Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Collared knitted dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

M Missoni Collared knitted dressI saw this dress the other day and immediately thought, “way too ‘sexy schoolgirl’ for the office.” But I keep coming back to it — love the classic Missoni space-dyed pattern, the fitted bodice (with seams that almost remind me of a bustier), and the pleated A-line skirt. And after I saw that the collar was detachable, I liked it all the more. It’s $995 at Net-a-Porter. M Missoni Collared knitted dress

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  1. Very early TJ, but a question about running apparel.

    I had some tendonitis on my upper knee in fall from adding too many miles too quickly. Enter CWX Stabilyx compresson itights (which I highly recommend to anyone), the pain went away an I’ve been injury free since then.

    Until Saturday. It is way too hot for tights of any kind, so just went out in regular running shorts. Guess what’s back? It doesn’t actually hurt, but I can kinda feel it there and don’t want it to get any worse.

    Really hoping for advice from the hive — what do you do for running in hot weather? Turn the compression into recovery wear instead of active wear? Ice? Any other advice much appreciated. Thanks so much!

    • Do you do strength training on your legs to beef up the muscles? Definitely consult with a physical therapist but consistent strength training may enable you to run without tights. Squats, lunges, leg lifts can really help. I have loose joints and used to wear a knee brace until I discovered strength training. And I don’t need the brace anymore.

      • Yeah this is also true! I have torn ligaments in both knees (one repaired, one unrepaired) but have had very few issues since I started strength training with weight machines.

        • This is true. Squats, lunges, leg lifts + cross training. Like NOLA, I had an ACL reconstruction and what has helped me the most are squats and lunges (w/ light weights). I know your issue is different, but even before I had major problems, when my knees felt achy/weak, the squats/lunges cleared it up.

          • Wow, eek, mine wasn’t nearly that bad. I had a torn MCL in my right knee and had arthroscopic surgery to repair it then tore the MCL in the other knee while I was recovering (no idea how – the first one was obvious). The unrepaired one does pretty well without a brace now. The repaired one is much better but I have nerve damage where the scope went in on one side.

          • Girl — any instruments going into the knee is bad!

    • You might want to look into the Ace compression knee braces. There are some that are just a knitted stabilizer. I think that would be cooler if worn with shorts. I’ve had trouble with the ones that wrap around and secure with velcro – they don’t stay up and they can hurt if you make them tighter. I prefer the ones that are like a cuff that you pull up then stabilize with the velcro. Ace has some that don’t even stabilize with velcro. It’s like a compression cuff on your knee.

    • Would the capri-length tights help at all? Or (this is perhaps too expensive to contemplate) hacking a spare pair apart and wearing shorts, then one knee’s worth of tights?

      If not, perhaps a short-term membership to the air-conditioned gym would make the tights tolerable.

      • I agree with NOLA’s suggestion, but i also think you might want to look into using compression gear as recovery gear. Some brands do make lighter weight compression – saucony’s new line comes to mind, as does 2XU.

    • Is it IT Band syndrome? I had good luck with the cho pat strap and also the ACE knee brace NOLA recommends above. Or maybe a PT can suggest a way to wrap with that snazzy colored athletic tape to achieve the same effect as the compression tights? I have a couple of friends who use that and it works well (plus it looks awesomely bad a$$)

    • This is all great advice — thanks ladies!!

    • I use KT tape for my knee cap and bunion, and for lower back I use Icy Hot and it seems to help (or maybe it’s a placebo effect)

    • I have been going to PT for six weeks due to double tendonitis in my left foot. It has been slow, but they are miracle workers. Ice is great, but see if you need to go to a PT–in my state a patient has to be referred by a doctor, so check with your PCP.

  2. yikes. sorry.

  3. I dunno. This has a very strong “can I get you some coffee” vibe. Definitely not for days when you need the “I’m in charge” vibe going.

    • Former MidLevel :

      I’m with you.

    • Yes! I think it’s because of the Peter Pan collar.

    • Former MidLevel :

      I agree.

    • Dreadful dress. It crosses into what the Japanese call “loli-girl” cutesy.

      It can make young people look like they’re young waitresses at a cafe; if you’re older, it’ll scream mutton dressed as lamb. The drab color doesn’t make it more serious, it’s just a drab color on an awful dress.

    • The pattern is a little to camo-like for me. Without the collar though (and in a different color), I think it would be ok.

    • Hate the dress.

      1. Peter pan collar screams 5 year old
      2. Blah colour
      3. Very little-girl-dressed -up

    • I think that high neckline adds to the young vibe of that dress.

    • It looks like something Wednesday from the Adams Family would wear.

      • This! It would suit two long braids…I’m half tempted, although the price is way out of my range.

  4. taking thumper’s advice today about this dress

  5. I do see the appeal in a very dramatic sort of way, but IMO this is the kind of thing that the broke-but-always-wearing-designer-clothes gallerina would be wearing in a rom-com.

    • Totally agree!

    • agree. its after the “big fight” and she has given up on her big city dreams to be a graphic designer slash fashion magazine editor slash founder of an etsy like start up. she was silly to think she could make it in nyc, shes just a small town girl with dreams and ideas to big for her heart. he never even really loved her! that much is obvious from that text message she saw from another woman named sandy that said she loved him and always would. it was right of her to leave without a word and not explain why she suddenly refused to talk to him even after their 48 hour montage where they did quirky things all around the city. she has started working at the coffee shop wearing this dress and tried to forget about him even though she keeps giving wistful looks instead of making lattes. she goes to take the next order when he pulls the menu down and its him! sitting with an older woman. he introduces her to his mother…. sandy!

      • hahahaha that just made my morning!

      • Are you picturing Marisa Tomei in this? Because I am!

        • Always a NYer :

          Now I am! But who would be her leading man? And who would be Sandy?

          • Totes McGotes :

            Robert Downey Jr. (I really loved Only You and if we’re going for the cheesy rom-com why not add in the Runaway-Bride-style wink of “Look! We reunited two actors who were in another rom-com together already!”); Ann-Margret for the mom.

        • I’m not sure Marisa has quite the “urban twee” aesthetic for this one, though I agree she is awesome. More like Gennifer or Zooey.

          • actually – Marisa could be cast as Sandy, now that I’m thinking about it. She could pull off the had kids young, wants the best for her 20-something son as he adventures in the world even though she’s a little jealous of him a la the mom is Sweet Home Alabama, thing perfectly.

          • I could see it being Zooey. In that case the business she tried to start was instagram for cats

          • Totes McGotes :

            LOL @ instagram for cats! Totally sums up Zooey.

          • Zooey was my first thought too. Awesome.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Definitely Marisa as Sandy. She’s my age! I like Zooey for Our Heroine.

        • You know if this were cast today, it would be with some girl from the Disney channel as the leading lady, Justin Bieber as the male lead, and someone younger than me as the mother – maybe Lea Michelle. And then we’d all feel ancient.

      • Hilarious!

    • In a slightly different vein of thought – I could totally see Peggy Olson rocking this dress…

  6. At first I didn’t like this dress. But now I’m just excited about the metaphors its apparently going to inspire. So, at least there’s that to look forward too.

    (But yeah, in general, I don’t love the peter pan collar, unless you REALLY ARE Michelle Williams or Ginnifer Goodwin.)

    • This dress would look pretty sweet minus the collar AND the sleeves.

      • And possibly the print and with maybe a scoop neck. Or we could just buy a different dress! Perhaps one that isn’t $1000. :-)

        • Maybe but it’s just so hard to find a nude-for-me dress, you know? The pleated A-line looks like it’d be able to accommodate my tail just so.

          • That universe better be arcing towards a like button at lightening speeds.

          • MissJackson :

            This made me snort, loudly. Thank you, Godzilla.

          • haha. And, the sleeves on that dress would be long sleeves on you.

          • I am such a dope!

            I just realized that all this time when I have been picturing Godzilla, I have actually been picturing King Kong! Explains why all the comments about short arms made no sense to me!

        • A really good knitter could create a similar dress with <$1000 price tag. You could also remedy the high neckline and collar everyone is talking about, AND choose a better colour!

    • I actually love this dress, but doubt I could pull it off. Carey Mulligan completely could, though!

  7. Early TJ: I work with my husband’s best friend (I am his supervisor, in fact). We get along great and I’m also very close friends with his wife. Last night I had a pretty blush worthy naughty dream about hubby’s BF. This was not the first time, either!

    Nothing can or would happen between the two of us in real life, promise. Is this normal, though? I feel super guilty and would like it to stop. Help!

    • I don’t know how to make it stop, but I gotta say, my pregnancy dreams can be similarly guilt-inducing. Sometimes I try to figure out what might have been underlying the dream, like insecurity about my attractiveness to my husband, and try to address that issue. It seems to help. Maybe schedule some getaway time with hubby, or just do something really sweet for him to heat up that relationship?

    • Dan Savage :

      I promise you can’t cheat in your dreams. It perfectly normal to develop slight, or even not-so-slight crushes on people of your preferred s*x that you spend a lot of time with. And its also normal in the course of a long relationship that you will have s*xy time thoughts (even conscious ones) about people other than your hubby. Perhaps channel that energy into a romp in the sheets with your allowed partner tonight and he’ll be thankful (but don’t tell him why….god don’t tell him why.)

      Short answer: yes its normal, no you shouldn’t feel guilty.

    • Totally normal. I wouldn’t read into it at all. I have vivid dreams and sometimes they can be really distressing. You can’t control your subconscious so don’t spend lots of time worrying about this.

    • My grandmother used to tell me that if you dreamed about kissing someone, it meant you will become good friends with them.

    • I’ve read that these kinds of dreams are actually manifestations of a desire to please someone. Each time I’ve had one with a surprising co-star, I’ve found that to be true. In my case, since I possess no position of power, it has always been about a supervisor/professor/authority figure, but I think one could want to be a really great supervisor to someone, too. Does that present a viable explanation, as opposed to a genuine attraction?

    • Think of it this way: Why would you feel guilty about something over which you have absolutely no control?

    • soooo anon :

      This happened to me a week ago, but the kissing target was my not-cute, OCD, married with multiple children CLIENT. Whom I had to sit next to for several long days of arbitration following the dream. I chalked it up to ovulation.

    • You guys are awesome. I think it was so real, and I was so freaked out by that aspect of it, that of course I overreacted. Everything said here makes sense: I can’t control it, it’s my subconscious, you can’t cheat in your dreams, etc.

      I like what one commenter said about wanting to be a particularly good supervisor — I am laughing to myself, though, because I’m sure if I supervised him the way I did in my dreams I’d get a much different performance review!

      Thanks for the reality check, hive. Love this community.

      • Haha! I know what you mean. Sometimes my dreams are so vivid, I have to take a few minutes to re-orient myself when I wake up and come to the realization that they did not actually happen. It’s still hard to shake the guilty feeling sometimes, but it’s completely irrational. Brains are funny things.

  8. Longshot threadjack–any suggestions for a bed and breakfast/inn in the DC area (within 2 hours driving distance) that accepts dogs and is around $150 or less? Our 4th of July plans fell through due to an injured doggie, so I’m looking for somewhere to go for a night where we can take her along to keep an eye on her. Thank you!

  9. TJ: I am home from work today with a stomach bug. I don’t have telecommuting capabilities, so I’m not stuck trying to do work. But I hate h a t e just sitting around and watching KLG and Hoda, etc. I am feeling like I can be productive today but for sporadic bouts of, um, illness.

    Any suggestions of things I can do around the house to stay productive today? Stuff that you always kick yourself for not doing when you had the time? Due to allergies heavy cleaning (ie baseboards etc) should be out.


    • Can you drive? I always want to switch out the pictures I have up in frames on my walls. And put up new ones (read go buy some new frames). All it take is picking some photos from vacation, printing them at CVS (which you can do remotely now), driving to CVS, and switching them out. but for some reason I NEVER get to it.

      Also, organizing and cleaning the fridge. Or going through your spice cabinet and getting rid of the really old stuff and making a list of stuff you’d like to have.

    • Clean out your closet & put together donation bags
      Organize photos
      Clean out your inbox and unsubscribe from stuff you don’t want, set up filters
      Set up a password manager for your browser (i love lastpass)
      Rebalance your investments or do other financial housekeeping
      Clean out your filing cabinet (google how long to keep stuff)
      Write long emails to people you’ve been meaning to catch up with
      Make sure all the clocks in your house are showing the correct time (incl. microwave, etc)
      Research your next vacation

    • Throw out your old clothes. The ones hogging up space in your closet and drawers. And, uh, get rid of the bags of clothes ready for donating also. Because you have those taking up space in your closet also.

      • Haha you’ve been to my house, I see! I do have those piles….

        Thanks for the excellent suggestions ladies!

        • K...in transition :

          don’t throw them out though… if they’re good but unnecessary, I still believe we should have a c*rp*r*tte clothing swap… otherwise, donate work clothes to a women’s shelter (where so many women need work/interview clothes) and the rest to goodwill (never to salvation army unless you agree with their anti-lgbt beliefs) :) feel better!

          and PS, spend some time watching a heartwarming show… hulu has episodes of Secret Millionaire for free and it’s just inspiring!

          • My inability to throw things out is why I have piles and piles and PILES of “clothing donations”. I know thehairpin put up a swap googlegroup, maybe C@#$#$tte can do something similar? People ship out stuff for free or for the cost of shipping, it’s pretty awesome.

          • Do people actually just throw perfectly good clithes etc in the garbage ?! This is a shocking revelation for me. My friend Sal (…vation Army) can always use clothes etc, as do the Big Sisters and Planet Aid boxes.

          • I would be interested in a clothing swap. How can we facilitate this?

          • A friend has a website that does clothing swap-type activities. closetraid.co

            Would that work?

    • Purge your closet. Shred old bills / insurance verifications / etc. Polish your silver. Sew on the spare buttons on the garments sitting in the “repair pile.” Sort your photographs / order prints of your favorite digital-only pictures from the last X years (I try to do this annually).

    • I vote for being productive by exploring new television shows and dedicating yourself to answering questions posed on this site! :) Seriously, though, don’t work yourself too hard! Get better!

    • Holy love of everything good! You have the stomach bug. Read a trashy novel and drink some tea. When you’re not sleeping, that is. (Don’t know about you guys, but stomach bug sidelines me like nothing else.)

  10. Any recommendations for therapists in DC/NoVa? Preferably with experience in trauma, but names of anyone good would be helpful. Thanks very very much.

    (If you’d prefer a less public forum you can email me at dcnovatherapistrecs [at] gmail [dot] com.)

    • Call The Women’s Center. Offices in Vienna and DC. I cannot say enough good things about the wide variety of services they offer. Their intake receptionists will be able to give you to their therapists who specialize in your specific type of trauma.

      thewomenscenter dot org

    • Anon for this :

      Jan Beauregard. http://www.ipivirginia.org/groups.html
      Saw her years ago before she was director of this institute I think, but she was fantastic.

    • The Viva Center in Dupont Circle. If you have PTSD, they are very good. They also have some therapists who do night and weekend appointments.

    • thank you all!

  11. This dress strikes me as something Charlotte would wear in Private Practice, which I freely admit I watched for a good chunk of this weekend.

  12. This is way too bicycling-Zooey-Deschanel for the office, IMO.

    • I was about to post almost this exact same comment. I find that channeling Zoe Deschanel doesn’t equate to “authoritative” in the office.

      But that high neckline just screams racy-nun-Halloween-costume to me.

  13. Talbots order :

    Good morning!
    Received my order from Talbot’s this weekend and I have one endorsement and one question.
    Endorsement first: http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi28658&rootCategory=cat70008&catId=cat80018&sortKey=Default&section=Regular&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70008
    I am wearing this dress at present and I LOVE it. I’m generally a 14/16 and the XL fits like a dream. Very comfortable, very flattering, knee length. Perfect for a business casual office on a hot day.

    And question: http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi29028&rootCategory=cat70008&catId=cat80016&sortKey=Default&section=Regular&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70008
    Got this too and I really like it, but I’m not sure what top to pair it with. I don’t presently have a white t-shirt that is reliably opaque enough to wear to work (yes, I know, this skirt is not good for a conservative office, but as mentioned we’re business casual and upper management has been more casual during this heat wave so I think it’s fine). I have navy, but it’s not the exact navy as what’s in the skirt. Is that ok? Should I go for another color like gray? What about a distinctly different blue or a black? I think pale yellow would be great but I don’t have anything like that at present. Any thoughts?

    • I would love coral with that skirt (or red if you wanted to be especially patriotic). But I think gray would work, too. Kelly green would be pretty too. I think almost anything could work, really.

  14. what is this i don’t even.

    why we eatin fondue?

    • Hello Herbie. I love you. The end.

    • we eatin fondue because fondu is whimsical and a seventies throwback. Much like our dress.

      • Or a sixties throwback, I get my eras confused (so sue me, I wasn’t alive for any of them…but not really…so many lawyers on here for that joke.)

        • Trust me, it was seventies. Early seventies. I was alive then ;)

        • No worries – dates are confusing! I often use the convenient umbrella term “Ye Olden Times” to refer to anything between Biblical Times and the 1960s.

      • Actually, this is dress is PERFECT for fondue times. For what other event can it be appropriate for?

        • one of those late-night “movies” on Shotime where the young, innocent librarian gets seduced by the slightly frumpy yet oh-so-seksi professor?

        • Riding a bike to work in a fake neighborhood in New York City to our children’s bookstore that is bound to fail because a BIG EVIL bookstore has recently opened nearby. But that’s okay, because we meet and fall in love with Tom Hanks.

          Or having an all day shopping date at IKEA.

        • Missoni: for all your retro key party needs.

    • This makes my day every time you say it. And it was oh so appropriate here (imho).

  15. momentsofabsurdity :

    TJ – summer getaway advice. A friend and I are looking to go down to the Vineyard for a day later this summer (we are in Boston). Has anyone ever spent a day on the Vineyard? We’re thinking of not doing an overnight because it is $$$ (plus it’s late in the season to book), and just catching the first ferry out and last ferry back in (potentially on a Friday, when the last ferry is at 845).

    We wouldn’t have a car so we’d have to do things near Oak Bluffs, where the ferry drops off – I think we definitely want to go to the beach, maybe just wander around town and check out the gingerbread houses, and maybe ride the carousel. I haven’t been in years, so I don’t really remember if this is really possible, or if the Vineyard is car-necessary and way-more-time-necessary, so the idea of a daytrip is impossible. Any advice or tips?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Aaaaaaaaaaaaand by the Vineyard, I mean Martha’s Vineyard. Apparently, I’m becoming a M*sshole come hell or high water.

    • long time lurker :

      Rent some bikes! I biked around the whole of MV a few years ago and had a great time.

      • long time lurker :

        Sorry, hit post too soon. We did it as a day trip from the cape, I think a day is enough time to explore on bike.

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        Thanks! Didn’t even think of renting bikes but it sounds perfect. (I wonder if I can rent a bike with a basket – then I can have my perfect idyllic summer Friday afternoon…)

      • Yes, I did this too and it was really fun! Also if you are open to going in shoulder season (September post-labor day or even early October) the prices should much more reasonable and there should be much more availability if you do want to do a stay over.
        Also: Ben & Bill’s Chocolate Emporium in Oak Bluffs is a must for awesome ice cream and chocolate candy. I have never to the one on the Vineyard, but there is a location in Bar Harbor Maine that I have been to a thousand times.

    • I have spent lots of time on MV, and I think it would be a great trip. If you’re taking Steamship Authority, keep in mind that they go to both Vineyard Haven and Oak Bluffs, so make sure you know where the last ferry departs from so you don’t miss it.

      Depending on what you’re looking to do and how the weather is, I think you could definitely spend all day in Oak Bluffs–walking around, shopping, and going to the beach. Make sure you hit up Back Door Donuts, in the square where the post office is off Circuit Ave (definitely get double chocolate raspberry muffins to eat on the ferry back).

      You could also rent bikes and take the bike trails to Vineyard Haven and/or Edgartown, or ride in the state forest. I would not recommend riding on the road during the summer–it is incredibly crowded and some of the roads don’t have any shoulders. I used to do it in Chilmark/Aquinnah and have done the whole island in the off-season, but I really would not recommend it now, and there are plenty of bike trails to get you between the more commercial towns that are “down island.” If you want to go up island, they have decent buses, but I think you will have plenty to do even just staying in OB. Let me know if you have specific questions, and have a great trip!

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        Thanks! Yeah I don’t think I’m up for biking on the street anyway but it would be nice to have a bike to go some place a bit further than we’d want to want. If it were a day trip, we could check weather and decide day of whether or not it was worth it, which is one of the pluses.

        Is there any particular beach in OB you’d recommend?

        • I don’t know the beaches in Oak Bluffs that well, sorry. The beach that I know of stretches from the ferry down towards Edgartown, and it always looks nice when I’ve ridden by. As for biking, there’s a little road riding between the three towns, but it’s not terrible and there are decent shoulders in that area.

          Reading GW’s comment below, I also think just going to Woods Hole would be a good day trip and would save you the ferry trip. I like Woods Hole a lot (Pie in the Sky!), and you can take a trolley into Falmouth’s main street area. It would also be fun to rent bikes there to ride to the beach and into Falmouth.

          • momentsofabsurdity :

            Yeah Wood’s Hole is an option but I’ve been there several times in the past couple years, so I feel like I’ve seen a lot of it. Its about 1-2hrs from my house to Falmouth, so it would be a long but not impossible day (my friends and I once flew to Florida for the day… now THAT was a long day, haha). I’d really like to do the Vineyard, just because its been so long since I’ve been. Another option we’re investigating is staying in Falmouth and taking the ferry there to potentially save some money (though looking it up, I don’t know that that would really save any money…)

    • There’s no ferry from Boston, is there? Do you mean you’d drive to the Cape and take the ferry from Woods Hole or Hyannis? If so, seems like WAY too big of a hassle for a day trip. If you want to take a ferry somewhere, explore the Boston Harbor islands instead, or take the ferry to Provincetown for day.

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        No, no ferry from Boston (sadly!) — There is an early AM bus and a late PM bus though so we were hoping to catch those so we didn’t have to deal with driving. But it might just be too much, you’re right.

        • That’s a really long day. Maybe it’s just because I’ve really never understood the attraction of the Vineyard (I’ve been there, it’s nice enough, but nothing to obsess over, IMHO), but I wouldn’t do it. There’s so many easier day trips from Boston, why kill yourself for the Vineyard?

  16. Threadjack– Help!

    The manageing partner just told me that HAROLD is comeing to the firm’s July 4 pool party at the manageing partners’ house. This is VERY strange b/c HAROLD has absoluteley nothing to do with the firm, and I do NOT know why the manageing partner had to come by to tell me especialy about HAROLD unless he is trying to make us a couple. And right after I JUST got OUT of going Harold’s gradueation party. FOOEY!

    What make’s it worst is I told the manageing partner Friday that I would go out early to the HAMTON’s tomorrow to help prepare. I cannot get out of going b/c EVERYONE is alway’s expected to be there. There is alot of good food–the manageing partner’s wife always grill’s up yummy skirt steaks, chicken, shnitzell, hamberger’s and hot dogs and alot of deserts and even real S&S NY Cheezecake — absolutley the BEST!

    HAROLD will be taileing me like a puppy dog, stareing and nuzzeleing me b/c we will be the ONLY young peeple at the party except mabye my 2 neice’s and the nanny. Harold is probabeley a good kid, but so goofey! Beside’s, he is to busy ooogleing to actualy listen to what I have to say, and he does NOT know alot of things I know b/c of my legal expierence. It should NOT matter, but Harold is already loosing his hair and I am SURE will be totaly BALD just like the manageing partner.

    I like to swim in the manageing partners pool, but NOT now b/c Harold will be ooogleing me which I am NOT comfortible with, and I also do NOT want to hear the manageing partner chimeing in about my tuchus. After all he does NOT own me, just b/c he give’s me a paycheck. And BTW, I earn my money thank you very much and I do NOT want Harold thinkeing he has a claim on me b/c he is related to the manageing partner and is in the Hamton’s with me. FOOEY!

    So, does the HIVE have any ideas to keep HAROLD from nuzzeleing and thinkeing he is my date or worse yet that we are a couple? Help!

    • Have you considered creating an imaginary boyfriend? I don’t want to be presumptuous, but something tells me you’d be really good at it.

    • Francie Nolan :

      Ellen I would tell Harold that his advances are not flattering and that you are in no way interested, for he is too young for you. Tell him you need a man with more depth and maturity. Tell him firmly, yet kindly that when he and the managing partner stare and ogle you, it is harassment, although you are sure they never realized that and when they do that it creeps you out And you wish that they would stop. Use a voice that is soft, but firm. Tell them in that fashion so they would not be offended or get scared by you yelling and cursing them out. Then please report back and let me know how you make out with it.

  17. Yee. Sorry, Kat, this is just hideous.

    Threadjack: I have an interview tomorrow. That I was told about today. Anyone got any tips to quell the butterflies currently doing backflips in my stomach?

    Also, I think someone mentioned having a packet on negotiations that they found really helpful? I’m afraid I missed the initial discussion (and am blanking on who the OP was) so if someone could send it to me at ay dot cee dot corp at gmail dot com?

    Thanks muchly!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Focused breathing exercises for the butterflies! Good luck at your interview!

      • This. Lay off the caffeine. Be yourself and remember they wouldn’t have asked you in if they weren’t interested in you. You’re qualified, now go knock their socks off! Also, I believe the original sender of the packet was MissJackson; hopefully someone sees your request and passes along the info.

        • I missed this! Was this packet in an earlier thread that I can find?

          • I think it’s been mentioned a few times — try a g o o gle search on this site and look for salary negotiation packet.

        • I had it in my email still from Miss Jackson, so I forwarded it to you, Aycee. Good luck!

      • Okay this is going to sound weird. I was a theater major in college and I do my acting vocal exercises before interviews (if I’m driving and therefore can make strange sounds without freaking anyone out). If you have someplace you can go to do this, like driving to the interview, start by making a high-pitched singing sound (like “ahhhh”) then let your voice slide all the way down to the lowest note you can make then deep breath and do it again. You really can’t have tension in your chest, lungs, shoulders, or face while you’re doing this. Also, if you’re like me and lose your breath when you’re really nervous (like you open your mouth and just a squeak comes out) it helps get your voice used to making noises so you’re ready to sound normal when you talk. (Told you it was a weird one.)

    • This sounds silly but it was a piece of advice given to me by a professional speaker that has helped:

      Tell yourself those butterflys are because you are SO excited to go to your interview tomorrow and talk about all your wonderful accomplishments and why you are perfect for the job!

      Mentally it will put you in a different space than if you keep repeating to yourself, “I’m so nervous.” Try it!

    • Review your resume and application materials to remind yourself of the highlights and how awesome you are.

  18. K...in transition :

    Updates please? I know there have been stories here about recent bad breakups, whether or not to move or take a new job, blind dates, etc… hoping some of you pop back up and update us!

    Wanted to share some news too… I adopted a pup on Saturday. He’s a maltipoo but is essentially a maltese with poodle coloring (white with dark gray and tan markings). He’s 8 mos old, 5 lbs (he’s full grown) and is pretty well house-broken. He’s crate trained and knows “sit” and “lie down.” Granted, it means I’ll be eating ramen for a while since there was an adoption fee, but I discovered him and knew it’d be easier to make up that money someday (if I ever manage to find work) than to work first, try to find the dog, and then try to find the time to spend getting him settled. I have begun to look for cheap toys and a cheap carrier for him and am amazed at the high price options… $30 toys and $2000 carriers! It’s like there could be a Splurge Monday Animal-Style or something! lol

    I admit, it still feels like I’m dog sitting. It’s tougher than I thought to begin to feel an attachment, but I suppose it’s a bit like dating after you’ve had your first love; no one could ever compare but life has to continue.

    So that’s my update… can’t wait for others’!

    • Whoa, that’s awesome! Congrats!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Congratulations K! Let some time go by to feel the bond – it will come! What’s his name?

      Cheap toys – grocery store. Seriously. Petco + Petsmart are $$$$$ insane. Also your local Craigslist, or even Freecycle.

      • Look for non-traditional toys. My great dane loves loofahs. I’ll pick up a couple when I’m at Target and she’ll have a blast tearing them apart.

      • Also, TJ Maxx/Marshalls can be good for dog stuff–toys, treats, pick up bags, etc.

      • K...in transition :

        I named him Saba (sah-bah) :)

        Will check out those places, thanks! :)

      • Also, check your local tennis courts for used tennis balls. We’ve also purchased rope from Home Depot and made our own rope toys at 1/3 the price.

    • Perhaps maybe there are some people on here (not naming names) who might have dogs who reject toys and the like who might be able to share. And also a big dog who had a puppy crate that might work as a maltipoo crate they might be willing to send you or sell you at a reasonable price?

      [This site] swap meet!

      • K...in transition :

        I’d love to do a swap meet lol I have some 1950s/1960s fabric curtains I could include in the swap meet… not sure what else I have that wouldn’t be super expensive to ship, but I’d be up for that… will try to catch a post early and we can maybe do a swap meet conversation?

        I have a kennel crate but need to get a travel soft sided carrier for him… like a gym bag with screens. He seems to not be interested in rubber toys but likes rope related toys (based on what he tried to chew on when he met other dogs yesterday and saw their toys).

        • I have a couple of soft-sided kennels that work for dogs up to be about 12 pounds, and I don’t use any of them anymore. Email me at txattyjen [at] gmail [dot] com if you’re interested and I can ship you one.

      • K...in transition :

        YES! I’d love to do a swap meet lol I have some 1950s/1960s fabric curtains I could include in the swap meet… not sure what else I have that wouldn’t be super expensive to ship, but I’d be up for that… will try to catch a post early and we can maybe do a swap meet conversation? :)

        I have a kennel crate but need to get a travel soft sided carrier for him… like a gym bag with screens. He seems to not be interested in rubber toys but likes rope related toys (based on what he tried to chew on when he met other dogs yesterday and saw their toys).

    • Great news about the pup! Remember, I mentioned to you that when my current cat adopted me (just two weeks after my beloved gray and white monster died), I was struggling with the fact that she was “just a cat” to me. Now she’s my most perfect little feline princess.

      No real updates from me except that things about my SO’s move seem to have gotten more vague. I’ve decided to just roll with it and let him figure out what I already know.

    • Congrats! The $1 toys are Target are always my toy poodle’s favorites. They’re usually the right size for a 5lb dog. Also, Jeffers pet supplies has great prices. They have small crates for around $30 that are perfect for this size dog. Finally, your dog probably isn’t full grown. I got the same spiel on my toy poodle. He’s about a pound and half or two pounds bigger. They grow until they’re 2 years old. But, really, that small amount makes no difference. They’re still just cuddle bugs.

    • Great to hear from you K! I’m sure you’ll end up embracing matlipoo (is there a name yet?) as a family member.
      My update:
      1- The coworker who assaulted me was supposedly passed for promotion (evil smile.. bad bad naughty houda) and I hear he is currently in the process of leaving the company to pursue other interests (not entirely y fault; he wasn’t great at his job anyway).

      2- HR and top management announced the reorganization, many people were laid off but I was spared. My incompetent future-ex-boss got kicked up to another department. This time they will for sure know how incompetent she is. I will get a “functional” manager, which means I will keep kicking a$$ and working independently, then maybe send a couple updates once per month to said new-boss to update big-boss.

      3- About the part of having no social life especially that I have no summer vacation: I got a planner and now make sure to meet someone at least twice per week. I have been quite successful at it; including farewells, staying all day/night holding a friend’s hand because she lost her grandma, saying hi to a coworker who just got a baby girl, saying yes to a last minute b-day dinner etc. etc.

      • K...in transition :

        YES to the first two and it sounds like the third is becoming really awesome too!

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Not bad bad naughty Houda. Strong, smart, responsible Houda who does not put up with bad bad naughty evil coworkers. Way to go, girl!!!

      • Glad to hear things worked out at work !

      • Yay! And no, you’re not bad/naughty. It’s good that bad people who do bad deeds don’t always get away carrying a bunch of rewards.

      • :)

    • Kontraktor :

      I still feel a bit weird towards my cats, which is weird because I loved my childhood cat from the second I saw her and still love her and miss her 5+ years after she died. I’ve had my new cats for 2 years now and am just starting to like and miss them when I go away. I think it’s normal. Animals are new members of the family and it takes time to get adjusted. :-)

      • K...in transition :

        thanks for that, Kon… I’ve been worried about it! I’m intentionally spending more time lounging with him though, trying to let him bond even if I’m not there yet.

    • Congratulations on the new pup ! Glad you explained ‘maltipoo’ – wouldn’t have been able to figure it out otherwise.

    • For pet stuff, check out overstock.com and Big Lots!

    • Not too much. New responsibilities at work are getting better–my workload is finally adjusted so I won’t be billing 50 hours per week this month.

      The Harvey Specter look-alike is in London. After one date, I’m not sure it’s healthy to have such a huge crush on him…must…resist…texting…him…and looking desperate. Had a dream that he and my kryptonite-ex were both at a BBQ. That was awkward.

      • Kontraktor :

        Are you going to have another date? :-)

        • That was my impression at the end of our date. But he hasn’t been super communicative in the meantime. I can never tell if it’s Silicon-Valley-nerd-shyness or just-not-that-into-me. Too often, I’ll play it cool (not initiate any text or communication and wait for him) but later he’ll be all “I just didn’t know you were interested in me.”

          So I didn’t hear from him for a week, and given what I know about shy-guys, I sent a quick one line text to say hi yesterday. He responded with a picture of Trafalgar Square. Yep, he forgot to mention he was going to be out of the country.

          And men think women are hard to understand?!

    • I posted a while back about not finishing my marathon in April. Still a bummer, but I’m almost done with physical therapy and back to running (just very slowly!) And also, I’m ten weeks pregnant (also a reason I have to run slowly, lol!)

      Love the doggie updates! Mine also likes the $1 ropes from Target, though lately she’s taken to nylabones.

    • Be careful with giving him the store bought treats. Per my vet, a lot of them are high in preservatives and can cause a lot of weight gain especially in a smaller dog. My dog trainer told me to use Cheerios as a treat and my dogs love them. A big box lasts a long time. Also, check out ebay for dog toys and carriers and periodically check Target for marked down toys.

    • Research, Not Law :

      Congrats on the dog! Did he come with a name or did you pick?

      I posted a while back about my husband re-entering the work force after being a stay at home dad. He was snatched up by a firm and started immediately. It was a good offer for a good position at a so-so firm. He isn’t completely comfortable with the quality of work being put out or how quickly it all happened, so he’s cautiously circulating his portfolio and holding informational interviews at some other firms. (He’s technically on contract right now, although the firm hopes to make him full-time). He refreshed his wardrobe using a stylist at Nordstrom, as recommended here. It was a fabulous experience, and he looks great. However, we’re all struggling with the change, and baby is keeping me up all night. I haven’t had more than two hours of consecutive sleep in a week.

      I decided to postpone salary negotiations until closer to annual review time. I’m struggling to get caught up from maternity leave, so it didn’t seem the best time to ask for a raise! I really appreciate the negotiation info, though.

    • My beloved dog died four months ago. My husband and I assumed we would get another dog someday, but weren’t sure when that would be. A beautiful dog kind of fell into our laps only 6 weeks after losing beloved dog. I was really concerned that it was too soon and that I wouldn’t love her as much. This past weekend, I realized how smitten I’m becoming with our new dog. It’s taking some time, but I’m sure it did with beloved dog, too – it was just so long ago that I’d forgotten. Be patient with yourself – and congratulations!

    • Yay! I’m delighted that you’ve got a dog in your life again. (And thanks for the dog-related advice in my dog threadjack below.)

    • In Disbelief :

      I’ve been quiet on here lately, but probably owe everyone an update. My husband left me in March in a shocker of a move, and after a month of the silent treatment agreed to join me in counselling. Things weren’t getting any better, he was being manipulative and wouldn’t acknowledge the hurtful nature of his actions, so I asked him for a divorce two weeks ago. I am upset, and still in disbelief that I’m in this place, but my friends both IRL and online have been amazingly supportive and I know I’ll get through this.

      I’m currently looking forward to a girls night out involving Magic Mike and a few upcoming trips.

      K- hope you and the new pup enjoy this get-to-know-one-another time!

  19. Unhappy hour :

    Ladies, I can’t be the only one here that hates happy hour, right? I always feel obligated to go but I dread it all day long. My immediate boss never attends since he has kids so it’s mainly a few others on my team and a neighboring team. I seem to always make excuses and bail when i can Will this negatively impact my career? I mean, I do really have other things to do and people to catch up with that I really rather not hangout with my coworkers after work.

    • When was the last time you went to one? Maybe you will enjoy it (sometimes when I really dread something, it’s the dread that’s the worst part and the actual doing of the activity isn’t so bad because my brain made it out to be so much more worse than it actually is). Also, work life is a lot easier if you get involved in the office in a smart way, play office politics and join in on the camaraderie. Just show your face, stay for a little while, and then leave.

    • Totes McGotes :

      I guess it depends how important it is to *actually* be interacting with your coworkers as opposed to just showing up. My first instinct would be to arrange for someone you want to catch up with to meet you there, so that you can be seen “participating” but in reality using that time to hang out with your friend.

    • Seconding eek. I’m not saying go to every one but staying away will definitely not help your career one bit.

      I’m an introvert and hanging around with my coworkers, especially in a noisy bar, sounds awful. But I agree with NGDGTCO (and we really need a less clunky acronym for that) in that a lot of times alliances are made and trust is fostered not by your work product but by casual relationships with people. So I’d say go at least often enough so that you don’t get stuck out of the loop or get a reputation for being stand-offish/not a team player.

      • Kontraktor :

        I’m going to disagree a little bit here. I think generally it is good to be social, at least for a minimal amount of time, with coworkers to not be seen as stand-offish. But there are times when going to such things may honestly offend your values/sensibilities or you truly are made too uncomfortable to be there (ex., maybe a person has social anxiety disorder or is a recovering alcoholic). I think in these instances, you just need to be comitted to your principles, work hard, and socialize in other ways in the office (invite people to lunch/coffee, be chatty with people, etc.). I am introverted and a bit stodgy, and in my last office, many of the people would go to bars to be rowdy, get drunk, make s*xual slurs at people (the waitresses and also the other employees), and generally act in ways that I absolutely did not find personally appropriate. So I never went. I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to compromise personal moral principles (and just general personal comfort levels) to make some fake point about my “career” because honestly, the types of people who insist on going to a bar and being rowdy and demeaning to people are probably the types who will mess up my career anyway (regardless of if I am going to the happy hour or not). I think when people start compromising true moral/personal comfort levels for the sake of their “career” is where things can sometimes get dicey and start leading people down the wrong paths. So, point is, if you truly feel uncomfortable, don’t go and find other ways to be social with people during work hours.

        However, if we’re just talking about you wanting to be a little more social (and not a situation where you feel morally uncomfortable), I have a couple suggestions. Could you pick the place one time? Volunteer to coordinate one and pick a more quiet place, perhaps that serves a lot of food, so that non-drinkers/more quiet people would be able to see the occasion as just a chance to get together. Another suggestion is to go, but just get a club soda/ice tea, show your face, and then leave after 30 minutes. Another idea I have is to coordinate an office take out order one day for lunch and socialize that way so you reveal that you are into office bonding but you are doing it in a way that you feel more comfortable with. We used to do this each Thursday and it was a great office morale builder (and for me personally a much nicer and safer way to socialize with coworkers).

        • Research, Not Law :

          I tend to agree with this. It sounds like this is office camaraderie time, not networking. I’m sure it depends on your office and field, but connecting with your coworkers can be done in other ways. I’d make an appearance often enough to not seem cold, balanced by more interaction during the day. Walking to get take-out lunches is popular in my office. FWIW, I’m an extrovert and still I hate routine happy hour. It feels so forced.

          My husband’s field is networking-oriented, but he’s introverted and really uncomfortable with it. He does enough to get his face out there and know people, but he’s steered his career to a niche with less of it and instead developed solid relationships with a few people (who are well networked and look out for him). It has hindered his career, but he’s much happier for it. He would have left his profession entirely otherwise.

    • My question is – how important is it to networking or your job to do it? Only you know how important it is for your team(s). Honestly, I don’t do it. At. all. I don’t like to drink during the day, don’t particularly like to hang out in bars, and I work out after work and that’s way more important to me. People I work with know that. If there’s a late afternoon university-wide c*cktail event that’s more of a see and be seen thing, I’ll show up and shmooze with the people I need to see then hop out to the gym. That said, I’m senior and the supervisor and I don’t really socialize much with the people I supervise.

    • Don’t go if you feel so strongly about it. Sure, there may be some small impact on your relationships with your co-workers but I can’t imagine the alternative of hanging out at a bar and feeling resentful over it being particularly good for the relationships either.

      • Sorry, but you should try and go if you can. It’s a good opportunity to hear about things going on in your office and connect with your co-workers in a more relaxed setting. The wonderful thing about happy hour is you can always have “dinner reservations” at 6:30 pm that you need to leave for. 1 drink, show your face, get outta there.

  20. anon in DC :

    Have any of you done the 333 clothing challenge? I’m trying to but between work and down-time, I’ve gotten my clothes, shoes, jackets/coats, purses down to about 60. If you were to do this, what would your staple pieces be? what couldn’t you live without? what would you keep no matter what? Any advice from those who’ve done this? Thanks.

    • a passion for fashion :

      you know, i think about doing this, or some other similar “project” from time to time, but then I jsut realize that I really like clothes and so what is the point? However, what I do on a fairly regular basis (largely necessitated by the fact that I have tons of clothes that dont fit into just one closet) is rotate my clothes. And not just on a seasonal/size basis, but it a way to ensure that everything I own is getting worn. And if there is some item that i have not work in a while, i force myself to make an outfit out of it. And then I wear it. If I dont feel great in it when I wear it, out it goes into the donation pile.

    • MissJackson :

      Funny, I was thinking about doing this and I even made a list. Except that I was going to cheat…errm, modify… so that I didn’t include jewelry/coats/purses/etc. I was able to get down to 40 items that way. I haven’t actually implemented it yet, but I plan to tackle my closet in the coming weeks.

      My list basically goes like this: 10 pencil skirts (this is probably way more than other people would pick, but it’s my “work uniform” and I don’t wear pants in the summer; 2 of these are suit pieces. half of them are prints and half are solids.), 10 shortsleeve or sleeveless blouses (again, about half prints and half solids), 2 long sleeve blouses (1 solid, one print), 6 dresses (4 casual, 2 work), 6 blazers (2 are the jackets to the suits mentioned above, 4 are more casual knit blazers in fun colors), 3 cardigans (all solid colors), 2 pairs of jeans, 1 jean skirt.

      I made navy my neutral of choice, and then I worked with other colors that I love/are in/work with the season. For me, that’s coral/orange, turquoise, cobalt, jade/mint green, red, lime green, and pink. One of my suits is navy and the other one is a summery beige, and all of those pieces work well as separates.

      If I had to get shoes and accessories in, I could probably get away with one pair of flip-flops, navy pumps, and nude-for-me pumps for shoes. Fun jewelery is kind of my “thing” which is why I didn’t even bother trying — I wear lots of different stud earrings, statement necklaces, and cocktail rings. If I had to, I’d just go with pearl studs, pearl necklace, and maybe one statement necklace with a pop of color — probably turquoise.

      I do think that rotating by season makes sense. In the winter, black would be one of my go-to neutrals, but I don’t have anything black on my summer list.