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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 116 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Wool Windowpane Pencil Skirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Windowpane Skirt Brooks BrothersI'm a sucker for MOST black and white patterns, truth be told, but I especially like this black and white windowpane skirt. It's got a borrowed-from-the-boys feel on an otherwise feminine garment, and has a preppy but fresh vibe. (I am less keen on the matching jacket, either as a separate or a set… but it does exist.) The skirt is $161 at Brooks Brothers. Wool Windowpane Pencil Skirt (Another suit separate where I don't like the matching jacket: these gorgeous plaid wool trousers.) Here are a few more affordable options, as well as two plus-size options. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

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Comments

    • AIMS

      For a change, I actually like the first two affordable options better. Something about the shape of this skirt feels like it could be dowdy. And I LOVE the pant suit – with jacket – linked in parens. Gorgeous!

    • Alana

      Yes, usually the expensive options have special details that make them more attractive.

    • Amy H.

      I love the alternative asymmetrical windowpane plaid skirt option, but there’s no way I can make an 18″ skirt length work for work. Sigh.

  2. SA-litagor

    Portland Threadjack: My DH and I are going to Portland, OR for the first time in early May. I’ll be 28 weeks by then. Any recommendations for neighborhoods to stay in (I’ve been hearing Pearl or Downtown), or not-to-miss attractions? We’re in our early 30’s, this is our last trip pre-baby, and DH loves beer. So far planning on checking out all the nature attractions (rose garden, Japanese garden, forest park) and the Belgian Beer Fest. Any other suggestions? Also, I’m assuming we’ll need to rent a car, correct? What’s a good hotel area where we can do as much on foot?

    • CHJ

      I think the Pearl / Burnside area (look for Powell’s Books on a map – that’s a good landmark to be near) is a good place to stay. There’s a Courtyard by Marriott in that area that’s surprisingly nice and a good value for the area, if you don’t mind a corporate-type hotel. The Benson and the Heathman have more character, if you’re looking for something different, or the RiverPlace if you want a nice location right on the river.

    • Em

      I’d rent a car. You don’t absolutely need to but it’ll give you more flexibility to explore East of the river (which you should do) and to take day trips up the Gorge and maybe to the coast (which you should also do).

    • MFKN

      +1 on the car–you will definitely want it if you plan on venturing out of downtown PDX at all. If you are there over the weekend, there’s a Saturday Market that’s fun. The food carts are also worth a stop. McMenamins (there are several) is always fun too.

    • Jen

      Do the famous falls hike (for which you’ll need a car). Go to salt and Straw for the best ice cream EVER at least once. Skip Voodoo Donut, which is a fun experience but not worth the wait in line for mediocre donuts.

  3. tesyaa

    This skirt reminds me of clothes I coveted back in the 80s. For some reason, I don’t think it looks fresh or modern.

  4. Cb

    Any recommendations for a cruelty free moisturizing face wash? I opened a new bottle and realised that I’m sensitive to the lavender oil. No real budget, happy to explore drugstore or department store options.

    • LilyS

      If you like The Body Shop (I believe their cruelty free claims but some don’t) their camomile cleansing butter is lovely. I’ve also heard good things about the oil from the same range and the Nutriganics cleansing gel oil.

    • Houda

      I have just posted my all natural skincare routine on my youtube channel.
      Organic coconut oil is an amazing cleanser you massage it onto your skin then wash with a flannel/washcloth and warm water. It does not leave an oily residue.

      • Zelda

        Oil cleansing is amazing! I stopped doing it because I got lazy, but my skin looked great when I did. You can vary the oils based on your skin’s needs. I used a mix of castor and/or grapeseed oil because I have acne prone, combination skin and coconut oil can be comedogenic. I still use coconut oil sometimes as a makeup remover before washing it off with my regular face wash.

        • Sunshine

          +3 to the oil cleansing. I use a Korean version now, but I previously used The Body Shop White Shiso Cleansing Oil and it’s great too. I’d follow with CeraVe cleanser for dry skin.

      • SuziStockbroker

        +2 to Oil Cleansing Method. I use a Norwex face cloth to remove.

        I actually use olive oil, but have also used castor and grapeseed.

        • Zelda

          Tell me more about these Norwex cloths! Can you really use them with just water? Do they improve acne? Would they be too harsh for sensitive skin? Thanks!

          • SuziStockbroker

            I can’t speak about the acne, but yes I can just use them with water! And I have very sensitive skin.
            If I am travelling, I just take one with me and it gets all my makeup, including mascara off. At home I usually do the oil cleansing method, as my skin is dry.

            I also LOVE their silver toothbrushes (although note the children’s ones have been recalled, as the insert can pop out). Toothbrushes gross me out after even a couple of weeks. This one stays clean.

    • pamplemousse

      You might want to look at Juice Beauty cleansing milk. I have been having some allergic reactions on my face to something (haven’t figured out what exactly yet), and I just started using this to try and help. While I only started using it this week, it hasn’t been drying at all, and no breakouts as of yet. Also, it’s cruelty free!

    • la vie en bleu

      i use the Avalon Organics cleansing milk. I get it at health food stores, but it’s online as well. I love it and it is wonderful for my sensitive skin and never drying.

    • la vie en bleu

      ooo, yeah those are cute! I like the AK sports i have so much, maybe I’ll just buy every flat they make ;o)

  6. C

    My wardrobe goal is to buy fewer items of better quality. Thinking of pulling the trigger on some Ferragamos with my tax return. I need a low heel because I’m on my feet a lot. Are they worth it? Thinking of getting this pair:

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/salvatore-ferragamo-pim-pump/3959861?origin=related-3959861-0-1-PP_4-Rich_Relevance_Recs_API-250459&recs_type=related&recs_productId=3959861&recs_categoryId=0&recs_productOrder=1&recs_placementId=PP_4&recs_source=Rich_Relevance_Recs_API&recs_strategy=250459&recs_referringPageType=item_page

    • anon-oh-no

      I think Ferragamos are worth it. They are super comfortable and I can walk in them all day like im wearing flats. Not sure how old you are, but I think the pair you linked to looks a little “older.” I’d pick a more modern pair.

      • NO

        Totally worth it! I love my Ferragamos. You should also look at AGLs. They have some with a low heel similar to the Ferragamos you posted.

        • Julia

          Ferragamos are wonderful. Worth the money. Tips: keep them on shoe trees when you’re not wearing them. Varas are low heeled and classic…not frumpy.

          • Shoes

            I want to believe it, but I never see anyone young (and I’m in my 40s) wearing them. I know it’s probably the expense. I love a good block heel more than anyone, but I can’t say that I really see a lot of these in my office environment.

            I find myself going with block heels from other brands (e.g., the Tory Burch Amy) that are a bit less expensive and a bit less geriatric-seeming. I want to want to like these (and have an older pair of the OT slingback Vara-type shoe), but I can’t seem to pull the trigger.

          • emeralds

            Hey now, I’m wearing block heels today and I’m 26 :) Granted they’re a bit trendier-looking than the Ferragamos the OP posted, but I’d still wear those. I agree that they’re classic (although I would probably make sure the rest of my outfit was on the trendier, younger side of my workwear spectrum to balance them out).

            I have a pair of Ferragamo boots that I love. I got them at a consignment store for pennies on the dime, but would happily pay full price for another pair when I have $800 to spend on boots. The quality is great and they’re incredibly comfortable.

          • cbackson

            I’m 34 and I loooooooooooooooooove Ferragamos and wear them to work all the time.

      • Emily

        I, 32, love mine, but I do save them for special occasions for when I want to look put together. I got them as a treat when asked to be on a panel to talk about my experiences 2 years ago. I like them for running around court, but do find that they aren’t super comfortable if I’m walking more than a mile in NYC (perhaps not quite broken in yet).

  7. Diana Barry

    Nordstrom Spring Shopping Report:

    Halogen floral print cardigan – really pretty! I am wearing it today and it makes me happy, so bright and cheery. Many colors to match whatever else you’re wearing. (note, it is now only in XS on website)

    Halogen tweed zip pocket jacket – v cute. Will be a nice spring/summer accent blazer. Note, it has lurex threads in it, not visible on website. It also comes with the lapels folded in over themselves, overlapping in front (not as pictured on site). So to fold back you would likely have to iron it.

    Halogen tweed pencil skirt – Meh. Too short on me for work. Also too much pattern with matching jacket. Going back.

    Chelsea28 double layer trapeze top – very nice LIGHT layer for spring/summer. I got the pink, not quite as bright as it appears on site. Must wear nude bra since it is sheerish otherwise.

    Chelsea28 high waist pencil skirt – AWFUL on me – the high waist part sat too low because my rib cage is bigger than the skirt, and the hips were at the wrong place and too big. Also did not match the trapeze top like it seemed to on the website. Going back.

    Clove Floral Print Two-Piece Dress – I only got this to try on. The floral is a gorgeous print. HOWEVER, the 2-piece crop top style just looks silly. Sending back. Note, however, there is no muffin top issue when you sit down if you have a shortish waist like I do – if the waist of the skirt sits high enough, then the tank comes over it as you sit down.

    • Ellen

      Yay! I love Brook’s Brothers and this Pencil Skirt, but am worried that my tuchus is to big to buy a size 2 and by the time I can slim my tuchus down to size 2, it will be FALL, and I will start to buy WINTER CLOTHEING! FOOEY!

      As for the OP, thank you so much for your summary of Nordstrom’s stuff–I am forwarding to Rosa, who can visit and buy acordingley. Rosa has alot of stuff she is donateing to charity, but NONE of it will fit me. I wish she were the one to inherit the family tuchus, b/c then I would have alot of great clotheing from HER. I could NEVER fit into her clotheing even on my best day’s b/c she is NATURALLEY svelte, and I have to work at it (especialy the TUCHUS). I also love pie’s and she often does NOT even eat desert b/c of her need to remain perfect for Ed (why I will never know, b/c he has a beer gut and is NOT exactley Brad Pit). FOOEY!

      Speakeing of not perfect, I saw Gonzalo on the street this morning on Lex. He was comeing out of the same place I saw him a while ago. He must be shackeing up with that woman that I saw him with his hand down her jean’s grabbeing at HER tuchus! I guess for every Rosa, there are peeople like me and that woman with tuchuses that men like to grab on the street. FOOEY on men like that! DOUBEL FOOEY for grabbeing tuchuses on Lex or any street where other peeople can see them grabbeing on the street!

      I am on my way to court and then to eat with the manageing partner and the judge. My dad says eat SALAD so that the judge will NOT think I am a glutten. FOOEY on Salad. I will be hungry after haveing to stand and argue 2 cases and then wait for the judge to disrobe and come out of his chamber’s. We are goeing to China town, which is very close, and the manageing partner said he would pay b/c it is not to expensive and the judge can NOT be adversley influenced by a $20 meal. He is the ethic’s expert so I just say YES! I do want to have some sesame chicken which should not be bad for my tuchus! YAY!!!!

  8. LilyB

    Question for the hive- if a blouse is 100% polyester but says “dry clean only,” can I hand wash and air dry? I just don’t get why it would be dry clean only. It’s just a simple blouse- no lining or anything. TIA!

    • LilyS

      Depends how much it cost you, but I’d do it. Often it’s just manufacturers covering themselves. Don’t use Woolite, though – use something like Soak or Eucalan that won’t harm the fibres.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Most likely yes. I tend to ignore dry clean only tags with reckless abandon and so far haven’t had any disastrous results. Wool suits are about the only thing I’ll really dry clean.

        • la vie en bleu

          ooo, really?? Can I wet wash my BR wool pencil skirt then? I only have worn the pencil skirt a few times recently and not the whole suit and I don’t have anything else to dry clean so I keep putting off going to the cleaners, but it would be really helpful to just have the skirt in case i need to wear it soon. I guess I’ll handwash it and give it a try. Wow that would make my week so much easier!

        • Gail the Goldfish

          I’ve wet washed the Limited ones I’m not overly fond of, but I just can’t get up the courage to wash the suits I really like. Then again, I’ve never shrunk anything hand washing it. The dry cleaners, on the other hand, have… So perhaps I should rethink this theory.

    • Awa

      Polyester is usually washable. Sometimes it has to do with the garment being able to keep it’s shape. Putting something in a washer, then dryer can alter it sometimes. With this blouse I would probably go with handwashing it in a gentle detergent and then dry it, either on a line or dry flat. I have actually done this with items labelled dryclean but only with fabrics that I know are washable (blends can be tricky). If it was expensive or you feel you would be crushed if things don’t go well, then go ahead and dry clean.

  9. DSM philosophical question

    If someone has a DSM condition (say one of the personality disorders), is that diagnosis more of an explanation of why a person does the things that they do and a guide to interaction with the person (not sure re treatment, as some conditions seem to me to be static, like being right-handed)? Or is more like an eye exam, where you get a diagnosis (presbyopia) and a pathway (reading glasses) to help one deal better in the world?

    A family member who has been acting (in layman’s terms) like a self-centered jerk for years (has an affair that is “the wife’s fault” and screams at their children b/c a game is on). Perhaps he is a bit of a narcicist (or a full-blown DSM one), but does any of this really matter? Is it just solace to everyone that the family member is the person with a big problem and that they shouldn’t take the behavior that personally?

    • Anonymous

      Humans take some comfort in being able to label things, so part of it is probably just a way to figure out how to deal and interact, though my sense is the DSM was primarily developed to be a diagnostic tool with an eye towards treatment, if the label is given by a mental health professional.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I find it helpful to know why someone I love acts the way they do. However, the diagnosis is not a permanent excuse to be a jerk. Rather, it is a framework to explain past behavior and to help them set up coping skills / treatments to be a functioning (non-screaming) member of society. I care about effort and trying. If I know the person I love has some limitations but does what he/she can do to limit how those limitations hurt me, I will let things slide when that person slips up if I know they are generally trying and are going to keep trying. If, however, he/she took a “this is just who I am, love me or leave me” approach and didn’t care how the behavior behind the diagnosis effected me, I wouldn’t stick around.

      • Wildkitten

        With my N my therapist told me that he is literally unable to realize or care about how his limitations hurt others. YMMV, maybe… like Suzi Stockbroker’s experience, my N doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him, and that the problems are all the fault of other people.

    • SuziStockbroker

      For me, having the “explanation” as to why someone is the way they are was helpful, in that I then understood that it wasn’t my fault. My mother has NPD.

      For NPD at least, it’s an explanation only, as someone with NPD will never acknowledge that they are ill.

      • My Stepkids' Mom

        My understanding is that having the diagnosis can help both the diagnosed person and those around him/her. Depending on the diagnosis, the patient is more or less likely to seek or continue with treatment. (One therapist told us that she rarely sees the Narcissist, but often treats all those surrounding him/her.). And knowing the diagnosis can help a therapist suggest to those around the patient ways to deal (or the data that, as with someone who has NPD, there is no way to deal and one must decide whether to stay or leave).

    • Anonymous

      It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t actually care if you have a label for your behavior- if you’re a jerk I have no interest in dealing with you. Cheating on your wife? Screaming at your children? You get all the diagnosis you want I’m still treating you the same way I treat any other absuive jerk.

    • Emma

      As someone who worked in mental health before switching careers, I always love a psychiatry-related question! The personality disorders are more descriptive labels that describe a person’s behavior. They’re not so much “diagnoses” of organic medical diseases, like with diabetes, or even with other mental illnesses like schizophrenia or some depressions. For example, mental health professionals use 5 Axes to fully diagnose a patient, and personality disorders go on Axis 2, while most organic mental illnesses go on Axis 1.

      The usefulness of the personality disorder diagnoses is that they can help explain what issues a person is dealing with, and that can help with figuring out what treatment (which, for personality disorders, will primarily be therapy) can be effective.

      As far as your question about your family member, diagnosing him with Narcissistic Personality Disorder shouldn’t excuse his behavior. His behavior is unacceptable. The diagnosis might help the rest of the family understand why he makes certain things, and how his decisionmaking differs from most people’s. But it is not an excuse. I would say that, for those who are affected by his behavior, if the NPD diagnosis helps them understand that his behavior is about his issues — not about them — then that’s a good thing.

      • DSM philosophical question

        Thanks (and to everyone else)!

        One thing I thought of is that it may help with the self-blame: if I hadn’t annoyed Daddy, he wouldn’t have left; if I fix what I am doing wrong, he will come back.

        If a person is acting in these ways and for these reasons, it may be time to adjust expectations downward and accept that the person likely won’t change (so hope is not a strategy). So maybe there’s a prognosis aspect: a person acting like X with Y condition in the background is likely to continue to do so (and it would be an uphill battle to change this even if the person were diligently pursuing treatment and wanted to make a change).

        • Wildkitten

          This is how I feel: For those who are affected by his behavior, if the NPD diagnosis helps them understand that his behavior is about his issues — not about them — then that’s a good thing.

          And I’m NC with the N in my life. The diagnosis doesn’t fix the situation, but helps me understand what I can and cannot control to keep myself safe.

          • Senior Attorney

            Yeah, living with somebody with one of the malignant personality disorders like NPD (or worse, anti-social personality disorder) is so crazy-making that it’s very helpful to get a diagnosis and realize that it’s really not you — it’s them. Unfortunately the prognosis is extremely poor. Somebody with one of these disorders is vanishingly unlikely to change and really I think in almost all cases the best course of action is to run far, away.

      • SoCalAtty

        Wow. What a great article. I had a huge struggle with this. My mom was an alcoholic, and drank herself to death at 51. I was 28 at the time. She was so irresponsible my grandparents had to take me, but, near the end, I still found my self paying her rent and food (despite her getting plenty of welfare benefits…and drinking them), handling medical care issues, and dealing with everything else. The only reason I did it was because my younger brother was in the picture…he was 17 at the time. That article gave me flashbacks.

        I’ll never be a wine drinker…that was my mom’s drink of choice and the smell / taste makes me gag.

      • SuziStockbroker

        Thanks for linking that. So important.

        In related news, my sister is married to a NPD man and is currently separated. It’s a nightmare.

        She was just in my office crying about how this is all her fault (which he has been telling her for years). It is in no way even CLOSE to being all her fault. She had been trying to get him to go for marriage counselling for several years. He told her it was all her problem.

        She grew up with an NPD parent though, so this all seems “normal” to her.

        Ugh.

        • Wildkitten

          She should go to individual therapy. I found it incredibly helpful. (You have to find the right therapist though, which can be hard.)

          • SuziStockbroker

            I think she will eventually. She’s got her hands full with appointments right now (she did go to a therapist through her EAP for 6 sessions) with the divorce, working full time and 2 kids 7 and under.

            I’m gently prodding too.

    • Nancy Raygun

      Here’s an opinion from the other side of the diagnosis: I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), which involves all the perfectionism, neat-freakiness, and control-freakiness that laypeople associate with OCD (OCD is totally different and more difficult). At first I thought, “That’s not a disorder, that’s just having a sh*tty personality.” Then I realized it wasn’t an indictment and could be a tool. It’s not like being “diagnosed” with an organic disease, but it serves as a good shorthand for the complex of thoughts and behaviors I have. It’s kind of an explanation of why I do the things I do, but not an excuse. Before the diagnosis, I just felt like things were falling apart, but none of it could possibly be my fault. I’m able to take responsibility for my actions (most of the time) which is probably harder for those with NPD. Talking about it in terms of OCPD with the people I’m closest to gives me a good framework for helping us understand each other’s behavior. Hopefully in their eyes, I’m not just a jerk, but someone trying really hard to weed out the behaviors that make me seem like a jerk sometimes. :)

      • Senior Attorney

        Sounds like you are making the best of a hard situation! Kudos to you!

        And OMG I love your screen name! :)

    • B

      For me, having been previously married to someone with a personality disorder (HPD), the label helped me understand his set of behaviors, and ultimately, his prognosis. It kind of blew the smoke away, and helped me to understand what was never going to change in our relationship, and what I still had the power to change. Maybe you can get there another way… but that is my personal experience with the label. It helped him not at all, but it was a life changer for me.

      Might be different for more treatable conditions, like the person in this thread who was diagnosed wtih OCPD. I’m less familiar with those, and more familiar with the grouping that includes narcissistic, histrionic, borderline, etc.

  10. anon

    Some friends of mine are eloping to Italy for their wedding next month. They don’t have a registry or anything (one of them was married before, so they want to avoid all the fuss). I would still like to do something to acknowledge their wedding… but what? What’s appropriate? How much should I spend? I’m at a loss.

    • Anon

      do you know where they are staying? you could have champagne delivered to their room or arrange another nice treat.

          • Wildkitten

            Yes she means specifically Champagne from the Champagne region of France, but any old god, not just the only God in a monotheistic religion. Knowing the grammar makes it funnier, not less funny.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House

      Or donation in their names to a charity that is meaningful to them.

    • JJ

      When they get back, maybe send them some wine/food that is from the region in Italy where they stayed?

      • Moonstone

        What a lovely idea! A nice bottle of wine and a card congratulating them would be so thoughtful.

    • AIMS

      I like the wine idea, or a bottle of nice champagne (my favorite gift to receive). I think you could also get them a gift card to a restaurant they like or one of those Visa cash cards with a note saying “congrats, dinner’s on me.” Depending on how well you know them and their taste, you could do something a little more personal – maybe a small picture of Italy, a nice bowl, a vase, a frame, whatever. You don’t need a registry, just include a gift receipt. And as for how much to spend, however much you are comfortable spending. It really is the thought that counts.

      • Moon Moon

        There are places where you can personalize (engrave) the champagne/wine bottle too! You could get them a bottle with their names and wedding date.

    • CountC

      Everyone has given you great ideas, so I just wanted to say eloping to/in Italy sounds amazing.

    • kc esq

      I have similar ones from Dr. Scholls that I usually just use as office shoes (as I intended). They are fine. I don’t get the sense that they would hold up to a lot of walking outdoors — they feel a bit flimsy.

    • Anonymous

      I had a different pair of flats from Dr. Scholls and the memory foam foot bed became shredded within a month or two of every day wear. They were just okay. I don’t think they were anywhere near the quality that a $60 flat should be, nor were they overwhelmingly comfortable. So I definitely wouldn’t recommend the particular shoe I got (it was a patent black round toe flat), but your shoe is quite different.

    • Cora

      I just bought this exact pair this week and am wearing them today for the first time. They are super comfortable out of the box and look dressier than many other “comfort” flat options. Can’t speak yet to how they hold up, but I was already contemplating this morning whether I should buy a second pair in a different color.

      • Baconpancakes

        I also have this exact pair – it’s remarkably comfortable, but I wouldn’t pay more than $30 for them (got them at DSW on sale). The lining is completely ripped up , and tends to curl under my toes – but I will probably buy them again when I see them on sale. They look very professional for comfort flats.

        • lsw

          Not that I’m advocating for cheap shoes, but it’s not too expensive to get the lining replaced if it’s bugging you. I just did that with a pair of heels and it made me wish I had thought of it sooner! I love my shoe repair place. So if you otherwise like the shoes might be a good thing to do!

  12. anonymous

    Does anyone know much about BR’s polo shirts for men, particularly regarding quality, and maybe even fit relative to their dress shirts? I’m thinking of buying some for DH, especially since they’re on sale today.

    • AIMS

      They’re good. Color tends to keep well, no major shrinking if you follow wash instructions, one of the better BR items, I’d say. Size wise I would say true to size.

    • Lyssa

      My husband really likes them, and I think that they tend to look very nice on him. Maybe a little dressier than some other polos.

      • ace

        Ditto. My husband is an upside-down triangle shape (broad shoulders,more narrow torso) and his nicer polo shirts are mostly BR. They fit well & aren’t too loose around his middle/waist.

    • Ginjury

      Yep, I bought quite a few for my SO and they’ve held up quite well over the past couple years. He has more of a V shaped/athletic build and the polos fit him better than button ups, with less loose fabric at the waist.

  13. ErinF

    How does everyone maintain their “rolodexes” (am I dating myself by using that word)? That is, you have a number of contacts (friends, acquaintances, etc.) who are relevant to your business — what do you do to keep in touch regularly? I realized recently I’m terrible at this. I was thinking of literally keeping a list and contacting 2-3 people on the list each week, either just to check in, or to invite them for coffee/lunch/whatever. And then when I reach the end of the list, go back to the top and go through it again, rinse repeat. On the one hand, it seems a little forced, on the other, everyone is busy and most people would like more interactions but just don’t know how to make them happen. Thoughts? Anyone especially good at this?

    • Diana Barry

      I do this maybe quarterly or 2x/year for more distant contacts, we GTG for lunch. I am usually the one to reach out but that doesn’t really bother me.

    • ss

      I touch base with much of my rolodex (a virtual version anyway) on a schedule usually dictated by holidays (a marathon of catching up with Chinese contacts after the lunar new year for example) or dates of personal significance (birthdays, anniversaries of big professional successes etc). If neither apply, then by the kind of rotation which you describe. Sometimes it’s a meal/ drink/ coffee but it’s often just a call for folks in locations off my regular travel circuit. Most of the scheduling is done by my assistant who’s been with me for many years, but I used to maintain my own calendar and contact notes before that.

      I’ve done a variant of this virtually all of my professional life, thanks to an early job with a big sales-training component, plus a couple of bosses who had provided examples of terrific networking skills matched to their (very different) professional personas. It is a discipline I push hard for my staff to develop as well – not everyone is set up with the social background that makes for a great network or with the personality associated with classic sales pitches, but this kind of diligent networking is something everyone can get on top of. And of course, over the years, much of my network have become friends – it is genuinely a pleasure to hear them on what’s up in their lives.

    • la vie en bleu

      I’ve been setting up a google spreadsheet to track some job search networking I need to do. I don’t see why you couldn’t do the same thing for a broad range of contacts. It gives you a visual way to see what you have done and what you haven’t done. I am a very visual person so it would really help me a lot.

      And in my personal notebook where I write about some more personal stuff for myself, I have been compiling a list of the friends I want to keep in touch with, so that when i am feeling lonely I can go to that list, and it helps me think about who i could reach out to that would be nice to talk to. And the plan is that I will use that list to do a better job of keeping on top of relationships proactively instead of waiting till I feel crappy, but I’m clearly not there yet. ;o\

      And I keep a google spreadsheet to track my dating life, so I don’t see why it would be weird to use it for personal contacts, too.

      tl;dr: i use lists for all kinds of personal reasons, if it works for you do it, it’s not weird ;o)

    • anonsg

      Before they went premium instead of freemium, I used Contactually. You bucket people into certain buckets (friends, acquaintances, people you want to keep in touch in more often, people you want to keep in touch with less often) and then you setup schedules for each bucket (email every 3 months, or email every 6 months) and the website sends you reminders to do so.

      I keep in contact with people I want to keep in contact with about every 3 months with an email, just checking in, or if I see something (an article, etc.) of particular interest, or if something happens (going to some bar association event that they might go to, or for my mentorship relationships, some achievement). For contacts that don’t live/work locally, I email them if I’m going to visit their location soon for something.

  14. Anon for this

    I’m feeling a little down today. We had pictures taken for our firm website (candid ones) a few weeks ago. I was wearing one of my favorite dresses, that I feel is generally really flattering. We got the pictures back and I look horrible. My hair is off and I looked so fat in all the pictures. Is this what I look like every day? Why has no one done an intervention yet?

    I’m skipping st. patty’s day festivities after work to go to the gym. I clearly need to go more often

    • espresso bean

      A picture is a moment frozen in time, not what you actually look like. I guarantee you that you look much better than that picture in real life because people see you at all your great angles, in motion, and living life. I promise!

    • Emma

      =(

      I’m so sorry to hear that! The same thing happened to me after our Christmas party. I deleted the email that had pictures of me, because I just thought I looked so terrible. It’s awful!

      Hang in there! This feeling sucks.

      And keep in mind that picture-taking is an art form. The way you look in a picture is almost certainly not how you look in real life. Celebrities learn all kinds of ways to look good — there’s things like angling your body, how you hold your face, etc. I need to learn these tips for myself! But I say this now to just confirm that the pictures aren’t what you look like on a regular basis.

      • anonymous

        also an art form on the part of the photographer, which has nothing to do with you.

    • JJ

      If it makes you feel better, my company uses our pictures on our work emails/messenger/etc, and mine happens to be the most unflattering picture ever taken of me. I cringe every time I see it. But, I’m hoping that means people are just pleasantly surprised when they meet me in real life.

    • Anon in NYC

      I do not think I photograph well. I look so much better in real life. Maybe it was just an off day for you.

      And, you can’t hate yourself thin. Don’t exercise to punish yourself.

      • Anonymous

        I agree, I rarely like photos of me, I get that double chin that I don’t have in real life, but I always like what I see in the mirror. Some people look better in photos. Don’t let it drag you down, and don’t skip St. Patrick’s day if you are really looking forward to it. A once in a year occasion is a perfectly good reason to start hitting the gym tomorrow.

    • Baconpancakes

      One of the things that keeps me from hating myself in pictures all the time (so I only do it some of the time) is going back and looking at high school photos, and thinking about how terrible I thought I looked then, and how I’d LOVE that 17-year old body. Regardless of how you feel about yourself today, in 15 years, you’ll wish you’d appreciated how you look now, and you’ll look back and realize how beautiful you were (which should make you feel beautiful now!).

      Not sure if this makes sense to anyone but me. But going to the getting back into a gym routine will make you feel better overall!

      • AIMS

        It would make sense to my mom. When I was in high school and didn’t like pictures of myself she told me, “you’re going to look back and think you look amazing” and she was right. Her basic approach is “in ten years, you’ll like that picture” and I think she’s on to something (except for that time I cut my own bangs .. those pictures are just objectively bad).

        • Baconpancakes

          Yeah, there was that one year I owned over 15 scrunchies… those photos should probably be burned.

        • emeralds

          I actually hate pictures of myself from middle and high school and think I look 8 thousand times better now, despite having a body that occupies more space. All I can think about when I look at them is how miserable I was in my own skin and how much I hated my body. I think that hatred and discomfort comes through in things like my posture and expressions. I don’t like to be reminded of how awful I felt about my body back then.

      • anonymous

        Yeah, I do this all the time. It helps me remember that I’m probably pretty attractive now too, and that’s a waste if I don’t appreciate it and feel good in real time.

    • lsw

      If you feel confident in that dress, I bet you look gorgeous in it! Don’t sweat that single second!

    • lawsuited

      The reason no one has done an intervention is because an intervention is not a proportionate reaction to looking fat in pictures. I recommend taking a leaf out of their book, and trying not to overreact. Enjoy St. Patty’s day if that’s what you were going to do – happy, laughing faces are beautiful.

  15. Highlights in SF

    Recently moved to SF and wondering if anyone has a recommendation for a place for blonde highlights? I recently went somewhere based on Yelp and was not very satisfied.

    I previously lived in NYC and went to Leonard Golino and Senses and Spa, if anyone is looking for a rec there.

  16. Burgher

    I just wanted to thank everyone that gave me some career advice I really needed to hear…. oh, about a year ago. I didn’t make a move at that time because I just found out I was expecting and decided to stay put for a multitude of reasons. I am about to return from mat leave and have 2 great job offers. I am really excited and I can’t wait to go back and hand in my notice!

  17. Transitional shoes

    thanks for the suggestions yesterday. I found a pair of Naturalizer Malvina shoes in a pretty distressed brown for $24 at rack room yesterday.

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