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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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Anonymous
1. Does anyone have any tips on dealing with cold sores? I’ve gotten them all my life and they’re miserable. I use Abreva and I’m trying a cover-up bandage designed for cold sores this morning. (Anyone have any luck with these? It was on clearance, which makes me wonder how well it works.)
2. Temporary or short-term hair straightening: Are there any good options? From a quick Google search, it seems like keratin is still the best option for a straightening treatment that eventually washes out. But it sounds like it still uses formaldehyde, despite any claims to the contrary on the bottle. I’d like to try a short-term straightening treatment without the commitment of growing it all out if I hate it. (No matter how I treat my hair in the morning, humidity makes it awful by mid-afternoon.)
Greensleeves
It appears the theme of the day is hair straightening!
My mother gets frequent cold sores and has always sworn by holding ice on the spot as soon as she feels the first tingle to minimize them. I’m afraid I don’t have any good suggestions for covering once they’re present. Hopefully others will have better suggestions for you!
baseballfan
I do this with the ice. It’s been life changing.
Anon
My husband uses Lysine for cold sores.
Anonymous
Yep, Lysine makes a huge difference. I get one MAYBE once every year or 18 months now, I used to get them every other month.
Anon
Could the sores be sign of a herpes outbreak? I get them ocasionally and Valtrex clears it up.
Anonymous
Go to a doctor. Get a prescription for Acyclovir/Valcyclovir. Keep a couple pills on you at all times. As soon as you feel that ‘itch’ like you’re going to get one, pop a pill. Experience the amazing life change.
I’ve gotten cold sores since I was a small kid and they made me miserable. The two things that trigger mine are stress and too much sun. This resulted in cold sores popping up while on vacation (yuck) and when I had stressful things like job interviews/big presentations (double yuck). The combo of these pills plus a high spf lip balm when I’m in the sun have cut me from probably 4 cold sores a year to 0-1 actually erupting/being visible. Seriously, life changing.
OP
Wow, thanks for the tip. This sounds ideal.
Anon at 9:44: I only break out on my lip. Would Valtrex still be an effective treatment, do you think?
Anon
Yes. It can actually get rid of the sore before it becomes visible if you take Valtrex when you feel it coming. http://www.m.webmd.com/men/news/20020827/valtrex-helps-cold-sores-vanish
EB14
Valtrex is just the brand name for valacyclovir. I use use it for lip-only breakouts as soon as I feel the tingle/itch, and it works great!
Yep
Yes! This has been life changing for me too. My dentist gives me a script for this every year.
Anonymous
Yes!
Anonymous
Agree with others’ comments on managing cold sores (avoid sun/stress/sick). One thing you can do is drive your body to send white blood cells to the cold sore area as early as possible, by scraping/scratching your lip pretty hard with your nail/a spoon/etc. The reason cold sores can linger is that your body does not send white blood cells to heal until it is ‘too late’.
I’ve found I can make cold sores smaller/not even happen by doing this.
Anon
Lifelong sufferer here! Agree with others that using acyclovir or rubbing it with an ice cube ASAP does wonders. Also I’ve had great luck with dabbing tea tree oil on it (diluted, of course) if you catch it early. A lysine supplement can help too, not as a treatment but to lower the # of outbreaks. I’ve also found that, when I do have one, eating foods high in lysine (eggs, cheese) and low in Argenine makes a big difference in severity. I have the same triggers as most on here–stress, sun, lack of sleep–but if I eat Argenine-heavy foods (peanut butter and orange juice particularly), I can give myself a cold sore out of the blue.
Anon.
Likewise, I’ve found that when I was washing my face with grapefruit products, I was getting cold sores all the time. Since I stopped using them, I get the sores about once or twice a year. And then I use valcyclovir and Abreva in combo and they never get bad or last long.
Anonymous
Get a prescription for Valtrex – that plus abreva is the only thing that works for me and I’ve been a long-time sufferer.
Goatsgoatsgoats
Cold sores: mine tend to rise up fast and furiously so ice doesn’t help much. Instead I buy alcohol prep pads at the drug store, the kind they sterilize your skin with before giving you a shot, and use those to rub the cold sore until it pops, then I try to squeeze out all of the fluid and catch it with the alcohol pads. It’s a bit gross and hurts a lot but makes the cold sore disappear almost immediately.
Anon for this b/c there is still stigma
PSA – if you get cold sores, you can pass HSV-1 to others even when you don’t have an active sore. You can also pass it genitally. I think it’s statistically less likely for anyone with cold sores to pass HSV to the genital area of a man, but both men and women can easily pass HSV-1 to a woman genitally. Ask me how I know…
“Luckily” if you have HSV-1 in the genital region, it’s usually a less recurring infection, as compared to HSV-2 I understand (don’t quote me on this, my research is a decade old). But still… having to tell someone you have Herpes is life changing and awkward in a way that – SOMEHOW – getting cold sores isn’t (but should be in my book, because it’s the same damn virus and that’s how I got Herpes!!!).
Ellen
Lysine!!! It really helps – my dentist recommended it for mouth sores:
Greensleeves
I love the twist on this dress, but I wish it came in colors other than pink!
What straightening iron would you recommend? I’m willing to spend some money on a nice one. I’ve had a Chi for years and have been happy with it, but it’s been acting up lately and this morning it refused to turn on. (Why did it have to happen on the only day this week that I have a big meeting?!?) I have fine hair, but a lot of it, and it has some natural wave/curl and a tendency to frizziness. I could buy another Chi, but thought I’d see if anyone has enthusiastic suggestions before deciding!
inhousejen
GHD, hands down. I have the GHD platinum now and it’s amazing, but I’ve also had the GHD eclipse and loved it too.
Emmer
+1000000000
I think the Chi and GHD have similar effects on my hair, but my GHD has lasted 5 years now, way longer than my Chis ever did.
Anonymous
I have similar hair to you and I have a Babyliss that I love. It was pricey but so worth it.
anon8
I have a Babyliss too. I’ve had it for several years with no issues. I bought it from Folica dot com.
Greensleeves
Thanks ladies! I’ll check out GHD and Babyliss.
ANOOOON (for this)
My husband is a cross dresser. I found out after finding some things when I was cleaning his bathroom. To be clear, I do not think this is immoral or “wrong”. Although he is ashamed, I have told him that I love him and would never leave him over this. I do not believe he is gay, but rather this is a “shades of gray” situation. When I confronted him about this, he vowed never to do it again, and I told him that he doesn’t have to do that (even though I’m not ready to “see” it). In all respects, I am trying to be supportive. I really am. But in my deepest, darkest thoughts, I am in a state of confusion and slight disgust. Right or wrong, I am attracted to masculine men, and this image of him is turning me off. I am not going to throw away a fairly good marriage (we have issues like everybody else) over this – it doesn’t hurt me or anybody else. But still my world is rocked, and I am at a loss here.
Anon
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I think what you’ve done so far sounds good – reiterate that he doesn’t have to stop this behavior (because he probably wouldn’t anyway and it could just lead to more resentment between the two of you), but also protect your own boundaries. This isn’t something you have to embrace wholeheartedly, especially if it has been kept a secret for so long and if it affects your attraction to him (I do not support “forcing” yourself to feel attraction when you don’t, which should apply to ANY relationship). I would suggest counseling (maybe for you first, then both of you) so you can sort out how you feel about this and then figure out how to address it as a couple. Best of luck to you.
anon, wishing you the best
It sounds like you’re taking a caring approach, and I agree with the comments from Anon at 9:06 a.m.
However, I wanted to share that I was in a serious relationship with a man who turned out to be a cross-dresser. (We separated for unrelated reasons.) I found it really helpful to not force myself into any kind of attraction when my partner was cross-dressed, but to find ways to make sure that I wasn’t cut off from that space as a human. So, you may eventually want to consider whether there’s a way to be girly together at times, and to be in more traditional gender roles at other times. This may depend on the limits of his interest in cross-dressing, but you might turn out to have something unexpected in common.
Ellen
Yes, I also concur with the other OP’s. Hugs to you. It is a very difficult situeation. I had a coupel of red flag’s with my OWN relative’s, who stole one of my shoe’s and some pantie’s that I had in the hamper. Even Sheketovits was not beyond suspiceon, as he was doeing unusual thing’s with my clotheing that I will NOT get into here.
Suffice it to state that if you think you can still make a go of it with DH, do so, but if you are still young and want kid’s and do NOT think DH will be a good influence for the kid’s, then you may just have to say FOOEY and move on to a man who WILL be abel to be such a good father.
Again, HUGS from the entire hive, who I am pretty sure will agree with my humbel opinion here.
Idea
Not helpful, Ellen. But thanks. We know you mean well.
Anon
Do we know she means well? Because I mostly just think she’s a troll who should know when to back way, way, way off. This being one of those times.
anon
Does anyone actually read Ellen posts? I just skip over; it’s easy enough to recognize the sporadic random capitalization.
I’m neutral on Ellen, but the fact that she has persisted for so many years fascinates me.
annonn
I would try to approach this as any other fetish or sexual interest that your husband is into but you’re not. I’m not into everything that my husband enjoys watching during his solo activities, but he doesn’t need me to be into it to have a fulfilling sex life. It sounds like your husband may not need you to be “into” this either – you can tell him that you are not mad or disappointed in him and encourage him to explore this on his own, but admit that it’s not really a turn on for you.
And know too that there is not necessarily any correlation at all between cross-dressing and being gay or trans for a given person. The act of cross-dressing is transgressive, and transgressive things are a turn on for a lot of people. While you should absolutely take time to think and process this, your world might feel a little less “rocked” if you can reassure yourself that this isn’t a reflection on his attraction to you.
Goatsgoatsgoats
+1
Anonymous
I have no advice really but I want to reassure you that it is possible for him to be straight, attracted to you, and still a crossdresser.
MargaretO
It sounds like you are dealing with this in a loving and kind way, and I just want to reiterate what everyone is saying – crossdressing a sexual interest that has nothing to do with his orientation. It’s actually mostly straight men who cross dress. I would think of it has the equivalent of him having an interest in feet that you don’t share – not immoral, just a turn off for you, but totally independent of his sexual orientation. You sound like a great partner, you absolutely do not have to be turned on by this to be a loving and accepting wife!
Snick
I hope you and your husband will consider couples therapy. Your husband obviously feels ashamed and conflicted by his cross-dressing, given that he has been hiding it and immediately vowed to stop. You both need to come to terms with his cross-dressing and what it means to him and to you both as a couple. It could be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.
SDanon
I, too, have recently dealt with this in my marriage. I found countless pieces of lingerie, wigs, and shoes my husband was concealing. I also discovered purchases on various websites for quite a bit of lingerie. As you did, I had a discussion with my husband about the discoveries in a loving and supportive manner. I told him I would never divorce him for that behavior nor would it be a “deal breaker” for our marriage. He denied (and continues to deny) that he is a cross dresser and bought the lingerie for himself. My biggest frustration is his lack of honesty. It is a difficult situation which is definitely emotionally taxing.
OP
Thank you all for your support and insightful comments. I was so worried about what reaction I would get. I know that counseling is necessary – both for me and probably together. My husband is open to that, as he understands we both have a lot of complex emotions about this.
I really appreciate having this community because this is not a topic for family or friends. It’s just not – mainly out of respect for my husband’s privacy. Thank you all again. It means a lot that I don’t feel so alone right now.
30 x2
My twin sister and I are planning a trip for our 30th birthday (in two years). Where should we go?? Thinking Europe. I have done quite a bit of traveling and she has not. I would be happy with anywhere but am looking for some input.
AIMS
Spain.
In the Pink
Iceland!
Portugal!
Bath, Windsor in UK!
Anonymous
What time of year will you be going and what do you like to do? Some generic recommendations:
France (Paris and Riviera and/or Loire Valley) for a classic Euro experience with a bit of everything (cities, beaches, scenery, wine, food, etc)
Iceland if you love natural scenery and/or photography
Budapest, Prague and Krakow (easy to do all three in one trip) if you love cities
Amalfi Coast of Italy and Capri if you’re looking to relax in a gorgeous setting and eat good food
30 x2
Thanks everyone! We’ve got years to plan but it’s really fun to get ideas!
Anon
My twin and I did this too! We took a week in Rome for our 30th, just the two of us, and it was fantastic. We floated around the city and ate wonderful food and just had a blast. We took a couple days on the coast too (we are both v interested in Pompeii, and really enjoyed the lemon orchards around Sorrento). It was wonderful , and now (eek!) 13 years later, we talk about it wistfully, since now travel generally involves traveling with children or for work and not leisurely strolling around Rome eating gelato/ sipping wine and people-watching in the afternoon. Have a great time (both planning and traveling!)
30 x2
Thank you for the lovely response! I’m looking forward to it even more now.
twin mom
Just have to say that I love this thread. I have six month old twins and my dream is for them to want to do this!
Summer schedule grrr
In my city, you can find summer camps that stay open until 5 or 5:30. But they are never where we live (there, you find vacation bible school from 9-1 at churches or maybe a camp open until 3). Day cares don’t take kids older than 5. To get to a camp that stays open until 5 or 5:30, I am going to be leaving all summer at 4 or 4:30.
How do you all (who have school-aged children, so not posting this on the Moms board) manage???
I am lucky to have a flexible job (but clients / other parties are FT and on various time zones), but I think that this means working until midnight every night.
Also, we’ve had babysitters, but never had someone do any driving for us / children.
Anonymous
I think it’s pretty common to hire high school students or college students as a summer nanny. We played with kids in our neighborhood or went to the local pool etc. My mom was comfortable with our college aged nanny driving us around to lessons/playdates etc.
Anonymous
In my area a college-aged summer nanny with a car, a background check, and payroll services is two to four times as expensive as day camp, depending on which camp you choose. If you have more than one child it can be cost-effective, but not so much with one child.
Anonymous
Back ground check? Payroll services? I did this in high school for $10 an hour, cash.
Anonymous
I did it for $50 a week, live-in. Many years ago! 67-68. $50 was good for a “Mother’s Helper” then.
Anon
Unfortunately the lovely IRS requires you to pay a nanny as a household employee, which means FICA taxes, unemployment taxes, worker’s comp, etc. Uhhhh!!!! I am currently in this world…but my kids are 15 months.
Anon
Household employee taxes kick in at 2000/year for 2016. Hypothetically then, you could spend 1999 on a single employee before needing to pay household employee taxes. Let’s presume your summer is 9 weeks long (10 weeks minus a week of vacation for you), then you have 222 to spend per week on an after camp nanny or 44.4 per day. If camps run until 1 and you need until 5:00, then you can pay $11 per hour. If you can cut those hours by even a little (take another week vacation or half days for one week), you may be able to find someone decent to do the half-day shift.
Anonymous
“Requires”.
Anon
In my area most daycares have before and after school care, and a lot of them even take school-age kids during the summer. If that definitely isn’t an option, a summer nanny may be a good option for you.
greenie
My younger daughter’s full-time daycare takes my school-aged daughter (and other older kids) for the summer. We will be switching to camp at the YMCA which offers extended day when both are school aged. Our other option is doing a town Rec camp and getting a high school babysitter for extended day. As a teenager I was a town rec counselor and then babysit 2 kids from the camp afterwards (we walked to the pool/ park/ there house).
Of course this is all very location specific, in my area the majority of moms I know work full-time. We also live in a very walker-friendly area.
Diana Barry
We have a nanny, who does all the pickups and dropoffs. That way we have a few lazy weeks during the summer and only a couple of weeks of camp if the kids want to do camp.
Anonymous
In our city the private schools and the Y have the only summer programs with extended day options (until 6:00 p.m.), but these are clear across the city so, like you, I have to leave work early for pickup. I work at a nonprofit and am still paying off law school, so I can’t afford to hire a nanny or sitter to do pickup. There are hardly any parents with school-aged kids in my office who don’t have stay-home spouses, but the few of us who are working moms without stay-home dads all just work weird hours over the summer. This year I am shipping the kid off to sleepaway camp and various relatives for a few weeks. It gives her a great experience and me a break from day camp transportation.
mascot
Small city here- We are limited to only a handful of camps (price be d*amned) that provide the full day care that we need. It’s not the most convenient, but we make it work. Our other options would be to hire someone to pick up our kid from camp or make an arrangement with other parents to swap some drop-off/pick-ups. It’s a struggle.
Summer schedule grrr
How do you know the other parents? I find that I am one of maybe 1 very FT working moms in my kids school (so many work 9-5 only and split the early-leaves with a 9-5 spouse), but we don’t have local family / kids with similar interests (no soccer camp for us) and I don’t know any of the camp parents in advance. We have almost too many camp options, so it’s hard to coordinate (a lot of moms like the Yoga Y, which has 6:00 pickups, but I would have to leave at 4 every day to beat traffic and can’t be unplugged from 4-7ish every day to make that work, but hey, I’d love me some yoga if I could).
THIS is probably where I throw my resume out the window (and my EMPLOYER is flexible, but the JOB itself doesn’t scale back very well). It’s like at a hospital: you could work PT, but someone has to cover the ER 24/7 and without enough bodies to go around, there’s no scaling back. Same thing if I were a solo practitioner lawyer or doctor with a small office.
BeenThatGuy
I spoke to the woman that ran the aftercare at my son’s elementary school for camp advice when the time came. Lucky me, she runs a camp that’s open from 7am-6pm and turned out to be a great program.
Also, if your town/county as a Mom’s Board on FB, post a question about camps.
Good luck. I know it’s stressful!
Greensleeves
Our daycare took kids to age 12 during the summer for full day care. However, when our oldest hit about 9 or 10 she didn’t want to go anymore. We tried the weekly camp approach (YMCA, zoo, etc, daily care not overnight), but it was a pain because each week we had to keep track of where she was going, what she needed to take, etc. That’s when we switched to a summer nanny. We hire a college student who watches them all day, takes them to the neighborhood pool, and gets them to any activities such as piano lessons. They also go occasionally to the movies, bowling, a museum or the zoo. We have had good look posting the position on care.com, but have also had great results from referrals from a current nanny who was graduating. We have 3 kids, so it’s very cost effective for us compared to weekly camp rates. It’s also really nice not to have to get the kids up in the morning, pack lunches, coordinate bathing suits and towels, and so forth!
Anonymous
It’s even worse if your kid plays certain sports. We *just* got our child’s summer practice schedule: one morning and three mid-afternoon practices per week. I am going to be burning so much vacation time this summer.
Anonymous
Then don’t do the sport. Seriously. If they are in high school let them figure out how to get there. If not, oops we work so you have a roof over your head. Do people just not say no anymore? My mother said “no I don’t have time to drive you to that” all the time.
LAnon
My mother used to charge us $0.50 per car trip to take us places. In retrospect, it was brilliant – we were parsimonious little kids so it probably cut down on her driving by about 75%, especially in the summer when we’d bike everywhere.
Anonymous
People who say “just say no to everything” must not have kids. I say no to stuff all the time. This sport is the one exception. It is her grand passion in life and would have been mine too if my parents had not been too cheap and lazy to let me continue. It provides health benefits and character development opportunities that she wouldn’t get if she were sitting at home on the couch with her iPad, which is what she’d want to do if she weren’t in the sport. Plus that, I hate being a working mom, and some days knowing that my job allows me to provide my kid with this one opportunity is the only thing that keeps me going.
J
I feel you on this. So, so much.
My kids are in dance. It’s pricey, sucks up lots of my free time (yes, mine!) and sometimes I wonder why I’m doing this to myself. But the cute recital pictures are plastered on my desk and during my awful work week, it brings me joy to look at them and know that my job can give them that.
If I stayed home and home-schooled (a secret dream of mine that I know will never happen but I keep longing for) we would be stretching leftovers, living in hand-me-downs (not all bad things! I kind of veer crunchy!) but there would be ZERO money for hobbies and sports.
So yeah. This one thing keeps me going, too.
Anon
Yep. Agree.
Anonymous
Are you anywhere near a Y? They have extended hours for daycamp, normally from 6 am to 6 pm (and I’m in an area with basically no working moms who aren’t teachers so I think this is true of all Ys, not just our local one).
Blonde Lawyer
Maybe you could find someone else in the program to carpool with so you each leave early a couple nights but not every night? Or just another family in the program even if they live near the program instead of near you that will pick up your kid with theirs and your kid can stay at their house for a few hours each day. With the former, you wouldn’t pay anything since you’d be switching off. With the latter, you would have to offer some money but since they were going there anyway it wouldn’t likely be as much as a regular nanny. No kids yet so just guessing here (and remembering how I got to and from softball camps.)
Anon
Our local day care has a summer program for school age children up to age 12. We also have at least one camp that I can think of with before and after care. But right now my husband and I have each shifted our hours, so I go in early and he takes the kids to camp and goes in later, and then I leave early to pick them up. We are fortunate that our jobs allow this. One of my co-workers has hired a college-age student to come in the morning and get her kids off to camp and then to pick them up after and watch them until she gets home. The student takes summer school classes while the kids are at camp so it worked out well for her.
anon-oh-no
afterschool/camp babysitter. It really is the only way to go that doesn’t involve a lot of scheduling for you and hoping things work out.
you hire someone to pick your kids up from camp and 1 or 3 or whatever and then stay with them until you get home at 5 or 6 or whatever. 20-25/hrs a week.
Meg Murry
I’m right here with you. Our daycare used to do afterschool and summer programs, but they don’t anymore because it isn’t cost effective for them since apparently it’s a separate certification/license to maintain to have school age kids.
We’re doing the “patchwork of summer camps” option for my oldest, and juggling pickups and drop-offs between my husband and the grandparents, who luckily are retired – but are almost busier in retirement than when they were working. Since I work full time 30+ minutes away, I coordinate finding, enrolling and paying for the camps, and my husband coordinates getting the kid there and who picks him up. Occasionally, I wind up having to shift my schedule to come in early and leave early or take work home in order to make it happen.
Now that my son is 9, we’ve started letting him ride his bike to and from some of the camps in town, and be home by himself up to an hour before or after camp. So far it’s worked out, although it makes me a little anxious.
What really makes me nervous is once he reaches middle school age and there are no more formal daycamps or activities for days or weeks at a time – I fear he will become a video-game playing hermit or worse. I’m trying not to borrow trouble until that time actually comes though.
ace
Sidenote – what a great way to split parent responsibilities! I feel like moms often get stuck with the “logistics”, relational (e.g., talking to grandparents, sitters) and often actual work of the pick up, so i’m inspired by your split.
Meg Murry
It’s a pretty good deal. My husband is self employed, so he technically *could* handle all the pickups, but at the expense of turning down a lot of paying work during his busiest time.
Before we were even married though we understood that I was probably going to have a more demanding career but higher paid, and he was going to go the lower paid but more flexible route and handle more of the household and child care. He cooks and cleans too! Some days I’m jealous of his flexible schedule to be able to take the kids to the park in the middle of the day, but he also winds up working evening and weekends, plus handling a lot of the cleaning chores that I hate. Not saying our house is spotless, by any means (it’s barely controlled chaos and has quite a few dust bunnies in the corners), but he probably does 60% or more of the housework that does get done.
RDC
We have a similar set-up with my husband having more flexible hours, but I admire your coordination! We tend to be more ad-hoc which ultimately means I do all the remembering-reminding.
A roomba solved the dust-bunny problem for us :)
Meg Murry
I do the remembering-reminding of what camp is what week and what time drop-off and pickup are, but then I just leave it to him to coordinate and tell me what days he needs me to handle. Not going to lie, I’ve gotten more than one call saying “um, is someone picking your kid up?” when he forgot that camp ended at 3:00 instead of 3:30 – but we haven’t completely forgotten or lost the kids yet.
lucy stone
Sports camps! My parents sent me to every single sports camp except football at our high school because it was bicycling distance from our house and it gave me something physical to do for a few hours every day, plus then I could ride for ice cream with other kids in the camp afterwards.
H
Have you looked into YMCA camps? I haven’t looked recently but when I was in college I worked at their summer camps and it was for a full day.
Anon
No kids, but I started sleepaway camp at a Y camp for a month each summer when I was nine and LOVED it. Some girls went even younger, though some of them had a harder time. Not sure how old your kids are, but nine-year-olds should be perfectly fine. When I do have kids, they are absolutely going to sleepaway camp. It teaches independence.
Anonymous
Sleepaway camp is the best! We started with a week when our kid was six years old.
MargaretO
Yes! Sleepaway camp, as soon as they are ready.
Meg Murry
My 9 year old went to a 4 day sleepaway camp last year, and is going again this year. The only issue is that so many sleep away camps are super expensive for us, (relatively) since we live in a LCOLA – a one week camp for the 9 year old is almost as much as a month of daycare for the 4 year old. But yes, I expect that the year we stop paying so much in daycare for the youngest will be the year we start having to shell out big bucks for camps for the oldest.
Anonymous
We have found Girl Scout camps to be only slightly more expensive than day camp.
Anonymous
Now I see that Girl Scout camps won’t help with your 9-year-old, but maybe Boy Scout camps are similar?
Diplomat
We use YMCA camp, then pay the extra for extended morning and afternoon hours.
Anonymous
I send my kid to private school largely because it offers a guaranteed spot in a full-day summer camp and is a block from my house. Not going to help the OP, but something parents with younger kids may want to consider when looking at schools.
shadow
There are sometimes camps run by learning centers/tutoring centers that include day camp, and then you can also sign up for tutoring classes in the afternoon/evening. I used to volunteer at a learning center that had summer day camps designed mostly for elementary and middle school students, but they also had classes (with homework/tests/etc.) for math, reading/writing, science, SAT & ACT, languages, arts, etc and those classes were popular for students of all ages (except SAT/ACT directed mostly to high schoolers). The non-day-camp classes were typically in the afternoon or evening, and ran until as late as 8 pm.
Maybe check with local tutoring centers to see if they have similar programs or classes?
I know some kids are not super excited to be going to a class where there’s going to be homework/tests just like school, but it is a great opportunity to catch up/re-learn material from last year, and to get ahead for next year, and to not lose momentum.
Shopping help!
Ladies, I’m looking for silk shells to wear with pencil skirts/under suit jackets. What are your favorites? I’d be especially interested in slim fitting shirts; I’m really thin and need to be able to tuck a shirt into a pencil skirt without having loads of billowing fabric.
LostInTranslation
Commiseration. Nice shells are a lot harder to find than they used to be and I need them as I absolutely can’t wear button-downs. I have a silk one I bought at Ann Taylor 6 or 7 years ago for $50 on sale. It’s substantial & tailored and it has worn like iron. I find nothing like it out there these days, even at higher end stores. Do consider synthetics which vary tremendously in quality and feel. I actually bought a couple of poly ones at LOFT a few years ago and they’re staples for me. Just size way down so it doesn’t billow. I’m a S-M at most places but they’re both XS.
Shopping help!
Thanks for the tips! Unfortunately, I’m an XXS/00 (or 000 at J Crew) so sizing down isn’t an option.
AEK
Pure Collection
Anonymous
Eileen Fisher has silk T-shirts I use for this purpose. They are easy to hand wash and travel well too.
Embarrassing Question
I have a large painful pimple right under the edge of my underwear, about an inch above where my leg joins my crotch/torso. It might be an ingrown hair, but its definitely painful and red. I’m supposed to get a bikini wax a week from today. Is there some super fast way I can heal this? I haven’t had a wax in FOREVER and was so looking forward to it. I’ve been doing hot compresses and put a tiny dab of cortisone cream on it. Help!
KS IT Chick
Start with something like BikiniZone, which is a lidocaine gel that will help both stop the pain and reduce the swelling. It if is an ingrown hair, reducing the swelling may allow you to see the hair and get it straightened out. If it is a pimple, then some antibiotic ointment will go a long way to healing it up.
Anonymous
Hot compresses until you can see the hair at the surface of the skin, then sterilized tweezers to get it out.
thoughts...
I would do what you are doing, and maybe add a touch of an antibiotic (acne cream with benzoyl peroxide) once a day. Agree with the tiny dab of cortisone.
Anonymous
Wait a day or to for it to come to a head and then use a sterilized needle to pick the hair out.
Anonymous
Not meaning to be alarmist but I would suggest consider seeing your family doctor for a prescription for oral antibiotics. If it is large, red and painful there is something going on there, and a day or two of a dose of antibiotics is a small price to pay to avoid potential larger issues.
As an aside, a few years ago I was diagnosed with Hidradenitis suppurativa, or acne inversa, which causes these bumps in the armpit and groin. Oral antibiotics have changed my life. I had blamed these pimples on everything from ingrown hairs, to shaving, to not shaving, to diet, to weight gain and it turns out it is a relatively common condition that, thankfully for me, was easily addressed.
Whether this is a simple ingrown hair or something else, you have my sympathy – this is SO uncomfortable!
Blonde Lawyer
I have HS too!! I’ve had a couple of surgeries and I’m now on a strict no dairy/no gluten diet. I also had laser hair removal and do home lasering every couple weeks. My husband also does not eat nightshades so my diet is very low in that category too (suspected trigger for some). I can’t take antibiotics constantly because of Crohns.
If it does turn out you HS, OP, make sure you see someone familiar with the disease. Many of my docs have never heard of it. I am so lucky that I live in the same state as a major research hospital and I have one of the few experts on the disease just blocks from my office. According to her, there are only 10 or so doctors in the country that should really be treating it. Even with an “expert” for a doc, I had to do a ton of my own research as the experts all disagree! It’s infuriating. My expert doc is big on diet modification and would love me to be 100% paleo/no nightshade. She also thinks surgery is necessary each time you have one. We’ve compromised w/ the no gluten/dairy and minimal nightshade. She didn’t really think laser hair removal would work but I refused to have surgery on the same spot a 4th time. It worked! The detroit experts think laser hair removal is first line treatment. So I did that too. I had a really hard time finding someone to do it though.
Other experts think antibiotics are the key.
Anonymous w/ HS, email me at projectmundaneart @ G Mail if you want to chat further.
Anonymous
Oh, wow, you have been through the wringer! I’m lucky – no surgery so far. I think we caught it early enough and lucky for me I have no issues with the antibiotic treatment. I did laser hair removal too, and I think it has helped marginally. Dietary modifications would be a challenge for me, but one I would absolutely take on because OMG this condition made my life miserable before we found a solution. It’s hard to describe to anybody who doesn’t suffer from it the impact that it has. Kudos to you for being so proactive about your health! I’ll keep your email if you don’t mind and follow up when the rest of my life calms down slightly. Thanks so much for reaching out to me.
CJM
Still get the wax. My waxer today told me that she does 40-50 brazilians a day and legit has seen it all/ doesn’t care about anything/ and often she can tell people exactly what their “problem is”
LostInTranslation
No children myself but in my large city I see vans driving around that are services to accommodate this exact problem. Some enterprising people figured out there was a demand so their business is pick up/drop off of kids. Would that work for you?
anon
Speaking of silk shells (which I also need), is silk difficult to care for, or does it not look good for as long as other fabrics? I bought two silk shells from talbots a few years ago, washed them on the delicate cycle in a lingerie bag and hung them to try. They didn’t hold up well at all, lasting about 20 wears each. Is this an example of poor quality, or am I washing them wrong, or is silk just hard to keep looking nice?
CPA Lady
Hmmm, that’s odd. What about them didn’t hold up? The fabric came undone at the seams? The material pilled and faded? Did you iron or steam them after drying? Have you tried taking them to a dry cleaner and seeing how they come out after being dry cleaned?
I have had silk shells from Talbots that have lasted 6+ years with heavy wear and are still going strong. I have never machine washed them though. Dry clean only. I love them so much I’m scared to machine wash.
AIMS
I think this may be a quality issue. I have silk tops that wear like iron, but the silk tops I bought from Talbots recently (~1-2 years ago?) didn’t look good for long.
anon
The fabric came undone at the seams and the material pilled and faded. It just started looking really ratty. I didn’t steam or iron it except for once or twice, and the wrinkles didn’t really come out. I thought dry cleaning was really bad for silk?
thoughts...
I have a hard time with my silk tops. I also never wash in the washing machine – I hand wash and use a shampoo special for silk. They don’t dry looking as nice. They are wrinkled and “stiff”. I steam them a little, but they still don’t look as good. The texture does improve once you wear them again and they absorb some of your bodies oils. One pointer I heard was adding a touch of hair conditioner when you hand wash will help that “stiff” texture after washing with water, but it didn’t help so much when I tried it last. Maybe need to use more conditioner…
Dry clean, or expect that they wont look quite as nice or last as long with regular washing.
Honestly, these days I look for tops that are synthetics that are easier to clean/don’t wrinkle to avoid the back and forth to the dry cleaner. If you are going for silk and can afford it (meaning the dry cleaning or the time to take care of them at home), then more power to you.
Right now I have 3 silk tops hanging on my door, waiting for steaming. They have been waiting for weeks…
OD
For those of you who successfully met your partner online, how many dates do you go on with a person before you decide there isn’t chemistry? Have you had an experience where what would’ve been a no after a first impression/date later changed into a real long-term yes?
I’ve been online dating in two separate periods for a total of maybe 50 men over a year and a half, rarely more than 1 or 2 dates per person because I just don’t feel anything. The date is never a disaster, but I rarely want to do it again. Or maybe it was on the better side of decent, and I’ll agree to a second date, but then I’m not attracted enough to want to kiss/etc. and it ends awkwardly. I’ve had this situation several times where the guy seems like a nice/good person who is interested in me but I don’t feel at all excited to see him again.
There has only been one real exception to my lack of interest: my ex-boyfriend whom I then dated for a year. I felt interested in pursuing it further after the first date and was smitten by the second date.
I’m only going out with men who seem compatible and who’ve written nice messages, so it’s not a lack of filtering. And I don’t tend to meet men casually in real life so a friendship can bloom into attraction (this has happened for me in past relationships, although the love/attraction were never as strong as they were with my recent ex). If I had the ability to go on 10 or 20 platonic-ish dates with some of these people online, maybe I’d feel attracted to them, but it just doesn’t seem feasible to wait that long with online dating.
Would love some input. I am trying not to be picky and judgmental (friends have accused me of both), but so far my second impressions have only served to confirm my first impressions.
An
Are you attracted to their pictures or are you going out with people because they seem nice?
Diana Barry
Ditto. That is a lot of people to go out with without feeling anything, unless statistically you are picking the ‘wrong’ chemistry from the online profile. Or maybe your profile is attracting the guys with the ‘wrong’ chemistry?
I did my online profile (this was ages ago) with my friends’ input, but my sample is skewed since the only guy I met IRL then became my DH 3 years later. :) FWIW, our first date was 5 hrs long.
OD
At least mildly attracted, but I’ll often give someone a chance if they write a great message and don’t seem super “hot”.
An
Message people that YOU think are hot rather than hanging back, seeing who messages you. Seriously, make that your criteria. Filter through pictures and think to yourself: 1) Is this person hot/do I want to hook up with that 2) Read their profile and assess if they have any dealbreakers (such as, do they have a job? a full set of teeth? are they a sociopath?) and send a few messages to verify confirm this theory.
Anonymous
This is exactly what I tell my friends NOT to do. You can’t gauge chemistry from a picture. It’s about how someone carries himself, whether he makes eye contact, whether he seems interested in you. If you only limit yourself to people whose pictures are “hot” then you’re shutting yourself off from SO MANY possibilities.
OD
I rarely feel like jumping someone I haven’t already gotten to know, even if they are objectively attractive. Ex-boyfriend is the only counterexample I can think of where I felt attracted right away.
Anonymous
It’s so hard — nobody wants to feel like they’re forcing it. I have never had the butterflies-omg-so-excited feeling on a first date from the internet. I can offer some anecdotal evidence of giving it a chance to play out, though.
I met my SO on OKCupid almost three years ago, and he is now the absolute love of my life. At the time, though… wasn’t so sure. I agreed to go out on our first date the day I’d broken up with my last boyfriend. In retrospect, it’s clear I just wasn’t ready at the time, but I’m the kind of person who feels like she needs to take control when life feels like I’m flailing. So I dated my SO (and a handful of other guys) casually for about two months. At that point, I decided I was going to pull the plug on all of them and give myself a break — I wasn’t crazy about any of these guys, though SO was the clear frontrunner. Instead, my SO planned this perfect date and took me out and something in my brain just clicked. It was not love at first sight, but I’d have lost out on the best man I know if I hadn’t stuck it out.
eres mi?
OMG. Thank you so much for writing this. I am in almost exactly the same position — recent break up, the control need, casual dating, frontrunner, etc. I am dating an incredibly calming person, who plans dates that require me to move outside my usually-frantic comfort zone into a chill space. Even as I am slowly calming down and enjoying the experience, part of my brain wonders if this could work out long term without that initial fireworks. Thanks for allowing me a tiny bit of mad hope to tinge this new and strange peacefulness :)
Anonymous
KEEP THAT BOY.
Everything about my life changed for the better. I am happier. I am less wrapped up in my BigLaw job. I find myself freaking out less because he freaks out about nothing. He takes care of me in a way I never knew I wanted or needed. Sometimes I look at my life and can’t believe how lucky I am, and how close I was to messing it all up.
January
When you say you weren’t so sure, though… was it like, hmm, I enjoy hanging out with him but I’m not sure I feel a spark, or was it more like, hmm, I can tell he is a nice person, but trying to make conversation with him is like pulling teeth?
(Did I just answer my own question?)
Anonymous
It was honestly somewhere in between. The first date I left and was 100% certain I’d never hear from him again. He’s kind of quiet until you get to know him and I felt like I was driving the conversation. And then he texted me before I even got home so I decided to go on a second date with him. I thought he was cute and smart, but at the beginning I was not at all certain we were compatible.
Jen
I met my SO in person, not online, but it was the same thing. I wasn’t instantly attracted to him- In fact, I’d met him once or twice and thought nothing special of him (overlapping friend circles). But eventually we became friends then hookup buddies then best friends/actually dating and looking back, we were/are just a great match.
But I doubt either of us would have stumbled across the other in an online dating scenario. His hobbies and interests are (were) so different from mine. I got him into skiing and sailing, he got me into hiking not and cooking.
bridget
I use the three date rule: do not waste a second on someone of bad character, but give it three dates for chemistry.
The one thing that concerns me is that you have been through this with some fifty men. I will definitely buy the idea that you could go out on a few dates with a half-dozen men and find that none of them have long term potential. But zero for 50 is not chemistry or them; it is something within you. I have never met you, so I cannot say if it is too high expectations of men, too high expectations of romance, some part of you that is a commitment-phobe, or if online dating is just wrong for the way you are wired.
OD
Thanks. I am definitely not a commitment-phobe, but other than that, I don’t know what’s wrong.
J
Is there someone you’re not over? Someone you’re pining away for that none of these guys are measuring up to?
If that’s not the case, then is your life just really busy and full without a boyfriend in it? I think if a person is overworked, on the verge of burn out, etc. then they aren’t likely to be looking to add even MORE work to life by getting into a relationship. Instead of seeming like fun, the guy across the dinner table feels like yet another project.
OD
Um…yes to both of those.
CountC
Well there’s your answer. You’re not going to click with anyone if you are pining away for someone else or not over someone. You need to work on that before you waste more of your time going out with guys on dates when you are not really ready to allow someone other than the person you are pining after to enter your life in a meaningful way.
bridget
Do you need the “He is not in your life for a reason” speech? Because I can give that one like a boss.
OD
Oh god, I really need that speech, considering that he’s been contacting me wanting to talk, even though I know he hasn’t changed and doesn’t want to, and I don’t know how long I can withstand it.
bridget
Here goes:
He has not changed and does not want to. That tells you that he loves his deal-breaker faults more than he loves you and the relationship. (Definitionally, that’s the wrong person for you.)
The right person for you is not just about the person; it’s also about his willingness to make the relationship work. As one of my friends says, marriage is a lifelong exercise in conflict resolution. It’s not just that you find the “right person” and then a good relationship springs forth; your romantic happiness is the sum of a great person AND a great relationship. Whether this ends now or ends years from now when you figure this out, the result is the same: you’re not going to be with this dude long term.
You can cut to the chase and move on (emotionally and psychologically as well as “officially”), or you can drag this out for another few years. “Dragging this out” includes not opening yourself up to possibly great guys because they aren’t measuring up to your ex. So in a few years, you can be a few years older, but the same emotional place you are now… or you can be someone who has long ago cut the emotional apron strings and has found, or is at least completely ready to find, Mr. Right.
I know it’s a bizarre analogy, but it’s like saving money: it is an investment in your future self. Trust me, OD’s future self will be happy if she moved on in 2016.
And yes, these guys might not (yet) measure up to Mr. Dysfunctional Ex, but they are also going to have good qualities he doesn’t have… like the willingness to change and be better people when the relationship is on the line.
I cannot guarantee that when you put this guy in the rearview mirror, you’ll find someone great, but I can guarantee you that you’re not going to be happy, romance-wise, unless you do. You deserve better, but you’re not going to get that better unless you move on.
And not willing to change, but still wants you back? Nice for him, but that relationship is done, regardless of what life-support measures you try to put it on.
anon dater
Counterpoint: I don’t think 0 out of 50 is something to feel bad about. It just takes longer for some people. You’ve been in relationships before and you’ve felt what you want to feel, so you know it exists. I think you are totally fine. Just keep going. There is a lot of pressure to define what’s wrong with a person who takes a long time to find the right fit. Sometimes, it’s just bad luck.
OK Stupid
I’ve been online dating on and off for the past 4 years. I’ve probably gone out with 50+ men I’ve not been excited about after meeting. I’ve also gone out with 1 person I was in a medium-term relationship with, and several that I dated for a month or so.
Pretty poor success rate over all, but I will say that I liked the dudes I saw again immediately. My best relationships grew out of friendships, rather than the dating method. But that’s hard to replicate once you’re working a bazillion hours a week and all your friends are married.
TO Lawyer
I met my ex boyfriend on tinder and definitely felt the connection (good conversation mostly) after our first date.
I’m online dating again but not too seriously but I generally give it a second date if the conversation was good and we seemed to connect. I’ll only give it a third date if there’s some chemistry after the second date. I have a lot of first dates that don’t turn into anything but I generally don’t mind because I tend to do them at off-hours/days where I don’t really care i.e. I’ll go for a drink at 6:30 on a Monday after work which doesn’t really cut into my social life much. Generally, if I end up having more than one drink on a date, it’s worth a second date. If I’m one and done, it’s not worth a second date.
Anonymous
I think you’d really enjoy the book Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. Surprisingly well written and talks a lot about this-
anon dater
I’m right there with you. I think for some of us, it’s just harder to meet people we really click with. You’re not doing anything wrong.
Once you get good at weeding out the weirdos and only go out with the ones who write nice messages, I find that what you describe is pretty common. I’ve seen this with lots of my friends, too. Just keep going on dates and try to treat each date as a completely new experience instead of one of many dud dates. Every person is different and will have different qualities that are or are not compatible with you.
As one of my best friends told me, who recently met the love of her life on OKC (and knew she was into him after one date, smitten after two, and in love within a month) after basically a decade of never-quite-right guys and mostly being single: It’s not right until it’s right. It gives me hope. Good luck!
January
I also think online dating is really set up to encourage this type of problem. You may not have much opportunity to get to know each other before the date (unless you enjoy getting to know each other through texting, which I do not), and you also may not have much opportunity to get to know each other outside of a date, which can be a more fraught situation, depending on your personalities or the types of dates you’re going on.
One other thought: are you meeting for drinks/coffee or doing activities together? I don’t think the typical coffee meet-up is that conducive to chemistry, unless you’re both pretty comfortable talking to strangers.
OD
Usually drinks.
lsw
Most people I was pretty certain on the first date that I didn’t want to see them again. There was one guy where I wasn’t sure so we went out a second time – and we both pretty much agreed that it was fun, but we didn’t really feel a spark. My first date with my now husband, I was really excited for it since we had talked online for a while before going out (I “knew” him from a messageboard, but we met via OKC), and was really feeling it first, second and all other dates.
I agree with TO Lawyer above, a lot of first dates that didn’t turn into anything were fine with me since they were usually short.
Racoon
Well, this answer is mostly the opposite of what you’re looking for – but for perspective.
I met my now-husband on OKCupid. We met at an outdoor bar on a lovely spring day, and immediately had a deep connection and attraction. As though we’d always known each other – suddenly talking about all of our most private thoughts. It was out of character for both of us, but about 2.5 hours later we were having having s*x in the entranceway to his house. Like, we couldn’t make it to the bedroom. He is my best friend and life partner – and important to me in so many ways than physical – but we felt that chemistry instantly and still have it.
Weirdly, I don’t find my husband objectively attractive. He’s not ugly, but a very different type than men I used to date. He’s small, balding, older. Until they got to know him, my friends didn’t understand my wanting him at all. Other men I have been with were really tall, muscular types. However, I am more attracted to my husband than I’ve ever been to anyone. I suspect it is pheromonal. He messaged me 3 times on OKC before I responded and agreed to a date – from his picture he was not at all attractive to me.
My point, I guess, is that chemistry isn’t necessarily about looks. It’s something more innate, primal. So maybe don’t choose guys from their pictures, but in my experience the chemistry is either there or not, and you know it pretty quickly. Again, I really believe in the “chemical” nature of this and pheromones. For me, that kind of physical connection (plus the emotional connection and support, of course) is one of the keys in defining a romantic relationship.
OD
Similar feeling/experience with my ex-boyfriend. I really worry about being able to find it again. Thanks.
Anonymous
Honey, this is your answer to why you aren’t finding it again. You have to find that level of love and desire and friendship and excitement and respect for yourself. Then date. You will attract someone just right.
OD
A tough order! But thanks.
AnonA
Anecdata: My first date with my now-husband was pleasant and he had the qualities I was looking for in a partner, but I didn’t feel any chemistry. I had just been on a first date with another guy where there was amazing chemistry, and I think I was judging my now-husband against the other guy. After a couple weeks, I realized that “chemistry guy” was not a good match for me at all. In the meantime, my now-husband and I had some limited contact on social media, and we ended up going out again. Once I got to know now-husband, we developed great chemistry that has had staying power.
First dates as so superficial. They are really only good for weeding out obvious psychopaths. I was ready to walk away from the man who is truly my other half. I’m so relieved that I gave him another chance!
OD
I’m scared that I am walking away too early, but don’t know what to do about it. How did you get to know him before the chemistry developed? Did you hang out together platonically?
Senior Attorney
We actually dated. As in, he picks me up at my house, we go to dinner and a concert or whatever, and then he takes me home. For the longest time he didn’t even kiss me goodnight beyond a chaste peck on the cheek.
Fortunately we are Very Old so dating seemed normal to us. You Kids These Days don’t seem to do dates, so I am at a bit of a loss as to what to suggest. But I guess what I am describing could also be characterized as “hanging out together platonically.”
OD
I do go on dates! But I guess I usually feel like there is this…pressure to keep it moving.
January
Haha. Guys have started asking me on the first date (or before) what I’m looking for in a relationship (which is an odd thing to ask a stranger, to my mind, but whatever), and I really think the honest answer is that I want to date! I want to get to know someone and see if something long-term develops. But I feel like people are approaching it now with the idea that you have to either be looking for A Relationship or Something Casual straight off the bat, and you are not allowed to change your mind once you’ve picked a category. Argh.
Senior Attorney
I agree with this. Lovely Fiance and I dated for weeks before I was really sure there was chemistry. But when it happened, it really happened! Sometimes it just takes a while.
2 Cents
While I was online dating, I went out with a few guys who were all perfectly nice people. One guy, in particular, I saw twice before I decided I really wasn’t interested — and couldn’t see myself being interested.
For my husband, we went on 3 dates before he held my hand and 4 before he kissed me. I gave myself super low expectations on date 1 (does he have a second head coming out of his neck? No? Good sign!). We were supposed to only have dinner, but ended up spending about 6 hours together just talking. After the 3rd date, I knew I wanted to get to know him more and was really interested. I can’t say I was head-over-heels attracted to him physically, but that grew exponentially over time.
Baconpancakes
I know I’m late to the thread, but my two cents – don’t put so much pressure on it! Go on a date expecting it to be a date – not a relationship. The best way I’ve found to accomplish this is to line up multiple dates – not even in the same weekend, definitely not the same day, but to know that even if this date with Jim goes well, you’ve still a date with Bob in three days, and that just makes everything less stressful. The choice isn’t between Jim and being eating by Alsatians alone in your apartment. The choice is between Jim and Bob and Larry and Moe and Phil and Luis and Marco, etc. Don’t even ask yourself if you think this person could be the love of your life – only ask yourself if you want to go on another date with a guy! This lets things progress more “naturally” and like, Senior Attorney said, sometimes it just takes time to get to know someone. And when you get to the point where you don’t want to spend time with anyone else, that’s when you know.
Obviously, if you don’t want to spend any time with a person, don’t. You don’t owe them anything. And do make it clear that you’re still seeing other people if it goes beyond three dates, unless you don’t want to see anyone else. I ended up having that conversation with three guys who said, “it’s ok if you keep seeing other people, but I’m not going to see anyone else.” No one said, “well, if you’re seeing other people I don’t want to date you.” (Two turned into long-term relationships, so.)
Racoon
Seems like a silly question, but do you have eye makeup removal tips? Typically I wear a small amount of black liquid eyeliner and mascara. Neither are waterproof. More dramatic on weekends, sometimes some eyeshadow.
My cleansing routine is something like this:
-Take out contacts, remove makeup with the generic version of Neutrogena’s oil-free eye makeup remover. My skin is really sensitive, and this is the only remover I’ve found that doesn’t sting. Eyes appear to be makeup free and tissue comes clean.
-Wash face with foaming cleanser. After washing, a ton more eye makeup is suddenly below my eyes. Wipe off with more remover, rinse, usually on q-tip, rinse.
-Rub night cream all over. More smudgey makeup comes out. Usually ignore at this point.
-Wakeup with more makeup circles, wash face in shower, get out of shower with some makeup still there. Remover again before applying sunscreen and makeup.
It feels like an endless battle! Am I doing something really wrong? Wipes always burn and seem like a waste of money, since I go through so many. I really don’t wear heavy makeup, but end up with racoonish dark eyes every day from yesterday’s routine.
Anonymous
Use a better eye makeup remover. One that is not oil-free.
Diana Barry
I have trouble with the non-oil-free makeup removers though – I know what the OP is talking about! I use the Almay oil free kind but they never get everything off and I end up scrubbing.
Anonymous
Eye makeup is usually more oil soluble than water soluble. Any kind of oil will do a good job, even if it’s just a vegetable oil from your kitchen.
Anonymous
You need a better eye makeup remover. I’m really picky and I’ve tried them all, and they are definitely not all created equal. I love the Lancome one. I have sensitive eyes too and it doesn’t sting.
My cleansing routine is: eye makeup remover on a cotton pad, a makeup remover wipe all over my face, then wash face with cleanser. That gets everything off.
Anon
You might also try switching your make-up. I bought a different kind of mascara on accident once (same brand) and it was a never ending battle to get it all off. I went back to my usual one and washing my face plus using almay make-up remover got it all off.
KT
Use an oil remover, not an oil-free one. Oil removers are the only thing that completely eliminate all mascara/eyeliner for me; oil-free ones leave me with panda eyes.
thoughts...
I use baby oil to remove eye make-up. Very mild. I squirt some on a tissue, and wipe gently. And then I wipe again with a clean part of the tissue, and keep wiping until the tissue isn’t taking off anymore make-up. So maybe you need more swipes? I add a little bit more baby oil onto the tissue as needed. I use up the whole tissue.
It is hard for me to imagine make-up so adherent as you describe. Maybe change to a different mascara that isn’t so water resistant?
Then I wash my face with cetaphil soap. This is what my dermatologist recommended.
Never tried special make-up removers. Maybe I’m just cheap?
Shayla
I have sensitive skin too–I use coconut oil 2-3 times a week for a “deep” cleaning of my eye make up. It removes layers of makeup I didn’t know were there very gently.
cbackson
I started taking off my eye make-up with coconut oil and it works like a charm.
Diana Barry
How does this work? I bought coconut oil but never used it since it was so lumpy – I couldn’t get it out of the jar and then I couldn’t get it on my face without getting giant lumps all over. Maybe I am just an oil klutz. ;)
CPA Lady
You can heat the top layer with your blow-dryer enough to melt it, then scoop it out onto a tissue or whatever you use to take off your makeup.
Diana Barry
Gah. This seems like the best solution but also more trouble than it’s worth. Maybe I should start taking off my eye makeup before I’m completely exhausted though. ;)
Aunt Jamesina
You can just wipe your fingers across the top to get a tiny amount– your body heat is enough to melt it, no need for a hair dryer! You hardly need any to take off eye makeup.
Vacation all I ever wanted...
I just dig in with my fingers (have a dedicated jar for this, but you could use a spoon) then rub it between my hands until it melts. rub in to my make-up, remove with a washcloth and hot water.
Ruthie B.
Coconut oil hardens when it gets cool. I use it as a makeup remover, and I usually just wash my hands really well, scoop some of the hardened oil out and let it melt in the palm of my hand before applying it. I keep the oil that I use for this purpose in a really small container so that I can wash it out often.
pugsnbourbon
I also use coconut oil. First, I scooped a few spoonfuls into a smaller container that was more manageable. I just use my fingers and gently rub the coconut oil around my eyes. Feels kinda gross and I look like a raccoon, but I immediately wash with CeraVe and I haven’t had any breakouts in that area. I use non-waterproof mascara and the cheapo E.L.F. gel eyeliner – that stuff is $3 and it LASTS.
Blonde Lawyer
I tried that but it started making my under eye area look greasy no matter how much I washed it off/rubbed it in.
eyes
Does that matter? Aren’t you going to bed? Wont be greasy by morning. Nice moisturizing?
Anon
I use olive oil to remove my makeup – cheap and I like the way it makes my skin feel.
First Year Anon
Same problem I have- The Makeup Eraser from Sephora works well for me! Easy to take with you travelling too!
anonymous
Step 1: slather face in ponds cold cream.
Step 2: wipe off gently with warm wet washcloth
Step 3: lather face with a half-pea sized amount of any gentle facial cleanser to remove cold cream residue
step 4: rinse thoroughly with warm not hot water
step 5: pat dry and follow up with serums, moisturizers, etc.
gets rid of all makeup, and my skin has never looked better after doing this for a few years.
Batgirl
I do this but just use the cold cream on my eye make up.
Calibrachoa
Q-tip coated in oil helps get the makeup off. I dip mine in a jar of coconut oil, then use it on the creases, and then use the Liz Earle hot cloth cleanser.
Anonymous
Neutrogena cleansing wipes.
Mindy
I really like the bioderma cleansing water (or the Missha one), or the Vichy 3-in-1 cleanser. I just use a cotton pad to wipe off. I also use coconut oil. I use the Lnacome, but I find that one stings a bit in my eyes.
Goatsgoatsgoats
The Body Shop dry oils are the best. I use them to remove makeup and as a moisturizer afterwards — several drops and just smear it on my face and even the most stubborn makeup melts away. And YMMV but I have sensitive acne prone skin and it’s only been improved I think by the use of dry oil.
Anon
Argan oil!
Gail the Goldfish
Has anyone ever ordered something from the website Bitter Root Vintage? An ad for them popped on my facebook page and they’ve got some pretty vintage-inspired dresses, but I’ve never heard of them and don’t know anything about the quality.
sweetknee
I use coconut oil and a baby wipe for sensitive skin to take off my eye makeup and then a gentle Cetaphil like face wash for the rest of my face. That seems to do the trick. I have a jar of coconut oil in my bathroom specifically for this purpose. It’s also nice on rough elbows and knees in the winter.
Moving to a New City
I’ve lived in the dc metro area my entire life (childhood, undergrad, and a few years post grad) and i love this area but im ready for a change. So i will be going to grad school in nyc in the fall. While I’m super excited about all the new experiences and people in my future, I feel a little sad about eventually leaving. All of my closest friends are from college or people i sort of knew in college but got close to after we graduated. I tried making non-college friends post grad and it was really hard/i got disappointed and felt like i was always putting in the effort. I know as people get older it gets harder to develop long lasting connections but I really do want to try. Any tips on making friends in a new city/in grad school? Is it similar to undergrad? I just hear that people dont socialize as much but perhaps it depends on the city/person?
Anonymous
Making new friends as an adult is hard, but grad school is the exception to that. I wouldn’t say it’s quite as easy as undergrad (because most people don’t live in a dorm in grad school) but it’s still pretty easy and happens really naturally, just like it does in college. Everyone expects to get a new social group in grad school so you’re basically thrown in with a bunch of similar, like-minded people who are expecting and hoping to make new friends. Totally different than trying to make friends as a working adult. Don’t sweat it!
Anonymous
Grad school is totally the exception. I met my closest friends there and also amazing professional contacts. I’d try to make at least one non-grad school friend – she was my life line sanity during exams. Have fun – I’m sure you will love it!
Vacation all I ever wanted...
I leave this afternoon on a 10 day vacation and I am so excited I am having a hard time sitting still. I just started a new position a month ago so I don’t have a ton of things to keep me busy yet, and my manager was waiting until I got up to speed and back from my trip to give me projects to really “own” – which is only making today harder! Wrapping up the things I had to do, doing some more background research, and counting the moments until 3, when I leave. It is both weird and challenging to not have the normal “day before vacation” tasks to fill my day.
Parfait
I leave tomorrow on a ten day vacation! Whee!
I have already completed I wanted to get done before I left, too. Such an odd feeling!
Delta Dawn
I love this dress but, as a redhead, shy away from pink most of the time. Do you think either of these shades (orchid or peony) would work on a very pale redhead? My entire closet is blue or green, and I’d like to branch into other colors, but this may not be the way to do that.
lucy stone
I think peony would be better. I saw a fairskinned redhead wearing lavender the other day and she looked amazing, so maybe try something in that color?
lsw
I think the peony would be lovely.
Miss Lynde
I know Anne of Green Gables had a lifelong regret of not being able to wear pink, but I am sure there are some shades you can wear and some ways you can wear it!
Delta Dawn
I identified with “Anne with an E” SO MUCH on this point as a child. And now, come to think of it!
Carrots
Hopefully your hair darkens to a beautiful shade of auburn like Mrs. Rachel Lynde suggested :-)
Mrs. Jones
No reason not to try pink. I’m a redhead and love wearing pink.
Another redhead
I adore this dress but I don’t think either color would work for me. I’m tempted to try the lighter, just in case.
I look great in a pale, shell pink. Try it!
Anonon
Also a redhead. Some shades of pink look awesome on me.
I also love wearing some shades of yellow.
At least for me (copper hair – pale skin), richer shades work much better than pastels. This shade would not work on me but something more in the magenta family would work.
Blonde Lawyer
We’ve had a lot of posts on here about productivity/ADD and people frequently suggest the spotify productive morning track. I want to suggest another I stumbled on. Videogame soundtracks. They are optimized to suck the player in at maximum alertness, attention and hyperfocus. I’m currently using Oblivion and Skyrim soundtracks on youtube and really like them.
lsw
That is awesome and I need to try this suggestion.
Runner 5
I love soundtracks. Most of my dissertation was written to Harry Potter film music.
CherryScary
Video game soundtracks are the best! I’m a huge fan of Dragon Age: Inqusition, Journey (Artist is Austin Wintory, all his stuff is pretty good) and currently a game call Curse of the NecroDancer (good for heavy beat-based techno.)
Meow
This is what I do. If it can keep me wandering around a fictitious landscape looking for quest items for 12 straight hours, it will help with work. I use the Skyrim Atmospheres 12-hour version on Youtube.
Teeth
Here is a link of video game soundtracks that have been compiled. They shuffle and play continuously. Honestly some of the music freaks me out but some of it is super calming!
http://vip.aersia.net/vip.swf
Anonymous
I use John Williams station on Pandora for this!
interesting twist
It often seems like there are things that are work appropriate for men, but less so for women — like flat oxford shoes or a polo-style shirt (in a biz casual office). BUT here is a twist on that I just noticed:
Although I am a big fan of ankle length pants for women (even in suits; I wear a JCrew Super 120s suit to court all the time, and more often I pair the ankle length pants, rather than the full length or skirt).
For men, however, I just cannot get behind the ankle length pant look, particularly in a business (even business casual) environment. There are a bunch of “hip” male associates at my firm that wear these regularly.
Anyone else feel this way?
Vacation all I ever wanted...
I think they just look like they’re intentionally too short and I don’t get it. Then again, I hate them on women for a long time and am wearing them today…
Anon
Yeah, no. Sorry men, but ankle pants and man-buns are just not a good look on you.
Anonymous
I love both those looks on men, actually.
And women, to be fair- ankle pants and buns for all.
CountC
I am a lover of man buns also, but I haven’t gotten used to the ankle pant look. Luckily (?), I live in a not-so-trendy area full of nature/adventure boys, so I get man buns without the ankle pants!
Anonymous
Totally agree. Those pants make the hip young men look like awkward preteen boys who have recently outgrown their clothes.
H
Interesting. My office is business casual and I have not seen a single man wear ankle length pants. I agree that it would look strange, especially since men pretty much have to wear socks with their shoes. It would also look strange for a woman to wear ankle length pants with socks…
Spirograph
Depends. If the man is slim, the cut of his suit is slim, and he has accessorized well (especially socks and shoes), I think it can be a good look. But it’s definitely one that only works for a certain body type, in my opinion. And execution is everything – the cut of the suit has to be impeccable so that it’s 100% clear that the length of the pants is intentional, not bad tailoring.
I don’t like it with more casual pants, though, only suits. And I hate the no-socks look on men, both with shorter and regular length pants, full stop.
X
Funny. I just saw a guy wearing ankle-length pants in a black suit, with brown shoes and no sock when I was walking from the T station to my office and thought to myself that it was not a good look. I think what you say about shoes and socks is probably key!
Runner 5
Since when were flat Oxford shoes not work appropriate for women?! They are a wardrobe mainstay for me.
An
Oxfords and polo shirts are appropriate for women in a business casual environment.
Anonymous
I think it’s especially weird if they have a little tuft of leg hair sticking out from under their pants. I can’t really put my finger on why. Exposed leg hair when a man wears shorts doesn’t offend me.
I Need Help
I need help – I feel like I am about to crack up due to the pressures of everything personal, professional, etc. right now. I feel like I need to talk to someone today but don’t want to call a friend or family member and cannot use my company”s EAP (don’t want to go into it – just trust that this is not an available option right now). I tried to look on my insurance web site but could not find anything. Please help – is there a hotline I can call?
Check in
If you feel you will hurt yourself or others PLEASE call 9-1-1 NOW.
Call your doctor. Any doctor – ob/gyne, PCP, dermatologist. Say you need a mental health referral today. Have them fax you their list of recommendations.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255) or Live Online Chat
If you or someone you know is suicidal or in emotional distress, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Site exit disclaimer. Trained crisis workers are available to talk 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your confidential and toll-free call goes to the nearest crisis center in the Lifeline national network. These centers provide crisis counseling and mental health referrals.
SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline – 1‑877‑SAMHSA7 (1‑877‑726‑4727)
Get general information on mental health and locate treatment services in your area. Speak to a live person, Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. EST.
Wildkitten
Mr. Kitten called 1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255) when he was having a breakdown but not actively suicidal and they were EXTREMELY helpful. I highly recommend.
Blonde Lawyer
Google mental health crisis center and your city/state (or a major one around you). They likely have their own talk line or could refer you to one. Also try googling “ask a nurse” and your local hospitals. Do you have a therapist already? If so, he/she might squeeze in a quick emergency phone call with you.
I wish I could help more
I’ve felt similarly. Would any of these help? http://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/hotlines/
Or if you’d just like to talk to a stranger, you can email me at grrl_type [at] yahoo and I can give you a call or chat with you via email/online if that would help.
Moonstone
Captain Awkward has recommended 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org. I hope you feel better soon.
thoughts...
+1
Gail the Goldfish
Are you a lawyer? If so, your state bar likely has a lawyer assistance hotline.
Ally
All the advice I have has been said except that this happened to me about 6 months ago. I take ativan as needed now because I didn’t go get help and ended up on the floor of my apartment hallway hyperventilating and one of my co-workers had to come get me and take me to the hospital. You are doing the right thing by handling it now but don’t be like me! Find a psychiatrist and counselor. It’s scary but the meds made such a difference for me. I realized when one of my friends asked me for help with something and I responded that I was about to lose my sh*t and there was NO way I could help her. She reached out and I ignored it. Good for you for taking care of it.
Anon
Most cities have crisis hotlines- you can usually find it by googling “(City Name) crisis hotline.” I’ve called mine before just when I’m having a REALLY ROUGH TIME and they’ve been really good to just listen. The other suggestions are good here, too. Stay safe, love.
You are not alone
I’ve also called a hotline before. No shame!
Frozen Peach
How are you doing today?
Due in December
Does anyone have a recommendation for a training course on legal decision writing or similar? I have a new role that will require writing administrative legal decisions, but a course geared toward law clerks would also work. DC area or online preferred. Thanks in advance!
Anonymous
Brian Garner teaches a great seminar – if you can get past his pompous attitude.
Little Red
This dress is quite lovely and is on sale at Nordstrom. I will definitely check it out.
Another Q about kids schedules
My daughter is starting school this fall. In our area, the elementary school day begins at 8:45 and you’re supposed to drop-off no earlier than 8:30. I’m officially supposed to work 8-5. I want to ask if I can switch my hours to 9-6 so I can take my daughter to school. My boss is really chill and I highly doubt he would have any problems with it. Honestly, I think I could just start coming in at 9 without getting any grief, but it seems like it would be smart to formalize the arrangement.
My husband, who does freelance work and has a super flexible schedule, thinks this is really silly, because he is happy to handle both the drop-off and pick-up. But I’m really sad at the thought of never getting to drop off or pick up my daughter from school. And I’m selfishly looking forward to meeting other moms at drop-off because we’re new to the area. Thoughts? Am I crazy to want to do this myself when I have a husband who is ready, willing and able?
I think partly I’m just really jealous of my husband’s situation in general. He gets to spend tons and tons of time with her, takes her to every play date and doctor’s appointment, and is almost a stay-at-home dad in a lot of ways, but also gets the financial independence of earning a really decent income (more than I make, actually). I know I should be grateful that my daughter has him home so much, but it just seems like he “has it all” in a way I never will. Sigh.
MomAnon4This
Can you put your daughter on the school bus prior to 8:30?
Our school bus comes at 6:30 but school doesn’t start until 7:40. It’s too early for us — I am not even out of bed at that point, honestly!
But carpool opened at 7:15 and it turns out our son likes going in to the cafeteria with other early drop-offs at 7 am (they sit in the cafeteria and may have breakfast but he usually doesn’t until they’re sent to classrooms after 7:15).
Also I found that I really enjoy doing morning drop-off of my son while husband heads the other way to work — it’s a good time for Mom+ son conversation. But yeah, it’s another burden thing that the husband doesn’t appreciate adds to your day/stress.
Another Q about kids schedules
I think we live too close for the school bus. We’re less than a mile from the school. And I’m really looking forward to having some time with just the two of us on the walk (or drive in bad weather) – that’s a big part of why I want to do the drop-off.
Anonon
I have a direct report that just shifter her day back slightly so that she could take her kids to school in the morning. It was no big deal to me and she has talked repeatedly about how much she values that time with her kids. She said that its also had the unintended consequence of making her more productive at work since she has a more leisurely pace in the morning instead of rushing everyone out the door.
Anonymous
My dad drove me to school. It was a really great bonding time for us.
greenie
I’d ask your boss if you could do it 1-2 days a week (or just do it 1-2 days a week without asking if your boss is that awesome). You still experience it with her and meet the other parents, but you haven’t adjusted your schedule entirely once the excitement wears off (which happened within 3 months for me).
Wildkitten
This.
Anon
This is what I do as well. I do it on Fridays when half of my company isn’t here anyway. Works fabulously.
Diana Barry
+1.
Anon
I think if it is something you want to do and your work allows it, then you should do it! I do something similar–I come in early and then leave early to pick my kids up from school. This started out of necessity–my husband got a new job and could not longer do pick-ups and it was too late to sign up for after school care, but I think I am going to continue with it next year too. I really like that time with them.
Mommy
My son is finishing 1st grade today. I have not met any other parents at drop off. At our school, if you drop off your kid, you cannot walk them to their room. You either let them out of the car and they walk in alone or you park and walk your kid into the lobby. You’re more likely to meet parents at field trips, birthday parties, or school events. I’ve also met other parents at my kid’s sports. So, don’t get your hopes up on meeting your new bestie drop off.
anon
I’ve only dropped my son off at kindergarten a handful of times because of my work schedule and long commute, but I wish I did it more. At my son’s school you can walk them straight into their classroom and I always ended up talking to other parents while the kids played out front while waiting for the doors to open. My advice to the OP: make the arrangement to do drop off schedule 1-2 times per week. They could be your daughter’s special “mommy drop off days.”
It is actually quite the source of sadness and guilt for me that my son’s kindergarten year went by in a blur of work. I never got to be a field trip mom. I never once picked him up on time (he now does before and after care – sob). I feel like I’ve missed out :(
But a great job fell in my lap that had tons of opportunity for growth and I really didn’t like my old job because it was boring… but it did have more flexibility (work from home). Sometimes I wonder if I leaned back in too soon….
MomAnon4This
Agreed on probably NOT meeting your new bestie… but in our school the teachers and administrators often hang out in the entry to meet and greet and pass along news that you might not hear in the carpool line. And it is worth meeting the parents and getting that hi/bye, even if it’s not an every day 30 minute conversation, which might happen every couple of weeks to me.
mss
You might take a couple of weeks to test out drop off/changing your schedule before committing – at my school, you can walk them straight to their classroom, but dropoff is so busy that I never really ended up talking to the other parents. Pickup was a better option for me (which I only did 1X every two weeks, if that), and also volunteering in the classroom (when things have quieted down a little).
Anonymous
Volunteering for field trips is a better way to meet the other parents. Maybe adjust your schedule so you do drop off once a week (e.g. every Monday).
Killer Kitten Heels
You’re overthinking this. Ask your boss if you can shift your hours and be done with it.
EB0220
I’d just tell your boss that you’re planning to shift your schedule on days when you handle kiddo pickup and dropoff – probably 2-3 days a week. If your manager wants something more formal or defined than that, you can put something together, but as a manager I’d appreciate the heads up but otherwise have no issues at all with this.
Best Coast
I agree that if you want to do it, you should do it. Talk to your manager, but I doubt he will have a problem with it. I don’t think it’s silly- my husband also has a more flexible schedule so does a lot of drop-off/pick ups, and I’m jealous of that time and his intimacy with the school happenings.
Our school has a 15 minute all-school assembly one morning a week, so if I’m going to adjust my schedule to make a drop-off, I try to make it that morning. There’s usually a little bit more chatter among the other parents that are attending and it helps me feel more involved with what’s going on without being there daily.
Anonymous
Have to ask — what is all this chatter and news that parents are SO desperate to get at pick up and drop off??? You’re the 2nd or 3rd person that has mentioned it. What on earth is happening at elementary schools besides — go to school, do your worksheets, do you reading group, come home and do hw, rinse and repeat?? It’s not like schools are allowed to do unstructured/unplanned things anymore so anything like a field trip — you’ll get a permission slip sent home. What other school gossip is there?
BeenThatGuy
How many times do parents post that they wish they had more support/help with help before and after school? It’s about making connections. The friendlier you become with these other parents, the easier your life can be. Imagine having a list of multiple mom’s to call to take your child to a party that’s at 3:15? It’s a lot better option than always having to rely on a babysitter or leaving work early.
The more on I’m the “blacktop”, the more I feel like I’m part of the community.
Anonymama
Classmate’s mom is dying of cancer, volunteers needed for teacher appreciation lunch, your kid ran into someone and banged his head, is kid supposed to wear a yellow shirt or a white shirt to the performance next week, what public pool is best to go swimming at, do you want to schedule a play date, the nanny is sick and I can’t leave work can you pick up my kid from aftercare?
Dulcinea
Hey Everyone, I am looking for a laptop bag that is both a messenger bag AND a backpack, that looks decent/bland enough to pass in court. I prefer minimal number of organizational pockets/sleeves ( I will never take the time to put things in a bunch of different pockets). And it needs to be a combination of lightweight but also a “real” backpack that actually supports /distributes the load, not just a couple super skinny unpadded straps.
I need this because I frequently do day trips for court to a city that’s 2 hours away from my office but 1 hour away from my house ( I live in the middle) and it’s just more efficient to find a place to park myself in the city to work for the rest of the day (usually library) than it is to drive all the way back to my office after a mid-morning status conference. So I need to bring a number of case files, plus extra-heavy laptop, charger, hotspot and its charger, phone charger, etc…A bunch of junk to schlep around. And…I would prefer not to use a roller-bag. I have back/shoulder problems that make carrying a traditional shoulder/cross body bag or briefcase very difficult for more than a few minutes. I’d only use the messenger configuration for my grand entrance and exit into/out of the courthouse.
I currently have a backpack that I really love but it’s very….backpack-y looking and I think too casual for court.
Does this miracle bag exist?? Assume for the moment sky’s the limit on budget, but the cheaper the better. Thanks in advance for any help!
Jimmy K
http://www.henribendel.com/jetsetter-mini-convertible-backpack-28107402010193.html?cgid=shop_handbags_messenger_backpack&start=16 Comes in many different colors.
Mindy
Honestly, just use the backpack? I’ve seen backpacks in court.
Jimmy K
http://www.henribendel.com/jetsetter-convertible-canvas-backpack-27975713490193.html?cgid=shop_handbags_messenger_backpack&start=8 Posted the mini link by mistake. This is for the full sized version.
stlellen
Just want to say I have the eloquii version of that twist dress in blue and if is FAB! Has a great slightly lower back that is still work appropriate.