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– Ann Taylor: 30% off everything with code SALE30.
– Anne Klein: Take an additional 30% off all sale merchandise.
– Bare Necessities: Sitewide Friends & Family Sale, save 25% off through 10/8 with code BNFRIEND12.
– Bloomingdale's: Save 25-30% off on coats, and buy one cashmere sweater, get one 50% off (through 10/8).
– Charm & Chain: Friends & Family week, enjoy 25% off sitewide with code Friends12 (ends 10/8).
– CUSP by Neiman Marcus: Save 40-65% off regular prices, plus take an extra 20% off 3+ sale apparel items.
– DvF: Enjoy 30% off the fall collection with code FALL30.
– eBags: 20% off most items and free shipping over $99. Ends 10/6.
– Express: Take $15 off for every $75 you spend (up to $60 off $300 purchase). Promo code 1910.
– French Connection: 25% off any purchase plus free shipping over $150. Code AW12CD.
– Freshpair: Take up to 33% off styles fit for you.
– J.Crew: Up to 25% off select outerwear for women, men and kids (ends 10/7).
– Karen Millen: Additional 20% off all sale styles (and 25% off must-have coats).
– Kohl's: 2-day fall sale: 20-40% off select comfort shoes and boots for the family, and 15-30% off select outerwear. (Ends 10/6.)
– Last Call by Neiman Marcus: Extra 30% 35% off entire purchase, including clearance. (Through 10/8).
– Loehmann's: Take 20% off your entire purchase with code CLMB20.
– Lord & Taylor: Extra 15% off regular & sale with code CDAY (extra 10% off with your L&T card).
– LOFT: Take an extra 50% off sale styles.
– Macy's: Extra 15% off plus free shipping over $99 with code DEALS.
– Neiman Marcus: save 40-65% off new sale arrivals, plus take an extra 10% off 2 select sale items, or 20% off 3+ sale items.
– Overstock.com: Overstocktober, lowest prices of the season.
– The Outnet: Weekend Shop-In: Extra 40% Nine-to-Five Glamour.
– Shoes.com: Extra 25% off all sale shoes with code 25SALE.
– ShopBop: Lots of stuff up to 70% off.
– Sierra Trading Post: Extra 20-30% off select fall items.
– Target: Biggest electronics event of the season.
– Tory Burch: Friends & Fans event, 25% off.
Pictured: Sale, originally uploaded to Flickr by Gerard Stolk.
Sugar Magnolia
This post is awesome. That is all.
Parker - Boardroom Belles
Great weekend to get that DvF dress you featured a week or so back. Too bad its sold out in most sizes but XS sizes everywhere.
AmyRenee
Jones New York had 60% off everything except suits, Platinum Collection and Clearance in stores on Wednesday, not sure if its still going on or not. Picked up a nice plain knit shirt there, lots of pretty looking dresses there as well.
MsLurksALot
Kat, how did you _know_ I needed to go shopping?! Thanks for this timely post!
Blonde Lawyer
laughing at Kohls having select comforts hoes. We all need comfortable hoes.
ELS
Ditto. My current hoes are mouthy and uncomfortable. Good to know Kohls has me covered.
SF Bay Associate
Happy Monday, everyone (as if!). Hat tip to Nona- this should be today’s thread.
NOLA
Hey, SFBA, I was at Art for Art’s Sake on Saturday night and thought of you. These photographs are so New Orleans. I bought one for a friend for Christmas: http://www.stirlingbarrett.com/?load/event_gallery/event/37738/item/49153/page/60815/autoplay/0/start/all (click on Untitled).
SF Bay Associate
Wow, NOLA. These are great!!!
Susan
These are brilliant! I have a friend who’s moved to a new place and wants some art on the walls. I’ll point him in this direction. :-)
nona
If he’s looking for art/photographs, I’ll also recommend the Nat’l Geo Art Store (through CafePress) -http://national-geographic.cafepress.com/art
Or
http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/photos/art-abstract-gallery/
Susan
http://nymag.com/shopping/bestbets/old-fashioned-beef-soap-2012-9/
Anybody else have a “Fight Club” movie flashback when looking at this soap?
Herbie
I’ll probably try this again tomorrow, but…
Ladies, if you think your company is good for women, what’s the basis for that opinion? Women visible in leadership? Formalized mentoring programs? Informal attitudes?
Susan
I’ll stick my hand/neck out here.
My criteria:
(1) Women visible in powerful leadership positions, not figurehead ones. Is there a woman CFO? Treasurer? Head of Corporate Finance? Is there a woman COO? Are there enough women who are line-managers for the most profitable, core lines of business? Head of HR doesn’t count. Sorry, not PC, but truth.
(2) I think formalized mentoring programs are useless. They often create artificial, stilted, not productive mentor-mentee relationships, and open the door for opponents of mentoring to fire at an easy target. What’s more useful is to see whether there are women being groomed for the C-level management track. As well as other mentoring that happens organically.
(3) Informal attitudes are huge. If the dominant culture is one that views women as unwelcome pests, dangerous upstarts, or delicate princesses that have to be catered to, then it won’t be good for women in general. Maybe for a few who navigate the tricky minefield, but it’ll be terrible for “most women” in a way that it’s not terrible for “most men.”
The difficult thing is, if you’re looking to join a new company, (1) is probably the most easy to assess. (2) is hard and (3) harder to gauge.
MaggieLizer
This could just be lingering cynicism from my last firm, but I think of my current firm as good for women mainly because partners seem to treat men and women equally in terms of learning opportunities, client contact, and mentoring. I’m not sure if a lack of discrimination is what you meant, but when I think about why I feel much better about my prospects here, the first things that come to mind are all the barriers and double standards I don’t have to face.
Anonymous
I work in a great place for women. The noticeable things when I interviewed were, gender balance in leadership. Now that I have been there a few years, I see the other important issues such as (1) women do not do the “women’s work”; (2) senior women say “no” to extra tasks or tangential tasks just as comfortably as the senior men do; (3) everyone cares about the work and merit more than social norms – this is demonstrated in how raises and promotions are determined and how colleagues talk about one another. Overall, people care about the work and respect those individuals who do good work (regardless of gender). I could make more money in another organization, but this phenomenal work environment keeps me where I am – which probably explains why there are so many senior women in the organization!
Anon for this
If anyone is out there and reading:
I got into an awful argument with my SO last night/this morning. I said some truly awful, hurtful things, and damaged the relationship. My SO is very upset – we did not part well this morning, and he’s indicated that I need to say something tonight to heal the damage. I’m at a loss – every time I try and think of what to say, all i can come up with are apologies (not helpful) or recounting what I did/where I went wrong (also not helpful). Does anyone have any words of wisdom for how to heal an emotional rift (without revealing too much, I essentially took something special to us and tainted it with hurtful words)? So I’m trying to recast that into a positive light again, but failing on execution.
Sorry this is so vague. Trying to stay under the radar. Any thoughts welcome.
meme
My husband does this sometimes. He tends to be the one to say inflammatory things/lash out when he’s hurting. I know you said apologies are not helpful, but for me, that is really the only thing that can be helpful when he does this – that and a little cooling off time to let heated emotions pass. I think the best thing to do is just be completely humble and own up to the fact that you crossed a line, and you did it because you were angry/hurting, and that is just not an acceptable thing to do, and you know it, and you’ll work on it, and you don’t plan to do it again. In my experience, recounting where you went wrong or trying to justify what you said or why you said it will not be helpful. That will just make him feel like he has to explain, again, why it is not okay, regardless of how you got there.
Susan
Also, specific steps on how you plan to work on not doing this again will give your apology more weight.
Anon for this
Thanks to everyone who has chimed in thusfar. To clarify:
– I’ve already apologized, and he doesn’t want to hear any more apologies. He wants me to say what is necessary to heal what I damaged last night. I’m trying to think of how to phrase this, and the best I can come up with is: let’s say that we enjoy a particular way of expressing our love, and I made negative associations around that. He wants me to heal that. And I’m at a loss.
– He also doesn’t want to hear any walk-through of what went wrong or why in the argument to lead me to say what I did. For us, personally, neither of us finds that helpful in resolving issues/moving forward.
Honey Pillows
Er… if this is what I think it is, and involves lady garden parties, and you made some particular kind of lady garden party go south, that sounds like him being unfair. LGPs are weird. They just ARE. Stuff happens! You say things you shouldn’t! You make mistakes! You get primal, and normal rules don’t apply!
That’s why they’re so delightful.
However, if it’s not involving LGPs, disregard this.
Daisy
Glad you said this and got it cleared up because that’s what I was thinking too!
nona
1. If he’s the one that’s hurt, then I would think it is on him to express what is going to heal that hurt. Otherwise, you are trying to mind read what’s going to make it better, and that seems like a bit of a power play to me. Do you and H have a standard apology protocol (apology and flowers, dinner, breakfest if bed) etc.
2. Do you normally have negative associations with the problem issue that you squelch for H’s benefit, or was this an uncharacteristic (for you) verbalization about the problem issue? If you are squelching, that seems like something else to address, when you are both calmer, and will need to be discussed in order to resolve it into the future and avoid repetition.
Anon for this
Not exactly involving LGPs, no. A better analogy would probably be that we enjoy hanging out together on the front porch swing and reading, and I ranted and raved about the front porch swing, and now he feels like we can’t spend time there.
Honey Pillows
DO you hate the front porch swing? Because if it’s got lots of splinters, and it’s too high for your toes to touch the ground, and the light isn’t good, and you really DON’T like it, can he sit on the swing and read by himself when he wants alone time, and maybe you guys can sit on the back deck and read together instead?
I’m enjoying this analogy, but I do apologize if I’m not actually being helpful, and feel free to absolutely disregard if I’m just letting my literary background get the better of me and run wild with this analogy.
Anon for this
I love the front porch swing. I’m kicking myself for saying anything negative about it, because I truly love it, and what upset me didn’t really have anything to do with the front porch swing at all. I just turn into a complete b*tch when I get going in an argument and say a lot of things I don’t mean.
Honey Pillows
Ah, yeah. Then definitely follow harriet’s advice with h’s wording. (Good wording, h! And props for explaining exactly what I meant earlier with the being told you’re fat vs. wanting him to think you’re beautiful analogy.)
Daisy
Ugh, I have done this too. SO’s mom is THE BEST and takes us on lots of amazing trips, and I love going on them. Once I was annoyed about some other weird dynamics with his family and just went off on how much I hate how we spend so much of our vacation time with her (to him). So unnecessary and stupid of me to say! The only thing that helped was to explain that I was having a bad day, in a totally awful mood, and said mean things that weren’t even true. I told him I didn’t know why I said them, assured him over and over again that I loved that we got to go on all the amazing trips with his mom, and explained that I would be devastated if we didn’t go on them in the future.
SF Bay Associate
Hang in there, Anon for this. I, too, have said something nasty about the porch swing because I was upset about something else that had nothing to do with the porch swing that I actually love. I was a total immature monster, and later very deeply ashamed of myself for doing it. One of the reasons I’m in therapy is to learn to communicate effectively and appropriately, even when I am upset. The wonderful habits I picked up from my parents, oi vey. I appreciate all these thoughtful responses.
My DH really does want a heartfelt apology. He also wants to see some significant effort to mend and be nice, as well as catching myself before I do something like that again. So, maybe repaint the porch swing, get cushions in a color he likes, make a playlist of music he likes, and buy his favorite beer or wine to sip on the porch swing, wear a nice dress instead of the usual sweatpants, and then courteously and warmly invite him to join you on the porch swing. Don’t be surprised if he says no, or joins you while still hurt and suspicious. You earned it, unfortunately, as have I. If possible, press on with the special porch swing time, or try again another time. It may take him a while to come around. Keep showing you regret your misbehavior by showing how much you value porch swing time by making it special for him. He’ll come around. You’ll get your porch swing back once you’ve earned it. Please don’t take this as being harsh – I’ve done what you did and I think I know how you feel. Hugs, girl.
karenpadi
I had a relationship actually fall apart because of something like this. We met doing an activity and all of “our” friends were based on doing that activity. I became injured and could no longer do the activity. I had hope that the relationship was mature enough to move on but it wasn’t.
My biggest regret from that relationship is not having directly addressed my injury and its impact on our relationship and what we ultimately wanted our relationship to be. Instead, we went down the road of talking about it only as needed and descended into passive-aggression.
It will be hard but I hope that you and your husband address this head-on and can forgive each other.
Jill
PTOOEY on men! They are so dumb. I hope you solve this with him. PTOOEY!
harriet the spy
Keys to a successful apology:
1) Acknowledge the hurt. “When I said X last night, it was a hurtful, cruel thing to say.” Be willing to listen – patiently, honestly, openly – to the other person tell you just how hurt and sad they are. This is the hard part.
2) Take responsibility. Do not rationalize or offer justifications. “I was wrong.”
3) Express regret. “I apologize for saying that.”
4) Identify a plan for fixing it. “I know that an apology doesn’t fix the hurtful thing I said. I don’t want to ever say something mean like that again, and I promise you that I will not/will do some serious thinking to figure out a way to hold myself to that promise/will go to therapy to seek help in not saying mean things.”
5) Look for a path forward. “May I try to make it up to you by taking you out to dinner/bringing you flowers/doing the same special thing again?”
Good luck.
mascot
Harriet’s advice is good. I would add that it may take some time to make things right. Assuming both people want to get back to the happy place, you will get there, but don’t panic if it takes a little bit of time.
e_pontellier
I have found that apologizing for being hurtful is not helpful. My DH doesnt want to hear about feelings – he feels disrespected, not hurt, and wants to feel that I still respect him. Please nobody jump down my throat for this. I find it goes much further when I say something about how I’m proud of him, or I realize he has a lot going on, and I really respect him. Hope things with your SO improve.
nona
I think this is probably a case of Know Your Husband. Different people accept apologies in different ways. :)
Honey Pillows
I agree with e_pontellier on this point, actually, although I think it might be a slightly different interpretation. For example, saying you’re sorry you hurt me by expressing the opinion that I’m too sensitive isn’t the same as saying you’re sorry for being insensitive and hurting me. Does that make sense?
Good luck to the OP. Before you try to mend things with your SO, think on it -did you mean those things? What made you say them? Were they things that were true, but shouldn’t be said? Were they just your tired, angry, small self lashing out and being a *itch? Figuring out why you said something hurtful is important before you try to fix the hurt. Then I’d say mostly follow harriet the spy’s advice on the actual steps.
harriet the spy
I totally agree on this. It’s really important to not say, “You’re wrong for being hurt.” You have to figure out a way to say, “I was wrong because I said something cruel.” There’s nothing worse than one of those passive-aggressive apologies, along the lines of “Sorry if that hurt your feelings.”
Honey Pillows
Or even the “I totally wish I hadn’t said that, and I’m really sorry for saying it, and I won’t say it in future, but I did mean it, and my agreement to not say it in the future has everything to do with me being super nice and I’m humoring you and not because I’m willing to consider for even a second that you might be right” apology.
h
To me, what’s more helpful than an apology is addressing the root of the issue. So if my DH calls me fat (which he doesn’t; just an easy example), I want him to say he thinks I’m beautiful, etc. rather than he is sorry for calling me fat. It’s not the little thing that matters; it’s the underlying issue.
So you could try, “That thing we do together is so special to me. You know that. I just spoke out of anger, but that doesn’t reflect how I feel about the thing.” Or something like that.
Anon for this
I like this, h. Thanks.
Former Partner, Now In-House
re h’s point about addressing the underlying issue:
I think this is key. Presumably, when you made negative statements about swinging on the front porch, that was because you don’t like swinging on the front porch. Or you don’t like certain aspects of it. Or you don’t like the way the two of you have been doing it.
In that case, I think you have two chores ahead of you:
1. You apologize for how you behaved.
2. You start the process of communicating honestly, on both sides, about swinging on the front porch, who likes it, who doesn’t, who prefers something else, who wants to swing in the morning instead of the evening, who wants to swing more slowly etc.
If you can’t talk about this openly, then you will either keep quiet (which leads to resentment) or talk about it badly (which you’ve experienced already).
Anon for this
Unfortunately, I made negative statements because I was mad at myself for something unrelated, and I was trying to shift the blame to him. I literally love the front porch swing.
Former Partner, Now In-House
“Unfortunately, I made negative statements because I was mad at myself for something unrelated, and I was trying to shift the blame to him. I literally love the front porch swing.”
Perfect! Then you should definitely say so!
zora
To fully show how much you love the front porch swing, can you talk about some of your fondest memories of the swing, to show him that they are not just empty words? “One of my favorite moments of our entire marriage is when we etc etc etc on that front porch swing. And I wouldn’t change that for the world. I really do love it, and I hope you can believe me and accept my apology for saying that I didn’t.”
something like that?
NancyD
Maybe this will be helpful: When my SO and I were trying to figure out how to put our relationship back together after a massive hurt (which involved a terrible thing he said and did) our couples counselor pointed out that SO’s very genuine apologies weren’t enough. The counselor asked me, not him, to take the responsibility of figuring out exactly what I would need in order to move our relationship forward in a loving, trustful way… I actually had to spend a week or so to figure that out! But once I did, and I could articulate it, and he was SO was so relieved (“Really? Of course, I can do that! Let me start right now”)…it all really was pretty simple after that…I do think that two adults who love each other and want to make it work can overcome lots of angry and/or hurt feelings.
Honey Pillows
h^, this explains exactly how I have felt in arguments 95% of the time in every single one of my relationships.
h
I know. I spent years wondering why apologies were always hollow to me. When I came to this realization, it was a real a ha moment.
Cat
yes! thank you for crystallizing this. I am going to explain this the next time my husband apologizes for making an insensitive remark (which, fortunately for me, will likely not occur for some time!). it’s not the remark itself that’s the problem; the remark is the symptom.
Mountain Girl
Are Mary Jane pumps okay for the office? I tend to wear cardigans, knee length flared or a line skirts and tights during the fall/winter. This particular combination has a tendency to skew “school girl”. I’m try to be careful so as not to channel Blair Warner and I’m afraid Mary Jane’s may actually be a little too much.
That being said, I like the idea of the strap because my feet tend to slip in my shoes a bit when I’m wearing tights. Any recommendation on insoles, etc that I can add to make my shoes less slippery?
NOLA
I wear Mary Janes to the office but I try not to wear outfits that make them skew to character shoes. I have one pair of Calvin Klein Mary Janes that, when I wore them with an A-line skirt, looked too costume-y. With tights and a pencil skirt, I don’t feel that way.
Mountain Girl
These are the shoes in question:
http://www.6pm.com/sofft-valda
Former MidLevel
Could you wear them with matching (or low-contrast) color tights so you get the functional benefit without the high-contrast schoolgirl look?
Honey Pillows
Sorry I’m all over this thread, but I’d say keep Mary Janes for pencil skirts, sheath dresses, and even pants/suits, but stay away from A line. No recommendations on the slipping shoes -I’d love to know, too! All the shoes that fit when I wear them sans stockings slip when I wear them with the stockings, and it’s embarrassing to clop around the office like a horse.
SunnyD
I only wear mary janes because I can’t keep regular shoes on—just slip and slide all over them. I now work in a more casual office, but I also wore my mary janes when I was at a big firm and wore suits or professional separates. However, I will note that I was the only one wearing mary janes.
zora
My heels are narrow, but narrow shoes are so hard to find, I can’t be bothered. So, to keep my feet from slipping out of all my shoes, I only buy mary janes, or shoes with something to hold them on. You can, though, look for ankle straps, which have a more vintage and less school girl look, or just shoes with a high vamp that aren’t necessarily mary jane straps, those tend to stay on well. I’ll try to find a link to something illustrating what I mean.
zora
like these have a high vamp w/o reading as a mary jane:
http://www.zappos.com/stuart-weitzman-bando-cola-suede
zora
These have an ankle strap, which reads less school girl. (And are so cute i might have to buy them for myself Right. Now.)
http://www.zappos.com/product/8013238/color/367255
zora
or, there are options like this that have the same coverage as a mary jane, but a little bit of detail makes them look less schoolgirlish.
http://www.zappos.com/product/8013986/color/367704
(i actually have these in grey and love them)
http://www.zappos.com/product/7810031/color/687
SoCal Gal
If Mary Janes are wrong, I don’t want to be right.
NOLA
Boss told me this morning that his (also new) boss took issue with something I said at a meeting last week. It’s the kind of thing I would have said to previous guy without even thinking about it (we had a great relationship), but new guy is a bit more thin-skinned and thought I was calling him out on something. I wasn’t really, just trying to stick up for my area’s budget when he was making a broad statement about his division that was not true for us. There was no indication that he thought my boss should tell me this, but he was concerned enough to say something so I sent him a note of apology, trying to explain why I said what I did and why I felt comfortable doing so. But it’s interesting – this is a high level faculty committee where we are used to saying what we think and challenging our administration. Wondering now if I just need to keep quieter when I’m used to advocating.
Susan
Ugh. My condolences. Perhaps one has to watch these new people for awhile to see what their tolerance level is for facts that contradict their world view and the proper settings to present such facts.
Maybe because they’re new, they’re insecure and think that anything that isn’t “singing his refrain” makes him look bad. What do the other faculty members think?
eek
and conventional wisdom in the workplace says that women are sensitive. I’d advocate for knowing your office AND not changing who you are because someone is sensitive….Presumably you haven’t changed and this is the first time you’ve received negative feedback. Hopefully he feels like a DOOSH for having mentioned it (and, really, don’t you get paid/have the authority and responsibility to challenge the administration?). If you are still bugging after tomorrow, I’d ask your peers for some feedback.
NOLA
Well my boss didn’t seem to think that I’d done anything wrong and he’s kind of confused because he can’t figure out what his boss was so upset about. My boss saw his boss at lunch and the big boss said something about the fact that I had sent him a “long email” and my boss couldn’t figure out what his reaction was. Whatever. I’ve had enough.
Anonymous
As an opinionated, outspoken woman, I think if this is way you have always communicated in the office, you should not feel that you need to change your approach. Most likely everyone else is used to your style and would be thrown off by a change. And honestly, can you filter / change yourself forever in this position? I would just let the new guy be shocked for a little bit and either he will get over it or move on.
That said, you might consider being less direct towards the new boss – for example, making the statement to the group instead of directing it straight at him.
When I first started my job, an overly sensitive colleague made a comment about my direct approach. When I asked another colleague whether or not I needed to reconsider my approach he told me “This is who you are and this is what makes you so great at the job. If he can’t handle you, that’s his problem, not yours.” It was the first time a man had ever given me that type of advice – which I have to admit, struck me as normal man advice.
Anna
That’s a lot of sales! Great ensemble, thank you.
Can I please add 1 more?
http://www.LucidNewYork.com – jewelry is offering 30% off until the end of October with the code “luckybreaks1”
You can win a Bulova watch today by commenting about the most memorable gift from your childhood!
http://www.facebook.com/LucidNewYork
Thank you,
Anna
S in Chicago
Cape or no cape? That is the question. I like how this one has some structure, but still not sure if it makes the wearer appear 10 times larger.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/steve-madden-tweed-cape/3300759?origin=keywordsearch&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=3920
I also know they were big last year. So wondering if it’s had its moment or whether it’s one of those items that’s just good to always have for weekend wear and travel.
What say you, hive, in or out?
SF Bay Associate
Edna Mode is against capes, which should count for something. And IMO, that cape is not flattering on the model at all.
Cat
I like them, but agree that cape is not flattering. Here’s one that I prefer, shape-wise – the Talbots Glen Plaid Hooded Cape
http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi29395&rootCategory=cat70018&catId=cat440041&sortKey=Default§ion=Sale&conceptIdUnderSale=cat440041
Susan ([email protected])
“NO CAPES!!!!”
I’m not actually against all capes, but definitely against this one.
I will admit, though, that I did buy a Twinkle by Wenlan purple sweatercape:
http://www.polyvore.com/cabled_sweater_cape/thing?id=13114519
From the back, I looked like I was wearing a giant, popped grape or a lumpy eggplant. If I ran against the wind, I looked like a flying squirrel. It was awesome to go against the, “must try to make myself look as tall and thin as possible” ethos.
meme
I say no capes (except on Halloween), but I confess that I’m not a fashion maven. And now that I clicked on the link to the cape, the Nordstrom ad at the top of the page is showing me lots and lots of capes.
Cb
I love capes but you have to carry a clutch. Not a shoulder bag.
Honey Pillows
PSA: Talbots 25% off today with code CDAY25
Emily
Holy Tory Burch. Thank you for posting this. My bank account does not thank you but I’ve had my eye on a Tory Burch bag for a while, so it was nice to be able to get it 25% off.