ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break – Freshwater Pearl Pendant with Diamonds

EFFY COLLECTION Freshwater Pearl Pendant with Diamonds in 14 Kt. White Gold, 0.12 ct. t.w. I'm normally opposed to diamonds for the office, but I think this pearl drop necklace is classic enough to break that little rule. I love the simple shape and the white gold setting — and the fact that it's on deep discount at Lord & Taylor. The necklace was $1,000, but is now marked to $400 — but take an additional 20% off with code LASTCHANCE (so the price falls to $320). EFFY COLLECTION Freshwater Pearl Pendant with Diamonds in 14 Kt. White Gold, 0.12 ct. t.w. (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

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276 Comments

  1. This is so beautiful!!! Does anyone know why Kat opposes diamonds at the office? I thought diamonds were classic.

    1. I wear only diamonds (stud earrings and small pendant, along with wedding band) to work. I didn’t know that was something I’m not supposed to do.

    2. yeah, I don’t get that comment either. I mean, some jewelry is clearly designed for evening, which I guess could be more likely with some diamond pieces (whether because of size of stones or the styling), but otherwise I have no idea what the issue is.

    3. Count me as another one confused by Kat’s opposition to diamonds in the office. Aren’t most e-rings diamonds (which is not to say that non-diamond e-rings aren’t totally awesome in their own right)? I also have small diamonds on my pendant today. Love you Kat, and love this pick, but can’t agree with your opposition.

      1. I frequently wear a diamond pendant or diamond stud earrings to work. I would understand thinking that a gaudy diamond necklace would be out of place, but something more classic should be fine.

    4. I was wondering the same thing. I don’t hesitate to wear diamond studs or something with small diamond accents to the office. Dressy/dangly/evening-esque earrings or jewelry, no, but that’s kind of a no-brainer, I think.

      1. Wasn’t this an old convention? Diamonds for evening, or some such? I’ve heard it before but don’t follow it myself.

    6. If wearing my solitaire diamond necklace or diamond stud earrings to work is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

    7. I think the idea is not to be flashy.

      Like, don’t wear your $10,000 tennis bracelet to juvenile court. (I saw this one time. I thought it was in bad taste, when the attorney was representing impoverished families.)

      1. I get the “no-bling” idea and the “know your audience” idea, but these rules (in the Miss Manners column) just seem really outdated and a bit stupid.

        We don’t live in the days when the aristocrats changed clothes 5 times a day. And even if we did, I’m not an aristo– I work for a living, so it just seems like the sort of thing (semi-precious stones during the blah blah) to keep a bored Viscountess’s mind occupied rather than adding any real value.

    9. Yeah I regularly have worn diamond jewelry at work. I’m kind of on a black diamond kick right now. I have a black and white diamond pendant and hoops that I wear pretty often.

      This pendant is gorgeous. And I tend to buy jewelry when I’m stressed, which I am right now.

    10. One of my biggest clients is in the diamond business so I feel no shame wearing studs to work.

    11. I think Kat is just out of step with current office culture on this issue. Women in my firm wear diamonds all the time. (Not giant ones! But you know, engagement rings and tasteful diamond earrings and diamond pendants.)

      1. I wear diamond studs all the time, ~1/2 carat each, and a very small thin gold chain with not one but TWO diamond solitaires on it, a 1-carat round and a 2-carat emerald. I let them just dangle, casually, in their completely plain gold settings. At a guess, my jewelry flies much farther below the office etiquette radar than most “costume” stuff, and is certainly less visible than anything “statement” at all.

        Pshaw! Wanna fight?:)

  2. When vicariously shopping for our lovely Monday over on Tumblr I found a much cheaper similar version of this. I’ll post it right after.

    1. Okay, the response with the link keeps disappearing. But you can see my answer to Monday on my tumblr (if you don’t have a mean net nanny) or you can google Lord & Taylor Sterling Sliver and Marcasite Faux-Pearl Pendant Necklace. Obviously its faux instead of real — but its also, much cheaper.

  3. Does anyone have suggestions for how to watch the occasional TV show without having cable? I’m so tired of my cable provider increasing the fees (I keep calling up and negotiating them down, but they seem to bump them up again shortly after) and I don’t even watch that much TV, so I”m thinking of just quitting cable altogether (and get out more? get some new hobbies?). I mostly watch some stupid shows on Bravo (although I’m trying to quit the Real Housewives franchise…), and maybe some HGTV and the Daily Show. So, are there any other options? What is it you get with Amazon Prime and how does that work – would I have to use my computer or could I hook it up to the TV? Is Hulu a good option? Any tips welcome!

    1. I broke up with cable years ago, and I’ll tell you my feelings: you really don’t miss those shows. Even if you find a way to watch them, I doubt you actually will much. But it’s still good to have the option; I just wanted to share my experience.

      1. How does the Roku box work? Do I need a subscription or is it a one time purchase? Sorry, I am totally clueless when it comes to TV/cable…

        1. One time fee for the box, pay monthly for non-free channels like hulu plus and net-flix. There are some fun free channels too like al-jazeera.

        2. Roku is streaming device. You can also get Blu-Ray players that also have a streaming function (which is what I have). You hook the streaming device up to the internet and the tv. You then would have to have to get a subscription to Netflix to watch Netflix content, or Hulu Plus to watch Hulu content. Both have websites where do the signing up and then you have to register your device for the content to become available. You can also get Amazon Video on Demand, where you don’t pay a monthly subscription, but do pay for any episodes or movies that you watch, as you watch them. Amazon Prime is a membership that includes free video content, much of which overlaps with what Netflix has.

          1. And I got the streaming device that requires a wired hook up because I don’t trust the wireless signal to allow for smooth watching. You’ll also want to check your internet speed – some service will require a certain speed to stream smoothly, like at LEAST 1.5 mbps, with a minimum of 3 being safer, and 10 mbps necessary if you want to be able to get HD picture.

        3. Late to this but fwiw, we have pretty terrible wifi signal upstairs, where both of our tvs are. If i trust my ipad, signal is worst in our bedroom, where our second tv lives. We have an xbox which will do streaming on our main tv in the stronger signal room and it’s always pausing to buffer. We got a 1080p Roku in the weaker signal room and ive never seen it pause to buffer. I dont know how it works so well, other than to say it’s magic and it realizes mama needs her portlandia.

    3. I am only in a relationship with cable during football season. We break up the day after every superbowl and get back together right before the preseason starts. I used to watch crap TV and really don’t miss it at all. The Daily Show is on Hulu a day late. HGTV has some stuff on its website too.

      1. This is a great idea. I’ve been hanging on to cable because football season is the one thing you can’t really replace with streaming options. Cancel after the season? Brilliant.

          1. I’m totally jealous that you can manage to do that! I looked into getting cable just for the Olympics, but it was expensive in general and the cancellation fee was huge. There wasn’t any way around signing a contract.

      3. I do this exact same thing!! Literally the day after the Superbowl we call up Dish Network and put our cable on “pause” — which is $5 per month, and you keep the dish and receiver. Then when football comes back around (or this year, the Olympics), we turn it back on and get all our channels back. Works beautifully! No contract, no cancellation fees. I can splurge on channels during football season b/c I’m only paying for it for 5-6 months, and $5/month the rest of the year just to keep the dish around.

    4. I concur with anon at 2:54.

      After my break up with cable, I found that a lot of networks put their shows on their websites. I watch a couple of shows that way, but it was enough of a hassle that I don’t do it every week. I can’t live without “The Soup,” so I download that on iTunes.

      Mostly I just don’t watch nearly as much tv as I used to.

    5. My network (limited basic) cable is free from Comcast, although you could use an antenna. You can hook up your laptop to your tv with a USB or HDMI cable which is pretty easy. We also have an internet ready tv, but we haven’t had a lot of success streaming with that. I use Amazon Prime mostly for free shipping and have found a few things I would watch on there. Honestly, I don’t really miss cable after a few months. I’d rather muck around online.

    6. I also thought the cable costs were getting way to high, with disappointing customer service. Getting rid of it was a good idea for me, because so much of TV is not very good anyway.

      Get a decent basic antenna. Use Hulu online to watch a few series… you have to pay extra for some of the most popular ones. My local library has a lot of the great TV series as DVD (Breaking Bad, The Wire etc…) so I will check those out… for free! And if I really want to see something, I go to the Amazon site and purchase the episode or complete series to watch on the computer. I rarely do that though.

        1. Getting rid of cable was the best thing we have done. We read more and spend more time actually doing stuff. We use Amazon Prime and Netflix to watch movies or shows.

    7. You can buy a lot of episodes of series on Amazon instant or iTunes for $0.99 – $1.99. And, as mentioned, most of the networks will put at least the current shows up on their websites, as long as you don’t mind waiting an extra day for them (I mostly watch re-runs anyway). If you really, really don’t mind waiting for shows, Netflix (by subscription, around $9/mo, I think) has a lot of older seasons of shows you can stream.

      I’m on the verge of breaking up with cable too. It irritates me to no end that they keep raising rates, and trying to pressure me into getting a phone line (do people still use those?). It’s stupid that internet is so much more without cable, too. I have like 300 channels, and I watch exactly 3 of them. Ever.

    8. Stream them online. If you can do with a lag effect, you could just wait and stream them from Netflix. Subscription is only $8 / month plus Internet of course. Also, check out AppleTv.

      1. Plus, w AppleTv you can stream from your iPhone/iPad to your TV. (Ex. ABC Player & PBS Player).

    9. I have watched waaaay too many hours of the housewives on (free) Hulu, so that is definitely an option. Daily Show is on there too. Have you thought about just getting an antenna and a digital converter box? I did that last winter and it’s easy and worked great. I got the antenna on amazon – it’s a leaf style, so it looks like a sheet of paper – slightly more obtrusive in your decor, but works very well, no constant bunny-ear adjusting. Good luck!

    10. Were it not for HBO for me and live sports for my boyfriend, we would have gotten rid of cable long ago. Except for those two, I can watch everything else online. And not online through Hulu, but online through the channel’s website. There are one or two channels that don’t put their stuff online, but basically every show I watch is on a channel that puts their full-length shows online somewhere between a day or week after the airdate. (My list consists mainly of the Vampire Diaries, the Big Bang Theory, Project Runway, and Castle. Obviously this varies depending on what you watch). I’m firmly convinced the current cable model is dying and eventually you’ll be able to pick what channels you want.

      1. +1. HBO and sports keep us in our “relationship” with cable. But everything else is available online, and most of it for free. If they made HBO GO a stand-alone option (it could even be an expensive stand-alone option), I think that would push us over the edge and we’d break up with cable, too.

        1. Agreed. I think the main reason we keep cable is because of HBO. I love the access to HBOGo also, I don’t know if I could give that up either. I too wish they would make a stand alone option.

    11. I watch about 2 hours of TV a week (too many evening commitments), so it would be insane for me to pay for cable. In addition to Hulu and other free content, I figure no cable bill gives me free license to buy or stream whatever content paid I want on itunes or Amazon. In the past I’ve also streamed Netflix through the Wii which works well.

    12. I gave up cable a few years ago. Unfortunately, I’ve found the shows that you mention are difficult to watch. It is my understanding that you need Hulu Plus to watch shows on your iPad or Apple TV (or Roku?). I didn’t realize that free Hulu had the Real Housewives though. My memory of it was that there were occasionally a few episodes way after they aired. Bravo doesn’t put any full episodes on their website. I have no idea how to watch HGTV, but check their website. I think the DailySow does show up on Hulu or Hulu+ every day now.

      I have Netflix and stream that way. I can’t bring myself to pay for Hulu+ and I think Amazon Prime has about the same stuff as Netflix.

      My real problem is that I want to watch shows on USA and HBO. If I could get those channels ndividually, I’d be a happy camper. Until then, I’ll be waiting for things to show up on Netflix and breaking down for a season pass on iTunes for Doctor Who.

      1. No real thoughts since I live internationally but yay for Doctor Who. Super excited for the new season. The Sarah Jane Chronicles were on at the gym today and it was a bit of a fix.

        1. I’ve been rewatching everything since the 2005 episodes on Netflix in preparation. I’m 3 episodes in to the Matt Smith episodes and cried all over again when David Tennant left. I do love him and Karen Gillan though!

          1. I’m super pumped for Doctor Who. I rewatched the Weeping Angels twofer with Matt & Karen the other night. So good. I can’t wait for the new season.

          2. Ooh, maybe that’ll be post-dissertation, pre-term evening project. I’m determined to introduce my residents to the wonder that is Doctor Who so I can throw viewing parties and count them on my timesheet.

          3. I thought there was no way Eleven could hold a candle to my beloved Ten, but (*whispers very softly*) I think I may love Eleven even more…

          4. I’m trying to get my boyfriend into it since it will consume an hour of my life each week and he will be expected to be totally quiet so I can focus. :-) He liked Blink, but hasn’t totally fallen in love with the show yet and insists on watching random episodes that I’m watching and then gets all confused when it’s different people playing the doctor. I keep telling him it would all make sense if he watched in order, but to no avail!

          5. Shhh, Senior Attorney, we don’t voice such thoughts out loud. But I think I might agree with you… (It was the bowtie, really. Because bowties are cool).

      2. You’re right, I guess I only thought about RH as being available on there, rather than current. Apologies.

      3. Aw, shucks. Dr. Who…Wow! I watched the first episode 9 days ago and I’m midway through season 3. So good. But I don’t like season 3. Please tell me it gets better!

        As for the main TJ, I haven’t had a TV since 2007 (except for a few months when the boy and his TV squatted in my house.

        I love Hulu. I also have Amazon Prime for the free shipping and the free instant videos (Dr. Who!).

        1. I think the second half of season 3 (assuming you’re talking about the new version with David Tennant) was just freakin’ amazing. So hang in there!

        2. Phew. It’s not a good sign when I find myself hoping Martha Jones “exterminates”. That, and I really liked Eccleston. I still feel like Tennant is an imposter.

    13. I bought a Roku box (one top cost of about $80). Takes literally 3 min to set up (plug in, scans for your wireless network, enter in your password). Then you add channels–I added Netflix ($8/month streaming–there are SO many tv shows, movie selection not as great), Hulu ($8/month but I put my membership on hold when new shows aren’t airing), and I use my brother’s HBO Go account. I also have an Amazon Prime membership for the occasional movie, but I don’t use it much.

      1. I had NO idea you could put a Hulu subscription on hold.

        Best piece of information learned today. Thanks, Batgirl!

        1. Yep, you can even have it go back on at a set date or just leave it on hold indefinitely (I think–there may be a limit, but I don’t think so).

          1. 3 month limit. you get an email every 3 months saying your subscription is active again, and you just go back to the site and deactivate for another 3 months.

    14. Regular old antenna – there’s a website to tell you which type you need to get based on your home’s proximity to towers – and Roku box.

      We use Roku with Amazon and Amazon Prime – after a 2 minute login process with your Amazon account, Roku talks to Amazon through your internet supplier. You can use your computer to select programming but you can also browse on the Roku. Prime gets you a large variety of movies and TV shows included in your Prime subscription. All movies and TV show seasons that come out on DVD are available for 48h rental for like $4 on Amazon the same day they come out on DVD, and they also have some other shows sooner (like Mad Men is available the day after it airs).

      I can’t tell you how happy we are that we ditched cable. DH and I have a date night one night a month that we call our “C0mc@st date,” spending the money we would have spent on cable that month. I miss HGTV and Comedy Central, but not enough to go back.

    17. I haven’t had regular TV for 7 years and the only time I miss it is for the oscars and the olympics. Most everything else is available, you just have to cobble it together. I have a netflix instant subscription, an amazon prime subscription (i get it for the free shipping, but there’s a lot of 1-3 dollar movies and such on there too), I share an HBO GO subscription with my brother, for things like Game of Thrones (lots of good old stuff on there too- endless reruns of the Wire, Sopranos, SATC), and watch the Office, House Hunters, Family guy and other stuff on Hulu (free).

    18. Apple TV. You can stream YouTube, Netflix and buy TV shows and movies individually from iTunes.

    20. I moved where I would either have to get dish or nothing. We have nothing and the only thing I watch now is either on my computer at work with headphones very rarely (before or after hours like sportscenter or daily show) and on my laptop at home, I watch box sets of shows. Other than that, unless I am at the bar or something I do not have tv.

      I can’t say that it freed up a whole bunch of time for me though. But I guess I do work a lot. Also, if I have people over it’s kinda awkward not being able to turn on the game or now, the olympics and everyone resorts to streaming their phones.

    21. We don’t have cable and manage to watch Daily Show every day (albeit a day late) on Hulu.com . I can get *some* HGTV, but not a lot there. We pay the extra $11 for HuluPlus and then we also pay for Netflix. We can get a ton of TV shows on there that we watch on DVD.

  4. Kat,

    Can you tell us more about no diamonds for the office? I often wear a 3-stone pendant that my husband got me when our first child was born to signify the three of us being a family. If I didn’t wear it to the office, I’d never wear it!

    1. Maybe for the same reason that pants should never have cuffs or pockets, is my guess…
      ;-)
      It is a surprising pronouncement, though, and I also am curious.

      I wear CZ earrings to work a lot, and do have some pearl/diamond studs that I purchased specifically for work. I agree with the other posters about not wearing something flashy, but…I think we know the difference between diamond jewelry that’s dressy and for evening wear or weekends, and diamond jewelry that’s office-appropriate. As with everything else, this may vary from profession to profession and know your office, YMMV, etc.

    2. I would definitely like more info on this. It is the first piece of advice I’ve heard from Kat that I’m saying, are you serious? Or totally just out of touch? Not wearing cocktail jewelry is completely different than not wearing diamonds.

      1. I saw these comments way too late yesterday — poor writing on my part. I’m against the “teeny tiny diamonds as bedazzler for cheap jewelry” look that you see a lot, as well as against outright cocktail jewelry. But classic diamond earrings, engagement rings, etc., are all fine, of course. If the polling software works well today we’ll do another poll on it — this also came up when I mentioned that I thought diamond-studded watches were inappropriate for the office.

  5. Has anyone moved using PODS before? I would be packing up a full 3-bed house and going x-country. A hired mover isn’t an option, but PODS seems nicer than schlepping out with a U-Haul. But I don’t know anyone who’s actually done it. Thoughts?

    1. Other budget moving companies like U-Pack are also under consideration. Thanks!

      1. We used a POD when we were moving from house to house. The old house needed to be vacated before the new house was ready, so we were doing 9 weeks in a short term apartment rental. We packed most of our household goods in the POD, and then just took the basics for 9 weeks. It worked out really well. I just caution to pack the POD well, as we did a quicky job and ended up scratching a table when things shifted. THe nice thing is that you can take your time loading it/unloading it.

        When we moved into new house, we just hired movers for a few hours to unpack the POD for us.

    2. I know several people who have done long distance moves with PODS (including Canada-US moves), and their reviews seemed to be that it was convenient in some ways and a hassle in others. Convenient in that you can get them to drop the pod off a week or so early and pack at a more leisurely pace, but a hassle in that both of them had problems with their stuff arriving late. So, I’d say PODS is a good option only if you’re not freaked out by the idea of your stuff showing up a week late.

    3. We’re also considering using PODS for a west-to-east coast move. What we like is that we could load the POD at our leisure here and then store it as needed there. But it’s expensive. :( And moving from a suburban house to an urban apartment is daunting. :(

    4. I moved cross-country. I wasn’t moving furniture or a car. I found that shipping 30+ boxes via US Postal Service was really the cheapest option.

      I have a friend who used a POD to ship from Alaska to Arizona. It worked fine.

        1. I really love the boxes you can buy from Costco. Some grocery stores will let you have apple boxes, but I only do that if I can get the boxes with lids. I’ve used the Costco boxes to move several times, once with movers and once on my own in a rented truck and I’ve been happy with them. For bubble wrap we use u-line.

        2. Go to your local B&N Bookstore. They get TONS of packages daily, and the boxes are awesome for moving. They will give them to you for free, you just have to pick them up.

    5. We had a great experience moving cross country with PODS. The company was incredibly well-organized (always knew exactly where our stuff was and were on time with everything). You don’t need to worry about driving a clunky truck across the country. Also, you can have your stuff stored until you’re ready to move it into the new place, which is incredibly convenient.

    6. I did it. It wasn’t that much cheaper than hiring movers, but I was happy with my decision. It was more work for me to have to pack and unpack. But it was so nice to not worry about a truck, possibly breaking down on the highway, etc, etc. It just disappeared and then showed up like magic and i unpacked. I’m a huge fan.

    7. In school, I packed everything into a POD one summer to study abroad. It worked pretty slick.

      I would recommend investing in a good padlock. Maybe it was the student housing neighborhood we were in because there were crowbar marks on the POD where someone had tried to break in.

    8. I used U-Pack to move my stuff x-country when I moved completely from my parents’ house. It was glorious. It was also super helpful – we got 2, one packing crate went straight into storage, the other was delivered right outside my apartment door for unloading.

      My parents did the U-pack thing where you get a certain amount of space in a semi trailer to move their stuff down to FL when they retired. It also worked really well, except that the trailer comes, at some point, within a 5-day window so you can’t really plan for permits and such if you need them.

      1. Also used U-Pack / MoveBuilder for a cross-country move and was satisfied overall. We couldn’t load or unload the cube at our old or new apartments (downtown core areas with no space to leave it) but used the add-on service where they send a truck with movers, take your stuff to the loading facility, pack it up for you, and then do the opposite on the other end.

        The good:

        You get a consultant who coordinates the whole move and keeps you updated. Direct access if you have questions, no bouncing around to different people who aren’t familiar with your situation.

        The movers who packed the cube were AWESOME and fit do much more stuff than I ever could have dreamed of. This could vary depending on who the company contracts with in your area.

        Quick service, our stuff actually arrived a day earlier than expected (which was good for us).

        Relatively inexpensive for a cross-country move.

        The bad:

        There was only one size cube, and if you needed a different amount of space you had to get a whole new cube or use the truck option. We could have used about another quarter of a cube but ended up getting rid of some more stuff, shipping via post office, and stashing some things at my parents’ house for the time being rather than paying another couple thousand dollars. It would be nice if they offered a few different sizes the way some other companies do.

        Facilities tend to be in very inconvenient areas if you’re not having the cube delivered to your house/apartment.

    9. We used PODS to move out of our house, store our junk while we were in temporary housing (staging house for sale) and then moving several states away. Overall, it was a very positive experience. They were organized and very good communicators. There was one issue where initially they told us that the PODs could be parked on our street (it was a steep hill) and we’d set everything up, only to have them balk at the last second. They solved the problem by renting a truck, loading all our stuff in truck then unloading it into POD on flat surface. They solved the problem — we didn’t have too. They also always knew where our stuff was, and when I needed to put stuff in the POD at the last moment, they pulled the POD out even though I hadn’t given them appropriate notice.

      It really worked well in our situation. We had our relocation paid for by our new jobs, so cost was not as big of a factor.

  6. Hey, I’ve been here a while, and we’re all crazy, but I wear diamonds, so judge me maybe.

    I’ve heard the no diamonds in the day rule, but only in historical fiction. Every woman in my office routinely wears diamonds- earrings, necklaces, rings etc.

    1. You win for creative phrasing. :)

      FWIW, I assume that Kat was thinking of Oscars-style bling, not regular diamond studs or wedding/engagement jewelry, etc.

      1. But really why? Is there a serious concern that interns are showing up with diamond encrusted Birkin bags? Are people adopting the Lochte grill for boring meetings?

        Sometimes these concerns (Kat’s not yours January) make it seem like there’s a growing gap between advice and what’s actually happening in the office.

        1. If someone showed up to one of my meeting with a Lochte grill. I’d lol. Lol so hard.

          That kid, he’s hot…but he’s not too bright.

          1. No kidding, I watched a youtube video with clips of his interviews, and it’s almost like he was confused about how to put a sentence together. He’s so lucky he’s hot and a good swimmer.

        2. Yeah, that’s a good point. I don’t really have any diamonds, myself, except one of those circle pendant necklaces that everyone was wearing a few years ago, so it’s not a huge concern for me. I’d wear that necklace to work, though, without a second thought. I wonder if Kat’s thinking more in terms of what she sees in stores/magazines/fashion blogs vs. actual offices.

    3. LOL! I wear about 30 diamonds every day, but none are bigger than .25 carats (I think – they’re pretty small, anyway), and 24 of them are tiny on my watch. The rest are 5 on my engagement ring & a pair of studs in case anyone is wondering.

  7. Okay. People. Before we all freak out. I think that, when Kat says no diamonds, she kind of means no “bling.” She does not mean no diamonds. Maybe I’m wrong — but she probably just means no huge sparkly chandelier earrings or elaborate diamond necklaces, or really super noticeable tennis bracelets (which I can only identify because of those cheesy jewelry commercials in the 90’s).

    A diamond pendant, or studs, or whatever is fine. Take a deep breath. Breath in, breath out. Now say OMMMMMMMMMMM. Okay. Now we can move on.

    1. So, basically, what you’re saying is that if a Real Housewife would wear it then it shouldn’t be worn to the office? I can agree with that.

    2. I would be inclined to agree with you, except the fact that Kat felt it was necessary to put a disclaimer on the featured necklace in the first place! If this flirts with being office-inappropriate diamonds, then what wouldn’t??

      1. Yeah I agree with this – this particular pendant doesn’t seem disclaimer-worthy. My default jewelry is diamond studs, pendant and engagement ring/wedding band and I see some variation of this in the office all the time.

      2. I thought the same thing — if Kat only meant flashy diamonds then why did she include the disclaimer? I think she means *all* diamonds.

        I disagree with Kat’s rule about the office-appropriateness of diamonds, but I agree with Holly Golightly that it’s tacky to wear diamonds before you’re forty.

    3. Because like, who wears that stuff? Doubtful that people on this site are wearing diamond chandelier earrings to work.

  8. Anyone have advice for how to deal emotionally with a house not selling? We really don’t like our current house (too many reasons to get into) and our sale contingency just expired on a home with which we have fallen in love. Our home is historic so we’re dealing with a more limited pool of buyers, and according to our realtors the area has slowed down and will be even slower in August. We’ve adjusted our price a few times, and no one is really suggesting that we adjust it again in such a slow period. So we’re basically left with nothing to do but WAIT. I wake up every day just so frustrated that nothing is happening, and I can’t make anything happen. We are in a constant state of cleaning for fear that today will be the day we get a showing from a real buyer. It just feels like too much. Advice from those who have weathered this storm before would be greatly appreciated!

    1. Maybe it’s like those of us who are job hunting… frustrating to see so many wrong potential buyers/jobs come and go and always being ready to show/interview, but somehow, we’re supposed to believe and wait for “just the right one” and blah blah… haha Realistically, we both know the right one will come along and, in the big picture, it all ends up fine, but I guess, for right now, I can only send love and support. May we (and the other home sellers and job hunters) have a virtual celebration soon!

    2. I haven’t had your exact experience. But I do negotiate all the time in my lawyer job.

      For some of my clients, it’s more worth it to be done than to wait around for the perfect price. Only you can decide whether you’re at that point.

      But waiting sucks.

    3. Where do you live? Because I would love to find a historic house in Seattle!

      I just lost a bidding war on a house here. Listed Friday, open house Sunday, NINE offers yesterday. Unsurprisingly, mine was not the highest bid:(

      1. We’re in the DC area. If I could airlift my house to you in Seattle I would! It’s really a stunning house — it just doesn’t quite work for us.

        K — Very good point about this being like a job hunt. I imagine it’s a similar sense of helplessness — a difficult thing for someone like me who loves to be in control. Sending support back in your direction as well. Hopefully we’ll both look back on this in a few months and not even be able to remember the daily feeling of stress that comes with waiting.

      2. I hear you on the Seattle market, Brit — there were 4 other offers on the house my DH and I just bought, and I really don’t know how we got it. I think the seller just liked us. It was on the market for a week when our offer was accepted. The house down the street that’s pending right now was only listed for five days before it went under contract, multiple offers there as well. Things are nutsocrazy in certain price ranges here right now.

        1. …and my house (in Ballard! Totally cute! Well-priced!) went three months without an offer before it sold in late 2011. SIGH.

          1. Aww, if we had been looking then I’d have been all over it! I love Ballard sooo much but we stayed a bit further south so we don’t have to commute over drawbridges. Sorry it took you awhile to sell, but it sounds like it worked out eventually…

    4. Have you moved some (most) of your stuff into storage to help with the cleaning issue? (Assuming cleaning also = clutter reduction.)

    5. House selling sucks. We are going through it too and hate it. My sympathies. It just takes one buyer so keep the faith.

    6. Been there, and I know how draining it can be. We listed our mid-1800’s home, on acreage, in a very rural area but within one hour of major metropolitan area in late summer 2007. Then the market went pffftttt. Like yours, our house had a significantly limited pool of buyers. Because it was in an area without a lot of 150 year old homes, we did a lot of getting it showing-ready for people who were just curious about the house. I finally reached a state of refusing to keep it make-your-realtor-happy show ready. It sold. Here’s why, I think: (1) this kind of house is either a good fit for someone or it’s totally unsuitable or unappealing, so whether it is merely acceptably clean versus sparkly show clean is not the big issue, and (2) I stripped the house into two rental storage units. By that I mean that not only did I remove personal photos, etc, I took out all decorative elements but for a few statement paintings and mirrors for the walls, stripped the mantel tops clean, removed all furniture that we didn’t actually need, pulled all but one set of dishes and one set of glassware from the kitchen cabinets – you get the picture . When people came in, they saw the house, not our stuff. Also, it made a quickie cleaning very easy to do. Then I had the realtor market to a suburb of the metropolitan area in which 100+ year old houses are quite common but cost two to five times what mine did, with the marketing noting the hour commute time and also listing the age of the critical systems in the house such as plumbing, wiring, roof, etc. in order to eliminate the standard old house worries. Then I waited. It seemed forever, though it was in fact a year from the listing time that it sold. However, once I had stripped the house and quit trying to have it show-ready all the time, merely decently clean, and had done the more targeted marketing, it seemed like the wait was more tolerable. We had really gotten resentful of doing “perfection” cleanings for people who turned out to be poking around or “just looking”, and for us, that was the worst aspect of having it listed. So maybe look at how to minimize the cleaning obligation while still presenting an appealing house, and insist on a certain amount of notice before showings, even if it’s just “night before” notice.

    7. my advice (from having done this) is to either drop your price to as low as you possibly can (i.e., what you can afford financially combined with how bad you need/want to move) or take the place off the market and try again in 6 months, or a year, or two. We took our place off the market 2 years ago for the reasons you note and sucked it up in our condo for two more years. We put it back on the market this spring at significantly less than we had it listed for 2 years ago (i.e., market still s*cked) and it sold in 4 days. we moved into our new place last week and i couldnt be happier.

      1. Yup, if it is a good enough deal, someone will buy it. But, if you want top dollar, you have to be patient. Also, hold as many open houses as you can–at least once per month. I know several people that bought houses after attending an open house for a property that they otherwise would have never made an appointment to see. So it really does work even though they are a pain for you and your realtor.

    8. Also selling with no luck. Mine is in Maine if anyone is interested! At least we have renters.

    9. This is a PITA suggestion, but what about renting? I have a property that I rent and so far it is going better than I thought.

  9. Resume question… I’ve been unemployed since 11/2011. My last job looks amazing on my resume (I was the Director of an agency in the NYC area, etc. etc.), but as it’s listed at the top of my resume, there’s a clear gap between 11/11 and now, which I know is a bad thing. However, I’ve been writing and publishing (magazine articles, a chapter in a book, etc.) from 2009 to the present, which I list further down my resume (along with links to pieces, etc.) My question: Do I leave the resume as is and hope the gap isn’t glaring and bad or do I put the writing work at the top to show no gap but meaning that the amazing job isn’t the 1st thing they see?

    1. If it were me, I’d move the writing gig further up to remove a gap. In my (limited) experience, a gap in current employment is one of the first things that employers look for. If you can address that concern, it’s more likely that they’ll keep reading to the second line of your resume to see your amazing title in your last gig.

    2. I would definitely put the writing gig first. There are a couple of ways you can do this. You can list as 2009 to present as the first entry on your resume, even though that means it will overlap the NYC job. Or you can leave the pre-NYC job writing where it is, and then create a new entry from 11/2011 to present to cover the writing you’ve been doing during that period. Can you call yourself a consultant, or a freelance writer, or come up with some other impressive sounding “title” (as long as it’s accurate)? The key thing is to close the gap and make it clear that you’ve been engaged and productive since the NYC job ended.

    3. It’s not exactly a secret that there’s been a Great Recession in the past few years.

  10. Where would y’all travel (outside the U.S.) while pregnant (maybe 5 – 6 months)? I’m assuming Europe would be fine. I’m thinking no on Mexico because of the water issues. Anywhere else in South America? What about Africa and Asia? I want to get one last awesome, exotic trip in before bebe arrives but I’m not really sure what’s advisable.

    1. What about a cruise? This way you have your room nearby, as well as air conditioned options and assistance if ever you need, and you can eat/drink before leaving the boat to explore wherever you choose to go, allowing you the options of visiting anywhere (even mexico or places with not great doctors) while still having the comforts of home.

      1. dude, as a germaphobe a cruise is the very last place I would go pregnant. Have you ever been in one of those? def not the comforts of home. I think you are way better off in a nice hotel!

        1. Really? When I went on a cruise, they had hand sanitizers at every doorway, they were constantly cleaning, and I know they had a doctor on board. Plus my room had a big bed, cable tv, a/c, and the doctor/room service/etc. was a phone call away. I’m just picturing that, during pregnancy, a person might get hot or want to change clothes or need a doc and I’d be worried about those, but there are many places I’ve never been, so what do I know?! ;)

          1. oo maybe you had a fancy room. My room was so small!

            But yeah, the reason they have hand sanitizer everywhere is because of how germy cruise ships are. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2010), the cruise ship is the perfect environment for the spread of disease, with “…many persons living closely together, frequently interacting in enclosed and partially-enclosed environments, and often originating from both hemispheres.”

            In addition to being a host environment for germs, cruise lines employees only appear to be proactive in sanitizing surfaces. Jim Walker, Esq. a legal expert in cruise law found that, “Cruise line cabin crews substitute sanitizing sprays for water (because they don’t like the smell), and spread germs throughout the cabins, without a thought to the fact that they are dispersing germs and not killing them.”

            http://www.eturbonews.com/27225/when-bugs-swim

            and i think one time flesh eating bacteria got like, 20 passengers

          2. Cruises are infamous for outbreaks of norovirus among passengers.

            I’d also be really worried about the combination of seasickness and general pregnancy nausea.

    2. There were two other posters who asked this same question really recently, this morning was one of them I think. and people had great susggestions

    3. Consider this my shout-out for Costa Rica.

      I spent an awesome semester there in college. The water is potable, and you have the option of beach, rainforest, or both. The food is AMAZING and super fresh, and the people are absolutely warm, friendly, and laid-back.

      1. I was going to shout out Costa Rica, as well.

        Also, I went to Cancun while 6 months pregnant (our last hurrah vacation together). Slept a lot, read on the beach, and stayed in a condo-type building so we could cook a lot of our own food. It was a great, low key beach vacay. I had zero problems with water/food and just went to the Wal-Mart right when we got there and bought a flat of bottled water.

    4. Australia and New Zeeland. Go via Hong Kong and spend a couple days there.

    5. With the caveat that I’ve never been pregnant, I’ve traveled extensively and I can’t imagine why the “can’t drink the water” issues would keep you from visiting that local while pregnant. If everyone is advised to drink bottled water anyway, then why not go?

      Again, no experience, but I think that the limiting factor on pregnancy travel for me will be flight time. I am pretty grumpy by the end of a 12-14 hour flight, so I can’t imagine that Asia will be high on my list of places to go while pregnant!

        1. Well, I traveled to Mexico a while back and only drank bottled water but still got a bug. You can’t really avoid drinking some of the water while showering, etc., and I would just really want to avoid that while pregnant.

          Thanks for the other suggestions! I can’t find the other threads where this has been discussed . . .

    6. Japan! Super-clean everything. Even the subways are clean. Not as exotic as some other places, but some amazing sites (depending on your preferences– lots of nature, mountain-temples, etc.)

    7. I went to Jamaica at 5 months preggers. And most places in mexico have filtered water anyway. so yes, i would.

    8. Go to South Africa (and Botswana and Swaziland and Mozambique). I was born and raised there, and it’s beautiful, relaxing place to vacation. It’s a place that’s not worth visiting unless you’ll be there for 3-4 weeks or more, so not many people ever make it there once they’re working professionals. You’ll love, love, love it.

    9. I went to Cabo at 5 months pregnant and it was totally fine. Not the most culturally stimulating vacation, but a great easy beach break. No problems with the water whatsoever.

  11. Let’s play a game… fill in the blanks:

    I want to give a shout-out to ____c’ette user name or identifying detail here_____ because __________…

    I’ll start… and I’ll even do two!

    I want to give a shout-out to TCFKAG because she is always willing to hunt down fashion finds or come up with fashion options to anyone in need, even taking the person’s budget into account!

    I want to give a shout-out to Anon because, though I know “she” is many many people, “she” is willing to come to the hive with something potentially embarrassing or identifiable, allowing us all to help or learn or commiserate, often when someone else is experiencing something similar but isn’t brave enough to speak up.

    1. Shout out to TCFKAG because she is really kind and has amazing fashion sense. I follow her Tumblr now!

      Shout out to K in transition because she has always responded to my (rare) posts in the past with thoughtful suggestions.

        1. Herbie reminds me of Kanye East. I mean this as a compliment to both of them, and no I do not think they are the same person. Just soul sisters.

    3. I want to give a shout-out to Anne Shirley, for her no-nonsense attitude and her refusal to let jerks have their way. The Call Me Maybe joke is icing on the cake.

      I want to give a shout-out to b23, for being willing to raise and talk in a civil, well-reasoned way through difficult, controversial subjects. These discussions make this community richer in many ways. Also, thanks/curses for getting me addicted to Piperlime’s fantastic collection of dresses.

      1. This made my week, thanks so much.

        And I’ll pass the shout-out love along to our anonymous commentators- ya’ll are so much fun. But please, pick some fake names for yourselves so we can get to “know” you.

    4. Snaps to b23 for so many great, thoughtful discussions. I love the diversity of opinion.

      Snaps to K in NYC/Transition for being willing to open her heart to strangers and brave enough to ask for help when she needs it. As overachievers, that is a hard thing for all of us.

      Snaps to TCFKAG for general awesomeness, particularly during shopping safaris – an unparalleled huntress of all manner of game.

      1. Snaps to SF Bay Associate for using the phrase “snaps to” — a phrase sorely underutilized in the lexicon, if I do say so myself.

        1. i said that as a kid. Is it regional? anyone?

          I’d second the “anon for this” snaps to/shout out for the same reasons.

          1. I know it as a Legally Blonde reference (um, is it only LB2 with the snap cup, in which case I’m worse than I thought?)

      2. I don’t know if you read or recall the article that I wrote and posted here back in April but the focus was on how hard it is for me to ask for help, let alone to accept it… so reading that I’m coming across as someone open to it means boatloads. Truly, thank you.

    5. I want to give a shout-out to my FREINDS on c’rette who have told the FAKE ELLEN to stop pretending to be ME! That is SO annoyeing, when I’m so busy prepareing for the cases Jim STILL says he is going to send over, even though I told him NOT to!

      1. This is another cheap fake imitation; likely the work of the same schmoe who popped up before pretending to be my kinfolk. As I said before, kindly cease and desist. You are watering down the value of the family trademark. The family did pay very good money to send Ellen to law school; she did become an active, employed lawyer, and she is actually adorable (much as I hate to admit it), even if sometimes a wee bit naive. Clearly you are no Britt Ekland or Gwyneth Paltrow, the two most famous people who are similar to her visually. Ellen does not need a fake schlep to get off pretending to be her. I think at this hour she is still working (a.k.a. workeing) very hard on all of her WC cases, knowing she will not have a car service to take her home later tonite while she tries to balance work and personal life. The last thing she needs is to hear about this fake coming in and pretending to be her b/c she is to busy to write herself. She –and she alone — should tell her own stories, and if she is too busy on a given day, this should not provide a license to phoney schleps to come in and fill the void. Therefore, again Missy, cease and desist or Ellen will simply stop posting altogether, as she did once she was banned from the ABA. If that happens again, all we will be left with is nothing but the fake schlep we see hereinabove. Get it, sister? Good. Now smile, just say Fooey, and move on.

        1. How would you know who is the fake Ellen and who is the “real” Ellen unless you are the “real” Ellen? For those of us who are Ellen fans, your posts are getting tiresome, Lourine.

    6. Shout out to Godzilla. Whenever I’m annoyed with stupid things (work at the moment) I silently RAWR, think of her and laugh.

    7. I would like to give a shout out to DC Jenny because she tried to help me find a place to live in DC : )

      1. Aw thanks. DC apartment hunting is so terrible I feel like it’s a moral obligation to help people out when possible. I’m glad you were able to find something!

      1. What?!?! I was JUST about to give my shout out to YOU, karenpadi, for taking the lead in organizing the awesome bay area meetups, and for your generally smartypants advice on stuff…

        and to Herbie for cracking me up and for that ‘salmon in the oven’ super quick recipe that I’ve made a couple of times now, and it is so easy and delicious!

        and to NOLA for being so caring and supportive of me and other folks and for having such awesome workplace advice…

        and… ack, I want to thank EVERYONE, because I’m worried I’m leaving someone out, but you are all so awesome, I love this community….. like, b23, a., eek, Lyssa, Monday, Kontraktor, and oh just everyone!

        3. Aww, thank you!

          Thanks for the reminder about the meet-ups. I think we are on “South Bay” in the “around the Bay” rotation. I have a plane ride and a road trip this weekend so I will have the mental capacity to think. September, maybe?

        4. Zora, I feel like you have the enthusiasm of Sally Field in her Oscar speech. (That’s a good thing.)

      2. yep, she completely made my Friday with her off-beat hilarious comments. General lol. And how many of us can relate to the food in the hair incident?

    9. I’ve really appreciated the general outpouring of support back when I lost my job, and I’m really grateful to ki and L for sending me so many rental listings, even when I’m so discouraged with searching.

    10. I had to post this as ALLEN instaed of ELLEN because my EARLIER COMENT is in moderation! I hope I am NOT being blocked because I think I am DRIVING TRAFFICK to this site and Kat will LOSE MONEY if she doesnt’ let me post here.

      I want to give a shout-out to my FREINDS on c’rette who have told the FAKE ELLEN to stop pretending to be ME! Someone pretended to be me again today, and it is SO annoyeing, when Im so busy prepareing for the cases Jim STILL says he is going to send over, even though I told him NOT to!

    11. I want to give a shout-out to Houda and Ru, because they are a different culture than me, and I love reading about how they dress when they have different criteria than I do. They both seem to put together awesome (modest) outfits.

      And I haven’t seen either one of them in a while, so I hope they are out having fun somewhere.

      1. It’s Ramadan now so their schedules might be different than usual. I know mine is!

    12. Love this idea.

      To mamabear; Diane Barry; Research, Not Law; Midori, and others who have given excellent advice regarding balancing a professional job and motherhood. Can you have internet role models? I apparently do.

      Kanye East, just ’cause.

      b23 seems awesome and Lyssa and I seem like we were separated at birth…

      Love this community.

      1. Yes! I found this blog over a year ago when looking for advice about being a career mother, and I’ve been hooked since (and my fashion sense has improved in the bargain). I know not everybody loves the TTC/Pregnancy/Mom posts, but I think they are inspiring and useful. I’m not a parent or a lawyer yet, but both are on the horizon, and I know literally zero people in real life who do this. I need to see that it’s possible and doable.

    13. I want to give a shout-out to Susan as she always gives such thoughtful advice (well, you all do, so really you all deserve a shout-out).

      Also a shout-out to SFBA for all the great advice provided – sometimes I think I know you because I, too, am an associate in the SF Bay, but I am now sure that I don’t since none of my work friends/acquaintances got married in the last year.

    14. There is no one here who I dislike, and oddly I find that I don’t even want to play favorites! That said, it’s funny to realize that I’ve been “talking to” some people here for years now, and in some cases on a more regular basis than real-life friends (though perhaps on less deep a level.)

      I either have a remarkable set of commonalities with AIMS, or I just like to think that.

      I do have special value for mamabear, Kanye East, divaliscious11 and others who are a little bit older than I am, because I wish I had real-life friends in that cohort but I don’t. So in the rest of my life, it’s either people my age/younger, or people of my parents’ generation, with no one in between. I don’t have a sense of what life (and awesomeness) might look like in the nearer term.

      January of course holds a special place in my heart because we named ourselves based on the same idea.

      Ellen probably doesn’t need the ego-stroking, but I have never tried to hide my affection for her.

      But shout-out to everyone, really! If I didn’t feel that way, I wouldn’t be here.

      1. Thank you, Monday! I hope this comment goes’ thruogh. My earlier comments did NOT post. If this one gets blocked two I say FOOEY on Kat!

        ************

        Allen August 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

        Your comment is awaiting moderation.

        I had to post this as ALLEN instaed of ELLEN because my EARLIER COMENT is in moderation! I hope I am NOT being blocked because I think I am DRIVING TRAFFICK to this site and Kat will LOSE MONEY if she doesnt’ let me post here.

        I want to give a shout-out to my FREINDS on c’rette who have told the FAKE ELLEN to stop pretending to be ME! Someone pretended to be me again today, and it is SO annoyeing, when Im so busy prepareing for the cases Jim STILL says he is going to send over, even though I told him NOT to!

    15. I want to give a shout out to Ashley because she offered me valuable insight on a cross-country job opportunity via email. And she didn’t have to do that :)

    17. I want to give a shout-out t0 mamabear, karenpadi, SF Bay Associate, and CA Atty for advice on the Bay Area; to DC Jenny for being hilarious; to Susan for being wise; and to many others for their advice when I’m anonymous and when I’m not :)

    19. Shout out to Diana Barry for the awesome standing desk reco from several months ago… am so grateful pretty much every single day!

    22. It’s sort of amazing how much I feel like I “know” the ‘rette community.

      Shout-out to Bunkster for always making me feel better about my current job (there really should be a “worst boss” award) AND having the world’s most amazing google docs book list that I’ve ever seen!

      Shout-out to AIMS for being wise beyond her years.

      Shout-out to Godzilla for some of the most amazing “Godzilla-themed” responses that inevitably make me snort in my office.

      Shout-out to mamabear for living up to her user name , and for providing us will the JSFAMO mugs!

      Shout-out to TCFKAG for being blessed with the craziest google-fu ever.

      Shout-out to EllenWatch for tackling the mystery that is Ellen.

    23. Shout out to you (K) for keeping me sane over the holidays, to SFBay Associate for giving sweet shout outs to my adopted hometown. To Susan for being interesting and smart. To mamabear for being the only other person who admits to being my age. And to Kanye for making me beautiful jewelry!

    25. I kind of hate to play favorites too because I think everyone here is pretty great, but I have to shout out to Bonnie for organizing the DC meetup, which was so much fun, and to Pest and everyone else who gave me great advice and reassurance during all my detail and promotion drama.

  12. I hate being a grown up. Do people actually understand how the DMV works? I do not.

    1. Ah. Depends. Part of the problem is that every DMV works differently in every state. But you can generally find out the requirements on-line before you go. Also, bring a book. That is rule numero uno. Rule numero dos is bring the right paperwork!

      2. You know which DMV in southern CA has the best service? The huge one in downtown LA that is right by USC. No joke. Not a fun area for me to stand in a huge line wrapped around the building in an industrial area – but they were efficient and friendly! I found a wormhole in space, I think.

        1. I’ve heard that Culver City DMV is more manageable, but I moved to the east coast and ceased car ownership 7 years ago. So this recommendation is stale.

      3. A book, a smartphone (and charger!), coffee, sack lunch, and bonus points for sedatives or tranquilizers. These things are on my list to bring when I have to go to the DMV.

    2. I have never been able to resolve any issue through a single visit to the DMV. I always seem to be missing just one signature or record or what have you, necessitating two or even three visits before I finally get done whatever it is I have to do.

      1. blerg, I hate when that happens. Last time I was there, they had just recently changed the rule so I needed 3 things with an address on it instead of two. I thought I could run outside and grab my car registration, but then realized I had borrowed a car.

        I explained this to the guy at the counter, and acted real sweet and young and innocent (which, of course I am :) ) and he kind of asked me a couple casual comments about my neighborhood, and let it slide. This is the only time I have gotten away with something like this, and was astounded it was at the DMV, the place where dreams go to die and every employee hates their lives.

      2. That place just makes me feel dumb. I’m resigning myself to having to take more than one trip.

    3. Where are you? If you’re in DC, then it’s not you. That place is an evil maw of hell.

    4. Think of it as an opportunity for fantastic people watching and when you’re done you get to treat yourself to something for not totally losing your shi*t on someone.

    5. The last time I visited the lovely DMV, it was my second (2d) return trip, having completely failed to bring the appropriate number of appropriate items on the first 2 trips (fyi, arguing about whether you need to present a social security card when you have a passport in hand, which you had to have a social security card to get, is not a worthwhile endeavor); I finally had the correct items, and waited my turn for oh, another three (3) hours, staring into space in a stony, zombie haze; when I did get to the counter, I was so completely taken aback when the man behind the counter asked “how much do you weigh?”, that I threw out an estimate that was off (under) by about 30 lbs, and then felt kind of ashamed and really silly but couldn’t bring myself to correct it, even though he had raised his eyebrows in disbelief (and then I made myself an inch taller, to boot. Why?); and then had a photo taken that was so bad, even by DMV standards, that the picture guy stopped in his tracks, turned, and said “um, do you want to try for another one?”. Which, by that time, I decided was pointless. The DMV will suck the soul from your body.

      1. Exactly. So many people have bad photos for their license becuase of the soul-sucking nature of visiting the DMV.

  13. Ugh, I’m trying to finish the last of my dissertation and I think I’m making it worse rather than better.

    Hoping a good sleep will help, this thing is getting done tomorrow if it it kills me. (And it might)

  14. Thoughts on headphone usage at the office? I’d love to shut out the rest of the world and work on this brief for the next few hours while having some pleasant background music, but I’m unsure whether that will be looked down upon if a higher-up happens to stroll in. I have my own office, but we are expected to keep our doors open so it’s hard to block out hallway chatter and telephones. Haven’t seen anyone use headphones, but then again I only usually am in others’ offices for pre-scheduled meetings. Is this a normal thing or should I avoid it?

    1. If it helps you get work done to shut your door and put the headphones in, go for it. Shutting your door for conference calls or serious work sessions is completely fine. I can’t imagine that someone would really complain that your door is closed because you are trying to work. I use headphones some because I work better with background noise that I can control. I don’t make a habit of it, but I will explain it to anyone that comments and I haven’t gotten backlash.

    2. We’ve had this discussion on this site before.

      Some say that closing your door sends the message that you aren’t interested in talking to colleagues, and puts distance between you and others at your office. In some offices, it is to be avoided. (Same for wearing headphones if you have a cubicle rather than an office.)

      However, you need to get your work done, and noise is distracting.

      If you have an office with a door, I would suggest turning on soft music, and playing it with the door open. Play something that most people wouldn’t freak out if they heard, like classical or jazz. Internet radio stations work for this, or Pandora. Don’t play hip-hop or country or something that tends to turn heads or cause friction. Play it soft enough so that you can hear it, but others can’t, even if they walk by.

      If someone comes to your door or calls you, turn it off immediately.

      If an assistant or someone has a desk outside your office, ask them if they can hear it. If they can, the music is too loud. (Do not ask them if it bothers them. You will not get an honest answer.)

    3. My firm still talks about the first year associate who wore headphones. I would say its a don’t.

    4. I wear headphones occasionally – I do some voiceover recording for work, and when I’m doing edits, I wear them, so as not to distract others with the sound. I also wear them (often with no music playing) to just muffle the horrific noises that my coworkers make. I would think that, esp if you could maybe put up some sort of DND sign, it might be a signifier that you’re trying to focus.

      Just don’t put your speakers on in an open office plan. Especially when you’ve been asked, repeatedly and nicely, to please turn them down. It’s loud enough with phone calls and chatter and clicky keyboards and assorted other noises – no one needs your frat-rock, PassiveAgressive Co-Irker.

    5. I really think this is firm-dependent. Junior partner and I both routinely wear headphones while working, but our firm is very small and the office is cramped and noisy.

      1. Yeah, mid-size firm here, I wear headphones constantly, and nobody cares a bit. I do keep them low enough that I can hear anyone approaching my office and pull them out if it seems like they might be coming in, so it’s clear to everyone I’m not wearing them to dissuade them from talking to me.

        (To me – and this is just me – this is the litmus test of a place where I can be happy. An office that expects me to spend long periods of time doing focused work at my desk and won’t let me listen to music, or judges me for it, is not one I want to work at as long as I’m fortunate enough to have other options.)

    6. When I used to have a cube, I would wear the kind of headphones that stick in your ears, but only one in the ear that faced away from the entrance to the cube. The music through one ear was enough to help me tune out the office noise, but it was discreet enough that anyone who casually walked by wouldn’t really notice and it was easy to pull out the one I was wearing if someone came into my cube to talk to me. I did check with my boss beforehand to make sure she was cool with it, and nobody else ever said anything negative to me or to her.

    7. I wear headphones pretty much all the time, but I have an absurdly horrible desk space with no privacy or quiet and would lose my mind if I didn’t. Personally, I find that listening to TERRIBLE music makes my job much easier. When I say terrible, I mean so terrible that I have a Pandora stationed based off a pop star with a dollar sign in her name. Clearly headphones are a must. What I will do if I need to be somewhat present in the room is use iPod earbuds with just one side in. It helps me block out noise but makes it easy to get my attention. Half the time my coworkers don’t even realize I’m listening to music because the earbuds are so unobtrusive.

    8. I started wearing them while brief writing even though no one ever did and now most junior attorneys on my floor do. Go for it!

        2. Having ANY sort of grocery store within walking distance in DC is like….YAHTZEE. Though it does seem like it could sell AT LEAST non-perishable wet goods. Like stocks or something.

          1. I just loved the use of the phrase “dry goods store”. After picking up your dry goods, do you ride your horse to the saloon?

            Just not a phrase I hear enough!

            And, now I am afraid I am moving into a bad neighborhood of DC and will not have Yahtzee. Or dry goods.

          2. Girl. When I lived in DC, proximity to a grocery store was second only to proximity to a T stop in level of importance for apartment hunting for me. And I’m still not sure I was ever closer than half a mile (try walking half a mile with a bag of groceries sometime). We made do with our old lady cart, but it was DEpressing. Plus not all DC groceries are the same…trust me (oh…and DC-ites have STRONG FEELINGS about their groceries stores and nickname them and its a thing.)

            Anyway, life improved when I got a boyfriend with a car (who could drive me to the grocery store…in the suburbs! oooohhhh). But seriously, keeping myself fed in DC was, approximately, my number one struggle. That and catching a friggin’ bus in the morning. (Don’t take this post the wrong way I LOVED DC, but all places have their weaknesses.)

          3. Aw geez, groceries with nicknames and it’s a thing? I am resigned to permanently sounding like the nerdy outsider that I am, as I will never keep up with all that hipness.

            (hip? hip hop? hiphopanonymous?)

          4. Sadly (or happily, depending on your perspective), “dry goods store” around H Street is code for beer and wine store that also sells dish soap and cheetos.

            2/3 attorney, you’ve never lived in DC, right? Do you have any time in the city to get an idea of the neighborhoods before you move?

          6. Ha! I had a car when I was living in DC. 90% of the times I used it was to pick up groceries. It was so worth it.

          7. Un-Safeway is my favorite name. And the Soviet one is funny too, but really only because of the neighborhood.

        3. Hey 2/3 attorney – not sure what you’re looking for/when you’re looking for, but I know someone who is renting their townhouse on H street soon. If you give me your email, I’ll reach out (or provide general H-street related advice, as I am also an H-street-ite). That area is so block-to-block, I’d be happy to help a fellow [this site]-er.

  16. Threadjack – does anyone have the Brookline bag from Lo&Sons? I’ve got a 15inch laptop I have to carry along with the usual phone/wallet/chargers/notebook/etc. I’d prefer it be able to fit under my seat on a flight – is that feasible? Or is it too big?

    1. I have this bag, and I stuff it full and squeeze it under airplane seats. I don’t carry a laptop, but I imagine it would still fit.

  17. Help — we’re leaving for a 2 week vacation in Italy soon. Knowing that I will be walking a lot, I went out and got shoes that didn’t tip the support/looks scale too far in the functional direction. The result? Blisters on my heel from the sneaker-ish flat and odd soreness from the sandals (a metallic flip flop with a small cushioned wedge). Any ideas on how to toughen up my feet/break these in before Saturday?

    1. I would take plenty of blister care materials with you. Also, try and change your shoes at least once during the day. It makes a huge difference in keeping down foot fatigue/soreness. If all else fails, you can always go shopping while there.

    2. Other shoes are not an option?

      For the heel blister, I would say mole skin and tough frabric band aids, jumbo size if needed. Mole skin on the shoe heel itself, fabric bandage on the part getting blistered. I find bigger bandaids stick & stay better. I am thinking of the old school kind here, not the fancy sorts they make now. You may not need both at the same time.

      For the sandals, I am not sure quite what the problem is but I would just wear them around the house as much as possible to break them in, maybe in socks. If they’re too snug, take them to a cobbler to stretch.

      Enjoy Italy!

      1. Holy cow, I never thought about putting the mole skin on the shoe instead of the foot! Magical…

      2. Nexcare waterproof bandaids stick really well as long as your skin is totally dry when you put them on and you don’t have super sweaty feet. Hate uncomfortable shoes and think that whoever figures out how to make women’s shoes both attractive and comfortable should get a Nobel prize.

    3. I live in an area that has a huge tourist industry.

      We can always pick out the tourists because they have brand new shoes.

      It’s perfectly fine to take shoes you already own on vacation. Especially if the new shoes are giving you blisters.

      Your normal good athletic shoes are ok. Let’s be honest, no Italian will mistake you for an Italian.

      1. In San Francisco we know the tourists (especially in summer) by their brand new San Francisco fleeces!

        1. Or their walking around in shorts and tank tops when it’s in the 60s because they thought summer in CA should be hot!

    4. Mind even a small wedge in the cobblestones and other uneven pavement. I was in Danskos and managed to bite it twice while being distracted by something beautiful, Italian and historic/artistic. Or gelato.

      Enjoy, and take a back up pair of shoes that you know will be moderately comfortable, even if they aren’t “walking” shoes. I took a pair of flats with good arch support and was so happy I did.

      1. I fell in my danskos while walking on cobblestone, too! Nearly broke my ankle! I recommend a sportier shoe like tevas. Or even little Keds. I walked a TON in Italy and really needed great shoes.

    5. Flip flops may not be the most comfortable option if you’re walking a lot, unless they also have a strap at the back (some do). Without a back strap, you’re putting in some effort to keep the flip flop on your foot; you may not notice it at first but it’s possible that’s the “odd soreness”.

      1. Thanks, I am such a frequent flip flopper that I didn’t think new ones would give me any trouble . . . .

        1. Well, it might be something else then. I mentioned that because I wear flip flops around the house, but I’ve found them far too uncomfortable for walking long hours and distances.

    6. You can treat the blisters you already have by putting Polysporin and BandAid Tough Strips on during the day and letting them dry out at night.

      Seriously though, take a pair of emergency shoes that you KNOW are comfortable , or your sore feet may make you miserable for your whole trip. I recently did a walking trip around the UK with my sister – I purchased and packed 3 pairs of “cute and comfortable” shoes, all of which gave me blisters/pain in different places so I rotated to give parts of my feet a break. I tried to buy a pair of emergency shoes while I was there, but they gave me blisters too. I was miserable to be with because I didn’t want to walk any more and my feet were ghastly when I got back. My sister brought only her pair of Toms and was a happy camper the whole time.

      1. Yes, learn from our mistakes! I once spent a day walking around the Vatican Museum in low-heeled sandals (about 1.5″ height) and by the end of the day my feet were on fire. I was really miserable. Every other day, I wore my casual sneakers (with an insole) and was fine, even though we walked a lot. There’s nothing more important than comfortable shoes for a tourist!

    7. Adventure medical makes a great pre-assembled blister kit. Link to follow. Can you tell I’m a backpacker? This sounds awful, but if they are giving you blisters now they will be giving you blisters a week from now. I went out and got a new pair of low hikers (patagonia this time, but I usually go keen) for Italy, and packed a cute pair of wedges for anything I needed to be cute for.

      Can you get down to some type of higher end hiking/camping store? They will know how to fit shoes and get you something with a nearly 0 break in period. Or even grab something from Z a p p o s? There are several brands that are meant for lots of walking but don’t look awful. I have a pair of new balance trail runners that are a metallic green that fit right in for 95% of the trip.

      Otherwise buy the blister packs…or 3!

  18. I love this necklace, but am wondering how big the pearl really is? There are no dimensions for it that I can find. I have on a diamond/pearl ring at the moment (breaking the law!), and this necklace would go perfectly. I’m worried though that it is a tiny, dainty pearl that will look too little girlish.

    TCFAG – is that your Tumblr handle too? I will follow you — my kid has tried to get me into Tumblr, but I just don’t get it. Maybe if I follow someone other than teen girls who just re-post pictures, it will make more sense! :)

    and finally, I too never thought of moleskin on the SHOE. sporting some blisters from cute Uggs wedges worn yesterday, and this is an awesome revelation.

  19. Threadjack! I’m looking for a fun dress for an upcoming wedding I’m invited to. I’ve been eyeing a few on the Nordstrom website and would love to try my pics on without buying 10 dresses in the $150-200 range. If anyone has experience using a personal shopper at Nordstroms, would picking just one dress in this price range be appropriate? Ideally, I’ve love to be able to give her my list of existing pics, have her pic a few more, and then just show up and try them all on.

    I tried asking the Nordstrom live help person whether I could have the dresses I’m considering shipped to my local store so I can try them on, but she said that option was unavailable. What does the hive think?

    1. If the dresses aren’t available for in store pick-up, there’s probably a disconnect between on-line and in store selection- I usually find online has way more dresses than in store. I think you could call the local store and ask if they’d do a personal shopper for this for sure, but I’d probably head over to the store first thing on a Saturday and when the saleslady asked if I needed help explain to her what I wanted.

      Also no idea if you are near a Lord and Taylor, but they are my dress go to store. The NYC location always seems to have all the dresses made in a given season.

  20. SF Bay Associate:

    I was just on LinkedIn and they think I know you! I feel like I shouldn’t be surprised but I kind of am and now I’m a little scared of the big computer brain…especially because my LinkedIn email account is not my (this site) email account…

    1. Heh, awesome. The valley is a small world, so I’m sure we’re a degree or two separated, even without [this site]. I don’t see you on mine though :(.

      1. hmm. I must have less of a life…they have to dig deeper to find people I may know.

    2. Just FYI – They get the “people you may know” from the contacts of your current connections, not from your own email account. It’s lovely when they think you know your abusive ex, for example. Because I definitely wanted him to know where I live now.

  21. Maybe it’s an asian thing, but where I live, no one would bat an eyelid at diamonds in the office. Or rubies. Or any other precious stone, as long as one doesn’t look like a christmas tree and the size of the jewellery is suited to one’s position. In out-of-office meetings, especially with folks from other asian countries, I feel underdressed if I’m not wearing some substantial piece of jewellery.

    1. fascinating. I’m in a ~70% male law field in NYC and to me anything more than a tiny diamond would seem out of place. I don’t particularly care for diamonds one way or the other, so no skin off my back, but I can not picture a single woman in my firm with diamonds on.

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