Thursday’s TPS Report: Falling Stones Tee

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Falling Stones TeeI don’t know if this is a new thing from DvF — a cotton t-shirt emblazoned with one of her vintage prints — but I really like the idea of it.  Yes, I kind of wish it were silk or even rayon, but I’ll take cotton.  It’s washable, breathable, and will be much easier to take care of than something that needs dry cleaning or air drying. And, while $75 seems steep for a t-shirt, there are a lot of t-shirts in that price range that are far less appropriate to be worn to work.  The shirt is available for preorder from, sizes P-L still available.  Falling Stones Tee

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  1. Uh, no.

  2. I like it.

    I have a gifting t/j. A colleague/friend is leaving our office and I would like to get her something as a parting gift. I am thinking around $50, though that’s flexible depending on item – so something less expensive could work, or something a bit more. But I am stumped! I don’t want to get something traditionally generic like stationary or a frame, and I don’t want to just do a gift card as that seems a bit impersonal for the situation. Any ideas? What are some of your favorite gifts to receive?

    • Is the friend a reader? If so, what about a copy of one of your favorite books with a note about why you think she would enjoy it?

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        I like this idea a lot!

      • I really like this idea. Seems fitting for someone you consider a colleague and friend :)

        • I really like this idea actually – I once got some books from a friend at my old job when I was leaving, and it was really sweet and thoughtful now that I think about it.
          My only concern: would it be weird if she gave me a book as a gift for my birthday this year?? For some reason, I always feel odd giving someone the same type of gift they just gave me…. Am I just overthinking this? Or maybe I can do a book and something else?

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            Speaking for myself, I wouldn’t mind that type of (effective) gift exchange at all. I’d feel like we belonged to a cozy little club of friendly readers.

          • I think you are overthinking a little. While its nice to be creative in gift giving and not just always reciprocate what the last person did, the point of giving a gift is to give something the recipient will enjoy. If you both like books and know her taste, by all means give books!

          • hellskitchen :

            What about a Kindle? It’s $69 so a bit more than $50 but it’s a reading gift yet not a book

      • To add to this– put the book on a kindle! I would have NEVER bought one for myself, but now that I have it I LOVVVVVVVVVVVVE it… and syncing w/ it is pretty amazing too for when I’m too tired to read or driving.

    • From two jobs I rec’d jewelry as a going-away present, and I have to say I do think fondly of my former colleagues whenever I wear it. From one company I got a watch, and from another a pair of earrings that they knew I’d like.

      If your friend is (or could be) a pen person, a nice pen might be appreciated. Or maybe something like a monogrammed leather padfolio — something she could use regularly.

    • What about a pretty scarf or piece of relatively innocuous jewelry, like a silver link bracelet or something like that?

    • Similar to Tuesday, former colleagues got me a simple Tiffany necklace (not sure how much it cost), which I thought was really sweet, and I do think of them whenever I wear it.

      What about a fun decorative item that she can use at her next job? Like, a fun post-it note dispenser or a pretty pen or paperclip holder?

    • Kate Spade has some cute business card holders, if that would be appropriate for her new role.

  3. Almost There :

    I think I would like it much better if it were styled differently, maybe tucked into a black pencil where the “stones” would stop “falling” just above the waistline.

  4. Knee Surgery? :

    My mom (61) is having a total knee replacement in a few weeks. I have to provide her home care after the hospital for a few weeks. Does anyone who has gone through this personally or with a family member have any advice – on home care, hospital necessities, anything else? Thanks.

    • Not knee surgery, but my dad’s had both his hips replaced, twice. One thing that was helpful was a seat that raised the toilet seat up (it sits on the regular seat) and makes it not such a long way down to sit and then stand from – my guess is that this would be useful for a knee as well. Cushions that prop up favorite seats are also helpful in this way.

      The biggest thing for my dad was to get him up and walking around asap – per his doctor’s instructions. He was pretty good about it, but for other family members we’ve resorted to calling them from other sides of the house to get them to walk over, etc. It sounds sneaky, but it helped. My dad was also adamant about not feeling or being treated “like an invalid”. So try not to hover like she’s going to fall down when she starts to feel more comfortable walking – it stressed my dad out.

    • A shower seat is also really helpful. I would think of activities you all can do that are low impact (Board games, movies, etc). That way you can interact but not hover.

    • My aunt had it done, and before she had it done she had her bathroom redone to remove the bathtub and put in a large walk in shower with a bench (planning for the long term so that it could be wheelchair accessible if the time came for her or husband). Might be more than you can do, but at a minimum look into how much you can make showering/bathing easier when she’s not totally steady on her feet – does she have a shower stall (vs tub she has to step into), a bench or stool she can sit on in the shower and a hand shower to use while showering?

      Also, is she going from the hospital to a rehab facility or straight from hospital to home? My father went to a nursing home/rehab facility for a week after his hip replacement, and my mother wishes she would have paid out of pocket for another week the insurance wouldn’t cover – he is a big guy and she had trouble helping him stand, etc.

      • Knee Surgery? :

        The hand shower is a great idea, thanks. I am afraid I will have the same problem, as my mom is significantly overweight (putting it mildly). I thought she would go to rehab but has not mentioned it, so I guess not.

        • Can you go to a doctors appointment with her and ask them about what you’ll need to do for the rehab period, how mobile she will be at first and whether there is a facility she can go to at first? Its possible they suggested it to her but she decided she’d “rather be at home” – but that’s not really fair to you if you are going to be the one providing care to her. I’d bring it up – even if it seems expensive to her, it might be worth comparing to the cost of lost wages for you (assuming you take unpaid FMLA time to care for her). My sister works at a nursing home/retirement community and they have a wing that is 90% used for care for people that are recovering from surgery and don’t need to be hospitalized anymore but still need help with daily tasks or need specialized equipment to help them (like accessible showers, toilets, etc)

          • Almost There :

            I am halfway across the country from her so unfortunately that’s not an option. I don’t know how to gently suggest an alternative to my brother and I taking turns doing in-home care, based on the complicating factor here. Also, she scheduled it 7 days before Christmas, so she would be getting out of the hospital just before (which I can’t help but see as a way to manipulate my brother and I spending Christmas at her house, based on past behaviors) so I’m sure it’ll be extra hard to talk her into going straight to rehab over Christmas.

          • Can you ask if her doctor could setup a conference call with you, her and your brother? Or just you and the brother? If you are not trained as nurses, you need to know what you are committing to. At a minimum, you need to have an understanding of how steady she will be on her feet before they discharge her from the hospital. Its also possible that they WON’T discharge her from the hospital directly home until she reaches a minimum level of independence, in which case the rehab center would be a cheaper option rather than an extended hospital stay. Has she said how long the doctor expects she’ll be in the hospital after surgery?

            Do you have any family in the medical field, or are any of her friends nurses or physical therapists? We use my aunt as a go between for all difficult medical conversations. Its hard having these kind of conversations with a parent, but if you are worried about being able to care for her, you need to let her know. You also need to know how often she will be expected to go back to the hospital or therapy center for physical therapy, and think about how you will get her in and out of the car – are there stairs she’ll have to negotiate? A potentially icy driveway? etc

          • I second the suggestion of setting up a conference call with you, your brother, and the doctor.

          • Almost There :

            Do you have any idea of questions we need to ask? I think this is a great idea, just don’t know exactly what we should get out of it.

          • Meg Murry :

            I wrote a really long response and my computer ate it. Basically, start with asking if he recommends a rehab facility or if you and your brother (who are not physical therapists or trained nurses) can handle it. Google knee replacement and look at recovery times, then ask the doctor if they seem applicable to her. Ask what kind of adaptive equiment he would recommend.

            Mainly, you need to know what kind of shape she’s going to be in when she comes home and how much your help is going to be on the skilled nursing/physical therapy side/helping lift her into a standing position vs making chicken soup/grocery shopping/keeping her entertained.

      • If she has a tub/shower combo, this might help, just add a handheld shower head with a long hose. My MIL had hip surgery and still uses this to bathe. It fits over the edge of the tub so she can sit and slide over rather than having to climb in. Also, the raised toilet seat helps.

      • Double Boo :

        I had foot surgery once and found getting one of those hand-held shower heads was invaluable. You can probably get a plastic one that goes over the faucet pretty inexpensively. Also, a small bag that is sling or backpack style could be good to have around, too. I was on crutches and often needed something to help me carry things from one room to another. Having something I could whip around on my back made things so much easier. You don’t realize how many things you carry around in your hands (tv remote, silverware, etc.) until you don’t have your hands free (even with a cane, she’ll probably prefer to have the other hand free for balance).

        • Double Boo :

          One other piece of advice: Bring a garbage bag with you in your car. If you put that on the seat, it will be easier to shift her when it comes time to get her out of the car. My mom would do this with my grandmother and it made things so much easier.

    • One friend who had knee replacement surgery ended up with a walker during her recovery. She rigged a tray across the front of her walker so she could carry stuff (even spillable stuff if she were careful). The bags that hang on walkers are good, but only for things that don’t need to sit flat.

      Knee surgery had quite a long recovery time (~2 months?) for another friend who was in her 30s. I’m not sure if there were complicating factors for her, but I was really surprised at how long she had crutches, couldn’t do stairs, etc.

    • Just as a note too– his insurance might cover some or all of the items below. My grandma just got one of those beds that automatically adjust up electronically for free from them… delivered to her house… just for asking.

  5. Diane, Wilma called. She wants her shirt back.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      Oh dear. That’s somebody who didn’t survive the automatic-weapons-driven shootout in the final scenes of “Skyfall.”

      • umm its only been out for two weeks, its a little early to be talking about the ending

        • ummm it’s been out for 2 weeks… that pretty much makes it fair game

        • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

          Get a grip. It’s not a real spoiler. I didn’t say who was wielding the weapon or who was shot.

          It’s a fricking Bond movie. Please don’t tell me you’re shocked there are shootouts. OK, so somebody has an automatic weapon, which has been pretty common to many of the Bond movies.

          • Lady Enginerd :

            What?! They don’t get married after many twists and turns in their quirky and endearing relationship?

            Oh. Bond, not Nora Ephron. Not a spoiler as we go to bond flicks FOR the expected awesome shoot outs.

          • like!

        • Jeez everyone is so testy. That includes all three of these above posts! I wish we would just ignore posts we don’t like instead of harping on it and changing the whole tone of the site.

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            While I respect your opinion, I respectfully disagree.

            I like that people have different voices. Not everybody is testy, and not everybody is testy all the time.

            One of the reasons why I like this community is that there are distinct voices– some wisecracking, others, very nurturing, and others, like an electric shock. I would be bored to death if this turned into a homogenous hugfest where every comment, however good, bad, smart, or stupid were automatically affirmed. It’d be too much of an echo-chamber to me.

  6. BS Detector Ringing Loudly :

    At work today, I have received my emai marching orders to do my employee satisfaction survey. This survey is done by a big, well-known consulting firm.

    I work in a large dept in a big silo of a big company, so it would not be clear from my responses who I was except for this one thing:

    The survey requires that I input the unique number I received with my email marching orders. Allegedly, this is so they don’t get 1 disgruntled person answering the survey 20,000 times.

    The survey of course has the assurance of confidentiality and the assurance that only aggregated data will be used in the feedback.

    Somebody who works in consulting who’s been on the opposite end of these – cam you confirm that this is confidentiality thing is total and utter BS or is it for real?

    • BS Detector Ringing Loudly :

      ugh, clearly my BS detector is so loud I can’t see or hear my own typos. posting fail. apologies!

    • It should be for real. They want to track response rate and to stop duplicate entries. The #s are auto-generated and are not attached to your email address in the survey system.

    • What a coincedence! The manageing partner attended a seminar for manageing partner’s who work at other law firms and came back with what must be the same satisfaction survey. He aksed each of us to FILL it out and get it back to him by DECEMBER 1, which is SATURDAY!!!! I SERIUSLY do NOT think he is doeing any work on it over the weekend, but HE set the deadline, NOT us.

      The survey has all of these dumb question’s which do NOT even apply to our firm. We do NOT have an excercise facility, so the 3 question’s about it I CANNOT even answer. Also, there is a question about the “firm chef”. We do NOT have one, so why is he akseing us to rate the quality of the chef, and the menu selection? FOOEY! Now I think we should have one, but we do NOT even have a full KITCHEN! It realy does NOT make any sense.

      Finaly, the survey say’s we should rate the quality of our “concierge service”. What on earth is that? I know there is a concierge in a hotel that get’s you ticket’s and special food’s and tell’s you where to go to eat, but NOT at our law firm. I do alot of this MYSELF. The manageing partner makes ME go out to CRUMBS when he want’s to get the best cookie’s and muffin’s and I am the one that sugested the place for our holiday party. I guess I am the concerge, so I will rate me #1. Yay!

    • our company does the same thing. We use a big consulting firm with six letters that starts with M. This firm actually puts the unique code in the link to the survey so you have to click the link. Our company has told us that the link groups us by business unit and for questions related to managers, only managers that have 3 or more direct reports will get aggregated feedback (the rest don’t get anything at the granular level).

      I talk the confidentiality with a grain of salt. If you said something truly awful, like you are planning violent action against your company, I imagine they could track you down. But since I don’t lie on those surveys, and I share (very) constructive criticism, I don’t mind if someone ends up finding out it was me. I ranked my boss a 2/10 for communication and like 3/10 for leadership last year. I also said I’d be very likely to leave the company in the next 12 months. I’m one of 3 direct reports. I haven’t been fired and in fact, she’s come a long way.

      • I work for a company that runs this kind of program as a third party provider. We take anonymity very seriously and feedback from any unit with under 5 people will be grouped with another unit for analysis. Statistics are only ever given in aggregate and no single response can be tracked back by the client. We sometimes get a lot of pushback from clients to provide breakdowns of every unit and subdivision, however small, but the industry code of conduct takes priority so if anonymity is promised to the respondents we respect that first.

        Text responses can be a little more complex, depending on the design of the program. Any text responses are checked and anonymized if necessary before being used in our reporting, but we cannot do anything about distinctive phrasing or existing knowledge of who holds what opinions so despite our best efforts it is possible the author of one specific comment may be recognised if the program spec includes us providing a file of (anonymized) text responses.

        We can identify individual respondents (to ensure each person only completes the survey once, to send reminders, to address technical problems with individual links, etc.) but this information remains in our systems and is not revealed to the client.

        In short, it depends entirely on the ethics and also the rigor of the people running the program. But feedback is only useful if it is honest!

  7. To Esquared :

    I’m late to your post yesterday about good bridesmaid gifts. I have received two I liked or appreciated. The first was when the bride paid for the dresses (I’ve actually had two brides do this). In both cases, I wasn’t crazy about the dresses, but I certainly appreciated not having to buy dresses I wouldn’t wear again—even if I could shorten them :). The second was a pair of studs from Tiffany (the twist knot earrings—they’re expensive, but there were only two bridesmaids and we really were exceptional women :) ).


    • I got the mini blue leather Tiffany jewelry case from a bride when I was a bridesmaid. She monogrammed them with our initials and I use mine every time I travel. That’s a good idea too!

    • For one wedding I was in, the bride paid for our manis and pedis as a gift. We all went and had them done together, drank champagne and had a really fun time! I appreciated not having another thing to pay for.

    • Personally, I live by this:
      If you can afford a wedding, then you can afford to buy bridesmaid dresses.

      —waits for fallout—

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        Agreed. I’ve only been in two weddings. One the bride told me to wear whatever I wanted, so obviously she didn’t pay for it. The other, the bride paid. I assumed if you were dictating what I wear, you’ll be paying for it, and it was a strange realization to me that this is not usually the way it works.

        • Meg Murry :

          I only had 2 bridesmaids in my wedding, my sister and my best friend, and the only wedding I’ve ever been in was my best friend’s. My parents paid for her dress, as they were paying for my sister’s dress and we were in our senior year of college (and I let them chose the dress – I just said I wanted purple and let them go shopping, it was around $150 I think?). When I was in her wedding, her mother paid for my dress, because it was just 2 bridesmaids – me and her sister. I am also of the opinion that you don’t “honor” someone by asking them to be in your wedding and then demand they spend a ton of money on that “honor”, and I was shocked when I read stories of bridezillas making really expensive demands of their gaggle of bridesmaids.

          • It is really nice to read a comment like this. It is an honor to participate in a special moment of someone’s life,and it also an honor to have friends who *want* to be in your wedding.

            Since when does friendship need to cost hundreds or thousands of dollars?

        • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

          Ditto. I let my bridesmaids wear what they wanted. Everybody chose something that was flattering to them, and they looked great.

          Having happy bridesmaids meant a lot to me, since they are my good friends and I was (and am) grateful for their presence and emotional support that day.

      • agreed! I would never have my bridesmaid wear a dress that I picked out but didn’t pay for. It is so tacky and I was also horrified to realize this is more normal than paying for the dresses

      • TO Lawyer :

        Can someone please tell my friends this? Everyone is getting married and I love them but I’m paying out of the nose for outfits and jewelry that I will likely never wear again. (plus really expensive hair and makeup artists apparently)

        • Don’t put it past me. I’d tell ’em… :) Good luck.

          BTW, I heard of a lovely idea. Take each of your bridesmaids shopping for a nice cocktail dress (or any dress) that coordinates with the wedding colors. Hopefully she can actually wear it again, and it serves as a great gift.

          For groomsmen? They wear blue blazers. Their gifts? A classic, beautiful blue blazer.

    • Thanks! I love how many responses I got!
      Just ftr, I’m a pretty low key person. No makeup or hair or nails or whatever requirements. I told my friends the color range which was white–coral, they could pick ANY dress they wanted as long as it marginally fit in that color scheme & was knee-ish length. I made a pinetrest board or ones I saw & liked, in a variety of prices & sizes, but they could get their own.
      I want my girls to like me after this is all over!
      My budget is about $100 for the gifts. These girls are my bestest friends in the world and I know that even though I’m not going bridezilla on them, they are paying for a flight over to my side of the country & also taking precious lawyer vacation time for me. :)

      I also don’t think it’s that cool to pay for something that they are doing for the wedding like day of makeup, etc. I might do that in addition, but I want the gift to truly be a gift.

      PS I loved the birchbox idea and really all of them!

      • By that I mean $100 each– I like the tiffany’s idea too & I’ve actually been eyeing those earrings for ages, but I think it might be a bit more than that. I’ve got 8 bms… 1 hs, 1 college, one sister in law & the rest from a tight knit group from law school. 2x as many as there are groomsmen, and basically all the girls invited under the age of 30. :p But, I can’t wait to just hang out with them before all the madness and drink some champagne.
        I’ve also considered longchamp totes & coach bags… but at least 2 of them already have each… so… hard to come up with stuff.

  8. NYC Meetup Tonight! :

    With special guest NOLA :-) Tonight at Mamouns (MacDougal b/w W 3rd and Bleecker) at 7:30 for a quick falafel, then we plan to head over to Vyne (W 3rd b/w Thompson and Sullivan) around 8:00 or 8:15 (depending on how long falafel takes) for drinks.

    I’ll be the blond wearing The Skirt in dark grey with black riding boots and a teal cardigan. If you’re coming, you can email me at corporetteclothesswap at gmail and I’ll send you my cell # in case you can’t find us.

    -Gail the Goldfish

  9. This isn’t my favorite thing in the world, but I think it would look much less stark styled under a blazer where the vast blank white space was disguised. So you could see the pattern at the top but not the white t-shirt part at the bottom. But overall, I feel like it was a bit of a miss. Plus I wish it nipped in a bit more at the waist or just generally fitted a bit less like a t-shirt I would have gotten at a swim meet as a kid.

    • It would be more fitted if it had actual inset sleeves, as opposed to cheaping out and doing the dolman/kimono/T shaped shirt where it’s all one piece.

    • phillygirlruns :

      i actually really like it, but not as a cotton t-shirt – agreed with kat that this would be much better in silk or a fabric with a similar drape and feel. the wedge shape is one of my favorites for t-shirts, even if it is cheaping out on the construction.

  10. NYC Meetup Tonight :

    (Apologies if this shows up twice, I tried to post it and it seems to have disappeared)

    With special guest NOLA:-) Tonight at Mamouns (MacDougal b/w W 3rd and Bleecker) at 7:30 for a quick falafel, then we plan to head over to Vyne (W 3rd b/w Thompson and Sullivan) around 8:00 or 8:15 (depending on how long falafel takes) for drinks.

    I’ll be the blond wearing The Skirt in dark grey with black riding boots and a teal cardigan. If you’re coming, you can email me at c o r p o r e t t e clothesswap at gmail dot com (without the spaces, obviously, just realized that’s probably what’s been getting me stuck in moderation) and I’ll send you my cell # in case you can’t find us.

    • I don’t even know the name of the color I’m wearing today but I’m wearing a shiny brownish slate colored headscarf. Thick frames, almost-ankle length charcoal wool coat and ratty blue Jansport (tcfkag, I know, I haven’t purchased a grownup backpack yet, for shame).

      • I don’t know why I bother if my vicarious shopping goes to waste. ;-)

        • Almost There :

          Hey, I just checked back on your tumblr and saw you responded to my Broadway dress request – thanks so much! Those are some great options.

    • NYC meetup reminder tomorrow night :

      I’m so excited to meet everyone! And thanks to Gail the Goldfish for organizing the meetup. This is really cool. I will probably change after a day of meetings. I’m guessing I’ll be wearing a long navy patterned Free People cardigan, jeans, and knee high black boots.

    • I’m going to make it to drinks! I’ll shoot for 8:15 to 8:30 to allow enough time for you ladies to finish the falafel. I’m wearing a pink dress with grey tights and grey boots. I’ll email the above email to exchange phone numbers so I don’t miss you all.

      See you tonight!

  11. Frequent poster, anon for this. Wanted the hive’s opinion on a thought related to job interviews. When interviewing for a position, after sending a thank you, how much follow up do you do? Do you call? Just wait to hear back?

    • Check AskAManager — this is her bailiwick.

      I usually ask for their timeline before the interview ends, and use that as a guideline. If they say they will be making decisions in two weeks, I send an email thank-you the day of the interview, and then, if I don’t hear from them, I send a follow-up / touching base note at a day or two past two weeks.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      What amount of time has elapsed between: (1) your interview and (2) your sending the thank-yous?

      If very little, like a few days, or 1 week, I’d just wait. It doesn’t pay to badger your interviewers or HR after so little time.

      • Susan–No, it’s been more time since both. I interviewed on a Friday, send the thank you the following Monday morning, and a follow up email a few weeks later. I had some connections at the firm that told me the hiring attorney is quite busy, and was quite slow in their hiring experiences as well.

        Tuesday–thanks for the reminder on that site! I’ll see what she has to say.

  12. Myrtle Beach :

    I am planning a family reunion this summer with 24 people, and we have decided to rent a big house in Myrtle Beach. None of us are familiar with the area.

    For those who know the area well, could you please click these google maps and tell me what you think about the location? We are deciding between these two properties. It seems like there is not much that is walking distance, but we will have rental cars so I am not too concerned about that. But, if this area is totally dead with absolutely nothing to do, I would like to know that. We are somewhat limited with housing options because of the size of our group. Thanks!

    • Myrtle Beach :

      Second place we are considering:

    • I vacation a lot in Myrtle Beach. Basically you have to have a car to drive to places, regardless of where you are staying. What are you looking for? Broadway at the Beach is the big nightclub area – but it’s in the middle of the city (not on the ocean). Shopping – there’s two outlet centers on either side of Myrtle (one in southeast-ish area, one in north). I would say the one in N Myrtle Beach is better than in Surfside.

      • Myrtle Beach :

        Thanks ADL for responding! We are looking to hang out at the pool, beach, do lots of cooking, and just generally hang out. There will be lots of babies in this group so there won’t be any night clubbing. It would be nice to be close to restaurants, but it sounds like we need a car anyways so we will be driving to those restaurants, I presume. Why do you say N Myrtle Beach is the better location than Surfside? Better beach?

  13. La Redoute report:
    Received a coat, 2 knit skirts, and a sequinned mini today. H&M quality but the prices were pretty good and I needed a couple of casual skirts that I could throw on with a slouchy sweater and boots. I ordered my normal UK size in skirts despite the sizing chart showing me wearing 3 sizes larger and I’m glad I did. I went up a size on the coat and it’s just too boxy and shapeless so it’s going back.

    The sequin skirt is weirdly baggy at the hip / tummy area but I plan on wearing it was a longer, slub sweater so it should be fine. It’s definitely fun.

    Shipping was a bit slow (9 days) but it might be a Royal Mail issue rather than something with the company.

    Definitely worth a look, especially when the sales are quite good.

  14. Poll for the Hive:
    Holiday decorations in the office (non-religious in nature and unscented – think fake wreaths and snowmen)? Inappropriate, festive, or weird?

    Discuss amongst yourselves. :)

    • Cute as long as they aren’t over the top. Put out a bowl of candy canes and everyone will be thrilled.

      Cavaet: I’m really excited about making a countdown chain til Christmas and made hand turkeys for Tgiving.

    • Certainly not inappropriate. The wreaths (if nicely done) sound festive; the snowmen sound like they could be cheesy.

    • I think a moderate amount of decorations, perhaps more on the kitschy OR modern side are fun. Last year I put a little glitter tree on my desk and had some glittery snowflakes that I stuck on the side of my cabinet. I was worried about being the young female surrounded by men with no decorations but they all seemed to enjoy it. A Know Your Office moment though.

    • It’s all good as long as it’s unscented. Granted, some people looooooooooooooooooooove them some scented candles and potpourri during this time; I try my best to stay THE H3LL AWAY from their office.

    • Everywhere I have worked this has been more of support staff thing than a professional staff thing. I am always fighting becoming the office social director by default, so I save the decorations for home.

      That said, if it makes you happy and it’s not something so involved that it signals you don’t have enough work to keep you busy, I’d say go for it.

    • Anne Shirley :

      I usually bring a small poinsettia in for my desk. Balances my deep love of Christmas with not wanting to seem crazy.

      • I like this. Also, I have a dog that can be a rascal, and poinsettia are apparently deadly. So none for us at home!

      • eastbaybanker :

        A couple years ago I had a mini poinsettia on my desk and it made me so happy! It was from Whole Foods and in a darling shiny red pot the size of a Christman ornament.

        I think that’s the most decorating I’ve ever done. Ackowledging holidays of any kind is more of a support staff thing in my office, too.

    • phillygirlruns :

      i like decorations in general and might bring in tinsel to decorate my 5′ palm tree. i’d put on lights but it’s not sturdy enough to support them.

      our receptionist just decked the $@%* out of the desk up front, with tinsel, lights, and a cluster of miniature decorations. i am actually kind of surprised that the office managing partner is letting this fly, because it looks a little unprofessional.

    • I found a tutorial for a wreath of pearls that I’ve been tempted to do on a small scale for my cube but I don’t know if I’ll get to it. Someone decked out the front area and I agree it looks a little unprofessional and too overtly Christmasy.

    • I have a Charlie Brown Christmas tree (sad little tree with one ornament and a little blue blanket wrapped around the base) that I put on top of the tall file cabinet in the hall outside my office. People seem to enjoy it.

      It’s funny, I work for a US government agency although in a leased building, and they totally decorate the lobby for Christmas. Secular things, like wreaths and giant gift boxes, but definitely Christmas. I was a bit surprised because my particular part of this agency definitely has a large non-Christian contingent. But it’s pretty and sparkly and I guess no one has ever complained.

      • Or no one ever felt comfortable complaining.

        • You must be fun to be around.

          • Easy for a person in the majority to say. Inclusiveness is never a concern for a person who isn’t being excluded. How lucky that you don’t feel excluded. This time of year, this whole country turns into Christmas. Too bad for those of us who don’t celebrate it. Only in December do I feel like an unrepresented, excluded, rejected “other” in my own country.

          • This.

          • I’m not actually an American citizen. I just live in America. As such I don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving or July 4th. I could feel excluded and whiny but instead I accept that OTHER PEOPLE celebrating something that gives them joy DOESN’T HURT ME.

            I expect the US govt to remain religiously neutral and public fora to remain free of religious symbolism so happy holidays over Merry Christmas is totally correct… but resenting gift boxes? Bitter and nasty. Must everyone else pretend that the holiday doesn’t exist?

            Oh, I’m actually a racial minority but since the “exclusion” comes more than once a year and manifests in overt racism, veiled racism and institutional racism ranging from unwanted police stops to endemic employment, financial and health discrimination, I don’t have much time to start lecturing about some d*mn holiday wreaths. But could you play the world’s smallest violin for me a bit louder? I can’t quite hear it.

          • I agree with anon. I am not a fan of “holiday” decorations, and while a wreath or a tree may be secular to you, they scream “Christian” to me. Gift boxes scream “Christian/Jewish.” I am not a big fan of seasonal decorations in any case, and you can call me a grinch and a person who is not fun to be around, but you know what? If I were your coworker, it would probably be in your interest not to decorate your office in a way that deeply irks me for a prolonged period (such as Thanksgiving through at least New Year’s). Same if I am interviewing, or am your supervisor, or am your client, etc.

        • karenpadi :

          x1000. I am not celebrating Christmas this year and am already dreading being told by strangers “Please say ‘Merry Christmas’ to me” when I wish them a “Happy Holidays”.

          • Almost There :

            People actually say that to you??! I.cant.even. Why do they think they get to control how you wish them a merry/happy/effing miserable whatever-it-is-they-celebrate? Do you just deadpan “I don’t celebrate Christmas” when they say that?

          • karenpadi :

            Yes, they do say that. Not often but it happens a few times every year–enough to be annoying. Mostly they are The-War-on-Christmas-types. I just smile and repeat “Happy Holidays”. I find that saying anything more just opens up a can of religious worms.

        • Mouse in DC :

          Yep. And you can’t escape the Christmas music. Some of which I don’t mind, but it’s pervasive.

    • transition :

      As someone who is instantly nauseated by the smell of mint, thank you so so much for considering keeping it unscented. I do keep perfume and some vick’s vaporub at my desk when I work in a shared space (to put under my nose to try to mask other’s mint scents) but the holiday season makes this super tough since so many things are either candy cane scented or includes notes of peppermint with their wintery seasonal scents.

      As for the rest, I think it’s a know your office thing!

    • I think they are fine, though I normally don’t do anything myself. In fact I wouldn’t even be offended if people put up religious decorations (whether Christian, Jewish or whatever else).

      And then there are the over-the-top decorators, of whom Mr. Nonny is one. He took his Rubbermaid container (yes, one of the big ones) of Christmas animals to work today. They all sing/play Christmas music/clap their hands, whatever. Apparently enthusiastic clients of his have been known to make them all play at once. I shudder.

    • lucy stone :

      I work for the government and we love Christmas decorations in our building! Our maintenance guy just put a tree up with big bright balls and colored lights in the lobby. In our suite we put out a few tiny (8″) trees and a few fake pine decorations. I am thinking about a little tabletop tree in my office but I’m not sure I’ll get motivated enough to do it.

  15. Lawyer3tt3s: Any advice for an attorney doing her first depositions? I will be defending and asking rebuttal questions. Opposing counsel is a notable [glassbowl], so I fully expect some sort of shenanigans.

    • Former MidLevel :

      1) Know the relevant FREs inside and out, so you can handle objections easily.

      2) If you’re using exhibits, have at least three copies of each and have them super-organized. I preferred manila folders in boxes myself, but ask around your firms for tips.

      3) Don’t let the jerk intimidate you. You are awesome and you know what you are doing. If he underestimates you, that’s his problem.

      Also, if you have time, NITA has a great basic book on deps.

      • Anon in sf :

        All good tips. I was once in a similar situation as a young associate. I was objecting appropriately, but the other attorney was a jerk and quite a bit older, and he kept arguing the objections, trying to tell me I was an idiot. After he made yet another attempt to belittle my objection, I looked him straight in the eye, and said “fortunately for all of us, you are not the ‘decider’ on objections. I’d suggest you move on to your next question.”

        It really shut him up!

        Also, if you know opp. counsel is really abusive, consider video taping the depo if you are not already doing so. It tends to have a deterrent effect and keep people in line.

      • I’ll co-sign these. You need to know when you should object and when you should object AND instruct the witness not to answer the question. As for rebuttle questions, unless you think the witness will be unavailable for trial you should limit it. I don’t ask my clients anything except to clarify a previous answer that I know was unclear, such as he said a sound was “muted” when I know he meant it was audible but muffled, or if I want to show my opposing counsel I can undercut his entire case by asking a single question. You didn’t ask about witness prep, so I won’t go into that.

        • Can I ask why you want to limit it? The trial I did was for a similar, fact-intensive case and the depos from that had a lot of rebuttal, often almost as much as the direct questioning, but I wasn’t involved at that stage of the case.

          I am prepping the witnesses too, so any advice you have on that front would also be appreciated. I did a lot of prep for trial – do you think there’s a difference?

          • There is a huge difference between witness prep for trial and witness prep for depositions. This is because the testimony itself serves two entirely different purposes. The depositions are taking place at the request of your opposing counsel to provide him discovery. They should not be used as your opportunity to lay out your side of the case for the court. That comes at trial. If you need your witnesses on the record at the summary judgment stage you do it with declarations.

          • My favorite witness prep tip is to ask your witness if they know what time it is. They will probably look at their watch and then tell you the time. Then you remind them that this was a yes or no question and they just elaborated when they didn’t need to. Teaches the witness to pay attention to the question being asked and to only answer that question.

    • Vintage Lawyer :

      If you have any unusual words or names in your questions, provide a list to the court reporter so the transcript will be correct. Remember that silences don’t appear on the transcript, so don’t be afraid to take your time and gather your thoughts.

    • Are these government witnesses? I’m asking because it is rare that you would ask many rebuttle questions of your own client.

    • I’ve witnessed a number of depositions, and I’ve heard that it’s good to get an objection in within the first few minutes to sort of break the ice and make you feel more comfortable objecting. To that effect, remember to object if there is a loaded or otherwise improper question (for example, not using the proper company name – like using the parent company name in the question when it should really be a subsidiary’s name).

    • Best advice that I ever received re defending is that you should be more exhausted from defending a deposition than from taking one. Force yourself to pay attention to every question and re-read the rules in your jurisdiction so that you can handle objections well.

      If you get into it with opposing counsel, always always always take the high road and remember that you’re on the record.

    • As an older wiser, I think we should all be careful about talking about opposing counsel names under our usual names. If you are not the one on special assignement to DOJ than I apologize.

  16. Looks like something my mom would wear.

  17. I love me some DVF, but I am not about this.

  18. Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

    Oh no, where to begin:

    Those who read the Daily Mail UK will know this is an old story, but the DT is slow on these viral type things.

    I don’t think the kids of the complaining father are exactly covering themselves in glory, but why should they be high flying achievers just so he can brag to other parents? That seems to be his chief cause of p!ssiness. His “it’s for the grandchildren” seems like a convenient front to me for his wounded amour-propre. Children are not prize racehorses in a middle-class dinner partygame of one-upsmanship. They’re people who grow up to have lives of their own. They didn’t ask to be born.

    • eh I am kinda pro dad on this one. plus it was a private email. And I wish people would consider their children more often before just having them.

    • I’m also with dad on this one. sounds like they are not just average people with jobs that he wishes were astronauts or superstars, but that they get married lots and don’t really think their lives through (obviously huge inference on my part from reading this one email). Maybe they are super great, but doesn’t sound like he has hugely unrealistic desires or expectations for his kids here.

      Also, the best parents in the world can end up with some really bad kids. Love my parents, they are the most caring, dedicated people that I’ve met. But although my younger brother and I are stable, educated, happy people with careers, my brother is, to be blunt, a junkie who cares about no one else. I have no idea how it happened.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        Here’s a followup where the dad is interviewed:

        His being very absent because of his Navy career, putting them in boarding school and not writing them much may have had something to do with their relationship with him. Also, his ” “I bought into the fashionable philosophy of not interfering; letting the children find themselves. When they were getting into trouble — at school, or later with their relationships — I would just bite my lip and tell myself, ‘Don’t butt in, it’s their lives'” says he has buyers’ remorse. Understandable, but I think he was a bit too harsh on his kids.

        Then, he pretty much admits that he does rate them, partly based on their income: “It upsets me that they occupy basic-wage positions instead of working at the upper periphery of their capability.” A person is more than just his or her job. I shudder to think how he views the people who do “basic-wage” positions. Does he think they’re lesser beings?

        And, there are three children, three first marriages, and three divorces. From the followup article, we get that 2 of the 3 children have remarried. It’s not that many marriages per child, so I don’t get the “many marriages” thing. And we only have the dad’s rather nasty comment about their life decisions being “copulation driven” rather than actual facts about what caused the crackup of the first marriages.

  19. TJ on behalf of my mom: She has been diagnosed with tendonitis in her foot, and her doctor gave her some sort of pad to put in her shoe that she says relieves the pain, but it also means that there’s not enough upward room inside of her shoes. She says wearing her running shoes are OK because the top is flexible enough to accommodate the extra padding, but she’d like something a little more professional to wear to work. (Going up a size or wide widths won’t work, as it’s only a vertical problem). Anyone have any thoughts on what kind of style might accommodate her?

    • Maybe a mary jane with an adjustable strap, like this:

    • Diana Barry :

      Danskos, they are big top to bottom IME.

    • I have some Arcopedico shoes that have a stretchy upper.

    • There’s a blog for foot pain/shoe questions.

      Also, some shoes are made with removable insoles; she could try removing the insole that comes with the shoe, to find the room she needs there.

    • I wear orthotics, which may be thinner than your mom’s inserts, but some brands specialize in having removeable soles so you can put your own in–Clarks, Munro, and Saucony (for sneakers) come to mind. Clarks are especially good for this and, I think, roomy in the toe area.

      • Agree with Batgirl. If it’s an orthotic and not just a little cushion, she should wear shoes with removable insoles and replace those with her orthotic.

        Her podiatrist should have advised her about this.

        If she has a comfort shoe store near her, like The Walking Company, they’ll be able to help her.

    • If it is only a little more room she needs, they make shoe stretchers that stretches the toe box vertically (top/bottom). Using these stretchers have saved most of my shoe collection from having to be replaced.

    • Research, Not Law :


    • Check out the Tsubo brand – a kind of funky style with plenty of toe room. They are very comfortable. I have the “Acrea” heels, and I wouldn’t, couldn’t & don’t wear them to court, but for office days, in my office, they are fine. And my feet still love me at the end of the day!

  20. darjeeling :

    I can’t wait for the dolman sleeve thing to go away. This reminds me of the stuff she did for Gap Kids this past summer that I thought was going to be so cute and it was just OK.