Ooh: this lovely leather belt by Isabel Marant strikes me as an awesome belt for work dresses — and there are four colors right now! I’m picturing the red (try it with a warm animal print like leopard (ahem) but it also comes in a bright green, royal blue, and a happy yellow, all for $160. Lecce Belt This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Psst: This is definitely not work appropriate but it’s on sale at Amazon today so I thought I’d mention — I just bought this long, loose maxi dress with sleeves and pockets for weekends and pool coverups — definitely on the boho/very very casual side of things though. It’s $16.99-$24 and comes in a bunch of colors, prints, and sizes XS-XXL.We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
Horse Crazy
Looking for mid-range ($$-$$$) restaurants in Las Vegas on the strip – similar to places like Mon Ami Gabi at Paris. Most of the articles on the internet are either for either cheap eats or super high-end restaurants. Thanks!
Anon
That’s a tough price range on the strip for good quality, non-buffet food. My favorites (besides MAG) are Bouchon and Scarpetta. Yelp is a good resource. Vegas has more restaurant turnover than a lot of places, so travel guides (even online) get out of date fast.
Anon
Oh and Yardbird. I haven’t been to the Vegas one so I didn’t think of it, but I loved it when I went in Miami.
Wanderlust
We loved Yardbird in Vegas. Rao’s was also great.
Anon
We liked Raos.
Ms B
I agree on Yardbird, Scarpetta and Bouchon. Also:
Lunch menu at Estatoria Milos (Cosmo)
Blue Ribbon (Cosmo)
Jaleo (Cosmo)
Momofuku (Cosmo)
Pok Pok Wing (Cosmo). Seriously, these are good enough to be an entire meal!
Lupo (Bellagio)
Fix (Bellagio)
Border Grill (Mandalay Bay)
Giada’s (Cromwell, haven’t actually been, some people like it)
Mesa Grill (Caesar’s, if you are not boycotting all things Bobby Flay)
Searsucker (Caesar’s, have not been, menu reads really well)
Lunch menu at Joe’s Stone Crab (Forum at Caesar’s)
Cucina (Crystals by the Aria, again, have not been)
I have a not-so-secret fondness for Margaritaville (Flamingo)
That said, my advice is to go off-Strip to Lotus of Siam (in the old Roy’s or in Commercial Plaza if they have reopened), Raku (Spring Mountain Road), or Hot n Juicy Crawfish (multiple locations).
Local Perspective
Agree that you’ll get more bang for your buck off the strip (let me know if you’d like me to add my suggestions!). Beauty & Essex (Cosmo) is tasty, and I’ve heard amazing things about NoMad. A bit on the pricer range, but Lakeside (Wynn) is also delicious. For happy hour, head to the SLS (at least if you’re headed there before March, when a couple of the restaurants are closing due to new hotel/casino ownership) – Katsuya (sushi) & Cleo (Mediterranean) are great.
Fun workout gear
If you have tech fabric workout tanks (or tees) with fun phrases on them, where do you get them? In the market. I’ve seen a number that are running-specific, but I don’t run due to past injuries. More into other cardio and strength training.
Horse Crazy
Etsy!
Anonymous
Sweaty Betty has a tank that says “Standards high, squats low” that I want to rejoin Crossfit just to wear.
Anon
Old Navy.
Inspired By Hermione
Seconded. Or Target. I got a tank from Target (it’s cotton, so not tech, but great for low-intensity workouts) that says On Wednesdays We Wear Pink and it makes me smile every time I wear it on a Wednesday.
Anonymous
I’ve never bought any, but a friend from law school is involved with a company that sells that type of shirt (and some sort of exercise videos I haven’t tried): https://alignmentessentials.com/
PolyD
Kohls has a decent selection of workout wear.
Fun workout gear
Thanks everyone! Found one on Etsy that says “Champs Drink Champs” and I’m kind of in love.
NOLA
I’ve been getting all of my workout tanks from Look Human. I have one that has a llama dressed as Freddie Mercury that says “Llama just killed a man” and another one that says “Sorry, I can’t. I’m an inside cat” and another one that has a cat giving the finger that says “I do what I want.”
Fun workout gear
These are fun, thanks!
Anon
I was hired at a firm (50 attorneys) primarily to support one attorney who is planning to retire in the next 5-7 years. I am a Sr. Associate on partner track. I do work in my practice area for other attorneys, but don’t solicit it – i.e., they come to me, I don’t knock doors. I have never turned anything down and have several ‘repeat’ partners who come to me often.
My primary attorney was out last week and has a lot of stuff piled up. She needs to wade through her inbox and the projects I put on her desk. I have at least 15 projects on her pile that need her blessing or review before sending to clients. I have no billable work until then. She expects to get me those ‘sometime this week’…What do I do in the meantime? Start knocking doors? Do some pro bono stuff? Accept that I’ll bill this weekend to make up for a lousy MTW? I want to be available for her but also want to be productive.
Anonymous
Do you have any professional education requirements? I would knock those out via online courses if possible.
Same
I am never sure what to do here. I have something similar when I have several projects out for client review. Do I ask for and potentially take on new work and then risk having a flood of files come back? I’m learning the practice is not a constant ebb and flow and is much more tidal wave or drought.
Anonymous
Have you voiced the issue to the primary partner in this way? My boss wants to know if I’ve run out of work and will make getting work back to me more of a priority if he can and knows it is an issue. But this probably depends on the boss and the firm.
Anon
Take it easy. Come in a bit later than normal, leave a bit earlier, or, if that’s not practical, run errands during the day. YMMV depending on office culture but as an associate, if “my” partner wasn’t looking for me, no one really cared what I was doing as long as I was generally around from 9:45 till 4:30 or so. You can also clean up your office, shop in advance for birthday presents online, take the time to improve some personal relationships with either in or out of office professional contacts, etc. And, yeah, you have to count on being slow around (either during or after) “your” partner is out of the office and then make up for it other weeks or days. I wouldn’t stress about getting it all in this weekend, though, unless you have some other deadline to meet.
Anon
I a tall hourglass with large thighs (runner) and slim ankles. Ankle pants and slim pants look dismal on me. I need something in the lower leg to balance out my thighs and hips, and some length below the knee to not look stubby.
Anon
Er, that’s supposed to be in the pants thread.
Anon
I’m the OP of the pants thread and I want you to know that I saw this. It’s interesting what our eyes read as flattering, and how it varies from person to person.
Anonymous
As a senior associate on partner track, there should not be 15 things that need her review. You aren’t a secretary. You should be running your own matters with minimal oversight. That’s what you need to worry about not whether your hours are low this week.
Anon
I don’t think this is true. I don’t know of a single senior associate who doesn’t have things reviewed by a partner before it goes it the client; that’s just the way most law firms work.
OP
Thanks! I’ve wondered about this, but I just started here about 6 months ago. I also went from a firm where I did about 20% of Issue X to this firm where I am supposed to do 90-100% of Issue X. I anticipate it’ll be this way for at least another 6 months as I learn her writing style and she starts to trust me with issues. If you have any suggestions for how to speed up that transition, I’m all ears!
Anonymous
I didn’t realize you were so new to the practice area! In that case yeah I think you need to give it Time. But also address it directly with her.
Anon
I’m actually in the exact same situation. The partner that I primarily work for has a really specific writing style and also does much more sophisticated work than I did at my old firm. What I’ve done that has helped the transition (at the suggestion of other associates) is to specify when I do a project for her what I looked at to base by memo/brief off of etc. and my thought process for anything I did. It’s been really important to try to figure out (and tell her) when I don’t understand her style v. something substantive. I also ask other associates for pointers on projects, etc.
Ellen
I would tell your manageing partner that you need another attorney to review so that billings can go out. At my firm, the manageing partner places prompt billing over everything else, telling us that a client will NOT pay if we are to slow in getting the bills out.
Kat, I cannot see paying $160 for a leather belt and wearing it with a $29 schmatta from Amazon. They just don’t go well together!
SFchic
Athleta clothes recs for pear shapes? I thought I should try out this athleisure trend since I like comfy these days. I work mostly from home, but would like something that I can wear out on errands as well.
I have a large rear but am very tiny on top. So if you have a similar shape would appreciate your warnings/recs. I have a Athleta gift card to spend….. But maybe these clothes aren’t good for my shape.
Anon
I’m more hourglass, but possibly similar to you on bottom with smaller waist/larger hips. I haven’t really had anything not fit me, and I own a healthy amount of Athleta. I find their sizing very true to size – to give you an idea, I’m pretty fit but a definite XL in everything Athleta, and Lululemon does not fit me. I’ve found anything they make in high-waisted style stays up and stays put. I was nervous a pair of their street-wear pants wouldn’t work for my hips but they’re great, too. They have a ton of brick and mortar stores now, I’d try to go in person and try on. I buy most of my Athleta in the sale section, but I’ve figured out over time what my fav styles are and they often repeat the same styles in new colors season-to-season.
Anonymous
I’m a pear and always find stuff there, but I do feel that I need to go into my local store and try on bottoms, especially on numerically-sized options. Tennis skorts are the only thing I know offhand. The comment section of their website is super helpful re sizing and fit help.
anon
I don’t have a pear shape but I do have an athletic build and I love Athleta because I can buy their bathing suits in different sizes for top and bottom…and the tops come in bra sizes for larger sized girls…they have lots of good options for Athleisure for wearing at home and running out…and I think their sizing is pretty flexible.
anonn
Off topic, but I recommend that people with small waists and large/round hips look for drawstring ties if buying a bikini bottom to swim in. Otherwise, the garment doesn’t stay put.
Family Culture
I will say I learned something new about the ‘Rettes today: SO MANY people live in way more states of undress with non-immediate family members than I thought. Family cultures can be so different.
A fun question: what family cultures were you surprised with when you married/moved in with S.O. or vice versa? For example, I think a common strong divide is the “to kiss on mouth or not to kiss on mouth”.
Anon
OMG, me too! I put PJ pants (or shorts, depending on the season) on to hang out in my living room in the evening (or morning before I’m dressed) even though I live alone. I guess I’m the prude!
Anon
I mean, I do that because I’m cold and because I have chub rub otherwise. But I wouldn’t care if my family members saw me in my unders.
CountC
Yes, I wear pants in my house only because I would be cold if I didn’t. Otherwise, I am team no pants at home when possible. That said, I would never ever in a million years not wear pants around my parents. I get weirded out by not wearing a bra in their house, meanwhile I will go out in public without one and run shirtless (w/sports bra!!) in the summer. I also can’t imagine wearing a bikini around my parents, while I am totally comfortable showing skin at the pool/beach in front of strangers. Apparently, I am only a prude around my parents!! Family dynamics are weird.
I haven’t encountered any unusual or surprising family habits with the very few serious SOs I have had, but I am sure I will at some point!
Anon
I wouldn’t want to wear something extra s*xy or designed to maximize cleavage around my parents, especially my dad, but I can’t believe you completely avoid wearing a bikini in front of them. How does that work? Do you never go to a public pool together or travel with them to a beach area? I just feel like my life would be so restricted if I couldn’t be in a swimsuit in front of my parents.
Cat
…one piece bathing suits? Definitely more modest/supportive than most bikinis…
Anon
I don’t know, I think a sporty bikini is more modest than a very high-cut one piece. What’s so scandalous about showing a midriff at the beach?
CountC
I haven’t gone to a body of water with my dad since swim meets when I was in elementary school. My mom and I went on a cruise 10 years ago – that was the last time I saw a body of water with her. I am not close with them – we don’t travel together or visit very often, so it’s not hard at all. I haven’t seen my sister since her wedding years ago. We are not a warm and cuddly close knit family.
I have no issue showing skin at a pool or beach or in front of strangers, just doesn’t work for me with my parents. I would be fine with my mom, but it’s my dad that I am uncomfortable in front of. He’s perfectly nice, we just aren’t remotely close.
anon8
I will only go pantless around my husband. I think it was weird that the OP’s mother-in-law felt comfortable lounging on the couch in her underwear. I would never do that at my parent’s house as an adult, nor would they do that around me. I never kiss family members on the mouth. My husband’s side of the family hugs more than mine, but I don’t mind that.
Anon
Ha my 90-something grandmother still tries to kiss my 60-something father on the mouth and he haaaaaaaaaaates it. I’m glad nobody else in either of our families is into it.
Anon
My husband and teenage son both walk around in their boxers if we don’t have guests. My daughter and I don’t give a rat’s ass. There was some pearl clutching about this in the AM post. I think people need to find a new hobby, honestly.
anonymous
Yeah, but that’s your immediate family. Do you want to see your father-in-law walking around in his boxers?
Anon
There was someone this morning I believe who said they didn’t want their husband wearing his boxers around. But yeah, it probably would not bother me too much if my FIL wore his boxers around the house, honestly.
Anon
That was me! I’m not a prude in other ways and cannot place why I think it’s so strange to hang out in the common areas with just undies. Somehow sweat pants or PJ pants without another under layer is not a problem. Maybe it just comes down to having been raised with primarily brothers (two and four years younger) but also two much younger sisters (so, a mix of genders in a wide range of ages). Also, there were always people coming and going from our house–neighborhood friends, mostly–and with so many kids to track no one was going to come around and warn someone to put pants on before your little brother’s friend came in the back door.
Another twist, when it’s hot out (most of the year in my part of the country) I will only dry my hair naked unless there are others around in which case I put on minimal loose clothing.
IHHtown
I think a STRONG difference in your case though is that this involves your immediate family. It’s common for teenagers to walk around in boxers in their own immediate family. Where it gets squirrely is that same standard spreading to in-laws, cousins, aunts/uncles, etc. These are not people you live with, why are they naked in your own house?
Think about it this way – say you’ve been with your S.O. for three years and met their parents maybe 8 times in all that time. Now you’re married and this woman who you’ve only met a handful of times and you barely know gets to sit around your house in undies? No ma’am. If you didn’t raise me you don’t get that privilege. A couple has formed a new family unit, so the same rules that applied in the previous family unit of the S.O. do not apply, full stop.
Also, at it’s core, it’s “My house my rules” you don’t need an explanation.
Anon
I know you think you’re right, but the point is, what’s right for you is not necessarily right for others. Clearly we all have different standards for what level of nudity is OK.
Anon
I think it depends not just on how comfortable you are with nudity, but also on how you define your family. I think of my parents and in-laws as part of my immediate family, whereas cousins/aunts/uncles and friends are not. Spouses are a bit different, because obviously there’s intimacy there you don’t have with anyone else. But generally, if I can do it in front of my kids, I would do it in front of my parents or in-laws. (Fwiw, I don’t even like my parents-in-law and we don’t see them all that much. But I do view them as my immediate family.)
anon
DH and his family talk SO LOUDLY. Not out of emotion, or shouting room to room (I’m the one who does that), they just have high baseline volume.
Vicky Austin
Ooh, this is a tough one too. My family is loud because…we just are. I raise my voice a lot when I’m excited or emphatic, and husband always says, “Stop yelling.” Of course then I have to yell, “I am NOT yelling!” because now I’m irritated that he thought I was yelling and everybody loses forever. Blah.
Anonymous
Lol. Girl. Stop yelling. You are clearly yelling. How is it you think it’s okay to yell at your husband when he asks you not to?
Anon
Vicky- this is me and my husband too. I come from an Italian family where yelling is just how we talk. We are VERY open about everything and there are no secrets or areas of random digestion that aren’t discussed in full detail. My husband’s family is Jewish, but might as well be east coast wasps- he’s always saying I’m yelling when I’m just talking.
Anon
Samesies. I’m Italian, husband is WASPish. He thinks we’re always yelling and always arguing. I find it unnerving that his family has colorful debates about anything.
Anonymous
This is my DH’s family too. After our wedding, wife of DH’s college roommate said to me ‘his family is super nice but they are the loudest people I have ever met’. His mom’s refusal to get a hearing aid has not improved the situation.
Anonymous
When gathered and while doing things, my family tends to talk at the same time, and often people don’t finish a sentence if someone else has answered. There’s a lot of unclear pronoun reference too. I didn’t really realize that not everyone could follow all the overlapping conversational lines until in-laws expressed the sheer extent of their confusion.
Anon
Same, I have lost friend/d over this- to me it’s totally normal and hard to control.
Anon
We mumble, so bad. I lived with my sister for a year and my BF was over probably five nights out of seven. My sister and I could have an entire conversation that he could not understand. My brother and I do the same in front of my SIL, though she’s been around long enough at this point to catch most of it. I used to refuse to speak to my brother on the phone, though, because he mumbled so much. He’s gotten much better in the past five years–thankfully!
Also, my mother likes to jump topics of conversations seemingly without context–drives people batty. Then I catch myself doing it and cringe!
Anonymous
I hate loud people so much. I’m not American although I’ve lived here for nearly my whole life and I just hate it.
Vicky Austin
I can say that I choose my pajamas and loungewear very carefully when my in-laws are visiting or we are visiting them. I don’t want to be the one who makes other people uncomfortable.
Anonymous
That DH’s family is flexible around bathing/showering. Once walked in on DH in the bath and his brother peeing in the toilet. DH has a hard time with the fact that I don’t like DH just walking in when I’m in the shower. Sometimes a girl wants to shave her legs in peace.
I’m viewed as a prude by my inlaws because I won’t go to the public co-ed nude saunas with DH’s family when we do family trips to Germany.
K
I would definitely not be into nude saunas with SO’s fam.
As for flexible bathroom use, in college I shared an apartment with 3 girlfriends, 1 bathroom. We were fine with leaving the door unlocked so the other girls could pee or otherwise get ready for class while one of us was showering. And I do the same with SO, if he needs to pee and I’m in the shower it’s fine. But I’m not into like, me brushing my teeth and he has to pee. At least in the shower I’m hidden by a curtain.
Anonymous
Insanely long happy hours, where the meal doesn’t happen until 9 pm or so. That’s my bedtime. And the quantities of booze.
Anon
Until my husband and I had a baby, we walked around our house naked frequently. Now we cover up the “private areas” but still hang out in just underwear sometimes (especially DH, I tend to run cold and need more clothing). I put on more clothing when my parents or in-laws are around, but I was kind of surprised by how shocked people were about the MIL’s behavior. I’ve seen both my FIL and father in boxers on plenty of occasions and have gone to locker rooms, etc. with my MIL where I’ve seen her naked. And now that I’m nursing a baby, pretty much everyone who’s ever visited my house has seen my b00bs. My dad used to make a big deal about leaving the room while I was nursing, but he got over it pretty quickly (I know that’s not quite the same, because I’m not just whipping them out for no reason, but still…)
Anon
Oh yeah, I’m in the boxer short family above, and yes – everyone has seen my b00bs, and my sisters’ too. I mean, that’s what they’re for, after all.
Anon
I’m the prude above re not wearing boxers (comfy pants/shorts are fine, but I really don’t want to see a twig casually hanging out because you sit funny on the couch!). BUT when it comes to breastfeeding, I have to tell myself to excuse myself from the room (or home, depending on the situation) when new moms need to br*astfeed. Doesn’t bother me in the least but I’ve had friends who won’t feed their babies in front of me. I was so confused the first time it happened and then felt bad that I made a new mom feel uncomfortable.
Ellen
Personally, I would NOT walk around naked even if I were married to someone, b/c it takes the allure out of him loving me in private. I think that I am much more sexy when I do NOT reveal all to him all the time, otherwise he would see me as a piece of meat, ready to grab on a moment’s notice. I respect myself to much to let him think of me as that! FOOEY! No, I want romance and something nice in return for me shareing my intimate parts with anyone, even my husband, if I ever find one. FOOEY!
Anonymous
I don’t think this falls quite under culture differences, but something that threw me for a loop (and still does, a decade later) is my in laws’ formality of table settings for a normal meal and the sheer amount of dishes that is used to create each meal. Like, to make dinner there is a full on mise-en-place/cooking show setup (so. many. little. bowls.). And every meal, even breakfast or if you’re eating in front of the TV, involves cloth linens (no paper napkins as far as the eye can see). It’s especially odd because my in-laws aren’t formal people. Meanwhile, I’m team “how can I get away with only using one dish to prep, cook, and eat my meal” and thought cloth linens were for holiday meals at home and fancy restaurants.
Anon
I’m all about fewer dishes but made the switch to cloth napkins in my young adulthood (late 20s?) and love it. So much softer and one less thing to buy. I tend to reuse the same one for several meals and just keep a small laundry hamper of “kitchen laundry” to do every week or two. Bonus: when I was too sick to leave home but ran out of kleenex (and was low on TP) I just used napkins instead.
Senior Attorney
HAHA we do this. All the little bowls, plus placemats and napkins (I do paper, though, unless we have guests) and a full complement of silverware for every meal. Plus the concept of “table cooties” — if a piece of flatware has been on the table, it must go into the dishwasher even if it wasn’t touched.
My husband thought I was nuts at first but now he’s into it.
Never too many shoes...
This morning was not really that surprising – I always feel like an outlier in these discussions but I simply ascribe it to my cultural (European Canadian) background just being a bit more chill about nudity and sex in general.
One thing that I had to get used to is that my husband’s family is obsessed with dinner being eaten as hot as possible, so my mother in law passes out plates and everyone just sits down and starts eating as soon as they are served without waiting for everyone. It used to make me nuts that they would not wait for everyone to be served at home (they do in restaurants), but after 15 years I just go with the flow.
anon
This is my ILs too. It goes way beyond the waiting for others to be served; DH will take a plate I serve from the stove and put it directly in the microwave! And the look on his face when I eat cold pizza!!!
I only realized it was a family thing when his parents came for a long visit. MIL explained they have moved back and forth between the tropics and unheated houses in England, so she became obsessed with wolfing down food while it was still hot.
Equestrian Attorney
My inlaws do this too! And get really offended if I don’t start eating, whereas it always seems rude to me.
Skipper
My in-laws have an entirely different set of expectations around respectful behavior for children. I was not raised with sir and ma’am and generally called my parents’ friends by their first names. But we always ceded the best seats to adults and did things like offer to bring them drinks or grab their cigarettes. If there weren’t enough seats to go around, I’d sit on the floor. In fact, I’m a youngest child and -still- sit on the floor at gatherings with my family of origin.
Meanwhile, my nieces and nephews called me Miss Lastname until I married their uncle and became Aunt Skipper, but they lie down on the couch and ask me to bring them a snack when I’m seated in a folding chair. My husband says that’s the way he was raised as well. I secretly find that appalling.
Anon CPA
My childhood also involved getting refills and fetching cigarettes. My husband is horrified. I loved it.
Lana Del Raygun
My husband’s family doesn’t interrupt each other constantly at dinner. I guess this is nice in theory but to me feels like the silence of the grave, lol.
Anon
SAME
Anon
Can we please ban the sexist word “prude” from conversations about whether you want to see your non-immediate family in a state of undress? Just like you don’t wear a swimsuit to church or lingerie to the boardroom, you don’t walk around in underwear around your in-laws and no woman is a “prude” for asking for adherence to that very, very basic societal standard.
Anon
The OP on that thread used the word herself…
Anon
Is it sexist? I have used it twice in reference to myself in this thread. Genuinely curious. I would use it to refer to men, too, FWIW.
Anonymous
This is reminding me so much of conversations in high school and college between exchange students, international students, and the kids who just got back from studying abroad with host families.
I didn’t enjoy being regarded as prudish for having reservations about nudity in certain contexts. But the view that one’s own expectations and norms are, objectively, a “very, very basic societal standard,” still seems small minded to me.
Anon
And your post seems deliberately obtuse to me. Let’s call it even.
Anon
+1
>But the view that one’s own expectations and norms are, objectively, a “very, very basic societal standard,” still seems small minded to me.
bravo!
Anon
I am from the nudist family in the prior post (jking but only sorta), we also walk in and talk to people when they are in the bathroom like its nbd (I know other families would find this horrifying and I’d never do that to my inlaws lol). My inlaws do the kiss on the mouth thing which I think is so weird and wigs me out when my husband had done it to pro daughter. We are also big food sharers and they aren’t so much.
Anon
We don’t walk around in just our underwear, but I wouldn’t give it a second though to go use the toilet when a family member is in the shower. I hadn’t considered this before, but it might just be because I grew up with only one bathroom in our house. Neither me or my brother was going to get up earlier so that we could have the bathroom to ourselves – one person was always at the sink getting ready/using the toilet when another was in the shower.
anonymous
A big one for us is gift-giving. My immigrant family goes BIG with gifts. My husband’s family is from a small town in the Midwest and is at the total other end of the spectrum. Some people in my family gave us checks for $10,000 for our wedding and then some in his family gave us $25 or a mailer coupon. I know for some of them that’s the nicest they can do but even for those that can afford more, I firmly believe that adults should get to decide how to spend their money, so whatever. (I also acknowledge that my family is insane with gifts!) I didn’t want a wedding shower but both moms insisted, so we had two separate wedding showers (our families are from different cities/states anyway) because I didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable with their choices. (I honestly 100% just felt touched that people wanted to celebrate our happiness.) And for holidays we adjust as-needed for each side.
Anon
$10,000!?!? That was the cost of my wedding!!! The most we got from any one family unit was $200.
anonymous
So many!
– Tastes: my husband’s family’s affinity for mayonnaise and ranch dressing!! We basically never grew up with those kinds of dressings and sauces but had a lot of the more simple-homemade types (lemon juice, olive oil, etc.) and as we got older, grew to like a smidge of mayo or ketchup here and there. We also love spices and my husband’s family can’t handle garlic, pepper, or ethnic food really.
– Shoes in the house and outside clothes in the house once you’ve settled in for the night. Sometimes it’s like my husband is in a sitcom, who settles in on the couch in jeans?!
– Volume levels: my family is loud, very chatty, and has a tendency to interrupt especially when they are excited about a conversation. My husband’s family can easily go through a meal without speaking and it’s perfectly normal. I have adjusted because my husband has pointed it out to me. (Luckily he has an ally- my brother in law told him “it’s like it’s a secret contest of who can talk the loudest”)
– Togetherness/personal space/gossip: my family is up in everyone’s business and we spend a lot of time together just hanging out – it could be as boring as “I’m going to the grocery store near your house, can I come say hi?”whereas my husband’s family sends emails with the dates they plan to visit like 18 months in advance. The downside/upside to this is that I have more open communication with my family (I was thinking about this when someone mentioned recently her in-laws were there around dinnertime and expected to stay), and in my family it’s no thing to just say “ooookayyy, good to see you! thanks for coming by!” and out they go. My husband’s family doesn’t do the drop-in but when they do, they expect to be entertained the whole time, don’t tell us when they are leaving, and don’t tell us what they want to do — do you want to meet for lunch or do you expect all three meals with us and want to stay the weekend but don’t want to ask so we end up entertaining until 11pm when we are all too tired. (This difference has pushed me to have a conversation with my family to ask for a head’s up when popping by and slowly pushing my husband to have more open conversations with his family.) We also know everything going on with everyone, which my husband sees as gossipy, but on the other hand, he doesn’t know what his cousin does for a living, which to me is like how?!
:)
anon
I don’t know if this is cultural, but my MIL and her husband, and my FIL (but not his wife) want to drag out family gatherings for hours and hours. I feel like we’re being held hostage because (a) things always run super late, and (b) they get upset if we leave before we have birthday cake or open presents or whatever is appropriate for the occasion. I used to just plan for a long evening, but now I have a kid. Expectations are not adjusted for young children, so the kids are all going crazy, and whoever is closest to 3 years old seems to have an epic meltdown. (It was our turn this year, and I’m sorry for judging my SILs who came before me.)
My husband’s step-mom is much more understanding and tries to accommodate the kids’ needs, but FIL always gets mad at the parents for leaving at nap time or whatever, and gets mad at his wife for keeping things short and moving things along.
For what it’s worth, the entire family is local, and everyone sees everyone else regularly, but we’re rarely all together at the same time. (Each side has about 15 people).
Anonymous
It could be. My in-laws serve dinner pretty late, and any gathering begins hours before dinner and extends after dinner, which I think is an old world Italian custom. I wonder if your inlaws’ ways made more sense when they were the ones with kids (and could just put them to bed at home)? Fortunately, my inlaws treat events like an open house, so families with kids can come, catch up a bit, and then leave whenever they want.
anon
When they had kids, my in-laws did these extended gatherings at their families’ houses (one French, one Lebanese, both Catholic). Judging by stories about my husband from his childhood, I doubt these gatherings made more sense then. His cousins on his mom’s side, who would have been teenagers, tell stories about how terrible he was. His older relatives on his dad’s side call him (affectionately?) an Arabic word for devil or demon. So, apparently, my husband was a terror, but I feel like any kid would be in these circumstances, where dinner is delayed for hours and the kids are kept up late on sugar and adrenaline.
Anon
Same in my family, would be considered super rude to leave for a child’s naptime. But it’s also super rude not to allow the family member to just lay the kid down for a nap in a random bedroom. We just took our naps where we were!
anon
That worked well for us until my kid was about 2 years old and developed a serious case of FOMO. Kiddo was 3.5 at the last gathering, at Christmas, and was in that awkward stage where he still needed a nap, but everything had to be just so in order for him to actually fall asleep. It’s been less than 2 months, and he’s already at a point where he can delay or skip a nap and be semi-OK.
Anon
I’m plus sized and tall and I’m dismayed about the return of boot cut and wide legged pants. My eye has fully adjusted to skinnies and ankle pants and I’m at a place where I think they look better on me.
I look at photos on Nordstrom (where they use actual plus size models for plus clothing) and think the models in wide legs and boot cuts look much larger than those in skinny/straight cuts.
Also, it’s really hard for me to get a proper inseam length in boots and wide legs. I can get away with my pants being too short when they’re skinny cuts.
Anon
I mean, seriously?
How am I supposed to feel like a graceful gazelle in these?
https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/rachel-roy-collection-crepe-back-scuba-pants-plus-size/5172469?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FPlus-Size%20Clothing%2FPants%20%26%20Leggings&color=black
Monday
Wow. Those really do look horrible.
Never too many shoes...
Hard no. I would go out in underwear before I would wear those.
Anon
Right? Becky with the good hair can keep her not-so-good pants.
Lana Del Raygun
Those are really ugly but I think it’s the wide *crop*. Regular bootcut pants (not as wide as this) would look fine.
Anon
LOL the inseam is 24.5 – 10″ shorter than my actual inseam. The flare would hit the widest point of my calf. So flattering.
Overall I totally agree – I’m a shade over 5’10, size 16 and the best look on me is definitely skinny or very slim leg. I once had a great pair of flattering trouser jeans, and some tailored wide-leg styles look OK if I style them right. Anything in the middle does nothing for me.
anon8
I still see plenty of skinny jeans in stores and online. I don’t think they are going away completely.
Anon
Last time around, straight leg pants became really hard to find in a sea of boot legs. I ended up wearing classic trousers, but even then, the legs were pretty wide. I also remember feeling distinctly out of style in my straight cut jeans at the time.
Monday
+1. I am also committed to skinny pants, and don’t see that they’re becoming any less available.
I’m straight-sized but curvy with short muscular legs, and I too feel that I look much better in skinny pants.
What shoes, too?!
Yes! Also, I can’t remember what shoes I used to wear with bootcut and flares. I don’t wear heels, so bootcuts and flares inevitably get dingy and torn hems. And skinnies are so much more practical with snowboots, which are my routine shoe for at least three months per year.
NY CPA
Counter point to this: I’m plus sized (though medium-ish height: 5’6″) and I LOATHE ankle pants and skinny pants. For several years, I have been awaiting their downfall.
It’s definitely a case of good-for-you-not-for-me. They look fine on other people, but they always make me feel like an absolute whale. I think they just cut me off and make my legs look even more stubby. Also, I have very wide legs (hips down to calves) but fairly slim ankles, so by showing off my ankles, they just accentuate how wide my legs are. The only pants that look normal on me are straight or very slight boot cuts. I agree that truly wide-legged trousers do make plus size women look heavier.
JTM
I don’t care what’s in fashion right now – I’m not giving up my skinny jeans/pants. As a plus size woman they are so much more flattering on me than bootcut/wide leg.
I also wear tall boots in the winter so I think I’m perpetually out of fashion but at least I’m warm!
Anon
Same. I’m tall and curvy (straight size though) and I will never give up skinny jeans. I love how they look on me. I don’t care what’s “on trend.”
C
As a pear who has always preferred my silhouette in a bootcut or flare pant, I say good riddance to skinny jeans! That said, a classic boot cut is a far cry from the atrocity in the link above. I think the flares will end up as a trend for a few years and then we’ll all look back at them relatively quickly, like bubble necklaces.
Mass Atty
Quick question for the Mass lawyers. I practice in two states. My primary state has deadlines for Plaintiff’s demand, Defendant’s offer and mediation. This results in cases settling fairly early on. Mass is my second state and has none of these. So far my cases have only settled on the verge of trial. I represent plaintiffs. Is this normal? Is there anything I can do to expedite settlement discussions? I have reasonable demands out there. I see that there is an ADR program but it doesn’t look like anyone really uses the formal program. It’s optional and I would need to get defendants to agree to it.
I’m asking because I don’t want to look weak / afraid of trial by asking too much about settlement but I don’t know if it is common practice there for the ball to be in the plaintiffs court to push settlement discussions. This is all very different than what I am used to and I just want to know the local norms.
In one case I asked about mediation pre-depositions and they looked at me like I was nuts. It is common practice in my primary state to save everyone money when most of the facts are already known. Part of me feels like some of the lawyers just want to bill as many hours as possible before settling it which isn’t helpful to my clients.
Thanks!
Anon
It’s not the defendants’ job to be helpful to your client (or you, if you are paid a percentage of recovery). You know that, but your discussion reads like how to get people to be helpful to you, which may need to be re-framed.
Anon
In this kind of a state cases usually settle after Deps. So, after deps but before expert reports are do, ask for a Mediation. Also be open to negotiation yourself without mediation as mediation can be expensive. Some courts also offer settlement conferences as well.
Degree McGee
I realize that it might be too late to get advice on this, in which case I’ll repost tomorrow morning.
I’ve been in the workforce for 15 years and am now in the process of getting a master’s degree. I need a degree for “street cred” in my industry and organization; while it won’t lead to a big raise immediately, it makes me infinitely more employable should I choose (or need to) move to a different org or go for a CEO title one day. I’m currently part of a leadership team that reports to my org’s CEO. I have no plans to move to another org upon completion of this degree, but it’s a good insurance policy nonetheless. This degree is also something I’m pursuing for myself, in order to be a better learner and leader.
My grad program costs roughly $25K annually at the pace I’m currently going. Work is now paying about $6K annually; I am going to ask them to pay $12K annually beginning next year — I have no idea if they’ll say yes, but it’s worth a shot. My family can easily afford to pay $5K annually towards this and can stretch to pay $10K with some sacrifice, though nothing crazy.
My question is: how would you pay for the rest? Would you:
– Stretch out the program to take longer (so that both work and my family can pay over a longer period of time)
– Take out a graduate school loan to crank and get the program done on current pace (~3 years total)*
– Fund this in some other way that I’m not currently considering?
*Other background: we have three kids under age 10; husband’s and my jobs are relatively stable (though of course you never know); our retirements are well-funded. Our only debt is our mortgage and about $18K in student loans (at sub-3% interest) for my undergrad. We have 1.5 months of living costs in super-liquid cash and another 3 months of living expenses that we could access in about a week or so.
Anon
Not what you asked, but your employer gets a federal tax break of $5,250 for helping with your tuition, so that’s where that number is coming from. Not sure if they’ll contribute more, but worth the ask! Might see if your state offers tuition tax breaks for employers, too. https://www.irs.gov/newsroom/tax-benefits-for-education-information-center
Anon
Also remember you’ll have to pay taxes on whatever they chip in. For the rest- If you can get interest free loans for the duration of the program, I’d do that and save it/use it for tuition. Then when you graduate pay it back. Only 1.5 months of liquid savings would make me super nervous. My husband and I are both highly qualified lawyers and it took us nearly a year each to find the right job when we were each laid off.
Anon
Actually, not necessarily. If the $5,250 is under Section 127 of the Code, it’s excluded from employee income. There are possibly other avenues to have tuition excluded from income, I’m just not conversational in them.
Anon
Does anyone else’s workplace not take lesser bank holidays? We don’t get Presidents’ Day, Columbus Day, or Veteran’s Day. Man, that one little day off is so nice – just a little pick-me-up to look forward to – and we don’t get them.
Anon
Yep, we don’t get those three. We do get MLK Day, which I know some people don’t, and of course all the more major ones. We have a lot of vacation time so I try not to be a grump about it, but I really like days off for no reason. I try to save my PTO for travel, but having a quiet day off at home would be so nice.
NY CPA
+1
Anonymous
We don’t get those or MLK Day. We instead get Christmas Eve, day after Thanksgiving, and a floating holiday.
It’s a long stretch from 1/1 to Memorial Day without a day off.
Anon
My workplace doesn’t either. We are in financial services, which is a 5 day a week enterprise, so I the company takes the day off, the smaller companies that rely on us are screwed.
My husband works in IT for a hospital and it’s the same for him – he supports admissions and billing, so if the hospital is open (which it always is) someone needs to be supporting the system. He gets called by the help desk on the weekend if they can’t fix it.
cat socks
Mine doesn’t offer any of those days off. But it does make the commute easier with less traffic.
SC
We don’t get President’s Day, Columbus Day, or Veteran’s Day, but we do get MLK Day, Mardi Gras and Good Friday. Labor Day to Thanksgiving always feels like a long stretch.
We get a half-day for Christmas Eve and a half-day for New Year’s Eve. I’d rather just have all of Christmas Eve off, but oh well. This year, I had to work this Christmas Eve anyways, and was able to use a half-day of vacation New Year’s Eve, so I used one half-day for a 4-day weekend.
NOLA
Yeah, because of school breaks, we get fall break that’s usually around Columbus Day, but we don’t really get Columbus Day off. Not Veteran’s Day or Columbus Day, but we get MLK, Labor Day, and Memorial Day. We get Lundi Gras through Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.
Anon
I used to work at a Catholic hospital system. We didn’t get the Friday after Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve but did get a half day on Good Friday. Clearly we didn’t get any of the typical bank holidays. Coming from a law firm environment where no one tracked vacation it drove me bonkers to be b*tt-in-seat on freaking Christmas Eve (and the 26th-31st) with no work to do because half the company (including all the Execs) were out for the holidays.
Celia
My mother taught school in Chicago. Good, Catholic, Polish city. She had Presidents Day, Lincoln’s Birthday, Good Friday AND Pulaski Day –all before Memorial Day.
Anonymous
We get New Year’s Day, MLK Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and the Friday after, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. It is a long, painful stretch between MLK Day and Memorial Day and between Labor Day and Thanksgiving. I’m of the opinion we should rearrange federal holidays so there is one in every month, but obviously that isn’t going to happen.
Anon
Columbus Day is generally a big no-no on the west coast fwiw. People generally don’t get it off here. For the rest, it feels like smaller companies trying to cheap out on vacation days.
anon
We get all the national holidays plus more, except Columbus day for political reasons.
anon
We don’t get Columbus Day or Veterans Day. DH used to get Good Friday, but not MLK day, which drove me crazy – he gets a day off to himself while I’m stuck with the kids all day.
Is it Friday yet?
We get Presidents’ Day, Easter Monday, Columbus Day, and Veterans’ Day, but not MLK, day after Thanksgiving, or X-Mas or New Year’s Eves. The lesser holidays (i.e. when the office is still open) we can either use the day of or bank as extra PTO. Not gonna lie, it really bothers me that we get jerk-bag Columbus Day but not MLK.
Anon
I worked at a small law firm that gave us Columbus Day off but not MLK Day. I 100% think it was not unrelated to the fact the partners were hella racist.
anon
Commiseration! We get the bare-bones minimum. New Years day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day. None of the “eves,” no day-after Thanksgiving, no MLK/Presidents/Columbus, and not even closed for the extreme weather we had in the last week in Chicago. It stinks for morale! Vacations are tough, too, because everyone is still emailing you and leaving you voicemails that pile up. The beauty of the holiday (and when it’s a long weekend), is that your coworkers also have the day off and don’t email you! Also stinks because kids have those days off (so half the office takes a sick day) as do many people’s spouses, so if you don’t have kids, you can’t take a long weekend trip together without incurring a vacation day.
Anon
My law firm is closed New Years Day, MLK Day (but many of the attorneys still come in and work), President’s Day (same), Memorial Day, Fourth of July, a state holiday that happens in the summer, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Christmas Day. We close early (i.e., the staff goes home at noon and most the attorneys don’t come in) on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve.
Decorate my office!
I am starting a new job and, for once, am actually going to decorate my office. What are your suggestions for good places online to look for prints? Or favorite artists? I prefer contemporary art or vintage photos.
Anon
Tbh I went to At Home and Ross and got some nice looking but not super important prints, a couple cute to me oversized mugs, and fake flower set to start out with.
Jules
Try 20×200 for original and vintage, limited edition (but not necessarily expensive) prints or Society6 for less expensive not-limited-edition prints; both work directly with artists. Be forewarned, though, that the latter is a complete rabbit-hole, due to the enormous number and variety of artists.
Anon
OR, start visiting some art gallery shows, looking at the art for sale on local coffee shop walls (a gallery-less way some artists can show their work) and just support your local artists! It’s a really fun thing to do. And take your time to hold out for something that really speaks to you.
Irish Midori
I bought a painting in Tanzania on a trip last summer, a Maasai village with Kilimanjaro behind it, painted on an old bedsheet in a tin-covered shack in a Maasai market. I love it. It reminds me how big the world is, and puts my day in perspective.
Anon
Just an FYI- lo and sons is doing a 50% off Valentine’s Day sale ATM. I feel like I’ve seen 30% off often but this is even better!
Anony
Curious about the hive’s experience. I’m in the market for a 30 year mortgage and getting interest rates of about 4.375 to 4.5%. Assume both of us have fantastic credit. For those in the market for a mortgage what are rates in your areas. Not a jumbo loan; I’m in the South but not Texas.
Anon
We got 4.75% back in December when the market blipped up. Fantastic credit. Virginia.
Anon
That seems like it should be averagish. My rate was 4.00% in October with points, with Navy Federal. I had a good experience with them, you’d need a relative or household member who has served.
nuqotw
We got 4.25% from Navy Federal for a 15 back in June. Would have been 3.25% but they charge an extra point for a condo. I think they said 3.75% for a 30? Fantastic credit. You can also join Navy Federal if you or a household member is a DoD civilian. (I am one.)
nono
Also in the south with great credit and that sounds right to me based on my rate last fall.
PDXL
Fantastic credit and a jumbo and I got 3.85 for a 30-yr at the end of Oct using Finance of America to shop for rates. I was feeling bummed that we didn’t get the 3.75 they originally thought we could get, but pretty happy to be under 4.