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Updated: Jul 18, 2023 337 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Caccini Knitted Jacket Ivory

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A woman wearing an ivory jacket, ivory top, and ivory pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

How pretty is this elegant knit jacket from The Fold? The slightly cropped length would be perfect to add a little polish to a summer dress or a pair of high-waisted trousers.

I love this ivory color, but it also comes in navy, black, and a really lovely fuchsia pink. (There's also a gold version on sale!)

The jacket is $315 and comes in sizes XS–L.

A couple of more affordable options in ivory are from Estelle (sizes 16W–20W in stock; $149) and Z Supply (lucky sizes; $129).

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Rome Dining

    In search of Rome dining recommendations! Standout lunches in particular. We like to have one or two memorable upscale leisurely meals when abroad so in search of the Rome equivalent of Frenchie or Septime in Paris. Any favorites from the hive?

    (We’ll take any other dining suggestions too, particularly (1) places convenient to sightseeing that don’t cater to follow-the-selfie-stick crowds, and (2) low-key dinner places around Aventino, where we’re staying. Have heard Testaccio has tons of great places so maybe someone here can help tie-break??)

  2. Anon

    This whole look is so lovely.

    In my dream world, where coffee doesn’t stain, I am able to avoid brushing against anything dirty and also kids don’t use me as a human napkin.

    • Anon

      Yes, I wish I was the kind of person who could float through life effortlessly wearing a beautiful white outfit! Alas I am not.

      • Anon

        People will do my bidding and send me their $? Must have. Would love a bit more length and sides to come closer to meeting in the front and perhaps a wee pocket.

      • Anonymous

        As a whole, the outfit gives off “leader of planetary government/alien overlord that pretends to be benevolent but is actually using citizens as a protein source” vibes.

          • Anon

            IIRC in the original V miniseries, the alien leaders’ ships were white but they wore burgundy. So burgundy is out; white is the new alien overlord camo.

        • DC Inhouse Counsel

          If anyone has read The City We Became and The World We Make, this is what I imagine the villain character wore and Anon at 9:50’s description is spot on for that. Her “name” was literally The Woman In White.

      • No Face

        “Business formal cult leader” is now a part of my aspirational style lexicon, along with “French ninja.”

        • Anon

          For when you go to ink the contract for the building of your new yacht, to better visit and recruit followers in distant lands.

    • Anne-on

      I’d like to pretend I was a less clumsy person pre-kids but alas I was not. It’s just now compounded by pets and a tween who is still somehow covered in food on a regular basis….

    • Anon

      I think the look is lovely, but it also gives me “feminine hygiene product advertisement” vibes.

  3. anon

    I am the one who posted about celebrating my boyfriend’s birthday in westchester yesterday. thanks to all! follow up questions, is there such thing as a beach resort close enough to do it in a day? long island, or jersey shore or connecticut? like where you can buy a day pass or even book a room so you can use the services for the day? Sort of picturing white lotus but in asbury park :) doesn’t have to be that fancy but something sort of special. i know we could just go to the beach but that’s not really what i’m vibing.

    • AIMS

      Not a beach resort but Mohonk Mountain House (in New Paltz) has day passes.

      You can also buy a day pass/get massages and hang out for the day at Juvenex spa on 32nd street. It’s low key but lovely and you can have a fabulous lunch or dinner nearby after.

    • Anon

      IDK that this is widely open to the public, but I’m curious if anyone has been to the NYAC’s Travers Island beach / tennis summer house place? It looks so lovely and it is on my bucket list of fancy NYC things to do after reading the Great Gatsby yet again.

      • Anonymous

        I have been many times. You are correct that you would need to be a member or a guest of a member. It’s a scene that attracts a certain type of NYC/Westchester person. At the risk of sounding both spoiled and jaded, I grew up in the Westchester beach/country/yacht club scene, and NYAC is fairly impersonal because it’s so large. Nice to visit, but these days I generally try to avoid that whole club scene altogether. The people are…difficult, for lack of a more polite word.

        • Anon

          Now I (flyover country person) am intrigued. I like a bigger pool locally b/c I feel a bit more invisible vs somewhere where I am running into people I know and don’t particularly like in all of my lumpy glory.

          • AIMS

            The food is mediocre but it is nice to go with kids because you can literally spend the whole day there and it’s very close to get back to Manhattan.

          • Anon

            I hate to sound naive, but I thought that New Yorkers didn’t have cars if they lived in the city. Do you schlep kids there on Metro North?

          • Anon

            My in-laws live in Manhattan and have a car. It’s not near their apartment in midtown; it’s somewhere cheaper that’s accessible by subway. You can also rent cars for the day pretty easily.

          • NYAC member

            NYAC has a bus that will take you out there several times a day on weekends if you don’t want use a car/train/subway/uber.

      • NYCer

        It is really nice! The pool is great, and it is a super convenient option from the city. While it is on the water, it is definitely a bay, not a beach, but it is still quite pleasant. And you’re right, it is members (and guests) only. I

      • Anon

        Ex-NYAC here. I’ve spent many a Saturday there, following water polo practice. It is lovely, not fancy, and yes, you need to be a member or guest.

    • Anonymous

      I would go to the spa on Governor’s Island maybe. Sadly no there is no white lotus on the jersey shore.

    • Anne-on

      I had a colleague in NYC go to the new spa on Govenor’s Island and she RAVED about it. Maybe worth looking into as a closer to home option?

  4. Havasupai

    Has anyone hiked/camped Havasupai Falls? Going in September and this will be my first backpacking trip. I’m excited but feeling overwhelmed at having to pack-in everything for 3 nights. Any advice, tips, anecdotes, fun stories you want to share?

    • Anon

      I’ve never been there, but I recommend that your group have a water filter and a backup plan for it b/c this is no time to have the first one refuse to work.

      Also, I bring a pet poop bag in case I have any trash to pack out that I don’t want visible in my trash ziplock. People can also duct tape their ziplock to make it opaque but IMO the poop bag is more lightweight and for a 3-day trip, weight counts.

    • Nesprin

      Lol- I went with my non-hiking family as a kid and it was a disaster- it was too far for my 7yr old youngest brother, we didn’t take enough water, and didn’t take enough food. The town of havasu has a restaurant and a hotel, so if you need to bail out or stop, there is an option (sort of). There’s not many sources of water, so you may not want to take a filter. It’ll be cold at night- bring a better rated sleeping bag than you’d expect.

      • Anon

        Then yikes — 3 days of water in the summer heat will be heavy. Definitely discuss with your group and see if water sources (if any) are running or dry.

    • Hootster

      I’ve only tried to go from the river side up, and my experience was that the winding river / type of trail makes the mileage seem way longer than normal. Absolutely spectacular area to be in though!

  5. Anonymous

    Hi Hive, my SO owns a number of gold chains and watches and needs a place to store them. I am ISO of any reccs for a masculine jewelry box (or where to start my search)? Thanks!

  6. Anon

    My SM feed must know that I’m tiny up top (30D, which is like two lemons) b/c I’m getting bombarded with ads. Are any of these places (pepper, honeylove, some other places) going to work as real bras to wear under my summer uniform of white elevated tees and blouses (I am not Carolina Herrera, but I like how she rolls)? I used to stock up when my go-to was in the NAS, but I haven’t checked what’s on offer this year.

    • Anon

      Is 30D really tiny? If so, my 32A chest must be invisible! Or are you a troll?

      • Anon

        Not commenting on anyone but me, but for years, stores with limited inventory tried to put me in 36As, 34Bs, all which left me miserable and with straps that wouldn’t stay on. To me, the girls disappear in any sports bra, so I do not feel big (and I have monster hips, so overall, my presentation is like Grimmace vs the woman in silhouette frequently pictured on mudflaps).

      • Anonymous

        30D and 32A are not similar sizes — bra sizing doesn’t work like that. A 32A has a larger ribcage and smaller breast-to-ribcage ratio than a 30D.

        • Anon

          I might not! I spent years wearing things that I knew didn’t fit when I left the store, but it was the best available option. I tried Natori Feathers but it was some mail-order roulette that didn’t pan out. I have 6 of one bra, but they date to pre-COVID and if there wasn’t good store stock then, it is worse now. I want to give up, but I have an office job and we had RTO, so no more sports bras for me. I need some real ones where the elastic is not fried.

      • Anon

        30D is not at all big. That is also my size and I am smaller than average. Many, many women wear the wrong size of bra. What a 30D essentially means in the circumference of my chest below my breast is 30 inches and over my breast is 34. That is not a big difference.

        • Anonymous

          Agree that 30D is not a big bust.

          Disagree on your description on what a bra size means in terms of underbust, though.

          Do not assume that your (general you, not poster specifically) underbust measurement equals your band size. Unless you have a very hard torso – wider ribcage, very firm muscles with no give or “fleshyness” – that is unlikely to be true. You most likely need an underband 2-4 inches smaller than your underbust measurement for a supportive band.

      • anon

        Cup size correlates with band size to an extent. I always thought a 32A fit me, but then I tried a 30C and it’s perfect. You wouldn’t look at me and think “c cup” based on my proportions, however. Straight up, my boobs are small. I am very petite and have a small torso. I’ve got a good friend who is also roughly my size all around and she wears a 30D.

    • Anon

      Are you just tiny or also kind of petite? My usual trouble at 30DD with most brands was that the cups were too wide set (like they just made the band shorter in back, but didn’t adjust the spacing of the cups in front). Probably that is some people’s figure, but I’ve always had to choose brands that narrow the spacing in front since that’s the kind of tiny I am.

      • Anon

        I am at the top end of petite but have no shoulders. The girls are set pretty sideways though so usually I’m OK. I just have a hard time finding a band size that is small enough vs floating around (so I try Aerie even though I’m 2x the age of most shoppers there). I don’t need a ton of structure or underwire, but IDK why people think that b/c I’m small I just want an unlined bra. The world doesn’t need confirmation about whether or not I’m cold.

        • anon

          Have you tried the Simone Pearle caresse b@@? It has foam cups and underwire but is SUPER comfy.

        • Anon

          I’m not really up on /r/abrathatfits level details, but based on my experiences, this sounds like Calvin Klein might have some options worth trying? Their “Seductive Comfort” line is underwire, but I do think it’s comfortable. They also have lined, wireless options that I haven’t tried.

        • Anon

          Try Barely Zero. You can find a review on the extra petite website. My 30DD 20-something daughter swears by these. Get the fixed cup if you don’t like reinserting the modesty pads.

        • Anon

          I am also a 30D. My favorite are Gossard. They are a British brand and I have brought from their website and Amazon without issue (but takes awhile). The bands seem more snug that some other 30s. I have both the lightly padded and unlined version.

    • Anonymous

      Pepper seems to be aimed at small cup sizes, not small bands with large cups. I tried it and found that it did not solve the problem I have, which is that small cups are shaped wrong (too narrow and deep, leading to gaps). It did provide normal support.

    • Anonymous

      I was a 32F in my thinner days — take a look at stores like Journelle, HerRoom, and Nordstrom and Dillards. The brands you should look at are Fantasie, Freya, Panache, Natori, Simon Perelle, Prima Donna — they do the small band/bigger cup the best. Also remember you can have a tailor shorten the bra straps if for some reason they’re too long on you, but most of the support should be coming from a properly fitted band.

    • Trish

      I am so tired of not finding bigger strap sizes in smaller cups. And going up to a B has not and does not work for me, no matter how many people tell me that is the answer. I found Title 9 has a 38A and I use a bra extender so it fits. I wish we could get them custom made!

  7. Fallen

    Fun request of the day – looking for your favorite clothes you could see your therapist wearing. I am doing a branding photoshoot for my private practice business and clueless as to what to wear (fashion is not my strength)

    • Cat

      Thinking about the ideal message, I would want to look like someone who has my sh!t together but not like, SO polished that I would feel worse about myself when attending a session. Also, I would want it to be not too far off your actual work clothes. So if you normally wear, say, slim black pants and a blouse and flats, I wouldn’t go all The Fold Dress and Power Heels for this. So to start… what do you normally wear and then we can help pick a flattering version of that!

    • Anonymous

      I would wear something that reflects your true personality and therapy style. If you are serious and businesslike and wear a brightly colored “quirky therapist” outfit, you will end up with clients who are looking for a different type of therapist than you actually are.

    • Anon

      This sounds like a “muted jewel tones” scenario to me but am curious what others will say!

    • NYNY

      No longer in therapy, but mine often wore drapey cardigans, which looked polished but also soft. which totally worked for me. Something like the White + Warren cashmere trapeze cardigan in whichever length you prefer over a simple shell and trousers.

    • AIMS

      The therapist in my building always wears flowy midi skirts with blazers; she looks nice and very competent/soothing.

    • Anon

      Just checked my therapist’s website. The therapists are all wearing neutral cardigans or loose blazers in white or tan. Their makeup is nice but natural.

    • Anonymous

      i’d want someone not manicured within an inch of their life … comfortable but polished… who wears the right shade of lipstick or stylish pair of eyeglasses but isn’t otherwise a slave to fashion. for me this would be jeans, sneakers, a sweater jacket, and accessories that are true to you.

    • Anonymous

      I would wear some shade of blue that complements my skin tone since it’s associated with trust. Maybe a nice blouse with a jardigan or casual blazer. If they let you choose a background that is outdoors, that also would be nice (everyone in leadership at my company had a background that was sort of leaves and buildings and I think it feels more human).

  8. Anon

    A family in town that we are friendly but not friends with lost their very young daughter in a boating accident over the weekend. The obituary says donations can be made to the girl’s school in her memory, which we will do. Would you also send food to the family? Anything else? I know nothing we do will help, but I feel compelled to do something.

    • Anon

      Personally, I’d also send flowers or a plant over food (food is tricky preference wise). I think it’s nice to do something more even if a donation and a card is technically fine.

      • Anon

        The request for donations means they do not want plants or flowers. I would just do the donation and the card. Sending an object gives them something else to do or care for in a moment where they’re overwhelmed.

        • anon

          Agree. After my dad died, we got lots of flowers. They were a lovely gesture, but also another thing to deal with.

        • Anon

          Oh man. The anti gift police are out again. Nowhere in real life do thoughtful gestures get this much hate.

          • small home

            I would never tell someone who went to the trouble of sending me a gift this, but gifts can be the opposite of helpful to me. I’ve always lived in small spaces and at times have been stretched really thin time-wise.

            The trash could be a solution, but I have trouble throwing away things that would likely be appreciated by someone else.

          • anon

            I disagree. It’s about being thoughtful with what to give (or don’t give) to a grieving family. This is different than buying gifts for a birthday, etc.

          • Cat

            huh? The family has expressed their preference for donations. Honoring that is not “gift policing.”

          • Anon

            Make sure they’re not Jewish if you want to send flowers. Flowers are a big no-no for deaths in Jewish culture. But honestly I would not send flowers if they’ve expressed a preference for donations and I don’t think it’s gift policing to honor their requests.

          • Anon

            This is the sort of scenario where the right advice from families who have experienced such horrors. This is not an anti-gift issue. You miss the whole point.

          • Anon

            No, it’s not anti gift. People suggest donations when they don’t want to get bombarded with flowers and don’t want all that money to go to waste.

            You are some sort of But It’s My Love Language gift terrorist as described last week.

          • Anon

            Can you do some examination of why gift-giving and giving people things – which they may or may not want – is so tied in with your identity, sense of self-worth, perception in the eyes of others, etc.? I think that examination is long overdue. Deep introspection is scary, but it can set you free.

          • Trish

            In real life, if I say I don’t want stuff, then I don’t want stuff. I was really annoyed with cousins who sent an ostentatious flower arrangement to my MIL funeral but could not be bothered to show up (in town and a weekend funeral). Send a card and a donation.

          • bird in flight

            My grandfather recently died and the obit included a request for donations to two specific groups. We still got flowers and plants, and they were actually appreciated quite a bit. My grandmother made a point to point them out and say who they were from. My in-laws sent a beautiful spread that was very admired by the family. Yes, after the funeral there was a bit of discussion as to where the flowers went, but it wasn’t a big deal. The church actually kept some of the big arrangements because they didn’t scream “funeral” but more just pretty flowers. I think my grandma enjoyed that the church was beautified longer than just the funeral by some of the flowers we left.

          • bird in flight

            I can’t reply to my own comment, but I wanted to add – for those of you who are very firmly “no flowers if they say donations” – I get that you feel that way, but I don’t think your specific feelings are universal. They very much aren’t in my family. Donations were appreciated, flowers were appreciated, cards without donations were appreciated, calls were appreciated.

        • Anon

          I disagree. I am anti-stuff generally and I love flowers. Having a house full of flowers after my parent’s recent funeral was a small spark of welcome joy.

          OP, consider delaying sending anything for a few weeks. I say this for two reasons. First, everything arrives now and nothing arrives in a few weeks. Second, school will start in a few weeks (depending on where you live); for the first time in many years, these parents will not be preparing their child for school, and not doing those actions is going to highlight their loss yet again. Receiving something from someone thinking about them at that time might be very welcome.

        • Anon

          I think it’s tricky because a lot of people include “in lieu of flowers” who very much do want flowers.

          But in this scenario I would ideally do a card now and maybe something meal related later.

          • Anon

            I still don’t think it’s tricky. When my father died, I did not want to deal with plants so I put, “in lieu of flowers, please donate to [hospice org].” I really really really meant it, so I said it. Then when people sent flowers and I couldn’t deal with another thing because I just watched my last parent die, I told the funeral home to either keep them or leave them at the cemetery. Then people act like I’m a monster because I left them at the cemetery to decorate his grave because I didn’t want to put a bunch of plants in my car, have them fall over and get dirt everywhere, and then throw them away at home (how wasteful!). All while I was grieving.

            If the family says, “in lieu of flowers…” I think the right call is to err on respecting the wishes they’ve written down instead of trying to do some sort of mind-reading exercise. If they want flowers, they can just omit that line from the obituary. Maybe this is different if you are VERY close to the bereaved and you know their real wishes, but the OP in this thread is not that close. I do see below that the obit just mentioned a place for donations and didn’t say “in lieu of.” In that case, I’d do flowers or a donation, but probably not both. Sending flowers later on is a good idea, too!

          • Anon

            I am sorry. People should never have judged you for leaving them at the cemetery (what could be more traditional than flowers at a grave).

            I think sometimes what happens is different family members are not on the same page, or they think it’s selfish not to redirect people to donations even if it’s not what they really want, but I am from a very passive aggressive and indirect cultural background, so I agree that it makes sense to believe what was said unless knowing the people and the context changes that.

          • Anon

            I agree @ 1:29. I had to spend the evening of my mother’s funeral driving plants and flower arrangements all over town to nursing homes and community centers and basically anyone who would take them because I didn’t want all that money to go to waste. We specifically said “in lieu of flowers” and suggested a charity that would have really pleased my mom (animal related, she was such a soft hearted person), and people spent hundreds to thousands of dollars on flowers no one wanted instead.

            Everyone, please heed the “in lieu of.” It’s there for a reason. Don’t create another job for the bereaved.

      • Amelia Earhart

        My mom died recently and I requested donations to a hyperlocal hospice home that runs entirely on donations and a specific fund that researches her type of rare cancer. I still got flowers. They were beautiful, but I was overwhelmed, so I kept them for a day then donated them to the hospice residence that cared for her and a local hospital.

    • Nylongirl

      I would see if there is a meal train. In the next few months they may need more help.

    • OP

      Just went back to the obituary and they actually did not say “in lieu of flowers” and did include a link for how to send flowers, so I guess that’s my answer. I appreciate the advice to do something else in a few weeks/months, I’ll put a reminder in my calendar.

      • anon

        Just FYI, make sure that the link really looks approved by the family. The funeral home that took care of arrangements for my dad later converted all the obituaries to include advertisements, with links on sending flowers, etc. that were not at all run by or approved by my family. I had the funeral home take down the obituary when I noticed because using an obituary as an opportunity to advertise is beyond gross, but it could have been up for quite awhile before I saw that.

    • Anon

      We lost my FIL in a traffic accident a number of years back. Please consider not doing something (other than the donation or card) right away, but instead, three months from now get them a meal gift card, send a card, ask if you can drop by with muffins or donuts and coffee, etc. The attention right after the death can be seriously overwhelming. Then the attention drops off to nothing, right about the time that the loss really sets in (you have to face the deceased’s birthday, or other holidays, without them) and you realize that no one is around to help you through that. Everyone expects that you’ll be “over it” at that point, and you are very much not over it, three months post-accident. Think about being a sympathetic ear and offering some kind of comforting condolence down the line, when this family might really need it.

    • Anonymous

      If you do decide to send food, i suggest something frozen. When a close friend lost their young child, even with everyone at the house, there was more food than we could possibly eat, so it was nice to have things that could freeze for later. I agree with not flowers, especially if they have pets, because “did the cat eat the toxic lily” is not something you want to have to be worrying about.

    • Anonymous

      Ugh, my heart hurts for them. When something similar happened in our town- a preschooler in a different grade/class at my daughters PK died in a car accident over Christmas break- we sent a card, the adults went to the funeral, and through others closer to the family learned they were setting up a charity in his name. I always donate to it when the time comes and have offered my (relevant) help as I see events pop up. That was 6 years ago, and I most recently saw the mom at the 4th of July parade where their charity was marching right near one of my kids’ scout troops. It’s been a nice way to long term connect with the family many years after the tragedy.

    • Anon

      When we had a death in the family, a neighbor sent over a basket of heathy snack foods from Trader Joe’s. Think Kind and other snack bars, trail mix, fruit, some nice drinks, salsa and chips, peanut butter pretzels. It was really helpful to me, because I had a hard time eating/swallowing the first several days but I could eat little bits at a time.

  9. Great Family trips

    What was your favorite trip with your family? I am trying to plan a big family trip for the Christmas/NYE time. We are also celebrating a special milestone, so we are using this as an opportunity to take a far bigger trip. Our first choice would have been the Galapagos but it appears we are too late to book for this year. We are open to most locations or climates, the main constraints are the time of the year and that it not be a ski based trip. We will be traveling with a 9 year old.

    • AIMS

      I don’t know if this will be your cup of tea but a friend to Iceland for Xmas break and loved it. Definitely need to be ready for the dark but she said it was really fun.

    • Cat

      With “a far bigger trip” as the description I’d be looking at South Africa or Australia or NZ!

      • NYCer

        +1. December is cold in so much of the northern hemisphere, so since you don’t want to ski, I would strongly consider one of these options. If you prefer tropical and want to do somewhere other than the Caribbean, you could also consider Fiji or Tahiti and Bora Bora as well.

        As to your first question, the south of France or Corisca will forever be my favorite family travel destinations, but those are not good choices at Christmas time.

    • Anon

      This is smaller potatoes but my parents first took me to NYC around that age and I LOVED it. It kicked off a lifelong love of the city.

      • Senior Attorney

        New York is great at Christmas, and as we discussed on here a few days ago, so is London. If your family is into theatre/history/art, I’d definitely suggest looking at London.

    • Anon

      Our favorite family trips have been Tuscany and Mallorca. However my child is only 5 and we haven’t gone farther than Europe. We’re planning to go to South Africa in a couple years.

      December/January is a tough time of year for travel in the northern hemisphere. We normally just go to the Caribbean for our winter trip. It’s not the most exciting thing, but kids love beach resorts and adults love the warm weather break.

    • Anne-on

      Nine seems like a great time to do a city trip! What about the Christmas markets in Germany, Vienna, or London?
      If you want more of a luxury family beach resort vibe I’d do a super luxe hotel brand somewhere like Turks and Caicos, the Bahamas, or Costa Rica – nine seems like it’d be old enough to do the more adventurous parts of Cost Rica!

    • In-House Anon

      I’ve seen it recommended here before, so I’ll second it — Grand Hyatt Kauai remains the best family resort I’ve ever stayed in, and Kauai is magical. My family visited HI for the first time when I was around 9, and it remains one of my favorite memories 30+ years later.

      • Senior Attorney

        I was also going to say it’s hard to beat Hawaii for kids. We took mine to Hawaii at about that age and I swear she thought she’d died and gone to heaven.

        • Anon

          I think kids that age are likely to be just as happy, if not happier, at a Caribbean beach with a great pool/waterpark, and for those of us on the east coast the Caribbean is so much more convenient.

          (I do love Hawaii though!)

      • IL

        Yeah, my first thought was Hawaii. Does it sound impressive to adults? Maybe, maybe not. But it’s hard to beat in terms of how magical a place it is.

    • Anon

      I don’t think it’s too late to go to the Galapagos. Celebrity Xpedition cruises (small boats) has openings for this December & January.

      • LawDawg

        I did Celebrity to Galapagos 10 years ago, when my youngest was 11. There was one other person her age and 4 kids my son’s age (14). But the setup was great for us. There were two choices for every excursion (one more strenuous, one less) and all excursions were split into small groups. It’s a mini cruise ship, but without the formality. Open seating for dinners, dining room or grill for lunches, and each night there were discussions of the next day’s itinerary. It was great for a family.

        • Anon

          How was the sea? I really want to take my elementary age daughter because I think she’d love the wildlife, but she’s prone to seasickness and I’m concerned it might be hard for her. She’s been fine on big cruise ships but these are more like ferries in terms of the motion, right?

          • LawDawg

            The Celebrity boat is one of the biggest allowed in the Galapagos. That was also one of the reasons for picking it since DH gets seasick. But it wasn’t a problem. FWIW, we were traveling in July/Aug.

      • Anonymous

        I think 9 year olds would actually get bored pretty quick on a safari. It’s a lot of time in a jeep and after a while, you definitely get to the “whatever, another lion” stage.

        • Anon

          You can skip the game drives though, right? I’m planning to take a 7 year old but we plan to only do one game drive a day so we have lots of time in the pool. We’re staying for 4-5 days so I think even one drive a day should be plenty of wildlife in total.

          But yes I think some adults get to the “whatever, another lion” stage too. My husband was like that in Thailand (with elephants).

    • OP

      Thank you for all the recommendations!
      I do not ski but the rest of my family does so I do not want it to be the focus of the trip. If my kid was a few years younger, we probably would have chosen Lapland and another stop.
      I will have to look further into the Galapagos to see what remains available. Thanks for the recommendation of Celebrity, I have not examined its options closely. I had been looking at the very small boats which are booked or were not a good fit for my family.

      • CMS

        Just back from Galapagos and we also tacked on a few days in the cloud forest at Mashpi Lodge. Huge hit (including with my 9 year old).

  10. Anon

    I’ve seen some great advice here on moving in with your SO: begin as you plan to continue, assign a person to completely own a chore instead of trading off each time, etc. I’d love some advice specifically on having a guy move into your apartment. I would’ve preferred getting a new place that’s “ours” but due to the timing of our leases he’s moving into my current apartment. I’m worried I’ll be territorial or bossy because it will still feel like *my* apartment. Any tips on how to avoid this?

    • Cat

      I did this. What’s he moving in with (furniture, kitchen stuff, art…) Choosing spots to work his items in can help with it visually feeling different than when it was just yours.

    • Anon

      There are lists that you can find online (and books, too) about questions to discuss before you live with someone and before you get engaged. I would do a mashup of these lists and cover: religion, sex, politics, finances, children plus the logistics of running a household.

    • Anon

      My .02 of the relationship is easy, this will be too. My husband moved into my place (mine was bigger and his easier to rent out). I cleaned out a couple of closets for him, got rid of some furniture to bring his in and repainted to make the place more gender neutral. I care a lot more about design and he let me run with it.

      • Anon

        This is what we did. It helped that I owned a fully furnished place and he had been renting a furnished place, so he didn’t arrive with very much stuff. Even so, we replaced the bed (it needed to be anyway), purchased a new couch and rug for the living room, and he bought new stuff for his office. The overall effect was to make the place no longer look like “mine.” The harder thing for me was that I am extremely clean and tidy, and he is moderately so. I’ve had to learn over years to adjust, accept a different standard, and let things go that I would have cleaned differently – and he has increased the level at which he does these things; so we are now at a compromise position.

    • Anonymous

      I think what matters more is how you communicate. It’s an emotionally fraught time, and if you tend to be more logic-focused it’s really easy to come off as dismissive or like you don’t care about him feeling welcome, when really you’re just trying to find space for all the clothes. Whatever seemingly little things he brings up, err on the side of being over inclusive unless you truly cannot live with the thing he wants. Give it a try and revert back later if needed. At the same time, to some extent you’ll both have to just embrace that it’s probably always going to feel like “your” place and that’s ok! It’s temporary! If you both show that you care about each other more than you care about stuff then you’ll avoid those stupid fights where some little thing blows up into a big do you really love me fight.

    • Anonymous

      my husband had been unofficially living with me for about 9 months when we got married; when he moved in properly i think i cleared a cabinet for him in the kitchen as well as made space for him in my closet and chest of drawers.

    • Anon

      We did this and I was worried about the same thing so I essentially “packed” all my stuff, took artwork off the walls etc and we redid everything. It was definitely extreme but I do feel like it helped. We wound up keeping his cookware over mine, bought a new sofa, kept my bed and bedding etc and the place very quickly became ours.

      More advice you didn’t ask for: one of the best things I did when we moved in together was NOT taking over his life stuff. To this day, my husband buys all the presents for his side of the family (including 7 nieces and nephews!), does his own laundry etc.

      It’ll be great!!

  11. Anonymous

    I am doing a big work thing by myself for the first time next week. (Jury trial) I’ve seen smaller versions of this – I’ve helped and led portions – but never done one fully on my own before. I’m 20% excited but now starting to get nervous…. All the what ifs are starting to flood in. I even wished we could settle even though it became crystal clear last week that we will not. If you have any good vibes or things to remember, I’m all ears!

    • Anon

      Good luck! Hope all goes well, and if anything doesn’t, just try to roll with it and remember that no one is perfect. Hope you plan something to reward yourself when it is over!

    • HFB

      fairly seasoned litigator here- (1) Remind yourself that if you are nervous it’s because this matters, not because you are unprepared. (hopefully!!) (2) once it starts just roll with whatever happens. i once had a witness completely fall apart in cross and say several completely stupid things that I thought for sure would sink our case; we won anyway. just keep swimming! (3) win or lose, it’s going to feel amazing to have this behind you. trial is the purest form of law.

  12. Anonymous

    Recommendations for panties? I’ve been wearing Soma Vanishing Edge for quite a while. I like them, but am a little bored of them. I’d love something else in the rotation that minimizes VPL and is maybe a bit cuter/sexier than what I’ve been wearing, but would still have the comfort to be worn all day. Thanks!

    • Anon

      I like the jockey “all over lace” hipster. They’re not sexy, but better than plain briefs and definitely comfortable all day.

      • Anon

        Interesting – does the lower elastic at the top of the thigh dig in or is it more flat/not elastic? That’s my problem area…

    • Cat

      I swear by the Natori ones that are in the NAS. Even though they have a lace edge, the texture is minimal and doesn’t cause VPL unless you’re wearing super lightweight jersey.

    • Anonymous

      Hanky Panky thongs are just as comfortable as vanishing edge panties, and so pretty. size up if you’re closer to plus sizes.

    • Anon

      Many styles of the Vanishing Edge are on flash sale right now 8 for $50, if that persuades OP not to change.

  13. Anon

    Homeowner ettiquette question:

    There was a tree very close to the property line (right on the neighbors’ side) that fell over during the weekend. It landed in my yard but luckily it didn’t hit anybody or anything major. I knocked on the neighbors door to tell them about it and ask if it was okay for me to call somebody and handle it. They (who are lovely) said, ‘oh jeez! That’s our tree. We’ll have somebody out tomorrow to clean it up.’

    I offered to pay or at least split. They declined and said they had it covered. Do I do something else? Do I send flowers or a gift card? Do I just keep being a good neighbor?

    • Anon

      Just keep being a good neighbor and make access to the tree easy for the cleanup crew.

      My homeowners policy would (and has) cover this type of thing, so other than the scheduling hassle I wouldn’t assume they are out of pocket here.

      • dmv

        +1. You’re already being a good neighbor. They’re probably thanking their lucky stars that no one was injured/nothing was damaged. I will caution that this might take longer than expected if your whole region was impacted by storms.

      • Anonymous

        Actually, in many places, it is OP’s tree now, and her responsibility to clean up. Like the neighbors, I personally would feel responsible and, if I could, would handle the clean up. But my insurance would not cover anything across my property line, so she is right to wonder what she should do in this instance. I still agree that being a good neighbor and making access easy is the answer now that they have volunteered to clean up the mess.

    • Cat

      It’s their tree so it’s their responsibility. Just keep being a good neighbor!

      • Anon

        It’s actually not unless it was known to be dead/a hazard. Once it falls on your property, it is sadly your responsibility in many cases.

        • Anon

          Oh wow, where I am if my healthy tree falls across the property line any damage it does out in that big wide world is entirely my responsibility.

        • Anon

          Yes, our house was crushed by our neighbor’s tree. Our insurance handled everything, but all of the scheduling for repair work and getting the roof tarped the first night, and the branches and leaves out of our yard was on us. Our neighbors did feel bad, and they apologized, but it’s not like they conrolled the wind that knocked the tree down.
          ‘

    • Anon

      Okay, thank you!!! We have a great relationship with these neighbors and I really appreciate that they just handled it so promptly. I was totally happy to pay but just appreciate that it was handled.

      I think maybe the move here is to being over some homemade jam and a quick note.

      • Anon

        I’m always team something lovely even in situations where someone else is technically responsible, and especially with neighbors. I like your plan.

      • small home

        I am generally cautious about gifts, but would always welcome homemade jam.

    • Anon

      My neighbor had an old dead tree between our houses. It was clearly on her side, planted right up against her house (maybe it was once a weed.) I went to her and said “that dead tree is going to fall over someday” and she said she’d never noticed she had a tree there. I never offered to pay half, but at the time I didn’t know the etiquette about that and had just moved in, and probably couldn’t have afforded to go halvsies. Anyway, I’m writing this to tell you it has been fine, she wasn’t mad at us, she had the tree removed by professionals and everything has been fine between us since then.

    • Seventh Sister

      I’d just keep being a good neighbor, but I’d definitely keep them on my nicer-than-average holiday gift list and bring in their mail if they are out of town (and they ask of course). Trees on property lines are tricky and it’s super that they are doing the right thing. Many, many, many people would try to get you to pay for part of it if it’s close to your property, even if it’s their responsibility (it would be in my town).

    • Anon

      When we had a death in the family, a neighbor sent over a basket of heathy snack foods from Trader Joe’s. Think Kind and other snack bars, trail mix, fruit, some nice drinks, salsa and chips, peanut butter pretzels. It was really helpful to me, because I had a hard time eating/swallowing the first several days but I could eat little bits at a time.

    • Chl

      Related – we have a neighbor with a half dead tree that will 100% fall on our side some day ( a big chunk already did). In casual conversation he has talked about how he had someone come look at it, yes, it should come down, it is so much money, and… three years later it’s still no different. I know they don’t really have the money to do it. I don’t really want to pay for it but it’s going to be my problem when it does fall. How would you approach it? He’s a lovely person.

  14. Wrigley Field

    My husband and I are taking a kid-free trip to Chicago to see Bruce Springsteen at Wrigley Field. Any hotel recommendation? My only experience is River North and the Loop but I’m not sure that makes sense for a Wrigley Field concert.

    • Anon

      The red line goes from River North to Wrigley Field if you don’t mind taking the train. Wrigleyville is fun for drinks before the game but the dining and shopping is much better downtown. The Westin in River North has great river views.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah there are no decent hotels outside of downtown/ River North, with one exception: the Robey in Wicker Park. If you want to be in a fun neighborhood with a more local vibe, it’s a good option, and it has a nice bar on the top floor with views of the skyline. The downside is that you’d need to take an Uber or the bus to Wrigley Field.

      If you want to splurge but not Peninsula-level splurge, try the Waldorf Astoria. It has a very nice lap pool. Otherwise, everything is kind of interchangeable (Sheraton, Kimptons, etc).

    • Sasha

      Stay further south off the red line–Wrigleyville is a nightmare to get in and out of on the weekend, and the vibe of the bars/restaurants is very Frat Boy. I’d recommend staying around the Chicago or Grand stops in River North and taking the train up the afternoon of the concert. Would recommend the Moxy for a mid price point, and the Kimpton Gray for a higher price point.

  15. Shift in career plan?

    I was presented opportunities for two different roles within my professional services company and am completely overwhelmed with stress making a decision. Would love the Hive’s thoughts!

    One opportunity is serving a client in Industry A and one is serving a client in Industry B. The industries are pretty much opposite ends of the spectrum (think farming vs aerospace). My experience and technical knowledge are in industry A. I have limited exposure to Industry B and would require a huge amount of technical learning. I am very well regarded by firm leadership of Industry A and have developed a great network in Industry A, but there is no crossover between the industries, so a move would essentially involve building a whole new professional network and losing the benefit of my reputation in the Industry. The Industry B client is much more prestigious, would involve exposure to senior leaders in my company, and wouldn’t require as much marketplace selling work (something that isn’t my favorite, although I’m getting more used to it). I met the person I would report to on both projects, and they both seem like they would be good to work with. No difference in title, pay, or commute between the roles. The switch to Industry B is a one-time offer sort of thing. I could theoretically move back into Industry A in a year or two if I hated Industry B, but I think there would be some reputational damage.

    I am planning to stay at my firm long-term. The Industry A job is exactly what I was looking for and aligns with my vision of how my career would progress, but several mentors have urged me to consider the Industry B role given the doors it could open. What would you do?

    • Anon

      A. The doors are often imaginary and you’d be taking too many steps back, I think. Play to your strengths.

    • Cat

      B sounds like it could be a headache IRL. Massive learning curve, senior leadership exposure = you’re at the whim of their schedules, and same pay?

    • Anon

      A is much more appealing to me. Exposure to senior leaders while doing your first job in the industry and major technical learning sounds super stressful and maybe not setting yourself up for success. I’d only do B if I was REALLY ambitious about work and spending a few years focusing the majority of my time on that and not hobbies, family, etc. (no judgment, that’s just not for most people).

    • Senior Attorney

      If A is exactly what you are looking for, grab it and don’t be beguiled by the hypothetical “coulds” of B.

  16. Cc

    We got rained in while at my sisters new lake house this weekend (still had a great time), but she mentioned she wished she had board games. What are the best board games to stock her up with ?

      • dmv

        If you like scrabble but need something faster-paced, Bananagrams is fun, too.
        Wingspan is a gorgeous game and doesn’t take too long. Lots of small pieces tho (in case really young kids are around).

    • Anon

      Decks of cards and poker chips. The chips make poker more fun, but the cards can be used for anything. I can play solitaire for days, it seems.

      • Anecdata

        The Costco poker chips are great if you’re looking! They feel like clay and make that satisfying clink noise (we use them with other games that come with flimsy paper money :)

    • Anonymous

      These are card games, but: Apples to Apples. Cards Against Humanity family edition. Sushi Go (original not party version).

    • Rome Dining

      Not a board game, but in the spirit – Mexican Train Dominos, Bananagrams

      • AnoNL

        +1
        These are our family favs on top of Catan: Sushi Go, Exploding Kittens, A little wordy, Uno, Halli Galli (at least this is the German name for the game)

      • dmv

        Oh my gosh, yes! I forgot Telestrations. Catchphrase is fun, too, but you have to set a “no throwing” ground rule.

      • Vicky Austin

        Telestrations is the genesis of so, so many inside jokes in my family! Highly, highly recommend.

        My husband’s family likes domino games and Rummikub, and Throw Throw Burrito is really fun for all ages.

    • Anon8

      I loathe most traditional board games (monopoly, clue, et al) but love board games in general. Ticket to ride is the biggest crowd-pleaser in my family and simple to learn. As another person mentioned, Wingspan is awesome. Splendor is quick and easy.

    • Anon

      I’d be tempted to send a whole bunch of paperback mysteries because trapped in a house with board games sounds like a nightmare!

        • Anon

          Wow – thanks for that flashback to childhood, when my parents were just happy I was reading and didn’t have any idea what I was reading.

    • KS IT Chick

      Ticket to Ride was a hit at the multi generational Christmas gathering a couple years ago. My 80-something dad was able to get the rules pretty quickly, and we all enjoyed the building railroads concepts.

      Always have puzzles. I annually include a puzzle in my SIL’s Christmas gifts, usually from whatever trip we took in the previous year.

    • Annon

      it sounds very corny, but my family likes bingo, good for all ages and fun if you earn little prizes.

    • Anon

      Not what you asked but if you’re looking for a housewarming gift pair the game with some beach towels. It’s shocking how many towels you go through at a lake house, especially if your sister enjoys hosting.

    • Anon

      Perhaps a bit dark if you are shut in, but if your humor trends that way the irony makes them fun: Ravine, Pandemic

    • anon a mouse

      Ticket to Ride, Sorry, Blokus, Clue. If she’s going to be there a lot, Wingspan (there’s a bit of a learning curve, but it is lovely).
      Non-board game options: Rummikub, Yahtzee, Jenga, Dominos, Stratego.
      Also, a few decks of cards and a small poker chip set could see lots of use.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh, and this isn’t a board game, but we love Left, Right, Center. We keep a fairly big stack of dollar bills on hand to play with, and there is always much hilarity.

    • Anon

      I’m gonna put in a plug for my favorite board game – Connect 4. It’s also a great drinking game and is a family and friends favorite for our stay at home New Year’s Eve parties.

    • Sasha

      I bought Wits and Wagers for my parents’ lake house on a whim and it gets pulled out almost every time I’m up there. It’s too advanced for young kids and it involves gambling with fake money but super fun for adults/older kids

    • Anon

      Monopoly is the classic rainy day shore house (or lake house!) game!

      I also really like Clue, Trivial Pursuit, Jenga, cards, Outburst and Scategories.

      Puzzles may be fun too

    • Anon

      Wingspan is fun. I love it extra because I am a birder, but it is at its heart a strategy game, and you don’t need to know anything about birds. Include a link to the YouTube tutorial. On a more rowdy note, Exploding Kittens and Taco Goat Cheese Pizza area lot of fun!

    • MinnieBeebe

      It’s a card game, but UNO! It works for 2 or many people, and it’s easy enough for ages 4 or 5 and up. Pro-tip: also buy a cheap card shuffler (we have a hand-cranked one)– the large deck is a PITA to shuffle without the “machine.”

    • Anonymous

      Splendor, Ticket to Ride, Camel Up. And I love Settlers of Cataan, but some people find it tedious.

    • bird in flight

      My favorite board game is Sequence. My husband loves Risk.

      I prefer card games, specifically Canasta and Hand and Foot (variation of Canasta), Phase 10, and Play 9.

      The blog/website Chris Loves Julia does gift guides with board games – they plan a ton, so always have a variety to recommend.

    • anonn

      Sequence, 5 Crowns, Taboo are all good lakehouse rainy-day games. Also puzzles

    • Vicky Austin

      Oh – not a board game, but my family gets hours out of it: cribbage!

    • Anonymous

      Anomia (so fun!) and Machi Koro are great for all ages at my house! And Set, although it is a card game. Also echoing others with Wingspan.

  17. Anon

    I was on a college campus right after the UNC / Harvard case came out. And overhearing lots of cafeteria conversations while I worked remotely. What killed me the most was that (annec-data, but still) a claim that if admissions were based strictly on academic merit, and not athletics or connections or geographic diversity or any other sort of diversity, many schools would be up to 80% female. I am one who deliberately did not want to be at an all-female college and had a sense that as a girl from a NYC suburb, I was seen as completely fungible to the thousands of me applying to colleges. This just makes me sad.

    • Anonymous

      Well it’s also completely made up with no basis in fact so you don’t need to worry about it! Men as a class are not beneficiaries of affirmative action. Yes on the whole they are less prepared for college and you see that in numbers at less competitive schools. There are plenty of qualified men applying at competitive schools. What you will see is a drop in black students because no, schools are not going to be able to instantly or completely replace affirmative action.

    • Anon

      Colleges and universities have been struggling for a while with gender imbalance skewing female in all but the STEM fields for quite a while. The Supreme Court decision address this, but admission efforts to keep an institution somewhere close to gender balanced are likely to be subject to attack.

      • Anon

        *Meant to say the Supreme Court did not address gender considerations used during the admissions process.

      • Seventh Sister

        I went to college in the 1990s and there was a gender-skew issue at selective liberal arts colleges back then as well. While no SLAC needs another privileged white boy at their campus (like my kid), the coed ones do like to have gender ratios that are close to 50-50.

    • Anonymous

      Huh? I can’t tell whether you are arguing for non-merit-based admissions (to achieve gender balance) or against (so that fungible generic suburban candidates are no longer disadvantaged).

    • Monday

      This issue is not “made up”–I will post a couple of links to sources in a reply.

      My understanding of the OP’s point is that it’s unfair for women to face a higher bar to get accepted to college (because female applicants are more qualified overall but schools want a gender balance). I agree.

    • Anon

      There’s a lot to unpack in this comment, and everyone is their own person with their own unique set of circumstances, but as a public university professor who works with a really diverse group of students, the one thing I know for sure is that upper middle class and wealthy kids who went to great schools in the NYC suburbs are definitely not the losers in this system. No matter where you go to college, you’re starting out so far ahead of so many other people.

      • Anon

        This is the problem: they aren’t all upper middle class and wealthy kids. My suburb definitely had the full spectrum: kids of doctors were the local rich kids but we had projects and people living in apartments above stores near the train tracks. Lots of people were on free and reduced-price lunch. A lot of refuge families and a lot of second-generation kids of English language learners; lots of immigrants. This is painting with an awfully broad brush.

        • Anon

          But anyone who goes to those schools has a huge advantage, even when their family is less well off. And their personal family circumstances like being poor children of immigrants or first generation college students absolutely gets taken into account by any selective college, in which case they’re not “fungible” suburban girls, so this argument doesn’t apply to those students.

          • Anon

            What do you think of as “those schools”? Just being from Bergen County or Westchester (but not some place like Yonkers)? We’re all just parts of groups now.

    • Anonymous

      As a white girl from the suburbs, this isn’t about you, and centering yourself in a decision that will hurt primarily black and Latino students is some bold white privilege. Get a grip.

      • Anon

        Is it the same person who always makes this trite comment? I am hoping that you don’t have a son. As to the general discussion, boys mature much later than girls.

        My white son was always active and a happy “B” student. We were grateful for his high school girlfriend who was able to convince him to buckle down a bit more when he just did not hear us at all. He was a junior in college before he came into his own, so to speak. He started getting mostly As and took on leadership roles in his engineering fraternity. He has consistently had paid internships and is now working on a masters. His new girlfriend who is also an engineering major was discouraged from STEM in her Catholic high school. Fortunately, she didn’t let it deter her.

        • Anon

          It seems pretty common for a woman to step in and help a man get it together. A lot of my friends with successful husbands have been dating them since their very early 20’s and have told me they basically completed their husband’s job/school/internship application and found jobs for them to apply to, helped them pick the “right” major, etc.

          • Anon

            Yeah, I don’t really get how it’s an argument against “won’t someone think of the men?” It, in fact, seems to support it.

          • Anon

            Agree. Super weird comment. I guess I’m glad she is proud of how her son turned out.

        • Anon

          I actually do have a son, and I think there’s more than one person who makes this comment. My son will be absolutely fine. He’s in college now. He’s doing well and got into his second choice school.

          • Seventh Sister

            I have a son and I don’t worry about things not being “fair” for him – he’s an amiable white boy who is reasonably smart. That guy still gets picked for whatever “x” is most of the time. And if he does not, he has to do what the rest of us do – try again.

          • Anon

            Seventh Sister: is your son still a teenager? Because if he hasn’t hit puberty, you should be worried that he will get himself killed doing something stupid between the age of 15-19. Because the risk-taking in teen boys applies across socieconomic and racial spectrums.

          • Anon

            Anon at 2:04: did you not read “as to the general discussion?” A. It’s obnoxious to think that men are always better off given that so many are in prison or die from accidents or su*cide or hom*cide before the age of 19. B. As to the general discussion, .. . . boys mature later. That’s why they aren’t as ready for college at 18. And that is okay for them not to be as mature. Many women on this board red-shirted their young boys.

            Anon at 1:57: I hear that, too. As I said, my son matured by age 21 or so and hasn’t needed assistance like many young men.

    • Anonymous

      I find your comment very interesting since I have read/heard virtually no commentary linking the SC decision and gender. (I’m a professor and mom to a high school senior, so very interested in the topic.) outside of the absolute top institutions in the country – the ones that were engaging in affirmative action before the SC decision – there is definitely a leg up for boys in admission in an attempt to get a more gender-balanced student body. LACs do a lot of it, no question. It will be interesting to see if within a decade or two the SC gets a case about affirmative action for boys.

  18. Anon

    We’re new in the neighborhood and went over with several neighbors to one house for a cookout this weekend. (Everyone has older kids who were left at home to fend for themselves.) The hostess LOVES board games – has an entire WIC devoted to them – and we played something like Cards Against Humanity. With alcohol and no kids, the answers got really raunchy – @n@l v1brators with grandma, threes0mes, 15 yos losing their v1rginity… I tried to laugh off my shock and the group replied, “Oh, this is nothing! You should have been here the other week when…!”

    I’m deeply religious and am uncomfortable with these topics. This hostess is the center of the cul-de-sac’s social life and there will be more gatherings. Do I speak to her privately and ask if that WIC has any G-rated games for the cul-de-sac’s next game night? Do I just go for the food and excuse myself when the games come out in the second half of the evening? Do I bow out altogether? DH likes the other guys and doesn’t object to the humor the way I do. We don’t have kids, so I have no one to conveniently go home and check on.

    • Anon

      I like games, but dislike feeling like I am being held hostage to play games. If you can chat with others and not play, maybe that? Otherwise, “It’s going to be an early night for me” and politely excuse yourself.

    • Cat

      I’d leave religion out of it bc lots of people find that kind of humor juvenile at best regardless of faith, though obviously not this crowd. However I think you’ll get a better reaction and not come off as a wet blanket if you ask about a game you actually want to try, as opposed to focusing on the negative of the other game. “Hostess I’d love to get a tour of your game closet – you must have an amazing variety!”

      You could always leave early citing the need for an early bedtime for the next day’s plans.

      • Anonymous

        I like the idea of suggesting a game, but if you suggest it then I think you have to stay for it, and a group that likes that type of humor can make any game dirty.

    • Anonymous

      These don’t sound like your people. We have a crew like this on our street and they are trouble. Loud parties at all hours, fireworks for a week around every holiday, multiple affairs. I would not say anything about your objections because they will set you up as the enemy. Just be polite but a little distant, and never stay long enough for the board games or the nth round of drinks. If your husband enjoys the dudes he can hang out with them separately.

      • Anon

        +1

        You leave early, husband stays for the games.

        And there must be at least 1 or 2 neighbors who don’t play. You hang out with them separately sometimes.

      • Anon

        I was also thinking – this may be one of those neighborhood friend groups that I would prefer to keep my distance from, because I’ve seen a few situations where the “let’s be wild and crazy and pretend we’re still teenagers!” thing really blew up when “wild and crazy” got extended into things like public drunkenness, affairs, people getting into drunk fights, etc. I actually love playing board games with friends but it’s things like Catan or Tokaido. Situations where people get sloppy drunk and start talking about sex are just not my thing, and it sounds like that’s true for the OP as well. She can be friendly with these people and just set (and hold) her own boundaries about how much time she spends with them, and the kind of activities she engages in.

    • Anon

      Gently, this group of neighbors/friends might just not be for you. My guess is that any attempt to cool down the raunchy games, that every one else seems to enjoy, will probably not go over well.
      If your husband really wants to be friends with the group and continue to go, I’d go with him and decline the games. But I also think this would warrant a conversation with your husband about whether or not he continues to go to these gatherings if they are really troubling to you.

    • Anon

      If you’re the only one who’s bothered by it then you bow out. Don’t ruin the fun for everyone else.

    • Anon

      Don’t go or leave early, you don’t ask the host and a whole group to bend to your preferences. You’re new, they’re not.

    • Anon

      Next time you’re invited offer to bring a specific game. Or host a kids-welcome event at your house. But it sounds like this is usually the vibe of game night and everyone else is into it. You have the right to decide what you’re comfortable with but a group of adults may not want to shift it to G-rated conversation every time. If you can’t enjoy the gathering then politely excuse yourself when they break out raunchy games.

      • Anon

        This is the solution. As I prefer to go to bed early anyway and everyone knows it, I would go for the first half of the evening, comment about how much fun I’m having, and then plead bedtime when the game comes out and leave with a smile, waive, and “have fun! see you guys next time!” comment. If DH wants to say while you head home, he can do that. If he prefers to tuck in early also, then he can go with you.

    • Anon

      You don’t have to enjoy raunchy humor but you can’t force your preferences on others.

      If you don’t want to partake that’s fine but you can’t make people behave a certain way just because of your religious preferences.

    • Anon

      I’m not religious at all but I am deeply uncomfortable talking about sexual things with strangers. So I feel where you’re coming from.

      I wouldn’t ask the hostess if different games could be played when you’re there; that comes across as you being extra, and kind of fragile, and I know that’s not how I would want to be seen by people I wanted to hang out with again. When the Cards Against Humanity decks come out, just say “oh boy, I am exhausted/have a big day tomorrow and need to go home, thanks for the lovely evening!” and split. In that instance, my husband would not stay without me but I guess yours could stay without you if he wanted to? That might appear kind of strange, but I guess he could deal with it.

      There’s a really small circle of people in the world I will play Cards Against Humanity, etc. with and it does not include strangers, my neighbors, my older relatives (!) or really anyone outside of my very close, longtime friend circle of folks I know really, really well because we’ve been friends for 30 years. I get that some people think talking about raunchy sex topics with whoever, whenever, is a rollicking good time, but I just don’t agree. I don’t ever want to be the wet blanket/prude type who is like “well, I never!” and gets the vapors over stuff that’s not that serious. But I also wouldn’t subject myself to the cringe of the whole thing if I could find a viable excuse to avoid it.

      • NYCer

        Yeah, I would have no interest in this either. I think it is fine to go to the gatherings still, but just bow out early if / when they start playing raunchy games or people start getting tipsy.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to “there’s a really small circle of people in the world I will play Cards Against Humanity with.” My mother(!) kept trying to get us to play only family vacation when it was in that initial super popular phase and couldn’t understand why I was flat-out refusing.

    • Anonymous

      No do not come into your new neighborhood and ask an existing group to stop being fun because their brand of humor offended your morally superior delicate sensibilities. I know that’s not what you mean but that’s how you’re going to come off. Do not mention religion, your religion has nothing to do with this, they are being juvenile not morally bankrupt. Make up an excuse to leave early – you have an early workout class or have breakfast with mom, or whatever – and let your husband stay if he wants. In situations like this I actually think it’s better to excuse yourself than grin and bear it. You are probably not as good an actor as you think, and you won’t make friends by coming off uncomfortable and judgy. I suspect this behavior is probably alcohol fueled, as you suggest, so plan to dip when people start to get tipsy.

      • Anon

        Definitely how it comes off. I don’t know what religion has to do with anything here and mentioning it is very off-putting.

    • Anonymous

      You don’t ask a group of adults having fun to do something different because you’re a prude.

    • No Face

      Stop by and chit chat. When the topic bothers you, graciously say you have an early morning and go home. Maybe you want to go to family events but skip the adults only parties. DH can stay the whole time.

      • Senior Attorney

        This sounds reasonable but I have to admit I wouldn’t be super delighted about my husband playing dirty games in my absence, even though I don’t think I’m a very big prude. It just seems kind of icky to me. (Not that he’d be even remotely interested in it. He’d probably knock me over in his rush to get out the door…)

        • Anon

          I think it’s a know your husband thing, which it sounds like you do. I don’t think my husband is cheating me in any way if he’s participating in juvenile games like Cards Against Humanity. Is not like he’s playing strip poker. They’re just words.

          • Anon

            Yeah, I would have zero qualms about my husband playing dirty Cards Against Humanity without me. And I think I’m fairly prude-ish.

          • bird in flight

            100% agree; it wouldn’t bother me at all if my husband played a raunchy game of Cards Against Humanity without me there.

            No Face has the right plan. Don’t make it weird or a thing; it’s totally fine for you to not like the game, just don’t try and change everyone else. I’d stay until they were pulling the game out, and then just say thanks I’m out – see you at home. No big deal.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t think the husband is the problem. The issue is that the tipsy group will start teasing him about his boring, prudish wife. And some of the women may make advances, joking or not. Ideally he would find this all icky and stop hanging out with them, but many guys are susceptible to popular opinion and would start thinking less of their wives in this scenario, even though they wouldn’t accept the advances.

          • Senior Attorney

            Heh. I’m realizing, now that I’ve shot my mouth off, that I’ve never played Cards Against Humanity and I actually have no earthly idea what I’m talking about. So… carry on! ;)

          • bird in flight

            hahaha Senior Attorney – I *almost* asked if you have played Cards Against Humanity, because your comments seemed a bit out of character. So I just laughed when I saw that you haven’t.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t say anything. You’re going to come across as “how do I make the rest of the world now to my religion?” when the vast majority of us have had enough of that in our lives.

      Just don’t hang out with them if they’re going to play board games. It doesn’t sound like this crowd is going to switch to playing Chutes and Ladders for you.

  19. Ginger

    I’m debating whether to renew by WSJ subscription or subscribe to Apple News. Can I get the full WSJ on Apple News? For those of who currently have Apple News, do you like it? What are the pros and cons?

    • Anon

      If you want to support journalism, the answer is to subscribe directly to the publication. I’m sure the WSJ has worked out some kind of deal with places like Apple News to get however many cents per clicks, but I figure WSJ comes out much better when it’s going directly to them without the middleman.

    • Anon

      I believe very strongly that Apple News is not news. News comes from news organizations that invest in properly trained journalists and editors and other professionals, and all the tools they need, to responsibly report the news. Other stuff is just not news.

      • No Problem

        You do know that Apple News is literally a digest of news articles from actual news organizations, right? On the free version you can access tons of articles from WSJ, NYT, NatGeo, Ars, Fox, NBC, LA Times, etc., and you can see the headlines of articles only accessible if you subscribe (they are also from actual news organizations). Apple News is not…people at Apple writing “news stories,” which is what your post implies you think it is.

  20. Anonymous

    Data science boot camp poster here again. I have been looking into data science boot camps and even the “university-affiliated” ones all seem to be scams. You can’t download the syllabus, or in many cases see the costs, without providing your e-mail address and phone number. This typically leads to a sales call from someone in a foreign country who does not know anything about data science and cannot provide any actual information about the program. Does anyone know of a data science certificate program that covers machine learning and other more advance topics, with solid career placement services, that is actually legitimate?

    • Anon

      I’m not an expert but machine learning seems like something that wouldn’t be covered in a basic certificate program. The idea is to get you up to speed with data analytics skills commonly needed in the workplace currently, not to delve into more advanced topics like machine learning,

      Have you looked at online programs affiliated with major universities that have a physical presence, like Purdue Global and Arizona State Online?

    • Anon

      I think they’re all scams. The actual data scientists I work with mostly have an advanced degree, usually a PhD, in a quantitative field.

      Universities just started those programs because Data Science is a huge buzzword/term and they’re looking to make a quick buck.

      • OP

        This is the conclusion I am reaching. My issue is that I already have a JD/MPP that included a ton of PhD-level quantitative coursework, but I’ve been trapped in a consulting and management role for the past several years so my methods knowledge is out of date. I am not a strong coder and don’t have enough knowledge and experience with machine learning, large language models, etc. The suggestions above have led me to explore on-line university extension courses in these specific topics that I think will be much more useful than a boot camp or certificate. The challenge will be figuring out the job search on my own, since I haven’t been on the market in 15 years and my network is not oriented towards data science.

        Or I could just go back for that PhD in economics I always wanted, but that seems like a poor investment at this stage of my life.

        • Anonymous

          Girl you’ve done enough school. Idk what the answer is but you don’t need more school to get a different job. I think you’re hiding in school a bit

      • Anon

        They are scams. Signed, my husband just completed his master’s in business analytics from a university that accepted his application within 2 hours. It was a complete joke.

    • Agurk

      I think Berkeley has a certificate. also the best interns I’ve had are from the U. Washington program. but I second the person who said maybe you’re hiding in school.

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