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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: The Empower Tux Blazer

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This brand is new to me, but it has some nice-looking suiting. I love the cut of this tuxedo blazer, and Wildfang’s website includes photos of the blazer on a variety of body types, so you can get a good sense of how it would look on you. If you’re looking to make a complete suit, I like the crop pant, but I think I’d rather buy this as a standalone piece to be worn over a non-matching sheath. (FYI: For those of you still on a World Cup high, Megan Rapinoe has served as a Wildfang brand ambassador in the past — and Abby Wambach is a fan, too.) The blazer is $168 and available in sizes XS–2X. The Empower Tux Blazer This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (edited)

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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262 Comments

  1. I’m in the lucky position of recently owning a 2 (small) bedroom house with a basement and a walk-in closet and having a tough time deciding what to store in my master and guest bedroom closets. Since all our clothes are now in the walk-in closet, sheets are in 1 shelf in guest bedroom and everything else is dumped in the basement. DINK with pets. Not that I’ve extra storage, for example we have no broom or coats closet (but neither seem to make sense in the bedroom), but I’m just trying to figure out what is an ideal, efficient organized way to live! Thanks for any help/ personal preferences and thoughts on this not that important of a problem!

    1. You could also put unused suitcases in the guest room closet, as well as any hobbies/sports equipment. Ours is full of suitcases and tennis stuff and camping gear.

    2. I would leave them empty for now but take note of what you find yourself going elsewhere to retrieve, then consider whether it makes sense to put those items in those closets. For me, the guest closet is a great place for the vacuum cleaner, wrapping paper, and hobby supplies. The spare master closet might be ideal for a hamper, off-season clothes and coats, etc.

    3. If you need to store your cleaning stuff somewhere, the guest room closet could work for that, especially if a sink is nearby. If your area has any risk of flooding, keep that in mind when you store things in the basement.

    4. you mentioned sheets – what about extra towels? off season clothes? coats off season, off season shoes, etc. seasonal decor? i live in a two bedroom apartment with kids, but still store some random stuff in the kids closet including wrapping paper/cards, tote bags. you could even store extra toilet paper, shampoo, etc. since i’m guessing that is something you use in the bathroom upstairs. you can also have empty space! there is no rule you have to fill every closet

    5. Master bedroom closet -> current season personal clothes and accessories
      Guest bedroom closet -> off season personal clothes and accessories, frequently used items that are not used everyday – towels, sheets, “extra” items that will eventually be used like candles, notebooks, wrapping supplies, etc.
      Basement -> Infrequently used items

    6. If your basement has staircase access to the main floor, another option would be to install shelving/hooks along the walls. I’d put brooms, mops, cleaning supplies and maybe a stick vacuum there.

  2. Say you’ve always assumed you’d have/wanted a fairly big wedding — 200-500 guests (I’m Indian 200 would be small actually). Would you ever not throw such a wedding and instead to choose a 5-10 person ceremony and dinner (so basically both nuclear families, no aunts/uncles/cousins/friends) because you’re getting married (first time – not a remarriage) at age 40+ or 45+? IDK just seems embarrassing to me to highlight that no wanted wanted to marry you when you were young and now you’re getting married but it’s 99% likely there will be no bio kids because of how long it took you to find a partner. Hypothetical discussion but I said this to my family and they were stunned and it was all —but cousin X and Y’s weddings were so fun, we want our kids to have fun weddings too. Uh X and Y were 24 and 28 — the ages where people want to celebrate with you. Now those same people are in the thick of parenting and will roll their eyes at my wedding, not want to come, or come out of obligation and bail on everything because KIDS.

    1. Also Indian. Have the wedding you want to have! Getting married late in life doesn’t say anything about your character, and getting married ins’t about having kids. If you want a small wedding for you, have one. But if there are people you would otherwise want to celebrate with and trust not to be judge-y (I can’t guaranty that all of the extended people at your traditional south asian wedding would not be judge-y, but people you actually like), then invite them and celebrate! I’m not married yet but at the last few weddings I’ve been at, guests who were in their 40s with young kids were just as into the celebrations as the younger ones in their 20s with no real obligations.

      1. Also Indian and I agree that you should do whatever you want. Now that I’m 40, I don’t go to many weddings and would be thrilled if a good friend invited me. You are loved, people will definitely want to celebrate with you. Also, while I know it is not for everyone, I was really happy to have a big fat Indian wedding and to have the community celebrate my marriage.

      2. Also Indian and my bff got married at 40 and it was so great because I now have more money to travel than I did in my 20s. I rarely get to attend weddings anymore. I went minus kids and spouse, and had a great time.
        Caveat – have your answer/ deflection ready for the old aunties on both sides of the family who are sure to ask when you’re having kids (and quibble with your answer if not in the affirmative).

    2. No I think that’s ridiculous. You shouldn’t be embarrassed because you waited until you found the right person. It sounds like you’re punishing yourself for not checking off items on a to do list promptly. Honestly I’d go to therapy and work on loving yourself more. You deserve to be celebrated. Your family wants to celebrate you.

    3. Not Indian but my BFF is married to an Indian guy and has attended a lot of Indian weddings. Her SIL is getting married in the fall at 39 and is having a big Indian wedding and no one seems to think twice about that. Her other SIL got married last year at 34 and also had a big wedding. I know they’ve travelled to at least one wedding in India for someone who was 35+. I know 39 isn’t 45 but if you want a big wedding, go for it! Based purely on my ancedata, no one will think it unusual. A lot of people seem to look forward to weddings as a chance to spend time with extended family.

    4. I am mid-30s (so in the middle of your range), and I don’t ever NOT want to go to a wedding of someone I care about. I love getting to see family/friends and celebrating someone I like. Now, I don’t want to BE IN anyone’s wedding, but attending the wedding, absolutely!

      1. Same! I’m getting to the age where there aren’t as many friend weddings to go to, so when I have one, I am ON IT, with a babysitter if necessary. I love big weddings (other people’s), and I think they are even more fun for people who are a few years older. It probably makes me a terrible person, but I get a little eye-rolly about huge, expensive weddings for 22-year-olds who can’t afford car insurance. It seems more becoming for a couple that’s a little more established somehow and can responsibly cut loose. (I know, I know, it’s judgy of me. I’m a work in progress.) So if you want to throw a big party, do it. Especially if you’ve “always wanted it.”

        1. I try really hard to not judge people’s weddings, but I do wonder if young people fully appreciate the myriad of ways in which $30,000 could make their marriage easier if not spent on a wedding.

          3. No, it’s not irrelevant. You said “$30,000 could make their marriage easier if not spent on a wedding” – if the couple isn’t paying for the wedding themselves, they aren’t using $30k+ that could have been put to use on other more practical things. Many parents (mine included, though I’m not Indian) will throw their kids a wedding but won’t just give them the same amount in cash to use for anything they want. You also get a lot of cash wedding gifts, so if someone wants to throw you an expensive wedding, you usually come out way ahead financially. Wedding gifts made up a big chunk of our down payment savings and if we hadn’t had a wedding, we would have had less money not more.

          4. Agreed with Anon @ 12:24. Honestly my parents could have spent what they spent on my wedding on my law school education and I would have had way less debt but that’s not how they do things. Instead, the cash gifts from my wedding paid for nearly a year’s worth of rent for DH and I, during which time I paid down a TON of my student loans. I’m not saying I’ll do the same thing for my kids, if I have them, but that’s because I grew up in America and weddings are viewed differently here.

    5. I’m Indian. I am kind of shocked that you think having a big wedding at 40 or 45 is embarrassing. That is so regressive. People get married later in life for all sorts of reasons. It’s not because nobody wanted to marry you. That’s such a weird and narrow minded way of thinking.

      I’m in the thick of parenting and would never miss a wedding (big or small) because of the kids. I’m ready to drop them off at the sitters and party. My biggest pet peeve is that people are choosing remote/expensive locations, but that has nothing to do with the age of the couple.

      1. i know it seems like being embarrassed to get married at 40 or 45 is narrow minded. but it is tough to understand until you have been there. those of us who are unmarried at 40 feel like society’s rejects.

        2. Where do you live? Sure most women ARE married in their 40s, but I know quite a few who are not. And they are awesome people — by no means society’s rejects!?

        3. Anonymous at 10:11, I agree with you. Logically, I know that I’m not a reject because I didn’t find someone to marry in my 20s or 30s, and I can’t think of any married people who would say that. But a big part of me does feel like something is wrong with me that I didn’t find anyone who wanted to be with me in my 20s or 30s. I think it is really hard to understand that feeling unless you are still single in to your 40s. (And maybe there are some people who stay single into their 40s and don’t feel that way, but they must have much stronger self esteem than I do).

        4. Kindly, that’s a mindset you can change. I got married at 40, and my only sadness about it is that I didn’t meet my husband sooner – I’d love to have had extra time with him. The wonderful thing about being older is you know what you’re looking for. Be happy you found your love and celebrate however makes sense to you both. Another luxury of age is there are fewer expectations of others to satisfy.

        5. Married at 37, and forever sympathetic to the feelings of unmarried people. I don’t think you are a reject, and will happily offer a hug if you need one.

        6. Wow. There are some really harsh replies on this thread. OP, i understand. Like you, I was grappling with the question of how I’d feel, in my 40s or 50s, doing a wedding for the first time. I really struggled with embarrassment over the idea of being “a bride.” It seemed ridiculous and like it would call attention to my age, gray hair, and wrinkles. I don’t feel ridiculous as a professional woman or a friend or a daughter or a colleague or a mentor. But a first-time bride?? There was a lot of sadness involved regarding the 20 or 30 years I’d lived without marriage (which is something I’d really wanted). So I get it. You’re not being narrow-minded or ridiculous. You’re being human, and this is a human thing to need to work through.

          Your wedding, if and when you have one, will inevitably feel and be different from what you would have had in your 20s, but it can still be full of joy and celebration. Hugs. Been there.

          2. Yes, and thank you. I am the responder who mentioned being “society’s rejects.” that language might have come across harsh in this format, but my point was that you can’t possibly understand the underlying sadness that comes with being unmarried and 40. it isn’t like i think about it every day, and i have a good job, good friends, travel, etc. i can take care of myself. but underneath it all, there is this element of failure. and all the people who are married with children can try to tell me not to be sad about it, or that i am not a failure, but secretly, underneath their words, i can bet that they are just thankful that they aren’t me. So i get where the OP was coming from.

          3. “I really struggled with embarrassment over the idea of being “a bride.””

            Related, I was really weirded out when I was engaged (late 30s) and got crap with “bride” emblazoned on it. It’s like, that is NOT my entire identity, or even most of my identity. The cultural expectations of “brides” are so wrapped up in doing young things (bach parties, bridal showers, cutesy things that will make their way into landfills) that it’s hard to be older and a “bride.”

            It’s small things – the women I know who got married in their 30s generally all preferred cream dresses to white, because stark white doesn’t look great next to mid/late 30s skin. Even the frugal among us spent a bit more on dresses, because we are no longer 25-year-olds who look hot in a potato sack. Bridal showers aren’t really a thing, because our longest and closest friends live in different places and it feels weird to ask for tea towels. And it’s hard when people expect your entire identity to be “bride,” when you have a fully-formed adult identity. (I snark that no one gave my professor/athlete husband things emblazoned with “groom” on them, as if this should be the culmination of his entire life. But it was supposed to be the only important thing to ever happen to me.)

            I was really shocked by how anti-feminist and ageist it all is.

        7. I understand and believe that you feel that way. I think what people are trying to tell you is that other people you know are not looking at you that way.

          To the OP, have the wedding you want! If you want a small wedding, have one. If you want a big blowout Indian wedding, do that. But don’t let embarrassment be your motivation.

    6. Have the wedding you want to have, regardless of age. People will be happy to celebrate you even if you’re older. That said, a 500 person wedding sounds ghastly to me and I would much prefer an elopement with immediate family. There’s nothing wrong with either way, you should do what makes you happy.

    7. To offer a different perspective, weddings are such happy events because it’s all positive and all about celebrating two people. It’s hard to imagine another time in your life that you’ll have your closest friends and family (and larger community by the size of those numbers) willing to travel to all be together to celebrate you and your love. I really don’t think anyone is thinking about how you no one wanted to marry you at an earlier age but rather how lucky you and the groom are to have found each other now. People want to celebrate with you at any age and love and marriage isn’t just to be celebrated for the young. While we all complain a little about the travel and costs of a wedding, we all do it because it’s important to be there to support our loved ones and it’s a huge life event. This isn’t a birthday party that people feel its okay to flake on, it’s an event you RSVP, hire a sitter (if it’s a no kids wedding) and arrange plans to attend. More people than you think are excited and happy to attend (which may explain the stun of your family) than your hypothetical guess that people feel it’s an obligation to attend. If you always wanted a big wedding, why deny yourself those wants because you’re not 25? You may want to explore why you have such a negative view and shame about the process because I honestly don’t see anything shameful going on here. Similarly, I wouldn’t be hung up on being less likely to have biological children because there’s fertility treatments, adoption, fostering, etc. available if kids are important to you — and your family will want to celebrate non-biological children with you too.

    8. Have the wedding you want and invite who you want.

      Having said that, I’m Indian too and I know parents will pressure you into having a huge wedding because they want to invite all *their* friends and that’s how you end up with hundreds of people.

      Regardless, people will be happy to celebrate you no matter where you are at in life or where they are at – young or old.

    9. I sympathize with you re: being older. It’s my fear that by the time I eventually get married (if it ever happens) my friends will be over it. It was so new and exciting to do the whole bachelorette/shower/wedding thing in our twenties! But now I can just imagine all my friends bailing on my wedding because everyone has to go home to their sitter.

    10. Quite the opposite – people grumble about weddings much less at my age (35) than they did 5-10 years ago. We’re better established financially, have more vacation time, and don’t have 17 weddings a year. The older you get, the less frequently you’re invited to weddings, and the more fun/special/exciting each wedding is even if you’re not particularly close to the couple. My parents are positively elated every time they get invited to a friend’s cousin’s stepkid’s wedding. I think your community will be super excited for you, of course, but also super excited to attend your wedding.

      My only caution is that more people will have kids of various ages, so I think you should figure out how to deal with that – maybe you can rope the older kids into watching the little kids, maybe you invite only kids under 16 on the assumption that older teenagers can stay home alone for an overnight, or maybe you’re open to inviting everyone. Idk if you plan to serve alcohol, but if you do, and there will be older teens there, I’d give the venue/bartenders a heads up that not everyone who looks adult-ish can drink.

      2. This. Wedding invites are WAY more special to me at 38 because they are fewer and far between. I make a LOT more effort to go than I would have at 26 because when I was a first year associate, it was much more weighing whether that wedding was worth the time off, since I already had to take time off for 3 others in the next 6 months. Plus IDK if this is true for everyone but a LOT of the wedding invites I got were from folks I’d just gradated college or law school with. Fun weddings for sure as our whole college/law crew was together but TBH many of those weren’t friendships that lasted. No animosity or anything it’s just that people were SO young — we grew up and some of us grew apart; some of us are still the same but there were lots of cross country/international moves so maintaining relationships was hard (graduated law in 2005 – texting wasn’t as non stop then) and some of the relationships fell by the wayside. Now though, my friends who are 38 or 45 or whatever — they are real friends, as we’ve all sort of grown into who we’re going to be, there are fewer big life moves, and even if there are moves — we keep in touch much better due to texting etc.

      3. Agreed! I think I took for granted weddings in my late twenties and early thirties as things that were constantly coming up, and what an organized way it was to see our friends. And I get why, when you are in the thick of it it is a little overwhelming. But it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that they slowly dwindle down & it’s kind of sad in retrospect – now in my 40s getting the same group of friends together is a lot of work & doesn’t happen often. I would in general LOVE a wedding and a mature-appropriate bachelorette party to attend as a natural way to see everyone! (Yes, if it was local I may have to get home to my sitter…but I’m probably past partying til 2 am at an after party or whatever regardless).

      4. Yes! I’m 34 and went to one (family) wedding last year and a couple the year before that, but they’re really petering out. A wedding invitation is so much more exciting now than it was in my 20s because I have more time and money and so many fewer weddings to attend.

      5. My parents recently drove across the state to go to the wedding of the daughter or a longtime friend of my dad. They’d met her before, but not for awhile. They LOVE weddings. Late 50s/early 60s. My mom went to India a few years ago to meet my aunt, who had been invited to a large, 2 day wedding. The couple said to invite my mom, too, so she went 3 days earlier than she first thought to go to the marriage of a couple she didn’t know. She wore a sari and had a great time.

        So, so it! People love going to celebrations. Way better than funerals.

      6. I LOVE going to the weddings of people who are north of 35. You really get to see the merging of two beautiful, fully developed adult lives – there’s so much emotional depth to it. Young weddings are beautiful too, but they don’t move me in the same way.

    11. I get where you’re coming from, but throw the wedding you’ve always wanted. You only get to do this once. It sounds like people want to celebrate with you, so if you go with a 10 person wedding (which is fine if you really want that) — huge chance that you could regret it a few years from now and you don’t get a re-do. I know people do vow renewals or anniversary parties but it isn’t the same and doesn’t get the same effort from guests in terms of then feeling like they MUST attend to celebrate with you.

      But I do get why you’re feeling this. Maybe it’s just mine and OP’s circle but I know LOTS of women who married at the “appropriate” ages in very large part to have the big wedding celebration. Unsurprisingly many of them aren’t married now. While it’s obviously better to wait for the right one than to marry because OMG you’re 26 and have been to sooooo many weddings, you must have one of your own — I feel like society DOES look at younger people marrying as SOOOO much more “important” than older people — even if some of those rushed marriages don’t last.

      1. Yep. Many people I know who married in their 20s are divorced (almost 90% of the 20s weddings I went to didn’t last). Much better to not have married in your 20s than to have married the wrong person in your 20s and wish you hadn’t.

    12. Aside from ONE coworker — who is a smug married because she met her husband at 22 and married at 24 and just has an air of rudeness re all things that aren’t done HER way — I have literally never met anyone who has said — oh yeah I have to go to a wedding this weekend but the bride/groom are 45 so whatever [eyeroll]. People treat them as all other weddings whether you are 25 or 45 or 65. She is legit the only person who I’ve ever heard mocking someone’s age of marriage, as she was talking about her husband’s best friend who STILL is unmarried at [gasp] 36 (and we live in DC not a traditionally rural small town in the country where people pair off at 18-22). Someone said something like — who knows maybe you’ll get a wedding invite in 6 mos, and she went on about how she imagines he’ll be 45 and it’ll be a really happy wedding because his parents will be so happy that their desperate [investment banker] son is FINALLY married. Believe me all of us were judging HER attitude and wondering why the friend even speaks to her, not the single friend.

    13. I would 100% be super excited to celebrate a loved one’s marriage at any age. Have the wedding you want to have!!

      also getting married later in life is not a failing of yours. There are a lot of reasons why things happen on the timelines that they do, an “because nobody wanted to marry you” is seriously not one of them. Were you running around begging randoms to marry you? Probably not. you were probably living your own life and doing other things and chose not to settle for men who weren’t the right fit. And of course there’s some luck too, but there is literally nothing wrong with this life path!!

      1. Mid 30s single reporting in – appreciate your comment and this thread!

        Recently, I went out with a man who joked (?) that I was still single as “no one liked me enough to marry me.”

        We aren’t going out again, and I’m still looking forward to hopefully meeting the right partner…one day…. definitely with celebration to follow.

        1. Wow, that’s a rotten thing to say.

          If you ever want to feel like you’re single because you haven’t found the right one yet, talk to your friends who found the right person in their 30s or 40s. The stories as to why it took so long really help you to understand that you just haven’t met the right one yet, for reasons that will become abundantly clear when you two do meet.

          1. One of many gems he had! Bright side to this age? Much easier now to identify when someone is NOT the right one!

    14. My widowed uncle married a 75-year-old woman who had never been married before. They had a huge wedding and the reaction was the exact opposite of what you fear– everyone was THRILLED and thought it was super special and fairytale-y.

    15. So I am also Indian and got married at 40 and had exactly the kind of small wedding you described – immediate family only, dinner at a fancy restaurant, no reception or anything else. But it was *precisely* what I wanted – I grew up going to crazy huge Indian weddings and had long ago decided that wasn’t for me. I can tell you that plenty of Indian people love going to large weddings for people of all ages (including my mom – she is thrilled every time she gets an invite to a wedding of a child of a family friend) so you should absolutely not feel embarrassed about having a big wedding if that is what you want.

    16. My favorite professor from undergrad had never been married and that always made me really sad (I know he wanted children and a family). He met a lovely woman while doing a semester abroad and their wedding–both in mid 40s–was so simple (everything was very casual), but SO beautiful. We sobbed the whole time and we were just so incredibly excited because this wonderful thing he’d wanted for so long was finally happening.

      It was my favorite wedding I’ve ever been to and as someone who got married way too young (SEUS, still with husband!), I adore going to weddings of friends who found love after many of us did.

      Related note: One of our dearest friends is currently single, but has similar desires as my professor, and let me tell you, if friend ever chooses to get married, we will be shouting from the rooftops and partying SO SO hard to celebrate them!

      Please have the large wedding, if you want it. It’s going to be beautiful and perfect! And all of your friends and family are going to be thrilled for you.

  3. I am joining a boutique firm as a lateral partner and am attending their staff summer party tomorrow night. It is at a fairly smart restaurant with an outdoor terrace. The forecast for tomorrow is 100 degrees (yikes). Staff have been told to dress “cool” for the occasion, and the firm’s dresscode seems fairly casual. What do I wear? This will be the first time I meet some of my fellow partners and most of the associates. I’m in my mid-30s. I don’t want to look too formal but at the same time would need to project some authority.

      1. +1 Dress for the weather.

        Colleagues and staff will do tasks/assignments for you because you’re a partner, but they’ll be much more willing to do them for the friendly partner than for the standoffish one who sets herself above others.

        1. Also dressing for the weather *does* project authority. Really, if you try to get too dressed up and wear something obviously uncomfortable and not weather-appropriate that’s going to send a message, too.

    2. Cotton/linen shift dress with Spanx or Skimmies or something to control the sweat. I am coolest in dresses so YMMV

      1. This. Cotton shift or sleeveless wrap dress. Something light, but a step more business-y (esp. on a weeknight) than a true “sundress” (so I’m thinking not strappy).

      2. Do NOT wear spanx underneath a dress in 100 degree weather. You will feel like a sweaty hot bloated sausage. That is the worst advice ever.
        Yes to light underclothes to help control sweat marks (I recommend armpit guards and maybe cotton shorts) underneath a light weight dress.

        1. I’m going to disagree. I wore the Target/Kohls version of Spanx (Assets) to go see the Apollo projection on the Mall last weekend (feels-like temperature = around 100 degrees) and I didn’t find the Spanx to be a problem. In fact, it helped keep my thighs from rubbing and getting all sweaty.

          But, I buy the size that might be a smidge large for me (so compression, but not squeezing) and they are made out of something breathable. They are basically like bike shorts. I don’t know if the real Spanx are more rubbery.

        2. I mean perhaps for you, but if I didn’t wear spanx or something similar under skirts and dresses in the summer, sweat would be visibly dripping down my legs. I’m not talking about the 10000 strength ones. They do make different strengths/thicknesses you know. You do you, but if it works for some of us it can’t possibly be the worst advice ever.

    3. Where are you located? In the south, this occasion calls for a Lilly Pulitzer shift dress.

    4. DVF silk jumpsuit or similar? Something light-weight and fun/formal that you can dress up/down?

    5. Black sleeveless sheath dress. Pumps no hose. Notable necklace. You will look like a grownup, be as cool as possible, and the black dress won’t show sweat. Which is why everyone in DC broke out their black summer dresses last week.

    6. Thank you all for your helpful responses! I think I’ll go for a navy DVF cotton sleeveless shift dress, no hose (I don’t wear hose in the summer anyway) and pumps (although I’m tempted to wear heeled pink suede sandals…) I don’t own any Spanx or Lilly Pulitzer clothing. “Looking like a grownup” is indeed the goal!

      2. Consider wedges. Much cooler, literally and otherwise, for a summer party. Also more comfortable and prevents any awkward “on your toes all night” moments if there is grass.

      3. One thing I will add, take it or leave it – I know amongst the young, slips are considered hopelessly old-fashioned, and in this weather, it does seem like another layer would be just no. But, a thin half-slip (you can get them at Target – Jockey makes one) doesn’t add that much warmth and is really helpful for making skirts fall better and hiding any underwear lines. I feel like part of looking grown up is knowing how to make your clothes behave themselves.

        1. I was in the “always” column for slips for years but now in the summer I wear the equivalent of bicycle shorts in a silky material under all dresses, especially when it’s hot out. The make dresses/skirts hang better like slips but stop any chance of rubbing and are good for preventing “wardrobe malfunctions”. I don’t like the jockey slip shorts but some do. And I get spanx types that have minimal/no compression.

  4. I’m looking for a bralette or comfortable, low-impact sports bra with NON-removable pads/light lining. Every one I’ve seen or used has thick removable pads that constantly get out of place and I’m over it. Any ideas?

    1. I really like the sloggi zero ones. I have the same issue with other bras and I really like them.

    2. Following. Gap used to make the best sports bra like that, and I’m holding on to my one remaining one for dear life :)

    3. I really like the Brooks running Fine Form bra, although, eek it looks like they’re discontinuing it. Amazon and other smaller shops may still have some though.

      1. I picked up a couple of these this year and reach for them all the time over my pricier sports bras.

      2. Probably to make it more versatile. Often larger chested women, like myself, rip the pads out immediately and throw them away. I need that space for my breasts, lol. I would never buy one with sewn in pads. Obviously, different things work for different women, but I think the removable pads are the manufacturer’s efforts to appeal to the most possible buyers- those who want pads and those who do not.

    5. Nothing worse than having to try get pads back in place after washing! I get mine cheap at Walmart (Ex. fruit of the loom) or TJ maxx (requires some digging around but have found nice Calvin Klein ones). Took me a while to find but it’s the only thing I wear these days.

    6. I have sports bras with removable pads. I just made a few stitches so they don’t come out in the wash. Much easier!

  5. I recently turned 39, and it seems like my personal frump factor has increased a LOT. My face is droopy, my skin and hair have lost their luster, and I am struggling with how to look stylish and professional when trends for younger women aren’t right yet I don’t want to dress like a 50something.

    I am lucky in that I don’t really have wrinkles or gray hairs, but I do have terrible hormonal acne (still!), a droopy, jowly looking face, and truly terrible hair.

    It takes so much more work to get out the door. “Natural” makeup doesn’t seem to cut it, but I don’t want to look overdone! I laugh to myself because every morning I spend 15 minutes covering up my natural ruddyness only to introduce different colors in strategically different places on my face… it’s like, why am I doing this? Yet if I don’t, I look even worse.

    I would love to just opt out entirely, but I like feeling pretty and up to date, even though I am realizing it takes more and more work as I get older.

    Thoughts? Commiseration? Advice? Is this just getting older? How do I fight it with dignity… or embrace it?

    1. I loathe the description of normal aging as frumpiness. Frumpiness is a series of bad dressing decisions, not a permanent result of being over 30.

      1. Yes, but there’s stuff you can “get away with” the closer you are too whatever the fashion world establishes as the norm – and unfortunately- that’s still young, thing, white, etc.

      2. My biggest recommendation is to see a reputed derm in your area. If you skin is in good shape, you will feel 100% better.

        I’m 40 and I don’t feel frumpy at all. In fact, I often think I look better than I did in my 20s because I eat so much better, do more strength training, know what looks good on me (and what doesn’t), figured out a 2 minute makeup routine that I’m not going to deviate from, and have accepted my flaws for what they are. I also color my hair (I can’t deal with the grays).

    2. Hugs and commiseration. Ageing is not for the weak! I have embraced my new body (the metabolism slow down is tough). That said, I stopped buying clothes because my size flucsluctuates a lot. I have an unlimited membership to Rent the Runway (other companies have similar services). Emotionally, it’s a lifesaver and I always look and feel put together.

      As for the skin, get on a good antioxidant serum and exfoliating schedule. Sloughing off dead skin helps produce collagen and will help with the “drab” look and feel of ageing skin. Don’t be afraid of fillers or botox if you think it will help your self-esteem. I started with small doses of Botox because I didn’t want to look frozen.

      Be kind to yourself. We’re in this together!

      1. I have found that vitamin C serum, Caudalie’s SOS something or other serum, and Clinique’s Even Better moisturizer (cream in a pot, not serum) have helped a lot with making my skin look brighter and more even.

        Hair – you might want to consider some form of color that brings a little more shine to your hair. I think there are products like that.

        I’m 51 and I hear where you are coming from. In the past couple of years I’ve had to think harder about what I wear – I’m still on the slim side and am okay with my legs, but the shorter, flared skirts look way too little girl on me now. But I carry my weight in my hips and thighs, so pencil skirts are problematic (always were, to be honest). I’m still finding things I feel good in, but it takes more looking.

    3. Can you say more about what’s “terrible” about your hair? People will probably have product or haircut suggestions.

      Do you have red blotches on your skin? If so, I have product suggestions!

      1. Yes! It is the oddest texture. Not quite straight, but with loose, limp waves. In summer humidity they curl up and look pretty good air-dried, but if the humidity is lower or it’s cooler out, I can’t really air dry without looking unkempt.

        I love longer hair on me, always have. It’s part of my identity. Not bra strap length, but a little longer than collarbone. I don’t feel like myself without it. But as I age, it is harder to style and just wear loose while still looking put-together.

        Additionally, it is a very dark brown, which I thought I would embrace without highlights since I have no grays, but I find that the contrast between hair and skin is extremely intense and seems to highlight the drooping issues. Maybe I need highlights or color and I just answered my own question…

        1. My hair is the same texture and color, and I’ve always embraced it in the past because it was thick and healthy so I freaked out when it got a bit thinner this year due to a medication change. I keep my hair around or just below the shoulders, and I know from experience shorter cuts don’t work on me. It took 6 months of trial and error but I’m happy with it again! My solution is three-fold: 1) color (for me foilyage and babylights, but ymmv); 2) committing to styling it instead of air dry, which had always been my default (in my case, blowouts with the Revlon volumizer and making sure to part it changing the part to where it looks thickest, but again ymmv); and 3) the Ordinary’s hair serum (I’m not convinced this one is not a placebo effect, honestly, but it does make my scalp feel really nice). The same medication change also impacted my skin, and I’m much happier now with a routine that includes BHA, azelaic acid, vitamin C serum, and really, really good moisturizer.

        4. I would experiment with highlights, and would also either commit to blow-drying more regularly or ask your stylist to recommend a solid air-drying routine for dry days. I always used to just let my hair dry plain, but as I get older, it’s gotten coarser. I still don’t want to blow-dry regularly, but now I actually put product in my hair and wrap it in a microfiber towel for a bit before I leave it to dry. It makes a substantial difference, and is way less time-consuming than blow-drying would be.

      2. Not OP but looking for product suggestions for red blotches on the face for myself!

        1. Not Monday, but I use the Dr. Jart’s Cicapair color correcting treatment every morning and it has definitely helped. As a bonus, it cleared my acne, so I’m an evangelist for the product now.

        2. Here ya go! Not cheap, but not the most pricey either.
          –Aveda Tulasara “calm” serum after washing.
          –Dr. Andrew Weil for Origins mushroom line–especially the serum and the mask, which can be left on while sleeping if you want.
          –For covering up as a last resort, until these work (which for me was almost immediate): Lancome green color corrector. The tiniest smidgen of it will cover redness.

    4. I noticed the same thing when I turned 39 (am 42 now) and I was not willing to just accept it…so here’s what I did:
      – I started taking hair, skin and nails vitamins – Country Life Maxi-Skin + C&A. It really seemed to help my hair texture and nail growth. I never needed these earlier in life but I need them now.
      – I started putting collagen peptides in my morning green smoothies. The Country Life vitamins also have collagen in them. Supposedly consuming collagen doesn’t help but I saw a difference in my skin elasticity.
      – In general I started eating more salads and smoothies, both to deal with metabolic slowdown and also to get more nutrients. There was a post here a couple weeks ago about how much harder it is to get digestion back on track after bad nutrition once you hit 40…I think it’s also harder to maintain my energy level if I’m not eating a lot of nutrient-dense foods. Eating better helped my skin look better.
      – I ramped up exercise from 2x a week to 3x. I do a mix of gym, cycling, yoga and barre and I don’t hold to a rigid schedule; I do what I feel like doing. I found it’s easier to stick to a workout schedule if I can have variety.
      – Working out more and eating better helped me lose about 10 lbs and so my clothes fit better and I feel better in them. I keep my wardrobe updated so didn’t feel like I needed to buy a bunch of new stuff, but I did go through and weed out stuff I had been keeping that made me feel frumpy but I kept hanging on to.
      – I talked with my hairdresser and she recommended adding in an intense protein treatment every time I get my hair cut; she also cut my hair differently (not a major change in shape but she added in some layers that help my hair look fuller). She is older herself and said that as women age, it’s common to both lose some hair and to have hair texture change significantly. She also changed the formulation on my color slightly to lighten it a tad (I am not willing to go gray yet) and change the tone to be warmer, and that actually did make my face seem brighter.
      – I went to the MAC store and got a consultation, which I hadn’t ever done. I had been using Studio Fix forever, and the makeup artist gently suggested that powder foundation was no longer the best idea; nor was completely matte lipstick. I bought about $100 worth of new makeup, so not a huge investment, but the products work better with the skin I have now vs. the skin I had at 25 when I started using MAC.
      It’s up to you how much you want to put into this…I feel like what I did not just helped me look better, it helped me feel better and improved my overall health. I don’t think that’s ever a bad idea.

      1. (Not OP) Good points. I would echo that I am in my early 40s, and a year or so ago I also got a make up consultation. I realized I had never really done that, and my make up routine was a hodge podge of stuff I came up with on my own probably in probably my 20s. It resulted in enough small recommendations that I think made a difference without totally altering how I look.

    5. I’m 41. No, we’re not fresh-faced 23 year old ingenues any more. We’re confident women with tons of professional and personal experience. We tell interesting stories at cocktail parties and make decisions at work that affect other people. I’m not hot, but I’m no longer afraid to take fashion risks. I have wrinkles and gray hair (boo), and frankly no product in the world is going to make me look 20 years younger, but that’s ok. (And, hey, I’m no longer relying on Wet N’ Wild makeup; that helps a lot!)

    6. Commiseration here. I waffle every day between making a long list of all the things I hate about my appearance and can/should ‘improve’, versus just accepting that this is how I look now, embracing that it’s not the most important thing that defines me,and saving myself the time/money/stress of trying to change. I’m trying to find a happy medium.

    7. As far as hormonal acne, I’m 39 also and finally have gotten control of mine with spironolactone and tri-cyclic BC. I am SO much happier having done that. Go see a derm about the acne. It’s so worth it.

      1. +1 – spiro and azealic acid (15-20%, the 10% ordinary OTC stuff did nothing) finally killed about 98% of my hormonal/PCOS related acne. A dermatologist will help with the prescription stuff.
        I also did a series of lasers to take off the mask of pregnancy that always bugged me. Loads of the women I know also invest in a yearly/biyearly medical strength peel or lasers for the redness.
        If you want to there is nothing wrong with trying out Botox or fillers – you can go light (and tell your dermatologist you’re interested in starting small – they can give you ideas of where they would place it, how much. etc.).

    8. You mentioned hormonal acne, have you had your hormones checked? I’m mid-40s and was a similar place. I had my hormones checked and my testosterone was so low that it didn’t even register. So I’ve been on “pellets” and I’ve seen a gradual improvement. Without any exercise or change in my diet I lost over an inch around my waist. That was really shocking to me, but the body-composition report didn’t lie. That really motivated me to start to eat better and exercise and I’ve seen the weight come off. My desire to “garden” has also dramatically increased, to my husbands sheer delight. I have had some pimples on my chin, which I was told could be a side effect from the testosterone, but I’ve been using a face wash and putting a treatment on my chin every single night and they seem to be gone. So if you haven’t had your hormones checked, do that. You might be surprised.

      1. I’m not the OP, but have enough symptoms of low testosterone that I might ask my doctor.

      2. How do you go about getting your hormones checked? I go to my internal medicine doctor for annual checkups and have mentioned a low drive but having my hormones checked has never been recommended. Did your GP order it for you? Is it as simple as just asking to have your hormones checked?

          1. I am having this discussion now and brought it up to my GP and she is referring me to my GYN for the actual testing.

          2. I’ve never had a problem getting my OBGYN to run basic bloodwork and refer me to a specialist if necessary. I don’t have a PCP and OBGYNs are used to serving as quasi-PCPs for healthy adult women.

          3. Either your GP or GYN can run the report. My GP is handling mine. Just ask for him/her to check your hormone levels. She also checked my thyroid which wasn’t functioning as it should so I’ve been on thyroid medication.

      3. This is great for you; it happened to Rosa, and she was pretty, but got bored with Ed’s gardening until after she had her own hormone’s checked. Once her GP found out she had “Low T”, she got some pills, and within weeks, Ed had more than he could handle in the bedroom with her, and to listen to him talking to his friends, he was OVERTHRILLED that she was wearing him out! So irrespective if you are pretty or frumpy, once you get your low T taken care of, your spouse will appreciate the fact that you are all over him. Ed did! YAY for both of them and their kids!

    9. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you need to walk around looking terrible. That’s your fault, not the fault of aging. Fix your hair, try skincare products to improve your skin, and make some effort if you feel bad about how you look.

      2. What a f-ing terrible and unnecessary comment. Does being this much of a jerk to strangers make you feel good?

        1. Agreed. Chances are the OP is herself not satisfied with what she sees in the mirror, and is taking it out on the poor original poster who was looking for a little support. To that original poster, trust me, we are all what we are, and none of us are perfect, and you are fine!!!! As a result, we all do the best we can with what we have and let it go afterward. And ignore what the OP said. She needs to be more positive like the rest of the HIVE! YAY!!

      3. I’m almost envious of the degree of innocence that could lead someone to be this judgmental. If only “effort” and “skincare products” could “fix” appearances so easily!

    10. botox, fillers, maybe a laser treatment to help with the redness. makeup isn’t going to fix anything but there are things you can do to look better and still be able to get out the door quickly. highlights or lighter hair color, maybe a shorter cut. exercise.

    11. If you can, throw money at this problem. Botox, fillers, dermatologist, good hair stylist, trainer, etc.

      I know that’s a very glib answer, but that’s what worked for me. We’re older – things take more work.

    12. I’m a little older, but experience(d) the same thing. Here are a few things that worked for me:

      1. Major focus on skincare. High quality cleansers, serums, and lotions with an emphasis on Vitamin C, niacinamide, and azelaic acid (not all at once). Avoid dimethicones. Started tretinoin. (Assume SPF use is a given.)
      2. Stopped fighting my hair’s natural texture. Older hair does not forgive excessive processing. I color for grays, but stopped using heat all together. I now style my curls as-is, and let my hair air dry in the morning (this may not work for fine, straight hair).
      3. Started collagen and supplements. This was mostly for hair and skin, but after 3-4 months I noticed improvement in my bad wrists and knees as well. I use Great Lakes Gelatin powder, and Viviscal hair tablets.
      4. Cleaned up my diet, cutting out most sugar. My body can’t tolerate it anymore; I feel a rush that quickly turns to nauseated fatigue when I have sweets. Focus on veg and lean meats.

      1. I asked my dermatologist about collagen supplements and she said there’s no research to prove that it works. She never tries to up-sell me, so I think she’s being honest.

    13. I’m older than you but I recently started using micellar water after using makeup remover and I swear my skin looks better just with that. It’s amazing how much shows on the cotton pad after using micellar on supposedly clean skin. I also started using primer before CC cream and found that I no longer need concealer most days.

      I’m also taking biotin for my hair/nails. Started recently so I don’t know if it’s helping but it’s low effort and can’t hurt.

  6. So very anon for this. I works in a smallish corporate office with a new department assistant (Mary) who started a few months ago. Mary does not work for me and we do not have much cause to interact other than pleasantries when passing in the halls. She does not sit near me. Since day one, Mary has sought me out to complement my clothing in oddly specific ways. Every single day. She is not new to the workforce, early 30s, looks like a supermodel, and seems to be a capable admin. I am not a fashionista. I am a chubby middle aged mom who wears past season Target, Ann Taylor, comfortable bland heels and the like.

    Mary has started to copy my outfits. Not the exact item, but yesterday I wore a pale yellow dress with a darker yellow cardigan and yellow belt. She told me several times during the day that it was such a beautiful combo, she loves that style, isn’t the belt great, etc. Today she is wearing her own riff on an all-yellow outfit (yellow sheath, yellow scarf).

    It is nice to be complemented and I have had other work friends who do “inspired by” outfits (and I sometimes reciprocate), but Mary seems over the top and I am uncomfortable. I do not notice her copying anyone else, it seems to be just me. And like the yellow dress incident, it is obvious that she is truly copying me and not that we don’t just shop in the same stores and have similar tastes. I am trying to avoid her if possible or polite but busy whenever we pass (smile and say good morning but keep walking), but it continues. What do I do?

    1. There’s nothing you can do, she just happens to get on your nerves. My similar person just left to go in house, and I am going to enjoy the respite. But until she gets reassigned just bear it gracefully.

    2. I also think your yellow outfit sounds great. She’s not new to the workforce but maybe previous experience was in a less casual office therefore she isn’t confident in dressing yet. I would just continue to be polite but don’t make a big deal out of her fashion compliments. Just say thanks and move on with your day.

      1. When it happens every day for two weeks straight, it feels more like being stalked than like a compliment. And I’m not talking comments like “cute outfit!” where we then move on. She goes out of her way to comment on how adorable that ruffle at the bottom of my skirt is and how it makes my calves look great. Then the next day she wears a similarly ruffled skirt with the same color blouse I paired it with, and finds a new specific feature of my outfit to comment on, then copy the next day. It is starting to border on creepy.

        2. Yeah I think it’s bonkers and I’d start saying “do not make comments about my body”

    5. It sounds like she genuinely enjoys fashion and also looks up to you. And you may not think of yourself as a fashionista, but I’m not surprised by a fashionista becoming excited over someone pulling off an all-yellow outfit! Fashion trends exist because people copy each other. I think this is probably all fine. It’s my observation that most people in my office who don’t know each other well are in some kind of conversational rut, whether it’s “I like those shoes,” “what about that game?”, “have you tried the new restaurant?” or even “how are the cats?” Until people learn more about each other, they tend to stick with what’s literally visible (like fashion) or the topic they made small talk about last time.

      1. I was thinking the same – you said she’s fairly new, so maybe she’s just still trying to make connections in the office.

    6. I want to copy your yellow outfit too, it sounds lovely.

      Would it help to think of yourself as a kind of mentor to her? She pretty clearly thinks of you that way. Figuring out how to dress in a corporate environment can be daunting, role models like you are so important.

    7. I would wear a series of increasingly outrageous outfits (bright clashing colors, etc.) to see how far she’s willing to take it.

      2. I had a (male) professor in college who had an admiring student and he did exactly this when the student started copying his outfits. He went from wearing neutral colors and classic hats to completely ridiculously patterned shirts and wilder and wilder hats. The student in question kept imitating him and never caught on, but the rest of us enjoyed the show.

      1. I get more like a SWF vibe from her, to be honest. Which makes me feel like I’m being a jerk and overreacting, but I can’t shake the feeling.

    9. How is she socially? Does she appear to have a mental or emotional issue that makes it hard for her to understand or relate to others? I saw this a lot in HS and college where people like you but don’t know how to relate to you for whatever reason (we used to call this “socially awkward” now everyone is claiming “asperger’s” without an official diagnosis but wtv) and they are intellectually trying to figure out how to make you understand how they feel so copying you, complimenting you, being near you, bringing up topics really randomly instead of organically are common. It’s not a sign of danger but a sign of “I don’t know how to relate to you but I want to so I’m doing my best”.

      1. She seems very confident and has an outgoing personality. Perhaps it is an act and she is secretly insecure and lonely; if that is true, it is an act that she pulls off really well. Her work history is in other professional settings and the first month or so her dress was spot on normal for our office culture. She still dresses appropriately for our office, but the obvious copying of my outfits is just so weird. I think I could understand her fixation on them if she were shy or seemed insecure. But she seems more like the popular cheerleader than the retiring wallflower.

        1. “But she seems more like the popular cheerleader than the retiring wallflower.”

          This resonated with me because I can relate to her. I have long blonde hair, blue eyes, slim figure, and am relatively young in my profession, still. I was explicitly told by one senior male colleague that I give off a “cheerleader vibe,” but in my head I don’t feel like the popular cheerleader, AT ALL. I’m socially awkward, self-conscious, want people to like me and am never sure they do, etc. You never know what’s going on in someone’s head.

    10. Since she’s new, maybe she’s using you as a template to see how far she can push the envelope fashion-wise, so to speak.

      Everyone here is always talking about “know your office”, so maybe she’s using you as a gauge for how fashion-y she can be. I’ve done similar things at new offices—if Shannon can wear printed pants, then I can wear printed pants; if Joanne wears trendier items, then I can incorporate trendier items too.

      1. Yes. Copying day to day is weird, but if she saw you in yellow maybe she thought “she did it, and I’ve wanted to wear this yellow item for weeks but wasn’t sure, guess I can!”

        I take a lot of fashion cues from the put together women above me. There aren’t very many. So if Lavender wears a bright pink dress and I have one I haven’t been super sure about but can’t wait to wear if it’s ok, I might wear it the next day. Not because I want to be Lavender or be creepy. I also have a similar fashion sense and coloring to the two women I’m thinking of so we have definitely, definitely worn the same outfits on accident.

    11. You know how people frequently give the advice to know your office? And to dress like someone from a level or two above your job title if you want to move up?

      Sounds like she’s following that advice. You’re the good example that she’s following. I’d let it go.

    12. I know EXACTLY the feeling you’re describing. So my roommate my freshman year of college did this. Back in the day I used to “dress up” for class. My assigned roommate was really shy, really awkward, and I found out towards the end of our tenure together- had an eating disorder. She was actually pretty and had a nice wardrobe, but for whatever reason she took all of her fashion cues from me. For example, I would wear a black cardigan and a black A line skirt, and she would fawn all over it and say it made me look skinny. Then, the very next day, she was wearing a black cardigan and a skirt, but said nothing to make it less awkward (like even if she had just said ‘you inspired me yesterday!’ would have made it better, but she never did). So yeah I spent all year mildly creeped out and tried to figure out ways to make her stop copying me but none were realistic. The good news is, this was not a true SWF thing and she never did anything worse or stalker-y, she was just really insecure. This was a long comment but all this is to say I know exactly how you’re feeling, no one believed me when I talked about it, and it sucks but she’ll probably stop after a while.

  7. I live in dtss and want to explore DC. We have lived here 2 yrs, but I’ve been too busy having kids and working to explore. I have some time off and want to see what’s around.
    I am not crazy about museums unless they have a cafe and I can people watch. I like strolling around unique neighborhoods and eating. Would love any suggestions. Also, I will have a baby with me.

    1. If you’re into alcohol, try strolling around Union Market and then walking down to the Ivy City area to do some distillery/brewery tours. I have seen plenty of folks with babies there on weekends!

      1. Just did this past weekend and it was fun (and there was definitely a baby in the distillery I went to).

    2. Off-Topic – but I love to see DTSS people in the wild.

      Two friends/former colleagues are opening a restaurant soon – LocaVino – in the much-loved former Adega Wine Cellars location.

      They’re both local boys, very good people, and I hope you check it out to support local biz!

      1. Op here- we live about a block away from there- I absolutely can’t wait for them to open! Adega closed a few months after we moved to town and I was so bummed. I am pretty active in the local fb groups- you may know me lol irl.

      2. That is awesome news! I loved Adega!

        I know you said you are not crazy about museums, but the Building Museum is kind of fun to see and they have a playroom thing for kids. It is right next to Chinatown, plenty to look at and eat there. The Building Museum does have a special exhibit now, so you might want to wait until that is over (early September, maybe?) to avoid crowds.

        I have no baby, but I need to know more about these Ivy City distillery tours…

        1. We went to One Eight distilling and it was great – didn’t do the tour, but had a couple drinks and all the bartenders were super friendly and helpful.

        2. The Building Museum is great. Their special summer exhibit is a big fake grass “lawn” that is like a big rolling hill with hammocks, weird sound effects, and lemonade and cookies to buy. It was honestly delightful to go to with my toddler during this heat wave. We went on a Saturday morning and it wasn’t terrible, but I bet a weekday would be less crowded. I think it would be fine to let a baby crawl around there as well.

    4. Favorite neighborhoods to explore – Georgetown (yes I know it’s a tourist trap but I like the cobblestone streets and kids can run around the Waterfront Park fountain in the summer); Eastern Market; Embassy Row; 14th Street/U Street neighborhoods; Navy Yard. The Wharf (southwest waterfront) is new and shiny but not far from the National Mall.

      The National Zoo is a bit far from anything else, but it’s great for kids. The National Mall itself is always worth a walk if you’ve never seen it in the evening.

  8. Just wanted to say thanks to the poster who recommended the Wit & Wisdom skinny jeans for my “smart casual” workplace! I ordered a pair and liked them so much that I ordered another pair.

  9. I need help picking between two jobs (current or new job – assuming I get an offer, which hasn’t happened yet but seems well on its way):
    – Job A (current job, been there 18 months): Good hours and almost no weekend work, decent pay, relatively interesting work. Limited but still OK opportunities for advancement. Not a huge company so not much brand name or prestige. Great boss who is respectful, has my back and has given me great opportunities (this is the #1 reason I’m reluctant to leave). Not a great culture fit otherwise, I haven’t quite clicked with my colleagues other than my boss. Driving commute with a lot of traffic to remote suburban area.
    – Job B (I’m going back for a second interview this week): Large, prestigious workplace with a good brand name. More money and slightly better benefits (but not a ton more – I am already fairly well compensated). Interesting, high-profile work. Lots more stress, longer hours, regular weekend work. Would be part of a much larger team – boss seems nice enough but clearly has high expectations and is a local rainmaker. Location is downtown, close to friends and other opportunities for networking etc, not to mention my favorite dance studio right next door. Much better commute by subway or bike. Two close friends work at this company – they like it but it’s a lot of hard work.

    About me: I’m 29, married, main breadwinner. I would like to have kids soon but can also wait a year or so before TTC if I change jobs. I previously spent 4 years at a large employer similar to employer B and was unhappy at the end due to a miserable boss, so I left and joined employer A. I’ve enjoyed the respite at employer A, but I’m ambitious and driven and part of me really wants the second opportunity to work at a place like employer B (which is slightly bigger/more prestigious than First Employer). I’m very torn between staying at this objectively very good job with great work/life balance (rare in my industry) or giving myself another chance at the high-profile career I wanted when I graduated. I’m also worried it’s a bit soon to change jobs – I don’t want to look like a job hopper but I was actively recruited for this so I didn’t pick the timing. This opportunity is pretty rare and might not come back.
    Ultimately I know it’s up to me, but what would you do?

    1. So much depends on how important work-life balance is to you versus career development. But since you asked…. I’d take B, with plans to stay 2 years and then reassess. It sounds like B will open more doors for you in the future. And better benefits might matter if you do have a kid in the nearish term. Also, being able to work with friends, have better networking, and take regular dance classes should help offset the higher workload.

      1. Yeah, I agree that this is a personal weighing of work-life balance vs. career development.

        Personally, as opposed to anon a mouse, I come down on staying with job A. I’m not interested in having to monitor emails and/or work on my nights and weekends anymore, and I will accept a slightly less exciting job so that I don’t have too. Also, as I’ve gotten older, the idea of prestigious is just less and less important to me.

    2. I’m in nearly identical shoes to you, except my husband and I have similar earning potential. I’ve really wrestled with TTC and the timeline needed for FMLA leave. I’ve ultimately decided to stay in my current role, because even if I did jump ship and wait a year, I’d only have built up a year of personal capital with my team before mat leave. I’m also weary of burdening my future self with more work, more stress, etc when I know a baby could be coming. Maybe that’s not the “lean in” answer you’re hoping for, but I’ve weighed the pros and cons and my future family to me is more important than my career at this point.

      1. The only thing I can say is you can plan when you start ttc, but you can’t plan when you will actually have a baby. First kid I got unexpectedly pregnant immediately, 2nd took 2 years and lots of doctors. Even if you do get pregnant on a schedule, the baby might be born early… there is just some stuff you can’t plan as well as we’d all like.

    3. I was faced with a very similar situation, and just accepted an offer very similar to Job B. I also asked about the potential move here when I was weighing options. Ultimately, it sounds like you’re leaning towards Job B, just the way you’ve phrased the options. Not being fully challenged and engaged in work is a valid reason to leave, even if you do have a great boss.

      Questions I would consider: (1) how are the exit options from Job B, and are your options better from that company; (2) what does maternity leave and treatment of women/parents look like at Job B, in comparison to Job A.

      I wouldn’t worry too much about being a job hopper – 4 years, 18 months and then a third job doesn’t seem like job hopping.

    4. Stay at my current job, especially if I was planning to TTC. I am not interested in working my a$$ off on nights and weekends anymore or being stressed out all the time.

    5. Suggestion from someone who’s been TTC for nearly 2 years (and now going through first round of IVF) – don’t necessarily make job decisions based on timing a pregnancy. It doesn’t always work out that smoothly :)

    6. How does the shorter commute balance out with extra hours?

      My inclination is to go for the big job. It’s easier when you are younger and, for most people (talk to your doctor first) conceiving at 31 is no different than conceiving at 30.

    7. I will say that a lot of people saying “do whatever you want because you may take years to TTC”…I’m sorry that’s dumb advice. Statistically most women don’t have issues conceiving at 29/30. They just don’t. Sucks for you but the vast majority of women I know who had kids/are pregnant around 29-32 go pregnant within three months and were shocked and surprised.
      Take the job that you think will work best for you long run but don’t make plans with the thought you’ll have fertility issues. You may get pregnant right away and you need a job that works with that. That could mean A which gives you more weekend and after work time, or it could mean B, which gives you better opportunities to provide a better life for your kid but will require more childcare and heavier $ expenditure at this point in your life. The only solid advice re TTC difference is waiting a year for FMLA protection.

    8. Job B. I had been weighing similar options and also balancing against TTC. I decided to stay in my current job for six months and start TTC, and then evaluate my options at the end of six months if I’m not pregnant. Actually starting TTC was a wake up call that helped put my other life decisions in perspective. I realized that a lot of my hesitancy at starting TTC was because I didn’t want to give up Job B, and I realized that if I couldn’t have kids at all, I would want the job/career Job B would give me. So since I don’t have kids yet, and it could take years before I have them, I am proceeding down the Job B path. If I have kids, and decide I want to scale back to something more like A, I’ll figure that out at the time. I might get pregnant in a few months, or I might never get pregnant and ultimately adopt, which could take 5+ years. No point in short changing future me on the career I want for something that might be delayed or might not happen at all.

    9. No one has yet raised the concern of leaving after 18 months — does this not seem sort enough to raise red flags in the future for OP? I’m genuinely curious. I feel like changing jobs frequently has become more accepted in the modern era, but all else being equal, it seems like staying in one place longer would be a good thing.

      1. It really depends on how long she has stayed at jobs in the past. If she was at her prior company for 4+ years, I wouldn’t have concerns about seeing an 18 month position assuming she stays at her next position for over 2 years. If she was at her prior company for 2 years, her current position for 18 months, and then started looking after being at job B for 16 months or 2 years, I would have real reservations about hiring her. This also is field dependent somewhat, and I’m speaking for a field where projects normally last over a year and it easily takes over a year for someone to learn everything.

    10. I would pick B because I know I prefer to be challenged at work and that ultimately makes me much happier. Also the location and commute sound much better and more aligned with my personal lifestyle.

  10. This jacket looks terrible. The model looks like she is stuffed in a penguin suit.

    2. I don’t so much think the jacket looks terrible, as I’m so confused by what else is going on in the picture.

    3. The jacket itself isn’t terrible, but the photo is sloppy and unflattering. The rear view of the jacket (on the company site) is a wrinkled mess. Whoever styled this shoot needs to find a new job.

  11. For the past 2.5 weeks I’ve felt what I can only describe as disassociated and I’m hoping for advice on how to snap out of it. I am struggling to do anything but the bare minimum at work/home. I don’t feel depressed, but a bit “flat”. I could browse the internet 24/7. I feel no sense of urgency or importance about anything. I went grocery shopping over the weekend and bought the fresh produce I usually do, but couldn’t will myself to make dinner and convinced my husband to pick up fast food. I’ve been falling asleep on the couch, often without taking off my makeup or brushing my teeth (I’m usually very strict about my night time routine). I hate this feeling of just going through the motions and not being engaged. Help?

    1. That sounds like depression. It’s not all crying; it’s often lack of motivation and apathy. Visit a doc.

      1. I agree; this can be a symptom, so it may be time for a check-up. Depression can be a symptom as well as a primary condition, so your doctor can check your thyroid, vitamin D, B12, and anything that may be relevant to your health history.

    2. My first thought is that you’re not getting enough sleep. My second thought is – any chance you’re pregnant?

    3. You could be me… Do you live in a part of the country that has been going through the extreme heat? I have found that I am just exhausted all the time and drained from the weather.

      1. Yeah, the heat has been totally draining.

        I think I gave myself a touch of seasonal affective disorder by keeping my blinds closed against the sun for the past couple of weeks. I live on the 10th floor, facing west, so there’s no shade. Usually in the morning I get a nice dose of sunlight when I eat breakfast, but didn’t recently because I kept the blinds mostly closed. I noticed that last week especially, I was DOWN. Like crying on the way to work down. Now that the weather is cooler and my blinds are open, I am feeling better.

        Not to negate the idea of going to a doctor, but just something to keep in mind.

  12. We’re shopping for a new bed, and it seems like a California King makes the most sense. I’m 5’10” and my husband is 6’3″. I was surprised that king size beds aren’t any longer than a queen. We don’t need more width, just length! But it seems like CK is a weird size – harder to find sheets, not as many bed options. Worth it?

    Also, where do I look for a cool new bed? I rarely buy furniture, and it looks like my usual stops for lighting (CB2 and West Elm) have a pretty limited selection of the CK size.

    1. In my experience, california king beds are mostly sold on the west coast and regular king beds are the norm everywhere else.

    2. You might have to get something made (like a platform bed). My city has an NBA team and one guy sold his house and it was a bit of a media event. But IIRC a lot of things were custom due to his height. Like I have sat on sofas that made me feel like a kid b/c if I sat back, my feet stuck off of the cushions b/c my knees were nowhere near the edge.

    3. I have one and like it. Options for sheets are more limited, but not so much that it makes them truly hard to shop for. My husband and I are similar sizes. If it’s in your budget and to your taste, Vermont Wood Studios makes really gorgeous furniture. That’s where I got ours.

    4. The furniture at CB2, West Elm, CB, PB, etc. is low-quality and overpriced. I’d go to an independent furniture store.

    5. That’s what we have (also tall people) and it’s a dream bed. Check Macy’s – that’s where I found my frame. Haven’t had any issues finding sheets, duvets, etc – all the major vendors sell sheets, king duvets fit fine

    6. But if you have the additional width, you can angle yourself to get the length (sleep on the diagonal, if you need it. But I think you can still get that out of a King, without going to a CK.

      You can always test the King vs Queen theory by trying a hotel room with a King sized bed.

      1. Are you suggesting that OP sleeps at a diagonal while her husband sleeps on the floor or with his head and feet hanging off the bed? Because that’s what will happen. Lol this is such a silly suggestion. She wants to use a bed normally, not be forced into the most awkward sleeping position with a partner ever.

        1. No? That’s kind of weird interpretation. My point is that many people don’t sleep square (or in a straight-line) in the bed, anyway, and end up angling a bit in their sleep, so that the length of the bed isn’t as important and why you might consider a king sized bed over a queen when they are the same length. Though – one might consider sleeping moving the pillows 90 degrees from the normal position on a King – you’d get a fair amount of length that way, if you wanted to think outside the box.

          But the reality is that 6’3″ and 5’10” aren’t that unusual of a height that needs a custom bed to accommodate. The length of a queen/king is 6.5 feet. And I’m saying that as a 5’10” person who has shared a bed with someone who is 6’5″. both a king and queen are going to be plenty big unless you have a couple sprawling sleepers who can’t stand to touch each other.

    7. I’m 5’11” and have always been fine in a king. It might be a problem for your husband, but I think a regular king is plenty long enough for someone who’s ~6′.

      1. Also note that a CA king is actually 4″ narrower than a king. My husband and I need every each of width on the king and would not want to sacrifice 4″ of width for 4″ of length.

        1. Yeah, we don’t need the width at all. In fact, a regular King feels too wide (we sleep on one at my parents’). I appreciate all the feedback! I guess it’s just how my husband sleeps but his feet hang off the bed and I miss being able to tuck sheets in at the bottom.

    8. We have a Cal King and love it. Sheets are readily available online at a variety of price points.

      1. I like our California King and it has fit well in narrower bedrooms. Sheets are readily available but duvets, coverlets, bedspreads, etc. are not. I made my own (pretty much had to). If you search for Cal King bed covers online you’ll get results but most or sometimes all are for regular Kings. And I’ve has salespeople tell me everyone uses regular King size bed covers for Cal King beds. Yeah, if they want the bed cover to be too short and too wide. I don’t like my clothes that way and I don’t like my bedclothes that way! So keep that in mind.

        1. Yes, I have been seeing a lot of combo king/Cal King duvets and that just doesn’t make sense!

    9. My husband is over 6 feet tall and he really prefers our California King. (I’m barely 5 feet tall so it doesn’t matter to me.) It’s not that hard to find bedding and such, though it is a little more expensive obviously. We prefer fairly plain bedding though so YMMV.

  13. Do any of you wise women know to let go of expectations to prevent disappointment? Especially when it ultimately results in more labour for me? I don’t want to expect things of my friends and family but they always drop the ball, it ranges from things like making reservations to buying gifts, it’s mostly small stuff but adds up to a lot of time and mental space. Rationally I know they are not obligated to do these things and if I want then done right I should do it myself but I can’t help the twinge of disappointment when Sally drops the ball for the 100th time.

    1. I reframe my thoughts. I know Sally drops the ball. That’s who she is. I either accept her as she is, or I do the work. I really try to accept people when the “tell” me who they are. I only do things I want to at this point in my life and accept that the ball will sometimes get dropped. Life goes on. Consequently, I don’t have any friends who drop the ball, etc., anymore because I would rather have a small group of close friends who I trust and can rely on vs. a large social circle of people who don’t improve my life.

      1. I agree with this, but I think this advice kind of depends on who is dropping the ball. Dealing with family is different than friends is different than an SO. I can drop a friend who consistently lets me down, or at least minimize their impact on my life. But what if mom promises to host Thanksgiving dinner and we all show up and she hasn’t even bought the turkey yet and doesn’t have enough plates or chairs for everyone. Or if DH doesn’t write thank you notes to his half of our wedding guests and then I get blamed for it because this is obviously the bride’s responsibility.

        I think OP is correct that you have to adjust expectations. Basically, you have to decide not to care about this stuff.
        Easier said than done, I know. Mom doesn’t have a turkey or plates? Cool we’ll eat the sides everyone brought and share plates. DH didn’t thank his family? Not my problem. It is not OP’s job to make life perfect for everyone or to take on other people’s responsibilities. Captain Awkward has written a lot about not making other people’s problems your problems – that might be a helpful perspective.

        1. Small addendum: either decide not to care, or accept that if you do care, you have to make it happen. You can’t change others, only yourself.

        2. I think we agree :) For me it’s the same, but of course everyone’s situation is different. In the Thanksgiving example, I’d suggest ordering pizza and sit on the floor. Having a traditional “proper” Thanksgiving isn’t that important to me. It’s about enjoying time with family which can easily be done with pizza and floor-sitting IMO.

    2. Listen to episode 11 of the The Life Coach School podcast (“The Manual”). It was so life-changing for me that I listened to it and then replayed the entire thing a second time.

    3. For important things, very clearly express your expectations “Sally you are bringing soda and water to the family gathering. I am counting on you and only you. If you don’t do this, we won’t have anything to drink. I’ll let everyone else know that you are bringing it so they don’t worry about it. Do you agree to do this on X date at Y time?” Get an affirmative answer. Then DON’T get the soda. Don’t catch Sally when she fails or she will plan for just that. Make sure whoever is counting on her knows Sally failed (this seems harsh but it does work).
      Expressing yourself like this conveys clarity of what when and where, that no one else will do this if Sally doesn’t do it and there will be repercussions for others, adds community accountability and guilt for failure, and forces an affirmation as people are more likely to follow through if they affirmatively commit.

      The less important things, just let it go and don’t do it. Literally don’t catch the ball for people. If it truly is small then it doesn’t matter.

  14. Just want to share that my application for federal public service loan forgiveness with the assistance of the “temporary patch” has been approved! YAY! I logged on Sunday night and saw that the balance for 4 of my Direct Loans (previously around 60K) was at zero and I still feel like I won the lottery!

    From the time I mailed my application in mid-june until yesterday when I received the official notification, it took about 5 weeks to move through both programs, which was much quicker than I expected.

    Of course, because FedLoan is stupid, they are claiming my small remaining PLUS graduate loan doesn’t qualify but I am working through that with phone calls and email. And, lucky me, I read state and federal regulations for a living, so I want to be sure that other students are not getting wrongly rejected for that reason.

    It was a very long and difficult financial journey especially in the Bay Area and I’m not sure that I would choose the same career path again. It was especially difficult when I was making 45 to 55 K, even several years out of law school, and my friends were making four or five times that much. And of course people have bought homes and I have only just begun saving.

    Just want to end it by saying that I am a daily reader but I live on the west coast and I read in the evenings when I get home, so I never share but absolutely love reading everyone else’s posts and feedback! You’ve all helped me more than you know, from dealing with terrible bosses to elderly parents, and even fantasizing about future worldly vacations that I can now afford to take!

    2. CONGRATS! This gives me hope.

      I’m currently fighting with FedLoan about whether an entire year of zero-dollar payments under IBR count towards PSLF (it does). They say that maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t, but it’s immaterial since Nelnet (prior servicer) says I should have been paying $400 a month that year. Nelnet does not say that. I was not supposed to be paying anything because I was poor AF. I have the proof of this. Which FedLoan says they won’t consider until after they’ve done their “audit,” which takes 120-160 business days. Business. Days. There’s a special spot in he11 for these people.

      1. Oh and they say that I need to “prove” that I made the $0 payments if they decide they count.

        Their idea to prove this was to submit bank statements showing the zero dollar payment each month.

        1. That is so stupid. I’m actually shocked to hear anyone got PSLF, since my understanding is that only around 1% of applicants are.

          1. I work with a consumer rights attorney who does student loan work and she was irate on my behalf. Almost more than me.

    3. congrats! I’ve been in public service for 13 years and found out last year that my loans didn’t qualify. Sigh. So glad you are in the 1%!!

    5. Congrats! My husband had his forgiven in December through the temporary program as well. He had to fight to get it too, which is unfortunate. However, for public servants it really can be a life-changing program. I really hope things gets better with the program because I think it makes it easier for Congress to discontinue the program if all they hear are the bad things. They need to hear good stories about how this program affords individuals with the opportunity to stay as public servants instead of going into the private sector seeking more money.

  15. First world problem alert: bought the AGL sneakers from the NAS. They look great and the materials justify the price tag. The toe is *slightly* too snug, though. Do their shoes typically stretch a bit to fit your feet?

    1. No experience with AGL, but my experience with sneakers with snug toes is that they do not stretch and make your toenails fall off.

    2. Have you tried wearing ultra thin socks? That may be the difference between slightly snug and perfect. I wear ultra thin compression socks for a multitude of reasons, but I have noticed that all my sneakers have more room in the toe vs. standard cotton socks.

  16. I asked this yesterday but am hoping for more replies. Thanks to those that responded! My husband is going to be in NYC for work Thurs and Fri and I’m tagging along. We’ll also stay Friday night. What are your favorite summer specific activities/restaurants/bars? I’ve been to NYC many times but haven’t spent much time there in the summer. We’re staying in Manhattan and not looking to venture out far. I’m looking for specific outside recs that are only possible in the summer. Thank you!

    2. Summer favorite spots:
      Beer garden at tavern on the green
      The Roof at Viceroy hotel
      Lobster Boat
      Walking the Brooklyn bridge
      Clipper City sails
      Inside the Park at St. Bart’s
      Pop up bar at Bryant Park
      Boat Basin
      Frying Pan
      Highline

  17. I’m probably overthinking this, but here goes: I’m going to Reykjavik next weekend. I’ll only be there for 2 days and then I’m going on to much warmer climates in Europe. Weather looks like it’ll be 60s and rainy in Iceland.

    I’ll have one pair of black jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and a light sweater. I’m not sure what to do about a topper. I plan on walking around a lot.

    Everything I’ve read says to bring an actual coat, even in the summer. I have a super light Patagonia thinsulate jacket (but not one that stuffs into a bag or pocket), and then also a packable Uniqlo “ultra light” down vest. I also have a north face raincoat I’d sort of consider, but again, it’s going to take up suitcase room and I doubt I’d wear it again on my trip- even if I’m out and it starts raining, I’m not going to carry a rain jacket with me daily.

    I’m considering whether a Uniqlo ultra light down jacket that compressed into a bag would solve this issue. Or would I just look seasonally out of place? I tried the Uniqlo packable wind breaker but then one of the sales people told me it is in no way rain resistant.

    I know I’m over thinking this but…help?

    1. In similar situations I usually go with an insulating layer (like your thinsulate jacket) plus a lightweight packable rain shell. I have the Marmot PreCip.

      1. I do the same. Layers, even in having multiple thin jackets on, is the way I deal with travel that involves drastically different temperatures.

    2. What do you plan to do there? If you’re staying in the city where you’ll have the ability to duck inside a bar or restaurant if the weather gets too cold, I honestly wouldn’t bother bringing a bulkier jacket. If you’re going to do the golden circle or anything outdoorsy…. do not go without a rain jacket. I went during September a few years ago and while it got hot in the sun to the point where I was wearing hiking pants and a tank top only at times, it would drastically snap back to rainy and COLD too.

    3. You don’t need the vest. I’d bring a rain jacket, personally, but if the thinsulate is water resistant then that’s fine. Bring a scarf in case it’s damp and chilly, or plan to buy one there. If you get cold easily then maybe bring a camisole to wear under your long sleeve shirt.

    4. I went to Iceland in early May and used the Uniqlo ultra light down jacket and I was fine most of the time. I’d imagine that by July such a jacket would be overkill and you’d be fine with the thinsulate plus vest option.

    5. You need a raincoat in Iceland if you’re doing outdoor stuff. I think I wore merino wool long sleeve shirts and various sweaters under a goretex rain shell. Also wore my fleece tights with hiking boots. Didn’t really need a down jacket, but wouldn’t look weird if you brought one. Iceland is full of tourists wearing outdoor gear, I wouldn’t worry much about fitting in.

    6. I would take the down vest, a thin wool sweater, and a rain jacket of some sort. The rain layer isn’t optional, unless you are willing to spend all your time indoors…which would be a shame.

    7. I have and love love love the Uniqlo ultra light down jacket that compresses into a bag. Will that fit under the North Face rain jacket or the Patagonia thinsulate jacket? That’s what I’d wear/bring.

    8. I was there all last week – you need a light, rain proof jacket with a hood (honestly, I cannot overemphasize the importance of waterproof), and that’s it. Wear a light sweater underneath. We all brought down vests, jackets, etc and wore exactly none of them. Have a great trip!

    9. I went to Reykjavik last summer for about 36 hours (SO FUN) and it was cool and seemed to rain every few hours whether it needed to or not. Didn’t seem very cold, but then again we’d just been in London where it was boiling hot. I wore jeans and sneakers, a long-sleeved shirt or a thin sweater with a tank underneath, and my Barbour waxed jacket. Was generally nice and comfy.

      My kids were fine in sweatshirts and shirts underneath but we did carry umbrellas.

  18. For those who have used Modsy and liked it, did you buy the classic or premium package? The classic is a lot cheaper and there doesn’t seem to be a huge difference between the two packages, but I’m willing to pay more if folks here think the premium is worth it.

    1. Do you still get 2 designs with the Classic? If you are just looking for something to jump start your own creative process I would stick with the classic. Frankly, the 3D room was the absolutely most helpful part for me after getting the initial design suggestion. If you really want them to design the whole thing the premium might be worth it.

      1. Yes, with the classic you get 2 designs. Ok, maybe I’ll just stick to that. Thanks very much!

  19. Where do you take recruiter calls? I’m not actively looking for a new job, but a recruiter reached out with an opportunity I was interested in hearing more about. I have my own office with a door that locks, and just wrapped up a huge project so work is a little slow. I took the call from my cell phone in my office with the door shut at 8:45 this morning (most of my colleagues get in between 9 and 9:30. After about 15 minutes, the call dropped a few times so the recruiter called back on my office phone number. I feel weird about taking it on the office phone, but then realized maybe I shouldn’t have taken it at work at all? But where else would I do it? The recruiter only works normal working hours.

    Probably over thinking this but I was curious what the hive thought.

    1. So long as no one can hear you, work is fine. Even your work phone is fine. Don’t overthink this.
      If you can be heard, I’d go for a walk or to your car.

    2. I don’t worry about using my work phone for this at all, especially if cell service is bad in your office. If you’re worried about being overheard, block your calendar for a “meeting” and get out of your office — go for a walk or sit in your car?

      1. I did this a lot when I was looking to leave big law. Sometimes they even cold-called my office line (it was listed on the website). It was never an issue – I’m pretty sure lots of people are doing the same thing. I once booked a conference room for a phone interview, which did feel a little icky, but honestly I don’t think any one cared (it was a quiet time and there were lots of conference rooms available).

    3. I’m taking them in my office. I work all the time. So I don’t feel bad about it.

    4. I always did cell phone, outside of the office. But that’s because I am physically incapable of talking quietly on the phone. Just can’t do it.

    5. I normally would work from home for part of the day when I was taking these calls or doing phone interviews. I worked in an office with a non-locking door next to my boss and assistant though.

  20. any tips for getting better at not being so sensitive? I have a weekly meeting with a group of administrators, all are my equals, plus my boss. There is one admin who is just the most unpleasant person I’ve ever encountered professionally. She yells at, makes fun of, and scoffs at any concern, question, opinion, etc. that she doesn’t share. Our boss does nothing to address this bad behavior (she is well known for this and unless our boss changes, will likely never be held accountable), and even though I know it’s not really personal and does this to everyone, it’s really difficult for me to not get worked up about being treated this way. I guess meditation might help but I’m terrible at that so . . . any tips for letting things just roll off and moving on? I’m at the point where I dread these meetings or running into her.

    1. I’m all over today, but in this scenario I remind myself that her behavior has everything to do with who she is and nothing to do with who I am. I honestly end up feeling sorry for them. How awful and exhausting it must be to be that way. You can always say in your head, “Bless her heart.” Which of course means nothing of the sort. It will take repetitive practice IME, but over time you’ll have developed a shield for this type of thing and with rare exception, it won’t bother you anymore.

  21. Not asking for a “professional water bottle” rec (lol), but what is your fav water bottle for work? My Contigo one from Costco is not working out.

    1. I love my Hydro Flask. Keeps water cool. Really tough and stands up to being dropped (which is important for me).

    2. I love my Swell bottle. It’s pretty, doesn’t leak and it keeps water cold. Hydroflask is also very good but doesn’t come in pretty colours and patterns!

    3. I love my s’well bottle for work. I like my giant HydroFlask for hiking, but the narrower mouth on the s’well is easier to drink from.

      1. Hydroflask. I have one giant one with a wide mouth (mainly for hiking) and one normal sized one with the narrower mouth. They won’t leak with the default lids; I also have sports cap lid I usually use for the normal sized one, though that will leak if the bottle is not upright.

    4. I have a 40 oz. Swell bottle. It’s SUPER cute, but also I drink a ton of water, so tiny Swell bottles were not practical.

    5. I like insulated metal bottles and honestly can’t tell the difference between generic and brand name, so I just pick one that’s the right size and lid configuration at whatever store I’m going to next (Target, Am@zon, REI, etc.). There are lots of colors and patterns available if that matters to you.

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