Coffee Break: Jet Set Card Holder

saffiano-card-holderI have a few of these kinds of cardholders around, and I must admit — I never use them. So, when I noticed that this one was so highly rated at Nordstrom, I read the comments with curioisty.  It seems like a lot of folks use it for when you just want a credit card or two with you, perhaps with a few bills stuffed in the center compartment — which would definitely solve the “I feel like I may lose the license and credit card I chucked in my clutch because my wallet wouldn’t fit” problem.  As I was looking at it, though, I think I’m going to bring it to my next networking event as well — I’ll keep my cards in first slot, and the cards I receive in the seconds lot.  This particular cardholder looks great — it’s made out of the sturdy saffiano leather that people love so much in the popular Jet Set totes, and it comes in several fun colors, all for $48, available at Nordstrom, Amazon, and Dillards. Nice. MICHAEL Michael Kors ‘Jet Set’ Card Holder

Update: Just a reminder that we’re talking about the movie 9 to 5 tomorrow — if you haven’t watched it yet, tonight’s your last chance! It’s available at Amazon for $2.99 (SD).  Here’s a link to Rotten Tomatoes page, where it has an 83% fresh rating, and a link to the very, very odd theatrical trailer, which looks like they made it before they filmed or cast anyone in the movie.



  1. I’m always looking for these as I have a habit of shoving a credit card and $20 in my jeans and going out and now living in the suburbs always have to remind myself of my license.

    Yet I put these card holders away for months and lose them. Anyone have one that doesn’t have a brand name engraved across it? Something generic?

    • Shopaholic :

      I got one from J.Crew… I use it when I go out and don’t want to take my wallet with me.

      Henri Bendel also has some nice ones.

    • Anonymous :

      get a holder with two slots that sticks on the back of your phone. I left my wallet in the office over the weekend and didn’t even noticed until Monday because I just use the credit card and licence on my phone.

      • Legally Brunette :

        +1. saw someone with this and thought it was genius!!

      • anon a mouse :

        Yep. The Verus phone case. It’s amazing. Holds 2 things. (either a license and a credit card, or a license and a 20, or any other combination)

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      Etsy probably has a lot of options. I actually use one of my business card holders for this purpose–it will fit my license, a credit card, and my health insurance card.

    • My speck case holds 3 cards. love it.

    • full of ideas :

      I stole the one that came in my spouse’s wallet! Depending on the type, some are less than $45 and still look good and fulfill the purpose.

  2. Would you say something? :

    I recently ran into a college classmate – we were friendly in college but not particularly close, but I always liked her. She is now completely bald, with the exception of a few fuzzy patches. She said nothing about it, I said nothing, and we had a pleasant conversation.

    She recently reached out to me over email saying how nice it was to run into me, a bit about her life, etc. In my response, is there a tactful way to mention her health? If she does in fact have cancer, it seems almost cruel to not acknowledge it at all. But if she doesn’t have cancer (maybe allopecia?), it could be taken the completely wrong way and upset her further.

    We don’t have any mutual friends that I can ask about this, and her Facebook page mentions nothing about this (and it only includes photos of her with a full head of hair).

    I’m inclined to say nothing but was curious if anyone of your thoughts.

    • Anonymous :

      Other than inquiring generally how she’s doing, I wouldn’t mention it. If you give her the opportunity to talk and she doesn’t take it, I think it’s rude to push.

    • I would not say anything. If you are so inclined to maintain the friendship, then respond accordingly. Maybe she would like to talk about it with you eventually and thus reached out. Maybe not. I think the most I would say is wrapping up with “Hope you are doing well. Sincerely, OP” Maybe she always wore wigs and assumed you knew. If it were a recent event, I imagine she would have said something in her email saying a bit about her life. I mean… she knows. Just proceed as normal.

    • I went to my 20th college reunion a few days after a major bike accident left me with road rash on my face. I was incredibly grateful that no one mentioned it. I was incredibly tired of answering questions about it and just wanted to feel like life was normal.

  3. Going Anon for this so as to not out myself.

    I work at a small firm. I am getting increasingly stressed out about what seems like a dim future at my current firm. I am a 4th year and have gotten great bonuses and reviews since I have been here. However, they keep firing senior associates- basically because they thought they were too top-heavy. Doesn’t seem like the partners want to make anyone partner, or counsel, or keep people on long-term. In my mind, I can come up with reasons why those people were let go, but it’s not like they were TERRIBLE. And they all seemed to be pretty surprised when they got laid off- although, isn’t that what everyone says? They keep bringing in partners from other firms in order to get more business. I have gotten good experience while I have been here that I think I could leverage when looking for opportunities. Getting clients is near impossible in my field at my level (all big companies).

    I feel like now is the time for me to TRY to lateral somewhere and maybe have a long term future. But I’m scared. I feel like this is basically how it happens everywhere- and don’t firms typically favor their ‘own’ when promotions come up? I feel like I am trapped which is ridiculous considering that it sounds like I’m doing all of the right things yet I’m somehow getting too ‘senior’ after only working for 4 years.

    Anyone have any advice? I don’t want to make the wrong move but I also don’t want to wait around until I’m a lame duck.

    • Anonymous :

      Look around and see what’s out there. You might not find anything to your liking, but it sounds like you’re refusing to even look because you’re scared of the change, and I don’t think that’s a good reason not to look. (I say that with utmost empathy as someone who has felt the same way about job searching in the past. Your fear is normal and reasonable; it’s just not a good reason for inaction.)

      • You are right. I guess I worry about jumping ship too early- what if I DO have a shot here? But I can’t imagine them telling me that at my level, so hence the sitting duck problem (which is what my colleagues did and it did not work out for them).

        • anon @ 3:54 :

          Looking to see what’s out there doesn’t mean jumping ship right away. You can make the decision about jumping ship later, once you have a better idea of what you’d be jumping onto.

          Realistically it might take you 6 months or a year or even longer to find something that appeals to you. So worrying about “too early” is premature.

    • I was in a similar position and decided to lateral. Ultimately, it was the right decision for me – the work and clientele is better in my new position and there are more (albeit, they might be more difficult) opportunities. That being said, I think I lateraled to the wrong firm. While many things are better, it’s not a great “fit.” I was eager to jump ship because of some personal issues, and I wish I had more carefully selected the new firm.

      So my advice is to be patient but also recognize that your first move may not be your last. Even though it’s not a great fit, I will certainly have more opportunities to lateral or move from this firm than my previous dead-end small firm.

    • Anonattorney :

      What are you doing for marketing? Even though your clients are large businesses, are you making an effort to meet in-house counsel at your clients that are roughly at your level? Are you involved with industry groups or bar organizations? At my firm what separates the associates who make partner from those who are let go are their marketing prospects. You don’t need to have a client base, but you do need to demonstrate an ability to generate business in the future.

    • I used to work at a firm exactly like yours, so I empathize. No one wants to be at a job where they are worried about being fired because they are too senior – that’s the definition of a dead-end job.

      Yes, look for a lateral opportunity and get out now. Expand your network. Go on coffee or lunch meetings with lawyers who seem to have what you want to have in terms of success in practice, work-life balance, and are partners. If they seem genuinely happy at their firm, then express an interest in their firm. When I started looking around for a change, I had the same exact fears, but knowing not just 1 but 2 women partners who seemed content being at the firm and knowing that they were both equity partners made me more confident that I would be successful at my current firm.

      When you are in the middle of interviewing with other firms, definitely ask about the partnership track, when you would be up, etc. during the interview process and have them include that information in your offer letter. My previous firm talked the talk (“we would love to make you partner someday”) for several years but were never serious about making me (or any other woman associate) partner and I was burned by that and was happy to have another opportunity. The grass is greener on the other side! Do not get discouraged – you are in the sweet spot for lateraling so totally go for it.

  4. My very practical engineer husband looked at the little purple plastic cases that came with my birth control pills and said, “Those are the perfect size for business cards.”

    I scoffed. Who would put business cards in a birth control pill case?

    And then – I realized he was right. And that is where my cards have lived since.

  5. Sydney Bristow :

    I’ve been using what is technically a metal cigar3tt3 holder as a wallet for at least 15 years. It fits so nicely in the 2nd phone pocket in most purses, fits in all of my small clutches, and makes me be careful about which cards I carry on my at any one time. My cards go on the side behind the metal arm thing and my cash on the other side. It also limits how much cash I have on me, which hasn’t ever really been a problem until I get a ton of $1 bills as change. I’m probably due for a new one, but they seem harder to find these days. I’m going to search Etsy, but does anyone have any other ideas?

    • Anonymous :

      I use a keychain wallet sort of similar to this one:

      Card slots on the outside, small zipper compartment for cash and coins. It’s hard to keep cash very well organized cause it has to be folded in half to fit, but I rarely carry more than $20 so it’s still workable. Something this size should carry what you need and still fit well in the side pocket or a bag or in a clutch.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        That’s a good idea. The beauty of the case I currently have though is that I can easily flip through my cards and it is easy to grab what I need. Is it difficult to pull things out of something like that? I’m thinking of my metrocard, in particular, which I need easy access to twice a day.

        • Anonymous :

          The one I have has more card slots than that, so yeah it’s pretty easy. It’s from Kate Spade Saturday but it doesn’t look like they sell that exact one anymore. It has 6 card slots, including one clear one for your license. I have license, debit card, 2 personal credit cards, insurance card, and work credit card in it.

          • Sydney Bristow :

            Oh that would be perfect. That’s about how many cards I currently carry. I’ll keep my eye out for something like that. Thanks!

      • I have a similar one from DayMakers of Santa Barbara

        I had been searching for a long time and this meets all my requirements for a coin purse, bill wallet, essential key ring, credit and ID cards, and a slot for appointment cards and coffee cards, and it has non-slip panel that makes it more secure. And it fits a clutch with room to spare, or a pocket.

    • I'm Just Me ... :

      Amazon has several like this one:

    • I'm Just Me ... :

      My comment has been in moderation for hours, but check Amazon, they have several metal cases of the type you mention.

  6. All About San Francisco :

    Help me plan my trip to SF, please? I am looking for advice on restaurants, things to do (alone), and a hotel closest to those restaurants/activities. I’ve seen the main tourist highlights and would like to eat/see more local things.

    Restaurants: I would love recs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I’d love to do one fancy dinner (like the tasting menu at Gary Danko, for example). And should I do one lunch or dinner somewhere in Little Italy?

    Things to Do: Considering the Ferry Building Farmer’s Market on Thursday morning. Yay or nay? Also might set an appointment at the MM Lafleur popup shop. But I’d love to know about any shops/bookstores/quaint fun spots I should stop into. Maybe an evening activity too. I checked out the SF Opera and didn’t recognize the performance for when I’m in town, and the cool theaters didn’t have appealing movies for this particular date, but maybe something like that.

    Hotel: I don’t have to be in a specific part of town and would like to pick a hotel based on “proximity to cool things” and “charming-ness,” as it were. The internet has revealed Hotel Vitale, Palace Hotel, and Omni (significantly less charming I think) as viable options. Any suggestions?

    I am flying in on a Wednesday morning, have the rest of Wednesday free, Thursday morning free, time for a late dinner Thursday, and Friday morning free before I fly out. So, no superfun weekend things, but I’d love any recommendations at all! Thank you!

    • Wanderlust :

      I had a wonderful solo dinner at Slanted Door in the Ferry Terminal. Definitely recommend.

    • Anonymous :

      I think Gary Danko is overrated. For a tasting menu, I’d recommend Acquerello, Benu or Campton Place. State Bird Provisions and Frances are also excellent Michelin-starred places that are less formal and less expensive than the tasting menu places.

      • Cosign on Gary Danko being overrated. The two times I have been, the food is very technically perfect (lamb just perfectly rare, lobster just so, etc.), but the flavors were very traditional and not inventive, which is not really what SF cooking is about.

      • PrettyPrimadonna :

        My now husband took me to Acquerello after proposing last year in San Fran. Highly recommend it as well! It makes my heart smile that it was mentioned here. :-)

    • Anonymous :

      I would check out Golden Gate Park if you have a good chunk of time: Stow Lake, the DeYoung, Academy of Arts and Sciences, and the Japanese Tea Garden are all winners.

      See if your local library has a program for getting free tickets to attractions. Your local library might be able to work with a Bay Area library to “share” tickets. The San Francisco museums participate and you can get 2 tickets per year for free!

      It looks like you are near Embarcadero and the financial district. Is there a Giants baseball game on Wednesday afternoon?

    • Of your three hotel options, I would pick Hotel Vitale if you want a hotel that has a decent bar _in_ the hotel and is a bit more modern. The Omni is meh (I took my LSAT class there, so perhaps bad associations!) and the Palace is beautiful and the public areas are stunning, but the rooms (unless you get the remodeled ones) are a little subpar for the price.

      If you want to look up stuff on your own to do, Thrillist, 7×7 magazine and SF magazine all have restaurant reviews and articles on what to do.

      I also highly recommend Sunset magazine for great articles on all things California. (I know I recommend it all the time on this si_e, but it’s because it’s so great!).

      My favorite thing to do in SF on a sunny day is to go for a walk beneath the Golden Gate at Crissy Field. It’s stunning.

    • Anonymous :

      East Coast Person here. I went for seafood at Woodhouse Fish Company for a late lunch and it was amazing. I was born in MD and was attempting west-coast crabs – and I still talk about it two years later. We stopped on the way to the airport for our return flight, so I’ve lost track of where it is. The Exploratorium is great fun if you like creativity and science. You can walk or run across the Golden Gate Bridge however traffic is loud, so use your best headphones if this appeals to you. The gift shop has postcards that reference walking the bridge.

    • i always tell people to go to sutro baths, walk up the lands end trail and you can get some great views of the golden gate bridge. then uber/bus somewhere from sea cliff. it’s a gorgeous walk.

    • also:

      restaurants: pastries at tartine, b.patisserie, craftsman and wolves, or mr. holmes bakehouse. coffee at ritual (my fav), blue bottle, sightglass, mazerine, philz.. but we have a million good coffee places. i also like for a more chill dinner: beretta, delfina or pizzeria delfina, little star, foreign cinema, salt house, boxing room, lers ros thai. gracias madre is amazing vegan mexican food in the mission. we have very good burmese (mandalay over burma superstar in my opinion) food. the mill has our fantastic $8 toast (mazarine does too and that’s near your hotel locations).

      north beach restaurant recs: sotto mare (go early, sit at the bar, get the fish or scallops or linguini. the cioppino is the most famous but its portioned for 2 which is more like 4 and just not reasonable for one person). get a slice from tony’s slice house next to the tony’s restaurant. i prefer tonys to golden boy, which is focaccia- pizza while tonys is thin crust coal fired pizza. while youre in the area, you can walk up grant towards coit tower to work off the pizza :) . it’s $8 to take the elevator to the top of the actual tower which i think is not worth it.

      to do: i like doing a walk in the presidio either near crissy field for the golden gate view or sutro baths/lands end.

      the mm lafleur pop up is amazing, i just had an appiontment last weekend. i actually am meh about the very nice bro-y neighborhood it’s in (the marina) but you can walk around and there’s shopping and bakeries for dogs.

      i would try to get tickets (rush is only $45 and you check with an app the day of) to hedwig and the angry inch currently at golden gate. darren criss is great.

      hotel vitale will be more charming but palace hotel is more downtown. theyre all pretty centrally located though. you can take the muni or bart or just uber everywhere.

      i would def do a western sf day (e.g. golden gate park or the presidio or something + mandalay + green apple independent book sellers), or uber to pac heights or marina for mm lafleur. i’d also do a half day for north beach + downtown-y and a half day for the mission.

      • ah also if you want fancy dinner, i’d do benu or state bird provisions (hard to get ares), or saison. i found gary danko to be super boring . i looove state bird provisions and benu.

      • & i agree with pretty much everything on this list

    • Hi – if you post an email I’ll send you my guide to SF

    • SF in House :

      Breakfast at Brenda’s or Ella’s!

      North Beach (Little Italy) isn’t worth it, IMO

  7. I have to recommend the stuffing-it-in-your-br* trick. I used to think my mom was crazy for doing that, but now I love it. I can put a lipstick, a large bill, and credit/card license in there. Alternatively, I can get my husband to carry the money and cards, and I just carry the lipstick. If you put it over to the side, you can’t see it at all – I promise! Just try! I almost never carry a clutch anymore!

    One thing to note: I can get it out discretely in almost all tops that have any scoop, v-neck, whatever. But you can’t do crew necks or turtle necks, obviously.

    • Anonymous :

      lol, this does not work for us A/B ladies.

      • Anonymous :

        pretty sure this is a troll – why would someone carry a large bill but no phone? Plus, there’s no way to fit that much in there or get it out discretely

        • Oh my gosh, it’s not a troll. Geez, I get tired of that. I leave my phone behind when my husband has his. I would rather carry a large bill so that if we get separated, I have it. It is entirely possible to carry a credit card, a $50 bill, and a lipstick. I could even put my phone in there, but I do have larger girls.

        • The first reaction to something you don’t understand is to call the poster a troll . . . .

        • Something you don’t understand automatically makes the person a tr*ll?

          I carry a large bill, like $50, just so I have it if I need it. Obviously. I leave my phone behind when I don’t need it or want to disconnect or my husband has his.

          • Btw, I can also get a phone in there, but I do have rather large girls. And I can get it out discretely because it’s on the side. I guarantee you would not notice me grabbing my credit card. And the other fact is that I don’t actually use it much. I’m with my husband, so he pays. I get my lipstick out when I go to the bathroom. It works perfectly.

    • MargaretO :

      Did this the other night – stuck the change from a round of drinks in my bra and then forgot about it. Fast forward several hours to the end of the night and the guy I’m dating takes off my bra and a 5 dollar bill falls on his face. I am a class act!

    • This sound’s silly. If I want to look good and balanced, I do NOT want anything bulkey stuck in my bra. Why would I put lipstick on one side and a credit card or bills in the other. I do NOT think it would be comforteable either. FOOEY on this. I say a clutch bag from Michael Kors works MUCH better! DOUBEL FOOEY!

  8. I posted here a few weeks back about losing weight while staying body positive and thought I would post an update. I’ve been tracking calories on My Fitness Pal – not really making many dietary changes, just tracking what I eat so I have an idea of how much this or that really adds up. I was excited because after a week or so I’d lost 10 pounds (I know that’s too fast, but with my starting weight it’s not really a surprise). But now the scale says I’ve basically reverted and I can’t account for it at all, so I think the scale and I are not going to be friends in this process. But I’m not discouraged yet, which is progress. I think I’ll just try to focus more on making good choices and seeing how my measurements change and how my clothes fit.

    I have a friend who lost a bunch of weight and attributes it all to her Fitbit – I know I’ve seen recs for specific types here before, anyone have any input? My only requirement is not too bulky with a long band.

    • anon @ 3:54 :

      I can fluctuate about 4 pounds over the course of a week. I don’t think it has that much to do with diet or exercise, as I’m reasonably consistent about both. I just think my real weight is probably the average of the bottom and the top of that range.

      10 pounds sounds like a lot, but, could still be partly normal weight fluctuation. I don’t think a week of data is enough data to really say.

      So what I’m saying is, I think you have the right attitude about ignoring the precise number on the scale and instead focusing on measurements and other indicators. Best of luck!

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I got rid of my Fitbit and got an Apple Watch because my Fitbit had regular issues with charging. I liked it when it worked but it became more and more common for me to either not be able to charge it or to have to be really careful to get the charger set at the exact right angle for it to charge. FWIW, I had the Charge HR. I was considering getting the Alta before I just got too frustrated with the charging.

      An Apple Watch is probably bulkier than what you want. I do find it encouraging to try and fill each of the rings every day (move for at least 1 minute for 12 hours, 30 minutes of exercise, and a certain number of calories burned). For some reason I can’t quite articulate, I find it more inspiring than just hitting a certain number of steps per day.

    • Anon for this :

      The scale is not your friend. You must track with measurement and how your clothes feel. I’m not saying don’t ever get on the scale, but if you can limit it to once a week, or twice a month, you’ll be better off.

      Another tip, your activity level isn’t something you should rely on to take off weight. It’s a plus, for sure. I promise you this, you will never out exercise a bad diet. A nutritionist once told me there are 10 things critical to loosing weight: diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, exercise.

      Good luck.

      Signed by someone who is maintaining a 100 pounds weight loss from 4 years ago.

    • I see that I am at my lowest weight right after my 4th day to 10th day. After that, I see a gradual increases in weight till mid cycle and it stays there till my next periods. I read it is due to water retention. So something like this may be contributing(at least partially) to your weight numbers fluctuating.
      I am also trying to lose weight and I weigh myself every day. I used to get frustrated before, but now I know how my weight fluctuates and it doesn’t bother me.
      As an aside, calorie tracking is a great tool if you can stick to it. I lost like 10 pounds so fast tracking calories on myfitnesspal. I cook most of my meals and it became very tiresome measuring ingredients, calculating calories, macros etc for so many different dishes I prepare. I gave up and gained those 10 pounds in what felt like a couple of months.
      Now, I do intermittent fasting. I just don’t eat anything night 8 PM to next noon. It is easy for me because I don’t feel hungry in the morning. I eat protein heavy meals for lunch and dinner and have an evening snack. I am losing weight slowly but consistently without too much effort. I don’t track calories or macros (just make sure that the meals I prepare are protein heavy and eat rice/potatoes/pasta and desserts rarely). I am not hungry all the time. This has been the easiest way to lose weight for me so far. I have lost 10 pounds again but in three months time, but with less stress, frustration and hunger.

    • Anonymous :

      Are you weighing yourself at the same time of day? I usually do it first thing in the morning, after going to the bathroom, no clothes, before getting in the shower. Have you been p00ping consistently? Where are you in your cycle – my weight definitely goes up just before and during my period.

      Also, how old is your scale? I had an electronic one that started to go – the sign being erratic and inconsistent measurements.

  9. MM.LaFleur :

    I received a bento box from MM.LaFleur on Friday and was terribly disappointed. I’m petite, I wasn’t too surprised that the dresses didn’t fit whatsoever, but the fabric felt really polyester-y. The tops looked ok, but I didn’t feel like they were worth the price. For a dress, I’d pay close to $200, but for a top, I’m not interested in paying $175 unless it’s perfection.

    • I’d recommend going to a pop up nearby if you are located near a big city that they come to. I hated my bento boxes and nothing fit but I’ve done 2 pop up appointments and when we find things that fit, they look amazing. I have purchased mostly dresses (etsuko, aditi) and the williamsburg skirt and ono cardigan. im also pretty petite (5’2″)

      • Wildkitten :

        That is really good to know. Thank you. I had better luck ordering individual items than I did with the bento box, but the pop up sounds even better.

  10. Anonymous :

    I have a card holder/money clip from Tumi… It’s the best.

  11. Bar Non-Passage :

    One of my good guy friends from law school did not pass the bar. The list was revealed today in my jx. How do you tactfully say, “I’m thinking of you” and “I know this will be OK?” without seeming like an awful gossip? I genuinely do want to support him. He was working FT this summer while studying, and I am sure that contributed to his performance.

    • I guess it depends on how close you two are otherwise… I am not sure you should say anything about it unless he comes to you first. My experience with people who didn’t pass the bar on the first try is that they typically don’t want to talk about it after the shock has worn off.

    • Were you also taking the bar or was someone very close to you (not him) taking it? My thinking is this: if you have a “valid” reason to be looking at the bar pass list then it’s OK to send him a supportive note. If the reason you’re looking at the list is to see whether your friends passed, then let him bring it up.

      The year I took the bar, I definitely sent notes to all of my friends who took it in my jurisdiction, even (especially?) if they didn’t pass. We all knew we were taking it together, so I don’t think that looks weird or gossipy. But I didn’t send a note to friends in other jurisdictions even if they passed because it felt… idk a little creepy? Years later, a friend took the bar in another state. I checked the list when it came out, intending to congratulate him. His name wasn’t there so I didn’t message him. To this day he’s never mentioned that he failed. I’m glad I didn’t say anything because he clearly didn’t, and still doesn’t, want to talk about it.

    • Anonattorney :

      Don’t say anything. It won’t make him feel better; it will just remind him that everyone knows he failed.

      • If its a good friend I would say something. It is a really isolating feeling to fail. I think the best thing you can do is succinctly and kindly remind them that this one test is not a measure of their self worth, whether they are a good person, and perhaps most importantly their ultimate success as a lawyer. I have several friends who failed the first time and are all successful lawyers about 5 years down the road — some at big firms, some government, some in house. It was a blip.

        • Wildkitten :

          But then you’d show up at their door with tequila, not ask the internet what to do. It sounds like they’re not good enough friends for there to be a tactful way to bring this up.

          • Meredith Grey :

            +1. If you’re not tequila status, wait a while till the sting wears off if and when you choose to reach out. Speaking from personal experience, I did appreciate a random reach out via email from a law school friend, but it came when I was over hating life from the fail and was in the throws of working/studying all over again. His life will be h3ll and many of his lawschool peers will have no idea how to support him, so assuming you’re some sort of friend, you’ll prob. be one of the only people to acknowledge him in that time.

  12. Homeowners / moms out there,

    We have found a house we really like except it does not have an ‘open floorplan.’ On the one hand, I don’t think there is a perfect house out there, but on the other hand it occurred to me that we may not have thought about a couple of things, namely…

    The kitchen is in the back of the house on its own. There is no separate living and family room, just one room in the front of the house. We are getting married soon, so we would have this home with little kids and it occurred to me that if you are cooking and cleaning in the kitchen, where do you put the kids? Typically, people have a family room just off the kitchen where the kids play and you can keep an eye on them. There is no room off the kitchen here (except the formal dining room off the corner). If kids play in the living/family room, you cannot see them and keep an eye on them. If you corral them in the kitchen with you, there is no way to gate off the oven and cabinets, so you have an extra issue.

    There also isn’t really a place for a TV in the kitchen, and especially right now pre kids, we like to have the tv on in the morning to watch the news while we eat or have it on while we clean up or cook. And because the kitchen is on its own in the back of the house with the tv in the front of the house you wouldn’t be able to hear it in the other room.

    Would you hold out for a house that is a little more of a standard setup with an open floorplan?

    • If you really like this house and its location, price, etc. what about renovating? All HGTV is these days is giving old houses open floor plans. (Which makes me wonder if and when the tide will turn and these shows will be about putting walls back up.) Also, I can’t really tell from your question if you really want an open floor plan or just think that’s what you need, since they’re everywhere. I mean, people who lived in houses with all these walls dealt with children one way or another, so it’s definitely possible. CPS probably won’t take your kids away for not having an open floor plan.

      • This is a really good point about open floor plans being a trend, not a need. Closed off kitchens and rooms are easier to contain kids in. You childproof the cabinets, you work around the oven.
        IME, kids aren’t playing by themselves reliably until closer to age 4. By then, they are much more trustworthy and comfortable getting out of your line of sight. So even with an open floor plan, your kids will still be underfoot by their own choice.
        I’d be more interested in how sound carries and how movement flows for entertaining. Our kitchen is very large, but not open. It has good flow and access to the family room/dining room. But, you can watch tv in one room without blaring over everyone in the kitchen which is nice. Open floor plans are less forgiving of that. You can always hook up a wireless speaker to your tv if you want to hear it in the kitchen.

        • Anonattorney :

          My 15-month old plays by himself for 5-10 minute stretches. He’s a very competent walker now and so I would totally let him roam around while cleaning the kitchen/etc. . . . if I had an open floor plan. I have an old house with a sizable kitchen completely separated from the dining and living room. The only way to make it work is to bring the kid in the kitchen, throw some books, bowls, and spoons on the floor, and constantly try to keep him from poking at dangerous things.

          There’s also other benefits to having an open floor plan – little rascals love to run around. It’s much harder to do that when they have child-safety gates blocking various rooms. Whenever we visit my parents I’m jealous that my kid gets to go crazy for a few hours running circles around the kitchen island.

    • You don’t have to use the dining room as a dining room.

      • Killer Kitten Heels :

        This – you could “flip” the dining room and the living room, so the front room is the formal dining space (if you even need one) and the dining room becomes the family room/living room, or you could (if the dining room is big enough) get a smaller table (like the kind you’d more typically find in an eat-in kitchen) and make the space a split dining room/family room.

        With that said, I lived in an apartment for several years with a separate kitchen like you’re describing, and I HATED it. It was the absolute worst when we were entertaining – people either packed into the kitchen to be social with me while I was cooking/plating/etc., which got in my way and drove me nuts, or I was all alone in the kitchen while everyone else was having fun in the other room, which also drove me nuts. Personally, I would not buy a house like this unless I was 100% certain that I could remove a non-load-bearing wall to open up the space (I say non-load bearing because removing a load-bearing wall is expensive and difficult, I would not sign myself up for that plan).

      • Anon Mommy :

        That was my thought — at least when you have littles underfoot, make the adjoining dining room child-safe and let them play in there.

        As another poster said, open floor plans are actually awful with toddlers. We have a kind of open floor plan, but were able to put up gates around our living room.

        Another option would be a remodel that would open up the wall between the kitchen and the next room –perhaps as an island, so you can put a gate where the door is.

    • Our house does NOT have an open plan, and I have found it great with a toddler: she can’t get into the kitchen! We just have two little baby gates in the doorways. When the floorplan is really open, I have no idea how you keep kids out of the kitchen. That being said, she does usually hang out in the room right next to the kitchen, so I can see her more or less.

      • The whole house was redone 3 years ago, so we will not be remodeling anytime soon. The first room off the kitchen is the dining room and it is too small to be flipped with the living room, which is too huge to be a dining room. Corralling kids aside, am I the only one that likes a TV in the kitchen? The kitchen is pretty much surrounded by windows, does anyone know of a clever way to have one? Is it just a matter of a small one under the counter? (Which is only visible in certain parts of the kitchen because it is behind the fridge.

        • Anonattorney :

          Although I posted above re the positives of an open floor plan, don’t make the tv your concern. Just use your laptop to stream netflix, HBO Now, cable, etc. That’s what we do in our cordoned-off kitchen.

      • I wonder, though, if the “dining room” can just be a play room as needed? We’ve bought really cheap little sofas from Target or Overstock, knowing they’ll have short life spans, to make a cozy temporary seating area in a room that will ultimately have another life.

        We don’t have a TV at all (we just watch trash on our laptops) so I can’t speak to that.

        But you know what? It doesn’t sound like the right house for you, if you’re struggling to imagine living there the way you want to?

    • center colonial gal :

      Ha, this post makes me chuckle. Until the rise of central heating and air, there were no open floor plans. There are so many floor plans where there is no room right off the kitchen-center colonials, victorians, split levels, bungalows…. it’s amazing that we all survived. What, honestly, is the meaningful difference between a living room and a family room and why does it matter to you that there’s just one room?

      I can’t hear the terms open floor plan or open concept without hearing it in an HGTV voice over and immediately picturing gleaming marble counter tops with a farm house sink.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        Ha! I love HGTV but I strongly dislike both farmhouse sinks and marble countertops. Solid-surface FTW.

        • Spirograph :

          And barn doors.

          My neighborhood was built in the 1940s. No one has an open floorplan without major renovation, and there are tons of young families. Personally o prefer rooms. Cuts down on noise, visual clutter, and makes it easier to communicate where kids should be out of the way when the kitchen is a self-contained space with walls and a doorway.

    • My kitchen looks into the back yard. That was ideal for those years when the kids were always playing out there, and I still wanted to be able to see what they were doing while getting stuff done in the kitchen.

      • Having a kitchen and family room that face out into the back yard is a big plus. We’ve got a fenced yard and it is so nice to be able to check on the kid/dog through the window.

      • Anonymous :

        This. Our kitchen is separated from our living room in our 1943 cottage. When the weather is nice, I love that our little one can play in the fenced backyard while I cook supper — I leave the backdoor open and keep an eye on her. When I look at houses online, kitchens with direct access to the outdoors are one of the first things I look for.

    • I wish our kitchen was more open. When we remodeled, we chose to keep some walls in place because of cost/storage issues. I can still see into the other rooms in just a few steps though. I would not want a kitchen that was completely closed off from the rest of the living space. If you like the house otherwise, explore opening up the space. Even if it’s a structural wall, you may be able to create a pass through that would make the kitchen feel more open.

    • I have a VERY open floor plan. (New house, kitchen and family room are basically the same room.) It is nice for kids, but to be honest it’s also a pain. The kids can get underfoot, and there’s no way to separate them out. When I have dinner parties or company, EVERYTHING has to be cooked and cleaned ahead of time, otherwise all of my guests are looking straight at a dirty kitchen and me running around like a maniac. There’s no way to get a little space/privacy during a party to get my sh!t straight. I guess my point is that — there are pros and cons of every layout, and I wouldn’t assume that an open plan is the best to the exclusion of everything else.

    • pugsnbourbon :

      I remember getting put in a playpen when I was little, same for my siblings later on. We were contained and happy.

      Instead of a TV in the kitchen, could you get one of those under-cabinet mounts for an iPad? I use my Kindle Fire to watch Netflix while I cook, but it’s admittedly a little small.

    • You have basically just described my house. I love it and found it completely functional for small children. We have a finished basement and put the family room down there. I had zero problem letting my toddlers play in a childproofed space out of my sight but within earshot while I cooked dinner. Or they sat with some toys on the dining room floor. Honestly, the open floorplan thing is for helicopter parents. You do not need to have eyes on your kid at all times!

  13. Acne help! While my face cleared up after puberty, my chest/back areas never have. I’ve tried all the drugstore treatments, pro-active (now apparently allergic to benzoyl peroxide) and I’ve done the derm thing. The only prescription that came close to working was an antibiotic that also made me feel sick most of the time and a sulfur rise that calmed but never fully cleared (and ocean water for some reason?). BC made no difference. Its been a few years since I tried anything (motivation wanes after 15+ years), has anyone had success with anything new recently?

    • Anonymous :

      Have you tried several types of BC? Sometimes it takes more than one try to find the winner. Otherwise, my winner is Cosrx whitehead liquid and Cosrx blackhead liquid. Using both a BHA and AHA keeps me relatively clear, even though neither really did much on their own. Two products, both on Amazon.

      • yeah i’ve tried a few BCs for other reasons and it never made any difference. I’ll look into those Cosrx products though, thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      A couple ideas – is there any place near you that has a salt-water pool?

      Also, you are likely all over this, but I had to tell my husband that rinsing conditioner last without washing off the residue was likely causing his back acne. He changed up his routine and it cleared up. So maybe look at your hair products & rinse forward with a hand-held for a bit?

      Just floating balloons, good luck!

      • Once upon a time I tried the rinse off last thing, but since its free it is worth another shot.

        • fIirst Year Anon :

          I always washed my back AFTER I did my hair with Neutrogena’s body scrub with Salycylic (sp?) acid and it helped a lot. Over the years my bacne slowly went away so I don’t do it anymore.

          FWIW I have been on Accutane etc so I have experience with bad acne.

          • fIirst Year Anon :

            I also used sulfur washes/lotions in the past and didn’t find them that effective.

    • Anonymous :


      Acne in those locations is referred to as “male pattern”, related to higher testosterone levels. Spironolactone is a T blocker, essentially.

      Once on spironolactone, I was able to stop my sulfur body washes. All of that acne disappeared. No sign of body acne, and no more cystic acne on my face. I still need topical retinoids (prescription strength) for small white heads in my T zone.

      How angry I was at my doctors who wrote in my medical charts about my severe acne for 25 years and didn’t tell me how to treat it, or refer me to dermatology. I never knew this as considered a medical problem. I’m still kicking myself.

    • Anonymous :

      If you are saying that ocean water helped maybe try Epsom salt baths or masks or taking magnesium by mouth. Some people find vitamins/supplements like vitamin d and zinc balanced with copper help too

    • I had what I thought was back acne for years and it turns out it was from a systemic candida infection. I went on an anti-fungal treatment and some probiotics and it cleared right up.

    • I did Accutane as an adult. Yes, there were side effects (dry skin, some joint pain) but it was absolutely worth it. Maybe see what the derm thinks about that?

  14. I’m looking for a wallet that is not fat and wide but rather thinner and larger and can double as a clutch. This is to carry in my larger work tote. I prefer a wrist strap.

    Most wallets are too think and short. I need slots for credit cards and cash and would like to be able to carry my iPhone 6s Plus and a lipstick or lipgloss. My current zip around Tumi wallet can’t zip up with both of those items in it and it gets too fat. I really want something that looks more like a small clutch that is flatter.

    Any suggestions? I’m open to pretty much any price range. (Well, maybe not Chanel…)

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I bought this zip around wallet for the same purpose. It fits my iPhone 6S, but I’m not sure about the larger size. They have a single zip one too that is flatter but it doesn’t have a wrist strap.

      • Thanks. This is like the Tumi wallet I already have (but a great deal for a very good knockoff!)

    • Anonymous :

      I bought something just like you’re describing at Macy’s this weekend. Mine was their store brand because I wanted something cheaper but they had Michael Kors versions as well in leather.

    • Hopefully you come back to check but I’d look at Hobo – they have some wristlets that might meet your needs. Do note that they provide measurements, but I still always feel like things are a little smaller than they look in the pictures.

  15. Victory Counsel :

    I heard about Hillary Clinton’s victory counsel program where lawyers and law students can volunteer as a poll watcher or to answer a hotline about voting rules etc. on election day.

    All I can find is the form to sign up. No information about time commitment, training, whether volunteers are expected to travel, etc. I’m in California which will definitely go to Hillary and has extensive vote by mail. Are poll watchers even needed here?

    I’m interested but work is getting busy. I can volunteer for one day but that is all. Does anyone have any more information about this program?

    • Wildkitten :

      There won’t be Victory Counsel poll watchers in California, but they’ll probably ask you to go to Nevada or Arizona. There is training. You can volunteer for just election day. If you want to email me at Wildkittenr3 t t 3 @ g mail I can talk to you more. The Lawyers Committee for Civil Rights might be doing some work actually in California, if you don’t want to travel.

    • Wildkitten :

  16. Min Donner :

    I did something similar during the first Obama campaign. After I signed up, I was invited to a training in my town (I lived in CA). They asked for our availability to go to Nevada. I indicated 3-4 days leading up to election day and traveled there. When I got there they already had enough lawyers for the ‘legal’ stuff, so they sent me to do get out the vote for two days. Then on the day before and on election day I manned the n0n-legal hotline answering questions about polling places and arranging rides for voters from volunteer drivers. There were others who dealt with voters who were turned away from polling places, legal challenges, etc. I was a little disappointed not to get to do ‘legal’ work, but it was a great experience and I met a bunch of interesting folks.

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