Thursday’s TPS Report: Tiered Top

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I love the color and the style of this tiered blouse from BCBGGeneration — the wide neckline, the gathering at the shoulders, the non-ruffly tiers… nice, all of it. Know what I don’t love? The fact that they styled it with a nude camisole. No one likes to sit there and wonder: is that her belly button I’m seeing? her nipple? where ARE her breasts? See, we’ve put entirely too much thought into this already. Ideally I’d find a camisole in almost an identical color (perhaps this one or this one?) and wear that beneath the blouse… in a less than perfect world, I’d go with a black or white cami, depending on the rest of my outfit. The blouse (available in both “Aries,” pictured, and “red berry”) was $78, but is now $46 at Lord & Taylor. BCBGENERATION Tiered Top

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  1. Ladies, I don’t even wear suits, but I want the one Carrie’s been wearing on Homeland. That thing is indestructible. I’d never have to get another interview suit…

    • I am desperate for her to wear her hair back though. Low pony tail carrie! you can’t wash your face when your hair is there.

      Homeland this season has been such a drop off from last, but it is still really compelling television.

      • Diana Barry :

        YES. Why, oh why, does she never wear her hair up? It always looks like a big swingy messy curtain. :-0

        • For the same reason she is always wearing a dark pantsuit and a dark top underneath it. We are supposed to get the sense that she doesn’t put much effort into her appearance — that she is uns3xy despite being very s3xual. Similarly, she generally looks dark and shadowy, or, when she is in the light, at least stark — on the defensive, kind of a shadowboxer. The only time I can remember seeing her in “light” lighting is the scene with Brody when they are up at the cabin, but before she makes the tea comment.

          • I think Claire Danes was also pregnant when this season filmed, so she wears a lot of dark/swingy tops to hide it. Every once in a while the camera hits a certain angle and you can see that she’s 5-6 months pregnant. Not that I’m an obsessive fangirl or anything…

          • I think its more effort to have it down than to have it in a pony tail

    • Anne Shirley :

      I’m dying for Bel Rowley’s blue suit with marigold blouse from The Hour. Some really good TV working fashion at the moment.

  2. Early TJ:

    Is this suit appropriate for a BigLaw interview? I love the cut and the color but the sleeves are a little short. Not sure how I would style it.,default,pd.html?dwvar_C0701108_color=RAF&start=18&cgid=sale-womens-jackets

    • Amelia Bedelia :

      the jacket would work at my office in DC. that being said, and I know this will bring a storm of controversy, all women interviewees in recent memory at my office wear a skirt suit. We are a stuffy firm and I think it is seen as “dressier.” I am on the hiring committee, so I meet every interviewee who comes to the office. Females uniformly All. wear. skirt. suits.

      • Thanks! Any recommendations for a high-quality skirt suit? Brooks Brothers is too boxy for me – I am tall and thin and not too curvy.

        • Also, does black or blue matter? I think navy is more flattering on me but I seem to have a harder time finding Navy suits (the Theory ones on sale are all black). I have heard for men black is too formal for an interview – is the same true for women? Too harsh?

          • just Karen :

            I think for women (no idea about for men) navy or black are equally good for interview suits – which ever one you feel best in.

          • I always think black suits on men look like they are going to funerals. I’m not a fan. I prefer a navy suit. My go to suit is the J. Crew super 120s navy pinstripe. It’s not really high end, but it does the job. J. Crew is 30% off everything right now. I especially love the look of the Emmaleigh dress with a silk blouse underneath and a jacket.

        • e_pontellier :

          JCrew! But that’s probably not high enough quality.

        • Brooks Brothers has cheap and great in-house alterations so don’t rule them out based on how the suits fit off the rack.

    • I know next-to-nothing about BigLaw, other than it’s very conservative. To me, conservative = regular-length sleeves, especially for an interview. There is too much potential for it to look like you have an ill-fitting suit.

    • The description doesn’t mention that it has bracelet sleeves or anything, so they may be the correct length on you and the model just has very long arms. I think it’s totally fine for an interview – even if women tend to wear skirt suits, if pants fit your style more I don’t think most firms (at least in the north- I hear the south is different) would knock you for it. Just make sure you have the body type to wear Theory suits – they’re cut very straight up and down, so it might not be flattering if you have a curvier figure.

    • MaggieLizer :

      Are you interviewing to be a first year or are you a lateral? Imho, brand new attorneys should wear a navy or black traditional-looking suit to interview for their first biglaw job. If you’re a lateral, it’s more of a know your office thing, but it seems the rules on interview suits are a little more relaxed and something like this would be fine. Do you have a friend at the firm that you could ask? Good luck on your interview!

      • MaggieLizer :

        TBK’s comment reminded me that there are, in fact, dark, conservative colors other than black and navy; I didn’t mean to limit it to just those two.

    • I think it looks fine, and I tend to be extremely conservative on these things. I wear exclusively navy or charcoal skirt suits to interviews (I guess black is okay for women, but I tend to follow menswear guidelines as a safer option and men wear navy or charcoal, period) but I know lots of people who’ve worn pants suits and/or light gray for BigLaw interviews and been fine. I’d style it with a plain white cotton button front shirt (BR makes good no-iron ones), black heels (with knee-high stockings), and very conserative jewelry (pearls or silver/white gold).

    • I really like it. Almost enough to final sale it. Risky risky….

    • I work at BigLaw, and I do a lot of interviews. I have zero problem with women wearing pant suits (indeed, I’d say the vast majority wear pant suits, not skirt suits), and I applaud any woman who wears a color other than black or navy, because I think it shows confidence. That said, if the sleeves really are 3/4 or bracelet length as it looks in the picture, I would not wear this suit to an interview. I think the shorter sleeve length makes it less formal looking.

    • I can’t get past the wrinkles in the crotch area. It points straight to . . . I would be v. self conscious wearing this.

  3. YOU GUISE!!!
    I know I disappeared, but I have outstanding news: I am starting my new job on january 1st :)
    I am still within the same company, but now will be reporting to HQ so I am so happy to have fair treatment after all the abuse I suffered.
    I’ve had a very long handover period (4 months) where I have been pretty much doing double work, but in 2 weeks, I will be a very happy overachieving chick.

    Oh and my youtube vlog was featured on a website www msdeekay dot com

    Looks like things start falling into place again!
    Just wanted to share and thank you all for your support through my ups and downs.

  4. Amelia Bedelia :

    Please help, ladies. I have decided to buy myself a holiday present – one of the Lo and Sons bags. I initially thought the savoy tote, but don’t think it is big enough (!). So, now I am trying to decide between the OMG and the OG. I love the fact that it has a separate compartment for my shoes as I walk to work. So, now I am torn between those two bags. can anyone offer insight on the OMG vs. OG? is the OG too big? is the OMG big enough for work files? the measurements dont seem significantly different, and with only a $20 difference, should I just go with the bigger?

    • I just bought the OMG and it’s just barely big enough for my 15″ laptop and a few work files. It’s great for work each day, but had trouble fitting everything I needed in it for a work trip earlier this week. I crammed in my computer, one regular (not legal) sized red-well and one 1.5″ binder. With all that in there, there’s no way I could have fit a pair of shoes, too.

      All that said, I’m going to keep it because the quality is great and I have a larger bag that I can upgrade to, if needed.

      • JJ – did you say the OMG fits the 15″ laptop? I have been wanting to get it but since the specs say that it fits a 13″ I have hesitated to pull the trigger.

        • It fits in that I can technically get the computer in and out. But, I do have to shimmy it because the zipper is *just* wide enough for the computer.

      • What kind of 15″ laptop – a Macbook?

        • I recently posted about this too. I have a 14.1″ screen laptop (translates to ~16″ width overall) and it was a tight fit in the laptop compartment in an empty OMG. Like JJ, I had to shimmy it in. I really wanted to keep the OMG as it looked perfect for my 5’3″ frame but with the amount of travel involved in my job, I don’t want to struggle to get my laptop out (and back in) every time I go through security check at the airport. If you plan on using the bag to lug your laptop to and from work, it might work for you.

          I returned it and ordered the O.G. instead.

          • thanks everyone. I ordered the OMG. I have a brick for a laptop so this may or maynot work. BTW – I noticed a lot of colors are selling out. I wanted the espresso but that was out of stock so ended up ordering the army green.

    • Sweet as Soda Pop :

      I just ordered the OMG (black w/ silver), and have been using it for the last couple of weeks as my daily work bag. If you we’re just trying to get work files (not a bunch, and not legal-sized) and a laptop, with a wallet, phone and keys, it would be sufficient. But if you want to pack gym clothes, lunch, and work files and laptop, I’d go with the OG. The OG just looked way too big for my short, narrow shouldered frame to use as an every day bag, and I don’t often bring my laptop home. However, I’ve told my SO that if the OG comes back out in Raspberry, and there is an impending gift-giving occasion, I want it!

      All that said, I LOVE the bag and I’m so glad I purchased it.

    • Jacqueline :

      I posted about this a few times last week, but I can’t find it. Anyway, I have the OMG in black/gold and love it. I also debated between the OG and OMG, but I went with the OMG and I’m glad I did. I’m 5’3″, and the OG would have been way too big for me for an everyday bag. I do think the OG is better if you truly want to use it as an overnight bag, but if I’m ever going somewhere overnight, I’d probably take the OMG AND one other small bag and be just fine.

      I have my OMG with me right now, and I have it stuffed with sneakers, a change of clothes for the gym, a magazine, my wallet, my glasses case, my iPhone, cards, keys, lip balms, tampons, deodorant, shower flip flops, and makeup. I can also fit my 13″ laptop in there (although it does get heavy). If I’m not taking gym clothes, there’s tons of room and I can also fit a small lunch, but the sneakers take up a lot of room.

      Regardless of which one you get, I think you’ll like it. I am obsessed with the compartments. I feel so organized, and I’m never digging around in my bag trying to find my keys or cards because there’s a place for everything!

    • So, I have the Savoy and the OMG (hey, big spender!) and they’re basically the same size, just different shapes. I think it is easier to put files into the Savoy because of the shape of the bag’s opening. The OMG is fine for a one-night overnight, but I haven’t tried using it for work. Note that the shoe compartment is not really a separate compartment – it’s just a built-in shoe bag, basically.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I have the OG and love love love it. It fits my regular-sized (not mini, not Mac) work laptop in the laptop compartment, and would fit my lunch/airplane food, heels, and files if I used it as a briefcase and will when I will use it as a carry on. I use it mainly as a morning gym bag and wallet/phone/keys etc holder, where it has all of the clothes and heels and makeup and toiletries I need to get ready for work after I work out and shower at the gym. I love not having to carefully pack everything in just so in order for it all to fit. It fits comfortably and is very lightweight. It is definitely on the tote-side of sizing for me at 5’6″ but I wasn’t looking for a purse-type bag. I don’t think I look stupid with it, like it’s too big for me. I wanted a true carry on that maximized the use of my underseat space and a gym bag that would hold everything I needed in an organized and lightweight fashion. I’m really glad I got the OG instead of the OMG.

  5. PharmaGirl :

    Something about this top just isn’t working for me. I much prefer the tiered looking pintuck top from Banana R that someone here linked to recently.

    • I think it’s the sheer-ness that’s making me do a double take. I love the color, but agree with Kat, way too many questions the way it’s styled.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        The sheerness plus the boxy-ness will make me look like a little cube on legs, if I put a tank top underneath it.

  6. Tired Squared :

    I love the color, but I think this top makes the model look pregnant.

    • I agree. I am pretty sure I saw this cami at Lord and Taylor. I cannot see wearing this into work b/c Frank and the Manageing Partner would have a feild day with it! FOOEY on them. I will NOT let them use ME for thier anatomy lesson’s! DOUBEL FOOEY ON THEM if they think so, b/c I do NOT.

      Anyway, my dad came in to the CITY yesterday and we watched the SANDY 12-12-12 concert on CABLE last nite. It was so fun, My dad knew almost all of these singer’s, and was singeing with Mick Jagger, and he stayed OVER b/c he did NOT want to go to PENN station at 1 in the MORNING. I slept on the couch and he took my bed. He told me that my bank account has over $800 more in it b/c I did NOT buy thing’s b/c of the Storm, so I contriebuted $300 and kept $500. He said I was VERY good, and he will fund the gift from my acount by paying my MC bill when it come’s in. YAY!!!!!!

      He also said we need an acountant to do diliegience on the manageing partnership book’s. I told him I was an expert on do diliegience, but he said we need a FORENSICK acountant to make sure there is nothing FISHY before I plunk down my own money. I said OK, and then he asked if Alan could looke at the book’s! I said FOOEY. Alan was a CPA, but I was not talkeing to him any more b/c he perfered the bottel over me.

      My dad does NOT want me to use my 401k money either, b/c that is for my retirment. He said he would consider makeing the capiteal contribution for me, IF we have to.

      So now dad want’s to meet with the manageing partner about all of this but I said it is to early. I am NOT to be a partner until NEXT year, so what is the rush?

  7. TJ – Does anyone have a recommendation for a laser printer/scanner combo? It doesn’t need to be fancy or color – just something simple I can use at home for a few pages at time.

    Unrelated: I am not a fan of this top.

    • We have a multi-function HP Laser Jet that works fine for home. I don’t know the model number, but we got it at Costco. It’s color too, which is nice.

  8. Children & Candid Questions :

    So, to follow up to some posts from yesterday, is it realistic to expect my 3-year old not to ask candid (but potentially embarassing questions)? We have talked about manners (table and non-table conduct and what things can hurt people’s feelings), but I fear that my 3 year old will be curious about the new ostomy bag of a relative we will see over the holidays.

    FWIW, 3 year-old is 3.5, and can be very curious about things that are new / different, so I think that this will get the better of her at some point. Her disposition is not mean. She has asked a person in the past week why she had so many freckles and how many she had (which the person graciously answered); she then showed the person a mole that she had on her wrist and tried to show her one on her leg.

    Just start praying that the relative will be gracious? We have discussed how (in the course of potty training her and our younger child) how babies wear diapers and then big girls go in the potty (now fearing this may ultimately backfire, but she has the concept that everyone has elimination needs and does things differently as they are able).

    • Have you told your daughter about Uncle Bob’s bag? You could just tell her Uncle Bob was sick and has a special bag that helps him feel better. She doesn’t need to know what the bag is/does. You can tell her if she has questions; before bed time while you’re there you all can have ‘question time’ and you (or Uncle Bob) can answer them for her.

    • My thinking is that it’s probably not realistic to expect the kiddo not to ask. Most likely, though, the relative will understand and be gracious. Would it be possible to talk to relative about it ahead of time, let them know that kid is curious and will likely ask, and to try to brainstorm a child-appropriate explanation that’s minimally embarassing? (I’m thinking that an actual explanation of what goes into the bag might be unnecessary, though I’m not sure what else to say.)

    • I think you should expect that your child will ask question if they notice the bag. It’s age appropriate curiosity. Is it possible that your relative’s ostomy bag may not be visible if it’s under their clothes? I would think about preparing a brief but age appropriate answer that you can give so that if your child asks, you have a response ready.Your relative may also already have a response that they use for curious children (if they are mobile, they may encounter this issue at the mall, church etc) Ostomy support groups (google search) may have suggestions as to what to say for your child’s age group so that they can understand as much as they are capable.

    • KansasAnalyst :

      Can you talk to her about it ahead of time? That way she can ask you all the questions that she wants and it’s not that big of a deal when she actually sees it? I know you don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I think the person will realize that little kids “say the dardest things” and should let it slide.

    • I have a 2 1/2 year old and he says what he thinks. I tell him when something he said was inappropriate (No, not every woman with a big of a belly is pregnant, just mommy is, sorry random person) but there is no way I can anticipate everything that is going to come out of his mouth. Yes, it sucks to be asked by a little kid if you are pregnant when you aren’t, but if that is what the kid is thinking about and you have a tummy, then its gonna happen (and I have been on the askee side too).

      Maybe with older kids it is different but 3 year olds still wet their pants sometimes, how can they be expected to know the intricacies of polite social interaction??

      The people who expect kids this age to not ask questions either don’t know kids or have really unrealistic expectations – not you, OP, but the potentially offended people.

      • I agree with Nope – anyone who is offended by the honest questions of a curious 3yo is the one who has the issues, not your child.

        Do everything you can to prepare her before hand, have some answers ready for any questions you anticipate she may ask, but don’t stress too much about your relative’s reactions.

        Oh, and you sound like a great mom, fwiw. And I bet your daughter is adorable, especially when she was showing the stranger with freckles her moles. That story sounded so sweet! I hope the stranger was charmed.

      • The worst one thus far for us – in a very loud voice – Mommy, why does that lady have whiskers?


        • in the early 1980s, I was a bright eyed little 3 y/o and asked my great-uncle, who I had just been introduced to for the first time, why he was “so fat.” I had apparently never seen a person of his (large) size before. He graciously laughed, and told me it was because he “ate too much spaghetti.” As the story goes, I spent the early part of my childhood only eating a little bit of spaghetti as not to get “so fat like Uncle XXX.”

          • When I was 4, I asked an uncle when he was going to have his baby (I had just seen my mom go through her 3rd pregnancy). Yeah.

        • I did this to my mom, apparently. When I was four-ish, apparently I was obsessed with The Cosby Show (I had an older sibling who watched it). One day we were standing in line at the grocery store and there was an African-American man in a sweater in front of us. I said, very loudly, “Look Mom! It’s Cliff Huxtable!”

        • Anon in ATX :

          Ok I just had to add my own story here: When i was a small child my father took me to the grocery store where I saw an African-American family and yelled at the top of my lungs, “Daddy, look its the Cosbys!” — it still makes me chuckle imaging the horror my poor father was probably experiencing.

          • Awful Lawful :

            Friends had my DH and I over for dinner a few weeks ago and their 3 year old daughter asked me why my butt was so big. Her father turned beet red, but I laughed it off. I felt worse for the parents.

        • My son asked me when he was about 3, in a restaurant, crowded, after I had taken him to the restroom (because apparently this burning question was on his mind) VERY LOUDLY
          “Mom, do girls pee out of their butts?”

          We’d had a convo about girl parts and boy parts but apparently I had not given enough information.


          Yeah, you can’t expect her not to ask curious questions. I think that generally, we can try to get them to ask US instead of strangers, but with family members, not so much.

          If the bag is visible, it might be best just to tell Uncle Bob ahead of time, hey, sally sue is probably going to ask you about your bag. I think most adults handle curious family-member children ok.

        • MaggieLizer :

          When I was 4, I apparently asked my now-SIL why she smelled so bad. She was very against deoderant and soap and did, indeed, have pretty bad BO. Sorry SIL!

          She got me back good though; when I was 11 my 3 y/o nephew asked me why I had b00bs, which I was VERY self conscious about at 11, and whether I had a vag!na. I think I turned bright red and was open-mouthed with shock, and SIL said, “Well why don’t you answer your nephew, MaggieLizer?” I think I wore sweats the rest of their visit!

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            But is your SIL still against deodorant and soap? ;-)

          • MaggieLizer :

            Afaik. :) Plus, there are a lot more natural/organic options available now than there were in the 80s, which I think was the issue. Not sure if it’s personal preference or an allergy.

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            To be fair, your SIL is probably one of the folks who were the first to realize that all those chemicals in deodorants, which we put on our armpits, where we have a bunch of lymph nodes, and which is close to our br3asts, aren’t particularly good for us.

            So she’s probably onto something. On the other hand, very noticeable BO is very offputting to me. Glad she was able to marry someone who could look (and smell) beyond that.

    • Kids are curious, they don’t have a filter yet, and they are still learning boundaries and self-control. When I am alone with kids and they say something like that, I address what they said and move along the conversation. Like, “That is Uncle Bob’s bag and his doctor gave it to him so he can feel better and play more. What is your favorite thing to play?” I think one of the worst things to do is to ignore it which makes it seem like there is a problem, when there really isn’t. Generally, kids at that age don’t ask followup questions, but in that case if your child asked one, I’d say something like “I’m not a doctor, I don’t know the answer to that question.”

    • As someone with an ostomy bag, first of all – what type of ostomy are we talking here? Most ostomy bags are well disguised under clothing and should not be evident to a 3 year old in regular life. So most likely it won’t come up.

      If it does come up – or if for some reason the child asks a different awkward question (like if the ostomy makes a particularly loud noise) – I’d just say, “that’s just how Uncle Bob is” and not freak out about it or tell her not to talk about it. Because if you make it taboo or make a big deal about it, that’s really what is going to make your Uncle uncomfortable. The worst thing about a new ostomy is feeling the nervousness and embarrassment of it – so normalizing it as much as possible is the best thing you can do.

      But as I said, it all likelihood it’s going to be under clothes and unapparent. Nobody who doesn’t know I have one has ever noticed (young child or not.)

    • I think curious, unintentionally embarrassing questions from 3-4 year olds are completely normal and to be expected, and most of us ‘strangers’ are either going to think its cute, or understand that that’s what kids do. So, try not to worry too much. But if it is very serious, you might need to use it as a teaching moment: as some folks said above, “it’s rude to call someone fat / we don’t ask personal questions like that of strangers.” … But basic politeness is a good skill to teach, and by 6/7 kids should be able to understand politeness and how not to ask things like that out loud in public. Altho, I think it can still be good to tell kids that any question is ok to ask you, but they should do it quietly, or wait until you are home in private.

      • We went with “different bodies work in different ways” when my kids were very small, and then if necessary transitioned to a neutral/positive example. So when my daughter asked about another child’s wheelchair, I said the rote line and then reminded her that her great-grandmother uses a walker to help her walk, and she herself used a stroller sometimes when her legs were tired. And (because we were in the pediatrician’s office and the wait was long) I noted that the child in the wheelchair had on such a beautiful coat, and it was purple, and that was my daughter’s favorite color … etc. The other child’s mother was clearly comfortable/happy with this approach, and I took my cues from her that it was ok to keep talking and not time to redirect .

        So with the uncle, it might be “different bodies … ” etc., perhaps one more piece of information like “it helps him to be healthy!” and then “Did you know that Uncle grew up on a farm/likes to play card games/whatever to normalize the conversation and move the topic into more neutral territory.

        Ymmv. :)

        • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

          I love this approach. It’s both correct (b.c. it’s true that different bodies work differently!) and kind.

    • Children & Candid Questions :

      Thanks all!

      I come from furry people and once pointed out my own dear mother’s mustache. Forgive me!

      The ostomy bag is what they hope will be temporary. It is an uncle-in-law that I met at the wedding but haven’t otherwise seen. This is a bit third-hand, so will see if MIL can’t maybe better describe it before we travel.

      • This thread reminded me of this question and response that I read in a Carolyn Hax chat years ago, where a mother of young children wanted to prepare her kids to see their uncle who had been in a bad accident that left significant scars. It is here:

        Someone else wrote in with this story, that I thought was really sweet:
        “Once, in a shoestore with my kids, there was another customer with only one eye; the second socket was just skin. My younger son went up to this man and asked him why he had only one eye. The man said, “Let me ask you something: are you six years old?” My son, surprised, said he was. Then the man turned to me and told me that it was almost always and only the six-year-olds who spoke to him directly. And then he explained to my son that his eye had to be removed, but he was fine. It was really touching to see how well this man dealt with my child. Clearly he had developed his response over time, and it seems to me that it would be a loving gesture to the LW’s BIL to have his own little relatives help him start to develop his response.”

      • Hi CCQ – I feel pretty confident that in all likelihood your uncle’s ostomy will be under clothes and not visibly evident to the outside world (that’s why you’ve never seen someone with an ostomy in your day to day life, we’re out there – we’re just…you know, clothed all the time.)

        So unless your aunt says that your uncle is having particular problems with the bag and can’t wear it inside his pants yet for some reason, and thus your child needs to know, I just wouldn’t mention it. And then when chatting with your uncle I’d follow his lead, as how he’s recovering from surgery and if he wants to talk about it, that’s great, and if not — that’s also great.

        Anyway, I wish your uncle well. Hope he heals up and is reversed with no complications!

  9. Moving to the City :

    Any suggestions for a tailor or a hair stylist in either Brooklyn Heights/Cobble Hill area or in the Financial District? Thank you!!

    • e_pontellier :

      Hair: I’ve gone to the Heights Salon (twice, they were HORRIBLE, don’t waste your time/money) and Fabio Scalia (just for a blow out, they were expensive but pretty great). I’ve started going to Shampoo on Avenue B in Manhattan because their hours are awesome (open til 10pm almost every night) and I love the color they gave me. The color is growing out really nicely too, so I don’t look like a drowned rat through finals. I was able to get a Living Social deal for my first visit so you might want to check if they still have that.

      Tailor: My husband has had horrible experiences with tailors in Brooklyn Heights so if anyone knows of something great, I’d love to hear.

      Welcome to the neighborhood! We should definitely do a Brooklyn meet-up.

    • It’s not in either the financial district or in Brooklyn, but seriously: I cannot recommend Cristin at Takamichi Hair highly enough. The salon’s right on Bowery on the Lower East Side, and while I like my new stylist in Chicago, Cristin is one the reasons I was really sad to leave New York.

    • I went to Fabio Doti Salon in FiDi for the first time recently and loved the junior stylist I saw. He did a fantastic job with my hair, gave an awesome scalp massage while washing it, and they make you really lovely espresso/cappuccino to drink during the haircut. They also did a complimentary make-up application for me since it was my first visit. A little weird to get to (fourth floor of an office building on Exchange at William, but once you’re in there, it’s a great space.

      • Like really, if all my haircuts can come with charming Italian gentlemen and good espresso, I may actually get my hair cut more regularly.

    • For a tailor in FiDi, I used to go to this woman in a dry cleaners on Nassau St at the corner of Maiden (northwest corner). Can’t remember the name but it’s around the corner from a pizza place. I think she’s only there on Tues and Thurs but she did really nice work for a reasonable price. I had her do stuff as small as hems all the way to altering a bridesmaid dress.

    • Moving to the City :

      Thank you! Really appreciate your great suggestions and this community.

  10. anon in Canada :

    Love the colour of this top but don’t like the tiers!

    Christmas shopping help needed! – I was going to get a book for my sister- in-law for Christmas as she loves to read. I’d like to get an actual book instead of a gift card to a bookstore. I just have no idea what to get – she’s a 32 yr old doctor (pallative care) who loves to travel – any suggestions?

    • anon in Canada :

      edited to add – I’m looking for non-fiction suggestions as I think that’s what she prefers.

    • Diana Barry :

      Does she have an amazon wish list? If not, ask her spouse/siblings (not sure which side she’s on) what kinds of books she likes.

    • Cutting for Stone – great story about twin doctors who grow up in Africa with Indian parents.

      • I was about to suggest this!!

      • +1 LOVED this book. Unlike anything I’d ever read before.

      • another anon :

        +1 Cutting for Stone would be a great book for her if she has not read it yet. It is fiction though. Another idea would be the Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.

      • Such a good book! As is the Henrietta Lacks book, which someone else mentioned above.

    • Here are a few suggestions:
      In the Kingdom of Men by Kim Barnes
      Tigers in Red Weather by Liza Klaussman
      The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick
      The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman
      or Sweet Tooth by Ian McEwan

      • Oops, missed the non-fiction request…

        In that case, Freakonomics
        Scoreboard, Baby
        Kitchen Confidential
        or Babylon by Bus

        • Also because they’re travel related…
          The Sex Lives of Cannibals
          An Embarrassment of Mangoes

          • another anon :

            I LOVED The Sex Lives of Cannibals! Nothing to do with sex or cannibals, by the way. Hilarious book!

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      Novel Destinations: Literary Landmarks From Jane Austen’s Bath to Ernest Hemingway’s Key West

      Authors are: Shannon Mckenna Schmidt and Joni Rendon

      If she likes travel and fiction, this is a really fun book. Full disclosure: I was recommended this book by Shannon McKenna’s husband who I used to cross paths with professionally.

      • Jacqueline :

        Susan, that book sounds fascinating! I think I may need to add it to my wish list.

    • GirlMeetsWorld :

      The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks might be up her alley.

      • Second this. I also just read Quiet: The Power of Introverts and I thought it was fascinating. I’m an introvert, but I *really* want the extroverts to read it so they understand us.

    • anon in Canada :

      These are fantastic suggestions ladies! Thanks so much!

    • This book is a bit older, but it’s absolutely fabulous:

      The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman.

      Also – Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok might be good.

      Both have a medical angle.

      • Both good rec’s, but be warned that they are they’re pretty standard– there is a good chance your SIL has read them. i’m in my late 20s and both books were part of my bio/medically oriented undergrad curriculum, and showed up again in grad school.

    • I’m reading The Periodic Table, by Primo Levi, which is a book of short stories, each of which is centered around an element on the periodic table. It’s mostly autobiographical (he was an Italian Jewish chemist who spent a year in Aushwitz in WWII), but the book isn’t focused on WWII or the Holocaust. The writing is really good, and the stories are fascinating; they make me wish I had gone into chemistry instead of law. If she’s a doctor, presumably she likes science, so she might like this.

      • Only related in that it is about the Periodic Table – but The Disappearing Spoon is a non-fiction book I always recommend. It is interesting & historical – but really funny (which most people don’t believe until they read it).

      • In that vein, The Disappearing Spoon is a fascinating look at the elements and how the periodic table fits together. Lots of history, good writing, etc.

    • Unbroken, by Laura Hillebrand. It has nothing to do with medicine or travel, but it’s the most amazing WWII story/prisoner of war/triumph of humanity story that I’ve ever read. Each of my siblings and b/i/l, s/i/l read it-we all have very different occupations and interests and we all loved, loved, loved it.

    • For travel lovers, Peter Mathiessen’s The Snow Leopard is a non-fiction classic, and is great. I also like memoirs – maybe Hemingway’s Death in the Afternoon or A Moveable Feast. If she’s into South America, Hugh Thomson’s The White Rock (about his exploration of historic Inca sites) is one of my top picks ever.

    • I really enjoyed Tony Perrottet’s Pagan Holiday — he and his pregnant girlfriend recreate the vacation route of middle class Romans around the Mediterranean. It’s a great look at what it would have been like then contrasted with what it’s like now.

    • style advice needed... :

      There are many good recs here. I would only add…. try to get her something that isn’t medical related and that will provide her with an escape.

      Someone who works in Palliative Care deals with death, sadness, loss every single day. It can be emotionally extremely draining. Sometimes you need a complete escape, for your sanity. Something lighter, something happy, something different…

      It doesn’t surprise me she likes travel…. a complete escape!

  11. Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

    You know what’s been burning a hole in the shopping lobe of my brain? That dress Herbie posted yesterday. I want I want I want I want!

    And yet, I’d be all dressed up with no place to go, although….

    I would love a [this site] Conference and would be willing to travel to attend. We can all get dressed up in swanky clothes, drink champagne, be glamorous and have a great time.

    Please, Kat, organize this and I will be the happiest C0rp-r3tt3 evah!

    • springtime :

      Oh my, I’ve had the same fantasy about a this site national meet-up too!

    • Always a NYer :

      I would love that! And absolutely travel for it =)

    • If there were a [this site] National Meetup, it should involve a Most Inappropriate Outfit for the Office Contest. To take place immediately after happy hour, obviously.

    • I tried to post this earlier, but my comment seems to have disappeared. Apologies if this is a double-post.

      Susan, not to be a complete enabler, but although the dress is sold out at NM Last Call, it’s still available at
      www dot loehmanns dot com /Women-Designer-Dresses-Designer-Dresses/Carmen-Marc-Valvo-Floral-lace-applique-gown.htm

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        Ahh, they don’t have my size (“shrimpy”). I’m safe!

        Enable me all you want. I like your clothing picks!

      • just Karen :

        Beautiful!!! And how did I not realize that Loehmanns had a website? Dangerous to my wallet, but thank you Herbie!

    • MaggieLizer :

      This would be amazing!

    • Yes, I broached this topic a while ago (around the time we got the Corpor3tt3 map together), but I think it is on hold…..but enough interest and it could happen!

      • Sugar Magnolia :

        I don’t remember a map……

        That must have been a busy time for me at work. Is it a Go*gle map that we can add ourselves to?

    • I am so into a national “r3tt3 conference”!! in fact I would even volunteer to help organize it, ive done lots of event planning…. and if I help there will be coffee and food by the way ;-)

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        You are awesome.

        I’m thinking that one could book up a hotel (get a good group rate for us), and then we can easily plan lots of activities away from the hotel if they’re asking for too much $$ for a conference room to be reserved for us for 1-2 days.

    • If we have a national conference, I will host a California-approved CLE so us Cali-girls can use our CLE budgets. It might be a boring overview of law in my niche, but y’all are interested in anyway, right? Right?

      • Yes, even though I don’t practice CA law so I wouldn’t get credits, nor do I practice in your area, but I will come and cheer anyway. Maybe with pom poms.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        I’m not a lawyer, but if one of the activities is a tour of various wineries, I am so there.

  12. Hate this top.

  13. Need some career advice from the hive!

    For the past year I have been working with a very very difficult co worker that has tried to make my life miserable. Long story short despite multiple meetings addressing the issues, this individual has chosen to remain difficult to work with. I have just tried to manage the situation the best I can.

    I have hid this from my manager as best as I can because I dont want to seem like a complainer and a whiner. My company has a policy of sending everyone I work with a survey to review me over the course of the bad year. I am quite sure that bad coworker has it out for me and will take this opportunity to smear my reputation.

    I am not sure what to do. I have a meeting with my manager later today and I am wondering if I should briefly mention the situation so that he is 1) prepared for this bad review and 2) discredit the coworker as someone who is just difficult to work with. I am worried if I say nothing it will be the first time my manager has heard of this so he may be more inclined to give this coworker’s review a fair shake.

    Please help!

    • springtime :

      Well, if you have a lot of people review you, and only one person has negative things to say, I would hope that a manager would look at that and determine that they are an outlier…

      • This is what I thought but my boss believe in giving all reviews fair consideration. My manager will aggregate all the reviews and put them into my permanent file to be reviewed the next time I change jobs. So I’d like for him to know this coworker is a lunatic and not include his review.

    • A few thoughts (although no silver bullets, I’m afraid). First, I used to hide bad behavior of co-workers/subordinates from my supervisors and found it always backfired. That’s not to say I advocate tattling, but I do think it’s smart to explain, for example, that X took more of your time than you had anticipated because Joe Schmo’s contributions had to be extensively re-worked. You’ve re-worked them and completed the project on time, but it’s meant you back-burnered another less pressing project. (Poor performance costs the company money and managers should know when something is a money hole.) Second, I wouldn’t suggest telling the manager this now. I read recently about what I think is called the “mirror effect” and it really rang true to me. If you say “Joe Schmo is difficult to work with” the hearer will associate YOU and the phrase “difficult to work with.” While if you say “Jane Doe is a delight” the hearer associates you with the phrase “is a delight.” (Think about it. Think of people who have complained about other people. How do you view the complainer? Now think of people who give lots of praise to other people. How do you view those people?) Instead of telling your manager that this person “has it out for you” (which will do you NO favors — that phrase will never put you in a good light), can you approach the manager with a concern you have about the quality of some work that’s been done recently? Assuming you genuinely have such concerns, and you do seem to. Explain how this person has affected the office’s work, describe the steps you’ve taken to minimize the damage, and ask for additional suggestions on how to improve the working relationship going forward. This will show that you are concerned about the company’s work and are taking positive steps to improve. It will, coincidentally, put your manager on notice of the issues you’ve had with “bad co-worker” without reflecting poorly on you.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        +1 This is excellent advice.

      • Thanks for sharing this. I think this is great advice! Sometimes I get frustrated with this individual and want to just blurt out to my manager “he’s out to get me!” because my difficulties with him and person as well as professional. Yes, his work is terrible and he makes my job difficult. But he also told me I have a nice ass, called my husband an asshole, and called me bitch when I wasn’t in the room. Of course this is getting personal for me and I want my manager to understand that this is more than he won’t cc me on emails. I have said nothing because I haven’t figure out a way of saying it without making me look bad too.

      • Last comment is awaiting moderation so here it is again..

        Thanks for sharing this. I think this is great advice! Sometimes I get frustrated with this individual and want to just blurt out to my manager “he’s out to get me!” because my difficulties with him and person as well as professional. Yes, his work is terrible and he makes my job difficult. But he also told me I have a nice ass, called my husband an @$$hole, and called me b!tch when I wasn’t in the room. Of course this is getting personal for me and I want my manager to understand that this is more than he won’t cc me on emails. I have said nothing because I haven’t figure out a way of saying it without making me look bad too.

        • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

          Whoah. Anybody who called my husband an @sshole might be picking up his teeth from the floor with blood coming out of his eyes. Kidding (sort of.)

          Seriously, this is just so inappropriate on his part. Please tell me you’ve been documenting this– rather than hiding this from your boss. Your boss needs to know this guy is a problem person.

          The next time he makes a remark like this, call him on his nonsense and tell him what he’s saying is inappropriate and that you are not interested in his opinions about your appearance or your husband. Repeat as needed. Document and let HR know (unless, your company’s HR exists only to protect victimizers, and even if they do, they tend to do that only if they’re powerful rainmakers, not people at this guy’s level.)

          Let him fail, let people see his mistakes if you can.

          • Agree. I’d just step back and let this guy fall. Someone with so little sense will do himself in if you let him. I’d definitely document and report to HR. As for the manager, I’d frame it as how this @$$clown is hurting the company (“He often makes distracting comments that make it difficult for others to focus on their work.”) Also, when he makes a comment like this, I’d just look at him like you’re surprised and confused and say “wow.” Then shrug like “hunh, so there are actually grown ups in the world who behave like this” and walk away.

        • Sugar Magnolia :

          Wow – I think you and I both work with the same guy. I had a co-worker tell me to “go f**k myself” in response to a simple work-related request to assist with a difficult client. And I have also been reluctant to discuss with our supervisor, for fear of looking like a problem-child.

  14. Just found this – Lord & Taylor has all cashmere sweaters on sale for $49.99 today only. Plus their already on sale shoes are marked down further. I ordered a few for Christmas presents, shipping is free for orders over $99 and two sweaters is $99.98!

    • style advice needed... :

      Wow – great post. Thanks. I was going to wait until after Xmas to buy my Lord & Taylor cashmere (have had good success in the past), but I will check this out.

    • You made my day! I was going to wait until after Xmas since it’s for myself, but not with that kind of sale!

  15. there’s a groupon today for a 1 hour reflexology treatment and i’m curious – has anyone tried reflexology?

    • If it’s the foot massage treatments (sometimes they do hands too), I’d say go if your feet are sore and you generally like foot/hand rubs. I used to get them a lot when I worked in Asia. Totally skeptical about all the claims that they can solve ailments from kidneys to eyes or whatever, but feel pretty awesome for sore feet!

  16. TJ – I am starting a new job which may take 1.5 hrs to commute to by car. I have never had a long commute before. I am thinking about doing whatever I can in the car, like eat breakfast, since I will have to wake up so early. Any tips for eating or anything else safely (while traffic is at a standstill)? I can only think of bringing almonds. What else can I do for food?

    • string cheese? sliced fruit? anything in bite sized pieces will be fine i think.

    • I used to have a nasty commute (40 minutes in no traffic, never took less than 60 minutes, often took 2 full hours). I don’t miss it AT ALL, but wish you the best of luck.

      Couple suggestions:
      1. audiobooks
      2. put your smartphone somewhere you won’t be tempted to reach for it [unless you use it to play audiobooks, like I did. But stick it in the glove box.]
      3. have a trash bag in the car so that whatever you eat en route does not stay in the car. I just kept a bag of plastic grocery bags in a seat pocket and brought it out of the car with me.
      4. Have “emergency back up traffic food” stashed in the trunk or elsewhere in the car. something like a box of granola bars (the chewy kind makes less of a mess than the crunchy kind), cheerios, pretzles, etc. It will stop you from eating drive-thru food out of sheer desperation.
      5. For breakfast, I suggest breakfast bars, or eating once you get to the office. You can also eat yogurt pretty easily, though at some point I got big straws and “drank” my yogurt.

    • I used to have a long commute and I got really good at this. I would bring all sorts of things — buttered toast, pre-peeled oranges, sliced apples, green smoothies in Nalgene-type bottles. The trick, I found, was to bring plenty of paper towels, and bring a Ziploc bag for trash. Also, keep the food on the passenger seat, and only take small pieces at a time so you run less of a risk of dropping something on your lap.

      • Definitely have a little cloth (a baby blanket would be perfect) to put over your lap. Definitely, definitely look into podcasts and whatever you need to make your car as comfy as possible (back pillow, ipod connection, cell charger, etc).

        I had a long commute for 6 months and got myself a special cup from Target with a straw. Every morning I would mix some ice coffee (kept in fridge) with milk and chocolate protein powder. It lasted the first 30 minutes of the drive and was surprisingly filling. Then I would have a banana or other fruit at the office.

        Mini cheeses and pretzels for the drive home.

    • emcsquared :

      You could try a smoothie or yogurt drink in a cup with a straw.

    • Protein shakes/smoothies are easy to travel with. I like EAS Get Lean protein powder. Mix with milk in a shaker cup and you have breakfast in 15 seconds.

    • Granola bars, homemade “egg mcmuffin” sandwiches, breakfast burritos, smoothies (add protein powder or greek yogurt to help stay full longer), cream of wheat or other hot cereals in a thermos, really anything that you can hold in one hand should work. Also, not sure what kind of work you do, but maybe you can eat at your desk while going over email, ect. as soon as you get in. You could bring microwavable oatmeal, yogurt, etc. for that.

    • Granola/protein bars, bagels, toast.

    • S in Chicago :

      Breakfast smoothie? No mess in the car and you can control how healthy you want it and mix it up with new ingredients all the time to keep it interesting.

      And totally second the audiobooks.

    • I hate mornings so even when I had a 10 minute commute, I often ate in the car. I got pretty good at eating oatmeal while driving, I think I even did cold cereal once or twice. I second the smoothies suggestion as well as toast and sandwiches.

    • Toasted bagel with nut butter is great — pretty easy to eat in the car, and it will actually fill you up. I like all of these suggestions.

    • Thanks everyone for the interesting suggestions!

  17. Ekaterin Nile :

    Foot Odor Threadjack

    My husband wore his Skechers work boots with wool socks a couple of days ago and says the inside of the boots are really stinky (from sweating). Any suggestions for getting rid of the odor? We thought baking soda but I told him I’d post here first because “the Hive always knows what to do.”

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I’ve heard the baking soda thing, but it’s a fricking mess and in my experience, it doesn’t kill all of the odor. I just end up with vaguely stinky-powdery-smelling shoes. Ugh.

      I’ve had the most success with those alcohol-based hand sanitizers. I squeeze a big dollop inside each shoe, take a paper towel and spread it inside and let it dry. I am concerned that it will eat away at the materials, eventually, but I don’t wear super-expensive shoes and they get torn up anyways, so I am OK with replacing the shoe every 2 years.

    • Jenna Rink :

      I’ve never tried this, but I’ve heard that freezing them will kill the odor.

      • It might ruin the shoe, though. Freezing may alter some of the materials and / or make them shrink then expand.

    • Baby powder since you don’t have to remove it.

    • I haven’t tried this, but apparently rubbing alcohol-soaked paper towels placed in the shoes do the trick. SO tried this on his last deployment and he found it effective. I later sent him some Dr. Scholls shoe powder that he switched to using because it was more efficient.

      • This method sounds promising. I would say to try white vinegar – since it is known for killing odors.

    • karenpadi :

      I would try an anti-fungal powder because smelly shoes can be caused by a minor fungal infection. My foot doctor recommended Zeasorb for an OTC powder because corn-starchy so it absorbs moisture too. Otherwise, put the shoes in the sun over the weekend so the UV rays can do their work. He might want to consider changing his socks at lunchtime too.

  18. Hey ladies — thanks for all the Yankee Swap ideas last week. I ended up getting a collected set of Sherlock Holmes stories and one of the Sherlock Holmes movies (with RDJ and Jude Law) on DVD for my contribution to the swap. And ended up walking away with all three of the Hunger Games books (I had digital versions, but I wanted the paper versions.)

    I think this office is pretty dorky. The most swapped item was A Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling. And the partners were all doing battle for a Jefferson biography. I wonder if we all realize we could just get library cards.

    • Can I come work in your office?

      • I’m with TBK.

        I just ordered my contribution to my friend group’s Yankee Swap. Go to thinkgeek . com and type “annoy-a-tron” or “eviltron” into the search.

        Somebody’s going to end up hating me for that . *insert evil grin*

  19. Hey folks…I just realized that, for the last 3 or so jobs I applied for (all of which I REALLY wanted) there has been a typo on my resume….a really stupid one that I /friends who reviewed it for me should have caught. Can anyone commiserate or say anything comforting?

    • I got called out during an interview for a typo on my resume and still got the job.

      • Same. The calling out was done by a federal judge.

      • Me too. And it was a typo in a statute acronym that made it the acronym for a completely different statute, if that make sense. I wanted to die from the embarrassment, but still got the position.

      • Young Consultant :

        Me too, I thought I was done, but I’m still here today.

    • If you and your friends who reviewed it carefully didn’t catch it, the people scanning it for content may not catch it either.

      Good luck!

    • I can comiserate. I’ve done it (spelled the NAME OF THE EMPLOYER wrong — didn’t get the interview). It is an awful, awful, terrible feeling. But it will pass. What might make you feel better is coming up with a system to prevent this happening again. You already had other people look at it. Other tricks I’ve heard of: reading it out loud (you’re less likely to gloss over things this way); reading it backward.

      • Misspelled the last name of the person to whom I wrote a letter of application. Was hired anyway; he never noticed.

    • I left off the last digit of my phone number on my resume for an entire week of OCI (non-lawyers: that’s the interview process to get BigLaw jobs), so about 12 interviews. Had to email every single one with a resume with an “updated phone number.” Still got 2 callbacks out of those interviews.

      • Lady Enginerd :

        I recently panicked when I saw that the date of my PhD was off by a full year on my résumé after I already had circulated it at a career day thing. Now I have to correct it for interviews. All the science words were correct, but apparently I blocked out the memories of grad school so much that it didn’t stick out to me that I graduated in this calendar year as opposed to 2011!

    • If it makes you feel better a job candidate told my husband that he was too busy to come in for an interview b/c he had a full time job and asked if he could do a phone interview. There is no way you’d do THAT.

    • Yup. Somehow, I think when logging into another program to print the darn thing to pdf, the first three characters of my password wound up in front of my NAME a the top of mine. Sent corrected. Still got callbacks.

    • I’m hiring right now and I had THREE people with typos on their resumes who I still brought in for interviews. (One of them actually had 2 but I didn’t know one until she was in for her interview and my boss saw it.)

      Someone sent me a cover letter yesterday, spelled “organization” wrong and then in the next paragraph said she had great attention to detail…hopefully you didn’t do that!

      I know this is impossible but try not to worry about it – you can’t do anything now.

      • Well, I am glad to hear those three folks still got interviews!

        Thanks to everyone who has shared their stories and offered support. The mistake was that I misspelled a commonly misspelled word in my resume. The off-brand word processor I use doesn’t automatically underline misspelled words in red the way MS office does and embarrassingly, stupidly, I sometimes forget to proactively run the spell check because I am always just looking for that red underline. Because I don’t actually know how to spell the word, I missed it when I reviewed it and I guess my friends can’t spell either, or didn’t look closely.

        There’s no good excuse, I really should know better…Honestly, I am really depressed by not having a job and that depression in a sad twist of irony interferes with the clarity of my thinking, in turn making it more difficult for me to get a job.

        Anyway, all I can do is move forward now!

        • Meg Murry :

          Move forward – but first track down all the copies you have of the resume with the typo and save over them with the corrected version. The only thing more frustrating than sending out a resume with a typo is doing it again 2 weeks later when you pull what you thought was the corrected version from your flashdrive/dropbox/your email/ etc.

    • Once I applied for the job and the hidden-in-properties PDF “title” (but not the file name, if that makes sense), only viewable if you open it with google view, was “microsoft word is so f**ked up!!! job,” a previous temporary title I had used after a few crashes. Oops.

      • a job** (typos are required in this thread, right?)

        • Someone sent me a resume yesterday and the file name was “Person’s Name_Humble_Resume” – that cracked me up.

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            Hehe. I wonder if this person was applying for jobs that s/he was overqualified for, hence the “humble.”

    • Goosebumpy :

      I misspelled my last name on my resume. I ended up getting the job…which meant that everything from my new email address to my new nameplate was incorrect. It was utterly humiliating.

    • I left a sales figure blank on my resume, as I’d intended to update the number, and totally forgot before submitting my resume to my current job. Got the role & it was never even mentioned (but I was mortified when I realized what I’d done!).

    • Job Huntress :

      In my cover letter for my current job I mispelled the name of the recruiting contact…

  20. Arrgh. Another week, another couple of articles about how my ovaries are shriveling up and dying and that any kids I ever do have will be unhealthy and a burden on society. Does Slate have a full-time stable of writers to put out these pieces? Do they think we don’t all already KNOW?

    • Oh massive eyeroll Slate — “Why do women believe they can delay children so long?” Does anyone actually believe that? Anyone in our generation, who has had this drilled into our skulls for 20 years that you’re ovaries are going to fall off if you get a law degree and keep looking for a smart/attractive/funny boy instead of settling for that dull one you knew when you were 24? Throw in a big cultural helping of “you are going to regret this when your baybay maker kicks in and takes over your brain!” And is this really what we’re all doing here, chasing our careers and adventures because we refuse to accept that we need to make sacrifices to have babies? Well actually, yes, yes that is what we’re doing. And that’s why we’re awesome. STFU, Slate.

      • [email protected] :

        Why are these articles NEVER about guys settling down and thinking about marriage and children early? Enough with the misogynist mother-blaming.

        I get it, media! I really do! Everything I do is wrong! Retreating to a cave in the desert sounds like my only choice (and also relaxing). But I’m just going to keep living here, in the 21st century and doing my thing. So STFU.

        /rant over

      • Doubly annoying/insulting because I am having to delay kids a couple years for health reasons, and NOT FOR ANY REASON OF MY CHOOSING. Plus both my parents and dh’s parents were in their 30s when they had kids and we ALL TURNED OUT JUST FINE. /end rant.

        • pnkrokhockeymom :

          I had one at 24 who is now a freshman in college, and my new one is six months old and would be perfect if he would only sleep at night. :) I turned 42 1.5 months after I had him. He is not a significantly easier/sicker/healthier/harder/happier/sadder/whatever-er baby than my first. Maybe I did have more energy back then, but I was also a SAHM without a degree and very little money, and now I have more resources and still plenty of energy for my baby. My pregnancy was not difficult (although it was not easy; I blame that on my job at BigLaw more than my age), and I was really, really lucky that it was easy to conceive. I had always wanted a second but couldn’t earlier because of life–first I was stuck in an unhappy marriage with a spouse who didn’t want another, then I was a single mom in a high-pressure litigation job, etc. I realize that the risks of things not being fine were higher because of my age, and knew that when we started trying, but it actually can turn out okay. I know I was really lucky (which I think about whenever I wonder if we should try for another this year), but if you are having to wait anyway for whatever reasons, I would say try hard to focus on the success stories of advanced maternal age pregnancies rather than the scare-articles.

    • Lady Enginerd :

      I know, right?! This is Not Helping my first-ever fertility freak out (newly single at age 28 and giving up the idea of starting to try at age 30). Also, of course it’s the feminists faults and Definitely Not immature man-children or financial pressures. And if you make a go of it as a single mother in order to beat the advanced maternal age deadline, be assured you will give Ross Douthat the vapors.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        Tangent: how does one pronounce his name?



        Do-That (I like this one, since he likes to tell women what they should do with their uteruses)

        • In my mind it’s DOOSH-hat, but, while appropriate, I don’t think it’s technically correct.

        • The Dough Boy :

          I think it’s more like Dough-that. Which I remember because of his doughy face.

        • I think it’s Doosh-hat. Castillian pronunciation or something… ;)

        • I usually go with Doosh-hat.

        • Lady Enginerd :

          I had no idea that everyone else seems to detest Ross Douthat’s smug do as I say with your lady parts op eds as much as I do. Tell ya what, I’ll pop out good American breeding stock if you play yenta and find me man who will grow up and realize that delaying gratification and dealing with one’s problems head on are necessary life skills for a solid conservative heterosexual marriage. What’s that? You can’t find one either? Then maybe it isn’t the evil feminist liberals who are solely responsible for the breakdown of the American way??

      • springtime :


        lease stop reminding me of this as I troll through 100s of online dating profiles, smile my way through painful dates, and watch the clock ticking as guys refuse to grow up.

        • Oh HECK yeah. Exactly! I love how they usually place all the blame on women as if a) the vastly unequal repercussions for women’s careers didn’t play a role, and b) there aren’t millions of men out there playing video games and refusing to grow up and settle down!

          I’ve been ready to have kids for years, but none of the guys I’ve met have ever been interested in taking me up on the (silent) offer (well, until now, maybe)! And yet women are the ones to blame if we don’t have a kid, not out of “wedlock,” and not in reliance on programs available to low-income women.

      • karenpadi :

        This. So much this. Especially the immature man-children. Forget feminism destroying western civilization–Peter Pan Syndrome*, student loan debt, and a horrible safety net for families** are doing way more damage.

        *Suffered by both men and women. But mostly men in their 30s–women seem to snap out of it around age 28 or 29.

        **Lack of paid parental leave, job security (in general), high cost of child care, people moving away from family support networks, etc.

        • Amen!

        • The article in the New Republic actually talks about parental leave and childcare subsidies as means for the society to correct the late parenthood trend.
          It also has some interesting information about consequences of late fatherhood – apparently mens’ bio clock is very much a thing.
          As for family support networks… there comes a point when one can no longer count on receiving support from said network and instead they need to support their aging parents, sometimes concurrently with raising small kids.

    • I have been steadfastly ignoring this BS. I KNOW the situation, but I am single and 32 and there is not a lot I can do about it right now because I am a busy girl. Get your face out of my ovaries, media. And New Girl! I couldn’t watch that episode.

    • I saw these and just clicked away without reading. Down that path lies madness.

    • just Karen :

      I just got nauseous and seriously had the thought – DH and I MUST talk about getting pregnant. SOON. Backing away from the computer slowly…

    • Makes me SO ANXIOUS. I think about this stuff all the time, and I feel like these writers are bashing me over the head with it. And I’m only 27!

    • Sugar Magnolia :

      “the older father is not viewed as pathetic or narcissistic or just intangibly wrong the way an older mother is. ”

      Really? People think I am pathetic? I am only 41 dammit – and if anyone doesn’t like me being a new mom at that age, they can go $(*%&*&%&%$ themselves! /end rant