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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This dress is from Akris is right up my alley — it’s got a dramatic black-and-white print, a dramatic sleeve, and a well-tailored sheath silhouette. What a dream! I am particularly into the slit sleeves, which strike me as far more practical than the “fun” bell sleeves that were all over the place a few years ago.
The dress is $1,018, marked down from $2,990, at Neiman Marcus, and it comes in sizes 4–16.
Trina Turk has a more affordable option — this black-and-white dress that is $41.32 and up at Amazon and available in sizes 0–14.
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Atlanta or Charlotte?
How would you advise a new college graduate who is weighing job offers from the same financial services company in Atlanta and Charlotte? I am unfamiliar with either city, so I cannot be specific in my advice, but I am sure there are women on this list who can speak to life in both cities. Male, 23, single, and hoping to build a career in financial services. Any and all input would be appreciated.
Anonymous
If it is with Truist, I’d consider taking the job in CLT vs ATL. Financial services is really broad though. Private equity? Broker-dealer? Debt side? Equity side? All of the details matter a lot.
CWT and Dechert have offices in CLT (not ATL), so if it is a NY-style finance job, I’d err on the side of CLT.
Anonymous
I’d say congrats on having no bad choices, pick whichever seems more fun.
Anon
If it’s the same firm and there aren’t other considerations at play (family in one location, etc.), I would put a high priority on being in corporate headquarters or the larger of the two offices. Would only consider the smaller office if that’s where my direct boss or team was located.
anon
Charlotte is a big finance hub with many banking institutions headquartered there. My brother works in finance and says his three realistic options are Charlotte, SF, and NY, not that Atlanta doesn’t have opportunities, just fewer I would think. I’m unfamiliar with the Charlotte scene but I was there a couple of times precovid and it seemed their downtown really shuts down (no traffic, few pedestrians, just really empty and quiet). Whereas Atlanta would still be alive well into the night, with people actually living and dining in and around area.
Anonymous
I am an old and the CLT scene is just south of Uptown now (down the light rail from the big buildings). If a kid is too cool for that area, I think that kid would be too cool for most finance jobs (or would really need to move to NYC/SF, which would often be a step back in lifestyle due to VVHCOL).
Anonymous
Like the previous poster said, Charlotte is more of an option than Atlanta – suntrust bank just left Atlanta and now they are Truist with their headquarters in Charlotte. I live in Charlotte and the downtown area is changing and now is absolutely alive after 5:30 pm. There are TON of young kids (ie, 23 year olds) living in the South End and plaza Midwood neighnorhoods. If he really wants to be in financial services, Charlotte is a great place to be. We have Bank of America and Truist headquarters, a large Barclays presence (they have a whole bank new skyscraper building), and we are home to the biggest employment hub of Wells Fargo (about 27,000 WF employees are based here).
Anon
Concur with the advice above.
One more consideration: we’ve talked about how people tend to not make many post-college (or post-grad school) moves. All other things being equal, it’s better to start your career in the place that you can see living for your entire career. You make friends and professional connections, get involved in politics or the non-profit scene, buy a house, maybe meet someone and get married, all that, and it can be difficult to make the transition elsewhere as time goes on.
Does this young man see himself sitting in Atlanta traffic for the rest of his life? Does he see himself living in the city that is not the finance hub that Charlotte is? Is he considering doing an MBA, and if so, at night or leaving entirely to go to Chicago or Penn or Harvard?
Anon
My younger brother works for a bank. Started in Charlotte, moved to Atlanta, HATED it, and moved back to Charlotte. It has been a perfect fit because the financial services industry in Charlotte is huge and growing, which has made professional advancement easier. There is a lot of competition for talent right now. But honestly, he just really did not like Atlanta.
Met his wife his first stint in Charlotte. Part of the reason for the move was that she had grown up nearby and gone to UGA and liked visiting Atlanta. But they both figured out pretty quickly that visiting Atlanta was not the same as living in Atlanta.
Which it to say that Charlotte is a great place for the financial services industry. But there are jobs to be had in Atlanta too. A larger part of the equation is whether he wants to live in a big city – with all that implies for good and bad (the traffic in ATL is horrific) or a mid-sized city. Keep in mind that Atlanta is a city in the South while Charlotte is a southern city with a lot of transplants.
Anonymous
Oooh, this dress is Moira Rose in the best possible way. [My hair is so gnarly right now that I could also go for a Moira Rose wig.]
Anon
Love this dress. I would wear it for a board meeting or presentation.
LaurenB
Adore this dress.
Anon
Such a Boss Lady dress!
(Not bossbabe or girlboss or other mlm titles. I’m talking about someone running a F500, not someone selling essential oils)
Anonymous
COVID #s in my area are really surging. We are maybe 50% vaccinated as a city and county, which is not great (very blue city, purple state). I have a 11YO kid who is young for his grade (but a giant even still, as big as a smaller adult). In his school, if schools open (they didn’t last year), he will be among the only kids not old enough to be vaccinated, so I wonder if anyone will even bother with masking since most 6th and all 7th/8graders could be vaccinated already (with the honor system, no one wears masks now). I had thought he’d be eligible before school started, but I’m losing hope of that. What is the worst that could happen if I just take him to a clinic and present him to get the shot? No doubt they will give it to him (it is no-questions-asked so as to encourage people who may be here sans papers, etc., to get shots for themselves and their kids). If his smaller 13YO sister got the shot with no problems, I doubt he’d have problems. I feel like our regulators and fellow residents are letting us down and this is the only real option to keep kiddo safe: move the birth year back a year and accept that the only real risk is to me.
Anonymous
You don’t have to register him with his DOB?
Outside of other risk factors, I think this is an extreme overreaction. At a minimum I would discuss your concerns with your pediatrician.
When does he turn 12? Did he skip a year in school? If not, surely other kids in his class will also be unvaccinated and therefore all also be wearing masks.
Anonymous
Right — the self-reported birthday. Kids have birth certificates, which my older kid didn’t have to show, so if your claimed age passes the laugh test, you should be fine.
Anonymous
At our state’s public and private vaccination sites, you have to give a birthdate. The private vaccination sites also demand insurance information. You could probably get around it by fudging the birthdate and claiming to be uninsured, but I’d be worried about having a vaccination card with the wrong birthdate. At the public sites you have to show a birth certificate for people under 18.
Cat
Well, you’d be lying. If the vast majority of everyone else in your kid’s school is vaxxed, I would see the temporary threat to your kid as pretty minimal…
Anonymous
I don’t see the majority of any school anywhere being even as close as it is population generally. So if the area is 50% vaxxed, I doubt the school is even 25% vaxxed.
Private schools may be different. But in my city, private schools were compliant with masking and had school last year with no issues. Public schools in my city never reopened except for sporadic attempts to reopen for K-5 (nothing for older kids until May-ish?). They struggle with basic vaccinations in typical years. I’m sure the admins are scared of the kids generating outbreaks and fear that that many unvaxxed kids may cause them to be remote again or to have disruptive shutdowns.
Anon
+1 teens are vaxxed at half the rate of adults. That holds true across the US, regardless of adult vax rate.
Anonymous
But the vast majority are not vaxxed. If only 50%ish percent of the adults are vaccinated, you can bet that the number for preteens is much lower, particularly when many of them aren’t eligible. I wouldn’t have any problem lying under these circumstances. No one else is looking out for our kids’ health right now.
anon
Yeah, I would not do this. I don’t see this temporary threat as that large. I would be concerned about not having accurate medical records though which could have a lot of fall out for years to come.
LaurenB
Why? The records will be accurate. Bobby got vaxed on days x and y with lot Z of Pfizer per his vax card. I really doubt CVS etc cares all that much, esp if the kid looks old for his age. Frankly CVS probably cares more that he buys some gum and soda and chips while he’s waiting in line.
Anonymous
The pharmacies’ computer systems will not authorize the vaccine for anyone who isn’t old enough. You have to give them a fake birthdate.
Anon
How could having the wrong birth year on your vaccination card have “fall out for years to come”? Basically no one ever looks at your vaccination card. On the very rare times that they do look, it’s doubtful that they will notice that the birth year is off by one or care if they do notice.
When I got the yellow fever card the nurse filled out the name wrong (wrote First Middle Last when it was suppose to be Last, First Middle). No one noticed for over 10 years, and when a new doctor’s office did notice, they just recorded my vaccination records on a new card. I’ve used that yellow fever card to travel for over 15 years, and never once has a custom’s agent said a thing.
anon
I may be biased because there’s an inaccuracy in my medical records that literally causes issues constantly. I have tried to get it corrected for years and every time I see a new doctor or there is a system upgrade or sometimes no reason at all I have to re-go through the process again. As a poster noted below, there’s also the issue of travel or other activities that require proof of vaccination that may not accept proof of vaccine if the information on the vaccine card doesn’t match birth certificate/passport/whatever the place has on file.
Anon
Agree with this wholeheartedly. On my original vaccination card, the one my mom maintained and then gave to me once I became an adult, my last name is spelled wrong. I crossed out the incorrectly-spelled last name and filled in the correct one above it. No one has ever questioned it. In the future, if the kid gets questioned about the birthdate on their vaccine record not matching an identity document, they can say, oh, that’s a mistake and carry on nonchalantly. The records we got for our Covid vaccinations were filled out by hand, definitely possible someone could make a mistake.
LaurenB
My vax card has the name of the health dept where I got vaxed. No one outside this area would recognize the name. No one is going to scrutinize the vax card that closely. Anyway, given that we are likely going to wind up getting boosters, the birthdate can be corrected then.
Anonymous
Why not ask your doctor if it is safe for your child to get the vaccine instead of a bunch of ladies on the internet?
anon
*a bunch of ladies and one 23-year-old man.
Anonymous
I will say that I read this weekend that it’s not just about weight, it’s also about the maturity of the child’s immune system. They could potentially have an overreaction to the vaccine that makes them more susceptible if they were exposed to COVID. Do I think that’s likely? No. But that’s the reason not to. I’m not sure what I would do if I were in your shoes, but if I’m being honest, I’d probably consider going for it, too. Particularly if he’s closer to 12.
Anonymous
Ha — kiddo is absolutely filthy and disgusting, even among his peers. Immune system is probably a well-oiled machine at this point.
Anonymous
I think they meant maturity of the immune system from a developmental perspective, not exposure — but you may be joking! :)
Anon
That article also pointed out there’s very little difference between 11 & 12 – I’d also figure out how to get him there.
Anonymous
Yes, that’s right. I’m not disagreeing with that, just sharing the info.
Anon
We’re on the same page, I was underscoring the point that yes, it’s about immune system maturity and also it’s arbitrary as you get closer to 12.
Anon
Are there any particular risk factors that make you concerned about your son’s health? According to the CDC, very very few people under 18 have died from COVID (300 or so, total); anecdotally, most of them had other health problems. (To be clear: every death is horrible tragedy; the issue is in assessing risk specific to your kid.)
Anonymous
Long covid, maybe. Mental health of kiddo misses more school due to exposures and quarantining and school reopening, 1000%. Kiddo was one who started counseling over the past year for mental wellness and I’m glad we did that. So for kid not re-entering a dark headspace, I’d round up a bit on the birth year thing. It’s not like it’s stealing the shot of a vulnerable person who needs it — there is very little local demand. So if those eligible won’t get it, I see the harm as being on me vs the upside all being in his favor.
Anonymous
Long covid, maybe. Mental health of kiddo misses more school due to exposures and quarantining and school reopening, 1000%. Kiddo was one who started counseling over the past year for mental wellness and I’m glad we did that. So for kid not re-entering a dark headspace, I’d round up a bit on the birth year thing. It’s not like it’s stealing the shot of a vulnerable person who needs it — there is very little local demand. So if those eligible won’t get it, I see the harm as being on me vs the upside all being in his favor.
Anon
And half the schools in the US weren’t open last year. This year will be very different re: Covid and kids.
Anonymous
I’d talk to kiddo’s doctor first. This is a medical decision and should be treated that way.
Are all schools having the same policy on masking? It’s still early where I am, but already some are making it clear masking will be required due to Delta. As things start to shake out, it might be worth school shopping if only for the year…?
LaurenB
I’m willing to bet that doctors who have access to tue vaccine are quietly giving it to their own kids who are just a tidge off from qualifying, esp if the kid is large for his/her age.
Anonymous
I would be tempted, but wouldn’t do this. If something were to go wrong, it would be incredibly hard to lose your legal recourse because you lied.
anne-on
Have you asked his pediatrician? In our area I’ve heard a LOT of peds are giving the shot to 11yr olds that are larger/weigh more especially if parents are nervous about infection rates.
Frankly, yes, in this situation I’d lie and get him vaccinated. Unlike idiots who are refusing to get vaccinated for no good reason (no, I’m not talking about those who can’t get vaccinated) you are taking on (minimal) risk to protect him and your community vs. putting more of a risk into your larger community. I’d also have no issues about explaining why you are doing this to your kid.
Anon
+1 in my area peds will vaccinate 11 year olds whose parents want it. I would just ask your ped, you can probably get it without lying.
Anonymous
Wow — not in my area! Two large hospitals own most medical practices and they are doing the risk-averse-corporate thing: no shots unless you are 12. I am trying to get my 10YO into a 2-11 year old kids’ trial (but kiddo might get a placebo), but waiting until December will s*ck.
No Face
I think September is the expected timeframe for your son being eligible, so you may be borrowing trouble.
My little kid went to last year when cases in my state/city were absolutely skyrocketing and vaccines were not available. School was safe, because they had masking, cohorting, and other protocols in place. If your school reopens with masks, I would not worry, especially now that teachers, staff, and the older kids are vaccinated. If your school reopens without mitigation measures in place, I certainly wouldn’t judge you for attempting to get him vaccinated at a few places around town.
Anonymous
Do you really think that older kids are getting vaccinated? I feel like in my city, people aren’t feeling the urgency on that front (or that it will be mild, of that the kids really aren’t at risk over the summer) and it’s just not getting done (never mind nonsense on the web re girls and puberty). I got my 12YO vaccinated on the first day and my cousin who is a nurse has had her kids vaccinated but I only know of one of my 12YO’s local friends who has had it (and that kid is a bit nervous to get together even still; I am not sure she is off base).
No Face
A more accurate statement is that teachers, staff, and older kids COULD be vaccinated; we’ll see how the numbers shake out. I am not very concerned about this school year because last year my state was a hot mess of COVID and the vaccine was not available, but my kid’s school year went great while mostly in-person. I would not send an unvaccinated kid into an indoor environment without masks though, as I predict the fall and winter are going to be very ugly in my state.
BeenThatGuy
This is very dependent on where you live. I’m in North Jersey and have a 13YO. I can’t think of a single friend of his that isn’t vaccinated (or their parents for that matter).
Anon
Same, in the Bay Area and every kid over 12 in our circle is vaxxed.
anon
+1. One friend was hesitant about getting her son vaxxed but her son talked them into doing it because all his friends got vaxxed.
LaurenB
It’s so pointless to say “in my city” without telling us what the city is.
KH
Why do you care?
Anonanonanon2
No they’ve delayed it to “mid-winter” now.
No Face
Ah that stinks. I have little kids and I was hoping that they could get vaxxed this winter. Fat chance now!
Anon
FDA announced not until winter. They want 4 months minimum of safety data. They only required 2 months of data for teens and adults, so I believe that pushes Pfizer’s timeline to November to being able to file (September was based on 2 months) and then December at the earliest for approval (FDA usually takes 4-6 weeks to act on the request), so an 11 year old won’t be fully vaccinated until January and that’s if everything goes perfectly with the trial and approval. Each age cohort is 2 months behind, so they said no earlier than Feb-March for 2+ and April-May for babies. It really really stinks.
anon
Why do you think it stinks? I think that requiring four months of safety data is prudent. I personally am happy to wait for my daughter to be vaccinated
Anonymous
I mean, I have months of data from me, months’ more from friends in health care, and now several months of data from my older teen kid and my 12-15 YO kid. So if your kid is 10 or 11, this seems good enough. If your kid is 3 months old and not going out anyway, fine: wait. But if your kid already had 2 years of their life disrupted and is among the questionable anyway, might as well get the shot b/c otherwise you are probably getting the Delta variant sooner if not later.
Anon
Is your child otherwise fully vaccinated? Did you vaccinate her on schedule? Answers to those questions will tell me a lot about your overall perspective.
anon
I’m the anon from 1:26 and yes, she has had all other shots at the recommended times. She is very young and I have no interest in her being the guinea pig for the toddlers. Happy to be at the very back of the line to get her this shot.
anon
+1 my kids are fully vaccinated on the recommended schedule. I trust the scientists to set out the schedule and procedures to approve other vaccines, why would I decide now that I know better than their procedures/data review? The suggestion that this view is somehow anti vaccines is really bizarre. Either you agree that the scientific community and approval standards are good and everyone should follow them or you’re in a weird place where you have a lot in common with anti vaccine people who also think they know better than the scientific community.
Anon
Because no vaccine in human history has ever had an adverse effect show up more than 2 months after the last injection. To be clear, I’m not sure I’d want my kid as a guinea pig in a trial being one of the very first one to get the vax, but two months of safety data in several thousand volunteers is plenty and it feels like they’re asking for this extra data to appease the anti-vax movement at the expense of the kids who want to be vaccinated and can’t be. You have a choice to delay vaccinating your child even if the FDA approves it ASAP. I don’t have a choice to vaccinate my kid before the FDA approves. Israel and the UK have vaccinated 80% of their population and can’t contain the Delta variant – and Israel at least has re-enacted precautions like mask-wearing. Anyone who isn’t vaxxed this fall is getting Covid, certainly in the red states where mask wearing is not making a comeback – multiple experts have said as much. I’m sad and angry that my kid will have to get this virus when we’ll likely know there’s a safe and effective vaccine in her age group before then. Yes, she probably won’t die, but we have no idea what long term health complications will appear in the future. Viruses – unlike vaccines – have complications that can show up years or decades down the road. Measles and chicken pox both have serious, even fatal complications, that don’t appear for a decade and those are just the two examples I can think of off the top of my head, I’m sure there are other viruses that also cause future complications in survivors. Covid is less than 2 years old. We have no idea what the future holds in terms of health effects from this virus.
Anon
I’d talk to your pediatrician, but honestly I think it’d be fine. If he’s 11, in a grade with 12 year olds (meaning he’s not that far off from 12) I think it’s more or less fine. I think this will be happening more often than you’d think, to be honest.
Anon
Before 12-15 year-olds were eligible, one of my son’s friends got the shot when he showed up with his mom and 16-year-old sister to a vaccination appointment and they offered to give it to him. He was 15 at the time and 6’4″ with a full goatee. The nurse gave his sister the shot, turned to my son’s friend, said “how about you” and when he said “I’m actually not old enough” the nurse said “I won’t tell if you don’t” and they filled out the paperwork recording him as 16. His mom was like, I decided not to look the gift horse in the mouth, and I wholeheartedly agreed with her, best course of action. In our state no one has had to show any identity documents of any kind vaccinating a minor; I didn’t even have to show an ID proving I was his legal guardian when my son got vaccinated.
My son is also a giant human being and we might as well take advantage of whatever opportunities that grants them. I would take your son in to get vaccinated and if you get challenged about his age (I doubt that will happen) just walk away.
LaurenB
Personally I’d do it. The unethical people are the morons who either aren’t vaxing or who aren’t taking their teens to be vaxed. Any “unethicalness” of sneaking your kid in pales relative to that.
Anon
I would totally lie about his birth year and get him vaccinated prior to the start of school. Schools in red states are going to rely on the honor system, and I don’t expect it to work any better than it does in the average store — i.e., no one will be wearing masks regardless of vaccination status. If he was small for his age, I might feel differently but it sounds like your son is not.
Anon
I’d probably do it. I don’t think it is the “right” thing to do, but our society is not doing the right thing with the low vax %, so desperate times call for desperate measures.
Anon
Agreed.
Anon
Same here.
Anon
Exactly. I kind of have zero Fs to give about secretly vaccinating kids who are slightly under 12, given that we have people who won’t put on a mask for 20 minutes to literally save other people’s lives. I hate to say this but it’s basically everyone for themselves at this point, as far as I can see. I’m going to do what it takes to keep myself and my family safe. I would 100% lie to get my kid vaccinated if I needed to and feel no guilt over it. Think about all the unvaccinated people who are lying every time they enter a store and don’t put a mask on. I doubt their perpetual, persistent and repeated deceptions are keeping them up at night.
Anon
One practical consideration – if you get a CDC vax card with the wrong birthday this may complicate travel to places that require the vaccine. I thought about doing this for my kid and still may, but I’m worried border officials will scrutinize the birthday more closely than the local CVS and will assume the card is faked/invalid. I assume you don’t want to re-vax him once he becomes age eligible, so might be a long term obstacle to international travel. Maybe not important to you, but just something to be aware of.
Anonymous
FWIW, MY vaccination card has the wrong birth year (1976 vs 1970) handwritten by the vaccination staff (I wrote it right on the form, but maybe my handwriting isn’t the clearest), but my electronic medical record tied it to my real birthday and it is pretty clear that it is me. No worries if this will be a future travel problem, but I’m sure I’ll have had a booster shot (or whatever) by then.
Anon
As someone who has traveled with a yellow fever card with my name wrong, custom’s agents really don’t look that closely. I would be shocked if anyone ever commented on it, and a simple, oh, that’s a typo, would be all that needs to be said.
Coach Laura
Does your state have a centralized vaccine registry site (on-line)? In Washington State, I can go online and see all my flu shots, my Tdap, my shingrix with the flu shots going back to like 2005. I can see my now-adult kids’ vaccine history. Mine now shows my Moderna covid shots, as does my kids’ record.
My point here is that if you get him the shot and list his birthday as 2009 instead of 2010, and the state has his name, I think at some point you could go in and have the state correct the record, just stating that the DOB on the vaccine card was off by one year. In a year, no one is going to remember when 12yo or 11yo kids were approved to have the vaccine.
Personally, I’d have him go in and get the vaccine, have him say 2009 DOB instead of 2010 *if they ask* (which they may not) and then correct the vaccine card and/or vaccine card later. I was the person who wrote my DOB in by hand: It’s possible that they will let him fill it out and it would be pretty easy to change it.
Or in 2022, take the card to his pediatrician and have the vaccine listed in his vaccine records along with his Tdap, MMR, Chicken Pox etc. If they ask about the DOB irregularity, just shrug and say it was written wrong. When kids go to college, they have to provide the physician’s record for all the required vaccine and may not accept the covid card, so adding it to that official record is important.
Anon
They are testing the vaccine quickly to see if it is safe enough for an EUA, not even full approval. The under 12 cohort is the one at almost zero risk. Why do you not want to follow the data? What if something happens to your child because of the vaccine? Do you want to get sued?
Anon
Who would sue her? That is not a thing that would happen. It’s true that if she lied about his birthdate and her son had a bad adverse reaction, she might have less recourse to sue the pharmacy and/or vaccine manufacturer but I think that should very low on the list of concerns, given that this vaccine has safely been given to millions of young teenagers less than a year older than her kid (and even if something tragic did happen, I wouldn’t personally be inclined to sue anyone – you can always be the unlikely 1 in a million statistic. It doesn’t mean anyone did anything wrong, and the risks of the virus still far outweigh the risks of the vaccine). There is no significant biological difference between a 12.1 year old and an 11.9 year old. It’s not like she’s not talking about taking a preschooler in to get a teenage dose.
Anonymous
Random employment law question. If my company was looking for reasons to fire me could they pull my internet usage history, see that I was on the s i t e for say half an hour a day and use it against me? Thanks.
Digby
Yes. My employer does that – they monitor how long we’re on sites, and which sites. “Abuse,” however they define it, can lead to disciplinary action, including termination.
Anonymous
Sure. Assuming you are in the US and can be fired for any reason. Being on the internet for 30 minutes is not something that generally will get you fired, unless it is in direct violation of corporate policies. If they are concerned about your productivity, sure. If they are concerned about fraudulent billing (eg. you have been billing 8 hours a day but your internet history shows you killing time for 3 hours/day).
But like, if they are trying to do a RIF on the DL and just cooking up reasons to fire people, I doubt 30 minutes of internet browsing of generic sites is an issue.
Anon
Sure they could, but in practice I don’t think anyone typically does this unless there is cause. Use your phone for fun browsing instead.
Anon
+1 tk using your phone.
I work in government and keep work work and personal personal.
Anonymous
Yes absolutely 100% companies can do this.
Anon
Yes they can. You would need to demonstrate that the browsing is a pretextual reason to fire you.
Jules
And you would also need to show that the browsing is pretextual for an actual reason that is unlawful (discrimination on the basis of race, sex, pregnancy), etc. In the US, an employer can terminate an at-will employee at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all, as long as the reason is not that specifically is unlawful.
No Face
Assuming you are at-will, you can be fired for any reason or quit for any reason. The employer could use your internet usage against you, but it also wouldn’t need to.
In general, it’s best to use you own device with its own data connection for personal browsing anyway. I read this page on my work computer because no one cares how I use my time, but I only use my personal devices to comment.
Anon
Many employers absolutely keep track of internet usage: both time spent and where. I have seen several people fired around usage. Most employers have an internet and computer use policy where employees click through the statement that employees have no expectation of privacy in computer history and that the employer can access any records and documents involved. Separate devices, and be sure your phone is using data rather than office wifi!
Anonymous
There’s literally a 0% chance I’d buy this, but as an advid sewer it gives me some great inspo for future projects!
anon
Hello, avid sewer! I just got my first sewing machine–a very basic workhorse from the late 60s. I am very interested in making clothes. Any recs for a good beginner pattern or resources? Thanks!
Anonymous
I’d probably personally start with zero waste patterns, I like criswoodsews, because they generally don’t have complex elements (like curves or darts) and use woven fabrics such as linen twill, as stretch is difficult to work with. You probably picked a good machine, mine is from the 60s too, the gears are metal and they are overall much better quality than modern machines plus at that time they had invented cool stitches and fun features (like button hole feet!)
Bonnie Kate
1.5 hours into my workday and it feels like a very Monday morning. But dried lavender buds in my coffee grounds this morning was a great idea that I highly recommend.
PolyD
So, is lavender in coffee a thing now? I read about some kind of iced lavender latte that people seem to rave about. I am not a fan of the scent of lavender, so I can’t imagine it would taste good in coffee, but I’m willing to be proven wrong. And I’m kind of intrigued by the combination – so tell me, how does it taste? Does it taste like coffee with flowers in it? Does it make the coffee taste less bitter?
Anon
There’s a place by me that does lavender iced lattes and it’s delicious. It tastes sweet, similar to a vanilla latte, which I like because I don’t like the bitterness of coffee.
Bonnie Kate
I agree with this description. I particularly like lavender oat milk lattes. My coffee today was hot and I used my normal caramel macchiato oat/almond creamer (the Starbucks kind) and I really liked it.
I’ve also had homemade lavender lemonade that is very good too. Also lavender melon kombucha is my favorite flavor. I just realized I generally really like lavender drinks.
Anonymous
I’m not a lavender person either and all lavender drinks I’ve had just taste like flower
Jane
How do you get out of a fight with someone?! Say your SO or even a close friend or family? I know in theory, one should forgive forget move on but how do you actually make that happen if your brain still thinks what they did was wrong/unfair.
Anonymous
It varies a lot. For friends personally I just don’t fight with them. Life is too short. If they do something hurtful and addressing it simply isn’t effective I just let it go and don’t replicate the circumstances or pull back. If it’s family, mostly same. If it’s an SO, I don’t see what good fighting about it is. Either we can resolve it through conversation or we can’t.
Anonymous
You need to give yourself closure. That might mean you accept that mom is never going to believe it’s wrong to comment about your weight every time she sees you, so you need to let it roll off your back and change the subject, because it’s not worth cutting off your mother.
Or it might mean you have to accept DH’s apology for snapping at you for changing the channel after 28 consecutive hours of Shark Week, even though you’re still annoyed that he wasted the whole weekend and you’re not entirely sure this won’t happen again next year. Forgiveness requires an act of trust at a time we’re too hurt to feel very trusting. Of course it’s hard.
Anon
Is there a piece of the fight that you can own? And do you truly understand where the other person is coming from, even if you disagree with what they did? Can you show the other person both those things? It can help to say, “Look, I know that you were frustrated we (hadn’t made a decision about…got lost…whatever), and you were trying to (whatever). And I am sorry I (interrupted, yelled…whatever…because that was not helpful) when you were trying to (explain where you were coming from…ask for directions…whatever they tried to do out of good intentions, if you can truthfully feel this). I hate that we’re having this fight, and even though I’m still upset I want to get through this, and know that we will.”
Senior Attorney
Unless the other person is really a sociopath or something, there are two sides to every fight and if it’s dragging on or recurring, it’s unlikely that you will get the person to see things your way. I don’t fight with people because I presume good intentions and I am almost always able to frame the narrative as something other than “they chose to do me wrong.” Sometimes (mercifully rarely) the presumption is rebutted and in that case there’s still not really anything to fight about; I file the information and pull back and am cautious going forward.
anon
Honest answer in my very stereotypically WASP-y family, cold wars typically last until a crisis or funeral brings people back together. I’d advise against this route, but sometimes a common purpose setting aside the past (e.g., I need your help with x) can move things along.
Anon
Like the poster above me, we sweep it under the rug. I’m going to see one such family member over a long weekend getaway coming soon, and I’m dreading it. I don’t know whether it’s going to be avoidance or let it all out after a martini or two, and either scenario could get pretty weird.
Anon
After 1.5 years of not being allowed to take significant time off due to workload (work in public health) I’m finally off and at the beach for a week. After the last year I’m so used to being on all the time, working long hours with a stressful job, that I’m having trouble checking out and enjoying my time off.
I’m with an assortment of family in a small beach town, fwiw
Anonymous
Leave your phone in your room and go to the beach
Anonymous
Step away from your computer or phone and go do something physical outside.
No Face
Keep your phone in your room as much as possible so that you engage in your environment and the people around you.
Bonnie Kate
+1, put your phone away. Also delete your email app.
Anonymous
Second everyone else – NO phone or screentime. Next, book something active. Don’t just sit on the beach chatting. Book a stand-up paddleboard yoga class, a kayak tour, or a surfing lesson. Repeat all week. Bonus points if it involves some risk so you have to fully engage. Nothing else clears my mind so well.
Anon
Thanks all. Trust me, work phone is back home and I have 0 work things on my personal phone. Last year things went sideways on a Saturday and I had to leave and go back to work through the weekend, but I’ve been clear I’m not doing that ever again (luckily its my grandparents house so no financial loss when that happened).
I’m also taking the week off from workouts but am generally active during the day. Otherwise will be lots of reading on the beach, happy hour on the deck, etc. We take our mornings slow when we’re here so that’s the only reason I’m on my phone / this site right now.
Anonymous
There’s your answer – no more slow mornings until you shake this feeling! Get out and go for a surf first thing, or at least a long beach walk. For me, a slow morning is the WORST thing for recovering from a stressful period. What works best is an adventure morning followed by a slow evening, ideally when I’m exhausted from a day well-spent. Give it a try?
Anonymous
Put this phone down too
No Face
Have a slow morning without your phone. Long solo walk, reading a newspaper, drinking your coffee outdoors and staring off into space, etc.
Anonymous
Have a slow morning without your phone. Long solo walk, reading a newspaper, drinking your coffee outdoors and staring off into space, etc.
Saguaro
Buy a paper (so not an e-book) beach read book!
Anon
If you must have it on your person it helps me to put my phone inside like a pouch and a zipper pocket so it’s work toke it out – reminds me to slow down and not check unless necessary.
Nan
Oh, this is a great idea!
Home buyer
Have you bought a home in another state? Tell me how you did this remotely – how many times did you travel to the area to find a house? tour houses? Did you work with one or more realtors? What are your top suggestions?
Anonymous
Be realistic. If the market is hot, you will very likely be putting in an offer without seeing it in person. We went out for a weekend, saw everything we could with a realtor so we knew which neighborhoods we wanted and she got to know us, and then when she found houses she thought were a maybe she’d do a FaceTime walkthrough.
Bonnie Kate
Yes, we bought across country. We were familiar with the area from vacations, but traveled to the area twice for moving purposes in 6 months, the second time we put in offers. We scoured real estate listings (a realtor said to not use Zillow, but to use realtor.com – apparently that was the most accurate), which is more or less helpful but helped us get a list together of what we wanted to see. Touring houses was the most helpful because you just cannot get a feel for neighborhoods without being there. We should have toured more houses in more different areas on our first visit down.Looking in a variety of areas (we had a lot of flexibility on where we were going live) which was very helpful. Second visit we only used one realtor and were very specific about what we were trying to accomplish. Ended up working out well, but it was stressful. I do think we picked the best house in the best neighborhood for us.
Anonymous
Yes – we were looking in a VERY narrow area (school district, proximity to my parents) so that helped. It was maybe 5 trips total, but that included picking out finishes since we built. The movers took 3 weeks longer than expected in bringing our stuff so I’m glad we could stay with my parents before that.
Anon.
Three times now – thanks corporate relocation. We generally take a long weekend trip by ourselves (no realtor, no kids) and try to get a sense of the city to help narrow down areas where we want to live. Then we work with a realtor, just one. Each time the realtor has sent us tons of listings and we’ve given feedback on which ones we want to see and why to help the realtor get a sense of our preferences. With each move we have done one long weekend in the destination city with a marathon of viewings and made an offer by Sunday afternoon. The first move we saw 40 houses in 3 days, the next two probably a dozen or so. Depends of course on the market.
The biggest element for us is the house does not have to be perfect – each time I am buying a 5-year house, not a 25-year house. I expect that we will move again because of another relocation. Taking the pressure off of funding the one house that we’re going to live in forever had helped tremendously. If we do decide to stay in this city forever, we could spend more time after we’re local if the “5-year house” doesn’t work for 25. (If you can’t tell, my decision making style is satisficer, not maximizer.)
OP
This is very helpful. OP here…I am buying second home so not a 5 year home but at least a 20 year home. Considering this, I think I need to plan for a longer search unless we find the perfect property.
Anon
I made one weekend trip to our current city, saw a bunch of houses, made an offer and got the house. We handled appraisal and inspection remotely. I went back again for the closing and to get a job start on renovations, which then proceeded without us there. I know I got lucky but it was surprisingly smooth.
Anonymous
Anyone ordered prescription sunglasses from SportRx? It looks like they have the styles I want for cycling, but I had never even heard of the company before and would like a review! I’m always wary of ordering glasses online, but I prefer to avoid in-person right now due to Delta. TIA!
Glasses
I ordered a pair of prescription Natives from them and I’m happy with them. They were not remotely cheap, but they are good quality, shipped relatively quickly, and they sent an extra pair of lenses with them. I already knew the specific frames I wanted, which helped. It would have been harder to pick out frames from scratch.
Glasses in mod
I posted a slightly longer response which is in mod. I have and am happy with them.
Good vibes needed
Waiting to hear back on an offer we put in on a house and need good vibes. I know we probably won’t get it (even though it should be a competitive offer) and am trying to prepare myself, but man it’s hard. This market is rough.
Anonny
I was you this past spring! It is really, really, rough out there. We somehow got majorly lucky and got our offer accepted on our house, which we’ve now been in for two months. The first two rejected offers were the hardest – after that we were able to temper out expectations a bit. Best of luck! It’ll be ok!
Good Vibes
Thank you! I’m trying to keep expectations low but it’s hard. (Especially when there are so few alternatives on the market!)
Senior Attorney
VIBES!!!!
Good Vibes
Thank you!
Good Vibes
Update: didn’t get it. Blah, this is so draining!
ArenKay
Oh, I’m sorry. House hunting in a tight market is awful; you have all my sympathy.
Anonymous
Anyone feeling like doing some vicarious shopping for me? I’m attending a fancy wedding in upstate New York this fall. I have literally zero clothing that will work that fits me anymore. Send me dress options please! Budget up to $200, hourglass shape friendly, preferably with the ability to wear a real bra. Thank you!
Anonymous
What is your style?
I love Tadashi Shoji dresses, but they are more than 200, unless you find one on sale.
sf chic
+1
Senior Attorney
Fun fact: My wedding gown was a Tadashi Shoji I found at Nordstrom Rack. Retail $660, marked $230, rang up at $135.
Anonymous
Brilliant!
Anonny
Some options! Not sure how formal the wedding is, but most of these would work regardless –
1. https://www.nordstrom.com/s/dress-the-population-alicia-mixed-media-midi-dress/4686720?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShop%20by%20Occasion%2FWedding%20Guest&color=001
2. https://www.nordstrom.com/s/dress-the-population-corey-chiffon-fit-flare-cocktail-dress/5077685?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShop%20by%20Occasion%2FWedding%20Guest&color=456
3. https://www.nordstrom.com/s/tadashi-shoji-long-sleeve-lace-cocktail-dress/5968338?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShop%20by%20Occasion%2FWedding%20Guest&color=004
4. https://www.nordstrom.com/s/pisarro-nights-beaded-leaf-sheath-dress/5961522?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShop%20by%20Occasion%2FWedding%20Guest&color=001
5. https://www.nordstrom.com/s/kiyonna-mon-cheri-lace-cocktail-dress-plus-size/5292911?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShop%20by%20Occasion%2FWedding%20Guest&color=411
6. Long formal gown: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/chi-chi-london-perla-back-cutout-evening-dress/5222959?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShop%20by%20Occasion%2FWedding%20Guest&color=410
pugsnbourbon
How do you feel about jumpsuits?
More bra-friendly: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-sleeveless-ruffle-neck-jumpsuit/5699750?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=430
Less bra-friendly: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/julia-jordan-halter-neck-jumpsuit-regular-petite/4628861?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=617
Wild card (no idea how you pee in this, but it’s fabulous): https://www.nordstrom.com/s/kay-unger-jacquard-maxi-romper/5869032?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=440
Bonnie Kate
Ooh your last link sent me down a rabbit hole of that style and now I am dying to find an occasion where this can be appropriate: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/kay-unger-davina-maxi-romper/5869035?origin=coordinating-5869035-0-3-PDP_1-recbot-best_seller_brand_category_v2&recs_placement=PDP_1&recs_strategy=best_seller_brand_category_v2&recs_source=recbot&recs_page_type=product&recs_seed=6087971&color=BLACK
Anon
I can’t figure out whether that’s super cool or is like those maximum coverage Burqua swimsuits… I think it’s probably all about the accessories.
AZCPA
Ok, that romper is my new dream formal aesthetic. I’ve always wanted to wear a tux, but this would suit my body and style so much better.
Anon
I am so mentally checked out of my dead-end job, but I need to do SO much training on my personal time to level up to a senior role that I will not be leaving any time soon. How do I mentally taze myself into getting my act together? I just do not care, and I need to. I don’t have a spouse’s salary as a safety net.
Anonymous
Reframe this. Talking about not having a spouses salary and tazing yourself is frankly really toxic. You have a job that pays you and you are choosing to stay there so you can collect a salary while focusing on personal training to move onwards and upwards. Positive self talk makes a difference.
Anon
This is such good and kind advice.
Anonymous
Why do you post what you do and what you would like to do and ask for ideas on the shortest path to get there. Someone might have an idea you haven’t thought of.
Anonymous
Why don’t you post…
Anon
I have been dating a great guy for a few months now. He is really sweet, goofy, and treats me well. However, he is in his late twenties and I’m in my early thirties. We also had a conversation recently where he said he would need about 2-5 years before deciding whether to marry someone, that he hadn’t thought about whether he would want to have kids and was not sure right now, and that he didn’t not have much dating experience. He just graduated from his PhD program and wants to focus on starting his career. Given this, I’m worried that it is too risky for me to get into a relationship with him and waste my early thirties with him. If we break up in 2-3 years, I will be 35, my fertility will start going down drastically, and I will likely be limited to divorced Dads in their 40s and 50s, while he gets to date more women in their 20s and 30s. So although he is the sweetest guy I have ever dated (he cooks, cleans, and is very caring), I think I should probably cut down the amount of time I spend with him (every weekend) and focus in dating other men. Adding to this is that he and his mom both have clinical depression and need to take antidepressants, which is why he is not sure about having kids. Any advice/insight?
Veronica Mars
To quote Senior Attorney, if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. I’d cut this guy loose as you have different priorities.
Vicky Austin
Agree. Sorry, Anon, he seems lovely, but if he doesn’t want what you want, don’t wait around for him to change his mind.
Anon
+1, I avoided dating younger guys for precisely this reason, and especially younger guys who were clearly not looking to get married and have babies in the next 2-3 years. That said, my now husband is two years younger and we got engaged at a year, first child within 2.5 years and second child two years later (I was in my late 30s/early 40s for all of this). He was just ready when so many other guys just weren’t.
anon
+1 also men change their mind about getting married and having kids but in my anecdotal experience of seeing this play out with friends, men make that decision with the NEXT woman they date. I’ve never seen a guy who is on the fence suddenly decide to commit to the person he’s been with for years. Realistically what happens is they break up and he does some soul searching after the break up and decides he’s ready to settle down. And then he meets someone new and they get married in a year or two and kids follow.
anon
HA! IME this is very true and I have been the turning point for what I hope is four very happily married women (two with kids). I do have to chuckle though at how when we dated they didn’t want to get married or have kids (adding WITH ME), and two of them did both in their next relationships. I wish them the best!
Anonymous
it’s unclear if you’ve done this, but if not, I would suggest it’s time to lay the cards out on the table. “I like you. I’m interested in having kids and due to my age, I need to be thinking about that now [or soon- whatever your actual timeline is]. Does it make sense for us to keep seeing each other?” Then let the chips fall. he might need another couple years. You might be ok with that, or you might not.
If you’ve already had the conversation and it resulted in what you posted here then yes, it’s time to move on.
Anonymous
I think you sound like a toxic person. Newsflash many of us are 35 and not half dead.
Anon
I don’t think she’s saying you’re half dead. She’s saying – which the statistics bear out – that women generally see a sharp decline in fertility around mid-thirties. Not everyone, but many women. Maybe not exactly at 35, but around there.
Frankly, as someone walking the road of infertility treatment at 35 now, I really wish I had taken the fertility decline seriously sooner.
Anon
The statistics are easily researchable; anyone who thinks that the mid-thirties fertility decline isn’t real isn’t looking at the data. I know plenty of people who got pregnant unassisted in their late 30s and even into their early 40s, including a woman who had her first baby at 39, no assistance, and second one at 41, same. However, the statistics are real and unassailable: fertility drops off steeply starting at 35 and by 40 chances of getting pregnant each month are significantly diminished. It is truly unfortunate that now that we aren’t living in caves and dying at age 45, our fertility peaks in our early 20s, but it’s basic biology and we can’t do anything about it (yet). No one needs to panic or rush out and make rash decisions because of the statistics, but being aware is important. As a counterpoint to the story above, I have two friends who didn’t have kids because they didn’t start trying until they were in their late 30s, and then fertility treatment didn’t work. They’re fine and their lives are fine but both have said to me, if they had it to do over again they would have done things differently, aka started trying earlier or been a single mom by choice.
No Face
I don’t think this a reasonable reaction to what she posted.
Anon
That is a ridiculous interpretation of what she’s saying. When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I had all of these 30-something men throwing themselves at me and ignoring women their own age. I ended up marrying a younger man in my late 30s; concerns over my waning fertility definitely impacted our timelines for engagement, marriage, and pregnancy. We have a really adorable toddler, so we’re lucky, but we’re putting our marriage back together after years of putting the gas pedal to the floor to get here.
It’s really tough out there and the OP isn’t a college kid anymore. She’s not dating for fun and is well served by dumping men looking to waste her time.
Seafinch
“Gas pedal to the floor” is a brilliant analogy that applies to me, too. Married at 31 to a man 2.5 years younger and knowing both of us wanted a large family has taken its toll. We are fine now but still struggling with the reality we are unlikely to get the last kid we wanted. Years of urgency and infertility have me emotionally spent. It has been rough.
Anon
We *met* when I was 36. Three years after we first laid eyes on each other, our kiddo was sleeping through the night. Would we love another? Absolutely. Willing to damage our sanity and marriage further? Nope.
anon
Wut? I am 41 and did not come away with this impression in the least.
Anon
Oh man, I was in her shoes and thought it was funny. OP, agree with the others, if you’re not both hell yes, it’s a no. And he’s old enough to know if it’s a hell yes – his age is a red herring. I’d also run bc of the depression factor, unpopular opinion, but I was with that guy for most of my 30s and it was horrible. I’d tell younger me to run.
Anon
This sounds like a you problem, not an OP problem.
If she doesn’t want to have kids in her late thirties, that’s her decision. It says nothing about yours. I had my kids when I was 36 and 37 and I don’t need to fight OP about it. It was harder in many ways and I know that.
AZCPA
I’d treat the marriage and kids separately. Some people take longer to decide on a life partner – my husband and I are in our 40s, and it was 3.5 years before we felt certain about marriage. So if that was the only concern, I’d keep dating him and see how it develops, making sure to communicate so that it doesn’t turn into you “waiting around” for him.
BUT, the kid issue is different – treat anything that isn’t an enthusiastic yes in this area as a no, and decide accordingly. Especially considering that he personally is concerned about a medical issue, vs simply being young or career focused.
No Face
Don’t date this guy! If you want to get married and have children, only date guys who want to get married and have children. There is literally no reason to date a guy who is unsure about these things. No reason. There are sweet guys who want to make babies with you; go find one.
Anon
I say this as kindly as possible, because you are me about a decade ago: this actually is not this complicated. Break up now. Forget about “cut[ting] down on the amount of time” you spend with him, unless you are an emotional masochist and enjoy dragging out the pain. Just break up.
Let’s do some math. You meet someone tomorrow; you date for a year; you’re engaged for a year; you spend about a year enjoying being newlyweds without kids. You TTC, have a kid, recover from the kid, and spend another six months TTC before having your second. You’re how old now – 38? 39? While there is some breathing room in there, you’re still cutting it close. His mom being on anti-depressants and his Ph.D. being done and the lack of dating experience and his preferences for French toast instead of pancakes are all asinine distractions from a pretty simple idea: this dude is happy to waste your time but has no intention of having kids with you.
Anon
I agree with the math here. Break up with this guy and then start dating like it’s your job. Consider being a single mom as well.
Senior Attorney
Agree with all of this.
anon
Wait, I’m confused. I thought she said she didn’t want to waste her early 30s – so she’s not 38 or 39 now. Or did I just read this completely wrong?
(I agree with most of your advice but I don’t think someone who’s unmarried in their early 30s needs to be jumping to considering elective single motherhood – very different if you’re 38.)
Anon
Not everyone wants to have kids in their late thirties. The cultural norm for better or worse is to get it done before you’re 35.
anon
Right, but the “you’re how old now? 38? 39?” seemed to suggest that she would be trying to do all this at 38/39, which I don’t think she is.
Regardless, I do not think it’s necessary for a woman who is clearly in her very early 30s to be needing to get serious about potential elective single motherhood. I don’t think she should waste time with this guy, but not bc she currently has a fertility sword of Damocles over her head. She has plenty of time at this point to find someone else. She shouldn’t waste time with him because she clearly is ready to be with someone who is marriage- and family-minded and this dude is not.
Anon
The “now” referred to after meeting, dating, marriage, kid #1, postpartum recovery, and kid #2.
Put differently: if you want to be a max of 38 years old when you are getting an epidural for your second kid, when do you need to meet someone?
Is it Friday yet?
“If we break up in 2-3 years, I will be 35, my fertility will start going down drastically, and I will likely be limited to divorced Dads in their 40s and 50s, while he gets to date more women in their 20s and 30s.”
WTF, I assume this is trolling.
anon
it might be hyperbolic but it doesn’t sound like trolling to me. i’m a single woman in my mid-30s and the dating options are underwhelming, to put it mildly.
Anon
OP was not trolling, this absolutely happens. If it hasn’t happened to you, count yourself lucky. It may be more common in some areas than in others, but in my area, guys in their mid-to-late 30s date and marry women in their mid-to-late 20s, usually because they don’t want to be pressured about having kids right away if they marry a woman over 35. Jenny Lewis wrote a whole song about this, FYI.
Is it Friday yet?
The pool gets smaller, yeah, and it’s easier for guys, but it’s not like the second you turn 35 your only option is a 50 year old with two teenagers. The statement was just so hyperbolic it reminded me of Ellen. I’m in my mid-30s, and IDK maybe I have gotten lucky – I’m in a major city where people tend to get married late if that makes a difference. I won’t say the options are amazing (they weren’t at 30 either, more plentiful maybe, but most of that was pretty low quality!), but I have met some reasonable, decent dudes in my age range that just weren’t the right match (though I’ve been on app hiatus for a few months).
Is it Friday yet?
Though for what it’s worth, I agree OP should cut her losses and move on from this dude.
Op
Thanks, am definitely not Ellen! Just curious, which city are you referring to? I would think that dating for women in their late 30s and beyond might be better in secondary cities like Seattle or Minneapolis, rather than NYC/SF.
Anon
I posted above, I just thought this was a funny way to put it. Of course there are exceptions, but make decisions according to the rule, not the exceptional/I got lucky anecdote.
anon
it’s definitely not trolling. I was a mid-30s woman dating and while I ended up marrying a never-married childless man of a similar age, I was necessarily open to divorced dads since that was the largest pool available to me. It’s good to be realistic IMO.
Anon
In the Bay Area–this is nearly 100% accurate, IME. I am an “average” looking person. Real 10s can still snag whatever, but, this is reality for 35+ here. Sorry.
Anonymous
This may be unpopular, but I had a lot more luck when I started looking at dating like I was filling a job opening. I want a spouse who will be a partner in running the business of life. We have to be on the same page in our short and long term goals. A guy can be a great person but not a great fit for me. Does this guy fit the position you need right now? Is there more information you need from him to answer that question?
Anon
This was me and I tell all my single friends this: If you’re in your early 30s and want to get married and have kids, start to treat finding the right person like a job. I put my actual job slightly on the back burner to focus hard on dating for a few years. Still did the work and got paid but also focused on getting a life outside of work because I knew if things didn’t turn out the way I hoped, I would resent my fancy law degree for which I sacrificed a lot but maybe too much if I didn’t have a family.
NYCer
With a sample size of one… I have a good friend who dated a guy who was 5 years younger when she was in her early 30s and he was in mid-late 20s. It ended exactly as you predicted after 4 years when she was 34. She met someone else shortly after they broke up, but she definitely feels like she “wasted” some time dating the younger guy, especially since she theoretically wants multiple children.
Anon
I think, now that you’ve had the conversation about life timelines, you have the info you need about him and the info points to the idea that yes, you should start dating other people in a more serious way and either outright break up with that guy, or start slow-fading out of his life. It stinks, because sweet, funny, caring guys aren’t easy to come by. But the two of you are at different life stages, and unless you want to roll the dice on freezing your eggs (and that’s a big dice roll, many people come up snake eyes on that one) and then cross your fingers that this dude will come around to wanting marriage and kids sooner rather than later, it’s best to move on.
You are 100% correct that if you wait 2-3 years and then break up, you will end up dating divorced dads who likely don’t want more children; I have seen this play out in real life more than once. The woman ends up out-waiting her own fertility, hoping Good Time Charlie will commit. When they finally break up, Good Time Charlie ends up married and/or having a kid with someone within two years. My female friends were just placeholders while the guy waited to meet the woman he really wanted to commit to. Remember the life lesson from When Harry Met Sally: “All this time I thought he didn’t want to get married, but the truth is he didn’t want to marry me.” Even a guy in his late 20s is capable of making up his mind about wanting to marry someone without waiting 2-3 years to figure things out and then make a decision. If you were the person for this guy, late 20s or no, he’d be wanting to make plans. Being noncommittal and talking about long timelines is, I’m sorry to say, most likely his way of saying “I like you but I’m gonna keep my options open.” Even if that’s not true, then at best, I think he’s not at the right maturity point for you and it’s unfortunate, but it is what it is. Good for you for recognizing it early.
Anonymous
This happened to someone close to me. She was so desperate for a baby she ended up really settling. I guess it worked out, she has her baby, but I don’t think she has love or an equal and supportive partner.
Anon
So just a slightly different take, when I was in my 30s, I didn’t want to have kids and I met sooooooooo many sweet and wonderful guys online who did. That was the whole reason they were dating – to meet someone to have a family with. I think if that’s your goals it’s far easier than if you’re an outlier person (like I was).
AZCPA
This was my experience as well, 100%. Every man I tried to date from 30-36 (the guys were of similar age) was completely set on starting a family ASAP. And most of them were really lovely men, including the divorced dads of that age who not only had awesome kids but also were open to 1-2 more.
Since I didn’t want kids, it wasn’t until dating in my late 30s that the dating pool shifted to the divorced dads (so I could snag one with a young adult kid).
anonymous
He doesn’t sound like he’s in the same place of life you’re in. He is future oriented, but his plans for the future are oriented around concerns and events that are not the same as yours. He is not prioritizing kids and marriage right now and likely won’t in the next few years. Doesn’t matter why he’s not thinking about whether he wants kids, or why he hasn’t decided; the reality is that kids are not in his actual, currently existing plans and desires for the future. They are in yours. I have found that even if guys really like you and you’re a great fit, if they’re not at the right stage of life/deciding to prioritize a serious, committed relationship (however that is defined), they’ll never be all in.
You have my empathy–I’m sorry– this really sucks. I’m 34 and in a relationship, but was single through the majority of my late 20s and early 30s. The amount of guys in their 30s who “haven’t thought about” whether they want kids blows my mind.
Anon
“The amount of guys in their 30s who “haven’t thought about” whether they want kids blows my mind.”
I think that answer is BS. Guys who say that have thought about whether or not they want kids. They either A., don’t want kids with the woman they’re talking to but don’t want to end the relationship by saying so; or B. are having too good of a time to commit to having kids in the next few years, and will end up being the guy who at 45 marries a 28-year-old and has three kids in quick succession. I’m an Old, and I’ve seen too much at this point. The guys I went to college with who were f***bois then (although we didn’t call it that) stayed that way until their 40s and then all of a sudden, despite “not believing in marriage” and “hating kids” for their entire 20s and 30s, now are the enthusiastic husbands and dads posting baby and kid pictures all over social media. Men have the luxury of deciding in their mid-to-late 40s, I’m ready to stop screwing around and be a parent now, and if they have 50% of their s**t together, they can find someone to have kids with. Women are most certainly not in that same situation, because of biology and also ageism. That’s why it’s good for women in their 30s to date with an eye toward their ultimate goal (like the OP) and ditch men who aren’t on the same page. Some men will absolutely waste women’s time if they’re allowed to, and have zero regrets about it.
anon
There is a middle ground between investing 2-3 years in the relationship and bailing now. A good friend’s husband is about 4 years younger than she is and they met in their 30s, were engaged after 1 year, married 1 year later, and pregnant 1 year after that. My guess is that wasn’t his “life plan” as of their first date because as a man who is only now 35, I’m sure he didn’t feel that biological clock ticking. But they really clicked and he quickly reoriented his thinking because he wanted life and a family with her and that was the timeline to make it a reality. I don’t think it would be fair to expect someone to adopt your timeline overnight, but it’s possible he’ll adjust in 6 months or so. If he hasn’t by then, cut bait.
Donezo
Break up with him. Just rip off the bandaid. If he realizes he made a mistake and changes his tune, he knows where to find you.
By the way, is it really a “fertility cliff” at 35? I thought that was outdated slightly? Or overly exaggerated? More like a gradual decline?
Anon
Not sure what you mean about “outdated” and a “gradual decline.” Obviously women are capable of having kids at 36 or even 41; however, it becomes harder and less likely. The decline is pretty rapid – most people fail to factor in the increased miscarriage rate. (Your chances of getting pregnant go down as your chances of miscarrying go up, meaning your chances of taking home a baby drop fast.)
The cliff is technically around 37. It varies a lot by woman; some can have kids through their early 40s and some cannot conceive naturally after 35. The only way you find out is to try, which is not a life plan.
Fertility treatments work a lot better when you are younger.
As a reminder, do not confuse the age at which you meet with the age you have your last kid. As I said above, if you want your last kid at 38, you need to get cracking at 31 or 32. I got grief at 35 for dumping a commitmentphobe because “You can have kids at 42. You have time.” Given that there are usually a lot of things that happen between meeting and having your feet in stirrups in a delivery room, it was a dumb way to think.
anon
I write this as someone who is 41, pregnant, and married to a guy I adore who is 7 years younger than me. With a sister who has two kids with her husband who is 5 years younger than her – he was only 27 when they married. Both of our husbands were not really thinking about marriage and babies until they met us, and then, once they met us, they let us know that they would accelerate their timeline because they wanted to do those things WITH US. My husband and I had a serious conversation at about month 2 where I laid things out for him, and he let me know he’s already done the math and realized he wanted kids WITH ME. And, we obviously got lucky with my pregnancy. What I hear in your story is that your being older hasn’t triggered that in your guy, and for that….I’m sorry. I wish it was different. But I think I’d have one more frank conversation with him that points out that if he wants those things WITH YOU, they will need to be on an accelerated timeline, and if he doesn’t change his tune…probably let him go. He can continue to rethink things while you’re dating other people, and you can get back together if it’s meant to be. Lastly, I do wish I hadn’t been quiiiite so anxious about having kids when I was younger….I spent a lot of time sad, which didn’t really help. What I did right, which I highly suggest to you, is reading Alissa Vitti’s books, and focus on eating well and being healthy. Fertility is always a gamble, but, if you have regular periods, and are very healthy and well nourished, you likely have time. And if you have ovulatory or period issues, find a chinese medicine doctor to help you work through them now and protect your future fertility!!!! And one more thing – both my sister and I have very happy marriages, with guys who are very active partners with kids and life. I’m not sure if it’s a function of the fact we are older, but, I think there’s a link (I can write a whole nother post about that). Sending you good wishes!
Anonymous
I realized that once I bought larger pants, I also needed slightly larger shirts that could glide over my larger bottom half.
On the quality vs quantity front, I bit the bullet and bought a lovely collarless silk blouse from Sezane. I will keep you posted on how it goes. I usually hate things that aren’t polyester wash-and-wear, but I am also really sick of cheap things and figure, if I needed to, I could tailor in if I am successful at making it to the gym once schools reopen (gym is by work, not in the office since reopening due to dodgy reliability on summer child care for the second summer in a row).
Trixie
I have a situation that perhaps the brain trust here can help me with. I am mid-60s, as is my friend, who is a doctor, and she has asked for a conversation as to why I backed out of a getaway with her. The real reason is that she is a chain smoker, and while she makes every effort to be considerate, her non stop smoking drives me batty. I just hate cigarette smoking. When we get out of a car, she smokes. She takes breaks during a meal to go smoke (under the pretense of going to the bathroom, which she does do.) I think we would have had separate hotel rooms, but she would need to go outside to smoke. Also, my husband’s family has a place on a remote island, and when she visited she tossed a cigarette butt in the woods and 1/2 hour later there was a small fire, which we successfully put out. She has not been invited back, and would like to know why. Question: do I tell her the truth, that it is about the smoking? Do I make up other reasons? She is a doctor and a very smart person, so of course she knows the health issues. Her attempts to quit have been unsuccessful. Smoking is such a part of her…my explanation would be very hurtful, I suspect. What are your thoughts? Thanks so much.
Anonymous
“Susan, while I love spending time with you, the incident with the cigarette in the woods really freaked me out last year. I didn’t want to say anything because smoking is your decision, but I’ve had a hard time being in close proximity to your smoking in the past and it crossed the line into a big safety issue last year. This year I need to be able to fully decompress and not be around cigarette smoke. I hope you can understand.”
IF you feel that you must say something, I would say something like that – but I think it will probably damage the friendship badly.
Anon
I agree with you. But addiction is real and OP should be prepared for friend to push back that she is being uptight and a bunch of other defensive epithets.
AZCPA
Sure, but there isn’t a response other than agreeing to vacation together that won’t cause the friend to push back, based on what OP said.
When the choices are a) go and be uncomfortable/unhappy, b) say no and lie, with friend getting upset or c) say no and be honest with friend upset, C seems the least terrible.
Anonymous
Just tell her! “I hate smoking! I’m sorry I cannot travel with you because the smoke is way too much.”
Way kinder than letting her believe you just don’t like her anymore.
pugsnbourbon
I think you have to tell her the truth. It might be hurtful, but what other explanation could there be that wouldn’t be?
Anon
So she almost burned your place down and she’s asking why you didn’t invite her back? You claim she’s smart, but it doesn’t seem so. Just be straightforward.
anon
+1 I would never travel with someone who smoked and would make no bones about pointing that out.
Anonymous
I only bring things up if they seem relatively changeable. Her being a smoker isn’t likely to change and no amount of discussing impact to you or past issues is likely to make a difference. I’d apologize for backing out and change the topic. Focus on things you do like doing together and put energy there instead. Don’t discuss trips with her going forward and definitely don’t start down the path of planning as you’ll only want to cancel as you give it more thought. (FWIW, I’ve found myself in similar situations with friends that want to bring kids, friends that aren’t as physically active, friends that are way too active and don’t want any downtime, friends that want to get up extra early every day (or stay up crazy late), etc. etc.–travel is one of those things where you just have to be a good match for it to be enjoyable, and that’s harder than I think a lot of people give credit for.) You can be friends without being travel buddies, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Anon
She’s a chain smoker, she knows how off-putting smoking is to people. Just be honest so she knows it’s not her personality or something she did but rather her habit that she knows is not great. I would much rather someone say “I don’t want to travel with you because I don’t like this habit that is objectively pretty off-putting” than “I don’t like you / you did something awful to me”.
sf chic
Absolutely be straightforward with her. There is nothing inappropriate about what you have said and how you feel.
It is actually conversations like this, that sometimes kick people in the butt and help motivate them to quit.
And at her age, smoking as long as she likely has, her risk of cancer is so high…. I often end the discussion with something along the lines of…. “and I don’t want to lose you to smoking… everytime I smell smoke on you, I think about it….”
Anon
See I wouldn’t do that, but if she sees there’s consequences to smoking beyond her health (which, I’m sure she knows about especially being a doctor and presumably not living under a rock), that may actually get her to stop. A good friend of mine was a chain smoker who quit when she realized it impacted her ability to date and travel with friends. Nothing else got through.
Anon
I meant I wouldn’t close with how it could kill her, but I agree I’d absolutely tell her everything else.
Anon
100% tell her the truth.
Senior Attorney
Of course you tell her! Good grief, is there a smoker in the world (at least in the U.S.) who doesn’t know that most people don’t like it? And she set your woods on fire?
Just tell her. Sometimes the truth hurts but it’s better than the alternative.
Anon
I have a friend who used to vape and now is fully smoking cigarettes after the pandemic. I don’t think vaping is safer, in fact I warned her about additives like diacetyl as I work in the insurance industry and this is definitely a concern, but she continued to say it was safer than cigarettes. Now that she’s fully smoking cigarettes, there’s honestly nothing more to say. The dangers are so well published and understood.
For those of you who do smoke, by the way, you’re not fooling anyone. I knew the minute I hugged her the first time we saw each other after lockdown ended.
Anonymous
You say you backed out of a getaway, which suggests that you planned a getaway with her even though you knew she smoked and you knew about the incident with the fire last year. It seems a little odd that you would back out on the basis of something you knew before you made those plans. I don’t think that’s a very good explanation and would not offer it as one. Maybe something like, I don’t feel up to being a good travel companion right now, I know that’s disappointing and I apologize.
As for why she’s not invited back to the family vacation property, I would focus on the fire not the smoking. “Susan, you inadvertently started a fire on the property. I know it was a mistake and you would be more careful, but the family has a pretty zero tolerance policy about these things when it comes to guests.”
Senior Attorney
But if the smoking is the real reason, then OP should tell her friend the truth: “I agreed to the getaway, but after thinking about it I realized I just can’t tolerate the smoking thing any more. I’m sorry I wasn’t up front with you in the first place, but there it is.”
Trixie
OP here–You are right, I impulsively got excited about a post covid getaway–and I did know these things about her–and then I retreated. Lesson learned, never again. It is a problem, as we are dear friends, and she is an extended family friend, so I am trying to be careful.
anon
There’s no chance she doesn’t know that smoking bothers non-smokers. Just be honest with her – you won’t be a jerk about it, but trying to find some kind of honest maybe sorta reason it doesn’t help anyone.
Anonymous
Finally bit the bullet and bought an iPad, and I’m loving it. What are your favorite apps? I’m a big law associate, if anyone has anything relevant. So far I’ve basically just the stuff on my iPhone and then GoodNotes. (And if anyone has a planner template they like for GoodNotes, please share!)
Anon
The kindle app.
anon
PDF reader!
Anon
Husband and I traveled this weekend, and we had an interesting little conversation. How common or uncommon is it do you think for someone to feel comfortable wherever they are in the world, in any situation, in any environment?
My husband could be dropped in with aborigines in Australia, to tea with the Japanese prime minister, clubbing in Munich, or snowboarding in the PNW, and be absolutely fine with any of the people and activities with zero advance notice. I could do all of those things, but I’d feel like I’d need to prepare for a week or more in advance – research conversation topics, culture, the right outfit, do’s and don’t’s, etc. Even to visit somewhere similar to my east coast environs, I still want to make sure I have all the information about what we’re doing and who we’re meeting or I’ll feel off-kilter and awkward.
My husband remarked that he thought it was more common to be like him – just pop in and strike up a conversation with anybody on earth and join in with them – and that’s just so different from the way I’m wired that we were both a bit surprised and curious by the other’s take on things.
Anonymous
I’m in the middle, my husband is just shy generally regardless of culture, and my sister is like your husband. I think people are a spectrum. That’s why some people have great careers as engineers and others are wildly successful as sales people!
Anonymous
My dad is like that. I remember one occasion when two 21-year-old snowboarders visiting the US from Australia got on a chairlift with him (when he was in his 50s) and ended up shadowing him all week so they could ski the best secret spots together. He can chat to anyone and welcome them. His late sister was the same.
I can talk to anyone and fake it until I make it anytime, but I much prefer hanging out with my close circle. I know anxiety is rearing if I find myself practicing conversations or reviewing topics in advance excessively, though.
pugsnbourbon
Yep, my dad is the same. As a kid it embarrassed me but as I got older I realized it was actually pretty cool. You don’t get to ride in the front of the Monorail at Disney World if you don’t strike up a conversation with a cast member before you get on.
Anonymous
I think you’re both on the extremes here. You don’t need to do any research to go from New York to Boston. Most people would probably appreciate some info on the Outback.
anon
I can’t speak to how common it is, but I am like your husband! I love being dropped into new places with new people and new things and my approach is to sit back, ask polite and respectful questions, and absorb vs. trying to be immediately in the mix and “correct” at all things. I have found that people appreciate newcomers who express genuine interest and respect, which I need no research to accomplish. I feel comfortable talking to anyone anywhere (with the exception of when my gut is screaming this is unsafe).
Anonymous
I responded above, but one thing I will add is that it saddens me that as a woman, I have to be much more cautious. There have been times when I’ve seen rock climbers hitchhiking in Yosemite and I’d love to pick them up and discuss routes and adventures, but I can’t. Some opportunities are closed to me.
Anon
Yes I posted below about the same thing and it crushes me. In my early 20s I was harassed / followed / had the door to my hotel room nearly broken down by w few men frequently in Eastern Europe and it stuck with me. As a result, I don’t initiate conversations with men I don’t know while traveling and I’m pretty standoffish if they initiate.
Any other setting though,I thrive. Trying new activities, talking to locals, trying off the beaten trail attractions, etc with zero research is my favorite. I’m an adventure junkie and will try anything once.
At home I’m not dumb but I definitely take more risks (walking home late) than most people I know. Mostly because I refuse to not be allowed to do something a man can do!
anon
I am the same way for similar reasons. I’ve traveled a ton of places solo and generally am comfortable doing most things *except* that I’m careful about casual interactions with me. That being said, I am very good at befriending local women and this has been a pathway to all manner of interesting adventures.
Anon
I’m in between you to but lean closer to your husband but I think you are the more common one here! I think he’s def an outlier (but what a great type of outlier to be!)
I think the only thing that gives me pause in new environments is safety. At home, I walk home alone late at night frequently in my major city. It’s definitely not the smartest thing I do, but I’m comfortable doing it because it’s my city, I know where to avoid, I know the culture, etc (and I fully recognize something could still go terribly wrong).
When I’m elsewhere (especially overseas), I’m VERY cautious about going anywhere alone after dusk. I had a few questionable experiences while studying abroad so I’m overly cautious when I’m not in the US. This isn’t because other countries are inherently more dangerous but because of cultural differences (such as men being more aggressive, women being expected to defer to men, etc)
Anon
I would think that your husband is the more common one. I guess i would understand researching tea with a prime minister, but I feel like clubbing is just something you show up and do without needing to research it.
Anon
This isn’t exactly an answer, but I think it’s great that you two were curious and surprised about this conversation instead of moving to a place of feeling bad about yourself or thinking DH is certainly wrong. This is a really interesting question to stumble upon with your partner and I think it’s great you treated it that way. I predict a great future for you two!
AZCPA
What’s that phrase…? Oh, to have the confidence of the average white man? That’s what you are really talking about here. He’s outgoing, and doesn’t care about getting it “right” – even though in the example situations he could get injured or greatly offend people. You are more interested in making others involved feel comfortable vs prioritizing your own experience.
I would suspect this would fall roughly along gender lines (although obviously excerptions on both sides), but basically meaning one isn’t more common than the other.
Anon
Yes, this. As a woman, I have to worry that any social nicety is interpreted as flirting, and the waters muddy further with unfamiliar international cultural norms. Men don’t have to constantly mentally assess their interactions the way we do. They live in a different world.
Anon
Yep this is my thought. As a white guy he’s more likely to be focusing on his own comfort, and you’re more likely to be considering not just other people’s experiences but also your personal safety.
Not that Louis CK is a great guy, but he had a bit on time machines being a white privilege – a white guy could go to pretty much any time or place in history and at least stand a good chance of being okay. Black people, Jewish people, women, etc are not able to say the same. I suspect that has a lot to do with your husband’s point – he has a much harder time imagining a scenario where he’s not going to be fairly okay.
Cat
Yes, this!
I like traveling in part because I get OUT of my comfort zone, rather than just bringing my comfort zone with me. But in order to do that, I like to brush up on etiqu-tt-, learn at least a few phrases like greetings in the local language, etc — I don’t want to be presumptuous or rude.
No Problem
I think it’s not common for people to feel comfortable in these situations exactly, but it would be more common to feel you are equipped with the tools to get through it without being offensive. And perhaps if you’re someone who does it often enough, you can build up to the point of being comfortable with it.
Tools I’m thinking of are: ability to be keenly observant to the norms around you, having endless curiosity about new things and a willingness to learn, not being afraid to admit that you are a fish out of water and being receptive to direction while also politely asking for grace if you mess up, being deferential to local/personal customs without immediately thinking “how weird” and having to mask that feeling the whole time, etc. And of course doing all of this in a genuine enough manner to put your hosts at ease.
Speaking as an American, I think it’s actually likely rather less common among Americans because many of us were raised with the idea of American exceptionalism/everything American is best. I’m not saying I agree with the idea, but it was certainly a theme of our education that we are Americans and everything else is “other” even if we’re also taught to be open-minded; one of those two has to win out. So it takes a lot to overcome that.
I think your approach would be the extreme opposite. Like, I get wanting to go in with at least some idea of what you’re going to face, but you don’t need to memorize every custom and detailed info about everyone or everything’s history. People are humans and they will give you grace as long as you are not rude.
Walnut
My mother has never met a stranger.
Anon
I would say I’m more like your husband. I’m infamous for planning trips (aka booking flights and accommodations, nothing else and probably booking it all too late too), showing up, and totally winging it and having a fantastic time.
I studied abroad in a not very common location with a totally different language (like it used the Cyrillic alphabet) and I didn’t know a single word. My classmates had all learned basics (like yes/no, hello, thank uou) and I was totally doing it live.
Anon
You book accommodations???
Cornellian
I think part of this is cultural, too. I’m not sure if you two grew up in the same area, but I think Americans, and in general people from (for lack of a better word) the New World are chattier than average.
Your husband also doesn’t have to be as afraid of assault and abuse as you do, which he may be discounting.
Anonymous
Gregarious people assume that everyone else is like them and that there is something wrong with anyone who isn’t.
Anon
Ladies with allergies and asthma, what is your post-COVID criteria for when you should stay home versus be around people? Basically, the rule post COVID at my office is do not come in if you are sick, even with a cold. If you have a chronic condition, you can come in so long as you feel it is normal for you to feel that way.
With all of the rain we have had in the Northeast, my asthma has been horrible. Yet, my work is increasingly in-person and I can’t be out all of the time “just in case.”
Here is the criteria I’m using. If you have something better, please let me know. I will go to my in-person obligations if (1) I have no fever. (2) I have no body aches. (3) I can smell and taste. (4) My cough/congestion improves after using my inhaler/nasal spray. (5) my snot is clear. (6) I’m not constantly sneezing, blowing my nose or coughing. It is more periodic.
In addition, I stay more than 6 feet from others as much as possible and wear my mask when in a closed room with others even though I’m vaccinated.
It just feels so weird sitting at my desk and feeling crappy even though I’m 98% certain it is asthma and allergies. If I have no in-person obligations, I’ll stay home.
Feedback?
Anonymous
I think your approach sounds good because you are actually checking for other symptoms and wearing a mask in closed situations. With those two factors, I think this is okay. What is NOT okay is how people in my workplace handle it – “oh it’s just a cold!” with zero evidence, zero precautions, and zero regret when they get everyone else sick.
Anonymous
If you’re sick, you should just stay home. No one wants to get your COVID just because you’ve forgotten that we’re still in a pandemic and think your “in person” obligations are more important than someone else’s health. Sure, people will say vaccinated people don’t spread it as easily, but I’m not sure that will be the prevailing wisdom with Delta, and let’s not jeopardize other people’s health in the meantime.
Anon
I think what you are missing is those of us with asthma and allergies can sound sick for months on end.
Anon
Court will reschedule if you are sick. They will not reschedule for 3 months for allergies.
anon
Yes, as someone who is phlegmy 365 days of the year and has the medical history/hearing loss to prove it, not leaving the house for the rest of my life because it makes others uncomfortable isn’t an option. My workplace would also not tolerate me missing all future in-person meetings.
For the OP, I second the comments that you should know your baseline and treat deviations as a cause to reevaluate. But when it’s just my baseline level of runny nose and my anti-allergy meds aren’t able to eliminate it that day, I wear a mask. I’m often the only person in the store wearing a mask anymore, but the weird looks I get are tolerable if not ideal.
Cornellian
That sounds reasonable to me, especially assuming you don’t work in close quarters with anyone who’s immunocompromised.
Anon
Anyone with chronic allergies/asthma knows their baseline for the most part. If it’s not questionable, go in to work, if symptoms are different or a lot worse than normal (and not explained by a high smog, pollution, or pollen count day), stay home. I get stuffed nose, watery eyes, and heavy sinus congestion nearly everyday, and tight chest high pollen days (based on local weather report). Anything different like an added cough, sneezing or fever I’d stay home.
Anon
+1 on getting unexplained deviations from baseline checked out. A fever or loss of taste/smell would have me at home until I got a negative test and was feeling better. I wouldn’t immediately stay home for an asthma exacerbation without an obvious trigger if I otherwise felt totally fine, but I would check in with my doc/urgent care ASAP.
This risk analysis is all post-vaccination, where the risk of me contracting covid and being a vector are much lower. Pre-vaccination, I stayed home and got tested for any deviation from baseline that wasn’t caused by a trigger I’d experienced before, even if I’d identified a likely trigger.
I also always wear a KN95 mask or similar if indoors with others, which reduces the risk of contracting or spreading covid.
Cb
That seems totally reasonable. But if you are feeling crappy, this is the time to take advantage of the ability to WFH. Why sit at your desk feeling terrible when you could be sitting on your couch?
Anon
My work had scheduled me for multiple in-person meetings today. I will be working from home tomorrow!
I’ve also discussed my symptoms with my boss and he wants me to come in if it’s “just allergies/asthma” on the days that we have the in-person meetings.
I’m using in-person vaguely here but it can include out of office stuff like court.
Anon
I think this sounds reasonable. If I paid attention to the typical covid screening questions, I’d never be able to leave my house- I’ve had a cough, runny nose, sore throat, and sneezing literally every single day for at least 10 years, so I just pay attention to new or worse than normal symptoms. I understand people who don’t want sick people around because I also get way sicker than most people when I do catch colds and hate it when people insist on coming to work when they’re sick, but this is just my normal life and it sort of sucks to feel like a pariah when I’m definitely not sick and there’s nothing I can do about my symptoms (already on a lot of meds and have seen many doctors).
Currently working from home and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future and this is one of the reasons I’m really glad I’m able to do so. I will probably continue to wear a mask while traveling and at doctor’s offices and some other places even when/if mandates go away, both to avoid scaring other people and because I so consistently got really sick after flying in the past.
Anon
OP here. I was just googling and I found this guide helpful:
https://medical.mit.edu/covid-19-updates/2020/06/covid-19-or-seasonal-allergies
Anon for this
Spent 2 months getting to know someone who seemed to check all the boxes and we both came into it seeking The One so the hope was big time there. I know I’m a tough fit because well educated, work in a political field, and am childfree. It was the first possible something in my orbit in 5+ years. It turned out that it wasn’t a match, I wasn’t certain and then he called it off and was a bit rude about it. I cried for a couple of days but realized it was very tiny bit about this guy (if at all) but a ton about the loss of the hope of something.
I’m almost 40 and exhausted by the process of opening to it and making space for a someone only for the space to be empty and hurt. I’m just so tired by this.
anon
41 here and had kind of similar situation that I went on several dates with someone who I felt an amazing connection with – we had shared hobbies, didn’t want kids, etc. and was very excited about the potential for a LTR. Before we had the exclusivity talk he decided he wanted to pursue something with another woman he had been out on a date with. Completely ok for him to make that choice but I was uncharacteristically devastated! (Spoiler alert: that woman didn’t work out and now he is dating a woman who has two kids (this is a small town – I did not seek this information out)).
I REALLY struggled with moving forward and, like you, felt that it wasn’t necessarily about this specific person, but more so about the loss of something that I felt had potential for the first time in AGES.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I get it. It sucks.
Anonymous
Just want to say ditto. You’re not alone, but the adage that misery loves company isn’t really true here. I try to have a life that I’m happy with on my own, but sometimes I am overcome by the sense of loss for what might have been if I had met my person. Everyone always said to get involved with hobbies and activities that you enjoy, and chances are good that you’ll meet someone that way. I believed the advice and tried to remain optimistic that one day I’d meet someone, but it never happened for me. Now I’m in my 40s and, while I don’t have a bad life by any measure, sometimes I am just so alone.
Anon
I’m so sorry. I’m childfree and hate dogs, so I fully grasp your comment about being a tough fit. There are a few CF dating sites, but unfortunately they get infiltrated by single parents hiding their status.
Anonymous
I’m so sorry, I don’t have any wisdom, it just hurts. I wish I could make it better though!
Anon
Hugs. That is so hard.
Among childfree, highly educated, and political, I think the toughest sell is childfree. In my experience, the highly educated issue becomes less of an issue in your 30s: men want someone with her act together and accomplishments in her life.
Childfree is tough for a few reasons. Men can have some really weird assumptions about women who don’t want kids, which is especially bizarre as we are the ones who have to be pregnant. Nevertheless, those assumptions exist. Some men “aren’t sure” about kids because they want to have all the time in the world to figure things out and delay marriage, whereas women are much more – I’m 37 and I don’t want kids now, so I don’t want kids.
The flip side is that if you are willing to meet a man who already has kids, you can do quite well. For many of them, they want warm, loving women who for whatever reason have zero desire to have her own kids. Medical reasons for not being pregnant, no desire to do the infant stage but adores teenagers – you’re golden. If you are dating online, the best strategy is to make this clear.
Anon
I would assume most childfree women take that stance because they don’t want children – including stepchildren – and it’s not just about fear of pregnancy? I’m not sure what your point is. Childfree women should alter their stance to get a man?
Anonymous
+1 this is bad advice. Women are allowed to have their deal breakers which can include kids. Ugh
Anon
Also my question. Weird take.
anon
Yea this is weird. I don’t want kids. Period. It has nothing to do with being pregnant and everything to do with not. wanting. kids.
anon
To add: including stepkids, which makes dating later in life much more challenging.
Anon
If you automatically assume the worst interpretation….
My point is that your view is overly simplistic. If the OP is open to being with a man who has kids, then mention that. “If” is a very straightforward word; ignore the advice if it does not apply.
One of my best friends is on a medication that is incompatible with pregnancy. Another friend is hard core childfree. Another has a genetic disorder that makes a biological child a hard sell. Nothing wrong with those women using different language to express their own situations.
You are also discounting men’s own thoughts. As people age, they think more about things like if a significant other meshes in with one’s own life. “I love kids but raising them is not my jam” sends a message that she’s going to be the aunt that his nieces and nephews adore.
anon
Talk to me about lash serums. How do you decide between Latisse, a non-prescription serum like Grande Lash, and castor oil? Has anyone had success using these? I had been considering lash extensions but did the math and found a lash serum + occasional lash lifts + good mascara fits my budget better and might actually be easier.
Anon
I avoid Latisse due to the reviews stating that it causes orbital fat loss. No definitive word from studies yet, but some B&A photos seem legit. Lush lashes aren’t worth hollowed out jack-o’-lantern eye sockets.
Anon
I was going to get Latisse, and then got this product (link below), and it worked so well I don’t see the point in getting anything more expensive or that requires a prescription. I will say it increased my lash length (my lashes almost touch my eyebrows now, after years of being stubby little things) but it did not increase the thickness; I have to use thickening mascara. The effect is pretty great although not as lush as false lashes. I have had no allergic reactions and no change in eye color and have been using it for over a year.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07NDN3R9P/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Cat
I’ve been using Revitalash for the last 9 months and have been very happy with the results. I do have a slight darkening of my eyelid at the lash line (known side effect, it’s a lighter color than my freckles) which is mild and doesn’t bother me.
It’s 2 for 1 in the NAS FYI, which is about a year’s supply.
Anon
I loved my Latisse when I was using it. I had some darkening/reddening at my lash line but that was it.
I stopped using it because I developed an inflammatory condition of my eye (not related to Latisse – I have rheumatoid arthritis) and the Opthamologist said Latisse was mildly pro-inflammatory and it would be a best practice to stop. So I did. My eye is better now and I could go back but just haven’t due to budget.
But honestly, it really works. I had to go to every other or every third day because my lashes were hitting my glasses!
Anonymous
I like the Perricone lash products.
Anon
What is important to look for in a hiking shoe? I’m thinking of buying my first pair.
AZCPA
Go to a shop that can properly fit you! Like running shoes, the details matter a lot, and will depend on your stride, planned activities, etc. If you have a local place that’s best (they can likely order other colors if in-store supply is low), or REI.
General things to consider are the duration of hikes to know how much support you need, as more supportive shoes are generally either more expensive or heavier, terrain to know the type and level of tread needed, climate – waterproof boots are hotter to wear, so don’t get them unless you need the protection, and of course how well they fit your feet.
Saguaro
Hiking is my favorite activity, and I have tried a bunch of different brands of hiking shoes and boots. It does depend on what type of hiking you will be doing (wet, dry, hot, cold) but I have found that Merrill has the best shoes and boots. They fit good right from the start with no break in time (at least for me), and I like the extra room in the toe box for thicker socks when needed.
I personally prefer lower shoes to boots, but it depends on how much ankle support I might need for that hike, so I have both. But my favorite is “trail running” shoes, as they are low, but with a good tread on the bottom for rocky areas.
AZCPA
+1 to just trying a lot. Merrill absolutely don’t work for me, but Teva hikers fit me the way Merrills fit you. It’s just so individual.
Anonymous
Second the rec to go try shoes on in-store, if possible. I just bought my first pair of Merrell’s early this year, and wouldn’t have known what style/fit I liked if I didn’t go try on various pairs/brands at my local REI. (i ended up ordering online since my local REI didn’t have my size in stock.) For me, the important things to consider were comfort with thicker socks, grippability of the sole, and waterproofing since I live in a pretty wet area.
Anonymous
Go to a specialty store that has the expertise to properly fit you, along with a fake rock that allows you to try out how the boot works on downhills. REI has these.
Anon
Look at outdoor gear labs dot com
Anon
I think the big thing is knowing what you want. Do you want a big bulky shoe with absolute ankle support provided by a firm frame? Do you want something more like a granny boot/figure skating shoe with good treads that supports your ankle in relation to how tight you laced it up? Do you want excellent ground feel from a flexible sole, whether that means a “barefoot” style or an approach shoe? Or do you want inches of cushioning from the ground? Basically, what is making trainers/running shoes not good enough for hiking? I would think about that while trying everything on to see what you like/hate on your own feet.
Anon
My mom’s car was damaged by a tractor trailer tire tread on the interstate last week. When she called her insurance company to file a claim, she found out that the insurance company wasn’t insuring her current car that she bought in December 2020 but was still insuring her previous car. She recalls sitting in the dealership office with the salesman to get her insurance changed over when she bought the new car, and of course you can’t leave a dealership with a loan on a car without it being insured. Her insurance company hasn’t given her an answer as to whether they’re going to cover this damage to her car or refund her premiums or who knows what. Does anyone know what happens in this circumstance? I’m not at all impressed with her insurer, some company I’ve never heard of (MAPFRE?). The lady on the phone just says, “Oh, underwriting’s still looking at it.”
anon
I don’t think anyone can know 100% without seeing the coverage documents.
If the coverage she has follows the car and not the driver, and the new car isn’t listed, then she probably isn’t going to get coverage. Now she knows to double check the dealership, although it’s unfortunate she had to find out this way.
If I were her, I would be down at the dealership asking them to show me the proof in their system that they had it changed which she could in theory use to fight the insurance company if the dealership has record of the confirmation by the insurance company. Someone screwed up the records – either the insurance company or the dealership and neither of them is going to be helpful without her pushing them to be.
Anonymous
I’m genuinely curious as to how this happened. I used to work in a dealership and we’d email or fax over the paperwork and then the insurance company would provide confirmation. It was such an easy and routine process.
AZCPA
In my state, you only give the dealership proof of your current insurance, so a call could be simply to get that proof. The car seller does nothing to actually get the new car covered. You have a week to put the new vehicle on your insurance (for that week, you are considered covered in the new car). So this is totally something that could happen if someone was used to a state where the dealer helped, but moved. Or if rules changed over time?
Anon
Yeah this is true of mine too. The responsibility to add the new car was on me. The dealership/lender just checked to make sure I had valid insurance, which generally covers a new car for a 30 day grace period to give you time to notify them.
I suspect your mom is SOL and this is no way the fault of the insurance company.
Curious
Mapfre is large in Spain and Latin America and expanding their presence here. Their computer systems are OLD and buggy. Your mom is almost certainly right. I don’t know how to get them to honor a claim, but I thought just knowing this might increase your confidence.
Anon
Did she go through her broker/agent or directly through the company? If someone like an agent failed to place proper insurance as requested, she may be able to pursue their E&O carrier for the mistake.
Jeffiner
My homeowners insurance (Allstate) did this when we moved. They kept insuring our old house instead of the new one. My husband noticed 6 months later when paying a premium that the address was wrong. Luckily we never had to make a claim during that time, but its so mind boggling that such mistakes can be made. Good luck to your mom!
Anonymous
Does she have an insurance card for the new car?
No Problem
Does she have any kind of proof of insurance that she received from the company? A card, a policy document, an email documenting the change…anything? Those documents usually list the type of vehicle insured. If they list the new vehicle, she should be good. If they list the old vehicle, I’m sorry to say but she might be SOL. Memory of a phone call won’t be proof enough (unless the insurance company did in fact record the call as they claim they do). She should have seen some kind of documentation in the 8 months since purchase and verified that it listed the new car. If she hadn’t received anything, she should have asked for it awhile ago.
Anonymous
I had a Significant Birthday last year (and did nothing for it, thanks, fall surge). This year, the Delta variant may gum things up again (right after Labor Day and schools going back — what could go wrong???).
I was too busy to celebrate any other life milestone (partner, having a kid post-miscarriage later in life). I was really looking to this and to finally, now that kid is older, leaning out to re-enjoy my personal part of my life. I had been planning to have an event with all of the things I’m really, truly missing now: live music, delicious catered food, friends, being with people who don’t just live in my house . . .
Anonymous
Just plan your event.
Senior Attorney
Agree: Plan the event and have a backup plan for if things go sideways.
Cat
If your crowd is vaxxed, just… have the event.
Anonymous
Do it now. I had a 50th birthday party 5 months after my actual birthday. It was fantastic!
Anonymous
Speaking of shots, has anyone had shingles shots (it is a series of 2)? Any tips or pointers? Was thinking of getting the first shot next week (will be a lighter work week than this week).
anon
It is a series of two shots. And definitely plan on a day or two of lighter work after each for the potential side effects.
Anonymous
Series of two, zero side effects or impacts whatsoever for me. It’s possible I didn’t respond to the vaccine, though, due to my preexisting conditions.
Senior Attorney
It’s two shots and thanks for the reminder — I just made an appointment to get my first shot today at lunchtime.
AND ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE OLD ENOUGH AND HAVE HAD CHICKEN POX: GET THE SHOT!!! Shingles is NO JOKE!!!
The pox
I believe you have to be at least 50 if not 60 to get the vaccine. I’m a geriatric millennial who was old enough to get chicken pox pre vaccine but is not old enough for shingles vaccine. Argh.
Anonymous
Same here. And I had shingles a few years ago – in my 30s. It was awful. Ugh.
Senior Attorney
Yes, unfortunately you have to be at least 50, which I don’t get.
BeenThatGuy
I’m 44 and had to get the vaccine because I take a specific medication that requires it. Because I’m not 50, I had to pay out of pocket. You can’t even make this stuff up! Stupid insurance companies.
Senior Attorney
Holy cow that is just insane.
Anon
Also angry about this. I had shingles twice in my 30s and they still won’t give it to me.
ProfP
yes, had my first one a few weeks ago. I had some soreness at the injection site right away, and for about 48 hours in all. And I felt pretty wiped out the day after the shot. (They told me I might feel like I had the flu, and that was a slight exaggeration, but not far off.) But after 48 hours, I was back to normal. Incidentally, I had much less reaction to the COVID vaccine. Anyhow, I figure these relatively minor problems clearly beat having shingles.
Anon
Agree with SA. Get the shingrix. I did react to it, but my reaction was not as significant as my reaction to the covid vaccine. For me, a single day of taking it easy the day after the shot was fine. I was slightly dizzy and headachey like I was coming down with something. (My covid reaction was fever and chills for > 24 hours)
Anon
I had zostavax in the year before shingrix became available, and subsequently had shingrix on my doctor’s recommendation. With the first shingrix shot, I was pretty wiped out, moreso than with either of the Moderna Covid-19 inoculations. I had almost no reaction to the second shot. I don’t know if or how having zostavax first affected my shingrix response. For what it’s worth, I also had an extremely mild case of chicken pox as a child.
Anonymous
Yes. Even though I had already had shingles several years previously, my PCP offered it when we were reviewing my vaccination records. It was one injection. Normal minor side effects of a vaccination for 24 hours afterwards. NEVER want to have shingles again!
Senior Attorney
NEVER EVER!!
Anon
I had the shots a bit before covid struck. After the first shot I got very, very cold about 12 hours after the shot (at night). Shivered in bed. Was fine the next day.
Reaction to the second shot wasn’t very pronounced.
And when I got the Pfizer vaccine I got only a mildly sore arm after the first shot.
Anon
That’s called chills, and paradoxically, you were probably actually hot/feverish, but it feels like you can’t get warm.
That was my reaction to the Pfizer covid vaccine.
Anon
Consider getting each shot on a Friday. For me, the symptoms were a sore arm and fatigue for a couple of days. The second dose of the COVID vaccine was worse for me than either shingles dose.
Anon
Is anyone here diagnosed with Dysthymia/Persistent depression? I was diagnosed about a year ago, and had assumed I had it for over a decade before that. I’m in therapy and taking Lexapro daily. I’ve noticed a lot of improvement in other areas of mental health (anxiety mostly), but not really for the low-grade chronic depression I’ve experienced since early childhood. Just curious what options are out there.
Cornellian
This is not me, but have you looked in to IV or sublingual ket@mine therapy? It’s off label but prescription, and some folks have had great success.
mood
This costs an utter fortune, and does not have great evidence at all. Terrible recommendation. There’s a reason insurance doesn’t cover it.
Lexapro may not be the best anti-depressant for you. Have you tried others? There is also a blood test you can get that helps determine if a different anti-depressant might work better. Also, is anyone else in your family being treated for depression with good success? Check what med they are on.
nuqotw
Have you tried any other meds? Talk with your doctor; responses vary a lot. You might need to try a few before you land on something that works.
pugsnbourbon
My wife has chronic, treatment-resistant depression. Something that really helps her is to have a doctor specifically for medication management – she sees a licensed psychiatric nurse for this. They meet monthly to gauge how things are going and if anything needs to be adjusted.
You could ask your doctor about a genesight test – there are several genetic factors that mean one medication works better over another. There’s a specific mutation that interferes with folate absorption, which can really impact mental health.
Like Cornellian said, ketamine can be a real silver bullet for some folks. It wasn’t super helpful for my wife, but there’s enough evidence out there that I’d look into it. There’s also really promising studies on psychedelics, but for obvious reasons those are harder to get.
Cornellian
Good point on the folate absorption and genetic testing in general. I have no idea if you’re thinking about ever being pregnant, but some of the stuff I learned in the genetic testing I am very glad I knew before attempting to conceive. Either way, genetic testing is a great recommendation if you have insurance. If it doesn’t cover it, there are some OTC sort of DIY genetic tests that might still be helpful.
anna y. mous
Dysthymia, c’est moi!
Definitely talk to your prescriber about trying other SSRIs/SNRIs or tweaking your dosage, it’s a trial-and-error thing for a lot of us. Check your Vitamin D and B12 levels, get a sleep study done (anecdotally, people with dysthymia seem to need more sleep than many people; 9 hours is my hard lower limit, for example), and make sure you’re up to date on thyroid tests. Ketamine and ECT are promising, but I understand that they’ve mostly been tested for treatment-resistant major depressive disorder, not dysthymia, and would be hesitant to try them myself until I had exhausted at least a number of anti-depressants. Good luck!
KP
I have heard good things about transcranial something something. It uses magnets.
Anon
I posted before about my cranky friends post pandemic. Over the weekend, my husband and I had dinner with a couple we hadn’t socialized with during the pandemic, and they wanted to yell at us about the evils of “political correctness,” which apparently to them includes topics like anti racism. In a nice restaurant. Other patrons were turning their heads to look because they truly were yelling.
Otherwise nice couple, at least pre-2020. Maybe they’ve had Tucker Carlson on 24-7? Idk. They’re both vaccinated. I can’t figure it out.
All I know is I would prefer another year of lockdown to experiencing that again.
Senior Attorney
OMG that’s nuts. So sorry that happened to you!
Anon
My husband and I both work in politics and people can’t not talk to us about it. At my cousin’s wedding this past weekend (hey, guess what, Uncle Bob is a Q follower – how’s that for reception chat?). At church the weekend before that (“Northern Virginia should be removed from Virginia – too liberal. Let them merge with DC and create their own state.”)
Remember when it was considered impolite to talk about religion, politics, and money? Sigh, it’d be lovely to have that again.
Anon
I volunteer on a D&I committee for the husband’s and my shared profession. I believe that was at the root of their tirade. (Brought up as part of “what did everyone do during lockdown” question and my answer was simply that I had a lot of meetings related to the effort.)
Vicky Austin
This has probably been asked a thousand times, but what’s everyone’s favorite dressy-ish basic tee? Looking for something in black that I could wear under a blazer at my biz-caz office.
Anonymous
J Crew currently
Anonny
Universal Standard V-Rex