Tuesday’s TPS Report: Draped Bahia Print Dress

161 Comments

1. I’m looking for restaurant recommendations in Montreal. Does anyone have a glowing review? TIA!

   1. We loved Joe Beef. Also Stash Café. Found L’Express disappointing. Not bad, just not great.

   2. Le Bremner was delish (get the pancakes for dessert!). Le Club Chasse et Peche is great if you’re looking for something more upscale.

   3. Just got back from Montreal yesterday! We didn’t eat at very upscale restaurants, but all the food we had was great (we are pretty easy to please, though). Chez Suzette has really good crepes – we ate there twice. My brother (who we travelled with) became a crepe connoisseur after living in France for 2 years and he approved. We also enjoyed the poutine at Montreal Poutine. Both are in Old Montreal.

      We spend all our time in Old Montreal and downtown. Our strategy when we wanted to eat was to find a restaurant that was busy & go there. It worked. One place we wanted to try but it didn’t work out was Olive et Gourmand. It’s supposed to be really, really good, but they are closed on Sunday & Monday, and are only open for breakfast & lunch (they close at 5 or 6). We stayed not far from them and it was packed everytime we walked by.

      Have a great trip!

   4. ENtrecote St Jean … only one thing on the menu, great steak au poivre. It was across from a Marriott hotel in the main part of downtown. Years ago. But stupendous. Across the street, on the Marriott’s street, there was an incredible sushi place.

      It’s been since 2003, but you can tell it stuck in my memory.

2. This looks perfect for the office pool party.

   1. LOL! I had the same thought!

   2. Bwaha!

   3. +1. I have to say, I haaaaaaate these dresses with the elasticized waist. It looks like they forgot to put in a proper waistband or a belt!!!

      PSA – I didn’t like anything in the NAS so I went to Boden instead and found a 20% off code: 3G7X

      1. To be fair, I think you’re meant to wear a belt over the elastic. I always think these are cute, but they are extremely unflattering on my 8-shaped figure.

      2. I feel the same way about elastic. It looks unfinished, plus the elastic always ends up in the worst possible place.

         1. This is my complaint about elastic. I am an extreme pear (super tiny waist) and it always seems to hit a couple inches below my waist, which just makes me look stocky. Not flattering at all.

            1. I am a pear with poochy tummy (thanks, kids)… and I also hate these “waists”.

      3. I hate elastic waists too. It seems like a shortcut for designers and looks much more sloppy.

   4. Yeah, the elasticized waist is not professional.

      1. +1. I have a few casual jersey dresses with elastic waist for non-work wear, and I heart them, but I would NOT wear this style to the office.

         1. I think fabric makes all the difference with a dress like this. A thin cotton or jersey, sure, inappropriate. But this dress on a humid 90 degree day in NY with a white or light gray blazer on top and office shoes – I’d just think, “wow how does that woman manage to look cool and appropriate in this disgusting weather!”

            1. i have a black dress like this that I love, just for this reason. I got it from the limited a few years back (for $25) and its a total workhorse. I add a belt, a blazer, a necklace and am good to go. Its super comfy, machine washable, and travels like a dream.

3. Yesterday’s responses to the post about financial advice you’d give your younger self was really interesting to read. What is some advice you would give to your 20s self about life (dating, friends, work, etc.)? Is your life what you’d thought it would be now?

   1. I think I imprinted on a lot of books where all of the very strong feelings were real and permanent. IRL, all of those strong feelings (especially if alcohol-fueled) are real but fleeting. Proceed with caution. He’s probably not your Heathcliff.

   2. You’ve got this. You’re going to struggle and one day you’ll wake up with a great job and a fabulous apartment and tons of friends. It’s just going to take longer than you want.

      1. Or not! My life looks totally different than I expected. My job looks great on paper but doesn’t challenge me, my house is a bit of a loving money pit (and still doesn’t look how I want it to), and my friends are scattered all over and have really busy lives. It will be OK. You’ve still got this.

      2. Move to a big city.

         Therapy for social anxiety. Your network MATTERS. Choose people who are going places/improving themselves.

         Your parents don’t have to love your choices.

         Don’t let lack of self worth prevent you from choosing a mentor.

         You will NEVER wake up and say, “gosh, that last drink was a good idea.”

   3. If you aren’t in the same place re: exclusivity, end it. Even if you REALLY like him and he’s “amazing.” It will drive you crazy knowing he’s seeing other people and you will become obsessed with finding everything out (which, btw, is none of your business). Save yourself the heartache. If he wants to be with you, he’ll stop seeing other people. If he doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to happen.

   4. During college, I would have told myself to date around more and don’t stay with this person for 1.5 years like you did (he was tone deaf! Would NEVER have worked!). During college and law school, I would have told myself not to be afraid to say no to guys if they ask you out and you don’t like them, and to understand that networking is not a bad thing and you should try to get used to doing it. During law school, don’t drink so much!

      Also, in my 20s I was really close to developing an eating/exercise disorder, maybe as a result of studying for the bar and then being in biglaw where so much is out of your control? Anyway, it took until I had kids to really relax about that, and I spent SO MUCH TIME worrying about calories etc. that could have been more productively spent.

   5. I feel lucky to have realized these things in my later 20’s, but I think my 18 or 20 year old self would have really benefitted from knowing:

      -There’s a good chance it’s not you, it’s them. This applies to relationships, work, friends, a million things.

      -Eliminate negative people from your life. You’ll feel free-er.

   6. I would tell my younger self to not focus on men so much in general. All of the energy spent on them should have been spent on friends, career, family. It’s fine to be single, even better in some cases and emotions really do affect your decisions. Focus on the people who will be there in 5 years.

   7. Even though I’m happily married now to someone I met in person, I wish I would have tried online dating. I constantly was dating guys who were nice (or not, in some cases) but who I didn’t really like a lot because I was limiting myself to people I met at parties and friends of friends. It worked out in the end but my early 20s would have been more pleasant had I expanded that circle.

   8. Do not be an engineer!!! The s*xism is soul sucking and its exhausting to fight for every little thing

      1. My father was an engineer and pushed me away from it. Now there is such a STEM push in schools and I’m all RAWRing and telling my daughters “go talk to grandaddy” b/c they are not yet corporette-aged.

         1. My grandpa is an engineer (albeit a different type) and he was really encouraging. I’m much happier in a similarly scientific field now where I am an equal and my research gets respect.

      2. +1
         I was an engineer, and you’re absolutely right. I went into the job with a very naive assumption that the world had changed, but sadly enlightenment has not made it through all companies yet.
         I’m now in finance, still s*xist but nothing compared to engineering…

         1. This is interesting. I think with finance it’s a lot of south-park potty-mouth humor meets a little bit Survival of the Fittest, but the rampant boys-club feeling comes across as not being personal at all to me. So I get it and it doesn’t bother me.

            It is amazing that the engineering thing is so bad (how? can we discuss?). The engineer people I know tend to be very meek (so not at all the types who could work on a trading floor).

      3. I’m right there. I still dream of other options where I could earn similarly and plan on getting into management ASAP. I’m more than 2 years out and I have seriously thought of law school because of the sh*t I’ve dealt with. (even with the crappy market)

         My work sounds so cool, but it’s not. There are no women here and everyone is super religious. My last job was super sexist and I was assaulted and harassed more than enough times. I thought that leaving EE to CS would make it better. NOPE.

         /back to coding

         1. The market for patent lawyers with an EE background is pretty good, especially wit experience.

   9. Nothing! All those crappy things you did or went through made you who you are today. Yea, you sucked sometimes, but chalk it up to growing pains. Yea, you made some poor decisions, but hey, you are still here to talk about it.

      You survived (with some close calls), you are pretty bad ass now, you know who you are, and even if you may not have done everything you thought you would, it’s still okay. So you have occaisional money worries – who doesn’t. So you occasionally have days where you wake up and you may not love how you look – who doesn’t. So you aren’t dating anyone – more time for yourself to do whatever you want to do!!

      You could die tomorrow and it would all still be okay.

      Okay, okay, maybe one thing – dye your hair all the crazy a$$ colors you want now before you go to work in an office where it’s not acceptable to have hot pink and green stripes all over your head. (this makes me very sad)

      1. I like this a lot. But as for the crazy hair colors, I’d suggest thinking of this as just an interim period when you can’t get away with it–one that stretches between “too young to be criticized” and “too senior/powerful in my career to care.” In other words, green and pink hair will eventually be an option again! It might even be easier if your base color is pure white! Something to look forward to.

         1. Ooooooh, I like that. I satisfy my urge by striping my hair on the weekends now :)

         2. This is true. I have a friend who’s a judge and she tints her black hair (subtle) blue!

      2. I think this is really great. My life for the first few years out of college was not at all what I would have envisioned. Sometimes it was really hard and sometimes it really sucked and sometimes I wish I’d made different choices, whether personally or professionally…but at the same time, I wouldn’t be the person I am right now, and I wouldn’t know all of the things I do about myself and the world, if it hadn’t been for all of those close calls/stressing about money/crying over no-good dudes.

   10. Don’t wait for a breakdown to start therapy.

   11. Dump the boyfriend who makes you unhappy right now. Hook up at with that handsome guy who hits on you at the bar (he’s not the one, but you’ll regret it anyway). Don’t smoke. Keep in touch with your friends. Travel as much as you can! Stop obsessing about your appearance. Trust me, you look awesome.

   12. Don’t rush to get to the finish line i.e. law school/working as a lawyer. Being a lawyer by my mid-20s s is sometimes depressing because I look forward to the rest of life and I just see the monotony of practicing law every day for the next 30+ years. I wish I had spent more time traveling/being aimless when I could afford to be.

       1. +1 – I was in such a rush for no reason! I was a lawyer at 25, I always wish I had spent a couple years teaching English in Asia or bumming my way around the world. Now the opportunity cost is too high, and these student loans won’t pay themselves

       2. Maybe you can take a sabbatical from work? Or move to a different locale where you can still practice law but you feel like you are traveling because you are in a new city?

       3. So much this. I was 24 when I graduated law school and I really regret rushing to get it done. I could have studied abroad or traveled and now I’m on the lawyer path for life…or at least until I retire early.

   13. If he likes you, you’ll know. He’ll call you. He’ll make an effort. Don’t waste your time on the ones who don’t.

       1. This times a million. It took me until my 50s to realize that it’s not worth the effort to date anybody who is not crazy about me!

          1. Though I guess I would add that it’s best if you’re crazy about each other (he’s crazy about you and you wish he would stop calling already doesn’t feel good). ;)

   14. So, overall, I wouldn’t change anything. As others have said — all of the mistakes I made and experiences I had made me who I am today. And everything is okay. My life is not exactly what I thought it would be in some respects (early 30’s and single, without the children I still very much want) and in others it’s amazing (I have wonderful friends, more confidence than I could have ever imagined, after several years in BigLaw I’m in great shape financially, and next year I’m quitting my job to travel for almost a year before clerking).

       My advice would have been to experience life more: travel, take opportunities to live in different cities (instead of spending an entire decade(!!) in one place), don’t spend all of college and then some hung up on one guy (spoiler alert: 6 years later it doesn’t work out), spend less on clothes/material objects and more on experiences… but the thing is, the biggest advice of all is that it’s never too late to create the life you want. I hit 30 and realized I missed out on travelling and chasing the dreams I had in college… so I’m going after them NOW. And honestly, I was so awkward and shy and lacking in confidence in my early 20’s that I wouldn’t have gotten nearly as much out of those experiences as I will now (not to mention travelling is way more fun when you’re not completely broke). My 20’s could have been far more exciting, but they gave me a great foundation (financially/socially/career-wise), so all was not for naught. And even the relationship woes were overall a worthwhile experience. I learned more about who I am and what I want from one break-up than any relationship I’ve ever had.

       Whether you’re 22 or 32, think about what you really want in life and go after it. And even if you’ve failed to do that for a long time, it’s never, ever too late to start.

       1. I think that is great advice Lawnon. Glad that your getting the chance to travel for a year! Sounds amazing.

   15. I had very rough years from say 17 to 27 which probably is true for many people. I don’t have children yet, but like to have in future. But I always think about how I would guide my daughter (if I end up having one) during those ages and even earlier. The biggest thing is how to help her become and remain a confident young lady as that was the biggest area of difficulty for me. It is not just saying that one should be confident, but helping her (either personally or through a professional ) identify things that bring her down, take concrete steps to fix the problems she has so that she is genuinely happy about herself.

   16. Enjoy the NOW! While you’re longing for more money, a relationship, a new city, etc., your life is passing you by. Also, save more!

4. Question from a rookie maid of honor: is planning the bachelorette party an absolute MOH duty?

   I’m the maid of honor in my younger sister’s upcoming wedding. The six or seven bridesmaids are friends of hers from college who I’ve only met in passing a few times over the years. These girls are much more dedicated funhavers than I am; while my inclination would be to hang out with a few glasses of wine and maybe do a yoga class or see a show, this bunch (including my sister) wants to do a more traditional bachelorette with glitter and shots and, god help us, phallic-themed objects. That makes this INFJ cringe, but of course I’ll go with it.

   Others have volunteered to plan the bachelorette, and I’ve told my sister that I’m happy for them to do so if that’s what she’d prefer. She hasn’t said anything either way. Am I committing an accidental breach if I let one of the bridesmaids take the reins? I feel like this is something that will seem okay now but will come up the next time we have an argument.

   Also, any words of wisdom about the maid of honor gig generally would be much appreciated.

   1. It’s totally fine to let them plan it. Just offer whatever support is doable for you. Maybe volunteer for shower duties if you want to contribute.

      1. I agree that this split makes sense – you handle the shower and have them handle the bachelor3tt3. That’s how we did it for my younger sister as well.

         Are they organized fun-havers? Could you ask them to plan out a general evening schedule (go to bars A, B and C, then stay at hotel D) and you could handle the logistics of a hotel reservation and transportation, get email addresses of all the invitees together, etc.

   2. 100% fine. We did this with my friend when her sister was a MOH. Just offer to help if they need anything – making reservations and such.

   3. I once planned a bridal shower when the MOH couldn’t get her act together and begged the other bridesmaids to take over. No one ever said anything about its being improper. If your sister wants a raunchy bachelorette party, the other bridesmaids are more suited to planning this type of party, and they are volunteering to do it, take them up on the offer! Your sister will get the party she wants, you will not have to worry about getting it absolutely right when this type of party just isn’t your thing, and the other bridesmaids will have fun planning a crazy night. Everybody wins.

   4. Since they seem more in touch with what she wants, let someone else be the ring leader and offer support any way you can. If you think you will feel guilty later (or your sister will be upset), try to stay involved, even if it is just getting snacks and drinks, decorations, etc. and let someone else plan the actual itinerary.

   5. Let them plan. Try to stay involved regarding budget, though. If you take on the cost (or whatever portion you can / want to), then you’re a host even you don’t plan.

   6. I think you should let anyone who wants to throw you a party do so (weddings, birthdays,graduations, whatever). And that if no one wants to throw you a party, you should throw one yourself. I came to this conclusion after pretty much my entire family ignored my masters graduation and barely showed up to my wedding, so there’s a touch of bitterness, but I still think it’s a good principle.

   7. I tend to think as the MOH it is your duty to make sure all the bases are covered. You don’t have to DO it all, you can delegate. This is a perfect example of what to delegate!

      – Bridal Shower
      – Bachelorette
      – Dress shopping (if/as needed)
      – Dealing with [insert difficult family member here] (if/as needed)- this was where I really leaned on my sister as MOH. She wrangled my mom and my great grandmother, who Had Opinions about everything and were driving me to tears. She sat with them, let them say their piece, then only ferried back the critical amounts of info!
      – Pre-wedding prep coordination (if/as requested- sometimes the bride wants to do this herself).
      – toast

      1. My MOH was spectacular at defending my perspective and mitigating scope creep. Let the others plan the party and you focus on being the person to help your sister remain sane.

   8. Let them plan it. I was MOH for my mom’s second wedding. Her friends threw her a party that no one would ever invite daughters to. They had fun and I didn’t have to learn things I never ever want to know about my mother.

   9. MOH “duties” are to get the dress the bride picks out and show up in it at the wedding (preferably sober). These parties are gifts, please don’t stress about not feeling you are doing your part.

   10. Maid of Honour is a made-up job with made-up duties. Talk to your sister about what she’s expecting from you, and what you’re happy/comfortable/willing to do.

5. Contemplating a move in-house at a non-profit, partly to provide legal counsel. I worry about not having access to as many resources as are available at a firm to advise. Niche industry, so it would be easy to learn, but I wonder what other resources people who are in-house at smaller organizations use? I assume the proprietary services are fairly cost prohibitive.

   1. My legal department has an inexspensive Westlaw subscription ($500/yr) that is tailored to small corporate counsel offices. We have access to cases, statutes, regs, and major secondary publications (e.g. Restatement, AmJur, etc). Since we farm most of our work to outside counsel, this gives us everything we need.

   2. I have always worked for smaller companies as in house counsel and ACC is a great resource. Granted, it is focused on the corporate world but there may be some good resources for you there. The template documents alone were amazingly helpful my first few years. Also, I would check around to see if there is a similar non-profit type bar association.

   3. I’m really awesome at G**gle. My bar membership has free access to fastcase when I need it. Most of what I need (international treaties, federal regulations, and such) are free online. My boss grants me PACER research dollars if I need it. We also outsource our HR, and I can call them for information on something specific if I need to as well.

      I tried a westlaw-esque legal digest membership for a bit, but it never had exactly what I needed. I’m in a super niche, so most things either weren’t there or I could get them faster from the ggl, so I couldn’t justify the cost.

   4. Not sure where you are, but in Canada, Federal and Ontario statutes are available online, and CanLii is pretty decent in terms of case law.

6. This does not look office appropriate to me, even if your office is business casual. This is weekend wear or maybe something I’d wear in my house after work before going to bed.

7. Today, a senior colleague took credit for something I have been working on for quite some time.
   She copied really senior people and even used one of her frequent trips to meet them and explain how tough it was. Meanwhile, I am trying to woman up and not mention it because I can’t reply all. Plus, these things happen all the time.
   I am just gutted. This is one of those little things that push you a little closer to knowing you’re done with a place.

   1. Yay! I love this print dress and would buy it for the Hamton’s if they would ONLEY let me back into Bloomie’s to try it on, but I have been banned, I think permenanteley. FOOEY on Bloomie’s b/c that mean’s lost revenue to them, all b/c I hapened to step into poopie outside THEIR store. DOUBEL FOOEY! I do wonder about the elastic waist line and worry that it will show my pooch. FOOEY on that also.

      As for the OP, Hug’s, but as you get older, you will see this hapening over and over and over again. It hapens even at my firm where the manageing partner takes 100% credit for everything I do. I do all the work for his CLE class, and he put’s HIS name on it and read’s it to the class, like a talking head on TV. One time he did say to the group that I “helped” him on it, when I did the whole thing. But he DID blame me 100% for the typo’s in the powerpoint that HE failed to check b/f reading it to the class! You just have to live with it, b/c that is what peeople do.

      Myrna has a sore foot from the run part (she said her feet were still wet), so she is going to a podiatrist. Mabye I will go with her. I think a podiatrist is a real doctor, but Madeline says no. Does anyone in the hive know or date a podiatrist? Maybe I should give him a chance. I told her to meet me at GCT and we can walk there at 4:00 pm. Mabye I can find this is the doctor to MARRY me! YAY!

   2. That is so not ok! I don’t know what your office is like, but is there any way you could speak to her directly about this? Or can you speak to someone like your manager who could make clear how hard YOU have worked on this project?

      Ask A Manager might have good advice on how to handle something like this (for example: http://www.askamanager.org/2014/02/my-coworker-is-getting-the-credit-for-my-work.html)

   3. Yuck. If you are in law, ignore my advice because law is it’s own animal and I don’t work at that zoo.

      In my zoo (software dev, but I’m on the business side), it depends who this senior colleague is. Your boss? If so, that’s sort of the gig. You do the work and she can take credit. A good boss gets you visible and ensures that people know you powered the project while taking credit for her team’s success. A lousy boss forgets that part but remembers you at review time or behind closed doors only. A terrible boss takes all the credit and never gives you any (privately or otherwise).

      I directly manage a team of 6 (and a broader team of 15-20 depending on the day) and there are definately times when I talk about the achievements the *team* has made, or what we as a department have done. I’m sure I’ve said “I did XYZ”. Did I ever say “I spoke to Client A and found out ABC” when in fact someone on my team did? No. But I’ve surely said “After spending all of Q3 focused on client insights, here’s what I (or we) found ______________”

      1. I think your advice actually translates well to law firms. My job as an associate is to make my boss (partner) look good, her job as a partner is to make our client look good. Good bosses will remember that and take care of their people on the back end, bad ones won’t.

         I can’t tell from the original post whether this is the typical situation or an outlier. I guess I’d encourage the OP to think about it through that lens, though.

      2. Thank you all.
         It was not my manager, we have a flat-ish structure so this is a colleague with more years than I have and I do not report to her.
         I will be more diligent in how I document my work. My line manager gave me the feedback that I do great work but never let people who matter know about it.

8. Shopping/ Body Issues TJ (POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: WEIGHT GAIN/SIZES MENTIONED): Now that summer has finally hit New England, I’m realizing that I desperately need a handful of new dresses for business-casual (leaning more towards casual than business) office. In the past year or so I’ve gained 15-20lbs (mostly just from not prioritizing my health) which has made quite a difference to my 5’4″ frame. I’m pear shaped (but bustier than typical pears) and currently about a size 6 on top and size 12-14 on the bottom, with a lower belly pooch that makes me really self-conscious in skirts and am just overall uncomfortable with this change in my body. I know you can’t hate yourself thin so I’m working on trying to simultaneously get more comfortable with the body I currently have while working to prioritize my health so I don’t stay this way much longer. Right now, I really just need recommendations for >$100 dresses that will hopefully work off the rack for my frame so I have clothes that fit/I feel good in and can move on to just taking care of myself. Suggestions?

   Also, if you can recommend any work style blogs/women to look at who might have a similar body type so I can get tips on how to dress myself/not feel so bad about myself that would be wonderful.

   1. jc penny has a ton of bus casual fit and flare dresses right now and for very cheap

   2. I think that dresses are a challenge for many people, especially for work dresses that may be fitted. Dress equivalents are our friends. Nordstrom personal shoppers are our friends. They are having a sale now :)

      1. Oh, I should mention that fit and flares are completely appropriate for my office.

         1. Also Talbots — they have good F&F dresses and have a petite section. Go into a store — trying on a ton of sizes is the price I’ve found I’ve had to pay for dressing room success.

         2. this is what I live in, because my least favorite part of my body is the section from just below my waist to the top of my thighs (well, I love my b*tt). fit-n-flares — or dresses like the featured one — work great. Just belt them and add a cardi/blazer or, when it cools down a bit, an interesting buttondown.

            Eliza J and some other similarly-priced brands make a bunch of them, and I suspect Nordstrom has many on sale right now. Normally, they around about $130-$150 each. Many are very memorable, but I try to buy ones that I can mix and match blazers/cardis/shoes/accessories so I can wear it at least every other week.

            1. http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-fractured-floral-print-fit-flare-dress/4046649?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=8721

               I’d wear this one with a blazer/cardi in any color in the dress. Id’ wear it in the fall with tights. I’d even wear a regular sweater over the top and belt that, so it looks like a skirt [it also comes in blue hues]

               http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/eliza-j-belted-print-fit-flare-dress-regular-petite/3968582?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=8147

               http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-floral-matelasse-fit-flare-dress-regular-petite/3948926?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=PINK+MULTI&resultback=4361

               http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-floral-print-pleated-fit-flare-dress/3977173?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=8721

               This one is a little more expensive and really only works for spring/summer, but is lovely and has sleeves

               http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-print-eyelet-fit-flare-dress-plus-size/3993695?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=4475

   3. Look for Lauren Ralph Lauren dresses (I buy them at Marshalls/Winners but they’re probably available in US stores like Nordstrom). Super flattering cuts (they tend to have ruching along the sides and other details like that) and the fabric is stretchy and comfortable without looking too casual or cheap. I usually find them for $70 (full price would be over $100).

      1. I have a few of those Lauren faux wrap dresses and they are great. Maybe also look at Lands End.

         1. Lands End Ponte dresses – especially the keyhole summer version – are flattering to a variety of sizes/shapes and on sale now. I love wearing mine.

   4. Let go of the desire to have clothes fit off the rack, especially dresses. No matter your size and shape, it is highly unlikely that a dress is going to fit right without alteration. Find a good tailor and you will be amazed at how much better you feel about your clothes.

      1. + infinity

         There is no shame in alterations. Just build it into the budget and try to buy off the rack so that the tailor has the best base to start with.

         I am a pear and when I buy things recommended for pears on here, I *still* have to get them taken in up top or in the waist.

      2. I realize that a tailor is important, but right now I just need some options to get me through the next week or two because I literally have two dresses that are still appropriate and it’s way to warm for me to wear pants.

         1. In that case, knit dresses are your friend.

   5. A lot of women in New England gained weight in their hips this winter. As in, store clerks have told me that most of their clients have that complaint. It was unusually cold and unusually snowy, and our bodies just stuffed weight in a good spot for storing energy.

      Macy’s has very reasonable prices on dresses; Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, etc. all have styles that will work on you. Go early on a Saturday morning to take advantage of their sales.

      1. In my experience, Calvin Klein dresses are great for pears.

         1. I’ve had great luck with Calvin Klein dresses as a pear with more weight around the middle than I’d generally prefer. You might also have luck with belting dresses to emphasize the smallest part of your waist.

   6. Anne Klein dresses are good for pear shapes, and Macy’s & Lord & Taylor both have several styles on sale. Mostly sleeveless, so you may need a topper. I recently bought the dress linked below specifically for the fit from the waist to the lower back, although I’m having it tailored to remove some skirt volume (to look more like the model pictured) and shorten just slightly.

      http://www1.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/anne-klein-dress-sleeveless-printed-a-line?ID=1331366&CategoryID=2910&linkModule=1#fn=spp%3D14%26ppp%3D96%26sp%3D1%26rid%3D%26spc%3D36%26cm_kws%3Danne%20klein%20dresses

   7. Lands End A-Line Ponte Dress. I have your exact body type and this dress looks great on me.

9. DC restaurant recommendations? We like all types of food but are vegetarian and tend to err on the healthy side. It’s a special occasion, so a nice ambience is a plus. Cost isn’t a huge issue given the occasion, but I don’t really want to break the bank.

   1. Zaytinya? Not exclusively vegetarian, but they have more non-meat items on the menu than most places I can think of off the top of my head. Not super fancy, but on the nicer end and I always have a good time when I go there.

      1. Yes many of Jose Andres’ restaurants are good for vegetarians. I would add Rasika to your list. If you live in DC (or don’t but are interested in trying something different), Elizabeth’s Gone Raw was a really interesting dining experience.

         1. I’ve wanted to try both of these places! It helps that these are on the list for the upcoming DC restaurant week! =D

         2. Agree with Rasika and Jose Andres’ restaurants. Now I’m hungry.

   2. Zaytinya or Rasika fit the bill

   3. You can’t go wrong with Zaytinya or Rasika, though I think the latter has a bit more of a romantic ambiance. I’d also add Estadio to the list too – doesn’t get as much love as the Jose Andres tapas places but honestly I prefer it way more.

   4. Thai X-ing on one of their vegan/vegetarian days.

   5. I love Al Tiramisu, but it’s got a lot of seafood.

      I think Marakeech is decent, and has a tonne of vegetarian food.

      Smoke and Barrel has a lot of veggie/vegan options, surprisingly.

      Bossa Lounge has veggie tapas, but is Brazilian and will have a lot of meat, too.

      Beefsteak just opened and is a vegetarian Jose Andres restaurant. :D

10. I have a wedding coming up and I’m thinking I should replace my evening shoes — they’re pretty but really not comfortable. Anyone have evening shoes they can recommend that I won’t want to kick off the minute the dancing starts?

    1. I love my Kate spade wedge sandals. They’re shiny and rose gold and so comfy.

    2. I’d recommend the Corso Como Del. I wore them to a wedding recently and danced the night away!

    3. They are not technically evening shoes, but I bought the Steven Vienna/Viienna sandals for precisely this purpose. The heel is low but I am confident that I’ll be wearing them all night. I previously tried a similar style with a 4″ heel; they looked great, but I was afraid I would topple over and break my ankle even though I am used to wearing heels.

    4. My current evening shoes are the Nine West Camya, in silver. I’ve probably walked a mile in them over the course of an evening and my feet barely complained.

11. Any recommendations for laser hair removal studios or electrolysis in the DMV area? Bonus points if it is metro accessible. Thanks!

12. PSA – LikeTwice.com is being purchased by eBay and is liquidating everything. 30% off- just got 3 pairs of pants for $20!

    1. Oh man, I sell tons of stuff there, I wonder how that will work now.

       1. You have a short time to use any credit you have. Then it will be gone. I bought two things yesterday to use my credit and the site was very slow. Use FINAL30 as the discount code.

    2. I sent in a bag of items two weeks ago, before receiving any notice of their liquidation, and today I received an email that I would have to either donate my items or pay $4.95 to have them returned. I would like them returned so I can consign elsewhere, but I should not have to pay shipping when I had no notice of their closure– right? I emailed them saying as much, but I’m frustrated that they expect their customers to do that.

       (I realize it’s only $4.95, but I still think it’s an unconscionable request when there was no notice.)

13. Kat, there are video ads playing above the comment section, and they seem to mess up how the site loads (It keeps moving me back up to the video ads). Various ads playing in one box.

    1. ARRGH. I have given my termination notice with that ad company but we’re still in the 30 day period. I’ll see if I can get the ad to come up to let them know (the only way they can stop the ad is to physically take over my computer, grab the source code for the ad, and then log off.) Sorry about that, guys.

14. Hey, thanks for all the great input on my car question yesterday! Turned out my car didn’t need a new starter after all — the battery was just drained for some reason — probably an interior light left on overnight. I looked at cars online all day and didn’t find anything that seemed worth the added expense, so I am officially over the new car urge! I do really need to get a little body work done on the current car to get it looking its best (a couple of people have scraped me in the parking lot lately) but other than that I think I’m good to go!

    Carry on…

    1. I find taking my car in for a detailing also helps promote the “love my current car” mentality.

15. Can anyone offer advice or commiseration about a mistake that will cause you to go back to the client and tell them you were wrong? It’s still fixable but we will have to admit that we gave the wrong advice. I’ve already told the partner, and he’d like me to find a way to make it work with the advice we gave but it’s not looking good. Feeling pretty terrible about it and can’t shake the feeling that I’m not qualified to do this job.

    1. This happened to me once. It was embarrassing, but I called with the partner and just said, “Based on some subsequent research, we should take X approach.” It really wasn’t as terrible as I made it out to be in my head. It’s fixable, no one dies, it’s okay.

       These things happen to everyone. If not this specific experience, something very similar. I promise you can do this job.

       I say all of this acknowledging that the partners I work with are wonderful and don’t get overly angry about being human, especially when it’s fixable.

    2. It happens. Just fess up and fix it ASAP. I have always observed that it’s not the mistakes that get lawyers into trouble, it’s the attempts to cover them up. Many years ago a senior lawyer at my firm told me, “Remember, most of the white-collar criminals are in jail for something that happened AFTER the investigation began.” E.g. Martha Stewart lying about insider trading — she went to jail for the lying, not the trading.

       Every day and every minute will make it worse. Just put on your big girl pants and fix it. The client will forgive you if you are prompt and honest.

       1. Along these lines, if the client has already acted on the advice, you may need to reach out to your firm’s in-house counsel/risk management partner. Part of their job is helping in situations like this.

    3. I’m a client. If I have a lawyer tell me that his/her previous advice wasn’t accurate and subsequent research has revealed we should rather do Approach X, I’ll be mildly annoyed but probably won’t think about it again after it’s taken care of. Advance notice is always better.

       Also, most in-house clients are probably lawyers and probably practiced at firm before going corporate. I get it.

    4. This happened to me when I was a first year. I felt terrible and the partner really chewed me out, but I went on to work for the same partner and client for four more years, very successfully. It happens, it stinks but life will go on. I always remind myself (and baby lawyers I work with) that we are not brain surgeons and nobody dies when we make mistakes.

16. Anyone buy from Nordstrom online, then bring the clothes to a store to be altered?

    1. No but I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem. I’ve even used my free alterations credit (as a Nordstrom cardholder) to have them alter pieces I purchased elsewhere.

    2. Yep – I do this frequently and have never had any problems.

    3. Yes, I do this all the time. If you read the same thing I did somewhere that full-price items receive free alterations, that’s not been the case in my experience. There’s always been a charge (which I get Notes back for).

       1. Yeah, turns out that’s what they mean by “free.” You pay and get Notes back. Not exactly the same thing but better than nothing.

          1. The policy that I read was actually different in that it was not just limited to cardholders–it really was described as no-charge alterations solely for items bought at full price, not charge with a Note against a capped credit. I don’t remember where I read it though, and I think it was either on a third-party site that just whiffed the policy, or it was possibly on Nordstrom’s site but was an old page that predated the current policy and the google machine somehow found it. I just mentioned it in case OP had googled and found the same thing, since sadly it is not true. Or maybe it’s only true for men’s suiting, since they get all the good free stuff.

17. My eyelid is slightly swollen and painful and it might be because the pores are clogged from makeup (even though I don’t even wear that much). It would be best if I never wore eye makeup again, but I am not thrilled about that. Is it crazy that I would risk having a chronic condition for the benefit of wearing eye makeup to work?

    1. IANAD, but it sounds like it could be a chalazion. Try putting warm compresses on it a few times a day or more. Maybe 5-10 mins. each time, with a wet washcloth heated in the microwave.

    2. Yeah unless you have a history of irritated skin from makeup, I’d say it’s likely a stye or chalazion. You can get drops that will make it go away faster at CVS.

    3. Seasonal allergies are a more likely cause than makeup you rarely wear. Put a warm compress on your eyes.

    4. Have you tried different brands? It sounds like you might be allergic to something. Also make sure you remove everything (I’m partial to oil cleansers).

       1. Oil cleansers are the bomb for getting every. single. scrap. of makeup and dirt and general city grossness off my skin. Which brand do you use?

18. I’ve never come up against this situation as a manager before. wwyd?

    Our receptionist reports to me. She started with the company in December. She is entitled to 2 weeks paid vacation per year. She took one week in April. Now she wants to take 2 weeks in August, one unpaid. I think her family is going on a big trip and she wants to go too. She’s 28. She is a little flaky, usually coming in 5 minutes late & leaving 5 minutes early, which I haven’t cracked down on. She’s a nice girl, but not a quick learner so her work product sometimes leaves a little to be desired but she tries hard.

    If this was your employee wwyd?

    1. I’m not a manager; just an associate in law but some thoughts:

       1. vacation leave policies in the US are ridiculous. 2 weeks a year is seriously not enough. I think 4 weeks spread throughout the year is tolerable.

       2. this receptionist specific – did she know about the family trip? perhaps she should have planned ahead and asked if that would have been a problem before April. If the family didn’t plan before April, not necessarily something she could have planned for. If it’s a big trip, and she’s stuck between having to miss out on a big family thing, or quit and find a new job, she might quit. There’s a lot I missed out on when I was younger because of a job and now, I’m like, well, that was stupid, can’t get that time back.

       2a. If she quits, it sounds like it wouldn’t be a big deal because the job doesn’t sound like something she cares about at all.

       1. This.

          Unless this job has serious advancement potential (some receptionist jobs do, most don’t), her taking an extra week off is not a big deal.

          If it really is a big deal, the office is understaffed and has bigger problems than its receptionist.

          I think two weeks is not enough time off for anyone–especially if there are no sick days. As a manager, it shouldn’t surprise you that people end up taking unpaid leave.

          Without permission to take time off, she may well decide to quit. Then you are dealing with finding a replacement, training the replacement, and justifying the employee turnover to your boss. That will all take much longer than a week.

       2. Agree with this. I’m an assistant, and thankfully my boss is very accommodating when I’ve wanted to travel. I try and tell her as soon as I know the potential dates and make sure my more spontaneous trips are during our slow times.

    2. Unless it is going to be a huge burden on the office, I would let her take it. It sounds like she (probably) gave you sufficient notice. Taking unpaid leave is frowned upon in the professional roles in my office, but not for support staff. If she wanted to take three weeks immediately after starting, that would be a different case, but she has been there for almost a year. I agree with Em that if that was me when I was younger and my boss told me I couldn’t take the time, I would probably quit the job, give two weeks notice, and take the vacation. A lot of flaky people won’t even give the two weeks, so consider whether you can afford to lose her on short notice.

    3. I certainly sympathize with her desire for more than 2 weeks vacation (I love to travel and even though I technically have 3 weeks as a big law associate, I can never take it), but as the manager I think you also have to think about how others in the office would react. In our office, there would be a mutiny among the staff if someone was given an extra week off, even unpaid. Unless you’re prepared to do the same for all the other support staff forever, it seems risky. My answer would be different if it were something very special and one-time only, like she has to attend her sister’s wedding in India, but family trips are honestly pretty ordinary and if going was that important to her, she should not have taken time off in April.

       1. Honestly I think an extra week of unpaid vacation would not be unreasonable for everybody on the support staff. I agree with padi that two weeks really isn’t enough vacation time for anyone!

       2. I’d be very cautious in granting her additional time off, particularly with less than a year in. Find out how your firm/company handles requests for unpaid leave by support staff first. At my office, staff earn additional time off based on seniority and it would cause a lot of friction to give a newby more time off, even if unpaid. Two weeks paid time off, plus paid holidays, is standard in my city, especially for newer employees (it sucks, but it’s very typical).

    4. I run a division of a large company, so this advice may not apply if your organization is not similar.

       I would first check to see if there is any existing past practice or policy that would be applicable. Then I would decide if that makes sense to use here.

       My next concern would be fairness. I am guessing that all employees get the same amount of leave, 2 weeks. I would think about whether I would have to let all other employees follow this new precedent of unpaid leave. It may not be a huge issue to have your receptionist off for three weeks a year but maybe it would really suck if your whole IT department started taking three weeks. In that case, I would deny the leave.

       Also, I would think through limits. How much unpaid leave is too much? A month? Could you take off all of the leave at once? Covering for someone for a week isn’t huge, covering for three weeks may cause some operational issues.

       I would then think through all of this and draft a policy covering all of these points which i would then distribute to all staff.

       Good luck!

    5. Thanks for the perspectives. You guys have given me a lot to think about. For the record, we do have 4 sick days, as well as 11 statutory holidays (long weekends like Labour Day) spread out during the year.

       My concerns are that she’s only been here for 7 months and technically hasn’t even earned the full 2 weeks yet. In Alberta it’s legal for a company to require you to work a full year before you can take vacation time, although most companies don’t do this. I’m also concerned about how it will look to others in the office if they see her take more than 2 weeks. We’re post merger (recent merger) in our office and there is a lot of employees looking to make sure nobody gets special or unfair treatment. I’m not worried about how it looks to my team, but I know there are other employees here that might get their nose out of joint. Which I know is their problem. But those people are more valuable to the company than she is.

       1. Haha Alberta… To be honest given that piece of info just let her go. At 28 she’s too old to be a receptionist anyways and if you don’t give her the time she will leave and put you in a bind

       2. Only 4 sick days?? Even with the 11 statutory holidays, those are pretty poor benefits. I’ve never worked any place that gives you less than 5 sick days and the standard has been 10 sick days.

       3. There are a lot of good questions here (such as if she wants time off between August and December, the issue of her punctuality, commitment to the job, other employees, etc.). Those might be best discussed with her. My gut instinct is to sit her down and basically say that such benefits and leeway are the province of those who have demonstrated commitment and reliability to the job, and seven months in, with chronic punctuality issues, she hasn’t done that yet.

          Also, run the numbers for what it costs your company to hire on a temp for an additional week. Usually, the agency charges you more than you are paying the full-time person. It’s completely reasonable to say, “Every week that you aren’t here, even if you aren’t getting paid, costs us $X.”

    6. As a manager, you should give her a reason you are saying no to leave. Think about if you want to say no just because you don’t especially like her or because you really need her around. While she is not entitled to the third week of leave, tell her that you need her because of __ and know what the ___ is. If you don’t actually need her that week, I say let her go. On a side note – I would remind her that if she uses all of her paid leave now, what will she do for the holidays, etc.

       Also – people who are late comers/goers probably do not think you notice and 5 minutes will turn into 10, etc until you say something. Not maliciously, just kind of one of those things. I would just be clear with her that you are noticing, especially if it bothers you. When she is late, come out of your office and just tell her that she needs to be in on time. If you see her leaving early, then ask why she is leaving early. Hopefully she will take the notes and be on time. Keep track of her improvement or lack of, if you see problems that you address and are not fixed then it might be time to find a new receptionist. The thing is, it is always good to tell a person that they are not meeting expectations because it gives them the opportunity to improve. Many do, and then you don’t have to find a new employee.

    7. What happens when she wants to take another week off between Christmas and New Year’s, or a long weekend in November just because?

       Sometimes in life you have to put on your big girl pants and make actual plans rather than expecting others to accommodate your whims. It’s time she learned.

    8. Assuming I could comfortably spare her for the extra week, I’d let her take the vacation. My company does that fairly regularly. If you can’t comfortably spare her for the extra week, say so and deny the request.

       I would not conflate the vacation request with other issues. If you have concerns about tardiness, leaving early and other specific flaky behaviors, I’d address those as appropriate (in a special meeting, during a regular review, etc.). If she’s not working out and efforts to improve her behavior are unsuccessful, terminate her employment.

19. I’m trying to decide on a wedding dress- not white, and not formal. Dressier than every day wear, but not much more than that. In terms of style, I tend to shoot for understated and elegant, but I’m wondering if something more “festive” and fun might be a better choice. Did you all feel like your wedding dress suited your normal style, or did it fall outside of that?

    1. My wedding dress was more romantic (chiffon, lace embroidery, ruffles) than my everyday style, which tends to be more preppy and basic. I wanted to feel more special than what I would wear on any other day, but I didn’t want to go too far out of my comfort zone. Let’s say the wedding equivalent of my everyday style would be a simple satin gown in an understated but flattering silhouette. I liked going for some special details, but I wasn’t going to go for a full on princess ball gown with crystals everywhere.

    2. Mine was a simple A-line dress with spaghetti straps, but it was in all ivory lace and I added a long veil. It was my style ion that it was simple and elegant, but I didn’t love it or anything – everything else I tried on seemed way too poofy and frilly for me, or was unflattering on my body, so I just went with what I found, on ebay of all places. But you do you. Congrats!

20. Three weeks ago, I went out with a guy on a first date. I wasn’t feeling it romantically, but thought he’d be fun as a friend. If he had asked for a second date, I would have gone. We texted for about a week afterward and he didn’t mention specific plans, so I figured he was about as disinterested as I was.

    When we’d text, there’d always a delay on his end that I thought was longer than polite. I finally thought, “forget it,” when he took 36 hours to answer my last text, and so I just never texted him again.

    Last night out of the blue, he texts, “Hi, just curious, whatever happened to you? :)” I was honest and told him, “Well, I got the sense that you just weren’t that into me, so I decided I’d save you from having to make conversation :)”

    No reply.

    Pretty sure an interested guy would have said something about how he hadn’t meant to give off that impression.

    What on earth was the point of his text? What answer was he expecting? I don’t understand, but I’m quickly learning it’s not worth the brain cells to try to figure out why men do things.

    1. I think I’ll refer you to the earlier thread- if he likes you, you’ll know. Otherwise, it’s not worth your time. And you’re right; that includes trying to figure out why they do things.

       Maybe he’s wondering more or less what you are, which is “why is this other person doing what they’re doing?”

    2. I’ve learned to ignore those out of the blue texts – it’s better that way.

    3. My uninformed guess: He was also pursuing someone else who was his “A” option, and that’s why his texts to you were not super enthusiastic. That option fell apart for whatever reason, so now he’s like “well who’ve I got on the backburner that I can get going faster than a brand new date?”

       Best ignored.

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