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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 356 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Stuart Weitzman - Vigorous (Black Nappa) - FootwearSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Zappos seems to have a ton of Stuart Weitzman shoes on sale today, some for truly great discounts. Take these boots, for example — I was hesitant about the “over the knee” trend at first, but I've finally come around to the opinion that the look really can be cute, particularly with leggings and a fabulous, big sweater. These boots were originally $595 — now marked to $285, and lots of sizes left in both the black and the brown. Nice! Stuart Weitzman – Vigorous (Black Nappa) – Footwear (L-3)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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Comments

  1. Bunkster

    My legs are so long that I actually buy over-the-knee boots so that I can get knee-high boots. Those are beautiful, but I got a pair from Endless last fall for about $50. They weren’t Stuart Weitzman, of course, but I get tons of compliments on them.

  2. Janie

    Want to share your favorite etsy sellers? I’m looking for some fun jewelry…

  3. Anonymous

    I’m looking for advice/reviews from anyone who has tried the Peertrainer system to lose weight. Any one tried it?

  4. Kathryn Fenner

    I’m still unclear about the whole “what to wear with black” deal–I have a ton of black skirts and trousers–I am quite tall, so often black is the only option in my inseam. Mostly I can wear business casual, so what’s the new rule set?

    Not brights, I understand. How about deep tones? White on top with black looks a lot like a uniform….

    I can’t wear cream/beige near my face, either….Help!

    • Bonnie

      I have no problem with brights and black but like to wear an unusual necklace to make a solid + solid outfit not so boring.

        • Kathryn Fenner

          Adam Glassman (Oprah’s guy) and the British What Not to Wear ladies say no–it cheapens the color…..

          • ATC

            What? I have heard other style pros say the exact opposite, especially with this current 80s revival trend happening. If that’s really a new rule, I’m going to have to break it!

    • eaopm3

      I like to do gray with black. Boring, I know, but I try to make sure my gray top is either an interesting pattern or an interesting cut. I also have a few fabulous pair of shoes that make such an outfit a little more interesting. I’ve also been loving the rather popular royal-ish blue color that’s been around lately.

    • Janie

      Today I’m wearing a pale teal top with black pants. I’ve found a lot of stores now have tops in colors that are neither bright nor pastel – sort of grayish for lack of a better term. I’ve been wearing those and patterned tops with black for a long time now and I think they work great.

    • AIMS

      There are lots of things to wear with black. Patterns can look nice, muted colors can look nice (even “bright” muted colors), a soft gray can look really lovely. Also, I think that if you do 3 colors, it’s much easier — so, black, white + red . . . . I think it only looks dated when it’s black + bright. But if you break it up with a third color in another item or an accessory, it’s much easier.

      For instance, I wanted to wear a black pair of pants with a white button down recently, which did look very waiter-y, but then I added a bright peach belt and a red coral necklace and it all worked somehow (doesn’t quite sound like it, I know ;)).

      • AIMS

        If you don’t like white or beige next to your face, btw, what about adding a bright necklace or a bright scarf? It can look very elegant and will still look modern.

        • Monday

          I think you can also pull off black + bright if you have a prominent neutral accessory to mute the contrast. I’m thinking, for example, black trousers, a jewel-tone blouse tucked in, and a cognac or khaki-colored belt. Or a black shirt, red skirt, and olive scarf. Neutral (not black! earth tone?) shoes could also work.

    • Brooke Novak

      I always wear black with gray—my personal favorite color combination.

    • Divaliscious11

      I’d wear them with skirts as well. I have them in suede from 2-3 seasons ago….

    • Eponine

      I think a pencil skirt would be too long – it’d cover the over-the-knee part. I’d wear them with a miniskirt and tights, or over leggings with a tunic.

  7. Silicon Valley in House

    Sigh. I have just found out that I will have to lay someone off. Although I know now, I won’t tell the person for another 3+ weeks. I know I will get training from HR, but any tips on how to do this compassionately? I would not choose to fire this person and we have a friendly relationship, but I have been told by my management that s/he is on the list. I know that there is no room for argument. Thoughts?

    • Kathryn Fenner

      If it were me getting laid off, I’d like to know asap, for planning reasons. Is there some reason you can’t give the person a heads up now?

      • Silicon Valley in House

        The company I work for has a set schedule for this — it is part of a company wide Reduction in Force — so there is no flexibility.

    • Anonymous

      Your company will likely give you a script of some type, which is helpful but may be a bit cold. It’s important to get right to the point of the discussion, and not to talk around it because you are uncomfortable. It’s fine to say you are sorry and that you regret the need for the decision, but don’t tell her you know how she feels or how difficult it is for you–you don’t know, and she doesn’t care. And never offer stories about how this may all turn out for the best.

      Even more important is how you treat the person afterwards. If she isn’t leaving immediately, a telephone call or stop by her office is a good thing to do. The person who has been let go is often isolated in the office, people feel awkward or don’t know what to say, so they avoid the person. It’s also helpful not to discuss the person or reasons why they were selected with anyone, but keep conversations focused on what can be done to help.

    • Different Anonymous

      The tips above are really good for handling the procedure part of the layoff and what follows.

      If this layoff is NOT performance related (e.g. getting rid of the lowest performer in the group) and under the terms of the RIF you are legally able to share selection information with the individual, I think it would be compassionate to share that the layoff is not a reflection on his/her past performance or assessment of his/her (personal) future potential.

      Having been through RIFs in the past as the ‘riffed’ employee, one of the biggest things to overcome was blaming oneself for the layoff and thinking ‘what could I have done better’. In my case it was an elimination of the business group. Even if I could deduce the layoff wasn’t performance related and an assessment of my skills, hearing that message firsthand from the person who was laying me off, at the time of the layoff really softened the blow.

    • Bunkster

      I’ve been laid off twice. Just try to be compassionate and don’t treat the person like a criminal. This last time they took me down to HR. Then my boss went back and got my bag and I was escorted out. They told me I could come back before 7 am or after 6 pm or over the holiday weekend (labor day) to get the rest of my stuff.

      HR may insist on the escort out, but just try to be gentle and let them know that this is not their fault.

    • Portia

      Having done this more times than I care to count (or remember, thank-you-very-much web 1.0 silicon valley style), the best advice I can give you is to set aside enough time in your day to actually do this. Don’t rush through it. Also, don’t worry about how awkward YOU feel. Believe me, the fire-ee feels much worse and he/she is the one being let go, not you. Don’t be overly apologetic, but remain polite, considerate, serious, and mature. Make sure you understand from your HR person what you are supposed to do after you tell the EE. There will be an awkward moment where you will not be sure if it’s the right time to wrap things up and have the person leave your office or what. Finally, remember that firing people really sucks, even when you fire someone who really deserves it. Prepare yourself to feel real lousy for a few days afterward.

    • D.

      I had to do this just last week, for the fourth time in the 10 years I have been with this company. It’s terrible. My advice: Don’t “warn” him/her in advance, and if you must avoid him/her in the 3 weeks between now and then to keep from spilling the beans, then do so. When the time comes, he/she will know something is wrong as soon as the meeting starts, so just get it out as compassionately as possible and get it over with. Have tissues available. Know answers to questions about severance, vacation payout, retrieval of personal items, COBRA/insurance alternative, and anything else your company is offering. If you can honestly give a good recommendation (and your company doesn’t have a policy against it), offer to be listed as one and to keep your ears open for suitable openings. Good luck. It doesn’t get any easier–and if you enjoyed it, you wouldn’t be a good manager.

  8. Nonny

    Yay, open thread! I’ve been waiting all day for this…

    Ladies, we talk a lot about people wanting to go from Biglaw to other things, but no-one ever talks about going the other way – or, to be more precise, going back to the Dark Side. Has anyone done this and how did it work out for you?

    Specifically, as I’ve mentioned before, I was formerly Biglaw and then changed cities (back to my home city) and firms, and ended up at a small firm. When I came here I thought that there would be enough work (not just at the firm, but in this city) for someone with my skill set (corporate, transactional), but after 18 months I am finding this is not so. In a nutshell, I am bored bored bored and feel that I am not using the skills and knowledge that I have. I thought I would adjust well to fewer hours, etc., but instead find that I am craving the excitement and challenge of the big deals. I am about to start looking at going back to Biglaw. I know all the horrible things about Biglaw so am considering this with my eyes wide open. Am I crazy?

    • Kathryn Fenner

      In a word, yes, you are crazy. There are people who truly love Biglaw–or as close to love as these individuals can experience–some of these people seemed awfully damaged to me. Some people just thrive in a high-stakes pressured environment. I don’t read in your letter that you are one of these people.

      I tried twice to go back, and each time remembered why I left and, furthermore, with the wisdom of age, saw even more reasons why the life was not for me.

      Maybe you just need a vacation? Maybe cultivating outside interests?

      • Nonny

        I have a ton of outside interests and the past 18 months have been great for developing them – truly. It feels like the entire time has been a vacation. Burnout is definitely not the problem.

        There are a lot of things I dislike about Biglaw. A lot. But like it or not, in my experience that is where the good work (for me) is. I don’t know…maybe there is a happy medium somewhere? Maybe I have just gone too far in the other direction. But when I read about the big deals in the news, the first thing I do is go on EDGAR or SEDAR and download the transaction documents. And then wish I had drafted them.

        • Kathryn Fenner

          I think I hear you saying that the firm you are with now is really small potatoes. I had great luck in mid-size firms or larger firms in small cities (I’ve been around a long time and lived in three states during my career).

          In a small city, some firm or firms do the bond work, etc. These would love to have you. Mid-sized firms took a beating in the late 80s, early 90s, but I got great training in one–how I moved to Biglaw when the midsize firms fell on hard times in Chicago. The culture is much kinder, if you can find one where you live. Also, are there possibly boutique firms doing the work you enjoy?

          • Nonny

            It is small potatoes, but in this city it does the most sophisticated work available. However, as it has turned out, anything really interesting goes to the nearby larger city. If I want a piece of it, almost certainly I’ll have to move to that larger city (which is where I trained and started my career).

            I am going to do proper research so am going to sit down first with some headhunters – this is not a decision I want to rush. True, maybe there is a mid-sized firm around (in larger city) that would constitute a happy medium.

            I have also done the other extreme – Magic Circle in the UK. Now *that* is something I would *not* go back to. After that, anything else seems like a walk in the park.

    • M

      No, you are not crazy, nor do I think you are “damaged.” I love what I do (BigLaw litigation) and know I would not be happy elsewhere. I have never seen my firm as a stepping stone or a necessary evil, I found a firm that is a good fit and a group of people I genuinely enjoy working with.

      Do not let anyone tell you what you want. If you get out there and do a few interviews and don’t find what you are looking for you can always stay put or explore other options but do not shut the door completely because you think you are supposed to want something else.

    • Bridget

      No, definitely not crazy. I am a fifth-year Biglaw associate, and I really enjoy my work. I’ve recently come to the very difficult decision that it’s not right for me long-term — my husband and I are trying for a baby, we think one of us should step back from the current hours with a young child, and we mutually decided it should be me for various reasons — but I totally understand how it would be right for some people. If my husband’s job were not what it is, the calculus could easily have gone the other way, and I would be happy to continue working in Biglaw.

    • Jelly belly

      No, you’re not crazy (and the commenter above who said you are is just rude). Some people crave a challenging and fast-paced workplace. If you enjoyed working in Biglaw before, there’s no reason not to go back to it. However, if this is just a case of the grass always being greener on the other side, perhaps you need to consider whether you truly want to go back; maybe this particular small firm is not for you, but another firm or a public interest practice would be.

    • SarahJ

      Not crazy – I feel like leaving BigLaw was the dumbest mistake I’ve made to date. I have to clock in some time at my current job to not look totally flaky, but I hope I can make it back in to a big firm someday.

      • HLA

        @Nonny: What about Magic Circle did you not like, if you don’t mind sharing?

        • A

          Nonny – I would be really interested in hearing your comparison, as I too have worked in both US BigLaw and UK Magic Circle. In my experience, US BigLaw was more brutal as there was zero respect for your personal time (nights, weekends) and almost no possibility to recover between deals. UK Magic Circle was no walk in the park either, but at least people took their vacations.

        • Nonny

          Just to be clear, I was previously in Biglaw in Canada, not in the US, so I can’t speak to the NY Biglaw experience except to say that based on my observations, US Biglaw treats people even worse than UK Biglaw. So my Biglaw experience in Canada was definitely kinder and gentler, probably, than the US Biglaw experience – not to say it doesn’t have similar issues, but in Canada I never experienced the joy of a 48-hour workathon, for instance.

          My Magic Circle experience was probably similar to a NY Biglaw experience, except that anecdotally (as A says), the UK firms have slightly more respect for weekends, booked vacation time, family time, etc. Some of my UK colleagues who considered switching from Magic Circle to US firms in London at various points did not do so because they decided that the higher salaries that the US firms paid did not compensate for the brutal beasting that associates at US firms had to endure. Not to say that Magic Circle is all touchy-feely.

          Basically I left the Magic Circle because I was appalled at the number of nervous breakdowns, 24-hour workdays, and fatigue-related injuries and illnesses I witnessed among associates, and decided I wanted no part of it. If I had stayed, I would essentially have been required to commit to partnership and I could not see myself giving my life to a firm that tacitly supported that kind of work “ethic”. I really learned a lot in the Magic Circle (plus London is a great place to live!), and I would encourage anyone who wants to challenge themselves to try for it, but you really have to know your personal limits and be aware of the right time to pull out, for you.

    • Anonylawyer

      I don’t think you’re crazy. I have kids, so a traditional biglaw firm is not for me. At all. However, I’m in a branch office of a smaller “biglaw” firm in a large city (think LA/NY/DC/CHI/SF) and I absolutely positively love my job. There are plenty of things I don’t like about being in a law firm, but I absolutely love the work that I do and could not imagine not being able to do that work. That said, I would consider a move to Big Govt. or possibly an in house position at a major corporation. But I would never go to a law firm where I wouldn’t have the same quality work I do at my biglaw firm.

    • xoxo

      the nine west oaks are my very very very favorite kitten heels – as comfortable and functional as wearing a flat, but a little more fun.

      • anon

        How’s the arch support? Do the pointy toes bother yout at all? (I have never worn practical shoes in my life, but recovering from a slight foot injury and training for the marathon has forced me to be wiser about shoe selections). They are cute!

        • xoxo

          hmm, i think the arch support is fine? i never really notice that unless i’m in a flip flop or something where there isn’t any at all. the pointy toe for me starts after my actual toes end, so that’s not a problem. really, it feels just like wearing a flat. (although i’ve worn these incessantly for 5 months now, so they’re basically molded to my foot at this point).

        • Ru

          I’ve found the arch support to be not so great but much better compared to other shoes of the pointy-toe style. I usually put arch support inserts into my flats and these shoes feel more like a flat to me. I’m going to put in some inserts soon.

      • Janie

        I love these too. Hated pointy toed shoes for years but these strangely work.

      • Anon!

        These are my absolute favorite go-to black work shoes as well. So comfortable. I’ve stopped buying other Nine West shoes because in my opinion the comfort and quality has suffered in recent years, but these are an absolute exception. Own them in black and brown croc!

        • SALit-a-gator

          I absolutely love the Nine West Oak pumps. Perfect kitten heel and nice pointy toe front. Very comfortable and none of the sore feet from wearing a pointy toe shoe. I have them in both black and brown and just bought another black pair for when I run out :-) I wear these at least 2x a week!

          http://www.ninewest.com/Oaks/3065048,default,pd.html

  10. Sister-In-Law(yer)

    Question for the hivemind:
    My brother in law got arrested this past weekend on two misdemeanor charges in his (and my) hometown. He has not been charged yet, so I don’t know how things will shake out, but I am struggling with what my role is. He has no money. One of the charges carries with it mandatory jail time, so it is my opinion that he needs to be represented. He cannot get a PD. He is sort of a bad decision-maker, though not a bad person, and I am growing weary of his inability to just grow up. That aside, I am considering representing him on his case. I am a first year associate at a small firm about three hours away from the circuit where charges would be filed, so it’s not as if I can simply run over to court in town, appear and head back to my office. The firm does only civil litigation, though I have quite a bit of criminal background and have some colleagues I could go to for help if I needed it. I obviously need to speak to one of the partners at the firm about this and ask permission.
    Do I do this at all? Does it damage my reputation in any way?
    What about my obligation to my H’s family?
    If yes, how do I approach the situation? (FWIW, I know which partner I would approach. His own son is the same age as my BIL and has some similar personal life issues, so I think he would at least be sympathetic.)

    • Em

      I’d be worried that if the case doesn’t go well, he and his family (and your sister?), your interactions with them could be soured in the future .

      • Sister-In-Law(yer)

        Ugh. I hadn’t even thought about that. I wouldn’t anticipate the case going poorly, only because of it’s nature (pretty standard) but I definitely see your point.

    • Bonnie

      This sounds like a bad idea to me. If things don’t turn out well, you will have many awkward family get-togethers. You’re not a defense attorney and presumably you don’t have any relationship with the prosecutors that you could use to negotiate a plea. If your family pressures you to help him, explain that you don’t practice criminal law and that he’d be better represented by somebody who does. If he has no money, why can’t he get a PD?

      • Sister-In-Law(yer)

        He got bailed out of jail. In my state (and maybe others) many times, that precludes you from getting a PD. Plus my state is also in a bit of a battle about PD caseloads, where, once the PD reaches a certain number of cases, they refuse all misdemeanor defendants for the rest of the month. At least, that was what was going on the last time I checked.
        It sounds like the consensus is that this is a bad plan. I do actually have a relationship with the prosecutor’s office there, but it may not make a difference due to BIL’s reputation.

        • AIMS

          I don’t know that I agree that this is a bad idea. It’s hard to say without knowing more info. As far as the family goes, it’s just as likely your in-laws will sour on you for not helping him, as for helping him and something going wrong. Whatever you do, you need to set very clear boundaries and expectations.

          As to what to do, you need to think 1) about your reputation/career; and 2) about what the situation will be like if you do nothing. Is your BIL going to represent himself? Is the family likely to get him a lawyer? I would normally not recommend that someone doing civil litigation get involve in a criminal matter, but if you have the experience and contacts, and this is a routine matter, maybe you can really help.

          Whatever you do, maybe also look into whether there are free or low cost defense services available nearby where you can send your BIL for help. But, honestly, if your BIL is going to be pro se in this, I think you being there for him is the better option.

          • Sister-In-Law(yer)

            This is where I worry. My MIL and FIL aren’t the most understanding of people. I worry that if I refuse, it will hurt our relationship more than if I represented him and he got a bad deal.

            If I don’t represent him, his only options are to go it pro se, which I think is a terrible idea, or to try to find a very low cost attorney, possibly one with a payment plan. I sort of already reached out to a few colleagues and so far, no bites. I have a few more options, though.

            I’m not at all lost on the criminal side of things – I wasn’t an attorney at the time, but I do have three years of experience with criminal law and I “know” all the prosecutors in my hometown, though not all of them personally. I also have plenty of people that would be willing to help me if I have questions about anything.

            I’m still stuck about this. Sigh.

          • AIMS

            Sister-in-Law(yer), what does your hubby say about all this? I think that’s one of the more important factors to consider? I assume he is not a lawyer, or all this would not be on your shoulders. Would he feel betrayed if you didn’t help? Does he feel his brother should be responsible for tending to his own mistakes? If you decide to say no to this, I think it is important that you & H present a united front and present this decision as a joint one.

          • Rose

            {speaking gently} If you were not an attorney at the time, then you do not have criminal experience.

            For the reasons the others stated, and because of your lack of legal experience in this area, I would not touch it with a ten-foot pole.

          • CW

            Absolutely agree with AIMS on this – you and your husband need to be in agreement on whether you represent your BIL or not (or, at least, he needs to back you up, whatever your decision is).

        • anon

          I don’t agree at all –I think you would look far worse for not helping and that not coming through when you were needed would be much harder to shake in the long term. They know he got himself into this trouble on his own and not for the first time. Any help at all, therefore, is likely to be seen as very kind.

          If you were asking about a real estate transaction or something of the like, I might advise differently and say to refer it to a friend for reasons others indicated. But I think this is different. This is going to be your family looking to you to pitch in however you can to try to keep him from drowning further.

    • Anon

      I agree. Sounds like a bad idea to me too. I practice only criminal law and would not represent anyone but probably my own siblings (though they would never need me to!) My husband’s family and my own extended family have faced criminal charges and asked for my help with them, but the most I do is direct them to the PD’s office or give a referral to another criminal defense lawyer.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve seen so many defendants unload on their attorneys, even when the attorneys have done a fantastic job representing them. Is he the kind of guy who will accept responsibility and just needs help navigating the specifics of a plea, or does he see himself as a victim? If he is making excuses for his behavior and feeling indignant about the whole mess, he will blame you for everything that happens in court, even if it’s best case scenario.

      • Sister-In-Law(yer)

        I’m not sure yet. There are some details of the arrest that I haven’t shared that are a little iffy in my opinion, but all he really wants is to get a decent plea and not have to do any jail time. He knows he deserved to get arrested and that he messed up. He isn’t making excuses right now. This is not something that would proceed to trial (unless the prosecutor made a rec that included an unreasonably high amount of jail time) but I can see, from the feedback that the potential problems with representing him are too many.
        Now, I just may have to deal with the fall out of NOT representing him, since H’s family may or may not think that I should. It’s a lost-lost situation, I’m afraid.

        • CSF

          I don’t think it’s a lose-lose situation. If you put your work into finding someone to represent him that you know, that can cut you a deal, then you’re doing your best. If you’ve exhausted all leads that way, then I think your family will know that you tried your hardest. It would be unreasonable for them to expect you to practice in an area outside of your experience, but it’s not unreasonable for them to expect a little guidance from you in finding a suitable attorney, or pulling some strings to get a lowered fee (if possible). And if you can’t, oh well, you tried, but it’s not like you botched his case, he just has to pay a little more.

        • a lawyer

          Good decision, I think. I’ve represented family before and have sworn off ever doing it again. Generally, unless everything goes perfectly (as in you get not guilty verdicts at trial or get the charges dismissed with prejudice–not likely), someone will be unhappy and you will suffer the fallout.

          Particularly since you have no criminal law experience as a lawyer, and much of what goes on with criminal cases cannot be learned from a book, I would definitely not take this on.

    • The Online Shopper

      Sister do not do it! It is never a good idea to represent a family member for so many reasons (e.g. they can be surprisingly unappreciative of your time, it will confuse your emotions and his). Your best role is to be there for him by recommending that he get an attorney, and recommend someone that you (or someone else at your firm) is familiar with. If you call up the attorney and make the referral with the understanding that he is your brother I am sure that they will give him some sort of a break on their fees. Good luck – this is a tough spot to be in.

      • Louise

        Agree with this. Help him by working to find a good lawyer to represent him, then recommending that (other) lawyer. Spin it this way to your husband’s family: “BIL needs a criminal lawyer, and that’s not my specialty. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to help him as well as Susan Jones, who is top notch in this field. I’ll talk to Susan, lawyer to lawyer, and check in with her regularly to make sure that BIL is getting the very, very best representation.”

        Educate your family on the(not-so) subtle differences between what you do and what Susan does. Yes, you may be able to represent him because it is a simple case, but really, isn’t it the BEST thing for BIL to have a really good criminal lawyer represent him?

      • Elysian

        This. If you have relationships with some people in the field, maybe asking someone for a favor is the best idea. If you set him up with someone else, you’ve fulfilled your role as family and if the case goes south it doesn’t ruin your family relationships the same way it would if you represented him.

        Someone else was in this situation in my family recently – my BIL got in trouble, and FIL reached out to another attorney family member for help. Not being in the right jurisdiction to do any good, other family member recommended a friend and good defense attorney that cut them a deal on fees. All was well and no one’s feelings hurt. That would be my suggestion.

    • Ellen

      This is sad. To bad that you can not chose your relatives. Do you have to do anything? You live 3 hours away, so maybe you should just let the thing go. Mabye ask your sister if she is going to stick with him. If not, just forget it. I would not volunter for this.

    • Jelly belly

      I would not represent a family member. You may not be able to be as objective as possible since he is a family member, and if things go badly, he may blame you and cause a rift. However, I would recommend the best attorney you know, and if you can afford it, offer to help pay. That seems like the best you can do to smooth things over in the family and be supportive.

    • LALaw

      Sister,

      I agree with the other posters; do not represent your BIL. Personal and family relationships aside, your firm likely won’t allow it. Most firm malpractice issurance would cover you (whether you wanted it to or not) if you were representing your BIL and your firm is probably not going to want to be on the hook. While your firm certainly could be different, this would most definitely not be allowed at my firm.

      • EC MD

        This could be your out with his family — that YOU are willing to do it but your job would be at risk if you did.

        This is a curious question for me. As a physician, I think, and most of my colleagues think that it is unprofessional to treat a family member. As a resident I was told it would mean instant termination if I wrote a prescription for a family member. Are the ethics of law less clear?

        I chime in to add my advice: don’t represent him, but help him secure (and this may be financial help) appropriate legal counsel.

        • MOR

          EC, lawyers are not generally ethically barred from representing family members. (I don’t know of any states with rules against it, though there may be some.) Plenty of attorneys would content that it is not a great idea, though, for plenty of reasons, not the least of which is that the emotional and personal involvement may hamper your legal judgment.

        • May

          I experienced something vaguely similar when a close relative of DH needed treatment in my specialty.
          There were issues; not least of which being that some other members of the family were in denial about the whole thing.
          Referred to a colleague, and did not interfere with the management in any way although I check back informally with both parties and will discuss any issues they have at any time etc. etc. (without intruding on the management instituted by my friend).
          There are times when I feel they would like me to go a bit further than I do, but its a lose/lose so I won’t go there.
          So far I don’t think my peripheral involvement has affected my friend (the doctor) negatively either

    • Easy Out?

      For all the reasons others have cited, this is BAD idea. However, you probably have an easy out. I very much doubt that your firm will provide malpractice coverage for you to practice outside your (and the firm’s?) practice area. Unless you want to purchase your own coverage (doubtful, extremely expensive), you have no coverage and, thus, cannot represent your BIL.

    • Makeup Junkie

      You could always offer a referral. Let your BIL know you’d love to help but your firm prohibits it and you haven’t got any relevant experience anyway.
      Good luck!

    • Divaliscious11

      The best thing you can do is see if you can find him an attorney. Nothing good can come from the representation for you…..

    • roses

      I might be dense here, but could someone please explain why he isn’t entitled to a public defender? Don’t you have to be provided with one if there’s a possibility that you could go to jail?

      • CfM

        You are only provided one if you can’t afford it. You can’t get one just because you don’t want to pay for it, or just because it might be difficult for you financially to pay for one. It’s not a matter of saying “I can’t afford it.”

    • Miriam

      I don’t have time to read all the comments right now, but you said you worry about him growing up. Maybe getting him out of a tough situation isn’t the best thing for him. Aside from all the issues that could come up if you did represent him, you would just be bailing him out rather than letting him figure out what to do and take responsibility. He got himself into the mess and he should figure out how to get himself out of it.

    • Sister-in-Law(yer)

      From all the comments, I can see (what I thought) that this is not a good idea. I’m going to find him someone to rep him and let him make the decisions moving forward, like the adult he should be. I’d rather experience the fallout from H’s family being mad at me for doing the right thing than the fallout of something going wrong with the case or my career.

      To answer AIMS’s question, H is not particularly close to his brother. He would defer to my decision about this and stand by me. He’s embarrassed and annoyed by his brother and has been for years. I think it’s time for us to maintain the distance instead of trying to bridge the gap at a time when we feel that BIL and his parents aren’t making decisions we agree with.

      I’ll give him some names of good local attorneys and see if I can get someone to give him a deal or a payment plan or something.
      Thank you for all the advice ladies. It was much needed.

    • Arachna

      Hmm, I realize a consensus has already been reached and that your husband isn’t very close to his brother but I wanted to register a different opinion. If my husband refused to do absolutely everything in his power to help my sister it would be a huge blow to my marriage and I don’t know that I could forgive it. I’m very close both to my sister and to my parents so it’s a different situation but there it is. On the other hand if my cousin was in this trouble – I wouldn’t want to help because I don’t approve of his choices and I don’t trust him – but ultimately I still would because him not going to jail is more important and him going to jail would devastate my aunt and uncle, my parents and my grandparents all of whom mean a lot to me.

      I don’t understand why multiple commentators are characterizing competent legal representation as “bailing him out” or otherwise him escaping the consequences of his actions or as something he doesn’t deserve because he screwed up – that a person facing jail time and unable to afford competent legal representation can’t get a PD is a break down of our justice system – not the right and proper way for things to go. IMO.

      • Eponine

        I think it’s more important that it’s not clear she could provide competent legal representation (as a first year associate with a civil practice), and that there could be serious familial tension if the case doesn’t go well. That’s not bailing him out at all. The best thing she can do to help is use her legal network to recommend the best lawyer she knows, and see if she can help him get a deal on payment.

      • n

        I think it’s incredibly unlikely that the poster is the only one who can help him out. Criminal defense lawyers, especially if this is a crime that can be pled to no jail time, are very, very common, and are fairly low cost (fairly being relative). The brother-in-law’s parents can pay for it (and yeah, that might mean another mortgage on their house, selling items, extra jobs), the brother-in-law can, the brother in law can look for pro bono representation.

        As bad a situation as this is, it’s not truly an emergency – it’s serious, but it’s not an immediate TRO hearing that requires someone, anyone, qualified to practice to make a mad dash to court. It’s like if BIL had a heart attack – if the poster was a gyn, I would expect her to give emergency aid, but not to do the bypass surgery, even if BIL was uninsured and could not afford it.

        Also, the poster would be risking her entire career – her entire livelihood – on this case. Pro bono or not, family or not, the same standards apply. Criminal practice and civil practice are not the same – and even if she provided adequate representation from a legal point of view, her handling of the case can reverberate through the community, and her firm.

    • gina

      Rather than taking significant time away from your work to handle a pro bono matter for a family member in an area you don’t practice, is it an option for you and your husband to hire (and pay for) a lawyer for your brother-in-law?

      Also, depending on how high brother-in-law’s bond is and how complicated the case is, some lawyers will take on cases if the defendant signs over the bond to the lawyer. At the end of the case, the lawyer gets the bond instead of it going back to whoever posted it.

    • Sister-in-Law(yer)

      As an update for all those who gave great advice, and food for thought:
      I spoke to MIL today, after I had given the names of a few attorneys whom I trust to take BIL’s case. She was incredibly grateful for the help I offered and expressed that BIL was too. (He’s not much of a communicator). I explained my reservations about handling the case and she was, in rare form, quite understanding. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
      BIL is going to attempt to get a second job and work out a payment plan to afford his representation. H and I are not in a financial position to help him and I don’t feel comfortable giving him financial assistance nor would he feel comfortable taking it.
      I hope that this experience changes his perspective on life and we can be a closer family. H and his brother are a year apart and used to be very close but the last six years have been rough.
      Thank you to everyone who offered advice. I needed some people outside my family to offer some guidance and that’s exactly what I got. Now. It’s Saturday, so… Cheers!

      • Anonymous

        I am appalled that he can’t get the PD just because he was bailed out of jail. Bah!

    • n

      Also, since you’re at a firm you and will have to clear internal conflicts, and probably get permission from the firm to take on this representation, you’re likely to be told no anyway. I say this as nicely as possible – I don’t care if you had 20 years of relevant paralegal experience beforehand, as a first year associate you’re likely not competent to handle such representation at the level the firm expects, and the malpractice carrier will twitch.

  11. Monday

    Seeking more hair advice!

    I’m committing to take better care of my super-brittle, fine, color-treated hair. This means no more blow-drying–but I’ve found that my hair takes about 2 hours to air dry. (This is probably related to the fact that it’s fragile and probably damaged too.) Even after 2 hours, it’s still a bit damp in places, but I feel professionally presentable at that point.

    How has anyone else dealt with this beauty routine problem? I don’t want to show up anywhere with wet hair, nor do I want to sleep on wet hair. Thanks!

    • Kathryn Fenner

      Blow-drying isn’t going to damage your hair as long as you are holding the dryer well away from your hair, using some sort of protecting product, and just using your fingers to lift it gently, or a diffuser. It’s stretching it out with a brush and combing it that are doing more damage. It’s the mechanical action–the friction, that is dangerous, as well as high heat/over-drying–but warm heat should be fine.

      FWIW, I have fine, fragile hair, and love th Frederic Fekkai Color Technician mask–use a dab every shampoo or so–doesn’t matter how long you leave it on–read The Beauty Brains blog–or Hamadi Shea butter leave-in–on clearance at Beauty.com.

    • CW

      Perhaps begin washing your hair when you get home in the evening, well before you go to bed, and let it air dry. In the morning shower but don’t wash your hair. Use dry shampoo if you need to/think your scalp will be greasy. I recommend Pssssst (you can find it at a Duane Reade).

    • houda

      Get one of those microfiber towels. They are super absorbent and very gentle on the hair. You just pat your hair instead of wringing it.

    • Jelly belly

      Do you use shampoo with lauryl or laureth sulfates? I switched to an all-natural, sulfate-free shampoo and it improved my hair quite a bit after a month or so of use. I also use a leave-in conditioner in addition to the regular rinse-out one. And I second Houda’s rec for a microfiber towel.

      Can you wash your hair at night instead of in the morning? That seems like the most obvious solution to your immediate problem, although I think you should work on improving your hair’s overall health and not just quit blowdrying. There are also many blowdryers that are gentler on hair, and many products designed to protect hair from heat.

    • Anonymous

      Mine’s long enough to pile into a bun, so I wash at night, put it up soaking wet & it gets 75-90% dry while I sleep, and when I wake up, it’s damp enough to blow out perfectly & only takes 2-3 mins to do that way. Super time saving in the AM & my hair’s been stronger w/o so much blowdrying.

  12. anon

    Stay out of it – you’ll be blamed for anything that goes “wrong” and bailing him out only encourages him to continue to be reckless.

  13. Anonymous

    I’m looking for opinions on appropriate nail polish colors to wear to the office. I work in a business-casual office at a midsize Midwestern university, but I’m interested in opinions about all kinds of offices, especially more professional ones. Thanks!

    • OP

      *By “more professional” I really mean “more formal.” Been a long week..

    • Monday

      I have to be relatively conservative. I’d do anything non-bright in the pink, nude and brown color families. Reds are classic and probably fine, but I–and this is just me–feel like they’re a little much given that I work with almost all men (mostly older men).

    • AEK

      I got blue polish over the weekend and I loved the color so much that I couldn’t bear to take it off, so I wore it for two more workdays before removing it (once a dark color starts to chip it looks dreadful). One (state) court appearance, and one meeting of a governmental committee that I advise, plus numerous interactions with my boss to go over drafts etc. I felt a little uncomfortable in the last two situations; it’s a relatively conservative environment. But part of me really loved having a color that fits my personality more than the more-office-acceptable shades; it was like a tiny reminder that I am a person, not just a lawyer. That said, I’ll probably save the blues for the weekends from now on (or the toes!).

      Anyway, what’s appropriate for the office will, like so many outfits, accessories, and hairstyles, totally depend on your particular place. As a general rule, I think one should always err on the side of caution and be totally uber-appropriate (bland) in the interview phase and when just starting the job, and after that, take careful cues from the environment. I don’t think crazy polish colors are a deal breaker, but if you add them to flashy accessories or super trendy shoes or whatever, you might tip the scale. But I think the most stylish/ modern colors right now are too cool to leave alone entirely—I love the grays too!

      • Alanna of Trebond

        This answer makes me really happy — I am a summer associate at a conservative, white shoe law firm (we are still business formal) and this week I rocked some purple nail polish for the same reason. My officemate suggested that it would be fine when I told her about my dilemma the Friday before, so I went with it. I did end up removing it for our court appearance though.

    • Jelly belly

      I generally stick to more classic colors for fingers – shades of pink and red, or sheers. I see a lot of pinks and red around the office (business casual, east coast law office), but never funkier colors. For toes, we can wear peep toes and some women even wear sandals, and I see more fun colors on toes although the majority still stick to pinks or sheers. I like to rock fun colors on my toes, and currently have lavender polish on them. However, I only wear peep toes, never sandals, so it’s not that noticeable.

    • Makeup Junkie

      When I worked in a formal office, I wore Avon Bare Necessity all.the.time. It was the only bottle of polish that I used up (twice!) before it dried up.

    • NB

      I don’t usually wear polish on my fingers, because I hate chipping, but I wear whatever colors look good and can’t be seen across the room. That is to say, colors outside the blush/nude range — like deep blues, greens, purples, and black — are fine, but I don’t want neon yellow because I don’t want that level of attention.

      I am in court most days, but when not in court can wear jeans in the office. I believe in a professional dress code, but outside of a jury trial (or meeting with billion dollar client, or its equivalent), it just isn’t that serious. For example, not too long ago, I was in a federal judge’s chambers discuss something case related. She complimented the purple polish of another woman, and we admired her gunmetal polish. She said that as critical as it is that we dress appropriately for the setting, there has to be room for some personality. Fingernails are small enough that they fit the bill. Where the opinions of random others matter (like in a jury trial), it is best to be conservative. But so long as the color isn’t painful to look at, there is often going to be some leeway.

    • Anonylawyer

      I wear all sorts of reds and pinks and purples. I’ll do corals and reddish oranges too. I am cautious about blues and greens, but i’ve seen more muted shades around the office. I would look and see what shades the other women wear in your office. I would also adjust my shades for the occasion. For a client meeting, I’d probably stick to lighter pinks, whites, or possibly a traditional red. But for a regular day in the office, I think you can be more creative. I’m in a small office of a national biglaw firm in a major legal market.

    • AccountingNerd

      Light pinks/neutrals, and certain dark colors can are appropriate. No bright colors or neon. I have a light pink/neutral that I wear everyday. It stays on pretty good, so I only paint my nails about twice a week. I work in a business casual office and I haven’t seen any other person wear nail polish. But then again, we are government accountants with no sense of style.

  14. Very Anon

    I just took a home pregnancy test (I work from home) and it is positive. I am freaking out!!!! Hubby and I were sort of *not* trying this month, as he just had a surgery that has a long recovery period. But I’m excited (and terrified) nevertheless! Eeeeep!!!

    • pleasantly surprised anon

      Yay! Congratulations!!! This is similar to what happened to me, and to my brother & his wife. I both cases, we were in the midst of moving houses and too busy to really try… sometimes it happens when you least expect it. Hooray!

      Related threadjack: I looked back at Kat’s post on Working through the First Trimester, and found lots of congratulations, and very little actual advice. What can you wise ladies tell me about remaining productive in the midst of nausea and crushing fatigue??? I seem to have about 5 good hours in me a day, and I spend the rest sleeping. This does not feel sustainable. Help!

      • JJ

        Not much advice, but commiseration. I’m in my first trimester and have the same symptoms. I try to be as productive as possible when I feel well during the day, and have resorted to shutting my door and grabbing a quick 5-10 minute nap when I can. I also munch on almonds and crackers during the day to keep the nausea at bay.

  15. Eponine

    What are folks’ favorite sites or stores for lingerie? I’m not into lingerie at all, but need a gift to bring to a lingerie-themed bachelorette. I don’t even know where to start, except that I don’t like VS on principle. Thanks!

    • xoxo

      i like herroom – i had some problems with my order and they had great customer service.

    • Supra

      I like bare nescessities or fig leaves.

      I would suggest a few pairs of Hanky Pankys. They are practical and basically the best underwear ever. They come cutely rolled up with a little tie and are a great gift.

    • K

      Nordstrom’s or Bloomie’s has some nice stuff, and it’s often not much more than what you’d spend at VS type place. It ranges from cute/sweet to sexy, depending on your (and the bachelorette’s) taste.

    • Laura #2

      Anthropologie sometimes has cute lingerie–not great if you’re going for really sexy, but if the person’s style is Anthro-esque, it can be fun. I bought my friend a nightie from Anthro for her bachelorette party and she loved it.

    • Eponine

      Thanks, guys. Hanky Panky looks like it has some cute stuff. What are your opinions on Frederick’s of Hollywood? They have some robes that look like her style, but I’m not sure how the quality is.

      • Accountress

        The basics are pretty good at Frederick’s- I’ve gotten basic undies that lasted all through college, and I’m a fan of their Dream Corsets (for RHPS, it’s a must!). The quality of other things, however, is probably less than you’d get at a nicer department store. For “fun times”, it’s good enough stuff- for practical times, better to spend a little more for stuff that will last longer.

      • houda

        When I went to LA in April I bought 11 garments from Frederiks of Hollywood because I wanted to make a sizeable gift for mu friend who had just gotten married.
        Their prices are low, they have cute and also naughty wear. The fabrics tend to be very shiny or lacey. The quality is decent but not an investment piece.

    • Runnin' for it

      Eponine, did you have any luck finding that strapless size H bra? I have to go to Nordstrom’s and Sylene’s in Bethesda tomorrow to look for my size G.

      Is anyone else pre-shopping the Nordstrom’s Anniversary Sale? I was excited to qualify for it, but looked through the selection online and was disappointed. It was a lot of dark capes and drapey sweaters I can’t even think of buying now that its hot out. A bag I bought last month was on sale and I already called and got the price difference.

      • Eponine

        I decided not to wear a dress that required a strapless. I just didn’t want to spend $75 on a bra and only wear it once or twice.

    • AccountingNerd

      Dillards (if you are in the south). Also, I’ve found some sexy stuff at TJ Maxx, Marshals…those types of stores.

    • MaggieLizer

      Betsy Johnson has some really cute stuff, available at Nordstrom’s. La Perla is always a favorite if you’re really close to the bride and want to splurge. If you have time to shop in person, local boutiques (check yelp) often have nice things but their prices tend to be a bit higher. Gilt and Rue La La have good deals every now and then, too.

    • Anonymous

      I like H & M. I’m kinda cheap, it’s certainly inexpensive. But I have bras that were actually hand me downs (spare the “ew gross” if that’s your reaction), I’m mentioning it to say they hold up well. They have a 32 band size, which is my biggest lingerie issue.

  17. Iknowwhatyoumean

    Looking for some biotech advice after reading the brief thread a couple of days ago on the gal who has the (what I think is) a lucrative job as a lawyer in a biotech company.

    I am a second year lawyer at an IP firm. I have a science bachelors and I’m considering applying to the Masters in Biotech programs out there (John Hopkins, Columbia, Northwestern, UPenn seem to be the main ones). I was wondering what those in Biotech/IP think- would any of these programs help with marketability? Eventually I would love to branch out from pure legal work and possibible get involved in the development/management/not-so-legal-work.

    Any advice would be appreciated!

    • karenpadi

      I’m not the person at the biotech company but my two cents. In the Silicon Valley IP community, a person with a masters is viewed as a “PhD drop-out”–whether it’s true or not. This is not as big a deal in litigation/transaction work as it is in prosecution work. But if you already work in litigation/transaction, I don’t see how a master’s would benefit your marketability–it’s more about legal skills at this point.

      If you don’t want to to legal work and don’t want to be a scientist, what about getting an MBA?

      • Iknowwhatyoumean

        It’s not that I don’t want to be a lawyer- I like legal work, but I just don’t want to be working 100% purely as a lawyer all the time. I can’t imagine working at an IP litigation firm my whole life. I feel like there are interesting jobs out there besides the typical lit/prosecution split, but I haven’t had exposure to much out there yet.

        IMO, a MBA isn’t worth the money these days unless you go to a top, top school (since MBAs are 2 years and masters in biotech normally just one, that extra year of insane tuition ads up). I have no clue how I’d do on the GMAT, but I’m just guessing that I’m not going to in the 99th percentile.

        • Iknowwhatyoumean

          And, does it look like you’re a dropout when the masters biotech is a terminal degree?

          • lostintranslation

            Yes & No.

            No – I’m not in IP, but am about to graduate with a Master’s in an engineering field. In my dad/granddad’s generation (both classical American engineers) up to about 2007, you only went to grad school if you wanted to do hardcore research. Hardcore research -> PhD, so no PhD -> Master’s = dropout (if that makes sense). Other countries’ engineers have gotten Master’s degrees for generations, whereas the US graduates got stellar on the job training. For a lot of reasons, graduates in the US are no longer getting the OJT, and *have* to go back to school. IMHO, I think that starting with this generation, there will be a lot more people with “terminal” Master’s degrees in the future, because the proportion of people who want to do hardcore research probably isn’t increasing that much. This should lessen the perception that Master’s graduates are dropouts.

            Yes – unless you are continuing off where your undergrad left off, a one year Master’s is too short to do coursework+research+thesis. If your colleagues & bosses have PhD’s, a one year Master’s is going to look pretty lightweight in comparison (especially if you do it at a “prestigious” school that is better known for their business/humanities programs). Depending on how mean-spirited another person is, you run the risk of being pegged as “the world’s lamest scientist” as opposed to “the law/business person with a good understanding of basic technical aspects”. This is NOT my personal opinion, but something I hear often enough from colleagues/friends.

            Without knowing what you mean by “development/management/not-so-legal-work”, it’s a little hard to say what I would do in your position, but my gut reaction is that a one-year Master’s is as poor a return on investment as an MBA, even for fewer student loans. If you want to stay on the science side, I would do a 2-year Master’s, and if you don’t want to do research/heavy technical stuff, I would get your additional qualification in the areas you’re stronger in or enjoy more (probably has a lot of overlap!) :-)

          • Iknowwhatyoumean

            This is meant as a reply to “lostintranslation”, but for some reason I cannot reply directly.

            Thank you for all of your candid advice. It’s frustrating to me, the kind of ‘superiority’ snobbery that some people in IP law seem to have. So what if I don’t want to do a PhD? Isn’t that exactly why I got into IP law- so wouldn’t it make sense that I do a terminal masters instead of a PhD? Technically one could argue that PhDs who go to work as patent agents are cop-outs too- they left the lab to go get a pretty good salary looking at patents all day. I’m sure lots of science people turn their noses up at their careers too. That may sound mean, but it is very frustrating to hear that people do think this way when there really is no basis for it.

            I was also taken into consideration not just tuituion for the MBA, but the lost salary & seniority in that extra year- adds up to over $100,000.

            I agree that I think the tide might turn- I’ve seen many more terminal masters programs come about, I think largely for people in my situation. I guess when you referred to more traditional businessy schools, you were referring to my references to Columbia, etc. Those just happen to be the schools with the programs. It always made me wonder if those schools were almost “selling out ” their name by providing these programs- but then I thought, there’s no way any of those schools need to do that. The fact that you can do online classes at JHU made me very weary, but then you think that they wouldn’t want to water down any degree they hand out, given their reputation.

            This is all so confusing! Truthfully, the content in all of these programs sounds amazing! The classes sound interesting and challenging. I love learning about science, I just don’t see why it’s such a huge problem that I don’t want to spend 6 years doing research. Why can’t I take classes to further my knowledge without looking like a sell-out?

            (this isn’t mean to attack you, I’m referring to the general community consensus that you brought up. I really appreciate your insight and you’re probably right, it just sucks!)

          • meara

            Because a “Masters in Biotech” is really a made-up degree (see “one year degree”) mostly so people can either polish their resumes (“Look, I have a master’s not just a bachelors, give me that promotion!”) or do some career-changing (“No, I don’t have any experience in the industry but I did get this degree…..”). Which is to say, it might be good if that’s what you’re looking to do. But if you can get a job without it, do so. And then maybe your company will pay for a degree, or send you to some courses/conferences/trainings.

            (12 years in biotech, though not a lawyer)

          • Iknowwhatyoumean

            Since you work in biotech, not as a lawyer, then I understand what you mean- if I wanted to be purely in biotech, I definitely see the point you’re making.

            I was trying to say that truthfully, lawyers don’t need the indepth skills some firms “require”. I think a lot of it in law firms is an image thing- so they can say everyone has these degrees, but they don’t actually help that much with their litigation work in the IP field (my opinion, correct me if I’m wrong!)

            I have a great job right now that I love, but I’m one of very, very few people without an advanced degree (JD + BS + another degree) at my firm. Even when I was interviewing at firms, apparently not having a graduate degree was a problem. I had good grades and an otherwise good resume which got me my job. But it definitely made me feel like I was “lucky” and everyone else in my field in my region is more qualified than I am. Hence why I was looking to further my education. Maybe I’m in a very competitive IP market, but that is definitely the impression I got. I feel like if I ever want to move on to bigger things, I’ll always be seen as ‘barely qualified’, even though my work reviews over the past couple of years have shown that I have the amount of knowledge needed to succeed in IP law. Their additional degrees haven’t made me seem inferior once I’m actually working in the field. But when it comes to interviews if I decide to go somewhere new, it was definitely a hurdle that I wasn’t aware of when I entered law school.

            I do come from an area where everyone applies and completes a masters before they do a PhD. Maybe that has slanted the job market in my region.

            What am I supposed to do? I cannot afford to go for a PhD (whether you agree with that or not is fine, but this is what I’ve calculated out). A PhD program probably wouldn’t even consider me given that I have a JD already- especially not fund me. In fact, I kind of feel like these more generalized one-two year masters programs are better suited for lawyers. They would give a broad overview of knowledge v. PhD focusing on one tiny aspect.

            I was told over and over before law school that BS was fine. Now I’m stuck. That’s my dilemma I was hoping to get some insight into.

          • PollyD

            You should not get a PhD unless you want to do research or administer research or do some other job where a PhD is absolutely necessary. Also, never pay to get a PhD – you should be able to get a tuition waiver and a stipend to cover living expenses.

            That said, I have mixed feelings about the Master’s programs. I am somewhat familiar with JHU’s MPH program. Part of me feels it is a way for people who want to go to med school or grad school, but didn’t get in after their bachelor’s, to polish their cv before re-applying. It is, in my opinion, a very expensive program ($50K+ for an 18 month program). I also question the rigorousness of it, because I know a woman who got the JHU MPH while working full time and having her third child – plus she had absolutely no background in any kind of science. That said, it is a very well-respected program. I have also taken some of the MPH classes and they are very well-taught and do seem to cover useful material.

            I have less experience with the JHU Master’s in Biotech. When I worked at a biotech company, people with a terminal master’s were mostly technicians, albeit more highly ranked technicians, but few were project leads. Some led core service departments and had a good deal of autonomy, though. The people I knew who had this degree were a mixed bag. Some were very skilled and really knew what they were doing, others had seemed to learn various lab techniques by rote but really didn’t understand the molecular biology basis of them and thus weren’t so good at trouble-shooting or thinking about the next steps for a project.

            You are in a tough position, IKWYM. Is there any way for you to contact people who are doing what you want to do and get some advice from them regarding your next steps? Or people who do the hiring for these sorts of positions? I think you are right that the attitude toward terminal master’s probably is changing, the question is how much has it changed – what will be the attitude of those doing the hiring in the next few years?

  18. regular poster

    Today is my birthday – the big 3-0! I am feeling good about it, starting the next phase of life. Not too thrilled about being “middle aged” now, but oh well. Two questions: 1) thoughts/advice / things you would say to your 30 year old self? 2) I want to buy myself a present, something that will last for years… Jewelry? Handbag? Other? Planning to spend between $200 and $1k – any ideas? General suggestions as well as very specific ones are welcome!

    • Nonny

      Happy Birthday! The 30s are way better than the 20s.

      Jewelry is definitely the way to go. Enjoy!

      • Iknowwhatyoumean

        Jewellery would be my first option- bags wear out quickly, and if I was you, I’d want something that lasts forever- not one-two years.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      I second the watch — although I would probably spend a bit more and get a nice Cartier tank or something. Also, I lust over Chloe and Miu Miu handbags, but probably not worth it as a piece you want to keep for the rest of your life.

    • What I would tell myself 15 years ago

      1. Start wearing UVA/UVB sunscreen everyday on your face, neck/decollatage and hands/forearms.
      2. Ditto hats and UPF clothing.
      3. Sit down NOW and figure out how much money you will need to live on when you retire.
      4. Start saving aggressively.
      5. Start investing now.
      6. You only get one body. Eat properly. Exercise properly. Do what health care professionals you trust tell you to do.
      7. Travel as much as you can now.
      8. Let people take lots of photos of you now. You may not like the way you look now, but in a few years you will look back and think you look pretty darn hot.

      On the gift (more fun than the above!): I agree with people who said classic pieces of jewelry. Diamond studs. Nice watch. I may catch heat for this, but if you are considering a ring, consider that there may come a time when you will have to decide whether it “goes” with your wedding ring. When I was your age and recently divorced, I bought myself I gorgeous 18K gold gordian knot ring for my left middle finger. For years, I wore it daily and loved it. Two years ago, I had to take it out of rotation because it doesn’t go with my platinum and diamond tri-eternity band wedding ring. Not complaining. Just pointing out a potential consideration.

      • Makeup Junkie

        +1 on the saving. Max out your 401k if you have one. I really regret thinking I couldn’t afford to save for retirement when I was in my 20s and early 30s, and I hate feeling like I will gave to play catch-up for the redt of my working life.

      • AccountingNerd

        Love your advice! I’m 22 and have a million things I would love to spend my money on, but each month as I’m contributing to my Roth IRA I tell myself that someday I’ll be glad I did.

        • Another Sarah

          Extra motivation – my parents started saving for their retirement from their first jobs in their early 20s. They retired when my Dad was 54 and my Mom 51 (and still had my sister and I in school, too!). They were the first of their friends to retire, and now everyone is jealous. :-)

    • K

      Happy birthday! There’s a great article in this month’s Glamour on turning 30 – check it out.

      I would maybe get myself a classic piece of jewelery – maybe a ring or a pair of earrings. Something that I could hold onto for years. I’ve always wanted a piece of jewelery with my birthstone in it, personally.

        • Batgirl

          Ditto! I’m seriously hoping I live past 60! I think of middle age as 45 now (granted, I’m not sure I expect to live to 90…)!

      • regular poster

        Yep, I am. I think 0-30 is “young,” 30-60 is “middle aged,” and 60-90 as “old.” I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being in any of these categories. I hope my 30s will be great and exciting, but that doesn’t change me being in the middle phase of my life!

    • anon

      Happy Birthday! Middle aged, please … 30’s are a wonderful time and, IMO, a lot better than the roaring post-college not-sure-about-anything-20’s (not that the questions stop, ever).

      1) Absolutely on the saving and financial responsibility part, I liked Susan Hirshman’s book which was an easy read but also a great way to start getting your financial house in order. It’s called “Does This Make My Assets Look Fat?” and once you get past the silly title and a few passages that are in a similar vein, I found it to be quite intelligently written, comprehensive, thoughtful, useful.

      2) Either a watch or diamond studs, and either way find something that looks classic and classy and will last you another 30 years.

      • Teacher-Turned-2L

        Happy Birthday! I turned 30 in May. My husband and I went on a loooong delayed honeymoon to France and Monaco (we just celebrated our 7th anniversary yesterday. We eloped when we were young and poor.) However, I also recently bought a decent Movado watch (nothing too high end, I’m still a student!) I like the watch idea if you don’t already have a decent one. If I’m fortunate enough to get a good job after I graduate, I’ll probably go back and upgrade my Movado (I had my eye on the tungsten version.) So far, 30 has been great, and I certainly don’t consider myself “middle aged” yet! I’m in better shape mentally, emotionally, physically and financially than I was 10 years ago, and I feel like things are only getting better. Maybe its because I’m still a student, but I also enjoy being able to tell people that “I’m 30” because it just sounds like such an adult age to be! Enjoy your birthday!

        • Lil

          Lucky you. I turned 30 recently, and, as a non-Biglaw lawyer with crushing debt, am unquestionably in worse shape mentally, emotionally, physically and financially than I was 10 years ago. It sucks. I feel like the last 10 years have been a total downward spiral.

          Wait until your student loans come due and you are working as a lawyer in a soulless job with no escape in sight, THEN tell me you think it has been worthwhile.

          • Teacher-Turned-2L

            Lil,

            I’m sorry to hear that things haven’t worked out well for you. But I do have to tell you, not everyone accumulates “crushing debt” in law school. In my case, my husband and I saved money for years to send me to school, and that money, coupled w/scholarships, will have me leaving school without debt (although I still have undergraduate debt that will get paid off some day, but it isn’t crushing debt by any means. Without taking undergraduate loans, I would never have been able to attend college right out of high school. I was the first person in my family to attend college and one of the few to graduate high school.)

            There is certainly no guarantee that I’ll get a job after graduation, but right now I’m in the top 5% of my class and have a great internship this summer, so I’m doing the best that I can with what I can control. Unfortunately, I can’t control the economy. As a teacher with six years of seniority, I was still making well under 40k a year (including stipends for sponsored several clubs and the debate team in addition to my regular teaching responsibilities), and held down a summer school job for 4 summers. My district was also on the verge of laying me off (the prior year, even teachers with 3/4 years of experience were being laid off due to drastic budget cuts, and our classes sizes were increasing to such a number that teaching was not only becoming difficult, but dangerous. I taught in an inner-city high school.) Most importantly, I was unhappy with my job, and I didn’t want this to translate to my students, so it was time to move on.

            Even if I end up taking a job at the lowest end of “legal pay-grade” (i.e. not big or medium-law, perhaps city government or public interest work), I’m likely to make more money in my first year than I made in my last year of teaching.

            Not sure if you will read this or not, but I wanted to tell you that not all law students out there are digging themselves into a hole from which they cannot escape. Things may not turn out as well for me as I hope they will, or it might be downright disastrous, but I know I’ll solider on regardless and make the best of things. I wish you the best of luck.

          • Another Anon Lawyer

            wanted to reply to “teacher turned 2L” just to say: YIKES. smug much? Lil was expressing a reality for a lot of people. Not all of us are coupled. Not all of us get scholarships. Try to have a little patience and generosity before you hit reply and tell us about how fabulously forward thinking YOU were.

            PS: Nice job being in the top 5% of your class. Please don’t bandy that around at work or socially.

          • Teacher-Turned-2L

            To Anon,

            I realize that I did come off very smug, and I apologize for that. I guess I am just a bit frustrated with the general mentality that seems to be out there on the blogosphere that law school is a piss poor decision right now and that anyone who is attending is making a huge mistake in their life. I’ve been in some rough spots, particularly career-wise, and I realize that my response to Lil was rude, and I am sorry. I think it’s not too late at 30 to start making changes in your life to be a happier person, even if the changes are small at first. We’re still young and have time to find what we are seeking out of life.

            P.S. No, I certainly don’t “bandy around” my GPA at school/with colleagues. But since this is an anonymous forum, I thought it was a place to be able to be honest (since it does partially explain my optimism about the current state of my life.)

          • Batgirl

            Yikes yikes yikes–not sure if anyone will read this at this point but in response to Lil, hang in there. I had crushing debt from law school (and most students do, Teacher-Turned-2L), worked in Big Law for three years, saved up a ton, paid down half of my debt, and ran away to public interest land. It was a great move for my mental well-being and I’m 1000 times happier. That said, it was a very difficult move, there was no guarantee it would happen, and I miss my Big Law salary every day in terms of planning my financial future.

            I have been where you are (just three months ago in fact) and felt like there was no way out–until one day there was. And now it feels like none of that ever happened. So know that if you push hard for your happiness and are willing to take some risks career-wise (jumping into something new, taking a salary hit), you’ll make it work. Put every penny you can toward paying your loans down and you will feel financially liberated at the end of the day. Even if your non-Big Law salary isn’t huge, you can still do what you can, and try to find a way out. In fact, as non-Big Law, you can move to another field and not take a huge pay cut, I’m guessing. At least you’d be happier!

            Good luck and don’t lose sight of the fact that this will not be forever–and it’s never too late to turn things around.

            As for Teacher-Turned-2L, I don’t want to jump on you, but you do need to recognize that not everyone comes form the same place you’re coming from. I don’t have a husband to split costs with/save up for big things with, and it’s not always wise to defer your career plans/education indefinitely while you save up.

    • MaggieLizer

      Happy belated! Ditto the jewelry suggestion. I’d look for something unique that you can wear often. Have you considered checking out some antique shows/stores?

      And if you have any money left over, perhaps you can start thinking of a fabulous vacation to take with some close friends. If I’m still single when I turn 30, I plan to treat it like a honeymoon and take 2+ weeks a la Samantha’s “I’m-not-having-a-baby-shower.”

  19. Sydney Bristow

    I just bought the perfect orange short-sleeved cardigan, but when i got home I realized I’m not sure what to pair it with. I typically wear black or gray pants or a black pencil skirt to work. What color tops do you pair with orange? I’ve tried it with my black bottoms and a gray top and then my gray pants with a white top and that all looks fine, but I’d love more suggestions.

    The orange is a totally surprising color for me, but I’m so glad I tried it on because I think it is really flattering.

    • Bonnie

      Orange also looks great with tan and dark blues like cobalt. I don’t love orange with black; it just makes me think of Halloween.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Good point about the Halloween connection. My thought was that if I wear it with black it would be ok if there was a third color in there (i.e. black skirt, gray top, and orange sweater). Does that help with the Halloween-ish feel?

        • Iknowwhatyoumean

          I love orange!

          I’d pair it with:

          greys (any shade), cream, browns, tans, dark blues, purples, white…i wonder if pink might actually look nice too!

    • Ellie

      I have an orange long sleeved cardigan I wear with a white button up, tweed pencil skirt, brown belt, and flat boots. Kind of equestrian ish, but it’s fun for fall.

    • de jure

      orange + navy
      orange + pale orange/peach
      orange + some sort of floral pattern that incorporates orange

    • Celia

      LOVE orange! I have a beautiful light wool orange sweater that works in all seasons (it’s a thin wool, so it’s great even in summer for a chilly office) and I find it goes with a surprising range of things. Black (though I understand the Haolloween concern), white, gray, blue. I have a great dress that is patterned with blue, silver and gold, and the orange sweater actually looks great with it, even though nothing else works! I think orange works well with pretty much any neutral, any brown. Even pinks or red can work if the “tone” doesn’t clash, and it deliberately looks very summery/festive.

    • PollyD

      I like orange with olive. If you are really daring, take a look at Indian (Asian Indian) saris for orange + pink or orange + purple combinations. Maybe orange + khaki + a pop of hot pink.

      • Teacher-Turned-2L

        Not sure if someone already mentioned this, but I love orange w/ “eggplant” purples. Just the cutest fall-color combination, but I’m a “fall colors” person so those are the colors I gravitate towards.

  20. Duckie

    You guys, I am so happy it’s the weekend because that means I will have 48 uninterrupted hours to finally get around to reading A Clash of Kings. OMG.

      • Duckie

        I don’t think I can adequately express in words how much I love it.

        It is a big commitment, though. The books are so engrossing that you don’t want to put them down and they’re long. I’m forcing myself to take breaks between the books.

      • Kady

        Love the books. A word of warning though – I started the series in the early 90s. It’s been 2 decades of dedication to the series with 4 of 7(8) books done. There is a lot of speculation that Martin will never finish the series.

    • Jas

      I just picked up A Storm of Swords from the library yesterday. I half considered declining an invite to the movies with friends tonight so I could spend more time reading.

  21. A

    Ladies – I could use some support. My live-in boyfriend and I just cannot seem to get along. We started couples counseling, and both want to make it work, but I’m worried that we just might not be well matched up for a stable, solid, rest of our lives, relationship. We are totally in love, and in our 30s and ugh I wish we were 25 and had more time to figure this all out without the awkwardness of everyone wondering when we’ll get engaged, and my very real need to start trying to have kids soon. I don’t really have any specific question for advice, though advice is welcome, but mostly just want to share with someone besides my friends and family who are so rooting for this to work out they don’t believe that it actually might not.

    • Always a NYer

      Best of luck with your situation. It can be rough when you and the person you love just can’t seem to get along. I think by going to couples counseling you’re making the effort to work through whatever issues you have. My advice would be to forget the naysayers and continue with the counseling. If things don’t get better in a few months, reevaluate where you two are and if there are any compromises/changes you can make to get back what you two once had. Again, best of luck and I’ll be rooting for a happy ending for you two.

    • DK

      Have the child now, you don’t need to be married to this guy to do it– and if you don’t get married, who cares?

      With all of the same sex people having kids, no one is going to look twice to see if your married.

      I say go for it. Get pregnant, have the kid, and if things work out fine. If not, well you got a good kid out of it.

      • Batgirl

        Whaaaat? Okay, well, maybe. But I don’t know if having a kid is the best move to make. Depending on your age and your circumstances, it might not be the worst thing, but it wouldn’t be the first thing I would suggest.

        I just think that it’s worse to be with the wrong person than by yourself–the only advice I can ever give to someone is to really listen to yourself–listen hard and see what your gut is telling you. It’s that voice in the back of your head that you’ll realize was right 9 times out of 10, I think.

        That said, do what makes you happy. And good luck–crappy situation but you’ll be fine.

    • Jessica

      What you’re facing is never easy, and it’s only more difficult when external pressures are placed on your relationship. (virtual hug). At the end of the day, you and your partner are the ones whose feelings matter, and hopefully the two of you will come to a decision that is best for the both of you – and the others in your life will respect it either way. As a social worker, though, I applaud the fact that the two of you are seeking support in various ways and not rushing into a decision, but are acknowledging your concerns and facing them. I wish you the best!

    • Anonymous

      Dear A, I don’t see how you can be totally in love and not get along. You can be in lust or infatuated with someone you don’t get along with, but true love is caring and kind. For me at least, one of the ways to know that it is true love is that you are comfortable with each other. You may have challenges, and disagreements, and move at different speeds, but you agree on the fundamentals.

      If you’ve been together for some time, and don’t get along, end it now. You and he both deserve more.

      • CfM

        I agree with this. Why can’t you get a long? Trust issues, respect issues, not pulling their weight in the household? Some more information would be helpful

        • AIMS

          I think you can be totally in love and not get along. You can also get along and not be totally in love. It’s a very modern notion that the two have anything to do with each other.

          • CfM

            That is why I am asking what the can’t get along issues are about. This could be anything from I am in love with him but he won’t do the dishes, or I love him but don’t trust him. I think you can be in love and have fights, but I don’t think if you are in love you are constantly bickering over little things. I don’t see how that is a modern notion.

      • Jas

        You can definitely be in love and not get along. I moved in with a former boyfriend and although we still loved each other, our living styles were so different we couldn’t make it work. We both ended up stressed and crabby from constantly negotiating and compromising on things and eventually had to end it.

        • Nonny

          I think this is why Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton live in separate, side-by-side houses.

    • Runnin' for it

      Relationships are not great all the time, but it sounds like you hear a biological clock ticking, and that is getting in the way. Try to turn off the clock and ignore what others may be thinking about whether you will get engaged. Just focus on the relationship and try to have real conversations with your boyfriend about what is working and what is not.

      • AIMS

        I would also add that it sounds a bit like other people expectations and your own (babies, etc.) are getting in the way. Give yourself time to just *be* in the relationship. Take walks, have long talks, figure out if you still connect and want that to continue. Nothing is ever perfect. If you were 25, this wouldn’t be what it is. You have more time than you think. Don’t rush to a decision because you think you are older than you are.

        • A

          Thanks for all the support and advice. When we’re getting along, we get along so well – same interests, values, fun, love, support. It’s really wonderful. But we fight. a lot. about stupid stuff mostly, but the fights really create a lot of emotional hurt and anger and they happen way too often and way too easily. I’m hoping the couples counseling will help but I’m also worried that it shouldn’t take so much work not to argue a lot.

          • S

            I recommend reading the book Project Happily Ever After by Alisa Bowman. It’s a memoir about how she saved her marriage. Her writing style will suck you in. She’s honest and funny and it’s a really refreshing read. Her whole premise is that you have to learn how to live together. Getting along doesn’t necessarily come naturally to people. The book might help you feel better. I’m not even married, but I liked it. It’s kind of a reality check that, yes, being in a relationship is hard and it takes work, but it can be so worth it. I wish you the best!

  22. For LongTimeLady

    Not sure that you saw my post late yesterday

    Shady Grove Fertility used to be associated with Georgetown, not sure if they currently are. Dr. Widra has a good reputation. Columbia Fertility tends to deal with an older demographic/more challenging cases. Dr Sacks is well regarded. GW and Dr Frankfurter also tend to deal with more challenging cases. I’ve hear decent things about Dominion Fertility in Arlington but the person that I know that went there eventually went somewhere else.

    Washingtonian magazine medical doctor survey, DCUrban moms and googling the doctors’ names will give you a wealth of information. Don’t place too much emphasis on stats because some practices will refuse to take the more challenging cases.

  23. mbs

    I’ve been wanting some nude patent pumps, and finally bought some, I really love them. But I’m wondering what color purse to carry if I wore them with a navy suit. I have a nude color purse, would that be too matchy? I’ve also got brown, green, white and black. I’ve never really found a navy purse I like, so I don’t have one. I’m also planning to wear them with a coral dress, I was thinking a brown purse with that one, would that work? Thanks for any styling tips, I’m terrible at putting outfits together!

    These are the pumps, I just love them!
    http://www.zappos.com/steve-madden-ulltra-blush

    • anon

      Green and navy are gorgeous together. Nude is, well, nude. Don’t need to worry about matching the shoes

    • Bridget

      I have these shoes, and I love them. I agree that the purse should not match. I am also not a fan of navy purses or shoes. I would go with green with the suit and the dress. If you are inclined to buy another purse, I usually carry a deep purple (just slightly lighter than eggplant), and I like the way it works. Gray would also look good, IMHO.

    • eaopm3

      A word of warning – I have these shoes, too. When I wear them with stockings, they’re great. But recently, I’ve been wearing them barefooted… and (maybe TMI) they smell DEADLY. It’s not the typical foot stink smell, it’s something different. I don’t know if it’s the actual material of the shoe, or the glue, or what. But it’s bad. If that happens to you, don’t worry. It’s not your feet. Just stick to wearing them with stockings.

  24. Anon33

    I am so in love with the outfits Kate Middleton has been wearing on her North American tour… She has the loveliest dresses! As a corporette, I give her an A+. :)

    • anon

      I am so tired of hearing about her and her wardrobe. She and her clothes are boring and average. She doesn’t even do anything important and everybody acts like she’s some kind of f-n goddess. Why the f is she touring America anyway? Blech.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I love most of the dresses she has been wearing. They are dresses that I wish I could afford and would fit into. Her style is very similar to what I like, so I like seeing pictures of her more than pictures of “celebrities” with a much different style than what I like.

      • CSF

        Wow, why are you so bitter? She’s touring America because she’s never been (and it was a close stop over from touring Canada, their primary destination). That’s not hard to understand. Where would you prefer she vacationed? I’m sure she’ll seek your approval next time before embarking on her tour.

        And her clothes are anything but average. She has wonderful style, and her clothes fit her impeccably well, which is something most people could not say. That’s not to say she hasn’t made fashion blunders, but on the whole, she wears things that suit her body and position very well.

        And really, she’s 30 years old, and you’re going to critique her for not doing anything important? She’s carried some pretty hefty jobs since she graduated, and I respect her for scaling back to take on a more volunteer role.

        • anon

          Love her style and enjoy checking out the photos of her clothes.

          I have to disagree about the hefty jobs. When she and PW were engaged I believe some English politician quipped something terrifically snippy, to the effect of .. “well she doesn’t seem to be able to hold down a steady job, and he’s been on the public dole his whole life, so frankly i’m a little concerned for their future together” something like that. Hilarious.

          THAT HAVING BEEN SAID. She has had to deal with a ton of pressure and press and media outcry, and given that her only real responsibility now is to ensure the future of the monarchy by a) having babies and b) making the monarchy look good, well yes, she is doing a nice job of it and frankly all the nutty royals should be glad that she’s around to counteract all the creepy Charles/Diana Andrew/Fergie kind of associations.

          Whether that’s important or not is really a matter of opinion …

  25. Irish

    Does anyone here work for the Federal Reserve, preferably the one in Boston? Hubby just applied for a job there and I’d love to pick someone’s brain about the hiring/training process. Thanks!

    • Anon

      I once worked at the Farm Credit Bureau in DC. It was a pretty good job, but I left because my supervisor never wanted to give me credit for the work I did.

      You have to look out for this when you work for the government, because people will always try to take credit for your work.

      • Anon 2

        I disagree with this as a generalization. I’ve been a lawyer with the federal government for over 10 years and have never experienced a supervisor taking credit for my work.

      • CfM

        I have had the opposite experience with the government, my supervisor and mentors at two different jobs have bent over backwards to get myself and people my level credit when its deserved

      • Anonalso2

        While having had crappy managers with a variety of defects, this is not a problem that I’ve experienced. Frankly, I think that this could happen anywhere. IMHO, there isn’t much difference between the government and private sector employment having experienced both.

    • anon

      I used to work at two of the Feds in research–what area is he applying to?

  26. Karen

    UGH. Just got back from the store where I picked up a bunch of magazines, and they were all so terrible and boring! All I want are some magazines with good style advice – but nothing I find seems to have anything remotely relevant to the fashion needs of a late twenties professional woman! I’m tired of going to the same ten shops and websites – I want ideas to make me MORE stylish, yet still professional! Corporettes – other than this wonderful site (which I have to say I rely on quite a bit) – are there magazines that you regularly look at to update and improve your style? Other fashion blogs that you find inspirational? I’d love to know!!!

  27. BARBARBAR

    Shout out to all my fellow bar-studying corporettes! It’s a beautiful Friday evening, and here I am learning secured transactions… :(

      • Scully

        Same here. Studying equitable servitudes and trying not to look out the window at the gorgeous day.

    • Another Sarah

      Ha, same here. Today got ‘spoken to’ by my roomie for not cleaning to his standards. Then went to the library. Went to the bathroom, lost my cubbie. Went to another library, and that one had a kids program going on all over the place, so couldn’t study. Now in a third library, and hoping to finally get something done so I don’t have to study all night.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Sounds like a rough day. I was super lucky to have my roommate last summer when I was studying because she really took on most of the cleaning responsibilities and cooked me dinner a few times a week.

        I hope you don’t have to study all night! Sleep is important too.

        • Another Sarah

          My roommate has been alright so far – he HATES clutter and I know he doesn’t like seeing all my bar study stuff all over the kitchen table, but so far he hasn’t said anything about it (which is very wise of him). And he asks if I’m studying before he turns on the TV, watching shows in his room with the door closed if I’m obviously testing, etc. But I know he doesn’t like it…

    • AnonInfinity

      I am not feeling great. I thought I was reserving enough energy in June to hit it hard in July. Not feeling motivated to do ANYTHING now. Boo.

        • AnonInfinity

          I know… I’m just hoping I can cram that much information into my head in the next 2 weeks. Overwhelmed…

          • JAS1

            I am so with you guys. Also, for anyone doing NY Themis…how much does that CPLR guy suck? But the Wills guy….I developed a crush. Then felt a little pathetic having a crush on a VIDEO professor teaching WILLS (and trusts and property distinctions). It’s amazing what sitting alone in your house all day with no company but law professors (on video no less) for company.

            And if my art school boyfriend asks me one more time ” so what are you up to?” I might snap…I’m studying. for. the. m. f. bar. exam. That’s what I am doing yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and the next day.

            phew! end rant. Happy studying everyone!

          • AnonInfinity

            LOL about your wills guy! Ours is like Foghorn Leghorn. And he picked his nose on the video. Gross.

    • ElevenElle

      I suddenly realized that I have 20 mini-outlines (2 pages each) that I have to memorize. And just 16 days to do it. And the anxiety hit. AAHHHHHHH The worst part? When I get test anxiety, I can’t sleep past 4 a.m., no matter what time I go to bed. I turn into a complete zombie. This does not bode well.

      • Esquirette

        Don’t panic. My bar studying plans all went to hell the summer I took the bar, and I found myself stressed and cramming at the end. I think I learned about 5 subjects from scratch in a 36 hr period. You’re all working hard and will prevail. Deep breaths and keep going.

  28. May

    I work in Sari (well, most days – think >70%) and it just struck me that the advice on trouser lengths featured here recently is exactly the same as that for *proper* sari length.
    This is probably relevant to noone, but me but thought to share.
    Have a great weekend!

    • Anonymous

      Makes sense. Having your whole shoe exposed from under something that’s supposed to nearly meet the floor never looks good.

    • Ru

      Oh, so very true. In fact, my mom refuses to wrap my sari on me unless I’m wearing my shoes first. I should prolly learn how to do this for myself….

    • Nonny

      Very useful to me! I only wear a sari occasionally and always wonder if I have wrapped it to the right length. Knowing that sari length should be the same as trouser length is very helpful. Thank you!

    • anon

      I find KS runs large — maybe not an entire size, but you would be a size 6 in her clothes if you are a 6-8.

    • South of Houston

      Agree with this… I am usually a 4-6 and I have a Kate Spade sheath dress in a 4 that fits well.

  31. Lilly

    I’d like to consult the Corporette hive mind about a food question and am hoping that y’all will indulge me in this. I say “indulge” because I have noted some food-type questions lately, but they have been health related, and this one is purely about entertaining.

    Here’s the set-up: next Thursday, after work, I am having a supper for a Ukranian lady who is visiting her son, a friend of my husband, here in the mid-South. There will be eight of us for supper. I want to have “southern” food. Despite being born and bred a southerner, I don’t really cook “southern” on the whole, so I am brainstorming ideas. As to preparation constrictions/timeframe: Supper is at 7:30; I can leave work about 3:00 if I need to; I will be working late the night before; I can do prep work Monday and Tuesday nights. The lady in question does not care for shellfish or fish.

    So, my fellow Corporettes, I’d love to have your ideas. If you’re Southern, what would you like to see on the menu? If you’re not Southern, what’s your idea of “southern” food. I’d love to hear from cooks and “eaters”, both. [One of my best friends says that she is not much of a cook, but she’s a grateful eater for those who do cook!]

    • AIMS

      Fried chicken, cornbread, red velvet cake. Some veggies on the side — brussel sprouts, string beans, whatever.

    • Anon

      I LIVE to entertain! I might be known as Martha in my circle ;) Everything I’ve linked to below I’ve made myself with fantastic results.

      I don’t think you need to make the archetypal southern dinner of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, greens to serve a southern meal. So much of southern cooking is fresh ingredients and good times!

      Main Dish Options:
      Ham on rolls with jezebel sauce http://tinyurl.com/6h8c9q3
      Pork tenderloin http://tinyurl.com/5w3tajf (Really, trust me!)
      Grilled chicken http://tinyurl.com/6ef89p4

      Side Options:
      Fresh corn on the cob, straight from the field if you can get it
      Ina’s corn salad http://tinyurl.com/c6n5ls
      Mustard roasted potatoes http://tinyurl.com/63yub2s
      Potato-stuffed grilled peppers http://tinyurl.com/62qx924
      Herbed grilled veggies http://tinyurl.com/6x6synh
      Spinach-craisin-blue cheese-raspberry walnut vinaigrette salad

      Dessert Options:
      Rustic plum tart http://tinyurl.com/3eeoqs4 with http://tinyurl.com/cjc8em
      White chocolate key lime pie http://tinyurl.com/3kzf2pu

      App Options, if needed:
      Veggies and dip
      Cheese and crackers
      Fig and goat cheese bruschetta http://tinyurl.com/6cj8w4w
      Prosciutto crostini http://tinyurl.com/672q53x

    • Scully

      Things that scream “Southern” to this Northerner: pecan pie, pralines, skillet corn bread (yum!), sweet tea, mint juleps, fried chicken, mustard or collard greens, grits, okra, black-eyed peas, BBQ, biscuits and gravy, boiled peanuts. I am now officially hungry.

    • Locomotive

      Oh god – I love southern food (or what I’ve been told is southern food). Corn bread! Brussel sprouts with honey! Meat – barbequed meat… mm, casseroles of all sorts, potato salad, mashed potatoes, sweet tea. I’m salivating right now.

    • Eponine

      Fried chicken, fried okra, some sort of steamed or stewed greens, sweet potatoes (mashed or as french fries?), dinner rolls, pie. I’m both a cook and an eater, have family in the south but don’t live there myself.

      I’d avoid the all-out stereotypical sort of menu, like fried chicken plus collard greens plus cornbread.

    • AnonInfinity

      I have been a Southerner my whole life. My very favorite meal (besides fried catfish with the fixings or fried chicken) is:

      Fried pork chops, greens (though you could substitute that with some sort of fresh tomato/cucumber salad or summer squash), fresh corn on the cob, and some sort of pie.

      At this time of year, my grandparents (the most country people I know) will eat this as a typical meal — purple hull peas, fresh tomatoes with salt, corn on the cob, pinto beans, summer squash, and cornbread. It is so good because all of those things come fresh out of their garden.

      Mmmmm…

    • ElevenElle

      My mom’s recipes (passed down from my great grandmother on my dad’s side, she lived her whole life in Lanett, Alabama) and I’ve never had someone not like them:

      Mama’s Macaroni and Cheese
      Ingredients:
      o 2 cups Large Elbow Macaroni
      o 20 oz Sharp Cheddar Cheese
      o 1 stick butter
      o 2 eggs
      o 3 tbsp Pet Milk
      o Salt and Pepper, to taste

      Directions:
      1. Boil macaroni until almost all water is gone.
      2. Add butter until melted.
      3. Add cheese, stir until melted.
      4. Add milk, salt, pepper. and crack eggs directly on top of milk (to keep them from cooking before you stir), stir.
      5. Brown in oven.
      ———
      Coca-Cola Cake (because red velvet is so over done these days)
      Best if made the day before
      Ingredients:
      o 2 sticks of butter
      o 2 1/2 heaping tsp of cocoa
      o 1/2 cup oil
      o 1 cup Coca-cola
      o 1/2 cup miniature marshmallows
      o 2 cups plain flour
      o 2 cups sugar
      o 1 tsp soda
      o 1/2 cup buttermilk
      o 2 eggs
      o 1 tsp vanilla
      Icing:
      o 6 tbsp coca-cola
      o 1 stick butter
      o 2 1/2 tbsp cocoa
      o 1 box powdered sugar
      o 1 tsp vanilla

      Directions:
      1. Mix the butter, cocoa, oil, and cola.
      2. Bring to a boil, then add remaining ingredients in order, beat.
      3. Pour in greased and floured sheet cake pan.
      4. Bake in preheated oven 350° for 45 minutes.
      5. Spread icing over warm cake.

      Icing: bring first 3 ingredients to a boil, add remaining items and beat until smooth.

      • ElevenElle

        Oh, one more, I looked every where online for this recipe and couldn’t find it (all added sour cream or some other odd ingredient) so I finally got it from my mom, too:

        Frozen Congealed Salad

        Ingredients
        • 8 oz cream cheese
        • 3/4 cup sugar
        • Large can crushed pineapple, drained
        • 10 oz frozen strawberries, thawed
        • Large ripe banana, mashed
        • 12 oz cool whip
        • 1 cup pecans

        Mix all ingredients in order, pour into large oblong dish, freeze, let thaw 10 minutes before serving.

    • Michelle

      Shrimp and grits? I’m too scared to fry chicken! Love the sound of the coca cola cake though, might need to try that one myself.

      • Divaliscious11

        This is southern to me….. Every body fries chicken, albeit not equally well…..

    • Poppies

      Fried pickles! And if anyone has a good recipe for fried pickles that they would like to share, I would be forever grateful.

    • Lilly

      Thanks to you all for the wonderful suggestions, and especially recipes. It’s a big help. There’s been a lot going on for me lately, my mind works for work and not much else right now, and I was just drawing a blank. Y’all are great!

  32. Remind Me Nice Girls Win

    Sorry for the ramble…

    Why is it mean girls can turn confident adult women into their former awkward junior high selves?

    I’m a 30 yo rising 2L doing my first legal internship. My resume is incredibly impressive, my GPA respectable and my professional demeanor top notch. Why can a 22 yo spoiled rich girl make me feel inadequate? She’s one of those who puts on a sweet attitude for the bosses, but the claws come out when they turn their backs. Last time I checked, we were all legal newbies, but her you’re-an-idiot expression and comments, plus her genuine Louis Vuitton bag, plus the constant mention of her exotic vacations are making me alternately want to strangle her or go curl up with my pjs and ice cream.

    And can someone just back me up that her attire is completely inappropriate? This is a small town firm that is beyond casual – the male attorneys wear chinos with a button-down, the only female attorney (age 60) wears Alfred Dunner separates, and the office staff wears jeans and sneakers. But Miss Thing shows up every day in a skimpy cotton sundress, sandals, and this week, no makeup because she got a sunburn at her beach house over the 4th. I am sticking with my pencil skirt + shell + cardigan uniform that says I’m a professional who really wants to work here after graduation.

    We’ve been told that one of us can move into a vacant office, so I’m doing that on Monday to distance myself from the 22 yo pack. If you’re looking for the responsible, professional clerk, she’ll be in the office down the hall, not in the copy room cum clerks’ office. And I know I’ll get the office first because Miss Thing doesn’t roll in until 10 am.

    Tell me that the attorneys won’t choose her when it comes time for offers. Maybe I won’t get an offer, but please just not her.

    Man, law school does a number on your self-confidence…

    • May

      I’m sorry you’re experiencing such a rough start, and I hope you understand this is written with lots of good thoughts your way…

      I went through a patch when I felt VERY similarly to what you’re feeling now. Back then I would probably have described myself similarly, and yes, I thought she was every bit as awful. The reasons I found her insanely irritating were slightly different, but, I’m grinning all over my face as I admit I felt much the same way.
      It’s five years later now, and with hindsight…
      I was going through a bad patch in my personal life and I think that took me from being reasonably self-confident to being vulnerable to her mean and petty jibes, snide remarks and asides.
      I’m not saying these lousy people are nice but, hey, they exist. Try not to let it bother you too much – I know I went through a miserable start to working life because I let her get to me.
      I also realise now that I became overly zealous and prudish during that time in response to what she was doing, which I later realise did nothing to help my reputation either.
      Overall I made her bigger than she was, let her get to me, and yes, you guessed it, I was the only one to suffer.

    • Scully

      Second what May said about over-responding. You mentioned your office is casual, so try to keep your personality in-line with the others if you want an offer, especially if this is a smaller office.

      She sounds like a snot and not particularly professional, but some of her offenses are blown out of proportion. A lot of people go to the beach for the 4th of July, and some get sun burned. Some of us don’t wear makeup at all. Some young women carry real LV bags- there have been multiple threads about this in the past.

      When you move into your office, make sure to keep visible around the office instead of holing-up. At least keep cordial and friendly with the other interns. I haven’t heard of permanent offers given during 1L summer often (usually 2L thing), so the best you can get out of this is an offer back for next summer AND contacts with everyone, including your classmates.

      My 2L summer, I made it my mission to talk to fellow interns I normally would not have in school. During lunch, I would listen to this one jock/legacy guy’s frat adventure stories. Some were horrid, but some were kind of funny. Now we say hi when we run into each other, and since his dad owns a firm, I have a connection. I wouldn’t recommend the guy’s work but I could call him to pick his brain if I need to.

      Concentrate on your work and talking to everyone in the office. You only have to put up with a few more weeks of her.

    • Divaliscious11

      My take on this may be different, but…. There will always be someone smarter prettier, wealthier, better connected etc…. If your self confidence is built on comparing yourself to those around you, or on what others think about you based on peripherals (clothes, purses,beach houses), then it isn’t really SELF confidence at all. You don’t have to tear someone else down to feel better about yourself,and doing so will undermine you more than her. Focus on being the best you, it’s not law school doing a number on your self-confidence, you doing a bangup job on that yourself!

    • CfM

      I have totally had that feeling before, but the problem here is actually you, and how you are allowing her to feel. In that whole complaint, the one thing she is doing *to* you is making an expression you don’t like. None of that is actually mean girl behavior, its behavior that annoys you and bothers you, and it feels like you are dealing with some feelings of indecency. To be honest you should be able to laugh at her to yourself. She is not trying to sabotage you, she is not spreading rumors about you, she is just not a good intern it seems like. She should not be this big of an issue for you, and she really shouldn’t be affecting your self-confidence at all.

      I hope that doesn’t sound to harsh, I completely understand how your feelings, but I think its important to realize that she is really not doing anything to you, your self-confidence crisis is coming from within. You sound like you have a fabulous career ahead of you, so focus on that and do not let her get to you.

    • anon

      Work quality probably counts for the most, sorry to say. Sure, personality counts…but make sure your work is outstanding. And focus on yourself, not her.

      • S

        I agree with the comments above and am so impressed by the wisdom shared on this blog. I just wanted to send you my sympathy, because sometimes everything can feel so claustrophobic at work, and it is easy to get annoyed over little things co-workers do. This could be a great opportunity for you to learn how to rise above. Annoying people pop up all over the place. I mean, some people just never grow up. You’ll find a lot of peace by learning to recognize and accept other people’s limitations. When you think a negative thought about someone, take the time to consciously recognize something good about them too. Focusing on the positive will rhelp improve your relationships with Miss Thing (not sure this is really your goal right now, but it does matter. You don’t want to be viewed as Ms. Debbie Downer because you are so inwardly irate over this.) Being angry is just counterproductive for your career and your own well-being. I hope this all improves for you!

    • AnonInfinity

      Are the two of you the only interns? Every firm is different when it comes to project assignment, but a lot of places I’ve worked, the attorneys will come to the clerks’ office and say she needs something done and ask who has time for it. I only say this because moving to the office might make it where you have to work a little harder to get assignments if the attorneys in your firm give assignments just by wandering around, looking for a group of interns.

      And I agree with the others that it stinks, but you just have to not let her get to you.

      • Teacher-Turned-2L

        I am also a 30 yr old rising 2L. My suggestion is to try to place yourself (mentally) in her position. She may feel very threatened by you! After all, you are older, have prior job/career experience, and likely come off as much more responsible and sure of yourself as a result. This may explain her reaction to you (or maybe not?) Either way, if you think about the situation in this light, she may not get on your nerves nearly as much. I know 22 was a very awkward age for me (at the time I worked for a bank and was the youngest person there by at least a decade.) Just keep doing what you do best, and someone will notice and appreciate you for it!

    • Babs

      Attorneys & staff notice those who act professionally and those who do not – especially if the work product is a reflection of their dress, attitude, etc. We will play nice with all the interns, so none feel like they are treated differently, but we are not blind. Where I work, the attorney salaries are not high, and we had one intern who talked about her exotic vacations, lavish shopping sprees, etc. . . . early on, I was blown away by the response from the other attorneys, I thought at times they were impressed and loved her, but recently some comments about her work product and work ethic were made, and it became obvious that we were all feigning interest to be nice, but that she was clearly more interested in her extracurricular activities, and not in learning what we had to offer.

      Do good work; be nice to people; don’t distance yourself too much; and remember that you are a wonder woman who has made it this far good credentials, etc. Be proud of what you have to offer and don’t get distracted by someone like her!

  33. Anon

    Hi Lily,

    I wanted you to know that I responded to your post with links for all the recipes below, but I guess the site thinks the links might be spam, so my original post is awaiting moderation. I don’t know if there are mods on the weekend, so here’s my post without the links, and check back Monday (?) for the recipes. HTH :)

    I LIVE to entertain! I might be known as Martha in my circle ;) Everything I’ve linked to below I’ve made myself with fantastic results.

    I don’t think you need to make the archetypal southern dinner of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, greens to serve a southern meal. So much of southern cooking is fresh ingredients and good times!

    App Options, if needed:
    Veggies and dip
    Cheese and crackers
    Fig and goat cheese bruschetta
    Prosciutto crostini

    Main Dish Options:
    Ham on rolls with jezebel sauce
    Pork tenderloin
    Grilled chicken

    Side Options:
    Fresh corn on the cob, straight from the field if you can get it
    Ina’s corn salad
    Mustard roasted potatoes
    Potato-stuffed grilled peppers
    Herbed grilled veggies
    Spinach-craisin-blue cheese-raspberry walnut vinaigrette salad

    Dessert Options:
    Rustic plum tart
    White chocolate key lime pie

    • Bonnie

      I’d play up the menswear aspect of these loafers. Maybe with a pinstriped pencil skirt and a white oxford styled less stuffy. That being said I hope the platform fad is going out.

    • Bridget

      Cute shoes! I love platforms and hope they never go out of style, but I do agree with Bonnie about the pinstriped pencil skirt. I would even say gray pinstriped pants also. For some reason, I don’t like the way red shoes look with black pants or skirts.

  35. Bonnie

    Should I tip the guys that are cleaning our ducts if I’ve prepaid for the service?

  37. Anon

    I am looking for thoughts on accepting a reduced salary when switching firms. I am currently doing litigation, but would like to switch back to transactional work (which is where I started a few years ago before the economy went downhill). I have an interview next week at a smaller firm for a transactional position. I am pretty sure that the salary for this position will be less than what I currently make.

    I know that there are several factors involved, but I’m just looking for any advice/insight/comments regarding how much less people would accept to switch employers and work in the practice group that they like. Thanks!!

    • anon

      I’m at a mid-size firm that attracts a lot of big firm attorneys who want a better environment. There are limits to what the firm pays. Its probably 10-15% less than what a big firm pays for a comparable position (but you truly work 1900 hours per year)

    • Eponine

      Maybe it’s just me, but I like to figure out what you actually make per hour (not what they bill you at). Then you find that your reduced salary doesn’t seem so bad. E.g., if you make $160K and you actually work 2,400 hours per year (including everything, not just billables), you’re making about $67/hour. If you dropped down to $120K working 2,000 hours per year, you’re making $60/hour. That’s not bad at all considering that you’ve regained 400 hours of your life.

    • Irish

      Shoot for matching benefits instead. I recently made a move and new firm had a crappy health care plan. Instead, they are paying for me to be on my husband’s good plan since we had both been on old firms amazing plan.

  38. Bridget

    Hi Ladies-A few weeks back someone mentioned that they liked the Victoria Secrets’ button down shirts that are body suits and remain tucked in. Does anyone know how the sizes run? Thanks!

  39. Bunkster

    Anyone else here a Friday Night Lights fan? Can’t believe next week is the last episode, especially since all the best characters have returned.

    I’ve always loved Tyra and Riggins and was so happy to see them tonight (on tivo).

    • EC MD

      I LOVE FNL, and am neither from Texas nor much of a football van. I love Eric and Tammy’s relationship, love how they let the characters grow and love the reality of it all. I have actually considered writing Connie Britton a fan letter because I love her character so much. It has been one of my favorite shows recently, and the one that makes me cry most consistently. I will really miss it.

    • Paige

      I recently discovered this show (thank you Netflix!), and love it! I’m glad I’m a season behind, and still have 13 episodes to look forward to.

  40. only the lonely (intj)

    Big huge existential question here, just perfect I am sure for a Saturday evening in the desert. How do you ladies deal with loneliness at work? Is it just me? Does a preson just buck up, or is there something deeper that needs to be respected?

    I am a 40-something, 3d year associate in a small office of a boutique firm. Work is societally valuable, challenging, and variable in substance and form (although assignments are often quite long). My own office has windows, plants, books, and way too much artwork. My supervising partner is well-respected in the field (ethical, hard-working, truly beloved by clients). I am in a city I like well enough with an easy commute and [almost] manageable hours. My outside life is full and sweet enough: two kids at very different ages, caring boyfriend, a second degree in reach, somehow a home-cooked dinner every night and leftovers for lunch, an elderly and sick relative who appreciates when I visit. A very few local and long-distance girlfriends, but very loyal. It’s taken a long and painful time, and I guess I have arrived somewhere in some fashion.

    But I swear, I walk into my office and my world turns gray. I call it loneliness, and maybe it is or maybe it isn’t. I sit in my office, I look at my computer, I do some work. I look out the window, I do some more work. I look at the NYT online. There is nothing coming in. I vaguely hear the support staff dealing with their endless personal problems or the two partners on their respective teleconferences. Sometimes I receive a detailed email with a new assignment to place on the list. At some point I figure I have billed enough for the day, or that I am useless for the remainder of the day, and I pull on my commuter clothes and I leave. I often cry on the way home, and am not a very good mother/girlfriend when I get there. After everyone is asleep, I’ll work on my dissertation or clean the pantry or fold laundry . . . in short making myself a tired wreck for the following day.

    Is this how firm practice is? Is it worth it? The pretty office, the admirable boss, the valuable work. (This is not a golden handcuffs sort of issue; the money is not much but suffices.) Client contact is not a possibility; we have institutional, insular clients and only the most senior of attorneys deal with their representatives.) Am I just not cut out to be a lawyer? I am such an introspective, quiet person in general who has tended to work on bookish sorts of things (leaving ten years grassroots work behind to go to law school because I just didn’t see myself succeeding in that earlier world). I have long-term goals for which this work might look good on a resume — but maybe other work would as well, or maybe the goals aren’t so important. I am thankful I have a job, although I have lived in other communities with a great deal less money and dry cleaning and a good deal more barter/shuffle/carharrts and duct tape.

    (I tried seeing a lawyer-turned-therapist because of the overwhelming (obsessive) nature of my concerns — I know some of the Corporette community have spoken positively of their counseling experiences — but our few sessions backfired terribly for reasons I cannot fully explain.)

    Anyone else out there who understands? Has overcome?

    • LawyrChk

      I am not sure that I can give a full explanation of why I think this, but my first impression is that (1) the office culture is not a good fit for you or (2) you are slightly depressed. It’s clear that your current situation is not a long-term solution. I am assuming that this is not your first job (even if it’s your first legal job), so the issue is not simply adjusting to working in an office. That said, all offices are different. At mine, lawyers are very social and friendly during working hours; they get up from their desks often and chat with others on the floor or in the break room. Even other floors at my first are like a library (quiet and empty). If I were you, I’d consider interviewing elsewhere just to see what else is out there. Maybe the grass isn’t greener, but you’ll never know unless you look.

    • Anonnc

      I haven’t been there because I’ve always been (un)fortunate to have client calls to break up my day. It’s part of why I chose to become a transactional lawyer. It sounds like you have a pretty good gig, so I wouldn’t recommend switching jobs, at least not until you finish your dissertation. Have you thought about joining professional organizations that will get you out of the office for meetings? You might have to stay later on those days to make up the time– and sacrifice home cooked meals on those nights– but it would get you some interaction during the day and might help you bring in business of your own. Another option would be to join a gym near your office and go to classes. If you go to the same class week after week, you’ll get to know the other regulars. As far as in office options go, have you thought about approaching the partners and asking to sit in on calls with your clients without billing?

    • Eponine

      This is normal. I’ve felt this way a lot at work. However, letting it go on and on is not normal and if it continues it may indicate major depression.

      I visited a cognitive behavior therapist who helped me identify several factors that I could change easily to improve my emotional well-being at work (they were simple things like getting more natural light), as well as larger factors that I hadn’t recognized as harmful to my emotional health (such as that my job didn’t satisfy my need to constantly be changing and trying new challenges). Just because one therapist didn’t work out doesn’t mean no therapist will. You should see another one.

      Also, I’m an INTJ too and am very introspective, but a major factor contributing to my malaise at work was the excessively solitary nature of my old job. I work better on a team and in a friendly, social workplace, despite my introverted personality (or perhaps because of it – it forces me to get out of my ruts and not to live inside my head). Being unhappy in your current work environment doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for practicing law, but it may mean you’re not cut out for this particular workplace. A career coach or cognitive behavior therapist should be able to help you determine if this is the case, and decide how to move forward if so.

      • Anonymous

        I could never work in an office where I did not have interaction with other people. You should consider getting into litigation. When I have a hearing that I am working on, I am alive and excited. It makes me happy!

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