Weekend Open Thread

356 Comments

1. Oh, hun- I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I’m not in law, but I don’t think this is a problem only lawyers go through.

   I know your first therapist didn’t work out, but sometimes that happens. You rarely buy the first pair of shoes you try on, right?- and they just go on your feet. It can take some time to find the right person to talk to, but when you find them it is SO worth the effort.

   It also sounds like you don’t have much time to be yourself. You go to work, you’re Lawyer. You go home, you’re Mom and you’re Girlfriend. On weekends, you’re Devoted Family Member. What do you do for yourself? What did you enjoy doing before the dissertation and job at the boutique-firm and law school? Try doing some of that again.

   We live wonderful lives, and this is a beautiful world. Don’t let your life be Dorothy’s Kansas- rediscover your Oz.

2. Hello ladies, two questions. First, the easy one. I am getting a pedicure tomorrow at a salon that charges $45 (for pedi only, not mani!). Last time, I tipped $5, but that was only 10%. Should I be tipping more? Should I be paying MORE than $50 for a pedicure???

   Secondly, there was a post a while back from someone who was debating how to handle news that a person she had a bad history with would be joining her company. I can’t find the post but am very interested in the responses, as I am facing a similar dilemma. Just learned that someone I had a negative experience with would be moving into my management team. I left that position in part because management was so awful, and I’m very happy where I am now. The other seniors are aware of our history and have encouraged me to be professional and give her a chance. I could do that on the surface, but ultimately I think my well-being would suffer from having someone who caused me so much pain in the past again be in a position of authority over me. Any advice?

   1. I usually tip $10 for a pedi, on the basis that giving a pedi is a lot of work (where I go it costs $27 and it normally takes a full hour). I think $5 is a pretty low tip if the technician is spending an hour or so with you. However, I also think a $45 pedicure is highway robbery.

   2. I usually tip 7 for a 35 pedi, so yeah 5 seems low.

   3. I tip 20%, where I used to live I could get a good pedicure for 25 and always rounded up to 30

   4. my former-bartender-self is shouting (gently) at you: if you can’t afford the tip, you can’t afford the service. please tip 20% for good service and find somewhere less expensive if $45 is too much for a pedi!

   5. I left $10. This was the first place I’ve been where a pedicure was so expensive. Like a previous poster, they’ve always been around $25, or $35 for a mani/pedi, so $5 tip had always been appropriate.

      It was a standard pedi, no special spa-like attention, quick in-and-out. So the annoyed customer in me is (gently) asking the former bartender why she should get tipped more for making the same drink if the establishment decides a gin and tonic should be $25 instead of $5. And then the customer is remembering that bartenders get tipped by the drink ($1/$2), not the total price. So that kinda validates my question better than it serves as an example as to why I should stay out of expensive places if I can’t afford to tip.

      Also,*when* did 20% become the standard for every service? I wonder how many people I unknowingly offend because I grew up in a place where you tipped waitresses and hairstylists and that was pretty much it (everyone else was just doing their jobs and charging the fee they wanted), and only 15% was expected. Now every time I turn around I learn about someone else I should be tipping regularly. And apparently 15% is just disgraceful. Le sigh.

      1. I object to the “expected tip” as well. I know all the arguments about people in service industries not getting paid very much, etc. etc. etc., but still – if your job is to serve my food, and you serve me my food, you’d darn well better do something really nice to get more than a 10% tip from me. I just don’t get why someone should get tipped for doing what is, after all, their job.

         Yes, I am a terrible tipper most of the time, and yes, I know it. But I do tip very well when I feel it is justified.

         1. Well, there are some states that allow food servers to be paid below minimum wage since there is the expectation of them receiving tips (which are also taxable). So, that’s where it factors in to tip your waiter.

            But, I don’t believe the same rule applies to those outside of the food service industry, so I don’t think 20% is appropriate for every tipping situation.

         2. Nonny- I think a 10% tip for a waiter/waitress is completely inappropriate (unless the service was actively poor). Many service employees do not make a living wage, or even minimum wage… they are reliant on tips. My sister worked as a waitress in a restaurant in D.C. during college and made roughly $2.50-75 an hour before tips, she was completely reliant on tips to make anywhere near reasonable wage (my understanding is that this is par for the course). With many international customers who don’t understand tipping norms in the US (as they are pretty different from almost anywhere else I’ve ever visited), this was very frustrating for her. I think 20% is standard now and it is what it is, whether people like it or not. If you don’t like the “expected tip”, I think it’s understandable, but then please do not eat out in restaurants where this has clearly become the norm. It is really unfair to the staff that is usually working extremely hard.

      2. I think a percentage tip is only the norm for wait staff in restaurants (with 15% being on the low side if the service was acceptable – I think anything from 15-20%, excluding tax and alcoholic drinks, is the norm for acceptable service). For other tips, a flat amount is the norm – for instance, you don’t tip the bellboy a percentage of the zero dollars his service costs, and you normally tip a bartender a dollar or two per drink no matter how much the drink costs.

3. It may be late in the weekend for this, but PSA to summer associates: the lawyers will not necessarily tell you if your clothes are inappropriate for the office. I had lunch with a summer from my office who I hadn’t met before, we were talking clothes, and at some point she mentioned that hers must be fine because no one had said anything. This particular person is a fabulous dresser from all indications, but it reminds me that summers are not aware that the unspoken policy in some offices is just to judge based on clothing (not to correct it).
   Not condoning the way it works, just reflecting on my observations.

4. HELP! I am studying for the bar (I know, a lot of threads about this but I have a new problem). Last night I couldn’t sleep to save my life. I watched tv all night because I was too burned out from a long day of studying to study any more and I was hoping I’d fall asleep. Now that it’s full-blown morning I’ve accepted that I won’t be going to sleep until tonight.

   My question is…does anyone have advice on how to pump up your energy/ability to concentrate and retain information after a sleepless night? I am way behind and cannot afford to take today off from studying. Any advice would be much appreciated! TIA.

   1. Take this with a grain of salt as someone who hasn’t yet reached the bar-prep stage, but as someone who HAS been in similar high-pressure situations. You need to take a little time for yourself today!!! If you exercise, try to get a little bit of that in this morning (even though I’m sure you are dog-tired), or go to the movies, or get a mani/pedi, or DO WHATEVER relaxes and rejuvenates you. After this 1-3 hr break, maybe take a little nap if that’s your thing (it’s definitely my thing.) Then, get back on those books for a few hours. Then, STOP, eat something nutritious, relax and get to sleep early. Your brain is not going to retain anything in your current condition (you’ll probably just go to sleep tonight and have the same problem as last night if you keep pushing forward.) You need a break! Don’t feel guilty about taking one!!!!

   2. Alright, I’m in the middle of bar study burnout too. And I can’t take a day off either. So, this is what I do to manage 10-11ish hour days.

      I go to sleep on time. I wake up on time. That’s where you need to start. If you can’t fall asleep, lay in the bed with your eyes closed. Don’t turn on the TV. I start my study day at 9am, and I go until 9pm. I work for one hour, then I get up and do something else. This is essential. You have to break it up. Go for a walk, get up and get a snack, I’m moving, so I may pack one box. Then get back to it. All in all, my breaks take up about two hours of my day, so I’m done by 9pm. Some of my breaks are 5 minutes, and some are 30, but what I’ve learned is that I am not getting the full benefit of my hour of studying if I’m constantly wondering off in my mind. When you get to that point, STOP, do something else, and come back to it. Or switch subjects for a while. You have to keep your mind focused, or you’re wasting a day.

      Exercising is good for the energy. I take a multivitamin called Women’s Alive Energy (all natural, no caffeine, no stimulants, etc), and I would swear by it. Make sure you’re eating well. If you’re snacking, ditch the potato chips and have an apple and peanut butter (or whatever fits your fancy). You aren’t going to fail the bar because you took the time to make a healthy snack.

      Finally, if you’re tired, go get some sleep. I’m not saying sleep all day, but take a small nap. If you’re so tired you can’t focus on studying today, then you’re not doing yourself any good by being awake.

      I hope this helps, good luck to you in the next two weeks (isn’t that terrifying, every time I say two weeks, I freak out). But seriously, good luck and good studies.

   3. Start doing an hour of exercise every day. The exercise was the ONLY thing that helped me to not read through my outlines in my sleep. Also, cut yourself off at a certain point each night, no matter what, unless what you’re doing will only take another 10-15 mins. And then go watch TV or read a book that has nothing to do with the bar. Your brain needs a rest from thinking and working so it can continue to think and work effectively for the next couple weeks. It’s rough, but definitely doable.

      When I first started studying, I would cut myself off at 10PM and watch the Cooking channel or something else until about midnight, when I went to bed. I knew I had to do something, anything, when I had a dream that Nigella Lawson, in Paula Franzese’s voice, using a whisk to articulate points, was reading me my real property notes I had taken earlier that day. I took a day off the next day. :-D

      1. UGH. I wish I even knew if I was on target or behind!!!! I’m 99.9% sure I’m pretty far behind… but I’m soooo tired of studying that I can’t imagine EVERYONE has managed to outpace me! I’m trying to tell myself: this is what I can do in the remaining 16 days… and then just go for it. I’ve been to all the classes, by tonight (or early tomorrow) I’ll be done with all of my outlines… I’ve done a lot of work for the MBE and think I’ll pass it OK, but other than attending the lectures and making my outlines I have done NOTHING for the essay portion or the procedure portion of the exam, and I’m desperately hoping it’s possible to cram all that information in my head in the next two weeks… Since I have class in the morning, I had been doing pretty well at getting to bed at a decent hour and getting up each day before 8, but in the last few days as the crunch has hit and classes have ended, my sleep schedule has gone HAYWIRE (i.e., I was up til 3 last night, which means I didn’t crawl out of bed til 10 this morning….). So this afternoon when I take a study break, I’m headed out to pick up some Tylenol PM — I’d love to get back on a 11-6:30 sleep schedule.

         I feel so irritated with myself for falling behind. This is an incredibly important exam, and I can’t believe I let myself slack off during the course of the summer. Stupid stupid stupid!!!

         Do you guys find it more helpful to go over your outlines over and over again, or to focus on practice questions and practice essays? I’m thinking I’ll aim for this study schedule starting Tuesday: get up at 6:30, 7-10 MBE studying (I feel pretty OK about the MBE), 10-12 going over my essay topic outline, 12-1 lunch/goof off break, 1-6 study for the essay (outlining and doing practice essays and going over my outline), 6-8 dinner/workout/goof off break, 8-11 study for MPT/procedure, 11: unwind with a cup of tea in bed…. Rinse and repeat for two weeks!

         For those of you who have passed, I’d love to know where you felt you were two weeks before the exam, and how you maximized the remaining time….

         1. I passed the CA bar exam on the first try several years ago. I think you are going to be fine. I remember at some point after the 4th of July, I became so burnt out that I goofed off for 1 or 2 days. Sometime shortly after that I went into a full blown panic about it. Your post reminds me of my own panic episode. Coming up on the exam I just did as many essays (or at least outlines of essays) as possible, over and over. I figured that if I knew the elements well enough to do all the essays, then I didn’t need to sit around memorizing outlines… so it killed two birds with one stone. At that point, I had done a lot of MBEs so I didn’t focus on those so much.

            My tricks for calming down were: 1) James Heriott novels (each chapter is basically a short funny story, so if I was going hysterical, I would just read one or two chapters, which was about a 10 minute break) and 2) meditation CDs by Belleruth Naparstek (I used these mainly to get to sleep at the end of the day– very very soothing).

            Hope this helps!

         2. Chill! You’re not stupid. You’re normal! Over the course of my career I’ve known literally hundreds of bar takers, and I’ve passed 2 bars myself. You’ll be ok. Just take time to breathe and relax and remember it’ll be over soon.

            Also – I know you want to pass on the first try, but I also like to remind bar takers that it’s just a test and it’s not the end of the world if you fail the first time. I’ve known several people who failed, and they all went on to successful legal careers. The people you read about who have to take it fourteen times are literally one in a million. You will be fine, and you will be a great lawyer.

         3. Totally understand and empathize with the sleep schedule being off. For me, for the essay topics, drilling essays worked really well to get the information in my head. Not necessarily writing out every.single.essay, but definitely drilling outlines just so I know I get the right information down. And then reading the model answers and adding whatever points you didn’t know/didn’t cover to your notes so you remember them the next time. Once I got to the actual exam (aside from the subjects barbri told me I didn’t need to know that showed up anyway…harrumph), I could look at a question and, for some, start outlining elements before even reading the fact patterns. If you don’t learn by doing, then go over all your outlines and keep condensing them into shorter and shorter outlines.

            It’s going to be OK. And even though you don’t even want to think about it at this point, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t pass. Your parents will still love you, you’ll still have friends, AND you have an excellent reason to go on a bender for a week. :-)

         4. I just wanted to reply to you directly to say I am basically in the same boat..I have done nothing to prep for the MPT, and very little on essays. It takes me a long time just to get a superficial overview of a topic. I spent a *ridiculous* amount of time making insanely detailed flashcards but haven’t spent enough time reviewing them. And I am taking two bars at once (because I thought to myself…hey…let’s make this AS DIFFICULT A PROCESS AS POSSIBLE) so i agonize over trying to memorize two sets of distinctions for every topic….But then I think about the pass rates of the bars I am taking. For MA first-time takers who graduated from an ABA school, it’s 91% and in NY it’s 86%. And deep down inside I just don’t believe that 91 or even 86% of the people are smarter or working harder than I am. Hopefully I am right! Best of luck to you.

            1. Above was for Anon33.

            2. JAS1 — thanks!!! Yeah, looks like we might be in a similar situation. And it is awfully nice to have confirmation that other people are where I am. :) You might find this helpful too: I gave the same spiel that I posted to my husband this morning, and he said some things that helped a bit. He wasn’t very interested in the law (went to a top tier law school, practiced for a few years, but unsurprisingly quickly moved on to a new career that actually makes him happy now). He said he failed the bar the first time he took it, but that he had really only put in one genuine week of hard week into it because he really just did not care. The second time he passed it no problem, and spent a grand total of three weeks studying his butt off. Now, in all fairness he is a truly extraordinary writer and the smartest person I know… but I’m trying to reassure myself that at this point in the process, he had barely gotten started — surely I’m at least that far ahead! :) And if we’ve done all the flashcards and outlines, then coming back to the material won’t be quite like learning it from scratch… And let’s face it, only so much practice can be done on the MPT anyways! So if we’ve put in work on the MBE already, which is supposedly the truly difficult material… darn it, two weeks of truly hard work should be good enough to at least pass these frickin’ essays!

               GOOD LUCK! And congrats for being enough of a bad-a** to shoot for two bars! I know that studying for the remainder of my non-existent weekend has been made a little bit better by knowing you’re out there too. :)

   4. You need to have sleep-filled nights if you want to study well. I have had great luck using melatonin (a natural sleep hormone your body produces, available as a supplement in the vitamin aisle) as a sleep aid. Some people have told me it causes weird dreams, but I’ve never had this happen – it usually helps me fall asleep within a half hour and I have a restful sleep until morning.

      1. I love melatonin! I actually forgot mine last night and by the time I remembered it was too late to take it and not sleep too late. (so I thought! If I knew I wasn’t going to sleep at all and be pretty zombified all day today I might have reconsidered).

         Anyway, an update for those of you who are wondering – I am slowly plodding through some of the work I had planned today. I am taking lots of fresh air breaks out on my porch and took some time to tidy up my room/put fresh linens on the bed so I will sleep better tonight.

         As for productivity, I drank a lot of coffee and a five-hour energy..but what helps most in keeping me semi-alert and focused is the frequent breaks! I really appreciate all the general advice/commiseration/insight on the bar, but as for my specific issue (what do you do when you are fried but still have no choice but to carry on) I guess there just is no magic bullet!

         Happy studying/ Happy weekend everyone.

         1. Oh, and a ton of water too. keeps me awake and fresh feeling. I also started some sangria which i am very much looking forward to enjoying later tonight before bed : – )

            1. Mmmmm… Sangria…

               I drank ONE beer last night and I’ve been so mentally and physically exhausted that it made me so sleepy. I slept like a dead person until 8 this morning.

   5. If you can’t sleep, get up and go slowly through some yoga/stretching poses. Also, go through some breathing exercises (start by lying on your back and slow your breathing down, pulling it into your core. Try to “pull” all the tension from your limbs into that core, and expel them all as your exhale). Give yourself 10-15 minutes. Don’t watch the clock, either!

5. Can anyone recommend a stylish (at least somewhat) and warm winter jacket? I’m taking a 15 day river cruise staring in Amsterdam and going through Germany and Austria at the end of December / beginning of january.

   I’m from Florida so I really don’t have much cold weather close. I do have a jacket I took with me on our Med cruise last year but it wasn’t warm enough once it hit the 30’s even layering.

   Also anyone have cute but comfy and warm boot recs? And do you think I need long underwear of some sort?

   1. Lands End has some really cute coats – I really like one called the Luxe Down coat. It’s out of season to buy now but look for it in October. Their down coats are waterproof, too, I think (you may encounter more rain than snow on your trip). Also try LL Bean or Patagonia. For boots, my favorite pair are Danskos, I think they were called Kaylees or something like that but they don’t seem to be in stock at the moment so I can’t check – they have a furry inside. Keen also makes some really comfy, warm, cute boots.

      Since you’re a Florida girl and it can be quite damp and chilly in northern Europe in the winter, I’d suggest you get a pair of silk long underwear (try Lands End, LL Bean, or Wintersilks.com). You may not need it, but if you do, you’ll be really glad you brought it.

      1. Kylee! They are Dansko Kylees.

   2. I live in the area that you’ll be traveling through and grew up predominantly in Texas, so I know where you’re coming from :-) People here are more practical than fashionable ->

      – If you’re into working out, I would splurge on nice outdoor workout type stuff (patagonia/lululemon/insert favorite overpriced workout clothing). Especially at that time of year, it’s absolutely the norm to wear this kind of outerwear here, and you might get more use out of it once you’re back in the U.S. as opposed to ->
      – The general type of coat I wear in winter for keeping warm: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B003ZSIXSA/ It’s actually warmer than a ski-style jacket, but I can’t see this being useful in Florida at all (women of all ages wear this type of coat)
      – Long underwear- like Eponine said. I wear yoga tights and the boyfriend also wears underarmour-style tights. Honestly, he goes out looking otherwise ridiculously underdressed in winter, so this layer is a total game changer.
      – Boots- this is kind of age dependent. I (mid 20’s) would recommend wellies with a fleece liner, because if you’re on the water, it won’t be that snowy but it will be cold and wet -> waterproof and slideproof is good. Uggs are like $450+ here, so women wear them like they are wooly-mammoth-Louboutins ;-). I actually think they are super nice and toasty for going out and about, but if the ground is frozen, they are dangerous to walk in. Otherwise, the Dansko clogs are probably a good idea.

   3. I was on exchange in Austria during the fall (I flew back on Christmas Eve day)- the wind there is pretty biting, and it’s a damp cold. They have a store there called Jack Wolfskin, and they make really great long underwear and winter stuff; so if you don’t pack enough you know where to buy when you get there. Keep the receipts, get your VAT refunded if you spend more than 75Euro.

      Even though I’m Canadian, I did not pack nearly enough warm stuff, because their weather is milder than here and I wrongly assumed that I’d be fine.

      Patagonia and North Face both make amazing winter jackets. I also like the Canada Goose jackets, which are pricey but amazing.

      Boots- the best ones, in my opinion, are Sorels. I’ve worn their brand since I was a little girl, and I still wear them. I also would recommend the winter UGG boots; not the booties, but the real boot ones.

      Finally, you will really, really need some sort of head covering. My forehead always got so cold during my long walks around. Get some good hats. You probably won’t need a scarf, but mittens you’ll want.

      I’m not sure if they’ll still be open (they should be), but the Christmas Markets in Germany and Austria are amazing. I loved the ones in Munich, Salzburg and Vienna to be specific- I’d highly, highly recommend trying to see at least one Christmas Market.

   4. I have a Calvin Klein hooded, quilted jacket, about mid thigh length, from Nordstrom and I love it. It’s not down, so it’s much less bulky, but I live in Boston and it’s been perfect for our typical winter climate which can vary from 40F to 10F or so, with snow and/or rain on any given day. The hood is deep enough to be useful and it’s removable. The jacket is nicely fitted around the waist and has a nice shape. It has a nice fleecy lining inside so the jacket doesn’t feel cold when you put it on. I always get compliments on it. They don’t have it right now (although they have a shorter one on clearance right now), but I think they get it in a couple of colors every year. It’s around $100 if you can get it on sale. I have seen the Lands’ End down coats but they were too bulky for what I wanted. If I ever went back to taking the train to work, I would get one of the Lands’ End coats.

6. USA! USA!

   1. They did it! I love the women’s US National Team!

      1. YESSSS

         1. Unbelievable – THREE of the games went to extra time. (And yes, the fourth one was disappointing, but anyway…) A friend and I watched yesterday’s two nailbiters and watched the neighbourhood parties all break up in disappointment (that gives away my location, I suspect!) But it’s been a lot of fun. No idea who will win now, though the US look like favourites.

7. Anybody use mint.com? Thoughts? I’ve been using Quicken for years and have had many problems recently with crashes/backups not working. It’s time for another solution…

   1. I like mint, but it’s also glitchy and doesn’t do everything that I’d like (although they add new features fairly regularly). It’s free, so if you try it and don’t like it, you haven’t lost much besides your time. It’s owned by the Quicken company, so I don’t know how different it would be (I’ve never used Quicken).

   2. I use it regularly because I like seeing all my accounts at a glance. I haven’t had too many problems with the site but I don’t use all the features it offers.

   3. I love mint.com, but agree that it doesn’t do everything I want it to – they recently added the “goals” section but it is completely worthless, IMO. It would actually be helpful if you allocate different parts of the same account and future contributions to that account to different things. But no. That being said, the site is really useful overall for budgeting and I love that I can use the app on my iphone to see all of my account balances and activity in a glance. I’d recommend it.

8. I have Stuart Weitzman Tall Boots http://www.stuartweitzman.me/ and they are really beautiful. They are known for their comfort and durability. The leather insoles and rubber outer soles allow it to be an excellent shock absorber. These classy boots will be in style for many years to come so you can pick one today.

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