ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 271 Comments

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Cap-Sleeve Sheath Dress in Two-Way Stretch Wool

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I don't think I've noticed this J.Crew sheath dress before, but it's a bestseller. Maybe this “academic green” — which is lovely — is new. It looks like a great option if you want a really classic, tailored sheath dress. The tiny cap sleeve looks very modern but also seems like it might be a little annoying — maybe that's me. I'd love to hear what you guys think. It covers your shoulders enough that you can feel like you can take off your top layer in a very conservative office or situation, but it won't interfere with the lines of your sweater or blazer. The dress comes in two other colors, black and “heather coal,” and it's noteworthy that it comes in petite, regular, and tall sizes and that regular sizes go up to size 24 — that's a new and welcome change at J.Crew. The price is $198 but comes down to $118 with code BOO. And on that note, Happy Halloween! Cap-Sleeve Sheath Dress in Two-Way Stretch Wool This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.  

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

271 Comments

  1. Does Brighton ever do sales or coupons? I’m looking to pick up a Christmas gift for my mom from there and I haven’t seen any coupons floating around.

    1. I think that there is a Supreme Court case re Brighton and discounts. Seriously.

      1. I just looked it up! Leegin Creative Leather Products, Inc. v. PSKS, Inc. Wow! I had no idea.

  2. I was always one of those people who was open to kids but never felt like I had to have them or made them a top priority. Now I am older and having them is much less likely. I am generally okay with this and like my life, but then I’ll read some survey about how everyone says raising children is the most important, meaningful thing they’ve ever done and I feel devastated. Like if I’m never going to get to experience the most important thing, how do I make sure my life still has joy and meaning? Obviously this is more a question for my therapist, but hoping to hear from others in my position. My day-to-day is great. I’m engaged in my community, involved in a lot of orgs, love my job, date, and have a fulfilling social circle. But it’s like that all doesn’t count when it comes to parenting. I’m struggling with how to define myself in a world where raising kids is considered paramount.

    1. I mean it basically has to be the most meaningful and important thing to them, you can’t be a decent parent without devoting your life to your child. Valuing other things above your kids would be pretty messed up. That doesn’t mean that you can’t find great meaning in other activities, though. You don’t have the burden of children so you’re free to value other things more. Raising a child isn’t *the* most important thing, it’s the most important thing to that child’s parent(s).

      1. +1 from me, also child-free. OP, it sounds like you have doubts about meaning and fulfillment in your life if it’s occurring to you that not having kids means less of these things. (For what it’s worth, by the way, these kinds of questions are extremely common in people’s 30s and 40s, whether they have kids of not.)

        You say you love your job, and that’s awesome. However, if it’s something that you don’t identify with at even a spiritual level (bear with me!) you might want to either ramp up your other service work or consider jobs that are more service-oriented. I took a large pay cut to switch to a non-profit job, and I never question where my meaning and fulfillment come from now. I’m single and have to be very conscious of my finances, but I definitely don’t feel I’m missing out on anything in life.

      2. Yes, this. Coming from a parent. It’s the most meaningful, important thing happening in ~my~ life. But if I didn’t have a kid, I’d find fulfillment in other activities/things/people.

      3. I have a kid, and I think there’s some truth to this. Being a parent is hard and takes a lot of time. It often requires sacrifices you wouldn’t otherwise make. In some ways, you have to find meaning in parenting in order to be a good parent.

        I also think there’s a lot of pressure on mothers to say that raising children is the most important or meaningful thing they’ve done. When I think about moms I know with grown-up kids, they’re all over the map in terms of where and how they’ve found meaning. I know several women who now have grown-up children and faced the same question when they had an empty nest–they’ve started new businesses, found new romantic partners, took on creative projects, and (in one case) converted to a different religion and became very involved in that congregation.

      4. Yes, this is true. I have two kids, and they are the most meaningful part of my life because basically I can’t do anything else. And I say that with love. I chose this. But I have my career, and I have my family, and that’s literally all I have time to do right now. The fact that I had kids means that, at least right now, I have fewer meaningful things overall. My kids are the most meaningful thing in my life only because I have kids. I don’t think that if I didn’t have kids, I would be missing out on the most meaningful thing in life. Does that make sense?

        I also agree with SC’s point above that there’s a lot of pressure on mothers to say our children are the most important part of our lives. Like if we don’t say that, we’re doing it wrong. I can’t remember where I read this, but I once read about an editor who changed a working mom’s statement from “I love my job, and I love my kids” to “I like my job, but I love my kids.” That’s the attitude we’re “supposed” to have, so it seems like everyone has that attitude. My point is that I think you can (and do!) absolutely have a meaningful life without kids. Being childless means you have more time for other very meaningful things.

      5. Agree with all of this. My situation was a little different than yours because I had always known i wanted kids but just was unable to find a partner (and didn’t feel like doing it alone would be the best choice for me or my child), and thought perhaps I had run out of time after I met my husband. To that end, I started visualizing my most meaningful life without a child – which involved animal rescue/volunteering and fostering/adopting as many dogs as I could. I ultimately did get pregnant but going through the mechanics of imagining this alternate life (kind of like the ghost ship column from Cheryl Strayed) helped me find a lot of peace.

      6. I decline to buy into the “kids are the most important thing you will ever do” hype and attribute that line of thinking not only to the patriarchy (which applies it to women, but not so much to men), but also to people seeking additional validation for the choice to SAH or to vitiate other beliefs and decisions.

        I decline to hinge the meaning in my life on my child. I watched my mother make choices based on the desire for a big family and a plan to SAH and then deal with years of disappointment when a family illness made that impossible and she had to work for many years in a job that she did not really enjoy because that was what was available to her as a result of the life choices she had made.

        My thoughts run more to the Ayelet Waldman school of thought that other relationships ultimately will mean more to me even though parenting is time- and energy-consuming. I refuse to measure my self-worth or my impact on the world by what I do for a person who (hopefully) will be living independently in a finite period of time, especially when I lived over 40 years before that person came along and may live another 40 years after that person moves out.

          1. I actually found this comment really interesting and helpful. Thanks, Ms B, for sharing.

          1. Making change in how the world sees and treats women, not only by direct or political action, but by modelling what that change can look like in how I live my life and communicating to others that change is possible. Even a single person can have an impact on many people and that change occurs not only as a result of movements or cataclysmic events, but also as a result of individuals’ actions and words and the accretion of those messages over time.

            Life is more than the sum of its parts. Parenting and working full time outside the house are some of those parts, but the parenting is not what gives my life the most meaning – and neither is the working, although both of them have their highs and lows. What does it for me is knowing that all of those pieces mean something because they make me the person that I am and that the world and I see. When I have young people (mostly women, but some men these days) ask me how to make it all work, I know that I am doing something right because I can help them find their own paths to make more change.

          2. Funnily enough, your first paragraph sums up a bit of why being a parent is, for me, so meaningful. Not just like, loving my child or sacrificing for my child gives my life meaning, but rather how every thing I do or say affects not only my own life in the present, but also affects what kind of people they are going to be in the future, and affects how they will impact the world. It scares the sh:t out of me sometimes to think about. And it seems to be a thing that more and more men say these days as well, I know my own father, and my brother as well, say that being a father is the most important thing in their lives. I believe Barack Obama also talked about how being a father was the most important thing in his life. I mean, no judgement of people for whom it’s not the most important thing, I just think it’s not something you can just dismiss as a tool of the patriarchy or whatnot. I mean, give women the benefit of believing they know what is important to them in their own lives.

    2. I was like you and in my 30s found that everything seemed to fall apart: community orgs shifted as membership shifted, committee membership changed, friends moved further out / to where they were from / otherwise had life changes. I felt like I’d wind up the last one standing in life’s game of musical chairs (this may still happen — a long-time friend’s youngish wife just went into a memory care facility b/c he still works and couldn’t care for her adequately anymore).

      I don’t have any advice, just commiseration.

      BUT now that friends who had kids are becoming empty-nesters, it has been nice to reconnect. Bottom line, people always seem to be coming and going. The comfort level of today may be different tomorrow.

    3. For people who have children, raising them will be the most important thing they do in life. That does not mean other aspects of their lives are not extremely meaningful and important and enjoyable. Those who do it have children have experiences that are the most meaningful within the context of their lives and those experiences are important, meaningful and everything else that hraisinf children generally is described as being.

      1. Basically this. I have three kids and raising them is the most meaningful thing in my life right now but that’s because I’m responsible for other human beings and I’m trying to do it right.

        But raising children is not the ‘penultimate’ human experience. I don’t remember Abraham Lincoln because he was a dad. I don’t value RBG because she’s a mom. I’m not even 100% sure either had kids without googling. And even on a ‘regular person’ scale – one of the most important people in my life is my aunt who never had kids and another is a teacher who never had kids. Being a parent is important and joyous to me but it is not life defining. My life would be different but not less meaningful if I didn’t have kids.

    4. Don’t give in the hype! You’re description of your lifestyle sounds wonderful and fulfilling.

      I’ve got two kids. I don’t regret it at all. I had them at 36 & 39. There are trade offs. Most of the paths I’ve taken have been half-accident/half-intentional. The best thing for my mental health is when I own the path I’ve taken and not focused too much on the accident/road not taken.

      And the world is a better place because of people like you engaging in the community.

      1. I think I have coming around to having to agree with all of this — even tho I want children, it is becoming a reality that I will need to do IVF since I have NO husband (or even a boyfriend) to participate in this procedure. I really want a family, but no man has been willing to step up to his role, preferring instead to watch me do everything for him (like a child) and I do NOT want to raise 2 children (one being the putative husband, who wants me to do everything in exchange for him impregnating me). FOOEY on that!

        I think the OP should do what I am thinking of doing and she can have a child, even if alone, and still feel fulfilled. Remember, OP, you have the POWER of the HIVE behind you, so hang in there! YAY!!!

    5. After having had children, I can firmly tell you – you do not need to have children to have a rich, fulfilling life. I know that for certain now because I’m on the “other side”. Of course, raising my kids is the most meaningful part of my life – because I had kids, and they need raising. But I can completely see an alternative universe where I hadn’t had children, and a lot of beautiful, wonderful things would have filled that space – like friends, travel, hobbies, charity, family, etc.

    6. I hear you. But none of that means that kids are The Most Important Thing you could possibly do with your life. Just that once you have them, they’re the most important because they kind of have to be.

    7. I had one child at 33 after nine years of marriage. She is almost 16. My husband and I are deeply grateful for who she is but if you had told me that every moment of our leisure time would be devoted to raising her, I would not have believed you. It was not that way when she was younger but our responsibilities really stepped up now that she is in high school. She doesn’t drive yet so all the pickups from sports practices, group projects and other activities. I’m shocked at what is required academically with tests and projects. (did not understand advanced classes would be so advanced :). There is always something going on, so I believe people naturally derive meaning from what they spend the majority of their time on. If they do not have children, something else is bound to have meaning.

      1. +1

        I had kids very late and my life pre-kids was very fulfilling also. I would have been content to keep if it kids hadn’t been in the picture. And it’s what I envision my empty-nester phase of life as being — work, community, etc.

      2. But what do you during all her activities? Surely you have leisure time then. And why are you helping her with advanced classes? Encourage her to seek help from peers and teachers, and get a professional tutor if she really can’t keep up. It’s not healthy for her or you for you to be so involved.
        Teenagers are emotionally needy but far less time-intensive than little kids. If they’re not, you’re probably helicopter parenting (special needs excepted, of course).

        1. FWIW, I started shooting hoops and keeping a basketball in my car for when I am there as a chauffeur and don’t have any friends waiting to visit with (or I make new friends). It is really fun and good exercise.

        2. We are at work during her after school athletics but one of us races out to the pick up each day, and meals need to be more thoughtfully planned since she runs. She is pretty much on her own with school work, although she occasionally calls on my husband when she is stuck on a math or chemistry problem. Her school is into group projects which is a pain when it cannot be done at school. It just feels like a lot going on in the household. There can be very late nights getting it all done. I’m like the Princess and the Pea since I never sleep that well until the house is completely quiet. Life seemed less stressful when she was a little girl for sure, and Advanced/AP classes require far more time than they did 30 years ago when I took them.

        3. Eh, driving kids around takes up a significant amount of time. I remember my parents driving me all over the place when I was in middle school and early high school, and I don’t think they were helicopter parents at all. When I turned 15, my dad made me get my learner’s permit, and he made me drive at every opportunity until I turned 16. He then made me get my driver’s license 2 days after I turned 16. I think he felt like he got his life back.

          I don’t remember my parents waiting around for me very much. I think most of their time was spent driving. But my dad would have read a book, and my mom would have worked on her calendar and shopping lists while waiting for me. Or they would have talked to the other parents.

          1. Agree… and I don’t think the book I keep in my console and read in spurts while waiting for practice to be over really counts as “leisure time.”

          2. Oh yeah I got my drivers license right after I turned 16. My parents got me a cheap car and gave me gas money if I drove my younger sister to school and sports. At that age I loved the idea of driving and was thrilled to have a car. I know my parents were thrilled to do a lot less running around.

        4. Oh, no. I think teenagers are *far* more intensive than little kids. Little kids, little issues — big kids, big issues.

          1. Big Issues, yes, but they haven’t been a bigger time commitment in my experience.

          2. Perhaps it’s not a bigger time commitment (little kids are always around) but it is requiring more brain power since the stakes seem higher. We’ve gone from bedtime stories to dealing with exposure to serious issues and decisions that could have far reaching implications. And surely there is lots our daughter is dealing with that we do not know about!

      3. DH and I have a 3 year old. We recently went to the same tropical resort we’ve gone to in the past pre-kid. Haven’t been since kid was born. It was really nice, beautiful scenery, the perfect family time etc. But during the countless hours on the beach making sand castles and over every take-in or homemade dinner and nightly two hour bedtime routine, I could not help comparing what we did with this same time pre-kid. Scuba diving, talking to fishermen, hiking and backpacking through the hills and volcanoes, lavish and delightful dinners out, very late nights including night time diving and snorkeling. Is raising my kid more meaningful than having these exciting but very common experiences? Well, it’s not like I have a choice now! So it better be! But I miss the crap out of being free as much as I love my kid.

    8. Please consider that this is a very easy and safe answer to a question with a scope so broad it’s uncomfortable to ponder.
      *standard disclaimer that yes, of course, raising children is meaningful and important.

    9. So, maybe to poke the bear a bit, do they say that raising children is the most important, meaningful thing they’ve ever done because they feel that society will guilt them if they don’t say that? Maybe there is something that they value over children, but they don’t feel like they can talk about it. So it becomes a cyclically thing where they feel they can’t say they value something over their children, so they don’t, then they see all these other people saying that they value children over everything else and they feel guilty, so the next time, they still say they value children, etc.

      I value a lot of things in my life more than I value the idea of children – which is why I’m very open about my desire to not have children. I recognize I’ll probably get a lot of snark about this, but I’m also not procreating. I think it’s okay to say that, for you, /this thing/ is the most important, meaningful thing in my life and so I’m going to focus on that and it’s okay if /this thing/ isn’t children.

      TLDR; you do you, don’t worry about what Jane Schmidt says in a survey about what everyone else is doing.

    10. So this suggests to me that you might be struggling a bit with the question of what the focus and purpose of your adult life should be. When you’re younger, school provides that focus. And career often does when you’re out of school. But once you’re established, you often find yourself at loose ends and wondering what the point of all this is (not to oversimplify it). In a sense, it’s easier for parents because they don’t have to engage in that inquiry – parenting becomes their primary driver, the thing that gives purpose and meaning to their adult lives, and the most significant way they contribute to the world (although I think many of them experience the same struggle when they get older and the intensive parenting stage ends).

      As you note, that’s so common that we don’t really have a model for how to develop a focus for your adult life if you’re not following that path. What would it look like if you spent some time thinking about what gives you a sense of deep fulfillment, and oriented your life to pursue that? You might find a new direction – or you might find that you’ve already built a life that has purpose and meaning, and feel a renewed sense of peace and affirmation with respect to the path you’ve taken.

    11. Go read the Corporette Moms page. All the issues related to raising kids do not seem very meaningful. It honestly sounds like a rather miserable experience.

      1. I commented above, but I think that’s just it. Raising children often is a tedious and thankless experience. You make the choice between finding meaning in it or being miserable. A miserable, resentful parent isn’t going to be able to maintain a healthy relationship with their children. So, you try to find meaning for your own sake and your kids’ sake.

        I feel like you could make an analogy to many types of non-profit work or significant volunteering. The work isn’t always glamorous, the people you serve don’t always thank you, and usually you’ve sacrificed compensation you could get in the private sector (or, if you’re volunteering, your time). If you’re miserable, you’re not going to be successful long-term. If you find meaning in your work, you can advance the organization’s mission. (I tried nonprofit work once. I was miserable. I am thankful for the people who do the work, and I give money when I can.)

      2. Honestly one thing that scares me about having kids is that it seemed to make my parents pretty unhappy. I know they love me but I don’t know if they enjoy being parents, especially my mother.

        1. This. It is one reason I only occasionally felt having children would be part of my life. And ultimately it wasn’t.

      3. Really no need to be mean and say that the women on the Corporette Moms page have a “miserable experience.” Let’s just agree we all derive meaning from different things and no one life path is superior to another. That doesn’t require us to compare ourselves to others and it doesn’t require us to think someone else has a crappy life for us to think our own decisions were the right ones for us. As many on this board say, “Good for you; not for me.”

    12. There are a ton of childfeee by choice groups on Facebook- if you find those you’ll see another perspective besides the babies are everything narrative. Might help you feel better. Also agree with it’s not a choice between work and kids, without kids you can engage in your own passions and creativity. For me, the community service aspect never resonated (it’s great people do it) but it sounded like this sad choice between a robust family life and serving soup to the downtrodden. I personally prefer to engage in the things hat inspire me – I travel a lot, have a lot of friends of different ages and stages of life (many with kids), and I spend quality time with my spouse – something that’s often underrated. We have an amazing family of two.

      2. It is my constant go to when I start perseverating on the “what ifs”.

    14. I have a 4 year old. This is probably not a socially appropriate thing to say, but being a mom is just part of my life. It doesn’t give my life *meaning*. Yes, I find a lot of joy in the relationship I have with my daughter, but it has also been an exhausting grind at a level that I really did not expect, and it actually keeps me from being able to do much else for other people. I’m on a couple of boards, and I give to my church and other charities, but at this point in my life, I’m mainly focused on my family. That probably has a lot to do with her age and I should be able to do more in a few years.

      I’m very glad I’m a mom and I’m glad I have my daughter in my life. I have a difficult time finding some kind of higher meaning in most moments though. I can find meaning retroactively, I can see how things fall into place over time, and I would not be surprised at finding myself saying “this gave my life meaning” once my kid is grown and I don’t have the day to day hands on stuff to focus on. Right now having a kid gives me tasks and a specific purpose (raise a reasonably well adjusted, kind, productive member of society), more than some kind of abstract meaning.

      I also don’t really struggle generally with whether or not my life has meaning. I think most people are worthwhile and valuable in a “all human life has value” kind of way, but average and unremarkable, and I am one of them, and that’s okay. I don’t have this need to be the hero of a meaningful grand journey story. That’s just my pragmatic-to-a-fault personality though.

      1. +1, CPA Lady. I have two children and they didn’t give my life meaning. And I too don’t struggle with whether my life has meaning. I do what I do; I’m not saving the world, but that’s ok too.

    15. You’ve gotten great responses, and I agree with a lot of them. My immediate response to your question was not nearly as thoughtful as some of these other posters: I think parents have to tell themselves that, otherwise they would be like WTF did I do this to myself?!

      1. Haha, that’s basically what I was thinking as I was reading through some of these answers. It’s an evolution thing — if parents don’t find it meaningful, then the species will die out! :)

      2. Exactly! It is as if Mother Nature knew she needed to throw in the love/meaningfulness gene. Otherwise, why would anyone want to devote all the time and money necessary to have children?

    16. I’m happily childless by choice and I think a lot of what gets put in the media is biased towards parents. And when people become parents they may feel like they have to justify the huge changes in their lives that come with being parents. I’ll be an aunt for the first time this winter and I’m excited about that, but not nearly enough to change my mind about my choice. I find a lot of fulfillment in my life through my career in which I mentor a lot of college students and my volunteer work. I foster cats and kittens and I feel like I am making a real difference by providing them with a safe and loving home while they grow and get healthy. I work hard to socialize them and teach them house manners and to find them forever homes. I date, I go out with friends, I travel, sometimes I stay out too late or drink too much. None of these things could happen if I had kids and I’m totally ok with that. I like my life the way it is.

    17. I don’t know, I have a a child (likely one and done) and I don’t feel this way. I feel very adamantly that I keep my identity outside of being a mother. I don’t want that to be my entire life. Obviously it is super important and a priority right now, but equally important to me is being able to support myself and contribute financially to my family.

      As a mother of a boy, though, I feel a tremendous responsibility to raise him to be respectful, one of the good guys.

      OP – If you are happy and satisfied with your life, you’re doing great!

    18. I am in my 50’s and although I was open to having kids, the right relationship didn’t come along at the right time. I can relate to OP and the quest for meaning. I think that working towards worthy goals (helping people, animals, planet) gives one meaning. Non-parents have to consciously choose their worthy goals on an ongoing basis. Parents have that type of goal built in for them: make one decision – have a kid – and you’ve got a worthy goal for the rest of your life. But this planet has an overpopulation problem, so in a very intellectual/cynical way, I sometimes think that unless you adopt, parents are sort of manufacturing meaning and love, when the better-for-humanity choice is to adopt or make your meaning without kids. I don’t begrudge parents at all, but when I hear that sentiment of “you don’t know what true selfless love is if you aren’t a parent,” I kind of bristle.

  3. I wish they’d just go with legit sleeves or sleeveless. Without a wrap/jacket, these winglet-sleeve-things create a horizontal interest around the collarbone area that calls out for a giant honking anulet thingie or a Flavor Flave clock. You could definitely wear a giant statement necklace with this dress.

    1. This tends to be when I break out a brooch instead. But honestly I wish for more v-necks so I can wear dresses like this over blouses without looking buttoned up to my chin.

      1. I want to own this dress in every color, but the way the sleeeves are cut in is SO unflattering.

    2. The sleeves on this dress I think really only work on the model’s type of figure, thin (or at least thin arms), broad shoulders, and a distinguishable waist to give a kind of attractive V shape. On the average woman it would make you look like a football player or emphasize any amount of arm flab you have.

  4. Talk to me about Airbnb in New York. I haven’t paid too much attention but seem to recall hearing about crack downs on people making their entire apartment available as opposed to a single room. But when I look at the page, I see tons of postings for entire apartments. I’ve got a 2 week stay coming up and I’d love to have an entire small apartment to myself. I see what look like a lot of good options, but is there a risk of having the stay cancelled? Should I just be looking for something else?

    2. I hear of people using it in NY fairly frequently. Red flags would be instructions to say you are a “friend” picking up a key from a doorman or similar lies, which indicates the building forbids it. Pick a place that has lots of recent reviews, indicating a stable rental environment.

      If the stay DOES get cancelled, Airbnb gives you a credit to apply to an alternate property, and they also have on-call staff to find a different place on short notice (though this is obviously less than ideal).

    3. Renting out a full apartment when the host is not there is illegal in NYC. The risk of enforcement is low, but you would absolutely be at risk of having the stay cancelled at the last minute or even while you’re there.

  5. I need a better system for mail. Right now, everything I need to save gets put in a pile to deal with later. I never deal with it later. This includes: info from a 401k at a former employer from the employer; receipts from stores and online that may get returned; docs from a (different, very recent) former employer about benefits, etc. (I already shred anything that is available online, like EOBs.) What’s the easiest way to get a system up and running so that I can file for 10 minutes a day (both incoming and to process backlog)? I have an old file box with old papers that I haven’t gone through yet. I don’t have a ton of space or a filing cabinet so I was thinking maybe an accordion file with 6-12 folders. Thoughts?

    1. This is controversial but I’d purge ruthlessly and file the remainder by year rather than category. Then going forward, you just pop things you need to save in the year file. It would take less time to go through a year’s worth of paperwork than to spend all that time categorizing and filing. I haven’t convinced my husband of this theory yet so it’s untested but I think it shows promise.

      In terms of incoming stuff, I pop everything in this little ikea tub that sits by the door and open mail once a week, normally the day before recycling goes out. Nothing urgent comes by mail anymore so it saves me from leaving little piles of paperwork throughout the house.

      1. My approach is similar. I call my year files my tax files but this turns into a file for each year. I throw almost everything away once a week and everything else goes into a drawer for the current year’s tax return. If we buy or sell a house or rollover retirement, those documents can be found in that year’s tax file even if the transaction itself was not taxable. Also put year end retirement statements, etc in there. My only other home files are 1) Daughter – report cards (one per year), standardized test score, immunization forms. 2) House repairs/major purchase – ex: any work done, warranty on a grill, etc goes there. 3) Important document envelope – SS cards, passports, marriage license, car titles, etc.
        In the 90’s I worked with an Irish immigrant who threw away almost everything. He basically told me that you cannot keep a lot of stuff if there are ten kids in your family, and “what can you really not get if you need it anyway?” That made quite an impression on me.

    2. I refer to my system as “touch it twice.” The best practice is to only touch a piece of mail once, take action, and be done with it, but those pieces with delayed action (receipts for possible return, something I need to sit down and focus on, etc) were crushing me.

      Anything that can get dealt with immediately does — filed away if needed. It sounds like you need a file box or an accordion to keep everything tidy. Then there’s the pile of things that have deferred action — I add to that as needed and go through it every three weeks or so. If something lasts in that pile more than 6 weeks, then it’s not important enough to need action and I get rid of it.

      The reality is, there are very few documents that you can’t get replacements for, too.

    3. The last time I was able to make do with an accordion folder was in undergrad. I’d have at least three ring binders. I keep them in a hallway closet, next to sheets and hiking gear.
      My broad categories for filling are employment/health insurance/retirement, financial/IRS/insurance, other stuff in my life/rental/memberships.
      When I file things, which is maybe 30 minutes per quarter, I start by sorting things into these broad categories, then get out the folders and file away. Newer correspondence goes on top of old one.
      I keep a separate large envelope where all receipts go that I will need to file my tax return. I file those after submitting the tax return.

    4. San Fran this weekend – need restaurant recommendations. Asian, seafood, brunch, specialities of the city. Res at Kokkari on Friday night…yay!

      2. I love the Waterfront (seafood) and Greens has an amazing brunch with a great view of the bay. Smuggler’s Cove is a fantastic bar with excellent drinks (it’s tiki-style and set up like a pirate ship).

    5. I use a plastic file folder container. It’s larger than an accordion file, but smaller than a filing cabinet. And it’s portable, though a bit heavy. I have it under my desk. I have a wicker basket that everything goes in, and then on a weekly (give or take) basis I go through, address bills, file stuff, shred, toss, etc.

  6. This is just a vent. What is with leaders in industries that are very conducive to working from home very anti-WFH? I started a new job last month that touted it’s WFH-every-other-week for one day policy, but it’s clear that the policy is only with the boss’s grudging approval and that he doesn’t trust it. Now there’s going to be a new policy codifying tight restrictions and regulations about it to boot. My previous company was in the same industry and was amazingly WFH-friendly, which really helped me thrive, so this feels kind of rough to not be trusted (especially when my commute is over an hour early way). Ugh.

    2. I haaaaate that. I have had the same experience. I worked so much more when I WFH on a regular basis. I would easily, and happily, log 12 hours of work while also managing home stuff. I don’t get it at all. It’s usually dudes with stay at home spouses who handle everything at home. Ugh. I’m now in management and trying to change things slowly.

    3. Are you in Chicago? Because this sounds like my company. I am right there with you, 100%, on everything you said.

      1. Nope, Bay Area. The boss lives very close to the office and everyone else is dealing with long commutes, which especially stings.

    4. This is a big case of the company lying and misleading its applicants. If there is a WFH policy, the policy needs to be followed, not at the “discretion” of managers, but in accordance with the policy. If the big wigs hate it, then they need to officially do away with it because it just disenchants workers who thought it was an option.

      I think a lot of people who hate WFH are projecting. They know they’d be lazy and have little motivation to work so they think everyone else will be like that too. I often finds this corresponds with poor management style as well, because they don’t trust their workers.

  7. Of note this week (slow reader):

    In the AA case against Harvard, it looks like faculty children have something like 30% admittance odds (higher than any other group, including alumni and athletes). I know faculty are probably likely to also be alumni, but this was both dispiriting (no random kid in my SEUS city stands a chance) and perhaps a planning opportunity (exit BigLaw to teach somewhere where my kids might be borderline but needing a boost?). Also of note: likely STEM majors (other than math; think of things like engineering, which I didn’t even know that Harvard had) were less likely to be admitted than likely liberal arts majors.

    ALSO, white college educated women are trending overwhelmingly Democratic. Which is fine, but how does that impact other D constituencies? Will the party continue to be the party of H. Clinton, Diane Feinstein, and Kirsten Gillibrand (vs the party of Maxine Waters, Kamala Harris, and Corey Booker)? In my area we had seen a Gillibrand/Clinton type politician blow it big time on issues that were very marginalizing with most D voters who care about schools, safety, jobs, roads/transit, and housing. It’s a D city anyway, but needs to speak to people who live here who aren’t rich and who are directly affected by bad schools (vs. politicians who send their kids to Country Day and don’t appreciate how people actually live). The primaries are where the action is at (not election day) and it has become very interesting to watch.

    1. I can’t speak to Harvard but at a lot of universities, faculty preference in admission is often sort of an unwritten part of the compensation package. It’s very hard to keep your professors happy if you’re not accepting their children to the institution where they teach.

      1. Do you have to pay full tuition though?

        I ask b/c schools like UVA – UCLA – Berkeley – UNC are inexpensive (relatively) if you are an in-state undergrad (which faculty presumably are) but hard to get into. So if you were to teach, and you have to pay full freight, it would make sense to teach at the very competitive state Us (vs private U or the sort of state school that is so large that it is not particularly hard to get into).

        I think that it would be great to get a kid into a school like Harvard but IDK how I’d ever come up with $70K cash * 4 years and I doubt we make so little to qualify for aid. And I wouldn’t want my kid to have loans from undergrad.

        1. It totally varies from school to school. I am the child of a faculty member at a private university – children of faculty and staff were eligible for full-tuition scholarships once the parent had worked at the institution for 10 years. At other universities, there may be no faculty tuition assistance; some schools offer a benefit that is portable (so if your kid doesn’t go to College A, you can use the benefit at any other college).

          I was fortunate that my parent taught at a very well-ranked university. I did get into higher-ranked schools, but my parents were firmly team “Undergrad Debt is Not Worth It” and I am really grateful that I graduated debt-free.

        2. It’s usually radically discounted or free – as others note, it’s part of professor comp similar to trailing spouse work.

        3. I just googled Harvard’s policy; I don’t see any direct tuition discounts, but tenured faculty apparently can take out interest-free loans for tuition for their dependents at any accredited institution, both for undergrad and grad school.

          I’m a bit surprised by that. I think most wealthy private universities have more generous arrangements. As I mentioned below, my own institution gives a full tuition discount, although you still have to pay room and board. 50% is probably more usual. Some places also have portable tuition grants. My former institution covered full tuition if your kid went there, and 50% of that amount if they went anywhere else.

          1. I work at a wealthy private elite university, and tuition for my kids (up to 3 kids) is discounted to 30%… and this is the same for a reimbursement policy if my kids go elsewhere. A 70% discount. I have two kiddos sooooo I am stuck here until they are done college – ha! It almost makes up for my low pay.

      2. And not just faculty, but also professional staff. A couple of years ago, I interviewed for a job at a (non-elite but private) university that, admittedly, would have been a stretch for me, but with a salary below what I was making. The person who got the job was a man about 15 years senior to me who was super overqualified. I vented to a friend, questioning why he’d even want the job, and she pointed out that if he had kids in high school, he’d likely benefit from admissions preference and tuition breaks, which would more than make up for the low compensation.

        1. Yep. I worked for Boston U for a while and worked with many many extremely overqualified admins who were there for the tuition benefit for their high schoolers. No admission prefrence but (at the time) amazing tuition discount.

          I also worked for Holy Cross in MA that had an exchange tuition benefit with other Jesuit schools. Like if you didn’t want to send your kid to HC, they could go BC or Georgetown or Fordham and use the same benefit. I didn’t have kids so wasn’t super familiar with it, but I know it was a thing for staff.

        2. Yeah, My undergrad school (a large lowly ranked state school in the midwest), provided free tuition to children of full time employees over a certain amount of years. However, it didn’t cover any of the associated tuition fees, just the base rate. So parents would still be paying upwards of $3000 plus room/board which were mandatory unless you lived within a few miles of the school. And room and board was about as much as instate tuition. (I calculated our room rate one time to be over $1000 a month, to live in a room with another person. If you want to vent about college costs, there is the real kicker, and it still is going up!).

          Anyway, my grad school was much higher ranked state school in the midwest only gave a 50% tuition waiver to tenured faculty only.

          Here is the other obvious thing, if you are the child of a professor, chances are you are smart, you have done well in school, and you see yourself continuing in higher education of some kind. Plus, your parents are very supportive of you pursuing an academic career. The fact that you are familiar with the campus, familiar with some professors, etc, it should be no surprise that you would be interested in continuing your education there because you already have a network.

    2. It makes sense that likely STEM majors wouldn’t be admitted in the highest numbers. Harvard doesn’t want to admit kids who are likely to turn Harvard down for MIT or CalTech or another school that is particularly geared towards engineering.

    3. If my parent works at the place, they have all the right information what my application needs to look like to get through admission. I’m not sure how you want to deal with that, short of banning those kids from attending the same school.
      More importantly, 30% sounds high, but we are probably not talking about a huge number of students. I imagine that faculty works at Harvard for well over 10 years, and they might have one, possibly two kids get a degree there.

    4. I’m faculty, not at Harvard, but a modestly less elite school (more comparable to Brown/Penn). I think there are two things going on. First, yes – probably faculty kids get an admissions boost, because it helps keep us happy, and keeping big-name faculty here is what makes us continue to be an elite school. I’m not big-name faculty, at least not yet, but there are people in my department who are a really big deal in our field, and are the reason that we are a top-10 department. They could move to another, similarly prestigious, place essentially just by picking up the phone. I’m sure that their kids get a preference to keep them here.

      But also – my colleagues kids who don’t go to our institution mostly are at similarly prestigious places, or at the handful of places (Harvard/Yale/Stanford/Princeton) that have even more competitive admissions. The kids who do enroll at our institution often got in to those places too, but end up here for financial reasons (they get a free ride here). Faculty at my institution are all extremely smart, care a lot about education, understand the world of higher education, and have strong networks across a range of universities. Other people have more money, but in terms of cultural capital, they are better positioned than almost any other group of people to prepare their kids to get into an institution like ours. Their kids speak other languages, have travelled extensively (and not through BS voluntourism programs), have good grades from excellent schools, play musical instruments at a high level, and have learned how to express themselves compellingly in writing – ie, all the stuff that gets you into a university like ours, regardless of who your parents are.

      This isn’t a defense of the system. I think it’s a problem that those kind of cultural assets are so important at getting into elite universities. Places like Harvard should do a better job of finding and admitting smart kids who are capable of succeeding there but who haven’t grown up in that kind of cultural world. But I think faculty kids are mostly of a symptom of the larger underlying problem with the way admissions is structured.

      1. I agree, sort of, re faculty kids resources.

        I know a professor couple at my academically-generous local state U and they have been able to take sabaticals, live abroad for research, and travel for months, in a way that non-rich non-retired people generally can’t. Only my friends who are military dependents / state department dependents have done as much (but without the fancy schools / music at a high level).

        1. Yeah, it’s gross in all sorts of ways. But you aren’t going to fix it by eliminating preferences for faculty kids, you’ll just end up with the kids of Harvard professors going to Yale and vice versa. The changes need to be much more systemic.

      3. I agree. I think the main reason, which I noted above, that faculty kids go to their parents school is that they have been educated in such a way that perfectly qualifies them to belong. A faculty parent who has read 50 applications to a graduate program every year for the last 15 years is going to have some pretty good pointers when it comes to those application essays. Regardless of the name recognition or anything of the sort, those essays are just going to be better. The parents will also be super supportive about taking the SAT and probably fork out the cash to take classes. My parents don’t know how to write an essay anymore, they certainly underestimated the importance of standardized tests.

        In my high school, I took all of the AP classes offered, 1-2 per subject. I was one of 3-4 people in those classes whose parent wasn’t a high school teacher! In this way, teachers producing good students is not an anomaly, more of an expected result.

        1. I actually disagree that professors know much about undergrad admissions. They have essentially zero involvement in the process at many (most?) elite universities – they don’t read applications or application essays (although they might participate in selection for scholarships). My father taught at an elite university for almost 40 years and never saw an undergrad application other than mine/my brother’s.

          They are very involved in graduate admissions, but that is an entirely different ballgame in terms of the materials submitted and the considerations that go into selection.

    5. I’ve always wondered if (and hoped that) non-professional staff have the same benefit for their children. Seems like getting more custodians’ and cafeteria workers’ children in the doors should be equally if not more important to places like HYP.

      1. Yes, my high-ranked but not Ivy college was very good about that. I believe the same tuition benefits were provided for all long-term employees, whether faculty, staff, dining hall, whatever.

      2. This!

        And yet I suspect that this is so not how it shakes out, esp. at Harvard (although: maybe you get crazy overqualified people trying to work in staff jobs).

        FWIW, most schools contract out to Sodexho, etc., so I bet those cafeteria workers aren’t even Harvard employees. Not sure if custodial services are this way or not. But there are landscape crews, electricians, HVAC techs, police/safety officers etc. who are FT employees on the schools I’ve been at. Parking attendants are usually contracted out.

      3. My institution offered the benefit fairly broadly, so long as the staff member was directly employed by the university. I had a friend whose aunt (a nurse at the university’s hospital) adopted her so that she could attend for free – her parents were extremely low-income, but the aid that otherwise would have been available wouldn’t have been enough (note that my university now offers and extremely generous grant-in-lieu-of-loan program to low-income and middle-income families, so this wouldn’t be necessary now). And my faculty parent was the academic advisor for a student whose mother was the custodian for the building where my parent’s office was.

      4. Depends on what level you’re working at and how easy you are to replace. As a mid-level staff member at a large non-flagship state school, I get tuition rebates for myself and no benefits for dependents; it’s the same for any FT non-professional staff. However, faculty and high-level staff on our medical campus get benefits for dependents.

        My favorites are the consortiums where faculty/high level staff get dependent benefits at a consortium of like, 20 SLACs. Choosing a school and advancement opportunities based on dependent benefits is definitely something that’s on my radar, depending on how kids and a PhD shake out.

    6. All I know is that I hope that Harvard loses. The admissions-related discrimination at elite schools against Asians has been rampant for years.

    7. I work at a prestigious college with a very good tuition benefit and tuition exchange program, meaning that dependents of faculty and staff can go to school here basically for free and at a deep discount at many other institutions that have reciprocal tuition exchange programs with us. One of my coworker’s daughters goes to school for basically free at an out-of-state school that accepted our tuition benefits. When my coworker’s kids are all out of college and she is done using the tuition benefits, she plans to retire. It’s a huge incentive to work in higher education.

  8. Seeking recs for a good sneaker flat. Puma stopped making my preferred style and the replacement one (the Vega) doesn’t work for me. Ideally under $75 with decent support. Thanks!

    2. No suggestions, but also sadly mourning the loss of the Zandy. That was my favorite commuting shoe ever, and if I had known it was about to be discontinued I would have bought many pairs to hoard!

        1. Yes, I’ve been looking for an all black sneaker flat and can’t find one. I have one from several years ago but I don’t want a white sole, I want all black so if I get stuck wearing them with real pants they look less like sneakers (my current ones are patent and all black and perfect, just not in such great shape anymore.) If anyone knows about, please advise!!

    4. Can’t say enough good things about Allbirds. I have them in eucalyptus for warm weather, and def. planning on getting them in wool for the cold.

    1. Bodyweight Fitness app. It’s not super versatile but for what it is it’s thorough and it’s free.

  10. Is negotiating internally on who does what simply a constant struggle in a large complex organization? Our company has 17 regions. I seem to constantly be at war with 3 other regions where their work lands on my team’s desks. When I try to send it back, they act like I’m dumping on them. All of the revenue goes to their regions under these deals. All of us have approached our global manager about this issue and he won’t do anything and want us to work it out amongst ourselves. Am I missing a teachable moment? Or is this a leadership issue?

    1. turf wars (both in terms of who gets the good stuff and who gets the work) are common, but it’s a leadership issue if no one is willing to step up at a point and settle it.

      1. +1000 on it being a leadership issue if unresolved. This is happening all over the place in my company and it’s ridiculously inefficient and wasteful.

    2. Turf wars and internal competition are rampant in my organization and waste an incredible amount of time. I went through a couple years of leaders trying to make the staff resolve these issues by training us to “lead without authority”. It is exhausting. I can tell you that doesn’t work and this is 1000% a leadership issue to resolve.

    4. I’m a middle manager in a big organization and head of a service line. 50% of my job is literally to turn away work politely and explain why we aren’t going to do this and why it should be their job. Explaining the financial flow as you pointed out above, does help. I’d rather be doing something productive and interesting with my time but leadership cannot be bothered to figure out who does what so instead they have bouncers like me in every region or major service line.

  11. I’d love any recommendations for day trips from Las Vegas please. My husband and I will be hiring a car for a couple of days, and enjoy the outdoors and hiking. I will also be spending a couple of days in advance of that exploring Las Vegas on my own whilst my husband attends a conference. I’m looking forward to it!

    1. When? I always recommend North Rim of the Grand Canyon (very Alpine-feeling) but it is probably closed for the winter now. It’s a 4-hour drive from Vegas that is absolutely stunning (like worth doing in a convertible so you get the panoramic experience stunning). If you can drive back into Vegas as the sun is setting, that is also a magnificent view b/c you will be at a higher elevation and can see for DAYS.

    2. Valley of Fire! Grand Canyon is way too far, 8 hours round trip is not a “day trip” that’s an entire day of driving!!

    3. National parks! It’s about a 4/4.5 hour drive from Las Vegas to the Grand Canyon and/or Bryce and/or Zion. The North Rim of the Grand Canyon is probably easier to manage logistically, since it’s on the same side of the canyon as Bryce and Zion. It’s also quieter and less developed than the South Rim, which I appreciated. Zion and Bryce are both smaller, very manageable parks with awesome day hike options. I’d be happy to give you specific hike recs for those two parks if you want, since I was just there this past spring.

      I would recommend passing through the Page/Lake Powell area if at all possible, to check out Antelope Canyon. Seriously one of the most magical and mesmerizing places I’ve ever been. The drive from Page to the North Rim is absolutely stunning as well–I wish we’d had time to explore some of the national monuments along the way.

    4. Death Valley National Park is incredible. Depending on the time of year you go it may be too hot for hiking mid-day, but we went last October and it blew my mind. There is lots to see (the park website actually gives you best driving options to maximize your time) and plenty of short/long hikes. I may be overly excited as a Canadian, but the silence of the desert is unlike anything else.
      Also a very short drive away are the Hoover Dam, Valley of Fire State Park.

    6. If you have problems with dry skin or live in an environment with more humidity and greenery, bring or buy lotion that is thicker than what you typically use.

    7. If you want to stay close to Vegas, I’m a huge fan of Red Rock Canyon (Turtlehead is my go-to hike) or heading toward Hoover Dam/Lake Mead/Black Canyon. A specific favorite was kayaking Black Canyon directly below the Hoover Dam.

      If I want to go a little further, I go to Zion. Specific hikes I’ve loved are the West Rim Trail (including Angels Landing) and the Narrows where you’re hiking in the Virgin River up the slot canyon. Can’t speak for parks beyond Zion, because we tend to stop there and not want to leave.

      Death Valley, Lake Powell area, and the North Rim are on my short list though for future adventures.

    8. You can do some water sports at Lake Las Vegas like paddle boarding and kayaking.

    9. When I did this, I checked out Zion National Park (highly recommended!) and the Hoover Dam.

  12. Anyone feel like doing some shopping? I’m coming up short and getting frustrated. I’ve gained a lot of weight recently and now and in the plus sizes (18 ish). I need a dress for an upcoming wedding in New England in 2 weeks and ideally I could wear it to another wedding the weekend after in northern Florida (although I don’t have to wear it to both). Cocktail attire, want something with sleeves, black or navy. Already tried RTR and didn’t see anything available that fit my criteria. I’d be fine with something plain and dressing it up with accessories. Basically I don’t really know where to shop now. Thank you!!

    1. How about Talbots? Overall I find Talbots stuff can be on the stuffy side of classic, but good if you are looking for simple basics to wear multiple ways and times. They have some dresses that I think would fit your criteria, including a velvet sheath and a shimmery wrap, plus some plainer jersey and ponte options.

      1. Two friends of vastly different sizes have both worn this dress to weddings and it looked so good on both of them (and comes in many colors) that I’m thinking of buying it for myself. Comes in long sleeves, short sleeves, is crazy affordable. Search for MissMay Women’s Vintage Floral Lace Boat Neck Cocktail Formal Swing Dress on the river shopping site.

    3. This is so pretty: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/tahari-asl-metallic-embroidered-wrap-midi-dress?ID=6614923&

      A little more NYE: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/i.n.c.-mirror-ball-blazer-mini-dress-created-for-macys?ID=6963862&

      I could imagine someone getting a lot of wear out of this: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/american-living-satin-ruffle-sheath-dress?ID=2970441&C

      I want this: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-velvet-surplice-dress?ID=6711182&

      A bit more party party: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-tulle-trim-jersey-dress?ID=7058327&CategoryID=5

      This is cute: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/michael-michael-kors-plus-size-embellished-fit-flare-dress?ID=6691431

      TL;DR – search on macys, limited by size/color/occasion/sleeve

    5. I have the best luck at Nordstrom for plus size cocktail dresses.

      Not sure if you mean full sleeves, or just some sleeves, but I have now worn this to three events:
      https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-off-the-shoulder-lace-sheath-dress-plus-size/4159426?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&fashionsize=18W%2C%202X%2C%2020%2C%204XL&color=black%2F%20nude

      It does run big, so size down!

      I also have a similar version of this that I like:

      https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/eliza-j-lace-yoke-scuba-crepe-dress-plus-size/5079150?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&fashionsize=18W%2C%202X%2C%2020%2C%204XL&color=navy

      And this is green, but so lovely:

      https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/js-collections-soutache-sheath-dress-plus-size/5012686?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&fashionsize=18W%2C%202X%2C%2020%2C%204XL&color=forest

    6. I love Eliza J brand–they usually carry things perfect for this. You can find on Nordstrom or Amazon or other places.

      You may also want to consider an Etsuko dress from MM Lafleur. Expensive but I swear it’s the chameleon of dresses. Throw on nice shoes and a big necklace and you’re good to go. But perfect for work wear, too. (Machine washable!)

  13. Ugh, I am being strongly encouraged to dress up tonight for a friend’s Halloween get-together. Lazy Halloween costume suggestions, please.

    1. Party animal! A pair of animal ears and a party hat. Throw on some animal print accessories if you have them. Or an all black outfit with black cat ears and a fuzzy black vest. A bunch of glow sticks and be a “rave”.

    3. I saw a great one on Instagram where a couple just doodled on their own faces and went as Ross and Rachel from the Vegas episode.

      1. Another easy couple costume – Green with Envy. One person wears green and the other has a name tag that says Hi I’m Envy.

    4. Black clothes + cat ears + paint a nose and whiskers on your face = cat
      Edgier black clothes + lots of black eyeliner and eyeshadow + hat = The Craft era witch
      Yellow clothes + green construction paper crown = a pineapple
      Chambray shirt + red bandanna + determined grit in your eye = Rosie the Riveter
      Obnoxiously bright printed shirt + socks with sandals + fanny pack + camera + visor = Tourist
      Striped shirt + cat ears + bag with a dollar sign drawn on it = Cat burgler
      “Life” nametag + a bag of lemons = Life handing people lemons

    6. Be inspired from earlier comments: Flav Flav. Wear a big clock and baggy clothes (I am Team Comfort!)

    7. jeans, flannel shirt and a beanie = lumberjack. This is my go-to lazy, comfortable halloween costume.

    8. black dress, witch hat, and if you really feel like splurging gets some tall socks with stripes=witch
      I also like the cat idea above

  14. I’d like to print some photos on archive quality paper (Fujicolor crystal archive or similar). Does anyone know of a good vendor for this?

  15. For most of my teens/early 20s I was a doormat among most of my friends. As I started developing boundaries, seeing a therapist, etc. I realized a lot of patterns were unhealthy and I began to distance myself from certain people. Following the advice I’ve seen on here and other places, I’ve joined some organizations and have been meeting new people, which has been nice but in the back of my head, I have anxiety about the dynamics becoming unhealthy or the person using me as a therapist/doormat. It took me a while to get to the point of not being the doormat friend and I desperately don’t want to go back there so I feel kind of standoffish sometimes =( Any advice on moving past this??

    1. I’m sorry, this sounds tough. Maybe you can frame it like there is so much to gain from getting out more and building friendships. On the other hand, if it becomes unhealthy again, you have the ability to get out of that (you’ve done it before!), which would bring you back to where you are right now. So there is actually nothing to lose, and so much to win.

    2. It can be really hard to realize this, but people like YOU! So when you bring YOU to a friendship, they’ll dig it.

      I will never forget this conversation I had with a now-bestie, when we were just becoming Real Friends. I was teasing her about [thing] and she said, “you know, [thing] is really important to me, so I don’t like when you tease me about it” … I am SO glad she said something, because otherwise maybe she would’ve just distanced herself from me, or that would’ve been something that bugged her that she never mentioned, or whatever. But instead I felt really trusted, like she trusted me enough to tell me ‘no’? Maybe you can think of enforcing your boundaries that way?

    3. I think you need to think about how different friendships are as an adult. its that fight club line, “single serving friends” gets stuck in my head. Often joining organizations, you only really hang out with people during events. So, there are not many opportunities for you to become a doormat. Adults also have all kinds of good reasons not to get swooped into being a doormat: work/family/other things, that its easy to get out if you are feeling used. I’m too busy because of whatever. When you are a teen/young adult its hard to say no to friends because they seem like they are your everything and if you don’t do it then you just aren’t having fun.

      Adult friends are also so much more mature, have their own goings on, and such that its simply less likely that they are going to treat you like a doormat.

      Now, if we were talking dating, I think this would be different. But, its easy to be acquaintances or once a month friends, or once a week happy hour friends, without getting trampled.

  16. I broke up with my boyfriend. I wasn’t planning to break up with him (yet). I thought I could tell him that his actions hurt my feelings, explain why, he would explain his side, and we would move forward. But that’s not what happened. He doubled down on his objectively hurtful behavior, said he didn’t do anything wrong, tried to change objective and verifiable facts to support his position, tried to turn it around on me to tell me I was being hurtful to him, told me that my history of abuse is the only reason I can’t appreciate how much he loves me, said I was broken and mean but he loves me anyway so let’s just pretend this never happened. I ended it.

    I’m hurt and angry and now I don’t know what to say when my friends and family ask why we broke up. I’m in my mid-30s and I feel like certain friends/family see me as a sort of anomaly for still being single. The breakup is hard enough; it’s even harder for people I love to tell me incredulously, “That’s all? You broke up over THAT? I thought you actually liked this guy???” It wasn’t just his actions though – which were bad but probably not breakup-bad for a first time offense – it was his reaction to being called out. I’m tired. And of course I have way too much work to do to take any time off. I just… need a huge you guys.

    1. You did the right thing. I ended up married to this man and it’s come to the point where I don’t talk about my feelings or emotions with him. Something like this will not get better over time.

      I’m sorry people are being jerks about your reason for breaking up. I think this is narcissistic behavior and you could explain it as such if you want.

      1. I concur. OF COURSE YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Men who fail to take responsibility for their actions need to be jeddisoned immediately. Think how much worse it would have been if you married the schlub and had kid’s with him. You’d be stuck for up to 18 more years having to deal with the schmo, if only for the kid’s. I think the DTMFA route was 100% correct, and you should feel proud you pulled out b/f it got worse. All to many times, we stick with a looser b/c you think people would think bad of you for not having some schlub to keep you warm at night. Trust me, who cares about what people think. You are the one who has to put up with the a$$hole! FOOEY on a$$holes like him! DOUBEL FOOEY in fact is what I am thinking, b/c that is the way I still see my ex (he’s still a lush), and we have been broken up for years!

    2. **hugs**

      This sucks. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. “Things didn’t work out” and “I would prefer not to talk about this right now” are more than enough. Because you really don’t have to share with anyone if you don’t feel like it.

    3. *hugs* you’re allowed to break up with someone for any reason or no reason at all. Your friends are in the wrong for discounting your reasons.

    4. When people ask why you broke up, just don’t explain yourself. You can say, “It wasn’t working out” and just repeat that over and over when asked. You don’t have to justify why you don’t want to be with someone to third parties. You made the right decision for you and that’s all they should care about.

      very many hugs to you

    5. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. I just handled these with “it turned out he was not right for me.” That’s it. No one gets to choose your life for you, and that includes second guessing your decisions. Congratulations on making that hard choice and not staying in a bad relationship due to social pressure.

    6. If I were your friend in real life, I’d tell you how incredibly brave, self-possessed, and self-aware you are for breaking up with someone in those circumstances.

      1. +1, I am impressed just reading your description how clear you are on your boundaries and the level of respect/emotional intelligence with which you expect to be treated. More people should be like you!

      2. +sparkle points

        good job on making yourself a priority. I’m among others who wished we had done the same at your age.

        (here’s one example: I was dating someone who always told me I was the love of this life but remained distant. when I was sick and near death for months, he didn’t even visit with soup or call that much. I was on a lot of medicine for the recurring pneumonias; but had a moment of clarity in the haze and broke up. my aunt couldn’t understand why – she worked at Tiffany’s and apparently they were going to buy a ring on her discount. I also had abusive boyfriends, and this one seemed like a better deal than some of the others – THEN. Fast forward: I am now married to the love of my life, who also feels the same for me!)

        You’ll be happier, which I think you also know. God is single. superheroes are single. enjoy being you for awhile. (look for a book called bounce, you might enjoy in this stage).

      3. +1 – as a single lady who has broken up with decent men just because it wasn’t right, it is so brave of you to do this.

        Watch episode 18 of season 3 of Happy Endings. There is a similar storyline and Penny’s friends’ response to her breakup never fails to make me cry. It is so warm and supportive.

      4. SAME! I dated a guy who pulled that shit for [mumbledty] years. Too long. I’m so impressed that you could see through it and stick to your guns and do the thing that was best for you long term, short term pain and awkwardness be damned. <3 <3 <3

      5. Regardless of him thinking he was right, he does NOT get to invalidate your experience. Nothing burns me more than someone basically saying that someone’s personal experience and reaction to it are wrong.

    7. “Yeah, I thought I liked him too. Turns out he’s not equipped to be in a health relationship, so I’m cutting my losses.”

      Or, nothing. Because you don’t owe anyone explanations to anyone. Hugs.

    8. Hugs. You’re brave and strong and courageous. I wasted 7 years of my life with that guy before I worked up the nerve to do what you just did.

    9. Huge hug.

      I have family who simply could not get it through their thick skulls that if I ended a relationship, it needed to be over.

      The pouty-face routine in response to someone else’s breakup is obnoxious. At best obnoxious. At worst, you are convincing someone to stay in a degrading and abusive relationship for your own warm fuzzies, and that’s sick.

      Sorry, strong feelings about this. Suffice to say, the pouty-face routine *resulted* in me being single through my late 30s.

  17. I travel frequently for work and have some choice in which airline to fly, generally either United or American. Any strong feelings about which rewards program is better? Both fly to the places I visit on a regular basis to see family, so that’s not a big factor.

    2. I personally like American better, and they have more flights from my home city, but I think the programs are similar. Assuming you like to travel, I would look to see where the airlines fly and where their partners fly. I have used my American points to get free flights on Cathay Pacific and British Airways, and really like the Oneworld alliance. When picking, I would also look at the frequency of flights. Given my status on American, I often try to fly that when visiting family. Although they have direct flights, they are only 3 times a day when another airline operates about 8 flights a day. So, timing and convenience of flights could be another factor to help you choose. Either way, the best benefits come from flying that same airline often, so I recommend picking one and sticking with it.

    3. I am premiere on United and carry a united miles CC. I am happy with it. Two perks stand out for me: 1. the ability to upgrade to economy plus/ exit row seating at check in is huge, and 2. Boarding group 2 because I rarely check a bag and so need the overheard (which is guaranteed in Group 2. When traveling with family–you do get one free checked bag for you and partner, and upgrades are good for you and partner. In a family of four, this results in two of us sitting in economy plus (or sometimes First) and two sitting in economy. We trade off so it works out and we have fun with it (calling economy “bathroom guard” and a bunch of other stupid/ silly flying traditions to keep it fun). Also United CC gets you two club passes a year–which are GREAT on long layovers. Club has food, outlets galore, wicked fast free wifi and other perks. It’s a nice way to spend time between flights if you have to. I am not familiar with American’s program.

    4. Omg not American. I sat down to find my seat cushion soaking wet. I can only imagine with what. I asked the flight attendant to call for a new seat cushion (in Dallas which is their main maintenance base) but was told they were “too busy”. Despite sitting on a blanket for the entire flight, i arrived for my client meeting w wet pants and it had even soaked to my shirt. Just the grossest ever.
      I even wrote a letter to the CEO and the reply was a form letter without an answer or apology.
      Just thinking about makes me want to jump in a hot shower. Never American ever again.

    5. If your local airport is a hub for a particular airline, I’d go with that airline. I am in Houston and usually fly United (IAH) or Southwest (Hobby), but that’s based largely on the fact that they offer the most frequent and convenient flight times.

  18. Following up on another poster’s question from yesterday — any ideas for nice weekends or daytrips outside DC? Looking in particular for cozy spots with fireplaces and good food. TIA!

    1. Omni Bedford Springs in PA. Absolutely beautiful, totally renovated, and great food. About 2.5 hrs from DC.

    2. Nemacolin, The Homestead, or the Greenbrier are all within about a 4 hour drive from DC. They are all cozy and beautiful, and all have excellent restaurants.

    3. I like Staunton, VA or the nearby mountains as a fall weekend getaway. Staunton has a cute historic downtown with antique shops and a great Shakespeare theater, and the nearby mountains offer beautiful views and nice hikes.

  19. Best resources to support victims of sexual assault? This person is functionally a client but our only (pro bono) role at this point is to support her through trial (which keeps getting delayed) by helping her understand what may or may not happen at trial. She has a victim advocate through the county as well but seems to trust us more.

    1. Is there a rape crisis center in your area or other non-profit that works with crime victims? If you can’t find a local one, see if there is a state association and if they can help.
      Could you go with her to a meeting with the county advocate?

    2. Look for a nonprofit in your area that deals with this. The one in my city provides free counseling sessions.

    3. You probably have a local rape crisis center. I’d call them first – they’ll also know what else is available. She may be able to get direct counseling through them.

    4. She has a therapist but I plan to ask her if this person has specific experience in this matter. Thanks for the good ideas so far.

  20. Has anyone gone from BigLaw to being a college prof?

    I don’t necessarily feel called to teach at the law school level (I could, I’m a BigLaw partner right now and teach lots of CLEs in my field). But I really love the intersection of law and history and finance (like I guest-spot middle school kids on this now for enrichment) and feel that I could spend a couple of years building up material and eventually teach at a high level.

    This is on like a 10-year timer for me (will be an empty-nester by then but not ready to quit working entirely; could be a “senior counsel” at work but will step back so the younger partners can take over then). Locally, there are options of community college (which is great and a great launch pad for many first-generation and immigrant students, many of whom continue to our Local State U), Local State U, small private college, small private religious college, a HBCU, and a nationally-ranked very selective private college.

    1. It sounds like you wouldn’t be looking to teach full-time, but rather to adjunct, correct? I’ve been an adjunct in the past and I loved it, although I was still working full-time in biglaw as well.

      1. I think I’d want to try PT just in case this was a bad idea. But I’d be approaching my 60s and while we don’t have a formal sunset date for partners, I can see why firms have adopted it, so just preparing.

        1. So the academic job market is tough – really tough. In many places, that’s the case even at community colleges. If you want to teach, I would encourage you to think about how to make yourself an attractive candidate for adjunct posts, because that’s going to be the most feasible option given your skill set and experience. The nice thing about adjuncting is that you have no research or administrative responsibilities – it’s just teaching (which was my favorite part).

          The key thing in doing that is to build relationships with the institutions you might be interested. Like, if you’re a tax lawyer and there’s a business school, see if there are symposia you can speak at or events you can attend so that you can start networking with people who might be interesting in hiring you. That’s essentially how I got my adjuncting gigs.

    2. I’m a legal historian at a four-year college. To teach full-time at most four-year colleges, you will need a Ph.D. in the field you intend to teach in (mine is in history). You will have a tough time getting a full-time job in a history department at a four-year college with just a JD. It’s not totally impossible – I know a JD who teaches in a environmental studies program at a reasonably selective private college. But she’s unusual, and it’s a long shot. If you want to teach full-time at a four-year college, I think your best bet would be to look at places that have some type of law and society or criminal justice program. Most faculty there will still have a PhD, but there are a handful of JDs. Alternatively a business program, although I have less familiarity there.

      Community colleges hire at the masters level more often, and I think you’d probably be a good candidate for teaching in a pre-law or business program there. Full time job openings may be scarce, though, because colleges at that level often rely very heavily on adjunct teaching. I know nothing about HS level teaching, but you’d need to look into accreditation if you wanted to teach at a public school.

      HOWEVER – I’m assuming you’re not in this for the money? Because the money is going to be terrible in comparison to your career so far. If you really don’t care about the money, the easiest route into college teaching is going to be picking up a class here and there as an adjunct. The pay will be even worse than full time teaching, but you’ll get to do just the teaching part, no service or other institutional work. And you can teach 1-2 classes a semester. By contrast, at a community college, 5 classes per semester is a pretty standard load for full-time work – that’s a LOT of teaching.

      When you want to start this move, or even test the waters, you can start by looking up department chairs at places that offer classes that you think you are prepared to teach. Write them an email and attach your CV, saying that you are interested in picking up a class or two, and listing the titles of classes that you could teach. Alternatively, start by getting in touch with people currently teaching in those departments and offer to come in and do a guest lecture. If you can get in touch through your network, that’s idea, but it’s also ok to just send the email (or call) cold.

      Finally – I can’t tell if you are considering law school teaching at all? I wouldn’t rule it out. It’s probably the easiest place for someone with your background to get a full-time job.

      If you want to go back and get a Ph.D., that’s a whole other story, but I don’t get the sense that you do.

      1. Thanks!

        My city has no law school in it (unusual for a big city) and the nearest ones are both 1.5 hours away (so not impossible, but there is just so much here). So all stuff to consider I guess. I think I love history so much and it is so interesting; I feel like law should be more trade-school like and actually prepare students to practice (so a law + finance + history class might not serve them as well).

        1. Obviously, I love all that stuff too! The sad reality is just that full time jobs in history are really, really competitive. In American history, 100+ applications for most positions, even at schools that aren’t particularly prestigious. So even if you are intellectually qualified for the work, it’s going to be a hard sell to convince someone to hire you when you don’t have the conventional degree. And even harder if you don’t have an academic publication record.

          Hopefully some of the places around you have a law and society program or similar. Your JD and practice experience would be more of a selling point there – lots of those students want to go on to law school or work in the justice system somehow, so it’s useful to have someone who can talk about the actual experience of that as well as cover the academic stuff.

          In any case, adjuncting is probably the way to dip your toes in the water. You’ll see if you really like it, you’ll gain experience, and you’ll get to know people who make more permanent hiring decisions.

    3. A good friend did this, went from senior counsel at a regional BigLaw office to teaching at our undergrad university. She’s full-time but non-tenure track, and teaches 2 classes to undergrads (business law, I think) and one class to law students. She loves it. It’s a big adjustment from the firm life (lifestyle and $) but has been very rewarding.

      I think it took her about 2 years to make the switch — academic hiring is on a fairly rigid calendar so she spent year 1 exploring opportunities and making connections, then in year 2 worked out the final details and started that September.

      1. Thanks — I think that this is how I’d approach it — a lot of random coffees, a lot of who you know, a lot of X is pregnant and we need someone to teach this semester when she takes leave / is on a sabatical / etc. But I’m good at that sort of thing.

        1. I teach at the Local State U in a city that sounds strikingly similar to the one you describe. I don’t think we’d ever hire someone like you to teach full time in history (there are SOOO many unemployed Ph.Ds), though you might manage to get adjunct teaching here and there if it overlaps with your professional expertise. The other factor working against you is that age discrimination is really a thing in academia. Unless you’re being hired specifically for your law expertise, it’s hard to get a full time position as a new professor in your 50s or 60s.

  21. Has anyone ever bought jewelry from Angara? I saw a ring I like on their website and was wondering if the company was reputable.

  22. Does anyone have a Rothy’s discount code they’d like to share? Thanks in advance!

  23. Have you had doctors (not ob gyn where it may be relevant) ask if you’re married or single and then comment on it? Second time it’s happened in DC where a dr has asked – a PCP who I felt just had an attitude (though unrelated to my being 38 and single) and then today a cardiologist?! He was just being chatty but I say single he goes – there’s benefits to that though downsides too, but you have massive freedom in your life. Uh thanks – but I’m here because I passed out?? Would this turn you off? He was a fratty, flirty guy overall but the care was good and very reasonable – as in covered the bases without being alarmist. Since everything happened quick and I have a cardiac history, I just needed to see someone and this well regarded practice in DC was willing to squeeze me in while the big academic practices were like – uh we can see you in Dec; so I couldn’t be asking for different doctors etc. Is this a DC thing because it’s more family oriented here? Lived in NYC for 8 years and never asked once! Thoughts?

    1. Uh, sounds like he was just being friendly. Its a pretty standard small talk question, I wouldnt think twice about it, and the fact that you think this is a big deal may warrant some introspection and/or therapy.

      1. Oh gross, come on. Do you have to be so rude? Pretty much every time someone here starts a post with “Uh,” you know something snide is coming after. Consider some introspection and/or therapy.

        OP– I also hate when people make dumb comments like that. I think it’s just a knee jerk reflex when people just aren’t being sensitive or thinking about what they’re saying. It’s not “friendly,” though, and making value judgments isn’t small talk. I also don’t think you need therapy because you’re put off by it. It’s annoying because it *presumes* you’re upset about it or that it’s a bad thing and therefore he needs to say something to cheer you up. This in particular happens to me a lot- I mention that I don’t have kids and the immediate response is “oh don’t worry you still have time.” Okay– I don’t care? Why do you assume I do or should feel bad about this? I recently met my niece’s great grandpa on her father’s side, we were discussing our respective cities, and he randomly started to tell me how he had a childless aunt when he was growing up who he just loved. Oh, so your immediate response to my existence was to cast me as a childless spinster rather than a person? I’m in the south, so.

      2. Thanks for the rudeness. Hard enough to have cardiac issues starting at age 19 and needing a cardiologist in a new city but now I’m crazy too because I was wondering about boundaries. Appreciate it.

    2. I’m in the Midwest and this kind of very personal small talk is normal here. It was off-putting to me when I first moved here though (I moved from the Bay Area, fwiw).

    3. Every doctor’s form I have ever filled out requires marital status, and most doctors ask, sometimes just making conversation during pauses in an examination and sometimes to get a decent picture of your home life and support system. The actual question I wouldn’t read too much into, the associated flirtation or attitude is a whole different question and not professional. With respect to the cardiologist, I think it was probably just an awkward play at trying to relate to you and make you more comfortable – every doctor has their own demeanor his was just awkward and not compatible with you.

    4. Sounds like an oddball guy but maybe it is local (NYer here). As above, not really any of his business; can only imagine he was trying to open a conversation/doorknob moment (maybe you had other concerns to bring up but needed prodding?)

      otherwise, says more about him than you – and no, I don’t think you need therapy for finding it odd.

    5. For the most part no one has commented on my singleness. They may pause, but they haven’t commented. Some people though are incredibly chatty/have no boundaries/bedside manners. You have to decide what you’re comfortable with. For example, my previous dentist is super chatty and asks all sorts of questions all the time (while I have my mouth open with no way to answer). I love my current dentist for being to-the-point “hello”, “yep your teeth look fine”, “until next time”.
      I’ve had nurses who expressed shock that I would have such and such conditions as so young an age. Like thanks, I had a hard enough time coming in and admitting my problems and now you confirmed my fear about being judged. So I stopped going to that practice.

    6. Actually there are fratty flirty cardiologists – I know a few in NYC and they have ibanking swagger. They tend to be highly credentialed etc so I’m sure you got good care; it’s good to be an established patient of someone in a new city so hold onto him while you decide if you’re uncomfortable with the bedside manner long term. IDK I feel like I could put up with it for a thorough, experienced dr, but then IDK it is a practice area that involves exams/testing with a shirt off and you need to feel ok about that with whoever you see.

    7. Probably just small talk but still annoying.

      And while we’re at it, can we stop with the grocery store workers who feel like asking me if I have kids when they see I’m buying junk food? Um, no. Just someone excited to see cotton candy flavored ice cream here. But thanks for calling me out.

      True story–once had a bagger ask me if I was going swimming upon purchase of razors, shaving cream and bikini zone ointment.

      Ick.

  24. Has anyone seen a blazer in about the color of this dress lately? Firm photos are next week and we women typically add a bit of personality to our outfits, rather than just a formal suit. My last photo was navy suit, white blouse, and I was so jealous of the women who incorporated purple, teal, rust, etc in accessories or great statement jackets.

  25. Helping a husband of a friend plan a surprise New York staycation for them in January. Its over MLK weekend, her baby is due mid Feb. What type of things should we plan for a very pregnant person to do in New York for a weekend in January. They live in Brooklyn so we are finding a place for them to stay in Manhattan. Thanks!

    1. We did that with my 3rd and honestly it was easier to plan nothing and play it by ear. We walked around the city, ate lots of snacks/small meals and enjoyed not worrying about the older two kids. We had plans to go to dinner both nights in the city, but I was so beat we cancelled one for room service and an early bedtime. I would have been bummed out had we planned to see a show or do something else big and non-cancellable.
      Especially since they live in Brooklyn, it’s close enough that they can go whenever they like. Focus on finding a nice place to stay and leaving it at that.

    3. There is a magic show at the Palace Hotel that is really (really) fun/good. It is called Chamber Magic. Shows at 7pm and 9pm on the weekends only.

      January is kind of tough to plan ahead for because the weather can be so iffy. It is not fun to walk around if it is cold and snowing or raining, so I tend to agree with the other poster who said to let them play it by ear.

  26. Any advice for comfy shoes and sock combos to wear with ankle pants? I don’t like going sockless and need a little more support than ballet flats typically offer. I work in a pretty casual environment, and am on my feet all day; my ideal shoe is a sturdy Mary Jane type flat or an ankle boot in a fun color, but everything I’ve tried just looks inelegant, clunky and awkward with slim ankle pants, especially with socks. I’m also petite, so ankle pants hit me on the low side- about where the top of my feet begin.

    1. I have the same issue and wear a lot of oxfords and low no-show socks. Specific shoe rec is the Nisolo James oxford!

    3. I usually look for a shoe that has a bit of a wedge to it to cut down on the clunky factor. I’m a big fan of Softspots Waverly. Wear with thin socks or knee highs for warmth. More supportive than ballet flats but not as heavy as a lot of the maryjanes out there. I can wear them with a dress and tights without it looking too off. I also like the Cole Haan air talia with tights.

  27. No props on the size range of the J. Crew picks until their petites go above 12 petite (which often size out to a 10 regular). Just because I am not tall does not mean that my bust/waist/hips also are smaller . . .

    1. I hear you, it is SO hard to find petites in bigger sizes.

      Old Navy is actually really good for this but obviously not the same level of formality/quality as J Crew.

  28. Pants fit question. I seem to be between a “standard” and “curvy” fit in pants (e.g. at AT/Loft). Standard is too tight in the thigh, too big in the waist, and curvy is too big in the hips, too tight in the waist. I have not had great luck with tailoring. I feel like I have exhausted all the go to options: BR, WHBM, Talbots. Does anyone know of an “inbetweener” type fit between standard and curvy, or another place I should be looking? I feel like I have been on an endless pants quest and the only thing that fits is stretchy ponte, which doesn’t fly in my office. Thanks.

    1. I’m wearing a pair of Ann Taylor Factory pants today that I like very much. I usually wear the Julie fit pants from Loft, these seem to be cut a bit less curvy.

      You might also try regular Ann Taylor (they seem to have a pretty big variety of cuts), Gap, also maybe Banana Republic Factory.

      I’m finding I like the factory versions of AT and BR better than the regular versions lately. You have to be willing to order online and can get free shipping to you, but do have to pay $5-$8 to send back what you don’t want.

    2. I also have not had luck with the places you’ve listed. I have thicker thighs, a long waist, and am sort of straight in the middle. I found a pair of pants at Zara that fit really well and bought 3 pairs. The quality is not the exceptional, but they work and required no tailoring.

  29. I’ve accepted an offer to go in-house from a traditional law firm. I’ve never switched jobs before. My health insurance isn’t vested at my new company until my date of hire (the day I start). Would my law firm’s insurance typically cover me until I start my new job or do I need to get COBRA or a short term insurance policy? I’m not sure how this typically works. I expect my firm will be happy so this will be an easy transition.

    1. COBRA coverage is retroactive for 60 days, so if the period between jobs is less than that, you don’t need to do anything unless you have an issue. Just make sure your routine stuff is scheduled either before you lose old job coverage or after you start new job coverage. You can enroll in COBRA if anything emergent happens in the middle.

      1. Also find out when your firm terminates your coverage- Is it on the last day of employment, the end of the month, or some other date? It varies by employer.

    2. You can elect COBRA for (I believe) up to 60 days after it starts, and it’s retroactive. So assuming you have less than a 2 month gap between leaving your old job and when your health insurance starts on your new one, you will be fine. If you are healthy and don’t need any health care, you never need to pay the COBRA premiums. If somethings happens and you need to go to to doctor or hospital etc, just elect COBRA, pay the premium, and it’s retroactive to the date you became COBRA eligible.

      1. Thank you so much for this info. I recently switched jobs and don’t get benefits for 90 days. And I am super paranoid something is going to happen to me. My cobra premiums would have been an entire pay check at my old job and that is just a no go.

        1. With that little time, I wouldn’t worry about it. First, most law firms continue coverage until the end of the month, so, depending on the timing, it is most likely covered by your old insurance. Second, you are highly unlikely to need insurance over a 3-4 day period. And if something happens, you just elect COBRA retroactively.

  30. Is vision insurance worth it for you? I’m contemplating getting it again (thanks pregnancy for reverting me to my pre-Lasik blind state!). I have heard there are a lot of good options now for cheap online glasses. Is it even worth it to do insurance, or better just to pay for an exam and order online?

    1. My favorite option has been to use LensFactory, which is a company in KY. I buy the frames I want online, and then send in my RX to get my frames for like $120. I have a high RX and it’s been the only online-option that has worked for me.

    2. Does your health insurance plan cover an eye exam? I think mine does, which is what I have used in the past, and then just paid for (reading) glasses out of pocket.

    3. We do it for the contacts! We use the HSA to buy Warby Parker glasses, but would spend a lot on two humans getting contacts out-of-pocket. The $6 a month to my employer seems super fair (annual visit + contacts). I would see how much you spend and if you want contacts and go from there.

    4. It’s worth it for me because the premium+what it costs me to get contacts with it is less than it would cost me to buy contacts on my own. If I had glasses I didn’t replace every year, I’m not sure it would be worth it/

    5. You really have to compare how much your cost is to the benefits. Mine is only $65 for the year for the family, and offers discounts on exams, $110 allowance for frames, $25 lenses (plus extra for special things like tinting, etc), or a $105 allowance for contacts with a discount for amounts beyond that. So for us it’s worth it.

    6. Even if you have had good vision from Lasik, you still should be getting a yearly eye exam because you’re still at risk for the other medical problems that come with myopia. I would price it out and see what the insurance costs vs the cost of one yearly exam and whether or not cover frames/lenses every year or two would make up that difference.

  31. Need some advice on job application process: I am due to graduate from an MBA program in the spring. I applied for a position that I really, really want with a company that is known to be very selective in hiring. ( It’s in management.) I spoke to a college alum who currently works in the Dream Company, who said he would forward my resume to HR and to keep him updated on the process. He also said he would follow up with the HR person “if you don’t hear anything in the next few weeks.” That was last Friday. I have not heard from HR. Is it too soon for me to followup with HR and if so, what do I say? Waiting a few weeks as suggested by the alum seems too long to keep this on hold. Thanks in advance- any advice is appreciated.

    1. Pump the brakes! It’s been 4 days and you were told to follow up “in the next few weeks.” Yes, it is absolutely too soon. Hiring does not ever happen that fast.

    2. If you’ve already applied, and he’s already recommended you, you’re really just probably part of the normal process at this point.

      if the company recruits on campus for your school, I would also ask the career center for any guidance on contacting the company. If not, then you don’t have many options for follow up. It’s a lot harder if you’re not recruiting from a core school for this company, which it doesn’t sound like you are.

Comments are closed.