Coffee Break: Multilayered Necklace

73 Comments

1. Has anyone tried Tecovas boots? I have been looking for the perfect cowboy boots for ages and Tecovas finally has one that checks most of the boxes. They look a little cheap on line, though. Can anyone comment on the fit and quality.

   1. I like mine and my husband really likes his. The leather looks much better in person than the suede.

   2. I got a pair about 2 years ago and really like them. I have the suede ones and didn’t have high expectations (they were for a costume party) but they are surprisingly comfortable and seem well made, easily the same quality as my born boots.

   3. I am from Texas. Boots are a religion. I have 4 pairs of Tecovas and they last/wear very well.

2. Fun thread for today: if someone could wave a magic wand and fix something for you, what would it be right now?

   For me it would be my weight (need to lose). Or the ability to focus better on new tasks.

   1. I would need about 6 more hours per day until September.

   2. Literally anything? Covid to go away so I wouldn’t have to worry about my unvaxxed kid and we could travel freely (Looking at you, trip to Banff that is probably not happening because the Canadian border is still closed to Americans).
      If you mean something personal to me, I like your focus answer. My attention span is just shot and I have no idea how to get it back.

   3. Guarantee that any remaining cancer cells floating around my body are dead and that wouldn’t need to fear risk of recurrence.

      1. Yesssss. Thinking of you, Anonymous

         1. Thanks, you too, Walnut. So glad to hear it sounds like you’re doing well.

      2. Me too.

   4. My covid weight gain and my general ennui about my job right now.

   5. My fridge

   6. Teleport me into a brand-new house with no maintenance issues and two home offices.

   7. Weight loss would be good, but I’ve often wished for a magic wand to take away my anxiety

   8. Fix my bank account so I can be independently wealthy.

   9. My health problems. If I’m not allowed to choose all of them, I’m not sure which one I would pick. Probably my anxiety since that can kick off the others and I spend a fair amount of time anxious about my other conditions too.

      It was cool for awhile being able to educate people about rare conditions and become my own medical expert and advocate for myself in all sorts of situations. It was part of who I was and I was often told people looked up to me for my resilience. Now, I’m over it and I just want to be “normal.”

   10. Fix two extremely stressful elder care situations. If I’m getting a magic wand, I’m going big, not fixing the numerous problems with my appearance.

   11. Money.

   12. Fix my kid’s ADHD. Barring that, fix me as a parent. Because I’m trying so hard and it often feels like I’m getting nowhere.

       1. Oh, wow. I don’t know you but I bet you are an amazing parent. Hang in there and cut yourself some slack, or at least accept a hug from an internet stranger.

   13. Make my house clean and organized (and maybe add a room so it stays that way).

       1. If you can afford it, I *highly* recommend hiring a home organizer. I was like 8 months into living in my apartment and it was just a mess, too much stuff, too many unpacked boxes (including new purchases), not enough stuff. I decided it was worth the anxiety of having a stranger see my mess just to finally get it fixed. It was very expensive (for me – it came out to maybe like $2k) but in the course of two days, she totally changed my home and my life. She was also super nonjudgmental and wonderful to work with, and I imagine being nonjudgmental is a shared trait in all of the well-reviewed home organizers.

          If your place is like a *gross* (i.e. dirty) and unorganized mess to start with, try looking on Yelp for cleaning services that also have organizing as one of their business descriptors. I brought in a cleaning place that was literally billed as “cleaning and organizing” (in their name) when I was at the point where my home was just awful and depressing and I felt like I couldn’t ever get out of it. They turned my home from an embarrassment to actually livable in two hours for under $200, it was a freaking miracle. After that, I had a much better sense of what I could and couldn’t get done on my own, and eventually brought in the professional home organizer. I now have a home I am comfortable bringing people into and can have fun actually decorating and organizing (and not just hiding from under my sheets), and it has totally changed my life. So if you can, bite the bullet and bring in some sort of professional to help you.

          One last tip: if you can’t afford the best reviewed people on Yelp, try Thumbtack. There are a lot of women running their own home organizing and cleaning businesses with very reasonable rates. On both Yelp and Thumbtack, you can also send out a description of your project and have multiple people submit “bids” for how much they can do the job for.

   14. Fix my house. I’m neck deep in a historic restoration, if I need to go to another small town to pick up a random specialty house piece I might become homicidal.

   15. I’m an overthinker who loves stories like Gift of the Magi and The Monkey’s Paw, so my responses to these sort of questions always irritate people. Something like “the ability to transmigrate and fix all my problems with prescience”.

   16. The custody case of the kiddo who has lived with me for their whole life.

       Because sometimes other people coming in, telling people in crisis everything they want to hear (whether or not it’s the truth) and screaming at the people who have raised kiddo that they’re being so ‘negative’ about the situation and that what is needed is Jesus. And how dare we not have faith because god works miracles and how dare we think that things won’t just… magically work out in a way that they haven’t in years and no professional thinks will work out.

   17. Immigration reform.

       1. Me too for this one.

   18. DH alcoholism.

       1. Ouch, sorry to hear that.

   19. I mean, realistically it would be wealth, health, and looks. But if I can pick one minor thing it would be that I could focus better on work. Or maybe that I could be social again at pre-pandemic levels, and have friends who are receptive to this, and that all of us are not as cranky as we have become.

   20. Eliminate my partner’s depression.

       1. This is so hard.

   21. Aside from the obvious (higher salary, better job), the gardening situation with DH.

   22. Increase my dad’s retirement income so I could stop worrying about him outliving his money.

   23. More grace and compassion.

3. Picking up from a morning thread: Do law firms actually instruct their female summer associates to wear swimsuits to social events? It would literally not occur to me that it would be appropriate to wear a swimsuit to a work event, even if it were billed as a “pool party.” I’d assume that people’s kids were free to use the pool but adults would be looked down upon and gossiped about if they wore swimsuits or got in the water. Where I live, adults don’t do anything fun or adventurous–they just stand around with drinks in their hands watching the kids.

   1. Where do you live?

      1. SEUS suburb

   2. I think it depends on the event. My husband’s work did a waterpark outing and everyone wore bathing suits and rode the slides. If I had to attend such an event, I’d wear a swimshirt and swimshorts. I had to wear such attire on my recent vacation because I inadvertently got a bad burn.

      1. Agreed. When I was a summer, we went river rafting – everyone wore swimsuits. We weren’t told to though (or maybe it was suggested/optional because obviously we would be wet).

   3. That’s too bad that you don’t live somewhere where people are fun, adventurous, and dare I say, normal. It’s ordinary for adults to swim. It’s not exciting or unusual to get in the pool. Maybe you should move somewhere else?

      1. This is a lame answer. You know a lot of people aren’t all that comfortable in swimwear, particularly around people they work with. Come on.

      2. Needlessly rude and also really imperceptive. It’s not the location that’s the issue, its law firm culture. I work at a law firm in the SEUS and have often worn bathing suits in front of the named partners at many pool parties, lake houses/boating days, and rafting trips.

   4. I just went back to see what you were referencing and that is kind of extreme. If there is a pool party all summers would be encouraged to have or wear swimwear but you don’t just show up in a bikini with no coverup… sounds like maybe one obnoxious (male of course) partner running his mouth, because pretty much all firms have one of those.

      I’d expect that summers would either wear a conservative suit with a full coverage coverup (think a dress, not a sheer sarong), or for the guys a not-short suit with a polo shirt on top. So more “swim-ready” than “actual swimming.”

      1. But why would the summers be expected to wear any swimwear if no one else was?

      2. I read “conservative suit” to mean conservative business suit, not conservative swim suit and was very confused for a second there.

   5. I was the person who posted that. At that firm, they used to have a beach event where the summers were “encouraged” (instructed) to wear swimwear. The attorneys would come and of course not wear swimwear. The end of summer event was always a pool party at a rainmaker partner’s house. The summers used to be told to wear swimwear. By the time I got there, that nonsense had been shut down. It was fairly common at the time, I think there were even some posts on this s i t e about it back in 2008-2010 time frame.

      1. I learned in college that the last thing, as a women, you want to do is go marginally clothed to a work event…. no matter how casual.

         I am a scientist and I worked in labs all through college, and creepy dysfunctional male professors / Heads of labs were notorious for having pool parties and taking lots of photos. And then these would turn up.

         You don’t want to be the woman in the workplace remembered for the bikini. Or for wearing the bikini that the guys were talking about, because yes they do talk. Or worse… that your boss is taking photos of.

         1. This is kind of a gross comment. Women are not responsible for men’s creepiness. If I’m invited to a pool party, I don’t want to stand on the sidelines watching my male colleagues swim and have fun without me. I would wear a suit that fits me well and is comfortable and stays in place with movement, but I’m well-endowned and if guys are staring at me, that’s a them problem, not a me problem. I was also an undergrad science major so I’m well aware of the type of professor you’re describing.

   6. Big law. We used to do summer retreats at a resort where you had the option of participating in water related activities. We would generally include some sort of statement (delivered in varying degrees of awkwardness depending on how direct the person was) of don’t where a swimsuit that you will feel uncomfortable running into others or isn’t structurally sound enough to say, play in the pool with your toddler niece and nephew.

   7. I was a summer in ’09 and we had a pool party and everyone wore swimsuits. I remember being a little nervous in advance to get half naked around everyone but then at the actual party it was fine because there was alcohol and the pool was super fun and everyone was focused on swimming and water sports not on staring at other people’s bodies. I think it’s crazy to make the summers wear swimsuits if the attorneys are standing around in regular clothes though! I would feel like a zoo animal in that scenario.

4. What do you do on those days when it feels like you get everything wrong and your boss changes everything you work on? I’m feeling discouraged and frustrated.

   1. Honestly, I drink when I get home on days like that. That’s assuming they are few and far between. I’m also not slugging back Coors. I make myself a fancy indulgent drink. Usually a dirty martini with extra olives.

      On nice days, I’ll take my dogs for a long walk in the woods.

      On really extra days, my neighbor and I walk our dogs together while drinking wine walking through the woods.

      1. +1 pretty sure this is why wine was invented

   2. Bubble bath with bottomless mimosas, provided by an indulgent hubby.

   3. What’s up. I just had a snack pack of Cheetos (which were absolutely delicious and 100% what I wanted on every level) and am going to go drink a glass of wine in the shower.

      Then I’m going to cook a fun dinner (appetizer dinner, actually!) for my family while listening to my book on tape – a Julia Quinn romance novel. After that, I’m probably going to play some legos, then dollhouse, then watch a kids’ movie. And tomorrow is another day.

      1. oh, also, that sucks. I had one of those days and just wanted to scream by the time I got the ‘Can you schedule a meeting first thing tomorrow morning – I think we need to go in another direction’ email after 6 hours of meetings straight today.

      2. Ha, in my house the snack packs of Cheetos and Doritos are the sole property of mom/dad, with the potato chips/fritos being up for grabs by kids. They are delicious and I see them as the one upside for having to pack lunches for camp.

         1. ha! My kids know to keep their grubby mitts off mom’s Fritos!

   4. If you’re a Peleton user, the answer today is to do a Spice Girls workout:)

5. Where do you browse for inspiration and styling outfits? I’m on a staycation holiday, and I’m trying to find fashion inspiration on how to put outfits together. Not sure if any of the viewing I’ve been doing is sinking in…I’m reaching for the same summer outfits I usually wear, but I’m enjoying finding ideas by visiting everything from online retailers such as Anthropologie to Nordstrom to banana as well as going down various rabbit holes on YouTube. Pinterest is not really working for me and it’s all imaginary shopping as I am not sure what suits me now since I’ve lost weight. Ive purchased a few new tops that are not that exciting, except for the colours and the fact they fit better. I’m mostly a dress and skirt person but I’m curious about what silhouette and length of pants I should purchase for fall, since I want one pair of pants that is fresh. Sorry for the novel but I feel as though there is not that much selection in stores or online, so I will imaginary shop my way until fall when hopefully there will be more selection.

   1. youlookfab.com usually has suggestion posts every week on outfits – maybe start there?

      1. Thank you! Will take a look now.

6. I have a long term work friendship with a man. We worked together at the start of our careers and have moved onto different companies, but still get together to catch up. It has never been more than friendship, and a very worky friendship at that – we talk about the industry and people we both know in our industry 99% of the time.

   His wife is apparently jealous of our friendship and her husband having nice dinners without her (he very vaguely mentioned it) and now wants to be invited along whenever we meet up for lunch or dinner, which is fine, but then she insists we don’t “talk shop” when we are together.

   This friendship is mostly important to me for work reasons – we have in the past referred each other for jobs, deals, and have spoken together at conferences – and I’m not sure how to get that back. Wife is a nice enough person but I am not super interested in hanging with them socially as a couple.

   My husband has never once been jealous, and has also never been interested in joining them for lunch or dinner.

   What would you do in my situation?

   1. I don’t think there is anything for you to do. I’m sorry, but I think this friendship is going to fizzle out naturally. If he invites you to dinner with the two of them, accept if you want to. But I just don’t think you’re ever going to get the friendship back like it was. (Which sucks, I’m sorry!)

   2. I would try to keep the friendship going by phone or (work) email, and if that didn’t work I would let it go. I don’t really see any other options.

   3. This is unfair of the wife. If she is annoyed by how much you talk shop, then she sees what the purpose of these lunches or dinners is – to talk shop! It’s really annoying, but would she mind as much if you met for coffee or work lunch or other more work-like things?

   4. Do you know this because the guy told you? Because usually it’s a sign of Feelings if a guy starts complaining to his platonic female friend about his wife’s jealousy. When Feelings aren’t in play, the guy just eases out of the friendship because he values the marriage more.

      1. I don’t disagree with you that a guy complaining to a female friend about his wife is often an attempt to start an affair, but in this case it doesn’t sound like he’s really doing that. And if that were his goal, bringing his wife to their dinners would be counterproductive.

         OP, I will say that he might not be telling you the truth. Some men will blame their wife when they want to step back from the friendship for whatever reason. Could be because he caught feelings and doesn’t want to wreck his marriage, could be because he thinks you have feelings for him, or could be something unrelated to romance like he’s busy and just doesn’t prioritize these dinners anymore. My own husband has used me as an excuse when he wanted to back off a friendship with a woman. Of course it’s also very possible he’s being direct with you and his wife is actually jealous. Regardless, I agree with previous commenters that you don’t have much choice in the matter and need to just gracefully accept the distance if you don’t want to socialize with him and his wife as a pair (which I fully understand).

   5. Invite her along and talk shop. The entire purpose of the meals is to talk shop, so do it. If she gets upset, be very factual in telling her that this is what you two talk about at dinner.

      1. I agree with this. At least try it once and see if she can be made to understand that the purpose of the dinner is to talk about work.

   6. I would tell him “hey, I really enjoy getting together to talk shop. Since your wife won’t let us do that, I’m not really interested in continuing. Happy to meet for coffee sometime instead”

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