Coffee Break – Marianne Pump

Marianne PumpHello, gorgeous. It’s hard to pinpoint which aspect I like the most about these shoes — the deep malachite color, the stiletto heel, the snake-printed leather, the rounded toe… it’s tough. They’re $325 at Tory Burch, available for pre-order. Marianne Pump

(L-2)

Comments

  1. Those are gorgeous and I want them. And the last thing I need is to be spending $300 on shoes. Sad.

    TJ: Has anyone ever had nausea wake them up early in the AM? I am really not prone to nausea, but 2-3 times in the past month, I’ve woken up early in the morning (3-4amish) with teeth-watering nausea. I don’t have any other gastrointestinal issues and usually if I can get back to sleep, the nausea passes by the time I wake up. Not sure if it’s worth making a doctor’s appointment over.

    • Avant gardener :

      Could it be acid reflux? Sometimes I feel sick when I eat late and lie down right away. Also, when I was in college, I would have crazy stress-induced nausea. If I’d had a really horribly stressful thing happen during the day, I’d wake up and get sick around 4 or 5 AM, like clockwork, even if whatever the stressful thing was had been resolved and I was feeling fine by the time I went to bed. I had it checked out and the doctor told me I just had a “nervous stomach.”

    • I am sure you have considered this, but… this is how I knew I was pregnant! If there is a possibility, you might want to take a test….

      if not, one thing to try to control it is Emetrol- the stuff is like magic. its basically flat coke, but you take a tablespoon every 15 minutes until the nausea subsides and this stuff really works!

      • Sadly enough, there is zero possibility of pregnancy. (Or, I suppose, happily enough since I’m unmarried and in my early 20s…)

        • Anonymous Poser :

          I have nasal congestion pretty much all the time (sorry about the TMI). I’ve found that can contribute to nausea/reflux, so I try to keep it under control with neti pot use/steroid nasal spray/OTC med.

          Also, the more time that can pass between dinner and the time I lie down for bed, the better…

    • I’d do a 14-day course of Prilosec OTC and if it doesn’t go away, consult with your doctor. You could be developing an ulcer or have something called h. pylori (in which case you might need further testing or treatment). You could also have acid reflux which Prilosec would also help which the Prilosec would also help with.

      Either way, you should also try sleeping more propped up for awhile if you can, that will help tamp down on the reflux, if that’s what’s causing the nausea and see if its getting better.

    • kerrycontrary :

      I would say acid reflux or heartburn. Sometimes I get nauseous because I’ve been drinking too much coffee (coffee can irritate the stomach I believe).

    • Any recent changes in medication? Certain meds make me nauseous if I don’t take them with food, or at the wrong time of day, etc. Definitely see a doctor if none of the suggestions here help you out. Ginger gum (Sea Bands makes it) works well for me to treat mild, non-stomach-virus-induced nausea.

    • I had this last night. And the night before. Probably acid reflux for me. And probably related to pregnancy for me. Tonight I’m going to try moving the Tums to my bedside table and limiting the bedtime snacks.

    • Some birth control pills can cause this. Have you switched up your meds lately?

    • So it's that kind of Friday :

      Another possibility is dehydration.

    • emcsquared :

      I get this with mild food poisoning – have you had any common food themes on the days you’ve gotten sick? I had it happen a couple times before I realized I had a bad bag of frozen shrimp…yuck.

  2. Merabella :

    Shoe Related TJ – Anyone know about the fit of Loft Shoes? I’m eying a pair of teal wedges, but I’ve never worn their shoes before.

    • I have a pair of Loft wedge sandals from a few summers ago. I think they were fairly true-to-size. I usually buy 8.5 in shoes, although I ended up getting a 9 in the Loft ones because they were low on sizes–I think an 8.5 would be better, but the sandals are adjustable, so I made them work.

    • Those Loft teal wedges are so pretty! I am now considering them. How do you think they would look w/ black tights? Okay for work?

      And what do you think about the little bow on those pumps (at Loft)? I love the heel height, but I can’t decide about the bow.

      • Merabella :

        I LOVE the teal wedges. I think they would look great with black tights. I could wear them that way to my bus casual office, but I’m not an expert on anything more formal.

        I’m not a fan of the bow on the pumps. I think if it were a little more substantial I wouldn’t mind, but it looks like a bit of an afterthought to me.

  3. I’m looking for a pair of cognac knee high flat boots. I just bought a Corso Como pair from the NAS, but they’re a little more brown than what I was looking for. Any suggestions?

  4. So beautiful! Higher than I normally like…and I can’t afford them…but oh, to dream!

    • Wannabe Runner :

      This expresses my thoughts, exactly, Mouse.

      (PS: Are you named after the character in The Passage?)

      • No, but now I want to read that book, if you’re referring to the one by Justin Cronin.

        I was inspired by the absurdity of The Mouse that Roared, and the Shakespearean quote ‘though she be but little, she is fierce’. Probably Mrs. Frisby, too. :-)

        • Wannabe Runner :

          Yes, the Justin Cronin book is super good!

          There’s a character named Mouse (I think. I listened to it on audiobook, so not sure how it’s spelled in the book). She’s kind of bad-ass. :)

  5. AnonInfinity :

    A few days ago, someone (I can’t remember her name) posted that she is able to exercise in the mornings because she tells her current self that her future self will be happier with that decision. For the past couple of days, I’ve been telling myself that Future AnonInfinity will appreciate it if I don’t eat a million mini candy bars in the afternoon. It’s been working so far. So, I just wanted to say thanks for the inspiration!

    • Brooklyn, Esq. :

      Interesting! I’m struggling to break my afternoon sugar habit, too, so I’m going to try this! (Too bad it’s too late for today, though… :)

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I think that was Senior Attorney’s brilliant tip.

    • I do this when I need to lose a couple of lbs. It totally works for me! I picture myself wearing something really cute that would currently not look great, or being somewhere looking good (e.g., beach weekend on labor day), etc., and I think how happy I will be then to have done this now. I like this phrasing of it too.

      The best it’s ever worked is when I have someone I want to spite by just looking amazing, but that’s probably not a good thing so I won’t go into it and will just be happy that even though I have been thinner, there is no one in my life I am feeling spiteful towards at the moment ;)

      • Cornellian :

        unhealthy confession: comparison to my sister can motivate me.

        Which is stupid, as I’m an athlete and have nearly 7 inches on her, and she never insinuates I’m overweight.

        • There’s something about your comment that makes me feel so sad, maybe because I imagine my little sister comparing herself to me this way and I just want to hug her and tell her to stop it. So on behalf of your sister — please don’t beat yourself up this way, every body is so different!

    • Senior Attorney :

      Yay! That was me! So happy to help!!

      (And BTW, 5:40 Senior Attorney had a VERY hard time getting up for boot camp class this morning, but 6:45 Senior Attorney was super happy that she did!)

      • really, this tip is so amazing, I can’t believe it has never occurred to me before, that’s my problem, I’m so ‘now’ focused, I never think about Future Zora. And that is just not very nice to Future Zora. I haven’t figured out how to actually *do* this yet, but I am rly going to try, thanks Senior Attorney!!

    • I think there needs to be a german word for this. Like schadenfreude.

      It would capture the happiness one feels to have completed a task that was not enjoyable to actually do.

  6. Sydney Bristow :

    I’m obssessed with this color. I’ve been lusting after a (Brooks Brothers?) malachite necklace Kat posted awhile back. I think this color is really flattering on me, so I’m glad that it is apparently “in” this season! Now I just need to track down some cute flats in this color.

    • Check out JCrew Cece flats in “Boulevard Green” …

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Oohhhh pretty! I’m not sure how I can bring myself to pay $100 for flats though (even though I wear them everyday and I spend that much for heels that I rarely wear). How do they run width-wise?

        • You know, I have wide-ish feet (at least at the top of the foot) and I prefer the JCrew pointy flats. I just never found any ballet slippers to be that comfy, ultimately. I totally get the hesitation.

          Unrelated, even though they apparently never go on sale at any time that I can catch them, can I just say how much I love the macalister (sic?) boots?? They’re like wedgy little booties but somehow they look super adorable on and go with everything.

          • Sydney Bristow :

            Great to know, thanks! I have bunions, so I need shoes to be wide near the toe. I’ll have to check out the boots too.

  7. These shoes are truly gorgeous. Anyone willing to suggest something similar at a more reasonable price point?

  8. Kat, you are KILLING it today!

  9. Anon être :

    Thread jack!

    I have question about no hire contractual clauses.

    Employee R is currently employed with company A. Employee is looking for better opportunies and is interested In Pursuing employment with company B.
    However, company A and B have an agreement not to hire each others employees.

    Is there a way around that at all?

    Employee of course does not want company A to know that she is looking for another Job. Obviously she also does not know the exact terms of the no hire provisions.

    • AnonInfinity :

      In my experience, this is one of those areas that varies wildly by state, so this is one of those questions I think you really need to consult a lawyer about.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        +1. Varies WIDELY by state. A noncompete question came up last year for a client, and CA, IL, and NJ all had different rules. The breadth of difference was stunning.

    • In addition, even if the no-hire clause in invalid, it would have to be based off the assumption that Employer B wants to hire Employee R enough to go to bat for her against Employer A. And usually these no-hire clauses arise out of long-standing business relationships.

      Sometimes the best approach is sort of a side deal contract creating a one-time exception to the no-hire clause, if say, your friend did not have access to sensitive trade secret data. But depending on the state it could be an uphill battle. (As Anoninfinity said, states vary wildly about this.)

    • Agree with all of the above, but sometimes there is an express exception for jobs that are posted in the general media and that Employee applied for of their own accord. But relying on that sort of thing would involve finding out the exact terms of the contract.

    • This should NOT be dificult.

      I think that most companie’s have a 1 or 2 week window period each year where the rules are not enforced, but if they do NOT, I think the employee should go to Company B, and tell Company B that she want’s a job there, and from there, if Company B really want’s her, then she should get the CEO to get the HR person to call the HR person at Company A and ask for a WAVER of their contract for 1 week, and during that time, she can go without penalty from Company A to Company B. If there is that or 2 week window period, she is all set and she could ALWAYS transfer without penalty within the window! Yay!

      • Wow, Ellen is actually addressing the topic at hand! Is this a first? (Or maybe not the “real” Ellen?)

        • She does do this from time to time, actually. I have a tag called “practical advice” in which all posts feature Ellen either asking for or giving concrete pointers. Not all of them are insane, either.

          Always eager to help,
          ELLENWatch

    • Anon être :

      Not exactly sure, but CA and IL rules would apply.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        CA and IL law are in conflict on many aspects of non-competes. You need to talk to an attorney for useful advice.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      Have you seen the clause? They may not apply is the applicant applies for a publicly listed job and isn’t cherry-picked by someone at Company B.

  10. In the thread about short pants, someone mentioned her St. John suits. I have two, which I love. But they have these HUGE shoulder pads in the jackets (I don’t think any other garment I own has any shoulder pads so maybe they just seem huge compared to nothing). I realize they may be necessary to give the knit jackets structure. But I feel so very ’80s.

    So should I leave the shoulder pads in or clip them out?

    • Those suits are so expensive, I’d probably be really cautious about doing it. The fabric stretches, I know, but there’s probably extra fabric in the shoulder area to accomodate the shoulder pad. You could end up with a saggy looking shoudler if you are missing the pad.

      Are they vintage suits or is St. John still making shoulder-padded suits.

      I know the soft shoulder is the dominant style now, but as a former sewist, I still think a sharp shoulder with some kind of a crisp shoulder pad (not thick, just making the shoulder more square) is the best look for a jacket.

    • If you’re feeling crafty you could try replacing them with a smaller shoulder pad. But I agree with mamabear that some amount of shoulder padding is probably necessary, and that you’re going to potentially end up with some drooping in the material around the shoulder even if you replace with a smaller pad because of the way that jacket is cut.

    • lawsuited :

      All my suits have small shoulder pads in them, so there’s a good chance your other suits have shoulder pads without you realizing it. Shoulder pads are normal in a structured and properly tailored suit, but if you don’t love the look, take them to a tailor. I’ve had shoulder pads removed/replaced by my (fantastic) tailor, but tailoring jackets is tricky so make sure it’s a tailor you already trust!

    • That was me in the last thread! :)

      I echo what people are saying that your shoulder pads should be in there. In other suits with lining, they are usually hidden by the lining but you can see them in the St. John suits since they are one layer. I totally know what you mean though because they look very prominent.

      It is necessary to give the suits structure. I would also recommend that if you feel the pads make your shoulders look too large, then there is a chance that you bought too large of a size. For any suit jacket, the shoulders should be the one part with perfect fit – almost any other fit characteristics (waist, back, sleeves) can be changed, but the shoulders should fit.

  11. In The Pink :

    Cooking TJ. Been a while since we had one.

    After 2 yrs of doing renovation on our MCM kitchen (yes, these very hands and muscles thankyouverymuch) … we are done! Refacing cabinets, making new drawer fronts and cabinet doors, ss backsplash, granite counter tiles, porcelain floor tiles, new sliding door, lighting, made new swinging doors to utility room, taking out a window and making a cabinet/shelf for microwave, sliding susans installed in all drawers/cabinets (thank you rockler dot com), resurfacing the sheetrock, plumbing, electrical, trim,,,,,,, we are now eating at home and cooking alot!

    So it’s DH’s bday. We’re focusing upon kitchen related gifts. Got him 2 samplers of different kinds of salts. Smoked, beachy, etc.

    So how does one cook with them? I’m the assistant and cleaner-upper, so I have nothing to suggest.

    Hive cooks, help!

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Those are finishing salts. You do not cook with them. They will lose all their special flavors if you cook with them – use kosher salt to cook with. Sprinkle fancy salt on crudo, over gently scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes, on caramel or chocolate sauce that you put on ice cream, etc.

      • In The Pink :

        oh, like have your own, homemade salted chocolate ice cream? Gosh, SFBay, I want to turn on the oven and bake something. (While I don’t cook, I do bake, well, and often.)

        Thanks for the clarification … that first step would have killed them. See why I just clean up?

        We do use kosher salt and sea salt for cooking, thanks.

        • SF Bay Associate :

          Salted Chocolate/caramel brownies would be fan-tab-u-lous. I bet the smoked salt would also go really, really well with one of those chocolate desserts that uses Guinness or another stouty beer, which is kinda smoky on its own. The “beachy” salt makes me think crudo. I’ve never heard of TBK’s suggestion below, but it sounds awesome. .. but also sounds like it would use a lot of pricey smoked salt. Definitely more bang for your buck if you just finish with the fancy salt.

    • I would try them as finishing salts on veggies/protein to get a sense of what they pair with. Google “flavored salts” and you should be able to find guidance on when to use them. Usualy spice stores put suggestions in the labels/descriptions too. Flaky sea salt on chocolate chip cookies is amazing btw.

    • I love smoked salt. I use it with burgers according to Mark Bittman’s method. Turn the stove on to, I think, med-hi and put on your skillet (iron is best). Sprinkle surface of pan liberally with smoked salt. Let heat for about 5 min or until it feels very hot when you hold your hand a few inches from the pan’s surface. Put burgers on the pan. After 3-4 min, flip (no peeking under the burgers or else you’ll lose the lovely crisp edge). Cook another 3-4 (or 5 min) until done. I also use smoked salt instead of regular salt when I make chili or really any beef dish.

    • Steam edamame and then put fancy salts on them. I’ve had that at a restaurant before, it was tasty (smoky salt).

    • Someone here mentioned making popcorn with truffle salt. Sounds divine!

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      I am so happy to learn these are finishing salts! I tried to cook chicken with my amazingly good smelling alderwood smoked sea salt, and I couldn’t taste any of it in the finished meal. I will add it at the end next time.

    • anon in tejas :

      world peace cookies with smoke salt would be so yum!

    • recent grad :

      Wow – rockler dot com looks like a great find. I’m a new homeowner so I have no idea about anything house-related, but what sliding susans/drawers did you get? Every time I am in my kitchen I wish I had them, but hadn’t yet taken the time to look into them. Thanks!

      • In The Pink :

        We got the sliding susans…fit them to the cabinets underneath the stove top. You lose a bit in width but you gain the entire depth of the cabinet. No more crawling on the floor to get out pots, pans, bowls, measuring cups etc.

        Perhaps even better, we put the sliding susan underneath the kitchen sink. One behind each door for that area. So cool.

        We have bought their custom sized drawers too … put them underneath the wall oven area. We changed out the drawer slides in all kitchen drawers to “full extension” to get the most space. So we put the custom sized drawer underneath the wall oven onto those slides. FYI, the cabinent underneath the wall oven goes down to floor level. It had one shelf and then the bottom shelf. Got a drawer for each.

        Rockler is a very good co. One order of sliding susans were all the wrong width. They sent us back to ups with them and gave us full credit for shipping after sending us a new order. Appeared that the sliding susan factory put the wrong labels on the closed cartons so we got the wrong size.

        Some cities have rockler storefronts, but they don’t have alot of stuff.

        We also used Woodworkers Supply and Woodworkers Hardware – for under cabinent lights, halogen puck lights, the full extension drawer slides and quiet close hinges.

        Got handles from My Knobs (dot com).

        Enjoy. Have plans to get two more (wide) sliding susans for underneath both bathroom sinks.

        FYI we ALWAYS put a piece of formica underneath the sink cabinets. So easy to clean. Cut on table saw, drill holes, screw it in. Because we have scraps left, we have taken to putting a loose-fit (floating) piece of formica inside all sliding susans and kitchen drawers. I even have them inside the drawers in the bathrooms and my vanity. Just easy to vaccuum, spray with a cleaner, and remove.

      • In The Pink :

        Their advert for the sliding susans is true….hold on to your hats! “Even a housewife can install them.” Only 4 screws. Just put the base (that has the rails that make the drawers slide in/out) onto the base of the cabinet or shelf and put the 4 screws in. Easy to install, take out, etc. Too bad about the advert though.

    • Smoked salt sprinkled on tomato slices (freshly picked from the garden). Perfect for brunch or mid-afternoon snack.

  12. Bon Appetit just released their list of the 50 best new restaurants, and Texas has more than any other state, and Houston has the most of any city in Texas and perhaps as many as any other city.

    I just had to brag for a minute.

  13. Paging SAlit-a-gator! :

    Tried this a little over a week ago (and got great responses from others), but thought I would try again…

    I was doing some google-fu last night and saw your comment (from May, I think?) and others’ responses re cute walking shoes/sandals for your big Euro-city vacation during the summer. Can we get a field report on what you bought and whether it (or they) worked?

  14. Good News: My boyfriend (soon to be fiance) was just called into the boss’s office and was asked if he was interested in a promotion.

    Bad News: Promotion is in a town 4-hours away.

    Should be some interesting conversations tonight….

  15. Gorgeous shoes.

    Anyone have sage advice about fighting mental fatigue during the day? It’s sort of a “death by a thousand paper cuts” situation — lots of smaller projects that are sucking up my time and making it darn near impossible to focus on the bigger ones. As soon as I get caught up, my inbox is filled with new messages needing immediate responses. (Our office culture is not one where it’s OK to go off the grid for a few hours and respond later.) My mind is in a million places at once, and it shows. I’m overlooking important details and making really dumb mistakes.

    By 3 p.m., I’m just DONE. And I can’t be. Plus, I’m bitter that tomorrow is my birthday and even though I made arrangements 3 weeks ago to take the day off, I will probably be working just to prevent further chaos.

    • Can you take a quick walk to get some fresh air? I find that mint tea and non-recycled air help.

    • Can you come in early in the morning and pound out of couple of hours on your big projects with your fresh brain before all the small projects and emails start pouring in?

    • In my office we do a four-minute workout every day. Two one-minute planks, one one-minute wall sit, and one 45-second boat pose. It’s a great way to reinvigorate yourself to face the afternoon.

    • emcsquared :

      On energy levels: I know this probably seems impossible, but take 15 minutes and clean your office if it’s messy. You will feel so energized.

      On e-mail management:
      On days I’m really needing to work on a big project, I come into the office an hour or two early and don’t check e-mails until half an hour after I would usually arrive; gives me an hour or two of good working time. I close the door too, so people don’t interrupt me. Finishing something invigorates me.

      I also have learned to ask people if I can respond in an hour or at [x] time because I’m swamped – they know I’ve seen their request and when they’ll hear back, so they don’t get so antsy.

      Also look at your own e-mail habits; if you send a lot of e-mails, they will come back to you in multiples. Try calling or stopping into people’s offices with status updates or quick answers.

      And good luck!

    • Wannabe Runner :

      You are letting other people’s emergencies become your emergency. You are the only one that decides what things are emergencies.

      My stepmom always had a plaque with this in the kitchen: “Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”

      Some of the assignments that you are getting are high priority than others. Figure out which. Make sure everyone knows that you are busy.

      Change your Outlook to only check email once every half-hour.

  16. Aruba, St Marteen Or??? :

    Calling the hive: DH and I are going on vacation – leaving from SFO – would like to spend no more than $1500 total for flights – thinking about Aruba or St Marteen – I like the beach, he likes golf, and we both like casinos – suggestions, past experencies, recs???

  17. Anon in Canada :

    Nnnnnnnggggg.

    Is it possible to be s*xually attracted to a pair of shoes?

  18. Migraine Sufferer :

    I have just gotten in tune with my shoe fetish, and hot da*m, I want these. But alas, my entire budget isn’t much more than this single pair. Thank you Cat for the inspiration!

  19. Praxidike :

    I don’t know if I’m asking this question too late in the day, but oh well. I bought the Cole Haan “Poppy” boots from the NAS (I will put a link in a reply to avoid moderation issues). I love them – they are flattering and comfortable and sexy, and I love them.

    Here’s the thing: how does one wear high-heeled boots (3″) to work without looking inappropriate? My office is very business casual, though I usually dress more on the business side, rather than the casual side. I wear skirts 99% of the time, even during the Wisconsin winter. So, I want the Hive’s opinion: how do I wear these boots in the fall/winter/early spring in a way that’s professional?

    • Praxidike :

      Here are the boots, for reference. Note that the heel is not a stiletto, which I think matters in terms of professionalism.

      http://tinyurl.com/8cg6ofx

    • I bought these too, and loooooove them. No idea on work styling so I’d like to see the comments! But if they’re inappropriate, well…. I just might have to be inappropriate!

    • My fat calves envy you :). What about with a knee length sheath dress and cardigan? or non-suit skirt and blazer with a fun blouse? I think the key is to show limited amount of skin/tights

      • You know, it’s funny – a lot of the reviews said that they were tight in the calves, but I did not find that to be true for me. I do *not* have skinny calves, and I actually have a bit of a gap between my calf and the shaft of the boot, which made me happy because then I can wear them over skinny jeans.

    • Keep the rest of your look more conservative and covered up. I think a calf-length skirt would be great with these.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      I wear with skirts and dresses. I’d wear those with a shift over a tissue turtleneck or wither with a slight a-line skirt (wool or courderoy/denim on Friday) and turtleneck.

      • Divaliscious11 :

        Not sure what I was thinking with “wither.” I wouldn’t wear with a calf length skirt – that would look too “Big Love”. Knee length, mid-knee or just covering the knee.

        • I think it depends on the skirt – I’ve seen “midi” skirts in several places for fall and they don’t look church lady to me, more like a touch of ’70s retro.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Oh my sweet lord, that is one gorgeous boot.

      I would wear them in the winter with pretty much anything. Pencil skirts, dresses, pants, you name it. I would just make sure the rest of the outfit isn’t sending out “I’m smart but I’m sexy” vibes, too. One “smart but sexy” piece per ensemble is my rule.

    • oh, really cute. I wear boots to work with dark tights and at-the-knee wool/tweed skirts and dresses (pencil or a-line).

    • lucy stone :

      I love them! I’d wear the black ones with a knee-length skirt in a pattern or bright color with a black crewneck or turtleneck. I also think they could look great with a printed dress and a blazer or chunky sweater. I think a lot of the stuff at Boden or Boden-esque stores could work.

      And as someone who has destroyed boots in Wisconsin winters, waterproof them!

    • Wonderful choice – those boots are smashing!

  20. K...in transition :

    Is anyone else just sick of depending on others? I’ve been job hunting for 9 mos, 6 days now and it’s the first time in my life I’ve ever interviewed and not gotten an offer, let alone to have it happen multiple times. I updated my resume today and, on paper, I look pretty awesome and I’ve been told that I interview very well, so I don’t know what else I’m able to do. Some days I just want to work, other days I wish I could stay on unemployment forever, never again having a boss or a dress code or having to wear shoes (y’all know I love being barefoot!). I wish I could make enough money writing/editing to live on, but no luck thus far, so I continue the hunt and continue to interview for any position I’m qualified for, even if I hate the idea of it, just to have money finally coming in again.

    Not sure there’s really any point to this but to vent but holy everything am I over being in this place!

    • I did not search that long, but I totally get it. I had never before not gotten a job after an interview until my 2nd summer when everything was crashing. You should know you ARE probably a great candidate, and you DO probably interview well. The market is not good. It sounds like you need a break. When I got really depressed about the job hunt it helped to take a whole weekend off and not even think about it. (Prior to that, I took days off, but felt guilty, and worried). Just job-hunt radio silence. Go to a concert in the park, a movie (or 2, or 3), work out, lay on the beach, read a book, whatever can distract you for 2 whole days.

    • Like CJ, I also didn’t look this long (but only because I’m creating my own job out of sheer desperation), but have also had this kind of frustration. I know that we don’t know each other IRL, but I’m absolutely sure that you’re a fantastic candidate, and that the market is just Not Good. It’s extremely frustrating, but please know it’s not a reflection on you as a professional, and definitely not you as a person.

      All I can say is this: from my interactions with you here, I know you’re a smart, accomplished, and extremely kind person. I absolutely believe that you will find something amazing. In the meantime, take care of yourself!

    • I went nine months as well and totally hit this spot. Same thing – great resume, good interviews, tough luck. I agree, you’ve reached a point where it’s good to just take some down time. Maybe it’s giving yourself tomorrow off to do something fun and low cost. Maybe it’s a little longer than that. It helped me so much to get in an occasional long weekend at home. Being unemployed is in a weird way a lot of work – applications, interviews, constant stressing over money, budgets, unemployment rules, insurance, etc. I just sometimes needed someone to take care of me for a few days every now and then. Or permission to just breath and have fun for a day with friends. And the truth is, there are limits to how much you can do about this each day. Strangely enough, I ended up getting hired by a company I had interviewed with eight months earlier. And I really love it. I worried a lot that I had forgotten how to work or that maybe secretly I didn’t actually want a new job, but my new job makes me really happy now and the transition was easier than I expected. You just never know… try to enjoy this free time as much as you can now – even if it means taking a day off. I’m confident something good will come your way!

    • I hear you. I’m fortunate enough to be clerking right now but my days are numbered . . . and the number is under 50. I’ve been looking for a job for the past 9 months and have gotten rejection after rejection, sometimes even being told I’m “overqualified.” It’s so demoralizing. I worked for nearly a decade before going to law school and, in that time, I never went more than a few days without being able to line up a job when I needed to. If I hear one more person tell me I just need to network more, or broaden my search a little, I’m going to scream.

    • I completely feel for you. I looked for ten months. It was a totally new experience for me. In the past, by the time I’d started thinking “I’d like a new job” one had practically landed in my lap. I’d never had the experience of sending out countless resumes, networking networking network, going to multiple interviews only to get dinged (or not…most employers these days don’t even bother to give you an actual ding letter). Is there anyplace you can go to be away for a few days? Even if it’s just to your parents’ house or something? I found that if I could get away to stay someplace for a couple of days, it would give me the space to recharge. But there were days when my tissue box and I just burrowed deeper and deeper and deeper into the sofa. It was soul crushing. (To all those people who say that unemployment is worse for men because they, unlike women, identify with their work, I say, well, you haven’t met TBK. Unfortunately, my work totally = my identity.)

  21. momentarily anonymous :

    To piggyback on K’s question a bit, how does one deal with the flip side of that problem? My SO has been unemployed for 8.5 months, with the exception of a one month temp gig. This is someone who, except for a month-long period after moving to a new city with me so that I could pursue an advanced degree, has been consistently employed since the age of 15. It’s very difficult to watch the struggle and the demoralization, and I try to be as supportive as possible, but I don’t know what to do. And I feel guilty because, career-wise, I’ve gotten everything I want. (Granted, I’m only a year out of school and still in training. But I went to my first choice of both school and training program, and am well aware of how lucky that makes me.) I’m also trying not to feel resentful, because I know my SO is trying really hard and is not to blame that we’re so financially strapped at the moment. There’s a lot of guilt on my SO’s part with regards to not contributing more financially, so I don’t want to add any more to that.

    *sigh* I guess that was more of a vent than a question. But does anyone have any suggestions on how to manage my feelings about this, or what I can do to be helpful and supportive? I’d very much appreciate any wisdom y’all have to offer.

    • Anne Shirley :

      ooohhhhh APracticalWedding.com discussed exactly this yesterday- really great comments on it too.

    • emcsquared :

      I kept a truly awful job because I knew my DH would struggle with similar feelings ( he couldn’t handle it as well as you seem to be handling it). These things would have been really helpful for me:

      1. Willingness to sit down and put together a financial plan to accommodate my lack of job: monthly budget; strategies to cut or manage costs short term, mid-term, and long-term if necessary; expectations about his money versus our money, etc.

      2. An open and honest discussion about long term career aspirations and prospects, so I would have felt comfortable exploring lower-paying opportunities that were exciting.

      3. Some joint understanding about how I could and did still contribute to the family – could I hand-make holiday presents, or clip grocery coupons, or take over certain chores. It was really important to me that DH didn’t think I was just going to sit around watching soaps all day while I was unemployed.

      Also, one issue I had with job-searching was that it doesn’t have a concrete ending; you can job-search 24-7 and drive yourself crazy. Since your SO is searching while not employed, he should try to treat his job-search as his 9-5 job – do it only during the weekday, and live his regular life in the evening and weekends. Maybe even go to the library or somewhere other than home during the day, so he can turn off the job search brain at the end of the day. It’s important for him to give himself permission to enjoy his life, even while job searching.

      • kerrycontrary :

        I was unemployed for 2 months last fall (with a masters! stupid economy!). I would really suggest doing the job search 9-5 thing. I would go somewhere during the day and apply to as many job openings as possible (there are only so many that come up every day in my field), and then go home. I also kept a regular exercise routine, walked my dog, and cooked dinner for my parents since I was staying at their house to save money on food.

    • If you have to resent someone, please resent the economy and any actor (strawman or not) who may have contributed to our current situation. I get needing to vent your frustration about the financial situation, but you say your SO already feels guilty so adding resentment will only kill the relationship (it certainly won’t bring in any money). Some things my husband did when I was unemployed (and believe me, it was difficult to watch TBK be unemployed — I’m not a very emotional person but I was a total emotional tempest for those ten months) were: (1) get me out of my fatalistic thinking by saying “Do you really, honestly believe it’s reasonable to think that you will never, ever be employed again?” No, obviously; (2) get me out of the house/my pjs/the couch/my wallowing pit of self-pity and despair, even if it just meant a walk around the block or to a local park; (3) get on my case when I failed to follow up on something because I was too busy feeling bad for myself (he’d trot out the “you’ll never get a job you didn’t ask for” bit). But it’s awful. That’s all there is to it. It’s just going to be bad for awhile, but it’s HIGHLY unlikely he’ll be unemployed forever, so just think about how, in one year, this will all be behind you.

  22. Great heels! I have to say I pretty much LIVE in heels and pencil skirts at work. It feels nice to be girly and not look like the men. Curious to know though, do any of you ladies work in offices where you’re expected to wear heels?

  23. Merabella :

    Allison over at Wardrobe Oxygen titled her OOTD post “Garden Party.” Thanks to this site I will never ever be able to see those two words together without laughing out loud.

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