Weekend Open Thread

Hepcat ShadesSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

I just got a pair of Pucci sunglasses I absolutely love, but Madewell’s new collection of shades is kind of calling my name. They have normal tortoiseshell and black ones, but I’m particularly fond of the quirkier ones like these fuchsia pink “hepcat” shades. (While you’re there, check out the intimates section — lots of really lovely things — and the sale section, filled with cute dresses). The shades are $55 at Madewell. Hepcat Shades

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  1. SF Bay Associate :

    So, our new friend Kontractor’s husband was unexpectedly redeployed again, and she’s feeling down (see the Thursday afternoon thread). He’s based at Travis, and she lives in Concord. To the Hive signal (which I envision as Rosie the Riveter, but I know that won’t project well onto the sky)! I’m tied up this weekend, but maybe some of you ladies are free. I also imagine Kontractor may want to hang out with her husband as much as possible before he’s deployed, so I hope Kontractor will let us know how and when we can help. Kontractor, what say you?

    • She asked for some lead time in the this mornings thread- I think she mentioned June. But I hope you do all get together!

    • K in... Transition :

      I can be an email penpal if she wants someone to chat with or vent to or whatever!

    • Kontraktor :

      Hi guys, thanks again for this. I really am excited. I’ve always wanted to attend a meet up anyway so this serves a lot of great purposes.

      My anonymous email address is cheshercat at hotmail dot com (oh, how vintage). I’ll probably use that to correspond for awhile.

      I think I would suggest a weekend after Memorial Day! Maybe that first weekend, but I’ll be kind of open most weekends after Memorial Day. Hopefully that gives a lot of people time to plan. I know how busy schedules can get with family/kids/errands piling up with work/etc.

      • Yay! Now you have something to look forward to in June! :-)

        • ChocCityB&R :

          Me too!

        • Kontraktor :

          umm yeah, I am excited. TCFKAG, you should clearly hop on a plane to the Bay Area and come too.

          • Dude…if you can convince my husband that the expenditure is worth it, then I’m there. :-P Somehow though, I think you’d have a tough road to plow with that one.

      • karenpadi :


        Can you email me at karenpadi at hotmail? I’ll add you to my corporette email list.

        Welcome to the area!

        • SoCalAtty :

          Me too! I’m currently in the Los Angeles area, but my family is in the Sacramento and Bay Areas so I’m frequently up there. Happy to help out! meyerlemony at gmail :)

          • karenpadi :

            Can you email me? Then it’s a lot easier to add and I know I have the right address.

        • Kontraktor :

          Emailed you yesterday!

  2. K in... Transition :

    random thought… why is it so tough to find a paying writing or editing or research or transcribing job that can be done from home?

    signed, someone who’s gotten so used to not being micromanaged that part of her is dreading when she finds a job and goes back to a set schedule with a boss over her shoulder

    half kidding… ok, maybe only 1/4 kidding

    • Francie N. :

      K – I read in a Fins (dot) com newsletter that there was a company looking for people to do research about patents. The company is Article One Partners LLC. I know you are not a lawyer, but from the article, it did not sound like you needed to be one, more so be good at internet research.

      • K in... Transition :

        just read up on their site and they basically allow a person to do all of the research and then decide 6-8 weeks later if the research is worth anything and, if so, how much. going to research it more but it seems like a potential scam to get free work and pay nothing or little… but I really appreciate you passing the info along :)

        • Franice N. :

          Sorry it wasn’t a real lead…you can try solo gig or media bistro there might be something there.

    • A friend of mine just started running an ad in the bar journal about 15 years ago, offering research and writing services on a contract basis, and she’s done well, she’s still doing it.

    • I just emailed you a possibility.

    • i wish i could afford to pay you to do all my comms writing for me, because i S*CK at it, and i have to do so much of it, ugh. :o( but i don’t think my funds would help you at all. ;o)

  3. Equity's Darling :

    My hands are looking older than my age. I’m a little concerned about this.

    I don’t smoke or participate in manual labour, and I feel like I apply lotion regularly, but obviously not regularly enough?

    Any tips to make my hands look like they belong to a 25 year old instead of someone 10 years older? To prevent them from looking any older as I continue to age, even if I can’t make them look younger now?

    • Ooh, replying on this just to subscribe to this thread (although 300 emails from now I may regret it!) because I feel the exact same way!! I was looking at my hands while I drove the other day and realized I have old crone hands already!!! I do the same, no smoking or manual labor, lotion pretty regularly w/drugstore brands…

    • Botox for your hands? (Note, I have no idea if this is a thing. Also…the concept creeps me out.) :-P

      On a more serious note, maybe you could get those kind of paraffin treatments where you wear gloves to bed and it ultra-moisturizes your hands? Is it a dryness problem or something else?

      • Though, my father has excema or psoriasis on his hands, which would actually be worsened by moisturizer. So you might want to get it looked at by a dermatologist first, just to make sure its not something that needs medical treatment.

        • Uh.. Eczema is not worsened by moisturizer. Also, psoriasis is an autoimmune disorder, eczema is not.

          • Right, I can’t remember which one he had…it must be psoriasis than (I get the two names confused.) So I covered my bases. I feel fairly confident Equity Darling will not take any medical advice from me.

      • Equity's Darling :

        I think it’s a combo of dryness and wrinkles- because even when I put on lots of lotion, I’m still pretty wrinkly in the hands.

        Oddly, my face is doing great wrinkles/hydration wise, but I’m betting it’s because I spend a lot of time/money on my face products and don’t really put a ton of thought into my hand products.

    • For prevention: Sunscreen – every day. Re-apply. For past damage, I use the same products on my hands that I do on my face. Once a week, I use a body scrub on my hands. It seems to work pretty well.

      • SPF 50 and UVA protection. Every day, even in the winter. Several times a day because once you wash your hands, it’s gone. Keep small tubes in your desk, your car, your purse etc.

        And I also agree with using whatever you use on your face (for me: retinol and anti-oxidants) on your neck, chest and hands, too.

        • On a related note, any recs for full body lotion to wear daily with high spf (uva/uvb)? I love la roche posay tinted cream for face but too pricey for full body daily wear. Thanks!

          • Cetaphil® Daily Facial Moisturizer UVA/UVB Defense SPF 50:http://www.cetaphil.com/products/uva-uvb-defense-SPF50/

    • Try a spa treatment to ultramoisturize.

      What kind of lotion do you use. Curel and Eucerin are great….

    • Is it a lack of skin elasticity; pigmentation changes (such as age spots); changes in skin texture, etc.? I would try whatever facial products you may have had success with for similar prevention. Staying hydrated, lotion with collagen, and sunscreen will help stave off the inevitable. There are also more drastic cosmetic options, such as laser treatments for skin discoloration, but I don’t think you are anywhere near that option yet.

      • Professor Chic :

        Try Boots No 7 Protect and Perfect Hand Cream, available at Target. I tried it on just one hand for a few weeks, to compare and contrast, and I swear it made a difference. My hands will still look like my grandmother’s sooner than I would like, but they do look better than they did. (And no, I don’t work for Boots or Target. I really am a professor.)

    • My hands definitely show my age (47) and I don’t use lotion often enough. I guess the only good thing is that I look at my hands and they look just like my mother’s. I don’t otherwise look like her and she passed away many years ago. Just a little bit of nostalgia for my bony wrinkly hands. I actually mostly like my hands. I have long tapered fingers and, like my mother, deep nail beds that always make my nails look long even if they’re not.

    • Sunscreen! Your hands get sun exposure all the time, even in winter, and we don’t think to protect them like our faces. You might also try and AHA or BHA treatment for dark spots or uneven skintone.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I am 53 and my hands have always looked older than my age. At this point they look kind of Crypt Keeperish. I have always stayed out of the sun and moisturized and manicured, and I think a lot of it is just heredity.

      For spots, though, your doctor can dab on some liquid nitrogen, which will cause them to scab over and when the scabs are gone, the spots will be too!

    • Anonymous :

      Any skin treatment that you do to your face (me, nightly retinol cream), also do to the backs of your hands.

      • I do this too – makes a world of difference. Serums, vitamin C, moisturizer, sunscreen, face scrub….all go on my hands.

    • I have chronically dry hands and raggedy cuticles (due to my climate, mostly, but metalsmithing doen’t help either.)

      Moisturizing is all well and good, but I think Julep’s Facial for Hands Glycolic Hand Scrub is magical. It’s the Number One Bestest Hand Product Ever, if you ask me.

      (Their Everyday SPF Hand Cream SPF 30 is very nice, too.)

    • MaggieLizer :

      I’ll be watching this thread too! Any suggestions for hand lotions with SPF? I really like Neutrogena’s Norwegian Formula because it’s nice and thick and makes a difference right after I use it, but it doesn’t have an SPF.

      • This is too creamy for my face, but perfect for my hands:

        Cetaphil® Daily Facial Moisturizer UVA/UVB Defense SPF 50:http://www.cetaphil.com/products/uva-uvb-defense-SPF50/

    • Brainstorm! Scr*w trying to save your hands. Instead bring back gloves as a daily fashion accessory!! You could be SO fashion forward and just start rocking gloves with your suit every day and if anyone asks you about it just say “Oh, everyone is doing it. Didn’t you know?”

      Done. :-)

      • Equity's Darling :

        I did love the gloves look in Downton Abbey! This is a great suggestion.

        • Look at this Ralph Lauren suit with hot pink gloves. I kind of dig it!


      • But, but, but…then how are we to rock the one blue nail? Related follow-up question, then would the hairband go on the inside or the outside of the glove??

        • Fingerless gloves. And inside the glove, unless you are going to court and might really need it, then outside. Anything else is gauche.

        • These gloves are how we show off our nails.


      • I LOVE gloves. I wish they’d made a comeback. Along with hats. I grew up with southern and Caribbean ladies who still rocked hats, and I always dreamed that when I was a grown-up lady I would wear them too. I have some, but I get weird looks when I wear them.

        • Seattleite :

          I’m with you. I love hats, and especially in the winter brimmed wool hats are so much more practical than an umbrella. But so few people wear them, I tend to feel as if I’m in costume.

          • F the haters, wear your hats with pride! I love mine and will not give them up.

        • Away Game :

          This thread made me google my favorite brand/store of leather gloves in Rome. They have an online presence now. It’s summer. I don’t actually NEED (sorry, pretend that’s underlined) new gloves. Not really. I mean, I cannot justify them at all and they are ahem! way more expensive than I remember. But if you want to see what silk-lined kid opera length gloves are going for these days..world wide web dot sermonetagloves dot com. Swoon.

          • These are beautiful. Too bad I live somewhere warm where I can’t justify them. But oh man, if I lived somewhere where it dropped below 40, 6 pairs would be mine tomorrow.

          • Oh you cruel cruel woman. The polka dot ones are aweeesssomme.

          • Equity's Darling :

            Oh, those gloves are sooo nice. And I certainly live somewhere that actually gets cold. These are going on the want list.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          There are enough of us here to bring both back!

    • Get a paraffin bath. It’s fantastic. Your hands (and feet) will look 10 times better. Also moisturize and wear sunscreen. But seriously – don’t know why no one else uses these.


      • Oh, and it does take a while to heat up, but I just plug it when I am home all day and then use it as it heats up. You can reuse the wax.

        For a hand cream, I am not picky, usually Vaseline Healthy Hand and Nail does the trick.

    • FormerPhotog :

      A few times a week, I use a glycolic scrub from Julep, and then a really deep moisturizer before I go to bed ( I like the Body Shop’s Hemp Hand Cream, but YMMV). It seems to help, and it definitely helps my morning suncreen soak in better.

    • I love this conversation about hands. I’m serious. First time commenter, just came across this blog.
      I am so with you on the hands, I was complaining about mine the other day. I carry sunblock in my car and lather up my hands pretty much every time I get in the car. The spots on the left side are there because that’s where your arm gets the sun! I use a brand that I ordered online, smells good, and doesn’t make your car all crazy white with stains.
      Will let you know the brand. And, stay away from the chilac or whatever the hell that is. That’s like sticking our hands in a fake baker!!!
      Someone called me superficial for obsessing over my hands and I said zip it, I want my hands to match my face. DOY.

      • I also never use the uv lamps at the salon to dry my nails, which they try to get you to do even for regular polish. Everyone there always gives me a weird look for it, but f it. I don’t need to up my cancer risk.

        • holy crapola I’m such a moron! hadn’t even thought of those uv lamps to dry my nails. Thanks for the tip. That’s now so obvious, now that you say it.
          On the hand cream….. just checked the label, it’s clarins age defying hand cream. That’s the one I keep in my car, and love.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Just checked out your blog and love it.

    • i’m sorry to tell you, it doesn’t get a lot better. I do think it’s heredity and also, being thin does not really help on the hands (though that is not my problem!) Agree with other posters who recommend religious use of sunscreen – after all, your hands are really never covered except for in the dead of winter. if you’re into more extreme measures, IPL and laser can help.

  4. So I live in Bay Area … fam lives in NY. Sisters were going to fly out yesterday and 1 started having contractions (she’s just under 8 mos). She’s not coming but the other is. I’ve got an hour to kill after work before heading to SFO tonight. What to do… what to do…

  5. Is it possible to get jeans tailored? My jeans always gap at the waist – thank you 12″ waist-hip ratio. It drives me crazy but they need to be large enough to fit over my hips yet inevitably never fit properly at the waist. Any suggestions/brand recs you have are greatly appreciated. TIA.

    • Yes, same problem here, I do this. Should be <$15. Recommend Christopher Blue jeans, which are the only ones I dont' need to tailer.

    • Legal Marketer :

      Yes! Most higher-end denim boutiques will do this for free if you buy the jeans there, but mine (in the Midwest) also does jeans you bring in that were purchased elsewhere. I think they charge $15 for those.
      I’m sure any tailor can also do it. My little sister is kinda crafty and she just does them herself, but YMMV.

    • The only jeans I’ve found that don’t gape on my pear-shaped bootylicious figure (and seriously, I can fit a watermelon back there with most jeans) are Levi’s 512s. I think they are supposed to be a knockoff of the Not Your Daughter’s Jeans ilk with the tummy control, about which I do not care, but NO gape. Just a snug back waistband.

    • A Ninny Mouse :

      Levi’s in the Bold Curve.

      • River Song :

        Yes the Levi’s Bold Curve are the only jeans I’ve worn in years that don’t fall down or gap. I do have an issue with them, though: There’s too much material around the thighs, and it bunches up and looks weird. So if you have thinner thighs, they may not work.

    • K in... Transition :

      I have the same proportions… some say that I should shop in stores/online stores meant for women of ethnic backgrounds known for that shape. never tried it but it might be a really good idea!

    • Anonymous :

      Hey, I have a 12-inch w/h ratio too! Gap Tall Perfect Boot work for me, as I am so 5-11.

      For years, I thought I had a big butt. Then at a wedding dress fitting, my seamstress sighed, “oh you have such a tiny waist!” *lightbulb*

      • I’m not heavy, but my shape is apple-ish and I am *so* jealous of curvy/pear-shaped girls. What I wouldn’t give for a cute waist. I could belt things! Tuck in my shirts! Rock a two-piece bathing suit!

        • I hear you. I always think that even if I can’t lose weight, I would love to redistribute it away from the tummy/boobs to the hips/bu*t area. Take comfort in the fact that most apples have gorgeous legs!

      • I’m 5-11 too! Which makes it even harder to find jeans the right length and w/h proportionate. Thanks everyone for the great recs, please keep them coming :-)

      • 2nd the Gap Perfect Boot… I have a 10″ waist-hip difference and think these are more flattering on me than the curvy cut, though for your proportions you might try those as well.

    • Totes McGotes :

      I think a friend has her jeans tailored (hemmed, actually in her case) at Nordstrom.

    • Second the recommendation on Levi’s Bold Curve. Also Gap Curvy Bootcut work great for me too.

    • This is only helpful for those who have a sewing machine, but somewhere someone linked to this DIY that Blew. My. Mind.

      Basically with a sewing machine and a short piece of elastic, in about 5 minutes you can get just enough stretch to eliminate the waist gap, without a trip to a tailor. I actually don’t have a sewing machine any more, so I hope someone here can try this and I can live vicariously!

      www [dot] iammommahearmeroar [dot] net/2010/06/ crack-kills.html

    • Yoga jeans! http://second.raiment.ca/yoga-jeans/mid-rise

  6. I’ve been invited to a pirate party. Yes, a pirate party. I love theme parties. So I want something fun but don’t want to spend a ton of money on it (or even any money, if possible) and would like it to be easy because I have to go to a wedding later that night. Any ideas?

    • I don’t know if this counts, but Cafe Press has a ton of funny pirate t-shirts for National Talk Like a Pirate Day.

    • Maybe some black flowy pants, black shirt, and a red scarf around your head? Throw in an eye patch for good measure!

    • MissJackson :

      Can I come? Seriously, the worst thing about being an adult is the lack of theme parties.

      I think an eye patch is a clear winner — I’m sure you can find one at a party store for like $1. Also, a bandana for around your head, which should be similarly cheap. And a plastic sword — again, I would think a party store would have these. Then, you can pretty much wear whatever you want that you already own.

    • Anonymous :

      A Seinfeld poofy shirt, of course. Arrrgh!

    • Anonymous :

      To rephrase: “Please style an outfit for me that is both Pirate Party-appropriate, and Wedding-appropriate, so I don’t have to change.”

      I’m envisioning something wenchy with thigh-high boots.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Black gaucho pants, striped shirt and an eyepatch. Maybe tie a stick to your leg. Sounds fun!

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        Wow I totally missed the wedding part. How about black pants (maybe fold up one leg for a peg leg) and a striped silk top + eye patch?

    • How about tracking down a full skirted black dress (a quick google shopping search turned up a bunch). For the pirate party, you could wear it with red accessories (I’m thinking a red bandana, a red belt, maybe knee high boots, and bangly bracelets). Then for the wedding, strip off the accessories, switch into purple or pink or yellow heels, add a bright scarf or necklace, take off the bandana, and yay, you’re wedding appropriate.

      • Something like this would work, stripes are SO piratey.


        • Sorry, missed the no spending money part. But this dress is so cute! I want it for myself. :-)

          • That’s a fantastic and appropriately-pirate-y dress. You are amazing.

          • a passion for fashion :

            i’d spend the money and get the dress. add a bandana, sword, eye patch, and maybe some gold chains for the pirate party, then remove all that and just wear some black heels and black earrings/neckless.

    • White pirate shirt over the dress you’re wearing to the wedding, with a thick belt and eye patch.

    • SoCalAtty :

      There is an Etsy seller called “Damsel in this Dress.” Her stuff is FANTASTIC. I have 2 of her corsets, and they are worth the splurge, especially if you get one that can be reused for other events.

    • I got a “lady pirate vest” at my local costume shop a few years ago. I’ve worn it for lots of different costumes (pirate, gypsy, beer wench, etc.). It is a tight vest that laces up below your bust. It can turn lots of dresses into a pirate outfit.

      Add a scarf on your head, hoop earrings, and boots. Good to go.

  7. This is probably a long shot, but does anyone here work in the field of international development (or know someone who does)? I’m trying to break into it, and all my attempts thus far have been fruitless. I know this is an extremely difficult field to break into, and it’s really about connections, but my resume seems to be going straight to the recycling bin of prospective employers.

    • I have also tried to break into this and related fields and it is pretty difficult. Tried several times with USAID type positions (i am an attorney, so think foreign service attorney positions) UN positions, etc. and have gotten nowhere. My husband’s cousin recently got a one year fellowship with the health department of a developing country doing something to do with epidemiology (don’t know the specifics) – her particular discipline is health related. I know she tried for several years to get international development type positions with no luck. She eventually went back to school to get an MPH with an emphasis on international public health, did some great research along the way, made some good connections and eventually landed the position. Do you already have a degree in an international development type field? I think that helps.

      • I have both an BA and and MA in sociology, focus on international relations, and in my current positions, I oversee field operations in US territories… soooo I’m not too far off the beaten path! I have thought about doing something similar to what your husband’s cousin did, and going back to school and getting another advanced degree more tailored to the international field, and a doctorate is an option since I know those are highly desired in this field.

        Good luck to you in your quest – it’s tough out there.

    • I actually have some friends who do, both work for NGOs in DC. One was unemployed for a while but landed a great job, the other was such an all star going into it (ivy ba, oxford ma, us embassy internship in a super interesting tumultuous country, was a founding editor of an english language daily in indonesia….plus the most likeable person). Jobs are out there but it seems like they are incredibly rare or hard to break in.

      No good advice, just good vibes your way!

    • Anonymous :

      Do you speak 2-3 languages? If so, that will help a lot. If not, while job searching start learning French and Spanish, Arabic, Mandarin, or something based on the regions where you want to work. I speak Japanese, a spattering of Afrikaans, and intermediate Spanish, and read French, so when I went looking into development, US government agencies were falling over themselves to hire me (mostly b/c of language background). There are few Americans who speak multiple languages and can easily pass a background check.

      Also, experience grant writing will help. . . so start doing that free lance now.

      • Hi anon, do you have any suggestions as to where to find freelance work for grant writing in intl. dev?

        • freelance- there’s a microvolunteering site with that but blanking on name.. will come to me. something short and catchy targeting younger crowd.

      • DC is center of this in US, so you need to be on ground there if not already. Or, try foundations in other cities or volunteering abroad first.

    • International Development... :

      Email me at non.anon at yahoo dot com. I am traveling right now so may not respond right away but I’ll get back to you.

    • I did this for a few years before law school (definitely not long enough to call it a career). I started out with a volunteer fellowship position in a developing country and networked from there. If you are going the NGO route instead of the government route, know that the job searching never ends. Most people I knew had cobbled their careers together with successive postings at different organizations lasting somewhere between a few months and a couple of years. I know little to nothing about headquarters work though.

    • I went through the same issues when I tried to break into the field. Languages will definitely help, particularly Arabic, French, or Spanish. The other factor is experience. Experience, especially on the ground in a developing country, will go far. For a lot of people I know who now work in the field, this meant going to a country and working or volunteering with local NGOs.

      I ended up getting an advanced degree in international relations, but I don’t think that helped me get the job so much as all the internships/research I did while I was in school. Nobody even asked about my degree and the focus was completely on what work/volunteer experiences I had in the field. Experience in managing money and programs, attracting money/programs, grant writing, project evaluations, etc. are also helpful.

  8. I don’t wear lipstick, but cannot live without some kind of lip balm. Do you have any you love? My lips have been so dry lately, so I think it may be time to try something new.

    • If you are willing to invest some money into it, the Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment SPF 15 is basically unbeatable in terms of actually treating the chapped lips. Seriously its like a miracle balm, but its also kind of pricy. It comes in both non-colored and colored varieties.

      • Also, when you go in the store, there is something they have you use first that kind of exfoliates your lips before you apply the lip balm…don’t know if its available commercially though, but it adds to the effect.

        • Okay, seriously sorry for the three posts in a row, but its the Fresh Sugar Lip Polish, which I think is the actual miracle worker (might actually work with any high quality lip balm chapstick.) All done now.

          • I got a mini tube (so cute) in my May Birchbox. First time in a while that my Birchbox was decent. I have been applying it like it’s no one’s business.

      • I like to put on eucerin, or even just plain old vaseline, before bed. It does wonders for chapped and dried lips, and I wake up with soft lips every morning. During the day, I like Burts Bees.

        • PharmaGirl :

          I do the same… vaseline at night and burts bees during the day. I use very drying lipstick (24-hour something-or-other) so the extra TLC at night is necessary.

      • Seconded — I really love the Fresh Sugar lip treatments. Hard to get over the $22 price, but it is worth it.

      • Agree, the fresh lip treatment is so so worth it.

    • Always a NYer :

      Clinique Chubby Sticks for tinted lip balm. For really dry, chapped lips I swear by Rosebud Salve in a Tube. I have a tube of it everywhere – purse, car, desk at work, nightstand by bed.

      • Former MidLevel :

        I second Rosebud Salve. I use the version in the pot, and I love it.

        • I am OBSESSED with Rosebud Salve. Love that stuff.

        • This is my favorite. I prefer it to the Fresh Sugar.

          As for lipstick, Laura Mercier Gel Lip Color is amazing. Its limited edition (WHY???) and I had to order it from Amazon because every store around here was sold out.

        • Anonymous :

          LOVE this stuff, feels so luxurious.

    • Pangea organics lip balm (originally tried via birchbox). Love it.

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

      I love the Blistex Medicated Lip Balm as a basic to fill in between the times I lose my mind enough to go into Sephora and purchase the Fresh Sugar.

    • phillygirlruns :

      blistex medex (in a blue pot) for the very dry times; regular ol’ chapstick (cherry or strawberry) every damn day.

      • Addicted to this stuff (the Blistex Medex in the blue pot). I have 8-9 going at any given time (various bags, nightstand, dresser, car glove box, office desk drawer, etc.).

    • Rosebud Salve during the day; Lahsinoh (n*pple cream for nursing) at night. You can order it on Amazon and my CVS carries it. I used it in a pinch once when I couldn’t find lip gloss one day and it is awesome.

      • Lady of the Lake :

        Second Lansinoh. I’ve always used it on my kids’ lips if they get badly chapped, because I know it’s fine for them to ingest – and you know that’s going to happen when your toddler sticks her thumb in her mouth immediately after you apply it! It worked so well on theirs that I’ve used it on mine as well.

      • Love Rosebud Salve. Love it.

    • I have been using these little capsules of lip serum, and while they don’t feel as waxy as lip balm, they have made a huge difference in the texture of my lips. I haven’t had dry lips in 5+ months, and I used to have them all the time. I use the whole Rodan + Fields line now, but this is my favorite little product. I get 3-4 days (morning and night) out of each capsule & have had the same jar since Christmas, with at least a month’s worth left (in case the price is freaking you out.)


    • I love the Fresh Sugars, but I used the tinted ones. For plain balm, I love Aveda’s lip balm.

    • Also, so sorry for the downer note, be sure to get your blood sugar checked.. Dry lips can be an early symptom of something screwy going on there.

  9. Nail polish question — so it’s time for a mani-pedi & I love red on my fingers, but get flummoxed by what to do with my toes. I usually do either a matching red or a neutral/pale pink like bubble bath. Anyone have a fun color combo to help me break out of this rut?

    • Senior Attorney :

      I like to do a deeper or sparklier version of what’s on my fingers. Like, red fingers and sparkly red toes. Or light gray fingers and graphite toes.

    • K in... Transition :

      I was doing teal on my toes for a long time, then I switched to a shade that changed based on the angle of the light… right now, I’m rocking silver. (It’s magnetic polish but I could never get the magnetic part to work so I just keep it because I like the color)

      • Always a NYer :

        What’s the deal with magnetic polishes? Are they really magnetic or am I missing something? =p

        • manomanon :

          supposedly you wave a magnetic stick (that comes with the polish) across the polish while its wet- super close but not touching- and it makes stripes or patterns based on how you do it…
          I haven’t tried it yet- I got some in my last Julep box so we will see

          as for toes- I put the super nutty colors I can’t rock at work on them- neon orange, purple, mega sparkles etc.

        • Yep – the magnet is in the cap or something. I got some for my niece for her birthday.

    • I like red and purple together. Try to think of it in terms of clothing – usually helps me coordinate without matching

    • How about a coral twist on your regular colors? Essie Ole Caliente (coral red) on your fingers and a peachy-pink on your toes? Links to follow.

    • Gunmetal gray, purple, orange/coral, or a sparklier version of the red on your hands

      • I almost always have gunmetal on my toes. Goes with everything. Fingerpaints Meet me at the Met.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I saw someone last week with gold polish on her toes that looked fantastic. If you have the right skin tone for it, I vote gold.

    • I had OPI Turquise and Caicos on my toes for awhile and it was lovely and made me happy every time I saw my toes. Right now I have a coral/orange color. Both would be lovely.

    • Kontraktor :

      I have a goldy color I like a lot for my toes- Chanel Peridot. It looks gold it most lights but sort of metallic-y green in others. I think it’s a really nice neutral.

    • One of my current favorite combos is pale gray fingers (OPI Moon Over Mumbai) and pinky-coral toes (OPI Mod-ern Girl). I have also enjoyed purple/coral combos, and am probably going to do turquoise/coral whenever I get around to painting my nails.

    • you guys are awesome!! thanks so much for the suggestions. i am most looking forward to my mani-pedi now.

  10. Etiquette question – I’m attending a wedding at the end of this month. The bride and groom were both at my wedding last year and gave us a nice present. Their wedding invitation says “no gifts please, your presence is blessing enough” — but I’d feel pretty weird not giving them anything. What to do?

    • I would take them at their word and get them a beautiful card.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I always feel weird not giving gifts. If you can afford it, I would get a nice card and note inside that in celebration of their wedding, you’ve made a donation to a charity they support in their name.

      • I love this idea of donating in their name to a charity.

        My other suggestion would be to get them a gift certificate to some high end restaurant that they wouldn’t otherwise go to so they can treat themselves – wait until they get back from their honeymoon and then give it to them as a “welcome home” gift.

    • You could get them a very nice card and if you know where they are going on their honeymoon, maybe a Zagat’s guide or something similar to the locale (I know before my honeymoon I had exactly zero minutes to plan). Ooh, or you could get a map of the area and circle key locations and then just right in little notes about it that you looked up on the internet. That way you do something thoughtful, but its not really a “gift”.

      Plus, if you know they are actively involved with a charity, I do think that’s a nice idea.

    • My husband and I tend to give nice gifts, but we asked for no gifts at our wedding. I would estimate that about half of our guests still gave us gifts, which were totally unexpected but generally lovely. The reason we asked for no gifts was (i) almost all of our guests were traveling; (ii) we lived in big city in a small apartment; and (iii) we had accumulated most things that we “needed” already.

      I would say gifts are not expected, and you should not feel required. Here are some of the things that we got that we loved: (i) gift certificates for date nights to nice restaurants and (ii) gift certificates for places that sell furniture. We also got some nice cutting boards and dish towels- things that you always need. Someone gave us a kitchaid mixer and someone else gave us an immersion blender- both of which we have used a lot.

      If I would have registered, the one thing that I would have wanted was really nice towels and sheets. These are things that people tend to skimp on for themselves, but it is nice when starting a new marriage to have good linens.

    • Thanks for the suggestions all! I’m travelling to another city for the wedding, but could certainly mail her a ‘welcome home’ gift later. I love the idea of a donation to charity as well and will give that some thought to see if I can figure out the perfect one.

    • My go-to in a situation like this is a donation to a charity you know they love or support. If you have absolutely no clue what their preferences are, a gift to their alma mater(s) works, too.

      • Be careful with this. If anyone gave a gift to either of my universities in my name I would be pissed. Maybe not so much my UG, since they were just sort of big and clueless, but definitely my LS since I feel they scr*wed me over big time.

        • I also will never give money to my LS for similar reasons, but I would not be annoyed with someone who did so in my name. I would take it as a thoughtful gesture and hope that the money went to good use.

          • I wouldn’t necessarily be annoyed with the person, just annoyed that the law school got more money it doesn’t need. My LS is constantly putting the guilt trip on us for being the “lowest donating class” since whenever, regardless of whether or not that’s true, I graduated in 2008. Of COURSE the school is not getting donations, half my class got laid off! Maybe more! Plus, the year after I graduated, they got a huge donation, they’re not hurting for money, they’re just greedy.

    • DC Association :

      How about sending them a gift on their one-year anniversary instead? Now that would be a huge surprise and totally unexpected.

      • Anonymous :

        I also asked for no gifts at my wedding and was surprised how many people did not honor our request. I think if they ask for no gifts, then that means no gifts. But I think the anniversary gift is an amazing idea! I was floored at how many people send me an anniversary card or note and commented on how much fun they had at our wedding. That meant more to me than any wedding gift ever could. So drawing from previous posts, I would say send high-end linens for an anniversary gift!

    • My wedding was no gifts as well. We were grown ups already and had just combined two households. Did not need anything! Some people got s things. The only two I remember were a bottle of French Champagne sent to our hotel room two hours before the wedding, and a set of Riedel wine glasses some coworkers chipped in on, as thy knew I was really into rhones and the glasses are specific to that style of wine.

  11. PSA: Bl**mingdales is having an awesome sale, especially in the Home Department. Anyone who has bedroom/bathroom/kitchen needs should check it out. I wasted an hour today looking at the pretty things.

  12. Writing Insecurity :

    How long does it take you to draft a brief/opinion? Not a memo, but something significant to be filed. I am a second-year judicial clerk, and I just finished a draft of an opinion and order regarding a relatively complex contract interpretation issue. The opinion is only 6 pages long – but I have been working on it since 8 this morning, creating an outline also, and with a break for lunch. Is an hour a page an appropriate amount of time to spend? (This includes citations, looking up standards in Lexis).

    I am just worried than when I step out into private practice in 3 months, I’m going to be hated/fired for what seems to me a very slow pace, even though I’m busting my butt.

    • That seems quite fast actually, especially if you weren’t already familiar with the issues raised and had to do some research. I only had a handful of one day cases as an appellate clerk- and those were all cases with short briefs and involved recurring issues so that I could copy standards/format from an opinion I’d already written.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Everybody thinks they take too long. EVERYBODY. Sounds like taking a day to do a significant opinion and order is just fine.

      And whatever you do, don’t write down your time once you get to the firm because you think you are too slow. It’s a huge temptation, but you need to resist. Really.

      Repeat after me: Everybody thinks they work too slow, and you are doing just fine.

      • This is my fear – that there will be a six page motion for summary judgment, and I will be laughed out of the office because I have to put down TWO DAYS on my time sheet. But if you say to, I will.

        • Former MidLevel :

          She is totally right. Do not cut your own time. Push yourself to work effectively, but don’t worry about this. If, in the unlikely event, you DO spend too much time on something, the partner can adjust the bill accordingly.

        • Senior Attorney :

          I do say so! Trust me on this! :)

        • Gail the Goldfish :

          nah, that’s fine. We have to request approval of time from our clients before drafting summary judgment motions in our office, and we usually request at least 40 hours just for drafting, and then another 10 for research, and still usually go over the approved time, at least for the drafting/reviewing. Admittedly our SJ motions are more like 25 pages, plus expert affidavits, but it will always, always seem like it’s taking longer than it should.

      • Completely agree with senior attorney!!! Do not write down your time (the partners will be doing PLENTY of that, trust us). Plus in private practice you are sometimes bound by small page limits and it can be tough to cover a complicated issue in 5 pages or 10 pages. Sometimes I spend half a day figuring out how to cut something down.

        Legal stuff can be complicated. It takes awhile. One day to do a six page opinion on a complicated issue sounds fast to me.

      • SoCalAtty :

        I completely agree. I used to think I was WAY too slow when I first started in private practice, and I was spending about an hour a page. I still spend about that if the issue isn’t too complicated (straightforward demurrer, ex parte, motion to strike) but on a motion for summary judgment or something more tricky? 2 hours a page, or maybe even more, isn’t unusual. I just finished a 15 or so page appellate brief, and I’m sure I spent a week on it. My thought is that a judicial opinion is closer to an appellate brief than a demurrer, so I think you’re good.

        PS I really love this discussion, because I think sometimes we bill in a vacumn and don’t have anyone to compare ourselves with (other than the people who wear metaphorical t-shirts that read “I billed 2400 hours last year, yipeee!”) (I’ve done that, and there is nothing “yipee” about it.)

    • MaggieLizer :

      1 -1.5 hours per page including research time is about average for me. I just did a bench memo recently that took a bit longer because I had to re-read the parties’ submissions several times and do my own research.

    • D. Ct. Clerk :

      Also, I wouldn’t focus so much on the page length. Writing short opinions can sometimes take much longer than short ones, and vice-versa.

      • I know you didn’t mean to write short and short, but I have to say it made me laugh out loud especially with vice versa then added. :-) Short and short or short and short, it make a difference!!!


    • a passion for fashion :

      thats crazy fast.

      and FWIW, stuff always takes way longer than you think it should.

    • Once I’ve read all the research and any important cases and generally have an idea of what I want to say, I figure an hour per page of just pure writing time.

    • Alanna of Trebond :

      It was my impression that if you are a new attorney, you should write how much time it actually took, and the partner on the case will review the billing and write off your time if he or she feels that it was too long? Obviously, when I was a summer, some clients were unwilling to pay for summer time at all, but no one ever made fun of me for the hours I took writing something. Plus, it seems that you are not so slow after all.

    • It all DEPEND’s on the ISSUE. If the ISSUE is dificult, it will take alot of time to phrase the issue and then discus it intelegentley. When I drafted my first POST trial Breif, the manageing partner literaly ripped it up and said I did NOT know how to write!

      OMG, I was realy pissed off b/c I got a B in MOOT court and the TA said I was very smart and very persuaseve. He said he was going to give me a B+, but He changed his mind b/c I would NOT go out for a beer with him. FOOEY. I wanted a B+

      Anyways, the manageing partner now LIKES everything I write. I learned just to COPY the old breif, and just change the name’s and the date’s in every place.

      I cant wait to meet my MOM and go shoppeing in New Jersey!

      The day is OVER and I will NOT work at all this weekend!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!

    • That seems really fast to me.

    • (warning, geek reference incoming)
      Hofsteader’s Law: It always takes longer than you think it will, even when you take into account Hofsteader’s Law.

    • Two hours billable per page unless you are copying from another pleading or the issues are simple. Nobody really cares so don’t worry about it unless you are missing deadlines. More hours = a more polished pleading. Also, more billable hours = more collections for the firm. So don’t write your time down. Ever.

  13. hey dudes,

    I’m speaking at a CLE next month on employment law; part of my presentation will cover discrimination in hiring. I want to make it “fun” by giving some real-life examples of wildly inappropriate interview questions. So far I have quite a lot of Are you married? Are you planning to have children? How do you feel about taking a job away from a deserving man? (seriously)

    If you’ve ever had to field a ridiculous interview question and don’t mind sharing, I’d really a
    love to hear the horrors!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      My black friend told me she once went to an interview where the interviewer asked, “And we have a strict dress code here. Your hair naturally, is it curly? Or is it like that?” (Like that meaning the chin length, relaxed hair done the way she normally does it).

    • I don’t know if this fits, but I interviewed a while back for a job that would have required me to move to work there. The interviewer noted from my resume where I was currently living and I stated that if I got the job that planned to relocate to the area. To which he responded, “Well you’ll have to find a roommate.” Because apparently a single, young female can’t live alone? Yeesh.

      • Either that, or he was trying to hint to you that his company’s pay was so craptastic, that he knew no one could afford to live in that area w/o a roommate. ;-)

    • I recently interviewed an older female attorney for an article I’m writing. She told me that at the beginning of her career she was once asked in an interview what kind of birth control she was using.

    • MaggieLizer :

      “How much does your childcare cost?” I do not have children.

      “Do you plan to come back full time once you have children?” I did not mention wanting to have children, I have never been pregnant, and I am not married.

      A PARTENER at STAIRED at my legs the ENTIRE interview. FOOEY on him! But seriously, that happened.

      Another interview didn’t involve inappropriate questions but really turned me off the company because they repeatedly emphasized how great their maternity leave, flexible hours, daycare credit, etc. were. I interviewed with 8 people the same day a male candidate was interviewing. I asked him if they had emphasized the family-friendly atmosphere and he seemed surprised and said they hadn’t mentioned it. I got an offer but did not accept.

      • Former MidLevel :

        The focus on maternity leave and similar also really turned me off when I was doing law-firm interviews.

        • I can see how that would be offensive but as someone who would love their 6-mo paid leave (I get 6 weeks partial pay at my company)… I can also see why they want to highlight it. Really good benefit. I’m about to be unpaid half the summer and none too thrilled about it.

          • Former MidLevel :

            That makes sense to me. If I’d gotten the spiel presented as “look how great our benefits are,” I think it would have come across very differently. In my case, I got more of: “you’re female, therefore OBVIOUSLY your #1 concern relates to family benefits.” It wasn’t offensive, per se – but it did leave a bad taste in my mouth.

      • I wouldn’t let that turn you off. We can’t ask candidates these questions so I usually say something like “I don’ tknow if this applies to you, but I like to tell everyone x, y and z” and just tell them about some of our great policies.

        • MaggieLizer :

          Oh I 100% agree that benefits like that should be mentioned up front because they can be a great selling point. It’s offputting, though, when every single interviewer – of 8 interviewers – talked at length about maternity, flexible hours, and child care, and continued to talk about it when I tried to divert the conversation to something else. And didn’t do the same to the male candidate.

        • I agree with MaggieLizzer. It’d be one thing to hand out a benefits summary which includes such things, along with sick leave and stuff that applies to everyone, to every candidate as a selling point. But to shower every female candidate with maternity leave benefits would be most offensive. I’ve never wanted children and certainly wouldn’t pick a job based on maternity benefits, but being told about them insistently would absolutely give me the impression that this is a job where I’d be expected to take second place in career development.

    • Kontraktor :

      I moved because my husband relocated and I was moving with. I had an interview in a then-local office with a firm that was interviewing me for a position in my new city. I was first asked why I was relocating… okay, fair enough. I said, “My husband is being transferred with his job, so we are relocating together after a period of geographic separation.” But then I was asked the follow up of, “What does your husband do?” Okay, gray area… I answer, “He’s in the aerospace industry,” trying to keep it broad. But THEN I was asked, “Well, what is his job specifically?” Sadly I felt flustered and felt compelled to answer honestly (with his military position) but I felt really uncomfortable and I feel that type of question can’t be legal…

      • Because I’m fully in touch with my Inner B*tch, I’m not sure I would have been able to handle the question as nicely as you did. I might have bust out with a testy “are you interviewing my husband for this job or me? “

      • PharmaGirl :

        I’ve experienced that type of questioning during an interview and assumed it was just friendly conversation.

        • SpaceMountain :

          It could be they don’t want to hire a military spouse who is going to move in 3 years. I don’t know if this is legal, but it’s certainly one of the reasons it’s so hard for military spouses to get jobs.

          • Kontraktor :

            I think this was it, at least I sensed it was because I think I got a question after that about how long I was planning on being in the new area. I am about 99% sure it’s illegal to discriminate based on military status- I was just surprised the person would be so blatant about asking a direct, basically primed for discrimination type question. Not only that, but an interviewer shouldn’t be judging on something like that anyway becaus ehe/she has no idea what a family’s military comitments are in terms of time, for one thing, and for another, well, you make plans and then life happens- for all anybody knows, their military spouse could get in a car crash tomorrow and be medically discharged. It’s just not relevant information.

          • PharmaGirl :

            Ah, I didn’t think of that, not being familiar at all with military. It does cross the line.

    • AnonetteII :

      True story from a Dallas interview: “I’ve been known to have a hot temper. Are you going to cry if I yell at you?”

      • My current boss did say in my interview that he cursed a lot and if that was something that was going to offend me, I shouldn’t take the position. His cursing doesn’t offend me, but his other comments…

      • “The last guy I hired turned out to be legally blind and can’t drive but I can’t fire him because of the ADA. Do you have a driver’s license?”

        Sadly, I took the job.

      • “In this office, we work hard, but we party hard too.” [looks at my resume] “But I see you’re familiar with that.”

        Um, thanks?

    • Vintage Lawyer :

      “How do you keep such a good figure?” Honest to God.

    • I had been laid off due largely to economic reasons at a law firm in the height of the recession (over a 1/3 of my department was let go), and the partner I was interviewing with made me explain why the firm had decided to keep each associate that was still employed at the firm instead of me.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      How often do you work out? What specifically do you do when you work out? [May have been related to the job since it was working at a group home w/ troubled kids. Not sure if he wanted to know if I’d be able to model good behaviors or be strong enough to restrain them. Either way, it came across hella creepy and I declined a second interview.]

      This one I totally opened the door on accidentally – you know those yellow live strong bracelets? I was wearing a purple one that I wore all the time and forgot to take off for my mock interview in law school. The interviewer asked me what charity it was for. It was for the Crohns and Colitis foundation. Which led to “oh, what got you interested in that?” Which led to, oh, I have Crohns. I spun it well and talked about all the great leadership roles and research I had been able to do through my work with the organization and how I learned a ton about the ADA and reasonable accommodations.

      In the feedback phase the mock interviewer said I handled that great and he learned something new too. He hadn’t thought before how asking about a charity or bracelet could lead to a candidate feeling forced to disclose a disability. I said if I really wanted to keep it a secret, I wouldn’t be wearing the bracelet, though in reality, I at that time was not disclosing it to future employers and had simply forgot it was there.

    • interview question :

      “Sooo…. how would you handle working with all guys? Because, um, in this industry, um, sometimes… there’s um… well, what I’m trying to say is, it can be a little crass and kind of grab-a$$. Wait, not that anyone would do that to you, but just, you know, the atmosphere. So, how would you handle that?” (this is response to a less awkward question about how I’d handle working with mostly male colleagues and I said I’m sure it would be fine, I’ve worked with men, and I have a husband, brother, and dad, so it’s not like I haven’t been around men my whole life)

    • Anon for this :

      you have to read this in the correct mental voice, but when I was at an interview lunch, the interviewer ordered a salad that wasn’t on the menu and then said as an aside: “it’s really great to be a regular here – it really impresses clients, especially female clients, to be able to order secret dishes.” Then when the salad arrived, he asked if I wanted a bite off of his plate.

      • Was it good?

        • Anon for this :

          heh. I awkwardly said no thank you. the whole lunch makes me feel squicky just recalling it – another choice quote was “I’m the hiring manager, so you know, you really only have to impress ME.” No idea how I managed to keep a straight face long enough to shake hands outside the restaurant and part ways.

      • This is pathetic on so many levels. First, the attempt to impress, second, making it about female clients. And third, a salad? LOL.

        What exactly is supposed to be impressive about his sad diet food? You’d think he’d have ordered something really exotic, difficult to source and difficult to prepare.

        • Anon for this :

          we were at a steakhouse and it was a chopped salad. To be honest it looked pretty bad, as chopped salads go – so finely chopped you could almost have used a spoon to eat it. it certainly fit with his dated attitude toward everything else.

    • A good friend of mine was interviewing at a religious — Catholic — organization. His last name is “Solomon” and the interviewer said, “Solomon…so is that Jewish?”

    • River Song :

      “We didn’t know someone so accomplished would be so young.”

      I didn’t get the job. My consolation was that Anne of “Anne of Green Gables” was told nearly the exact same thing by the headmistress at her first teaching position.

      • Slightly different, but at my Summer Associate welcome cocktail party (there were only two of us) the partner introducing us, who is a sweet old man, said “You wouldn’t guess it since they look so young, but they both WORKED before law school!” Like this was the most amazing thing ever.

    • Not sure if this works, but I got the most ridiculous answer once. I asked about culture at a large law firm. The partner said “It’s like the freaking rainbow connection around here. We’ve got Mexicans, orientals, blacks, jews, women . . . ” Needless to say, I wasn’t too broken up when I didn’t get that job.

    • “You know, you might have to get dirty, and you’ll be working mostly with men” – asked during an interview for a safety job at a very messy factory. I was wearing an interview suit and heels (the male candidates were also wearing suits). Safety jobs are always messy (and usually working with mostly men) and it wasn’t my first safety job. I asked a couple other candidates, and no one else got that question. Luckily I was thinking on my feet and answered, “Well, I wouldn’t work in safety if i didn’t mind getting dirty. Aren’t all safety jobs that way?” I ignored the men comment.

    • This is hilarious. Someone once asked me in an interview “what was the last thing that made you cry” umm…this question?

      I’ve also been asked if I was married, and if/when we were planning to have children. That one seems pretty typical, sadly.

      • I agree that the “are you married” question is pretty typical. I recently interviewed for a summer position at an educational institution and was asked by the (female) interviewer. For law jobs in the South, I somewhat expect it from the good ol’ boys, but I was a little taken aback to get the question from another woman.

    • “We expect our female employees to wear more makeup than *gestures to me* that.”

      Uh, yeah, pulled my application right after that.

      • SoCalAtty :

        I’ve just had the typical “are you planning to get married” (before I did) and “are you planning on having kids” (after I started wearing my ring to interviews). I’ve had a few political questions (“who did you vote for in the last presidential election”), but the worst have been after the interview. One particularly great nugget was “you can be a good lawyer or a good parent, but not both.” This from someone with kids! Another was “oh, you just bought a house? We like new homeowners, because they need money and have great billables.” Ok…that one was said semi-jokingly because I was already the 2nd highest biller in the office, but still. Same firm, pregnant women or those with kids would be threatened with the “mommy track” if they ever left for an appointment or had any issues whatsoever.

        I had a friend interviewing for her residency, and she had the Dr. interviewing her note her complexion and start talking about “you people get all the funding, and you people this, and you people that…” She grew up right outside of Sacramento and went to undergrad with me. It was pretty offensive….luckily she matched somewhere else.

        • SoCalAtty, I had a partner say a similar thing to me about not being able to be a good mother and a good lawyer. I blasted him for the comment and gave my notice two weeks later. Unbelievable the nerve of some people!

          I had a male interviewer ask me several years ago if I was married and when I replied yes, he asked me for how long. When I told him two years, he said “That’s good, so you’re past the honeymoon stage and not stupid enough to have kids yet.” Ummm…ok.

    • I once had an interviewer ask me (1) what my husband would do if I got the job (it was in a different city) and (2) what my father did for a living.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Oh! I got asked if my husband would be able to survive at home without me if I had to travel for work. I laughed and said yes, I can’t survive when he travels. He cooks and cleans and I (cue long pause realizing I do nothing) and the interviewer laughed and said “watch football?” And I laughed and said, yeah, exactly. I actually got that job and ended up really liking that interviewer in real life but that question was really sexist and insulting.

    • Someone once asked if I went to my prestigious tech school undergrad (think MIT/Caltech) to find a husband.

    • I have not landed an analyst position because the interviewers only want to sleep with me.

    • During a chatty interview that was part of law school on-campus recruiting, it came up that I was originally from Bloomington, IN. The (male) interviewer, from a major NY law firm, said, “Oh, that’s where the Kinsey Institute [for Sex Research] is.” “Uh, yes; most people mention Bob Knight [still there at the time; I’m old], or maybe Breaking Away.” “Well,” he replied, “sex is my thing.” Thud.

    • Why do you need health insurance? Doesn’t your husband have coverage?

    • Did you cohabitate with your husband before you were married? == question posed to me at big firm interview by hiring partner.

      Are you aware that our dress code does not permit ethnic earrings? ==During q&a with recruiting director after a big firm OCI callback. I was wearing small pearl studs as always. And we weren’t discussing the firm dress code at that time. I was too nervous to ask what was an ethnic earring but have often wondered. Giant gold disks stretching my earlobes down to my shoulders? Or shrunken heads? Yes but I save those for hearings. Twigs and beads? Elephant tusks? Of course, with hose and skirt suit at jury trials. Or did she mean Celtic cross or Star of David?

    • Interview Question :

      A colleague of mine interviewed with a very big company. The interviewer knew from on-campus interview that she was married. During the on-site interview, first thing he said “You are not wearing your wedding band, I am also not wearing mine (showing his fingers) and laughing” . She accepted the offer though.

    • I notice you’re engaged to a [insert job type here]; obviously that will be difficult if you get this role, what do you plan to do about it? (gotta love the military)

      -not a question but a rule: make the client feel special, but try not to sleep with them. Although obviously your adults so….

    • Anonymous :

      This didn’t happen to me but to a colleague – at a different company than our current one, the interviewer surmised from his mannerisms that he was gay and spent 10 minutes talking about domestic partner benefits, with the assumption that my colleague would . Completely inappropriate to assume someone’s sexuality unless they’ve explicitly told you!

    • Questions about my husband. It’s happened to me twice because my husband and I are in the same field. My qualifications and position are quite good, but his are … well, better. It’s SUPER-offensive to be reminded of this in job interview situations, though.

      Once at a networking event with a potential employer, the hiring manager who knew my husband was chatting me up about bringing me in for an interview, which was flattering. But then he said, “Honestly, though, we really want your husband. Can you help with that at all?” Another time, *I* was interviewing a candidate for a position at *my* company and, when he realized who my husband was, he spent the rest of the interview asking questions about my husband’s job. I decided he must rather work with my husband and did not give him a good review.

      • Anastasia :

        ugh, same here. My husband and I work in different aspects of the same field. The last company I worked for tried to hire him…I actually left that job because my supervisor cared more about my husband than about my work, and I found the way the supervisor handled the whole situation really inappropriate.

    • I skipped a grade in elementary school, and graduated from college in three years, then went straight to law school. Plus I look young for my age. At one OCI interview, a middle-aged male partner flat-out asked me how old I was.
      Me: *long pause*
      Him: It’s not a trick question
      Me: 21
      Him: How could you possibly know at 21 what you want to be when you grow up, let alone where you’d like to work?
      He spent the entire rest of the interview urging me to drop out of law school, even though I was at the top of my class.

    • anon today :

      I had “what do you do to stay in shape” once. It was for a paralegal job.

    • I have been asked if I was planning on having children… by a prominent partner at a labor and employment law boutique.

    • My recruiter when I joined the Army:

      Slimy recruiter: At your physical, you’ll need to tell the doctor if you’ve had sex before (looks at me expectantly).

      Me: OK

      Just last year prior to flying me out for face to face interviews:

      Recruiter: What’s your birthdate?
      Me: Um that’s an illegal question.
      Recruiter: But I need it to book your ticket!
      (Long involved conversation about how he’s not getting that info and oh yes well OK maybe I can just book the tix and get reimbursed.)

    • lucy stone :

      You went to a Jesuit school. Are you Catholic? Where are you planning on going to church?

      You mentioned moving here because your significant other was in the area. Are you gay?

  14. Anyone know of good restaurants to eat at in Fairfax, Virginia? My brother is graduating and I’m in charge of family dinner- there will be 20 of us- but I’m not familiar with the area. I prefer family styl, asian or indian cuisine. The closest I could find to that description is PF changs, hah, any recs???

    • “Fairfax” is pretty broad. Is this GMU graduation? How fancy a place are you looking for?

      • This is a GMU graduation. The range is probably $15-20 per person. Thanks in advance!

    • Not PF Changs. What are you looking to spend and what area exactly do you want to go to?

      I can recommend some great authentic Asian food restaurants that are family style but they’re pretty obscure to most people. Peking Gourmet Inn on Leesburg Pike and Lucky Three on Leesburg Pike are both good ones.

      • Looking to spend max $15-20 per person. I love Peking Gourmet and was considering that, alas it’s in Falls Church not Fairfax. The graduation is during lunch time so I’m sure everyone will be famished and won’t want a 25 minute drive to Falls Church.

    • This is a GMU graduation. The range is probably $15-20 per person. Thanks in advance!

    • Another Zumba Fan :

      Cee Fine Thai Dining on Fairfax Blvd. 

    • Bummer, because my suggestions were Four Sisters in Merrifield or somewhere in Eden Center (Viet Royale is my personal fave). I don’t have any good recommendations for Indian/Asian close to GMU.

      • I second Four Sisters. It’s 10-15 minutes away from GMU and there is a semi-separate party room that will fit 20 people.
        Elephant Jumps (Thai) is also in the same area; they do regular dining but might accommodate a family-style party esp in the off hours.
        For Chinese, China Star at Fair City Mall makes the best food but it seems just too casual… I’ve always gotten takeout there and never dined in.
        I’ve read good reviews of the Blue Ocean (Japanese) but have never eaten there.

    • Bombay Bistro is pretty good and not too far from GMU.

    • Alanna of Trebond :

      I like Bollywood Bistro (Indian) and Asian Bistro (asian, obvi) at the new shopping center they opened downtown. We held my parents’ anniversary party at Asian Bistro, and they were extremely helpful. Minerva at the other shopping center (the one on 50 with the hooters) is also quite good, but a larger venue.

      I also like Wine House in the same shopping center (the first one, with a Panera and a Potbelly and some other stuff, closer to the city hall), but it is a bit more expensive and not family style. We held my sister’s graduation party at Bombay Bistro, and it was also nice, but I think I like Bollywood Bistro better.

      • omg, Wine House is my parent’s new favorite restaurant, they are right down the street. Holla Fairfax!

    • Richmond Lawyer :

      My sister is graduating from Mason next week, too! Congrats to your brother!

      I don’t have any good recs for Fairfax, but second all the places mentioned in Falls Church (where I grew up)

  15. ChocCityB&R :

    So Nordstrom is the favorite department store of the wealthy: http://www.businessinsider.com/wealthy-shoppers-prefer-nordstrom-2012-5?nr_email_referer=1&utm_source=Triggermail&utm_medium=email&utm_term=The%20Life%20Select&utm_campaign=TheLife%20Select%202012-05-11

    No wonder I only shop at Forever 21 :-)

    • I’m not wealthy and I still prefer Nordies. I just don’t pay full-price. But what’s nice is that they still treat you like a fully fledged human being if you don’t pay full-price. :-P

    • That’s a pretty silly study. Of course more people making $150k + shop at Nordstrom than Barney’s or Bergdorf’s. There are Nordstrom stores all over the country, and I’m pretty sure the other two are only in Manhattan. Rich people don’t only live in New York.

      Anywho, I like Nordstrom the best because of the piano player. It makes me feel like I’m on a luxury cruise in the 1920s.

      • We don’t have a Nordstrom’s in my city, it makes me sad.

      • ditto piano player + lounges + cafe + validated parking.

      • Divaliscious11 :

        Hey – we have a Barney’s in Chicago – a few blocks from Nordstrom! Man – I’d love a Bergdorf’s!

        I am not wealthy, but I do like customer service, especially if I am spending my money.

      • Totes McGotes :

        Sadly, ours hasn’t had a piano player in ages, and the piano just sits there and taunts me as I walk by…

      • I browse Nordies for way too long just to listen to the piano! There’s always someone playing on the weekend at “my” store… not so sure about week nights.

        Then I go to other stores in the mall and get depressed at the horrible techno/pop/musak. Then I go back to Nordies to get that sound out of my head and end up buying things just so I feel like my time there wasn’t wasted.

    • Definitely not wealthy, but I do the majority of my shopping at Nordstrom’s… and fill in the rest with Forever 21 ;)

    • MissJackson :

      I feel like Nordstrom ought to be the favorite department store of everyone. Their customer service is out of this world.

    • Jacqueline :

      Love Nordstrom, but I’ve noticed a slow removal of the piano player in Chicago-area stores. They never have one at the Michigan Ave location — now it’s piped-in lite rock like every other store. I miss the refined elegance of the live piano music! Anyone else notice this at their locations?

      • manomanon :

        We lost our piano years (like 5 or 6 ago) however, shortly before that my mother saw an obituary for the piano player in the paper so we never knew if that tied into it…

  16. These sunglasses look very childish to me. Like something a 7 year old would wear? Am I that out of touch with style?

    • No, I agree. But then, I rock $5 flea market sunglasses that are large with rhinestones. But black. And I’ve gotten tons of compliments!

  17. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

    I have to go to a funeral on Tuesday. I have a black dress, but would have to expend the money to have it dry cleaned. So before I go there, is it appropriate to wear a muted color such as a dark cranberry instead of black? If I do this, should I incorporate some black into my outfit?

    Thanks in advance ladies.

    • Yes, you can wear colors other than black. I wore dark green to the last funeral I went to. And I don’t think you have to have a black item, either.

    • Kontraktor :

      I think it’s fine to wear dark colors, but I personally would probably prefer to wear black just in case the family was sensitive to that. Do you have anything gray?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      IMO it’s fine not to wear black but I would stick to cooler colors so probably wouldn’t go with a cranberry type. Navy is fine though.

      Also, it would be perfectly appropriate to wear black or gray pants and a muted color shirt as well.

    • Anonymous :

      As long as your outfit is unmemorable and nondistracting, I think you are fine.

    • another anon :

      What about a black or charcoal suit? Or just black or grey pants and black or grey top?

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

      Thanks ladies, as a law student, I have a couple of suits in my closet, so I will take a look at those.

    • I have never been to a funeral where people wore all-black – just subdued church-type clothes- but this could be a regional/cultural thing. The last one I went to I wore a black and white floral printed dress with a black cardigan on top.

    • It was nice to read all the responses. I’m in the PNW, and have been appalled at the funeral wear. I kid you not, the last memorial I went to had people wearing shorts and flip-flops. And not their nice new shorts and flip-flops, but the kind you’d wear in your yard. Meanwhile, I’m flipping out because I couldn’t fit into my black dress and was wearing a navy one instead, and had had an argument with my boyfriend over his not wearing a suit (he wore dark slacks and a button-down shirt, and was among the best dressed men there). I understand that not everyone has formal funeral wear – but please put at least the same effort into your clothes that you would going to the mall!

      //rant over. Sorry about that. It drives me crazy to go to my dad’s hometown, as it’s so different from the equally small but much more old-fashioned & formal town that I grew up in.

      • “Put some effort into your clothes”?

        Are you *sure* you’re talking about PNW?

        When do they/we ever put effort into clothes? Except if they are from REI or used for outdoor activities.

        • I’m in Seattle- feel same about a wedding I went to here- there was a woman in cargo pants, and guys in t-shirts. I thought it was so rude to the formal bride and groom. But PNW, it is. Was at a funeral in SoCal where people were in flops and flowered skirts. Depends on location.

    • Ms Basil, I think the dark cranberry or a suit would work as long as the outfit is conservative. I sing at a lot of weddings and, trust me, many people wear really inappropriate clothes (think c*cktail dresses) to funerals just because they think they have to wear black. I usually wear black or gray. I tried brown once and felt completely uncomfortable, but I was up at the front of the church in front of everyone.

      • Of course, I meant I sing at a lot of *funerals.* Sadly, I sing at many more funerals than weddings.

    • If the mere cost of dry-cleaning a dress seems like such an imposition, I’d simply skip the funeral altogether. Clearly you weren’t close to the departed one, and you won’t be missed.

  18. Yeah! TGIF :

    Happy Mother’s Day to Kat and all the other moms!

  19. Ladies, I took your advice from several weeks ago, and threw myself on the mercy of the Nordstrom lingerie department. It was kind of hilarious: the clerk was all, well, the good news is, your b**bs haven’t actually gotten smaller. You only think they have because your bras are so old. And then she asked me when I purchased the one I was wearing…and you guys, it was from my days as a VS salesgirl. IN HIGH SCHOOL (I’m four years out of law school, FYI).

    And now I have three new bras, and it’s like…HELLO, LADIES.

    Also, related to the hands thread above: has anybody tried that Clinique dark spot corrector? I am tempted to give it a shot at the age spots I have on my face and arms.

    • Ack, okay, this is the motivation I need. Do DC/NoVA peeps have recommendations for which Nordstroms to hit up (Tysons v. Pentagon City, etc.) for badly needed new lingerie?

      • I haven’t been to the one at Tyson’s but had a good experience at Pentagon City. I can’t remember the name of the woman who fitted me but she was an older Asian woman.

        • DC Association :

          Ha ha – I went there and said older Asian woman helped me. I Told her I needed new bras b/c I had gained weight. She said, “Well okay, let’s just go up only one band size and concentrate on losing the weight!”

          Anyhow, I think one cannot go wrong at any Nordstrom.

      • Casper Clone :

        Me too. We’re lucky that we have a plethora of Nordstrom’s around here – those two plus Montgomery Mall on the MD side at least. Has anyone tried one recently?

        • I go to Montgomery Mall, and it’s lovely (plus, as I mentioned above, it’s seldom without live piano on weekends).

      • Just went to the Pentagon city one last week for new bras and it was great. They also listened and only brought me the (boring colors and non-push-up) style of bra I requested, that weren’t ridiculously expensive. Love Nordstroms.

      • Pentagon City; not tried that department at the Tyson’s one.

    • Love the Clinique Dark Spot Corrector. I get adult acne and it worked very well to help with my acne scars.

    • I tried the Clinique dark spot corrector, but found much better results for a little more money going with a prescription-strength cream. My dermatologist suggested “Firm and Fade” with retinoic acid hydroquinone to address hyperpigmentation and wrinkles. best. Ever!!!

  20. Firstworld problems! :

    So my jeans were a little snug when I got dressed this morning, but I figured they would loosen up as the day went on and all would be well.
    No so!
    Instead, they seem to be growing more and more constricting by the minute and all I can do is fantasize about leaving work early so I can go home and put on some sweats!

    • Have you considered the possibility that this is more of a mental phenomenon than a physical one today?

    • I feel your pain. I am losing weight and thought I had lost enough weight to wear my of my favorite suits. The skirt zipped up fine but was a bit snug but manageable. As the day wore on, it got worse and worse. I had a function to attend after work and no chance to change! I was in agony all evening! But boy did my pjs feel good!

    • Bloating?

  21. My closest friend moved away about a year ago, and since then I haven’t been able to find many friends in my city, and now I’m the girl who spends all her time with her boyfriend or alone. I like my alone time just fine, but sometimes, I could use some friends.

    How have others made friends? I’ve tried to meet people at yoga or at meet up groups, but people don’t really seem to be interested in developing lasting friendships. Only one of my universities has an alumni network here, and it is barely breathing.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      IMO it takes time – I have lived in this city for 2 years and am only now starting to feel like I have a comfortable social routine, and still get lonely on occasion.

      My thoughts – say yes to everything. If you say no to the first few things, even out of genuine disinterest in that particular activity, people will assume you aren’t interested in hanging out and won’t ask anymore. Try and get involved in volunteer organizations or similar. Make a rule for yourself that every single day you have to get out and do SOMETHING social, even if it’s just chatting with the barista while he makes your latte.

      And above all, accept that it’s normal to feel this way and most young, single, post-college people do. You are still a good person with plenty of people who love you and want to spend time with you, even if they are not all in your city right now.

    • I have been having a similar issue. The true friends I have made after moving are all from work and all are recently married. I love them to death, however, when we get together it usually work talk which can really bring down a mood. I’m also concerned their “availability” will decrease now that they are married.

    • A lot of people I am friends with I did not know in school. I think most of them are people I met through friends of friends. I realize the friends of friends thing is difficult if you have a small social circle. Is it possible to do girls night out with the girl friends of your BF’s friends? How about joining a sports league? I think joining a sports team helps because you see the same people every week for the length the league plays. I also think it helps to take the initiative. If you meet some great people out and about, tell them you were thinking of going to an event or a show or something and invite them to it. I also think that Facebook helps for creating acquaintances that eventually become friends because it allows you to be sort of social with people that you just meet and allows them to easily invite you to events.

    • Anonymous :

      where do you live? maybe other corporettes would like to meet up?

      i actually just broke up with a boyfriend that was very possessive and insecure and realize I have lost (or made too much distance from) a lot of friends because of his neediness. Am trying to reconnect and just signed up for ballet classes, have attended a few biking events (met cool chicas there), and am just trying to reconnect with professional women. I think you just have to throw yourself out there. honestly, you probably only need one or two great lady friends to feel revived. Good luck!

      • Yep, definitely only need 1-2 good friends, I’m not looking for a whole crew! I like to bike, never thought of a biking group.

        btw, I’m in DC – anyone up for a Corporette meetup?

        • We had a DC meetup before. Maybe it’s time for one again. Send me an email to dccorporette @ yahoo .com and I’ll send out a group email.

  22. Reposting from an earlier thread:

    I think flat ironing my hair has caused it to lose its shine. Any product recommendations to bring out the shine without making my hair look a shade darker or wet.

    • moroccan oil has a spray to make your hair shiny – temporary fix but your hair won’t look wet and it smells nice

    • Aveda has a brilliant shine spray

  23. Thanking my good neighbour :

    My neighbour (who I am actually not that close to) did something really wonderful for me yesterday and I need to say thank you with more than words, but am having a hard time thinking of an appropriate thing to do.

    I live next to an elderly retired couple. We are both dog owners – well, my husband insisted we get two puppies and I went along with it to make hubby happy –although, I have now grown very attached to my pups. Anyway, hubby usually leaves the dogs in the garage while we are at work. Hubby has been out of town this week and I have been in charge of the dogs. Somehow when I left them in the grage yesterday I messed with the garage programming ,I guess (I don’t know how this happened). But anyway, it turns out that somebody else’s garage clicker in the neighborhood opened mine and my pups got out and were running the streets yesterday afternoon while I was at work and nobody was home. My neighbor saw them on a a main busy several lane street on the way out of our neighbourhood and thought they looked familiar. He said they were literally runnign on the sidewalk. He has seen my hubby walking them before. He drove home and saw that our garage door was open and saw puppy food and water in the garage and that nobody was home. He put two and two together and figured the dogs were ours and had somehow gotten out of the garage. He drove back out to find them,found them, put them in his car, climed over the fence of our backyard into the backyard to open the backyard fence and then let the puppies into our backyard. Fed them and gave them water. Then locked our backyard. I came home at about 7:30 pm and saw my garage door open and a note from him. When he told me what happened I could not stop thanking him. My dogs were safe and sound in our backyard, totally oblivious of the danger they had been in. I told my hubby– hubby called him from his trip him to say thank you. But I want to do something else –I could have lost my dogs yesterday! (and the dogs did not have their collar with the little chip for identification on, so they may never have been traced back to us). The dogs could have been killed, dognapped, etc. My neighbor could have ignored the situation. Any number of things could have happened. Any ideas on what can I do to say thanks? Maybe a gift basket or is that cheesy?

    • I honestly think a hand written note of thanks is always highly appreciated. Most people just want to be told thank you! But how about some doggie treats for their pups or a gift certificate to a local restaurant?

      • I agree about most people just wanting to be told thank you. But I’d think twice about how much better a hand-written note would be. Coming from someone so geographically close, I’d tend to interpret it as “can’t even be bothered to talk to me directly”..

    • BigLaw Optimist :

      Omg, I’m tearing up at work! What a WONDERFUL neighbor! Definitely do something … gift basket, or maybe some Omaha steaks? Nice bottle of wine — maybe one of those wine and cheese baskets??

    • Maybe a gift card to a restuarant?

    • Can you bake? Maybe bake him and his wife some cookies, with a heartfelt note, and I love the idea of treats for his dog too. Then I might add in the note that if there is ever anything you can do to help them, to let you know. Especially with older people, sometimes they need help with yard work and the like, maybe your husband when he gets home can offer to help out with that in kind of a discrete manner (not to make them feel imposed upon.)

      Anyway — that’s a very nice story. :-)

      • Ask them what you could do to help- they might tell you and have a need that would mean a lot to them!

    • anon in DC :

      As wonderful as this story is, the only thing I could focus on was you leaving your puppies in the garage all day. Why do you leave them there instead of gated into a room of your house?

      • Unfortunately that’s what I was thinking about to.. I’m hoping its like a nice finished garage, it sounds like she loves her pups very much

      • I’ve known people who do this and its really not as dire as it sounds much of the time, as long as the dogs have food, water, play things, and a comfy bed. Prevents them from getting into trouble in the house and keeps them in an enclosed space. The dog really doesn’t care that its the garage!

      • I’m genuinely curious as to why people are so horrified by this. We leave our dog in the house while we’re at work but I had been considering moving him to the garage because it’s been getting hot and he likes to lay on the concrete in there. Before reading those comments I wouldn’t have thought twice about leaving him in the garage if we moved his food/water/bed/bone in there. We live in a pretty mild climate so most of the time cold/heat in the garage wouldn’t be an issue and we have a separate shed/garage where mowers/rakes/motor oil/etc. are kept so once you take the cars out of the garage, there’s really nothing for him to hurt himself with.

        • S in Chicago :

          If you do put them in a garage, make sure it’s one where your car isn’t parked. Antifreeze (yellowy green drips) often spill out of cars and it’s very sweet tasting–and highly poisonous.

          • Thanking my good neighbour :

            Yes… we don’t park any cars in the garage. In fact we’ve never parked our cars in the garage (it’s only a one car garage). We finished the garage and used it for some storage before we got the dogs. We’ve puppy proofed it and tried to make it comfortable for them, with beds, food, water and lots of toys.

    • Whatever it is, please write him a heartfelt note and thank him in person as well. As a dog person, I totally get why this is a huge deal! I’m so glad this story had such a happy ending.

    • Thanking my good neighbour :

      Thank you all so much for the wonderful suggestions. Will probably do a combination of these – the dog treats are an excellent idea! Thank you.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Agree re: handwritten note, gift card and some treats for his dog. What a lovely thing to do!

      Also I would look into getting your pets microchipped and leaving their collars on 24/7, unless it irritates them for some reason. I do this and it gives me peace of mind that if my dog escapes, at least he has ID on him.

      • Thanking my good neighbour :

        Yes.. .I finally see the sense in leaving the collars on 24/7! We do have them micro-chipped and when my hubby is home he never takes the collars off. However, I always feel sorry for the dogs cos i see them scratching at times (although they do so less and less each day) and so I take it offwhen I am alone with the dogs and I feel like they are in a confined environment. I did not really grow up with dogs and in fact, was not a dog person until we got these two. When I called my parents to tell them what happened yesterday, my mom commented that she is suprised how attached I have gotten to the dogs given that I was not really into pets growing up. Anyway, so I am still learning some of the dos and don’ts with dogs and definitely will not be taking he collar off anymore.

        • Never ever take collars off. Our dog is the queen of the slip out to go adventuring. I don’t know how she does it. If the collars seem to bother them a lot, maybe experiment with a different collar. We have a pretty loose collar on our dog, because we use a harness for her actual leash, so we don’t need it to actually be all that secure.

          Also, if they are futzing at their neck region a lot and they are floppy eared dogs at all, you should check their ears. It can be a sign that they have an ear infection.

        • Totes McGotes :

          PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave the collars on, and PLEASE!!! keep tags with your address and phone attached. I am so sorry for the Ellen caps, but this is a huge pet peeve of mine. We have found four dogs in our neighborhood running the streets. In these cases, they had collars but no tags, which is actually more frustrating.

          I am cautious, but not generally too scared, about approaching an unfamiliar dog; but the tag (with your phone number PLEASE!!) means the difference between calling you and saying “Hey your dog got out, I’ve got him in my yard” and putting an unfamiliar dog in my car to go to Petsmart and see if they are chipped, putting up fliers, etc. etc. etc. One of the dogs we found had a little tag showing that he *was* microchipped, but he was a 120-pound rottweiler! (No exaggeration re: weight, I assure you.) He seemed like a sweetie (otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten close enough to see the tag), but guess what? I don’t have a microchip scanner at my home, and guess what else? I’m not even going to entertain the notion of putting this enormous dog in my car and driving him anywhere. Other dogs we have found, we tried to find the owners, but this big guy and his running buddy got picked up by the city and we have no idea what happened to them, but there was nothing else we could do under the circumstances. Another time we became accidental foster parents for a MONTH while we unsuccessfully tried to find the original owners.

          The puppies are worrying at the collars because they’re not used to them. They will get used to them quickly and forget that they are even on. You are so, SO lucky that your neighbor 1) saw and 2) recognized your dogs.

          I’m sorry about the rant, ladies, but this drives me so crazy because I am a good person and I want to reunite you with your animals, but if your phone number isn’t on them, there’s only so much I can do and I feel bad when I have to rehome them or call animal control, even though it wasn’t my fault at all! There are nameplates that lie flat against the collar if you don’t like jingling, but moral of the story (and please tell your friends): Microchips are important but not enough. PUT YOUR F-ING PHONE NUMBER ON YOUR DOGS!!!

          • Totes McGotes :

            Okay, I’m calming down… sorry to yell.

            If you don’t have much dog experience, all you need to know is that as long as you can easily slip two fingers under the collar, the dog has enough room to breathe without the collar coming off too easily. Just in case that was something you were worried about. Otherwise, they’re just getting used to it or may have an ear infection as TCKFAG suggests.

          • Thanking my good neighbour :

            Wow…had never thought of putting our phone numbers on our dogs. But it makes perfect sense how you have just described it. Yes…I kept telling everyone today at work that what happened with my dogs was nothing short of miraculous because sooo many things could have gone wrong.

          • You never thought of putting your phone number on your dog’s tags? Uh, that’s kind of what a tag is for.

          • Totes McGotes :

            Well, apparently it doesn’t occur to a lot of people so you aren’t alone. We have honestly considered *buying* a microchip scanner because of the number of dogs we have come across, collared (so we know someone out there loves them), but not tagged (so we have no idea who!).

            Oh and here’s my second post that got stuck in moderation:

            If you don’t have much dog experience, all you need to know is that as long as you can easily slip two fingers under the collar, the dog has enough room to breathe without the collar coming off too easily. Just in case that was something you were worried about. Otherwise, they’re just getting used to it or may have an ear infection as TCKFAG suggests.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      If you are interested in getting to know them some, how about having them over for dinner as a thank you?

      I also really like the doggie treats suggestion.

      • Thanking my good neighbour :

        This is a great great idea! thanks.

        • there are a lot of treats making dogs sick on the market lately so be careful about what you get… that would be a disaster. costco had a bunch pulled from made in china with deadly additives. it’s hard to know which ones are okay and not. says the person who gives her dog costco checkups for bad breath. but generally… i’m not crazy about when people give us dog food as i don’t know where it came from. was sitting outside grocery store in neighborhood recently, and a lady pulls out HOMEADE dog treats in a baggie out of her purse, has no dog of own! I went with it- asked her what was in them, flax, etc., and let the dog eat it- and was relieved when she was fine later. (lots of crazies in my neighorhood so you just don’t know).

    • I recently helped an elderly neighbor after she had a big fall (I was home and saw it happen so was able to get to her right away) and a few days later she came by with potted flowers. It was so unexpected and thoughtful of her! I didn’t need a thank you but was really touched.

    • Anonymous :

      I stepped out to get the mail and locked myself out of my apartment the other day (in my nightie of course) and the dogsitter saved me by coming and letting me in. . . I baked cookies and delivered them the next day. I am totally indebted to him, but I think the cookies made his day.

    • You are lucky to have such good neighbors, I’d definitely cultivate a closer relationship with them :-). Whether cookies or dog treats, do anything to show you really do appreciate what they did.

      But the part that isn’t getting addressed in the comments is the fact that your door opened. You probably didn’t do anything wrong, automatic garage door openers are not secure. There are people driving down the street clicking away, to see what goodies the many garages that inevitably open reveal. And in addition it means they can get in, close the door, and have plenty of privacy to get the door into the house opened, which is usually just a flimsy thing without as much security as the official front door. Just try clicking your own opener down some other street and see how well that works :-).

      So while I’m not feeling as indignant as other people about the concept of leaving dogs in a garage, I do think you should address the fact of leaving them in a garage that’s not secure. It’s inevitable the situation will happen again otherwise.

    • health care anon :

      I do this all the time for people. It’s so bad that my son knows it (we were driving the other day and he said “look mom, a chocolate lab” and was pointing to a car I didn’t see. I thought he was pointing in traffic, so I pulled over and flipped on my emergencies to get out and grab the dog and my son yells “no mommy it’s ok it has a person!” My son is four). I think it’s GREAT that you want to do something for them. I wrestle dogs on my way to work at least once a month, and the only time I remember even a “thank you” was about seven years ago, when I parked my car in the middle of an intersection (not my brightest moment) and grabbed an elderly golden retriever type of dog out of a busy intersection (he was literally stuck in the middle and frozen scared). I called the owner who came and go the dog and two hours later knocked on my door with homemade cookies and a handmade card from her children thanking me for finding their dog (they had been looking all day). I think a gift basket is wonderful, but a handwritten thank you is just as meaningful.

  24. Can someone help me identify/find some shoes I saw a random woman wearing yesterday?

    Classic black patent pumps, almond toe, the key identifying feature is a small gold metal circle on the back of the shoe (not on the heel, but on the body of the shoe near the top, and the leather appears to overlap a bit where the circle is located). I know I have seen these before but can’t place where, and I’d like to find a pair as they were quite lovely!


    • SF Bay Associate :

      Bet you a nickel they’re Ivanka Trump’s Indico. Link in reply to this one.

      • SF Bay Associate :


      • Has anyone tried the Indicos? I really like how they look but I have too many pairs of pumps in my closest that are uncomfortable! My favorite ones are the Ann Taylor Perfect Pumps if that helps anyone.

    • BigLaw Optimist :

      Tori Burch, I think?

      • BigLaw Optimist :

        Ack, it’s Tory. Whatevers. Link here — http://www.toryburch.com/LEAH-MID-HEEL-PUMP/41118622,default,pd.html?dwvar_41118622_color=001&start=20&cgid=shoes-heels.

    • Thanks! But no, unfortunately not either of those. Similar, circle in the same spot but the fabric overlap is horizontal not vertical, if that makes sense… sort of like a little half circle of fabric overlaps from right to left (or the other way around) and the circle is holding it down.

    • Haha. They could definitely be either of those.

    • Anonymous :

      Sounds like the MICHAEL Pressley cap toe pump by Michael Kors.

      • Anonymous :

        This is the reverse color combo, but I know different stores have different colors.


        • Hey! I recommended those once and when I have infinite money will own them in three colors. :-P

      • I think those are the ones! And I must have been wrong about how the fabric overlap is oriented. Either that or the ones I saw were knock-offs. Either way, this is exactly what I am looking for! Thank you, I knew the Hive would have the answer!

      • Legal Marketer :

        That’s exactly what I was going to suggest. I got the plain black patent ones last year, but couldn’t find them this year, so I got the other black ones linked below.
        BTW, one of THE most comfortable pairs of pumps I have ever owned and they are really holding up nicely. (I’m hard on shoes!)

  25. BigLaw Optimist :

    We have a partner here who has a serious rotation of Tory Burch shoes, and I stare at her feet every time I see her because I WANT HER SHOES.

    The Invakas are still cute though .. and slightly more affordable.

    • BigLaw Optimist :

      Ack – supposed to be in reply to SF Bay Associate. Having one of those days — but at least it’s Friday!

  26. What do you think of the Time cover? The topic has been blowing.up. at my office.

    • Please no. Please no mommy arguments about breast feeding. I just can’t handle anymore breast feeding discussions (read arguments) for at least…oh…another…EVER.

      • not a mommy :

        Was there anyone who didn’t find it creepy? I’m disclosing that I am not a mom so maybe it is not creepy at all to actual moms.

        I guess she also blogged about when her sons found her edible underwear and took pictures of them eating it. So theres that

        • SoCalAtty :

          I just hate that the mom/kid’s names are out there on the internet attached to the pic now. Totally awesome when that comes up first for any kind of interview years down the road. [That’s a sarcastic “awesome” just in case the text doesn’t get that across.] Regardless of your position on the issues, the art direction made it look awkward for a reason – to get attention.

        • I thought it was creepy, the kid looks older than 3, though. I don’t think 3 is outside the bounds of whatever for breastfeeding, but at some point, it just becomes weird and potentially abusive. Just not sure what point that is. Obviously, breastfeeding a 12 y/o is wrong, breastfeeding a 2 y/o is fine. But there has to be a line somewhere.

          • I feel like the point is when the kid will remember doing it, its weird. That kid looked old enough to remember. And her other son looks even older!

      • Anonymous :

        Agreed. I don’t care and you can’t make me.

    • I do not care. Do whatever you want that works for your family. Period. It’s nobody else’s business.

      Plus, every kid is different. My sister bf’d until she was almost 3 or so, the only way my mom convinced her to stop was because she got pregnant again with my brother. I bf’d for about 3 months according to my parents and then I was in daycare and formula fed (OR, if you listen to my parents…) walking, talking, eating solid food, and writing award winning dissertations. (Can you tell I was the oldest???)

      • I guess I’ll have to start b/f my 9 and 11 year olds again if I want to win at being a mom. Good thing my daughter got her braces off!

    • River Song :

      It’s annoying (and typical) that they went straight for shock value to sell covers. How convenient for Time that the mother pictured is also very young and conventionally attractive. I also found the article to be inflammatory instead of an actual conversation. It’s hard to be a mom. You have to do what you think is best for your child and your family while dealing with a lot of outside pressure and judgement. When it comes to nursing, many mothers–myself included–receive very little breastfeeding support, in part because we were not nursed when we were infants (my mom tried to be supportive but just didn’t get why I was doing it when formula was available), and in part because many people still criticize women nursing in public. Magazine covers and articles like this don’t help with the stigma of breastfeeding.

  27. I started drafting my first ever big, grown up motion this afternoon! I already read (and re-read) the local rules, formatted my document, did all of my research and . . . I can’t get started writing it. Luckily, my first draft isn’t due to the partner until the middle of next week, but I really, really want to do a good job. Any tips? Part of it is that the client’s argument isn’t that strong–of course this is likely why I’m being allowed to draft the whole thing rather than just a section as a first year, but it makes this thing soooo much harder to write.

    • Just get the basic argument down on paper – don’t worry about how it sounds or the structure. Just put it all on paper in the appropriate sections. Then come back and start beefing each section up.

    • Yeah, I’m right there with you. I actually have my huge report done-ish, still needs editing, but now I need to write a 1 (preferably less-than) page summary for a 25 page report. So far I have:

      *blinking cursor*

    • Senior Attorney :

      I agree. Just start writing and give yourself permission for the first draft to be crap. Likely it won’t be crap at all, but at least you will have a beginning, middle and end and you can revise it, which for me is much easier than filling up that blank screen in the first instance.

    • Smart High Schooler :

      Start writing your explanation for what you want, what happened and why you should get what you want as you would explain it to a smart high school student. When you’re done, you’ll have the beginning of an outline. Then insert real language where it belongs and delete the high school stuff. Write the introduction last.

    • Sometimes it help me to do an outline of my argument and then fill in the relevant parts of the argument under each section (not necessarily in order), and sometimes it help me just to get a stream of conciousness kind of thing on the page, and then polish and move things around. Good luck.

  28. There aren’t many attorney opportunities available for upcoming law school graduates. Is it difficult to get a job as a paralegal coming out of law school? I didn’t have experience as a paralegal before law school and I have no idea if I’d want to permanently be a paralegal. I think, from observing what the paralegals have done in my internships, that I could be really good at the job. Anyone have any advice or personal experience?

    • I would never hire a law school grad for a paralegal position. If you went to law school, you obviously want to be a lawyer, not a paralegal. I’d be worried that (a) you might think that some of the paralegal tasks were beneath you, and (b) that as soon as you found a job as a lawyer, you’d quit.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Many job listings for paralegals here in NYC specifically say no JDs. I assume it is for the same reasons that GW listed.

    • I think it would be hard to get a job as a paralegal if you are coming out of law school. Also, keep in mind if you do manage to get a job as a paralegal, you may make it very difficult to ever get a job as an attorney. You may end up permanently a paralegal by default.

    • You’re going to have to do some fancy footwork in your cover letter to convince an employer to consider you for all the reasons GW mentioned, plus the fact that they assume you will decamp as soon as you find a “real” job.

      When I was a paralegal we hired one JD and it was a bit of a catastrophe frankly. He swore up and down he wasn’t trying to “just get his foot in the door” and that he wanted to be a paralegal and yada yada yada. But as soon as he was there, he began trying to act like a lawyer in meetings, which really the paralegals needed not to be (even we, the other paralegals, saw it was a problem).

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      My former firm had two paralegals that were former attorneys. They weren’t straight out of law school, had practiced law for a bit, and just didn’t want to do it anymore. They wanted a 9-5 that they could leave at the office. I’m not sure you can make the same pitch coming straight out of law school.

    • Totes McGotes :

      “I didn’t have experience as a paralegal before law school and I have no idea if I’d want to permanently be a paralegal.”

      These are the two reasons that no one wants to hire attorneys as paralegals.

      Been There, Didn’t Get the Job Either

  29. Wedding Dilemmas :

    Hi hive!

    Here’s my dilemma. I’m invited to a black tie wedding the first part of August. I will be honored to do a reading during the Mass…the bride and her party are all wearing sleeveless but not strappy dresses for modesty, so I have the mind to do the same. At 50, I don’t need to “try too hard” and I don’t want to be a “woman of a certain age” either.

    Found these two dresses.

    In general, if I were to get a clutch to use for BOTH dresses, what color? I’m worried that black would end up being too much black. I intend black sandals and probably pearls with the black dress. Haven’t decided about the floral though.

    Links in next post.


    • Without seeing the links (which I think are in moderation) I would go with a metallic clutch or a patent clutch in a color that is in the floral (if the floral has color).

      • Oh yeah, a bright green or red clutch would be just right.

        Maybe something like this?


        • Wedding Dilemma :

          Now, why didn’t I think of that? Yes, the floral has lots of colors, pinks, purples, etc.

          I don’t know if the floral will “work” for a black tie wedding.

          Thoughts on that aspect?

          • I think its lovely and would probably be fine, with the right jewelry and accessories. I also think you could stay in the black dress, if you wanted, as its perfectly black tie.

            And if you’re in the market for a different dress and since I’m in love with this dress and have absolutely no where to where it…I will share it with you: :-)


    • Seattleite :

      I’d do silver. If I were braver I might try yellow, but the floral is a lotta dress. That’s not a snark, I LOVE it, but personally would avoid statement accessories with it.

      • Wedding Dilemma :

        Wow – that is a lovely dotted gown. Didn’t see it in the b&m shop yesterday…but I think it’s going to make me look like I’m trying too hard to be young.

        Seattleite – I know the floral is “allotta dress” and I’m waiting to receive it to decide about that. I can see the suggestion of a color matching clutch and then just some nice silver (what i wear), pearl, or black earrings without bracelets and no necklace to let the dress be “enough.” My concern about the dress for the black tie nature of it, remains until I actually “see” it. As I am reading, I’ll have alot of attention on me. I might even have to go down the center aisle with the priest etc. before the briadl party. Sadly, I won’t know that until the rehearsal/dinner night before so I have to be sure to have everything ready for both dresses.

        Was hoping to spend the money for a traditional dress and one with color to keep in the closet for any future oppoturnities and to have flexiblity that way. Been since the 1990s that I went to galas and fund raisers, so I have nothing.at.all. The symptonhy dresses are short ones, so really this has been a big surprise. I was just thinking I’d be sitting as a guest at the Mass, so was going to get a nice, but minimal (style and expense) formal and be done with it. The honor changed all that.

        What’s the thought about rehearsal dinner dresses? I am thinking a knee length fuschia NUE by shani dress (with a black lace jacket to wear at the rehearsal in the church)… which just complicates the whole clutch purchase, huh?

        • Okay. So, this is a lot of info. If you are looking for a more reusable formal dress that you might be able to use in more seasons, why not something like this:


          Frankly — unless you HAVE to wear black, I think you could also wear this to church for the reading (with or without an additional shrug).

          Another similar, lovely dress is this one:

          Just a bit more debate. Then the clutch issue would be slightly more simplified. Also, if you do need to get more than one clutch, I just got a pretty nice looking black patent clutch at Target last weekend for $14. At that price, you can get one to go with every dress!

        • Damn moderation. Okay, I will post two links in the following comments, both of which are more sedate formal gowns in lovely purple colors which I think might be more reusable and would work for different seasons.

          THis is my favorite, since you wouldn’t even need a shrug for church.


          • Another similar, lovely dress is this one:

            Just a bit more to think about.

            On the clutch issue would be slightly more simplified. Also, if you do need to get more than one clutch, I just got a pretty nice looking black patent clutch at Target last weekend for $14. At that price, you can get one to go with every dress!

          • And if you happen to have $1500 laying around (and really nice gams) you could totally just Angelina all night in this one!


          • This dress is stunning. If I needed a formal, this would be it.

          • Wedding Dilemma :

            Hey, TCFKAG, you are a real gem!

            I’ll report back once the floral is here and let you know. I do like that purple one with plain straps too…

            It is alot of information, but I figured you (all) needed to know my constraints and worries.

            Now I understand all the threads about bridesmaids etc…it’s been a long time since I was of age to be in that position and clearly, “the times they are a-changing.” Don’t have children so I’m not in the parent position to say “up to date.”

            Happy weekend and joyful mother’s day to all the Corporettes! :)

          • NOLA — I’m kind of dying to know which one you mean. :-P Don’t know if you’ll see this though.

          • The purple one with the silver sleeves! Love it!

          • Nola — other than the polka dot that’s my favorite too NOLA! I love how the shoulders sparkle! Plus you could eat without worrying about a food belly! :-) Now if I only had any formal events to go to. Oh well. :-P

  30. Wedding Dilemmas :

    Black dress from Nordies


    Floral dress for L&T (a tadashi-shoji, floral halter if the link doesn’t work)


    • LOVE the floral!!!!!!!!!! Perfect for a summer black tie wedding! And I agree w/ tcfkag’s purse suggestion.

      (I think the black dress is pretty, too, but the floral seems better for summer!)

    • That Tadashi Shoji floral dress is STUNNING. Wow!

    • Wow! The black dress is lovely, but that floral dress is stunning!

    • Sydney Bristow :

      The floral dress is incredible! It completely has my vote!

    • Anne Shirley :

      the floral dress is gorgeous

    • Agree, you have to get the floral! It is gorgeous!!!

      • Wedding Dilemma :

        Well, hive voters…the floral is on it’s way to me. Will post once i get it :)

        No concerns for a halter style in church, and reading in front of everyone?

        Just sayin’ …

        Can’t wait to get it. Thanks!

        • I think that you should wear whatever you’d normally wear as a guest.

        • For the reading itself, I’d just wear a solid-color woven silk scarf around my shoulders.

  31. momentsofabsurdity :

    Grr, argh. I recognize a part of being junior is being a scapegoat and sometimes sacrificial lamb, but Boss just informed me that, since we had an unanticipated crisis come up that makes us look bad, and we don’t want to tell Client until it’s resolved, he’s going to tell Client that I forgot to send the relevant materials and now Boss can’t give him his update. Coworker helpfully suggested that Boss express his major frustration at my shortcomings to Client to make it seem “more realistic.”

    I hate this. I really like Client and wouldn’t one day mind transitioning into his industry. I know this won’t matter in the long run, I just wanted to vent.

    • I would be irritated with that too. Also, Coworker is an a$$h*le!!!

      My last firm did this to me after I left, apparently they told a bunch of clients that I had not transitioned my clients to the new attorneys and that I should have contacted all of them before I left to tell them I was leaving and who the new attorney was.

      Except I have several emails over the three week period from when I gave my notice until my last day asking who would be taking over which accounts. I also have the response from the partner in my group that they were going to figure it out after the first of the year (so after I was in my new job) and that I was in NO WAY authorized to speak to the clients about me leaving the firm. So. (And I was going to an unrelated position, it’s not like they could have feared I would be taking clients.)

      I’m still tempted, every time I hear of a new client spreading this info around, to send them these emails. It would definitely give them an idea of what I had to deal with and why I left! But I feel that would be mean and unprofessional. So instead I always say “there were communication issues and I’m really sorry.” Bah humbug.

    • Another sympathetic grrrr..

      Also, the whole ‘blame the junior person’ is ridiculous. If I was a client I would think it VERY poor form for a partner/senior type to throw his or her junior under the bus. Not only dose it suggest that Boss is a poor manager, it screams lack of loyalty.

    • Ugggghhhh :

      At my old government regulatory job, the joke always was that when a firm was calling to tell you something *good* for the client (like hey, look at this great report our expert just wrote), the call always came from the partner in charge. But when they were calling to tell you something *bad* (like hey, here’s this document we were required to produce under the subpoena and told you 15x didn’t exist…oops), the call always always came from the associate.

      I hate when partners do this to associates and frankly if I was Client and found out about it I would be p*ssed. I’d rather they be straight-up with me than lie.

    • Anon for this :

      A partner at a firm I used to work at had a secretary put my signature block on a filing that was going to be late instead of his because he thought the judge would give the newbie attorney a pass. When she put it in front of me to sign I told her I knew nothing about the case but to switch the block to his and I’d sign on his behalf, which we are allowed to do in my jurisdiction. She then said, “well, he wanted it to go as you since it will be late.” I refused to sign it. I tried to speak with him privately and he kept saying he had to leave so to just sign and mail his pleading. I called him out in the middle of the support staff cube farm and said “partner, I’m not comfortable signing this under my name where I have never worked on the case and it is going to be late.” He said “oh, fine, I’ll sign it then” and left. I never got another assignment from him again and was quite happier that way.

    • MaggieLizer :

      I don’t think this is part of being a junior associate at all. It’s totally unnecessary for your boss to throw you under the bus to your client and I would question if there was something else going on here. 1) It really doesn’t matter if it was you, or a secretary, or the postal service that failed to get the materials out, the result is the same, so why blame you?; 2) it looks bad for Boss to blame something on a junior even if it was the junior’s fault – he’s the supervisor and the buck ultimately stops with him; 3) it’s unethical for a lawyer to lie to his client, and you will be in a position that you might have to lie to support Boss’s lie.

      I would have a sit-down with Boss away from Coworker and say, “I’m concerned that telling Client that I made a mistake I didn’t make will harm my professional reputation and put me in a position to lie to a client, and I’m really uncomfortable with that. Wouldn’t it be equally persuasive to say there we had an unexpected delay and are working diligently to resolve it?”

      • Agreed. Ish flows downhill… but on the other hand, this is kind of akin to blaming his assistant, which a lawyer should *never* do. If it was his responsibility, it was his responsibility.

        I’d seriously consider other employment options. Chance are, this won’t be the last time they sabotage you this way. Document.

        • Solo Practitioner :

          I talked to a OC today via phone. His firm likes to communicate with me by typewritten letters sent via fax. He mentioned a fax he sent last week, and I told him I didn’t get it. He told me all his support staff were out today, and he didn’t know how to work it. I said, “Can you email it to me?” He laughed heartily, and then called me a little girl.

          Honestly, I doubt he even has a computer in his office.

          I’m amazed that he functions in the real world.

        • I second Hel-lo. No matter what the field, it’s never OK to act like this toward junior people.

      • yes, this is awful. and all the similar stories. corporate politics can be a bear, but boy i’m glad i don’t work in a law office.

    • wow – I would be fuming. That’s really unethical. I’m sorry and I hope you don’t have to work with your Boss much longer.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      THIS IS COMPLETELY WRONG!!! Sorry for the Ellen caps but I would not allow my reputation to be thrown in the crapper, to save HIS/HER face. As the partner on the matter, he/she is ultimately responsible for the matter. If a partner called me and rolled an associate under the bus, I’d be looking for a new relationship. If something breaks down, I as the client, don’t really care, who did it, just what is going to be done to mitigate the situation. IF someone on my team blows a deadline, I blew the deadline, because I am ultimately am responsible. Please stand up for your self, in writing.

    • Working Girl :

      It is a violation of the rules of professional conduct to lie in many states. Seems wrong to lie to a client about something within the scope of representation. Your boss sounds like a creep and a bad mentor.

  32. Any suggestions for historical fictions to watch online (netflix, hulu, xfinity – aka legally)? I’ve been through the classics and the obvious ones, of varying degrees of decency.


    • Carla Gugino and Julia Ormond :

      The Buccaneers with Carla Gugino and Catherine the Great with Julia Ormond. I believe both were “better” made for TV movies (ie Masterpiece Theater or A&E). Early to mid-1990s.

      • Oh, loved The Buccaneers, I’ll have to check out Catherine the Great. In case you haven’t already seen these – what about E.M. Forster adaptations – A Room with A View, Howard’s End, etc? Or those of Elizabeth Gaskell – Cranford, Return to Cranford, Wives and Daughtes, North and South (one of my faves)? The Forsyte Saga is great too – as soon as the next disc from Netflix came in the mail I immediately watched it! This thread is making me want to watch costume dramas all this weekend..

        • Original Sin is a good one – with Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie, set in Cuba(?) so different than a lot of the British ones. Lark Rise to Candleford was a TV series that’s very good. I Capture the Castle is another good one that’s not very well known.
          Here are a couple references:

    • Seattleite :

      Not sure what you consider “obvious,” but I loved Lark Rise to Candleford. And Netflix has a bunch of Dickens adaptations…Bleak House was particularly good.

    • Have you seen North-South on Netflix?

  33. what can't you do with an English degree, my *ss. :

    Need some soulsearching help here. I saw that “the defining decade” was recommended awhile ago and it’s on my to read list.I’m in my early twenties, two years out of school with a BA, and I have no idea where or what I want to do next. (“find and follow your passion” advice didn’t really work out that well for me….)

    Can anyone recommend books with more specific career advice? For any career?

    How did you know that you wanted to go to law school? (and this thread has convinced that me that I really don’t, so no worries!)

    • A friend had good luck with “The Pathfinder”. But she said you have to take it seriously and do the exercises and really think things through. You can’t just skim it.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I am in a similar position (English major, two years out of college) and working at a startup. I *never* thought I could do it. My job is incredibly scientific and I do a ton of stuff I didn’t even know I was capable of doing. I would definitely apply broadly with an English major – you never know when the right fit is going to fall into your lap.

    • Hmm. I haven’t read the book. I’m 28 and very happy with my personal and work life. It’s weird to think about what I would say to someone in your position because, honestly, I made a lot of choices that got me where I am, but I didn’t make those choices knowing exactly where I wanted to go. It’s a mix of gut instinct, willingness to take risks, not being afraid of change, and just blind luck.

      On the one hand, I would say to think about the kind of life you want at 30, 40 etc. Do you see yourself being a mom? building schools in Africa? running a fortune 500 company? All/none of the above? But go more basic than that- how important is it that your work be morally satisfying? intellectually fulfilling? financially lucrative? Assuming you can’t have all of those (you can’t, at least not for another 20 years), what is the most important?

      On the other hand, its naive to try too hard to plan out specific paths because life just so rarely works out exactly like you think it will. And that’s ok, because you are still discovering more about yourself and the goal posts will constantly be moving and changing shapes and sizes. That’s true for me now, I’m sure it will be true for me 20 years from now. I am so happy with where I am at the moment, but I don’t think I could ever have orchestrated this life, back when I was 20. Even if I had thought I wanted this. Which, at 20, I didn’t. And thinking about that makes me scared to get too attached to any plan for the far-off future. I just try to handle one big decision at a time, and keep an open mind about where it will all end up.

      Applying that to your career: Apply to jobs that interest you. Be willing to try out jobs/opportunities you never thought you would consider. But not everything has to be a dream job. Pick a job that is good for whatever you need/want most right now (money/fulfillment/whatever) and see where it takes you. If you don’t like where it’s taking you, find something else. Don’t be afraid to take risks, to jump headfirst into something completely unfamiliar. But don’t take risks where the downside will follow you for the rest of your life- i.e.don’t go into debt unless it is absolutely necessary.

      • I’m of the Get Experience and Play the Hand You are Dealt mindset for young people today. I am sick of people like my cousin in law who are holding out at age 22 for the perfect strategy job- he has nothing yet to offer! Go do anything, something, do it well, build a reputation and skill set. Don’t overdo school like many of us did. If you have a particular passion, pursue that like a slow and steady turtle on the side etc.

  34. I just bought coral jeans (these ones: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=5495200320803&cid=70341) & am wondering how to style them. I don’t have a lot of tops (I mostly wear dresses) and what tops I do have are pretty much bright, bold colors (a lot of purple, blue, and green) because I wear them with black & gray dress pants to work. The only things I can really think of that would go with this are white & gray – does anyone have any other suggestions?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I wear my coral jeans with a navy blazer, gray tank and blue flats (a la Kate Middleton), or on some days, a white cardigan, pale yellow tank, and cream colored shoes. I loooove colored jeans and am still experimenting with what they work with.

    • Angie at youlookfab has posted a couple of outfits with coral jeans


    • mint green looks wonderful!! In any type of top (tee shirt, sweater, oxford)
      see also pale blue, yellow, some shades of lilac, or for darker colors, navy, deep deep nearly navy purple (be careful with that one though)

    • Clueless Summer :

      Can I ask you how they fit? I’ve been wanting those but they’re not in my local stores and I’m worried the sizing will be wonky as it so often is at ON.

      I’d style with navy – as a few others said, I think it would look adorable with a navy striped top!

  35. Anon in ATX :

    I know this post is kinda late, but I am on day 9 of the dreaded 2 week wait & the anticipation is killing me! Arg!! Just wanted to vent…

    • Good luck!

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I don’t know what the dreaded two week wait is but I hope it passes quickly for you!

      • It’s the 2 weeks between ovulation and when you find out whether you’ve gotten pregnant that cycle. I totally sympathize and will be back in the 2WW soon myself.

  36. New poster :

    Can anyone recommend a dependable trusts and estates attorney in Orange County, CA? Prefer small firm/solo, basically not someone who will want to work the account but just more of a place to park an already-established trust and pay an hourly rate for questions/advice and make sure someone is monitoring. My parents’ attorney passed away unexpectedly and seemingly left no contingency plan for anyone to take over her accounts (or at least, none was communicated to my parents). They seem content to just let everything lie, because the trust does not need updating at the moment, but this makes me as an attorney very uncomfortable. On the flip side, this is not my area, so I am not qualified to advise them and would like to make sure they are in good hands with someone else who is. Thanks very much for any suggestions.

    • Here are a few whom I would recommend you interview. We used Welputt.

      Russell G. Allen
      2101 East Coast Highway, Suite 215
      Corona del Mar, CA 92625-1900
      949.760.4090 (voice)
      949.760.4099 (fax)
      [email protected] (e-mail)

      Ed Pallotta
      17341 Irvine Blvd., Suite 202
      Tustin, CA 92780-3010
      Tel: (949) 480-2810
      Fax: (949) 203-2877
      E-Mail: [email protected]
      Internet: http://www.pallottalaw.com

      Keith Welputt
      901 Dove St #160
      (corner of dove and quail)
      Newport Beach, CA 92660-3033
      (949) 833-8700
      [email protected]

      Lisa Silbar
      Smith, Silbar, Parker & Woffinden
      19100 Von Karman Ave., Suite 400
      Irvine, CA 92715

      Verano & Verano
      30900 Rancho Viejo Road, Suite 145
      San Juan Capistrano, CA 92675

      • New poster :

        Wow, thank you very much! I really appreciate your sharing your research. How did you find them yourself?

    • Just responded but am in moderation. Check back.

    • My firm specializes in Estate Planning though I am a litigator. We are a mid size firm but have 8 lawyers in Orange County. Email me if you want to talk about it. If we are too high end I can get you a referral. [email protected]

  37. career counseling :

    Any recs for a career counselor in Philadelphia? Also interested in books or online tests. Thanks!

    • Silvercurls :

      Three referrals, and best wishes:

      1) Beth Ann Wilson, M.Ed., CMF
      workworth (at) comcast (dot) net
      She works with clients on (quoting from her card) career management, job search, workplace dynamics, and/or career direction. In my own words: She’s experienced, aware of current trends, supportive, and has a good sense of humor. She meets clients in center city (downtown) Phila and in a suburban location.

      2) JEVS HumanServices: www (dot) jevshumanservices (dot) org/programs/career-strategies.html, TEL: 215.854.1874; EMAIL: cs (at) jevs (dot) org
      At this page http://www (dot) jevshumanservices (dot) org/findhelp/jewishcommunity.html you can browse a list of their programs or search their web site. You do _not_ need to be Jewish to be a client, so don’t be shocked if you come across one particular page on their site: http://www (dot) jevshumanservices (dot) org/findhelp/jewishcommunity (dot) html . This describes just one of their many services, designed specifically to help Orthodox Jews balance their secular work lives with their strict religious traditions (e.g. staying home from work on holidays not well known by the general public). FYI, JEVSHumanservices offers an income-based sliding scale for client fees. I don’t know the details.

      3) Run, don’t walk to your nearest public library and its reference librarians!! If your work schedule prevents you from going in person, visit their web sites.

    • Silvercurls :

      Reposting (trying to avoid moderation):

      Three referrals, and best wishes:
      1) Beth Ann Wilson, M.Ed., CMF
      workworth (at) comcast (dot) net
      She works with clients on (quoting from her card) career management, job search, workplace dynamics, and/or career direction. In my own words: She’s experienced, aware of current trends, supportive, and has a good sense of humor. She meets clients in center city (downtown) Phila and in a suburban location.
      2) JEVS HumanServices: www (dot) jevshumanservices (dot) org/programs/career-strategies.html, TEL: 215.854.1874; EMAIL: cs (at) jevs (dot) org
      At this page http://www (dot) jevshumanservices (dot) org/findhelp/jewishcommunity.html you can browse a list of their programs or search their web site. You do _not_ need to be Jewish to be a client, so don’t be shocked if you come across one particular page on their site: http://www (dot) jevshumanservices (dot) org/findhelp/jewishcommunity (dot) html . This describes just one of their many services, designed specifically to help Orthodox Jews balance their secular work lives with their strict religious traditions (e.g. staying home from work on holidays not well known by the general public). FYI, JEVSHumanservices offers an income-based sliding scale for client fees. I don’t know the details.
      3) Run, don’t walk to your nearest public library and its reference librarians!! If your work schedule prevents you from going in person, visit their web sites.

  38. Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day, and I just wanted to say THANKS to Kontractor and all of you who are military spouses. Your sacrifices are appreciated!

    • K in... Transition :

      yes, THANK YOU

    • SpaceMountain :

      That’s so sweet. Thank you for saying that — I feel appreciated now!

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I didn’t know this. Thanks! When my friend was deployed I sent an edible arrangement to his wife on veterans day. I figured it might be tough hearing everyone thanking veterans and feeling a bit left out when she also was sacrificing a ton. I am truly humbled by military spouses. You rock.

    • Kontraktor :

      Aw, thank you!!!!I am touched. It must be a bad/emotional day for me because I feel sniffly at the thanks.

    • lostintranslation :

      yes! I didn’t know there was an official day for it, but I think that’s great :-)

  39. Question re gift giving. I hired a personal trainer to whip me into shape for my wedding. I now feel really great and think he really helped me not only to look better but also to regain my overall health. Would it be awkward or inappropriate to give him a small gift before the wedding as a thank you? Maybe a gift card? Has anyone else done this? I just don’t know the usual personal trainer/gym etiquette or expectations about this sort of thing. TIA!

    • Holiday Gifts :

      I give my trainers (and other professionals) movie theater gift certificates.

    • K in... Transition :

      I wouldn’t gift him food lol but maybe a nice card with a statement of how he’s helped you and a note that he’s welcome to use you as a reference for future clients and to further his business along with a nice water bottle or something?

    • I gave my trainer, who is great, a card with money and a tin of homemade cookies at Christmas. He was thrilled.

    • My sister is a trainer and get presents all the time from clients. Food, free mani/pedis, all kinds of stuff. So no, not inappropriate.

    • For someone of this relationship to me I frequently go with a gift card to Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks. Who doesn’t like one of those? (even trainers drink coffee)

    • Anonymous :

      Unless your gym specifically prohibits it, he’d probably appreciate a cash tip more than any other gift.

  40. Mountain Girl :

    What spanx or other shapers do you wear most often? My belly pooch is my problem area. I have actually been wearing these (http://www.essentialapparel.com/berkshire-curves-shaper-without-hose.html) but I’m wondering if there is something I would like better. You specific item recommendations are appreciated. Thanks!

    • Spanx super higher power shaper really helps in the tummy area.

    • Assets, one size larger than it says.

      • +1 on Assets! Assets is the more affordable line by Spanx–I’m a huge fan of their Unbelievable Underwear, although they have a number of shapers of different varieties that might be more what you’re looking for.

    • Mountain Girl :

      Thanks gals!

  41. SYDNEY BRISTOW: I saw slips at the downtown C21 when I was there. She’s prolly never going to find this comment tho, I’ll try to repost during the week.

  42. SoCal Gator :

    I bought a really cute coral jersey dress at Talbots and want to replace the fabric self belt with a real belt. Suggestions?

    • SoCal Gator :

      Actually it’s almost a tangerine. Tried to find it in the Talbots website but they did not have the color I bought in the store. It’s short sleeved and above the knee. Here’s a link to the dress in another color.

      • I always replace fabric belts with real belts. Skinny belts would work fine. Yellow? Orange even? Or green?

        • Totes McGotes :

          Ditto. Funnily enough, I usually save those and pair them up with something totally different.

      • I bought a couple Ralph Lauren stretch belts at Nordstrom’s – a black one and a brown one – and wear them with everything.

        • Jacqueline :

          Whoa — there is an exact copy of this dress at Target (though I’m sure the fabric isn’t at nice) right now. I just bought it yesterday in a bright coral/tangerine color. For those looking for a cheaper option, it was only $24.99!

  43. I just did a duchess squel over seeing her hair up

  44. interviewer tips :

    I am interviewing someone for the first time next week and I have a couple questions:
    1) Does anyone have suggestions for good questions to ask? I can ask things I’ve been asked beofre but am looking for more creative ideas.
    2) After the interview I have to take the candidate to the office of a senior partner I barely know. How does that work? Do I call the partner first? Do I introduce the candidate to him even though I just met the candidate myself a few minutes ago? Basically, what do I say?

    • I’ll start by saying that I’m not an attorney so YMMV. As for questions, think about what you want to know about the person, then craft your questions to get at those things. I think some of the best questions ask a person to describe situations where they’ve had to solve problems or do tasks or projects that illustrate the skills and experience you’re looking for. In my last interview, I asked the person “Describe how you are a great fit for this position and how it is a great fit for you.” My colleagues were initially skeptical but it turned out to be a really good question.

      And yes, I think you need to introduce the candidate to his or her next interviewer.

    • 1) Manager Tools has several podcasts on how to conduct interviews. They also have an Interview Creation Tool for subscribers. These are from the interviewer’s perspective:

      – How to end an interview with a candidate you won’t hire
      – The first rule of probing in an interview (how to evaluate answers)
      – Taking notes in an interview

      2) In my experience, you would escort me to the next interviewer and conduct introductions. I’ve also had the person escorting me ask the next interviewer if interviewer had a copy of my resume. “Sally, I’d like to introduce you to Scooby Doo. Scooby is interviewing for the position of top dog.” If there is anything from your interview that you think might be of interest to senior partner, feel free to mention it.

    • Browse around askamanager(d0t)org – good advice on interviewing.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I get good answers when I ask people to tell me something interesting about themselves that is not on their resume or cover letter.

      • This is my favorite question to ask as well. So interesting to see people think on their feet and the answers can be so enlightening – some go with personal stuff, some professional.

      • Alanna of Trebond :

        So as an interviewee, I actually hate this question. If I wanted you to know something, I would have put it on one of those. There is a section at the bottom of our resumes for activities and interests, and it is sort of annoying to have to talk about something else, because it’s usually something I don’t care about at all.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          Maybe it is regional but most resumes where I am do not have an “activities and interests” section.

        • anon jobseeker :

          It’s probably regional, but I agree with Alana that if I wanted you to know something, I’d have put it on my resume. Are you so short of topics of discussion that you have have to throw out this kind of meaningless open-ended blather? This isn’t a cocktail party, if you lack imagination you can always talk more about what the job really consists of.

    • SpaceMountain :

      Does your firm have an outline or job description? You are not just trying to get to know a person and chit-chat — you should have specific job criteria that the person will be convincing you that he/she can accomplish. Your questions should be geared to that end. Like if you have difficult clients, “please give me an example of a time you had a conflict with a client and how you resolved it.” If it’s for litigation, “what skills do you have that you believe will make you an effective trial lawyer.” Others I like are “describe the tools you use to manage your time,” or “describe a situation that really tested your ability to meet a deadline.” Those kind of “tell me a time that . . .” or “tell me how you have handled this situation” questions are more likely to give you better information about how to evaluate a candidate than “how did you like law school.” And yes you call the partner first; you don’t want to be standing in the hall with the candidate looking unorganized when the partner isn’t there or is on the phone.

  45. Anonymous NYer :

    I have good news and bad news:

    Hart of Dixie was renewed for another season (it was up in the air, I was worried.)

    GCB was cancelled. This makes me sad.

    I have honestly been waiting for this news about HOD. another year of shirtless wade!!!

    • Yay. I was just wondering about HoD this morning.

    • Sad about GCB! It’s totally my guilty no-brain-required pleasure.

    • Am I the only one whose shows always get cancelled? I don’t watch much TV, but whenever I pick a show, it never lasts. This year I liked A Gifted Man and it didn’t make it much past Christmas. After New Years, I picked up Awake, with Jason Isaccs (Lucius Malfoy) and really liked it, and it was cancelled on Friday. My fave for years was L&O: SVU but it is past its prime.

  46. Anyone have any recommendations for a workout notebook? My trainer wants me to bring a notebook and I’m not sure if there is an especially good kind or something other than the $1 Mead ones I saw at CVS.

    • I like to use ones that have a plastic cover — you know, the ones with the pretty design and then a translucentish piece of plastic as a separate “page” on top — because… well, my hands are often sweaty after a workout, and I feel like it’s a little less gross if I can wipe the sweat off instead of having it absorb into the cardboard.

      Otherwise, though, a $1 Mead one sounds fine. Mine’s a 9x6inch, college-ruled thing so I have room to plan/record my strength training sets and make notes about when I need to go up in weight, or record time and distance for runs. Nothing super fancy.

  47. I love these and I also love the glitter sunglasses by Miu Miu

  48. Can anyone here recommend a non-religious wedding officiant in the Seattle area? Fiance and I are planning our small, family-only wedding from afar and we don’t know anyone appropriate. (We do not want a family member to do it.) Searched online, communicated with one who seemed most promising, and was not impressed. We’re pretty non-sentimental people and would like to be married by someone who is quietly cheerful and dignified, not flowery, and who can handle having a few conversations/emails with people living overseas (us) prior to the wedding. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

    • Hmm I’ll ask around.

    • Do you have a particularly dignified aunt or uncle? I’ve seen a few people married by relations and it always seems nice.

    • Anonymous :

      The city clerk’s office or whoever gives marriage licenses there probably has a list of officiants. Often a justice of the peace (or equivalent) will be willing to come to your ceremony location instead of doing it at the courthouse.

    • A co-worker/friend got certified to conduct her nephew’s ceremony, so I know it’s easy.

      Or I could ask her if she wants to conduct yours?

    • Wedding officiant OP here. Thanks for the responses. I know that becoming an officiant is easy — I have been an officiant myself. We don’t want a family member to do it because both sides are religious (and not of the same religion) and choosing one side to do it would cause strife. I was hoping someone had had a good experience with a non-religious officiant who they could personally recommend. Ah well.

      • Hey Anon — if you have any lawyer friends in Seattle, maybe they could recommend a good judge? I always think judges have just the right amount of gravitas to lend the proceedings something special. If I had a non-religious wedding, I would have wanted a family friend who is a judge to have done it.

  49. Hi everyone, I wore out my favorite summer work shoes – a pair of black, peep toe slingbacks and need some recommendations. These are primarily to wear to work in a corporate environment but obviously not business formal. Heel no higher than 2.75″ (bad knees) but not flats. Bonus points for under $150.

  50. This is a longshot, but does anyone know of a good eyebrow threader in Pittsburgh?

    • Don’t know if Monroeville is too far out for you to make the trip–but I have had my eyebrows threaded at Brows R Us, the woman who works there (I think the owner?) did a great job. It did cost a bit more than I’ve paid in other cities (I think it was $12 plus tip), but I assume that’s because there’s not really any other threading salons in the area to drive the price down!

    • No personal experience, but my friend likes Veraldi, off Craig street in Oakland, and her eyebrows look great?

      • That sounds like just the ticket – close by to me and has some great reviews on yelp. Thank you!

      • I went to Veraldi during my law school – LOVED them.

  51. Tired Squared :

    Thank you to all of you who answered my salary range question on Thursday!

    I made a decision to go with the slightly lower salary (still within the range you all quoted) because that came with extra paid vacation time and will most likely involve more of the DR/DV law I’m interested in. I’m so excited to start my first real life lawyer job!

  52. Finding a Therapist? :

    I have some deep rooted issues/depression from childhood and traumatic incidents in my past which has caused me to be withdrawn and unhappy for years (think crippling depression where I cannot get out of bed some days).

    I’m now seeking to do something about it. I’m having issues trying to find a therapist though. I live in London where its not therapy is not as common or widely accepted as the US and people don’t talk about it. My GP referred me to someone who I didn’t feel comfortable with. I’ve been on the internet and found a list of therapist with the appropriate qualifications – just not sure how to wade through this list.

    Does anyone have recommendations for therapists in London, or perhaps therapists you;ve worked with on webcam/skype? Or does anyone have advice on how to find a therapist. Thanks

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      No real advice but good job taking this scary first step. I know K in Transition is a social worker and was considering doing skype therapy on the side. Not sure if she is still considering that now that she moved and found another job.

      I have seen therapists for situation anxiety (like fear of flying) and I picked them out by finding ones online that accepted my insurance and then checking web bios until I found one that I thought I might click with. Then I made an appointment and checked him/her out. I’ve only had multiple because I’ve moved five times.

      • K in... Transition :

        am here and am doing such though it’s a direct payment (not through insurance). :) feel free to email my personal account for details! munchkin 1616 at juno dot com

    • Anon Four This :

      I am in the UK, and I simply used a directory to find a therapist with appropriate qualifications and specialist areas that I thought would be most relevant, and who was geographically convenient. Luckily, she suited me and we work well together – but do not hesitate to have trial sessions with a couple of different people if you don’t ‘click’ with the first. This is very important.

      Well done for taking the initial steps, and have courage to continue.

      • Anonymous :

        Thanks for replying Blonde Lawyer and Anon Four this, and for the encouragement.

        I have no insurance – I’ve so far narrowed it down to the geographically convenient which is still a daunting list. I guess I’ll just bite the bullet and pick one. Without insurance I don’t really want to be trying too many of them.

        K thanks also for chiming in. I’ll try a face to face therapist first and if this doesn’t work I’ll email you with questions on how your skype/webcam service works and what type of problems you deal with.

        • Finding a Therapist? :

          sorry that was me, the OP

        • Anon Four This :

          You’re welcome.

          You could also get in touch with your local Mind association or take a look at their website http://www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/understanding_talking_treatments#getstarted (there are also links to directories at the bottom of that page).

          Like you I don’t have health insurance (for US readers – this is pretty ususal in the UK as our public health service is generally excellent and free) but I see a private therapist, mainly because referral through the NHS takes so long. Mine charges at the lower end of the scale, but costs do vary and it may be possible to make special arrangements if this is an issue for you.

    • You could try these women: http://www.womenstherapycentre.co.uk/ (haven’t used them but have heard the founder speak at conferences)

  53. Fashion help, please! I live in DC. Early 30s, BigLaw, apple shape size 6. I moved to DC (from NY) with dreams of living a more active lifestyle, especially on weekends. I want to spend hours walking about, and sign up for bike share to check out parks 3-5 miles away. What on earth am I supposed to wear?

    It’s too hot for jeans, and I can’t see biking in a skirt. But my body isn’t what it used to be — biglaw has taken it’s toll, and my pasty, atrophied, 30-something legs just don’t belong in tiny shorts. How can I look semi-stylish (so I won’t be embarrassed to see people) and still dress for moderate physical activity?

    Same question for footwear. I own flip-flops, running shoes, hiking boots and high heels. What can I wear for a full day of walking that doesn’t look ridiculous?

    I’m going to Europe this summer, so same questions apply for that, and I’m happy to spend some $$. I truly just have no idea where/how to shop for casual clothes as an adult.

    • I like to wear Bermuda shorts for this type of a sightseeing day when it is warm.You could also go for cropped or rolled chinos. For shoes, I like fashion sneakers or more casual flat shoes that will stay on (safety is a consideration when bike riding). I have a couple of pairs of Privos for this purpose.

    • capri pants and long shorts (think Bermuda length) for bottoms, and plain tees are good casual clothes without being too “I’m going to the gym”. Several others have recommended Chacos or Clark’s sandals/flats as being comfortable and good for walking. I like Target’s Merona tees, and Loft usually has a good casual section this time of year.

    • I wear my Privo (by Clarks) shoes for both casual biking in the city and also for trips to Europe, so that makes two of us.

      You can try terrybicylces dot com for bike wear. They sell biking skirts to wear over bike shorts and also skorts. I like these because they are less in-your-face than just bike shorts alone. They also sell biking cargo pants and capris.

      Title nine dot com has tons of active wear, and they are very helpful over the phone. Just looking at their catalogue gives me ideas of who to wear things.

    • For biking, LGRAB has lots of advice including fashion: http://letsgorideabike.com/blog/

      I also read Simply Bike, which is written by an early 30s professor: http://simplybikeblog.com/

    • DC’s too damn hot in the summer to worry about looking super put together every day. You’re just going to be covered in sweat, anyway. I wear dresses with bike shorts underneath pretty much nonstop from April until October. I can bike fine like that so long as the skirt isn’t too long. I see a lot of women riding bikes in dresses with bike shorts underneath, and it’s not a big deal if the skirt gets hiked up a bit. Sometimes I wear a t-shirt with linen trousers or capris. Most of my casual clothes come from Loft, Lands End, Gap, Eddie Bauer, etc.

      You need comfortable, supportive shoes. Look at the footwear of everyone else around you – no one is concerned with having super-stylish shoes. I usually wear FitFlops (these are the BEST, love them), Keens, or sneakers.

      Stop worrying about how your legs look when you’re out and about. No one cares, and exercise is the antidote to atrophied legs anyway.

      Also, make sure you wear sunscreen and a hat!

      • This. Definitely check out “hiking” or other outdoorsy type clothes. They’re made of fabric designed to be light and quick-drying, and as long as you choose carefully, they’re still fairly attractive. If I’m doing a lot of walking, or biking I prefer to wear sneakers. I have some textile-upper Onitsuka Tigers that I *love*, and they’re slim/flat enough to wear with shorts or capris and not look like the tourists walking around in their gym shoes and khaki shorts. :)

        I am also a huge fan of skirts and dresses in the summer here, though. To me, they’re much cooler than shorts, and anything that makes me feel cool when it’s 100 degrees and 90% humidity is my friend.

    • Usually Lurks :

      Old Navy sells 7-in shorts online. They’re not quite as long as bermudas, but not so short that I have to worry about them hiking up.
      Another vote for Clark Privos, too.

    • Working Girl :


  54. Question about business cards and job experience. In the last 2 years, I went from being an financial analyst/accountant roles in the private sector (with a poli sci degree) to a financial analyst with the govt. The degree was never an issue w my former employer (Fortune 1000, I know I was lucky in this regard) but it is now with potential employers. The govt financial analyst job also ended up being mislabeled and was really an HR, customer/employee relations, and minor budget job. I’m ready to move on & this is making things difficult.

    Are there any volunteering or other things I could do to beef up finance, accounting, or HR skills? I feel like my resume is sort of scattered bc of the last job & I need to fill in some gaps.

    Also, what would you recommend for name-only business cards. So many look cheap or out of proportion if the company data section is left blank.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Consider taking a few classes in finance or accounting at a local college. If you took classes like this in college, by all means, highlight them on your resume! I have seen a lot of students put down things like this:

      Jane Smith
      Fictitious College B.A., Political Science, cum laude, 2010
      Significant coursework in finance and economics: Microeconomics, Macroeconomics, Statistics 101, Econometrics, Behavioral Finance

      Honestly, if you’ve had 2 finance-related jobs, I’m surprised your undergrad degree is still at issue.

      For name-only business cards, I’d suggest designing a colored logo with your initials, which helps fill in some of blank space left by no company name or contact info.

      • I think part of it may be that the current job is officially a “financial analyst” but there are very few duties that I can put on my resume that fall under that. Also, The place is sort of toxic and like an abusive boyfriend with the praise and passive-aggressive shame cycle that my confidence has suffered which does come out in interviews. I know I need to work on how I react to the latter.

        Thanks for the logo suggestion. I was playing at modifing one of the basic crane calling cards in vistaprint or moo today since crane is so expensive. That would help jazz it up some or at least provide filler.

        The classes would also help prep for a CMA which I could get now. It’s not as good as the CPA but work will pay for it and I can always go for the CPA after getting all the hours in.

        • I was just coming here to post a suggestion that you take the CMA exam. It would fill in a few blanks and is a credible certification, although less well known than a CPA designation.

    • There is an HR certification you can do by studying and taking a test, but I only recommend this if you actually want to pursue HR. It’s an area that always has jobs, but isn’t for everyone. Why waste the time on credentials if it isn’t what you are after because it will only take you further down that road.

      • I looked at it. I really prefer being able to hide in my numbers and reports. Still interacting through softball or projects. From my experience, and listening to others; HR is unliked in general, has very little authority, and a horrible place to be when moral is low (40% ish fav) and management does not care.

      • I also have found I can be more practical when coming from a Finance position. That people may not like what you are doing but will respect you more repect overall because you can use different language and methods. The two examples below are about e-services and detailed the HR and Finance plans. The Finance one went over better with employees.

        A HR plan involved 5 or 6 voluntary phases of attack with a mandatory dropdead date a yr or two out. All with messages targeted to different groups. Not always paying attention that the messages do not agree with eachother but you are still speaking to the same group overall and people will talk. They did state enrollment was voluntary to all the phases and only pulled the mandatory card at the end.

        Coming from Finance, I gave 1 message. For example, barring any local or bargaining agreements, X will take effect in 3 months. You can switch now if you wish and want time to see how it will change things. It is good for the company because it will save $X but it will also provide you with earlier access to information, quicker processing of changes, and you can pull reports on demand instead of having to request them and wait.

  55. Ack! Yesterday a friend (really of a friend) from college (I’m 5 years out) texted me that he was going to be at a bar close to me last night and asked if I wanted to meet up. I knew he was going out with his business school friends, so I said yes. I’ve been thinking of applying to business school there and I thought it would be fun to talk to some students there. But I think he thought this was a date! He was super flirty and then tried to kiss me at the end of the night and is now texting me. He’s a nice guy, but I don’t think of him like that. Why is being single so hard?

    • Ugh. PSA for men: If you invite someone out via text message, this is not a date!

      My sympathies. Did you make clear last night that you didn’t want to kiss him? If not, I’d write him an email that says something like, “Hey friend, it was nice to see you last night, but your trying to kiss me at the end of the night made me really uncomfortable. I’d love to see you the next time you’re in the neighborhood, but please, let’s just keep it platonic.” And then I’d never mention it again. He’s probably really embarrassed about it.

    • Ugh, yeah, this is one of the things I hate most about being single: the vague, incomprehensible, wildly varying standards people have for what counts as a date, what counts as dating, and how a person initiates either of those activities. When a guy actually has it together enough to ask me, several days in advance, to go do something date-like, he shoots way up in my opinion. This is opposed to foolishness like you describe, which no one in his right mind should think is a date, or like the guy who invites himself along to something I’m already doing, and then thinks he sneakily changed it into being a date mid-way through, which, yes, actually happened to me a few months ago.

  56. Job loss + critical parents = self-hating me :

    It might be too late in the weekend for this, but. OMG, I need help.

    I recently lost my job as a junior litigation associate, and, because it was in a town just a few hours away form my family, I have just moved back home at my parents’ “save money, it’s better” urging. I actually really did not like my job very much, and I hated the city to which I’d moved (it was the only job I could find at the time, and I felt lucky just to have one). Not surprisingly, though, I went through an extreme down period and then I got myself together and started being proactive.

    I figured I will use this as an “opportunity” to get a job I like even more, where I could be happy in the long term. Now, I spend my days sending out as many job applications as I can (I have a minimum of 20 a day, which I almost always meet). Otherwise, I enjoy running and reading and cooking, and I have also been watching some new TV shows. I am trying to keep my head above water, and some days are better than others.

    My parents , however, have been both nice and extremely unhelpful at the same time. We’ve always been a close-knit family and I have all the time and creature comforts available to me, but they have been increasingly and continually so critical of me that I am starting to hate myself and have no idea what to do. I can’t really see beyond the “I suck” refrain. I don’t go to bed early enough, get up early enough, waste too much time on exercising (under an hour!) and cooking (same), watch “stupid” TV shows (The Nanny makes me feel better!), do not behave as if this were an emergency and show enough panic and care about the situation (I am positively.dying, just trying to not be miserable, as I cannot really be productive if I am in a self-hating cycle), etc. I have tried talking to them nicely and rationally, but it only seems to make things worse. It’s like we just do not understand each other, at all. Also, we’re first generation immigrants from southeastern Europe, to I am now getting the cultural crying-mother- you-are-killing-me stuff. I am at the end of my rope and just cannot see straight (um, or apply for jobs, apparently).

    Does anyone have any experiences or advice on dealing with critical parents (beyond moving out, which is in progress)? Thanks so much.

    • K in... Transition :

      If the issue is truly them not thinking you’re doing enough to find work, maybe throw some butcher paper on the wall of your bedroom and write down the names of the companies (or even tally marks) for every resume you send so they can see your progress? Old school folks don’t understand that we send resumes by email, so it looks like we sit on our kiesters while they remember going and knocking on doors.

      If this is an issue of them just not being supportive or approving throughout your relationship, you have to choose whether to attempt to work on this (ask them to help support you by doing or not doing specific things, etc.) or if you want to work on yourself to learn not to let their words sink in so deeply (personal mantras, reminding yourself of the things you know are true about you even if the folks dispute them, etc.).

    • No advice for dealing with the parents really, but I wanted to say that you absolutely need to take time for yourself to cook healthy meals, work out, and yes, sometimes, watch bubble-gum, happy-making tv. Under an hour of working out is not much, really. I would say you could actually up your workouts a bit! Get yourself good and tired and feeling like you’ve accomplished something!

      Ok, one note for dealing with your parents, are you helping out around the house at all? One thing I noticed just comparing my siblings’ experiences moving home with my own is that I really didn’t feel like my parents were pushing me back out. But I made sure to clean the kitchen when I was done, helped in the yard, vacuumed/swept, and kept my own room pretty tidy. I’m no neat freak, but I felt it was the least I could do to help out since I wasn’t working and they were. My siblings…not so much. And they really felt my parents were trying to push them out of the nest, being critical, etc… You didn’t mention it and you may already be doing it, but I know my parents appreciated it.

    • Okay — I say this with love. You need to get out of your parent’s place. Do you have a friend who will rent you an extra room for a few hundred bucks a month? Perhaps get a job doing contract work or, if nothing else, waiting tables or doing retail or whatever — but get out of the house! Your parents are seriously messing with your mental state.

      On to the job search — 20 job applications a day is insane. At least in my mid-major market, as a junior litigator, there aren’t 20 jobs a day I’m even interested in, let along remotely qualified for. I sit possible you’re spending more of your time applying for jobs you have no hope of getting rather than less of your time focusing on jobs that might actually pan out, through personal connections or other resources. Part of the problem with job hunting is the constant, low-level of rejection in the background…no need to magnify this by applying for jobs you have no possibly qualifications for or wouldn’t want to do.

      If there is no way to move out from your parents right now, I’d sit down with them with an actual laid out schedule of your day (i.e. 8-9 am work out, 9-10 am internet searches, etc.) Explain to them how important the times in the schedule are for your focus on your job hunt and that you consider it critical to your success. Also explain that when they talk to you about it, you feel attacked. Then, if they continue to do it, cut them off and say “Remember, we talked about this.” And remind yourself that you aren’t doing anything wrong! In fact, you’re doing the right things. Just focus on that.

      • I agree about getting away from the parents if at all possible, and also that 20 applications a day is quite a lot. If you can’t move out, try to just get out of the house for 4-5 hours per day. Maybe get a volunteer gig or if you have to, lie to them about where you are going and just go sit in a coffee shop or go to the gym. I assume your mom is home all day, which is why she knows what you’re doing all day. Also, could you maybe work with a recruiter? Maybe if they see you taking phone calls/going to a meeting, they’ll back off a bit.

        I can’t understand what the heck do they want you to be doing all day. 2 hours spent exercising and cooking is normal even if you have a full-time job. Your parents would drive me crazy too.

    • You don’t suck! The family stuff does suck, I’m sorry its bad right now.

      I have to comment on the 20 applications a day minimum. For me, a good application takes me at least 45 with tailoring the cover letter, etc. Even if I’m slow, that you mean you are spending 10 hours a day on applications? That seems insane. If your spending a lot less than that, are you really tailoring your cover letter for each job? I think an important step is to make sure all your applications really count I don’t know how you could possibly be applying to 20 jobs a day, like someone said are there 20 jobs a day your qualified? And are you spending time using your connections for those positions?

    • springtime :

      Yes, I have lots of experience with similar situations to yours.

      My parents are also very loving but also very demanding. I’m sure a part of it is me being hard on myself too, but nothing but the best is good enough at my house- both in school and in sports (I was a varsity athlete). I’m sure if I lost my job I would be facing the same sort of pressure as you.

      I also lived at home at one point (when I was finishing up school and taking the bar) for financial reasons. I understand the conflict between wanting to save money v. getting your own place for your sanity. Most people just say to get your own place, but I understand it might not be as simple as that. FWIW, I ended up sticking through it and lived at home.

      In my experience, it’s better to leave them out of the process as much as possible. No venting to them if you feel frustrated (bc, well, critical parents never seem to think that maybe you’re allowed to have a bad day every once in awhile), just keep everything more neutral but reasonably upbeat. That seems to work best for me.

      I know that’s not very much advice, but I think it’s one of those situations that no matter how much you try to explain it to them, or tell them how being critical makes you feel, it won’t change. My parents don’t seem to understand “feelings” so trying to explain things with your feelings will just get an eye roll.

      Best of luck to you!

    • Ah, this one is very difficult. I think you’re expressing yourself very well to us here, can you maybe expand a little bit on what you’re doing, and write it up? And then sit them down, give them the list of your job-seeking actions in writing, and explain to them that you need their help in keeping up your morale. Try to explain to them that as immigrants as well as parents they’re probably not quite up to date about in these times of rapid changes how one looks for a job right now in this country, and that you would like them to see that you are doing your best, and working hard at it. It’d probably help if you could give them a few references that you have found for techniques, whether it’s for books or site like askamanager.com. Just something they can read for themselves, and feel that you’re reasonably on track according to that, and most of all that you’ve given some thought to the process.

      For an example, here’s something about a helpful periodic self-assessment of your progress (you don’t say how long it’s been, but assuming it’s been a while) http://blog.sfgate.com/gettowork/2012/05/10/riding-the-job-search-roller-coaster/ if you do this in writing and hand it over to them, along with perhaps your excel spreadsheet of jobs you’ve applied to and so on, they should hopefully be bowled over with how serious you’re being. Give them the original reference too, so they can think objectivelky about how it’s not easy.

      And then take note of CA atty’s excellent point, and ask if they think you’re doing enough around the house, and whether there’s something specific they’d like you to be doing as well. Then you can explain that the exercise and silly tv are attempts to deal with the mental health issues, but that you’re getting worried that their constant criticism is undermining that too much for you to be as effective as you’d like. Express gratefulness for them taking you in, but indicate that there can’t be an infinite price put on it.

      Expect some airing out of dirty laundry in the process, them expressing fears that you’ll just never find another job again and so on. Hopefully addressing the issue head-on will help clear the air. But also be prepared for it not to work, and having to move out all the same. I think it’s worth trying to talk, I’ve definitely been able to make great progress with my own mother by explaining to her how thing were different than in her youth. But I was lucky that my mother was open to the outside world, and read abundantly, and could be swayed with discussions of the business sections of the NYtimes, the WSJ etc. A friend of mine, also child of depression-era European parents, has never been able to budge her mother from the view that only a job in a bank is safe, and that job security is the only possible value to expect in life. Ha ha.

      Hang in there OP, and don’t give in to the self-hate! Things are bound to improve soon..

  57. My drycleaner has misplaced my interview suit…which I need for an interview tomorrow. Is it appropriate to wear a black suiting dress with a black blazer, instead of the usual skirt/blazer or trousers/blazer combo? They are not from the same line, but the difference is not noticeable, I think. If this doesn’t sound formal enough (think fairly conservative Fortune 500 firm), I will have to go buy something today I guess.

    • I think you should be fine! (There was a thread about this a few weeks ago and the general consensus was that suit dress and matching, or in this case closely matching, blazer was okay). As long as it doesn’t look like you accidentally wore the wrong jacket with your dress, which is the only slight concern I’d worry about.

      But as long as you accessorize conservatively with pearls and nice shoes and your hair neat, etc., I’m sure you’ll be fine. I certainly wouldn’t run out and buy a new suit I wasn’t as confident in instead of wearing something I know works for me.

    • Yes, we did talk this over recently, and consensus was that dress+ jacket was fine. You sound very calm about this, considering :-), which I think is a good indication that you’ll do great in your interview. Good luck!!!

  58. Starting my new job this morning and I am so nervous. I woke up at 5:00 a.m. when my alarm wasn’t supposed to go off until 7:00 a.m. Got in a run and caught up on Girls and Veep. Am super nervous but am almost positive that I won’t be fired on my first day.

    • Silvercurls :

      You can do it! You’ve already come got this far in life so you’ve obviously got a good set of experiences and abilities. ;-)
      If g-d forbid the new job ever becomes a bad fit you’ll retailor your professional life into a more flattering garment.
      Go forth looking terrific and have a great day!

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