Coffee Break: Carlo Shoulder Bag

109 Comments

1. My husband has to be in NYC for work Thursday and Friday, so I’m tagging along. We’ll also stay Friday night. What are your favorite summer activities/restaurants/bars? I’ve been to NYC many times, but haven’t spent much time there in the summer. Thanks!

   1. Walk the High Line!

   2. museums, rooftop bars and eating outdoors. Any good local restaurant, most have some outdoor seating during the summer whether it is on the street or in their garden. concert at the park, shakespeare in the park (not sure if any of these are on this weekend), the met + the rooftop bar at the met, whitney museum + standard hotel for drinks + l’artusi at the indoor bar (first come first serve) for dinner. other options – st barts, the press lounge, refinery rooftop bar, kimberly hotel rooftop bar, restoration hardware flagship store rooftop, dream hotel (both midtown and downtown), so many to choose from really, hard to narrow down… and this is just Manhattan. Brooklyn has a ton of options as well but that’s not my neighborhood so I tend to follow rather than know where to go. However, I noticed a lot of open air options in DUMBO by the water, though it was incredibly packed with tourists.

   3. Smorgasburg! Eat all of the things!

   4. The Met (museum) rooftop is fun on Friday afternoon or early evening. You can get a drink and enjoy the beautiful view over the park. A drink at Tavern on the Green patio is also nice!

2. Hi all – I posted a few months ago about not wanting to leave my pretty-good Biglaw gig for a could-be-better Biglaw gig. Well, it happened – I got an offer with a significant raise and signing bonus from the new firm, and I just accepted it. I appreciate all of the encouragement to jump. I am planning on giving notice after conflicts clear and the background check is complete. Any tips or tricks for a mid-level associate joining a new firm?

   1. This may not be relevant to you, but the best thing I did was introduce myself to the secondary practice group I was interested in. I was brought over for something else, and no one was going to do that for me, but I am actually more interested in developing that practice long-term than my primary, so I needed to be sure they knew I was an extra resource in their area.

   2. Congrats OP!!

   3. Introduce yourself to everyone. Tell the partners you are willing to take on any project, no matter how small or unbillable, so they have a way to evaluate your mix of skills.

      1. Be enthusiastic. Ask people out to lunch. Lateral integration is hard at every firm but the best laterals are the ones who jump in and really make the effort to get to know folks.

   4. The most successful laterals in my office have made social connections with other associates so you can ask them questions about how to handle certain partners, where to look for precedents, etc.

   5. Two tips:

      Don’t say, “At my other firm we…instead” too much. Make those comparisons in your head.

      Get to know the paralegals. Whether transactional or lit, they know the preferences of all the partners, how to actually get things done, and what all the little firm quirks are. They are invaluable. Find the common thing to bond over.

      You got this!!!

      1. +1 – “at my other firm” is a really quick way to anger the people who have been at your current firm forever. Even if you’re just trying to explain why you did something “wrong.”

3. I’m in my mid-30s and dating a divorced guy for the first time. He’s lovely and has given me no reason not to trust him. And I don’t think I have trust issues in general (never been cheated on that I know of, have no problems with BFs having female friends, etc.) But I can’t get past my fear that if his ex-wife wanted him back, the allure of having his family back together would be too tempting. I think I wouldn’t worry so much if there weren’t kids involved, because he does seem over his ex, but I know he misses his kids (he only gets them every other weekend) and I understand how it would be really hard to resist getting his kids back, so to speak. Any advice from anyone who has been divorced w/kids or been in a relationship with someone who is?

   Some more details: he’s been separated for two years, legally divorced for over a year. This is his first real relationship post-divorce, I haven’t met his kids yet but probably will soon, his ex initiated the divorce to his great surprise (it sounds to me like she had a mid-life crisis, although he hasn’t used those words), she moved on quickly with someone that she was possibly at least emotionally involved with during the marriage but that relationship has since ended, and she seems to be the type of person who doesn’t want him but doesn’t want anyone else to have him.

   1. Well, see how it goes. There will only be more and more divorced guys with kids as you get older.

      And you are right — the backsliding things b/w ex spouses is a thing, especially for guys who really want “their family” back (they will hold their nose and anyway it’s well-trod ground).

      But it can totally work out — you never know (I am a parent and a step-parent, as are many of my male and female friends now that we are in our 40s). Just don’t be afraid to bail if your spidey sense is tingling. It’s like you are getting dropped into Act 3 of a 6-act play.

      1. +1 – that happened to me once upon a time when I was dating, fell hard and he reunited with his ex. But things can end for all kinds of reasons, there’s no telling. If you like him, keep seeing him.

         1. Yeah, this happened to me last year. It was … not good.

   2. Obviously, listen to your intuition, and do not be afraid to ask tough but fair questions.

      But I don’t really see this happening. It might happen during the divorce or shortly after separation, but the divorce process is usually so painful that no one wants to get back together after it. It’s not about “holding his nose” with her – a lot of divorced people are more likely to date Satan than to get back together with the ex.

   3. I think you’ve made up a weird fantasy story. This is not happening. Literally nothing you said makes it seem like this would happen.

      1. Rude. Don’t be bitter and angry because someone is actually dating.

   4. I don’t have any experience with this, but your concerns honestly sound really farfetched. Remarrying an ex-spouse just isn’t that common.

      1. I actually know two different people/couples that did get remarried. One couple divorced a second time and the other couple are still together. Both couples had children before the first divorce

      2. I know many divorcing couples who get back together for at least some time, though, even if they don’t ultimately remarry.

   5. I know you didn’t ask this, but my suggestion to you is to end the relationship, or at least don’t meet his kids. If you want to see him, fine. But once you meet the kids it gets messy and frankly, they need his undivided attention and not you there taking up his time. And if you actually marry this guy, please don’t have kids. Think about his kids having to “visit” their dad while he’s there 100% of the time with you and your kid. It’s really not fair. I dated a guy with kids and when we broke up, it sucked for me and for the kids. The kids didn’t need to get sucked into his/our drama, but they did. Speaking from experience, try to put his kids first. It’s not their fault that their parents split up, don’t be the reason for added drama in their life. It sounds like their mom is bringing plenty of drama into their lives, they don’t need more.

      1. OTOH, sometimes a stepparent is the best person in a kid’s life. Or a significant plus if one bio parent has gone rogue.

      2. Wow. People who are divorced with kids deserve to date again and find happiness in a new relationship, and to have more kids if they want to. People who love divorced people also deserve to continue loving them without being made to feel like they are harming the children. This comment is cruel and unnecessary. She is not doing anything wrong and she is not adding drama to their lives. Are you the person who rudely told a poster who was just starting to date again after being divorced (or widowed?) that she shouldn’t date until her son was 18 if she was a good mother? Cruel.

         OP, don’t listen to this nonsense advice.

      3. I completely disagree with this. I dated and am now married to a divorced dad, and we have a child together as well. We have 50/50 custody of his daughter. She and our son have an incredible sibling relationship and I’m grateful for it every day!

         We’ve been together for nine years, living together for five, married for four. If you have specific questions, I’m happy to answer them, but every situation is different. My husband’s relationship with his ex was over long before their divorce was final and there was never even a question of them getting back together.

      4. Yikes! You’re really reaching by assuming OP can’t be a good step-parent or parent herself. And the dude has every right to date and try to have a happy relationship with somebody new. Sometimes it doesn’t work out. That doesn’t mean he needs to be alone for the rest of his life to shield his kids from every potential bad outcome.

         1. Sorry, but the Anon from Texas is really WRONG. Sure, divorced men come with baggage, but not all baggage has to stink like a cesspool. Others here have rightfully said to tread carefully, but it is also true that as you get older (and you do not sound that you are that young–even tho you may still be fertile), the crop of straight eligible men with good jobs gets thinner and thinner, with more and more divorced and bi$exueal men amourously nosing around our privates for our undivided attention! So before you count this divorced guy out, take it slow, and if he isn’t a schlub and if you do want to have a child, tell him right away so you don’t waste any extra time once your in agreement with him that you want to conceive his child. You don’t even have to marry him right away, as long as he is committed to you. Plenty of women have $ex now, and then marry once they know it won’t fall apart once the baby is born. Good luck as you cull your way past the schmoes to find your very own prince in shining armor! Go for it! YAY!!

      5. Are you suggesting that divorced parents should basically never have another serious relationship?

      6. As the child of divorced parents (whose second marriages also fell apart, but that’s neither here nor there), this is complete bullshirt.

         Yes, adults have an obligation to ensure that the children are treated with respect and dignity; you have gone so far beyond that it’s actually a bit sick. Kids do not have any right to demand that their parents not have more kids – in fact, they need to learn that they aren’t in charge of other people’s procreation. It’s actually a bit twisted to suggest that the existence of a half-sibling would cause psychological harm to a child, so much so that it should override the parents’ desire to have more children.

      7. OP here. I’m also confused and not sure if you think divorced parents should never date (totally unrealistic), or if you think I specifically would be bad for his kids (not nice and not true – I hope). I like kids, and have never tried to intrude on his time with kids or their relationship. Currently, we don’t see each other on the weekends he has the kids. Which is fine with me, I’m really independent and like having some time to do my own thing and we both have pretty relaxed 9-5 jobs so we can really focus on each other when he doesn’t have the kids. But as we get more serious and have talked about me meeting the kids, I am very happy about the idea of us all spending time together and doing kid-friendly things with them. I definitely wouldn’t want to meet his kids if I thought this was just a casual fling, but we’ve been dating exclusively for a couple months and I really like him and can see a future with him, and he says he feels the same way. I’m sure it would be a hard transition for the kids if he got remarried and had another baby, but divorce is hard on kids in general (and he wasn’t the one who chose to put them through that) and ultimately I think he deserves happiness.

         1. I think everyone disagrees with Anon in Texas at 3:36 pm and I’m wondering if it’s a troll … You should live your life and see where things go with this guy. I’m divorced and in a happy long-term relationship with a divorced man and those concerns about the ex- are common until you get to know each other better. IME divorced parents don’t usually get back together and if they do, it’s because of actual feelings for each other and not just for the kids (they had that option and for whatever reason it didn’t work out). At some point I asked my BF if there was any way he would go back to his ex- and when he said absolutely not, I believed him.

      8. As the kid in this scenario (40 years ago), this is ridiculous advice. Both of my parents re-married; my Dad had three more children. I view my step father as one of the best things that has ever happened to me, I love my (half) sibling very much and happily visited Dad and his other children without resentment throughout my childhood and young adulthood. It takes care and sensitivity to navigate but divorced people are allowed to have serious relationships and more children and it is absurd to think that their children are going to be harmed by seeing healthy adult relationships modeled.

   6. I recently started talking to a guy on a dating site and declined actually dating him for various reasons, but included in that was that he was still really tied up with his ex wife and very bitter about her and her spending, etc. In Louisiana, if you have children, you have to wait a year for a no-fault divorce, so lots of people (understandably) want to date before the year is up, but I felt like this guy had a lot of red flags about his marriage/divorce. Not because I thought he would get back with his ex, but more that he wasn’t really ready to date and move on. If he is divorced and they have worked everything out and he seems settled with all that happened, I would trust him, unless he gives you a reason not to.

   7. I would worry less about him getting back with his ex-wife (as others have said, divorces with kids are often so nasty that people would rather date Satan than their ex), and more about whether or not he is in the right emotional space.

      Bad signs: bad-mouths the ex, describes her as “crazy,” only ever says bad things about her, is still focused on “winning” when conflict with the ex arises.

      Good signs: is thoughtful about what went wrong in his marriage including the ways in which he may have contributed to their problems or things he wishes he’d done differently, focuses on minimizing/deescalating conflict rather than “winning,” has realistic views about how to co-parent with his ex in the future.

      1. Exactly what I was trying to say! Yes, the guy who wanted to date me was not in the right emotional space about his marriage or his ex. I told him that I had been divorced for so long that I could laugh about all of the stupid things that happened, even though they were awful at the time.

      2. Agreed. I also agree with the advice to listen to your intuition. If you feel like something is off, that’s worth exploring. I would be less concerned about him actually winding up back together with the ex than I would be concerned about him generally being emotionally unavailable. Emotional unavailability can last a long time after divorce (or the end of any relationship) and a lot of people cannot recognize it in themselves. (Ask me how I know.) People can think they are ready, or truly want to be ready/available, but just… not be there yet. And that can be extremely painful for the other half. The factors that would make me be on higher alert for unavailability are the fact that it was a surprise to him (meaning he was not already mentally working through the end of the relationship/moving on, or maybe wasn’t even dissatisfied with it); the fact that she moved on quickly, which can produce all kinds of negative emotions in him he needs to sort through; this is his first real relationship (doing ‘real relationship’ things for the first time with a new partner often brings up scary/unpleasant feelings). He will also need to have worked through and processed hurt or other emotions/thoughts that came up for him during the divorce.

4. I’d like to speak on panels and generally be invited to be a speaker for events, and need advice from the hive on how to do this. How do I go about doing this? I’m considered an excellent speaker, am an appellate litigator, and have been practicing 10 years. Fed gov’t attorney. I’m in the Bay Area, if anyone has local recs.

   1. Go to the conferences you want to speak at, schmooze with the people, and get involved in a board/committee with the relevant organization. Some organisations let any members pitch to speak, so you can always try that. Avoid the sketchy conferences that will extend the “privilege” of having you speak if you pay 10k or something ridiculous like that.
      I’m not in litigation or in the Bay Area but in my experience that’s how it works.

   2. Get involved in the organizations that put on seminars/events you’d like to speak at. Volunteer, do work, help them get to know you. I speak all the time, and it’s generally organizations where people know me because I’ve been involved. The more you do that, the more other organizations come calling.

   3. My in-laws are amazing at getting speaking gigs (1 is a corporate lawyer, 1 is non-profit lawyer). I think they just apply to the conferences with what they want to talk about and then the conference says yes or no.

   4. Try getting involved in local bar events (FBA, and then any bar associations that pertain to you, i.e. women’s lawyers and any POC groups, if they apply). If you go to enough events and potentially get on the board, they are likely to ask you to speak. but in general, as a former fed gov’t attorney, I’ve noticed that most speakers tend to be in private practice.

   5. Conference organizer here: every industry has its own speaker practices, but the first thing you should check is if the conferences you enjoy have a call for speakers. Pick a relevant topic and submit a proposal. As you get chosen more and more often, you’ll be called upon for the “invited” speaker roles. Speaking begets speaking.

   6. I speak at conferences a lot. I agree, it’s about networking and regularly attending conferences you’d like to speak at, first as just an attendee. If you know people who are speaking there already, tell them you’re also interested in speaking – perhaps you’d like to be part of a panel discussion with them. Once you speak at a particular conference, you usually make it onto the short list of speakers for subsequent years, though they usually don’t like to have the same speaker every year.

      This year I attended a conference I spoke at last year, and was pulled onto a panel last minute when one of the panelists had to pull out the day of.

5. First world problem: I failed to take full advantage of reward miles for my family, and overpaid for my own plane ticket… to Hawaii. A $450 mistake!

   1. How long ago did you purchase the tickets? If within the last 24 hours (maybe 48 hours?), the airline is required to let you chance the reservation and return your money.

      1. Definitely 24, not 48

   2. Can’t you just use the miles on your next trip? Or are they about to expire or something?

   3. I booked the flights in February, sadly. Should have waited on my cash ticket until prices went down. And I booked an interisland flight on Hawaiian instead of taking advantage of United’s excursionist perk when booking the award tickets. I mistakenly assumed that b/c United regards a transcontinental flight to Hawaii to be merely a domestic flight (no complimentary meal service), HI would be in the same region as the mainland in terms of award flights. Newp.

      1. I often do the same thing as you – book mileage tickets for my family and a cash ticket for myself. Also to Hawaii. I find that the flights available for award travel never seem to have good deals on cash tickets! I think United knows what we are up to & prices accordingly. It also irks me that since the award travel is on a different reservation than my cash ticket, my family do not get my 1K perks, like free premium economy.

         But whatever. You get off the plane and you’re in Hawaii! Totally worth whatever you spent! Aloha!!

         1. I often book my family on points and myself on cash, but always book these types of trips through the United 1K reservation line rather than trying to do it myself online. The phone reservationist can connect the two reservations and also waive any fees associated with premium economy seating so we can all sit together for no extra cost. I recently booked a trip to Spain for my family using miles and for myself using cash and we are all in premium seating. They also can help you figure out the best way to maximize the fare class to make the points and use of upgrade certificates the most advantageous.

6. Vicarious shopping request: I need two types of containers for coffee: one for beans and one for storing cold brew in the fridge. If each came in multiple colors, that would be great so it would be easy to tell my regular and decaf apart. Priority is functionality and efficient use of space. Thanks!

   1. For beans: https://www.amazon.com/Airscape-Ceramic-Storage-Canister-Large/dp/B07C4566B7/ref=sr_1_26?keywords=coffee+bean+storage&qid=1563906264&s=gateway&sr=8-26

      It’s airtight and comes in multiple colors and sizes.

   2. For storing beans, we have the Airscape Coffee Storage Container from the Am@zon ($30). It comes in two or three colors. We have been happy with them.

   3. I use a Sterilite Ultraseal 2.2 quart pitcher for my cold brew.

   4. I love the Takeya pitchers. They have ones specifically for cold brew but if you already have a system, their empty pitchers also come in a few colors.

   5. I just use a mason jar cold brew maker. You could add washi tape or something on the front!

7. I know we have a lot of committed cyclists on this board – talk to me about your favorite gear! I’m taking a trip with Backroads through the Piedmont area in Italy in early Sept that will include 20-50 miles a day of biking for 5 straight days. I normally ride our Peloton at home in just regular workout shorts or capris but assuming I will want padded shorts for this much time in the saddle. I bought a pair of Pearl Izumi based on another recommendation that I’ve been trying but the seams where the padding meets the shorts really rub and I don’t like how they feel like you’re wearing a diaper when you’re just walking around. The itinerary has the miles spread out over the course of the day with stops for lunch, etc. so would like to be comfortable off the bike too. Is there another brand I should try? Is the rubbing a sign they are too big/small?

   I also have a pair of cycling gloves but what else do I need? I know I’m looking for a pair of stiff soled shoes to use with their toe cages. You can bring your own pedals if you want to clip in, but given that I’m not used to the road bike and there’s a lot of downhill, I feel more confident in the cages. I’m in pretty good shape generally so not super worried about managing the mileage but don’t want to be so saddle sore I can’t enjoy the amazing scenery! The tour team will manage getting the luggage from point A to point B every day so I just need on me whatever I need to get through the day. Throw all your advice at me!

   1. For great kits, check out Dixie Devil. High end material and definitely the prettiest kits I’ve seen. I’m a big fan of bib shorts for long rides, a lot more comfortable without the waistband, but potty breaks can be a little tricky.

      Also- apply butt butter or chamois cream liberally and throughout the day. It will save you from the sores and chafing so you can get back on the bike the next day.

      Sunscreen. Insulated water bottles. Maybe some electrolytes like the Nuun tablets. Sport sunglasses. Helmet.

      1. Oh and I like to take some goo packets to rescue myself from blood sugar crashes.

   2. So much of this is personal preference. I wear tri shorts for most of my riding and you may find them more comfortable for the type of riding you’re doing. The chamois is thinner by design (they’re made to get wet). I do like Pearl Izumi, but other brands are great, too! If chafing is an issue, there are many chamois cremes out there and what’s best is a matter of personal preference. Do you have a few cycling jerseys? It seems like a trivial thing, but having a few pockets on your back makes everything more convenient! What’s the weather going to be like? Layers are your friend here.
      Once you’re there, if something feels weird, fit-wise, speak up and get it sorted out ASAP. A poor fit can ruin a trip, especially if there are multiple consecutive days of riding.
      I would take the time to learn to clip in and get some road rides in. Clipless pedals and well fitting shoes are so much more comfortable. Get some road rides in so you’re comfortable riding a bike outside with others. People who only ever ride a trainer are often really scary to be around in a group.

      1. Usually on trips like this they won’t have less-experienced riders really group up with others (I have a good friend who ONLY rides on Backroads trips, and I’ve seen her pictures), so I’d be less worried about group riding skills. But ditto to everything else.

         1. Ah, that’s good. I’m glad they have some sort of system so there aren’t people attempting to ride in a group when they don’t know what they don’t know. I’d love to do a tour some day, or actually, the NC Trek Ride Camp looks awesome, and close enough that I could drive (and most importantly, bring my own bike!). In your experience, how does bike fit work out? I’ve had just enough bad experiences that the idea of showing up and riding someone else’s bike seems like a big risk.

            1. First off, I hear AMAZING things about the Trek trips, although they are pricey.

               I haven’t done a Backroads trip, but I have done a bike tour with Mummu Cycling (to the Tour of Flanders and Paris-Roubaix, it was UNBELIEVABLE). I rented a bike with them and I was super worried about it. They had me send measurements first and had the bike set up when I arrived. We did a short (like 20 KM?) shakeout ride on the first day and the leaders rode with each person and evaluated their fit, and then made adjustments. Honestly, it wasn’t the kind of fit I’d get from my bike fitter, but it was fine even for fairly long rides (I did the Tour of Flanders and Roubaix gran fondos, which were 80+ miles). They set you up more conservatively (I have a slammed stem on my race bikes) but that was fine. I suspect any outfitter that does this often is pretty good at it. That said, I’m currently at the airport flying to Iceland for a bike trip and I’m traveling with my own bike, but that’s bc I’m racing and won’t race on a rental.

            2. Thanks for the response and have a great race! Yeah, the Trek NC Ride Camp is the only one I can even remotely afford since it doesn’t involve a plane trip and it’s ride focused (so, perfectly good hotels, but not high end) rather than vacation oriented. You’ve made me a lot more comfortable with the idea of a rental bike.

            3. Plus one to Trek trips being pricey but awesone.

   3. Senior Attorney is currently on a cycling trip in Germany/Austria/Italy. You might want to ask her about all of that when she returns. They have done many of these types of trips.

      1. Greetings from Trento! My two cents: consider taking your own saddle. I have a Terry Butterfly and I love it. Padded shorts are a must and I prefer non-bib for bathroom convenience. Don’t be shy about getting in the van if part of the ride is too much for you (typing from the van now!). Definitely do some group riding in advance. Somebody on this trip g.jot spooked and had a very gruesome crash, in part because she wasn’t used to crowds on the bike path.

         1. Oops someone on this trip got spooked…

            (longer post awaiting modern but all will be clear)

   4. If you don’t already know with the bike shorts, you should not wear underwear with them. If the seams rubs try another model or brand.

   5. If you have any ability to start using clipless pedals in advance of this trip, I would really recommend it. If you have an emergency and need to stop quickly, it is actually easier to get out of clips than out of cages – it’s a lot easier to catch your shoe on the cage, and you can only get out by pulling straight back. For you, I’d recommend SPD pedals, since it’s generally easier to get used to them and it’s much easier to walk in shoes with SPD clips on them.

      Ditto others on chamois creme; I like Assos.

      1. 100% agreed on the pedals – toe cages are actually the least safe option. Clipless pedals don’t take that long to get the hang of (you’ll have a couple of slow motion falls when you forget to unclip but those are not dramatic) and once you have the hang of them they are safer and more efficient. Shimano SPD pedals are great.

         1. +1 to clips or nothing – cages are not safe.

   6. Vanderkitten is doing a nice sale right now. They’re the most comfortable kits I’ve ever ridden in. Highly recommended. You’ll definitely want shorts or bibs with a chamois – you get used to the feeling of padding quickly and everyone will be wearing them. And wear chamois cream from day one even if you think you don’t need it. Once you need it it’s too late.

8. Posting again on the afternoon thread — thank you to those who replied in the morning thread!

   Has anyone suffered from sudden pain in the general shoulder / back area? DH suddenly had pain in the scapula area about 10 months ago, and has been having progressively worsening pain in the collarbone and general upper back areas. He has seen multiple doctors and physiotherapists, but none of the treatments seemed to make any difference. Painkillers have not helped. Now it’s at a point where any movement or even breathing causes him so much pain — just on the right side — and doctors have forbidden him from exercise and swimming but it seems to cause muscle loss ajd more pain. He says it feels as though a nerve is “stuck”, and that creates pain in the muscles. He has trouble raising his arms although he can do it, it causes him pain to put on a t shirt. Chiropractic / hot springs seem to help on some days, not so much on others. He is 37 fwiw. Grasping at straws, but any idea what it could be or might be helpful appreciated. TIA!

   1. I don’t know all the details, but my mil had something similar and the dr did something where they manually broke up some scar tissue that was causing mobility issue (she was a ballerina when she was younger). I think it may have been under anesthesia. She said it helped.

   2. This is so terrible, keep pursuing an answer with the health professionals and go to a different one if no answer.

   3. For things like this I have had the best experience with sports doctors. They seem to have a really broad range of experience with what can go wrong, and the P.T.s they use tend to be better at figuring out a rehab plan.

   4. Shoulers are complicated. I was never seen by an MD for this but I’m 29 and 2 years ago had TERRIBLE shoulder mobility. I was seen by a physical therapist who was well educated on manual therapy and over the sessions we did he worked on at least 3 separate muscle groups – the pectoralis minor, the rear deltoids, and the latissmus dorsi. Any or all of these being tight or out of alignment can cause shoulder pain, but it apparently is usually all 3 for those of us who drive a lot, work desk jobs, or have never had proper education shoulder mobility and movement. I didn’t know prior to seeing this person that one was supposed to be able to raise one’s arms DIRECTLY overhead, such that your biceps touch your ears without pain. I used to be able to maybe raise my arms to a 45 degree angle, since I had never paid attention to shoulder mobility in my life.

      If there is no traumatic injury you can think of, I highly recommend having your husband seeing a physical therapist. If the shoulder itself is not damaged then anything else like pain killers or heat therapy would be treating symptoms, but not the cause.

   5. Has your husband gone to a neurologist?

      1. Yes, he has seen two neurologists and multiple physical therapists and chiropractitioners… none of whom seem to have a plan of attack that works. Thanks for the responses, we will keep looking.

         1. Orthopedist? Chiropractor is a no go.

         2. Acupuncture has given me a lot of improvement from frozen shoulder. I highly recommend!

9. My 5 year old dog has suddenly developed a fear of thunderstorms – trembling, hiding under furniture, the works. I rescued him 2.5 years ago and he never even noticed thunder before this month. He had a checkup just before this started and all his tests were normal. Last night I left the lights on so he couldn’t see the lightening and put the TV up to cover the sound, but it didn’t matter. How do I help him? I feel so terrible!

   1. There are special pressure vests that I’ve heard help.

   2. I hear you! We’ve had six dogs, five of them rescues, and in our experience it’s not uncommon for a dog (especially a rescue) to suddenly manifest a fear he or she never seemed to have before. Thunderstorms and fireworks are very common fears in dogs, and can start at any phase of their lives from puppyhood to old age. It is possible, though, that your dog recently heard a loud bang at the same time as some other event that scared him, and now associates a loud sound with that event. Have you tried a thundershirt? CBD-enhanced supplements may also help if your vet agrees. There are also medications. If he seems very distressed, and you are expecting a fair number of thunderstorms where you are this summer, you may want to take him in for a check-up.

   3. Could it be a reaction to fireworks on 7/4? These are a well-known trigger of anxiety and pet escape and if it’s a recent change, maybe it’s linked.

      1. The first time was actually before the 4th so I don’t think that is it :(

   4. Poor bud!! My friend has had good luck with the thundershirt.

   5. I’ve had success with desensitization training: playing thunderstorm/fireworks sounds while giving tons of treats and pets. Increase volume gradually and try to remove yourself from the situation eventually (i.e. still play the sounds but leave a kong with treats and exit).

   6. We trained our dog to calm on command, which we were later able to apply to bad weather/fireworks. Check out Solid K9 Training on youtube, they talk about this a lot.

10. I *LOVE* this bag.

11. I’m very allergic to dust and mold (seriously, need a mold inspection, just invite me over).

    Every time fall hits and I go back to wearing sweaters, I need to get everything dry cleaned to get the dust our. Storing in a drawer doesn’t help.

    Is this what sweater bags are for? Thinking of buying some, but want to make sure it’s not just throwing $ away.

    1. Yep.

    2. That’s what allergy shots are for. it was totally worth the time and bother for me- 4 emergency room visits in 1 yr, and now 4 years after shots with no emergency visits.

12. Does anyone have an herb garden? What do you make with them?

    1. I put basil on and in everything from pasta to scrambled eggs. Also, if I have company coming over, I’ll fill a pitcher of water and put some mint sprigs in it, also lemon or lime slices if I’m feeling really fancy. After an hour or so in the fridge, you have chilled mint water, and it’s really nice. Rosemary makes a pretty centerpiece cut, and also is wonderful chopped and mixed with olive oil and sage to make a rub for pork.

       All these are pretty easy to grow (i.e. hard to kill, even) other than basil, which takes a lot of sun and water and won’t take the slightest cold. Everything else is a low-maintenance perineal in my zone 6b garden. If you grow mint, consider keeping it in a container as it will take over.

    2. I have basil, mint, thyme and oregano. I love making caprese salad with my own basil and will also use it for pasta sauce. The mint is good in salad or drinks or water. The thyme and oregano I use in marinades, soups and stews. They all grow easily and the mint and oregano come back every year.

    3. I have basil, mint, and cilantro. I put basil in everything (eggs, salad, in soup, on pizza) and make pesto with it, mint in drinks mostly (water, rum, iced tea, gin haha), and cilantro in homemade salsa or on top of tacos, fajitas, in a marinade for grilled shrimp, etc.

    4. Yes. I have mint, cilantro (though it died in the heat), rosemary, dill, basil, sage, thyme, and lavender (if you count it as an herb). Basically any time I come across a recipe I like that requires a fresh herb, I just plant it. Mint I use mainly for cocktails, dill for a salmon rub I like, basil for everything (but mainly caprese salads with the cherry tomatoes I also grow), crispy sage goes well in a browned butter sauce with ravioli and pasta, rosemary with lamb, and I honestly don’t remember what recipe I bought the thyme for and haven’t used it yet-I think something with chicken? The lavender I planted because it was pretty, but recently had a lavender-infused mojito I want to try to make at home. Oh, and catnip for the cats:-) Mint, rosemary, lavender, sage, and catnip survive my mild NC winter; the others I plant new every spring (I don’t bring them inside because the cats would eat them and they are not all cat-friendly. And this is the first year I’ve had thyme, so we’ll see how it does).

    5. Parsley, basil, chives, mint, rosemary, oregano, thyme and sage. The sage, chives and mint come back every year in my climate (zone 5b), and chives and mint will spread. We dry the oregano and thyme at the end of the year, and make pesto from the basil (w/o cheese, for freezing). Although this year the oregano and basil went to seed way early and we missed our window. We had dill in the past, and there’s a reason they call it a weed.

       Like other posters, I do chives in scrambled eggs, thyme on roast chicken, crispy sage fried in butter goes on roasted squash and squash ravioli, rosemary/garlic/balsamic/olive oil marinated lamb. Mint is handy for a Melissa Clark Instant Pot farro recipe, some Indian dishes, and drinks. Dill is good on cedar planked salmon. I celebrate when I no longer need to pay $2 for a bunch of parsley, and mourn when the parsley plant dies after the first hard frost.

    6. I like to make homemade salad dressings with mine.

    7. I have one now in my new house and love it. I have mint, basil, parsley, rosemary, cilantro, dill and lavender. Use it for food and drinks.

    8. Careful with the mint everyone. It will spread wildly. My advice is to keep it in a pot.

       I have rosemary, thyme, basil, parsley, spearmint, chives, and a very large culinary Bay tree that started out as a tiny plant.

    9. Mint: Iced tea, yogurt mint/ginger/garlic to go on everything from grilled eggplant to grilled chicken.
       Basil: Pesto, eggs, chicken, caprese salad.
       Lemon balm: tea.
       Thyme: herbed butter
       Rosemary: Everything under the sun, including just rubbing it on my hands occasionally. I’ll use rosemary stems as skewers for grilled shrimp.
       I frequently chop everything down and make a mixed herb gremolata and put it on chicken.

13. In an earlier thread, there was mention of trumpet skirts. I was wondering if this means a skirt made of several pieces, such as a gored skirt that is flared on the bottom, yet still skims the body? This also seems to refer to or a straighter skirt with a rounded curved ruffle in the bottom. I’m curious because when I google them they seem interchangeable. I like this kind of skirt quite a bit, and have a few versions of both types described here— I suppose if I want to purchase more I can just use the term and see what arises, but I was wondering if there are any other names or terms I can use to search for this.

    1. Sometimes called a mermaid skirt when in reference to a full length skirt, particularly on a wedding dress. You might also look at “kick pleats” which function a lot like a mermaid skirt.

       1. Thank you…this explains it….now I know what to look for.

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