low income schools, and they found it really useful as well.
Anonymous
I’ve been a Big Sister for about 2 1/2 years now. My Little is a teenager, and I don’t have kids, so I don’t really have suggestions for a 9-y.o. As far as life lessons, I have focused on a few:
(1) confidence in social situations different from those she is ordinarily in (e.g. she was very shy ordering for herself at a restaurant or sitting down and eating in one instead of doing takeout, so I’ve basically forced her to do both, or order our movie tickets at the window)
(2) the idea of consequences – positive and negative – and how that plays out long-term — I try to be a constant bug in her ear about how the decisions she makes today, and the efforts she makes today, will make her life easier (or harder) later and make it easier (or harder) for her to reach the goals she has set for herself and have the life she envisions
(3) the importance of healthful eating and physical activity
(4) trying new things (food, activities, places, etc.)
As far as the role, I’ve really tried to assure her I am here for the long-term and promise to be a nonjudgmental rock in her life.
Every kid is different, though, so I would spend the first few meetings getting to know your Little by doing activities that offer a lot of opportunities to just talk and set expectations and find out what she thinks she wants from the experience, etc. She will tell you if you ask. That probably means sticking to more fun/comfortable settings at first before you move into the highly educational or unfamiliar. I always try to make sure I have some time during the visit where we can just talk – a meal or car ride. What I think has been the most important part of being a good mentor has been forming a strong relationship with her family. True, these kids often lack stability, but someone got them into the program. In my case, mom is very supportive and tells me when things aren’t going well to encourage me to intervene, knowing my Little won’t necessarily tell me. SHe texts and calls me occasionally. And I make sure to see her at drop off or pick-up and whenever possible, not be in a hurry to leave. That is invaluable, and I think we’ve become a good team, which makes me feel good about the investment I’ve made, too. Best of luck. It’s not always easy, but it always worth it.
Anonymous
Also, for life lesson #2, I’ve really tried to stay away from making my conversations job-specific. She’s told me what she wants to be, and I don’t discourage that at all, and sometimes reference it. But I think the idea that good performance will open all kinds of doors, and bad performance will just close doors, is a better overall theme. (This is not a comment to discourage your idea of discussing all the various jobs out there. I really like your idea, because she probably doesn’t know any museum curators, physical therapists, chefs, etc. My goal is to ensure she has the option to change her mind about what she wants to do and still have opportunities, so these ideas fit hand-in-hand.)
Suited Up
Thank you for all of the great suggestions, everyone!
Anonymous
The Plaza for tea!
UKYogi
PS – ‘grown up’ things like going to a nice coffee shop for a drink and a cake* I accidently deleted a bit and then posted
– ‘grown up’ things like going to a nice coffee shop for a drink and a cake are straightforward to us, but an exciting treat to young people when you go to a place that looks / feels nice and sophisticated, so this could be an activity in itself not just a pit stop between other activities.
Tween Reading
Try The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart. I’m a “grown-up” lawyer and it kept me up past my bedtime to finish it!
Lucy
My ten-year-old loves this series. :)
If she’s not a strong reader, the Magic Tree House books are charming and nicely written. If she hasn’t read any of Harry Potter that would be a fun thing for you to do together.
If she is a really adept reader, or in a couple of years, The Hunger Games was a hit at our house.
Hel-lo
I absolutely *loved* The Hunger Games!
Can’t wait for the movie.
(No kids in my household. Just a lame 30-year-old that likes to disappear into young adult fiction.)
kz
As an equally lame 26-year-old, Hel-lo, I totally agree. Though I did think the first book was the best and they got a little worse after that.
Lucy
Oh, yeah, I totally read the whole series along with her. :) Gave rise to a lot of conversation about fair government, revolution, colonialism… quite the dystopia that the author created.
Missy
Two questions:
I’m attending a conference in Las Vegas next month. I’ve never been, can you recommend your favorite restaurants on the strip?
I’m starting a part time MBA program in Sept. Those of you who’ve gone to grad school, what did you wish you knew in advance?
LawyrChk
Love Mesa Grill inside the Forum at Caesar’s Palace. The prices are pretty reasonable (for Vegas). Aureole at Mandalay Bay and the restaurant at the top of the Stratosphere (don’t remember the name) are also excellent, although pricey.
Also recommend an evening at Ghost Bar at the Palms if you have time. It’s a little pretentious but the view is breath-taking (it’s an outdoor bar on the ~40th floor overlooking the entire strip. Call ahead or have your concierge do so to get on the VIP list and possibly avoid the cover charge.
Missy
Thank you!
A
Can’t go wrong with Bouchon in the Venitian or Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris (if you can get a seat outside on a nice day, you can watch the fountains at the Bellagio while you eat because it’s right across the street). American Fish in City Center is amazing as well.
MA character and fitness
I’m taking the Mass bar in July. I am worried about the C and F even though everyone is telling me I’ll be fine. Does anyone know if I’ll find out if I pass it before I take the exam? I would hate for this to eat at me while I’m taking it. Can anyone enlighten me as to the time process and the order? (as in do I take it and then find out, or if they issue me a ticket to take it does it mean I pass?) Thanks so much
Anon
I don’t know about MA, but in my state (GA) you don’t necessarily find out before you sit for the bar – however, they will hold your scores until you pass (so if your C&F is still being reviewed when scores are released, they will withhold yours until you’ve passed C&F and then let you know).
You might consider telling us why you are so afraid you’ll fail C&F so we can reassure you. From what I understand, it’s hard to fail C&F unless you are deliberately misleading in your application, a felon, or up to your eyeballs in debt.
Anon
I actually had a friend who had a felony on his record and still was admitted to the bar. He was very candid with them about the circumstances (getting drunk and stealing a few kegs in college– somehow this ended up being a felony), how long ago it was, and how squeaky clean he’s been since then.
MOR
Is there something specific than concerns you about the character and fitness review? If there is nothing specific, I wouldn’t worry about it at all, but from your level of anxiety here, I’m assuming that there is an incident of concern in your past. Without knowing what that is, it isn’t really possible to know how much it will affect your c&f review, so sharing some more information would lead to better responses!
Another Sarah
Did you commit treason? If not, and you don’t have a repeated history of DUIs, a crazy amount of debt, gang/mob activity, or are a repeat felon committing crimes of moral turpitude, then you’re probably ok. The Barzaminers are actually quite understanding when it comes to past out-of-character events. My cousin went to law school with someone who, before law school, forged gov. docs and did federal time. He passed C&F. I went to law school with someone with some serious emotional/mental/behavioral/alcohol abuse issues that involved the law school administration. He passed C&F.
Although if you were a spy, I hope you didn’t tell the bar examiners that. Your cover probably would have been sufficient. :-)
MA
Haha thank you for the laugh. I am worried I was to vague in describing an incident in college. I got a residency probation after fighting with a on/off bf who I was living with. All I put down was “residency probation after a period of fighting with a bf who was living in the same suite, no further incidences, and no record” This was at the advice of my college and law school advisors (both in MA) because the details of the actual fight were so personal. I also did not give his name because he was so awful and would try to find me again. (he tried my 1L year). I have been so anxious about it I have done awful on this set of finals. Everyday I am just waiting for them to call and tell me they need more info and I’m terrified of giving more info. Just having to disclose this has made me have awful flashbacks, and made me so angry again, at myself for allowing myself to be in that relationship, and at him for having control still.
kellyn
I had a similar college issue– got caught in a room with people who were drinking, then I got put on probation for 1.5 years for it. Disclosed it to MA c+f and I was fine. I don’t recall whether they tell you if you pass c+f first, though.
Put it this way: I know people who have had (sadly multiple) DUIs and passed MA c+f.
Good luck!
Hel-lo
Mostly Bar Associations are looking for incidents of theft or dishonesty, because they want to make sure you won’t steal your client’s money.
We have all been in relationships we regret. Some were more dramatic than others. I highly doubt the Bar will want to know the details of your old relationship.
It’s just not the sort of thing they’re worried about.
Ladybug
I think if they ask for more and you can say that this was a domestic violence situation of which you are now free and you are not comfortable disclosing his information as it is a risk to your safety for him to be contacted. They have to understand that.
boston atty
You won’t be told that you “passed” the C+F test. You’ll only be told if you need to come in for an interview or provide other documentation/explanations, and that will happen before the bar. Please try not to stress about this. Your incident is nothing that the bar would be concerned about. I highly doubt they ask for more information, and if they do, the domestic violence line from the poster above should be more than enough. I have friends who had way worse problems (financial-related, which the bar generally DOES care about investigating further, because the whole concern about managing client funds) and they didn’t even have to provide more info.
MA
Thank you. This is what I have been needing, just someone to tell me don’t worry. Part of the worry I know has to do with my fear of letting him have control over me which is something I am working on through therapy. I appreciate the reassurance.
Original Lola
He has nothing to do with your Bar application.
Unless he’s a Bar examiner or something. Chances are, like my asshole college boyfriend, he never finished college and disappeared into a drug-induced oblivion.
Anon for this 2
Also…if you are at ALL concerned about them contacting him (did you give them his name for any reason?) I would send in a letter amending your application, explaining the situation, and asking that they please not contact him or disclose your current information to him for safety reasons. They absolutely should NOT do that.
You are a survivor and you’ve clearly gotten past this and you’re awesome! Worry about the things you can control (like having some fun this summer even though you have to study for the bar) and don’t worry about things you can’t (like how stupid commercial papers are…seriously).
Herbie
It sounds like you have nothing to worry about from the Barzaminers. From what little you’ve said, it sounds as if you were in an abusive relationship. As pointed out by other posters, Barzaminers are concerned with crimes of moral turpitude…
Also, may I suggest considering therapy? This relationship is obviously something you have a lot of emotions about, and as you pointed out, even having to disclose it has given you flashbacks and impacted your academic performance. Some therapy sessions might give you some tools to help cope better. Otherwise, hang in there. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did.
Anon for this 2
I’m in MA, and I don’t believe you find out about character and fitness before the test (in fact, you have a continuing duty to disclose until you are sworn in, so technically anything up until you’re sworn can disqualify you). But I want to reiterate that you’ll almost certainly be fine (seriously, Another Sarah is right on what they are talking about).
I had a law school friend who got arrested in high school for stealing a car (and was caught hot boxing it I think). The key is to be honest (especially about anything that would pop on a background check). You’ve disclosed plenty. If you DO have to go in for an interview, be calm, be honest, and explain that this was a domestic situation from which you have escaped and that you consider it deeply personal. Trust me, you’ll be fine.
They make it sound so scary so that you’ll be honest. The honesty is the most important part!
Congratulations on graduating! Don’t stress too much about the exam — and enjoy the Torts lecture if you do BarBri — its a fun one. :-) (Oh…and may I suggest just skipping the so-called “Con Law” lecture if you took Fed Courts…its was AAAWWWFUL!)
kellyn
AGREED! Mary Cheh, though probably a great law professor and scholar, did the worst Con Law lecture ever. Period.
Dude, try to get a hold of the Erwin Chemerinsky con law lectures. Find a friend taking RI (thats the lecture they provide for con law). He’s amazing.
MA
Thank you. I didn’t give his name, and that is why I have been worried about the “be honest part.” But I was honest about getting in trouble, I just did not give details about the particular fights we were having so I’ve been worried I was to vague. But it was so hard to talk about and hopefully they will understand that, and I don’t think in a situation like this they need those details. Thank you for all the reassurances.
A
MA, so sorry that you had to go through this. Glad you’re out of it now and working through the aftermath. You’ll do great!
Anon for this one
My boyfriend is taking the bar and I took it last summer. He has not had an interview yet. Mine was completely pointless. He has nothing on his record so I keep telling him not to worry about that. I had an expunged open container misdemeanor, speeding tickets, some significant credit card debt, and was a witness to a trial where these college students flipped a car. None of that came up.
My friend filed for bankruptcy previously, he was allowed to take it. A girl at my school got a pretty bad DUI third year. A guy who worked at a large firm got drunk at the end of his summer clerkship and told a junior associate sexually elicit things, then was terminated for this and it was reported to the bar. They all were allowed to take it (and passed.) The list goes on and on. I mean unless you lie about something, it is usually okay as long as you explain yourself. But some of those people did not know if they could take it until a few days prior to the bar.
spacegeek
Ugh just received a second shipment from Shabby Apple. The first time, I wasn’t pleased with the quality of the jersey dress I received and sent it back. This time it was a cotton poplin dress. Same problem! Thin, not good finishing (loose threads!!), no lining and just looks cheap IMO! For the $85 I would have expected something better. I’m returning and won’t be going back. FWIW, it seems far below Boden tailoring, or Ann Taylor as well for that matter! Disappointing.
EG
I’ve had very mixed experiences there as well. Got one dress that was a very weird length– midcalf, a good foot below what it looked like in the picture– and another that I love and wear often.
Clueless summer
So…I just started at a firm with a business formal dress code and my question for all of you is how far can I stretch that code, as a summer? I have seen a lot of young associates wearing sheath dresses with conservative blazers so I know this is okay, and a friend’s mentor told her that pairing a grey jacket with a black skirt or pants is fine as well. So essentially, it’s business formal but matching suits not always required fr women. Any other ideas of outfits that I could wear? I have a few skirt and pantsuits of course, and a matching dress and blazer but would like to add a few items without spending on full matching suits. For what it’s worth…peep toe shoes are allowed, although nothing more and pantyhose are not required in the summer. From what I hear, the firm takes a permissive approach to summer dressing when the weather is warm.
Ideas?? Im also willing to accept that I can’t wear anything but suits and I better suck it up.
Bonnie
Even if you wear your suits as separates try to dry clean them together to avoid uneven wear. You can extend your wardrobe with separate sheath disses, skirts and jackets, you can find many great and affordable pieces at places like Zara, h and m, and forever 21.
Cfm
The limited is my go to for separate blazers because they have insane sales. One time I got an entire suit for $60, wool and a chocolate brown color. I would join their email list, I don’t see any great ones right now but they are having 20% even sale items. I second h and m, they have lined blazers in linen and cotton, good for the summer, maybe just match them with something a little more high quality. AT is having 40% off already reduced blazers, I’d check them out to.
mocha
While a suit top and bottom may be different colors, what makes it a suit is that it was cut from the same cloth. So you shouldn’t mix and match fabrics (for the most part – a classic tweed jacket over a sheath dress is probably fine, but since it’s summer you’re unlikely to be wearing tweed, and I can’t think of another exception). If you can buy a couple suits from the same suiting line and mix and match those, that would be ideal. Also, check out Filene’s, Nordstrom Rack, and similar stores – they always have tons of suits on sale.
Also, business formal doesn’t mean conservative interview suits. Feel free to play with colorful jackets, interesting fabric textures, fun (but not cheap looking) accessories, and the like.
Anon
I disagree with this. I have “suits” that are different fabrics but coordinate. In fact, I think it looks better if you are doing different colors if the fabrics are different (so no mistaking that you just got dressed in the dark — which I embarrassingly recently did and showed up to a client meeting in a navy skirt and black jacket from jcrew and the same fabric. I hope no one but me noticed…)
mocha
It’s not really something you can disagree with. It’s the definition of a suit. What you’re describing is a nice ensemble, but is not a suit, and may not be permissible under the questioner’s dress code.
Anon
That’s your definition of a suit. I’ve bought “suits” that come as two pieces, where the jacket doesn’t match the skirt. And I personally have never seen one where the fabrics are the same and colors are different.
mocha
Really? Then you haven’t seen very many suits.
“In clothing, a suit is a set of garments made from the same cloth, consisting of at least a jacket and trousers”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suit_%28clothing%29
anon
Are you really that nasty? The wikipedia article is nearly 100% about men’s suits. And by this definition, a suit of the same fabric is also not a suit. Don’t see too many men wearing suits that don’t match on top and bottom.
For what its worth, I’ve been an attorney for 14 yrs. I have my share suits. I have also worked extensively in Europe where business, not business casual, is the rule. I went to law school in the south and was told that pant suits disrespect the court. So I have worked in a variety of environments and and have come to learn a dressy jacket with a black skirt works more places than a pantsuit. Pantsuits are considered “casual” to some even if they match on top and bottom. Geez. I’m not sure why you’re so invested in dictating what a “suit” is.
Cat
I pick up a blazer or two from Talbots when they go on sale — last summer, they had a few great black and white lightweight heavily textured cotton blazers that are great with black pants / skirts / dresses. Not sure what they have this year, but similar stores – Ann Taylor? – often have a similar selection.
My firm is business casual, but I wear them for both business formal and in the initial days of “business casual” negotiations, because that usually means the men show up in a blazer with no tie for the first few days, then everyone gets more comfortable and the jackets disappear.
Anon
I think you have more leeway in jackets when you are wearing a dress/fitted skirt than when you wear pants. Some people still think pantsuits are less formal for women, so I would wear matching jacket/pants when wearing pants. When wearing a dress or skirt, I might not match. But look at what others are wearing. Do you have a mentor who can assist with guidance?
Clueless summer
Thanks all! The advice re: peeptoe shoes and pantyhose came from my mentor, but she is not very adventurous with dress (i.e. she’s been wearing a black skirt suit everyday kind of thing) so I don’t know that she’ll have advice about how not to a wear a black suit everyday. But I’m going to go out tomorrow hopefully and buy a few sheath dresses and maybe one more suit and we’ll see how I do with that next week. Maybe a white blazer as well!
LOR??
Hi Corporettes! I’m applying for clerkships and would like to ask a former professor and a former judge I interned for to write a letter of recommendation on my behalf. What is the best way to ask them? Email? In person? Phone?
Scully
I emailed- my professors and former summer bosses were fine with it.
Caveat: if the judge isn’t very tech savvy, go with a phone call. I might even leave an after-hours message with my request and asking for a call back, so the judge isn’t put on the spot.
2L NYC
I haven’t applied for clerkships yet (obvi) so take this with a grain of salt, but I have heard that unless it is your second clerkship (i.e. Court of Appeals after District Court), that it is better *not* to ask a judge — there is some subtext of “if you think she is so great– why isn’t she clerking for you?” You might be better off asking two profs.
Obviously, if you are applying to clerk in a particular — i.e. you want to do bankruptcy, so you want a bankruptcy judge, this likely wouldn’t apply either.
2L NYC
*particular area
boston atty
Former COA clerk and have to disagree with this as a blanket statement.
Her former judge could be a state judge and now she’s trying to do a federal clerkship. Also, clerkship spots fill up for many reasons, sometimes judges like to do it well in advance. If you think the judge you interned for would give you a good recommendation with personal notes about you (not just generic “you’re great” type of stuff), then by all means I would ask.
The most important thing with recommendations IMO is that the person who’s writing them can give specific examples / characteristics about you, and for this (usually) the more you have worked with them and the better they know you the better. People talk about having “prestigious” recommender as the number 1 thing, but as a former clerk who looked at a lot of applicants, I probably didn’t know if most recommender were “prestigious,” but I could quickly tell how many of them actually had spent any time with the candidate and had something original to say about them.
2L NYC
Thanks for the clarification — this makes sense. Do you think that the theory of the “prestigious” recommender comes from having someone who will be able to call judges and who the recommender will know?
On a similar note, one of my recommenders has asked me to give him a “statement of purpose” to help him write the rec — do you think that including specific examples would be useful here — or am I better off with an overall statement about myself/my goals?
Original Lola
Specific examples would be appropriate in your statement of purpose. Basically anything you’d like him to include in his letter. He will likely use your “statement of purpose” heavily in writing his letter.
I also disagree about having someone other than the judge be the recommender. If you’ve worked with a judge, ask the judge to be your reference. That’s kind of like the whole point of working for judges.
boston atty
“Overall statement about goals” I think would be the minimum you want. Specific examples are perfect. I did these “statements” for all of my clerkship recommenders (I think I heard it would be good in a clerkship panel) basically reminding the recommenders of things I had done particularly well that they might not remember but would know if reminded, and also of things I thought might be interesting if they ended up in the letter and the recommender may or may not know. It’s a great opportunity to set the tone of the letter. Don’t just talk about your goals because that won’t really matter too much in a letter of recommendation (everyone’s “goal” is to get a clerkship, the goals that follow are not as important as that one).
Divaliscious11
Disagree. Many judges have a policy of not taking their interns as clerks so that more people get the opportunity to have a judicial experience…
Rusty
ladies, I work patent iP litigation in a large firm in NYC. I HATE IT. I wor 80+ hours a week for people who are soo stressed they look like they are about to stroke out any minute. i get no guidance, no mentoring, no nice attitudes, etc. So I want to leave. And I dont want to go to another large firm.
however, it seems impossible to get another job. Every government job I’v applied for I get rejected from. even ones I’m way over qualified for (ex. i have a masters and a jd, the job only needs a bs and I’m not in the ‘most highly qualified category’ is what my rejection letters say). what can I do? Am i doing something wrong? I’d like to get out of law, maybe something more policy driven?
Any and all advice would be appreciated. At the moment i seriously just cry in my office and am waiting out my time until I’m fired for no longer caring.
thanks.
EG
IF you’re applying for government jobs through USA Jobs, keep in mind it is much less about what your resume says than how it is said. I would look for tips on how to apply and succeed specifically for those postings. It is really tough to get a position through USA Jobs without knowing exactly how to word your resume.
MelD
You may not be doing anything wrong. Some jobs that are posted are auto-select positions where the person has essentially been chosen already. Those typically have very specific skill requirements. If it’s a job with veterans preference, sometimes it’s very difficult (if not impossible) to be in the most highly qualified category because veterans are scoring above 100 on the assessments.
happyfunball
ipo has a policy type posting now. Also, maybe become an examiner? more doors open to you then! hang in!!
Esquirette
So sorry you’re feeling like this, Rusty. I don’t have any advice but I recently got to a breaking point with my career as well. I’m trying to make changes in my current job as best I can, and if that doesn’t work, will make a jump. I can’t help on the gov job front but are you sure there aren’t better firm options in the city than where you are? That might be an easier move. Good luck – thinking of you.
MelD
I was wondering the same thing. Are there no boutique/lifestyle firms to consider in NYC? I have a friend at a lifestyle patent firm outside of NYC and the pay is still pretty good, I think she gets to do a combination of prosecution and litigation. She’s now being courted by larger firms and says that that while the pay is better, it will be a big downgrade for her in terms of the type of work she does and her hours.
Coach Laura
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Apartment Hell
Hi ladies- I’ve written on the open threads a few times about my awful experience with a neighbor. He confronted me a few weeks ago after he was kicked out of the leasing office for threatening the staff. Now I have to come home at lunch to check my mail and avoid using the amenities because he uses them regularly. About a week ago, I had to walk through shrubbery to avoid passing him on a sidewalk. I feel like a prisoner in my own home at this point.
My negotiations with property management to remedy the situation have been a complete failure. We both moved in 3-4 months ago so we still have some time left on our leases. I get the impression that my neighbor would happily move if released from the lease, but for some reason management is unwilling to do that. Management has explained to me that I can either be released from my lease or sign a new 12-month lease (likely for an inferior unit) at a higher rate than I am paying now. I would be responsible for all costs associated with the move. Why I would want pay more than I am paying now when I’m still not going to be able to use the amenities for almost 4 months is beyond me.
I am just dumbfounded by this response and have written a letter to corporate detailing my concerns. If I don’t get a satisfactory result soon, I will be moving out and may file in small claims court for moving costs. If anyone else has any alternate suggestions I’d love to hear them. At this point my priority is getting out of this apartment if my neighbor is not going to move ASAP.
luluaj
If you haven’t already, I would consult an attorney – maybe one that specializes in landlord tenant law. I would think that your management company would let you break your lease without charging you additional money to do so. It sounds like this is turning into a major safety issue – not just some minor uncomfortableness in the parking lot. I’d do whatever you need to do to move asap.
Divaliscious11
Did he confront you, or threaten you? Are you choosing not to use the amenities to avoid confrontation, or because you are no longer permitted to use them? I hear your concern, but it sounds like you want the management company to let you out of your lease just because you and your neighbor don’ t get along, and they have no legal obligation to do that. Neighbors have disputes, but the management company isn’t obligated to release you from your lease and take the financial hit because you are limiting your facility usage and avoiding your neighbor. Extrapolate this out. What if you owned your apartment, and jerky dude bought an apartment in the same complex? Would you still limit your life activities? My guess your avoidance behavior is giving this jerk way more power than necessary. If he does something inappropriate, get a restraining order, or at least then you have a valid reason for asking management out of your lease. But you knew he’d be at a minimum annoyed that you complained, and if he said something to you about complaining, that too should have been expected……
Apartment Hell
I have been complaining about this “jerky dude” on a regular basis since September. Early this year, I had to file an abuse report on an apartment ratings site because he wrote a comment to his own review referencing me by first name.
In my last meeting with management, the property manager explained that before my neighbor confronted me, he had come into the leasing office and threatened/berated staff for an hour. He was asked to leave several times but refused. The PM lives on property and admitted to me that she has also changed her routine to avoid coming into contact with my neighbor. He wants to move out immediately and has told management he will persist in violating his lease terms until they let him out.
TCFKAG
Not knowing your situation fully, its hard to give specific advice, but here are some initial thoughts (I’m not a landlord-tenant lawyer though, so my knowledge is not fully developed).
(a) If he threatened you in any concrete way, call the police. In many states you won’t be able to get a “restraining order” per se because you don’t have the right relationship, but if he were arrested a “stay-away” order would be entered. At the very least, the cops might put the fear of god in him. But, this only works if he threatened violence probably.
(b) It is very possible that your management’s hands are somewhat tied because they can’t evict him without significant legal process. However, the fact that they won’t just release him from his lease seems ridiculous if he’s making this much of a scene…but, you can’t make them do that.
(c) It sounds like they’ve offered to release you from your lease (free of charge?) If so, I’d seriously consider just moving. The truth is, there is not a lot that can be done about strained interpersonal relationships that fall short of actual threats or violence. There is also quite a bit that he can do before he’s violating the covenant of quiet enjoyment (or whatever its called). You’ll probably enjoy your life a lot more in a new apartment once you get past the pain of moving.
(d) Finally, Divalicious is right, if a bit blunt. You’re giving this guy way more power than he should have over you. Take reasonable precautions (i.e. try not to be alone with him), but don’t let him completely rule your life. Keep your head up and ignore him. If he tries to talk to you, refuse to engage, turn around and walk away. And if he threatens you or tries to corner you, call the police.
Good luck. Neighbor disputes are the worst…and in the end, the law frequently can’t do much. It sucks, but sometimes the only solution is to move.
Apartment Hell
Thanks for the advice. The current situation is that my neighbor will typically get a 7-day notice to cure, fail to cure and get a 7-day notice not to cure, and then wait 7 days before he repeats that same behavior. His main issues are with his dog, who does not get enough attention and barks constantly when my neighbor is out, and his music, which is audible from the clubhouse some distance away when his windows are open. Management and I have caught him a few times turning on the music and leaving to go for a run or walk his dog, so it’s pretty clear he’s doing this just to make me miserable. At any rate, unless they agree to release him from his lease, I plan on moving ASAP as long as I can terminate my lease without charge.
a
I would agree with the recommendation to contact a landlord and tenant lawyer. A lawyer may have a recommendation for you being able to terminate your lease, without incurring charges from the management or some alternative suggestions on how to protect yourself. Remember, if your landlord was concerned about your safety they could have let you or your neighbor out of a lease. That did not occur.
Ellen
Hello, was not able to get to DC to have a reunion. The manageing partner gave me an assignment at 4:30 pm. Fooey on him!
Original Lola
Welcome back!
AnonInfinity
Were you reuniting with Alan? Or your high school? College? Law school? I need more details!!!