Tuesday’s Workwear Report: The Woolf Jardigan

284 Comments

1. I got in a verbal argument with my brother and several of his college friends this weekend. They’re now late 20s, athletic, they all played sports for DIII colleges. They claim an average boys’ varsity high school basketball team could beat nearly any girls college basketball team. Ditto women’s college soccer, hockey, softball, most team sports other than more individual ones like tennis or track. (They all agreed they wouldn’t beat Serena Williams, or the WNBA). Especially if there is a physical element. They said they couldn’t beat Caitlin Clark or Ashley Joens but the rest of the team, no question. Is this a bunch of overconfident men or are they right?

   1. Even if they are, what’s their point? The average woman could beat the average man at many things. Bodies are different. Big deal. Let these strong men have a period for a day!

   2. They are absolutely right. IDK how it is in something like the shooting sports where IMO size and strength may matter less, but this isn’t exactly news. And who cares — we have long segregated sports in a way that makes for fair competitions — wrestling has weight classes (even if people try furiously and use disordered eating to make weight, a 100-pounder won’t ever fairly wrestle a 200-pounder), tennis has rankings, senior athletes compete against senior athletes, etc. The military’s fitness standards are divided by both age and gender (and I apparently am pretty out of shape). Top women’s college teams have “scrimmage teams” that are . . . men. OTOH, women finish school at higher rates and go to prison less. We may embezzle and poison more, but are less likely to commit violent crimes. I don’t want to say our strengths are different, but on average, they are.

   3. Oh to have the confidence of a mediocre white man.

   4. I asked my husband who is athletic and knows a lot about basketball and he said it depends on the specific teams but generally yes, a good high school boys team will beat an average college women’s team in basketball. He said other sports probably have less gender difference than basketball though.

      1. Basketball is a very special case because height is such a tremendous advantage. A very athletic, quick man is often be overmatched by a more technically mediocre, but taller, man. This oddity of the game gives men and boys a greater advantage over women then they would have based just on strength and speed.

   5. They’re wrong, they’re sexist, and they’re boring.

      1. They’re not wrong though.

   6. I have 3 athletic children who have competed through most levels of competition, including D1, and I believe it. I would include some (maybe most) individual sports in there as well, especially swimming and track. In my state, the high school boys’ state 18U record is under 1:19 in the 200 free SC; the SEC women’s record for the same event is 1:25.41. Nearly 7 seconds is a huge difference in a 200-yard event. The state high school meet last year in the largest class, which is one of the most competitive high school meets of the swim season, was won with a 1:25.41-just shy of an SEC record if they were college-aged women.

   7. It honestly sounds like the real question has nothing to do with this logical fallacy about sports.

      Rather, the real issue is whether everyone involved is aware their egos are arguing and posturing like they are still in middle school. Is this a tongue-in-cheek joke-argument between friends? Or do the people involved think this is actually a serious question, and carry such behavior with them into other situations in the adult world?

      1. +1,000. Who cares if they’re right? This is a Redd!t-esque hypothetical time waster of a question and not worth your energy.

         1. +1,000,000. I am so bored and unimpressed by this line of questioning. What purpose could it possibly serve?

   8. I played multiple sports in high school, including rowing, and I rowed in college (bad D1, but still D1) and in crew this is true. A good high school boy is faster than an average or college woman (looking at erg scores, but also if you lined up two 8+s). I cant comment on elite college women because my team was not elite.

      My other high school sports were field hockey and swimming. The same is true for swimming and in the US men usually do not play field hockey so it can’t really be compared. In other counties were men do play field hockey it’s a very different game so it’d be apples to oranges anyway.

      I am a huge proponent of women playing and getting equal opportunities in sports, but I also recognize that due to several differences, your brother and his friends are probably right.

      1. But also adding that usually only chauvinists have this discussion so I am eye rolling hard at your brother and his friends

         1. My dad used to point out that women outlive jerks like this and will be happy spending the $ they inherit from them. It comes out as mean when I type it but we do generally have the last laugh.

      2. I grew up in the 90’s and the boys soccer team was our field hockey practice squad. By my junior year, some of them realized the preferred and were better at field hockey, so they joined our team. They were solid contributors, but certainly not the stars of the team. Also, nobody got bent out of shape the way they do today about the idea of a team going co-ed. The guys were our teammate. They had to wear the kilt just like everyone else.

   9. The average man thinks he could take on a swan. Men are idiots.

   10. They’re likely right. Male bodies and female bodies are different, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make men superior members of society/humanity, and acknowledging the physical differences doesn’t make these guys jerks.

       1. +1.

          1. +2. And when you take a sport like riding that neutralizes the significant biological and athletic advantages men have, you no longer see the imbalance.

   11. My understanding is that this is basically right. Another way to look at it is that we make a big, big deal out of the kinds of sports that are optimized to showcase things that men are statistically better at. There are things that women are statistically better at too, but they may not have entire games designed to showcase these advantages, and if there’s a relevant sport, it’s not put on the same kind of pedestal.

       Part of the premise of women’s self defense classes as I understand it is that it’s pretty rare for a woman to be so fit and athletic that “some guy” isn’t likely to be stronger.

   12. They aren’t wrong, which is why we have sex-segregation in some sports in the first place.

   13. Of course they’re right. I ran track and cross country in high school and even very mediocre boys could beat the state champion girls. As for people saying that it’s only the chauvinists having this argument, 20 years ago that would have been true, but recently it’s become trendy to deny that biological sex matters at all. I am very much in favor of supporting people no matter their gender identity, but find it bizarre to deny basic facts about the world. Women’s sports are still worth celebrating, even if they have to separated from men to win. Their feats of athleticism are just as impressive, not to mention the sports where they do things men can’t, like gymnastics and figure skating (though the fact that they can often only do those things as teenagers is a little disturbing…).

       1. Former figure skater here, there really isn’t anything in figure skating women so that men can’t. Men don’t typically perform spirals because it isn’t an element they can get points for but men can do them. Men jump higher and faster and do more rotations in their jumps (almost all elite men do quad jumps, only a handful of women have done them and arguably no clean women can currently do them).

          1. Men don’t have the same degree of flexibility that makes the women’s spins look so incredible. It might not get as many points, but I think most people find women’s figure skating to actually look more impressive than the men’s. To the untrained eye, you can’t really distinguish between a triple and a quad, but you can tell when someone’s foot is way above their head and they’re gracefully contorting themselves into positions no normal human could do while spinning rapidly on a knive’s edge. Same for gymnastics. The men can certainly do things the women can’t because of greater strength, but the greater flexibility is often more impressive and fun to watch.

             1. If you want to be technical about it, there’s no reason men can’t perform these spins like the Biellmann spin where you grab your foot above your head. Most are plenty flexible, and you can find videos of men doing it. It’s just not something that’s traditionally been seen as “masculine” (which is its own thing that’s wrapped up in homophobia) so it isn’t an element that’s normally practiced or performed by male skaters. But I’m with you on enjoying women’s skating more. Although it’s pairs that looks the most dangerous and impressive to me personally. The throws are terrifying.

   14. One way to think of this is: would the average member of a college girls’ basketball team make the team on an average high school boys’ basketball team? If so, they’re on average evenly matched, and I would say the men are wrong. If not, they’re probably right. I don’t know enough about sports to know the answer to my question lol.

   15. They can be both reasonably-possible-correct (height provides a lot of advantages even if the women’s strategy is better…), and complete bozos for spending any length of time on the subject at all, at the same time.

       1. So it is wrong for the mento spend time discussing this, but it’s fine for us to discuss here??

          1. There are multiple comments saying there’s no point in us discussing it here.

          2. The question is, why are they discussing this with a woman who clearly has feelings about it? Why, as a woman, would I harp on the fact that men are violent and women are dominating the educated ranks when talking to men. What’s the point, to make them feel bad? Unless there is some context to this conversation she is not giving…

             1. Catching up – context is, we were all watching and cheering on a women’s college team during championship play last week. They weren’t being jerks, if anything I was probably the one saying BS on them – they’re older now, not trained, for younger high school kids I was thinking the conditioning wouldn’t even be close to college age female athletes. One of them said his roommate played scrimmage team against a women’s team and I’d never heard of it. I was hoping this board could educate me – which it did!! Grand scheme of things, doesn’t matter, but for me I think the commenters point about self defense class was eye opening for me. I’m realizing I’m overconfident about my strength compared to a man who is around the same height and out of shape, but that’s probably not true. Sorry for the heartache for those who hated the quesrion but thanks to all!

   16. I think it’s incredibly hard to disentangle social and historical effects from nature, as always.
       The improvements in marathon finishing times that men achieved in the 6 or so decades that society believed a woman would die (or worse, become infertile) from running a marathon – the same improvements in finishing times were achieved in 4 decades when women’s marathon became a thing.
       https://images.app.goo.gl/FBN8XiUncESi2qP38
       In that area, another interesting tidbit is that women achieve faster finishing times when they use male pacers, but it has recently been decided that only times achieved in all-woman races will be counted for world rankings/world records. So we know women can run faster but we are not recording this fact.
       We can look at Women’s soccer, which gained incredible popularity in England at the start of the 20th century. Initially women were encouraged to get involved in the sport, because they were a calming influence on rowdy spectators. Through WWI, women’s teams developed in many towns, and started to draw bigger crowds, international successes, and bigger revenue in charity games. However, in the 1920ies, the Football Association banned all women’s teams from playing on Association-affiliated grounds, arguing that the game is “not fitted for females”, and having no place to play basically made women’s soccer go away.
       https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_football_in_England#:~:text=Women's%20football%20was%20originally%20very,Women's%20European%20Championships%20in%202005.
       And this brings us to last week, where a girls basketball team in Alabama was told they had to play against a boys team in the league in order to access practice space, and then won, but apparently was not eligible for getting the trophy because they were an elite team and not a rec team (I’m not clear on this – were these fifth graders pays?)
       https://nypost.com/2023/03/06/girls-basketball-team-denied-trophy-after-winning-boys-championship/amp/
       We are nowhere near equal opportunity in sports, and thus I don’t think we know yet where innate abilities of men and women have their limits.

       1. long soapboxy comment with historical anecdata in mod…

   17. https://www.cbssports.com/soccer/news/a-dallas-fc-under-15-boys-squad-beat-the-u-s-womens-national-team-in-a-scrimmage/

   18. Don’t women’s and men’s sports often have different rules? I played lacrosse in middle and high school and recall the sport is played very differently depending on gender. Idk if other sports are like that. If they are, my question would be, which set of rules are they talking about? Women’s sports rely on finesse rather than bulk, and I’m not sure that your average male athlete would make that transition easily. Men’s sports tend to heavily rely on checking, which requires body mass, so you’d have to look at the relative mass of the players. A lot of these women are super built. Like have you seen the women’s football teams? I… do not think your average 16 year old boy, even an athletic boy, could confidently claim to be able to best them.

   19. Here’s my response to arguments like that: Men or women, they are all elite athletes who would beat the pants off of any of the men or women involved in the argument. So who cares? Men like to think that the performance of crazy talented elite male athletes somehow reflects on them as men, and it just doesn’t.

       1. another excellent point

       2. But they don’t. Plenty of above average men would smoke D1 women.

   20. They’re definitely right. The only time this wouldn’t apply is before puberty. Just let men have this because they are falling behind in every other metric that actually matters.

       1. What actually happened:

          https://www.tennisnow.com/Blogs/NET-POSTS/November-2017-(1)/The-Man-Who-Beat-Venus-and-Serena-Back-to-Back.aspx

          1. That was meant for the comment below.

   21. On men who think they could beat Serena (1 in 8):

       “Confident in my ability to properly tennis, I take the court. I smile at my opponent. Serena does not return the gesture. She’d be prettier if she did, I think. She serves. The ball passes cleanly through my skull, killing me instantly.”

   22. Men in general are bigger and stronger. This is why women end up in the hospital following “mutual” domestic violence fights. That said, there was one girl in my son’s high school wrestling team and she could beat him more than once. It may be that she was trained in martial arts since she was young, but he had respect for her, nonetheless.

   23. Counterpoint–regular poster going anon here.

       I played D1 women’s water polo at Stanford. At least once a year, portions of the football team (there were like 90 of them!) and the men’s basketball team would try to play us. We wiped the floor with them.

       So water polo is one women’s team sport where “any” men’s team could not beat us. I have receipts.

       Also, my friend played on the women’s basketball practice team–it was a team of men designed to play against our women’s DI team. Stanford basketball has a great record, so I’d argue that playing against men made them stronger, and it was great to see great male allies getting out there.

       You can make any number of stupid “genders are different” arguments to stir the pot. For instance, I’d just argue that a near-zero percentage of assigned-at-birth-males could beat any woman at childbirth.

       We have different strengths. That’s OK. Their argument is just male chest-thumping.

       1. That’s not the question being debated though. Obviously football players don’t know enough about water polo or have the specific skills needed to beat skilled women. Boys high school water polo players have a lot more specific knowledge about the game even if they don’t have the strength of Stanford football players.

   24. This is a good illustration for track.

       https://boysvswomen.com/#/

   25. https://twitter.com/longwall26/status/1149726844385521665

       Just going to leave this here…

       1. Men who aren’t professional tennis players thinking they can beat Serena is ridiculous, but not the same thing OP is talking about. Fwiw Serena did lose to a very mediocre professional male tennis players (a guy ranked #200 something), which I think is probably a decent analogy for varsity high school boys team vs NCAA women’s team.

          1. Thank you – exactly.

2. This is really pretty, I wish my budget allowed for it!

   1. I ended up buying multiple MM jardigans off Poshmark; if you know your size, and are patient, you might be able to score a good deal!

      1. Also ebay, thredup and mecari — totally second-handable.

   2. I bought the Merrit Jardigan at Nordstrom for less than the mm lafleur site (idk why) in navy, and I can already see what a workhorse it will be. I wore it to a conference last week and it felt perfect for the occasion.

3. Just venting. We are planning a kitchen remodel-big project, but so needed for our family. We have a little debt and the remodel projected budget is large. I feel we burn thru any savings we acquire. Saving for kids’ college is minimal. It feels like anything we make is spent on bills or payments. Adding another job can’t happen. I never feel fully secure with my job security. I wake up worrying about money and go to bed worrying about money. We have cut back on extras, but is seems like it doesn’t make any difference.

   1. I hear you — borrowing $ is too expensive right now. My current kitchen gets us fed.

      1. +1

         Sometimes we have to think about what we need, and what we want.

         Our starter house, became our forever house (at least, until we downsize in retirement). The kitchen never got redone, but appliances got fixed when needed, and only replaced when necessary. We managed. It wasn’t the dream kitchen we always wanted, but we are financially more secure.

         It’s the big expenses that kills us. Re-doing a kitchen is pretty big. And of course you know, that it will be even larger than the estimate…..

   2. Ugh, I’m sorry, it’s really hard. We were just about managing to save a little bit when we stopped paying for nursery but then energy costs (doubled from last winter to this…) and overall cost of living in the UK is catching up with us. And there doesn’t seem to be a clear near-term solution. Luckily my travel costs have stayed stable, but I’m still paying to rent a room in work city, which doesn’t help matters.

   3. I mean, a kitchen remodel is totally optional. If you want to do it, go for it, but it’s not a necessity and if money is keeping you up at night it seems pretty obvious that this is something you could skip.

      1. +1

      2. Right. I’m sorry but what? You live in a house. Does the kitchen have holes in it? Does the stove work? You’re making choices here. Which is fine.

         1. Agreed. Unless there are structural issues that don’t have a smaller solution than “tear it all out” a reno is a want not a need.

      3. Right? OP’s comment did not go in the direction I thought it would.

      4. +1 I had put aside money from my bonus to do a back yard reno, but then we needed a whole new double unit AC. I had to forgo the back yard remodel and pay for the AC unit. It sucks, but you have to prioritize and not spend on things that get you in over your head financially. Especially if you are (obviously) not comfortable with it.

   4. It sounds like right now you’re in a tight spot. Is it a tight season or is every season a tight season? If you don’t have savings, then you are likely in too deep to have a remodel of this magnitude right now.

      And let me just say – realistically, our kitchen is not optimal for our family. It’s long and weirdly shaped and we don’t have a mudroom so the default entry is right into the kitchen. But we can prepare and store food safely in it and right now we’ve prioritized other things versus a remodel which would improve our house’s functionality.

      Talk to your partner. You should both have a long term plan of what your finances will look like.

   5. A few questions:
      – how old are your kids? Do you think you’ll have time to catch up on college savings? If not, are you okay with them taking a path that doesn’t involve college and have you discussed this with them? If you and the kids are both dead set on college are you discussing alternative ways of paying for college like ROTC?

      – how much and what kind of debt do you have already? Is it consumer debt or mortgage? If it’s consumer debt, are you actively paying it down? Are you going into additional debt?

      – how are you paying for this kitchen remodel? How needed is it? How long will it take you to pay off? I grew up with a blue collar dad and a catholic school teacher mom. They saved up 15 years to do cosmetic only changes to their super outdated kitchen and only did the project once they could pay out of pocket. The layout and size still sucks. But it was important to not over extend themselves. I understand that a more functional kitchen might be nice but if you’re this stressed about money it’s probably not the right time for it.

      1. Also do you have an emergency fund?

         Based off of your situation, I wouldn’t do the remodel regardless. But if you don’t have a fully funded emergency fund absolutely do not undertake the remodel now and focus on building that up.

   6. It sounds like you are one disaster away from being overextended and are rightfully stressed about that.

      Is this remodel truly necessary? As in, is there mold or structural damage that needs to be remediated? Or is it just a dated kitchen that is poorly laid out and inconvenient? If the latter, it sounds like you have to be honest with yourself about your priorities. Do you value the future convenience of the new kitchen over current financial peace of mind? Can you put off the remodel long enough that you can build up a bit of cushion?

      1. We’ve been in our house for almost a decade and started this process of remodel options last year. Believe me, this is a conversation husband and I have been having constantly, both what we can afford and how to not be hemorrhaging money.
         The way things are going work can’t start for another year, so that gives us time to save more too. And next year daycare costs will be cut in half, which helps a little.
         I don’t want to be working full-time until I’m 80. I need to go buy a powerball ticket :)

         1. I didn’t do any work on my 1970 kitchen for 17 years after I moved into my house in 2003, except for replacing appliances one by one as they broke. Just because you have been living there for a decade doesn’t mean you should spend money you don’t have. How are you financing the remodel?

            You say that making small cuts doesn’t work. So why spend tens of thousands on a remodel when you could have that for other needs? (assuming your kitchen isn’t unsafe). You need to cut out vacations, gifts, any other things that aren’t necessary until your situation stabilizes. And powerball isn’t the answer, lol.

            1. +1

               My parents still have a tiny valley kitchen with an avocado green oven, a stove with only 2 working burners, Formica counters and yellow, green and brown linoleum flooring. The kitchen is straight out of the 1970s. They bought this house in 1992. They always thought they’d renovate the kitchen but 3 kids are expensive and they never had room in the budget. They were even able to feed 3 teenage athletes (2 boys! One brother is 6ft 4!) in that kitchen. They finally have no kids in undergrad anymore, but now they’re (hopefully) within 5 years of retiring so they’re not changing it (or the 1950s bright pink and green tiled bathrooms).

               They raised 3 kids in a 2100 sq Ft 3 bed/2bath home without a den or basement (so the only place to “hang out” was the living room where we shared the TV) and we are all FINE.

            2. I feel like living in nyc really changed my perspective. Everyone in the suburbs has “must haves” that perfectly well off people in the city seem to live without. (Thinking a primary suite, a walk in pantry, a separate room for each kid, ect.)

               I managed to raise a kid until he was five in a house with no bathtub and it was annoying but he was clean and healthy and his college fund is solid. I love all things home and home renovation but every single home has trades offs. Be strategic about little updates until you can comfortably afford to renovate.

            3. Ironically, those 70s kitchens are so much more in style right now than 1990s kitchens. The 50s bathrooms are on trend too! (Not saying that means that they need to like it any better, just that it would be rounding up likes on Instagram.)

            4. Lol their kitchen is quite literally the worst kitchen I’ve ever seen, but I do tell them their bathrooms are cool again! They don’t believe me though…

            5. Childrens’ college fund > any home renovation project that is not a safety issue.

         2. Fwiw eliminating daycare costs didn’t save us nearly as much money as we expected. When kids go to public school you have to pay for summer care and aftercare, plus older kids have more activities and entertainment costs. We went from spending $12k/year/child to spending about $8-10k/year/child, for reference.

            1. Also… if that $$ is baked into your budget for the kids, why not take the extra and dump it in a college fund?

            2. I missed that the kids are daycare age. There’s no way little kids care about the state of the kitchen, and neither do their friends. Again, unless the kitchen is unsafe, no reason to spend tens of thousands.

            3. Agreed – not nearly the help I would have expected, and actually tougher to budget for because most of the expense happens related to one quarter of the year (my cards are off the hook this month, actually because of camp registrations and summer vacation payments).

         3. It sounds like you really can’t afford this, though, unless you are willing to live with more financial uncertainty than you currently have. Are you actually able to save the money now, or just hoping it will magically happen somehow between now and next year? Do you have a budget that accounts for all your known expenses between now and then, with room for unexpected things to pop up? Wishful thinking about the “need” for a remodel won’t keep you from hemorrhaging money.

            My kitchen was built in the 1960s and has been updated piecemeal as things became unsafe or ceased to function. It’s ugly as sin and annoying to dig out dishes from the tetris game that is our cabinet layout, but we value financial security, college savings, and funding our retirement plans more than we do having a beautiful kitchen or keeping up with the Joneses. Those aren’t necessarily fun trade-offs, but that is part of being a responsible adult.

            1. Not on point, but thank you for the Tetris game reference to cabinets. I can now name the lack of functionality of my cabinets in two words! Mine date from 1981 or the 1950’s, depending on who you ask. They’re so awful it’s hard to tell by looking.

      2. Yeah, the average house was like 1500 ft.² 50 years ago and everyone ate just fine. This sounds like a want, not a need and when you are strapped for cash, you don’t get all of your wants.

         1. +1

            OP, are you feeling pressured to keep up with neighbors and friends? You need to let that go. I live in NYC in a rent-stabilized apartment with an awful bathroom (rest of it is great though) while the majority of my friends are buying apartments, renovating their apartments, or buying second homes upstate. Sometimes this makes me sad and jealous! But I can’t afford those things right now and my financial safety/peace is more important than not having to look at this ugly beige tile.

      3. What?? No it doesn’t. She just can’t afford the massive kitchen remodel. Which isn’t ever going to be a need, no matter how much you might really want it.

   7. I hear you – I’m not planning a reno or anything like that but life feel so freaking expensive right now. I can’t believe how much I’m spending on basics like food.

   8. Skip the remodel for now. A giant remodel was always on our to do list and we are holding off, even though we have the cash for it. I will take financial security and a terrible kitchen over money stress any day of the week.

   9. I’m sorry, but if you’re behind on savings and already carrying debt and worried about your job, this is not the time to launch a ‘wish we had a better layout’ five-figure (if you’re lucky!) kitchen remodel.

   10. I hate to sound harsh but you cannot afford this remodel and remodels are a luxury not a necessity. Do not remodel your kitchen and use that money to increase your savings, pay off debt, and save for college. Very, very few people I know have the house or kitchen of their dreams. I could improve mine so many different ways. But, it gets the job (cooking and storing food) done. It’s ugly, dated, small, and laid out poorly but it does the job.

       I grew up in the least-nice and smallest house in a good school district and now I’m living in a fine but not great house in the same school district. We make fine but not good money (he’s a teacher, I work in government) and since money is definitely a finite resource for us, everything we choose to do comes at the cost of not doing something else we want to do. It’s not glamorous and it’s not always fun, but living within our means is what we have chosen (and frankly, what we must) to do. We take very basic vacations but we can absorb emergency costs; we can’t fully fund college but we can afford to help; we shop at Aldi but we’re on track to retire. It’s pretty much the exact same quality of life as my parents and grandparents and while I always hoped for a fancier life it is more than fine.

       1. +1 I could have written all of this.

       2. +1 This is the key to financial security. It is working, saving, and doing without some of the things you want.

       3. Same

       4. +1 Even with higher incomes, there are always tradeoffs. I would put a kitchen reno waaay down the list after emergency fund, retirement savings, college savings, etc. OP, repair what needs repair to be safe and usable, but I don’t see why a decade of living in a house with a suboptimal kitchen means that a reno is necessary.

       5. Absolutely. I’m not a high earner and living below my means for a couple of decades is what saved my a$$ when a life crisis hit. It wasn’t always fun, and I often suffered from envy, but when big bad stuff happened I could absorb the cost and money at least was not an issue.

   11. You know your own priorities, but in your shoes I would not be taking on additional financial stress in the form of a kitchen remodel. I’d table the project, save the plans, and revisit in a few years. Lots of people have dated and less-functional kitchens. Saving for college, retirement, and other unexpected but critical expenses would be far more important to me. Is there a light touch upgrade you could do in the kitchen instead – along the lines of new rug or curtains or painting the cabinets?

   12. I feel this so hard. Part of it is inflation – costs are up like 10% and my raise last year was nowhere near that. Every single service I have increased by at least 10%. We need a kitchen remodel too and I’ve been dreading it. My job is secure and we are not living paycheck to paycheck, but we don’t have anything resembling a luxury life. I ran our retirement numbers the other day and with my pension and other savings we will actually have a much better standard of living in retirement – which seems cruel because I’d much rather enjoy those funds now, but I know it’s the responsible thing to save.

   13. Why is the kitchen remodel needed? Would it help to brainstorm stop gap solutions?

   14. Yeah it doesn’t sound like you can afford a remodel. Pretty much everyone I know would love to remodel their kitchen, but most people don’t have a spare $50k+ lying around.

   15. I wouldn’t do the reno. If you do, be prepared to be spending 30% over your budget, and you’ll need access to cash to law your the difference.

       Expect not to have the appliance you want, or wait for it. Expect to order our dinner a LOT more.

   16. I’m sorry things are tough and don’t mean to pile on, but it sounds like a remodel isn’t the best choice right now. Our kitchen is far from perfect and there are a ton of things I would do with my house if money were no object, but it’s livable and we make it work. Every time I’ve looked into renovating I’ve gotten intense sticker shock (with the knowledge that the real costs almost always go over) and gone to buy a cute throw pillow instead.

   17. I feel like it used to be considered normal to not have the funds for big remodels or to put them off until the kids are out of the house. That was certainly the case for my parents and grandparents, at least. OP, I say this gently, but you really can’t afford to remodel if you don’t have much savings to begin with.

       1. +1

          It’s become “more normal” for people to do this more frequently but this is such a huge and expensive project it’s really not normal to do this!

          It might feel like “everyone” has a kitchen they like or that you work hard and feel like you deserve a nicer house but literally everyone here is telling you they also wish they could afford updates and they can’t.

          My uncle inherited my great-grandparents house. They were the first owners and bought the house in 1921, so it’s been in the family over 100 years. It’s on its second ever kitchen. 1 bathroom is more or less untouched, 1 bathroom was only updated after a massive leak that in order to be repaired he needed to tear up the whole floor. Updating kitchens or bathrooms truly are generational undertakings.

          1. I love a good home blog, but I do feel like the proliferation of DIY accounts and home influencer bloggers have really changed how we all look at this stuff. Our expectations are so much higher. (And yes, I am as guilty as anyone, so not pointing fingers here!)

             1. Not exactly on point, but all those home influencer bloggers are creating the avocado green of the 2020’s! Just talked to some friends who sold their house recently – the buyer is an “influencer” who sent over a contractor to quote painting their beautiful, not very old, wood kitchen cabinets. The contractor just shook his head and said he sees this all the time.

             2. Agreed. I love a reality show with a reveal at the end of a 30 minute episode (HGTV is my comfort-tv in hotels) but it also makes it seem like it’s normal to like, bust down walls in a house and add new kitchens and everything.

          2. The house we bought in 2004 had 90s ugly and cracked almond-colored formica cabinets and could not find anyone to reface! The actually cabinets were wood and will last forever. Many of the 3-2 houses that we could afford in 2004 had DISGUSTING kitchens and baths. Maybe OP bought one of those, hoping that she could remodel in a few years?
             On another note, we bought a new flipped house in 2018 and dream daily about renovating the kitchen but can’t afford it. The cabinets might as well be made of cardboard and I am guessing they won’t last very long at all. No one who has ever cooked designed this stupid flipped kitchen.

       2. Yes! This is a great point. Now it seems like because of instagram etc everyone wants that perfect house and to keep up with the Joneses – but I remember when a kitchen remodel was this rare once in a lifetime type thing.

   18. Have you considered just doing a few things in the kitchen to make it feel better and put off the remodel? For example, I held off on doing mine but got a new fridge and dishwasher and painted my kitchen tile. If we do a full remodel at some point, we can still use the new appliances we bought.

       1. This is a good idea. Triage and take care of what’s really problematic; leave the rest for another time.
          I do hear you on life being more expensive. I feel like I can’t leave the house without spending $50 (at least).

       2. +1 to this advice. We moved into a house that, in some other poster’s charming phrase, was “early 00’s Tuscanified” within an inch of its life. I hated the counters (ugly granite pattern I never would have chosen), the cabinets (painted to intentionally look peely and patchy – why), and the fixtures (dark and heavy with weak bulbs).

          We painted the walls a lighter color to bring out the actual cabinet color and the granite background color, swapped out the light fixtures and put new bulbs in, and bam. It’s like a whole different room.

   19. Some ideas if you want a stop gap – paint is an absolute miracle and can fix a lot of surfaces, including kitchen counters, cabinets and floors. Cabinet pulls can be replaced cheaply, and same with light fixtures. You may also want to get some new appliances, although those add up. A deep clean, some lights and paint and new art can get you a fresh feeling. For help, call a friend who’s a real estate agent and get ideas for how they’d fix to sell (typically some minor fixes well short of a renovation).

       1. Agree that there are tons of cosmetic things that can be done to update things for the fraction of the cost of a remodel. You don’t need a solid surface countertop. Nice as they are, there are tons of good-looking Formica options these days. A tile backsplash can add a lot of personality. Paint or refinish the cabinets. Switch out the light fixtures. Will it be your dream layout and have all the features you want? Probably not, but you may be surprised at how cosmetic updates can breathe new life into an outdated kitchen. Also, investigate your storage options! I am fortunate to have a newer kitchen, but it’s not huge. I’ve had to get pretty creative with storage (and frankly, own less stuff).

       2. +1 also just purging stuff. I love cooking and my family loves gifts but for years I told them any kitchen gadgets would go straight to goodwill because my kitchen was tiny and I valued peace more than the latest instant frying must have thing. Try to minimize all clutter and embrace whatever you have with a deep clean and some fresh dish towels and flowers. Fund your kid’s college savings account and worry about a renovation when you have the money already set aside and money isn’t stressing you out.

       3. I really agree with the real estate agent suggestion. When I bought my house and hated the kitchen, my buying agent offered to have his professional stager stop by and give me some tips, and I took him up on that. I’m actually glad I didn’t change some of the things I had wanted to change, and implementing the smaller changes she suggested really helped make it livable. Would I still like a remodel? Sure, but not for what it would cost.

          Maybe everyone knows this, but scratch and dent appliances can be way cheaper and sometimes the cosmetic issues are on the side of the appliance that no one will see (or are so minor that they’d look that way after a week anyhow).

          Paint and more/better lighting can work wonders!

   20. I understand the function of your home is important to general health and happiness, and that counts for something. People on this board seem to save above and beyond, so that may be skewing the responses. But, I agree you need to find some way to come up with the money (and plan to go over budget). A few ideas:
       – over a decade, I assume your house has appreciated a lot and you have a very low interest rate. Can you take out a HELOC and preserve your savings? An additional monthly loan payment may be easier to handle than saving up $70K cash.
       – funnel your tax refunds, any bonuses, extra paychecks (eg, if you are paid biweekly Vs bimonthly there are two “extra” checks in there), cash back from credit cards, etc into your reno fund. Cash flow everything else and if you can’t, you don’t buy it and you eat spaghetti for a week.
       – keep a very careful record of your spending and your budget for each category. Tally up the spend every week. Seeing it in black and white before you is a great deterrent to shopping.

   21. We’re in this boat too (considering reno, costs freak us out) and have decided in the near term to do small projects to make our modest, totally adequate house the best it can be for now. We’re going to pull and replace our 1990s green granite for a lighter color quartzite and backsplash and paint, but not mess with cabinets or appliances. Also using IKEA pax wardrobes to make up for lack of closet or mudroom in our kitchen. What small things have you all done to love your house more?

       1. We got a beautiful white over-the-toilet cabinet that we assembled ourselves. It was less than $200, looks great, and adds a ton of function to our very small master bathroom without having to remodel or pay for built in cabinetry!

   22. I lived with a really bad kitchen – so bad that we were the only people willing to buy this house in a hot market – for 5 years, and everyone got fed. Wait until you have your savings straightened out. A remodeled kitchen is a want, not a need. And in order to get your savings straightened out, you need to pay careful attention to all wants vs needs. Be honest with yourselves.

   23. I think it’s normal to feel some anxiety about spending a lot of money, even if you budget for it and can technically afford it. If you’ve looked at your budget and really want to do it and acknowledge that your budget and whatever tradeoffs are reasonable, then that’s all you can really do. We could all have more money, right? Is your job really insecure or are you worrying as a habit?

4. I dont wear any makeup most days. I wore mascara yesterday and my eyes are watery today. I have noticed this has happened before, thinking back on it. It’s not expired. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I allergic or sensitive to it? I washed it off last night.

   1. My eyes are very sensitive to mascara and what I’ve found works best since I only wear make up a few times a month is to buy a travel size mascara from sephora so that I replace much more frequently.

   2. It can totally depend on the kind of mascara in my experience. I have sensitive eyes and Glossier doesn’t irrirate them.

      1. +1 is this why I keep buying Glossier

      2. Another vote for Glossier is the one mascara that doesn’t irritate my eyes.

   3. Mascara-dependent. I have no issues with many regular mascaras but, ironically, every waterproof kind I’ve tried leaves me with itchy, irritable eyes.

   4. How old was the mascara? Is it possible it’s degraded, although not expired, and that irritated your eyes? I think the standard is to toss 6 months after opening and first use, although I cannot say that I have ever followed this rule.

   5. I can only use the Cover Girl Lash Blast sensitive now, ever since I went cold turkey from mascara for a few months exactly 3 years ago ;)

      But also depending on where you live, the pollen count may have just skyrocketed…it did for me and boy am I feeling it

   6. Yeah, happens to me so I don’t wear mascara much.

5. I am fostering to adopt a new dog–my first non-adult dog, who is about 6-7 months old. I don’t know a lot about his personality yet. Please give me your best toy recommendations, as well as recommendations for fake grass/astroturf solutions for a midnight pee on the balcony to avoid a 3 AM elevator ride downstairs until he can go all night without a trip outside.

   1. Absolutely not. Nope. Does anyone live below your balcony? Then no he can’t pee out there. You got a puppy you get to go outside all the way at 3am do not be this person.

      1. Le sigh, they make little grass pads that sit in a pan, nothing goes through the balcony. OP, all pet stores and Chewy sells these. Do some treat training and get the spray to put on the grass to train your pup to go out there.

      2. …do you know how the astroturf things work? It’s like a litter box for dogs. OP is not suggesting she let her dog pee straight onto the balcony and let it drip onto the neighbors’ coffee table.

   2. I found the astroturf gross so I put disposable pee pads on my balcony when I had my puppy in a condo. It hasn’t caused any confusion – he always goes outside now. For toys, we like the Kong brand – they are the only ones he doesn’t destroy. But each pup is different, so try different things and see what they like. I would decide what you want to do with crate training/magic mat/any other space restrictions and try to be consistent with it, but also give your puppy some grace at first. 6 months is young, and presumably his previous family didn’t work out and he is a little traumatized. It can take up to 3 months for dogs to adjust to a new home.

      1. +1 to Kong brand. My destructo-dog has had the same Kong for years despite destroying actual tires.

   3. Kong toys are great, along with whatever “indestructible” brands your local pet store carries. We liked the squeaker ones that were made of seat belt material for our heavy chewer.

      Also, a 7-month old puppy shouldn’t need to go out at midnight and again at 3 AM with any regularity beyond initial house training.

   4. Congrats on your new addition. Puppies are both amazing and exhausting. We just got a puppy in December. He is now about 8 months old. At 6-7 months old, the dog may no longer need to go out in the middle of the night, depending on the size of the dog. Basically any chew toys are great at that age, along with some softer plush toys. I have a single story house with a yard, so no advice on the balcony.

      The best advice I got is when your puppy is driving you nuts, have a handful of treats and just reward the puppy for any activity/behavior that he/she is just naturally doing that is good – sitting, lying down, chewing on toy, etc.

   5. My mantra with puppies has always been ‘tired puppies are good puppies.’ Whether it’s physical exercise, training, or mental stimulation, giving your pup things to do so they’ll sleep when you need them to can be really helpful. A Kong filled with moistened kibble/treats and left to sit in the freezer can also be a big help.

6. I’m a senior associate in the DC area with a government facing practice. Partner is not looking likely (or honestly particularly desirable here) in the short term, and I’m thinking now would be a good time to do a stint in the federal government. As a baby lawyer I always assumed I would go to the government at some point but Trump then the pandemic kept me from making the move previously. I worked in the government prior to law school.

   What tips do you have about job searching and evaluating for someone looking to make the jump? Any unwritten rules I should be aware of? Anything you wish you had known? Thanks!

   1. You network. You meet people and that’s how you learn about openings.

   2. You need to activate your network. There are probably only a few agencies that are the best fit for your experience, and within those agencies, it would be good to understand the organizations and target a few potential types of roles — do you want to work as an attorney, or are you okay with a policy-type role? Also what the management is like. Work on your federal resume, which is different from a regular resume. Know that there are hundreds of applications for federal postings, and usually at least a half-dozen great candidates to choose from. You need to think about how to position your experience in a way that gets you in the door for an interview, and then hired.

      And start budgeting now for the significant pay cut.

   3. To add to the above, you should know that many agencies (can’t speak for all, but I worked in two major federal ones and have heard this to be true anecdotally across others as well) are suspicious of senior associates who realize they aren’t going to make partner (or don’t want to), and need an escape hatch. I suggest that you have a thoughtful, well prepared and personalized answer for why you want to go into government service (beyond the usuals like public service and mission, which may or may not be consistent with your background and experience). We dinged many senior biglaw associates because it was clear that they just wanted to get out, and get out fast.

   4. If it’s within your area aim at agencies staffing up due to BIL and/or IRA funding.

7. I woke up to a weird noise. It was coming from my bathroom—it turns out my Dyson airwrap fell off the counter and somehow turned itself on by the cord. It was hanging there and I somehow didn’t notice. My bathroom was super warm. Thank god it didn’t start a fire, but I’m super weirded out that I didn’t notice. Like how?

   I can tell today is going to be one of those days.

   1. On my better days, I like to think of those type of occurrences as the universe or my guardian angel looking out for me. The catching it was victory! Alternate universe you could have had a fire, but the universe/an angel/your subconscious helped you narrowly escape danger!

   2. that is so weird and freaky.
      FWIW I have always been shocked at people who leave blowdryers plugged in for reasons like this. I unplug all hair tools immediately. Something to consider!

   3. I never leave things like that plugged in.

      But weird. Totally….

   4. I came home from errands a few Saturdays ago and my television had switched itself on! I hadn’t used it since about October so there was no way I just hadn’t switched it off properly. It’s now unplugged at the wall. (I didn’t want a TV at all but my parents bought me one so my dad can watch the sports when he visits…)

      1. This can happen after a short power outtage

   5. Definitely unplug when you’re done using it!

   6. Don’t leave heat tools plugged in!! I have one of those metal-lined holsters to store my curling iron and hair dryer under the sink. You can unplug the hot device and stick it right in the holder.

8. Looking for vacation planning help. I am in SEUS and looking to do a trip next February somewhere warm. My husband and I will have our 18month old son with us. We are hoping to use a combo of Marriott and American points, but not tied to Marriott points. We would like somewhere warm with beach plus pool we can enjoy with our son. We would also like access to good food. We are not all inclusive travelers, but could be persuaded. I also want somewhere where travel is not a huge pain. Right now I am thinking the Marriot in Puerto Vallarta (close the airport, appears to have decent food with easy access to other restaurants). No more than $500 a night, but we can get creative with points. Any suggestions? Is there somewhere in Florida we should be thinking about?

   1. The Key West Marriott Beachside? It’s a little over $500 for Feb, but not much.

      1. I was in Key West in March 2018 and although sunny and pleasant, it barely got to 68 degrees in mid afternoon.

         1. Also, depending on where you are coming from, you probably won’t have a nonstop flight. From the northeast EWR might be the exception, but not sure if that nonstop still exists.

            1. There’s a nonstop from PHL (not sure if it’s daily) but it was running about $600-700 round trip pp this winter.

         2. That’s very unusual.

   2. FL east coast isn’t really reliable “calm sunny warm beach weather” in Feb. You might get lucky or it might be like, 60 and drizzling. Maybe Naples area?

   3. Check out Cancun. There are a lot of all-inclusives there but also some nice resorts that aren’t AI. I like the area a lot and it’s good for little kids. Mothercould just went to the Waldorf Astoria there and it looked great. It’s a Marriott property.

   4. Stayed at the Marriott in PV over Christmas. Rooms are slightly dated, but food is good, pools are great and we loved PV.

9. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/14/us/wellesley-college-trans-nonbinary.html

   If transmen are men, as they so vocally argue, what are they doing at a women’s college? Wellesley certainly allows students who transition to stay, but why should the school stop referring to itself as a women’s college because some selfish entitled men want it to because their feelings are hurt when they as men choose to attend a women’s college and then aren’t centered.

   1. Sigh. I hate the way women’s colleges have gone from centering women to excluding cis men. If centering women is no longer an option, there’s no point– they should just go coed and have done with it.

      1. You’ve elucidated something similar to my frustration that “nonbinary” individuals are now lumped in as women, which to me as a woman is very “othering.” Like, you have “men,” and then you have, “misc.” When it’s completely inappropriate for nonbinary people to be grouped in with women – isn’t the entire point that they are neither male nor female? Girls on the Run in my area includes nonbinary students, and I don’t like it. Nonbinary children are not girls.

         1. Right and it’s especially galling because the reason nonbinary folks are or want to be lumped in with women is because of male violence.

         2. To be clear because I think my tone came off a bit harsh, Girls on the Run can and should include whatever children they want, but if expanding the program beyond girls, they should update the name to reflect that. Similar to how the Boy Scouts renamed themselves Scouts BSA once girls could join.

         3. I think usually what these programmes are for is ‘people of marginalised genders’ – ymmv

   2. College students are so tiresome. They love to save the world from within a naive, privileged bubble. (I say as a person who definitely felt the passion as an undergrad, but look back with a mature perspective and cringe.)

      The left can’t stop canabalizing itself with myopic debates…and this is how the GOP always seems to win

      1. Yes to the second paragraph.

         1. Thirding the second paragraph!

   3. I’m an alum and while I support having trans and nonbinary students at Wellesley, I think the current admissions policy is the right choice. Also, I think we’re a women’s college and we ought to use that phrase (not change it to historically women’s college) and keep that mission.

      To be frank, I find the referendum, which is non-binding, kind of exasperating. Some of the supporters are the sort of zealots that like tell people who say alumnae or refer to themselves as an alumna that they are transphobic Wellesley grads. While I understand the concern about “respectability politics,” I think most older Wellesley alumnae are the sort of well-off, socially liberal, OK-with-capitalism, blue state or blue city voters that are appalled by the stuff happening to trans kids in TX and TN. But this stuff is a bridge too far and a reason for older alums to disengage.

      1. Also a Wellesley alumna (and former Latin student). Younger Wellesley graduates say “alums” and “siblings” instead of alumna or alumnae or sisters in my circles. I still say alumna and alumnae. The fact that Wellesley was an all women college was the major reason I chose it over other equally academically rigorous options.

   4. I want transpeople to be protected from violence and discrimination but I am am a woman and transwomen are transwomen. As a progressive, I do not dare share my thoughts on social media or among most of my friends. I have too many butch (as some refer to themselves) and masculine presenting lesbian friends who are fighting for women only spaces. Women must be protected in prisons, rehab centers, and domestic violence centers from privileged AMAB people. Women are being erased given the insidous push to call strong, brilliant historical women such as Louis May Alcott and Pauli Murray “transmen” or “nonbinary.” There is no way for a woman to be or dress or act.
      As for Womens’ colleges, perhaps they should go the way of the HBCU. Just make them coed and stop pretending that women have safe spaces anymore.

      1. This is partly my age, but having to change the language around Wellesley students in order to accommodate men (albeit transmen) is very frustrating. Why can’t the language be women-centered? Alumni is the term I associate with the douche-lords I went to law school with, alumnae is the special word I love because I went to Wellesley, a women’s college. Is it really such oppression to be referred to as alumnae? Or alums?

         FWIW, the current president of Wellesley College is an extremely well-liked, popular Black woman who is almost universally adored by the alums. I don’t think the administration’s message (i.e., we’re a women’s college) would be half as well-accepted by the alums if it was a different college president.

   5. Trans women have high rates of violence. I can imagine trans men might feel (and be) unsafe around cis men too. The gay cis boys in my high school were mercilessly bullied and beat up- no one was openly trans but probably would have been on the receiving end too. I can understand how someone who experiences that wants a different college environment.

      1. There are some coed colleges that are lgbt friendly with gender neutral dorms and the like. I understand that transpeople are subject to violence but that does not mean that women don’t want our own spaces. It’s a complicated issue, for sure.

10. WWYD…My taxes were filed last week. Yesterday in the mail I received an additional tax document with capital gains of $12. Do I call my accountant and amend? I’m a major rule follower so if this question is silly, I apologize.

    1. I’ve had something similar happen with a comparable dollar amount, did not refile and nothing ever happened. So I say “no.”

       1. +1

    2. I’m team always share with the accountant.

    3. I just saw this discussed on reddit and the unanimous answer was no. There won’t be enough of a tax implication for the IRS to care.
       I’m not an accountant, this is just what I read.

    4. I’m a major rule follower, so I feel your angst.

       If my father got this, he would ask me to amend his taxes. I use TurboTax, and would have done it for him.

       If I got this, I would feel guilty, and not amend.

       If I use an accountant…. I would tell them the information…. and let them decide!

       1. Yeah, I amended my taxes with TurboTax once a few years ago and it was really easy and free. I’d ask your accountant and see what they say, though I agree it likely won’t matter much given that we’re only talking about $12.

    5. Idk the right answer but I find it supremely annoying that any company would send out tax forms in MARCH when a lot of people have already done their taxes by then. I wish there were a rule that ordinary consumer tax papers have to be sent by the end of February.

       1. I thought there was a rule?

       2. There is a rule, and I think it is the end of January

          1. Isn’t that for W-2s?

    6. I promise you the IRS does not care about your $12.

       1. Really?

          I have always had a modest income. And the IRS has caught the two times I made the smallest of errors/left something off. I always do my own returns, and use TurboTax. I have paid penalties on the silliest/smallest of errors.

          Similarly they have made mistakes twice on my refunds.

          Clearly, they care more about me than Donald Trump.

          1. For $3 or $4? We don’t know the OP’s tax rate, but the tax on 12 really isn’t much. Having said that, I would amend my return but that’s cause I work in a field where problems with the IRS could cause career issues.

          2. …and Donald Trump does not care about you at all. Just entertaining myself here—ignore me.

    7. I had something similar happen this year – not a new form, but a corrected one related to investments/capital gains. The difference was ~$2.50. I’m also a rule follower, so I sent it to my accountant, and she said there was no need to amend my returns for that little because it wouldn’t change anything. I’d still check with yours for peace of mind, but it’ll probably be nothing!

11. For anyone who was enjoying the Tom Sachs/Worst job in the world story, this update has some interesting details from his former employees: https://www.curbed.com/article/tom-sachs-studio-employees-office-culture.html

    1. Wow.

    2. Thanks to the commenter in that article who recommended looking up Tom’s wedding announcement in the NYT, it’s a trip.

       1. You’re not kidding! The first date where she pays and he takes home both steaks! This story is a romantic bouquet of red flags. Bonus points for working in the word “leitmotif”.

          1. I was both appalled and laughing at the steaks. So pretentiously awful!

12. Give me your best recs for travel clothes -specifically, best clothes for long plane rides.

    I have a couple of long, international flights coming up, and am looking for the ideal travel clothes. I generally like a heavier weight nice set of matching sweats (like Frank and Eileen) but their pants are too short – covering my ankles is essential. I like pieces that look like they go together – and I want something a little more elevated than my beloved Champions available at Target. Haven’t fallen in love with anything at Eileen Fisher – anyone else have a brand that is tried and true? I prefer tunic length if the bottom is leggings; if not, prefer a zip up sweatshirt instead of something i have to take off over my head (static messes with my hair). Help me on this mission please! Ultra comfy, don’t really care too much about budget, just a bit elevated.

    1. Vuori

    2. Full length Lulu leggings and a matching sweatshirt?

    3. For long haul flights, I wear compression socks – life changing for no swollen feet & ankles! – so I’d just wear those under your nice matching sweats that you have and cover your ankles that way.

    4. I adore my tunic length Charles River fleece (bought from ama zon on the rec of Grace Atwood/ The Stripe. It just looks like a nice sweatshirt but it’s so cozy inside. It has press fastenings like a half zip so it’s easy to get on and off without ruining your hair or face. I wear it with ‘good’ gym leggings when I want to be cosy and put-together.

    5. I like layers – my usual has been lulu leggings, compression socks (plane only), a long tunic workout top (athleta has good ‘cya’ tops), a zip up hooded jacket, and then a light down vest over the jacket (which can double as a plane pillow). I’ll sometimes layer a workout tank under the tunic top if going somewhere warm so I can strip down when flying from say Boston to a warm location in winter. I then re-use plane clothes as workout clothes in my destination.

    6. I have a standard travel outfit starting from the bottom up – flats with a strap (or I will walk out of them), compression hose or socks, Eileen fisher crepe pants (not ankle pants), a knit sleeveless top from Lucky brand, a longish cardigan of either wool or cotton depending on season, and a pashmina. It’s not the most stylish outfit but it’s comfortable, clean, and fine looking. I’ve never been comfortable traveling in what are essentially pajamas, but this feels pretty close to pajamas.

    7. I love this question. With spring and summer trips coming up maybe someone can ask this early tomorrow?

    8. Leggings instead of pants because you don’t want anything dragging on the floor in the bathroom. And closed-toe shoes. My mom used to dress my sister and me in matching dresses with white knee socks and black patent leather Mary Janes when we flew in the 1970s. She also dressed for the flight. Those days are over. I want to arrive alive and healthy and without carrying any extra bacteria or viruses in my clothing.

13. Has anyone else been shocked at The Fold’s price increases? I got their catalog in the mail and was dumbfounded that every dress was $800 or more, pants were $500 or more. I bought a couple of dresses back in April 2020 and they were on sale for $165 each! I can’t envision a future in which I can afford their new prices and it makes me so sad.

    1. Oh my goodness. That also advances them into the unobtainable category for me. Wow.

    2. I’m perpetually annoyed that with their prices international shipping isn’t free. If I’m paying $550 for a dress do you really need to charge me $25 for shipping? I either buy their clothing on sale these days or save up and very, very carefully chose 1-2 pieces. I am more annoyed with MM LaFleur because while the Fold is VERY pricey I have yet to recieve a piece that isn’t impeccably made (even my tailor comments on the seams/finishing). Their washable/crepe pieces and tops are more affordable and I don’t find their pants so amazing that I need to pay the upcharge – it’s primarily a source for jackets/dresses/tops.

       1. I hear you on MM Lafleur, the quality just hasn’t been there. Always puzzled when I read it being recommended.

    3. yeah, I love their pieces but I’m not going to get $800 of pleasure out of a dress. Especially adding insult to injury by charging for shipping.

       I do browse when they have sales, but tbh their s-te functionality is so awful (even if you filter by size, the results include items that are out of stock in every size – waste of time) that I’ve abandoned mission out of frustration.

       1. Also though using April 2020 as a benchmark isn’t realistic. I got a tweed shift dress from JCrew for $12 in April 2020.

          1. Yeah all workwear was on huge sale in April 2020 for obvious reasons.

          2. Oh for sure! I knew it was a great deal at the time and didn’t expect to catch that kind of price on their dresses again. But now I don’t have a hope of affording their pieces on sale even.

             Thanks for the reassurance, all. I had a “is it me or is this crazy?” moment and it’s nice to know it’s not just me.

    4. The dress I had my eye on just went up by around $150. Nope.

    5. I have the money and would buy clothes from The Fold, but they don’t go up to my size – I’m a solid 14/16. So annoying.

14. I wanted to love MMLaFleur’s jardigans but the material/fit is not meant for my bodybuilding arms. The correct size for the rest of my upper body was way too tight on my arms. Same for the Foster pants on my bodybuilding legs!

    1. I’m not a bodybuilder but I was disappointed with every Jardigan Knit thing I bought. The skirts with the yoga pants waistbands were absolutely bizarre on me. I guess the good thing is all the $$$ I can save not buying their stuff!

15. Looking for recommendations for any non-fiction book that was truly worth reading. About anything. It dawned on me recently that the non-fiction books I’ve read over the last few years were essentially long form propaganda advancing the author’s theories; usually on a wellness topic such as sleep, nutrition, gut health, meditation, etc. I feel like usually the useful info can be summarized in a few paragraphs, and the rest is sort of a “my approach and only my approach can fix it” vibe that really turns me off.

    1. Biographies?

    2. Bad Blood, She Said and Empire of Pain were all engrossing and about important subjects.

       1. Yes! These are the exact three I would have recommended, all were fantastic.

       2. Empire of Pain was fascinating – I second this recommendation

    3. Some good non-fiction I’ve read recently: Crying in H Mart (memoir), The Duchess (biography), Catherine the Great (biography), The Year of Less (stop/reduce spending), Burnout (really useful in helping me understand the effect of stress on my body and what to do about it). Happy reading! I think most of these we recommendations I got from this board.

    4. So I actually think that a lot of nonfiction books would be better as a long article. There’s enough for one or two chapters and the rest is just filler. That said, I have read a lot of great nonfiction, it’s just mostly as history or science. Some good ones: The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson, An Immense World by Ed Yong, Under a White Sky by Elizabeth Kolbert, Empire of Pain by Patrick Radden Keefe, The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson, Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer, The Invisible Kingdom by Meghan O’Rourke, Strangers to Ourselves by Rachel Aviv

       1. Couldn’t agree more with your first sentence. Feel like I’ve read a lot of those lately…

    5. Look for autobiographies/memoirs? Educated by Tara Westover is a favourite of mine.

       1. OP here, I completely forgot about Educated. I really enjoyed that one.

          1. If you missed H is for Hawk, it’s also really good.

    6. Looking at my bookshelf for the list of non-fiction that I’ve enjoyed and kept:

       Seabiscuit by Laura Hildenbrand (she also did the one about the fighter pilot in the 40s, I can’t remember the name of it, but I really enjoyed it)
       Freakanomics
       You Never Forget Your First – Alexis Coe biographer about George Washington

       1. Unbroken is the Laura Hillenbrand you’re thinking of.

       2. I was also going to suggest Seabiscuit, and Unbroken is also good. I just finished the Splendid and the Vile, also mentioned up thread, and liked that as well.
          Also, if we count travel writing as nonfiction, I find anything by Bill Bryson hilarious.

    7. I don’t read a lot of nonfiction, but I randomly picked up Ronan Farrow’s Catch and Kill a few weeks ago and found it engrossing.

       1. His book on diplomacy is even better.

    8. Oh man, there’s so much cool nonfiction out there! History, memoirs, biographies, science, etc.
       One that I’ve really liked is The Great Mortality, about the Black Death. I learned a ton and it was super engaging.
       Bill Bryson’s books are fun, esp At Home and One Summer. Erik Larson’s books are absorbing.

    9. Factfulness: ten reasons we’re wrong about the world by Hans Rosling.

    10. My faves:
        Warmth of Other Suns (great migration)
        Bad Blood (Theranos)
        The Power Law (venture capital)
        The Wizard of Lies (Bernie madoff)

        There was one about the Budweiser / Anheuser Busch family that I can’t remember the name of.

        1. Bitter Brew

    11. I adored Lucy Easthope’s When The Dust Settles and cannot stop singing its praises. She’s a disaster recovery specialist here in the UK (but there are case studies from around the world in the book), a field I knew very little about, but I was engrossed from page one.

        1. Ooh that’s right up my alley. Adding to my list!

    12. Some ones I really enjoy (that can also be easily read in small amounts, often with each essay or chapter standing on its own).

        For charming autobiographical funny stories – David Sedaris (eg. Naked)
        For fascinating, frustrating, heartbreaking medically relevant stories – Atul Gawande (eg. Complications)
        For lovely autobiographical stories about food, life, family and NYC – Ruth Reichl (eg. Tender at the Bone)

        Each of these authors has written multiple excellent books, so you can read more.

    13. If you haven’t read Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel and Dimed you should check it out, it was eye opening when I read it as an undergrad. I recently read Say Nothing and found it fascinating – I knew about ‘the troubles’ but not the extent of how entrenched the violence was and how long it went on. Doris Kearns Goodwin is also a titan of historical non-fiction – Team of Rivals is a particular favorite of mine. Mary Roach is also very readable for ‘weird’ science non-fiction.

        1. Another plug for Mary Roach, and also Oliver Sacks.

    14. Books by Ronan Farrow, Rachel Maddow, and Michael Lewis have all been good but not at all about wellness.

    15. I’ve been enjoying David Graeber’s books because they’re very dense with specific examples that are new to me, but they’re still engaging to read. I started with Debt.

    16. This isn’t a book, but I watch even less non-fiction than I read, and this talk had me rapt with attention. The title would never give away that it is interesting or accessible: “Cell Intelligence in Physiological and Morphological Spaces.” I knew nothing about Michael Levin’s lab, so maybe it was old news to people who follow their research, but it was literally all new to me. (Not linking so I don’t get stuck in mod, but I think it’s easy to find.)

    17. Bad Blood

    18. I think my comment got eaten so trying again. I absolutely loved Max Tegmark’s Life 3.0, about artificial intelligence. This is a superb example of clear science writing. It distills the topic very well, is really engaging, and written in an accessible way for someone without any background. Also funny.

    19. A lot of people love Erik Lardon’s nonfiction because his books read like novels.

        Another great one I read recently was “The Feather Thief.” It combines all kinds of weird worlds— A flutist in England breaks into a prominent museum and steals a ton of rare bird carcasses for… tying replicas of Victorian flies (like you’d use for fly fishing). Then proceed with absolute insanity/chaos. It was engrossing and fun.

        I love Mary Roach’s books as well, which always teach me something about a niche area in a very entertaining way.

        1. A late reply, but I thought you meant to say Erik Larson, not Lardon. His books are great!

    20. Any of Mary Roach’s books. Informative and hilarious and not self help!

    21. I highly recommend Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men. It’s really eye-opening (though prepare to feel some rage when reading it). I also liked Heat, the $64 tomato (both food/(actual) garden related), and Better by Atul Gawande.

        1. OP- invisible women was so good! I think about it everyday

    22. – King Leopoldo’s Ghost
        – shake hands with the devil by Romeo Daillaire
        – Madeleine Albright’s autobiography

    23. Real American, a memoir by Julie Lythcott-Haims, is both a page-turner and gave me a much better understanding of race in the US.

    24. In the last years, some good ones were HumanKind, How to be an antiracist, and Braiding Sweetgrass.

    25. No Visible Bruises. Devastating and powerful.

    26. I recently read and loved Clint Smith’s How the Word is Passed.

    27. The Island at the Center of the World – about how the colony of New Amsterdam became NYC.

        Fascinating read – so much of who we are as a country starts there. And fascinating to know that we lost all of the documents about New Amsterdam for a couple hundred years and that there’s now ONE man, one!, working to translate all this mid-1600s Dutch and unfold our history for us.

    28. I need to stop Netflix and Instagram and start reading. My brain is turning to mush.

    29. Into Thin Air, Bad Blood, Say Nothing, King Leopold’s Ghost, The Spirit Catches you and You Fall Down, The Coddling of the American Mind, Irreversible Damage, and Confederates in the Attic are all excellent. None feel bloated/like they should have been articles.

    30. I always recommend Mary Roach’s books, they’re all great. She writes about all kinds of research and history in different subjects matter, and she’s such an entertaining writer. Specifically liked Bonk (s*x research), Stiff (use of cadavers in research), and Grunt (military research).

16. I’m just putting this out here – I ended up in a Kohl;’s last weekend for an Amazon return and I was very surprised by the work options. Cute Nine West stuff, some cheap Vera Wang off-brand brand that had good options, Lauren Conrad’s brand which was surprisingly cute. It was well organized (like a Macy’s back in the day or something). I’m sure it depends which Kohl’s you end up in but I was happy with what I walked out with.

    1. Interesting. I haven’t been to a Kohl’s in years but I’ve been put off of them because I feel like they tend to be chaotic. I’ll have to give them a look again.

       1. Same. I gave up on Kohl’s because they are just giant disorganized piles of stuff. I can never find anything and when I do they don’t have my size.

    2. Kohl’s is surprisingly awesome.

    3. You’re giving me hope that Kohl’s has rediscovered workwear. I had a hilarious experience last year when I went in and there was not a single pair of pants – not jeans or pajamas, but actual pants – anywhere in the store. I had to do two whole loops to confirm that, yes, they had somehow stocked 75% of the store with shirts and mostly forgotten about the bottom half of outfits.

    4. While I appreciate this, Kohl’s has carried their own Vera Wang & LC for 10+ yrs (I used to get it post-college). It is definitely hit or biggg miss IME.

       1. This is 100% true, I am sure. I had just written off Kohl’s years ago as a chaotic poorly lit mess that I never even entered. This was true for me for probably most of the past 10 years. It was a surprising happy find last weekend. Not wool or silk or real leather or anything. All blends and polyesters and all that but very appropriate for work. I’m sure next season will be different but that’s how Target is too.

17. Anyone have any recs for a cute sweatshirt for weekends? Preferably cotton, a little on the big size for layering over things, maybe a little bit of length to wear with leggings. Most sweatshirts I see are solid colours and I’d love to have something with some kind of pattern or print or just more visually interesting, but no logos or words.

    1. Rails has some sweatshirts with prints or embroidered patterns, but they are on the shorter side.

18. Houston area ladies – have some family coming into town this weekend from New York and the unseasonably cold weather is messing up all my plans. Going to the rodeo on Sunday, but need an activity for Saturday for ages 5-65. The last time these family members were in town it rained the whole time, and we didnt do much and I don’t want 9 people sitting around my house all day.

    1. We visited Houston and enjoyed the Children’s Museum – not sure how many kids you’re having but it was a hit for my crew.

19. for those of you who bought a steelcase, aeron, or other $$$ chair – did you sit in it before you bought it or just go on research? i’m having a really hard time finding places around me that sell it retail – everything is b2b and requires an appointment.

    1. I made an appointment at one of the b2b places and they were kind enough to let m walk around and try things out. Love love love my steelcase gesture. Such a splurge but I’ve never regretted it. Wanted to love the HM Aeron but it was just too big for me even in small and the arm rests were much too wide. The gesture has the most adjustable armrest I have ever seen.

    2. I bought my Steelcase Think chair (second hand) and it’s awesome. I went in person to a furniture dealership and glad I did; the other chairs that I thought I wanted were not the right fit.

    3. I did not. I have a Herman Miller Mira chair. I did order it with all the available adjustment options though so I could adjust to fit, and I had a bit of a back and forth internet chat with one of the sales associates who pointed out how it differs from other chairs. For example, it has a mesh seat, which is cooler than a padded seat, and I get hot, so that was good to know.

20. I recently received my first royalty check for one of my books. Exciting! But can someone explain to me like I’m five years old how to calculate and pay the quarterly taxes on it? I’ve always done my own taxes so I’d prefer not to have to get an accountant, especially not this time of year, but if that’s the answer I’d rather know sooner rather than later.

    1. If you received it in 2023 you don’t have to do anything but possibly pay estimated taxes, which is easy. Is it a 1099?

       1. I know I have to pay the estimated taxes and that this is supposed to be easy, but I don’t know how much to calculate and I couldn’t understand the information or worksheet on the IRS website. Any tips would be appreciated.

          1. I would assume you’ll pay 30% of it in taxes and send it in. Worst case you get a refund. It’s unlikely you’d get a penalty on a small amount of difference.

             I use quickbooks for my small business (self employed version) and I send in whatever they tell me to as estimated taxes. So far so good.

    2. Have you gone to IRS dot gov & read about it there? TurboTax? I don’t think anything simpler & still accurate exists. But also if the amount is small enough or you have a W-2 job, you might not have to worry about it at all — you can do the math & withhold more from your W2 if necessary.

       1. Yes, I read the information and worksheet on the IRS website and just couldn’t get my head around it. I do have a W-2 job, but this income will be quite variable so I’m not sure adjusting my W-2 withholding is the right way to go. I’m also not sure what math I need to do to calculate it.

          1. The Small Business Association (SBA) also has some good information. It’s hard to say which info applies to you and how — I think you have to be able to use the available charts, calculators and submission forms or an accountant might be right for you.

21. I have variable income also – estimated taxes are something my accountant calculates for me. They’re based on what you earned the year prior, though, so if you just got a new one you won’t owe estimated taxes until 2024. It wasn’t a big deal until I made over $50k yearly on it though.

    It does say TurboTax can do it though – https://blog.turbotax.intuit.com/self-employed/self-employed-dont-forget-about-the-estimated-tax-deadline-19852/

    I highly, highly recommend you keep a record of the income you receive from royalties. Presume you’re going to eventually owe 50% of the income, between taxes and retirement. You may want to look into setting up a SEP-IRA, where you can contribute up to 25% of the income (up to $52k). But don’t contribute until your accountant tells you how much.

    1. +1 to the SEP IRA, but 25% actually means 20% – I thought my accountant did it wrong but I checked the formula and she got it right. They want it to be 25% of your income after the contribution is taken out. So if you earn $100, $20 (20%) is the SEP contribution, and you then have $80 after the contribution. $20/$80 is 25%.

       1. What terribly confusing criteria. Thanks for explaining.

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