Coffee Break: Hydrocolloid Bandages

63 Comments

1. A few weeks ago, there was a discussion about prior posters and how amazing they were. So here is my shoutout to the person who used to post as “Former Partner, Now In-House.”

   I was a baby BigLaw associate when I first ran across this blog and that poster made a huge difference in my life. Their financial advice really kicked me into shape, and I’m so grateful to them now that I’ve moved in-house.

   Former Partner, Now In-House, if you still post, would love to connect w/ you!

   1. I love this idea. Hey Bunky and all the other Boston ladies, your advice and support got me through a horrible breakup and a big promotion and cross-country move. Much love to all of you and the various new handles you’ve probably adopted.

2. It’s amazing to me how most [not all] of this board claims to be so woke and yet this morning people were clearly saying – they care more about tragedy [in this case war] when the people look like them or are of the same background. Is that not the definition of being racist? Am I missing something? Then why make SUCH a big deal ALL THE TIME about how much you care about injustice etc. when on the other side you say “but it’s human nature” to care more about MY own people?

   1. I don’t see those things as being incompatible. It’s human nature to care most about things that happen to people we care about, and by extension to people from places nearby or from similar backgrounds (note that doesn’t necessarily relate to race at all- most of us have friends, family, and neighbors of many races). But we live in a a global society where it’s now in our best interest to also care about everyone on this planet. It’s not inconsistent to care more about my family than about people on the other side of the world but to still be horrified when bad things happen to those people.

   2. This was answered thoroughly in the morning post, but in case you wanted to hear it again: the U.S. shares a history and a culture with Europe. The U.S. was a British colony; the U.S.’s first centuries were dominated by immigrants from Europe; the U.S. risked lives and treasure in WWI and WWII to defend Europe and allies; the U.S. has maintained extensive political, economic, and military contacts with Europe both since those wars and since its founding.

      I am quite sure that, say, the Venezuelan refugee crisis in Colombia (5.5 million to date) is more acute to Colombians and Venezuelans than to others around the world. It’s because it’s personal to them, just like people of European descent find a land war in Europe personal to them. It doesn’t mean it’s not a crisis or worthy or our attention.

      Just because something is personal to you does not mean you’re racist. It can just mean that you find it personally affecting. I served in Afghanistan; the failed evacuation, and the lives of the people left behind, is personal in a way to me that it cannot be to others who don’t have ties there. So whether you grew up hearing stories of your American grandfather vanquishing European bad guys in WWII or whether your family escaped the Holo caust or whether your great-great-grandmother came here from Ukraine, it’s personal in a way that other tragedies around the globe are not.

   3. Because one of the main points of being “woke” (I hate that term) is learning to recognize our own biases. I do care more about Ukraine that I did about Afghanistan or Syria. I could make all kinds of excuses for that (I have good friends in neighboring countries who are terrified; there is a threat of WWIII; Putin has nuclear arms and I am not convinced he would not use them.) But I am also self-aware enough to know that it is in part because those people look like me, their children look like my child, and my ancestors are from that general area. That did not stop me from donating generously for Syrian and Afghan refugees. In fact, I can (and do) offer MORE help for Afghan refugees because there is a substantial community in my city.

      Being “woke” does not demand that people stop having internal biases. Only that they learn to recognize them and actively work against them.

      And no -that is not racism. I care more about natural disasters in my home state that I do about disasters in (let’s say) Florida. It is not about race or religion. It is about the limits on our ability to emphasize without being overwhelmed. Nobody cares as much about a random auto accident that kills someone they never met in another country as they do about the one that kills the guy whose kids go to school with your kids even if you do not know him and his kids are not friends with your kids. We cannot care equally about everyone. Humanity is big.

      1. +1

      2. Well said.

   4. I went back and looked at the thread. Seems like you’re referring to 1-3 comments or so? It’s also probably a handful of comments that are very proactively anti-racist when race issues come up here (the term “woke” is usually used to dismiss these perspectives these days IMO, so I don’t like it).

      I don’t assume these are necessarily the same people contradicting themselves. There’s also no contradiction in calling out racism and including in that your own internal racism.

   5. Humans are nuanced and not one dimensional and not one thing. This morning’s discussion was a honest evaluation – there was a lot of comments that were considering if their reactions were indeed rooted in racism. What you’re missing is that a person can deeply care about injustice, be actively trying to be better, and also still have opinions, viewpoints, and emotions that are rooted in racism, bigotry, the patriarchy, etc. Demanding woke perfection is a fallacy and discourages honest intellectual reflection and debate. When you see people examining themselves like they were this morning, that’s a good thing – it’s bringing deep seated beliefs to the surface in an open and honest way. Judging them as insincere or hypocritical, as your comment appears (although perhaps not your intention), discourages this type of open and honest evaluation of beliefs and sends everyone back to their defensive corners.

      1. Demanding woke perfection is a fallacy and discourages honest intellectual reflection and debate.

         Bonnie Kate, I’ve never seen this phrasesd so well before. Thank you. This puts a finger on exactly what is wrong with so many “anti-woke” attitudes.

   6. I’ll take the bait. For me, it is the fact that the people on the screen literally look like my family member. Not figuratively, but actually … my family is part of the large Ukrainian diaspora in Canada that came around the World Wars that largely retained a Ukrainian identity. So, I will fully admit that it is a different gut punch when you see someone fleeing with a bundled up baby that could pass for your cousin, or your grandmother when she was your age. And, honestly, I think that reaction is hardwired human nature.

   7. It’s been interesting for me to follow this aspect of the conversation because I was born in Russia and have close relatives in Russia and distant relatives (not actively in touch) in Ukraine. So of course this has felt way closer to home and personal to me. But I’ve also been following closely the stories of Uyghurs in “reeducation” camps in China, and have been absolutely devastated about the humanitarian crisis in Afghanistan right now. So it’s interesting to me to see how people who generally care about the world react to this crisis. If anything, I would say a lot of people seem way too blasé about it, but I wonder if I would be as well if I didn’t have such close personal ties to it.

   8. I just read this AM’s thread – and I’m torn. I’m brown-skinned, daughter of immigrants from India. I don’t feel more connected to Ukraine than Afghanistan or Syria – it’s all horrible to me. We have a good friend from Ukraine with his family still there. And then, many aspects of Afghan culture/history permeate India, there is so much history between India and Afghanistan, and I guess my side of the family looks more Afghani than Ukranian but it’s all bad to me. I remember pinning a piece of blue burkha to my Jansport from the Feminist Majority Foundation in the 90s after reading about the Taliban and honor killings. I live in a border state, and have heard and seen so many stories of children who were put in transit to the US in hope for a better life. I see what’s happening in Ukraine and my heart shatters. I don’t get how one can be more terrible than the other.

      1. I don’t think anyone is saying one is more terrible than the other. Those are all tragedies.

3. Someone posted on Friday I think looking for a speechwriting / political writing coach. Mike Long! (Mikelongonline dot com) He’s SO funny and engaging and gives really practical, concrete steps to follow.

4. I am 34, never married, never lived with a boyfriend. I haven’t had a roommate since college, actually. I have dated a man for two years. We live and work three hours away from one another. I rent, he owns. He asked me to move in with him so we can give this a real shot – we love each other but only see one another weekends, mostly. Video chatting just isn’t enough. I could move and keep my remote job. I’m nervous about living with him. What if it turns out he leaves dirty dishes out, or we fight all the time? What if I can’t live with someone else? How can I brace myself for the likely sexist comments from my super religious family (who didn’t blink when my brothers girlfriends moved in, but said I’d better never do that)? Any advice about moving in together for the first time appreciated!

   1. Have you done anything beyond weekends? Working from his place for a couple of weeks? Then-boyfriend and I were a very similar situation (a few hours apart, saw each other weekends). We did a 2-week camper-van vacation and still didn’t hate each other after that, so that was promising.

   2. You have to know one way or another, and you’ll never know unless you go! Do you need to move-in full-time and give up your apartment or can you, say, go stay for a month? If you still like it after a month, stay longer.

      Ignore your family. You’re a grown woman. I assume they’d like you to have your own family some day? Well, you need to decide what’s going on with this relationship – either you’re getting married or you’re breaking up at this point – so they should support you resolving this question mark in your life.

      Please know that relationships like this sometimes do fall apart when the couple finally gets together (I’m speaking from my own experience), but don’t prolong something that isn’t working because you’ve “already invested so much time.” If you get there for a month and it just doesn’t feel right, accept it and move on.

   3. I am going to assume you are going to get a lot of comments on here telling you not to do it, as this board seems to revert to 1958 when it comes to cohabitating. With that said, DH and I lived together for many years before getting married and I don’t regret it at all. In fact, I would never commit to marriage without fulling testing out cohabitation. We were on an even playing field though when we started out with neither of us owning first. We rented together and bought a home together before we got married. As far as dishes go, have you spent much time at his home already? I’d think you already have an idea if he lives like a slob or is neat and tidy. More importantly, what are his beliefs like? Does he believe in splitting household chores 50/50, does he generally have an attitude that shows he is willing to help the household run smoothly, has he made comments that make you wonder if he expects cleaning/cooking to shift to you when you move in? Since he already owns, I’d also say some conversations upfront are warranted. Are you paying him rent? Does he expect your help financially for household repairs, etc?

   4. I agree that if you can afford to keep your place for a while and stay with him, that would be the best option.

      Also, what is the endgame here? Is it cohabitating or do one of both of you see yourselves getting married? I think you should talk about all of this before you make any decisions.

      1. Agree so, so much about talking about the endgame before committing to move in (with or without the OP getting rid of her own place). Not talking about this stuff in advance is how people end up in a permanent live-in situation that makes them miserable because they want to be married, or have kids, or otherwise be in some kind of durable long-term commitment. It’s best to know up-front what each person’s vision is for the relationship.

         OP, in regard to the “what if he’s messy, etc.” concerns – part of living with someone is working out how to coexist in a space together. He likely has some habits that you don’t love, and you’ll likely have some habits he doesn’t love. There are ways to work around small stuff, like people leaving the toilet seat up or squeezing the toothpaste tube the wrong way. Sitcoms have made all that stuff seem like a big deal, but between two intelligent, rational adults, it’s just a negotiation and arriving at a conclusion that works for both parties. The same way you negotiate and learn to coexist with people at work. You have to go into this with an open mind and a spirit of compromise, or else you’re better off staying in your own place.

         As for your family: I got some comments from my conservative Baptist family members when I moved in with my now-husband. I ignored them. I’m living my own life and other people need to live theirs.

      2. +1 this is what current husband and I did (he was the one to move in with me, but kept renting in the meantime).

   5. Not sure if this helps, but don’t put any more stress on yourself than you have to. I’ve been very happily married for 16 years. My relationship started out when I was 32. We got engaged in two months and got married in 8 months (largely so my parents wouldn’t look down on me for living with someone). But I kept my condo for more than two years just to remind myself that I could leave whenever I wanted. (My closest friends didn’t even know that I never put it on the market.) It may have been the world’s most expensive closet, but it gave me the peace I needed to settle in to the idea of living with someone else full-time.

      I also wouldn’t move in for a month and put the pressure on of “this is how it will always be.” Those first few months especially were some of the best–and hardest. You are getting into routines and learning about the other person’s preferences and maybe not fully relaxed. It was about two years or so before things felt 100 percent and truly like “home” for me (thus the condo). You have the best situation right now–come or go with whatever frequency feels best. Don’t let your parents dictate for you. It’s a lot easier to move out than it is to divorce (I also had a pretty clear prenup with my husband, which took some pressure off). All this is to say that no one else can say what level of commitment feels right for you and when. But you’ll never know without actually trying.

   6. Instead of all or nothing, what if you just spent more time together? Since you are remote, could you spend a week with him, every other week or something like that? I do understand – I got married at 37 and had never lived with a boyfriend and only had a roommate my first 2 years in college. I definitely worried about sharing my space and not having enough alone time. But it worked out! I still do things on my own to have alone time too! Good luck!

   7. There was a similar question a few weeks ago. Personally before giving up your place and moving, I would do a few longer stays with him. If you are working remotely anyway, go for several weeks at a time — i.e., long enough to experience real life with the guy complete with laundry and work emergencies and groceries and cleaning and running a household, not just “we’re in a romantic bubble together” weekends.

      1. +1

   8. You won’t know until you do it. Advice is cheap, but I would (a) keep your apartment so you have a back-up, (b) not tell your family every detail, (c) expect some normal friction. I was in a similar position to you, except that I was the non-moving partner. From the other side of things it felt invasive to give up routines and spaces that I felt were arranged very well already to accommodate someone whose preferences didn’t make sense to me (and who was bringing mess and junk* into the house). We actually ended up for renovation reasons having separate bedrooms for a few months early on and it helped quite a bit to be able to retreat to separate spaces. We hired a cleaner and agreed his office could be as messy as he liked if the other spaces were kept tidy, and we’d fight over the dishes, and gradually he got tidier and I relaxed more and then we got a bigger place and it all worked out just fine.

      *this is not hyperbole, haha, when he was in the process of moving, he just boxed everything up and crated it over, even if it was actual garbage.

   9. Regarding your family, as someone who has a super religious family, you can be strategic with what you share. You can tell them you’re moving to XX city and not tell them you’re moving in with your boyfriend. Just my two cents.

      Also, he’s definitely going to do things that might drive you crazy. You’re going to do things that drive him crazy. Going into it with the expectation that that is going to happen, and being open with your partner, is going to make these things easier.

5. I like the hydrocolloid spot bandages for zits. Sadly I still get zits occasionally, though thankfully no longer deep cysts, and they work on my kids’ teen acne as well.

   I’ve not had much luck with using the full size hydrocolloids for injuries, cuts, scratches etc

   1. Those bandages have never worked for my cuts or blisters. They just don’t stay on.

      1. Interesting. I have not tried the ones for acne but reach for them over anything else for blisters. I’ve had them stay on for quite some time. It may depend on the location, I guess.

      2. You have to put them on BONE dry skin. Lotion, water, vaguely damp/sweaty skin, etc. and they won’t stick. I’ve gone so far as to blow dry my feet after a shower to ensure they’re dry before using them. Also stretch them out a teeny bit – the extra tension does help them adhere.
         For zits I prefer the stickers so I don’t have to futz with scissors – the CosRx brand are my go to.

         1. Yes I’m OP and I meant the ones that are already various sized circles for zits. I do the add-on in my curology subscription but I’ve tried CosRx and they’re the same.

   2. I really like the Compeed brand for foot blisters. For a while I could only buy them in Europe and I stocked up every trip. Now Amazon has them.

6. I’m getting SO close to having pretty good skin after years of trying all the things, through multiple derms and lots of long trials of products. However, just in the last three weeks I have two isolated soft cysts under the skin – one on my lower cheek and one right on side of my nose/inside of my eye (weird spot!). I’m going to the derm tomorrow – any idea of what they can do? or any recs for what I can do at home?

   before you recommend it, I was on spiro for 9 months and it didn’t change my acne at all – all I got was very cold feet constantly. I did one round of accutane 5 years ago; I wouldn’t do it again due to scarring caused by the extreme purge I got. I’m using a prescription spot treatment topical antibiotic that isn’t doing anything for the cystic spots. I also use Differin because after two years of retinoids causing lots of redness/dryness I figured out it’s just too harsh for my skin – Differin has been working great.

   1. The derm can give you a cortisone shot in your cysts. It stings momentarily but it works. M

      At home you can try ice but it’s not going to be anywhere near as effective as a cortisone injection.

7. If you were new to shaving and had fairly long and dark leg hair, where would you start? Regular razors clog after a few swipes. Are electric razors a thing for women’s legs (vs what guys use for beards)? Nair? Waxing looks so painful.

   Maintenance seems to be razor-able, but for a first run, what is out there on the market now that actually works well?

   1. I found electric razors slow and ineffective for shaving legs. I just swipe, rinse, swipe, rinse. Or I did, before I became enlightened and developed invisible hair. (Joking. That is a bad cancer joke. But I think I’m funny.)

      Best of luck to you. It’s a bit of a journey to start shaving and figure out what works for you.

      1. You’re very much allowed to make bad cancer jokes. (Or at least I think so given your situation, maybe I’m a bad person)

      2. My dog and I both have cancer. My favorite thing is to tell my husband all the cancer patients in the car voted and you have to take us to Dairy Queen. If you have to have it, might as well get some benefit, right?

   2. You just wipe the hair off the razor as you go. I only shave my legs a couple times a year, if that, so my leg hair gets pretty long. It’s still not difficult to shave.

   3. Just multiple passes with a razor. It’ll take longer the first time, but like you say, maintenance will be fine.

      My mom started me on her 1960s electric Lady….Gillette? I don’t remember the brand, but I remember it being a pink hand-held razor that plugged into the wall and didn’t provide a close shave at all.

   4. Shave with the water running, and rinse the razor after every swipe.

   5. Don’t you rinse off the razor after each swipe? That’s fairly easy to do if you are shaving in the shower (which also serves to soften everything).

   6. Is this for a preteen or for an adult? I feel like electric razors were popular with my middle school friends in the 90’s. Personally I use wax strips if it’s been awhile since I’ve last shaved. But for a teen, a regular razor would do fine and might be the best choice.

   7. Rinsing the regular razor after each swipe. I found Nair to be wildly ineffective.

   8. If its really a lot, you could use Nair and then follow up with shaving. Veet at least has improved a lot since I used it as a pre teen. If not, I would actually use mens disposable razors and clean them off every couple swipes, and throw them away whenever necessary.

   9. Men’s double bladed safety razor with actual razor blades will work.

      You do need to practice the angle, those things are sharp. You don’t drag it parallel to the skin, you want a 35-40 degree angle. And if you have a little pimple or bump of some kind, you will nick it and bleed.

      Use a thick soap or balm, and rinse the razor often under running water. You can loosen the screw a little to get rid of hairs if they clog. Be careful, the blades are very, very sharp.

   10. I found that Billie razors are way better about clogging – they are made for leg shaving/women’s shaving so have blades farther apart.

       1. I am a recent Billie convert, and love it!

8. Guys I am just drowning. I come back to work in December after maternity leave ans it has been putting out fire after fire . Im always tired , I’m so behind at work , im so burnt out . My husband already feels like he does the lions share (and he does a lot – I think he doesn’t count breastfeeding as “for the family” when he thinks about our division of time though. I wake up at 6 but by the time I walk the dog and do the drop off Im somehow not at my desk until 9 which is late for my work. He picks up around 430 and I like to see her but that’s leaving early for my work. She goes to bed at 730 and I try to do some work after that but the house is always a mess too. I feel like I need a better schedule . Part of me wonders if going into work will help? The idea of getting into the office seems impossible but at least then I won’t be making a huge mess during the day ? I just feel like I’m floundering in just every single aspect

   1. Any chance you could throw money at the problem and pay for a housekeeper, buy meal kits, etc? It sounds like you are doing a lot and life with a newborn is not easy. Could you change your expectations and be ok with things being messy during this season of your life? Or prioritize what really needs to be done chore-wise? One thing that works for my husband and I is to remember that things are not always 50/50 so this might be a time when he has to bear more responsibility (although being the one responsible for feeding if you are nursing definitely counts!). Hang in there – it will get better.

   2. This is a really rough time! If you can pay for a dog walker a few times a week I think that would help a lot. The house is just going to be a mess, baby clothes get dirty instantly plus bottles and working from home creates a ton of dishes. I found it helpful to have one night that I went to work and stayed really late and just knocked a ton out — can be hard not seeing kid that night but that was much easier than trying to work after bedtime like 4 nights a week.

      1. That’s been my strategy for years. I work late on Tuesdays and Thursdays, in the office. Being able to count on that uninterrupted time is incredibly helpful.

         1. I started doing this (well, pre Covid) after seeing this strategy recommended in “I know how she does it” by Laura Vanderkam (?) and it makes a big difference! I’m hoping to restart it when we go back to the office.

   3. Can you get help? This is an incredibly difficult stage of life. I would really encourage you to find a cleaning person or housekeeper who can keep the house clean. Sending tons of support your way.

   4. In this season, I was ruthless on a few things: 1) baby laundry was 1x/week. I’d soak stuff mid week, but only washed on weekends. I would buy more clothes to get myself to a once weekly wash so that laundry didn’t take over. YMMV, I didn’t have heavy spitters.
      2) on Sunday I made sunday’s meal, doubled, and since I was already cooking I made a second doubled dinner. That’s one night of cooking and pot cleaning for 4 dinners
      3) when kid 2 showed up and we were in a bigger home, 6 months in I hired a cleaning lady to come in every other week. That’s the only time the bathrooms get cleaned even now years later and it works for us. Also forces clutter to disappear. Would a daily Roomba help with dog hair?
      4) if you’re pumping (maybe not!), as soon as I got home I threw all parts and stuff in a tub of hot soapy water. Then I washed it all with the dishes after dinner. It felt more manageable once they had soaked.
      In short, I had a few things that bugged me a lot and I worked to streamline them. You can do this!!

   5. A couple observations:
      – You’re leaking time somewhere in the morning. You might want to keep a time diary to figure out where it is going.
      – I drink coffee and scroll through my work email, answer a few messages, and think about my top priorities for the day first thing, then pause to do family/kid stuff. I consider that first hour to be part of my working day.
      – Can your dog time in the morning be limited to a quick pee and do the longer walk later in the day when you start to drag?
      – Do you have too many work projects on your plate? If you feel like you can’t catch up, then you may need to figure out how to cut out unnecessary work.
      – If you started your day earlier, could you realistically end at 4:30?
      – If you’re making a giant mess all over your house during the day, then you’re leaking time there as well. If you have meeting you only need to be minimally engaged in, I will use the time to fold laundry or whatnot. Also, get yourself baskets and consider stuff picked up and shoved in the basket to be clean. It’s amazing how good things can look when the floor/counters are cleared off.
      – You’re probably tired because you ARE TIRED. Definitely give yourself some grace. Breastfeeding, irregular sleep at night, working, figuring out how to keep clean is a lot.

   6. Hey, first of all, this is a tough time and you are doing great. Secondly, TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND about the toll/work breastfeeding/pumping takes. I never did with my DH and it really made me resentful, and ended up blowing up years later. He never got it (I assumed he’d get it by seeing me trek to work with the pump bag, manage the pump parts, etc.) until I TOLD HIM. The time suck, the hormonal impact, the feeling tied to baby/pump…it’s a lot even for those of us with high privilege. By the time DS #2 came along he was aware. Also, I didn’t know until after DS #1 was done with bottles that most of the bottle apparatus can go in the dishwasher….

      I agree with others tips – hire an AM dog walker (one of you can download R*ver on the phone, like right now), housecleaning (even if 1x/month, I find 3 weeks to be the sweet spot, some say 2 weeks), and templatize meals or order meal kits/delivery. I do a big pot of something (soup/stew) Sunday-Mon dinner, Rice/Beans (Daal, Tex-mex, whatever, usually hand off in IP) for Tues-Wed dinner, Quesadillas/Nachos Thurs, and Takeout Friday. Even better if you make a double of something and freeze it (beans/lentils are great for this, you can make a fresh grain in the rice cooker, hands-off!).

      I solo parent a lot, and did a lot as a new mum pre-COVID-19, so when there was a lot to clean (bottles! pump parts! dinner with half on the floor!), once DS #1 was down, I threw on a good podcast and tried to do everything within 45 minutes-1 hour. And as needed, I’d login after and try to cut myself off of work by 10 so that I had an hour to unwind.

      Again. You’re doing great.

   7. This is just….so, so hard. It was hard for me, and my job is not at all as stressful or demanding as private practice was.

      I’ll echo a few of the comments that people made here:
      (1) Get a dogwalker every day – that way your trips with your pup are just for potty breaks and the long walk is taken care of.
      (2) House cleaning service – we use ours once a week, but probably once every two weeks is enough for normal people. (We have an enormous messy dog. Also my husband is a bit of a slob.)
      (3) Easy meals – you don’t have time to cook right now AND THAT’S OK. We liked Freshly, but there are other ready-made meal services out there. Embrace them. This is just for a season. Also, embrace grocery delivery. We use Amazon Fresh.
      (4) Laundry – we do laundry once a week DURING THE WEEK while we work from home. I gather everything up, sort it, and then set an alarm to go check it so that it doesn’t get forgotten.
      (5) Never go into a store again. I order everything. Clothes, household items, food, etc. The last thing I want to do is spend time fighting traffic and crowds at Target.

9. Someone posted over the weekend about being crazy busy. Yes. I’m in private practice. Young partner. Last summer I was worried about a business slump this spring. Instead / phone ringing off the hook, email chock full, associates all hitting their hours thus far. Nuts.

   1. Same. Busier than I’ve been since 2019.

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