Suit of the Week: Ann Taylor

113 Comments

1. I feel like I’m on a slowly sinking ship some days. I have a SIL who lives with my MIL several states away. DH always thought SIL was teaching school (from several states away and outward appearances, I see how this is possible). It’s now unclear if SIL ever finished college and that her teaching has been being a sub for decades. So all she has ever gotten is a per diem — no health insurance, no retirement savings, etc. She is now 60 and it’s a hard gulp — she’s a hoarder, MIL needs to go into something like assisted living or some place where there aren’t stairs, she won’t go b/c SIL needs a home still, and they can’t sell easily the home b/c SIL is a hoarder. I guess they could rent a 2BR until MIL can sell the house and buy into a CCRC that SIL could be in also, but ugh. UGH. DH is torn up and angry and needs to take off work to help de-hoard and do some deferred maintenance on the house and it always ends in a screaming festival.

   1. Poor guy. I can see the scenario where they kept the full truth from your brother and now it’s all piled up on him at the end. Things will probably just be stressful for the next few years. Wishing you all good luck.

   2. I’m so sorry. From family experience, I don’t know that is solvable in a way that’s satisfactory if MIL isn’t willing to put her foot down to SIL.

      I don’t know how one goes about de-hoarding a hoarder’s home if the hoarder isn’t in agreement. And, honestly, if the end result of the de-hoarding is that the hoarder’s housing situation is going to get more precarious, I don’t see her agreeing.

      You might encourage your husband to think through what he expects, what help he’s willing to provide, what he hopes for and to have a conversation with his mom. If he can’t get them on board with a realistic plan, then he needs to figure out what he can do and how to be ok with his mother staying in a bad situation. Otherwise, he’s just making his relationship with MIL and SIL worse and banging his head against a wall.

      1. If MIL has any sort of medical emergency, I’d worry that social workers would not discharge her to a hoarded home with stairs and even if they did, home health might call in adult protective services. Or the ambulance people might if they get called in. Some things are fixable if you start before a crisis. Otherwise, a crisis often forces people’s hands.

         1. True, and there are a lot of other bad outcomes that come with having elders in a hoarded house. However, if MIL is legally competent, she has the right to make bad decisions for herself that will lead various bad outcomes. It’s awful, but OP’s husband can’t force MIL to force SIL to permit the house to be de-hoarded.

            The best OP’s husband can do is figure out how he can realistically help after conversations with MIL about what she’s willing to do and then figure out how to accept the situation.

   3. I’m sorry, that’s really rough. Gently, your SIL’s problems aren’t for your husband to solve. She’s an adult to made her choices and now has to deal with the consequences.

      1. This is family dependent. He probably wouldn’t sleep at night (given the OP’s language in the post) leaving them to fend for themselves. Sometimes a third party has to step in and be the “grown up.” And you certainly don’t get to make that suggestion for OP’s husband.

         1. This seems like an unnecessarily hostile response.

            Why have you chosen this community as the place to repeatedly and stridently proclaim your “family = unescapable obligation and the endless drudgery of responsibility” message? It seems odd to me.

            1. She isn’t saying family is an inescapable obligation, she’s literally saying that is family dependent. There is nothing hostile I see in the post.

   4. This sucks and I’m sorry. I’ve tried setting boundaries and trying to help elderly relatives and they have a terrible way of forcing people to try and give the help in the exact way they think they need it, and rejecting anything else. Mostly I’ve just had to leave them in situations that make me feel terrible that they’re living like that. (Filthy house, living off dry cereal and canned soup, etc.) But they’re adults and they can decide what help they’re willing to accept, not demand that I help in the specific way they want. (And tbh, they haven’t usually thought it through and the way they want help is not actually helpful long term or sustainable.)

   5. I’m so sorry. Recently, I was in a similar situation but just with my parents…living in a house that was dangerous for them. We were able to assist them by renting a two bedroom apartment and then spent a lot of time cleaning out and helping to sell their house. Looking back, I wish we would’ve just outsourced more of that work. Now, they will just stay in the apartment (rather than buy something again) and use the house proceeds to essentially pay rent for the next 10-15 years. Most counties and cities will have some type of senior center/aging ahead agency that has a list of affordable senior living rentals. They may be a resource for something that can fit your MILs needs and it sounds like your sister may qualify too if she’s 55+. It can be a real strain on relationships, so take care.

2. the camera angle in this photo strikes me as both odd and unflattering.

   1. “Make me a pear,” said no one ever

      1. I don’t know— I like my curvy bottom half!

      2. I would love to be a pear! So gorgeous and feminine.

      3. I think pears are still on trend

   2. I love this color though!

3. Justin Baldoni v Blake Lively drama? I’m team no one but she and Ryan Reynolds sound like a nightmare to work with.

   1. I’m team everyone here sucks. On a professional level Blake and Ryan both sound like nightmares to deal with but not wildly outside of the ego/demands I’d expect of rich actors – I imagine that’s what their agents/people get paid to deal with.
      I am curious to see if Ryan/Blake get blowback from their unions for working during the strike as it certainly sounds like they broke the rules for at least the WGA.

      1. I’m now getting why “professional” and “easy to work with” are high accolades for people in the business.

         BL/RR sound like nightmares, particularly BL. I’d never sell my hypothetical book rights to them.

         I’m not saying she wasn’t harassed, but openly nursing suggests that whatever norms we normies have, they don’t apply to this crowd at all, so who is to say what is a violation? My workplace is way different. Way different.

         1. There is nothing inappropriate about nursing a child.

            1. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen it at work, with your boss in the room, putting a kid in and off boob. At most, we can pump at work. Cannot imagine inviting boss into my office doing that or nursing a kid.

            2. There’s a time and a place for all activities, even normal ones.

            3. My understanding was she was nursing in her private dressing room and others came in. I’m not sure why that’s inappropriate on her part – where else is she supposed to do it? Its hard to compare a movie set to a normal workplace but it doesn’t seem analogous to whipping out a boob in a conference room mid-meeting.

         2. This is an odd comment. I’ve nursed my kid in front of plenty of people including friends and family and airports and restaurants and playgrounds. It’s not like you’re topless with everything out there. And nursing in front of someone doesn’t mean an open invite to walk into a private space like a dressing room. He’s so creepy to act like her nursing in front of him means he can see her body whenever he wants.

            Says a lot and even during production, the accommodations she asked for were to apply to all female staff. She was using any power she had to protect other women from JB and his producer buddies.

            1. It seemed like she made a stink about wanting to hire an intimacy coordinator when . . . One had already been hired. IDK but she isn’t helping herself out here.

            2. How is it a negative towards BL that she wanted an intimacy coordinator she felt comfortable with? Shouldn’t that be like standard? How awful to try and make her work with an intimacy coordinator that she did not feel safe and comfortable with.

   2. I think two things are true: Blake sounds like kind of a nightmare, and she doesn’t deserved to be sexually harassed in the workplace.

      1. A big +1 here – she can be an entitled sucky person but nobody should be harassed at their workplace.

      2. That’s where I’m at too. I think she and Ryan are crappy people who are difficult to work with but no one deserves to be sexually harassed.

         1. Assuming she was. No one deserves to be sexually harassed, or professionally harassed, or legally harassed.

            1. She definitely was. No serious person doubts that after everything that has come out. I’m shocked JB and his backers have not settled this asap and then try to lay low for awhile before rehabbing their images. The more that comes out, the worse they look. Like I couldn’t believe it this week when it sounded like they were trying to argue that because she nursed in front of him at some point, he could go into her dressing room whenever he wanted without knocking.

            2. Yeah I believe her on the sexual harassment claims. Most people on the set backed her up. Bad people can be sexually harassed.

      3. I’d be interested to see the evidence proving it either way. Most articles say each claims are simultaneously validated and debunked.

         1. I mean isn’t that so many SA and SH claims? Basically perpetrator v. Victim? I tend to believe victims and in this case JB also comes off like a real jerk. Not sure if RR was acting to protect BL or just controlling or what – why would an actor’s spouse be allowed to re-write scenes and stuff like that?! Everyone here sounds terrible and did not foresee how this would paint them at all

         2. Where are you reading? Everything that comes out makes JB seem like a creepy shady dude grasping at straws to argue that it was okay to harra$$ her because she’s not always the nicest person to everyone all the time and she had a plantation wedding ages ago that she apologized for.

            1. Agree and am starting to wonder whether the person who keeps posting is part of the smear campagin JB paid for.

            2. I’m not sure the commenters here are a prime target for that kind of work.

      4. Yup, this

      5. +1

      6. This is where I always come down whenever I think about it.

         Related: Given some of the stuff I did when I was in high school, I’m pretty sure I’m the villain in a few people’s origin story. Long story short, I basically decided to reveal three years’ worth of gossip in the three months before graduation, which meant that I pretty much blew up every friendship I had *and* got all the guys I’d dated super, duper mad at me. It was gloriously mean, but I really should have just gone to the movies and eaten junk food.

         1. I want to know more about this! What type of gossip was it, and why did you do it? I feel like the three months before I graduated high school, I had similar feelings of wanting to blow sh-t up, and I’m fascinated to read that you actually did it.

   3. Posted this before, but the lawyers who convinced both sides that this was a good idea need to drop their pitch decks, because convincing people to do stupid things that will make you a lot of money is kind of a lawyer cheat code.

      1. I really really hope she doesn’t drop it. She’s one of the few women with resources to fight back against JB and his billionaire buddies.

         1. I’m confused by this comment. I mean the lawyers need to release the materials they used to convince these rich people to pay them a lot of money while making themselves look terrible in the moment, because I, as a lawyer, would like to be able to convince rich people to pay me even when it’s not in their reputational interest.

            1. You’re confused that I think a woman who was SH’d should not drop her case?

            2. I’m confused by why it’s a reply to my comment, which is a joke suggesting that both sides’ lawyers “drop” (aka make public) their pitch decks. It doesn’t in any way suggest anyone should “drop” their lawsuit. I kinda get it if you just saw the word “drop” and made an assumption without actually reading the comment the first time, but doubling down on your take after I said it was confusing is kinda funny.

      2. +1. If I had to pick a side, based on a LOT of stuff (including knowing someone closely who worked with her in the past) do think Blake went above and beyond here to make a lot of other “underdog” professionals very miserable throughout the project and process.

         1. By including them in the behavior requirements for JB and his buddies? Isn’t that protecting them? Protecting people seems like the opposite of making them miserable no? Unless you only think of men as people I guess which seems on brand for JB now.

   4. The First Degree podcast has done a few episodes on this. Not sure I fully trust them as a source, but at least they put multiple source materials into a cohesive narrative I was able to listen to on my commute.

   5. Daily Mail claims Taylor Swift has stopped speaking to her.

      1. You believe the Daily Mail? That doesn’t even remotely make sense.

         There is no way that a close friend like Taylor Swift who fought the DJ who gr0ped her is going to ditch a friend for standing up to even worse stuff. And if she did, it would make me think badly of Taylor, not believe Blake any less. She has so much evidence and he’s out there screaming about how she’s difficult to work with and so it doesn’t matter what he did to her or the other women on set.

         1. Not that poster, but I think Taylor not bringing Blake to the Super Bowl was a bit of a statement. Maybe they’re still private friends but Taylor sure seems to be publicly distancing herself. But agree I think it reflects more poorly on Taylor than Blake. She’s so image conscious and needs to tightly control the narrative.

            1. IDK. Blake and Ryan don’t always attend and last year’s location was closer to their home base in Vancouver. Felt like TS had a smaller crowd overall this year and is taking a bit of a lower profile after the tour.

            2. I thought they primarily lived in NY? They’re always getting papped in the city and I know they have a home in Westchester County. Ryan is from Vancouver but I don’t think they live there.

               Either way, fair point that they don’t go to the super bowl every year, but they have not be in photographed in public with Taylor since this news broke, and she is normally pretty on top of the media narrative and makes it a point to be photographed with someone when she wants to convey support for them (or them for her) and avoids being photographed with people she wants to distance herself from. It’s not just Daily Mail that thinks the friendship is strained or at least that Taylor is doing her best to portray it as such.

   6. I normally scroll past threads I don’t care about but really need to say this here – stop trying to make fetch happen! It’s like one person is really into this and also subtly pushing anti Blake propaganda. I sincerely don’t care about this story but it’s so needy I just cannot stop myself from pointing it out.

      1. 100%

         The last two Thursdays or Fridays and again today. It’s blatantly a pro-JB tr0ll.

      2. There are at least two of us :-)

         1. I give up. Still don’t care though.

   7. I’m ready for them to move past the complaint stage. Media literacy around civil lawsuits generally is pretty bad, and I’ve seen so much reporting that doesn’t seem to understand that allegations are not evidence; a complaint is just one side’s account. If I were the judge, I’d be pushing for an expedited bench trial. Force the parties to put up witnesses on the stand instead of litigating this in the court of public opinion.

      1. He started a whole website so it seems like the court of public opinion is what he is after because he knows he’s likely to lose on the evidence.

         1. He has a right to defend himself. I’m giving him the presumption of innocence at this exact moment in time.

            1. He has a right to defend himself IN COURT. He has a presumption of innocence IN COURT. Out here, the public is free to gossip and chat and to presume otherwise, and more.

            2. And that commenter is free to give him the presumption of innocence if she wants.

4. Has anyone found a DIY form of EMDR?

   1. I genuinely don’t think you could effectively DIY it, because the magic is in the therapy that is happening during the EMDR session. What you’re probably thinking of as “EMDR” is just a way to make the therapy part less intense for the person doing it. And that therapy needs to be provided by a qualified therapist.

   2. Look into EFT tapping.

      1. This is a good idea. I find it more effective for decreasing anxiety in the moment. But it would probably be very difficult to “force” yourself to relive a traumatic experience and do the tapping concurrently without a guide.

   3. Running. Keep your eyes moving when you do this – easier outside, ideally in a park, than on a treadmill.

      You can try Accelerated Resolution Therapy. It isn’t a DYI; however, it works in 1-3 sessions, usually, and is therefore a lot more affordable than EMDR.

      1. I have a friend who is an EMDR trained therapist, and she suggested a simple exercise of walking outside, preferably on a trail, while recounting, out loud, the situation that is troubling you. The uneven terrain and being outside automatically get your eyes looking back and forth, and put both sides of your body/balance into play.

         1. this is interesting. I wonder if theres an overlap between people who walk or run a lot as a habit and ability to process traumatic or upsetting events.

            I did a brief stint in therapy a couple years ago and it was brief because I was too self aware of my issues and the therapist wasnt able to offer anything further to me after a few sessions.

            When I go for long walks (2-4 times a week 30 minutes or longer) I’m usually in a conversation with myself (anyone else play both talk show host and talk show guest???). sometimes about a problem but often just random tangents as they come up.

         2. I can absolutely see this working for day to day issues or mild clinical PTSD, but I think it would be dangerous for severe PTSD. EMDR (and prolonged exposure therapy) materially raise the risk of a patient harming themselves, and one of the tenets of those therapies is making sure that the exposure happens initially in a very safe and controlled setting (and then, as the reactivity decreases, in progressively less “safe”-feeling settings).

            I mention that in case OP is asking because they have someone in their life with severe PTSD and no insurance and are trying to figure out how to DIY this. I really do think it’s a great idea for most situations!

         3. I have heard this recommended as well and anecdotally it does seem to help me deal with tough situations, although I haven’t tried it for traumatic events. A certain happy party substance and a great friend/partner to talk with has helped me and others I know with true traumatic events. Would I necessarily suggest these techniques over a qualified therapist intervention? No, but I think we all know that there are times when that is just not possible.

5. Any food + activity recs for Geneva, Lausanne, Zurich, Lucerne and Grindelwald? We’ll have 1-2 days in each city except 4 days in Grindelwald. This is for the summer (June).

   1. No recs but I went to Zurich and Lucerne 10ish years ago and it was wonderful.

   2. Grindelwald is an actually place and not just a dark wizard?? TIL!!

   3. In Zurich, I recommend the Restaurant Degenreid. From the city center, you’d ride a funicular to the Dolder stop, and walk about a half mile. It’s traditional Swiss food in a lovely wooded setting.
      Also recommend Chaesalp; the specialty there is fondue. The restaurant is like a log cabin, and from inside you can look out on the family’s pet rabbits. The wine there was quite good.
      Enjoy!

      1. Thank you!

   4. Lived in Lausanne 10 years ago.

      Lausanne is 3-dimensional, so keep in mind that what looks close on a map might be technically close but up a steep hill. Everything is walkable, but keep in mind that the further you get away from the lake, the higher up you go.

      You could start your city walk at Parc de l’Elysee, walk down to the Olympic Museum (visit if you like, quite interesting). Go further down towards the lake through the museum park and you’ll end up by the lake promenade. Turning right towards Ouchy port you can take a nice stroll along the lake with the French alps on the other side. At Ouchy, take the metro up into the city. Get off at Bessieres or Riponne and walk toward the Cathedral. There is a nice terrace with a view, and many cafes around. Walk the steep streets or stairs down through narrow streets. Place de la Palud is the central square and quite pittoresque.

      If it’s raining, Musee de l’Elysee (located near the train station) is an excellent photography museum, and Collection de l’Art Brut is a fantastic museum near the old part of the city that houses “outsider art”, something you won’t find in many places in the world.

      If you want to do Lac Leman lake-things if the weather is good, instead of museums or city stuff, you could also rent a bike (preferably e-bike) to explore the lake shore, or take a ferry from Ouchy to Lutry (short 30 min ride). Lutry is a very pretty little town with a bunch of cafes and restaurants on the lake. Vevey and Montreux are also somewhat close but would only recommend if you have an afternoon of extra time.

      I won’t recommend food options since it’s been too long that I’ve lived there.
      Just remember to never have fizzy drinks or water with cheese fondue unless you want to be awake all night with an indigestible ball of solid cheese in your stomach – tea or white wine are the recommended beverages.

   5. Have a comment in mod – I lived in Lausanne 10 years ago and posted an itinerary for a city walking tour. Please check back later.

   6. I had an amazing time swimming in the Frauenbad in Zurich a few summers ago – a floating, women-only pool in the river in the middle of town. Such a unique experience!

   7. Lucerne
      – Chapel Bridge
      – The Rosengart Collection (Chagall, Monet, Picasso, Matisse)
      – Boat cruise on Lake Lucerne
      – Des Alpes restaurant
      – Mt. Pilatus golden round trip (this was the best)

      We stayed in Wengen, not Grindelwald, but same general area
      – Royal Walk
      – Panorama Trail
      – Schilthorn
      – Trummelback Falls

6. I watched the Gabby Petito Netflix special last night. I remember at the time there was a lot of discussion about the overrepresentation of missing white women in the news and an under representation of POC. I was glad that the show gave a nod to that discussion.

   After watching the show I was struck by the resources that her parents and stepparents devoted to getting her name out there. It seems like they faced a lot of dead ends and red tape and different jurisdictions giving them the run around. One parent would fly to this state and pound the pavement while another parent would fly elsewhere to basically babysit the authorities until they did something. The families didn’t strike me as super wealthy, but they must’ve been well off enough to at least access the credit necessary to cover travel and time off. To what extent do you think socioeconomic class impacted the attention brought to her story? It seems to me that her parents’ efforts helped get her story some attention, and the fact that she was pretty and white got her above the fold and in every major news outlet for weeks.

   1. Unrelated: there seems to be movement in the Asha Degree case, which is a couple of decades old at this point, out of Shelby, NC. Young black girl, but the whole community seems to have never forgotten her. And in a smaller town like Shelby, it seems to be the case that a few people knew/suspected and someone eventually talked.

7. WTF with planes crashing so much lately

   1. Small planes have always crashed a ton. That’s why I won’t fly on them.

      1. I’ve only been in a small plane once, up front with the pilot, and while I kept my cool and did not vomit, I was terrified the whole time.

      2. I refuse to do small planes or helicopter tours of any kind. The upside just isn’t there for me and I’ve heard too many horror stories.

   2. They always crash, they just don’t always make national news.

      Signed,
      An Alaskan

      1. The most scared I’ve ever been was in a small plane in Alaska flying through Lake Clark pass. We were bouncing around like a kernel in a popcorn machine and getting horrifyingly close to the rock face. The pilot seemed calm but I legit thought we were going to die. When we finally landed the pilot admitted he had been worried too. My husband had taken Dramamine and was asleep the entire time and I’ve kind of never forgiven him for sleeping through it (kidding.. mostly). We didn’t have kids back then and once we had them I decided no more small planes for me. Spectacular scenery, but just not worth the risk for me.

   3. I was laughing at Trump trying to hurry Boeing up on new AF1 planes. Like, that is not the team I’d want cutting corners, but you do you my dude.

      1. I thought the same thing. Rushing Boeing to get a plane ready to fly seems like a pretty poor idea to me, but we already knew some people like to FAFO.

      2. Also because it creates multi – year issues. Like obv the Russians and Chinese are trying to get listening devices inside so you want everyone who works on it to have proper security clearance .

8. Love this colour!!

9. Re this morning’s discussion on the burden of caregiving duties – just wanted to say I hope everyone in there saying no one should get stuck with a disabled cousin are also pro choice.

   1. Agree. No one “should” but life happens and whole families and communities have to adjust.

   2. Anyone can become disabled at any time. Anyone can become orphaned at any time.

   3. Of course.

   4. Duh.

10. Can anyone recommend good books for a 13-year-old boy who loves history? Thank you!

    1. My son loves Adventures in Time by Dominic Sandbrook. It’s a whole series of books – my son is 9, and I’d say on the younger end for the intended audience, as there is some violence in the book. But as an avid reader he devoured it.

    2. What’s his reading level? Can he read non-fiction written for adults? If so, some recs off the top of my head that would be appropriate content-wise for young teens: the Hamilton bio, The Boys in the Boat, Hidden Figures, Watergate: A New History, Midnight in Chernobyl (less graphic than the HBO miniseries), The Gatekeepers: How the White House Chiefs of Staff Define Every Presidency, Into Thin Air, Unbroken

    3. Fever 1793
       In the Shadow of Liberty
       Courage Has no Color
       Flesh & Blood So Cheap
       The Family Romanov
       Flowers in the Gutter

    4. Not a book, but the Revolutions podcast by Mike Duncan. It is great, and I’ve recommended it to friends’ kids who are 13 adn into history adn they’ve had rave reviews. It is good for all ages, too. Mike Duncan does a great job of making it very listenable, and has the sense of humor you would love in a history teacher. Very dad/teacher jokes.

    5. Eric Larson (we were comfortable with the maturity of our kid at 13).

    6. Monica Hesse writes historical YA your son might like. I enjoyed “The Girl in the Blue Coat”

    7. Horrible Histories series. Really funny and accurate, and covers a wide historical period (one per book, eg vile victorians, gruesome Greeks etc)

11. what are your favorite houseplants? do you automatically keep everything that you are gifted, or do you get rid of them when you’re not enjoying them?

    1. Pothos and aloe all the way, since they grow a lot and don’t have pest issues. I also have tradescantia, snake plant, and pilea. All require only a minimum of care, which is my main criteria. I have some orchids which I largely ignore until they surprise me with buds and flowers.

       Also inherited a huge schefflera palm from the previous owner of the house, but not a huge fan.

       Do not recommend hibiscus for bug issues – looking at you, white flies infestation.

       I do not get rid of plants unless I can gift them to someone – I cannot let them die on purpose.

    2. My fiddle leaf fig is probably my favorite. Lovely if you have some light.
       Nothing ever gets given away except when offshoots or satellites or seedlings multiply.

    3. I have … more than 10 pothos plants now? They’re easy to care for and propagate so it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Tradescantia (aka wandering dude) is another good one, and snake plants are indestructible.
       But if you find out that houseplants aren’t for you – I bet you have a friend or two who would gladly take them in. I am that friend :)

    4. Pothos, snake plants, ZZ plants, and a weird giant succulent thing that honestly creeps me out a little. Its leaves are the size of bananas.

12. This is giving Girl Scout green, and not in a good way, and I say that as a green-eyed girl who will seek out nearly anything green.

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