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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This new-to-me brand, Pari Passu, has a truly brilliant method of sizing. They have their own number sizing system, with the equivalents of your typical sizes 14–24, and letter sizing, which corresponds to body shape (B for Curvy, C for Straight, and D for Hourglass).
So, if you’re a size 16 with hips and thighs that measure larger than your bust, you’d be a size 3B. A total godsend, especially for plus-sized items, which tend to vary widely in their size charts.
This dress is $248 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 2–7 (roughly equivalent to sizes 14–24).
Standards & Practices has a more affordable option; this shirtdress is available in 1X–3X in three colors for $59.99–$88. This navy shirtdress at J.Crew is on sale for $74.50 and comes in sizes 00–24.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
These people are smart! This is a really good idea for how to help those of us caught in endless cycles of mail order roulette. “Not pear-friendly” is a tick-box that needs to exist.
Anonymous
Does “curvy” really mean “pear”? Otherwise isn’t it the same as “hourglass”?
Anon
Pear is one triangle in its base. Hourglass to me is two triangles balancing on the points. Both are curvy but differently.
Anon
As a pear, I couldn’t agree more
Cora
Yeah I really like this. I ordered from somewhere that only had chest measurements in the sizing guide and that really doesn’t tell the whole story.
Ellen
Is there an acceptable body type describing a woman with ample breasts, a flat tummy but an oversized tuchus and short stubby legs? My dad says I have legs like a piano but that does not cover the rest. If the hive can provide a consensus body type then mabye I can order more on the web. For now, I go into Nordstroms and are fitted specially; otherwise, I would look like the model above, since anyone can buy something with enough material to look like a pup tent, but who needs that? FOOEY!
anon
I don’t even know how to categorize myself. I’m probably closest to a pear because I am forever trying to fit my curvy hips and thighs. However, I am very straight through the torso without much waist definition. And I’ve never had much of a butt. WHAT FRUIT SHAPE AM I?
Anon
Still pear. Bulk of our shape is below the waist. Like an iceberg — the tip of us is relatively small vs the bottom.
Nora
I’ve been wondering it too. My measurements are 35-28-38 which sounds very pear like but I definitely don’t have much of a butt.
Anon
That may be more hourglass.
I am 30D-30-40, so very pear.
Anonymous
It’s too bad they’re only in plus sizes! I might be a 14 in pants with my COVID weight, but I’m really more on the high side of the so-called straight size range. Yay for those in the appropriate size range!
Cat
what I really wish stores would do is give thorough measurements for each size! You know they have them since they manufacture the d-mn things.
Like – if I can read the hip, waist, inseam, and rise measurements for jeans, my success rate with “one and done” ordering is FAR higher.
Anon
Also, distance from shoulder to waist seam or indentation’s smallest width. This is what usually does me in. If the waist is going in where my hips are going out, we’re going to have to break up.
Bermuda
Another travel post! Planning an extra-long weekend in Bermuda (will have 4 full days plus travel days). We’re staying in an Airbnb about a half-hour walk from the main south coast beaches, and debating what to do about transport. Do we (a) rent a small EV, (b) rent e-bikes, or (c) rent nothing and rely on buses and ferries only? Our travel style is generally pretty casual, but (as a result?) we do like to bring our own beach stuff (collapsible chairs in bags, etc) so we aren’t stuck on restaurant loungers near the crowd.
Pros of the EV – freedom to go wherever (whether beaches or meals). Cons – expense (it would add about $500 just for our short stay!) and logistics – since they aren’t big enough to handle luggage, interrupting our first and last days to deal with getting and returning it. We could charge it at our Airbnb.
Pros of the e-bikes – inexpensive and would give us easier range to get to nearby things as well as bus stations and ferry stops. Cons – wouldn’t really be able to ride on the roads comfortably, so are they that useful?
Pros of buses only – inexpensive, no logistics of getting or returning. Cons – difficulty of beach-hopping with our own stuff.
Ladies with experience, please advise! (Any other recs are welcome too – the only things we really avoid on vacation are big resorts.)
Anonymous
Walk!
Anonymous
I haven’t been to Bermuda. How are taxis/uber there? I would lean toward just doing taxis/uber with some bus trips, personally for such a short trip.
Anon
The roads of Bermuda terrified me as a pedestrian and on any 2-wheeled thing. Driving on the left, no line of sight, rock walls vs soft shoulders. Are cabs not an option?
Anon
+1
Went to Bermuda a while ago and we just used cabs to get around
Bermuda
Yes, we ruled out scooters for this reason. The EVs are small but actually have 4 wheels and doors :)
Taking 2 cabs per day may well be more expensive than the EV rental – Bermuda is not a cheap destination but we always try to get our best value for money.
Anon
Well that’s what you get for staying that far from the beach then!
When I went we stayed right on the beach so we only took a cab to/from the airport and 1 day to go into Hamilton
Bermuda
ha, I’m aware that our Airbnb preference made our lives slightly more difficult, hence the question of how to otherwise maximize our stay!
If the answer is “rent the EV, it’s worth it for flexibility” the $500 is in the budget. We just always like to check around for the best option from people who know the island better!
Anonymous
Couldn’t you get lodging closer to the beach for $500 more? That would be less hassle.
Anonymous
Don’t stay in an Airbnb 30 minutes from the beach if you’re planning on lots of beach time bringing lots of stuff. Not rocket science.
Bermuda
our Airbnb has direct water access from the yard and was a good price, so we fell for it. We don’t have so much stuff we can’t carry it on foot or bike-basket comfortably (a chair each, a cooler, and a tote). We walk just a little less than that from a shore house to the beach all summer.
Just weren’t sure whether that amount would be rude for a bus or if there are other pros-cons we aren’t thinking about.
Anon
I’m a bike/bus person in real life, so that’s where I land in vacation life, too. The pedal assist would be nice to have. Are there places to lock one up? Theft is the only issue I can see here.
anon
I have been to Bermuda 5 times and never rented anything to get around. I have only ever used the buses and they are awesome. If you tell the bus driver that you want him/her to take you to their favorite beach and that you want to beach hop, that’s what they will do for you. Bermudians are incredibly friendly and helpful and I have always had lovely experiences with the bus system/bus drivers. Cabs are fine too, but you have to have cash – FYI, or at least you did when I went in Nov 2018.
I LOVE Bermuda, so much – have a great time!
Bermuda
that is amazing! that sounds like a great day. Do you have any favorite restaurants we should put on our list? (We do everything from deli sandwiches for beach picnics to takeout BBQ dinners to lovely waterfront dining, so open to all!)
anon
Yes! Art Mel’s Spicy Dicy, Sul Verde Restaurant, Baracuda Grill, Mad Hatters, and La Trattoria are all good! Definitely also ask your AirBnB host for suggestions – they always know the best local spots which are not touristy.
Anon
I’m the person who posted above re not feeling safe walking/biking (locals are likely fine — lots tourists from drive-on-the-right places + rum was more my thinking, as a rum-drinking pedestrian) and we did have great experiences uses the bus. We stayed in the middle of nowhere that was on a main road and it was lovely but I don’t remember sidewalks except in Hamilton.
Bermuda
Thanks – we are comfortable with oppos-te side driving ourselves, but this is our first trip and so want to make the choice that maximizes flexibility, budget, and safety!
Anonymous
One other con of the bike or anything you have to “drive”: They drive on the other side of the road. Can be a little bit dangerous if you are not used to it. My friend had a bike accident in Bermuda due to looking left instead of right.
Anon
I can’t imagine bothering to go on vacation and limiting my ability to get around. I’d do a or b, probably a but haven’t been there to know about e bikes and their utility in that area.
Bermuda
lol point well taken! We do like flexibility (like going to Beach A for the morning, maybe Beach B for the afternoon, heading back home for a kayak & sunset, then going to dinner) so I am thinking an EV may be worth the money!!
Anon
Right on! I agree :)
Anonymous
What is an EV?
Bermuda
electric vehicle – a little Smart Car type thing.
Anonymous
Sounds like a death trap in a collision.
Anon
I’d like to do a ride-along with the Bermuda EMS to see if what I think could happen does happen with any regularity. In London, I’m not even sure where to look as a pedestrian before crossing the street (sober and during the day). I felt like I was playing drunk frogger in Bermuda (which is lovely, but take the bus if you venture off-site).
NYCer
If it is still an option, I would first consider a more conveniently located rental house. Beyond that, I would rent the EV. While I have always had good experiences with the buses in Bermuda, I can’t imagine relying on a bus if I intended to beach hop. I would go with the EV to give you more flexibility.
Doodles
I would spend that extra $500 to get a hotel or airbnb closer to the beaches if the point of this vacation is beach-hopping. I would never want to drive around Bermuda myself and biking on those roads is equally terrifying. Can you still cancel your airbnb?
Anon
How is 2022-era Boden? I feel like I could get some good work shirts there, but had problems (IMO: not long-waisted enough) with the dresses that everyone else loves in the past. Also, is it office-able? Not like classic formal workwear, but not laughable? I feel like their prints were a bit of joy in my otherwise dour closet (neutral-heavy, but a bit too much black once the weather starts to warm up).
Ribena
Like all the other retailers, they have much less ‘workwear’ than they used to. But for my day to day work outfits in 2022 (which I would describe as ‘wear to a nice gastropub’ formality – I want to look put together but things equivalent in formality to nice jeans and good sneakers will do) I’m finding some nice options at Boden.
Anon
“”Wear to nice gastropib” is exactly on point.
Anon
Also would love to know folks thoughts on Boden sizing! I’m a medium/large 8-10ish depending on brand in US.
Anon
I find their sizing to be spot on (14-16 here). I use the measuring chart on their page and have never had an issue.
anon
Boden fits me well and is true to its size chart. I range anywhere from a 10-12 at my thinnest to 12-14 currently. In both scenarios, I am able to order a 12 in tops and dresses because of how my weight is distributed. I would wear a 14 in pants.
PolyD
They usually include garment measurements, too, so measure something you own that fits you well and match it up to the Boden chart.
anon a mouse
I love Boden but I have to buy talls to get the waist to hit me in the right spot. I like a slightly longer length so it’s worked out okay. I find that their solids or mostly-solids are better for officewear than prints. I’m loving everything in the latest catalog, but for summer weddings, not for work. Their ponte dresses are absolute workhorses though.
Anonymous
Love Boden, but I’m gutted by the disappearance of the Ottoman style dresses. Lined! Flattering! Good for work and dinner after! They were my holy grail, and they don’t seem to have any now.
Anonymous
I like Boden sweaters but found their pants, dresses and skirts of disappointing quality.
Anon
It’s my birthday! What’s your favorite way to treat yourself?
Anonymous
One of my best birthdays ever was when I allowed myself to work a half day. I grabbed lunch from my favorite deli, and ate it alone, at the beach/water (I worked in Boston).
Then I grabbed a fancy coffee, picked up my then 9 month old (who is now almost 9!) from daycare early, took her to the playground and just enjoyed her.
My bday is in June, though, so that’s out for you. If mine were today I’d bag work and ski all afternoon .
Cb
A little thing but I like to go a bookshop, buy a book in hardback, go to a cafe and snag a comfy seat, and sit and read and drink a oat milk chai latte and a sweet.
Cora
This is my favorite too. Especially if you combine it with the mani/pedi idea
Anon
Happy birthday! I usually leave work a few hours early to get a mani pedi before dinner out
Anon
I love champagne so I like to pop open a nicer bottle for the occasion. Happy birthday!
Anonymous
Sleep in until 9 or so, grab a great latte from a local coffee shop on the walk to the art gallery, spend an hour wandering around looking at art alone sipping my coffee before meeting DH for brunch.
Anon
Happy birthday! I like to buy myself a present.
Anonymous
If I had a day off – I’d go for a long run. Then pick up a book from the library or bookstore, get some good sushi for lunch, and sit in a cafe to read.
anon
Going to get all the free birthday things at places (starbucks, sephora, etc). If you are on a mailing list lots of places do some free birthday item. I also like to go get a random beauty treat i normally wouldn’t get (for me it’s either tinting my eyebrows or getting a high end mascara).
Anonymous
Wake up early, take a photo at sunrise, and go for a hike outdoors and grab something yummy at a bakery on the way home. Break up the high pressure work day by buying a new lipstick at some point. Have a bubble bath that evening. When I wasn’t on this crazy work schedule, I would take a day off and go to the local zoo or take the dog to a nature preserve that was a bit of a drive.
Anonymous
I like this because you have to let everyone know it is your birthday with that Insta pic so you get messages about how beautiful you are all day. Such a great ego boost throughout the day.
Anon
Love this for a day on which you can’t escape work!
anon
Go to a bakery and get yo’self a cupcake and coffee.
Anon
Happy birthday! I take myself to the day spa every year for my birthday for a massage and a facial.
Aunt Jamesina
Go to an upscale grocery store and buy whatever strikes my fancy (obviously this always includes champagne).
Vicky Austin
This is how I treat myself too, ha!
Anonymous
Also cheese.
Aunt Jamesina
Absolutely!
Anon
OP here– excellent idea, although I do this on a regular basis when it’s not my birthday hahah.
A
Pre covid, I’d take the day off, or at least a half day. 2h massage and then lunch or dinner with my husband.
Anon
OP here– thanks for all the birthday wishes and ideas! I usually take my birthday off and take the day to go do something fun by myself, but this year I’m stuck on a Zoom meeting all day so will be rewarding myself with basically everything on this thread.
Anonymous
There is a hole in my shoe wardrobe but I can’t figure out what it is. What would you wear with what I am trying to wear today:
Straight leg jeans (can be cuffed or straight), navy and white striped long sleeve t-shirt.
I think the answer is casual sneakers? If yes, what?
Anon
Boat shoes.
Anonymous
Hmm. I own sperrys but I only wear them in the summer. It’s 43 here today
:-)
Anon
If it’s 43 degrees you’re wearing the wrong shirt. Switch to a pullover sweater and low boots or oxfords.
Anon
Lmao are people in the northeast not allowed to wear non-sweaters for seven months of the year?
Anon
No.
Everyone I know in the NEUS keeps there house temps very low b/c it is so expensive to heat homes there (esp. if they are older), so how do you not survive except in a sweater? Like it may be one layer, but surely it is needed daily? Or something?
Not all northerners!
I’ve lived in Boston and NYC burbs for the past 6 years. We keep our house at 68-70 year round.
(I’m originally from Boston and have spent most of my life in cold and snowy climates. I love, love, love the cold outside. I will take a 6 mile hike in 20 degree temps, happily. But I want to be able to wear a longsleeved shirt and optional bare feet at home).
Anon
It’s 40 here and my middle schooler is in shorts. Those of us in cold climates scale our wardrobes differently, I think. On that note, I’d wear Sperrys when it’s 43, so to each her own. In this case I’d also wear slip-on Vans or low Frye boots.
Anonymous
I’m optimistic! Not sure if you live in New England but up here it’s been anywhere between 35 and 70. I wear a jacket when I go out.
Anonymous
Anon @ 10:15- this is often true in drafty old homes (of which there are many!) and also in the depths of winter (like when it’s 8 degrees). Today it’s nice and sunny out and will hit the mid 40s. We keep our house at 65-68 which is for sure not sweater temps.
Cat
Anon at 10:15, lol, really you shouldn’t be blanket-generalizing an entire region’s level of comfort based on aging relatives in an old house in a cold area.
Anonymous
What are you talking about. Everyone I know in the NE actually uses their heat. If you are too poor to run your heat when it’s cold you have a bigger problem than what shoes to wear with jeans.
Anon
Lololol, one of my favorite things my husband and I agree on is that it’s worth the money to heat the house.
Anon
“Lololol, one of my favorite things my husband and I agree on is that it’s worth the money to heat the house.”
I’d rather save my money for nice vacations or evenings out but that’s the great thing about being adults, everyone gets to make their own choices. We keep our thermostat at a consistent 68 in the winter and our gas bills (we’re in the Southwest) stay under $100 a month. I do wear a sweater inside the house (along with furry slippers) because I run cold. To stay comfortable without those things, the thermostat would need to be at 75. I don’t see wearing a sweater as a giant imposition on my sense of autonomy and self-determination, or anything, but apparently some people’s mileage varies on that one.
Anon
I suggested the sweater because the Breton top is a classic summer look and that’s why you’re not finding any non-summery looking shoes to go with it. It’s not a shoe wardrobe hole. It’s a mismatch of shirt and shoe styles for this time of year. You’re trying to force a square peg into a round hole here.
Anon
I must have a thyroid condition or something — 68 is what I keep the temp for sleeping and I find that to be very cold. Inside, when I’m not moving around, I just freeze. I’m not so delicate that I can’t camp, but I don’t like to use Hot Hands or wear coats when I’m indoors.
In the summer, I’d like to let it get up to 80 inside but have tried to negotiate for only cooling it down to 76 during the day.
Anonymous
I live in Chicago in a garden/basement apartment. It holds heat really well so its 73F in here right despite the thermostat being set to heat to 65F and the outside temperature is maybe 40F. I’m in a tank top because I run warm.
Anonymous
Sneaker weather = boat shoe weather.
Anonymous
LOL I’m here in Boston with the thermostat at 67. I don’t want to pay crazy heating bills. My mom keeps her house at 65! That doesn’t mean we can’t afford it, just that putting on a sweater is free and environmentally friendly. Plus, in the winter, I like to dress in winter clothes.
Anon
I think boat shoes are pretty dated
Anne-on
It may not be as trendy but I’d also wear boat shoes. I live in MA and I swear anytime it’s above 40 people walk around like it’s full on spring, so boat shoes no socks would be totally normal.
For a more updated option, fashion sneakers?
Anonymous
Vejas
Anon
+1 love Vejas
London (formerly NY) CPA
+1
Curious
Chelsea boots or cute sneakers.
Anonymous
Like…what kind of cute sneakers?
Anon
Golden goose.
Anon 2.0
Golden Goose are not cute. This is a hill I am willing to die on.
ugly
Definitely not cute.
Anon
Don’t knock it until you try it. They have a built in wedge that’s shockingly flattering.
Anonymous
I just bought the Rothy sneakers and they are very comfy. More so than my GGs. And much more versatile.
Curious
Keds x Rifle Paper co collab?
Cat
simple white lace up sneakers, think Veja or Tretorn
Anonymous
Yes! This is it. I used to have supergas that filled this hole but I tossed them.
Thank you!!
AIMS
+1
Anon
White canvas tretorn.
Woof
Loafers, maybe in a fun color. Loafers are underrated, IMHO.
Anonymous
+1, modern looking loafers. Lug sole if you want trendy.
Shelle
the Naturalizer Morrison or something similar. Sounds like a cute outfit btw!
anon
I tend to wear my slip on converse for this type of outfit.
PolyD
Taos has a pair of high top sneakers in a distressed pewter leather that I LOVE. But, I cannot bring myself to spend nearly $200 on sneakers. Yet. They seem like they’d be a nice option when boots seem too heavy, but it’s still a little chilly out.
Anonymous
Boat shoes seem dated. I’d go for a chunky soled loafer or perhaps a loafer in a fun color or white non-athletic sneakers like a Vejas or P448. I also like the Naturalizer Lafayette shoe (I own several colors since they work well with joggers).
Aunt Jamesina
FWIW, I stay perfectly warm in a long sleeve t-shirt in a house at 65.
Curious
Yeah that thread cracked me up.
Anonymous
It’s almost like we’re all different people with different bodies and internal thermostats! :)
Anonymous
Hi all, OP here. Reporting back that I made it out of the house and back in my non sweater and have survived the frigid 40 degrees :).
FWIW for those concerned that I’m running around in an unseasonable Breton top, the top I have on looks like this, but is a thicker cotton material not a sweater.
https://www.tnuck.com/navy-stripe-bar-harbor-sweater-0.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj8Hxu_229gIVCI-GCh0vGQXmEAQYAyABEgIgKPD_BwE
Anonymous
Oh, thank god!
London (formerly NY) CPA
Great pick! This dress is gorgeous and so my style. Very tempted to try it out!
Anonymous
Shoe help please ! What are people wearing to the office ? I can’t imagine wearing heels so looking for a flat or wedge that has some support and doesn’t look frumpy
Anne-on
How dressy do you want? With pants I’ve been wearing loafers (Sperry penny loafers or saybrook ones) but chunky soled loafers have been popular in my office lately too. For dresses/skirts (which I only wear on big facetime days) I default to dressy flats – most of mine are from Kate spade, Boden, or LK Bennet. Check out the sale section – I have the devi loafers, the poppy flats, and the buckle up flats. They aren’t ‘supportive’ (so I wear rothys or other shoes on my commute) but they work well enough to wear for 8+ hours in an office.
HFB
Do you wear socks with the saybrook loafers? If so, what kind?
Anne-on
I don’t, and they are pretty comfy but I also coat my feet in blister block and have blister bandaids on hand for my first few wears before they break in.
Anonymous
I wear pointed flats and a wide variety of loafers (not penny loafers, something more modern like Sam Edelman or M. Gemi) and skimmers (hybrid of both). I haven’t seen an office wedge in many years and personally hate them because I find them very unstable despite the appearance of stability. I’d go for a heel for style and safety over a wedge any day.
Patricia Gardiner
I can’t believe I’m asking at my age but apropos of yesterday’s bandage discussion: what is your favorite brand of pimple patch? Do they really help them heal faster without scarring? Thanks!
Anon
I love the COSRX ones. If it’s a whitehead, wearing one for ~12 hours will virtually get rid of it, much faster than not using it. The deep, red, cystic type pimples I’m not sure how much it helps beyond keeping me from touching it, but that’s a big benefit to me honestly.
London (formerly NY) CPA
+1 to everything Anon said
Anon
I like that for a pimple that hasn’t come to a head, they cover up the redness. Better than concealer and you can’t see them on zoom.
Anon
I also prefer the CosRx ones, but the Peach Slice ones will do in a pinch (I use CVS coupons to get them for free).
Pimple patches only work for me in this scenario: the pimple has come to a whitehead, which I clean carefully and dry, then nick the tip gently with a pointed tweezer (you can use a lancet if you’re fancy). Dab any pus that leaks out, but don’t squeeze hard. Put the patch on and leave it alone for at least 12 hours. Do NOT put a patch on top of skin that has tretinoin in it, you WILL get a chemical burn.
Anne-on
They work really well – for cystic acne I’ll put on a sulfur cream for ~30 minutes to calm things down, wash my face and then put a sticker on the offending spot. CosRx has a variety that’s thinner which I’ll wear during the day if necessary (you can’t see it on zoom, and it’s not awful looking in person). For something that’s come to a head already it really does trap all the gunk – I’ve used them with my tween for maskne and it works well to keep little hands from touching it constantly. I don’t pop pimples fwiw.
Patricia Gardiner
Thanks all. Will check out the CosRx type!
Anon
A while ago, someone recommended CosRx for garden variety pimples and another type for cystic breakouts. I keep looking for the post but cannot find it. If the poster sees this, please post again with the cystic recommendation.
House reno
(House) design help needed! We have to replace track lighting in a lake cabin we own. The lighting is in the kitchen which has a vaulted ceiling (right angle triangle), so the track lighting is on the high part of the wall overlooking the kitchen. I don’t think I can replace with can lights, so am looking for some attractive track lighting. Have scoured the lighting websites and would love some suggestions/website links for anyone with a little time on their hands who wants to spend my money! Thanks all.
Aunt Jamesina
New LED can lights are available in really small/shallow housing, so I wouldn’t necessarily rule them out!
Cat
+1, they’re the size of hockey pucks now. You can also get them at different “warmths” which makes them much less harsh than previously.
House reno
OP here: the problem with can lights is not the size, it’s that given where the current electrical connections are on the wall, the can lights would simply shine on the opposite wall, if that makes sense. The electrical wires are on the long side of the right hand triangle, so they would shine over on the other wall instead of down. Unless I got pivoting fish eye type lights, which I’m not sure I like from a design perspective. So, am hoping for track lighting suggestions!
Anonymous
Look online at Lamps Plus. They have some good cabin options. We went with bronze LEDs.
anon
Has anyone had luck explaining to a spouse how anxiety works? I have to preface this by saying that my DH is not a monster and knows this is a blind spot for him. He is just incredibly even-keeled and has never dealt with a mood disorder, so it is hard for him to comprehend on a gut level. I, unfortunately, am no stranger to anxiety. Now our teen is having issues, too. DH wants to help, but his help is not particularly helpful? I really think that on some level, DH believes it’s not as bad or serious as it is. Or believes that if Kiddo isn’t showing signs of anxiety at home (spoiler alert: he is), why he’s having anxiety attacks at school? Basically, if DH says one more time, “But I’ve never seen this at home!!!” I am going to lose my mind. He sometimes doesn’t even realize he’s insinuating that we all need to buck up and do better. (He would never say it that bluntly, but I do think that’s how he feels, at least on some level.)
Kiddo is in therapy to build better coping mechanisms and recently started a low dose of Lexapro. TBH, this is slow going and there have been discouraging setbacks lately. I’m worn out and worried about Kiddo. I spent 30 minutes on the phone with Kiddo’s guidance counselor yesterday (she called after he had another panic attack at school). So after my day getting derailed by that and feeling emotional as a result, DH had questions about every part of the plan that the counselor and I came up with. Kept saying things like, “But what is the end game here? He’s going to have to learn to cope.” Well, yeah, but clearly Kiddo not thriving and needs some extra support right now. At one point I told DH that the second-guessing was super unhelpful and that he was welcome to talk to the counselor himself because I clearly couldn’t explain it in a way he could understand. I slept on it so I wouldn’t say something I regretted, and I’m still mad this morning.
I feel like I have to defend my DH here because he’s a devoted dad and trying his best to teach Kiddo life skills. He 100% admits to not fully understanding what it’s like to live with anxiety because he’s never had to. He wants to get it, just … doesn’t? But since I have, it puts enormous pressure on me to be the translator.
Anonymous
Family therapy. You and him go not necessarily kid. He learns from a professional how to parent a child with anxiety. Non negotiable
Anonymous
+1
Allie
+2. And to supplement maybe watch tiktok videos about mood disorders? People are very generous with sharing their experiences in very digestible ways.
Anon
You kind of hit the nail on the head there. He needs to talk to the counselor! Include him in the next meeting, or set up a meeting where he can talk to the counselor or your child’s doctor about all of his questions – what’s typical, what are your child’s typical symptoms (maybe this will help him see that your child has anxiety at home!), what’s the end game (obviously it’s not “everything will be fine and buck up kiddo”), what kind of support you child needs, etc. I can imagine how exhausting it is for you!
Vicky Austin
+100! The counselor has probably had to explain this kind of thing to clueless parents before.
Anonymous
I would talk to the counselor first yourself to convey your concerns about DH’s approach, then have him spend an entire session with the counselor on his own. If you go with him he will be on the defensive, and you will be so frustrated that you’ll want to interrupt him or bang your head against the wall.
Anonymous
This. People with anxiety seem to expect the rest of us to just “get it” (see above characterization of DH as “clueless”) and those of us who haven’t experienced your unfounded fears and thought spirals genuinely don’t get it. It is not rational and you are sitting there screaming “of course it’s normal to think the house is going to burn down when I oversleep you idiot it’s so very obvious.” Let him get some information before you meet together and frustrate and disappoint each other.
Cb
I’m sorry, this situation sucks.
I think DH needs to be the one to speak with the doctor / counsellor. It is rubbish but it sounds like he’s not getting how serious this is when it’s coming from you. A professional might get through to him?
Anonymous
Have husband talk with the counselor and take a more active role in this. You are conflating your own feelings with those of your teen, which is well meaning but isn’t helpful.
Anon
i dont have a recommendation myself, but there must be a book or something he can read about what it is like to live with anxiety. or a session with kiddo’s therapist for some coaching. what kind of learner is your DH/what kind of sources does he like?
anon
He does much better with podcasts and videos than books. I do think I will have him go to the next therapy appointment because I am tapped out.
MND
Definitely have him work with the therapist. Younger kid/different issue, but I’ve been so impressed how our kid’s therapist has been able to present and explain issues in a non-accusatory, non-judgmental way. Best of luck to you.
Cb
I’m sorry, this isn’t a dig on your DH (my husband is similar), but many of the male partners on this board and in my social circles are highly educated professionals in careers that require a lot of reading.
I don’t get why they can read reams of documents in their corporate law jobs or in their work as professors, but can’t read a book. I feel like not reading the baby book leads to, “not good with nighttime wake ups”, or tantrums, or meal planning… further perpetuating inequality in the home.
Anonymous
Yup. They’re literate.
anon
OP here, and I know. It’s maddening. He is an incredibly smart guy (smarter than me, honestly), but I am the reader, for both fun and for information, and he decidedly is not. So I’m not picking that particular battle.
Anon
I know we like to bag on husbands around here, but I also prefer podcasts to books. I have to read too much in my job to want to spend any time reading a nonfiction book, no matter how useful. It’s not a moral failing.
Cb
No, it’s not a moral failing, but it does seem like placing a lot of work on one spouse. So you find the book, read the book, and then seek out reliable, bitesize pieces of information for your spouse.
Anonymous
My spouse is just not a reader, but he won’t listen to me summarize what I’ve read either. He needs to stumble upon the information on his own from another source like YouTube and then he’ll believe it. If it is information I found or anything that seems like my idea, it’s automatically suspect.
Anonymous
Disagree firmly with her reading books and translating for her spouse. Part of the problem is that she needs to step back and have him talk with the counselor and take a more active role. Talking with the counselor doesn’t mean he needs to read all the books and be a counselor himself. If she steps back a bit, he can step forward and be part of things. It also might help to have someone who isn’t prone to anxiety being the primary on this–anxiety tends to feed other anxiety. If he hears from a professional (versus coming from an anxious spouse), he’s likely to come around faster on accepting things and being part of the solution. Right now, his view is largely shaped second-hand and that distance only continues to feed his desire to pretend it isn’t happening or real.
Anonymous
Anon at 1039-at some point during his biglaw career my husband stopped recreational reading. His line was “I don’t read for free-it’s hundreds of dollars an hour.” So I totally get where you’re coming from.
anon
I agree with anonymous at 11:01 and 10:39. If I’ve read a hundred pages of technical writing that day or drafted a ten page contract from scratch, my brain is like a sieve. I will not be able to digest additional information that day even with the best of intentions.
Anon
Ok, so he doesn’t want to read after work all day. But this is his child and he needs to suck it up and be a better father. He’s failing his kid and he doesn’t seem to care or be willing to do anything about it.
Anon
I read so much for work, I don’t like reading anything that’s not mind candy in my free time. My eyes pretty much glaze over.
Anon
Funny how he expects his kid to suck it up but doesn’t hold himself to the same standard.
Anon
I have a similar question. I have a kid with ADHD that we are trying medication for (kid has zero attention span; IDK how she survived in school and yet does well enough that spouse thinks that she’s fine, just needs a better diet and more exercise to get out the zoomies and settledown; perhaps this is true and none of it would be harmful, but a healthy lifestyle is perhaps needed for ideal ADHD treatment, it is not sufficient in and of itself). Ped is on board, developmental ped is on board, psychiatrist (the MD kind) is on board, psychologist is on board. Spouse, with a 20-year old BS in psych and no work experience in this field at all, doesn’t think it’s working because . . . Feelings . . . that this is all a bunch of hokum. I don’t know spouse’s Myers-Briggs type, but I Think (see what I did there) that if kiddo has a diagnosis and all of the qualified professionals are on board, your Feelings need to just take a back seat. I get that it’s an art and a science, but that is no reason to abandon ship (for what? faith healing? pretending it’s not there? hoping it will go away?).
anon
Hugs and hard agree. I’m the ‘reader’ in our family with a kid with an ADHD diagnosis and about to be evaluated for ASD. Dad was complaining that ‘I don’t see it getting better’ (thinking therapy is somehow a one and done fix?) like, no, this is a lifelong thing. You wouldn’t expect insulin to magically ‘fix’ diabetes, counseling, exercise, medication treat the disorder like diet, exercise, and medication treat (NOT FIX!) diabetes. I firmly told my husband he could say that to me (once! as I also have ADHD and it was super triggering) but if I ever heard him say it to our son we would be in marriage counseling ASAP as support of our son’s health issues (your brain counts as health!) is a non-negotiable and a reason to split if he refuses to get on board.
Anonymous
It should “get better” with treatment, though. Even if treatment is a lifelong thing, the goal of treatment is to improve quality of life. If dad doesn’t see it getting better, then perhaps the current treatment is not sufficient.
Anon
No big strategy ideas from me other than would he be open to a compromise to medicate on school and other high-focus days and no medication on weekends and school breaks? That’s what we do because we needed our kid to eat more and gain weight. Not for nothing, we spent thousands on therapy and social skills groups, we changed careers for more stability and flexibility, we tried different schools. Nothing–absolutely nothing–empowered our child to succeed in the tasks of life like Ritalin. FWIW. He was in the highly GT program, but was impulsive, disruptive, and unable to organize himself to handle assignments or the tasks of getting through the day. It’s not that he couldn’t pay attention–he can have laser-like focus–it’s that he couldn’t control what he paid attention to. Also he makes sounds (whoops, hollers, squawks) constantly when unmedicated. Fine at home on a Saturday, not fine in the middle of a math test. Reducing those impulsive sensory-seeking behaviors removed barriers in social and academic connections. Helping him direct his own focus has led to him being a leader in group projects in middle school (“I never thought I’d be the one leading everyone!”) Ritalin really has been a great tool, though fair warning it took some adjustment to dosage and type (ie extended release) to find the right pill for him.
Anonymous
At least for ADHD, the current trend seems to be to medicate every day if at all possible. Consistent use of medication is supposed to help “rewire” the brain so there is a chance the kid can function without medication later on.
Anon
Tough love for husband. I would put my foot down. Kid is in therapy for anxiety, they definitely have it, you do not want to hear one more time how he doesn’t believe it. He needs to accept it and move forward, not expect you to also deal with his questions while you are also trying to help your kid. I would not engage him in one more discussion of this. That’s crappy behavior on his part.
Anon
Explain it to your DH thus: mood disorders are what you gave when normal, or even quite good, coping mechanisms are inadequate.
Also remind him, if he does not know, that depressive episodes trigger more depressive episodes, so early treatment is far note effective than later treatment.
Ribena
It’s a starting point rather than a full explanation but I know a lot of people of all ages who have gained a better understanding of and vocabulary to use around this by watching Inside Out, the Pixar film.
Aunt Jamesina
I think framing this as a medical issue can help people who don’t “get” it to understand a bit better. My dad (who sounds temperamentally like your husband) always seemed to think that anxiety and depression were just bad moods that you could will yourself out of, While a lot of anxiety is environmental and can be exacerbated by circumstances, it’s also brain chemistry! People also seem to think that anxiety should be rational, i.e., the level of it should match the level of risk or stress of a given scenario, but I’ve found that that’s not the case at all. Tell him it’s like managing any other chronic medical issue. Imagine someone with diabetes. Even if they seemed “fine” in a given moment, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need managing and diligence.
Anon
I do worry sometimes that it’s situational and the situation is just “school” though. I’m glad I wasn’t medicated just so that I could keep attending an environment seemingly designed to make me unhappy, just the way I wouldn’t want to be medicated so I could put up with a bad workplace instead of just finding a new, better job, or to stay in an unhealthy relationship? I think learning to move on from bad situations can be just as an important lesson as learning coping skills for remaining in bad situations.
Aunt Jamesina
Oh absolutely, I guess I just mean that even if it is more situational, it’s still a biological response.
Anonymous
School is not as good as it should be, but most kids should be able to make it through the day at most schools. The average school is not nearly as bad as a “good” biglaw workplace.
anon
OP here, and honest question. What’s the alternative? I can’t exactly quit my job to homeschool, and private school is not really a thing in my town unless it’s religiously affiliated. In my case, those schools provide even less protection for kids who are outside the norm, so regular public school it is. I hate it, but I truly cannot see an alternative.
Anon
I think the education part can work for a motivated high school student (especially now that tutoring and AP courses are so easily accessed online). And extracurriculars are probably better than school on average for community and social occasions. But I honestly don’t know what the childcare alternatives are. A lot of people are having to figure this out currently w/immune compromised students as schools unmask. I know some people have formed pods that essentially rely on some parent who is home somewhere.
If a situation feels utterly inescapable, I think that in itself can be bad for mental health, and it can help to weigh the options and then choosing to stick with the one that is best (even if it’s the same one as before). At least, for me it feels better to exercise some agency and say “this sucks, but I’m doing it because I decided to and would rather make this choice than any of the other choices.” It’s really hard to feel like there was just never any choice (and also usually not strictly true).
Anon
Some or all virtual courses may help. Not sure of your location but in the pandemic, our school districts have upped the 100% virtual school options – public schools – at the state and district level (And we are in a state where state policy-wise, the pandemic ended about 20 months ago). They’ve also expanded previous options and the curriculum is robust (wide variety of classes, Honors, AP, etc.). Virtual school has its own challenges, of course. But it may be worth exploring?
Anonymous
Virtual school is a terrible, terrible thing for many kids with anxiety and/or ADHD.
Anon
Virtual school was a massive improvement over in-person school when I was a teenager with ADHD! Zoom school didn’t exist yet then though, so maybe that would have made it harder to focus.
Anon
My teen son with ADHD had a terrible time with remote learning. His GPA went from 3.85 to 2.2 during remote learning, and is now back up to 3.95 after going back to in-person learning. We tried so much to help him, but he just could not focus and stay on task when he was remote. Couldn’t keep track of assignments, couldn’t pay attention in Zoom classes, etc. I think there are kids with ADHD who can really make remote learning work for them, but it was a disaster for him.
Anon
Medication isn’t a moral failing and if it helps this kid get through school that’s good.
Anonymous
I once had a dear friend who suffers from.anxiety explain the spiral of thinking she goes down when she is in the anxiety zone! It was very helpful to me, as someone who has never experiences this condition? I did not at all get why she was basically panicking over something tiny happening at work . . . ; But when she explained how that tiny issue triggered her into a series of thoughts that ended in her being deported,,, I totally got it? I think it helped me understand my last BF “who suffered from anxiety’ much better.
Calico
I have a really weird suggestion, but this is how my own DH finally understood how my anxiety manifests. There is an episode of Bojack Horseman on Netflix (Season 4 ep 6 has St*pid in the title) where we hear the main character’s running internal monologue as he goes about his day. Trigger warning for extreme negative self-talk.
My husband was shocked when I told him that this was exactly how my brain narrates to me throughout the day. I had tried to explain it sooo many times, but seeing it acted out was when it finally clicked.
Anonymous
There are people whose brains don’t do this?!?
Anonymous
Yes, thus the term “disorder”.
Calico
Haha, a running dialogue? Sure! But using it to berate yourself all day? I hope not. I worked on it and thankfully no longer beat myself up like that.
anon
Yes. I used to suffer from anxiety, so I understand the issue, but I have no running dialog of any sort now and especially not a negative one. It’s possible and for some people completely standard.
lifer
Thanks for telling me about this Bojack Horseman episode.
My teenage niece has anxiety/eating disorder, and not enough support system (Mom gone). She actually recommended I watch Bojack Horseman. I didn’t because I am not a cartoon person etc… but maybe she was telling me more than I realized. I need to watch that show.
Calico
This makes me so happy I posted. I’m not a cartoon person, either. This show, in the later seasons especially, has one of the most frank portraits of anxiety, depression and addiction as a coping method. Sending good thoughts to you and your niece!
Anon
Maybe also if you’re trying to support your niece do the small, minor things she asks . . .
Anonymous
+1 seriously. Watching a cartoon is such a small task.
Anon
Send your husband this post? Tell him that you know he’s a good husband and father but his blind spot in this area is causing you and your child a huge amount of additional stress at an already challenging time. He needs to buck up and do some of the emotional labour of educating himself on this. If your child had any other sort of medical condition would he roam around bleating about “just not understanding” or would he start researching diabetes/epilepsy/eczema etc?
Anonymous
As someone who does believe that mental health conditions are a real thing, I am actually with your husband when he asks “what’s the end game?” Mental health treatment needs clear goals and a plan to get there. Otherwise you just end up wasting months or years and thousands of dollars on therapy that does absolutely nothing to improve the child’s life or the family’s life. For a kid who had just started medication, I’d want to know what effects were expected, when to expect those effects, and what the next step would be if the medication did not produce the desired effect. For therapy, I’d want to see that kiddo was actively engaged in a modality that is demonstrated to be effective, such as CBT. Etc.
Anon
I have a friend who has been seeing the same therapist for, no joke, 30 years. The therapist recently had a family emergency and went off the grid for awhile with no anticipated date of return to her practice. My friend was in a panic; she is completely dependent on this person to help her through whatever emotional crises arise in her life. I am all for therapy but completely agree there needs to be a goal and also probably a decision threshold where if the goals of therapy aren’t being met, something needs to change. I don’t think people should get dependent on therapy just to function.
Anon
It sounds like you have a division of labor problem. In addition to your husband not understanding or because of, it’s hard to tell.
anon
Are you prefacing that he’s not a monster because part of you thinks that he is one right now? That’s a whole different problem that you need to sit down and think about. Because my initial response to reading this is that his reaction is understandable if poorly handled, as is yours, and I’m wondering why your brain went to “he’s really not a monster.”
I don’t see any mention of the pandemic, but have you two talked about how lots of kids are struggling right now who wouldn’t otherwise be? And maybe your kid is one of them? I’m wondering if he is struggling to accept the problem because accepting the anxiety means believing your kid won’t recover in time to have a life of their own.
Anonymous
Perhaps OP went to “he’s really not a monster” because she anticipated that the response here would be DTMFA?
anon
The reason I put that in there is because this board is very quick to jump to “divorce him”! Which is super not helpful.
Anon
Not accepting that your own child has a mental health disorder when they’ve been diagnosed with one is some form of monstrous.
Anonymous
Is he not accepting that the kid has a mental health disorder, or is he accepting it and shrugging and saying, welp, those are the breaks, kiddo needs to learn how to deal? Those are two different issues.
Anon
This is very melodramatic.
Business Outfits
I read the morning post late yesterday re the discussions on business attire.
I actually was able to find basic Tommy Hilfiger suiting at Macy’s/Boscov’s recently. I can’t find it online but they are basic pant/skirt suits (with stretch back pants!) in navy and black. Nothing exciting, but it works.
Anonymous
I am going to a wedding in Kalamazoo, Michigan this summer. We are flying in and out of Detroit because we are doing something in Detroit after the wedding, but will have a few free days – we will leave Kalamazoo on Sunday to head back towards Detroit and are free through Tuesday afternoon. What should we do? We will have a rental car. I’m from CA and have never been to the Midwest – I’d love to see one (or more?) of the Great Lakes. We like hiking and sightseeing, and are definitely foodies. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, for things to do, places to eat, and where to stay in Detroit.
Anonymous
Don’t go back to Detroit! Don’t plan on spending more than like 3 hours there it is not nice. I’d go west to Holland.
OP
Not an option. I’m happy to do things between Kalamazoo and Detroit, but I’m not going the other direction.
Anonymous
Okayyyyyyy. But the west shore is much nicer. Sorry just trying to help but if you only want to visit the boring Detroit suburbs just fly home early.
OP
Is there really nothing to do along the shores of the lakes there?
Cat
If you’d like to see a Great Lake your best bet is going further west to a Lake Michigan town. Spending time around Detroit is not my idea of fun.
Cat
Specific rec – go to South Haven.
Anon
Just fyi “not nice” means “not white” for a lot of people. There is plenty to do in Detroit. It’s a major city that has had a downtown renaissance in the last decade or so.
Anonymous
It’s not a nice city. There are a handful of decent restaurants and one good museum. Most of it is not safe
Anonymous
+1 Detroit is a big city with amazing architecture, it’s just not white.
Anon
This! I can’t wait to visit again. Arts, music, history and food are my idea of a good time, and Detroit checked all the boxes. I wish it was a bit more ped/cyclist friendly, but I knew going there that a city based on the automotive industry wasn’t going to be.
Abby
LOL anonymous at 11:01 – Detroit is plenty safe now. OP, I am 30 and all of my friends and I head to Detroit for dinners/nights out. It’s really come back in the last 10 years and I hope you love it as much as I do!
Quail
Detroit is between two Great Lakes, but not close to either. Plus the east side Great Lakes are (imo) not nearly as nice as the Michigan-side Lake Michigan. I have family in Michigan and lived there myself and have never heard of anyone vacationing on “the thumb” (of the mitten) for example. Really recommend the sand dunes on Lake Michigan – Warren Dunes are fun and wouldn’t be too far. The towns on Lake Michigan are really cute. Or, if you really don’t want to go west, here are some non lake suggestions – Kalamazoo has a nice art center, Ann Arbor is worth a day or two (museums, arboretum, live music, walking around campus, canoeing on the river, Zingermans) hiking in one of the state parks near K-zoo, get a cottage in a lake on Airbnb. There is also quite a bit to do, see, and eat in Detroit proper but that is a different kind of trip than hiking and seeing the lakes.
Quail
And when I say the thumb is “not nice” I mean it is pretty rural – it is not touristy or set up really for fun things to do. I have to agree with a PP that metro Detroit outside of the city proper (and perhaps Ferndale and Birmingham) is pretty boring suburbia, and then outside of that it’s pretty much just rural. I’d love to be proven wrong as I have spent a lot of time visiting family north of Detroit and would love to find stuff to do in the thumb!
OP
Thank you! Very helpful.
Anon
Visit Cranbrook! I wish I’d had more time to spend on the campus when I visited last summer. Art, sculpture, gardens, architecture – it’s a beautiful place.
OP
Thanks!
Anon
LOL my friend went to prep school there. It’s weird to me that it’s a tourist destination. Is this a thing? Do people who aren’t interested in admission tour Exeter and Choate for fun!?
Anon
You have to go to the Henry Ford museum in Detroit. It is excellent!!!
Z
The Henry Ford is in Dearborn :) only 20 minutes from Downtown Detroit.
MND
Would you be interested in exploring Harbor Country in SW Michigan? Technically away from Detroit, but pretty close by to Kalamazoo. Detroit has some attractions, but it’s less of a tourist destination in the summer than the western part of the state. Ann Arbor is in between Kzoo and Detroit, if you’re a Michigan/college sports fan, or maybe a Tigers game if they’re home?
LawDawg
In addition to Henry Ford Museum and Tigers games (assuming they ever solve their labor issues), go to Motown while you are in Detroit. The tour was fun and gave a real sense of how the music and the neighborhood were connected.
Jules
Plus one to the Motown tour. Also, the tour of the Ford Rouge plant is really fascinating – some history of the company (including at least nods to its initially violent response to unionization) and the plants and then a tour on the catwalks above the production line that makes F-150 trucks. I’m not a car person but I loved it.
Anon
Yup I was going to say a Tigers game. The stadium is right in downtown Detroit. Ann Arbor is on the way from Kalamazoo and worth a stop for a visit to Zingermans. I personally really like Detroit and hope you enjoy it.
Abby
I agree with others that you could drive a little farther west and see Lake Michigan, but that doesn’t seem like you’d like to so here’s what I recommend:
-Ann Arbor: visit the arb, walk around campus. Restaurants/Bars to visit: Dominic’s, Bill’s Beer Garden, Frita Batidos, Zingerman’s
-Detroit: Stay at the Shinola (Very $$), visit Belle Isle, the riverwalk, Dequindre Cut, Restaurants: Selden Standard, Takoi, Flowers of Vietnam, Slows, Apparatus Room, Mudgies. Bars: Two James, Monarch Club, The Skip, Bad Luck Bar, Detroit City Distillery
Not a ton of hiking in Metro Detroit. You’ll need to go up north or west for that. Also love the Henry Ford Museum – I got married there! Which is between Ann Arbor and Detroit. Birmingham is another bougie city you can visit, I would stay at the Daxton. But I’d say that’s a day max. Happy to give more recs if you’d like!
OP
Thank you!!
anon
If your schedule works out, visit The Barn Theatre in Augusta MI, about 20 minutes east of Kalamazoo. The theater has some equity actors in residence and during the summer employs actors working toward equity to put on a bunch of different musicals (a new one every 2 weeks). The performances I’ve seen have been really good! If you can catch one of the bar shows after, they’re even better!
OP
Thanks!
Z
There are a couple of cute boutique hotels in Detroit – notably The Siren and the Shinola Hotel. Both are in the main downtown area. The Siren has a very cute mid-century style bar called Candy Bar and their restaurant, Karl’s, is very charming diner-style food.
Other favorite restaurants: Green Dot Stables (sliders galore), Baobab Fare (Ethiopian food, on many best new restaurant lists this year), Oak and Reel (upscale Italian, seafood focused), Ima (ramen and Asian fusion, has locations in Corktown and Midtown, but I like Midtown better), Johnny Noodle King (first dedicated ramen restaurant in Detroit).
Visit the Detroit Institute of Arts, The Henry Ford and Greenfield Village (living history museum in Dearborn, one of my favorite places), the Detroit Zoo (technically in Royal Oak which also has a great downtown).
Visit Sister Pie, Ochre Bakery (one of Bon Appetit’s best new restaurants a couple years ago), or Warda Patisserie for excellent baked goods and snacks. Sister Pie is in a historic neighborhood that you can take a walking tour of through the Detroit History Tours’ app (they have other walking tours of other neighborhoods, definitely worth taking at least one!)
Detroit is a great city, I’ve lived here for several years and like every city, it has its problems, but by no means should it be written off as “not worth it” or “unsafe”. Detroit has a rich history and is absolutely worth spending time in. I hope you enjoy your stay!!
pugsnbourbon
Not OP but I love these suggestions. I’ve never been but we’re close enough to do a long weekend there. We’ll have to check it out!
Anonymous
The American Museum of Magic is about a half hour East of Kalamazoo, in Marshall, Michigan!
Isabelle
Cross the border to Canada to a little known wine area near Windsor, Ontario. Beautiful wineries right on Lake Erie, only 30-45 min from Detroit. Viewpointe Estate winery, Sprucewood Shores, Oxley Estates, and many more.
Maybe too far out of the way but also look up Frankenmuth. Very cute town to visit.
Curious
We are taking a mini vacation right now at an AirBnb close to our home, and it’s amazing. It feels so nice to just be in a different place. To all of those who need to get away, if you have the chance and the funds… Even a close-by change of scene is worth it!
Senior Attorney
Hooray!! Enjoy!
Curious
Can’t wait for you to report back from your Euro trip! And now I am getting offline…
Bonnie Kate
So happy to hear this for you!!
Coach Laura
Sounds fabulous! So jealous. We are going to do that too if we get a chemo break and the oncologists agree. He’s back in the hospital again.
Visit to the US
My cousin who has 2 kids (one is 7 and the other is an infant) and lives in France is planning a trip to the US for this summer and wants my help. It’ll be her first time coming and she’ll have 3 weeks since she’s still on maternity leave (Europe’s amazing 1-year maternity leave!). She was thinking of coming to DC and NYC and Miami or LA but once I told her how much plane tickets were between DC/NYC to Miami and LA, she thinks she should only do DC and NYC. I live in DC and love it here and totally offered up my place to stay and while I think there are tons of things to do in DC, I guess if I was coming to the US for the first time and had been saving up to do a trip and don’t have much vacation time, is this the first place I’d want to visit with kids? I also love NYC but just wondering what it’ll be like if we can’t go to Broadway or eat indoors. Should I push for Miami since Miami seems culturally and atheistically different enough from France? Plus it’ll be warm so we could do many things outside but she’s always wanted to go to NYC. I think because this is her first time and she’s budgeting for this trip and doesn’t otherwise have lots of vacation time, I just want to make sure she has an amazing time. Like when we visited them, we got to go to Paris, the Loire Valley and Brittany and it was amazing! What would you all suggest?
Anon
Why can’t you eat indoors or go to Broadway shows? It’s not March 2020.
Cat
+1
With kids that age I probably would not do two totally city-focused legs, but Covid is not the reason.
I would ask her what types of things she hopes to see (is it history? big cities? mountains? beaches?) and go from there, but FWIW flights between Miami and NY are generally pretty reasonable.
NYCer
+1. If she has always wanted to go to NYC, I would encourage her to go to NYC for part of the trip. It is a popular tourist destination for a reason. There are lots of activities beyond Broadway and indoor dining. Though, as others have pointed out, you can easily do both in NYC now.
Also agree with not doing only city-centric legs. I would probably skip DC and consider going to Miami/Key West after NYC (the drive is pretty cool from Miami to the Keys – my husband is French and we did this trip with some of his friends and they LOVED it). Or if you want to stay closer, go to Boston for a few days and then rent a house in Cape Cod/Nantucket/MV/Maine for a week.
Visit to the US
We both have infants so we generally have been avoiding going indoors though maybe by summer, we’ll be more comfortable given it’ll be more normal by then. And if we went without our babies, I think it might be hard to find childcare.
Anonymous
You can’t take a baby to the theatre, COVID or not.
Anon
This. And not wanting to do outdoor dining in New York City in the summer doesn’t really limit you. There are hundreds of wonderful restaurants you can eat at outdoors. I would take a first time visitor to the US to New York + a national park or nature area.
Anon
*not wanting to do indoor dining, I meant
Anon
Yeah, this.
Anon
I’m biased because I love DC, but I think a DC/NYC trip would be great with kids (maybe a few days in Rehoboth/Ocean City or similar beach? The boardwalks are very American and have been hits with international friends of mine, and I expect a 7 year old would love it.) Plenty of kids activities at the Smithsonian, take them to the pandas at the Zoo, try Ethiopian food, paddle boats on the Tidal Basin if those are running again. I expect cases will be so low this summer that NYC would also be fine, and there’s plenty of stuff to do outdoors in the city. FWIW, I went in October before the Omicron wave and ate indoors/saw a Broadway show masked and felt entirely safe.
PolyD
I wasn’t clear on whether the kids would be along, but one big plus for DC is all the Smithsonians are free (although I think Air and Space might be closed for remodeling? ), so you can dive into Natural History and see some animals, stop in American History and see some trains, and maybe stroll through the Botanic Gardens building for a bit. No need to worry about having paid $20 a person and then a kid has a meltdown and has to leave.
No shade on kids, I myself love being able to dip in and out of the Smithsonians without feeling like I need to dedicate a chunk of time to them.
And if you do have a long enough time, I feel like a couple of days in NYC with small kids would be okay, then a few days in DC. Or maybe drive out to Monticello or something?
To me, Florida would be its own destination. I don’t know if your European has spent time in the US, but my European family members could not conceptualize just how large the US is, and no, 2 weeks is not enough time to do Washington DC, NYC, Niagara Falls, Florida, Chicago, the Grand Canyon, and Los Angeles. Especially not by driving.
Anon
Why can’t you go to Broadway or eat indoors? Due to childcare concerns or Covid concerns? Because these things are happening routinely in NYC now.
Clementine
I would suggest something totally different – like DC and then the shore in Delaware. Get them some real Americana – like boardwalk and ice cream cones and shoreside seafood shacks.
Anonymous
If i wanted to see NYC and ended up in Delaware, I would be extremely … disappointed.
Anon
even if you can’t go to Broadway bc of childcare issues, i’d think there is plenty to do in NYC during the day. If she wants to add another stop she could go to Philly, but that is another city. What about something like Cape May at Jersey Shore – i mean i prefer beaches in Europe bc I’m American, but they might find that fun to see
Anonymous
If it were me coming from France, I would probably do NYC and LA and skip DC (sorry DC– I’ve lived here my whole life but it is not super exciting compared to other USA locations). You could do the city-focused stuff in DC and then stay in Santa Monica near the beach in LA and have a completely different experience.
Anon
Counterpoint: the amount of kid-friendly stuff you can do for free in DC is huge, and could free up some cash to fly to another city. I’m from DC too–split my time between DC and Tidewater. I moved away with my kids a few years ago. I miss the monuments and museums for an easy Sunday outing. Not free, but if you did DC you could also go down to Colonial Williamsburg, pop down to the beach for a true boardwalk experience and lots of naval ships/jets. That’s a very non-France adventure.
Anonymous
Virginia Beach is terrible! I would take the suggestion above for Santa Monica. They are already flying all the way from France; why not spend a little more to see the West Coast?
Anonymous
Are you hinting that indoor dining and broadway will close again? I don’t have a crystal ball but I’m skeptical of that- the feeling here right now is full speed ahead if it matters. I’d do nyc and then montauk or the north fork- pricey but Long Island in the summer is truly beautiful.
anon
7 years old is a great age for the Smithsonian and DC in general. Don’t count out how much the kid (regardless of gender) will enjoy seeing big things – planes, space, stuffed animals. Also, the zoo. These are all things that she can manage while you work but are also probably more fun than you expect as an adult. I know this sounds off the wall, but I wouldn’t count out renting a cabin in the Smokey Mountains and going hiking + Dollywood + horseback riding if you want to do non-city stuff.
Anonymous
It is kid-dependent. My kid is absolutely terrified of museums, especially taxidermy and planes hanging from the ceiling.
anon
I wouldn’t go to Miami in the summer with young children if you’re hoping to mostly be outside. The heat and humidity is enough to keep even adults who are used to the climate inside until evening.
Anonymous
Miami is going to be blazing hot in the summer. I’m not sure she will be prepared for the US South in the summer – isn’t France fairly cool, like San Francisco climate? With an infant, cities are also kind of a shlep. I would suggest NYC and somewhere in New England – like Boston or somewhere more rural like western Mass, Portland Maine, or even the Catskills or the Hamptons. Outdoor dining is ubiquitous in NYC, that won’t be an issue, and Broadway is likely to be open if you are comfortable with it (it didn’t shut down during omicron).
Anonymous
For an adult I think NYC is better for a first timer, but as she has 2 kids and one is an infant, my 2 cents is that the slower pace in DC will be easier for her to manage with all the kid-friendly and free museums. Also, she can consider taking a 2-3 day trip up to NYC from DC via Amtrak so she can at least get to see two cities.
On the other hand, I personally think the US has among the best national parks in the world, but summer is high season and if she doesn’t have time to go out west, Shenandoah is okay but not wow in the summer.
DC
I live in DC and it’s a great place to visit with kids, but I cannot recommend it in the summer. It is unbearably hot and humid. Mostly, humid. Just sticky and gross. Yes you will be indoors in museums and such but there is still a lot of outdoor walking to even get to the museums, or walking between monuments, etc. I imagine she won’t be taking cabs/Uber with an infant, unless she has one of the car seat/stroller combos. So, lots of walking. And I would not recommend renting a car because parking is such a hassle, and it’s not like parking gets you much closer to the museum unless you happen to find a coveted street parking spot. The parking garage will still be blocks away. If she reschedules her trip to the later fall (even September can be very hot), I would definitely recommend DC.
Anon
With three weeks, I personally would recommend them flying into DC, spend a few days in DC, then taking the train to NYC, a few days in NYC, going somewhere on the coast in New England for a few days, the to Boston for a few days before flying out of Boston.
Anonymous
This. Three weeks is a good amount of time. They could even stop in Philadelphia for a day on the way, if history is of interest.
Anon
Anyone have recs for handbag repair services that are done via mail? (Or NYC area?). I have a leather bag (not exactly a luxury bag, but a nice leather bag) that has some wear and tear. Or can I take it to a shoe cobbler and they can buff it up? Help!
Anon
If it just needs polishing and buffing, a cobbler will be fine. I’ve brought bags to them with no issues.
But if you need more serious restoration/repair, I’d go with a bag repair specialist. The luxury bag online community seems to swear by Leather Surgeons in Philly (you can send via mail), but I have no personal experience with them. It might be more than you want to spend but no harm in asking for a quote.
Anonymous
If luxury, Rago Brothers in Morristown, NJ. It’s local to my parents, so I’ve been dropping stuff off for years but I think they do mail too. Check out their insta for some of their work (focuses mostly on high end but that’s not all they do).
Digby
Second Rago – I’ve mailed shoes, a purse and a leather jacket to them, and I’ve been impressed by their quality and speed. Not cheap, but worth it for things that I love. They’ll call you with an estimated cost, and if you don’t want to pay that much, they’ll send the item back to you.
Anon
they ruined a purse on me once and haven’t been back since
Power outfit
All the talk about workwear yesterday has me thinking about some things I need. I think I’ve got day to day covered but I could definitely use a few power outfits for important meetings and events. Any suggestions? I’m lanky so it’s sometimes challenging to find pieces that don’t hang on me, structured usually works best. I could splurge and go up to 300-500 per piece if they were amazing.
Cat
The Fold is my dream wardrobe for this.
anon
+1 I love The Fold
Nesprin
Thirded. Is my dream wardrobe for conquering the world.
Anne-on
+3 – I have a small capsule wardrobe of pieces from The Fold at this point and they are always what I reach for when I have ‘big’ meetings, events, or headshots. I so appreciate that they are clearly formal workwear pieces but done in a feminine way vs. a boring black/navy/grey suit.
Anon
Yes to The Fold! I’m 5’8″, 130 lbs., 32C, not much of a waist, and a US size 4. The Fold size 8 is usually a perfect fit.
Anonymous
They just hiked their prices! Dresses used to be in the realm of $400. The newest styles are more like $650. And they already sold out of my size in the one I want.
Maudie Atkinson
I read this–twice–as “power outlets” and was SO confused, though I often find myself needing power outlets during important meetings.
Re: outfits, I wish I had suggestions for you. Good luck.
anonshmanon
If that’s your budget, you could also look into getting some slightly cheaper pieces really well tailored, which is the secret to them looking amazing.
Anonymous
Tailoring is the way to go. Even the most expensive, well-made piece of clothing will look bad if it isn’t properly tailored.
Coach Laura
If I was lanky and tall-ish, I’d wear Boss, most of which looks terrible on me.
Anonymous
I used to love Boss, but all the styles lately are weird or meh.
Anonymous
Favorite everyday earrings in sterling silver or white gold ? Looking to spend under 200 but looking for an earring that’s a little bigger than a stud (maybe a huggie?) but really easy to throw on everyday
Aunt Jamesina
My kinda question! I got teeny sterling silver snake earrings with emerald eyes and LOVE them. Link to follow, but check out “Awe Inspired snake stud earrings” at Nordstrom. I also have silver ear “crawlers” that I get a ton of compliments on (“Humble Chic Tiny Leaf Ear Climbers” on Amazon). And my third pair I regularly wear are delicate silver hoops (50 mm size). I feel like hoops look good on everyone, it’s just a matter of finding the size that suits you.
Aunt Jamesina
Snake earrings: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/awe-inspired-snake-stud-earrings/6633023?epik=dj0yJnU9SkJ0Sm5XNU0yZl9rMmRlUVFuOU1qVlVMa3lZd29KZ2wmcD0wJm49ekVMR3k1SFlxcHFEemR4U2xobFRKUSZ0PUFBQUFBR0loTnMw
Anon
My favorite white hold huggies are all Laura Bond.
Anon
*gold, FFS, my fat fingers are killing my typing today
Greensleeves
I like the Tiny Twist earrings from Hello Adorn for everyday. It’s a little tricky to get the hang of putting them in because they twist through the hole, but they are simple, have more presence than a stud, don’t get caught on mask straps, and I can leave them in for days comfortably. I wear them a lot for a simple daily earring, and they are now my go to travel earrings.
Anon
I love Stacy Givon jewelry. She comes to a local art fair near me but also sells online. My every day earrings are #71 (the smaller/shorter ones) on her website. They’re sterling silver with gold accent.
Anon
A little bit higher than your budget but I recommend the 14kt Tri-Color Gold Love Knot Earrings from Costco. Great for every day and match everything.
Anonymous
Recommendations for a DC trip with 2 pre-teens in early June? Is the bus system easy enough to use? Any recs for places to eat around Capitol Hill? Any can’t miss exhibits?
Anon
The circulator bus couldn’t be easier!
Anon
It’s touristy but my kids liked The Old Ebbitt Grill (by Treasury / White House). They liked the Metro and we did the White House tour (you can get tickets through your senator or representative). Smithsonians were good. If you can stay walkable to the Mall, that will be a big help. Next trip I’d like to do more in DC and also Udvar Hazy. If you can do a car ride, even in a cab, at night around the mall and Lincoln Memorial and Jefferson Memorial, that looks really magical.
Anonymous
Unique suggestion, but take a look at Arena Stage’s production of Drumfolk, which will be open when you’re here. Step Afrika is a local dance troupe and Arena is a beautiful theater. I’d do dinner at the wharf and the catch the show.
Try and get Ethiopian or Salvadoran food while you’re here. Old Ebbitt is the epitome of old school, so worth a visit (but tbh I’m a little meh on the food). If you want to feel fancy, but not insanely expensive, Try Le Diplomat. I also really like the Jose Andreas set of restaurants.
Anonymous
Early June is a great time to visit DC. IMO the bus system and metro are very easy to navigate, especially now that everyone has the “transit” option on Google Maps on them at all times. Depending on where you’re staying, I would recommend looking into the Circulator buses because they hit a lot of the major attraction areas and are very easy/cheap to use.
As far as dining on Capitol Hill, there are a lot of options around Eastern Market/Barracks Row.
Re exhibits: Yayoi Kusama “one with eternity” exhibit will be going on at the Hirshhorn. That is sure to be super popular, especially if your particular preteens are the instagram-sharing type.
Clementine
One of the best meals ‘eating with kids’ experience I’ve had was at Matchbox on Capitol Hill. I can’t tell you why, only that it was one of the first times with a kid where I actually enjoyed taking them out. (Granted, he was 2 and got a meal called something like ‘Calling Captain Healthy’ which was a plate with fruit and peanut butter and cheese and all his favorite things.)
Anonymous
That’s so funny–we enjoyed Matchbox on Capitol Hill with a kid around that age too. I have not liked any other Matchbox location, though. At the other locations the food is meh and the service is bad.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t use the bus system myself, I would use metro if you need to go longer distances and then if walking as an option, I would do that. Most of the tourist sites are concentrated about a one and a half mile square.
Anon
What type of food do the kids like? There are tons of great DC restaurants, it just depends on what type of food they like.
Are you use to public transportation? The bus system is a normal bus system; easy to use if you are use to buses but maybe hard if you are not use to reading bus maps. The metro is easier then the buses, and goes close to many of the main tourist destinations.
Anonymous
I always take Metro. It has never even occurred to me to use the buses.
PolyD
I like to take out of town people to Jaleo (the one downtown near Gallery Place). It’s a little different, but still has enough familiar items to keep kids happy. And excellent sangria for the parents!
Also in the neighborhood is the National Portrait Gallery, which I think is an overlooked museum. I went there a few years ago after not having been in ages, and there is a lot in there besides portraits!
Anonymous
Portrait Gallery and American Art are open late!
Anonymous
I grew up in MD and took many tourist trips into DC. I also lived there for about 10 months as an adult. Other than a specific route from my home to work, I never needed a bus in DC. The Metro plus walking is how tourists get around the city and what you should probably plan for. The buses are fine but I just don’t think you will need them unless you have mobility issues.
anon a mouse
What kinds of food do your kids like? Both Jaleo and Zaytinya are great for small plates so they can try all sorts of adventurous things. Zaytinya has an extensive outdoor dining area that’s great for people watching. The bus system is easy enough and if you’re not in a hurry, can be a great way to see neighborhoods above ground rather than taking Metro.
The waterfront area is also very popular right now – lots of restaurants and a very cool vibe. They might be interested in taking a water taxi from the DC waterfront to Old Town Alexandria, and then there are great restaurants and cute neighborhoods all walkable from there (and an easy Uber or Metro ride back to DC). Barca is right on the water and is just lovely.
Anonymous
Metro is very easy to use – bus is a little more confusing but it does connect with metro, so between those two and walking you get to most places in the city.
For food, if you can just go a little further into Eastern Market, there’s a whole bunch of excellent restaurants – Joselito, Bullfrog Bagels, CHIKO, Call Your Mother, Ambar, etc. Just some off the top of my head, not including inside Eastern Market itself.
What do the kids like? I assume you’ll visit the major Smithsonian museums, but if the kids are into contemporary art, the Hirshhorn is good, and maybe Artechouse (not free).
Anonymous
One more thought – if you can get a car, drive out to Udvar Hazy Center for the really cool stuff you can’t see at the main Air & Space Museum, including going up the observation tower.
Jules
When you’re in the area of the Mall, check out the giant Albert Einstein statue in front of the National Academy of Sciences. Some of my favorite vacation pictures are of my kid and my two nephews (stair steps at about ages 7, 9 and 11) posing on Einstein’s lap
Anon
I didn’t want to hijack the shoe thread any further but just need to say this. I hope folks do know that home energy consumption is a large factor in greenhouse gas emissions that are contributing to climate change. 20% of GHG emissions in the U.S. comes from household energy use. The now-widespread use of refrigerated air conditioning has drastically increased energy use in a lot of areas, and as the planet keeps getting warmer people keep trying to keep houses cooler, which is creating a self-repeating cycle. Keeping thermostats higher in the summer and lower in the winter saves energy, which in turn lowers GHG emissions. This is low-hanging fruit for those of us who are thinking a lot about individual action to mitigate climate change. Maybe not as impactful as not driving an SUV (which I don’t) but probably more impactful than using reusable grocery bags. Especially if hundreds of millions of households across the U.S. all engage in wiser energy use. Not trying to lecture anyone but given we have tons of discussions on here about how to change or lower our consumption to help the planet – managing your home thermostat to minimize energy use can be part of those efforts. Nothing in your home uses as much energy (or straight-up fossil fuels – in my case, our furnace runs on natural gas) as your home’s HVAC system.
Anonymous
What does this have with shoe choices? Shoes are for outdoors.
Cat
someone made a pretty bizarre remark that the OP should not be wearing a cotton long sleeved t-shirt (the top of the outfit in question) for the current weather, and it devolved from there.
Anon
I made that comment and it had nothing to do with being warm. It had to do with being seasonable. She said it was too cold for summer shoes but she couldn’t find any shoes that looked right with the navy and white too she was wearing. That’s because a navy and white knit top is a classic warm weather look so what is going to look “right” with it is warm weather shoes. Shoes meant for cold weather are just not going to look right.
It was a fashion answer to a fashion question on a fashion blog. Not about the thermostat and saving the world.
anonshmanon
you must have missed all the passionate discussions about whether shoes are worn in the house, lol!
Cb
We got hit with an enormous energy bill, a combination of being at home more than normal and colder weather and while we’ve always been pretty stingy, we’re being more so. What we’re struggling to figure out is whether it’s better to use the electric fan space heater or turn on the gas boiler to the house, when only one of us is WFH.
Cornellian
This is my least favorite part about working from home. I keep my house at 66-68 in winter and 80 during summer and routinely have $400 bills now that we’re home full time.
FWIW regarding just one person being home, I sometimes use a little heating pad (I have a microwave one and an electric one) and keep the heat down at 65 or 66 if I’m home alone. My dog doesn’t mind, and I can bump it up a couple of degrees later.
Cb
Yes, we’re at 58-59 overnight (turn the heat off at bedtime, and the bedrooms probably stay a few degrees warmer), and 67-68 during the day. I have a heated throw blanket I’ll use. Our heat was completely out for a few days last week, and I discovered a really nice work spot in our local library, so I’ve been decamping there, they have to heat it anyways, might as well go work someplace cozier.
Anonymous
Your dog needs to pay some penance for his carnivorous diet anyway. Assuming you’re keeping him now that you’ve taken him in, he can suffer a bit to make himself more carbon-neutral while we figure out how to wean ourselves off of canine dependence and eliminate that carbon-hogging species for the long-term good “of the planet” (I.e., human chil’ren).
anon
LOL
anonshmanon
lol, this sounds like those weird missives that one of my neighbors always posts on nextdoor. Old man yelling at cloud…
Anon
Is this a serious post?
Anonymous
I thought that for the good of the planet we were supposed to stop having human children too?
Anonymous
It is a response to Cornellian’s recent post about her negative feelings about having a carnivorous (and thus environmentally disastrous) creature in her home.
Anon
Quit stalking names commenters. That’s what makes people (like me) go Anon.
Anon
Not the person who posted this, but people here don’t know what “stalking” means. Referencing something that someone previously posted under the same screen name is not stalking. Doxxing someone’s real life identity and posting their real name or details about their life that they haven’t shared here is stalking.
Anonymous
Ooh! I have a 4K Sq ft home. My office is in the walk out basement so we keep upstairs at like, 62 during the day. The basement retains heat. I have it set to 68 down there and have a little blanket if it gets too chilly. Usually if I’m using my blanket I just have a chill- the temp could be set at 72 and I’d still need it.
Another option is a portable heater for just one room. Keep the door closed and it heats up and stays warm. You don’t have to run it all day.
anonshmanon
Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. What’s better for the environment depends a lot on your local electricity sources. Is it solar? Or coal plants? Then there is also the price point of gas vs electricity.
Cat
lol ok. You’re not wrong but… someone feeling comfortable in a mid-weight shirt on a sunny, 40-something day does not mean she is irresponsibly cranking the heat. 40 degrees outside does not mean your heat is running nonstop to keep a house at 66-68… especially if you’re on the sunny side.
Anonymous
Yep. I keep the heat at 65 for my always-cold husband in the north-facing room. I have to wear short-sleeves in the south-facing room because the sun heats it up.
Anonymous
Seriously. I’m the OP of the sneaker thread and this makes me want to put on a tank top and crank my heat *all the way* to a tropical 70 degrees. It’s usually 65-68 depending on the season and who is home.
Anon
Yeah the way this has devolved is kinda hilarious. I have a short sleeve shirt on in my house today, where the heat is currently set to 62. (It’s also 40 degrees and sunny out here). (Also Also what if the OP was going to an office or somewhere she doesn’t control the thermostat???)
Anon
I’m always here for the sanctimony. Getting the popcorn ready . . .
Anonymous
Ha Ha. Why even have heat in a house! Why even have a house! Live in a tent and wear your tee-shirt.
Vicky Austin
I’m not experienced with car camping though – what do I wear???
Horse Crazy
BUTTON DOWN SHIRTS DUH
Anonymous
I just… don’t comment on these anymore because those who actually care are already doing the right thing. So why argue with people who don’t?
Anon
Honestly if I’m not wearing thermals in the winter, I know I’m running my heat too high. It’s reasonable to have to wear layers in the dead of winter, and it it helps reduce the shock from going in and outdoors.
Anon
My body wants to be where it is 75-80. Which is outside in some seasons, when I’d prefer it not to also be 68 degrees inside. I don’t like having a summer fleece. It’s not usually an issue in private homes, but OMG office buildings.
Anon
Agreed!
And when it’s actually hot out, I hate the headache I often get when I step into a frigid office building after acclimatizing to the warm day. And the best way to avoid it is to take a car (when I could otherwise walk or take a bus), which is just layers of bad-for-the-climate decisions.
Anon
I think it’s reasonable to wear pants, a sweater/sweatshirt and socks in winter. It is not reasonable to wear thermals and/or multiple layers everyday within your own house for 5 months of the year. I hate being cold, I love in the northeast, I keep my house warm enough for me because I want to be comfortable in my own home.
lifer
I remember visiting a beautiful huge Victorian house in Brookline Mass. owned by a wealthy dual MD couple from New England $$, and I was miserable. The house was just freezing. I wore our coats inside the house the whole time. Apparently in cost a fortune to keep the house warm, so they didn’t even try. I
I live in a small, well insulated house and am so so glad I don’t have to heat a huge mansion. Of course I use a programmed thermostat, wear season appropriate clothing (I LOVE winter clothes), but my goals in life are simple. A good shower, a toilet that works well, a house that is warm enough for me.
Anon
OMFG I bet you use HOT water when you shower. Oh, the humanity.
Anonymous
And I bet you wash your hair more than once a week, too. Unforgiveable.
Anon
I’m a mess. I took a gamble on a work situation, deciding to stick it out a bit longer hoping it would improve… and it’s gotten a lot worse. Now I’m kicking myself for not moving on earlier.
I live alone and I’m sick of WFH (I am in a fully remote role).
Meanwhile, I’m sick for the first time in two years. It’s not COVID, but it’s unpleasant. And after two years of being alone way more than I’d like, making my own soup made me feel so lonely down to my very bones.
I could use support, but if I reach out to my family it only stresses them out, and if I reach out to my friends who all have busy lives, I worry I’ll just burden them.
I feel helpless and out of control, like nothing will ever get better. And none of these things are even that big of a deal! Yet I feel so sad and overwhelmed, asking myself why life is hard…
Aunt Jamesina
Reach out to your friends! This is exactly what friends are for.
And “I feel helpless and out of control, like nothing will ever get better” sounds an awful lot like depression to me. Seek mental health help!
pugsnbourbon
Yes, please reach out to your friends! They love you and want to support you.
And get your resume out there! I know not every field is like this, but generally it’s a job-seeker’s world right now.
Anonymous
I was in a situation like OPs and everyone told me to ‘reach out’ so I did and every single person I knew disappointed me. I was very very (not contagious) sick and I just ended up sobbing alone in the back of a cab on the way to the hospital because as expected I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself. It’s super fun getting medical procedures alone (/s)!
Anonymous
Hi, if I’m your friend I want to hear from you. Pick one person right now. Send a text. Say you’re feeling lonely, can you chat by phone this late afternoon or evening? Then go for a walk while you talk. That always makes me feel happier and more in control. Lives are busy, and they may not know how you’re feeling until you express it. But lives are also about people, and they want to hear from you and help you when you need it!
Anne-on
Reach out to your friends! I would 100% drop off soup/tissues/tea to a sick friend. Heck, if I’m busy I’d uber/postmates you something and then follow up with silly gifs or tik toks to cheer you up.
Anon
Aw, OP I wish I could stop by today and bring you soup.
Anon
Where do you live? If you are in my town, I will make you soup and deliver it. I lived alone for many, many years, so I know the feeling of being sick without anyone to step in. And I make good soup!
Anonymous
+1 will also bring you soup if you’re in my city! Please reach out. Your friends and family love you and have probably felt the same way. They want to hear from you when you’re struggling.
Anon
+1! Post a burner email. I have been in your shoes before and would be happy to support!
Anon
Can you take a sick day? I think a day to just relax on the couch and zone out with stupid tv shows would be a helpful short term escape.
Cora
I’m trying to think of good business casual office -> weeknight date night transition outfits. I want to dress up the way I would for dates but I’m also coming straight to work. I wear a lot of slacks + blouses + cardigans, with earrings and minimal make up to the outfit. I also wear work dresses (with tights). In contrast I wore high waisted leather pants and a wrap crop top to a weekend date.
I guess I’m just looking for ways to bridge the gap between my casual style and work style a bit. Maybe I need more adventurous work clothes? Drop the camisole out of whatever I wore to work that day? Jewelry and makeup?
Anon
What are the dudes wearing? A dress + tights seems to be a lot if the guy is in something bro-tastic (polo + sweater fleece + jeans + allbirds). I’m wearing some Gap pants and a tee and a blazer now with cute flats and I’d go out in this unless it were a very special date (in which case I’d change for the evening). If it’s a first date, I would have a good face/hair day but not dress up for it.
Anonymous
+1 I’ve been on probably 30 first dates in the last year, most of them weeknights, and the men were very underwhelmingly dressed.
Anonymous
I think slacks with a tank would be cute for dates. Maybe you can wear a cardigan over during the day and then take it off / add gold jewelry and a red lip for the dates?
Cora
Love this idea, I’ll try that!
Anonymous
For me a weekday date is far more casual than weekend, so I wouldn’t compare the two. I think your date is likewise coming from work and doesn’t have the expectation of leather pants and a crop top (sounds fabulous, BTW!)
Cora
This is definitely just something I want to do, not something he expects. He’s wearing slacks and a sweater or slacks and a button down.
And thanks! I think that outfit inspired me to come up with other ones, but that may not be necessary on a weeknight
Anon
I think there are a number of people on here who have been to Portugal – would love any recommendations from the hive! My husband and I (no kids) are flying in to Lisbon in late July, leaving early August. I know, I know, this is the busiest time of year to go – we are meeting up with my in-laws who despite having THE MOST flexibility in when they travel always seem to want to travel in high season…..anyway….we are huge foodies so would be especially interested in any restaurant/winery recommendations along with any other can’t miss activities. Hoping to travel to Porto while we’re there, but curious if there are any other small towns along the way that would be worth a stop.
Anon
it’s touristy now but Sintra is great. We went to Portugal precovid and it looks like the restaurant i liked there closed down. You might also consider visiting the Time Out Market food hall
NYCer
Opposite direction than Porto, but depending on how long you are staying, I would also/alternatively consider going south to the Algarve region – Lagos, Albufeira, Sagres, Portimao, etc. There are so many tiny beach restaurants that are cheap and delicious. Definitely try the piri piri chicken and the vinho verde.
Anon
Lisbon
– Piri Piri Chicken at Churrasqhino do Bairro in the Campe de Ourique Market (also the market itself is cute with little food stalls and whatnot)
– Cervejaria Ramiro for seafood
– Pavilhao Chines is a fun bar for a cocktail
Porto
– Muu Steakhouse
– Impar Flores
– Taylor and Croft wineries (across the river if you stay in Porto)
– Quinta da Corte and Quinta do Tedo (if you go further inland into the port region)
– Also, kind of random activity in Porto, but one of my favorite things was doing a tile painting class at Gazete Azulejos.
Enjoy your trip; I’m dying of envy! ;)
Anon
I should note that this trip was also pre-covid, so I am hoping all these places are still there, but definitely check!
CB
Ooh, good shout in the class. My parents just moved to Portugal and my mom is cataloguing the azulejos as they travel around different cities. I’m going to find a place near them where we could do a class.
Anon
CB, this company is actually a non-profit that is trying to make a database/catalogue of the tiles, especially as many are being destroyed in renovations. The women are really dedicated to the cause, so your mom may find it interesting.
Anon
No Portugal advice but my in-laws are the same way and I hate it so much.
Anonymous
I can’t find the original comment thread, but I saved this comment from another poster here approx 4 years ago:
“There’s lots of sightseeing to do in Lisbon: the Monastery of the Jeronimos in Belem; take in all the views from the Castle of Sao Jorge; enjoy more views and a glass of wine at the cafe on the Miradouro de São Pedro de Alcântara. The Monastery of Sao Vicente da Fora is my favorite spot–they have some of the most impressive tilework in the city, plus an amazing little bougainvillea-draped cafe and a great street market (the Feira da Ladra) on certain days. Make sure you take the 28 tram through the Alfama (be careful with your bags, though). Baixa is the cool neighborhood with all the restaurants and bars. I’m not sure I’d recommend staying there because it can get noisy, but definitely make sure you hang out during the day as well as at night. There are tons of great little boutiques. It’s outside of the center, but I can’t recommend the Jardim de Estrela enough: go and grab an ice cream while you stroll. Make sure you also do a day trip to the Palacio da Pena in Sintra. For shopping, don’t miss Zara (prices are discounted in Spain and Portugal) and El Corte Ingles for the Spanish version of Nordstrom (but so much more).
Restaurants that always stand the test of time are Chapitô (up towards the castle; you’ll probably need a reservation for peak days) and Martinho Da Arcada (right in the Praça do Comércio; get the seafood rice).
Overall, I really recommend that you hit the pavement and be ready to do some walking–Lisbon is HILLY but a lot of its best parts are tucked away in little nooks and crannies that you have to get kind of lost to find. The metro is solid and will take you where you need to go, but Lisbon rewards people who put forth the effort.”
It was really helpful in planning my trip, but it was pre-covid so not sure if the restaurants are still in business.
Senior Attorney
I haven’t been to Portugal except just now I walked past our City Hall next door to my office, and there is a film crew transforming it into a tropical paradise, complete with giant “Bem-vindo a Portugal” posters…
Seafinch
1. Custom fit gloves in this little teeny, tiny little cult status, historical shop called “Luraria Ulisses”
2. Michelin star type cuisine at Cantinho do Avillez
OP
Thank you all! So excited to look into all of these suggestions. It is so nice to have something to look forward to again!!!
Annony
My favorite newsletter (Dense Discovery) linked to this essay by James Greig… Stop making the Ukraine war about you.
https://www.dazeddigital.com/politics/article/55563/1/stop-making-the-ukraine-war-about-you?utm_source=densediscovery&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter-issue-178
“It’s a testament to the dominance of therapy speak that, confronted with the news of a conflict taking place in a different country, the reaction of many has been to frame this tragedy in relation to our own mental health, as if the most important matter at hand is for people in the west to avoid experiencing anxiety or secondhand distress.”
Anonymous
Any commiseration on the housing market? I’m feeling really down and frustrated about my housing search. I put an offer at asking last week, and the seller rejected it outright and said no further negotiation. My realtor (who has 20+ years experience) was really surprised because she felt the overall offer was competitive. A week later, it’s still active on the market. The viewing was weird. It was with a lockbox, and the seller’s agent emailed mine saying the family have cameras and would hear and see us. The sellers also said not to open any cabinets or appliances. My realtor and I both feel like they were watching and judged us for whatever reason.
I subsequently put in another offer at asking over the weekend, and it was just rejected for a higher offer. I’m on a tight budget in this crazy market in a HCOL area. I didn’t renew my apartment lease because it went up 25%! So I’m feeling a lot of pressure to not be homeless when my lease is up in August and figure out what to do.
Friends are saying I should just move out of my city to a cheaper cost of living area. It’s true my job is remote, but I don’t want to just up and leave my family and friends to buy a house in a random area where I have no connection to, just because it is cheaper. I think that would make me feel very isolated and depressed. Also, my employer has said we can’t relocate out of state without permission. A colleague recently had to quit because her spouse was transferred and the company wouldn’t approve her move to that state. So I’m limited to states where they currently have remote employees (about 6 states, none of which really interest me).
Anon
OMG – how can they expect you to buy a house if you can’t look in the cabinets or the appliances (assuming they stay)?? I don’t advocate for being nosey, but you want to at least see if your stuff will fit in the new cabinets – or even what shape they are in!
Could you imagine going through inspection and closing with these people? Bullet dodged!
Anon
+1 I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but I promise trying to close on that place would have been an absolute nightmare and probably would have fallen through at the last minute.
test run
All the commiseration from me. We’re in an area that is quickly going from MCOL to HCOL and it is endlessly frustrating. There is nothing to buy and what is available is insanely expensive and goes for well above asking. Like you, I don’t just want to move out of town, but we can’t keep increasingly our budget indefinitely and even then, it doesn’t matter if there is straight up nothing for sale. We’re thinking of just staying in our rental (can’t tell from your post if that’s an option for you) even though we know the market is going to keep going up here because we’re so over it.
Anonymous
So frustrating. I’m sure you know this but on the employer front, they probably are not registered in certain states. It’s not *that* big a deal, but I totally understand why a small company wouldn’t bother with all the headache for one employee. Plus, your health insurance coverage may be garbage in another state.
Anon
Can you afford to stay where you are long term? If not, this is the time to move. Put your things into storage and try out different cities (six states covers a lot of ground); find 3-6 month leases, fully furnished, and see which areas you like.
Anon
Is 25% even legal? In California, there’s a limit to how much they can raise the rent each time.
Anon
Most states in the US don’t have rent control. CA is one of just a handful that does.
Cornellian
Thanks to whoever suggested Caroline Girvan’s free workouts a month ago or so. I’m still doing the “epic beginner” series on repeat, but hoping to move to the real program soon.