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– BuzzFeed has a hilarious pictorial on how to predict someone's intelligence by their ponytail angle.
– The Working Wardrobe has a nice feature on plus-size blazers.
– Are you burned out? Psychology Today has some good advice for “high octane women.” (Hat tip: Lifehacker.) Meanwhile, Learnvest has some tips on how to better schedule yourself .
– She Takes on the World advises that women who have no time to work out should check out the HIIT workouts (the same type of workout advocated by our guest poster, Boardroom Babe Lindsay Vastola!)
– Lifehacker wonders how to improve your posture if you spend all day at the computer.
– Finally, if anyone is interested, I'll be live-Tweeting my thoughts on Golden Globe fashions on Sunday night (at least for the earlier portion of it!) — join me if you can!
Ab
Not to give the ridiculousness that is the ponytail angle intelligence test any credence, but it fails to consider women with shorter hair who cannot have a low ponytail, but who need to get the hair out of their face to get down to work (and thus opt for the average intelligence look).
Anonymous
I actually found the chart rather offensive, at least for something featured on Corporette.
BL
Ditto
Laura
I see where they’re going with it, but I’m not a huge fan of “retarded” being used in the way they used it. Maybe that’s just oversensitivity on my part, though.
Lola
I also agree with the “retarded” remark – it’s offensive.
But, at the risk of getting all the “I love my high pony, and I don’t care what you say” emails all weekend, I think there is some credence to the fact that wearing a low pony is slightly more professional than a higher one. If some stupid cartoonist thinks that way, maybe your clients/bosses/opposing counsel do too.
Anonymous
Same anonymous from 5:15pm here – yeah, it was retarded that offended me, the rest of the chart just seemed unfunny. And my hair’s too short for a ponytail, so it’s not like I took it personally.
JAS1
I agree that the use of “retarded” is in poor taste. But I also think the ponytail thing is just a joke, no one could seriously think that someone’s ponytail position is an indicator of their intelligence. At least I really hope not. But personally I don’t find it funny or clever either, just stupid.
somewherecold
Does anyone have experience with the formaldehyde-free Brazilian blowout hair treatment? I have a lot of thick, curly hair, and I’d like to find something that will make my hair less-frizzy and more manageable, but still curly (I’d want it to still be curly, not just wavy). I’m open to other suggestions as well.
Boston atty
I bought a groupon for one of these and have yet to use it. There was a NYT article about it about 3 months ago where that same company which claims everywhere to be formaldehyde-free actually had over 10% levels of formaldehyde as tested by a state’s regulatory agency after complaints of salon workers being sick. I really want the results but I’m not willing to take the risk so I’m going to try and get the groupon refunded.
Separately, many women in my family have done it with no apparent immediate side effects that I’ve heard of. The more treatments they’ve had the more dull/thin their hair looks, but nothing disastreous so far. I’m just scared about long-term effects.
Bridget
One of the female lawyers in my office got it done, and I have to say — her hair looks really fantastic now. She told me that she still has to maintain her hair, but it looks really polished and beautiful, whereas, to be honest, her hair was on the frizzy side prior. It made a very noticeable difference.
TK1
I had this done in early October and there were positives and negatives, and I don’t know if the product was formaldehyde-free. It did take away all the frizz, which was great, and my hair maintained its waviness (which I was NOT looking for, but you are so that is a plus for you.) I still had to straighten my hair. But it made my hair feel alot thinner, I have very thick hair both in shaft and amount and it just felt like I lost half of my hair even though I didn’t. I also found I couldn’t go as long between washings. I’m normally a 2 day girl and can go 3 without my hair looking/feeling greasy. After the treatment my hair felt, but didn’t look, greasy after 1 1/2 days. I’m not sure if I would get it done again, maybe only over the summer months when its super-humid. Good luck whatever you decide!
anon for this
I recommend the article about being burned out…but I feel like the suggested solutions (eat right, exercise, sleep more, be realistic about how much work you can take on) are too simplistic….I feel seriously burned out (and it’s starting to harm my performance) from a series of traumatic life events immediately followed by law school.
I need some kind of really major solution….once the bar is over with I think I will be able to take several weeks off (but I probably won’t have money to go anywhere special). But I need something to help me not just get through the last few months of law school (and the bar) but to really boost my performance because I can’t afford to keep being mediocre.
Advice???
Corporate Tool
Talk to a counselor/therapist. See if there is anything you can prune from your life, or any responsibilities that you are taking on unnecessarily.
Also, a couple weeks off, even spent at home, can be refreshing. Plan a “vacation” where you live, read guidebooks, and do things that you never have time to do (see shows, exhibits, etc).
Anonymous
Sounds like you’re not just burned out, but rather your emotional health is suffering. I’d suggest talking to a mental health professional. If your law school’s attached to a university, they likely have a counseling center that is free to students.
eaopm3
I could not really “afford” to take a lot of time off after the bar exam, but I forced myself to take a month. I lived pretty simply and spent time reading, cooking, sleeping and working on my house. It was amazing and refreshing and totally necessary. I second the recs to talk to a counselor, but you also need some time to recharge and recover. Hugs to you.
Another Sarah
Do you have any time between finals/graduation/bar studying to just do nothing? I burned myself waaaay out my last semester of law school, studying for the bar, and then taking the bar. I was so burnt out I didn’t realize how burnt out I was until August came and I couldn’t fathom doing anything but sleeping, eating, and watching NCIS marathons. Seriously. My friends would say, “I’ve only sent out 50 resumes today, oh I’m such a slacker!” and I would say, “I turned on my computer and opened Word, and then I had to take a nap because that was too much.”
If you can take ANY time before starting to study for the bar, do it, even if it’s just a week. I wish I did. I don’t remember the MBE day of the bar, and when I received my (failing) scores, I saw why: I’m pretty sure I drew smiley faces on my scantron. You don’t need to go anywhere; just don’t focus on anything aside from what you absolutely need to do that day: feed yourself, go to the bathroom, drink some water. Get in touch with friends with whom you didn’t go to law school so you talk about something OTHER than the bar and who has a job and who doesn’t have a job. You don’t realize how exhausting those law school-centric conversations are until you stop having them every day…
If you can, work in some exercise. My gym membership, for however amazingly expensive it is, is a lifesaver. It’s very cathartic to take out stress and aggression in spin class, and then work in good vibes in yoga class. But walks/jogs around the neighborhood do the same thing for many people.
anon for this
Thanks for all the feedback. I am trying to get into counseling but I am so burned out that the phone tag and appointment making and figuring out how to get to the counselor’s office is really strenuous for me. I will say that in recent weeks there has been marginal improvement in that I have started to take an interest in keeping my apartment nice again – for a while I didn’t even care about that and I was really living in an ugly mess.
I just got my grades back from last semester and I did unbelievably well considering how much I was suffering and how very little effort I put in – I seriously thought I would fail some of my classes but I got the best grades I’ve ever gotten in law school. It’s totally bizarre. But comforting.
regular commentor, anon for this
Rant alert:
I am absolutely, positively burned out. I meet virtually all of the emotional, physical, and behavioral criteria. Can’t sleep, panic attacks (new for me), can’t concentrate, can’t eat, many illnesses — I mean who gets flu twice a year? – eating alone, shutting my office door. And stomach pain? Hospitalized one week for diverticulitis last September, then had a partial colectomy in December — still at home recovering from this. The panic attack was very dangerous: driving home from work, I suddenly felt my heart pound, gray began forming around my outer vision and then closed to a pinpoint. . . I stopped dead in the road, and I am so damn lucky that there was no car behind me. I took a few slow deep breaths and my vision cleared and it all stopped. But, still.
I feel like going to work every day is an act of character. For that matter, getting up is an act of character. I am stuck. I make all the money in our house — am responsible for the mortgage, the electric, gas, water, cable, health insurance, etc. I can’t quit. Our family will crash if I do.
I’m over 50, and lateral movement, once quite feasible, is no longer a possibility. I’m at the highest possible pay grade for federal litigation (in fact, sadly for the federal system, I make more than federal judges).
I agree with the above poster that none of the remedies offered really help.
I’m trying to hang on for two more years, then take early retirement. We can sell our million+ home for a good profit and downsize. . . Yeah, but then we have the problem of our learning disabled 19 year old who can’t really live on his own. I love him so much my teeth ache. . . I mean no disrespect to him.
Thank you for letting me vent. I don’t feel like I can tell anyone else but sister corporettes. There is so much unemployment and under-employment. How can I legitimately complain?
Anonymous
You really, really need counseling. You are dealing with an enormous burden. A disabled 19 year old child would make a stay-at-home-mom need counseling, and yet you don’t only have the child, but an incredibly stressful job.
There is no shame – none – in seeking counseling. Gaining the empathy and perspective of a professional counselor will help you identify solutions to your long-term struggles and make your day-to-day life more bearable. Please, get help.
MJ
Going to work, or for that matter getting up, every day is in fact an act of character. Of course you can legitimately complain – you’re in a really tough spot. I admire you for getting through what must be a very difficult situation, and I wish you all the best in getting through the next two years.
anon for this
I feel for you! I hope things get better.
regular commentor, anon for this
Thank you all for your responses. It helps, also makes me teary.
I honestly never thought of counseling. Upon reflection, it might help. . . Unfortunately, when you are in litigation you are trained/forced to develop a Can Do, I’m in Charge, Weak People Lose Cases, Don’t Show Vulnerability attitude.
Also, when I began my litigation career, there were no women, so I didn’t want to be a weak sister in any way. (In fact, during my first two biglaw job interviews long ago and far away, I was told that women weren’t meant for trial work — too bold, too stressful — and that women were best at “detail work” like wills and trusts. I was also told that clients would never accept a woman as a trial lawyer. Was offered jobs at both, but didn’t take either because I went to law school to litigate.) I learned to keep my problems to myself.
Even now, I notice that a young female lawyer in my office is being disrespected because she gets ill often. She also talks about her ailments and treatments and meds, etc, to other lawyers and her supervisor, something I’ve quietly told her is not advisable.
Anyway, as many of us corporetters do, I think as I write. And I think, thanks to you, that this Tuesday I’ll start my search for a therapist.
Thank you.
Anon for this, too
I am really glad you’re going to see someone. I’ve been in counseling on-and-off over the past few years due to a variety of family/life situations. There were times when I looked forward to my appointments more than anything else in my week because I left feeling like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders.
Having said that, please, please, please do yourself a favor and find someone who you want to talk to and feel really comfortable talking to. This can be hard, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable going in to see someone in the first place, but it’s absolutely critical. There are good therapists and bad therapists out there, and even good ones might not have a style that works for you. It can be hard to know what you like until you try it–some people are more vs. less interactive, some people will listen more than guide, etc. Figure out what works for you. You’re going there for you, not them, so don’t feel bad about searching around for the right person if the first person you visit isn’t a good fit.
You should be proud that you’re taking the time to be good to yourself. It’s not always easy to make the time, but it’s so very important.
Anonymous
Good for you. It’s important to find a therapist you click with. You may have to try several different therapists, and don’t feel bad about not returning after a first session if you don’t have that click. If you know any therapists or psychologists, I’d ask them for recommendations to start off; if you don’t click with your first therapist, you can also ask him/her for recommendations (s/he won’t take it personally). There are different types of therapists – counselors, social workers, psychologists, psych nurses, etc – and you’ll need to find a style that works for you.
As for feeling or being perceived of as weak, there’s no reason anyone in the office needs to know. I bet many of your colleagues have sought counseling at some point. It shouldn’t detract from your work if you take an hour every week or two to go to your appointment. Many therapists have night and weekend hours to accomodate their clients’ schedules.
Best of luck!
regular commentor, anon for this
Thank your for the excellent advice. My Plan A is to ask my internist for a referral. I will pay attention to what you say about therapeutic style and comfort level. (And, indeed, as you intuited, I do hate to hurt someone’s feelings and might carry on with someone who is not helpful just to protect his/her feelings.)
regular commentor, anon for this
Oops. Meant this to reply to Anon for this too.
Anonymous
Would your feelings be hurt if a client who came in for an initial consultation decided to retain a different firm? No. Similarly, a therapist’s feelings won’t be hurt if you don’t click with her and choose to find a different therapist. Don’t worry about this.
Anon
On the interval training workout concept- I dance for exercise which is lot more fun than a gym and is for sure interval training (song on, song off). It is weight-bearing, uses the entire body, mind-body connection (learning steps) good for brain health, and allows for social and music time as well. I love it. I am lucky to be in a city with lots of good social dance venues at earlier times of the evening. I do salsa and latin dances but swing, tango etc. are also widely available in most cities. I have made a great group of dance friends and can show up any time to get exercise and enjoy their company. Also it’s cheaper than a gym:) It isn’t a favorite for everyone (eg my husband despite his attempts for years) but if you find you like it, can be a fabulous, life changing outlet!
Anon
To the poster feeling burnt out… is there any opportunity to move to something in the fed system that isn’t litigation? My life felt way better when I stopped litigating. I went to contracts. Now I don’t even practice, I do policy work, and it’s a dream. Still very busy and challenging, but not stressful in the way litigation is.
Good luck with everything and we are pulling for you. I have no idea how you balance the family responsibilities- I don’t have kids and find it hard enough keeping myself on track. Life in America is not the easiest, for sure, though we have a lot to be thankful for it is exhausting.
regular commentor, anon for this
Thank you so much! I can’t move to a non-litigation federal job, but your advice is spot on. If I could, I would. Once you are beyond a certain age — and have an immediate history of illness/surgery — it is very difficult to move.
And, younger corporettes, take this as a cautionary tale. Consider making career-changing decisions before you are too old to do so.