ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 160 Comments

Coffee Break: Vinnie Slingback

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light brown caramel slingback pump

These slingback pumps from Stuart Weitzman look perfect — sleek but walkable. I particularly like the flared, 1.75″ kitten heel.

They come in a TON of colors, which is always a great sign that the company suspects they've got a winner. I like these “machiatto” brown ones, which feel like the perfect thing to wear if you don't want to wear “nude for me” heels.

The shoes are $525-$575, available in sizes 5-12.

Looking for something similar? These are some other light brown pumps we like.

nude pump for work in darker brown
M.Gemi
brownish caramel nude heels 2024
Sam Edelman
light brown caramel nude heel Weitzman Vinnie 50
Stuart Weitzman (exact)
light brown skimmer pump from Naturalizer
Naturalizer (exact)

Sales of note for 4/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
  • Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card

160 Comments

  1. Those of you with live-in partners or roommates, what’s a home design/layout choice that you’d love to make but are prevented? I’ll start.
    I would love to get rid of our tv and do a whole wall bookshelf thing, with a projector screen you could pull down and a portable projector. I dislike the “furniture points at the screens” set up that’s ubiquitous, and figure this would be a best of both worlds set up. Alas, my husband is a “watch tv after work every day” kind of guy, so my dream remains a dream.

    1. We have a spare bedroom that I would love to have set up as an office/craft room, but my husband insists on keeping a queen size bed that takes up most of the room for the biennial visit from his parents.

      I’d also generally have nicer versions of furniture and fixtures, etc. but he doesn’t take as good care of things as I do.

    2. I’d like to have a space for a gym. DH and I work out at home together in a tiny spare bedroom. We would like to have space for a functional trainer, bench press, etc. We use our garage for our two cars, which is a higher priority than a full gym.

    3. We have been together for 8 years. We have never gone camping. We have a giant walk-in closet full of camping gear. I would like to get rid of all of it and use the closet for literally anything else, but he thinks it is “still good stuff” so we should hang on to it.

    4. My husband has an irrational dislike of curtains or windowcoverings. I’ve worn him down over the years as kids (and we!) need a dark room to sleep well,
      Left to his own devices we also would not have any art on the walls, decor on bookshelves/mantels, or rugs so maybe it’s more of a ‘why do rooms need decoration other than furniture’ hang up common to men. He’ll grudgingly admit the rooms look more adult/nicer when I do (very minimal, I swear!) decorating but it is not something he’d ever willingly do on his own.

      1. Mine is like this too. Does not believe in area rugs or window treatments. Then I get an area rug or window treatment and he begrudgingly agrees it looks nice.

    5. I’d like to not have a tandem driveway, and not have two to three hobby cars taking up 1/2 to 3/4 of the driveway. But here we are.

      1. If you get space you will just get more cars.

        Signed,
        3 car garage and still have a car in the driveway.

    6. While house hunting we need to find a master bath with a standalone tub (or the budget and space to renovate) at DH’s insistence. I couldn’t care less and I think it will make our search harder but this is the one thing he wants in a house.

      2. One of my requirements for a house was to have a garden tub. Bought a house without a garden tub. I’m still salty about it. DH wants it to be our forever home, he is very aware that will require a major reno that moves walls and probably loses a bedroom so our en suite has a tub (there is zero space for a tub now).

        1. When I lived in the different part of the country, I deeply resented that every single house we looked at had a garden tub. What a dust catching waste of space that we never ever used in the five years we lived in that house! So glad to be rid of that thing, but if you install one, definitely get an extendable shower head so that you can actually spray it down, otherwise it’s pretty much impossible to clean and will drive you out of your mind.

    7. His effing bowflex needs to be in the garage or basement, not in the sitting room where it is a huge eyesore sitting right in front of my beautiful picture window. My peloton is in a corner in that room looking out the windows onto a garden. When we moved in, he insisted that if my peloton is going to be in a main living area then his bowflex should be too. I use the peloton every day and I love looking out at the sunny garden while I work out — REALLY do not want to be in the basement/garage and don’t think I’d use it if it was there — but he has used his bowflex a handful of times in the 2.5 years we’ve been in the house. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t touched it in over a year. The peloton is low profile and off to the side, his bowflex dominates the whole room, it’s not even comparable how bad it looks but he doesn’t agree that the aesthetics are bad. I cannot get him to agree to move the thing if the peloton stays where it is. Harumph.

      1. If I were the one in this situation, I’d 100% move my bike to get the ugly bowflex out of the living room.

        1. I hear you, I fear I won’t use it though. It’s a daily struggle to get out of bed early to exercise. Being in bright sunshine with fresh air, the scent of flowers on the air, listening to birdsong, watching the resident chipmunk and songbirds start their day, seeing what’s sprouting in the garden — it’s a huge motivating factor to me and a lovely way to start my day. I don’t have faith that the prospect of sweating in a musty, dark, closed-in, cluttered, disorganized, low-ceilinged unfinished basement is going to get me out of bed in the morning, and it’s certainly not the idyllic-ish start of the day I’ve become accustomed to.

          1. I sympathize with you on the Bowflex, but I would keep the bike where it is. Your routine is helping your physical and mental health. I have a beautiful sunroom where I meditate and do yoga and read, and it’s so, so lovely to start my day there.

        2. Move it, then agree once the equipment is used 10 times it moves back. Then move yours back.

      2. Ditto except its his inversion table. Which is a conversation piece.
        Conversations start with “Why is that there?”

    8. Mine will be absolutely idiosyncratic, but I despise having a garage. I’d LOVE to turn the garage into 1/2 storage for garden tools and things like that, and 1/2 an office space.

      1. I love a covered carport, but I agree that cars do not need a whole entire enclosed room or building to themselves. Such a waste of space, totally would use one as a shed/gym combo if I am one day lucky enough to own one.

        1. On the other hand, we love parking in our tiny attached garage so much that we will only buy cars small enough to fit in it.

        2. If you live somewhere with a lot of snow and hail, having a garage is a necessity.

          1. I live somewhere that is snow covered 4 months out of the year, and I think a covered car port is fine, unless you’ve got a minivan with sliding doors that freeze shut.

          2. Garage OP here. I grew up in the midwest with a ton of snow & we did not have a garage. We scraped & brushed off the cars all winter long.

            I now live in the Northeast and I don’t use the garage. It’s definitely not a necessity for me at all. YMMV, obviously.

      2. I think this depends on climate. In the cold, wet, salty north, we are adding years to the life of our car by parking it in a detached garage which is $$$. Not to mention that, in an emergency, there is no clearing the snow off of it or digging it out.

        1. Agree with it depends on where you live/where you grew up. I’m from the South. My parents have literally never once used their two car garage to actually put a car in. It’s storage. My husband who grew up in an area with snow is insistent that garages are for cars.

    9. My husband and I have wildly different taste in layout for wall art. The man thinks every piece needs to be hung at eye level, perfectly in the middle of the space and if multiple pieces on one wall, and they should be symmetrical and equidistant. It is boring and leaves so much space unused. I’d like to have some gallery walls, pictures stacked vertically on narrow walls, and a variety of frame types and sizes. We just cycle round and round on this.

    10. On the OP’s point about the TV, I am currently living alone in a 2/2 and have my TV set up in the 2d bedroom, which is also my office and multi-purpose room. But if my BF were to move in, we’d have to move the TV to the living room, likely over the fireplace, where I currently have art. It has occurred to me to have art made onto a retractable screen that can hang above and hide the TV when not in use. I recently saw something similar on a Queer Eye episode, so I know it’s not impossible, though theirs was more high-end and I’m not sure it would be in the budget.

    11. I would love it if my husband finished his home DIY projects. We have several areas that are just. . . so close.

      1. I appreciate the suggestion, but really my whole goal in this dream is to not have the TV out all the time, with the furniture perpetually pointed at the TV. Extra bookshelf space is always nice, but really just incidental to the “the TV is not the centerpiece of the room”

  2. What is your favorite, enthralling audiobook? Looking for something so good that time will fly by.

    I have a 6 hour drive (and back) coming up this weekend. I dread it.

    I have pretty broad tastes. But I avoid fantasy/science fiction, and I’d rather not have something too dry…. like, no president memoirs/biographies.

      1. Before I forget to say this–Cat, could links automatically open in new tabs? When I click on them the links open within the Corporette tab–so annoying! I want to keep reading C., and go to the tab later. Yes, I right click and open links in a new tab, but it is pretty standard now to program for this.

    3. I am reading Here One Moment by Lianne Moriarty right now and I am utterly riveted!

      1. I LOVED that book. I’ve read and enjoyed most of her books but that one was special. The ending is soo good. I wish I could read it again for the first time.

    5. I listened to The Favorites by Layne Fargo and loved it! The chapters are read by the main female narrator, but in-between is full cast narration. It makes it seem like a Netflix doc or something. I don’t typically listen to fiction, but this was great.

    6. A few recent favorites (mostly thrillers/psychological thrillers):

      Pictures of You
      The God of the Woods
      The Plot (the sequel, called “The Sequel” is good but not up to the standard of the first)

      Non-thrillers:
      Iona Iverson’s Rules for Commuting
      Rules for Ghosting (queer romance with supernatural elements)

      An old favorite:
      The House in the Cerulean Sea – the reader is excellent with the fantastical characters

      1. Oh, one more:

        The Husbands, about to be an Apple TV series with Juno Temple – I can’t wait!

    7. if you want spice, “lights out” is great, it’s a top audiobook for a reason

    9. I listened to Crossroads by Franzen on a long road trip and loved it. Also, Bright Young Women by Jessica Knoll kept my attention the entire ride.

    10. I liked Greenlights’ by Matthew McConaughey for a similar type of road trip. He narrated his audiobook.

      1. This one! His narration is key to making it a must read although the stories are also bonkers in and of themselves. I came away thinking he was very smart but also kind of insane. Very entertaining.

    11. currently listening to The Lion Women of Tehran, fave I’ve read in a while. Other faves were The Song of Achilles by Madelline Miller, Tom Lake, Tomorrow and, Tomorrow and Tomorrow.
      I

      1. +1 I listened to Shantaram years ago while driving Maryland to Texas, it made the miles go by much quicker!

    13. I do better with nonfiction when I drive for some reason. Some recent ones I enjoyed:

      Yes Please by Amy Poehler (this is GREAT, she reads it and has friends join)
      Maybe You Should Talk to Someone – a therapist’s memoir
      Lab Girl – a biologist’s memoir
      The Blind Side – Michael Lewis

    14. Dear John. It’s a true story of a sketchy guy who conned a lady who fell in love with him, and how difficult it was for her to leave. Very well told I thought.

    15. I just finished listening to Is She Really Going Out with Him? by Sophie Cousens. I’d recommend as it kept me entertained.

  3. Just want to debunk something from this morning’s thread. I live in Deerfield, IL. No one is forcing anyone to change in front of each other at Shephard. There are private changing rooms in the locker room. Somehow a parent looking to push her own anti-trans agenda has tried to make a national news story out of finding out a student at the school doesn’t affirm to gender. Now her child and the child she targeted are victims in this, and I find it truly disgusting how fast folks wanted to make this into an issue. It’s our own local version of “they’re eating the cats”–folks are so desperate to want to believe their own fears about someone possibly being “other.” A quick Google will show you the school district quickly debunked this.

    2. Thank you very, very much. I don’t live there anymore but my entire family is near Deerfield, IL and the ways this story is being portrayed is not factual whatsoever.

    3. And even if there weren’t private changing rooms, it’s not like teenagers are just stripping down in the locker room. As someone who played three sports, I’m an expert in the ways you can change while barely showing any skin. I was on the track and cross country teams, which trained and raced with the guys, so we actually changed in front of them on the bus and outside before races all the time, no big deal!

    1. The same thing I have always done, which is not buy shit I don’t need and not fix shit that isn’t broken.

      2. I’m wondering about “almost broken” categories (like home repairs that can’t be put off forever). Would I rather have the $ or the fix two years from now.

        1. I am making those decisions on a case by case basis. We replaced our stove before it was fully broken, for example, because I don’t want to be without a stove if there’s a shortage. But I wouldn’t replace a dishwasher because I have hands, you know?

          1. Same. And our dishwasher broke the summer of 2020. Between the space for it being really tight and supply chain/lockdown issues, we couldn’t find a replacement that fit until well into 2022. We hand washed dishes just fine.

        2. Since 2020 I have been leaning towards replacing it before it dies because you can no longer count on a replacement’s being available when you need it. For appliances specifically, repairs no longer make economic sense. The repair cost is usually almost the same as the cost of replacement, and then six months after you make the repair another part fails.

        3. Two years from now the fix will cost twice as much, if the replacement or parts are even available.

      3. Eh, I’d replace stuff now, especially anything with parts coming from overseas. It’s only going to get more expensive, perhaps exponentially more expensive. And your cash and investments will be worth less anyway.

        1. +1 Things that I know need to be done in the next three years, I’m trying to schedule and get done now. Hopefully our 2012 CRV can hold out five years as planned and we’ll cross that bridge in a new administration (cross fingers)

          And if things REALLY go sideways, I’d rather have a functioning home with all the systems updated than cash evaporating in the stock market or devalued due to inflation

          1. I have a 2011 Acura MDX that I don’t have to drive very often but need for trips into the office (1-1.5 hr drive, 2-3 times per month) or the rare occasions when DH and I have separate places to go. I am REALLY hoping it will hold up for another 3-5 years. My last Acura lasted 18 years, so maybe!

          2. Yah, luckily we have a newer Odyssey that is our family car and the CRV mostly gets driven to the train station and on weekend errands around town. But it’s already a little bit patched together and the catalytic converter is on borrowed time. We’ll see!

    2. Stop shopping outside of food and gas. My husband and I bought a few extra pairs of pants and shoes a few months ago in anticipation of price hikes and we both have 2 year old cars. Now we’re just in a wait and see mode.

      International travel is out of the question until this administration calms down.

    3. We just cancelled a planned summer trip so that’s a big one. We’ve also joined Costco as I’m cooking at home ~5 times/wk and swapping to less expensive places for weekly dinner out. I’m shopping less, and we agreed to only small gifts/dinner for our anniversary/birthdays/etc. We’ve also put off some nice but not necessary updates to our house.
      Luckily most of our fixed costs are low and we both grew up in frugal families so while it’s not as fun to watch our spending vs. going on a weekend trip on a whim we’re well aware that we’re still very, very lucky.

    4. Nothing, because I want to minimize the local effects of a recession. Our local restauranteurs and shop-owners pour their hearts into their businesses and even the normal churn of businesses closing is hard to witness.

      1. I’m continuing to patronize local businesses as usual, but to the extent I shopped at chains before, which was very little, I’ve dropped it to almost nothing.
        A friend has run a business selling on Amazon/walmart/ebay ever since his store went under 10ish years ago and says he’s never seen business this slow.

        1. 1000% agree — i have a small business with a sales component and i have never, ever seen it this slow.

      2. This. I am well positioned financially. I will probably forgo any major AND frivolous expenses, but will otherwise continue to buy things I would have bought before that benefit local businesses. I know my neighbors might not have that privilege, so I will try to pick up the slack a little to make sure that businesses I care about can hang on.

      3. DH and I just had a conversation about trying to shift spending more toward experiences and away from consumer products. We already do the majority of our grocery shopping in local, family-owned grocery stores and buy local produce and even local brands when possible.

        We are planning a big trip (for us at least) this summer, and we’re not going to change that. But I have canceled several small trips–long weekends, and the week we typically spend in Asheville while our son is at sleepaway camp. The last one on my list is a 2-night staycation for our 15th anniversary. We have reservations for 2 nights in an expensive local hotel. We’re weighing staying at a cheaper hotel, or putting some work and about 1/2 the price of the hotel into decluttering and dressing up our bedroom.

    6. The opposite of saving, I’m putting any spare money into house projects. Cash will be worth less this time next year, a new electrical panel will cost more this time next year. So I’m getting the electrical work done instead of holding onto cash.

      1. we need to do a kitchen reno at some point, but now is NOT a good time, so i will be praying our appliances hold out for the next few years. if not, we’ll be replacing with super cheap ones until things hopefully calm down. we have a 2016 honda crv that i also hope holds on

        1. Yeah renos are a harder call because so much of your cost is labor not really mechanical. I am 100% confident that the cost of the electrical panel and also the generator I’ve had my eye on will increase a lot – we have some labor cost of installation but the big ticket items are the machinery. I would be less certain that the cost of custom cabinets will increase exponentially in a year because most of that cost is local-ish labor, not parts from all over the world.

    7. I’m going to spend as normal until either my husband or I lose or jobs, then I’m going BIG. If one of us loses our jobs in this sort of economy, we’re in heavily impacted industries so the odds of getting a new job quickly are Very Low. So if it happens we’ll be cutting subscriptions, haircuts, eating out, cutting way back on childcare (probably in the realm of 2-4 hours of childcare a day, during which time the unemployed partner can job search) and the only travel we’ll be doing is camping in our local mountains. But until that happens, cutting back just hurts the people we’d be paying for services from.

      1. The very last thing I will ever cut is our nanny as she’s the only reason both my husband and I are able to work full time. But if one of us is laid off the cleaners/lawn services/travel/clothing for adults will all be cut to the bone immediately. I know how to do most of the labor I outsource, I just prefer to protect my limited weekend time.
        On another note, I’m curious if this recession will be the death knell of the children’s travel league industrial complex. So many more parents are already skeptical about the benefits of these high committment sports and they are NOT cheap.

        1. We’re in an area where good childcare isn’t insanely difficult to come by, so that effects my calculus. As it is, childcare is about 20% of our total spending, so being able to minimize that would be huge.

          1. People get to make their own choices. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s not important to them.

          2. Of course. But if they advertise their planned luxury consumer purchase —knowing we’re heading into a recession where many people will financially suffer— on a public forum other people get to judge.

    8. I’m a travel advisor and can tell you tons of people are canceling planned summer and fall travel. This means there will likely be good deals for those who can afford to travel (like in ‘08-‘11) but we’ll have to see how things shake out.

      1. We canceled a big trip abroad this fall and will be doing one or two less expensive domestic trips instead.

        1. Ugh I’m sorry. But at least you got to go to Antarctica before all this craziness!

          1. Thanks, and full disclosure: We are still doing our big Australia trip in May/June so we’re not exactly going to be homebound.

    9. I just invested $10,000 in the market. According to Warren Buffet, be greedy when others are fearful.

      1. Yup. I don’t really have any extra money to invest (our retirement savings go in automatically, and we don’t have other cash sitting around) but I agree with the philosophy.

      2. I would be surprised if Buffett has the stomach for what’s going on right now. Nothing about this is normal at all and there’s no modern precedent. There’s probably not even historical precedent.

        1. There is precedent for this, and there are presidents that stayed longer than 8 years.

        2. I don’t think this is what people mean when they say “don’t time the market.”

        3. Pretty sure he’s sitting on cash right now. Heard he made a great withdrawal a little while ago.

      4. Not quite as much but same. Shifted some stuff around as well. Looked at what my timelines really were and although it made me cringe a little I still have a runway.

  5. does anyone have a happy light they love? hoping there might be some sales soon… thank you!

    1. I have the one the Wirecutter recommends in my office and it’s great.

      Not really a happy light, but I also have a Phillips wakeup alarm clock that works wonders for me in the winter.

    2. I have a happy light Lumi and an older Phillips sunrise alarm clock. Both are worthwhile!

  6. Recommendations for truly clean, as in pregnancy-safe, products at Sephora? Many of the products/brands they market as “clean” are… not. I’m down to my Milk mascara, everything else I’ve had to change to other brands they don’t sell (everything else is: day moisturizer with spf, night moisturizer, eye cream, toner, primer, tinted moisturizer/light foundation, setting powder, setting spray, blush, eye liner, eye shadow primer, eye shadow, shampoo, conditioner, hair mask, leave in conditioner, mousse, some sort of styling goop to tame flyaways, body lotion, stretch mark cream, fake tanning lotion, sunscreen… wow no wonder I hit rouge every year).

    The Sephora sale starts tomorrow for Rouge so I’d like to take advantage but I’m burned out on figuring out which products are safe. I haven’t been able to find an online list that’s truly helpful, a lot of them just follow the store’s fake “clean” designation. Any recommendations?

      1. Whole Foods has been my jam for this stuff! The Saie brand has been good. Good recommendation to check out Emily Oster, love her book.

    2. The blog 15minutebeauty dot com has a bunch of recommendations for pregnancy safe skincare and makeup.

    3. Dr. Hauschka is probably as clean as they come, but the honest answer is that there is no product in some of those categories that will be safe enough to use during pregnancy.

      2. Yeah, this sort of thing really didn’t even make my top 10 list of things to care about while I was pregnant. It sounds like you have the answer from your doctor. Is there a reason you don’t trust that guidance?

      3. I preferred to not use most things during pregnancy. So much easier than researching everything.

      4. are people really using all those things regularly? This sounds exhausting, regardless of pregnancy!

        1. Eh I don’t use self-tanner or eyeshadow (or stretch mark cream as I’m not pregnant), but I use … probably 11 or 12 products daily?

        3. I think a lot of women do, but as someone who has never worn anything other than sunscreen and a night cream, it’s pretty wild to me.

      5. I’m finding plenty of magazines and makeup stores that talk about “pregnancy safe makeup,” but I’m not finding any studies that show the amounts of Scary Ingredient X in your mascara will actually migrate to your unborn child in any appreciable quantity.

      6. That was my thought. Why put effort in finding a clean mascara when you can just not use it?

    6. +1 to whole foods and Dr Hauschka. Also worth considering getting semi permanent make up, because if It’s important to you, it might be difficult to maintain while caring for a newborn.

  7. I live on the top floor of an apartment building built in the late 2010s in an earthquake prone area. The Yelp reviews from people on lower floors do not complain about hearing footsteps or noises from above, and we have never once heard a neighbor.

    I would still probably be an asshole to get a treadmill for running on, right? There’s a gym in the building, but my best running opportunities are during my kid’s nap…

    2. Please, please do not do this to your neighbors. Get a walking pad, get some hand weights, or swap off evening/morning duties with your partner so that you can work out. Even with a pad to cushion the treadmill it will still be a major noise nuisance.

      1. That’s why I asked! I would never, ever even consider this in a wood framed building, but I’m pretty sure ours is concrete framed, which is significantly more sound deadening. I would not do this if I thought our downstairs neighbors would actually hear it, so I guess the real question is whether concrete framed buildings are sufficiently sound deadening that that’s not an issue.

    3. Living in an apartment means forgoing loud or disruptive activities. There’s a gym in your building so it’s hard to justify this to your neighbors who certainly will hear it. If they don’t tell you to stop altogether they’ll probably ask you to limit exercise to specific times of day. If that doesn’t line up with your daughter’s nap schedule you’ve wasted a lot of money.

    4. Probably. But if you really want to know for sure, you could go downstairs and talk to your neighbor. Go back upstairs and jump around see if they can hear you (or leave a note asking them to text you with a time to try this). If you make it clear you’re trying to be nice and not bother them, most people would react okay to this, I think.

      1. I don’t think jumping up and down will be the same as the impact of a treadmill. This is part of apartment living, unfortunately, you can’t have things like this that are a major nuisance.

    5. This might actually be prohibited, have you checked your lease?

      I know it’s not the same, but you could get a bike instead. At least it’s cardio.

  8. Crushed doesn’t even begin to do how I’m feeling right now justice. A dream company was creating a role for me. We’d been in talks since about August and while there was some slowness on their end, it was very senior and these things take time. As recently as the first week of February they told me it was going to be a couple weeks but not more than that. Well, yesterday they just told me they’ve had a budget freeze more or less and aren’t able to prioritize this role this year.

    This was not only an amazing job and company, but it was going to extricate me from a very, very troubling work environment. The process did help me realize that I really and truly need a change, though that will take time because of my seniority level and the nature of my work.

    Sigh. They’re just amazing people. The partner told me that getting me in to their leadership ranks is a goal and to know that I am “absolutely top of mind”, but it’s just a matter of budgeting and timing, both of which are working against me right now.

    4. That’s terrible. So sorry. Unfortunately the company has to both like you and have the money to pay you.

    6. I went through this several years ago, when I was trying to leave a job where they were abusive and racist toward me. A company was going to create a job for me that would have been a perfect fit, and I loved all of the other executives. Well, that fell through. But the happy ending: a few months later, I was contacted by a recruiter for the job that I have now. This job doubled my compensation and truly changed my/my family’s future (well, before all of this appalling political/financial climate happened). My current company is thriving and has a very secure feature; the other company is now barely hanging on by a thread and has had multiple rounds of layoffs.

      Anyway, offering up empathy and one story of a silver lining. I hope for similar for you, and soon.

  9. My job description is to manage teapots. There wasn’t a whole lot going on with teapots, so I took on some projects with an adjacent area to manage coffee pots. I tried to pass the teapots on to Coworker, but Coworker CCed our boss who said that I have to manage teapots because that is my job description, and to offload the coffee pots projects. So I transitioned out of the coffee pots and now I am working on teapots full-time, and am the lead on all things teapots. But now Coworker is making decisions about teapots, developing policies about teapots, writing reports about teapots, and not looping me in. Coworker refuses my input and refuses to meet with me. I brought it up with Boss who said that she will talk to Coworker. It’s been several months and Coworker is still developing policies about teapots and shutting me out. Boss was aware Coworker was working on the policies but maybe assumed I was already looped in. Help me come up with the words to bring this up to Boss before my 1:1 with her next week. I don’t think I am being laid off or transitioned to a new area – if that were the case it would be handled differently (I am in state government). I have been working here for several years, am a high performer and work hard to be well-liked. I am baffled that Coworker saying/doing these things with Boss’ awareness and Boss isn’t saying anything.

    1. Wow, this post screams Askamanager. What advice did you get there? Maybe reword this so it’s readable to non-AAM fans for better advice.

    2. I would dig up the email or memo where coworker CC’ed your boss re teapots and say “as per X communication I thought we were all on the same page that I am the primary on teapots — but it appears teapot decisions are being made without me.”

      is coworker senior to you? is s/he doing things that have gravitas with teapots or do they just have a lot of opinions and time to waste making model teapot rules?

      1. Coworker is senior to me. Teapots affect her area. I always include her and her team on teapot things, but she isn’t offering the same courtesy even though I am the teapot lead.

        1. To me, the fact that she’s senior to you, and your area affects hers, really matters. Are the things she’s doing related to teapots legitimately in her area (even if she’s not being courteous about them)?

    3. You tried to delegate work to a senior colleague? Is this why she’s refusing your meeting requests?

      I’m wondering if you burned a bridge without realizing it.

  10. I am having a had time at work. I am trying to solve things, but meanwhile I have to try to be less affected. What are your tips for staying friendly on the surface, but deep down disconnecting more? many thanks

    1. A small thing: before meetings or things where you have to be around people to discuss stuff, take 5 minutes and decide, actively, what you need to do/contribute. Keep that front and center so you’re not reacting to everyone’s comment or joining in every single discussion.

      1. Thank you. This I good advice. I have a tendency to engage a lot, and have to be more specific what is worth the energy

  11. I’d love to find a scent with notes of tea in it. My old one has been discontinued.

    1. what kind of tea? black tea is one thing, but a lot of herbs and flowers have been used for teas over the years include bergamot, chamomile, lavender, etc.

    2. Bvlgari has a green tea one called “Thé Vert”, you can find it at Nordstrom’s.

    3. You might find your favourite scent on eBay, even if it’s a partial bottle. I’ve had luck with unusual Chanel scents.

      1. I found a new bottle of my favorite discontinued Phlur scent on Poshmark, you might try there also.

  12. Hooray! I Did The Thing that I have been procrastinating about for, I kid you not, more than a year! And it took less than 15 minutes. Good grief, will I never learn?

    1. Such a good feeling! I did the same recently by scheduling a much-delayed derm appointment. It’s been years. The effort of putting it off was more than the scheduling the darn thing 😂

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