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Last year, I bought my mom, an avid tea drinker, an assortment of teas from Vahdam. I couldn’t help but buy myself an assortment of their delicious chai teas as well. This sampler features 12 different chai blends in reusable gold tin caddies and a lovely box ready for gifting.
Having sampled many myself, my favorites are the cardamom and double spice varieties.
Vahdam’s Chai Tea Assortment is on sale for $32.49 at VahdamTeas.com and on sale for $37.49 at Bloomingdale's, which has a large selection of Vahdam teas.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Anon
Anyone been on a cruise with extended family? Any tips or words of warning? My husband isn’t particularly close to his sister, but we want to maintain a relationship with her and her husband because they’re my kid’s only biological aunt and uncle and my kid adores them (and vice versa). They love cruises, so we were thinking of suggesting we all go on a cruise together. We’d have separate staterooms obviously and I’m thinking we’d have meals together and maybe spend some low-key time together on the ship but there would be no pressure to stick together all day – mainly because I don’t want them to feel limited on shore excursions by what our preschooler can do. Another advantage is that my MIL HATES cruises so my in-laws won’t try to crash this vacation, but if we went anywhere else they would because my FIL is a narcissist who is incapable of being left out of anything. I don’t object to spending time with my in-laws, but it makes it harder for my kid to bond with her aunt when her beloved grandma is around. DH and I have cruised before and know what we’re getting into generally so more just interested in thoughts on the extended family aspect.
(Pandemic disclaimer: everyone’s vaccinated, adults are boosted, and this would be 12-18 months from now when the situation will – hopefully! – be better.)
Cat
have not cruised with relatives but have done vacations with them, and your attitude sounds perfect. Trying to spend the whole cruise traveling as a pack will just be frustrating. Picking a few excursions to do together, and planning dinners or some day-at-sea stuff to share, great!
Anonymous Grouch
Yup, have done it many times, and this is all correct. Our rule is that we have dinner together (although when it’s a really big group some couples break away for a 1:1″date night” once or twice during the sailing), but otherwise you can do whatever you want. Maybe plan one special excursion together, but otherwise just wing it and it will be great.
Anon
I did a cruise with my sister, parents and grandparents a few years back, and we all loved it! We would do whatever we each wanted all day, and if we ran into each other in the buffet or elsewhere we might do something together, but not at all planned or necessary. And then we’d meet up in the evenings for drinks before dinner and then have dinner together. It was great. In my opinion, it’s the ideal way to vacation with extended families because everyone can do what they want, no one gets bored, and you don’t have too much togetherness (which is a definite problem in my family–love them in short increments but anything longer? pass! haha)
aBr
DH’s family is big on family cruises. Overall, the advantage for family trips is the cruise ship takes care of a lot of the “planning” (dinner is here, these are the excursions) so I don’t have to coral a bunch of indecisive people (a big plus). On the cons, well, you’ve been on a cruise so you know – my main pet peeve is that they are so much more expensive than a good resort.
Anon
Really?! I think cruises are generally much cheaper than nice resorts. We often spend $800+ per night on an all-inclusive resort and I think the most I’ve ever spent on a cruise was $600 per night and that was for a European cruise on a “premium” line (Celebrity). Royal Caribbean and NCL are normally well under $500/night for the Caribbean.
Anonymous
Have cruised with extended family (which included cousins of my generation, my aunts & uncle, and my grandmother’s brother and his family) and like what others had said, key is to just schedule only 1 or 2 dinner or events that everyone attends, and rest of the time people do what they want. Be upfront that your schedule will be dependent on your kid, people are/are not welcome to drop in, and set low expectations. My cousins & I were all older teens at the same time so there were times that us teens would eat dinner together and ignore the adults (typical lol) and the adults would do their own thing.
For your kid, maybe the kid can hang out with aunt & uncle one evening and you and your husband have a date night dinner?
Anon
Thank you! I needed a few more fun things for my chai loving husband so I just bought the chai assortment. :)
AIMS
Chai loving husband will love it! But note to others — please don’t confuse “loves tea” with “loves chai.” I love tea. I have gotten so many giftsets like this. I hate chai. In general, I am so particular about the kinds of tea I like. Every single one of these gifts is wasted on me (regifted in the best case scenario and thrown away in the worst).
Anon
Totally understand. I am chai loving husband’s chai hating wife!! But I love Earl Grey.
Anon
Yes this!
Anom
Any tips for how to get through prep for colonoscopy? Mine (first ever) is scheduled for 9:30am Fri. I have an 11am work call on Thurs because that’s before I start chugging miralax. I guess I have a miserable Thurs night to look forward to?
Anon
It’s not fun but it’s not necessarily terrible. Everything just flows out of you and you don’t get horrible cramps like food poisoning. I found the liquid diet and being hungry worse.
Prep your wiping area with aquaphor/vaseline/a&d ointment and keep applying. This is better than using wipes because those can end up stinging after a while. Don’t stray too far from the toilet because you don’t get a lot of advanced warning.
Good for you for scheduling this!!
Anon
I am the only one who just blotted myself dry each time? After the first couple of bathroom visits, it’s basically water coming out of you so you don’t need to wipe forcefully like you do when you have a normal bowel movement.
PolyD
I just used regular TP moistened with witch hazel, which I believe is the active ingredient in Tucks. But yeah, I did not find rigorous wiping to be necessary.
Anon
I found the acidity was what bothered my skin, so that’s why a barrier ointment was so essential my 2nd and subsequent prep experiences.
Anon
I agree that the hunger was worse than the prep. I don’t do hungry well. By day 2 I was so weak that the fight had gone out of me.
LaurenB
Honestly I just used regular TP and it was fine.
Anon
I don’t remember exactly when I started the prep, but I think it was in the mid-afternoon and I was all cleaned out by 11 pm and got a great night’s sleep. Different people take longer to empty. My dad (who is older and very overweight, don’t know if those things are relevant) wore an adult diaper to the hospital because he was still going up until an hour before he had to leave for the hospital.
Anon
comment in m0d pls check back, but 1) it’s not that bad and 2) protect your skin
Signed, someone who has had enough of these not to remember the exact # of them
Anon
Spouse and I have just gone through this and we took different preps. He seems to be wired for IBS like symptoms on a normal day and went about a million times with full blow-by-blow descriptions once he started his prep (around dinner time IIRC for afternoon procedure the next day). Morning was more of the same. I don’t think he slept well but he usually doesn’t.
I had SuPrep. Take the GasX if they recommend it. I hated drinking the prep and all the water, but I went like 4 times with no issues reaching the bathroom. Slept fine. The next morning, hated the waterlogged + gas feeling and was sort of going constantly once I took the prep again; then took a blissful hour-long nap, then went in at 10 for procedure at 11. SO hungry and dehydrated after.
I think it can vary by person and by prep.
anon
My kids has to have one soon and I am nervous about the prep, but mostly their hunger. What do you feel tided you over the most? They don’t like broth but might be hungry enough to try some. Any jello flavor recs?
Anon
Any Jello that doesn’t have red dye works. Let the kids pick what looks good.
Popsicles also rock. My son has had to have colonoscopies since he was kindergarten age, and he pretty much lives on popsicles and movies for the entirety of the clear liquids day. My husband does the clear liquid diet with him in solidarity, and sits with him for the movies too.
PS Jello is more exciting when you make it in stemmed glasses. I don’t know why, but my kids always find that much more edible than just a big bowl of jello from the fridge.
Anon
Lemon italian ice.
Anonymous
I drank a lot of clear soda, gatorade, etc and wasn’t hungry – you can get a lot of calories through sweetened beverages if you drink enough
PolyD
I found clear chicken broth to be very soothing and helped with the hunger. Jello was good, but by the end of day, it just made me kind of nauseous – maybe all the sugar?
Anon
I had some excellent homemade chicken soup that I strained down to broth. The dog looked longingly at the solids (chicken, noodles) and happily ate them (otherwise, I’d have been sorely tempted).
Anon
Since you can’t have all the good Jello flavors (red, pink, and purple) maybe test other flavors ahead of time? I can deal with blue raspberry and that’s about it, but my wife greatly prefers lemon and lime.
Broth and hot tea are great for me, especially because I get tired of sweet flavors quickly, but sweet stuff is probably more appealing for a kid. Popsicles could be great. If you can’t find any that are plain enough you could get some molds and use straight apple or white grape juice.
X
My doctor gave me a list and there some nutritional drinks that kept the hunger completely at bay.
Anon
Pay close attention to what you can and can’t eat ahead of time, and make sure you have acceptable stuff for that last 1-2 meals. If you’re allowed non-red/purple Jello in the ‘clear liquids’ window, lean into that so you don’t feel quite so starved.
The prep really won’t be as bad as you think, but do make sure you have absolute dibs on a bathroom at all times because you don’t get warning when you need to go. Have super soft toilet paper, baby wipes, and soothing ointment on hand, plus a fully charged tablet or books or something. The procedure itself is easy peasy.
You’ll be fine!
Anon
I prepped loads of jello ahead of time in individual portions and drank lots and lots of water all day, which helped. Also, have soft toilet paper, wet wipes, and some ointment (diaper rash cream works well here) at the ready. Prep is no fun but the only thing I found truly awful was the magnesium citrate, which you should have ice cold and hold your nose when you drink it. People said to drink it with a straw to get it to the back of your throat quicker but I just chugged in a few increments to get it over with as fast as possible. It made me throw up on the last gulp, so maybe drink it over the sink like I did and try the straw trick?
LaurenB
Just suck it up and suck down whatever prep you have. Don’t try to jazz it up — just count to yourself “10 more gulps” or whatever to get it down. Wear sweatpants or whatever can come down quickly, and settle in with magazines / books / etc.
BTW my latest colonoscopy was the morning of Jan 6, so I had the procedure, went home late morning, napped / rested and then about 1 pm or so turned on the TV …. omg. At first I thought I was having some residual nightmare from the anesthesia. Trust me, the colonoscopy was the least stressful part of that day!
Seafinch
I didn’t find it bad at all. It was a few more trips to the bathroom but I didn’t do anything special and it was fine and I slept normally. I also declined the drugs and the procedure was also fine even unmedicated.
X
Get the clear liquids that they allow – – kept me from getting hungry and cranky. Also, drink the prep through a straw. Mine tasted horrible and the straw helped so much.
Anon
protect the butt with some sort of barrier!
buy a good book in paperback and throw it out after
Anonymous
Will your doc give you sutab instead? They’re tablets do you don’t have to drink anything nasty. I’ve used them twice now and it isn’t bad at all. (Good on you for going—screening age just lowered to 45)
Nylongirl
Thank you, Hive for all the grief book recs for my friend. I’ve ordered them for her. Appreciate all the help.
Anon
Could you link to the original post? I could use some books on grief. Thanks.
Anonymous
Healing After Loss was my suggestion
Anonymous
A good problem to have: advice on dealing with an overeager associate? I was this associate once and now that I’m on the receiving end of this behavior, I totally understand why I drove people nuts when I was a summer/first year! One thing in particular that annoys me is that this associate will follow up with me very quickly to check on their work. Like they’ll send me a draft late at night (also: why are you working so late I told you this isn’t urgent) and then they’re in my office at 9 am asking if it was ok. Idk dude I haven’t looked at it yet chill out. Then they’re back at noon. And three. And so on. I’ve told them repeatedly, I will let you know when I’ve had a chance to look at it but I have a lot of other things going on and I can’t look at stuff immediately. I don’t want to discourage them from asking for feedback but I also don’t want to feel micromanaged by my first year. Managing people who actually want to work is a refreshing if unfamiliar “problem” for me and I’m not quite sure how to both tame the behavior but also be encouraging.
Anon
“I am really tied up with other things and it will be at least Friday before I can review and give you feedback.”
anon
I’d go with a script. “I appreciate you getting this to me promptly so it’s ready for me to review when I turn to that project. Please check in if you haven’t heard from me by Thursday.”
And they may be working late even if it’s not urgent because they have other work coming up, or because they like to log back on at 8 pm, or because they’re trying to stay ahead so they don’t have to say no later in the week.
Cat
+1
When I over-delivered on timing on stuff like this, it was 100% because I knew although I wasn’t slammed that day, I would likely get slammed during the afternoon I’d planned to work on it in the future, at which point I would risk being late on the non-urgent thing. So I would just do the non-urgent thing quickly.
And they might be following up because they are slow and have time to implement edits that day.
I like 3:57’s suggestion of how to discuss.
Anonymous
Let’s set a time to talk through your work. I’m available Friday at 3 PM.
anonlawyer
I would rather have an over-eager associate than one I need to chase down but this does sound excessive! I would be direct. Upon receipt of work: “Thanks, Name. I’m planning to review this later this week and will follow up with questions/comments.” Then when they follow up: “As I said, I won’t get to it until later this week. In the meantime, I would love for you to do XYZ for case ABC.” Or “Love the enthusiasm, but as I mentioned, this is on my review list for later in the week. I’ll send you comments when I have them. In the meantime, what’s on your plate? I have some additional work I’d love you to get started on.” The key is to be cheerful yet firm. If they keep pestering, I would ask them nicely to stop. “Name, I appreciate that you want feedback for your memo, and I will be happy to provide it. But as I’ve noted a couple of times now, that’s not going to be until at least Date. Please focus on the A and B projects I assigned you.” If they send yet another email before the feedback date, I would probably just ignore it. Eventually they’ll get the picture and chill out (I assume this is coming from a place of anxiety for the first year).
When you do give feedback, I might say something like, “Name, I really appreciate your hard work on this project. I saw that you emailed it to me at 1am on Monday. For the future, I don’t expect you to work into the night to get my projects done early. This memo wasn’t due until Wednesday, and I blocked out time in my calendar to review it on Thursday. We work long enough hours as it is, don’t feel like you need to make things harder on yourself by billing late into the night when a deadline doesn’t call for it. It’s important to set boundaries when you can, etc.” Basically, let them know that they can chill out a bit.
anon
Can you give them a sense of when you will be reviewing the draft so they can learn what “not urgent” means to you? Like, if assigning on a Monday, tell them that you’re slammed this week, so won’t have time to look at it until Friday, but if they get it to you early the following week, that’d be ok too?
It can be hard to figure out expectations as a new lawyer, especially for things like “not urgent” which varies from senior lawyer to senior lawyer.
Court
Lawyers, please help me with dressing for a state appellate court argument in a southern state. Given covid I don’t know what’s current although I suspect it hasn’t changed much. I tend to wear sheaths with matching blazers these days, would that be okay or do I need to wear a skirt suit? Any shell recs – would a bright silk button up be okay? Do I need to wear nylons or are black tights okay?
Anon
In my southern state, I’d wear the sheath and blazer only if it’s matching from the same suit, and if it’s gray, black, or navy. Otherwise, skirt suit. A silk button up in a color (not neon green, but a blue or something) would be acceptable, as would black tights.
Anon
If you are in Southern FL, the bright silk button up is ok.
DIEP
Hi. I recently had a mastectomy with reconstruction using tissue from my lower abdomen. I’ll go in for revision surgery some time next year, but for now, I’m having a really hard time finding clothes that will work for the body I currently have. I have a couple of blouses that work well – they have a little stretch and drape to fit my bust that is a bit larger than I was expecting, and they have a slight A-line cut to skim over my “dogears,” which is this weird cone-shaped handful of flesh I have on each hipbone. Those two blouses are on heavy rotation, and I need to introduce some new items into the mix. Does anyone know of similar tops I can buy? I’m on the border of regular size and plus size, so sometimes XLs will work and sometimes 1Xs will work. Thank you so much.
PS – Don’t put off your mammograms. If you’re due for one, call and schedule it now.
Anonymous
No shirt suggestions, but you are a warrior. I did my reconstruction with implants and am perpetually impressed with those who did DIEP, as it’s no joke. And yes, word to all to schedule those mammograms.
Anon
Thanks for the PSA and hope you are healing well.
I wear a lot of drapey blouses as I am plus size and busty and know exactly the dogear thing you’re talking about. Most of my woven blouses are from stitch fix (you can shop specifically for items there now rather than just receiving boxes) and my knits lately are from amazon. I’m WFH full time so maybe this won’t be dressy enough for you, but I have this one in two solid colors:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08CN122YG?ref=ppx_pop_dt_b_product_details&th=1&psc=1
I tend to wear it under a jacket, cardigan, or fleece as I am always freezing!
Curious
I don’t know about shirts, but solidarity and warm wishes as you face this in between time.
Anonymous
I was just looking for blouses and there are some great ones at Nordstrom – brand name Halogen. Just saw this one at Rack as well: https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/halogen-cross-front-blouse-regular-petite/6429497?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FBrands%2FHALOGEN&color=902
Anonymous
I don’t have specific clothing suggestions, but just wanted to send good wishes with your healing and revisions. I had bilateral mastectomies and immediate DIEP reconstruction 8 years ago this week. I never give it a second thought now. So happy with that decision.
DIEP
Thank you for the kind responses.
Nina
I’ve been asked to do a quick peer review. I’ve never done one before, and I’m fairly new at this job. I’m just supposed to email my thoughts to HR, but then its supposed to be anonymous to the person. Should I say anything negative? Honestly my main negative feedback would be that I think they could benefit from slowing down and taking a moment to think about the big picture before diving into work, and then lots of positives. Aargh not sure how to even word that in a nice enough way.
Anon
Give positive feedback unless you really hate this person and think they should be fired.
Nina
Alright then, glad I asked!
If you’re angry at me for having or asking this question – that’s a lot. Having a small critique when asked for it is not the same as wanting some fired.
Anon
I’m not the Anon you are responding to. I think her point is that there are some situations in which balanced feedback is construed negatively, and this is one of them.
Cat
yes, this, it’s a peer review. Saying “man, Joe really can’t see the forest for the trees” is not productive. Say it in a way that’s positive if you absolutely must, like “Joe makes a great team with Jane or Bob because he is great at diving into the details while they manage big-picture expectations” but do not couch it negatively!
Curious
Side note, you can like a person and still think they are not performing in their role. But know that for most peer reviews that involve HR, negative content may be confirming the need for a performance plan that’s already underway, so you want to be judicious about what you say. At Amazon, if Joe doesn’t see the forest for the trees, but you think he’s a competent employee, then you want to say “Joe is performing well in his role and has delivered X,Y, Z with Q impact. As he grows, he will benefit from incorporating a more strategic approach to problem solving. For example, in X situation, Joe focused on Y instead of Z, which caused Q. This is appropriate for his level but is an area for improvement as he develops.” So you’ve provided your conclusion of “performing at level” with constructive feedback that is specific and actionable. Having the situation included helps HR and the employee’s manager calibrate how serious it is. Very different if an employee interrupts a peer, for example, vs. the CEO of the most important partner.
Nina
This is extremely helpful, thanks!
Anonymous
Thanks, this is super helpful. This is the first year I am managing people and doing reviews. I’ve also couched ‘needs to slow down and see the big picture’ as something they will need to develop to move up (for a junior but not complete newbie employee).
Anon
I don’t know about Nina’s job situation, but when I’ve been in peer review situations, I’ve had my reviewers tell me that they specifically list things that can be improved because it’s important to see a record of improvement over time. If they made a uniformly positive report, it wouldn’t be taken seriously. You also want to avoid telling someone that they’re doing fine when there are actually issues, as that can blow up in their face later. However, I know there are other places where anything other than a perfect review hurts someone, so it’s important to know which situation you’re in.