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Coffee Break: Lizard V3 Card Case

Vianel Lizard V3 Card Case | CorporetteWe talk a lot about the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale this time of the year, but the truth is that there are a TON of sales going on, everywhere — albeit on last season's merchandise. Sometimes that doesn't matter, though, like with these gorgeous little card cases from Vianel, saturated with colors like green, red, and cobalt, as well as more neutral colors like black or navy. (Go for a color, though — you'll always find it in your bag!) It was $290, but is now $119 — nice. Vianel Lizard V3 Card Case Here's a lower-priced option. Psst: Should you be in the market for a 13″ laptop case, check out the steep discounts on these Smythson cases. Lovely. (L-5)

Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

132 Comments

  1. Sorry for the immediate threadjack…

    What would you do?

    My grandmother approached my mom about a month ago wanting to spend about $800-$1000 on a wedding gift for us, and wanted my mom to do the choosing/transaction– my mom then asked my fiance and I to choose something (to ensure we would be happy with it).

    For various reasons, we decided that the best option would be pair of earrings that I could wear to the wedding and thereafter. I found some awesome estate diamond drop earrings for $1000 on Etsy. The seller had not posted the total carat weight or anything about the diamonds, so I sent a few messages back and forth asking him those questions. I was told the diamonds were 1.3 total carat weight, and that an appraisal certificate would come with them. We purchased them.

    There are as gorgeous in person as the looked online, and I love them. However, the appraisal document he sent said the diamonds were 1 carat total and the value was $1,600. The document itself was amateur… I am certain he created it himself. I became suspicious and brought the earrings to a jeweler I trust to be appraised. I was told the total carats were more like .3 and that the earrings were worth only $600-$700. The diamonds are not “brilliant cut” but are “single cut” which brought down the value.

    So, my dilemma is that I really do love the earrings, and if I had not received a shady original appraisal document/had not had them appraised myself, I would probably think they were worth the $1000 or more. However, now I feel like I (and grandma) was ripped off. I’ve looked at various jewelry stores and don’t like anything as much as I like these. I would like to keep them. Would I be justified asking for a retroactive discount due to false advertising? On my end, I would get one more appraisal just to be sure, before accusing the seller of false advertising. Asking for the partial refund is my mom’s idea, and I’m torn about it.

    1. Personally, I’d demand a full refund and post publicly about this seller’s shady business practices. Even with a refund, are you ever going to be able to look at the earrings and not feel like you were fooled and taken advantage of? I would photograph the earrings and look into getting replicas with better diamonds. You could email David Klass, Brian Gavin Diamonds, Whiteflash or Joseph Schubach’s and they would be able to make you a replacement, likely for within your original budget or something similar that is within the budget. Also, I think $600 is too much. Appraisals are way overinflated. If you’re still torn, I’d call/email these jewelers (or if you have a local one, go with that) and see how much a ballpark figure out be for replacement. This may help you make your decision.

      1. Unfortunately, I have done that… the earrings would be out of my budget to make something even close to comparable with higher-quality diamonds.

        I should say that I don’t care very much about the cut of the diamonds… I’ve been bringing them with me to look at other earrings (to compare) and I have not been able to tell a difference in sparkliness/quality between the ones I bought and similar ones that have brilliant cut diamonds. There are a lot of diamonds on the earrings but they are very small.

        My jeweler who appraised them did tell me that it’s possible I could have gone into any jewelry store and paid $1000 for them, if that particular store really marked up their stuff.

        I looked at one pair of similar earring at my jeweler… $700, better quality diamonds but overall less stunning than the ones I bought. We still prefer the Etsy ones, even with the cost difference. All of this is why I’m torn.

        1. You seem really attached to the earrings, but what you’re saying doesn’t really jive with me as being totally accurate. It may be too expensive to have them made at some jewelry stores, especially if they don’t do custom work often. But for the jewelers I mentioned, this is their bread and butter! Better cut, higher quality diamonds WILL sparkle more than single cut ones, that’s just a fact. You will pay less, get a better product, and not support someone who’s unethical.

      3. Right. If it appraised for $600 you should have paid less than 500. The carat is an easy, factual thing to measure and weigh. He lied, so start the complaint process.

    2. FOOEY on people that prey on our good nature. I had a similar issue with Grandma Leyeh. She wanted ME as the oldest to carry on the Barshevsky tradition of bringeing home handsome men to wed so she could give him her dimond engagement ring to give to me. But I never did and Rosa brought home Ed. Ed had money and took the ring, but he exchanged it for a nicer one he paid the difrence on and Grandma Leyeh got p.o.’ed. I still think it should have been MY ring, but the jewelry place got rid of it and we never could get it back. They told Grandma Leyeh Ed got a good deal b/c it was Junk. Grandma Leyeh said that couldn’t be b/c it was part of the Royal Barshevsky collection in the old country. So the MORALE of the story is, never trust a jeweler b/c they are out to take your money or your jewles. FOOEY!

      Myrna took the day off to rebound from her tryathelon. I should have done that also b/c I was out in the HOT sun waiting for her with Poland Spring water. The manageing partner says I look tired and I have to look good if I am EVER going to find a man to marry me. FOOEY!

    3. If you love them, I’d demand a refund and post negative feedback. I’d push hard to get the value back, but ultimately I would let it go.

      1. Thank you. My plan would be to ask him first, citing the discrepancy between appraisals/total carats. If he refuses, I would then get Etsy involved, since they certainly don’t want sellers that mislead their customers. His answer when I ask for a refund for false advertising will determine just how negative my review is.

        1. Is he your seven year old cousin?!? This seller deliberately lied from you to steal your money. Don’t waste time expecting him to now be a decent person.

    4. I believe Etsy has a mechanism to file an official complaint against a merchant. I had to do this once when I paid and did not receive my item and the issue was quickly resolved. I think in the situation you describe, you are best advised to use the official complaint mechanism. It really does not matter what you think the value is, the seller advised you they were 1 carat total and that was false. I believe Etsy will take swift action if the seller does not resolve this to your satisfaction.

      1. Interesting. Should I give him a chance to give me a refund or go straight toward the official complaint?

        1. Go straight to the complaint. You gave him a chance to be honest when you first asked about the carat weight and he lied, and then another chance when he wrote up the appraisal document and lied on that as well. Clearly he knew he was lying to you. Don’t let your love of the earrings color how you resolve this issue. The fact of the matter is that this is a business transaction and he claimed to be selling something much nicer than he was to get a greater profit. He swindled you and he deserves the repercussions that come with that.

          1. Totally agree with Ginjury! Also, if he somehow decides to be upstanding and do the right thing, then he can resolve the complaint promptly and to your satisfaction and it won’t harm his standing with Etsy. That’s what happened in my case-the seller resolved the issue and the case was closed. If you wait, you could harm your chances to have Etsy get involved and resolve the issue.

    5. It depends where your interests are. Did the jeweller on etsy own their own studio or some other special feature? My wedding ring would probably only be appraised for what I purchased it for. But with ethical stones, recycled metal and fair labour pay I’m more than happy.

    6. Where are you located? Your state may have a consumer protection law that you can benefit from. MA for example has one that could guide a demand letter to the seller for restitution.

    7. Definitely demand a partial refund… he lied by a whole carat. That’s not trivial.

    8. If you like the earrings, email the seller with what you’ve found out and ask for a partial refund. If you get no response, then get etsy involved.

    9. Return it and get a refund. Use the money to have a jeweler make you something custom that you will love and is of a quality worth the money spent and and worthy of the occasion.

    11. Ask for a full refund and then look at pieces on places like beladora. They have lots of estate/ vintage stuff.

  2. All the talk about leasing cars has made me think of a question- What is one thing you wish you could tell your younger self about money?

    1. On the topic of cars, I would tell my just out of college self to put that $350/month into starting a retirement account instead of a car payment. This was 2008-2009 – to think how much I would have by now in my 401K!

    2. Go to the less-highly ranked law school with a scholarship instead of taking out loans for full price at a higher ranked school. (Actually, it would probably just be “don’t go to law school”)

      1. +1 on don’t go to law school. Worst decision I ever made, for financial reasons and for personal happiness.

        1. +1 on don’t go to law school. Worst decision I ever made, for financial reasons and for personal happiness.

      3. “Don’t go to law school.” Pre-2008, it looked like such a good idea; after that, it’s… awful. Financially and personally, not worth it.

    4. Stop shopping. You will not feel wonderful about yourself and life if only you wear ____, or carry ____ handbag, or wear ____ necklace. Fix the problems on the inside, not the outside.

      1. I need to remind myself of this now, on a pretty regular basis unfortunately!

    5. When I was temporarily laid off in 2008, I sold Apple stock that I’d purchased for approx. $75/share. Really wish I could undo that!

    6. Don’t buy that elliptical machine! You will never use it!

      Otherwise I have had pretty good money habits, if I do say so myself. :)

    7. 1. Don’t go to law school.
      2. Travel.
      3. Keep your Civic! You do not need to lease a CR-V at 25 when you have no children or pets!
      4. Step away from the credit cards.
      5. And seriously, don’t go to law school.

    8. If you do not have the cash to pay for it, you will be fine without it. The only exceptions are education and a mortgage.

    9. 1) Sometimes it is worth spending a little more money to be happy

      2) Take a firmer stance on not having a big wedding (never wanted to but gave into spouse’s and in-law demands)

      No regrets on law school, though, for what it’s worth.

      1. me neither! It makes me so sad to see all the people upset that they went to law school. I think better advice is “if you don’t really want to be a lawyer, don’t go to law school.”

        1. I don’t think this is an issue of people not wanting to practice law after they’ve obtained the degree. I think this is an issue of people taking out full freight loans (which many have done for years), but in today’s market, being unable to find as an attorney or work that compensates them well enough to pay back the loans (something that was possible in earlier days).

        2. I think “if you don’t want to be a lawyer, don’t go to law school” really oversimplifies how people end up in the position of having a (crazy expensive) law degree and then not wanting to practice. Unless you’ve spent substantial time working at a law firm as an assistant or paralegal, it’s hard to fully understand what “being a lawyer” really means, not to mention the fact that even being an assistant or paralegal still doesn’t guarantee you’re being exposed to the true worst of the profession.

          Me? I really like the law. I like learning about it, and reading about it, and talking with people about it. What I don’t like is feeling like I’m engaged in an endless, pointless “fight” with self-important blowhards over disputes that could be resolved for a lot less than everyone is about to spend on legal fees if only everyone took their egos out of the picture, but they can’t/won’t, so everyone blows money on lawyers instead and then is angry about it, and the lawyers in turn are angry too because their clients are angry.

          If you had told me I’d spend 50+ hours a week dealing with the fallout from other people’s anger, I NEVER would’ve gone to law school, but I truly had no idea that that’s what I was signing up for. (Nevermind that I pay my student loan lenders the equivalent of a mortgage payment every month, and I’m at least one of the “lucky” ones who went to a “top” school and found a job as an attorney that pays enough for me to be able to have an ok standard of living.)

          1. When I tell people that, what I mean is that you shouldn’t go to law school if you’re putting off joining the real world or just like school and want to continue with it. It’s different to think “I want to be a lawyer” before going to law school and then just not liking it vs. thinking “I don’t know what I want to do with my life and a law degree seems handy.”

        3. That would have been great advice, if only I knew I didn’t want to practice before actually doing it. And this is from someone who did not take out many student loans. I think many other attorneys would agree.

        4. I don’t mind practicing law, but I don’t see myself staying in a firm for 30 years and gunning for equity partner. And the alternatives to that which would offer a better QOL are such a dramatic step down in pay that I’d be making the same as if I’d stuck with my pre-LS career. I think that’s where I feel it was a bad financial move–I went through all the effort and cost to end up in the same place.

    10. Do not go into debt with, or on behalf of, someone with whom you do not have a legal marriage or other binding relationship.

    11. Don’t put your new husband on the title to the house you bought before marriage.

    12. Make the big financial decisions very carefully – don’t sign a lease, buy a car, or finance anything without really making sure there’s not a cheaper way to do it. If you are paying too much in fixed costs, no number of foregone lattes will make up for it.

      1. I’d add that the same goes for home improvements. Don’t do any work that you’re halfhearted about or because your sister-in-law got a new kitchen and you feel like it’s your turn (I didn’t actually do that, but I made other expensive home improvement mistakes). Don’t buy expensive furniture you don’t love or need.

        1. As far as home improvements go, I’d advise that sometimes it’s really worth it to just pay the expert to do something, much faster and better than you could do it yourself. Unless you really want to spend every free moment got twice as long as you think it will take caulking, sanding, etc.

  3. Speaking of laptops, has anyone recently bought a 14-inch laptop they like? I need a new one. PC, not Mac. My last two laptops have been Lenovo Thinkpads, and the first one I liked, but the most recent has not been as durable as I’d like.

    1. I have a Lenovo X1 Carbon, and I absolutely love everything about it. I am not an apple person. This thing has been bulletproof. I also sprung for the high-end warranty and had a keyboard replacement within a day. It was perfect. (the keyboard was my fault–over-aggressive cleaning and then I had a sticky “N” key).

      1. I replaced a keyboard on a Lenovo myself… the laptop was no longer under warranty but the replacement keyboard was $15.00 on ebay. My brother and a couple of youtube videos talked me through it. I’m a person with very little free time, yet the whole thing took under 45 minutes.

        (And my Q key stopped working because of overagressive cleaning, too!)

    2. I bought an asus zenbook last year that I really like, but I treat it very gently (usually only travel with ipad or work laptop).

    4. Second the Lenovo X1 carbon rec. Light, charges to 80% in 30 mins, great keyboard… Love it.

  4. Does anyone have a recommendation for a nice camera? My 3-year old Sony camera just died and will cost more to repair than to replace. I’d like to get a new one before an upcoming vacation. Looking for super zoom, good video, $300-400. Doesn’t need to be compact. TIA.

    1. I love my canon T5i and I think you can get it at costco for just a little bit more.

  5. I know it’s been stated numerous times on this site, but I wanted to pile on to say: replace your br@s! Also, Soma is having a 2-for-$60 sale on the “embrace” style :) It has nice support for my fairly busty chest, and it’s not causing back bulges, either.

    I’ve been avoiding replacement for a while now because it’s such a pain to shop, but I finally bit the bullet and purchased some replacements, and it makes such a difference. I had a dress that wasn’t fitting properly because my br@ was not doing its job… and now it looks SO MUCH BETTER with proper support! So, PSA on the sale and encouragement to suck it up and buy new br@s this weekend.

    1. I just ordered 2 new bras from the Nordstrom sale because pregnancy has made my boobs way too big for my current bras and, truth be told, they probably could have used an update anyway. I can’t agree more on the “good bras make everything better” sentiment. I recently looked at some pictures from a special event I attended a few years ago and cringed because even though I love what I’m wearing and everything else about the pics, I wore an old ill-fitting bra and it just ruined the whole look. I wish I could yell at myself backwards through time to stand up straight and wear a better brassiere.

      1. Whhooooaaaaa! Pardon me for being so out of the loop on my internet friends’ lives, but I did NOT know you were expecting! CONGRATULATIONS!

        1. Thanks, Monday! I sort of slipped it by in passing in a late afternoon post (I guess much like now). A bit past the halfway mark at this point. Both terrified at how quickly it’s all going and really excited to meet my little girl.

      2. Congratulations! Pregnancy made my already ample chest laughably large. I waited too long to buy new bras, but it really was so much better once I did.

        1. Thanks! Yep, same situation: ample and getting ampler. Probably a little overdue at this point. It’s funny because I’m able to wear most of my old clothes still somehow but the bras have just said no more, we give up.

          1. (Congrats from me too!)

            I’m also around the halfway mark and there was a period of 3 days where my chest went from ‘fits pretty fine in my stretchier bras’ to ‘holy cow, we have a clown car situation going on here’.

            I guess there’s a reason they call them foundation garments.

          2. Congrats to you, too, Clementine! You summed it up about right. I think I just went through those 3 days.

  6. If you eloped and the family was totally happy with it, would you still be disappointed if they didn’t give any kind of token gift? We’re talking immediate family and select others that you talk to all the time and are involved with.

    1. No. You eloped. So no wedding gifts. I’d count my lucky stars they were ok with not seeing me get married and carry on.

      Personally I would probably send a gift, but it’s not at all ok to expect that.

      1. Yeah, you’re probably right. fwiw, I don’t actually expect anything. I was just curious.

    2. I mean if they are doing a good job swallowing any hard feelings over not being invited thats a gift

    3. Honestly, a little. Only from some people who I’d truly consider close and mainly because I would give a gift in that circumstance. We eloped and most of those closest to us did give us gifts – some small, some big – and I was touched by each and every one, probably more so because they were token things people picked out that they thought we’d like as opposed to just stuff off of a registry that we picked. To be sure, we didn’t expect any gifts and don’t hold it against anyone whatsoever. But we’ve also attended a ton of engagement parties, showers, bachelor/*tte parties and weddings for many of our friends and gave gifts not because we were invited for a meal but because we were genuinely happy for their special occasion, so it was interesting to see how some of our friends just really didn’t care to reciprocate even in a token sort of way. I wouldn’t it hold it against any of your loved ones though, it’s not worth it.

      1. You ELOPED! It’s a huge statement that you don’t care if I see you get married, and that you don’t care to celebrate with me. Why, exactly, would I feel moved to get you a gift? Honestly, I’m a gifter so I prob would, but eloping makes it seem like actually you’d rather not have a fuss made at all. By your rationale, your friends included you in all their celebrations and you didn’t care to reciprocate at all by including them in yours.

        1. Since the average wedding guest spends $700 to attend a wedding, I’d appreciate that you eloped, send you a gift and pocket my $600 difference.

          1. $700 includes what? Clothing, transportation, what else? I’ve never spend remotely close to $700 so I am just curious…

          2. It’s an average, so yeah. You have all the people driving 10 miles and wearing something in thei closet, but also all the people flying from NYC to LA four times a summer.

          3. $700 sounds about right in my experience.

            Transportation (esp if you’re travelling from out of town, costs to get there and to get around once you’re there), hotel, and the gift are the main costs, and there are always more.

          4. I would also appreciate it if more people would elope. I wish we had eloped. I will not mind if my daughter decides to elope one day. I am so sick of spending all of my vacation time and budget attending weddings instead of taking my family to the places where we want to go.

          5. Eh, I’ve been feeling similarly but have been pushing myself to stop. I can and should say no to far away wedding if I don’t want to go to them.

        2. I don’t think the rationale applies at all. As I said, we expected no gifts and hold it against no one. But as a gifter myself, I commemorate special occasions in my near ones lives and my rule tends to have nothing to do with whether they chose to celebrate it with me or not. Just like I think it’s silly to give a more expensive gift because someone has a lavish wedding and my “plate” costs more. A coworker of mine that I consider a work friend recently got married in a small ceremony with just family and close friends attending. I got him and his wife a nice bottle of champagne and a card to mark the occasion. I didn’t just think, “hmm, he’s choosing not to celebrate with me, so I don’t care to acknowledge his milestone” because you know weddings, showers, graduations and stuff like that isn’t really about me.
          So in short, it’s fine not to get a gift for someone in this situation and I wouldn’t hold it against anyone for not doing so, but OP asked about being disappointed – a totally subjective feeling, btw – and I told her that I would have been a little disappointed in those circumstances. If my happy occasion doesn’t “move” you as my friend or relative unless you are there to see it in person, totally cool though.

    4. If a family member or close friend of mine eloped, I would give a gift to mark the occasion and wish them well. I never thought of a wedding gift as the “price of admission” to a full-blown wedding!

    5. I think you can “not expect” gifts from immediate family and still feel a teensy bit disappointed not to receive any. I would.

    6. I would be upset. And if I found out a family member of mine had eloped, I’d get them a gift, too.

  7. I resigned from my position, associate at mid-size law firm. What types of things are useful for transition letters? What I thought was going to be an amicable departure has turned into not getting any information from anyone on what they want from me before I leave (part of why I’m leaving). I’d like to CYA and do good transition letters even though I was told that it is not necessary, but am not sure what to include. I’ve been the lead on a few cases so I do have a lot of institutional knowledge, but if they aren’t letting me transfer it I’d like to have written proof that I tried, at least.

    1. I just wrote a file memo in each case. What are the current deadlines, what is the status, what do I know that isn’t in the file.

    2. I wrote one brief memo that was addressed to each of the partners on all of my open cases, listed the other associates staffed on the case, a brief summary of what has happened to date (like, document productions, negotiations with plaintiffs, current/ongoing projects for the client, etc.), and any upcoming deadlines. I sent it to the person who handles attorney hiring/departures. I didn’t have to do anything more than that.

    3. Are you going to another firm? Will you still be practicing? In many states, you are the one with the duty to the client and leaving your firm doesn’t cut that duty off. If you are going to another firm, the client is usually sent a letter telling them where you are going and giving the client the option to stay with the firm or to go with you to your new firm. (If this was a case you were handling yourself.)

      If you are leaving the practice you have a duty to make sure your clients are transitioned to a new lawyer. If your firm absolutely refuses to say who, I would send the client a letter that says I am leaving on x date and the firm will be assigning you a new lawyer. You are also free to get a completely different lawyer should you choose.

      You will also have to file withdrawals. If a hearing or trial date is already scheduled, many courts do not allow you to file your withdrawal until a new appearance is filed. Don’t just leave your firm w/ a bunch of signed withdrawals to file when they feel like it. The most sympathetic legal mal case I defended was a guy who left his firm and the old firm never filed the withdrawal and never reassigned the case.

      Tell your firm to copy you on their appearance and you will then file your withdrawal. If they don’t file the appearance you need to hound them until they do so a deadline doesn’t get missed.

      Leave each file with a transition memo. Include what you have done, what needs to be done next, all deadlines, contact info for client and opposing parties, experts, etc. Most importantly, if offers or demands have been made include that. I have been burned by making a settlement offer not knowing that my predecessor had already offered to settle for less.

      If you are “just” an associate and there is already a partner working on the case then you can probably just withdraw since he or she is also appeared with you.

      1. She’s an associate. At a big law firm. She doesn’t need to do any of this, there is for sure a partner assigned to every case and she should not directly contact the clients.

  8. After practicing law for a few years, I’m thinking about pursuing a legal writing instructor position at a law school for my career. The schools I’m targeting have 3 year contracts, and since I would be teaching 3 classes a year, it would be full time with benefits. Does anyone here have any idea what the pay range is for this type of position? Thanks.

    1. This is really hard to answer without knowing your geographic area.

      I’m in a large northeastern city, and full-time adjunct-type professors in non-STEM grad programs seem to make between $35K and $45K/year (although full-time positions at a single institution are hard to come by – most people seem to get paid per class, at something like $5K per class per semester).

      1. I’m looking at a big city on the west coast, but open to other geographic areas.

        1. Admittedly my own research into this topic is about 2 years out of date, but the numbers I found in big cities were around $35K-$45K (sometimes maybe $50K). Smaller/non-coastal locations typically paid less. Basically, expect low numbers.

    2. Most states require that salaries of all public employees be public record. So if you are in LA, look up the law professor salaries for UCLA, for example. Using broad examples, USC may pay the same, may not but it gives you a place to start. I was able to look up my salary for my adjunct teaching in my state with a quick google search.

      Also, the Chronicle of Higher Ed has a very informative, very active forum with tons of smart people as regular posters and may be able to lead you to some better info if you post this question there.

    3. I remember seeing at my Midwestern T-50 law school some of the salaries (they were public). The head legal writing professor was making $80k+, and the others were making $50-60k. They may also have been doing professional research and publishing work that played into this higher amount.

    4. I’m in Florida. The law school at the large university in my city pays legal writing instructors ~45K a year.

  9. Walking in from the parking garage this morning, I managed to spill a decent amount (like 1/3 of a bottle) of Vitaminwater Zero into my purse. So totally not how I wanted to start my day or my week. BUT…. here’s the thing – my purse lining kept it in that one section! It didn’t soak through to either the other sections of my purse (in 3 sections) or to the leather. I grabbed my wallet and ID case out of that part and dumped the liquid out and swabbed it out with paper towels. I had to lay out a couple things from my wallet and ID case to dry in my office. But the rest of my purse was completely dry! So chalk one up for Kate Spade bags…

      1. It’s one of the ones with three sections. The Wellesley Elena. I love the way they’re laid out – I put phone and keys in the center, wallet and ID case on one side and other junk on the other. I’ve had 2 Elenas and they’re a bit bigger than the ones I’d been carrying – the Quinn – and more of a shoulder bag. This one is blue leather. But the lining was amazing! It just held the liquid in that section and barely stayed wet.

        1. Ha – I have that one and was imagining it would hold liquid. The Saffiano leather is almost plastic (and amazing).

    2. Ha! I spilled water in my bag today. It kept the water in the bag but unfortunately my paperwork was in that same section and I didn’t notice until this afternoon.

      1. Yeah it took me a minute to see what happened. If had been the side with the “all other” I would have had a total mess on my hands – wet receipts and tissues, etc. I was able to grab the stuff on that side out quickly before running outside to dump it in the flower bed.

  10. Seeking advice about body-shape changes.

    Post-pregnancy, and probably also because of middle age (late-40s), my body shape has completely shifted from pear – small chest, flat stomach, wide hips – to apple – bulging belly, narrower hips, virtually no waist, probably 5 inches difference between waist and hips. People occasionally think I’m a few months pregnant, which I hate (my daughter is 3!). I’m average weight, with a generally thick/ sturdy build.

    Wouldn’t mind losing 5 pounds, but I care more about figuring out how to flatter this body, and whether I can get the belly to go away. Vinyasa yoga, walking & healthy eating have not helped. Maybe I need more aerobic exercise? I haven’t had much time for the gym (see: 3 year old). What styles/ styling flatters an apple shaped body? My old standbys of more fitted top w/ looser bottom look horrible and only accentuate the belly bulge.

    Yes, I know I should love my body, as it gave me my wonderful daughter and has allowed me to do many amazing things in my life. Mostly I do, but this new shape is perplexing.

    1. You need to lift heavier weights and build some muscle. It improves your metabolism, and I found it by far the most effective for narrowing my waist. Running helped my legs look better, but didn’t help anywhere else on my body. Lifting heavy weights has reshaped me like nothing else, and made me much smaller, even at the same weight. It also saved me from having a flat butt, which I don’t like on myself

    3. I’d recommend lifting heavy. Things like squats and dead lifts to help build muscle in your lower half. There really isn’t a great way to dress an apple shape, I’m sorry.

      1. Now that’s just ridiculous. There are plenty of us who are apple shapes who have found flattering ways to dress. Get over yourself.

        1. Yes! Please describe some of them! This is where I’m really stuck.

          Thanks for all the lifting advice. I guess I need to find a way to get back to the gym.

          And tesyaa: Thanks for the tip about diastasis recti – that may play into it as well. I certainly had separation in the immediate aftermath of the birth, but I thought I had improved. Maybe this is part of the problem.

          1. Go try on jeans until you can find some that fit your waist and slim your legs. Then wear then with heels and your legs will look long. Choose tops that fit your shoulders and arms well then are maybe flowier through the middle. Pencil skirts that are stretchy and show off your legs. Tops that aren’t too full, with a well-draped cardigan. Dresses that are more a-line that are fitted on top. It’s not impossible!

          2. Lifetime apple here!

            I personally love being an apple.

            Things that work: sheaths, sheaths, sheaths. Pencil skirts! skinny jeans + tops; pencil pants + tops; maxis!

            Things that don’t work (as you’ve discovered): fit and flare (they work, but don’t necessarily “flatter”

      2. Sure there are! Most apples have great legs, so shift dresses tend to be fantastic, open jackets and cardigans can work well, tops that are flowy but not huge over skinny pants, long scarves to add a visual line.

    4. Lift. Lift. Lift. It makes a HUGE difference in reshaping your body and your metabolism.

  11. What do you wear to an interview at a startup when you have to go to your business casual corporate job directly after? In a major NE city, don’t have a car.

    2. Darkest black jeans, nice top, some black/white/accent color blazer/jacket – perhaps a tweed or birds-eye- to compliment top, statement necklace and heels? Then bring one of those stuffable reusable grocery sacks in your bag and put the blazer (and jewelry if you want) in there afterwards. Hide blazer bag in your desk.

        1. I have a friend who wore jeans to pitch a major entertainment company. Apparently there are parts of the world where this is accepted.

          I’m sitting at my kitchen counter in purple pants as I type this, but man, a time and a place!

          1. Yep! There are a lot of music/entertainment companies that are super casual. I’ve been explicitly told to wear jeans by a couple of HR folks when coming for interviews.

  12. Any stories from people who:

    *got married after 35
    *had kids after 35, or even 40

    How did it go for you? Ups, downs, struggles, triumphs?

    2. I did both. Married at 35, first (and only) child at 39. How did it go? Well, I’d say for all the difficulties of being an older mom (for me, feeling at times like I don’t fit in with the younger moms, feeling tired, etc.), I think I have made up for it in patience and just feeling established and grounded. I had a difficult pregnancy, which is why we only have one child, and I guess in retrospect, I might have preferred to have two (although the thought of keeping up with another one is pretty overwhelming to me). I have always been a late bloomer, and I don’t regret the decisions I made to wait. I feel as though I had a fun and interesting time in my 20s and 30s and did a lot of things I couldn’t have done had I been married with children. Everybody is different, of course, but there’s really nothing I would do differently if I had my life to live over.

    3. I married at 35 (after living w/ my spouse about 3 years), first child a year later, second child at 40. I have always worked full-time. I was very lucky to have had no problems conceiving. No regrets. I can’t even think of a downside other than really long labors for both babies, which may have been due to other factors than “advanced maternal age.”

    4. OP, can you please post this again tomorrow morning? I am interested in responses as I think I will be in the same boat.

    5. Married for the first time at 41; baby at 44. There are times I wish I were a decade younger, like to have more energy, but then I wouldn’t be as patient & grounded & largely at peace with myself.

      I traveled extensively in the US and around the world, went to grad school, partied & dated, devoted intensive time to my sport before getting married. At that point there were very few “what ifs” – I’d explored most of the potential paths and honed in on what matters to me. If I had gotten married/ had the baby earlier, I might have still had those doubts about things that were ruled out or made more difficult by my new responsibilities. As it is, I’m grateful to have a reason to be home early :-)

      I live in a major metro area where most highly educated/ professional women have their babies at 32-35. And there are plenty of late 30-early 40s moms, too, so I don’t feel out-of-place. My mom, however, who lives in a much smaller midwestern city, was pretty horrified when I told her I was pregnant. She didn’t think it was safe for me, and was really worried. I had a delightful pregnancy – really, I loved being pregnant, and so wish I could do it again! Had I discovered this at 22, I might have a passel of kids. Birth was pretty straightforward, too: nine hour unmedicated labor, which compares favorably with friends a decade younger. Recovery was a B!tch. So long, drawn out, and tedious. I think this is where age affected my ability to rebound. Other older mamas have shared similar experiences.

      I do regret that I probably can’t have another bio child. But for a long time, I was on the fence about having even one, so I consider myself/ ourselves extremely fortunate. Otherwise, no downsides at all.

  13. Any recommendations for wedding officiants in the DC area, preferably NOVA for an informal, small ceremony?

    1. Not sure where you are on the faith/religion spectrum, but I have a friend who was married in the DC area by an officiant from the Ethical Humanist Society, and it was a really lovely ceremony (in fact, probably my favorite of all of the ceremonies I’ve been to that were done by someone with whom the couple marrying did not have a pre-existing relationship).

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