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Weekend Open Thread

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Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

473 Comments

  1. that uncomfortable moment when you realize that you, as a single girl, prefer the company of the husband to that of the wife…

    happy friday!

    1. Haha, this is a great comment. I find that happens to me all the time–not like I’m interested in the husband, just that I like the husband better than the friend/wife.

    2. Happy Friday! I too realize that I need to find a decent man in my life who will respect me for who I am and my mind and not just think of me as some sort of play-toy for him when he needs female attention.

      There are to many men who objectivize women like us, particularly professional women who are not married and in their 30’s b/c there are so many more women then men in NY City. They should NOT just think we are like candy that they can pick from and then dispose of.

      There should be something to tell these men that they need to treat us better and we will treat them better.

    3. this is probably better than the uncomfortable moment when you, as a single girl, realize the husband prefers your company to that of his wife.

      1. Ha! Even more uncomfortable would be the moment when you, as the wife, realize the husband prefers the company of the single girl to yours.

        1. Even more uncomfortable is when you, as the single girl, realize you want the husband to prefer your company to that of his wife.

          1. Even more uncomfortable is when you are already aware that the husband prefers your company to that of his wife, and the wife (whom you actually like) invites you over for a family dinner.

          2. Or maybe I just have never seen the appeal of having a crush on a married man. to each his own I guess though

          3. oh i love having crushes on married men! so exciting! (ha)

            i think that whole thread was just an exercise in wordplay and light-hearted fun, so let’s just leave it at that. i don’t think anyone is interested in breaking up marriages!

  2. Got in early!! :) A cardigan question for fall:

    I’m looking for a good sturdy black cardigan with the following features:
    – no open front (need good looking or at least unobtrusive buttons)
    – no boyfriend fit (want a good fit and not too long)
    – no shrunken fit
    – natural fiber (mostly either cotton, or merino wool or even – yum! – cashmere)
    – easy care (dare I say it – washable)
    – thickish material (for fall rather than a thin summer cardigan)

    I’d throw in “economical” in my list, but I’m afraid you guys will throw things at me! I can’t find this anywhere. Any suggestions?

    Also any suggestions for good V-neck long-sleeved sweaters for fall?
    Happy weekend everyone!

    1. Forgot to add:
      – 3/4 or long-sleeves
      And I’m flexible on the washability – handwash or dry clean is ok as well.

    2. Depending on your size, look at Lands’ End cashmere cardis. They run a bit big, so they are too big for my usual XS/S Classiques Entier frame, but the quality and value are top notch.

      1. Agreed 100%.
        My J.Crew ones are too thin and don’t wash well!
        LE/Canvas, no problem.

      1. I love Lord and Taylor’s house brand of cashmere – they also frequently discount the heck out of them. See if you can ask a friendly sales associate when they’ll be on sale or keep your eyes out for coupons.

        1. Thirding or fourthing the L&T cashmere cardigans. I usually wait until January, when they get pretty discounted. I think they are pretty decent quality. I’m in the market for a navy blue one this year, having recently realized that my hatred of navy really applied just to shoes and pants.

          1. Me too! All of a sudden I realized that I want navy everything, except shoes and pants. I’ve been on the lookout for navy tops and a navy cardigan sounds perfect. Must go to Lord & Talor.

    4. Try Target – the mereno ones hit most things on your list and are like $15 each.

    5. I got the jewel-button cardigan from banana republic recently (during one of their sales that happen *all* *the* *time*–I never buy full priced banana republic or ann taylor anymore) and am liking it. it may not be quite thick enough for you, though I find it to be a good fall weight, but it hits all the other categories (it may have some polyester, but I think it’s mainly cotton/silk blend. It’s handwashable). And, in my ongoing quest to add actual color to my wardrobe, the coral color i got is quite pretty.

      I ordered some from Land’s End last week when they were on sale–I’ll report back when they get here.

      1. I actually just bought this same cardigan and it started pilling around the armpits on the first wear — it’s very pretty (I love mine in “berry”!) but I may try to return it since it seems like it may not hold up too well.

        1. That’s odd. You should definitely try to return it. I bought two last year (labor day in fact), and have worn them very often and consistently over the course of the year. They are a staple in my wardrobe, and I haven’t had any issues with pilling at all. I would take yours back.

    6. At the risk of sounding like a broken record: Brora. Though it would not be the *economical* option, your cost per wear would end up being very darn low.

      1. try…wait for it…express. seriously. this summer i went into express for the first time in a decade and was really surprised but how much i liked most of the clothes. i later learned they have a new design team. the work wear is reasonable, nice and stylish. I just got a black work cardi there that’s spot on.

        1. I basically co-sign this. The cashmere blend black long-sleeved, hip-length (i.e. not boyfriend style) cardigan I bought from Express last winter on deep discount has held up pretty nicely, with very little pilling and only a little shrinkage after washing. Having said that, there has been a little of both of those things, so it’s not perfect, and I wouldn’t suggest buying it full price.

    8. Thanks all! I ordered from L&T which fit all my criteria and had my lucky sizes on deep discount in some colors – yay! Will update on how it fits etc. I also liked the Lands End cardigans, they seemed good value, but the clearance in L&T won me over in the end.

    10. Try H&M. I’ve had a few of their black cardigans that I wear to death and they are as sturdy as I’ve ever found. You can machine wash and tumble dry them (although they fade a little if you dry them all the time) but they’re the most neutral, average black cardigans I’ve ever found, and for under $20!

  3. I’m planning a baby shower for a friend of mine–any good suggestions for fun, baby shower-ish foods to prepare? Any fun games? I’m going for tongue-in-cheek ridiculous. Thanks!

    1. What is your theme? I have been to two Mad Men showers and they don’t get old. We ladies love playing dress up with pearls and gloves. Plus, that will dictate the food: hello jello salad!

    2. We wanted to play “pin the sperm on the egg” at my sister’s shower, but my mother got the vapors at the mere thought. I personally think it would be hilarious.

    3. i don’t know if this qualifies, but for a friend’s baby shower i took pictures of baby stuff from mundane to absurd (breast pumps, baby clothes, etc and then some wacky, out-there stuff we found in boutiques, etc) and everybody had to guess how much they cost. Like the price is right. it was fun. at the time, not very many of us had kids, so it was a funny (& shocking) way to learn how expensive this stuff can get, and also an entertaining look at some of the more ridiculous products out there on the market.

      is this an all-women shower? foodwise, i’ve always found that some finger-friendly food plus some dishes that hold well at room temp are good. so .. fruit salad, quiche, pasta salads, baked goods, crudites, cupcakes … etc. That way you can eat and hold a conversation while sitting on the couch and oohing/aahing over gifts … gracefully.

      If men are coming too, you *may* need something a little more substantial, foodwise, and I know people will say this is sexist but it’s just been my experience. Use your own judgment.

    4. Guess the belly size – only works if the mom is not sensitive. Everyone cuts a piece of string (or you can order special “how big is my mommy” tape) the size they estimate Mom-to-be’s belly. Whoever is closest wins a prize.

      Don’t say baby – At the beginning of the shower everyone gets a tiny clothespin clipped to their clothes (they make tiny colorful ones just for this purpose). If you hear someone say baby, you can take her clothespin. If you say baby, someone else can take your clothespins. Whoever has the most clothespins at the end of the shower wins.

      Putting diapers on a stuffed animal while blindfolded race – exactly what it sounds like.

      Guess the baby food flavor – exactly what it sounds like. Even more fun if you make the guests taste it off a diaper.

      1. Oh, also, have every guest bring a baby picture and Mom-to-be has to guess who’s whom.

      2. Umm that does not sound like “more fun” haha why does that gross me out so much?

        1. because it’s gross, that’s why.

          no offense to Ruby. It’s probably hilarious with the right crowd. Which would probably not include Bunkster.

          I agree that if you are serving Diaper A la Mode, booze would be very helpful.

          2. defending anon’s comment about Bunkster … Bunkster said below that she doesn’t like the baby food game.

          3. thanks Cat … yeah, Bunkster (below at 2:27) was pretty clear on her dislike of tasting baby food! that’s all it meant.

      3. Oh heavens no, please none of the “taste the baby food” or “don’t say the word baby” or “guess the pregnant woman’s waist size.” Those are pretty downmarket tacky.

        Why do you need to play games at all? Best shower I ever did was a pottery-painting party … It gave people something to do so they could relax and socialize, but it didn’t require us tasting baby food out of diapers or wrapping string around an embarrassed woman.

        1. My friends and I think these games are fun, but we’ll be sure not to invite you to our next tacky baby shower!

    5. My friend threw a shower for her sister and gave us all a quiz. She handed out sheets with xeroxed pictures of celebrity babies. We had to name them. I think first prize was a bottle of wine.

      I’ll tell you what game not to do. Taste the baby food. Yikes. At that shower, they didn’t serve booze so us 3 single women retreated the kitchen and raided the fridge.

    7. I was at one that had a handout with a list of baby items, but each word was mixed up, and they did a race to see who could figure it out the fastest. (So for bottle, it said tobelt, for something like that.)

      The mother-to-be was also wearing a giant pin with a bunch of baby items stuck to it and then, after she went around and greeted everyone, about half way through the party, she took it off and we had to try and remember everything that was on it. (It had a pacifier, diaper pin, baby brush, minature bottle of baby shampoo, stuff like that. I think it was all pinned to a baby bib.) The person who remembered the most won some type of prize.

      I was at another shower where the mother’s female relatives who had children were all asked to write down one piece of advice for her. It was really sweet (though not really a game I guess…)

    8. I went to a shower where all the food was “baby” stuff–like baby carrots with dip, baby portobello mushrooms in pasta, baby spinach salad. It was cute!

    9. I went to one where the hostess handed out sheets where you had to match celebrity baby names with the celebrity couple. Some were easy (Apple, hello), others were not. Person with the most correctly match items won.

    10. Decorating plain onesies with fabric paint/markers. We did this (also the advice cards and not saying the word “baby”) for the last baby shower I went to, which was co-ed, and even the men got really into it.

    11. 3 more game/activity suggestions:

      Pass around 6-8 diapers, each with a different mini candybar melted inside. Make people guess which candybar is in which diaper. This looks amazingly disgustingly like dirty diapers.

      Pass out 1 bazooka bubble gum and 2-3 toothpicks to each guest. Guests are to chew the bubblegum and mold it into a baby using the toothpicks. Best ‘baby’ wins.

      Mix about a cup of dry uncooked rice and 10 small gold safety pins. Prepare a flat surface (a sheet?). Get a stop watch. Take turns blind-folding guests and making them pick the safety pins out of the rice. Whoever does it fastest wins. (This was incredibly hard, btw.)

      1. “Pass around 6-8 diapers, each with a different mini candybar melted inside. Make people guess which candybar is in which diaper. This looks amazingly disgustingly like dirty diapers.”

        Dear god, make it stop!

        1. Happened to me. Mother-in-law. Had to pretend it was was fun and actually thank her for it. My jaw heart from fake smiling and my heart hurt from a room full of people i thought knew me proving they aren’t into me being me but me becoming them. Bizarre.

        1. After poking your eyes out with the safety pins? Do people actually enjoy attending these things? Am I missing some essential female gene?

          2. let’s just file this under “different strokes for different folks”.

            although the melted candy bars in diapers was an eye-opener for me. whew.

          3. Baby showers with these games make me want to drink heavily. Of course, the ones with the dumb games often have no booze. MISERABLE!

    12. I went to a baby shower that had a “name that tune” game – all songs/titles either had the word ‘baby’ or ‘born’ or something similar in them – Baby Baby by TLC, Born in the USA (cute because the expectant parents were not US-born, but the baby would be), Baby Love by the Supremes, etc.

    13. My shower is coming up, and I know my sister is planning to make 8×10 copies of my and my husband’s work photos and give everyone scissors and glue — and they are going to go Picasso and create a picture of what they think our kid will look like as an adult. Very much like the Conan segment “If They Mated.”

      I imagine some will be very kind; others will have my husband’s facial hair glued to my face…

    14. Not games exactly, but I recently co-hosted a story book themed baby shower. We asked each guest to bring a book in lieu of a card. The table was decorated like a bed (think bed time story) and the food was all food from different books. The mommy to be went home with a great library.
      We also decorated onesies. At another shower I attended recently, we wrote notes to mommy to be on diapers.

  4. Hello! I’m looking for a nice-fitting and affordable navy suit. I noticed the Talbots seasonless wool suggested here a few weeks ago. Does anyone have any comments on that set, or suggest any others? Thank you!

    1. I like Brooks Brothers. If you can catch them during the friends and family sale, it’s a good deal!

      1. I didn’t realize this for years, but if you’re a member of the ABA, you’re eligible for a coporate membership Brooks Brothers card that gets you 15% off regularly priced merch!

        1. Oh my gosh, I’m going to check and see if they do that in Canada for the CBA or Law Society also….

    2. I don’t have the navy, but I’m really happy with the Talbots seasonless wool suit I ordered. Granted, I got it on super sale so the entire suit was less than $100 and I would probably not pay full price for another one, but if you can find a discount code, I thought it was a great option.

    3. My friend just bought a really nice one from AT’s tropical wool line. I have the same one in gray and I love it.

    4. I really like the navy color that jcrew suits come in; it’s a true, dark navy but clearly not black. I have both a super 120s and a wool crepe and like the fit/quality of both.

    5. I have an earlier year’s version of this in black and grey and like it. Their sizing is getting really inconsistent so if you order, order a few sizes.

      1. I have that suit, too! I also bought the dress online, but I have to return it because it is too low cut. Such a shame. All of BR’s current suit dresses are too low cut, and I have all three of its current suits. If only I didn’t have to wear a suit every day…

    7. I have the Talbots suit and like it, good fit, did not have to have jacketsleeves hemmed. the pants are not lined but that is ok for me. In the deep south, I rarely need lining on pants.

    8. Forgot to say, the navy is quite dark, almost black. I also bought mine on deep discount.

    9. I ordered the Talbots seasonless wool in gray instead of the navy, but returned it. The pants weren’t lined and I found them to be itchy. The skirt was close to what I wanted, but seemed to have extra room in the hips that didn’t work for me. The jacket just didn’t fit me right at all.

      I did just buy a navy Ann Taylor suit at Lord and Taylor that I love. The skirt is a bit a-line instead of pencil and the jacket has 2 buttons, which I found suprisingly flattering on me. The navy isn’t super dark either, which I really like. Lord and Taylor also did a wonderful job tailoring the sleeves on the jacket for me since they were much too long, but the skirt fit perfectly right off the rack.

  5. I was contacted by a person about 3 weeks ago from my alma mater seeking advice on getting into the industry/position that I’m in. However, it looked like a mass produced networking spiel in hopes of getting an opportunity so I have’t replied yet on whether or not I would meet with her for coffee. I’m glad to offer advice but because of the 3 week delay, I’m wondering if there’s any point in repling now.

    1. If you’re glad to offer her advice, reply. I’m sure she understands that your schedule is extremely busy and won’t think twice about the long delay, she’ll just be happy you agreed to meet with her.

    2. If it helps, I’ve done a bit of requests like that (not mass produced, but requests for advice), and had people not respond for several weeks, and I’ve still appreciated the response. It can be kind of awkward, because maybe I sent the requests out when I was less busy and when I get them I’m more busy and sometimes put off responding myself, but ultimately it usually works out. In other words, if you don’t mind helping the person out, I would respond, regardless of the time.

      2. I agree! Knowing how difficult the economy is right now, I’m sure she would appreciate a response and any advice you can provide.

  6. Okay. I think the CA and NY area meet-ups sound awesome. Anyone up for a Boston-area meet-up? I can think of at least 5 other corporettes in the area.

    Right now I’d be more interested in meeting up on a weeknight, at least for the next month or so (my terrible job means I like to get away on weekends), but I’m flexible.

    1. Definitely. Weeknights are actually preferable for me too.

      I also left you a message on the news roundup asking if you wanted coffee/commiserating about terrible jobs, but it got stuck in moderation forever. Alas. Anyway, are you all recovered from your morning?

    2. I’m about an hour from Boston but I’m in. I’m away the first two weekends of October though – not that anyone has to plan it around me. I use several different names on here to try to stay anonymous. I hope I’m not 3 of your 5 :)

      1. Since we are talking weekdays – I’m away the whole first week of October.

    3. I don’t often comment but I lurk… a lot… lol and I’m in Boston! I’d be up for it :-)

    5. Just as a reminder re: the CA meet-up. 9/24, 1pm at Reposado in Palo Alto. Hat tip to karenpadi.

      I love how there are going to be meetups across the country!

      1. I’m a relatively new lurker with meet-up envy. Too bad Palo Alto is hrs. away from Los Angeles – any interest out there in an L.A. meet-up? I’m thinking Eveleigh or Night & Market in WeHo. Anyone? Bueller?

    6. Yes! I rarely comment but am a faithful corporette lurker. I would definitely join a Boston meet-up!

    10. Okay. So I set up an email address (bostoncorporette@gmail[dot]com). I’m thinking maybe Thursday, October 13th. How would that work for people?

  7. Here’s a sticky situation I’d like some advice on . . . . How do you navigate the breakups of couples, where you were friends with both of the former partners? More concretely, my husband and I have for years been very close with another couple. Although we initially met one-half of the couple through a shared interest, over time we became very close to both members equally.

    A few days ago, we heard from one of them, letting us know that the pair had split. The split isn’t pretty, and one of the two has been leaning pretty hard on me and my husband for support, which is totally understandable — we’re his very close friends. But we don’t really want to choose sides (not just because we’re friends with both, but also because while messy, there’s no real evildoer in the split), and want to preserve our good relationship with both of them. Is this possible? Any tips?

    2. This happened to my husband and his former wife. They met another couple when their daughter/my SD was 5. She is now almost 16. Both sides of both couples were very close, in all directions. And the kids (2 on each side, the same ages and genders) were very close.

      As my husband and his former wife were divorcing and for some time thereafter — including when we started dating and became serious — the other couple stayed friends with both sides. I met them both and we did a few very nice double dates, and I know they stayed friends with my “step-wife.”

      Then, a few years into it all, the other couple stopped calling my husband and me and stopped returning our calls and emails and stopped accepting all our invitations. After about a year of this, the wife of the other couple told my husband that it was just too difficult for them to be friends with both and that because my step-wife is more punitive/mercurial/whatever, and they wanted to preserve the kids’ relationships (one set of whom was then too young to do stuff without parental interaction), they had chosen to stay on good terms with her by cutting him out.

      Now, I know (way more than) enough about my step-wife to know that if their only goal was to preserve the kids’ relationships, they made the right choice. She would have yanked her kid; my husband would never react that way and hasn’t. But I have to tell you: it really hit my husband hard. (On top of everything, all four of them are expats from the same country and that was one more set of “friends from home” he no longer has.) It also upset me, even though I really didn’t know them very well and certainly didn’t have the history they all have.

      Ugh – I realize I have ranted but not given any advice. I guess my advice is to be as transparent will all sides as possible. I think my husband would have appreciated a prospective chat along the lines of “this is starting to get hard for us because your former wife gives us a hard time when she finds out we spend time with you. We may need to see you less. We will always think fondly of you/wish it could be different/remember our times together/etc.”

    3. Here’s a view from the other side: I am a second wife. Not many people liked the first (I never met her; they had no children together). Shortly after we started dating, a couple came over a time or two, we maybe went to dinner, etc. I didn’t really think much of it at the time–they had been friends with both, but later I realized that their purpose was to report back to HER all about ME. I’m sure you won’t do this in any case, but (especially if you don’t like a new partner of either party), it can be easy to slip into that or the appearance of same.

      Also, and this is a different circumstance, my parents have a dear friend whose husband was my dad’s lifelong best friend. He died. She remarried. My parents really enjoy pointing out every shortcoming of the new husband. I really really hope they don’t point them out TO HER, but I suspect some of it comes through. Sigh.

      Why can’t relationships and life just always be perfect? Is that so much to ask?

    4. Ugh, this is a tough situation. My husband and I had a couple friend that recently split, and since we knew him better, we ended up (inadvertently, just in the natural course of things) “siding” with the husband. Fast forward a few months — we had an ugly falling out with the husband, who accused us of being judgmental about the whole thing after we politely declined his invitations to hang out with him and his new girlfriend, at neighborhood places where we use to hang out all the time with him and his now ex-wife. It was just too much, too soon for us, and even though we didn’t know her has well, we still felt some sort of loyalty to the ex-wife. I don’t know what we could have done differently, and I suspect his anger toward us stems from the tough time he’s going through–he seems to be shedding a lot of his former friends from the time he was married. I wish you the best of luck in navigating this tricky situation, and I hope it works out better for you than it did for us.

  8. I need some suggestions from anyone working in a small, open office. I started a new job about a year ago, and I’ve come to strongly, strongly dislike one of my coworkers. I am not the only one who is aggravated by him — he doesn’t pull his weight on projects but will claim all the credit he can, thinks he knows everything, that type. He is also the boss’s son-in-law, and while I get the impression that the boss is not a big fan either, it’s a family business and he is here to stay.

    My question is, how can I minimize the negative impact this person has on my own workday? I like my work, but hearing him gab to the admin assistants all day, or yell at his wife on the phone, or tell the person at the next desk that her in-state vacation destination is “really not that nice, Europe is a much better choice this time of year” (which just happened) is so, so grating that I think it’s affecting my output, and definitely my sanity.

    I know I’m not going to be here forever – planning to move back home when DH finishes school – but I would like a good reference and don’t want to create enemies in the office. Are headphones the only solution? Any other ideas from been there, done that Corporettes?

    1. What if you started keeping a log of his unbelievable missteps (e.g., Europe this time of year)? Then you would have something to do each time it happens. Kind of like the anthropology project comment someone made in yesterday’s thread about mothers?

    2. Maybe he should be “promoted” so that he has his own office and own secretary in his own, closed-off and far away, part of the building?

    3. If you keep notes/post its just don’t forget to take them when you quit. A receptionist quit at one of my prior jobs and we found an envelope in a drawer with a post it note for each time one of us did something that bothered her! We had a lot of fun reading those.

  9. Anyone training for anything fun? How’s it going?

    I’m trying to qualify for Boston this year.

    1. No…Unfortunately, suffering from shin splints that won’t seem to go away. It has been 2 months now. It has been so long since I’ve gone for a decent run…*sigh* – Also, I pretty much hate other cardio so probably by the time I am running, I would be hard pressed to run around the block.

      1. Anyone have suggestions for cardio once you are “aged out” of running? (Bursitis in the knee that won’t resolve.)

        Pool is out because I don’t have access and don’t want to drive to a gym to exercise. What I like about running is that I can walk out my front door anywhere in the world and do it. All I have to do is pack shoes/bra.

        Now what?

        1. Can you still do a fast walk without pain? Much less stress on the joints and the same ease of use. You can push fast enough to make it a great cardio workout.

          I also love the bicycle, and my city has great bike trails. This summer I’ve been commuting by bike (abt 30 min each way), and stopped running altogether. I actually look forward to the ride home all afternoon.

        2. Hmmm…this is hard if you can’t get to the gym. When I was injured and couldn’t run, I did some crossfit-like “cardio” at home with a medicine ball and free weights. if you have an iphone, the Nike Training app has some great workouts that don’t involve running. Some of the moves (like squats) involve your knees, though, so you may have to improvise.

        3. Rollerblading? I know it’s a bit more equipment than running, but not as much as biking. Unless you have an SUV/truck or a bike rack, you probably couldn’t bring a bike on road trips, but rollerblades would easily fit in your car. I also think it may be less irritating than cycling or the elliptical (if you could get access to one).

        4. How about power walking/race walking? I know several runners who moved to this after they started have trouble with their knees.

    2. Good luck! That’s awesome.

      I’m training for my first marathon — Oct 9 (Chicago). I’m loving the process, tho not the early early early alarm clock wakeup calls…But only a little over 1 week left til the taper.

      1. Oooh! Good luck at Chicago. You’ll have so much fun. I have resigned myself to the early wake-ups (which are fine, so long as I can get myself to bed at a reasonable time).

        1. The getting to bed is the problem. I just don’t have enough hours in a day…it doesn’t help that I have a dog who has to be walked before and after my run (and can’t run with me). I’ve decided I just need to get faster so that I can run more miles in less time.

          But I’m so excited (well, that and nervous) for the marathon! Just keeping my fingers crossed that the weather cooperates.

          1. I have the same problem with my dog! He really wants to go with me, but after jogging for a couple of blocks, he flops down on his belly and looks up at me as if to say, “you are carrying me back home, right?”

          2. My dog presents a different problem. He can come with me for up to 5 miles at a stretch, but we don’t have the same pace. So, I have to choose between a 9 minute mile pace with the dog or a 7:30 minute mile pace without him. Better training w/o the dog, better quality of life with the dog. Inevitably, I bring him along :)

          3. My dog probably can do about a mile. But then he’s done. Not even sure he can do that now b/c of some health issues he has. Oh well. He’s the best, so if it means less sleep for me, I’ll deal.

    3. I’m training for a stairclimb this Sunday in honor of 9/11. Firefighters and civillians alike are going to climb 110 stories (the number in the WTC). The goal is 343 participants, one for each fallen firefighter. To most climbing 110 stories probably doesn’t sound like that crazy of an endeavor but I’m a sit on my butt all day type. I had to train so I don’t injure myself as a weekend warrior! I will be doing it in workout clothes but the firefighters will be in full gear. They are happening all over the country and it is not too late to sign up for one if you are interested. Just google!

      2. How awesome! I had to climb about ten flights the other day during a fire alarm, and my legs still hurt!

      3. That’s very, very cool.

        In 2002, I started working in an office on the 16th floor, with a lot of whiny people. Whenever we would have fire drills, people would fuss so much I couldn’t believe it, and a lot of people would claim that if there ever was a fire, they might as well just die, since they “couldn’t” (wouldn’t- it was a big company and there were a lot of provisions set up for people who had actual disabilities) go down that many steps. I was really outraged and a bit upset by it- I kept thinking of all of the people on 80+ floors that got out on 9/11, and here these people were fussing about 16.

        1. They couldn’t go DOWN? Jeez, I walk back up 8 after a fire drill because I’m too lazy to wait for the elevator. I can’t imagine complaining about going down. If you’re wearing heels, just take off your shoes.

          1. Hee hee. You were too lazy to wait for the elevator so you took the stairs to the 8th floor? I am enjoying the irony in that statement. :)

        2. I work on the 48th floor, and while I don’t necessarily LOVE the yearly fire drills where we have to climb to the bottom, I too think of the WTC every year and know that we’re incredibly fortunate that it’s just a drill.

      4. That is awesome! Plus, I think climbing 110 stories sounds like a very intense workout, even in workout clothes, so I’m not surprised you’re training for it.

    4. Running a marathon on Sunday! And then across the Grand Canyon in October. Planning to do my first 50K this fall…

      (Have you picked your qualifying race yet?)

      2. Good luck!!

        I remember a while ago you said you qualified for Boston? Are you going to register next week? :)

        1. I actually ran Boston this year, and it was a pretty amazing experience. I’m hoping to increase my qualifying margin so I actually have a shot at getting in again for 2012 under the new registration system. But the forecast for tomorrow’s race is reeeeeeeeeeeally warm (80, which is super-hot for the Pacific Northwest and way hotter than the temps during my peak training), so I’m not sure if it’ll happen.

          1. Hmm that is really really warm for a marathon. Be careful! Please let us know how it goes!

      3. So cool! I have gotten into a bunch of ultramarathon blogs (even though I am no distance runner), and it’s completely fascinating and awesome! Good luck!

        1. I’m actually so eager to start doing it that it’s been really hard for me to taper for my marathon tomorrow…

      4. I am thinking about Phoenix (Jan 15th).

        I’ve run four fulls marathons previously, but have never tried to qualify for Boston. Based on my times for shorter distances, I should absolutely be able to do it if I train properly.

        1. Is Phoenix a R&R event? If so, my suggestion would be to take a careful look at the course before counting on that for a BQ course – I’ve done some R&R events where the course layout was clearly not designed for serious runners trying to make good time (90 degree turns at pinch points, severe camber on roads, etc.).

          I’m not sure what your qualifying standard is, but if you’ve run four marathons previously, I bet you can do it – you already know how to run a marathon, you know? It’s just about tinkering with the training.

    5. No, but I’m reaching out to the rest of you for some advice: I feel guilty for not running, and I want nothing more than to feel like a runner again, but when it comes to getting out the door, I just… can’t. I obviously CAN, but I have a huge mental block, and when I do go, I feel out of shape, and I just get discouraged when I think about how much slower I am than a couple years ago when I was actually in training. I also ran XC & track all through high school and college, but can I really still be burned out five years later? Anyone else ever felt like this?

      1. I’ve felt like that for the last few years too. I *barely* trained for the Marine Corps Marathon 2 years ago and I was supposed to do it again this year but I’m deferring my registration until next year. I’d love to hear what others say about this!

        1. If (when) I run a marathon I want hot guys who do their push-ups to hand me my finisher’s medal and sport drink at the end. Marine Corps is my kind of run.

          How about a Marine Corps Marathon Corporette meet-up?

          We all train then meet up at the race?

          1. I would LOVE that! I ran it on the 25th and 30th Anniversaries and it is an amazing race. Who doesn’t love a Marine??!!

      2. I’m also an ex-runner and I found that I had to transition to other activities because I would never be “as good” as I used to be. I started biking, hiking, climbing stairs (see above) etc. The key is to get out and do SOMETHING. Bodies in motion stay in motion . . . once you start getting your cardio shape back you might actually feel like running again. I haven’t but I am getting in shape and feel better about myself.

        1. HATE WORDPRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Ok, now that I have that out after I just lost my post (seriously, what is wrong with WordPress? Its seriously defective).

          (1) A schedule helps
          (2) The 20 minute rule (particularly on weekends or days that I don’t “have” to run). I commit to 20 minutes. Who doesn’t have 20 minutes? If that’s all I do, great! If I do more, great! Its a great way (for me) to just get in the habit.
          (3) Morning runs. Getting out of bed without questioning it.
          (4) Assuming I am on a run and I’m cranky about it, I try to just change my mindset and appreciate that I can run. That I can use my body. I live in Chicago, so I daily see people who truly don’t have use of their legs (in a wheelchair) or they are so obese they can barely walk, let alone run. I’m lucky I can run and I try to focus on that appreciation any time I feel my enthusiasm wavering.

          2. Agree with all of this. On the 20 minute rule, you can make it 10 minutes, or even 5 if that. I find that if I wake up not wanting to run, and I tell myself, OK self, you only have to do a mile, and then you can stop if you still don’t feel like doing it, I always end up doing whatever length run I had originally planned on.

          3. Thirding that this is all great advice. I do (2), (3) and (4). I also tell myself (if it’s really windy or grey or cold outside) that I can just walk the same distance I usually run, but I have to get out there and move. Once I’m in the clothes and running shoes, I most often just start running anyway. And if I walk, I don’t see it as a comedown, I just pat myself on the back for getting off the couch at all!

          4. Love this advice. Haruki Murakami has a wonderful book about running. In it he says the hardest thing about running is lacing up the shoes. I always make myself get into my running clothes right away in the morning, then I feel silly if I don’t go.

          5. seconded. i love the Murakami book. even though i haven’t been able to fall in love with running just yet.

      3. Former high school and college XC and track here. I think the key is not to compare yourself to your former high school and college track star self. Initially, I felt guilty about not running because I felt that I was significantly slower/out of shape than I was before. HOWEVER, the key is, you, as a (presumably) working adult are at a different place than when you were in college or high school. I don’t know about you, but I do not have the coaches, trainers, equipment, and time I did when I was running in college. I don’t have time to drop everything I’m doing to make it to practice every day (or twice a day). So, how do I expect myself to be as fast/strong as I was in college? Also, I refrain from racing in a distance that I used to be competitive in. For me, this means running half marathons and marathons instead of 5ks. Racing in college and high school was fun, but it was also a “job”. I try to make running fun by racing distances that are new.

        I took some time off running after college to try other sports as well. For me, playing other sports did not give the same satisfaction, fulfillment and joy running gives me, so I went back.

        To answer the training question – I am running a few half marathons this fall, and hoping to get into Boston in the spring (I have a qualifying time, but hoping it won’t fill up before I get to register).

        1. This. I ran in high school and college, too, and I will. not. run. a 5K. I have run one since graduating and it was the Susan G. Koman, which I did with a friend who was aiming to run it in under 30 minutes (and I ran it on the condition that we were going slow, but I was “pushing” her, not trying for my own PR). You just cannot compare yourself to when it was your “job.” I still love running, but it’s a different love.

      4. Story of my life. I gained 70 lbs in law school and my gait is off since I am so rotund now. I think I’m going to sign up for a 5k and tell myself I run for my mental health now, not my speed.

        1. Try couch to 5k. It has great apps on iPhone. It is a gentle , reasonable way to build up to running a 5k. As long as you don’t get caught up in thinking “I should be able to do more, I should be faster” it’s a great program. Three days a week which I think is manageable even with a busy schedule.

          1. I did Couch to 5K several years ago, after starting my quest to lose the ~55 lbs I’d gained during grad school/post-doc. I was so out of shape that it took me several weeks more than it was supposed to – I wouldn’t let myself go on to the next week until I could complete the week as prescribed (I honestly never thought I’d be able to run 8 straight minutes).

            I run 10 – 15 miles a week now, and would probably run more but I have some back/neck issues that have been aggravated lately when I try to push myself beyond that. I actually was thinking of training for a half-marathon but I don’t think I can do it until I get that straightened out – I think I need to seriously improve my core strength.

            Anyway, I did manage to drop almost 40 lbs (running and WW) and to maintain that until recently, when I gained back ~5 lbs. Hopefully I can add back some more mileage soon, but I think I’m also inspired to give WW another spin after reading all the love for the new program earlier in the week.

      5. yes! I ran a marathon in June and since then have been setting my alarm every morning to get up and run before work/brunch on weekends/etc. I never get out of bed, telling myself I’ll do it in the evening. That evening I tell myself I’ll do it in the morning, and on and on until I hadn’t exercised in ages! I just started the workout video series Insanity which has been very easy since it takes only 40 minutes, I can do it at home regardless of whether it is dark or rainy and all it needs is tennis shoes. It is incredibly intense but so far (I’m only 10 days in, so fingers crossed) I’m sticking to it. Never figured I’d like something like this but so far it seems to be working. I figure I’ll go back to running when the 60 days end but for now it is new enough to keep me interested.

      6. This might work for you, since getting out the door is your main problem. My brother suggested it for me at the beginning of August and its been working really well.

        Basically, you start by running 2 and a half minutes. Get up, walk out side, run two and a half minutes, and go about your day. Then the next day do 3, 3and a half, etc. I’ve been ramping up every other day because I’m so out of shape. I think what works best about it for me is that it starts out with so little and ramps up slowly. It’s easy to talk myself into sleeping for 20 more minutes instead of running, but sleeping in an extra 3 minutes isn’t going to do me any good. After that it’s just another thirty seconds the next day, so you always feel like you’re not spending much time running, even as you ramp up.

        Of course, when I started 2 and a half minutes was incredibly difficult for me. I’m at 6 and a half now and that feels like a huge accomplishment. I’m the kind of person who gets really frustrated that I’m making progress so slowly, so this kind of linear increase works really well for me psychologically.

      7. Mantras that help me, in the moment of deciding whether to run or not:

        “If you had gone running when you first started thinking about it, you’d probably be back by now.”

        “I’ve always regretted not working out; I’ve never actually regretted going for a run.”

        1. I’ve heard the 2nd one, not the first, but both are great. I think the key is to get into the mode where going for a run isn’t a question (you will go, unless its a scheduled rest day), the only question is how to fit it in. Of course, it helps if you can see the run as time to yourself to unplug, not just a physical activity to burn calories.

      8. I was in the same boat a few years ago, and what really helped me over the hump was to not run with a watch. I would map out a 3-5 mile route and commit to completing it, even if it involved walking or jogging. I found that not having the watch (and stopping it a stop lights, etc.) got me out of the race training mode and allowed me to enjoy the run. Also, committing to completing a distance rather than a time redirected my focus to the mechanics of running rather than the pace.

        Another thing I did was to start out on the elliptical after a long hiatus from running, which helped me strengthen my body and cardiovascular system without stressing my joints. This also allowed me to drop a few pounds before starting to actually run. I never realized how much harder running is with even an extra 10 pounds!

    6. I’m training for my first ultramarathon (a 50k). Training is not going super well… I got a bit side tracked at the end of summer. Now I’m back to it, and hopefully it will all work out.

      1. Good luck, I did 2 a few years back. I did a marthon Labor Day, one the second week in December and then 50k in March. Good training. The labor Day marathon was my first, so my third marathon was actually an ultra. Lots of fun, a trail run, totally different than a road race.

    7. Ok, this may be a silly question but how do you train? I’m extremely out of shape despite looking fit. Any tips for newbies?

        1. The Couch to 5K program is awsome – turned both me & my hubby into runners. I highly recommend it.

      2. Lots of people swear by the Couch to 5k program and I’ve heard nothing but good things about it (google it). I didn’t follow a formal program (I’m the anon doing the Chicago Marathon). 2 yrs ago, I started “running”. My then-BF would take me out on short “runs”. Probably 1-2 miles where we’d run at a slow pace maybe 1/4 mile and then walk a bit, then run a bit and so on.

        SOmehow got to the point where I ran all of a 5k. Decided that since I didn’t die, I’d keep going. I had 1 rule for myself on runs. I couldn’t walk til I had heard 3 songs (I listen to music when I run). After that, I could walk. Then I upped it to 4 songs. Never have changed that rule, though its largely inapplicable now. 3 songs gets you almost to or thru a mile. The first mile is the toughest. Anyway, I just kept it up b/c I found the runner’s high. I was going through a lot when I started running and I needed that release. So, for me, it was barely about fitness when I really started running, but mostly about the release. I’ve said on many occasions that I either would have become an alcoholic or a runner…I chose runner.

      3. I went from couch (literally) to doing a full marathon a couple of years ago. I ended up running about 1/2 and walking 1/2. I joined Team in Training and it was totally worth it! I am now training for the Nike Women’s Marathon and have done many 1/2 marathons in the interim. I still don’t *love* it (and probably never will), but give myself a big pat on the back every Saturday early morning when I do my long runs. I also justify shoe purchases for all that money I save for not having to pay a gym membership!

      4. I highly recommend Jeff Galloway’s run-walk-run method. I started running by using his book on running for women, and then switched over to his half-marathon book once I started training for my first half marathon.

    8. I am training for something fun! I’m doing the “Bermuda Triangle Challenge” in January, which is a one mile race on Friday night, a 10K race on Saturday morning and a marathon on Sunday morning. I get a big a$$ medal as a result and, more importantly, a few days in Bermuda in January!

        1. Low 60s, with total temp fluctuation of about 4 degrees over the course of the entire day, I’m told.

    9. I’m running the Chicago Half Marathon (my first half!) on Sunday. Anyone else out there doing it too?

      1. Not doing it, but I know lots who are. Make sure you leave plenty of time to get there (if you aren’t walking/biking to it) b/c traffic going to it can be horrible since public transportation down there can be problematic. Hopefully it won’t get too sunny for the run…bring a hat! There’s no shade on the route. Good luck!

    10. Ooooh, such fun comments!

      I’d really hoped that I’d run my first marathon this fall but I had a bout of plantar fascitis in the spring and then a blood clot which both hampered my training. So, I’m running a half in October and HOPING to run a full next spring. I’ve been trying to run a full for three years now, but I keep getting injured or sick at very inopportune points in my training.

      Good luck to everyone on their upcoming races–one thing I love about runners is how supportive they are to others, kinda like Corporette in general :)

      1. Have you found a good dr/PT? I had some muscle imbalances leading to plantar pain that I thought was PF. It was more of an ankle/hip/calf issue that I worked out through PT. Fortunately I had a dr who specialized in runners and knew that “just rest” wasn’t advice that would work.

        1. My doc is pretty good but didn’t send me to a PT. My PF was probably brought on by an injury as right before the pain started I stepped on a round spiky tree dropping. Toe and heel were on the ground, arch in the air–OUCH! Since June I have been plantar pain free so here’s hoping that it was PF and is gone. .I’ve run for years without injury so I hope there’s no muscle imbalances but I will definitely keep that in mind if the pain comes back. For now I’ll just keep my fingers crossed. Glad you found the source and happy running!

          1. That’s great that you’ve been pain from since June. Sounds like you worked it out. Good luck!

          2. My fiance has had plantar fascitis on and off for his whole life. He bought Vibram shoes (the ones that look like gloves for toes) and it cleared up completely. You might want to try it out if your PF comes back.

        2. For plantar pain, the Spenco Polysorb Total Support Sandals for Women are amazing. They’re flipflops, and I just mostly wear them around the house, and they soothe my arch pain the second I put them on.

    11. Jealous! I got injured and then lazy and missed getting in shape in time for any of the fall races. I’ve been slowly getting back into running, and I’m signed up for the local 10K at the end of the month. I’m annoyed with myself because although I’ll be fine covering the distance, I’m a lot slower than I was this time last year (which was not all that fast to begin with, mind you), so I know I’m not going to be happy with my time. After a lot of internal termoil, I decided that running my favorite race slowly was better than not running it at all.

      I’m going to aim for a small local March half and see how it goes before trying another full.

      I ran Philly last November. It was my first full, and…ouch. I constantly ocilate between never wanting to do a full again, and wanting to do it again because I know I can do better!

  10. cbackson — saw you posted the other day.

    how you doin’, gurl? need us to punch anyone out for you?

    (ladylike, of course.)

    1. Haha. Lots of work craziness…and I’m trying to sell my house. Actually, my entire house is currently staged by my real estate agent – they took everything out but my bed and replaced it with stock stuff. It’s totally weird. The house looks nice, but…it doesn’t look like I live there. It’s got this weird shabby-chic-beachy vibe going on.

      (I think of my preferred decor style as “18th century bordello”.)

      2. Hmmm. We staged our house in Seattle this spring and it had the exact same vibe. Wonder if it was the same person? Anecdotally, we thought that money was very well invested ad our house sold in 8 weeks (let’s not focus on whether we made much of a profit though…).

        1. So my real estate agent actually did the staging for free…she has a staging company. Totally possible that we have the same person! How funny would that be?

          I am really, really hoping it sells, because I’m thinking about moving out of Seattle (I love it – especially on days like today – but I’m not sure I’ll ever fully exorcise the divorce memories if I stay here). I just want to get out of it without having to pay the bank.

      1. Marathon tomorrow! Keep your fingers crossed for me, because it is really hot here. I’m spending the whole day laying on the couch hydrating and watching the US open (imaginary sports boyfriend Novak Djokovic versus my former imaginary sports boyfriend Roger Federer, YAY).

  11. Does anyone else feel guilty when they start looking to leave their current position? I’ve been actively looking as I need to move on with my career but I’m definitely getting those guilty “but they gave me my first career position”… “who are they going to get to replace me”… type thoughts…

    Granted, it’s pretty pointless to think this way if I haven’t yet secured a position but it just keeps happening. (And then something ridiculous happens at the office and the guilty feelings go away for a moment – of course)

    Suggestions?

    1. Snarky, you are wonderful but not irreplaceable. There are hundreds of thousands of unemployed people out there who would gladly take your job, and should you leave, your company will no doubt shed a tear or two but in the next second they will post an opening and start receiving a flood of resumes. They will think of you fondly (I assume) but will move on quickly. Business is business.

      You, on the other hand, are the only person truly vested in your own career, so if you feel like you need to start looking, start looking. When the chips are down, you are your own best advocate. Your company, most likely, will not come up to you and say, “Snarky, you’re great, but I think this job is too limiting for you and you should really explore new and bigger challenges like X.” No. They will probably keep you around until something forces them to let go of you (which in this economy, could be anything). At that point, your loyalty and years of service will be meaningful only in that it may help calculate your severance package.

      Managing your career is your job, not that of your company. So make your decisions based on what is right for you, and rest assured that your company is going to look out for itself in the same way.

      1. You are absolutely right and sometimes I just need that reminder/kick in the butt. Thank you.

    2. No advice to offer, but I feel the same way. I think about silly things – cleaning out my office, taking down my diplomas, saying goodbye to my assistant… None of it is conducive to leaving. I have also heard that the way that the higher-ups at my office treat those who choose to leave, for whatever reason, is less than cordial, so that’s scary, since I work in a relatively small city.

      The advice I have been given (and have yet to be able to take) is that we have to stop thinking that our employer is giving us a gift by employing us. If it weren’t advantageous for us to be employed there, we wouldn’t be, so if it isn’t advantageous for us to stay working, we shouldn’t. It’s a two way street.

      Sorry no real advice. Just commiserating, really.

    3. I’ve definitely felt that- not so much when it’s a big, faceless corporation, but when you feel like it will make a difference to people, it can be tough. The other day, I mentioned to my assistant that my husband was interviewing for a new job, and she got this really serious look and said “Is it here? Because you *can’t* leave.” (It’s a small firm, and the last few attorneys she’s worked for were, I’m hearing, real pieces of work, and I’ve heard several times that she loves working with me.) I’m not looking to go anywhere, but it made me really worry about what if I someday decide to

    4. When you find a new job, the anticipation will overshadow the guilty feelings.
      Besides, we all would like to think we are irreplaceable, but we really aren’t. The best you can do is not to leave your present employer in the middle of a critical project. If you really like the company, you should also explore options for internal transfer and/or look for a mentor that would help you find ideas how to move up from where you are.

    5. I would say obviously don’t burn bridges but don’t be overly concerned about them. There are tons of us who are jobless and actively seeking. Unless you are in a very narrow field which requires very very specific training they will be inundated with applications once you leave. Not to say they’ll find someone to “replace you” but they will find someone to do the work :)

    6. From your boss (not literally, I assume, but the boss of several people who are wonderful and have chosen to leave for various reasons): Your work has been wonderful, and I am sorry to see you go. We will miss your face, your perspective, your ideas, your sense of humor and your many contributions to the work of this company. But I know you have learned nearly everything you can learn here, and you need other experiences to grow so that someday you can lead a company like this yourself. Keep in touch with me and a few others here if you are so inclined: we’d love to have lunch now and then. We are proud to have launched you.

      But (and this is hard to hear) we had someone in your position before you came, and we will find someone to fill it after you’ve gone. He/she won’t do everything the way you have done, and we need that fresh perspective as much as you need fresh challenges.

      (With that said, I have cried more than once when good people have given notice. I have also cried when I had to let good people go, although I try very hard not to do so in their presence.)

    7. I know how you feel. I’m working at a government employer that is not laying off at this point, but anyone who leaves will probably not be replaced. We already had one person transfer offices and there are very few people who can pick up the slack. It will only get worse for the others left if I leave, but at the same time I don’t want to sit there not looking and end up picking up the slack for someone else who leaves. It’s sort of like being in a race to see who can find something first.

    8. I made it very clear to the people I worked directly with that I would miss them terribly and they had nothing to do with my departure. The powers that be, however, informed me that I solved a lot of problems by quitting on my own. Apparently, I was just about to get laid off anyway and they were looking for a reason to fire me to avoid severance. My immediate boss was neither aware nor in favor of that. I felt physically ill when I had to tell him, but he gave me a hug and maintained the mentor role that I appreciated him for.
      Unless you are really overqualified and underpaid, most organizations would love to replace any one of us with someone willing to work for less money or not replace us at all right now. Once you account for the people whose feelings concern you, remember that you are a just a few line entries on a balance sheet.

  12. On the baby shower topic, anyone have any good suggestions for an office one? I got informed that I was going to be organizing it for two of our colleagues.*

    * For complicated reasons. Not a sexist NGDGTCO scenario, just a weird office dynamics one.

    1. book a conference room for 2 or 3 or 4 pm. reserve 1-2 hours.

      Basic office baby shower – here’s what you need:
      – 1 cake or several boxes of cupcakes
      – one massive or several small cards that people can sign
      – one fund where people can contribute $ for a group gift if they want to
      – sparkling cider, or something similar
      – cups, napkins, plates, knife for cutting cake, & forks
      – optional: balloons, streamers, etc.

      for the group gift, either get 1-2 big things from the registry (a stroller, for example) or a collection of smaller things. bring them to the shower (or, bring a picture of it, if the stroller is too big/inconvenient) and let the honoree open them up to the appropriate oohs and aahs.

      let everybody know by email a week or two before the event, and send out reminders b/c people always forget.

      serves 4-40.

    2. So much easier to do it at a restaurant and have everyone pay their own way. Use petty cash or split the cost of a cake.

    3. We have just done pot lucks in our office. Everyone signs up to bring something. Then we all give $5-10 towards a gift card.

    4. Thanks, guys – I’m glad something simple is acceptable! Somehow it seems to have been turned into a drama-filled event in terms of scheduling, invitations, so something basic will be the thing, I think.

    5. If the employee is the father rather than the mother, our “book showers” have been a big hit. It can be kind of weird to give the expectant dad a bunch of onesies and crib sheets, but everyone seems to like picking out one or two of their favorite childrens’ books. It’s also cheaper, which works out well since people seem less likely to open up wallets for splashy gifts for expectant dads. There always ends up being a variety of books, from spongy plastic or fabric baby books, classic stories in both cardboard books and nicer paper books, and even books for young readers, like Harry Potter or Nancy Drew or what have you. Voila, instant library for the little one, happy dad-to-be.

      1. I really like this idea! But why not for mothers? :P It seems from the responses above, not all mothers like traditional baby showers with silly games…

        1. I think it would be great for mothers, too! I’m child-less myself so certainly no expert on baby showers. If/when I ever get pregnant, I would prefer a shower involving gifts off the registry – the practical stuff like changing pads, bottles, burp cloths, etc. But it’s true that the book shower is a good workplace shower, regardless of which parent is an employee, since workplace showers are typically co-ed.

  13. Apropos of the thread yesterday about mothers, what about fathers?

    Does anyone else’s dad have a habit of demanding on almost no notice that you do something legal for him? Draft a complaint? Review a document? Research an issue?

    And then fail to provide the facts and documents you need. And then tell you later he never used it because “it resolved itself.”

    And then never say thank you?

    Please tell me I am not the only one.

    1. Three separate times I gave my step-dad legal advice about three different areas. Each time he only decided I was correct after he consulted with a man.

      2. My fiance and I are both lawyers. I’m a municipal attorney (very general practice) and he does criminal defense. Everytime I give his parents legal advice, they ask him if I am correct. How would he know?

    2. I have spent the last month and a half of my life doing research and legal favors for my mom and dad due to some family issues that are going on right now. It’s exhausting and has strained my relationship with my dad quite a bit because he never really thanks me or acknowledges that I *don’t have TIME* to be doing everything he asks me to do. You’re not the only one. Oh, and my in-laws do it, too. So that makes it even worse. I am perpetually thankful I live hours away from everyone, making myself slightly less available.

    3. Oh yes, my father actually got mad at me when I wasn’t able to provide them with any real advice on wills/trusts/etc. Umm, I took the class, but 1) I’m a patent geek and 2) it was in a different state.

      Of course my father is also the one who makes digs about me being unmarried. He used to comment (negatively) about my weight, but after I lost 10-15 lbs, he became concerned that I was losing it too fast.

      1. I think this is why Legal Zoom was invented. Just take your parents’ credit card and sit in front of your lap top and fill out the paperwork. That’s what I did, anyway.

    4. I could write a novel on my father’s “foibles.”

      Here’s one. I was in the 4th grade and at a slumber party, but my father insisted on picking me up early in the morning (like 8 a.m.) when everybody else was getting picked up after 10. Of course, we’d been up all night freezing each other’s underwear, playing truth or dare, doing each other’s make-up, gossiping, etc. I was exhausted and slept in the car as my father dragged me around to run various errands. Finally, my father demanded to know whether we’d been smoking pot. Because, you know, clearly.

      1. sounds like something my dad would’ve done. I’ll get that therapy started someday…

    5. nah, my dad is pretty much the most laid-back, easy-going individual ever. (or perhaps I am just very much my father’s child.). But my mother completely makes up for his lack of annoying traits. I think he once jokingly asked me to do something about a speeding ticket, but that’s about it.

    6. I have the opposite problem, actually. My family will complain about their legal issues to me, but when I give them advice they ignore it or argue with me that I’m wrong.

      For example, my mother’s neighbor was harassing her for money (I mean seriously harassing, like screaming, shoving, forcing my mom’s door open, leaving nasty messages on her door and car, etc.) for an issue that my mom’s insurance company and a third party agreed was the third party’s responsibility. I told her to 1) call the police if anything like that happened again, 2) refer the neighbor to the third party and insurance company and 3) NOT give her any money. What does my mother do? Cuts her a check. Sigh.

    7. I got a unique one (don’t I always?). Not a lawyer but my engineering school training convinced my dad that he didn’t need an architect/engineering firm for a mosque remodelling. I took the architects’ cr@ppy files and made the most beautiful CAD files that you ever did see. Every day, a new concept, redo the structural plan, redo the plumbing, add another room, redo the floor plan, blah blah blah. Eventually, after I got a job and didn’t have unlimited hours to work on this anymore (thankfully), the architects who finally took over were very happy with my files. So, yay?

      1. Maybe I am overly risk averse (occupational hazard), but I would have been WAY too afraid of lawsuits should anything have gone wrong with the construction and people had been hurt.

        But VERY impressive that the architects were happy with your files :)

        1. I was too! But I was just the gruntwork drafter, submitting to a licensed engineer/architect. Sooooo happy I’m not doing that anymore.

    8. Totally not alone! My parents do this all the time its so annoying although they do always say thank you.

      And @KMM they always ask my boyfriend whether i’m right…grrr

    1. Thursdays are best for me; can also do Mondays, Tuesdays, or Fridays. Or Sundays :)

  15. Just wanted to say thank you to y’all after I successfully implemented one of our maxims: Thou Shalt Not Be Notetaker At Meetings Where You Are The Only Person Under 40 And The Only Woman. I did not know this command until I “met” y’all and today it proved its worth.

    I am on a technical committee with older men because I have experience with some very specific items I’ve run across in my admittedly shorter career. At a committee meeting today, Mr. Dbag looks around and says, “Who’s taking notes?” At y’all’s urging, I did not volunteer. He then gets up from the table, goes across the hall, grabs a 27-yo female paralegal who I know has no experience with the technical stuff we’re discussing, and asks HER to take notes and then type them up at the end. I felt sorry for her and – admittedly – felt triumphant that I had not volunteered myself into that corner, and remained able to contribute substantively to the meeting.

    After that lovely event, I made a suggestion and Mr. Dbag disagreed with me. Fine. But he starts his longwinded opposoition with “I know what I’m talking about – I’ve been here for thirty years. How old are you?” Fortunately one of the other men said “That’s an offensive question and none of your business.” Mr. Dbag said, “I was just trying to let her know I’ve been doing this longer than she’s been alive.” I said, “I got that.” The rest of the committee snickered. MsZ: 1, Mr. Dbag, 0.

    Thanks y’all!

    2. When I was a first year associate and 28 years old (I had another career before law school), I was representing a third party at the most upsetting deposition. My job was to make sure that the witness (not my client) did not answer any questions posed by the opposing counsel (also not my client). I valiantly did my job (if I say so myself), slogging through hours of question, speech by me about why witness cannot answer, speech by witness’s counsel about whether he should answer, yelling by opposing counsel, more speech by me. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

      Shortly before lunch, opposing counsel said, “Listen here, young lady. I’ve been the chair of the litigation department at this firm longer than you’ve been alive.” I WISH I had had the grace to say, “I can see that.” Instead, I think I made him more angry by saying, “First, please don’t yell. Second, please sit down. Third, please don’t point your finger at me. [not videotaped – big mistake] Fourth, please do not call me young lady. Fifth, the witness cannot answer because [repeat speech here].”

      During the break, he made his associate go to the firm’s library to pull the MarHub volume that included me to check my birth year.

      Good for you for sticking it out.

      I don’t know what to do about the fact that in sticking up for yourself, he just roped in another young woman. Anyone else have suggestions?

      1. In fairness to Mr. Dbag, he roped in a paralegal, whose job responsibilities may include taking notes, certainly more so than the MsZ. I think it would be different if he pulled another young female attorney, but I think even then it would be on her to say whether she would take not or not, not on MsZ.

    3. PS: I am sure you know that Mr. Dbag is behaving that way because he is afraid of you and your brain.

    4. “Thou Shalt Not Be Notetaker At Meetings Where You Are The Only Person Under 40 And The Only Woman”

      We need to make a list of the Corporette commandments; official or unofficial.

      Yeah, I’m unproductive today….

      1. Though Shalt Be In Charge Of Thou Own Career

        Though Shalt Be Fiscally Responsible So That Thou Might Remain Independent

        2. Oh god, with fall upon us the leggings-as-pants epidemic is sure to return.

          2. The tights are not pants manifesto just might have been the best thing I have seen ALL WEEK.

        4. Ah! I saw a stunning example of this on the Metro the other day — an otherwise beautiful young lady made the unfortunate choice of CREAM-COLORED leggings with a hip-length shirt and low flat boots. Also, she had a clear VPL (I know the jury’s out on that around here, but can we agree that adding a VPL to the sin of leggings-as-pants is a double “no?”).

      3. “Thou Shalt Not Distribute Food or Drinks or Clean Up After Collegues, Especially Where You Are The Only Person Under 40 And The Only Woman”

      4. Thou shalt not force your unhealthy food on others at the office or force your healthy food on others at the office or comment on others’ eating habits on the office or… oh, f* it. Time for a c*tail.

      5. haha…that’s an interesting commandment. Ironically, a big part of my job is writing minutes for meetings of community organizers. Skill at taking notes can be handy! The trick is being able to contribute, and facilitate, the meeting while also taking notes…..

    5. Best answer I’ve ever given to this: “And I’ll be doing this after you’re dead.” When I said it to an opposing counsel he hung up on me, but he’s never given me grief since.

    6. Woohoo! That’s a victory for all of us – I’ve been in that position a million times. Good job!

  16. Help! I love boatneck sweaters, but I hate it when bra straps show. I want to buy a few for work, but, as a top heavy girl, the idea wearing a strapless bra all-freakin’-day is about as appealing as a root canal.

    Any suggestions?

    1. This may be a cumbersome solution, but — I bought a dress recently (Elie Tahari) that had thin-ish straps but very ingenious tiny hidden snaps on the underside of the straps, along with a short, thin, but heavy duty, thread attached to the other side of the snap (if that makes sense). Anyway, you could basically wrap this around your bra strap so that the strap would stay in place, attached to the dress strap, and not become visible. It was brilliant! Maybe you could fashion something similar to attach a tiny clip to your boatnecks so that your regular bra straps stay in place and doesn’t become visible, too?

      Or maybe there is a simpler solution…

    2. I prefer strapless for boatnecks (but I’m a flatty, so it’s not a big deal for me), but I have, on occassion, safety pinned the straps to the inside of the shirt, and it’s worked fine. (Just don’t forget to unpin before you take off your shirt!) Unfortunately, more often I don’t want to bother, and think it will be OK, then spend the rest of the day trying to tuck them into the top when I realize that it’s not actually OK.

    3. I avoid boatnecks for this reason.
      However, if you are particularly keen on them, I’d suggest getting a tailor to sew in bra strap loops on the inside of your top’s shoulder. These are easy to place with press-buttons and can hold straps in place.

  17. Very exciting weekthis past week — I finally did some substantive drafting in my new practice area, and . . . I hit my goal weight on WW+!

    I’m heading to HI on vacation in a week so I did not go on “maintenance” but instead revised my goal weight 5 lbs. down. I think I can do it but won’t stress if I don’t.

    1. Congrats! That is awesome.

      I’m about 8 away from my goal of 50, and I can’t wait to be in your shoes! (Although I am considering squeezing another 10 pounds out of the program before I go into maintenance).

      Anyway, I recently did a long weekend in New Orleans where I ate and drank in a very un-P+ manner. Didn’t gain a pound (also didn’t lose a pound, but that was completely expected). My point is that I think it is harder to gain weight than we realize. You might not lose, but most likely any weight gain will be due to sodium intake, travel bloat, etc. and will be gone after a week.

    3. I’ve been thinking about WW. I have the same few pounds I’ve had for more than 6mos, and clearly I’m not going to lose them with my current strategies (eat less, exercise more, but then forget and have a glass of wine and some butter.)

      How much is it per month to join online? Is it worth it if I want to lose in the neighborhood of 10 pounds?

      1. I lost about 30lbs on WW a few years ago and I think it’s worth it even for 10lbs (give or take). For me, it was useful to reset my thinking about portion size, what I’m putting in my mouth, my exercise, etc.

      2. I had a LOT to lose (see my comment above), but I know many people who joined to shape up and lose 10 pounds. They think it is worth it. I think that it is a fantastic program and well-worth the $17/mo to join online.

        The great thing is that it will show you the best way to incorporate the wine and butter into your diet and to still reach/maintain your health goals.

      3. It is between $15 and $17/month if you join only the online program (which is what I find most useful — I never went to a meeting even when I was paying for unlimited meetings per month). My total loss so far is 20 pounds, and it has been completely worth it, even if I stay at this weight/shape. It has changed my consciousness about what and ***how much*** I’m eating; I still have a glass of wine/Vietnamese imperial rolls/dessert/a croissant for breakfast from time to time, but I will no longer have all of those things on the same day. I can now wear quite a lot of clothes that I hadn’t been able to wear in 2-3 years, so it was worth it financially even without factoring in all the physical and psychological ways I feel better.

        1. What I meant by “even if I stay at this weight/shape” was really “even if I don’t lose anything further.” I will do my best to stay at or under this weight!

          Ru, I hear you — plateaus (plateaux?) are so completely frustrating. I was stuck for about six weeks and I think what helped me push off was going for a long hike — 2.5 hours of walking, which ended up being around 11 or 12 activity points.

          Go ceb! 40+ pounds is an enormous achievement!

      4. I joined WW online around the holidays and have lost about 20 pounds – not a stunning rate of loss, I know, but I felt totally not-dieting the whole time and it has been pretty painless, more of a good way to retune portion sizes and improve choices by making me more conscious of what I’m eating.

    4. So awesome! I’ve been at a plateau for almost six months now and it’s so frustrating. Definitely need to track more consistently to get to goal weight.

  18. Alright hivemind, this law thing has me run down and I’ve had a sore throat and enlarged lymph nodes for a few days. I already have a Dr.’s appointment on Monday morning, but what can I do to make myself feel better until then? I’m already planning on staying on the couch and catching up on Project Runway.

      2. I have similar symptoms…are you in the northeast by any chance? I think this crazy hot-cold-rain-hot-humid weather has a lot do to w/ it. I second the sleep suggestion if you can, and also add two things; (1) A neti pot (looks gross and feels gross the first few times you use it, but I swear by it now. I started feeling icky yesterday, have used it 3 times since and I’m feeling a lot better already) and (2) Yogi tea brand “Throat Comfort”- you can find it at Whole Foods or other similar stores. I’m glad I’m starting to come around because I have a moot court competition tomorrow and have to argue at least twice (and hopefully more than that!)
        Enjoy Project Runway and feel better soon!

    2. If it’s this season of Project Runway get ready to get angry. There is SO MUCH DRAMA. I literally wanted to throw something at the tv at one point in the past few episodes…

      1. That’s why I watch the episodes on demand. I can fast-forward through the drama. Since I’m going to be vegging out, any other recommendations for TV shows that may be on demand?

        1. If you have hulu plus i would recommend arrested development. It is an oldie but a goodie. so so so funny. I’m not sure if its on demand?

          Also itunes today has a free download of the pilot of the new zooey dechannel show for this fall “the new girl.” I thought it was pretty good.

          If you can catch a rerun of the new lifetime show “picker sisters” its also pretty good. I think it just started last week? It’s two girls who used to be (maybe still are?) on Extreme Makeover Home Edition. They go around the country “picking” junk and auto parts and all sorts of crazy things and build amazing furniture out of them. I thought it was a pretty great show but I’m a total home renovation/hgtv/DIY-nerd!

          1. Another Hulu Plus recommendation (although they may still have some episodes on demand on ABC’s website)– Modern Family. It reminds me of a toned down version of Arrested Development.

    4. Hot tea with lemon. And occasional gargle with salt water solution will make the throat feel better.

  19. Any thoughts/comments on “fake” diamonds? SO and I are looking at rings and neither of us really think its worth it to spend a ton. We both make plenty of money but it just seems absurd to spend so much on a piece of jewelry. We both agreed that we’d rather use the money for a down payment on a modest vacation house.

    The thing is that I *like* the look of a largish diamond (3 carats) and live/work/are in a social circle where that size is pretty standard. My mother has a huge ring which I find really unnecessary but that’s the world Im living in.

    I’m wondering if anyone has any experience on how fake stones wear and a recommendation for a place to buy/browse in the NY area. TIA!

    1. do you mean CZ? or manmade diamonds?

      what about a big colored stone, or do you specifically want something that looks like a diamond?

    2. I think fake stones are tacky especially something that purports to be 3 carats. If you want to save money, perhaps get a big but cheaper gemstone or saphire surrounded by diamonds.

      2. I disagree completely. I just went through engagement ring shopping recently. It’s your engagement ring, and no one else’s. Get what you want, and ignore silly judgmental people who are trying to control what you do with your relationship and your hand. If you like a 3 carat CZ, go for a 3 carat CZ and f what everyone else thinks.

        In terms of diamond alternatives, moissanite is a good choice. Sparkly and durable like diamonds (chemically, it’s almost identical to a diamond) but priced extremely well. I’m pretty sure the main moissanite vendor is based in NY and has appointments for showings. Manmade diamonds aren’t grown much bigger than a carat yet, but you can bet they are working hard to do so. White sapphires don’t sparkle, so if that’s what is important to you, then keep that in mind. For me, what was important was sparkle, not size.

        I will also note totally without you asking that your head and heart may not agree. I wanted to be totally rational… diamonds have artificially inflated prices because of artificially suppressed demand. De Beers is an evil company. Blood diamonds. Waste of money, could be a house payment. All true. So I looked casually for months at lots of alternative stones and rings, which were all much less expensive, and much more practical. And yet… and yet… I truly wanted a stupid sparkly gorgeous diamond. But in realizing that what I wanted was sparkle, and I didn’t care about size, I ended up getting a ring with 5 very sparkly, very high quality, small stones. I freaking love it, and it was much less expensive than a solitaire. I also work with women who have 3 carat rings, but it’s not a competition (or as A Practical Wedding poetically puts it, “the diamond olympics”). I got exactly what was right for me. Though the next person who says “that’s an anniversary band, not an engagement ring” is going to get a left hook to the face from me and my five new friends.

        The point of my long-winded story is don’t try to convince your heart with your head, and don’t play in the diamond olympics. If you want a big stone, go for it, whether diamond or not, but don’t do it just because everyone else in your office has a big stone. You won’t work with them forever, but you will wear your ring forever. If you want a big diamond but don’t care about sparkle really, consider a flawed or lower quality stone which will be less expensive. Whatever you go for, make sure you are happy with it because that’s what is most important, not what Anon at 4:39 or your 3-carat coworkers think.

        Congratulations on your upcoming engagement!

        1. Ugh, artifically suppressed *supply,* not demand (which is artifically inflated by De Beers ad campaigns).

          1. Consider a Canadian Diamond. The jobs and money created really do go towards helping aboriginals improve their lives and give their families hope.

        2. “that’s an anniversary band, not an engagement ring” – LOL. people are so annoying.

          1. I wore my grandmother’s wedding ring before I got married – as an heirloom, not to make any kind of statement – and had people tell me ‘that’s an engagement ring, not a wedding band.’ Duh, my grandmother wore it for 60 years as a wedding ring, so it’s a wedding ring. People ARE so annoying.

        3. I also am a big fan of moissanite, and that’s actually the kind of rock I want because it can have even more sparkle than diamond! :) I do have a minor quibble on the ‘chemically it’s almost identical’ front, however. Diamond = pure carbon (C). Moissanite = silicon carbide (SiC) – ie. half of its atoms are silicon, and it has a different crystal structure than diamond. If someone tells you that they’re ‘chemically identical,’ they are blowing smoke up your you-know-where, and you should go to someone else where they will tell it to you straight. Just like diamond, moissanite also has its marketing ploys.

          The good news is that moissanite is a really hard material, like diamond, and thus industrially is used in the same kinds of cutting applications as diamond. The upshot? You are about as unlikely to break or scratch your moissanite stone as you would your diamond. I have, however, known of at least one person who did break her diamond in half, so it does happen :(

      3. Because you’re buying something cheap to make the world think it’s something more expansive. For me, fake diamons are in the same category as fake Louis Vuitton bags.

        1. You’re assuming that the OP wants a bigger stone only to make other people think it’s something more expensive. She said she likes the way a bigger stone looks. There are plenty of things to love about a big diamond other than the shallow assumption that everyone is jealous of the price tag. Not everyone buys something expensive to show the world that it’s expensive.

          1. Very true, but OP said that 3 carat stones are the norm in her circle. So, while I agree with your point in general, I think that there is also an inference regarding appearances here.

          2. But that’s what everyone will think is the problem. If someone had a fake LV bag but honestly loved the look didn’t care about who made it, it still is a fake LV bag. I think its pretty smart to get the fake diamond, but I completely understand why people would think its tacky

        2. LOL! In the same category as fake LV bags. Love it. Hope none of my friends will judge me so harshly if ever I get a diamond look-alike!!

        3. Except that a fake LV is buying a forgery of something and a CZ ring is its own thing (i.e., no one stole anyone else’s intellectual property). Not the same thing. At all.

          2. Both instances involve trying to deceive others into thinking one thing is something else. I’m guessing if OP was asked about the ring, she’d say it was a diamond.

          3. so to Anon above – what about fake fur? is that also tacky, because it’s trying to look like real fur, or is it different, because people often buy it for moral purposes? then again people also avoid diamonds for conflict purposes.

            no snark at all, i’m just curious where you draw the line.

          4. I also put fake LVs in a different category due to the counterfeiting. A CZ is not the same thing.

            Frankly, I think the people who get their knickers in a twist over fake diamonds are the same people who get upset at women wearing spanx under their clothing – because they are pissed that someone is getting “credit” for having something “real” (a diamond, rock hard thighs, etc) when they are just “faking it”.

            Seems like a lot of wasted energy to me.

      4. I tend to agree – it seems equivalent to a well-made knockoff handbag. It looks like you’re trying to pretend it’s a diamond and get the cachet without the price tag. I’d go for a genuine stone. Moissanite might be cheaper than natural diamonds?

        1. My 10 year old son bought large fake diamond earrings for me for about 20 dollars at a department store. They are pretty and I wear them proudly.

    3. You could also go with a Herkimer diamond or white sapphire if you don’t want a CZ.

      And I love The Clay Pot (162 – 7th Ave. Brooklyn).

    4. I have a moissanite e-ring and moissanite earrings. My mom has a moissy anniversary band with huge stones. I’ve had the earrings for three years, she’s had her anniversary band for three, and I’ve had my e-ring for five months.

      I find it wears incredibly well and I love the sparkle. It’s actually sparklier than most diamonds and nobody can tell the difference – most people are surprised when I tell them what it is. Here’s a picture of mine, which is just over a carat (or carat equivalent or whatever diamond snobs say): http://twitpic.com/4qrxy3

    5. I’ve advocated for this company before when this topic comes up: Yehuda diamonds are natural diamonds that are enhanced with a laser. I, like SF Bay Associate, *tried* so hard not to want a big sparkler for a variety of reasons, but I couldn’t help it. This was a good compromise for H and I. I got the size and I got a diamond but we paid about 40% less for the stone than we would have for a diamond that was natural.

      My godmother has a moissanite ring that is lovely, but there’s something that is off about it. I think it might be the color of the metal the stones are set in, so take a good look at that if you go that route.

      Don’t fault yourself for wanting something and do what makes the most financial sense to you! Congrats on almost being engaged!

    6. This may sound crazy, but have you checked out antique shops or ebay? If you like vintage rings, a lot of those stores have large stones for a lot cheaper than buying a new ring. Plus, you can avoid some of the blood diamond guilt. One thing to be aware of – older stones may not sparkle as much due to the way they were cut. I love antique mine cut diamond rings but they are not terribly sparkly due to the fewer facets.

      1. This is the route my SO and I took, and we love the beautiful 1920s art deco style ring we picked out together. It was totally affordable, and we managed to get a larger diamond (and very sparkly, though I’m sure that other cuts may not be that way) than we could have afforded if we were buying new. Try broadening your search to estate jewelers and shops that specialize in antiques!

    7. I hace cz earrings and they look great!! Love cz. No need to out yourself and if you feel the need to out yourself say you are buying them because they are conflict free. People won’t fight with you because they will fear your sanctimony.

      We had annoying neighboors who with a perfect lawn and when they complained about ours I said I was not comfortable putting chemicals on my lawn because of the threat to my children’s health and the water in the river nearby. Really we just have other priorities ( and my lawn looks okay, we have a gardener once a week; we just aren’t retired folks who work on it 4 hours a day like they do) but it totally shut down the conversation.

      1. Love this! “People won’t fight you because they will fear your sanctimony.”

    8. I have the same feelings about diamond rings. So overpriced and not worth it. However, if that is the norm in your circle, wouldn’t they be familiar with real diamonds and be able to stop a fake? Not sure if that is true, but just a thought.

    9. I have a real diamond that we scrimped and saved for. Now the price we paid seems cheap (we were poor college students at the time), but if I could go back I’d get a CZ. I’ve had CZ earrings for years. You can’t see the difference (or at least I can’t and that’s good enough for me). But I’ve faced facts and embraced that I’m the uber-practical type, so YMMV.

    10. I wear a single, large CZ as my engagement/wedding ring. I have very little knowledge of gemstones, but it would probably be about 3 carats. I’m extremely happy with it. I’m not at all a diamond person, but I did want to get a ring that would very obviously say “married,” so I went with a clear fake stone (I was afraid a sapphire or some kind of non-traditional stone might be too ambiguous). I bought it online from Doug Peterson Jewelers on Etsy — I really liked the unique design of the setting and the fact that the settings were made of gold and not something else that would tarnish over time.

      Most people assume that it is real, which actually makes me a bit uncomfortable since it’s MUCH bigger than the average ring in my social circle (since I bought it online, I didn’t really have an idea of how big it was until it showed up). I readily tell people that it’s a CZ if they comment specifically on it. The only people who have been snotty to me about it are my mother, mother-in-law (both operating under the mistaken assumption that I really secretly did want a “real” ring and my SO was just too cheap), and the jeweler that I took it to to be resized. But hey, his livelihood depends on people buying diamonds, so I can kind of understand why it annoys him.

      A fun story about the ring and why I’m very glad I bought an inexpensive one: My SO and I moved a few weeks before we got married, and I took off the while we were slugging around boxes and LOST it (don’t ask how, it was in an inner pocket of a zippered purse, it’s a total mystery to me). I felt completely sick over it and tore the house apart for days, until my SO went online and just ordered another. It was nice to be reminded that the importance of the ring is the meaning, not the ring itself — it doesn’t have to be an expensive ring or even the same ring, it’s the symbolic value of the ring that matters for me.

    11. I have a 1 carat manmade diamond solitaire engagement ring, and everyone thinks its “real” — even the jeweler commented on what a nice stone it is when I went to get a wedding ring. I believe it was about $250 (though I just checked the website and prices have gone up. diamondnexuslabsdotcom). I’ve been wearing it for 4 years now, and have no complaints.

      I told my boyfriend-now-husband that if he ever wanted to propose to me, I would prefer a Canadian or manmade diamond. I’m glad he opted for the manmade type; he plans to upgrade to a mined diamond on some future milestone anniversary, but for now we’ve enjoyed spending the “real diamond” money in other ways.

      Given the ethical concerns surrounding diamonds, I don’t see a problem considering fakes.

  20. I’m trying to break my habit of washing my hair every day, but hate how my scalp feels (and looks) when I don’t. Can anyone recommend a dry shampoo – either powder or spray? I tried a sample size of one from Sephora and while it did decrease the greasiness a little, I wasn’t thrilled with it. Can these products really make your hair feel AND look like it doesn’t need to be washed? I’ve heard people suggest baby powder, but as I have dark hair that won’t work for me.

    1. All dry shampoos are basically corn starch with (or without) compressed air and varying amounts of fragrance.

      Bumble & Bumble makes colored powders that won’t show up in your dark hair. I’m not crazy about it, but that’s the non-white product I’m familiar with.

    2. Baking soda!

      I know it’s a white powder, but just take an extra two minutes to rub it in really well. I swear I’ve actually done this in a pinch.

      1. Oh yeah! I used to do this to great results but completely forgot about it. Thanks for the reminder.

    3. My colorist recommended Pssssssssst. I’ve used it a bunch, and it does work. It’s a spray, and does leave a bit of a white residue, but I can easily blend it into my roots with my fingertips. Bonus: it’s under $5.

    4. My girlfriends swear by Suave dry shampoo, even above the more expensive brands. I’ll tell you, though, it doesn’t FEEL washed when you spray it in. It just looks less greasy.

      1. I got a can of that from Target a few months ago and thought it worked alright. I wasn’t totally satisfied with it. To make matters worse, I only used it once and the next time I tried to, it was gone. I need to remember to pull cans from the back!

      1. Klorane works great on my dark hair even though it’s a white powder spray, and it has a light, neutral scent. You can read some reviews at

        I really wanted Treseme to work for me as a less expensive alternative, but it didn’t (I actually think it made my hair greasier), plus it has a very strong scent that I didn’t like.

    6. I have brown hair and use baby powder. It becomes invisible, you just have to brush it in.

      1. there’s a good youtube video of a girl who’s a stylist using foot powder to un-grease her hair – good blending/brushing techniques.

    9. Are you trying to avoid daily shampoo or daily wet hair? I use shampoo and conditioner every second or third day, and use conditioner alone the days in between. The conditioner takes care of the oiliness, and you may be able to extend the days in between shampooing as your scalp adjusts to the new routine.

      If you are trying to avoid daily wet hair, I have used cocoa powder (without sugar) to absorb excess oil. I part my hair, dip fingers into the cocoa, and pat along the part. Repeat with the part in a different location. Brush.

  21. I have three internal hemorrhoids. I got the normal treatment from my NP, but does anyone have tips on how to deal with these?

    1. Make sure you’re getting enough fiber. When I had that problem I’d gulp a big glass of Metamuccil every morning. I ultimately had to get surgery, hopefully yours go away easier.

    2. Okay. I’ve used this for external *hate that word*, and it works. I don’t know why it wouldn’t work for internal ones. Just try it, despite how nutjobby it sounds. Take a teaspoon of ground cayenne pepper, add to an 8-oz glass of warm water. Add a dash of lime or lemon juice (this is for flavor). Stir. Drink. Repeat once or twice a day. If you can take more cayenne, do it (I use a tablespoon or so). Yes, you will have to choke it down, but I swear this works, so please stop staring askance at your computer screen. I get nearly immediate relief from this.

      1. Do you get immediate relief because the burning in your mouth distracts from the bum pain? This sounds crazy-pants but I just might try it.

        1. PSA: I apologize in advance for the graphic nature of this post!

          I unfortunately dealt with this right after I graduated college. It was awful. I had a surgery scheduled, I believe they were going to “band” them. It sounds horrible but I think the procedure involves the doctor almost snapping them off with a rubber band. Ugh.

          In any event, they miraculously disappeared shortly before I was supposed to have the procedure. I second the advice to up the fiber. Whatever you can do to relieve the pressure. Also, I would advise soaking in a warm bath at least once a day. Obviously, avoid wearing thongs. Oh and try a prescription cream to reduce swelling. You may also want to try to do some cardio – I find that that loosens everything up which again helps to alleviate pressure.

          Good luck! If worse comes to worse have the surgery. From what I remember it wasn’t too bad of a procedure with minimal recovery time.

          I feel for you!

        2. Original cayenne recommender here. My taste buds are dead to all but the most serious forms of heat, so the cayenne doesn’t bother me. You could dilute it in more water, but honestly it’s so nasty that I hold my nose and just try to gulp it all down as quickly as I can. Also, adding some lemon or lime juice helps take down the heat a little. I have read you can buy cayenne capsules, but I’ve never tried that. Anyway, google cayenne and hemorrhoids. If you try it, let us know whether it works.

  22. Anyone have experience with Le Donne leather bags? I’m considering a red tote that’s on sale online but I’m not familiar with the brand.

  23. Threadjack! I tried this a few hours ago and didn’t get a response… Here’s hoping for a few replies ::fingers crossed::

    Thoughts on Laura Geller makeup? Pros? Cons?

    I’m in my late 20′s and I want something that is easy to wear (not full coverage because I have obvious freckles that I don’t plan on covering up ever) and won’t break the bank. Her product reviews are generally positive, but I’ve come to respect the opinions of the hive and I wanted to see what you all thought.

    1. I switched from Laura Geller’s baked stuff to Laura Mercier’s tinted moisturizers (and I have nothing but good things to say about my Laura Mercier stuff). If I recall correctly, the Laura Geller stuff started to feel ‘gritty’ and would shift around on my face into smile lines (and I’m in my mid-20’s). Then again, I didn’t wear primer at the time, and maybe that would have helped?

      I’d try it out at a makeup counter and wear it around for a few hours to see how it feels before buying it. Also, make sure you get the right brush for the job (that could also have been one of my problems). Good luck!

  24. Identify this blouse: vivid blue and purple print, button front, mandarin type collar, with ruched/puffed elbow sleeves, and contrast black or navy piping detailing around the shoulder area. The buttons may have been silver. It was very distinctive. Help me find it! Thanks.

    2. That sounds a lot like a top I recently purchased from my local Banana Republic factory store (I don’t see it online, so maybe it’s a store-only deal?). No piping, but otherwise your description matches. Probably not exactly the one, but maybe close enough if the general look is what you’re after.

      1. I was just in my closet and that shirt has navy serging on it which might look like piping if you’re not up close. I think the shirt you saw is definitely the same one.

        1. Thanks, M! Sounds like a trip to the outlets is in order. Wish they weren’t such a hike for me.

  25. Okay, I just had to share this. Go look at this skirt http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/free-people-sheer-mesh-skirt/3192220?origin=category&resultback=6561 and then get a load of Nordstrom’s description. “Wide, stretchy knit waistband releases to a flirty flounce of tulle in a fitted slip that CAN BE WORN EITHER ALONE FOR A DARING LOOK, or underneath a skirt or dress for added volume.”

    Touche, Nordstrom. I could also wear my bra either on the outside of my shirt for a daring look, or underneath my shirt for added volume.

    1. I actually think that sweater looks terrible with the pale blue shirt they styled with it. I think bold, saturated colors is the way to go. Black and white are good. Rich chocolate, emerald, royal purple and blue, red, etc. etc.

      1. I was hoping you’d respond! I love your styling suggestions – particularly this bold colors one. Thanks!

        PS – glad I’m not the only one who found the pale blue shirt they used a little “off”. Everywhere else I’ve seen it styled with a plain white tank or shell.

  28. First Year atty here…pls advise:

    just missed a CMC filing deadline in California…how bad is this? Will file first thing Monday morning…will I be sanctioned? thanks.

    1. You need to go tell your supervising/managing partner asap and find out how they want to handle it. You probably won’t be sanctioned, but some Judges are really not kidding around. It would be super harsh to sanction a first year though.

    2. Not a California practitioner. Just some words of wisdom for the fall-out. In my years of screwing up and observing others screw up, there was very little that couldn’t be fixed one way or another. This, of course, will not change how awful you feel about screwing up in the first place.

      1. CMC= Case Management Conference

        A CMC Statement is what you file prior to the conference to give the judge a heads up of where you think the case is at. Some judges are sticklers for filing on time. Others could care less as long as it’s in the file by the time they look at the file.

        I assume you have, by now, already told the partner on the file. For future reference, the partner should ALWAYS be your first phone call/email/etc. They know the court the best and they probably know what to do to fix the situation. Own the mistake and it can be quickly fixed.

        Someone once told me, “the only thing that can’t be fixed are summary judgment rulings and jury verdicts… and you can appeal those.” So… there you go! :)

        Good luck!

    4. It’s probably fine–my opponents have done this before and nothing seems to have come of it. But you need to tell the partner. I assume you missed the “hard” deadline for the CMC and not the “soft” deadline.

  29. Ugh. Just realized that I’ve been paying $35/month for a babysitter-locator service that I *never* use.

    When I saw that, all I could think of was the Corporette who said “tuition in the school of life.”

    1. And I just found out that I’ve been paying for an annual renewal of the Norton anti-virus that I installed on my mom’s old computer for the past several years. Apparently it’s a “courtesy” to have it automatically charged to my credit card, and agreement is somewhere buried in the terms and conditions….

    2. I bought a bunch of Clinique stuff at a pre-sale but the sales rep didn’t catch my out of state area code. I never got the call and swore I never got charged so I said screw it, more money in the bank. Yesterday, I was at Clinique and was informed that my stuff was sent back since I never picked it up and they would be crediting my account the money. I told them I had never been charged. They found the receipt and it was to my debit account not my credit account. Yay to found money but super scary that I never saw the charge!

    3. I had that happen to me from freecreditreport.com for a few months before I noticed it. Hard lesson to learn about paying closer attention to my bank statements and not choosing to get my credit reports right after taking an Ambien. For what its worth, the real website where you can get your credit report from all 3 agencies once a year for free is annualcreditreport.com.

  30. Hey Former 3L: think I know who you are! And I’m Liz :) (Time for a new handle?)

  31. I am applying to over 100 state clerkship positions and spent all day perfecting my resume and cover letter. I also just returned home from Staples and spent around $120 on envelopes, resume paper, and ink! I’m really not looking forward to spending my weekend with mail merge and stuffing envelopes! Anyone else doing the same? Ugh, venting done.

    1. Wow — I though job applications were primarily electronic these days. Not state court, I guess?

      1. I wish! But yes, state court judges still get the snail mail, at least in my state. Printer troubles means they wont get out until Monday morning :(

  32. GRR…just wanting to vent.

    Does anyone else here have a problem with getting cat-calls from men? My new commute requires a mile or so walk in city environments. I have gotten cat-called every. single. day. so far. I’m not wearing anything remotely sexy, just plain ole’ business casual (example: suit pants, low pumps, 3/4 crew neck sweater). I am decidedly average in the looks category.

    I am not new to these cities- I have walked around them all day in t-shirts & jeans or shorts without a problem on the weekend. What is it about professional women and these guys!? I feel really angry and a little threatened by it, especially if it’s just me and the guy alone on the block.

    1. “I am decidedly average in the looks category.”

      I got lots of cat calls on my daily walk to-and-from court for a long trial while I was 6, 7, and 8 months pregnant. So, I don’t think they care what you look like. Lady in professional clothing? Good enough.

      1. Aw, when I had a walking commute in an urban area and was pregnant things changed. Along one particular sidewalk there was a construction project underway and the guys working always stepped aside and made a path for my hugely pregnant self.

        I hate the catcalling, though.

    2. Can I just say that I wish I got cat calls? Ok, it’s sexist but I wouldn’t let it bother me at all. It’s just habit for them so try not to feel threatened.

    3. Declare your own humans vs zombies war. Bring a nerf gun on your commute.
      Only half joking. This is a recurring office fantasy of mine and… Now I’m thinking I could probably get away with it on the street.

      2. That’s a great illustration of the problem. I’ll check out Hollaback- I’m in the Philly/NJ area.

    5. so annoying. ugh. Men who do this are the epitome of pathetic … with their stupid sexual innuendos (or whatever) to strange women from a safe distance as a way of asserting their masculinity. Unbelievably pathetic. As if strolling by and saying “hi beautiful!” or some shite like that is actually going to lead to anything.

      That said. I would try varying your route or schedule, to see if different times or places make a difference. Being alone on a block with one of these dudes would bother me too. If safety isn’t a concern, I’d probably plug into an iPod and just zen out for the duration of the walk.

      What these men are really after is a reaction of any sort, so while you should stay on your guard internally, externally you should ignore it and act like they don’t exist. Think of them as pigeons (pick your urban pest). Gross, harmless, stupid.

    6. I always want to stop and ask (in a b*tchy tone) if they have ever, in fact, actually had any positive results for catcalls. Gotten a date? A phone number? I’ve never actually done this, mind you, but one day when I’m in a bad mood, it’ll probably happen.

      1. Yeah but I don’t think it’s about sex or a date really. It’s about power. They want you to feel small so they feel big. You know, like the playground bully. I do whatever I can not to give them the pleasure or power.

        1. I feel like you can’t win. If I ignore them, they just get pissed “Hey! Hey! I’m talking to you, b***!” I told one to f-off, and he just said “oo, girl, where’d you get that attitude? where you headed?” and started walking after me. I crossed the street in the middle of traffic. That was the worst one.

      2. I’ve always wanted to beat them to the punch and cat call them first but I fear the result. If it is the same dudes each day I’d love to round the corner and go “hey man meat, looking buff this fine morning. Keep pumping that iron hot stuff.” And keep on walking…

    7. Not sure I’d seriously recommend this, but I was once crossing the street while out with a group of friends. There was literally a truckload of guys (sitting in the back of the truck) who were catcalling and whistling and saying really graphic and awful things to one of my friends. She was horrified, as were ther rest of us. I got fed up and without thinking I shouted, “Aw, why don’t you just go home and m@sturb*te!!”. The absolute silence after I said that was deafening. :)

      1. @EM – brilliant! I wear large movie-star-ish sunglasses much of the time, even when it’s not really sunglasses weather. That way I can roll my eyes, make whatever facial expression I want, without letting them know that it’s getting to me.

    8. This happens to me all the time too (DC). I do consider myself pretty average looking but I am Asian so more often than not, I get some sort of crude Asian-woman related comments. I honestly do not know what to do. I’ve tried to vary my route, ignore them, but for the most part, if I ignore them, they yell something more crude and offensive to me BECAUSE I ignored them. It makes me feel worse than if I had just yelled something stupid back to them. I don’t wear skirts or heels or show cleavage (don’t really have anything to show, hah). Any advice? It generally gets better in the winter when I wear a hat and a big coat, though.

      1. So I have lived in South America where this kind of behavior is so common as to be practically accepted as normal behavior by lots of people in the society. I’m blond and stuck out like a sore thumb and at MINIMUM I received 5-10 comments per day but often more. Usually to the effect of, some low grown accompanied by “oooh mami you are so hot” to whistling and yelling across the street. That does not include elevator eye looks.

        I quickly realized that there was nothing I could do about this. It was not about me or the way I was dressed or how beautiful or not so hot I was looking for the day. That’s because its NOT about you. Its about their need to feel more powerful among whatever group of men they are with. Or in the case of the lewd close up comment, just to make them feel like they have a little power over you.

        As long as you don’t feel physically threatened, which is probably the most common, I say stand tall, take a deep breath and appear as relaxed and unscathed as possible. It takes the fun out of it for them. And really, who cares what some idiots are yelling on the street. Would I rather they shut up? Yes. But I refuse to give them enough power over my life to upset me. It took me a while to get there but, it was the only way to survive for a few months.

        1. Ugh this reminds me of my semester in Spain and the men that would come up and grab at my arm to get my attention. Totally acceptable there but totally freaked me out.

        2. Thanks, ladies. I think I do feel intimidated because I feel much smaller than the men who usually do this (I’m 5’0). Your comment about the catcalling not about me but about them having power was really helpful. I will keep it in mind come Monday morning :)

    9. This actually really affected me when I lived in a very large, urban city. To many instances to count. It got to the point when that I had to prepare myself mentally when heading out the door (walked everywhere or took the metro). I was a grad student so not rocking fancy clothes or anything. I never got used to it but my response was usually to ignore things. A really tough time was when the building where I worked was under construction and, with the way the entrance of the building was, it basically created a catwalk lined with construction workers every morning heading into the building. Usually they were quiet but you were still being watched for the entire ~80 feet it took to get to the door. One guy did say something to one of my absolutely gorgeous friends who always looked fabulous and is very feminine, and she rounded on him and totally called him out in front of all the other workers (along the lines of: do you know me? Why would you say that to me? I’m going to work, why would you think it would be ok to say that?). I think she scared the sh*t out of all of them. :) One of the other workers spoke to her shortly thereafter and said how inappropriate he thought the guy had acted and that he respected her response. Did I mention she is awesome? :)

    10. Follow the money. If it is cat-calling from a construction site or something similar, consider contacting the building owner or whatever business is hiring the construction company, and report the conduct and your displeasure with it. Ask them to contact the construction company and demand that the behavior cease. Construction workers come and go, but the building and businesses within are part of the community. I suspect that building owners/managers and the businesses located in those buildings would be highly displeased to know that construction workers are engaging in this sort of conduct. You could also contact the city, which probably issued a work permit for the site. And whether it’s a construction site or not, consider whipping out your cell phone to take a photo of the perpetrator. (Probably not a good idea if it’s just you and the guy alone on the block, though — unless you could pull off a response like: “Oh, I have a cousin who is always dating ugly a**holes, so I thought I’d show her your photo to see whether she’s interested.”)

      1. Once, in my early 20’s, I was soooo infuriated by a small group of men catcalling at me that (without thinking) I walked a bee line right to them, and in the most menacing tone I could muster I said “What!? Whadusay?Huh?” They looked at me like I was insane and seemed embarrassed. I’m lucky they were harmless. Still makes me chuckle to think how maniacal I must’ve looked. Tee-hee.

    11. Giant sunglasses. Headphones. You look neither left nor right. You stop for no man. And anyone who gets in your way will be mowed down.

      And it has nothing to do with what you’re wearing or look like. I’ve been catcalled when I’m wearing glasses, haven’t showered and am in knee length denim shorts and oversized t-shirts.

      Though my new plan is to ask for names and say I want them for the next time someone in the neighborhood is raped — the police are always checking out street harassers then. I think that might shut them up.

      1. Don’t turn on the headphones, though, or at least keep the volume very low. Always be aware of your surroundings, however unpleasant they may be.

  34. my mailbox has been indundated with fall catalogs. love! here’s my preliminary fall wishlist.

    – camel/tan fitted cardigan, to go with a ton of things
    – same as above, but in a more fun, bright color … teal or coral?
    – tweedy shortish skirt in a brown-friendly color
    – great brown boots i can wear to work
    – navy or maroon tights. once i figure out how to wear them.
    – a really polished gray dress. recs welcome.

    anyone else want to share theirs?

    1. I want all these things too!!! Also want: orange sweater and emerald green dress.

      My wallet is not pleased…

  35. Is there a significant different between the Clarsonic brush and the Olay version? And is there a significant difference between an electronic face brush in general and a manual one (like the $5 that you just rub in circles over your face)?

    I have been lucky most of my life and have not done much for my skin. But now that I’m starting to age a bit, I feel like I need to get on the ball immediately and make up for lost time! I’m just wondering if the expensive Clarsonic is really worth the extra money.

    Thanks!

    1. There was a post on the clarisonic earlier this week. In my opinion, it is totally worth it! It has done wonders for my skin.

      PS. I’ve read somewhere that there is a difference between the Clarisonic and less expensive versions (i.e., Oil of Olay or Neutrogena). Something about the way the brush pulses v. spins. I’m sure if you do a google search you can find what I’m talking about.

        1. But on the plus side, I have found the bristles to be softer on the Olay one. However, it has been a while since I tried the Clarisonic, and maybe they improved the bristles (it made my face red when I tried it).

          1. There is an ultra-sensitive brush with a blue base now. It’s a lot gentler than the regular or sensitive brushes.

            To answer the OP’s question, I really do like the Clarisonic. I use it once a day in the mornings and put my regular cleansers on it. The Clarisonic is made by the people who created the Sonicare toothbrush and pulses instead of spins. I haven’t tried the Olay one to make a comparison.

    2. I have the Olay one, it is very soft and it moves in circles. It’s not possible to use too much pressure with it, whereas with a manual one you could push too hard. I like it. The device costs $30 and the refill brushes are 2 for $10.

  36. Can anyone tell me how Nanette Lepore sizing runs for suits? AIMS linked to a darling suit a few days ago but I’m not sure what size to order…

    1. I ordered the same one from the Last Call sale – thanks AIMS!! – and I was wondering the same. I have a Nanette Lepore blazer I got years ago that was in my regular size at the time and is now the lower of two sizes that I normally wear. I can wear it open, but I can’t button it comfortably. So if you’re in between sizes, get the bigger size. I’m not sure if the sizing has changed in the past 3-4 years though. I’ll post again when it comes in.

  37. My little sister from Big Brothers Big Sisters turns 18 Monday. We have been matched for 2 years and I love her dearly (although I often want to shake her for insisting upon making the same mistakes I made!)

    Can we think of a creative gift? $100-150, not gift card? She has an Ipod already. Jewelery? A book you wish you read at 18?

    1. Ummm, no gift suggestions, but will you expand on the time commitment and types of things you did with your little sister? I’ve been debating signing up, but I dont want to sign up and then not be able to fulfill my obligations.

      1. The interview process is a pain. Long interview and background check, for obvious reasons. There is a one-year commitment as far as your “match” goes, and you can re-up the match every year if you both choose to.

        I see my “little” once or twice per month. I think the “official” guideline is twice each month. She is older (and therefore harder to match….) but it is easierfor me (late 20’s) because I normally take her to do things that I would do anyways, like Mani/pedis, movies, or festivals/sporting events. I think that imwould find it much more work to think of things for a younger girl to do! Your local BBBS organization will likely have worked out some deals with the community in terms of discounts, and people and sports teams sometimes donate their tickets. I am also in the teeth pulling processs of getting her registered for SAT’s and trying to steer her into a not-for-profit college. Our local BBBS chapter has clubs for bigs and littles-zumba, scrapbooking, etc., and our YMCA lets littles in with bigs to play sports/etc.

        If you’ve been married for a year, you can be a Big Couple to a kid-normally. it’s a boy (boys are very hardto match because of the societal suspicion of men taking an interest in other people’s children….ironically, a lot of kids NEED “bigs” because their OWN dads weren’t interested!) I think that would be a meaningful project for a couple without kids, to show them a functional relationship!

        Highly recommend! I am not a perfect “big sis,” by any means, but I don’t see any perfect ones signing up to mentor. Imperfect contributions are sometimes the best!

        1. Thanks!- I think I’ll contact my local chapter to see what’s their process:)

      2. My city has a lunchtime big program. Once a week I have lunch with a little girl at her school. It is the perfect time commitment for me because it gets me out of the office for lunch (which doesn’t normally happen otherwise). I usually read, make jewelry, or play computer games with my little.

    3. Is she planning on college? Perhaps something related to her intended college (if she knows where she’s going)? I also think an experience gift would be nice – concert tickets, cooking classes, etc, either for you and her or her and a friend her age.

  38. Just wanted to share some exciting news – I just sent the LAST payment on my student loans EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. This is fantastic!! As a recent graduate who has just maintained interest during school–I have a large hill to climb. I envy you being on the other side, and hope to join you there in about a year.

      Great accomplishment!

  39. I would love some suggestions for a January vacation. We have a week to spend and don’t mind flying far. We’d like somewhere warm, but would prefer something a bit more adventurous than just lying around on a beach. Ideas?

    1. Jungles of Belize, seriously, plus you could put in some beach time as well. Beautiful country, friendly people, English speaking, great wildlife (monkeys, parrots, toucans, etc), fabulous Mayan ruins. Very easy flight from the US, about 2 hours from Houston. One of my best vacations ever. Lamanai is where part of Apocalypse Now was shot. The trip there via boat is worth the entire trip.

        1. Agree with Costa Rica. It has more biodiversity (by far)! I did it last year in December – January would be a good time too.

      2. Yes, Belize and Costa Rica! My sister and I did this in January. We loved both, but particularly Belize actually. We stayed at the Caves Branch Lodge near Belmopan — highly recommended if you’re looking for that sort of thing.

  40. Ohh, I love hearing about people’s vacations. Let’s expand on this topic. Where was your favorite vacation to and why? I’ll go first – Morocco because of the different culture, the friendly people, the delicious food, and the beautiful Atlas Mountains.

    1. Chilean Patagonia, because of the stunning scenery. And Malta, because I am a huge history dork.

    2. Trans-Mongolian Train from Beijing to Moscow- definitely something that’s once in a lifetime. I met some really interesting people, saw some interesting places most people never get to go, and the scenery was amazing.

      Morocco and Slovenia were also big favorites.

      1. JEALOUS of the train trip. I have always wanted to do that.

        I have two favorite vacations. One to India. It was just so… stimulating. There are always throngs of people–including women in the most beautifully colored saris– and lots of noise and hustle and bustle. I can still remember the way the Delhi spice markets smelled (and then didn’t because my nose shut that business down) and whipping through the market streets in a pedi-cab watching as buns, pastries, vegetables, jewelry, yards and yards of clothe, and people flashed by. Or the vibrant blue walls of the old city in Jodhpur.

        And the one to West Texas and Big Bend. It’s so isolated and incredibly beautiful. I went at a time of year when everything was green and lush, and it was late summer, so there were lots of late afternoon thunderstorms we could watch roll across the horizon. It was also unseasonably cool. There are huge expanses of blue sky, and at night you can see the Milky Way. Can’t wait to go back after (if) West Texas recovers from our drought and wildfires.

      2. I loved Morocco and Slovenia and have been dreaming of going to Mongolia for years now. You’re my travel idol!

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