Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Floral Motif Cardigan
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This cardigan from Brooks Brothers is a great way to lean into spring florals if you’re not into pastels.
The navy-and-white look is elegant, but not fussy. I love the way they’ve styled it with white denim, but for the office, I’d probably prefer a pair of navy trousers. You can also add the short-sleeved shell for a classic twinset look.
The sweater is $188 at Brooks Brothers and comes in sizes XXS-XL, but it’s marked down to $99. The site also has a sitewide 30% off sale going on at the moment (prices as marked).
Some of our favorite classic cardigans for the office as of 2025 include those below. Check Talbots and J.Crew Factory if you're looking for plus sizes, and Quince if you're on a budget. Veronica Beard and Brooks Brothers both keep a bunch of options in stock. Two other reader favorites: Anthropologie and Sézane.
Sales of note for 4/21/25:
- Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
- Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
- Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
- The Fold – 25% off selected lines
- Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
- Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
- J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
- J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
- Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card
Going to have an entire day to play in DC. in a few weeks. I’ve been there before and done the usual touristy things and would like something a bit more off the beaten path. Lesser known museum? Great boutique shopping area? Unique spa treatment? No car; staying in Georgetown area. Please send me ideas!
Museums: Renwick, Mansion at O St (museum doesn’t quite describe this…more of an experience), Dumbarton Oaks, Phillips Collection, Larz Anderson House.
Eat at Yellow in Georgetown.
There’s plenty of shopping in Georgetown – the big chains are more on M St and the more interesting stores are on Wisconsin/the side streets. Also a few good used book stores in that area.
It’s not cheap (around $25 one way) but you could take the water taxi to Old Town Alexandria, another good place to explore. You could also go to Roosevelt Island for some nature, though be aware that it can get pretty crowded on nice weekend days.
Co-sign Dumbarton Oaks
Glenstone Museum is a great spot. It’s well north of the city, but if you are comfortable using buses, if you take the bus there you get guaranteed admission (it’s free, if not coming by bus you need a ticket).
If you’ve done Dumbarton Oaks, Hillwood Museum is another great mansion with gorgeous grounds. It’s an easy uber from Georgetown.
Have you been to the National Cathedral? It’s a beautiful and interesting building. From there, you can walk down Mass Ave to Dupont Circle along Embassy Row. I love walking it, you notice so much more than in a car.
Hillwood is great.
The Phillips or Kreeger Museums are great in that area, along with Dumbarton Oaks. I would pair with lunch at Yellow Cafe. Or Hillwood Estates with a stop at Bread Furst!
There’s a National Geographic museum just south of Dupont Circle. Iron Gate restaurant is nearby – it’s very good and very pretty, albeit pricey.
There is also a word/language museum, I can’t think of the name, but it sounds cool.
The public library branch near Gallery Place (MLK Library) has an exhibit on the Green Book and, I am told, a very nice rooftop deck.
The Wharf is kind of touristy, but on a nice day, go to Tiki TNT and have a drink while looking over the river and watching the planes going in and out of National Airport.
it’s called Planet Word. My kids loved it! Not sure what adults would think. I loved the National Geographic Museum as a kid, haven’t thought about that one in ages. If it’s nice, you can eat outside at Blue Duck Tavern,
Just FYI, the National Geographic Museum is closed for renovation at the moment.
If you like old house tours, Dumbarton House or Tudor Place in Georgetown. I like the Portrait Gallery/American History Museum in Chinatown if you haven’t been, particularly the historic third floor where President Lincoln’s inaugural ball was held.
+1 to Dumbarton Oaks and House, but if you want to venture farther I recommend the National Building Museum.
For history, I really like Lincoln’s Cottage- they lead really great tour. And for contrast, pair it with The Frederick Douglass House.
If you like macabre, the Museum of Health and Medicine in Silver Spring has the bullet that killed Lincoln and other fascinating things. It’s about a mile from the Forest Glen Metro stop.
And I always think spending an evening at the Kennedy Center is nice for their free 6pm concerts and the roof top views.
You’ve gotten great recs. If I were you, I’d do Dumbarton Oaks with a stop at Yellow for breakfast or lunch. Wander through Georgetown and do a little shopping. Stop at Baked and Wired for an afternoon coffee/chai and cupcake or pastry (please don’t go to Georgetown Cupcake).
The Cathedral with a walk to DuPont is also lovely (go to Kramer Books if you want to browse). Second for Iron Gate. Also Rasika. Hillwood + Bread Furst is also a good choice.
Oh, and Green Almond Pantry! One of my favorite spots in Georgetown, tucked at the back of a food hall with a nice courtyard behind.
If you’ve never had Ethiopian food there are a ton of great places in DC – kind of unusual and usually very affordable.
I’m headed to a wedding in Denver (first time visiting) next month and am pregnant. Can anyone please recommend things to do or places to eat? My husband and I would love to enjoy the weekend away from our kids but can’t really figure out anything to do besides the main event Saturday evening. Would love a nice brunch Saturday and/or a good restaurant or something fun to do Friday night. Thank you!
If you’re open to it, I’d suggest driving down to Colorado Springs and staying at the Broadmoor resort on Friday night (may be more $ than your Denver hotel). Walk around the lake, have dinner, be a bit closer to the mountains. Then drive back up on Saturday for the wedding. The drive is +/- 1.5 hours, depending on traffic and where you are in Denver.
I wouldn’t go to Colorado Springs unless you want to support a very conservative city. Colorado Springs is one of the most conservative (MAGA) places in Colorado — Steve Bannon was recently there.
This is truly ridiculous. Please take a step back and think about whether labeling an entire city “conservative” and not worthy of visiting/spending is a persuasive approach. I think not.
Eh, people on this blog have dismissed entire states. If you’d like to hang out with a bunch of MAGA supporters, go ahead.
This is the most sensitive take I’ve seen in a while, and that’s saying something given the Boomer discourse happening today!
It’s this sort of close minded thinking that cost Dems the election but sure go right ahead and you do you.
(Also, fwiw, public backlash got the venue for this event changed multiple times. LOTS of Springs’ folks were NOT happy about the Bannon event)
The art museum is great and I’m not even a big art person. We ate at a restaurant called American Elm, it was absolutely lovely.
Even if you don’t like baseball, hanging out at a Rockies game can be a nice Friday evening casual date – beautiful view, cheap tickets, weather should be nice
Love this idea but they’re away that weekend!
The Denver Botanic Garden is beautiful and precisely the way I spent the first half of a Saturday before a Denver wedding a few years ago.
If you guys have a car, I would go to Boulder during the day on Saturday.
For Friday night, I’d recommend El Five for both food & views followed by Meow Wolf or Sushi Den & a walk around Wash Park or a sound bath at Karma Yoga. Another fun option for views is the rooftop patio at the Jacquard in Cherry Creek. Other food recommendations for dinner – Safta, Hop Alley, and Rioja. I’d recommend Mizuna if you’re in the mood for a tasting menu. I’m not a big brunch person, but I’d recommend going to Bakery Four for baked goods & walking along Tennyson for Saturday morning and sandwiches at Curtis Park Deli (they have non deli meat options) if you’re still hungry in the afternoon. Enjoy!
Meow Wolf is lots of fun and may have a special show on the Friday night you are there.
I second the recommendation for Boulder on Saturday during the day, especially if the weather is nice. You don’t have to have a car. There is an express bus (FF1) from Union Station in Denver that goes straight to downtown Boulder. There’s a lovely farmer’s market on Saturday and lots of brunch options. Lucile’s Creole Cafe and the Boulder Dushanbe Teahouse are good choices, and the Teahouse is so pretty!
Def take it easier than you’d guess- that high altitude is no joke!
Long-time CO gal here. The Broadmoor is beautiful and a visit to Garden of the Gods and the Manitou area is wonderful, but I don’t know that it would be super relaxing to cram that all in if you’re otherwise going to be in Denver. I also love Boulder, but again, there’s no reason to leave Denver if that’s where you’re planning to be. Denver has plenty of fun things to do. The Art Museum is AMAZING, as is Meow Wolf. You’ve gotten some great food recommendations, Cuba Cuba is an awesome place to eat. There’s plenty of nice parks or light hikes in the area if that’s something you’re interested in.
I took my daughter to Denver a couple of years ago and we both loved Cuba Cuba!
I’m from the Denver area!
“Beckon” restaurant is terrific if you’re able to get reservations. I’d go to LoHi or Highlands area (specifically the Tattered Cover near the baseball field) and walk around, it’s a cute walkable area that feels safer and cleaner than the much-recommended 16th street mall (which I’ve never been much impressed by). The Art Museum and associated restaurant are terrific and a great way to spend an afternoon/evening.
There’s a small neighborhood right on the river called Platt Park that’s really cute and walkable as well–it’s adjacent to LoHi and has boutiques, eateries, little coffee shops, etc.
The area around the original REI is lovely and has places to sit and eat.
Union Station is fun but there’s not much to do other than Snooze for brunch (highly recommend) and a quick browse through the shops and then out.
Is downtown Austin TX walkable/safe? I am staying at Hyatt place downtown (couple blocks from river) and would like to explore on foot, maybe even walk to Terry Blacks. I am wirking off google maps, never been to the city. Any walking tips appreciated and places to go or see welcome!
That area is very safe and walkable. From there, you can walk all over the downtown area. I personally would not walk to Terry Black’s, but only because there is a Cooper’s right on Congress Ave., but you could do so safely, and you can walk all around the lake. The hike and bike trail is dirt/gravel. If I were making the walk to Black’s with you, I’d try to convince you to go to El Alma instead, which is just next door and has a lovely rooftop patio.
I stayed at that Hyatt Place a few weeks ago for a conference. Very nice, safe walkable downtown.
Has litigation become a young person’s profession? A friend (who’s at a different firm) and I were musing about this. As summer associates ~15 years ago, we spent a day watching oral arguments at our state’s appellate court; every single lead counsel was a 60+ white man. My early mentors (and opposing counsel, and AH partners) were all men nearing retirement. Now, I rarely see people over 60 in court or on the other side. They’re on the papers but they’re never involved, even at high profile arguments.
What changed? Is it technology? Is the practice more contentious such that people burn our younger? Have the financial incentives in firms changed so much that no one does their own work anymore? And most importantly for me as a litigator in my 40s, is there no longterm future in litigation? My friend said she’s transitioning to transactional work because she doesn’t think a litigation career is sustainable until retirement. If I can’t successfully litigate for the last 10-15 years of my career then I should start preparing for that now. I’m curious if others have noticed this shift.
Those 60 year old white men weren’t lead counsel because they were the best. They were the lead counsel because of schmoozing and power structures. I’m sure I’m going to get flamed for this even though it’s scientifically proven, but as humans age we just aren’t as sharp, and now that the world is less racist and s*xist we actually have lead counsel based on who is the sharpest and most articulate, not who is the top of the social power structure.
IME, clients don’t hire an attorney because they have the best legal skills, they hire them because the attorneys good at client development (I.e., schmoozing). What that means might be different than it was 30 years ago, but it’s still not about legal skills. When’s the last time you saw a client actually attend a hearing or argument?
Yeah I am not convinced that you understand the science on this. Aging isn’t a disease, but it’s a massive risk factor for many diseases. So many people are not as sharp because they’ve got vascular disease, lower stomach acid, new sleep issues, or because of the side effect of meds they’re on for other conditions. People who age in good health stay sharp, but they become outliers. If someone is one of those outliers and they’ve kept building on their knowledge and skills, they can blow away a colleague who is in the prime of life. This is really obvious in academia and tech.
😂
Aging is a disease. Who told you otherwise?
If it’s a disease, treat it.
But if there’s somebody else the same age who doesn’t have the same symptoms, it’s probably something more going on than having been alive the same number of years.
What courts do you generally appear in? I’m in federal district courts, generally in the east coast, and that hasn’t been my experience at all. Pretty much everyone in the other side of the table from me is a 60+ old man, and that’s what I generally see when I watch other cases too (sometimes guys in their 50s, but not a whole lot younger than that). The women and younger attorneys I know who actually get to argue in federal court all work for the government.
I was about to say. I left litigation a few years ago and it was still overwhelming as the poster describes. I now work in an appellate court and those same demographics fit most of the lawyers who do oral arguments here.
I think it’s partially burnout and partially the silver tsunami generally including the fact that some older folks held on for so long there was not room for a second generation, only for a third generation. When the older folks retired, there wasn’t a simple succession profile (picture a pyramid, instead looks more like what you’re seeing). My uncle (JD, ‘69) would not give up his work and litigated until last year when he finally hired a successor from out of state who is in her 50s who will manage a team of younger lawyers.
This. The boomers have hung on and have deliberately denied Gen X development opportunities and promotions for which Gen X is qualified. As a result, Gen X has been stuck in middle-management or individual contributor positions and is now the subject of age discrimination in those midlevel positions. Gen X has also been squeezed by simultaneous elder care and child care responsibilities while also needing to maintain a dual-income household, which no other generation has ever had to do. This means that Gen X has less capacity to fight back against discrimination and pressure from both the olds and the youth. We are just too tired and we know there’s no point. Gen X is a lost generation in the workplace and in government, which is why our country is in the dumpster.
Preach.
Wow. So you think, what? That older people should just get out of the way and go to the house and rot? That they did not experience the sandwich situation? Or perhaps are not currently experiencing it only with an extra generation thrown in? That they sit around plotting against the youth? Have you considered that boomer generation women had to deal with overt misogyny on a daily if not hourly basis in the workplace? Have you considered that they didn’t get ahead, were denied opportunities and were denied promotions simply because they were women? I fought hard and long to get where I am. I intend to keep doing it until I am either too tired or physically or mentally not able. No apologies.
Boomer women didn’t have to work. It was a choice. Gen X women have to work and do all the caregiving.
I am Gen X but as a manager I’ve always considered it part of my job to develop my staff and nurture their careers. That is not the norm for boomer managers.
Oh my god. Can we limit questions to two per post or something? This method of communication is exhausting.
+1. No one deliberately denied generation X, or any other generation, of anything. People are just living their lives, doing what they need to do or want to do. Most probably don’t even think about generation this or that. These generation monikers are actually for marketing, grouping people by demographics to sell them things.
Anyone that goes through life blaming other people, and entire other age cohorts for their lack of success needs to do some introspection.
Preach. Boomer here, and so tired of this generation blaming us for not giving up our jobs and homes. While it may be more convenient for you if we just all die, I take great satisfaction in knowing you will get the same treatment in the future.
Rot is the wrong word, but yeah, I kind of do think the 75-year-olds need to step aside. The workplace model was built on the assumption that people don’t live as long as they do now, but if older folks don’t retire, then the ones behind them don’t have positions to move into, creating a vacuum. See, e.g., the Democratic Party circa 2024.
I don’t particularly care where you go. The Villages, maybe.
Y’all said “screw you” and pulled up the ladder behind you and the sooner you’re gone the better.
In my field there are so many old people who are past the point where they are no longer mentally fit for the job, but they hang on anyway because they can’t give up feeling important. It’s not about money because they are all rich.
Boomer women (and prior, I guess) had a choice?! Wow. Just wow.
I don’t blame the boomers for any lack of success I am experiencing. I do blame them for the lack of opportunities available to younger generations. They’re the ones who are currently destroying the economy, who created the 401K system that puts my retirement savings at the mercy of the markets, who have prevented affordable housing from being built, who came up with the idea that Gen X should pay for both our own college education and our children’s, etc. etc. etc.
Everyone should be mentoring more junior attorneys. Succession planning should be well underway by your 60s. Part of that is training up people to take over — that doesn’t happen overnight. And there’s financial incentives to do it. The whole point of origination credit is that you get paid even if someone else does the work.
Middle-class boomer women absolutely had a choice whether to work. You didn’t need two middle-class incomes to afford a house and groceries and a car. Now you do.
Not everyone is middle class; lots of Boomer generation and older women absolutely had to work. Every woman in my family has worked for wages since my great-grandmother who was born in 1907 and worked as a seamstress (and the ones before that worked in family businesses). I’m an elder millennial and I’m the first one who isn’t working class.
“Boomer women didn’t have to work.”
Let me fix that for you: Wealthy women did not and do not have to work. Yet I wholeheartedly support their decision if they wish to work even if some entitled person thinks they need to get out of the way.
This is a really good point. My mentors were mostly people in the ~1945 “class” of boomers. They were excellent mentors. Gave me lots of opportunities on my feet even as a very junior associate, they would go through their edits with me on paper so I understood why the edits were made, they spoke well of me to others, told me which professional orgs to get involved with, the list goes on.
But the younger half of that generation has not been that way at all. They churn out associates like it’s their job to make people’s lives miserable, they refuse to share origination even on legacy clients that they no longer work with, they steal origination from junior partners who have an independent connection to the client in a totally different practice area/state, they hoard work when times are lean, they refuse to do work when times are good but then swoop in to bumble their way through a major argument that someone else prepared for. They’ve denied the generation just below them opportunities left and right in a way that their predecessors did not.
I need to put down my phone and go set fire to the ladders we all pulled up behind us. There’s a lot of whining on this thread …. It’s not fair, other people have things I want and they won’t give them to me! Gimme, gimme, gimme. Grow up, do better work, and learn how to earn the things you want.
I think I see why the Boomers were dubbed the “Me Generation.”
Again, boomers, it’s not that we’re not willing to earn the things we want. The problem is that we earn them and then you steal them.
Be serious. The quantity and quality of work it takes to get the same things now isn’t comparable.
I totally agree with this — I never had problems with the people I worked with who were born around ’45. But you might say it’s the “early” Gen Xers who were a bigger problem – those born like 1960-1970 were horrible. (I was born ’78.)
Good lord, this again? I seldom recommend therapy because I think that is an awful way to respond to someone. But with this level of irrational anger, therapy seems like a reasonable suggestion. You do not sound hinged.
The anger is perfectly rational.
Some people have no sense of humor along with their entitlement.
+1M to anon at 9:39 am.
What kind of litigation? When I think of young litigators I think of criminal law.
I dunno – former prosecutor and i ran two trials in the last year with opposing counsel who were in their 80s.
I work in a particular area of litigation that still has a decent number of trials, and over my career (I’m 15 years out), a lot of the older white men that were trying the cases when I started have now actually retired. The lead trial counsel now are largely in their late 40s-mid-50s and more diverse by pretty much any metric. I think it’s a generational shift of who was going to law school 20-25 years ago versus 30-40 years ago.
Yes, it’s definitely great to see more diversity on all fronts! I remember the first time I was in court with a woman judge, opposing counsel, and partner on my side, and I thought it was SO COOL that it was all women in the courtroom. Now that happens often enough that it’s no longer particularly noteworthy. Just had an argument yesterday that was all women except for male junior associates on each side who were there to observe/take notes.
What courts are you in? I’m 10 years out of school, and never had that experience yet
I do a mix of corporate and commercial litigation, so I’m in various federal and higher state courts. Some arbitrations as well.
The first couple of times I was in an all-woman courtroom were in more woman-dominated fields like L&E and trusts & estates. I took whatever I could get that would give me time on my feet when I was more junior. I don’t do those practice areas anymore though. My recent all-woman argument was a plain ol breach of contract case (involving hundreds of millions but still, pretty run of the mill for my practice).
Mine are in state courts, but they were complex litigation often involving large firms. I have noticed that smaller court cases do still tend to be older white men.
I think some of this is generational. Over the last 10-15 years, in my experience, there was a class of 70-80-90 year old white men who refused to retire from the practice of law. Some of them were in court weekly. Most were at the courthouse weekly for one reason or another. Most of the attorneys now in their 60s began to try to stay out of the courtroom in their 50s and are now avoiding it at all costs. I’m 40 now and would love to be done with litigation in the next 10 years. There’s a lot to it but some of the big factors are that the love of litigation just isn’t there, being at the mercy of a court calendar is aggravating, and litigation is a lot more work than I want to be doing at that age. I think those factors are shared by many.
not in law, but i was at a family event over the weekend and DH remarked how almost all of the adults there (granted we area almost 40, but he was referring to our parents generation) are still working or just retired. These are all people 65+. My dad is 76 and he still works part-time, but that is mostly to stay busy bc my mother died. Otherwise he would’ve retired 7+ years ago. He fortunately doesn’t need the money, likes what he does, minus the waking up early. My dad’s cousin is about to retire as a Professor at a top University, but not exactly by choice, the University wants younger blood. He LOVES working, is a totally introverted intellectual and will likely still read/write/research even though he doesn’t have to be. He doesn’t need the money at all. His wife retired as a pediatrician shortly before Covid hit and was planning on teaching at med school, but that became impossible during Covid. DH mentioned to me that he really hopes he doesn’t need to be working at 65+.
I seriously don’t understand people who want to work their entire life. I like my job, but I still dream about the day I can retire. There are so many other things I would like to do with my time.
Right? My (boomer) dad has been retired for 10 years and loves it!
I’m the poster at 11:14 and as I said the professor is your stereotypical out of a movie professor and his research is fairly flexible, not lab based, he can basically already do what he wants with his time. And same thing with my dad. He works 3 days a week, which is good bc he’s an extrovert who would otherwise be alone way too much and has 5 other days to do what he wants. He can also take off as many days as he wants. At this stage of life his job adds zero stress. He doesn’t golf, doesn’t play cards (or want to) and all of his friends (of which he has many) are still married and have living spouses. My sister and I both live far away.
Same. I’m tired.
It’s always been a thing that some professors’ careers peak at ages older than 65. I think it would be really hard to invest so many decades into advancing research beyond where anyone else had brought it and then just stop one day. It’s also a thing to teach less and spend more time publishing though.
I hear you on this! My mom is a professor and hanging in there at 64 and every year for the past 4 years has said she is retiring that year. She currently says she is retiring this year, but who knows! Her university doesn’t have mandatory retirement but has been nudging hard. She and her colleagues of her age are chattering about how they want the university to offer them a great package or they will just keep going.
Universities want tenured professors to retire so they can get adjuncts to take over their teaching loads.
This is a perfect example of what we are discussing – old men who still want to work and won’t get out of the way for someone younger.
Hate to say it, but yes. This is a thing. Pretty hard to move up into things you’re qualified for when others won’t leave.
But there’s no reason why they should if they’re qualified, experienced, and contributing. Why would they give up their income, the respect that comes from their position, and their opportunity to achieve their goals because of the year they were born?
I guess i don’t understand why they should be forced to leave? They all still live in their homes, which i know is another issue but that’s bc anything else they’d buy costs the same or more. My dad doesn’t want to buy a 2 bedroom apartment for a million+ where my sister and i can’t stay when we visit. My cousin who is the professor just hosted 37 family members for Passover at his home. It’s not their fault society hasn’t evolved to match longer lives.
It kind of is their fault that society hasn’t evolved to match longer lives, though. They are the ones who have fought all the policies and developments that would make room for more people, have caused income and wealth inequality, etc.
The problem is those old men aren’t contributing. They just have giant egos and take credit for the work of their underlings while earning wildly overvalued salaries.
Well if they’re a bunch of useless gerontocrats that’s one thing.
But some of the best managers, physicians, researchers, artists, and teachers I’ve ever known were also some of the oldest.
And while some of them were working through various health challenges, others were running circles around decrepit millennials.
If they are qualified, experienced, and contributing, they shouldn’t give up their position because someone else wants it. Some people love their work, some people need to work, you never know. The deciding factors of when someone stops working is when people stop wanting to pay them or when they choose to do so.
I suspect that some of these older established people sense the disdain and ageism some people give off, and that makes them less inclined to work to provide opportunities.
Some people in this world make up their minds that it’s not them, it’s everyone else’s fault, and remain stuck where they are. So be it, there’s enough super talented people with good interpersonal skills to help develop.
Retired litigator here. I had planned to work to 65 but only made it to 62, not because of the work, but because of a health issue. 55-70 is when a lot of health issues arise or get worse. Make sure you have disability insurance.
I posted a lot last year about the drama of my life after my alcoholic husband went too far one day and I ended up calling the police. Long story short I initiated divorce procedings, and he committed suicide in the autumn before any formal charges were made
It’s been a long road, I’ve had amazing support from friends in real life, and through my postings here and in other internet places. I’ve been seeing a therapist regularly. I can really now say I am coming out the other side and I am starting to feel the raising of my spirits. I still miss the ‘good’ version of him every day, and there will always be a part of me missing (we were together for around 13 years give or take), but now I am ready to take on the next phase of my life.
So I am here to say thank you, and retire this user name, and to anyone reading who has an alcoholic in their life and who thinks it is time to get out, it is not easy, but life without that sort of crazy in it is better.
I would never have believed the importance to me of this site, it is more than fashion, work dramas and questions about hostess gifts, there is a depth of support that at times helped me get through a day, when all I could do was sit at my computer and cry. So again thank you, and I will be here to comment on wine vs flowers…..
So proud of you! Your strength, resilience and healing are inspiring. Wishing you all the good things in this next chapter of your life. You deserve happiness and love.
We are rooting so hard for you, OP. You deserve every bit of happiness coming your way.
Yay you! So happy for you! Here’s to moving forward, enjoying life, & having fun.
That’s so great, this internet stranger is very happy for you.
Thank you for coming back to say this. This site can occasionally be a dumpster fire of the absolute worst the internet has to offer and I sometimes ask myself why I I return. You just reminded me and I’m grateful.
+1
I am so happy for you. Your strength and resilience are inspiring and I wish you all the best.
This brought tears to my eyes. So happy and proud for you, OP.
Wishinf you all the best as you embark on this new phase.
All the best in the future – you deserve it!
I remember all your posts. I’m glad you’re doing ok. Hugs!
I am so happy for you!
I remember your ordeal and I’m so pleased hear that you’re doing well. Best wishes for your future.
So happy for you. Here’s to new beginnings.
A big hug to you.
Thanks for this update. Glad to hear you are finding peace!
This internet stranger is so proud of you! Thank you for the update. Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness.
Amazing! So happy for you. Thanks for the update.
So happy to hear your update and that you’re coming out on the other side of this ordeal. Wishing you the very best!
I’m so happy to see this update and wish you so much happiness moving forward.
I went through a very similar situation about ten years ago. It was devastating because of the waste of talent and promise. I do still think of him all the time because we’d been so enmeshed, but my life is so much better without him. I’m sending you strength and support!
So happy to hear this update. It’s wonderful to hear that things are starting to turn around. You are awesome. Thank you for letting us know how you’re doing.
What a great update. You deserve all the good things, and I’m delighted you’re retiring the user name!
An upcoming wedding is “black tie optional.” I haven’t been to a wedding or other formal-ish event since before COVID (just funerals). Can I wear a strapless dress that is knee-length? It is black but heavily patterned in a light pink, red, and white dress print. It looks like a happy print, if prints have vibes. Strapless has been out of my wheelhouse for a while and black at a wedding are giving me pause. Also, is a short dress OK?
Hard to shop now with all of the poofy prom gowns.
Knee length is fine, as long as the fabric is dressy (no cotton jersey, linen, etc., but heavier fabrics or satin are ok), and I would jazz it up with fancy shoes and jewelry.
I mean….1) black tie optional isn’t a “real” dress code, as people often note on the internet. Sometimes it stands for the idea that women should be black tie, but men can wear formal suits if they wish. As a woman, I would always wear a gown, and that comes from someone who owns no gowns and must rent gowns. 2) What you’ve described does not sound formal enough for black tie optional 3) Know your social circle and their general level of formality.
I’m intrigued by gowns. I’ve only had prom dresses and cocktail dresses. What do I even look for in a gown? I need a kindly person to guide me and stores don’t seem to have people like that any more. Help!
As a Canadian in a large city, I would go to Hudsons Bay (RIP) for a cheaper option, Saks for a more expensive option. Anthropologie, Ever New, Bananna Republic, Zara, etc. can all have individual gowns that would be black tie, although they aren’t stores solely for that purpose.
In Canada as well and the stores Laura and Melanie Lyne both carry long dresses that would be black tie appropriate. RW &Co is another option although less selection than Laura but tends a little younger.
If it’s not something you wear a lot, you could also do a longer formal skirt and a coordinated sleeveless silk blouse or similar so you can reuse the blouse.
I think for a lot of people black tie optional means cocktail dresses, so I think you’re good.
When I was in my 20s I would have worn a short dress but now that I’m older I don’t think it looks formal enough unless everything else is 100% on point (nails, accessories, hair, etc). I think a long dress is a much safer bet.
That sounds appropriate.
this depends on the circle attending the wedding. In my extended family, unless the couple says ‘black tie optional’ you will get some groups showing up in pretty casual attire, like no jackets and linen shift dresses, and so that message conveys “men should wear a jacket and women should be in clear evening-wear, like a c-cktail dress.”
in other circles, that means “ok don’t buy a tux if you don’t have one, but we expect a glam event with men in no less than a full suit” and a short dress may stand out.
I’m flying to a wedding and taking what may have been a fancy college date-party dress in part because it folds easily into a bad that I don’t have to check. A longer dress would get crushed and possibly lost and I can’t risk that. Gowns and long dresses are IMO for people coming semi-locally in cars vs wedding road warriors.
If you do decide to purchase a gown, I highly recommend bhfo to keep costs down. I just bought an Eliza J dress for around $50 that is currently selling around $300 at Macys. If you know your size in a common evening manufacturer, there are some great deals.
What area of the country is this?
black at a wedding is the most frequently worn wedding color in many circles. in fact i think i’ve worn black to like 90% of the weddings i’ve attended
This sounds too casual for what “black tie optional” means in my coastal city, but fine for what it means in my Midwest hometown.
Can you name the designer / dress so we can look it up?
Has anyone been to Akumal Mexico? DH and I really enjoyed a trip there in 2008 and then again in 2015. We understand it kind of went downhill during covid though and with the continued rise of all of the upscale development in Playa Del Carmen and Tulum. For anyone that has been recently- where would you recommend along the Mayan Riviera for a calm and relaxing environment with good restaurants?
DH and I stayed at El Dorado Maroma a couple years ago. Maroma Beach is beautiful, and the resort was a nice quiet vibe with good food.
Never been
My comment got eaten!
“Never been myself, but friends go to Secrets Akumal frequently and love it. I think their last trip was 2023 and they haven’t said anything about it going downhill. “
Thanks for all the interview vibes yesterday – I think it went well, and I’ve been invited to a third interview on Thursday! It’s down to me and two other people. They really grilled me – they wanted so many “Tell me about a time when you” or “Provide an example of when you” stories. So the thought of doing that all over again tomorrow is kind of exhausting.
Congratulations! This round might be more chatty, and they may want to answer your questions — so make sure you have a few to ask! Please update after the next round! We’re rooting for you.
Congrats! Make sure you have good questions ready to show your interest in the organization or business.
Congratulations!!!
Just throwing this out there: after a rigorous second interview, the third interview should not involve a lot of heavy lifting. In my experience, companies that have overly long, drawn-out interview processes often have some other dysfunction going on.
Well done!
2 weeks in NYC for business casual meetings and some fun/sight seeing in 2 weeks. Some casual work hangs after meetings like pubs. Coming from Asia. What clothes would you pack? Short and curvy. How many and what specific shoes will you pack?
Bring shoes based on their ability to let you walk great distances sans blisters. NYC walking is next level and so much more convenient IMO because so many streets have closures and or gridlock or construction or are the wrong one-way direction.
Agree as a NYer. Real sneakers, not fashion sneakers.
NYC is dressier than other cities even after work. If you’re coming from Tokyo, what you’d wear there is on point. I’d take 3 suits in neutrals and have them cleaned at my hotel if necessary – NYC is fantastic for quick turn around hotel dry cleaning. For shoes, I’d pack loafers you can walk in and fashion sneakers for weekends and more casual events.
This is funny to me because I was just thinking the other day that no one dresses up anymore (was at a fancy trendy restaurant and there was a table in matching sweats and baseball hats) but you won’t be out of place if you do dress up.
Check the weather before you go. NY can be very humid depending on the season. Yes to good shoes. At least 2 pairs because you want to give your feet a break. Def bring a light wrap for indoor air conditioning, which can be intense.
I feel like NYC is more formal business dress, like if you have work counterparts in Germany or Paris (cannot speak to the rest of France whereas we have many German offices), like that. Everyone looks SHARP and intentional. In a meeting, you can tell our European and some NYC people because they are similar in the same fashion way. Like wear Boss for women and you will be OK (I am too short for that to work well on me). I struggle.
This is so funny to me. The worst-dressed lawyers I have ever seen were in first appearance and misdemeanor courts in NYC. NYC nonprofit staff also tend to be poorly dressed and poorly groomed. Maybe the fancy corporate lawyers dress well, but everyday people certainly do not.
I feel the same. Our NYC lawyers may have the most expensive accessories, but their day-to-day attire stands out as overused and under-styled.
I feel like midtown finance people and their partner-level lawyers are very sharp looking. Cannot vouch for state court frequenters generally (but police detectives do seem to be in suits to testify; first appearance defense bar may be very different).
Poorly groomed?
What kind of business? I think that is relevant. But in general I would bring, at a minimum, a pair of comfortable fashion sneakers and a pair of comfortable work shoes like loafers or flats that you can walk in. By the beginning of May it might be warm enough for sandals, but spring weather is unpredictable here. My spring business casual uniform is chinos, silk top + sweater blazer with leather ankle boots. And a light coat. You could switch to jeans in the evening.
Definitely keep an eye on the weather as it gets closer. It has been chilly still. But it is bound to warm up eventually. (I hope.)
Social media keeps showing me Inez shoes, but I don’t know if the brand is really good. Any personal experiences? I’m looking for strappy sandals to wear as MOH for a June wedding. TIA!
The block heels at Aldo
Social media sold me some during the pandemic. They were beautiful, but I wasn’t sure about the quality for the price. Plus the style was really not what I needed.
I have two pairs of pumps. I’d say they’re comfortable, and I pick them regularly. I wouldn’t say they blow me out of the water, and part of the reason they’re comfortable is that I went with the mid height heel instead of the taller one. I returned the higher heel, which I could tell would not have been comfortable. So don’t expect a miracle and don’t go higher than you would normally find comfortable, and I’d say you’d be happy.
I just returned the Yvonne sandals. I walked on my bedroom rug a few laps and the shoes had a squeak. Bummed because I don’t like paying $12 return fee.
Chicago recs? Going at the end of May. Would like to stay at a Marriott, and know we want to do the Art Institute and one of the architecture boat tours. We go 1-2x a year for work, but this will be the first time just for fun. Please send any ideas on hotels, things to do, and tasty food!
We stayed at the Hotel Nobu for a similar weekend and enjoyed it even though it’s probably hipper than we are; Leña Brava is a great Mexican restaurant across the street and that whole area is very trendy and alive. I also like the JW Marriot Chicago. Some things depend on whether you want to stay within walking distance of downtown, are coming by car, will navigate public transportation, etc. The Field Museum is a great natural history museum! Depending on the weather, include a walk through Millenial Park on your Art Institute visit or rent bikes and ride along the lakefront; if you like architecture, the Frank Lloyd Wright museum tour includes a self-guided walking tour around the Oak Park neighborhood. Get a Chicago-style hot dog (google around and enjoy the arguments about which place has the best of which style). The subreddit r/chicagofood will give you lots of opinions! Enjoy, it’s one of my favorite cities.
If by “the end of May,” you mean 30 May or 31 May, be prepared to pay through the nose for hotel rooms: there’s an annual oncology conference that wipes out almost every hotel block in the downtown area.
And in addition to ASCO (oncology meeting), June 20-24 or so is an annual diabetes conference (ADA) that will wipe out almost every hotel block.
Go to a baseball game! Wrigley Field is the most historic but a White Sox game can be fun as well. Chicago has world-class museums and cultural centers; the Garfield Park Conservatory is an off the beaten path gem, and I also highly recommend the Shedd Aquarium. Ditto to what was posted above about Frank Lloyd Wright — this is a great place to see lots of his architecture if that’s something you’re into. If it’s really warm you can go to the beach — fun if you’re coming from a landlocked location, and Lake Michigan is lovely (though the water will be chilly in May!). I love the Girl & the Goat (or Little Goat Diner) or any of the RPM restaurants for dinner. If you’re an old-school Saturday Night Live fan, the Billy Goat (original location) is fun and nostalgic for lunch. I would definitely get a Chicago dog but would not waste one of your meals on deep dish pizza…there are so many better food options to be had. For an evening activity, Second City cannot be beat and I rarely see it recommended…but so many incredible comedians come through there, it’s always worth a trip! ImprovOlympic is also good but I’m a traditionalist/purist so Second City all the way. Have fun!
An afternoon game at Wrigley in sunny weather is amazing, even in the nosebleed seats. As Harry Carey (RIP) would, “it’s a beautiful day, let’s play two!” and that was in the era when the Cubs were the perpetual losers of baseball.
Check out the Sentral on Michigan Ave. it’s an apartment style hotel where you get an awesome apartment in a nice building on Michigan Ave with an infinity pool and gym. Couldn’t be a better location. The price was insanely inexpensive for what it was. Two blocks from the art institute. Favorite restaurant near there is Umai, a really good local Japanese restaurant. We just got back from there.
The Fairfield Inn Chicago River North and Fairfield Inn Downtown/Magnificent Mile are both clean and quiet with excellent customer service and easily walkable to the boat tour launches and the Art Institute. The included breakfast is awful but that’s no surprise.
if you enjoy plant stuff we had a nice time at the Garfield Park Conservatory – some crazy plants we’ve never seen before. Loved the fern room, and all the history – I had no idea ferns are older than dinosaurs and unique among plants for how they reproduce.
Le Colonial is classic but was lovely. I forget where we stayed, but I remember having a bad experience at Hotel Julian a year or two before the pandemic so I’d avoid that.
Did anyone else have to read The Overachievers for school? Slate has an interesting article in part providing updates twenty years later on some of the people that book followed.
Could also be useful for some posters here singlemindedly focused on college applications.
Can you tell me about your real estate agent expectations? We are buying our 4th house, but it’s the first one out of state. We are buying in a NE city (~400k population) with an agent that comes from the top brokerage in the area and was recommended for our relo by the broker due to her experience doing relos. I’m finding her service not so great though, but I’m wondering if it’s a regional difference. In our past 3 buying experiences, the agent has coordinated everything, viewing houses, offer, stayed in tune with the lender/title firm, and coordinated the closing based on info from the title firm. The agent basically acted as a one stop shop for an end-to-end transaction. For this purchase, it seems like the agent helped us view houses and do an offer, and that’s sort of it? Now the lender is involved and there are no less than 5 people at the lender who contact me, but I can’t figure out who is sort of “in charge.” Then there is an attorney (our past 3 purchases were in a non-attorney state). He called us one time, then passed us to his associate, who passed us to her paralegal who is the only one who returns our calls (which is fine by me because she’s amazing, and the attorney was pretty rude). The agent texted me for the third time asking if the closing is going to be remote, which it is and that has never changed. Is this normal in your experience?
I think that’s normal. I’ve bought two houses, one in person a decade ago and one remotely last year. In both cases, the real estate agent was pretty hands off with the lending and closing stuff. They helped a lot with the inspection and other hands on stuff, especially the one we did from out of state (coordinating some bids on renovations and doing the walk through before closing because we weren’t there yet), but the other stuff all went through our lender and the title company. They were better coordinated than your people seem to be, though, with one or two contacts at each place.
Different agents are strong in different “extra” areas, and some agents do the bare minimum of showing houses and writing offers. I’ve always relied on agents for “extras”, personally, so I get it. For me, I really need someone to tell me how hard it’s going to be to, say, get an electrician to come out to install a GFCI where there isn’t one. Like yes I know in theory it shouldn’t be that expensive but sometimes it’s really hard to get people to do small jobs; I don’t want to pay $5k for an outlet because anything less isn’t worth the trip.
Agents who don’t do stuff like that aren’t wrong or bad, but they wouldn’t fit my needs. Sometimes someone can be perfectly fine at their job but they’re not a good fit for you.
I think it depends how closely your agent knows the attorney, title company, etc. Our first house purchase was with an agent who’d been in the business a long time and had a whole roster of people to recommend for every part of the deal. Some people think that veers into conflict of interest territory, but it made the process very easy; he would send follow up emails or texts and things would get done with minimal input from us.
Our next house we were a little more hands-on with the back and forth. Though the agent still took the lead in coordinating major things like the closing scheduling, so it does sound like your agent is letting you down a bit (again, unless you picked the attorney on your own and the agent has no relationship – then it makes more sense you are the point person)
How much $$ is their 3%? When we moved from a ~$1m home to a ~$500k home, our experience was that we got about half the attention. Which makes sense!
I’ve bought once and sold once (different states, across the country from each other) and the agent handled every detail of the transaction for each. Both VHCOL areas where the agents were getting a nice commission and the amount of work showing us properties/showing the property for sale was waaay less than for a typical transaction.
the 2 we used were mediocre at best (like we found what is now our house on Zillow and asked to go see it; our agent sent us a group of 5 listings that we might like 2 days later, one of which was the house… later, they almost cost us $10K thanks to sloppy work) so we used Houwzer for our latest and were perfectly satisfied.
Sadly this was close to our first time home-buying experience in New England. The realtor did none of the follow-up with the lender, attorney, inspector, any of it. We barely survived the sale process and only were able to buy because the market was still slow enough that finding another buyer was not guaranteed. We ended up switching the lender and firing the realtor’s attorney after our offer was accepted, so don’t be afraid to fire people if they completely blow deadlines.
We had a really amazing real estate agent who did everything end-to-end and helped us find a house in a super competitive school district before it went on the market, and guided us in making a competitive above-asking offer that got accepted. I looked at houses with her and went to her office I think twice to sign paperwork but otherwise did nothing; she handled everything. That said, although we live in a LCOL area, our house was relatively expensive for our area, so it was a pretty big (relatively) commission for her.
I’ve bought/sold/refinanced something like 11 times, and it depends a lot on what’s regionally customary, and then on the agent themselves.
We just bought our first place in New England a couple years ago and the whole process felt like a hot mess disaster. We had to choose our own attorney (first time in an attorney state) and ended up with a lousy one; yes, the financing people kept passing us down the chain til I got the person actually working my file; and I basically never heard from our agent again. Meanwhile, in the south, I’ve found them to be uniformly helpful and serve that coordinating function you mention. New agents are pretty useless, but experienced agents that have that stable of professionals can make a transaction so seamless it’s like you’re on an assembly lilne.
Looking for Munich recs. I will be there the first week in June. Part of the time we will be together and part solo while he works. Thinking about food tours and day trips to Salzburg or hiking. Any specific tours, recommendations for my solo time, restaurants, anything are welcome!
We took a tour to the castles which was fun. It was a full day bus tour.
Also did a tour of dachau, which was obviously somber but very interesting as a history nerd.
I just did this last week and based everything on a local friend’s ” visitor bible” notwithstanding that I have lived in Germany extensively. I can email it to you if you post a burner. I have done Munich a number of times but never optimized it and this trip was incredible. We nailed it. my friend wrote for Fodors. I was there doing a NATO Legal advisor course in Oberammergau and then we based out of Munich. Did the castles, a UNESCO church in the countryside, Zug Spitze, Salzburg for strudel making classes and the Sound of Music and sight seeing. lots of very specific eating, shopping, and sight seeing for Munich proper, including Dachau.
You can send details to tbglifer at yahoo.com
Oh my – I would *love* your guide, please!
tootaxy@yahoo.com
Thank you!
Emails sent!
i would love the guide at kpenderjd at outlook.com
Kitzbuhel in Austria is about 1.5 hours from Munich and is a cute town with great hiking.
Hi. I’m the burnout OP from yesterday. By total happenstance, I ran across this Substack article from Yes and Yes. (Will post link in the comments.) While not everything applies here, maybe this will help us think of very unglamorous ways to combat our burnout.
https://yesandyesblog.substack.com/p/the-totally-unsexy-things-that-cured
Thank you for this!
Did you mean to link a different article? Her main advice was buy a duplex with 20% down and rent to your MIL so your housing costs are only $600 and you can work less?
It’s relevant to anyone who has golden handcuffs. You don’t need to imitate her exact lifestyle. The idea that you can’t cut back personally is part of the learned helplessness that keeps you in a bad situation.
This comment made me read the article. I don’t go for this kind of content—it’s fine, I’m just not interested in a random person’s journey usually.
But the comment I think is spot on. You can change your habits and what you think you need. I still think about it the comments from last year where parents were stressed that their family might not get to travel for Spring Break, because other families would look down on them. I just remember thinking—you don’t have to worry about this. Or the person the other day whose cardigans were falling apart—just keep wearing them until you run into something better! You don’t have to hunt.
I mean, I burn money in my own unique way, but sometimes it’s ok to take a breather from spending and be cheap.
I didn’t realize I get days off for Easter! NYC ‘rettes – what would you do with a random day off? No kids, live in Brooklyn. Most people I know don’t have the day off so I’m trying to plan something solo. Went to a spa recently. I love going to Coney Island as a random day trip but probably still too cold for that.
I am hoping to go to the NY Botanical Garden to see the orchid show before it closes + spring flowers, but if you don’t want to shlep that far you could go to the Brooklyn Botanical Garden and enjoy the cherry trees. The Brooklyn Museum is also right there. Be aware that schools are closed this week so kid-friendly things will be busy.
This sounds like a lovely plan.
You could also hop on a bike and explore Red Hook & have lunch at the Red Hook Lobster Pound.
Or, go have brunch somewhere lively in Soho & do some shopping/walking around. Balthazar is still amazing for people watching and never too busy in the morning to get a table.
I was recently gifted an Hermès scarf, but had no clue what to do with it as neither I nor anyone I know really own luxury items. I’m working up the nerve to wear it out and get over my fears of being judged/ruining it – it’s too beautiful to go to waste in a drawer! Any tips on styling or maintenance would be so appreciated. Thank you!
Some people frame them and hang them as art, which I think is cool if you’re not a scarf person.
I did this and smile every time I walk by it. I am not sure they are all the same size, but this one was large, and it requires a decent size stretch of blank wall on which to hang it.
There was an awesome post here years ago about ways to style scarves. Maybe search the archives or maybe someone else has bookmarked it and can link it.
I’m so jealous of women who can wear scarves. I’m short, busty, and have a short neck, so adding volume up top isn’t flattering on me. But I admire beautiful elegant scarf wearers.
was it this one? https://corporette.com/how-to-wear-scarves-to-work/
Just wear it. Drape it around your neck, wear it as a belt, it doesn’t matter – it’s a gift, use it, play around with it, enjoy.
Wear it. It’s luxe but not insanely expensive. You can get new from $300-600 and used in great condition around $100-200. They look fantastic and should be worn. I wear mine all winter in lieu of any kind of knit thing and they’re great with just about everything.
If you want to use it but now wear it, you can tie it to the base of a handle on a bag you are carrying. Depending on the size the scarf, you can use a simple knot, a traditional bow, or a bow where the loops are as long as the ends so it looks more like a fluff of scarf than a bow. You might need to double it up if it’s one of the really big ones.
It’s heavy, high-quality silk, so if you do get a stain, it will come out at the dry cleaners I promise! Usually I just fold mine into a big triangle, bunch it up a little bit, then do a single tie so it won’t fly off. Once I got some plastic scarf rings but honestly, I never use them. While some people will notice the brand, most will not.
I’ve gotten a new office, which is west facing. Suggestions for Anti-glare screens or other items to make it easier to see my computer monitors?
Driving from NY to DC – any places to stop for lunch? Would like to brighten up an unexpected road trip. TIA!
What are you in the mood for? I feel like it’s be easy to stop in Philadelphia. Suraya does lunch and would be easy in and out from 95.
+100
It’s a DC chain, but there is a Silver Diner in Cherry Hill, NJ.
Nooooooooo
We often take 295 instead of the turnpike in south Jersey and stop near Cherry Hill. We had a nice lunch at The Farm and Fisherman Tavern there a few years ago.
Second the Farm and Fisherman! I am a local (grew up in the area) and it is always tasty. And it is RIGHT off the 295 exit. If you’d rather take 95, there are great spots in Fishtown and South Philly/Queen Village that are easy to access from the highway.
I built out my job function from scratch over the last 4 years. It has fully matured and I’ve accepted a new job which I’m very excited about. The guy who is taking over my tasks has been impossible to train, I’ve written process guides, will walk him through the files, and then ask him to recreate my work and let me know when he runs into issues. He seems to not pay any attention or look at the process guides, and then sends me files that are very obvious incorrect without any questions (think the total revenue of a company being negative). We work from home so I can’t go sit down at his desk and work through the files with him and he never wants to get on a video call and do it together. I’ve raised it to my boss who seems not to be worried and I think that’s all I can really do. On one hand it’s not my problem and on the other hand I’m sad about this thing that I’ve built being not cared for.
Email your boss for “transition purposes” outlining everything you’ve done and the location of the process guides. Then when this guy fails, it’s clear to all
It wasn’t because you didn’t train him. Then try to let it go, as annoying as it is.
Presumably the company needs your role, yes? So make sure your boss has a copy of the duty guides for when this fella invariably flops and has to be replaced and they have to bring in someone you won’t be around to train.
Honestly, the more realistic outcome is that the company just goes back to making due without this job function or at a lesser level, as crappy as that is.
This sounds right. I suppose ideally the role would have had a backup the whole time, but expecting people to read process guides and replicate work sounds exhausting. It’s too bad you can’t force the video calls.
When he sends you incorrect information, be sure to reply saying “this contains the same erroneous information/mistake/error as the previous one – please correct per the process guide and re-send.” Create some record of the fact that you have given him everything he needs to succeed, b/c he is going to blame his inevitable failure on all “lack of training.”
Omg, or just take long lunches and start mentally preparing for the next role. You don’t have to do all that.
Just realized I have a 6-9 day window in early August where I could take my three kids on a quick getaway (which is getting harder and harder as they age and school/sports/activities get in the way). They are 15, 12, and 10, and it would be just me on this trip since spouse cannot get away from work at that time.
Criteria: keep it under $8K max for food, flight, hotel, activities, and rental car (I have lots of transferrable credit card points so this is one way for us to alleviate budget pressure). Our family likes a mix of “do” and “relax” on vacations (and “do” can mean “swim all day,” “hike,” or “sightsee”). We’re coming from the Midwest and have access to regional and international airports. Would love some ideas for kids this age!
Raft the Salmon River in Idaho, either the Middle Fork or the Main.
I was thinking Idaho or Montana for your budget and the time of year.
Uh, Idaho in August can exceed 100 degrees
The high altitude vacation parts?
Costa Rica
Maybe play around with Google Flights (the filters are great, and work – like by airline, number of stops, price, etc) as I think 4x airfare is going to be the big differentiator.
Mountain hubs like Denver, Salt Lake, etc – go into the mountains for a ranch type getaway & break from humidity?
Maine for national parks & cooler ocean time? (Might be kind of late to book this one – along the same lines, Nova Scotia?)
Charleston + Kiawah or Hilton Head beach time?
Puerto Rico for the history of Old San Juan + beach time & hikes?
Also a Midwesterner, have been looking at Kiawah and Charleston. Any recs for family friendly places to stay? We have a tween and teen.
I mean, all of Kiawah is family-oriented. My family always rented one of the condo-style units (they’re grouped in little neighborhoods; we liked Windswept the best for being close to the beach and large pool complex, though the last time I went I was a teen… 20 years ago) so we’d be a short bike ride from the beach and large pool complex. If you prefer resort-style lodging, the Sanctuary is the resort hotel on-island.
oh and I’ll add, we just drove into Charleston for the day while staying on Kiawah the whole time, vs. splitting the trip. At that time I think the condos were pretty much all weekly Sat-Sat rentals, which I suspect has changed with VRBO and Airbnb taking the place of a central agency with the listings.
I remember we thought Tuesday was the big “let’s go into Charleston” day because people were burned from spending too much time in the sun on Sun & Mon – everything seemed quieter on-island that day!
I really do not recommend Charleston/Hilton Head in August. I say this as a born and raised Southerner who loves the summer/heat. It’s miserable weather for walking around seeing things, which is part of the fun of Charleston. Even if you spend the entire time on the beach, it can still be unpleasantly hot depending on the breeze. I’d go somewhere cooler. I agree with somewhere in the Mountain West or Maine.
I went to Hilton Head in August once and I loved because the ocean was so warm, it was amazing for swimming.
+1. We love Kiawah, but I would not go in August.
My in-laws, who have no awareness of climate, tried to plan an extended family gathering to Hilton Head in August. Fortunately all their adult children shut it down. You would have to pay me to go there at that time of year.
Ha, we only ever went in August – tbh it wasn’t that much hotter than at home (highs around 90), the water was so nice, warm but not hot, and the humidity was a bit higher than home but a big whatever for hanging out at the beach and pool.
I would not do a CITY-based trip in August.
Charleston is a city though? I can’t imagine going there and not walking around the city and sampling all the good food, and that would be pretty unpleasant in August.
Same with Puerto Rico. It will be tolerable in August if you don’t leave your hotel pool except to go to the beach, but it seems like a shame not to sample the food and culture and tour Old San Juan and the rainforests.
I agree with you and clarified above that many people just do a quick day trip to Charleston as part of a Kiawah trip. Like go for the morning, Ft. Sumter, lunch, a walk around Rainbow Row and then back to the beach. We did that once when I was a teen.
But if you are averse to humidity then yeah, the south is not for the OP.
Puerto Rico will also be uncomfortably hot and humid in August, plus it’s hurricane season in the Caribbean.
+1 to the mountain west, Maine, Alaska or Canada, or if you want to go international, it’s winter in the southern hemisphere. I’ve heard great things about Argentina with kids.
Maine or Seattle or Vancouver
Seattle is idyllic in August. Hiking abound close to town and in the National Parks.
Vancouver Island. Fly into Vancouver for 2-3 days and then 4-5 days on Vancouver Island doing outdoorsy stuff. US dollar is strong against the Canadian dollar which is great for your budget.
Because of a series of crazy events, we weren’t able to plan anything for spring break.
Now, husband and I want to take kids for a night or two somewhere in the northeast (Philly to Portsmouth NH?) Not interested in a great wolf lodge but a place with a heated indoor/outdoor pool would be great.
Any suggestions? Mostly looking for a break and a change of scenery.
Crystal Springs has that pool situation. I’m sure there are better places but it could work.
How old are the kids? We took our then 4 and 8 year old to Kalahari, and they had a total blast.
How off base am I here? I called my paralegal, whom I generally have a decent relationship with. I was trying to get in touch with a third person and I accidentally started to say the third persons name as I said hello. I caught myself, you know like-hey T-sorry bill, bill I’m trying to get in touch with Tom, would you mind sending him an email,ect. Again I explained that I was calling him because I need him to reach out to the third person, which is 100% his job. Because of this, he laughed for about 30 seconds at what I thought was a simple understandable split second mistake. Full on belly laughs, like I made the most amazing joke in the world. I’m slightly annoyed because I feel like he was just trying to make the small mistake into a big deal. I’ve only worked with this paralegal for a year and I am starting to suspect he’s trying to undermine me in other ways. Is he being kind of a jerk or is the actually hilarious in a way I don’t understand? Fwiw I’m not usually bad a reading social situations or understanding humor and tend to give too many people the benefit of the doubt.
Neither? I think the extended laugh is kind of weird, but I also think you’re overreacting and he wasn’t trying to be hurtful. He was probably trying to laugh with you, not at you.
+1.
Exactly. Or maybe it’s just funny to him for some other reason, like he always gets mistaken for Tom (this Tom or another Tom). People just laugh for weird reasons sometimes and it’s hard to control, especially if they’re tired or stressed. If you have other problems with him, that’s a separate issue, but I wouldn’t worry about this specifically.
Both. You’re right, it was a kinda weird reaction on his part; and also, you are reading way way way too much into his laugh. Let it go; focus on figuring out if the other undermining stuff is a problem.
Laughing at your boss for making a mistake is not something that most people do. He probably wouldn’t have done this to a man. You’re right to be annoyed by this.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s so exhausting to work with male subordinates who cannot seem to figure out how to work with a woman.
That was an odd reaction but I also wouldn’t read into it the way you are. What do you think he’s doing that undermines you?
I kind of feel like the fact that she took him giggling about a silly interaction as ‘trying to undermine her’ maybe means she’s a bit paranoid.
He didn’t giggle. He full belly laughed in a way that made it weird.
He mostly mischaracterizes things I say and I think repeats things in ways that make me look bad. For example he told me he told others that I was “not excited “ about my performance review because I basically told him it was none of his business when he pressed me about it. I think that pretending to find a mistake hilarious was just a way to highlight it. This all mostly doesn’t matter except I can kind of see him pointing out tiny mistakes to others under the guise that they’re funny but really just to highlight the error. It’s obnoxious but unlikely to influence anyone who matters. I’m putting this in that pile. It’s a jerk move because it kind of dovetails into that “oh you can’t take a joke?” thing.
It sounds like you might be picking up on a pattern of acting generally insubordinate?
It would be wildly inappropriate anywhere I’ve worked to ask someone higher than me in the hierarchy about their performance review, or to comment on it, or to gossip to others about the conversatin.
+1
I honestly can’t imagine ever asking my boss how they feel about an upcoming performance review, let alone *getting* an answer to that question, let *alone* telling someone else about it?!?
Trust your gut. He sounds either awkward and incompetent (generous interpretation) or actively undermining you.
ok that pattern has got to stop. Time to say in no uncertain terms that part of his job is making you (and the rest of your team) look good, just like part of your job is making your superiors look good. List the examples and tell him that only reflects poorly on him to be pointing out errors unnecessarily.
Assuming positive intent is almost always the way to go. There’s something a bit slapstick about the phrase “hey Tom-sorry bill, bill I’m trying to get in touch with Tom” so it may have just tickled him. I’ve belly laughed about silly things before and would be mortified if someone took it maliciously.
I also belly laugh at silly things but in professional situations i immediately attempt composure and clarify that I’m not laughing at the person.