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Animal print pumps: timeless or trendy? I'm not sure, to be honest, but I feel like if they are trendy they come in style every few years. I think it stands to reason that there are so many around right now — there's been a huge emphasis on color-on-color dressing with tons of texture, everyone has a lot of beige in their closets, and brown is really in this year.
I did a mini update of our Hunt for animal print pumps for the office (see the widget below) and fell in love with a ton of them; I think my favorite pair is this one from Aquatalia (pictured). The pointy toe, the block heel, the leopard-print dyed calf hair — yes, yes, and yes.
I think they're a great neutral for almost any basic work outfit, but particularly ones heavy on the black, the beige, or the brown. I might try them with some of the leather-for-the-office looks we're seeing this year, but know yourself and know your office because that can become a Peg Bundy look far too quickly. I also might try them with some colors — jewel tones like magenta, deep teal, lipstick red for fall, or perhaps pastels like pale yellow or blue as it gets closer to spring.
Readers, what are your thoughts – yea or nay for animal print pumps?
These are $395 at Neiman Marcus; also in this price range are these gorgeous L'Agence heels at Nordstrom. If you prefer flats, note that Rothy's has a ton of animal print options in stock right now.
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These are some of our latest favorite animal-print pumps for the office…
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – 11/5 only – 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Anon
I’m not an overall animal print person – a little too Real Housewives for me – but I do like this shoe. Too bad about the heel!! I’m firmly on team flats now.
I used to have some leopard print flats in the early 2000s, and one of my friends gave my then infant daughter some leopard print socks. We have a picture with both of us wearing our leopard footwear and it’s my favorite ever.
Anonanon
That’s adorable!
Anon
Agreed, very pretty but the heel is way too high.
Anonymous
I went to DSW to get new leopard print flats to replace my old pair, but I couldn’t find them there, or in any other stores. Are they still in style? I thought leopard flats are a classic look.
Anonymous
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/browse/leopard+print?gender=Women&item_type=Flats
Anon
Can anyone give me a quick rundown of I Bonds? I might try to make a purchase tonight but I only have $5K that I’m comfortable spending.
Anonymous
Bogleheads will probably do it better than I would: https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/I_savings_bonds
Trish
Suze orman just did a post on them not long ago.
Anonymous
Does this seem like anxiety? For the last few days I’ve had a vaguely jittery type of feeling, have been slightly teary though not too bad on that, and slightly gassy or bloated too. I only feel calm if I zone out – sudoku or cheesy Christmas movies or a boring document review type of task at work. Earlier I felt much better going outside in the sun, driving around, looking at fall leaves, getting lunch. I’ve seen drs. for a physical in the last year.
Weird thing is I’ve been away for three weeks, as I went to stay at my grandparents and before leaving I remember feeling the same way, def remember the gut issues. Yet with grandma, none of this was a huge problem. Not to say I didn’t have any issues at all but I’d pop a GasEx and move on and eat three meals a day with my grandparents. IDK what it is – grandma does talk non stop so maybe that kept me distracted and otherwise engaged? Maybe I felt better when I was there eating better? The big overhanging worries are just getting work done for my job which I’ve done a good job of this week, worrying about how I’ll ever find a new job – which seems as hopeless as ever, and worrying about having to run errands etc. as covid rates go up. With grandma the work and job worries were there but again I had distraction, and I ran very few errands as she’s the type who takes care of everything and doesn’t allow anyone else to go do things for her if she can help it.
Anon
I’d examine your diet and try the elimination diet to rule out food intolerances.
I’d also try replicating some of the things that worked while you were at grandma’s: spending time with other people whom you love, spending time outdoors and doing things for others. Exercise also helps with jittery-ness (and cutting caffeine of course).
Looking for a new job can be an anxious time but you’ve got this!
Anon
Could the physical part be related to your cycle?
Anonymous
For me ALL of these things are pms. Especially jitteriness.
Anon
For me, it’s a sign of stress, yes, but not necessarily anxiety. When I’m stressed, it’s usually because I’m insanely busy, which also leads to subsisting on a diet that is best described as dumpster-diving + black coffee. Bit of a vicious cycle of stress and diet, really and it’s hard to tell what causes what, except that apparently when I’m stressed, I turn into a highly caffeinated raccoon. A giant salad or two and a couple nights of good sleep usually take care of it.
Anon
“Highly caffeinated raccoon” is a delightful evocative image, love it!
Cb
Yep, I cried after a meeting today and realised I’ve been in work city all week, haven’t seen my families, and have been in weird meetings and have been subsisting off of pastries – just straight carbs. I had a g&t and lamb biriyani with colleagues and I feel like a human again.
Anonymous
I mean yes clearly. Put a mask on and run errands don’t be ridiculous. Or treat your anxiety.
Vienna
Following advice from various travel discussions, I’m going to Austria in December for Christmas markets! Any specific recommendations when it comes to other sights or restaurants?
Anon
Austrian food tends to be heavy, but oh-so-good. I am not a fan of schnitzel, but enjoyed Fiaker Gulasch, knodel [try as many as you can – sweet, savory]. No specific recommendations on restaurants, unfortunately, I haven’t been there for a long time. Maybe others can help.
I have enjoyed many afternoons in Albertina gallery, they have carefully curated exhibitions, definitely worth a stop.
As for sights, I usually just strolled through the Old Town, stopped for coffee, visited museums and whatever caught my eye. If you can, catch a performance in Opera/Ballet.
Anon
Vienna Boys’ Choir! They have Christmas music concerts every year…
Hypatia
My fav restaurant in Vienna is Salzamt and I also recommend cafe Pruckel – chic and classic
Anon
Are you mainly going to be in Vienna? There are so many beautiful museums and churches in Vienna. St. Stephen’s, the Hofburg, the Albertina, I could go on and on. The Vienna Boys Choir does some paid events, but they also do some free events at church services.
Anon
Spanish Riding School for the beautiful Lippazaner horses! Brush up with your Marguerite Henry beforehand.
Anon
Gardening talk! I am only able to finish using C stimulation, but I’d like to experience finishing from penetrative gardening. Anyone have tips for this? Or any other tips that have made their experience of gardening more intense?
Anonymous
Perhaps this is not the blog where you find this out…
Anon
This occurs not from P gardening but because some people have C nerves that run in an area that P also impacts them. Either your body does or it doesn’t, it’s just how each of us is wired. The best bet if you aren’t wired that way is to either use fingers or a toy to stimulate C during P, or to try for positions in which C is rubbed on during P if your body and partner have that option.
Anon
I think this is just biology. I don’t think you can teach yourself this new skill, so to speak.
Panda Bear
+1 – like another poster says, either your anatomy supports this or not, and for most of us born with Cs, it’s more likely not. There was a recent article in NYT (linked here in a Friday post, I think?) that talked about the lack of medical research into/the limited knowledge many of us have about the C – it was very interesting!
Deedee
I would try different positions as suggested below. I think prone/legs more closed may be helpful in this endeavor. If you can usually accomplish multiple finishes, experiment with this as the first vs the second, as it may be easier for you one way or the other.
Anonymous
Emily Nagoski “Come As You Are”
anon_needs_a_break
pilates/pelvic floor exercises!!
Anon
Another gardening question! What are your guys’ favorite gardening tips? I have historically been very timid and shy when it comes to gardening, but I am finally with a partner I feel comfortable with and want to become mind-blowingly fun to garden with. Where to start? I feel like so much of the advice out there is Cosmo-type “put an ice cube in your mouth before going down” or weird one-off tips like “talk dirty.”
Anonymous
Maybe check out the book Come As You Are?
Mouse
I always rec this book!
pugsnbourbon
I’m glad you found a good partner! Are YOU having a mind-blowingly fun time?
Anon
This is the correct question. Bad gardening gets old and soul crushing, fast. Note: it is very hard for heterosexual women to be bad in bed. It can happen, but it’s rare. Biology being biology, it’s usually just different degrees of mind blowing for men. For women? it can get bad.
Anon
Ha. I feel like my brother is honest with me when he says different
Anonymous
Start listening to the Savage Love podcast?
Hootster
+1
Sunshine
Following up on Anon’s comment this morning that her husband does not like strangers thanking him for his military service. I’m one of those people who genuinely appreciates people who have served in the military and I think it’s a huge sacrifice for many people who do. Accordingly, yes, I have thanked people when I learn they served.
But if this is a practice that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, then I will stop doing it. I realize there is a problem here of grouping thousands of people together and saying they like this or they don’t. That’s obviously impossible. I would appreciate hearing more people weigh in on this topic if they have some insight.
I have no one in my life who has served. So I am without anyone to personally ask.
Anon
There’s no right answer here, obviously individual people are going to have different feelings from each other about this.
Monday
+1. I do know many vets, and have heard everything from resentment for being thanked, to resentment for not being thanked. There is no one right thing to do.
I personally started thanking everyone with a public-serving job during Covid, because I noticed that I felt some comfort when people thanked me (doing patient care in a hospital). I continue to thank all of these people.
Dr. The Original ...
I do too. If someone is in scrubs or has something on identifying them as an educator, I absolutely thank them. I am also more vocal about complimenting someone on their choice of makeup or something they are wearing if it looks amazing. (I don’t ever compliment a body or something else they don’t control, that feels creepy to me, but I might say that their dress looks amazing on them or their eye makeup looks gorgeous or something that they obviously chose, so I am complimenting their choice not their physicality.) I tend to say it while walking by and then continue to walk so that no one thinks I am trying to engage when they are busy or cause them to feel obligated to reciprocate or something. I just think life is so hard. My general life rule is that if I think something unkind, talk to myself about it; if I think of something kind, tell the person about it. I figure it keeps me from being a jerk and helps to spread some good in a world that can feel so mean.
Anon
You are so lovely.
Anon
Nobody any thanked me for public service as a public defender.
AIMS
Thank you. What you do is important!
InHouse Anon
Agree there’s no one right answer (source: I’m a milspouse; husband is 20 yrs active duty). Different people feel differently about it. Like saying “Merry Christmas” to people who don’t celebrate — some people are genuinely offended, some just brush it off, some appreciate the sentiment behind it.
Anon
I have also heard that a lot of former (and present) military members don’t like this.
I’d err on the side of not doing it, but if you want to, you could look for clues that they’re open to talking about their service. Things like whether they’re wearing a hat or other piece of clothing that indicates their service or if they bring it up quickly in casual conversation without prompting.
Anon
i had the exact same thought. I always thank people when I hear they were in the military. I do genuinely appreciate that they served and that their service affords me many of the privileges I have, and I also thought it was the polite thing to do, but if it is not, I will definitely stop. The goal is to thank someone, not annoy them
Anonymous
A lot of vets feel the way he does: https://www.newsweek.com/veterans-thank-you-service-veterans-day-support-1470776?amp=1. I think volunteering and donating to veteran’s related charities is a better way to show appreciation.
Anonymous
My DH is ex military he finds the ‘thank you for your service’ stuff really obnoxious. He’s a first responder now and still really doesn’t like the praise, but finds it less bad if it’s about a specific event like a life he saved.
Anon
My n=1 opinion is that I hate it, it makes me cringe, but when someone says it, I acknowledge politely and move the conversation along into a different direction. Being a veteran & woman is not the unqualified attaboy it is for men, and I don’t bring up or show that I am a veteran.
Seafinch
I am active duty, full time member right now. I don’t cringe or hate it but I also don’t know that I deserve it. I am a JAG lawyer and certainly not the pointy end of the stick. I have never deployed, despite asking. But we have moved 7 times in a decade and had a lot of disruption, To be honest I feel I have sacrificed more as a spouse keeping the home fires burning when my husband deployed to the Middle East (and I was home alone with four kids, including a newborn) than maybe I have as a uniformed member. I always say that his tour medal for that one is at least half mine.
All that is to say, I think it’s a sweet sentiment and I appreciate the gesture (even if I wonder if it’s misdirected at me).
InHouse Anon
Seafinch, unrelated aside: during my husband’s last deployment (many years ago now), his team took over for a Canadian team. He said the best part of deployment was all the maple syrup they left behind!
And, being a dual-military family is no joke. You deserve all the thanks you get.
InHouse Anon
PS, I think you’ve mentioned you’re Canadian. If not, apologies for the completely irrelevant anecdote!
Seafinch
Ha! We, Canadians, do take maple syrup seriously!!
Vicky Austin
I don’t mind thanking spouses for their service, too! Thanks for your service, Seafinch.
Curious
+1!
Vicky Austin
In a spousal capacity, I should say, since you expressed discomfort with it regarding your actual personal service!
Seafinch
Thank you!
Anon
I am that anon from this morning and agree there is a lot of nuance. My husband hates the rote thanks from people who either do it for the kudos or because they’ve been conditioned to think it’s the way to go. However, he would find a sincere conversation very gratifying. Like, when asked what he did or where he was stationed, he engages and likes to explain the bigger picture of the strategy used in that theater during that conflict, how it impacted the local community then and still does now, and what he wishes the average non-military member knew about the geopolitical implications of it. So if you know the person, maybe try a genuine conversation? You don’t even have to put the thank-you stamp on it, but just be interested.
My cousin, on the other hand, served for a few months before getting himself a fake medical discharge (by his own admission) and he aggressively seeks thanks from strangers all the time. He gets offended when people won’t fawn over him, and generally is an entitled priss who fetishizes war but didn’t realize serving meant he actually had to serve, and was basically in it for free drinks at the bar and attention from the girls.
Anon
I’m the poster from this morning and have a suggestion in m-d.
Anonymous
For anyone who gets their car interior detailed, how much should I expect to pay? In the Va. suburbs of DC if it matters. My car is a non luxury sedan, black interior. FWIW I’m not one of those people whose car is incredibly dirty, in fact until you look closely it looks very new and clean, though the floor mats do need to be vacuumed as there are currently fall leaves in there. Problem is that there is fine dust everywhere, like in the ridges of the seats, the small spaces in the vents, dashboard etc. and the times I’ve just decided to wipe down the dashboard have made it worse as the dust didn’t get picked up but sort of embedded in there. I feel like someone going thru all the different spaces with dust rags and whatever chemicals may use would definitely restore this car to newness. Price?
Anan
I have a mobile detailing service come to my house (MD suburbs of DC) and he charges $80 for our Subaru Impreza and $120 for our Ford Escape.
Anon
Comparably priced for a mobile detail service in Chicago suburbs – ~$80-100 per SUV. Moderately gross cars – we have kids but don’t usually leave a lot of junk or trash in our cars.
Senior Attorney
Yup. Around $100.
Pep
MD suburbs of DC: my guy charges $80 if you bring to him, $100 if he comes to you.
Anon
I’m really hoping the bonds and gardening questions are from the same person who has two very different concerns on her mind this afternoon.
Anon
And the car detailing, too!
Anon
All I can tell you is that it’s not leopard socks mom (me)
Anon
Hahaha
Anonymous
Haha – I’m the car detailer and nope I’m not the one thinking about gardening at all. Have given a passing thought to i bonds but didn’t ask that question.
Anon
Haha sorry to disappoint! I’m the bond poster not the gardening poster!
ALT
Lol! This board is a one stop shop for all pressing questions!!! (I’m sadly not any of those posters)
pugsnbourbon
She wants it ALL – the big money and the big O.
Anon
That sounds like a Carrie Bradshaw narration!
Anon
I snorted so loud my cat gave a “the look”.
Anon
question for you big law and/or finance people. DH is in finance and is often complaining about the attorney scheduling, so right now for example he is traveling to Europe and the attorneys are in the U.S. on the West Coast and some in Australia, or something like that, and he said that they periodically need real time/urgent info from him and so bc of the time difference, last night he set an alarm to wake up every few hours while he was sleeping so he could respond to their emails. Or other times that calls with the law firms are not at a good time, etc. I guess what I don’t get is, if he is the client of the big law firm, why can’t all of this be organized more around his schedule? It seems like he spends a lot of time accommodating the law firms schedules. Is this typical? On here people are always venting about unreasonable clients, but this seems like the reverse.
Anon
If this is particularly close to a deal deadline (i.e. a big merger about to close) then that seems somewhat reasonable, but I dont see this happening year round. Does he work in i-banking?
Source: Finance person
Anon
Maybe he should hire lawyers in his own time zone.
Anon
I am not in mergers or anything like that (in litigation!), so that’s my big caveat. I’m in house but was in litigation at a firm before that.
At least for litigation, this would happen if there was an imminent court deadline and the info was needed for pleadings or a hearing or something. There were a few times that time wasn’t managed well in the law firm and we did actually need very quick turnaround on information. However, that was the firm’s fault! Sometimes the client doesn’t provide information in a reasonable amount of time such that it becomes urgent (it doesn’t seem like that’s what your husband is doing). That’s all a long way of saying that yes, at least in litigation, there should be understanding of the client’s schedule. I can’t imagine a scenario where I set an alarm to wake up in the middle of the night to provide info unless outside counsel could explain to me why that was necessary. And then after that situation, I’d evaluate whether this was a truly urgent scenario or whether they’d dropped a ball on their end. I’m having a hard time figuring out why it should happen over and over again!
Anonymous
Girl. If your husband were important enough to have a whole deal scheduled around him, he would have that. He clearly
Isn’t. It’s not the attorneys dictating his schedule it’s the pace of the deal itself, that they aren’t delaying for his convenience. Because no one in this deal thinks his sleep is more important than the deal.
Senior Attorney
This isn’t put very charitably, but… this.
Anon GC
I will just add that might be true – but it might also be attorney procrastinating and asking for information at the last minute for something they have known about for a month.
Signed – GC who got a request for edits to a declaration the day it was due and had to call an employee on vacation despite counsel having this on calendar for three months and having received our feedback on the draft the week before and who told outside counsel that if this happens again I am going to be looking for more organized attorneys
Anon
Source: Worked at a biglaw law firm in the US doing international work and intersected with a lot of local lawyers in various jurisdictions, as well as clients (mostly US based).
Typically outside/law firm lawyers will flex their work to help the client, but usually there’s give on both sides (e.g., I’m in Chicago so often spoke to folks in Asia/Australia late in their day/very early in mine or vice versa so no one is waking up at 2 am to chat; ditto for talking to Europe in their afternoon/early in my day).
If your husband is the gatekeeper to information, or his company is really pushing this matter forward, it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that he would be expected to keep things moving forward, though waking up in the middle of the night is unusual… but hopefully there is actual urgency in the requests as they shouldn’t be pushing the stress/pressure to him unless there’s good reason.
Anonymous
I’m one of those finance types who routinely works with outside counsel – like on a daily basis – and it’s a mix of half-and-half. Like for our bankruptcy matters, BK counsel spends far more time in court so we work around their schedules. For transactional stuff, there tends to be a lot more flexibility but like anything else, they all have multiple clients, and everyone wants the business hours of their choice.
InHouse Anon
IS he the client? Caveat that I only worked with finance/i-bankers in the context of M&A or equity offerings, but both the lawyers and bankers were clients of the business involved in the transaction; the bankers weren’t law firm clients. But maybe that’s not the context here. In any case, I agree his having to respond in real time to urgent emails throughout the night is odd and there should be someone else who could cover for him (unless there’s a transaction closing and actually he shouldn’t be sleeping at all…which sucks, but happens). Hopefully for his sake whatever is driving the urgency wraps up soon!
InHouse Anon
Whoops, reposting to avoid mod.
IS he the client? Caveat that I only worked with finance/i-bankers in the context of M&A or equity offerings, but both the lawyers and bankers were clients of the business involved in the tr@nsaction; the bankers weren’t law firm clients. But maybe that’s not the context here. In any case, I agree his having to respond in real time to urgent emails throughout the night is odd and there should be someone else who could cover for him (unless there’s a tr@nsaction closing and actually he shouldn’t be sleeping at all…which sucks, but happens). Hopefully for his sake whatever is driving the urgency wraps up soon!
Anon
I work with in-house legal for a finance firm and your husband’s deal sounds weird and the opposite of reality. Like, the outsourced attorneys are the ones working all hours of day and night to get deals done on time, as well as the in-house counsel (although they can generally sign off after the decision has been made and then sleep uninterrupted as long as they communicate they are off grid for x hours). The finance guys need to be available and responsive, but they aren’t the ones grinding all night to hammer out details.
But also, time zones in finance are meaningless when it comes to closing a deal. And if he is traveling to different time zones leading up to a big close, yeah, he is going to have to check in at times that are inconvenient if he wants to hit closing targets.
Ellen
It is difficult for people working in Finance. My freind, Myrna, works for a big investment bank in Manhattan, and she is always on the phone with her legal department, arguing on whether what she needs to do can be legally done. I try to give her my free advise, but I do not really practice in security law at all, though I did take a class in law school where the professor was always ooogeling me. I know he would have dated me, but I just could not even begin to visuealize him huffeing and puffeing on top of me. I got a B+ in the class so I was not a dummy.
Samantha
PSA: I am really impressed by Macy’s sale right now. They have tons of beauty gift sets that are discounted (and some were “created for Macy’s” so very reasonably priced to begin with). I am buying the Clinique lipstick set of 5 (for $21) and eyeliner and mascara set as well (also $21). I’ll figure out who to gift them to later (cough me if I can’t find anyone cough).
I’m also looking for a new perfume. My past favorites: Clinique Happy and all it’s variations, Tory Burch, Acqua de Gio, Aerin Rose de Grasse. Any recommendations that are citrusy, oceany, a little floral (rose/jasmine but not too cloying)?
Anon
Have you tried the Aerin honeysuckle scent? It’s so lovely
Anon
I could go on and on but I think Atelier Cologne does the best citruses. Jo Malone is in second place in my opinion. Another you might like is Hermes Un Jardin Sur le Nil.
AIMS
+1 to the Hermes one.
Cat
oooooh thanks for the PSA! I just nabbed a Bobbi Brown kit that’s essentially a 2-for-1 on my fave mascara.
Nordstrom appears to be price matching. Macy’s didn’t have the fluid ounces of the regular and gift set sizes listed in the product info, but Nordstrom carries the same stuff so I could verify it was two full-size tubes.
Anon
AITA? TL;DR: Neighbor with new loud dog, don’t want to live this way but don’t want neighbor to hate me either.
Live in an apt complex. 2nd floor apt of a 2 floor bldg. Each apartment shares walls with 3 other tenants plus bldg is across the narrow sidewalk from another bldg with 4 other apartments. Downstairs neighbor whom I barely know just got a 16 week goldendoodle puppy on Saturday. Sunday, she left the dog crated for 12+ hrs. He barked the.entire.time. til after midnight. I went down Monday, which is where I found out the breed, age, and crate situation, plus that she says he is too young for dog daycare, which is too expensive, and she cannot take him to work. I told her how multiple neighbors were outside trying to find out where the dog noise was coming from. She seemed surprised and apologized. I offered to lend her my dog’s sound machine and we traded numbers. She left later for errands, dog barked entire time. I texted, she said it’s only been 48 hrs, give her and the dog time and grace. She WFH Tues but Wed when she left at 6:45am, the dog began. I texted at 7:30 to tell her she needed a new plan as I had worked until after 3am and needed to sleep. I told her that I found online that there are options to help soundproof the crate or room better. No response. Dog continued. I got called out at work in a video call because the dog was heard when I was presenting and boss thought it was mine. I texted to tell her this. No response. Later in the day, the maintenance worker came by for something else and he asked me about it as he could hear it the entire 30 min visit.
Today I had to go to the complex office to drop something off. They asked how things were going. I mentioned this dog situation and how she is gone for the weekend with the dog but I’m worried about her return and this situation continuing. Said I didn’t want neighbor to hate me and also I cannot live like this. Office manager said she would check with the maintenance person and tell the neighbor there had been multiple complaints plus maintenance mention so it won’t fall on me, but she already knows I’ve texted and been unhappy about this.
We have exterminator coming Friday while she’s gone, so theoretically they would likely see dog stuff. Also the maintenance guy heard the dog. But still. Also, it sounds like she didn’t tell the office so now they are going to start adding a pet fee which I think is $50/month or something. Now my anxiety and desire to not have someone hate me has me worried the office will be telling her that I complained or that they will word it in a way that leads her to assume it was me. I don’t want her to hate me or retaliate with more noise or something.
When she is home, the dog is silent and all is right in the world. When she leaves though, it’s nonstop. I work from home and have no family in the area and do not really travel. I sleep nontraditional hours. I am immunocompromised so I am not out much at all. I am almost never not home. I feel like every tenant is entitled to be able to sleep and work in the home they pay for and, while some muffled tv sounds or a moment once or twice of someone’s cooking smell is normal price of admission, 12 hours nonstop going past midnight and before 7am nonstop for several hours is fair to speak up about. But maybe I’m overtired and not being fair?
AITA? (If so, please be gentle and help me find a solution because the idea of living with this indefinitely sounds like a nightmare, especially since having sensory issues means headphones and earplugs aren’t an option.)
Anon
I’m sorry. This sounds rough on you.
I think you have to let go of the part about being disliked by the neighbor and work to fix the problem.
You are looking to both fix the problem and not be disliked and those are incompatible goals.
Hated is a strong word, she may be resentful but then it was her fault to begin with.
Anon
NTA! She is being inconsiderate at best. As a dog owner, I would be mortified if they bothered my neighbors. Since you have alerted management I would let them run with it at this point. That’s what you pay them for.
Vicky Austin
+1.
Anonymous
It’s been less than a week and you’ve constantly complained and dramatically escalated? It’s a puppy get a grip.
Anon
As a dog owner, she’s doing a terrible job with this puppy and setting it up for life long anxiety issues.
OP has not ‘dramatically escalated’, she hasn’t organised a helicopter swat team or anything! Just reasonable and thoughtful, helpful steps.
Beans
Nope. Puppy isn’t being taken care of properly and no one should have to listen to barking for hours on end. She’s been far kinder than most would be. If you have a dog in an apartment, you have to handle the barking. Occasional is ok but non-stop is a nuisance.
Anon
NTA
This sounds like a tough situation, and it stinks she’s being a bad neighbor.
This person might be upset that she’s getting called out by the office and charged the pet fee, but that’s a consequence of her own actions (not telling them she had a pet).
Also people will be upset with you at some point, and that’s okay. It might be because you complain about their noisy pet (and yes! You do have the right to want quiet in your own home!), or it might be because you wore a yellow shirt to the store one day and it made them think about how much their deceased aunt loved yellow. The best you can do is act reasonably and kindly. You are doing that here.
Anonymous
It isn’t your neighbors fault you stayed up until 3:30 and won’t wear headphones. If you need library silence get a secluded single family.
Anon
Did you miss the part where the dog barks for 12 hours nonstop going past midnight and before 7am nonstop? That’s got nothing to do with OP’s sleep hours and everything to do with being a cruel pet owner.
Anon
A cruel pet owner and a horrible, inconsiderate neighbor.
Anon
NTA, but I would switch to communicating with the office since it seems like she’s not responding to you. There’s nothing to do about her not liking you, and hey, it’s fair that you don’t like her based on how she’s handling this right now.
Anon
NTA and in addition to it being awful for you, it’s awful for the other neighbours and the poor dog. They are incredibly intelligent sensitive breeds and need company and stimulation.
You’ve been a communicative and supportive neighbour, offering solutions.
Hopefully the management company can push her towards finding a solution, but my view is that she needs to take the dog to work/daycare, work from home or find a new home for the poor thing.
Anon
You can call the police for disturbance of the peace. I know this because my former across the street neighbor called on my dog multiple times. The issue in my case was that it was a guest of my neighbor’s whose dogs (multiple) barked constantly whenever he visited, but my across the street neighbor just knew I had a dog and my neighbor didn’t. And he was also looney.
Anyway, the police will come. Escalate to them. Your neighbor’s crate training is cruel and clearly isn’t working.
pugsnbourbon
Calling the cops is wildly unnecessary.
Anonymous
There is simply zero reason to be this aggro over a puppy
Anon
Okay, Karen.
Anon
Maybe? I don’t think you are in the wrong but I also don’t think you handled it in a fairly understanding way. Texting every day in the first week a dog is home and expecting a change between days 2 and 4 is very unrealistic. Expecting her to immediately soundproof her apartment instead of giving the dog a few weeks to get used to new routines is a bit over the top. Puppies typically go through weeks if not months of training, most don’t come home and immediately know how to behave. I live in the city and like silence too, but this is the reality of living in an apartment or condo complex. Some benefits, some downsides. Just because you haven’t had this issue before doesn’t mean it’s an issue outside the realm of what you should have to deal with in your chosen living arrangements.
pugsnbourbon
Agreed. OP, I sympathize and you’re not an asshole, but your expectations are a little high.
thanksgiving anxiety
I would stop texting her and just let the building deal with it. I think you’ve already been nicer than most by going to her directly initially.
I think it’s really cruel that she leaves a puppy crated for that long and she clearly had no business getting a dog of any age.
Anon
Agreed.
Anonymous
This. It is inappropriate and cruel to crate a puppy for that length of time. I’d be tempted to call animal protection.
AnonQ
NTA. No 16 week old puppy should be left alone for 12 hours. She needs a better plan for the dog and to be a good neighbor.
Sasha
NTA. Maybe I suck but I would have handled it similarly. I am not a dog person and dog barking sets my teeth on edge like nothing else. Yes, noise from your neighbors is something you have to tolerate to a certain extent in an apartment complex, but IMO that extends to, like, 30-45 minutes of disruptive noise on occasion. Disruptive barking for 12 hours?! So loud your boss could hear it on a call? You were nice to even text her because I would have gone straight to the management office. I think a lot of the responses saying you owe it to this complete stranger to tolerate her dog barking 7-12 hours straight multiple times a week because “the puppy is getting used to its environment” have either a) never experienced something like this or b) are dog people who don’t understand how annoying this kind of dog and owner behavior is.
Of Counsel
And inexperienced dog people at that because no puppy that young should be crated for 7 hours straight much less 12 (rule of thumb is age in months +1 for the number of hours).
I love my dogs and I currently have a puppy but I would never leave her alone that long or allowed her to bark endlessly for hours on end regardless of the time of day or night. Complaining about the occasional barking is one thing; complaining about barking that can be heard on a Zoom call and goes on for hours is kinder than calling the police or animal control.
It sounds like she did not know what she was getting in to but this is on the owner of the puppy not her neighbors.
Anonymous
You are not the problem. But you will become one if you keep texting your neighbor.
Stop texting her immediately.
All contact about dog and noise from now on goes through maintenance.
Don’t give her any advice, no more tips, no unsolicited advice. Just keep talking to management directly and let them handle it. Do not text her.
If she confronts you, you are allowed to ask surprised she’s talking to you and say “yes, I know the management is concerned about the noise” or something, don’t engage beyond that.
If she says “I assumed it was better since YOU STOPPED telling me” and tries to involve you and guilt you: Say “yes, I know the management wanted to handle the issue directly” or something.
If she says “You cost me 50 bucks! They know I have a dog!”, you look puzzled and say “huh?” (Of course you already assumed she was a person who gave management notice they have a dog and paid as matter of course.)
If she asks you straight out if you are still bothered by the dog, or if the dog still barks, you can say “Yes. It’s very bad.” No advice. No softening.
anon_needs_a_break
it sounds like you texted her multiple days in a row, possible multiple times a day? if I were her I would have blocked you – that is wayyyyy too much and is borderline harassment, if I am reading that correctly.
She sounds in over her head for sure but you need to step back a lot.
Anon
Does anyone have advice on how to combat a bad attention span? For the past few weeks, I cannot seem to make myself focus on work, and end up being much less productive than usual. I’ve combatted it by forcing myself to go back in person to the office more often (so I can no longer procrastinate with chores or workouts or whatever), but even at the office, I can’t seem to stop scrolling or texting or grabbing coffee. It’s frustrating to end a full workday and only have billed 3 or 4 hours because of this. Any and all advice welcome! I think some of this is burnout / lack of sleep from small children, but I don’t think that’s the whole story. Any tips for how to re-discipline myself would be very welcome. TIA!
Anon
It sounds like you need rest, not discipline.
Anon
Agreed. Put your phone in a drawer to get more rest at night and to get more work done during the day.
Vicky Austin
For me (possible ADHD), better rest = better discipline anyway. And burnout never helps.
pugsnbourbon
Yeah I’ve been consistently getting 3-5 hours of sleep for a few weeks now and I’m worthless at work.
Vicky Austin
My husband just sent an email to our financial advisor about an end-of-year check-in, and referred to our baby as due “in late Q1/early Q2.” I’m cracking up.
anonshmanon
love this!
test run
LOL – this is totally something I would do.
Anon
Thank you all to replies about thinking about food. I think a big part of the issue is that I have a busy schedule and a family and need to think about meal prep, when can I make time to cook and eat, etc. But it’s annoying because the thoughts are sometimes when I want to be present – eg a meeting at work, reading to my toddler (to be fair a lot of these things can be routine).
On an unrelated note; what do others think about all day? I wonder if a part of this is that some of these thoughts happen during routine/boring times and I would be thinking about something else if it wasn’t meal planning.
Anon
Definitely not what I should be doing, but I’m always thinking about travel. Always planning my next trip or checking my account balances to see how close I am to a free business class ticket to somewhere fabulous haha
No Face
Food and gardening, all day.
Anon
Gardening, or “gardening?”
Curious
iBonds.
Anon
Leopard socks.
Ses
Lol. I love this place.
Panda Bear
When I’m not thinking about work (or sick of thinking about work), my mind usually wanders to travel ideas, shopping for fun clothes, things I want to do with my friends or family, smart things I wish I had done or said, and most often, wondering what my cat is doing right now (probably sleeping).
Vicky Austin
Yup. Food, clothes, house things, upcoming plans I’m looking forward to, what to do this weekend, what to do tonight, “I should look at pictures of my dog,” “I should look at the handful of ultrasound pictures I have on my phone again,” “what are my friends up to?”
Anonymous
Yoga has helped me stay present more, but still have ways to go. Does anyone here experience less of the mind wandering?
Anonymous
You need a meal plan – plan set meals for set days of the week. Like Taco Tuesday or take out every Friday or chili every Wednesday or whatever. We do a two week rotation but have done three week rotations when we were feeling creative and one week when we were both swamped at work and needed easy quick kid friendly mess every night.
I think about politics, about clothes, about home Reno’s/gardening
Anonymous
I think about all the things I could be doing if I wasn’t working. Exercise, playing with my dog, my never ending home repair/upgrade list, car maintenance, yard maintenance, personal maintenance (medical, dental, hair, nails), clothes (seasonal), elderly care issues, my adult children, the list never ends… I never think about “gardening”, or my personal hobby of actual gardening anymore. That sounds so leisurely.