Feeling Jealous of a Younger Colleague

Feeling Jealous of a Younger ColleagueWhat should you do if you’re feeling envious of a colleague who’s younger than you, seemingly unappreciative of the opportunity you’re giving her, and also — in your opinion — inappropriately flirty at networking events? Reader J wonders:

I’m a 40 yr old business development manager at an engineering firm. I’ve formed a group of female colleagues that helps with networking and business that’s getting notice in my city (like a Stiletto Mafia). A few months ago one of the key ladies in my group invited my junior engineer in my firm to join.

This engineer is funny and smart but also a gorgeous 24 yr old. Now I am torn between wanting to be a mentor and jealousy. I am jealous that she has access to this group of high powered ladies that are my friends and doesn’t seem to grateful that I’m including her. This engineer also occasionally helps with networking. It’s frustrating to attend a business event while these men are flirting with her. She isn’t overt, but she is aware of her looks and plays them up.

I’d like to drop her from the group and ask her to focus on current clients vs networking. Am I being a hypocrite?

I think you’re being honest, Reader J — a lot more than most people would be in person. I don’t think this is unusual, though; I think a lot of younger women alienate good mentors by being too entitled (like the reader who expected her boss to help her network) or arrogant at work, or, here, too focused on other parts of life like flirting. (We have offered some tips in the past on how to network with older women that may help younger readers here!)

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Lightweight Pants for Work

lightweight pants for officeWhich are the best lightweight pants for a business casual office? For some of us, the warmer months mean biking, hiking, kickball, competing in triathlons, and many more activities that are likely to leave us with a few scratches, bumps, and bruises. If you aren’t crazy about putting those bruises on display at work, and prefer to wear pants to cover your legs, which are the best for business casual summer workwear? Reader M wonders…

With all the sports and activities I do, I need to reconfigure my work wardrobe to be trousers-only. I bruise way too easily to wear skirts often, especially in the warmer months. I need to start almost from scratch with a business casual summer wardrobe, any suggestions? Thanks!

I bruise easily, as well, M, so I’m sorry to hear that. I think you’re right to want to cover your bruises for work — they can be a distraction for your colleagues as they start wondering how you got them. (This mountain-biker was even cornered by her boss who worried she was being abused.) If you work in such a small office that everyone you come into contact with knows that you’re bruised from sports, that’s one thing — but that doesn’t sound like the case for M.

So, some thoughts on summer pants for a business casual environment:

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Should You Say No to Sports at Work?

sports-at-workYour office is planning an athletic event, and you want to stay far, far away. Even if you’re worried about feeling awkward, should you go anyway to take advantage of the networking opportunities? How can you say NO to work-related sporting events, like golf and tennis outings, and what are you missing out on if you do? Reader B wonders…

Your recent post about dressing for summer events led me to an older post about how to dress as a golf newbie… and boy, the comments struck a chord with me. Or maybe a nerve. I’d love to see a post, and more discussion, on how to deal with outings of all types — particularly when they’re for expensive and time-consuming sports that you don’t play and don’t want to pick up.

A lesson (or even a few lessons) are absolutely NOT enough to get me through a golf scramble. Can I swing and miss 18 times while joking gracefully? Can I pull off an outright refusal? Is it a bad idea to drive the beer cart (this always sounds like it should come with a costume), or just show up for drinks/dinner afterwards? And what do I do after 17 miserable holes, when my division manager is standing at the 18th with his arms folded to judge my golf game?

For reference, I’m in engineering, not law, with 15+ years of experience.

Interesting question, Reader B! In the past, Kat has recommended participating in athletic work events, even if you don’t think your skills are so hot, but we thought we’d get another opinion as well. We talked to Women on Course founder Donna Hoffman (who also advised us on our recent post on proper golf wear) to get her take on this situation. “Golf is so much more than getting the ball in the hole,” she says. “There are so many more benefits” — including the camaraderie, and the opportunity to build relationships.

Here’s what Hoffman recommends for Reader B:

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The Hunt: Lightweight Blazers

Nina Ricci Printed Stretch-Linen BlazerSure, we all know what basics professional women are supposed to have in their closets, but if you’re buying one for the first time or replacing one you’ve worn into the ground, it can be a pain to find exactly the right incarnation in stores. In “The Hunt,” we search the stores for a basic item that every woman should have.

Linen! Seersucker! Cotton pique! Eyelet! There are a million varieties on the lightweight summer blazers — we thought we’d round up some of the best. (Here’s our 2014 roundup of linen blazers, our 2013 roundup of white blazers, and our 2012 roundup of summer blazers.) Ladies, what do you look for when buying a blazer for a hot summer? (For my $.02, these kinds of blazers are perfect for casual days at the office, as well as summer associate outdoor events where you know not to wear a suit but aren’t too sure what else to wear — use a lightweight blazer to top a basic sheath dress and look professional at an outdoor cocktail party; bring it along to an event where you’re only 90% sure jeans and a t-shirt are ok.)

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What to Wear to a Work-Related Golf Event

golf clothes work outingWhat should you wear to golf with colleagues — for example, in a golf scramble — and where should you shop for it? Reader L wonders…

Could you please do a post on clothes for work-related golf outings and where to buy them? I’m attending several golf scrambles with colleagues this summer, and as I’ve never golfed before, I have no idea what to wear or where to shop for it. I’d like to find things that are appropriate without being frumpy. Thanks!

Both Kat and I will freely admit to knowing next to nothing about golf, so we turned to an expert — Donna Hoffman, the president and founder of Women on Course, an organization that encourages women in business to take up golf by offering various events around the country, a membership program, and special discounts. About 15-20% of the women who attend Women on Course events work in the legal field.

Hoffman shared several useful tips for new women golfers planning to attend work-related events:

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Decluttering, Selling, Donating, Kondoing, and More

declutteringWe are doing a major declutter of our apartment, and I just feel completely scatterbrained because of it.  We donated a good chunk of stuff to charity a week or two ago, I have a ThredUP bag filled and ready to go, and yesterday some eBay auctions ended, so I’ve been scrambling today trying to get packages out to people. (The last time we did a major declutter we talked about eBaying and selling your old stuff, as well as what the best stuff to buy on eBay is; we’ve also talked about thrifting for workwear.)  We are trying to get rid of a ton of baby stuff via the local parents’ listserv, first offering it for sale and then issuing curb alerts, which requires more email management.  (The woman who sent her nanny to pick up the Bumbo this morning sent like 10 texts, which is fine, but considering it was a $5 sale, the drain on my attention was less than good.)  It is a colossal waste of time, when looked at per hour. And here’s the thing that I’ve been asking myself all morning:  Why do I feel obliged to do this, make “use” of stuff we no longer want? Why am I not just walking it to the trash chute/garbage room and disposing of it?  I answer myself with these thoughts:
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