Weekend Open Thread

473 Comments

1. Sally at Already Pretty posted some really great links on her Friday post — particularly from The Beheld and Tavi (I know, from the mouths of babes). Timely in view of some of the discussions we’ve seen here lately (always?) about judging other people.

2. I know this may be too late to draw much attention, because we’re already at almost 400 comments, but here’s hoping someone else is lazing in front of the computer on a Saturday afternoon…

   Y’all, I have basically decided to up stakes and leave the PNW. My job has become a really bad value proposition (NY hours, decidedly non-NY payscale in a city that is definitely not cheap). I’ve realized that I work so much that my chances of ever having a boyfriend again are ridiculously low (although I did have a promising second date with a guy last weekend!), and I can barely make time for the things I love. Not to mention that due to the non-NY payscale, I’ll be paying on my large loans for such a long time that I don’t have the choice to do something other than this.

   So I’m selling my house; I’ve talked to recruiters; I’m working on networking as much as I can. I’m excited about finally taking some steps toward leaving…but the truth is that I don’t really know where I want to go or what I want to do. I know I need to stay in biglaw (for the $$), but other than that, I’m basically wide open.

   That’s exciting, right? Except that I’m paralyzed by so much choice. It’s embarrassing, because I’m The Decider in most social situations. And I don’t think that “anywhere but here” is really a good job searching strategy.

   Anybody else been in this position? How’d you arrive at clarity? Do you have the magic ability to telepathically transmit clarity to me?

   1. Wow! What a big decision. Congrats at finally deciding to pull the trigger.

      Unluckily for you, my lack of experience with a problem has never stopped me from dispensing advice on the same! I might try process of elimination first. I’d make a list of everywhere you think you could possibly live. I’d give yourself some slack–you don’t have to have a great reason to include a city on that list. For me personally, my list might include New Orleans because I love the food, architecture and music, St. Louis because that’s where some of my best friends are, or Santa Barbara because it’s pretty. And then start eliminating:
      * Markets too small for you to get a salary you think is acceptable;

      * Markets where weather-related issues are deal-breakers (ie., I love Chicago, but I don’t think I could handle the weather);

      * Markets where likelihood of disaster exceeds acceptable risk (earthquakes, hurricanes, although it seems like nowhere is safe after the last few weeks);

      * Markets that might impact your ability to do those things you love (it’s hard for me to picture people from the PNW or, say, Denver loving life in Dallas because it’s hard to do outdoorsy stuff here, and it’s not scenic, to say the least);

      * Markets too far from family if you do settle down and have kiddos (if this is a consideration). Or, I guess, accounting for all possibilities, markets too close to family if that’s an issue.

      So that might at least help you start narrowing down. As a more practical matter, do you have a niche practice? My admittedly uninformed impression has always been that it’s really difficult to move markets as a lawyer unless you have (1) an excuse like family or Sig. O with a new job in that market; or (2) a specialty that makes you in demand regardless of geography. I know some hospitality, employee benefits, and tax lawyers that fall into the latter category.

      Keep us posted on your job hunt!

      1. This is fantastic advice.

   2. cbackson, i’ve read some of your other posts, kudos to you for your strength and grit and all that good stuff. if only everybody could stare down adversity in the face, not blink, and keep moving forward. rock on.

      re-cities and options. agree that too many options is often a bad thing and agree with a lot of herbie’s suggestions above. what you need is a filtering strategy. the filters are up to you, but common ones are

      – finances – what kind of place will work with your financial goals
      – family and friends
      – social preferences (lots of yuppies, lots of families, etc)
      – cultural preferences and geographic factors … denver is pretty different from manhattan is pretty different from charleston, for example
      – lifestyle & leisure time – outdoorsy? city life? restaurants?

      it’s exciting because you get to think about what YOU want!
      it’s scary because you have to figure out what you WANT!
      etc.

      best of luck. am cheering for you.

   3. I left the PNW in January 2010. I knew I wanted to go to NYC because that is where I always wanted to be. Is there anywhere that you’ve always thought of in the back of your mind as being somewhere you wanted to live? Do you have friends in a big city that you could go stay with and see if you feel yourself fitting in there? Good luck with everything!

      1. Admire that. You’re living my dream!

         1. Aw thank you so much. I’m living my dream as well!

   4. I’ve been in that situation- ready to leave the area but didn’t know where to go. I just decided to retreat to my homeland – you know, that place where the people are like you and you love to walk the streets. Took me six months to find a job (oh, hello Winter of ’08-09 when the economy drove off a cliff) but since then I’ve been happy with my choice.

   5. Wow, big decision! Definitely keep us all updated on how everything goes with the move, finding a new job, etc. Wishing you the best of luck!

   6. Hi cbackson,

      What an exciting decision! You are one of my favorite posters — I know you have endured some tough personal situations and yet you always seem to exhibit such terrific grace and optimism (more than I could muster, I must admit).

      I would love it if you moved to the NYC area where I live so we could meet up. If you are considering this area, please let me know and I would be delighted to tell you everything I know (I also am familiar with the Albany, NY area). However, based on your previous comments, I think you should investigate the SF Bay Area — I know the South and East Bay areas fairly well, having grown up/attended law school there. You seem to have a fairly active outdoor lifestyle, which fits with the Bay Area. There are lots of people who have moved into the area from elsewhere, and in my experience, it’s the most progressive, open-minded place I’ve ever lived (which include CA, the Midwest and the NYC area.) The cost of living is high, probably comparable to NYC, but salaries are commensurate.

      And since your family is in the PNW, it’s close enough that you can easily get back to see them as often as you want.

      Best of luck with your decision — please keep us posted! You are so courageous to take a step like this and I hope that it works out wonderfully for you.

   7. What about going international? It is much easier to meet new people as an ex-pat in a new country than just moving to another city in the US. I only know through my former ex-pat husband but everytime he moved he instantly was welcomed as a friend by every other American in the city.

   8. It sounds to me like your problem is biglaw, not the area itself. There are plenty of us out there who are not in biglaw with a lot of loans. Yeah, you’ll be paying them off for longer, but what’s the point of paying off your loans quickly if you’re literally going to have no life enjoyment for that time period whatsoever. Biglaw hours are biglaw hours, and if you move to someplace like NYC that’s definitely not going to get any better.

      Once you sell your house, you can look into downsizing and possibly finding a job that pays a bit less but will offer you the time to do what you actually want to do. It sounds like you still want to get out of the PNW, but this way you can actually enjoy wherever you move.

   9. Such a major decisions – I wish you luck!

      I know for me, one of the biggest considerations was where I thought I *could* get a job – where the biggest networks from my school were, what cities had a bigger concentration of the type of company/organization I wanted to work for, where I had ties (either friends or family) who could help me get on my feet, etc. In this economy, sometimes it is worth weighing options like this.

3. I think that we should do a 9/11 Thread.

   It is so sad to watch this on TV.

   As legal corporetes, we should also have a united position.

4. Where was everyone on 9.11? I was a freshman in college in Massachusetts and learned about it on TV. Classes were cancelled and everyone just wanted to be with their family and loved ones.

   Thoughts and prayers to the families of the victims.

   1. I was in undergrad too near a major city in the Northeast. We briefly heard about a plane hitting the Twin Towers and continued on with class — everyone assumed it was a small plane and just an accident. It was only until I had a break around noon that I watched the news and learned what really happened. It’s amazing to think that would never happen now with smartphones and social media.

      I was so naive at the time that terrorism was not my first thought – I thought it was a failed hijacking for ransom.

      Never forget. Prayers to the friends and family of the victims and many thanks to those who serve our nation and protect our freedom.

      1. I was at a conference in NOVA. There was a sudden and prolonged stop to the proceedings; at which point the shocking announcement was made. We sat glued to the tv screen thereafter as we weren’t sure if we could take the metro. (I lived in DC) Checked in with my boss and he was still working at the top floor of my agency as it safest to stay where he was. Panic took hold as I couldn’t get through to my brother in NYC. Weirdest thing was my friend and I both had premonitions beforehand. She started crying and praying (and she’s not the religious type) and I woke up worried about my bro. Later, driving past the pentagon with smoke coming out of the windows; hearing about those who had barely escaped or had witnessed the planes hitting the twin towers was horrifying. After that, I never felt safe anywhere. Gone were the days of blissful existence. That’s true terrorism.

   2. Mine always amazes me about how innocent and naive it seems. I was 21, a newlywed and a college senior. My husband went to work early that day, but my classes didn’t start until 11, so I slept in. Got dressed, got ready, normal day. Every morning, I would eat breakfast while watching Headline News (BTW, would you believe that I had never even heard of Fox News at the time?), but for some reason, that day, I decided to hit the guide button, and I saw that TVLand had an old episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show playing. It was one with Rhoda’s mother, who was awesome, so I started watching that.

      A few minutes later, my husband’s aunt called. She said “Are you watching TV?” I assumed that she had heard it in the background, and just said “Yes” without thinking anything of it. She said something about that I knew what was going on, then said “I guess we won’t be flying for a while.” She’d been traveling a lot for her work lately, so I guess I thought that she was just saying that she had made it home OK, and that her traveling was done. I shook my head that that was a weird call, but figured that she was just tired and went back to my cereal.

      MTM ended about 10:00, so I flipped to Headline News. I barely glanced at the screen, which was covered with smoke, and thought “forest fires.” I left the room to get my backpack. I walked back in, and I heard the announcer say that there was smoke still billowing over Manhattan, and I stopped dead. And just stared at the TV.

      1. I stared, and cried, and tried to absorb it for a while, then finally decided that I might as well go to class. I still remember a clip being played on the radio as I drove in, which featured a hysterical sounding Spanish-accented woman proclaiming “they were jumping out of windows!” I had three classes back to back; for the first two, someone had brought in a TV, and we just watched in horor. One girl in my Anthro class was outraged; she was black, and had recently flown one-way, paying in cash, and had gotten some extra-screening from the guards. She wasn’t upset that she had gotten it; in fact, she said I darn well should have, given the circumstances. She just couldn’t believe that these guys had made it through. My dad travels a lot for his work; I suddenly realized that I couldn’t recall exactly whether he was traveling that day or not, and spent a while tracking down pay phones and calling his work(long distance- I didn’t have a cell; if you can remember that) to try to find out where he was. (He had flown out of town the day before, and wound up stuck for several days and had to drive half-way across the country home, but was fine.) I recall my ultra-liberal professor proclaiming that she expected that it came from either the Palistinians or the Afghans, and that she hoped that it was Afghanistan because they were more isolated, and therefore, we could attack them more easily and thoroughly.

         My third class was, aptly, Modern American History (post-Civil War). The professor walked in and said, “No class today. I can’t lecture today. This is very big. This will be bigger than Pearl Harbor.” I remembered about that time that I had volunteered to stuff envelopes for the Honors Program, so I wandered over there and we stuffed envelopes and watched the news. I wandered home, and watched the news some more, because I just felt like I should, but finally became so exhausted of it that I popped in a movie instead. I felt bad, but later found it somewhat amusing when the announced that Blockbuster had had one of it’s biggest days ever- apparently I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t take it any more.

         My husband got home and, since he hadn’t gotten to watch the news all day, wanted to watch. There had been a lot of talk that this would cause gas to become very scarce, so we went out to fill up, just to be prepared. We got to the gas station at dark, just as President Bush started speaking, and we stood outside our cars while pumping, doors open and listening to the speech. It was a hell of a day.

5. In NY, if someone has a business parking permit, are they allowed to park in people’s driveways? Or is it just for commercial parking areas? I came home today to some d-bag that blocked my driveway even though there was more than enough space for them to back up. Ugh!

6. Hi all – I posted a few weeks ago about all of a sudden assuming my manager’s job. Thanks for all the positive encouragement, I am taking it as a great opportunity and trying not too freak too much.
   As part of my stress mitigation program me and a couple of girlfriends are going to NYC the weekend of November 17th – would love some tips on where to stay ideally for less than $200 a night.

7. Betty Skelton died. She was a true inspiration to all overachieving chicks. Kat, can you post this on Twitter/Facebook so more people see it?

   http://www.latimes.com/news/obituaries/la-me-betty-skelton-20110911,0,5410895.story

8. Hello, all is going well here and ofcourse every one is sharing
   facts, that’s truly excellent, keep up writing.

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